


I don't like the dark. I've never liked the dark.

by Xbertyx



Series: Dark series [1]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Demisexuality, Drug Addiction, F/M, Loss, M/M, Mpreg, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, POV Alternating, POV First Person, Pain, Past Child Abuse, Present Tense, Prostitution, Ronald as a human, Sick Character, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-07-11 19:57:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 278
Words: 366,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7067860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xbertyx/pseuds/Xbertyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life on the streets is tough enough. Having a child on the way, being a heroin addiction, and having no place to call home is tougher still.</p><p>I have a lot of other works to finish off so I'll update this about once a week.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ronald.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Transistance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Transistance/gifts), [Javanne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Javanne/gifts), [Adalie_Delacroix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adalie_Delacroix/gifts), [hellosweetie17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellosweetie17/gifts).



 It’s cold out tonight. Obviously. It is winter – I think it’s winter? December’s part of winter, right? Or is it still autumn? Shit, my brain’s not working properly again. It’s all fuzzy. Damn … it’s happened again, I’ve forgotten what I was thinking about a minute ago. Brrr … so cold, no wonder my brain isn’t functioning right. Well, I can try to blame the cold at least ….

 I stagger slightly as my latest client slaps me on the ass. Was that my parting gift? Before I have chance to say anything, a £10 note is slipped into my torn jean pocket. They could do with a – I should take a bloody bath. I would if I had a place to live. Or if my mind wasn’t on other –

 “Yaz getting a bit podgy now, aren’t yaz?” He asks, and I can feel him bend closer, stale breath blowing against the shell of my ear.

 “Am I?”

 “Yeah. How far along are yaz now?”

 “Dunno.”

 “Well if yaz got a baby on the way, don’t yaz think that yaz better find a place to live?”

 I don’t answer him. If he cares about me so much, about the kid that’s on the way, why doesn’t he let me sleep on his couch or something? He doesn’t care, of course he doesn’t. Cunt, just using me for sex. Still, it works both ways, I guess.

 His hand moves around me, rough palm pressing to my crotch through my jeans. He begins to rub, tongue licking at the cartilage of my ear. Great, the withdrawals will be kicking in soon and I’m gonna’ be stuck here for ages. He won’t even pay me for this round, I know he won’t. There’s not a fat lot I can do though, he’s a regular and I need his cash. Pfft, I need all the dosh I can get my hands on. That shit’s fucking expensive.

 My fraying belt is removed again and as it clinks to the floor, I shut my eyes, leaning back against his touch. Bald, fat and fucking ugly he may be, but I still need to put on a show. I still need to pretend that I’m enjoying this. Isn’t that what I’ve always done …? Had to do.

 My back already aches, but doesn’t it always? Ugh … my head’s starting to spin a little, mouth feeling dry, dusty even. I don’t even remember my clothes falling to my ankles.

 “Nghh … ah-aghh ….” He’s in.

 “Yaz like that, don’t yaz?”

 I manage a grunt. He’s being a rough cunt again. His one hand has a tight grip on my hip, the other moving to the bottom of my stomach. He probably thinks that this kid is his. Ugh … gross. Like I’d want him to be the dad.

 “Ah ….” A hiss leaves me. Fucking hell, slow down! My vision is beginning to blur a little; I think the shakes are starting. I … I’m trying to focus, to make sure that my knees don’t crumple from under me. It’s getting warmer in here, the small bedroom shrinking and shrinking. It’s closing in on me.

 I should be used to it all by now. Yet I wonder … is it always going to be like this?


	2. Ronald: Night enters morning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm really enjoying writing this. First person POV is cool af.

 Shit, it’s damn cold out tonight. It might be the early hours of the morning by now, I dunno’. I hate London, I’ve always hated London. Whitechapel especially, it’s the worst. If it rains anywhere in London, it’s there. If it’s windy, it’s most windy there. Plus, you know, there were those murders here in Whitechapel. Ah … crap, what were they called? Er … oh yeah, Jack the ripper and all that ….

 My legs are shaking, knees knocking together. I bet it’s more from the withdrawals than the cold to be honest. Bastard managed to rip my jumper earlier and I can’t afford a fucking coat. A gust of wind blows up the leg of my jeans, rips right through me.

 The skin all over my body is beginning to tingle, it’s almost painful. Pain, there is, shooting up my back. Gaz, that cunt, really likes fucking me until I can barely walk. Even my dealer gave me a funny look earlier, I must be looking rough. Pfft, I always look rough, stubbly, gaunt.

 Doesn’t matter though, I need to get to my usual spot before the jitters really kick in. An alleyway gives me a little shelter and I can hope that no rats bite me tonight. Those fuckers really piss me off. I really hope that there’s no puke by my spot either. It’ll just set my morning sickness off again, like little things have been for a few months now. Hah, not like I’ve got anything to throw up anyway.

 Gaz said it again before I left, that I was getting podgy around the middle. I’m really not. I do catch glimpses of myself in the mirror when he actually fucking bothers to take all of my clothes off. I’m pretty sure I’m getting thinner. Ribs, collar bones and … umm – hip bones, that’s what they’re called. The very bottom of my stomach has stuck out an inch or two but apart from that, I look like a starving stray dog. A Holocaust victim. How I can still walk I don’t –

 “Ow, shit!” I’ve tripped, bashed my head off a bin at the opening of the alleyway. I reach up, feeling the throbbing section of my head. I can’t feel blood, that’s one good thing at least. Maybe my knees did actually give out, I’m not sure. I’m not risking getting back up to standing, so I crawl a few feet forwards and settle myself against the wall of the hideout.

 I did have a blanket in here at some point but some shitty brat robbed it from me. Homeless people can be right arseholes at times. No … no, they’re just desperate, just like me.

 My body’s really shaking up a shit storm now. Fuck, where did I put my backpack?! I … I need that. It’s got my – oh, right, it’s still on my back. I can feel it now, empty water bottle digging into my spine through its material.

 I almost fall forward as I lean, struggling to pull it from my arms. It seems like forever before I have it in front of me. Wobbly hands take an eternity to pull what I need from my bag.

 “Fuck, no clean needles?! Y’ve gotta’ be fuckin’ kiddin’ me!” I rub at the sore spot on my head again, partly out of frustration. The dirty ones will have to do, wouldn’t be the first time. Not like my hands are that clean to begin with.

 “Come on, come on!” Again, it takes the piss to ready the substance. My heart is racing, the need for my drug getting the best of me. Dread and eagerness clash together, the guilt settling in. I rest a palm against my stomach. I need to say it before I – I need to tell my baby this. “I … I’m sorry, kid. I’ll stop this, I promise, b-before y’ get here. I … don’t want anyone ta’ take y’ away from me.”

 I don’t want anything to happen to my baby. Just because they weren’t planned, it doesn’t mean that I don’t care about them, don’t already love them. I don’t want my addiction to damage them, I … I can’t lose them because I’m being a selfish cunt.

 I am selfish, and as my hand pulls away from my tummy, I push up my jumper sleeve. I rip a tie from my backpack, rushing to tie it taught around my arm. Breath turning raggedy, the needle is jabbed into the first vein I can find in the dim street lights.

 It hits me like a wave and I can hear myself giggling. “Oh man … tha’ feels fuckin’ good.” My head falls back against the wall, I think, as I feel coldness at the back of my skull. Lights – they blur and fade from my vision, earlier guilt leaving me for a high I can’t explain. No one could explain how lovely the peak feels.

 The lights, gone now, eyes must be slipping shut. I’ve gone, not a clue where I am. I hate the dark, I’ve always hated the fucking dark.


	3. William. A watchful eye.

 He is there again, in that damned alleyway. Does he not realise it is Christmas day? Has he no family to scurry home to? No, of course not. Even if he did, they obviously want nothing more to do with him. He is what one would class as the scum of the earth, after all.

 Yet, I cannot take my eyes off of him some days. Christmas day is supposed to be a day of rest, but not for a grim reaper. Not for I, at least. I am kept busy with overtime as usual. I am watching him right now, from a roof to the side of the alley. It is morning at present, the darkness of winter still shadowing London’s sky at 7.32am.

 I cannot be seen by him, for I choose at this moment not to show myself to humans. We have long since learned that our two toned orbs cause nothing but panic among Homo Sapiens. Maybe one day, in the distant future, I shall show myself to him. If he survives for more than a couple more months, that is.

 He does not stir, he is sleeping soundly. Peacefully, it seems. I shake my head as I glance at my watch again. You moron, there is nothing peaceful about this young man’s life. … Is he a man? Or still a boy? He looks so young, so fragile and so vulnerable. He is too tiny.

 I have been watching him for some time now, hoping that the next time I see him, he will not be dead in this alleyway. It was those eyes that first drew me to him. Though to look at, he appears to be barely clinging to life, his eyes still shine vibrantly. Such a marvellous shade of icy blue. I do wonder, if he were to regain full health, would those orbs almost glow?

 Part of me wishes to get to know him, to help him, but I cannot. I must not meddle in the lives of mortals. A reaper’s job is to collect, no more, no less. I … I never want to collect him.

 Christmas seems to bring out some kindness in this disgraceful race, as a middle aged man passes by the alley, throwing a blanket at him as they go about their journey. They must have seen him around also.

 With a sink in the pit of my stomach, I realise that he does not stir. He … he did not die in the night, did he? No, no, of course not. I would be able to sense the death radiating from his corpse if … if he had –

 A sigh leaves me as he shifts slightly, pulling the blanket closer to him. W-was that a smile? He … he just smiled in his sleep. Oh Lord, what a beautiful sight. Dammit –

 I have to stop myself from smacking my own head with my death scythe. I do not have feelings for this human, of course I do not. I just happened to notice him one day, partaking in his destructive habit. I am merely interested in the life of a down and out. Yes, yes, that is all that it is, nothing more.

 I know little about him, really. He speaks to himself a lot, though I am always too far away to be in earshot. His name is Ronald Knox for a start. No age on his record. Height: Five foot eight. Weight: Too thin, that is a sure truth. No parents or family on record. Born, at some point, in London. Current occupation: Prostitution. Goodness sake ….

 Those members of the record team need shooting. Honestly, there is nothing deemed as useful information on him at branch. What do our staff members do all day? Not what they are paid for, that is a given. Lazy wretches –

 He is stirring properly now, and as he stands, I see him wince. Did someone hurt him last night? It would not be the first time, I know that for a fact. I have seen him stumble back here countless times, on many different nights. I almost feel sorry for him. He cannot be proud to do what he does.

 I port down to the entrance of the alleyway and peer inside, wishing to get a closer look at him. Has he lost more weight? Does he appear paler than usual? His eyes lock onto me and with a shock of realisation, I know that I have let my cover slip. I have let a human see me for the first time in decades.

 “Tha’ fuck do y’ want?” He scowls at me, the deep furrow in his brow aging him by years. He seems to have not noticed my eyes at least. “Can’t a guy ‘ave some peace around here?!”

 Dear Lord, he is angry, angry beyond reason. Is it the drugs that have made him this way? He does not appear to be a man of violence. He is too small and weak looking for starters. “I … umm ….” I trail off, unsure of what to say. I cannot tell him the truth, cannot make myself appear as if I am a stalker.

 His eyes catch onto my scythe and widen. “Fuckin’ hell, ge’ away from me! Y’ … y’ fuckin’ psycho bastard!”

 I bite back at him, a little hurt by his words. “It is a garden pruner, you dimwit. Can a man not do his job in peace?”

 “There’s no pissin’ bushes around here! A-and y’ don’t go around prunin’ in a suit!”

 Oh, he does have some brain cells left after all. Surprising …. “You do not have to be so rude, child.”

 He laughs loudly, though he looks anything but happy. In fact, he is wobbling slightly. I worry that he is about to faint. “Wha’ever, y’ nutter.”

 I turn on my heel, having had enough of his rudeness. “Good day to you also, child.”

\------

***7.85pm***

 That longer than long shift is finally over. What an awful day, the worst Christmas on duty I have had in a while. For one, that Ronald Knox is as rude as they come; wretch. To think that I actually wanted to … help him. Still, I should be happy. I do not have to waste hours watching him now.

 I am about to put my ledger away in my work locker for the night. First thing first though, I must check how busy I am with collections tomorrow. I like to be prepared. Honestly, what decent worker wouldn’t?

 The book flops open in my hands, a name catching my eye. 11.57pm on the 26th of December. An overdose. “G … Good Lord.”

 What am I to do now? I pause for a moment before shaking my head. “Tsk.” Nothing, I am to do nothing. Nothing at all.


	4. William. A good deed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chips in England are like American fries, but thicker.

***10.35am***

 I am back on duty again, and I’ll admit that I am not feeling my finest. Sleep would not come to me last night, no matter if I lay perfectly still or tossed and turned. Obviously, he was on my mind again, though I haven’t a clue why. He has made it very clear to me that he is an arrogant child, with a potty mouth to match his vileness. Or maybe … he is just scared and being defensive? Who knows what he has been through, certainly not I.

 I rub at my eye from under my glasses, the tiredness weighing down on my lids. I am currently in a coffee shop, hidden away from humans. Also, hiding from the rain. It is hammering it down outside, large puddles having formed on the streets around Piccadilly. The wind is picking up speed, howling one could say.

 My mind instantly goes to him, the state he must be in. He may have a blanket now but that will get soaked through in no time. I can imagine him shivering, curled against himself in that alleyway. He seems to stay there all day, until his profession calls him in the evening, no matter the weather. Maybe he does not have the energy to move. On the odd occasion, I have seen him go to refill his water bottle in a public toilet. Or, change permitting, he gets a cheap sandwich from a café in town, or a cone of chips from the chip shop. Those instances, however, are few and far between.

 How he hasn’t caught his death in this weather, I do not know. Surely, he should have frozen to death by now during the winter nights. Maybe he is stubborn, maybe he has something left to fight for; I do not know. The debit card in my suit coat pocket has never felt so heavy.

\--------

***11.01am***

 There really is no harm in this. No rules have been broken. I can interact with a human; I have done that before, with Thomas Wallis in 1799. It did almost kill me that time, but not now, I have learnt to not become attached to mere mortals – I thought I had learnt.

 Still, this changes nothing. He is still to be collected tonight a little before midnight. It is just, if this is to be his last day, I wish for it to be a little more comfortable. This coat should be warm enough, it is both lined and waterproof, brought from a shop in the reaper realm.

 “Oh … how wonderful.” I huff as I tread in a puddle, the splash soaking into my trouser leg. I really must be distracted.

 It seems like forever before I reach the alleyway. I could have ported there but I felt like I needed the walk. For some reason, I needed to calm my nerves. I shake my head. Honestly, I just need to give him the coat and then return to work. Nothing stressful about that, nothing at all.

 He is curled against the wall as I expected, knees pulled to his chest and face buried in his arms. Is … he crying? Maybe he is just shaking like that from the cold and the rain.

 Though I have not chosen to show myself, he looks up and turns to face me, and I realise that I have yet again let my cloak slip away. Maybe he can see me regardless now? How … odd.

 “Oh … it’s y’ again.” He says. He must have heard me shift uncomfortably in the entrance of the alley. A sniff leaves him – he must have been crying, his eyes showing a hint of puffiness.

 “I ….” I have frozen up again, unsure of what to say. I try to blame this on the amount of time that has passed since my last interaction with a human, though I know deep down that that is probably not the reason. No, it’s those eyes. Watery but still vibrant.

 “Y’ want a blowy or somethin’?”

 “Excuse me?”

 He looks at me, his expression one of defeat, I think? “It’s a fiver for a blowy, a tenner … for a shag.” He sniffs loudly, fingers wiping at his eyes. “Anythin’ kinky or … weird, it’s fifteen, twenty if it’s really fucked up.” I say nothing and his brow furrows. “Tha’ is wha’ y’ want, right? Y’ve been skulking around … here since yesterday.”

 No, no, of course not. Dear Lord, what do you take me for? I am not some pervert. He speaks again before I have chance. “Though, y’ look kinda’ rich. I’m pretty … sure y’ can afford ta’ fuck someone a bit less … grubby.”

 For a Heroin addict, his mind does not seem that far gone. Maybe he has not been on it for long? “I … I do not want anything from you.”

 “Hah, that’s a first.”

 He looks extremely unwell, complexion almost grey. I hold out the bag containing the coat I have not long brought. “I came to give you this.”

 “Y’ … y’ wha’?”

 “Take it.” I am glad that my tone is once again firm, just as it should be.

 A dirty hand reaches out, brushing against mine as he takes the bag from me, causing me to tense. I have not felt the warmth of a human’s skin for centuries. Though his skin appears rough, human skin is somehow always softer than a reaper’s. Strange really, saying that we were once human ourselves. Did death take away our gentleness?

 He opens the bag and unexpectedly, throws it back at me. It lands by my feet. “Na, na, tha’ shit looks expensive. Wha’re after?”

 “Nothing.”

 “I’m not acceptin’ tha’. Na man, tha’ looks like it cost a bomb.” He seems a little panicked, maybe just confused?

 “So you would rather freeze to death?”

 “N-no.”

 “So would you just take it? It is yours now, I am not taking it back.”

 He wipes at his cheek and I am sure that I see a tear. The alleyway is actually a little sheltered, so I doubt that it is rain.

 “T … thank y’.”

 “You are welcome.” I bend down, taking the coat out of the bag and handing it to him. “Can I get you a change of clothes? This coat will do little for you if you are already soaked through.”

 He seems stunned for a moment and I wonder if anyone has actually showed him kindness, bar the man with the blanket yesterday. “I … I’m jus’ a bit damp. Alleyway and blanket have kept most of … tha’ rain off ta’ be fair.” He looks away. “T … thanks again.”

 “You should still get a new pair of clothes. I can get you some and you can change in a public bathroom or something of the like.”

 “N … no.”

 “Why not? You are not helping yourself, do you realise that?”

 “Bones … are all stiff from tha’ cold.” His voice has dropped to a whisper now. “A … and I don’t think I ‘ave tha’ energy ta’ … ge’ up even if I wanted ta’. Y’ … y’ should go now, I don’t want y’ gettin’ sick from tha’ cold.”

 “I won’t, do not worry.”

 “Hah, good immune system, huh?”

 “One could say that.” I pause for a moment. “Can I get you a coffee? At least then you will be warmed up a little.”

 “I … don’t like coffee.” I see him shudder. “Tha’ smell makes me … queasy and I bet it tastes like shit too.”

 “Tea?”

 “Ick ….”

 Honestly? An English person not liking tea? What is wrong with this child? “Hot chocolate then?”

 His eyes light up, head snapping around so that he is looking at me again. “Y’ve … done enough, seriously.”

 “Put that coat on.” I order, and with that, I walk off, determined to help him a little more. It is a nice feeling to do so, I’ll admit.

\------

 ***12.33pm***

 I had to stop to collect two souls, but I am back at his hideout now, with more bags containing things I am sure he will like. He has his coat on now; it swamps him. Still, I brought something I knew would be big on him. At least that way, he could wear a thick jumper under it.

 “Oh … y’re back again?”

 “I brought lunch,” I say, sinking down the wall to sit at his side.

 “Y’ ass is gonna’ … ge’ all wet.”

 “I can go home and change, do not worry.” I am owed a dinner break anyway, having been working since 6am.

 “Ah … cool.”

 “Here.” I pull a bag of chips from my carrier bag and hand them to him. “They are fresh from the chip shop.” The one close to the reaper branch, that is.

 “Oh woah … thanks.”

 Now that I am near to him, I realise that he smells pretty rotten. I suppose that it is not really his fault, however. “There is a hot chocolate for you too, though I fear it may be a little cold by now.”

 He says nothing for a moment or so, but I swear his eyes are filling with tears again. “W … why are y’ doin’ all … this?”

 “Sometimes it is nice to help those which are less fortunate.”

 “And … tha’ other bag, tha’ isn’t for me too, is it?”

 “It is. Do not worry, it just contains some clothes from a charity shop. Nothing too expensive.” I lie to him, not wanting him to feel bad, though I do not understand why he should. He has nothing, so why does he not long for a little something? I want the best for him. I … do not want him to die.

 “Doesn’t matter.” He laughs, though I can tell he is doing so to mask a sob. His expression says it all, he is hurting. “I’m a nobody. Take them back, ge’ a refund.”

 “No.” I pull my own food from the bag, a box of fish and chips. “Now stop complaining and eat, would you?”

 He seems shocked by my bluntness, but he nods and opens the bag of chips, finding the plastic fork within the brown, paper wrapping. “Man … this is a big pile of chips.”

 “You need the calories.”

 “Y … yeah, I do.”

 We sit in silence for a while, bar the chomping noises of eating. Finally, he asks “y’ don’t really work as a gardener, do y’? Or a council tree chopper or somethin’?”

 “Obviously not, as you said yesterday.”

 “Yeah … sorry ‘bout yesterday. I … er – it wigged me out when y’ were jus’ starin’ at me like tha’.”

 “Apologies.”

 “No … no probs. So … wha’ do y’ do for a livin’?”

 “It is complicated.”

 “Oh … right.” He pauses for a second again. “Y’ve got really weird eyes, anyone … ever told y’ tha’?”

 “No.” I do not want him asking anymore questions, for I fear I will tell him the truth. I stand up quickly, excusing myself. “I must go now. My lunch hour is almost over.”

 “Oh ….” A sad expression falls over his face. Does he wish for my company? Maybe … he must be somewhat lonely. “Will I see … y’ tomoz?”

 My heart sinks. Dread fills my stomach, causing it to cramp. “No … I am afraid not.”

 “Oh … y’ seem nice. So … take care.”

 “You also.” I hope, in some crazy way, that I saying that will make him rethink using that drug tonight. Tsk - how … ludicrous an idea. “Do you require anything else before I leave?”

 “A hug,” he whispers, looking down at his chips.

 “Excuse me?” I am taken aback. Did he really just ask me that?

 “I – na, never mind.”

 No, I want you to say that again. Dammit, what is wrong with me?! I turn from him, a simple “okay” leaving my mouth. I should get away quickly, pretend I feel nothing from his words.

 This changes nothing. I cannot change anything, for I am a reaper, and tonight, I must collect his soul, whether it tears the little bit of heart I have left out or not. It does not matter how lovely a person he turned out to be, I haven’t a choice. Of course I haven’t ….


	5. Ronald. Daddy.

***6.50pm***

 I feel happy, I really do. That guy, whatever his name was, has really cheered me up. I’m heading off to meet up with my first client of the night and though it’s still really cold, this coat keeps most of it out. It’s lined with fur, probably fake fur, which leaves me feeling proper snug.

 Not long after that guy left, I headed to a public loo and wiped myself down a bit, changed into the new clothes he’d given to me and then shot up with the last bit of Heroin I’d got. The jumper he got me is really thick; corded I think. The jeans are nice too, and as far as I can tell, they’re well made. Oh, he even brought me socks. Nice guy, really nice guy.

 I went back to the alley after the high had worn off a bit, sat down on the blanket and actually managed to take a nap. I normally can’t from the high, the hunger in my stomach and the freezing bitterness of the English weather. But with the chips, I felt full and I snuggled down into the warm folds of this giant coat. Today has been a good day, as good a day as can be for someone like me, at least.

 As I step out onto a main road, the wind blows right through me. It doesn’t matter though. I pull the coat closer to me, inhaling the fresh smell that comes with a new item of clothing. Not that I know much about new clothes though.

 I’m busy tonight, having three clients to get through before midnight comes. The first guy, called James, brought me a phone not long back, so he could tell me when to come round to his. It’s a basic thing, which I can only use for … ah, texts, that’s what they’re called, and calls. It wouldn’t have cost him much more than a tenner and I don’t use it much, only turning it on for like five minutes a day or something. I just use it to set up new appointments. Gaz has my number too.

 Fucking hell, I wish this guy didn’t live so far away ….

\-----

***7.45pm***

 “Ah … Daddy, tha’ hurts!” It doesn’t, but James likes this daddy kink shit. When I got here, he made me shave quickly and dress up in the outfit he keeps for me. It’s made up of a pink skirt, a pink strappy top and long pink socks. So much goddamn pink, yuk. Oh, and he made me spray myself with some sweet smelling perfume. How I didn’t throw up from the smell, I’ll never know. He normally makes me wash myself down or something but I guess I didn’t reek too much this time, or he just couldn’t wait to have me, I have no idea.

 “Aww … princess.” He bends forward a little bit, breath against my jawline. “Just relax, babygirl.”

 “But daddy,” I whine, pouting slightly as he pulls back to look at me. Man, how he loves it when I pull this face. “Y’re too big for me.” The look he gives me is filled with hunger. He wants me so much – I’m in for a pay out tonight.

\-----

***7.51pm***

 The condom is pulled away from him and dumped in the trash. He stands up from the bed, grabbing an item from the top of his drawers. It’s a lollipop, something he always gives to me after sex.

 To be honest, he’s got a pretty good body, and his face isn’t bad either. He could get someone nice, instead of having to pay street scum for shit like this. Maybe he can’t find someone decent to share his kink or maybe he’s not looking for a relationship, I don’t have a clue.

 He comes back over to the bed and as I sit up, he pecks me on the lips before handing the sweet over to me. I take it and smile sweetly at him, well as sweetly as I can manage. I’m not really very good at this cute shit.

 “Thank you, Daddy.” I strip the wrapping from the lollipop and suck on it eagerly. I have to admit, I do like sweet things. Oh, I could kill for some chocolate cake right now – must be the pregnancy cravings.

\-----

***8.03pm***

 He’s not a bad guy at all really, even given the weird tastes he has. It’s not like he’s a pervert or anything. He treats me pretty well, and he pays alright too, between £25-30 a pop. My phone’s on charge by his bedroom nightstand, my clothes warming by his radiator. I always keep my phone wrapped in a carrier bag in my backpack; don’t want it getting wet.

 “You alright, babygirl?” He asks, cuddling me close and then giving me a peck on the bare section at the back of my shoulder. He always cuddles me after, and I like it to be fair. It’s nice to feel like I’m not just a fuck to someone.

 “I’m fine.” I let out that giggle that I know he loves. “Daddy takes good care of me.”

 “Stop it.” He pulls away from me and I hear him move.

 “Wha’?” As I turn to face him, I see that he’s sitting up.

 “Enough of the Daddy business for the time being.” He’s staring straight at me. He looks … worried? “I mean, how are you doing, Ronald?”

 “Oh … yeah, I’m good.” Better than I’ve felt in a while, actually.

 “Well you haven’t been looking very well lately.”

 “Okay?”

 “I’ve been thinking.” His eyes don’t move from mine. “Why don’t you stay here for a bit? Get yourself sorted, get off of that vile stuff.”

 “Pfft, then y’ wouldn’t ‘ave me needin’ money.”

 His hand reaches out, placing on my thigh ever so gently. “I don’t want to keep paying for your habit. It’s killing you, don’t you realise that?”

 My mind instantly goes to the baby growing inside of me. “Oh ….” I don't know what else to say.

 “So what do you say?”

 “Na … y’ don’t want someone like me stayin’ here wi’ y’.”

 “I care about you.” He gives my thigh a tiny squeeze. “So please, stay here?”

 Wait … does he have actual feelings for me? Oh … man …. I pull away from him and jump up from the bed, glad for the chips earlier on in the day. I wouldn’t have been able to move so quickly without collapsing if I hadn’t of eaten, I don’t think. “Na, na, I don’t want to.”

 “Why not?”

 I grab my stuff from by the radiator as I answer him. “I jus’ don’t, okay?”

 “Because you don’t want to get off of the Heroin?”

 I grab my phone and look at the time, desperate to end this conversation. “I’ve gotta’ go, sorry. Can we talk ‘bout this next time?”

 He sighs. He actually looks kind of sad that I’m leaving. “Got another client to rush off to?”

 “Yeah, yeah, I have.”

\------

***8.11pm***

 I’m walking to the garden shed where I always meet my next client, a woman. I’m going to be early but even though it’s raining and I’m going to be waiting around in it for ages, I don’t care. I had to get away from James and his questions, so I got changed as quickly as I could and rushed off. He did pay me, but he seemed reluctant to do so. He kept asking me to reconsider, to stay the night at least.

 It’s not that I don’t want to stop taking this shit, I really do. It’s destroying my health and I know that I need to get off of it before the baby comes. But I have ages yet, so I can wait. I … I’m just not ready right now ….


	6. William. What a strange past occurance.

***9.22pm***

 This is absolutely ridiculous, I really must stop this. Following him around is going to do nothing to change his fate. Yet, I have been watching him since around eight tonight, when he came rushing out of someone’s house. I even almost missed the soul collection due at 8.33pm because of my need to observe him. Honestly, this is not like me at all. I am letting my professionalism slip ….

 He did seem rather frantic on leaving that client’s house. I hope that no harm came to him there. I can feel my blood beginning to boil at the thought of someone laying a finger on him, though I know that no one is likely to treat him very nicely given the profession he is in. Still, I feel my teeth clenching and wonder what an earth is coming over me. I should feel nothing for him. He is a mere human, after all, nothing but an aspect of my job.

 Yet, if that is the case, why does he interest me so? I rub at my temple as I glance down at my ledger. I have two more collections tonight, and then it is his turn.

 Currently, I am watching him from atop a roof along a row of houses in the Southwark district of London. It is not the nicest of areas, I must admit, a lot of the backstreets being quite run down, walls covered in graffiti. Even in daylight, it is dingy, grimy. I hope that no one comes along in the dark to mug him, to hurt him.

 With a sigh, I sit back against the chimney, stuffing my ledger into the inside pocket of my suit coat. My phone is whipped out, and though I know I should be back at branch filling out paperwork on my previous soul collection, my research on him continues. I happened upon something quite interesting.

\-----

***9.33pm***

 Honestly, earlier on in the evening, I was not expecting my phone to be able to connect up to the WIFI in this realm. Texts and phone calls refuse to work here, after all. Yet, for the past hour or so, I have been borrowing internet from an open home broadband signal close by. It is weak and the webpages load ever so slowly, but it works nevertheless.

 I was completely shocked by what a quick search of his name could bring up on a human’s web browser. Those idiots back at branch really have no excuse now for the pathetic amount of information they have been able to find on him. When a soul is to be collected, the person’s file must contain as much information on them as possible. Why do those idiots not understand this?

 I am still in disbelief by what I found on Ronald Knox, an old newspaper article having been scanned and uploaded onto a website. Abducted at the age of two, his family have never found him. Neither have the police.

 The article I am reading now is an appeal for information, dated in the summer of this current year. His mother and father have still not given up hope, or at least that is what I think until I read the quote taken from his mother midway down the page. ‘We are desperate to know what happened to our son, whether he is dead or alive. We need, if need be, to lay him to rest in the proper way. We need closure, all of the family does.’

 The headline of the article tells me that Ronald would have been sixteen on that day, June 7th, meaning that he is not yet seventeen. He really is so young, far too young to be fending for himself on the streets.

 I do wonder, thinking of the two articles, if he can read or write? Does he have any education at all? Most importantly, does he know to protect himself from the diseases that this lifestyle can bring?

 Shaking my head, I cannot help but grunt at myself. None of this matters, for Christ’s sake! Diseases or not, family or not, his life is to be cut short before any of that can affect him. I must stop acting as if there is a tomorrow for him.

 I … I do not want to ….

\-----

 ***9.56pm***

  I am back on the roof, watching him again, after collecting another soul on my list. One more at 10.20pm, and then it is him. He is still standing in the same place, at a gate at the bottom of one of the gardens on this street. He is waiting for someone, that is obvious, though he has been waiting there for some time. It is nice to see that he is wearing the new clothes. At least I know that he is somewhat warm, thought given the circumstances, it provides me with little comfort.  

 I have noticed that he has shaved and that makes him look extremely young. Coupled with his tiny frame, I would not have guessed just by looking at him that he was any older than around fourteen. Such waste of a life, of a youth, it really is.

 I fish out my phone again and flick between the articles. The first, the elder one, has a picture of Ronald as a toddler, his chubby frame held to his mother’s hip. He had not lost all of his baby fat by then. Quite an adorable child, really. His eyes were bright blue back then also, making me wonder just how someone has not put two and two together.

 I tap over to the later article. His mother gave birth to him when she was rather young, sixteen to be exact, going by the age given next to her name. She and her partner have been blessed with two other children since then. Ronald is unaware that he has a brother and a sister, both of them quite young.

 At the bottom of the second article, I see that the family have left a home phone contact number, though it is not a number from the London area. His family moved away? Could his parents not deal with the memories of losing their child that this area brought to them?

 I ponder on it, my head beginning to pound from the amount of deep thinking I have done tonight. Is it that Ronald tried to find his family but could not due to them moving away? A sickening thought enters my mind and my stomach clenches. Maybe, due to being taken when so young, he does not know his name? He does not know who he is?

 Lord … I do wonder what he has been through since he was two. No, no, I would rather not know, though I know that I will see it tonight when viewing his cinematic record. Maybe I do not have to?

 The number, I could phone his mother. My ... my phone does not – I could use a pay phone. I could phone her, tell her that I know where her son is. “No, no, she wouldn’t get here in time.” The traffic here would be awful, even at this time of night.

 Maybe I could drag Ronald off and get him to phone her on the pay phone? “No, do not be stupid!” He would never believe me and would probably fly off into a rage like he did the first time we met. He probably does not even know that he was abducted. He was so young, I doubt that he would remember that event or his family.

 A disgruntled sound leaves me as I pull my knees up to my chest, the hand not holding my phone pushing my glasses up. If only I had read the second article this morning, or even a few hours ago, I could have gotten his mother to come to his rescue. I curse myself, for I know that I have left it too late. And it is not like I can intervene at the moment of –

 I hear voices, though I cannot make out what is being said, and I dart to the edge of the roof. A woman has just opened the gate for him, has allowed him access into the garden and is now hugging him tightly. “Urgh … how ghastly.” Must she really shove her tongue into his mouth like that? How utterly grotesque.

 Soon, they both move into the garden shed, and I am once again, left alone with my thoughts.


	7. Ronald. A long, brutal night. (trigger warning)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slight trigger warning for non - con, though it's not in much detail compared to in some of my other fics.

***10.01pm***

 James tried to phone me earlier and when I wouldn’t pick up, he texted me about fifty times. I kept hearing it going off in my backpack because I’d stuffed it in there without turning it off when I'd rushed from his house.

 I don’t think I’ll be going back to his house to be honest. Meh … I just wasn’t expecting him to come out and ask me that on the spot. It was kind of like being told that I had to get off of the Heroin right then and there. I don’t know, I just freaked out at that. If I’m gonna’ get off of the shit, I need time to get my head around it, to come to terms with the horrible withdrawal symptoms I’ve heard about. He didn’t give me a chance to even think about it, he just kind of tried to shove it down my throat.

 Hah, like this chick is doing right now. Fucking hell, I’m going to end up choking on her tongue in a minute. Eh … wait, is that even possible?

 Well, it saves me having to hear her screeching at the top of her lungs, fucking old bitch. And I thought that Gaz was old, but at least he’s not old enough to be my grandad.

 I’ve got to go to Gaz’s place after this actually, at around 11pm, maybe half passed. I wasn’t going to but that guy buying me food and that put me in a really good mood, so I thought what the heck, I can deal with that bastard after all. So I text him and he messaged me back. I could do with the extra money anyway. Some for a shoot up and spend the bit I’ve got left on topping up my phone – think I’ve only got like 50p left on it or some shit.

 It’s a damn shame that my mood has crashed after being at James’s. Oh well, I’ve just got to deal with Gaz for tonight. I haven’t really got a choice now anyway; I really can’t risk pissing him off. He’s a nasty cunt when he’s mad.

 I grunt against her mouth. The bitch is really digging her claws into my back. Fucking hell, that hurts! I’ll try to look on the bright side though. The sex itself feels alright and at least I’m not taking it up the ass right now. It gets real sore after too much ramming and I know I’ve bled a few times from it before. Meh … I really don’t want to think about that right now.

\------

***10.20pm***

 So she gave me fifteen quid in the end so I guess a torn up back was worth it. I’m heading off to my drug dealer’s now. May as well because I’ve got some time to kill before heading to my last client’s for the night, though he doesn’t live too far away from where I’m picking up my drugs. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother putting my clothes back on, pfft.

\-----

***10.53pm***

 I can’t help but feel like I’m being watched, but I bet it’s just me getting paranoid. It doesn’t happen a lot to me but I’ve heard that that’s what Heroin can do to you. Still, it’s proper weird, I can almost feel someone’s eyes digging into the back of my skull. Whatever, it’s just my imagination, it has to be.

 I spent all the money I had on the stuff, meaning that I need Gaz to give me a tenner at least tonight. The corner shop won’t let me top up with only five quid for some weird reason.

 I couldn’t help it though; I feel so fucking depressed right now. James and his need to get involved – I can’t stop thinking about my baby. The guilt hits me again, tears pricking at my eyes. It’s just the wind making my eyes water, I try to tell myself.

\-----

***10.58pm***

 I don’t even know how far along I am because I haven’t been to the doctor’s. Fuck … I really am a lousy mom. I keep putting it off, not wanting them to realise that I’m an addict. They’d only try to put me into rehab or some shit anyway. I really don’t think that I could deal with that.

 Hmm … I think I’m about three months along, based on the morning sickness. I’ve had it for about two months, maybe a month and a half. To be honest, I haven’t been keeping track. The days just all blur into one anyway ….

 Yeah, yeah, three months sounds good, I’ll just go with that.

\------

***11.02pm***

 The more I think about it, about my kid, the more I want to just run back to James, tell him that I’m sorry for being a prick and beg him to take me in. Six months, if the months in my fucked up head are right, isn’t much time to get clean. I can pretend it’s ages all I want but I know that it’s going to be right fucking tough to get off of something so addictive. I’ll probably slip up, run back off to my drug dealer when the withdrawals get too much for me and shoot up again when James isn’t looking. So yeah, I am already running out of time, I get that now.

 But ugh! I … I’ve already brought the shit now, so I can’t just throw it away, can I? I’m starting to get all shaky and sweaty again, so tonight isn’t the night.

 Oh, I know! I … I’ll take a big shot tonight, get as high as a fucking cloud, use as much as I know is safe to take. Then I’ll use up the last bit tomorrow morning, noon if the shakes hold off. Tomorrow night will come then and I’ll be really strong. I’ll do the right thing for a change, the right fucking thing for my kid. Yeah, yeah, that’s right, tomorrow night I’ll head to James’s house and I’ll talk to him. He has a thing for me, I’m bloody sure of it. He’ll take me in. He’s too nice of a guy to just cast me aside, I know that now.

 I wipe my sweaty hands on my new jeans and then wipe the tears from my eyes, the water having mixed in with the rain that won’t fucking stop falling. I hug at myself for a bit and then knock on Gaz’s door. Shit … I’m not looking forward to this one bit. Hah, I never do anyway ….

\-----

***11.13pm***

 I’m lying on my back, legs pushed back and all of my clothes tossed to the side of his bed. He’s being too rough with me again and it fucking hurts. It really fucking hurts tonight. “Nghh … Gaz, s-slow down a bit, mate.” My voice is shaky. Telling you the truth, I’m pretty damn scared of the guy.

 “Shut up or yaz not getting fuckin’ paid tonight,” he snarls at me, eyes glaring daggers into mine.

 A lump rises in my throat. The tears are brimming in my eyes as much as I try to stop them. I wanna’ go now, run away from him as fast as I can. My manky alleyway has never looked so good.

 “Gah!” I cry out as he thrusts too hard, far too deep. Shit, what if he hurts my baby doing this?! C-can he do that? A surge of anger fills me and with a force I didn’t know I had within me, I shove him off of me. “Fuckin’ hell, I said stop!”

 Oh God, he’s standing over me now, having just gotten up from the floor. Panic rises in my chest. F-fuck, the look he’s giving me. He … he’s gonna’ kill me –

 I try to scramble from the bed but he’s got me, twisting my arm in front of my body. “Let g-go of me!” It comes out as a squeal, I’m begging him now. I … I’m so fucking scared and my chest is pounding. I can feel the tears falling. I can’t stop them now. “P … please!”

 “Yaz fuckin’ bitch, yaz gonna’ get what’s coming to yaz!” Spit flies in my face and a second later, there’s a sharp pain in my back and in the back of my shoulder. I – I think he’s thrown me through the bedside table – I’m on the floor, broken wood around me. Shit, has a bit managed to stab me!?

 “Gaz, wait!”

 “Fuckin’ shut up! I told yaz to shut up!”

 “Gaz -!” He’s on top of me now, I can’t move, he’s too fucking heavy. Something collides with my temple; I think it’s his fist. Again and again, and I’m screaming and I realise that it’s not his fist anymore, he’s battering me over the head with some broken wood. Is … is that the table leg?!

 He’s swearing at me again. T-this is it, he really is gonna’ finish me off. I try to struggle, to somehow get the upper hand on this. No, no, it’s too late. Shit, I think my head’s blee – my vision’s starting to blur.

 And then, just as I think he’s cracked my skull open like a melon, he stops. I try to take a deep breath, to fill my lungs with some air. I … I need some fucking air but the cunt’s too heavy.

 “Ah ….” There it is, a deep breath. He’s off of me now, thank fuck. I thought it was over but it’s not, as he grabs a fistful of my hair.

 I … I feel so ill. It can’t be just the withdrawals starting, can it? Somehow he’s twisted me, my face now pressed against the carpet. The smell of stale smoke fills my lungs – shit, I don’t think I can breathe!

 He shouts something at me but I can’t hear him, his weight now pressed against my back. I try to plead with him again but it’s too late. “Gyah!” and then there’s nothing but sobs and pain up my back. Oh shit, it kills! My hip bones are rubbing, burning against the carpet as my body moves with the force of his thrusts. My nails dig into the floor too - I feel like my body is being torn in half!

 I’m choking on cries, on the lack of air. He’s not even just fucking me roughly this time, he’s being violent with it on purpose. Did he just tell me to shut up again? Or was that just … a grunt? I … I don’t – fuck, I … I think I’m gonna’ pass out.

\-----

***11.22pm***

 I’m half running, half limping from his place now, the tears streaming down my face. I can barely see a couple of feet in front of me, the water blurring my vision. Maybe it’s just dizziness?

 I didn’t pass out. Fuck, I wish I had. At least then I wouldn’t have had to have been awake through that. I … I don’t even wanna’ think about what he just did to me.

 I’m pretty sure I’m bleeding right now, from more places than one. I’m sweating horribly, I’m shaking like a leaf. How the hell am I even still standing?!

 He didn’t give me any money this time and I didn’t wait around for it. I grabbed my stuff, got into my clothes and ran, unbolting his door from the inside and fleeing like a shit scared animal. I was in a right rush; I think I forgot my jumper. My socks too, I’m pretty sure.

 There are probably people looking at me right now but I don’t give a shit. Does it look like I’m in a state to care what people think right now?! I … I don’t even know where I’m going. Not in the direction of my alleyway, I don’t think. I don’t care, I just need to get as far away from him as possible.

 “Ah!” My knees give out, I think down a side street. The ground hits me like a truck and I’m sobbing. I’m a sobbing, cowering, curled up mess on the floor ….


	8. William. I'll learn things I never knew I never knew.

***11.25pm***

 I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, a lump rising in my throat as I watch him. My back is becoming sweaty – what is this feeling? Panic? 

 I do not honestly know what to think or feel at present. He is hurt, that much is obvious. From the way he collapsed in the street a moment ago, I can tell that something happened in the house that he darted from. In all honesty, whenever he leaves that house, he seems troubled. This time, however, it is more than that; he really is in a state. 

 There is anger mixing in now. A few people have walked passed him, having come from clubs and other social gatherings, I presume. They have glanced at him, a flicker of worry crossing their faces. Yet, they have done nothing. Why do they refuse to act? Not even a simple asking of ‘are you okay?’ Why will they not help their fellow – 

 I am no different, I realise. I jumped down from the roof as soon as he ran from that house. I followed him at a distance, making sure that he’d no idea I was watching him. I stayed hidden in the shadows as he fell – I am still hiding away.

 I want very much to help him, to give him the hug he requested earlier. But here I am, watching him suffer and yet doing nothing to ease his pain. 

 I must stop this, must stop wondering if I have feelings for this youth. It matters not, for I cannot intervene. Even if I were to save him, there would be another death. The number of souls must balance. What if I were to save him, just to realise I had doomed someone just as innocent? More innocent perhaps? It is a risk I am unwilling to take, as tempting as it is .... 

 Lord, he is absolutely hysterical. The anger builds, my jaw clenching without my prior consent. What on earth happened to him? Why is he shaking so much? How badly hurt is he? Whoever did this to him, I hope that they meet a painful end; I hope that they rot in hell.   

 A sudden thought crosses my mind as I continue to watch his breakdown. “Wait ... a moment ....” The ledger is ripped from my coat, my hands scrambling to turn to the correct page. He is too upset – this cannot be a mere accidental overdose, can it? Maybe hope is not completely lost after all .... 

\-----

***11.37pm***

 I cannot believe it. Even though he is still blubbering on the ground, nothing has changed. The cause of death is not suicide.

 I am disappointed to say the least; I dare say that I would have liked to have watched over him at the reaper branch. 

 More than that though, I am willing for his name to disappear from this ledger completely. Surely the events of tonight have changed his fate? How can someone who is obviously injured still obtain their fix? I sigh as I realise it; his addiction is obviously stronger than I could ever imagine. It has a iron grip on him, and it will be the end of him. 

 I glance at my ledger again, sighing to myself when the result remains unchanged. I only sigh harder as someone else walks passed him, a middle aged woman. She gives him a look of disgust before going on her way – vile being.  

 His phone keeps ringing also, the horrendous noise getting on my nerves. Another client trying to get him into bed, no doubt. The sound as it rings again mixes in with his cries, his body curling tightly against the floor.

 I ... I just want to hold him .... 

 But I stand in silence, watching him, and I stand, and I stand some more. He needs help, of course he does. Or at least, at the very least, he requires some comforting. 

 There is a pause, the wind dying down for a moment before it whips up a storm once more. I ... I cannot just leave him like this. It is not right, immoral .... 

 One foot steps in front of the other – my stomach sinks. He is slowly pushing himself up to standing, and I am too late. 

\------

***11.53pm***

 How he found his way back to this alley, I really have no clue. He pretty much limped and staggered for the entire journey, the odd whimper and sob leaving him. 

 Now, he is curled against the wall of his hide out, shivering easy to see, even through his thick coat. Or is he shaking from fear, from upset? 

 I check my watch – not even five minutes left. This is not right. He ... he is too young for this. He should, if nothing else, be allowed to see his parents. His parents deserve to see him also, the child that they have always loved so much. 

 He deserves love – I doubt he has experienced the feeling of being loved before. It – it is something that no human should live without. 

 I ... I ... oh Lord. I gulp, sweat beginning to form on my brow. I ... I wish to care for him. Do I wish to show him ... love? No, no, I do not know how to present to someone such a thing – I never have. 

 I am pulled from my thoughts as my eyes fix on the needle. When ... when did he prepare that? Was I that deep in thought? 

 A band is tied around his arm with skill, Ronald finding a vein with ease. My heart is hammering in my chest. I want to call out to him, to beg him to stop this.

 You are going to die, do you not realise?!

 The tip of the needle hovers over his skin – it is pulled away, this poor boy dissolving into sobs again. He truly is a complete mess.

 Is ... is he having second thoughts? From the outsider's eye, it certainly seems to be the case .... Now, more than ever, I want to help him.

 I can’t help him! It ... it is too late. I could have helped him but I failed, I waited too long. There have been times in the past, few and far between, where I have felt depression, guilt over a human passing. Where I have thought too much over the unfairness of it all. 

 This, however, is different. If he goes, it will, as stupid as it seems, feel like a personal loss. If I do not act, I will forfeit someone important to me, and I will regret it.  

 But I have stalled too much again, contemplated and over thought, for amongst his shakes and cries, the needle tip is being brought to his skin. 

 This is it, the moment I have been dreading, the moment where I fail him; the moment, I fear, will haunt me for life. 


	9. William. Outcomes.

 My chest is heaving; I am beginning to feel a little breathless. Goodness William, what have you done? Can this even be classed as a blunder?

 I hear the needle roll across uneven ground, and I withdraw my scythe, tucking it quickly back into the inside of my suit. I panicked, acted at the last possible moment, knocked the deadly item from his grasp.

 Pathetic, really. Because the thought of having to collect his soul scared me so, I acted with indignity, fleeing my duties. Honestly ….

 The breathless feeling refuses to leave me. Though he is not to die tonight, I am still in a state of panic. Who is to say that tomorrow will not end him? The next day, perhaps? He really does need help ….

 His eyes are focused on his index finger and as I continue to watch him, I see him rub his thumb against the skin. Did I accidentally cut him in my panic? Or is he confused by the lack of needle in his hand?

 My actions have put a stop to his sobbing, at least.

 I think of speaking to him, asking him if he is alright, even though I know what the answer will be. I open my mouth, only to shut it again as he turns his head and looks straight at me. I know what is to come. He is going to be enraged – how dare I take away his fix. Here it comes, the shouting and the swearing that I received from him the first time that we met.

 “W … wha’?” His voice comes to me with a timid ring. Glancing around himself, I know what he is trying to pin point.

 I think of calling out to him, but I stop myself. I almost made the mistake of saying his name. If … if I were to do that, it would surely unnerve him. He would ask how I gained that knowledge and … and what could I possibly say? The truth is out of the question.

 “W … where …?”

 “You need to … stop this.” I curse myself at the shakiness of my own voice. Honestly William, get it together, would you?

 “S … stop wha’?” He looks at me again and I see it once more – so much pain in his eyes.

 “The Heroin, you really must leave it in the past.”

 He chokes back a sob, or maybe a laugh, I am unsure. “It’s … really tha’ obvious?”

 “Excuse me?”

 “Tha’ … I’m an addict. Y’ wha’, take one look at me and know or somethin’?”

 “I have just seen you about to inject.” I take the risk of stepping a little closer to him, worrying about how he will react. Attacking me would cause me no harm, but what if he was to run away? “It is a little obvious, do you not think?”

 “Oh ….” He pulls his knees closer to his chest. “Now … I remember.”

 Has his mind gone completely? How did he forget –

 “W … where did it go?”

 “Excuse me?”

 “My … my needle. I … I think it’s tha’ only one I ‘ave left.”

 “You do not need it.”

 “I do!” His head falls back against the wall. “Y … y’ don’t understand.”

 “It is killing you. You do not need something that will end you.”

 “Y’ … don’t fuckin’ understand!” I do wonder why he is not scrambling to find what he seeks. Again, I think that he is having second thoughts. He must, deep down, know that he needs help.

 “Maybe not, but I can see how unwell you appear to be.” He says nothing, for he must know that I am correct in this. After a pause, a silence except for the hammering of rain in the streets outside of the shelter of the alley, I move forward again, and slowly, very slowly, bend down in front of him.

 Not slow enough, it appears, as he tries to back away, pressing his back against cold stone. “I … don’t wanna’!” His shaking seems to pick up intensity. “N … not tonight. I … I can’t fuck any more … tonight.”

 “I beg your pardon?” I can feel my brow furrowing. What on earth is he talking about?

 “T … that’s why y’re … here again, right?” There’s a sniffing sound as he hugs at himself again. “Y’ … y’ wanna’ be … a client, don’t y’?”

 I have to stop myself from scowling. “Of course not. How many times must I tell you that I want nothing from you?”

 “Y’ wouldn’t be here if … if y’ didn’t wanna’ do tha’!”

 “I want to help you!” I bite back, realising too late that my usual mask of non-emotion has slipped. “To … be completely honest with you, I have been … seeing you around this area for some time. Each time I … see you, you are looking more and more like you are on death’s door.”

 “I … I’ve jus’ had a rough … night.”

 “I can see that.” My hand reaches out slowly – should I really be touching a human? No, of course not, I should not be getting close to anyone. With shaky breath, my fingertips grace over the large gash on his temple. Such … such soft skin. “Still, your injuries are not the only things which concern me. You are … pale, too pale.” I pause for a moment, preparing myself for the next question – or for his reply, which I dread to hear. “What happened to you? This … cut looks rather nasty.”

 “I … it doesn’t matter.”

 “Of course it does. Did … did someone hurt you?”

 And he stares at me then, for the briefest of moments. And then, something cracks, something inside of him, and his face contorts in pain, in grief.

 “I ….” I trail off, withdrawing my hand quickly. I have upset him, really upset him, for he is crying harder than I have ever seen him cry before. The sobs fill my ears, fill every inch of the alleyway. “Umm ….”

 Think Spears, think. I … I really must do something. If he continues to cry like this, to get upset like this, he will never consider accepting my help. Even though I really haven’t a clue how to help him ….

 “Umm … do you still wish … for that hug? The one that you requested earlier?”

 The words have barely left my mouth when he lunges forward, his knees hitting the ground. His hands cling to my suit shirt, and for a moment, I freeze in place. I am so unused to physical contact – this is such an odd sensation.

 Through the sobs, his words, broken and crackling, can be heard. “F … fuckin’ hell! H … hug back!”

 “I ….”

 “C … cuddle, I … I need a cuddle.”

 My stomach twists slightly as I lift him with ease onto my knees. It really is nerve-racking to be so close to someone. My arms wrap slowly, timidly, around his waist.

 “T … thanks ….”

 “Y … you are welcome.” As strange as a hug feels after so long without one, it is nice, satisfying. There is a warm feeling rising from within me and I hug a little tighter, glad for the contact. This, hugging him and only him, I feel, I could get used to ….


	10. William. Vomit.

 It has been a while now since Ronald began to cling to me. A good half an hour or so to be exact. I managed to sneak a glimpse at my ledger and as thought, his name has disappeared completely from its pages. He is safe, for the next day or so, at least. I made sure to check ahead.

 That familiar pounding in my chest returns; I am panicking again. There really is no point, I try to reason, in scolding myself. Nor is there any point in feeling much of anything, for I cannot change fate again, I cannot put it back into its proper place. Even if I were to kill this young man on the spot, at this very moment, it would not change the books back. The new soul destined to be taken, would still have to be taken. At least that is how the legend goes, as no one has ever dared to try it.

 There is one thing that I do know for sure, however. If I were to end Ronald’s life, I would now be killing someone not on the to-die list. I would be taking the life of someone now not destined to die. If I were to do that, I would scarcely class myself as a reaper. No, I would be a murderer, a disgrace, and nothing more.

 Regardless, I could not kill him now, not when I am cuddling him so tightly. To kill someone so adorable – oh Lord, what am I thinking?! H ... have I gone soft?

\-------

 I have to hold in a dry heave of my own. He has worked himself into such a tizzy from crying that he has just vomited all down my suit shirt. Well, expelled bile and not much else, that is. It is rather disgusting, yet I know he cannot help it. He is like a toddler, screaming and crying until he makes himself ill.

 Or maybe ... being violently sick in such a way is a symptom of withdrawal? I did research the topic a couple of hours ago, though I did not have chance to read about it properly. Later, I will make sure to find out everything I can about this addiction. It really is a must – how else will I be able to help him?

 Help him I shall, because I now know, that that is all I have wanted to do from the very beginning.

 It takes him, by the looks of it, a while to realise what has happened, as he finally lifts his head to look at me. I am sure that I make some sort of facial expression at the bile dripping down his chin. A whine leaves him before he says “s ... sorry, I-I didn’t mean ... ta’.”

 “It is fine, worry not,” I lie, the smell beginning to get the best of me. “But you really must try to calm down now, or you will just make yourself feel even worse.”

 “I-I ....” He trails off and heaves again, and I grab hold of his shoulders just in time, tilting him away from me. More bile hits the ground, creates an awful splashing sound.

 And then it hits me, the fear from earlier taking hold as my mind begins to create the worst scenarios possible. What if it is the injury to his head causing this? He could have concussion, brain injury even. I try to calm myself down. No, he is not fatally wounded. If ... if that was the case, his name would not have disappeared from my ledger, but simply moved to a different time.

 William T. Spears, will you please pull yourself together?!

 B ... but I should still check, ask him if he is dizzy and whatnot. Just as I open my mouth to speak, that blasted electronic device in his backpack springs to life, filling my ears with the most irritating of ringtones. “Is ... is that one of your clients?”

 “P ... probs ....” This poor boy can hardly get his words out, he is so upset and drained.

 “Okay.”

 “H ... he’s a friend ... too.”

 “Oh? You have a good idea which client is phoning you then?”

 “Y ... yeah ....”

 “W ... would you like me to ... answer it for you?” And then I realise what I have just asked. “No, never mind. T ... that would be rude of me.”

 He shakes his head weakly, one hand raising to wipe at his eyes. It then, making me feel a little sick, wipes the vulgar liquid from around his mouth. “N ... na ... answer it. H ... he’s a nice ... guy, I shouldn’t be ignorin’ him.”

 “Are you quite sure? You really ... wish for me to talk to him?”

 “I ... I’m in n-no fit ... state, am I?”

 “Oh – I see your point.” I reach out and grab his bag, unzipping it with haste. I do not want to miss the call, what with Ronald seeming eager for it to be received. With a sigh of relief, I grasp it and lift it to my ear, thankful that I located the item in time. It is accepted –

 “Fucking hell, Ronnie, you had me worried! W ... why didn’t you answer all this time?” This man, whoever he is, has obviously been worried sick. He ... he must care about Ronald?

 “This is not -.”

 “Who the hell is this?!”

 Oh my .... “I -.”

 “This is that Gaz twat, isn’t it?! I ... I swear to God, if you’ve hurt him, I ... I’ll ....”

 “No, I am not ‘Gaz’.”

 He seems to calm a little. “Then ... who are you? Is ... is Ronnie alright?”

 Ronnie - what an adorable nickname. “He is just fine. A ... a little shaken up, but he is still here.”

 He, without a doubt, knows what I meant by ‘still here’, as he does not question it. “Shaken up?”

 “Someone has hurt him.” Wait a moment .... “May I ask who you are?”

 “Oh ... my name’s James. So ... so he’s been beaten up, or mugged, or something?”

 “I think he may have been attacked by ... a client but I am not sure.”

 “Gaz!” I hear him screech down the phone. “T ... that bastard! It has ... has to be him!”

 “Please do calm down.” I say, trying to convince myself more than him. “He is going to be just fine. He has a couple of injuries, but I will make sure -.”

 “You’re a client too then?”

 “No.” Honestly, I wish people would cease with such assumptions. “Merely a friend.”

 “Oh .... Are you the guy who brought him those new clothes?”

 “Yes. I couldn’t have him freeze to death, could I?”

 Those words seem to calm him completely. “So ... you’re going to take good care of him?”

 “I am going to try my best, yes.”

 “And he’s definitely going to be alright?”

 “Yes.”

 There is a pause before he says “thank you,” and I can almost feel him smiling down the phone. “Make sure that he has a roof over his head and everything of the like, please?”

 “Of course.”

 “Thank you, thank you again.”

 “No problem.” This man really does care for Ronald. I honestly had no idea that anyone did ....

 “Oh, and can you get him to text me later, when he’s feeling a little better? I ... I need to hear from him that he’s okay.”

 “Of course.”

\-------

 I know what I must do now; James has set that as stone in my mind.

 I do not think that Ronald is in immediate need of medical attention, for he could count backwards from ten and was able to follow my finger. Not brain damaged, as far as I can see. And his cries have faded somewhat, thankfully, finally. 

 Yes ... things have indeed become clear to me.

 He whines as I tentatively cup under his chin with my fingers and tilt his face up, making his eyes meet mine – he is scared of me? Or maybe he wishes for me to hug him some more?

 “W ... wha’?” He asks shakily, eyes now refusing to move from mine.

 “Would you like somewhere to stay?” I know that he is soon to find out that I am not human, but I really wish to help him, to give him a temporary place to live, regardless of the consequences. I ... I really must have feelings for – oh dear ....

 I haven’t time to get flustered over my own thoughts, for he is looking at me with fear.

 “W ... wha’? Y’ – wha’?”

 “You need somewhere warm to stay, for the sake of your health. Please ... will you stay with me, even if just for tonight?”

 I pray for a simple answer, for him to just say yes.


	11. Ronald. What will it be?

 My head hurts so much, like there’s the end of a drill being rammed into my skull. I bet all the crying hasn’t helped, but I really couldn’t help it – it’s been a really rough night. I still wanna’ cry, and cry, and cry some more, until I end up passing out. At least then, I wouldn’t have to feel anything.

 Still, with what happened when I was younger, this really isn’t worth crying about. I should be used to shit like this ....

 He’s saying something to me but I’m not really paying attention. These withdrawals and these emotions are taking over. “W ... wha’?”

 He sighs and I wonder how many times he’s had to say the same thing to me. “Would you like to stay at mine for tonight?”

 “Oh ....” No one’s ever asked me that before and then I get two people wanting me to live at there places in a couple of hours. “N ... no, I ... I’ll be alright.” I ... I still don’t trust him. He buys me food and clothes and ... and now he’s inviting me back to his place? Na, na, he’s up to something, he has to be.

 “How can you possibly be alright? If the cold does not end you someday, this addiction surely will.”

 “I know!” I blurt out before I even really think about it. But I do know it, I’m not completely stupid. And from what happened tonight, Gaz could easily finish me off if I were to run into him again. And ... and I can’t survive out here without his money – James isn’t gonna’ pay me anymore either from what he was saying earlier.

 Then there’s the baby to think about. More than myself, I need to keep them safe. Shit ... I can feel the tears welling up again.

 “Then if you know it so well, why are you refusing my offer?” He cocks an eyebrow at me.

 “I ... I ....” I’m sniffing again – fucking hell.

 “You are afraid of me?” I shrug and he speaks again. “Or you are just unsure of my intentions?”

 “Y ... yeah.”

 “Then I can only give you my honest words. If you believe them or not - well there is nothing I can do about that.”

 “K ... K?”

 “I am not going to hurt you. I – you just seem so young, that is all. For you to die, that really would be a waste now, would it not?”

 I shrug again. I mean, come on, I’m not really worth anything. I’ve never done anything good with my life. But the more I think about it, I think that I could make a good life for myself, if I did actually try. I could be a good mom, I could raise this kid right – make their childhood better than mine ....

 “It ... would ... be a waste, I guess,” I finally manage to say. My mind is just stuck on my kid now, the guilt making my stomach turn again. I fucked up the chance to stay at James’s, and I don’t have the energy to walk back to his even if I wanted to. My ... my brain can’t even remember the way at the minute. So ... so I should take the chance with this guy, right? He ... does seem nice enough, I guess. He ... he gave me a cuddle anyway.

 “So you ... will stay with me for tonight?”

 “I ....”

 “If nothing else, we must at least see to that injury on your forehead. If it is not cleaned, it may become infected. In this dirty alleyway, I would not be surprised if you were to suffer from sepsis.”

 “S ... sepsis?” What the fuck is that?

 “Blood poisoning.”

 “Oh ....” I dunno’ what that is but it doesn’t sound good for me or my baby. I ... I should just go for it. It’s probably the only chance I’m gonna’ get in a long while to get out of this shitty situation. I gulp and nod slowly. “O ... okay, I’m in.”

 He actually looks surprised that I took him up on the offer. “Oh, you mean that you will stay at mine?”

 “Y ... yeah.”

 He nods and pushes the glasses up his nose. “Very well then. I ... I promise that I will let no harm come to you.”

 “Alright.” Seriously, what am I meant to say to that?

 There’s an awkward silence, where I realise that my shakes are really acting up again, before he says “apart from in that needle, do you have anymore of that substance on your person?”

 “Uh ... no.”

 “Are you quite sure?”

 I pause. Shit ... I ... I really should be honest with him, I guess? “Umm ... well, there’s some in my bag.”

 “I see. Very well then, I shall dispose of it for you.”

 “Wha’?!” I try to jump to my feet but my fucking knees give out and now I’ve got a face full of tarmac. “Don’t ... don’t y’ fuckin’ touch it!”

 “I beg your pardon?”

 Shit ... did I piss him off? He’s ... he’s probs gonna’ hurt –

 He bends forward and helps me back onto my knees. “Do you not wish to get better? You said it yourself that you will die if you carry on like this.”

 “B ... but that’s my last bit. After ... tha’, I won’t take anymore.”

 “You will never get over your addiction if you make excuses like that. Also, did you not say that you have no needles left?”

 Fuck ... he’s right. I look around for the needle but he says something again.

 “Do not even think about it. I am telling you, if you do not quit tonight, you will die from this addiction shortly.”

 “Na ... na, I’ve got time left.”

 “Please.” A long sigh leaves him and then he’s talking again. “Would you please stop lying to yourself? Either you stop using this instant, or you throw your life away.”

 “Hey! Y’ ... y’ don’t fuckin’ understand! Y’ ... y’ understand nothin’!”

 “I know that it is going to be hard for you but the sooner you get away from the vile stuff, the sooner things will become easier. Running away from what you know you need to do is going to make everything so much harder for you in the end.”

 “S ... stop makin’ it sound easy!”

 “Stop making it even harder for yourself than it already is going to be! Toss the Heroin away and move on.”

 He ... he’s right. I’m sobbing again, but his strong arms wrap around me. It makes me feel a bit better, it really does. Fuck ... he’s so nice and warm. “O... okay.”

 “Okay what?” He asks, his hand rubbing against my back.

 “Chuck ... it away.” I’m just gonna’ have to keep telling myself that it’s the right thing to do.

 Shit ... I really don’t wanna’ deal with withdrawals tonight, but ... but I have to, I need to for my baby.

 “Very well.”

\-----

 It’s been thrown in the trash by him, both the package of left over and the filled needle. I really wanted to scream at him, to tell him to fucking give it back, but I know that he’s only trying to help.

 “So ... y’re really not some perv or somethin’, are y’?”

 “No. If I wanted to do something so vulgar, do you not think that I would have done so by now?”

 “Well ... yeah .... So, your place then?”

 “Oh.” He looks ... kinda’ ... worried? “Can you stand?”

 “I ... I don’t think so ....”

 He nods, before grabbing my wrist softly.

 What ... what the fuck just happened?! Did the world just turn upside down?

 I’m looking at him and then down at the sofa that I’m now on, and then back at him again. How did I get here? And ... and what the fuck is this guy?! My heart’s beginning to pound pretty fucking loudly in my chest, the thumping rising into my ears.

 He tries to come near me again but I push him back – I’m so fucking angry! “Ge’ ... ge’ away from me, y’ monster!”


	12. William. I am trying to explain.

 I wish he would not look at me like that, with so much fear in his eyes. I can feel him shaking against my grip, his voice also trembling. “D … don’t hurt me, please!”

 He tried to punch me, and now he is pinned to the sofa, my palms wrapped tightly around his wrists. “I … I’ll do wha’ever y’ want me … ta’, jus’ -.” Oh, him pleading in such a way is making me feel rather sick.

 “I am not going to hurt you.”

 “Bullshit!” He tries to struggle, but he is weaker than me. Of course he is – he is a human, and as fragile as they come. “L … let go of me!” His moods seem to be shifting rapidly, for he was crying and begging a moment ago, and now he is angry and shouting at me.

 “I only have you like this because you attempted to hit me. I do not much fancy a punch in the face, do you understand me?”

 “S … sorry.” Here he goes again, dissolving into tears. I do think that these mood swings are related to the drug use – they must be, surely?

 “You promise not to aim another punch at me if I release my grip?”

 “A … alright.”

 I nod and pull away from him, half expecting him to try it again. He does not, instead curling up on my sofa and crying harder. His shoes are on my brand new piece of furniture, and I wish to scold him for it. I decide against it, however, and bite my tongue. I honestly do not want to cause an argument, especially given how vulnerable he seems at present.

 Instead, I try to think of something to say to calm him. “Ronald -.” Oh, oh no …. I did not mean to say –

 “H-how did y’ … know my … name?” He curls into himself further. “Fuck! I … I’m so … dead.”

 “No, no, you are quite safe here.” Oh Lord, I really have made an awful blunder. I must surely have to explain everything to him now?

 There is a horrible silence, his crying the only thing that breaks it. “Y’re … not human,” he finally says, sniffing between his words. “Didn’t … think y’ were from … tha’ start but I thought … I was jus’ really … high or some shit.”

 “My eyes?”

 “Nn … yeah.” Another sob, though this time he tries to choke it back. “And tha’ … fuckin’ pruner thing. Y’ … y’re gonna’ … take my head off wi’ it, right?”

 “Of course not.” I bend down in front of the sofa, though I am not stupid enough to try to touch him this time. “I may not … be human, but I am not a monster.”

 “Yes y’ are!”

 I really am at a loss for what to say, but I can think of something. As personal as it is, there is really nothing else that will put him at ease. At least ... I think not. “I … was once a human also.”

 “Y’ … y’ wha’?”

 “Back in the late 1700s, yes.”

 “Then … wha’ are y’ now?”

 I can feel my mouth hang open. I close it, gulp and then open it again. “You … you really wish to know?”

 “I don’t know!” His shakes are becoming worse as the seconds pass – poor boy.

 “I … understand that you are shocked and … scared, but will knowing the truth of what I am not scare you more?”

 “J … jus’ tell me.” He looks directly at me, the tears leaking from his eyes. I … do feel awfully bad for him.

 I swallow down the thick, dry lump in my throat. “I ….” Should I really be disclosing this information? Will telling him of my race gain his trust or lose it completely? “A Grim Reaper.” The words leave me, merely a whisper.

 I jump, a little startled by his change of emotion. He is laughing, laughing hysterically. “Ronald?”

 “Y’ve gotta’ … be fuckin’ … kiddin’ me, right?”

 “No … I am telling you the truth.”

 “So … y’ve … come ta’ take my soul, huh?!”

 “Yes, I did.” It does the trick, puts an end to his crazed laughing. But now, he is staring at me, the colour draining from his face. Or at least, the final, tiny bit of colour. And I realise, in this moment, that I have said the wrong thing.

 “F … fuck ….”

 “Ronald … please, do … not start crying again ….”

 “Y’re … y’re really gonna’ kill me ….”

 “No, no, of course not. That … that is not how this works.”

 Oh … he looks so hurt, so fragile. I reach out, slowly, my fingers hovering in front of his face for a second. He bites his lip, but says nothing as I wipe the tears from his clammy skin. I dare to speak once more. “Ronald, Grim Reapers only collect the souls of … humans already set to die.”

 “So … so I’m … gonna’ die soon?”

 I brush away another, newly fallen tear from the deep ring under his eye. “No. You … were supposed to die a little before midnight.”

 “W … wha’?” His eyes widen noticeably. I really wish not to shake him up further, but is the truth not always the best option?

 “If you had of injected tonight, you would have died, yes.”

 “So … so y’ … saved me?”

 “I should have been the one to collect your soul, but ... I couldn’t do it. I knocked that needle out of your hand because ... I felt you deserved another chance.” Regardless of the consequences, it seems.

 A gasp leaves me a moment later, as he shoves me backwards. My back hits the carpet, a shout echoing in my ears.

 “I-I don’t fuckin’ believe y’! Y’ … y’ cunt!”


	13. William. Further outings.

***2.03am***

 Will this blasted rain never stop? It is really beginning to grate on my nerves. I wish to be back in the dryness of my home, though I am sadly stuck here at present. I had to leave for a little while.

 Not just because I felt that Ronald needed some space so that he would be able to calm down. No, his replacement arose in my ledger. I could tell without looking at the pages that a new collection was due. I suppose it is part of our punishment; the horrid shiver running down our spines when a new name appears in our books of death.

 I jump down from a church on the corner of a street, and make my way quietly to my destination. “Oh ….” Another horrid shiver runs down my spine and across my arms. This … this house – I know this house. Scruffy and in need of a new lick of paint, this run down house is the one that Ronald ran from earlier. The one where something truly terrifying happened to him.

 Could the person who harmed Ronald be the man I am about to collect? I suppose that I am about to find out ….

\-------

 ***2.07am***

 The cause of death was a heart attack and I am honestly not surprised. This man is as fat as he is tall. I glance around the room, my eyes moving from his limp body on the floor, and my heart almost stops. A little to the right of the deceased is a jumper – one which I know quite well.

 This man, this Gareth Dawson, truly is the vile soul who caused harm to Ronald. And it is not just the jumper that solidifies that thought in my mind. There is broken wood on the carpet, maybe from a nightstand or something of the sort. The end of one piece is bloody, and there is a swiping of dried blood on the floor next to it.

 That boy was beaten, probably among other things, right here in this very room. As I look at this Gareth, this ‘Gaz’ as I assume he is, anger begins to rise in my chest. To think of this man, this vulgar, dirty creature touching Ronald, laying his grimy hands on him – it fills me with disgust. How dare this beast lay a finger on him?!

 The anger bubbles over, as much as I try to control it, and I bring my scythe down with more force than needed. Vengeance on the dead is truly pathetic, yet it brings a small relief, as if some justice has been served. Lord … what sort of reaper have I turned into?

 It really is not my place to play with life and death in this manner ….

\------

***2.15am***

 I have not long returned home, having brought Ronald’s jumper back with me. I know that I should not have touched the place of death, yet I really do adore this jumper. Plus, it has only been worn once and I hate waste.

 If he asks me about it, presuming he remembers that he left it at Gareth’s, I will merely tell him that I brought him another one. Dumping it in the washing basket, I then port into my bedroom.

 The more I think on it, the more I am glad that I did what I did. Gareth was undeserving of life, and in saving someone who needed another chance at life, that vulgar beast met his end. It is immoral, but for once in my life, I feel that this world has been fair, that is has provided much needed justice, and that fills me with happiness, or at least, contentment. I … I regret nothing ….

 I wish to check up on him, to make sure that he is okay, yet I feel that he needs longer to calm down. Instead, I take my phone out and decide to partake in a little more research. I really must know of these ‘withdrawal symptoms’.

\--------

***3.05am***

 My heart goes out to him, and to the future him due to what he is about to go through. From my research, I have found that the symptoms include cold sweats, cramps in the limbs, aches, pains, sickness and vomiting, as well as a heavy feeling in the body. Also, he is in for sleepiness nights, intense cravings, agitation, mood swings, fever, and well, to put it politely, a loose stomach. To put it mildly, I am not looking forward to that last symptom – vomit is bad enough.

 Yet, it seems that he will be able to get through this without medical intervention. Obviously, I will be keeping a close eye on him, and if anything seems at fault, he will be taken straight to the infirmary. After all the farce, I refuse to let him perish now.

 Glancing at my phone again, I see the time and sigh. I really am glad that I am not due into work until 8pm tonight. God knows that I need the rest, having been stuck on twelve hour shifts for the past two weeks.

 I get up slowly, yawning as I do so. I suppose that I should check on him, and hope that he is in a better mood than earlier. With another sigh, I port myself into the living room.

 He is curled up on the sofa, his frail body shaking vigorously. “Ronald?” I ask, drawing nearer to him. He looks up at me, but says nothing. Maybe he feels too weak to do so, for he appears extremely exhausted.

 My coat slips from my shoulders without me really thinking on it, and it is soon draped over him. He may still be angry with me, frightened of me, but he is cold, very cold by the looks of it. And keeping him warm, keeping him safe – that truly is the only important thing at present. That is all I truly care about ….


	14. Ronald. Just let me sleep.

 It’s foggy, it’s all so foggy, and real cold. Even with his coat around me, the freeze clings to me – like it’s right deep down in my bones. And fuck, I’m tired, I’m so fucking tired. I haven’t got the energy to argue with him anymore. If … if he’s gonna’ hurt me, it’s not like I can run or fight now, is it? I … I don’t have a choice but to accept it now.

 Ugh … if this cold would just go away, that’d be great. My eyelids are like fucking rucksacks right now. So … so damn heavy.

 “Ronald? Ronald, can you hear me?”

 I feel myself jump, and I look at him again. Shit … did I nearly doze off for real? “Y … yeah?”

 “You … you had me worried. I thought that you had … fainted or -.”

 “I’m … jus’ really … tired.” I say before I yawn. It’s deep, long – fuck, I really need to sleep. Guess all this shaking is really wearing me out. “So … so all tha’ stuff y’ said earlier, was it true?”

 “Yes. As I keep saying, I wish to do you no harm.”

 I chuckle. It’s a really weak fucking laugh, even I get that. He’s looking right at me again, a look of concern on his face. Better say something … I guess. “’Least I know what’s … wi’ tha’ weird lookin’ eyes now.”

 I think I see his lips turn up – a smile? Na, na, this guy’s way too serious for that. He’s saying something and I think it took my brain a while to realise that. “Yes, I suppose I am a little odd and scary in my appearance.”

 “Meh … y’ could be worse. Y’ could be really fuckin’ ugly too.”

 He’s shaking his head at me. “Your language really is terrible, Ronald.”

 “Yeah ….”

 “Are … are you a little less angry with me now?”

 I’m too tired to go over this again, I really am. I might still be alive tomorrow – today? So … so can’t we just talk about this then? “I’m still a bit … freaked out.”

 “But?”

 How’d he know that there was a but coming? He psychic now too? “But … I kinda’ wanna’ trust y'.”

 “I see. Umm … well, good.”

 This guy’s so weird, I swear. Doesn’t he know how to talk to someone normally? Meh … saying that, I don’t really either to be fair. Oh man … a bigger yawn. Ugh … my body aches so much, I just wanna’ – “Yeah, so can I go … ta’ sleep now?”

 “That wound on your head still needs to be cleaned, Ronald.”

 Ugh … what is he, my mom? “Can’t it wait -?”

 “No. I have told you already that it may become infected.”

 “Y’re … bossy.”

 “And you are quite childish.” He pauses and I get the chance to grunt at him. Then he’s looking at me – proper staring. Did … did I piss him off? “Can you sit up on your own?” He finally asks.

 I let out a sigh of relief. At least I’m not gonna’ die right now. “Y … yeah, I think I can.”

 He nods firmly at me. “Good. I shall retrieve the supplies.”

\------

 “Ngh ….” I managed to sit up on the sofa, but fuck, whatever’s on that cotton pad really stings. “W … wha’ is tha’?”

 “Which?” He dips the pad back into a bowl of whatever it is.

 “Tha’ … tha’ stuff y’re puttin’ on me.”

 “Oh, just salt water. I really haven’t anything medical in my house – we have no use for it.”

 “Reapers, y’ mean?” I … I really don’t feel so good. Head’s starting to spin real bad.

 “Yes. Though, salt water should do the trick. At least the wound is clean now.”

 I think I reply, but I’m not sure, because the next thing I know, I’ve fallen against him, my face resting against the upper part of his chest. Hmm … that’s some nice smelling washing detergent he uses. The suit shirt is proper soft too.

 He tenses quickly, his torso going stiff. “R … Ronald?”

 “Hmm … wha’?”

 “Are you … alright?”

 Oh, does he think I passed out again or something? Eh … fuck, did I? Well, there’s no point worrying the dude, I guess, or else he’ll never let me get some sleep. “Yeah … I’m good.”

 “You certainly do not seem well, Ronald.”

 Man … he really needs to chill out. If he doesn’t relax a bit soon, he’s gonna’ get backache. “Yeah … I’m jus’ really tired.” I nuzzle my face against his collar – I can’t help myself, he’s so warm.

 “W … what are you doing?”

 “Y’re … really cosy … for an undead guy or wha’ever.”

 He’s gone ridged now – guess he doesn’t like human contact? His voice comes out strained too, like he’s really uncomfortable. B … but I’m not moving, I don’t want to. Plus … “Y’ didn’t mind … huggin’ me earlier?”

 “You were upset. I didn’t have much choice.” The last bit comes out as a whisper.

 “Oh ….” So … so he never did wanna’ hug me to begin with? That … doesn’t even make any sense – nothing does right now. I scramble to get away from him – fuck, I don’t know whether to feel hurt or embarrassed. I – I don’t know what to feel full stop.

 “Agh ….” A hiss leaves me as I sit up too quickly. Fuck … I forgot about crashing into Gaz’s nightstand.

 “Ronald?”

 “I … I think my back’s a … bit cut up too.” The pain I’m getting now is just making me feel more and more sick. “Nghhh ….”

 “I see. Very well … remove your coat and shirt and I shall take a look.”

 “W … wha’?” My heart starts thumping in my chest. “Y’ … y’ want me ta’ strip?”

 A long sigh leaves him before he says “not in that way, no. How many times must I tell you that I merely wish to treat your wounds? I am not going to force myself upon you or anything of the sort.”

 He seems pretty miffed with me again. A shudder hits me hard but I nod anyway. If I don’t piss him off, he’ll be less likely to bump me off …. “A … alright then ….”

 “I will try to be as quick as possible – you seem cold enough as it is.”

 “Y … yeah, it’s fuckin’ freezin’.”

\-------

 I’m sitting on the floor now, bent forward so he can take a good look at my back. The fucking cold is killing me right now and he keeps making tutting noises. “T … there a problem?”

 “No, no ….” He says, but I don’t think he’s convinced.

 “Right ….”

 “You are just so thin.” I don’t think he meant for me to hear that because he was whispering again, but whatever.

 “The … the cut – is it bad?”

 “Rather …. Umm ... tonight, what happened to you?”

 My eyes dart straight to the floor. “I … I don’t wanna’ talk ‘bout it.”

 “Oh … well, that is fair, I suppose.”

\-----

 I’m seriously getting pissed off now. The clock in his living room says that it’s 4am, and I’m back on the sofa but still not asleep. Turns out that I had a massive splinter in the cut at the back of my shoulder, so he had to dig it out with some tweezers. Man … that wasn’t fun. Then he decided that he was going to get some bandages and stuff from a supermarket in my world. Fucking TCP – I’m never going near that stuff again, it killed me off, I swear.

 For some weird reason, he didn’t look keen on going back to the human world, but he wasn’t listening to me telling him I’d be fine without dressings either. So I’m all bandaged up now, and I managed to get my clothes back on. But fucking hell … I’m freezing to death here. It … it’s definitely the withdrawals. Even outside, I’ve never felt this cold before ….

 I groan as he comes back into the room, some blankets and stuff in his arms. “My apologies,” he says.

 I roll my eyes. Jesus, just shut up and go to bed already! “For … wha’?”

 “You will have to sleep on my couch for the time being. I have not had chance to sort out the guest bedroom, and honestly, I would prefer you wash before occupying one of my beds. I really wish not to have a ruined mattress.”

 I roll them again. “Oh … come on.”

 “Pardon?”

 “Y’ … y’ really think I’m goin’ ta’ be pissy wi’ y’ for havin’ ta’ sleep on … tha’ sofa? I’ve been sleepin’ rough – it’s nice ta’ be inside.”

 “I see. Well … once you do get yourself a wash, you are welcome to sleep in the spare bedroom.”

 “K … thank y’.” I should stop talking but …. “Then I should probs … ge’ off tha’ sofa too, right?”

 “No, you have already ruined it.”

 “I … I – wha’?”

 “Your dirty shoes on my new couch. I doubt that I will be able to get the stains out of such delicate fabric.”

 “Shit ….” Oh man, I feel bad now. “S … sorry.”

 He sighs and shakes his head. “No, what is done is done. Try not to stress over it now.” He comes closer to me and I sigh as a thick blanket is tucked tightly around me. That … that feels a bit better, I think.

 “W … wha’ did y’ say y’ name was?”

 “I didn’t,” he says bluntly, “or at least, I do not recall telling you.”

 “Oh ….”

 “It is William T. Spears.”

 Oh, he’s one of the posh guys who has a last name. Growing up, not many people I knew did …. “C … cool.”

 “Goodnight, Ronald.”

 He goes to flick off the lamp and I can’t stop myself, I cry out to him. “Don’t … turn tha’ off!”

 He pauses mid-movement. Woah, I think I actually managed to startle him. “Pardon?”

 “I … I d-don’t like tha’ … dark. Please don’t turn off tha’ … lamp.”

 “But the alleyway -.”

 “It … it had a bit of light – street lights. P-please don’t leave … me in tha’ dark. I … I don’t like it!” I feel the tears coming thick and fast. Fucking hell, I wish I wouldn’t get like this. “I … hate bein’ … l-left in tha’ dark!”


	15. William. Cravings and chills.

***4.47am***

 I am in my own bed now, having stayed with Ronald until he’d fallen to sleep. He seemed so peaceful in sleep but I know that he will soon be awake and being driven crazy by the lack of drug in his system. I have set my alarm for 7am, merely for the reason of being able to wake up to check on him. A little over two hours … how lovely.

 I crave sleep, and sleep has been a long time coming, yet for some torturous reason, I cannot doze off. No, no, not for just any reason. Today has been exhausting, as is every day, and I normally crawl into bed as soon as I return home, my body succumbing to sleep as soon my head hits the pillow. Most times, I fail to even take my glasses off. That is all that my life has been for the past two centuries, and even more so in the couple of decades that have passed me by recently – nothing but work and sleep.

 I always crave sleep, but for now, my mind is solely focused on worry. I really cannot find a definite answer to what punishment I will receive from the reaper council, though I know that they will find out about what I have done quickly – I expect to hear from them during my shift tonight.

 I am hoping that it will not be a severe punishment, for in hindsight, my crime is tiny in comparison to the ones of other reapers at this branch. Sutcliff has forever twisted and broken the rules, yet all that that irritating drag queen has suffered is a couple of months in isolation. I am not like him, not at all, for I have never murdered someone not on the to die list.

 Then we have Slingby and Humphries, who live just down the road from me. As far as I know, Slingby pretty much convinced Humphries to commit the ultimate sin, to become a reaper. He received no punishment. I do wonder if the council is becoming lax, or maybe corrupt – most organisations in the human world are these days, so it is not hard to imagine such things happening here.

 Not that I really have anything against either of those reapers. As much as possible, Slingby and I stay out of each other’s way, and Humphries is a hard working reaper. Yet, I cannot help but notice the way he clings to Slingby when they are together – he certainly cares a lot for him, maybe too much. He’d certainly die for him … no, he already has ….

 I think, or at least I want to think that my punishment will be small. A pay cut, no pay for a while, or losing my supervisory role. Those things, as much as the last would dent my image, I think I could handle.

 What I could not handle would be to be locked in isolation. For one, I would probably go insane within a few days, and for two, I would be unable to look after Ronald. The whole point of going against my set rules would be meaningless. I suppose I could ask Humphries to do me a personal favour and take care of him but still … for once in my life, I need to be there to help someone. I have failed in that, one too many times before ….

 I rub at my temples. All this thinking is beginning to irritate me. Still, I cannot help but cast my eyes back an hour or so. Ronald is thin, thinner than I had even imagined – it was truly a shocking sight. His spine was visible, as were the back of his ribs, and his shoulder blades seemed sharp enough to cut through his skin. He looked just like a stray dog who’d not been fed in months. A bitter snort leaves me. A stray … how fitting ….

 If anything, it made me realise that I had done the right thing. Even if he hadn’t of overdosed, he would have surely died from malnutrition in little time. Yes, regardless of the consequences, I find myself without regret.

\----------

***6.33am***

 “Will!” My eyes part slowly – I must have fallen to sleep after all. Who … who is calling me? “Will! Man, w-wake up!” My shoulder is shook harshly, and I can feel sweat through my thin nightshirt – cold sweat.

 “Ronald?” Oh William, you genius, of course it is him. Who else would it be?

 I sit up quickly, glad that my glasses are still on my face as I fiddle to flick the lamp on. Though it takes my tired eyes a moment to adjust to the light, I soon make him out at the side of my bed. Oh … he looks awful, his hair a mess of sweaty strands, his whole body shaking. Is he – yes, he has been crying again. His arms cross over his chest, as if he is hugging at himself. How he is still able to stand, I will never know.

 “Ronald, is there something you need?”

 “I … I’m cold.” His eyes dart around the room before they fix on me again.

 I sigh loudly, for I feel a little irritated – the tiredness is not helping. “I need sleep also; go back downstairs.”

 “B … but -.”

 “It is nowhere near cold in here. I put the heating up to full, do you not remember?” I suppose another reason I was having issues sleeping earlier – it was too hot for me, even with the covers folded down to my knees and even with me wearing the thinnest pair of nightclothes on that I own.

 He bites his lip and hugs himself tighter, a few stray tears slipping from his eyes. It tugs at my conscience a little but I am still annoyed. He also managed to ruin my couch, so even if he is still young, I should not be soft on him.

 “Ronald.” It comes out as more of a bark than mere speech. “Go back downstairs and leave me in peace; I will not tell you again.”

 When he finally speaks again, I see that he’d bitten down harder than I had expected, for a thin line of blood trickles to the edge of his chin. Oh … I feel a little bad for being so harsh with him now ….

 “B … but it h-hurts.”

 “What does?”

 “E … everythin’. I’m cold … and e-everythin’ aches.”

 I swallow thickly. “The withdrawals, you mean?”

 “Y … yeah.”

 “I see. Would you like something to eat or drink?” The face he pulls says it all – he has no appetite. “You can have my quilt then to take downstairs with you. I am too hot as it is.”

 He shakes his head and eyes the floor, and I cannot help but tut at him. What a stubborn child. “Ronald, you are not sleeping in here.”

 “P … please ….”

 “No.”

 A whine leaves him before he says “Y’ … really don’t … like c-cuddlin’ me then.”

 “Ronald, I am too tired for this, and you are dirty and smelly. I haven’t the patience to argue with you right now.”

 “S … sorry.”

 He is still making no move to leave, so we stay in our positions in awkward silence. If he does not sit down soon, I feel that he will fall. The tremors running through his body make me fear so. I try one last time. “Ronald, move yourself now.”

 And then the suspected happens – his knees give out and he hits the ground with a whimper before curling himself into a tight ball. “I … I’ll … jus’ stay down here … outta’ y’ w-way.”

 “I thought that you were cold?”

 His cries become audible. “I … I am!”

 I sigh again as my willpowers gives out to pity. I suppose a mattress is a lot cheaper than a new couch, so what does it matter? Plus, I will never get to sleep if I leave him down there – I will feel too guilty.

 I slip carefully off of the bed, making sure that I do not tread all over him (his bones would surely break is I were to do that). “Just for tonight then.”

 “W … wha’?”

 I bend down and pick him up with ease. Uh … disgusting – he is cold, clammy, moist and generally very unclean. Even his clothes are wringing wet with sweat. “You can sleep in here with me, but just for tonight.”

 “I-in a … bed?”

 “Yes.” I let out a disgruntled groan as I climb into the bed and rest him on my lap. “You really must get yourself a wash sometime today, Ronald.”

 He is not listening, instead cuddling close against me, his cries continuing. I call out his name and this time he answers me. “Y … yeah?”

 “How ill are you feeling?”

 “B … bad?”

 The way his whole body is twitching and trembling is beginning to concern me. “How badly? Do … do you think you need medical attention?”

 His hands reach out and cling to me tightly. “N … na. Lemme’ … stay here, p-please. I … I like y’ cuddles.”

 “Very well. However, if you become concerned, you must let me know.”

 “K-K ….”

 Against my own needs, I pull the quilt around us and beginning to rock him gently – it is so hot in here, it is stifling. Still, he acts as a cooler and his cries are beginning to die down a little. “Is that a little better?” I ask, for I am still unsure on how to comfort anyone. It is something so alien to me.

 “Y … yeah.”

 “Good.” I rest my chin on top of his sweaty head and tighten my hold on him. He is so small, so fragile and so childlike, and there it is again, the feeling that I must protect him, that I must help someone so vulnerable. “Try to get a little more sleep, okay?”

 “K ….”

 I think of turning the lamp back off, for I sleep best in the dark. But then I recall his upset from the earlier threat of being confined to dark rooms, and I change my mind. It is strange, his need to stay out of the dark.

 Thinking on it makes my stomach churn uncomfortably …. Aren’t we all running from blackness? From a dark, cold aspect of our lives? A memory perhaps? A … a skeleton in our closets …?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No disrespect for transgender people, ect. I just can imagine William calling Grell an irritating drag queen. Also, Alan probably isn't as clingy as William is making out. Remember, POV is not always based on fact.


	16. William. My feathered friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling that Transistence may like this chapter. I had the shed idea in my head for a while but they made me think of the actual state of William's garden, so kudos to them.

***9.18pm***

 My eyebrow is twitching in annoyance, the muscle, shallow under my skin, adding to the general thumping in my cranium. I am irritated to say the least, having had barely any sleep – I doubt I will get any now with him acting like this. Oh, and in my tiredness, I forgot to disable the alarm clock. The sudden burst of noise gave us both quite an unexpected shock.

 I do feel like scolding him for keeping me awake, and because of the fact that he has just vomited bile down my nightshirt. I really should invest in a bucket or something of the like.

 He seems not to have realised what has happened, as after shuddering slightly, he curls into me farther. Honestly, if he says that he is cold again, I am going to slap him. This irritating child is trying my patience ….

 I know that I should not be so hard on him, for he is clearly unwell, but I too need sleep, and I have told him this. Yet he still clings to me like a child craving the comfort of his mother. What a strange thought for me to have …. I am certainly not parental material, I haven’t the patience. Or at least, not in this second lifetime ….

 Ugh … not again. He has just heaved again and chucked up against my collar – oh Christ, did some of it get on my neck? That really is vulgar. I try to pry him away from me, to lay him down on the bed, but he just clings tighter. I want him away from me, for the putrid smell is doing nothing to aid this awful morning – it is dragging my mood down further. These clothes, I should just burn, as well as the bedding – they are already all covered in sweat.

 “Ronald, let go of me.” His grip tightens again, even through his shakes, and I feel my last bit of patience slip away. “You have just thrown up all over me, do you not realise that?”

 “W … wha’?”

 It seems not. “I require a shower – go lie down properly.” Having his soaking wet frame sat on my lap for the past three hours has also got on my nerves – how exactly did he think that I could sleep in this position?

 “But -.”

 “Cease this whining and do as you’re told!” Though I know that shouting will not help the situation, it seems to have made him realise that I am serious in my request, for he tenses for a moment against his shakes. I am not giving him another chance to argue, so I grab a tight hold on him and pull him from me with force – oh, maybe that was a little too rough – I hope I haven’t hurt him.

 He whines pitifully, almost as a stray dog would in the action of crying, though I think it is more from the lack of my body heat than it is from me causing him any possible pain. He is lain down in the bed, and I make sure to tuck the covers around him. As annoyed as I am with him, I still wish for him to be as comfortable as possible. I am stern, not cruel ….

\----------

***10.05am***

 I spent a good half an hour in the shower, trying to wash the smell of sick from my body. Correct me if I am wrong, but I think that he even managed to splatter some in my hair. I have thrown my clothes in a black bag, for they are useless to me now. I’d rather not have that coating the insides of my washing machine …. Vile, utterly vile.

 The shower also eased a bit of the ache in my head, though I really should have partaken in a bath, for it would have helped relax me. Plus, I rarely have the chance or the time for a bath these days. But no, he had to ruin that chance with his vomit – a bath would have hardly been hygienic in this case.

 I know that I should check on him, but for now, I am in need of some peace. Or maybe, I merely need to let my anger die down a little, before it collects and then overflows, bursting from me with violent acts. That has happened before, and a century or so ago, it was at its worst. Sutcliff was the main target of my outbursts … the only target, though I do think he revelled in the violence, the odd strike here and there. I honestly think that he wound me up on purpose, that he craved my touch – he always has had an odd, horrid, sickening obsession with me. Then again, he has always been weird, that one.

 I barely raise a hand to Sutcliff now, and I know that Ronald is not trying to anger me purposefully. Therefore, I really must try to calm myself – anger towards him will never aid in his recover. He is only a day or so in and his withdrawals are already right on top of him.

 From my research, I found that the symptoms usually peak around day three, and by the week mark, they are, for the most part, gone. Another two days of hell for him, for me … God give me strength.

 A coffee cup is slammed down on my kitchen table as I take a seat. Hopefully caffeine will help today – it usually gets me through the day, just about. It is black coffee, bitter and scalding as I take a sip. I do think that it matches me quite well.

 It is soon downed, my stomach growling for the third time in the past ten minutes. I stand and go to my fridge, pulling the door open and peeking inside. Just as I thought – there is nothing edible in the fridge. It is actually empty in here, bar a box of eggs far passed their use by date. I would not be surprised if they are putrid by now.

 The cupboard reveals the same outcome – I really have no food in this house. I am honestly not surprised, as due to working without a break, I haven’t had the chance to go grocery shopping for some time, instead living off of a large lunch at the work canteen, and nothing more. If reapers were able to change their body composition, I would not be surprised if I were just as thin as Ronald at present, given the amount of exercise reapers out on the field experience per day.

 Maybe I can get some food if Ronald goes to sleep later on today, though I am already worried about leaving him alone in the house when I go to work. Still … I need to buy food for Ronald. Even if he is unable to eat today due to sickness, he will still need to eat something over the next few days to keep his strength up. I really should ask him what food he enjoys the most.

 More coffee will have to filled the void for me for now ....

\-----

***10.20am***

 I am going to check on him shortly, but for now, I have other souls to tend to. Slipping on my outdoor shoes, brown material faded and scuffed, I unlock the back door of my home and step out into my garden.

 It is a large garden, though there is barely anything to it. A few shrubs line the outskirts, and there is an apple tree in the far right corner, though I have not picked the fruit from it in decades. Flowers, which once painted my garden in colour, have long since been uprooted and thrown away. It is not that I dislike flowers – I just did not have the time to preen and water them, and I still do not. At least the area is neat enough for my liking.

 In the middle of the garden lies two sheds, one long since empty. I breed pigeons, and have done so for some years, though recently, I have found myself having to sell some of my less favoured birds off. Again, lack of time was to blame – I wished not to neglect them due to sheer numbers.

 The other shed is not full, though I do have twelve pigeons in here, the breeds being varied. Though I do not have chance to clean out this shed properly every day, I do make sure to change their water and food, no matter how much I am rushing around in the morning. If only I had a little more free time, that would be excellent. Peeking through the metal bars at the one side of the shed, I see that their home is not too dirty (I can get away with cleaning them tomorrow instead of today).

 The latch is pulled across and I walk inside, the cooing of my birds soon filling my ears. I find the sound pleasant – it has never irritated or bothered me. I turn, a smile coming to my lips when I see Trumpet standing on a perch, which is secured into the wooden wall, his beady eyes fixed on me curiously. I have always tried to not pick a favourite, but when this little fellow came along, that inner promise became broken.

 Trumpet, as silly a name as it is, fits him well. His breed is an English Trumpeter, after all. He is not a bird that I acquired for breeding – he is a rescue bird. I remember the banging on my office door that day, some years ago, and Humphries then almost breaking my door as he had rushed inside. He had seemed upset, that much was obvious from the look on his face. I remember taking a look at the item he had been holding out in my direction and doing a double take.

 “A pigeon?” I’d asked.

 He had nodded and looked as if he was about to cry. “I found this in the park -.”

 “In the human world?”

 He’d nodded again. “It’s injured and I think its wing is broken. I’ve heard that you like pigeons and that you breed them – Grell told me.”

 I had taken pity on the little pigeon, taken it home with me and tried to fix the broken wing. It had healed, though it had healed at an awkward angle, even given my best efforts and knowledge. Trumpet is not the greatest flyer, and he is becoming old now, but he still gives it his best shot – he can manage a yard or so at a time, and at least I never have to worry about him escaping.

 Eventually, I moved him out of my house and into one of the sheds. I had been worried that he’d be a target of bullying by the other, larger males, but they seemed to take to him quite well.

 I rest my hand on the perch and he soon struts onto my palm. I lift him up, all feathered feet and black and white speckles, and stroke the top of his head with the tip of the thumb on my other hand. His head bobs up and down in affection, and I feel myself beginning to cheer up greatly.

 He is very small for his breed and I do wonder if he was abandoned in the human world for his lack of good characteristics. It upsets me to think on it, as I have always found pigeons (and birds in general) to be amazing creatures. Why would someone be so cruel?

 I have always cared for Trumpet, and worried over him at the same time. During the harsh winter months, I keep him in the house in a cosy cardboard box, lined with newspaper. I do this for I worry his small body, even with those lovely feathers, will not withstand the freezing temperatures. I think that I will have to do that in the weeks to come – it is becoming bitter out here.

 People say that I am cold hearted, and for the most part, I agree with them. Yet this is the closest I have ever come to loving something during my reaper years, and the thought of him passing from old age soon breaks the little heart I have left. Still, at least I know that I am not completely stone cold …. That provides some relief.

\-------

***10.55am***

 I did decide to clean them out quickly, before scrubbing my hands – I wish not to pass any germs onto Ronald – he is sick enough.

 I push the door open to my bedroom and sigh instantly. I can hear faint whines and cries coming from the bed. “Ronald?” I step closer to the bed and see that he has been sick again, a little patch evident on his pillow.

 “S … sorry for m-makin’ a mess,” he says, and I think that he must have been listening to me earlier after all.

 “I suppose that you cannot help it.” I walk to his side of the bed and lean over it, hand soothing his sweaty locks of hair. He leans into my touch as I speak again. “We really do need to get you cleaned up.”

 “B … but tha’ shower … will be cold.”

 “I have a bath also.” He shudders and I know he is about to protest. “Ronald, you need to have a wash sometime today.”

 “T … too knackered.”

 I sigh and am about to argue back when I hear my mobile buzzing on the nightstand. Pulling my hand away from Ronald, I wipe the vulgar residue on my trousers before picking up the device. Oh .... My being goes cold as I converse with the reaper on the other end of the phone. It is the council and I have been summoned to their meeting room with immediate effect – they … they know about Ronald ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I am thinking of giving Eric, Alan, and Grell a couple of chapters later on in this fic. Yay or nay?


	17. William. You may prove useful.

***1.03pm***

 I fiddle with the cuff of my shirt, the apprehension I have been feeling since the phone call only growing as the minutes pass me by. I have been at branch for a while now, a long while, awaiting the verdict of the council members. Sweat coats my brow.

 They listened to my side of the story, heard me out, though I got the impression that they were not very impressed with me – or maybe they were just shocked that William T. Spears had gone against the rules?

 So now I wait, wait to hear what my punishment will be. I do not understand what is taking them so long. Surely they would have had a vague idea of what they were going to do with me before I arrived?

 I am not merely agitated over my own fate. No, I am beginning to worry over Ronald once more; leaving him on his own when he is in such a state is not a good idea. What if he runs away? What if he takes a turn for the worst? Faints? Goes into shock? And I still must change the dressing on his wound. I need to return home ….

 I really do wish they would get a move on – I haven’t the patience at all for this today. My head is beginning to pound once more – would it have killed them to let me go and get a coffee? God give me strength ….

\----------

***2.15pm***

 I push the door open and leave the meeting room for the second time today, my stomach twisting rather oddly – I am in total disbelief; I was not expecting such an outcome. I have been punished in their eyes, I suppose, but to me, their decision is a blessing.

 While I have not lost my role as supervisor, I am now to share the shifts and duties with another reaper, one who has had his eye on my job for a while. The council leader voiced his disappointment in me, though he also stated that it is rather out of character for me, and that maybe, or as far as they could see, my actions were caused by me being overworked for the past century and a half (ever since I became the supervisor of this branch).

 So now, my hours will be reduced somewhat – I am not sure by how much yet, for a new rota will be posted to my office tomorrow – and I will have to learn to share my responsibilities. At least the paperwork will be split between us – hurray for small mercies.

 At least I now know why they took so long to deliberate. They had to first contact the reaper they were planning to use as a new, secondary supervisor, and make sure that he understood his new role, that he was competent enough for such a taxing job.

 I do worry a little over my new monthly pay check, though I expect that I will be fine, as compared to the human world, bills and taxes are fairly cheap here. At present, I have a lot of money in my bank account, but no free time to enjoy using it. Maybe that will change ….

 Honestly, I am just glad that no harm will befall Ronald. No, more than that, I am relieved that I will not be parted from him –

 Oh great. In my rush to get out of this damn corridor, I have bumped into someone, and not just anyone, Sutcliff. Why must I see this irritating wretch, of all people, on an already testing day such as this?

 He lets out a ghastly squeal, as if he has just laid eyes on his Prince Charming. “Oh Willy, what are you doing here? Weren’t you not due in until tonight?”

 I let out a sharp sigh. Ah yes, he seems to always know when I am in work, probably so that he can swoon over me. But then again, haven’t I been at work pretty much all the time lately? “I had things to do.”

 “That sounds exciting, darling.”

 “Get back to work, Sutcliff, I do not have time for this.”

 “Ohh, I love a man who – oh ….” He comes too close to me, face dangerously close to my shoulder. What on earth – did he just sniff me? “Oh Willy, I wasn’t expecting this.”

 “What?” I ask. Honestly, where is my death scythe when I need it?

 “You reek of human.” He steps back to grin at me, his eyes lustful, and I do wonder if he is thinking of the rudest explanation possible – yet again. “You and a human, my, my, I didn’t think YOU’D be the type to do such things with those creatures.” He paused, hand moving to place on his hip. “With anyone.”

 “You, as always, have no idea what you are talking about.”

 “Oh, I’m mistaken, am I?” He raises an eyebrow to me. “You smell of sweat, dear, what other possible explanation is there for that?”

 Oh dear …. I did hug him quickly before I left for the meeting. I hadn’t a choice, as he seemed upset that I was leaving him on his own. So, once again, I gave in and gave him a small gesture of comfort. “We are not sleeping together, Sutcliff. Now, if you would excuse me, I really must go.”

 “But he’s your special someone, isn’t he?”

 “No.”

 He huffs at me, obviously unbelieving of my words. “Darling, you wouldn’t reek of him if that was the case.” 

 “No – wait a minute.”

 “Hmm?”

 “H … how did you know that it w-was a male?” Has the news of my disobedience circled the office already?

 He licks his lips – I find it quite repulsive. “I know the smell of a man, darling, you should know that.”

 A shudder runs down my spine. Why is everything that falls from his mouth so utterly grotesque? “I see.”

 “Which plane is he on?”

 “E-excuse me?”

 “Reaper or human world, darling.”

 Why must he ask such things? What is it to do with him? “That is none of your business.” Damn … that may have been the wrong thing to say.

 “Ohhhhhh!” His eyes go wide. “So he IS here. Oh Will, you really must let me meet him!”

 “Why on earth would I do that?”

 “Because he stole my man! I must see him – I bet he must be a real cutie. He has to be!”

 “I am not your man, Sutcliff.” Honestly, the amount of times I have told him this over the years is ridiculous.

 “Well, obviously not now.”

 I push passed him, my irritation building with every sentence that comes out of his red painted mouth. “Leave me be, would you?”

 “Oooh, you’re hurrying back to have your wicked way with him. How wonderful!”

 As much as I wish to get away from him as quickly as possible, I cannot let him spread untrue rumours around the office. I take a deep breath and try to bring my tone back to one of calmness. “It is not like that.”

 “Ehhhh?” He scowls at me for a moment. “Why would you have a human at YOUR house if you weren’t – that’s weird, Will.”

 “Just because I do not relate everything to sex as you do, it does not mean that I am weird.”

 Sutcliff seems genuinely confused. “But why bring a human HERE? I know a lot of reapers have human partners in this realm these days but still ….”

 They do? I knew that Humphries was on this plane for a brief time before he became an actual reaper, but I never realised that it was a common occurrence. Oh … that explains why no one in the council ordered me to send Ronald back to the human world – they are used to such things happening, and obviously have been unable to control it for some time.

 He speaks to me again. Well, shrieks at me, I should say. “Will, tell me the reason this instant!”

 Just to dismiss his horrid ideas, I try to explain. “Well … he was in need of help, a place to stay -.”

 “You took in a stray off of the street?!” He is gaping at me.

 “I did.”

 “Ohh … you have a heart. Everything I thought about you, you’re telling me that it was wrong?”

 “Pardon?” Well … now he has lost me completely.

 “You took in some man off of the street. And here I have always thought that you were cold and cruel. Why must you confuse a lady’s heart so?”

 “You, Sutcliff, will never be a lady.”

 “Cruel!” He huffs at me again, arms folding over his chest. “So you did this out of the goodness of your heart then?”

 “I could not have him starve to death.” I sigh. “And he is not the most well of people at present.”

 “Oh? Diseased or?”

 “None of your damn business,” I snap.

 “But he’s rather poorly at the moment?” I nod and it seems to please him, for he claps his hands together, once, twice, th – such an annoying gesture.

 “That is not a good thing, Sutcliff.”

 “But you’ll need someone to take care of him tonight, won’t you, while you’re at work?”

 “No.” I am about to walk away from him, but I stop, thinking on what he has just said. I am going to be at work until 1am, a thankfully and rarely short shift, but five hours is still longer than I would like to leave Ronald alone. Still … would Sutcliff be the best company for him?

 “Would you be able to handle it? Don’t you find humans disgusting?”

 “Some.” He waves a hand, dismissing my point. “I can handle him, don’t worry.”

 “He is being sick at present.”  

 “Oh ….”

 “Exactly, too disgusting for you to deal with.”

 “No, no! Please Will, let me meet the sickly guy.”

 “You will cause him no harm?”

 “What do you take me for!?” He bares his sharp teeth at me. “I am not a monster, you know.”

 I do wonder at times …. “Sutcliff -.”

 “You start work at eight, don’t you?”

 “Well yes, but -.”

 “Then I’ll be at your house at that time, so no buts. I know where you live, remember?”

 Yes, I remember. Of course I remember your freakish stalking in the early 1800s. Well, it looks like I have no choice. “V-very well then.”

 “Yay! Oh Willy, I can’t wait to meet your precious human!”

 “Do you ever listen to me?!” Oh dear …. Well, if nothing, Ronald will have someone to watch over him tonight. What is the worst that could happen …?


	18. Ronald. Hurry home.

***2.22pm***

 I’m buried under the covers, freezing from top to toe. Where is he?

 I’m shivering, aching, my whole body burning with pain. Where is he?

 My head hurts - it feels like my skull’s about to crack. Where is he?

 I’m so tired, my lids are heavy, but I can’t sleep. I feel restless, wide awake at the same time. Where is he?

 I don’t know how many times I’ve heaved, felt like I was about to faint, since he’s been gone. Where is he?

 I can feel the tears burning at my eyes again, just like rancid spit burns at my throat – my mood is crashing, it’s crashing so low. If I could just get hit by a car or something, that’d be great. I just want it to be over, for it all to be over. It … it’s too hard.

 Where is he?

 He’s been gone ages and he said that he wouldn’t be long – did he just wanna’ get away from me? I probably have been getting on his nerves to be honest, not giving him a chance to sleep and stuff, but I can’t help it. Come on, he should be able to see how much I’m suffering.

 Fucking hell … I miss his cuddles already. He’s like a big, tall hot water bottle or some shit. Come on reaper man, hurry up –

 My stomach keeps rolling over, and it feels like my insides are actually really sore. What’s the name – intestines? Yeah … that’s the one, I think.

 I wouldn’t really care about him not being here if I could just get some fucking sleep. But I can’t, and if I don’t think about him, crave him, I’ll let the heroin cravings drive me crazy. I have to think about something, and I’d rather it be him. Ugh … who am I kidding? I’m still thinking about shooting up, of course I am. It’s not just gonna’ go away because I get a hug or two.

 But his hugs are awesome …. I shudder, my body protesting with more pain. “Na ….” Is it that, or am I just glad that he’ll hug me without first fucking me … or wanting to fuck me after?

 I curl tighter into myself, the tears about to fall. Just because he hasn’t yet, it doesn’t mean that he’s not gonna’ start fiddling with me at some point. Fuck …. I still don’t trust him, not really, not fully.

 And I’ve never felt so ill. Apart from the shakes, I can barely move – it’s killing me. Well no, I’ve heard that Heroin withdrawal is hardly ever deadly. Hah … tell that to my body. Thanks Will, thanks a fucking lot.

 This cold sweat is really starting to get on my nerves. My crotch is soaking wet, and it’s fucking chaffing me. My armpits are just as sore – I bet they’re red raw; it sure feels like it. With every shake, the worn skin stings even more. I don’t want a bath because I don’t want to move, but if I could get out of bed without collapsing, I’d look for a change of clothes, something a little less sopping wet.

\--------

***2.32pm***

 Ugh … my head is pounding like a mofo. I … I think I might have fallen asleep for a little bit, but I’m not sure. I definitely feel foggy headed, more so than earlier, but that could just be from the withdrawals.

 I hear the door slam shut downstairs – is he in a bad mood? Maybe he’s just heavy handed? It is him down there, right? I mean, I don’t think he lives with anyone, but still …. I hope it’s him.

 I try to shuffle from under the covers but a wave of nausea hits me and I start gagging. And the tears are running down my face now – fuck … my throat hurts so much.

 I don’t even notice him come into the room until he calls out my name. “Ronald, a-are you alright?”

 I can’t reply because I’m too busy retching, and within a few moments, the quilt is ripped away from me. Fuck … fuck, that’s so cold. He grabs a hold of me – this guy doesn’t know his own strength, I don’t think. Ouch! – And I’m pulled up into a sitting position.

 He sits on the bed behind me, his voice calm in my ear. “Sitting up for a little while may keep you from being sick.”

 All I can do is nod as I heave and gasp, any cries I want to make unable to come out. Shit … I’m so pathetic. I brought this all on myself, and we both know it.

 He’s rubbing my back softly now, in small circles. “Is that helping at all?”

 It must be because I manage to actually say something. “Y … ye … yeah.”

 “Good. Did you manage any sleep?”

 “N-na, don’t … think s … so.”

 “I see.”

 “C-cuddle?”

 “Of course,” he says blankly, and I’m lifted sideways onto his lap – I think so he can still rub my back, like he’s doing again now.

 I rest my face in his neck. “T … tha’ feels so g-good.”

 He pauses, and I wonder if I’ve said something wrong. But then he starts again. “Good. Ronald, I have to go to work tonight and -.”

 “Eh?” WHAT!? “B … but y’ w-went jus’?”

 “No, that was for a mere meeting. Tonight is my proper shift.”

 “Oh … wha’ … kinda’ m-meetin’?”

 There’s a deep sigh from his end before he speaks again. “My superiors know about you.”

 “R-right?” Shit … am I even supposed to be here?

 “It is all fine – I got off lightly.”

 What’s that supposed to mean? “Y’ … y’ could ‘ave gotten in trouble for … savin’ me?”

 “Yes, quite a bit of trouble, I had feared.”

 Shit … he put his neck on the line just for me? I … I don’t deserve that.

 “Do not worry,” he says after a little while, “I have someone who has agreed to keep an eye on you while I am away.”

 “Oh … a friend?”

 There’s a small snort of laughter from him. “I would not go that far, Ronald.”

 “B … but they’re decent, right?”

 “They … they will not hurt you.”

 “Okay?” Eh … he doesn’t sound so sure …. Shit.


	19. William. Averted eyes.

***3.34pm***

 We have stayed sitting up on the bed for some time now, his sweat soaking into my suit coat – that will probably be another piece of clothing destined for the bin.

 He began crying again earlier, but now he has calmed down somewhat. It may just be due to the withdrawals, though I feel that another reason is more probable. I think that he is scared to be left alone with someone else. I can see why, saying that he will probably still be too unwell later on to be anywhere but in bed.

 He barely trusts me to not abuse him, yet I am certain his worries are unfounded. Sutcliff, as monstrous as he is, is no sexual predator, though with me, he could do with exercising more restraint.

 I more worry that Sutcliff will become jealous of Ronald, and therefore, will lash out at him. Thinking that I am in a romantic relationship with this boy is just plain silly. But then again, Sutcliff has never been the most intelligent of reapers.

 At least he has some idea of Ronald’s issues – I thought that it was best to explain to him the reason behind Ronald’s sickness. He, unsurprisingly, found my taking in a junkie to be rather out of character. Of course, even I find it so ….

 Either way, I’d rather not have Ronald alone tonight. Sutcliff, as much of a risk as he is, will have to do. I’d wish for no one else – including Slingby and Humphries – to know about him for the time being.

 I fear that Slingby would go about convincing Ronald to become a reaper – that is what he does best – and I know that such an awful thing would not be good for Ronald. I want a better life than that for him ….

 I glance around and sigh, for the sheets and the pillows are covered in sweat, vomit, and probably, to put it bluntly, snot. I noticed that Ronald’s nose had begun to run on lifting him close to me. Again, it is a symptom that I was expecting.

 “The bed needs to be changed.” I say. “And it is also about time you got in the bath.”

 “N … no.” He sounds so weak, so tired.

 “Why not? Don’t you want to be clean?”

 “Y … yeah, but … no energy.” He looks up at me, eyes pleading with me to understand his situation. “T … tomorrow, I promise. I … I jus’ don’t feel well enough r-right now.”

 “Really, you promise?”

 “Y … yeah.”

 “Okay.” I know that he is being truthful – that if he could withstand a bath at present, he would partake in one. “But I will need to move you to change the sheets and I wish to at least wipe you down. Will you allow me to do that?”

 “A … all of me?” His eyes grow wide. “Y’ … y’ want me completely naked?”

 “You can clean your bottom half. Trust me, seeing you naked is not on my wish list.”

 “A … alright.”

\-------

 Baby wipes, a towel, clean bandages and a pair of my nightclothes should do nicely, though I know that he will be less than pleased with the resurfacing of the dreaded TCP. Still, it is much better than having an infected wound.

 He is sitting on a towel, on a chair that I have in the bedroom, though he looks like he will collapse forward at any moment. The bed is now changed, though I realise that he is going to sweat all over it again in due course.

 “Ronald,” I say, and he looks at me, his hands rubbing his upper arms as he shakes. He must be freezing, as usual. “I will wipe your front down, and then change the dressing on your back. You can then sort out your bottom half and get changed. Is that alright?”

 “Y … yeah, alright.”

 I nod and move closer to him, helping him up from the chair. After some shaky walking, he’s sitting up on the edge of the bed. He struggles, but eventually, his sweaty upper clothes are dropped to the floor. No, not even sweaty, completely soaked through, heavy with moisture. He eases himself onto the bed properly, back against the sheets, and I ready the baby wipes.

 And then I take a good look at him and freeze; I had failed to notice the track marks yesterday. They line up from his wrist, trail across his forearms, go almost as far up as his shoulders. Horrible, awful, painful looking sores. It is as I had thought from the very beginning – he had been decaying from the inside out.

 His right wrist is scarred terribly, almost as if something had dug into his flesh for far too long. There are various scars on his chest and shoulders, some large, some faint wisps of silver and white against his skin.

 “W-Will, can y’ … hurry up? I … I’m frozen.”

 And I had thought that he looked thin from behind.

 “Will, a-are y’ listenin’ … ta’ me?”

 His hip bones jut out at awkward angles, no fat to cover over or between them. The only part of him that has any fat on it is his lower stomach, though even that is barely anything – nothing in the way of any reserves to keep him going.

 “Oi, wha’re y’ starin’ a-at?”

 His collar bones are also terrible, sharp, one with a bump evident towards the middle of it. Broken at some point, perhaps?

 “Will!”

 But it is those ribs that cause me to pity him, for I can see the space between each of them, skin appearing stretched to its limit over them. The bony bumpiness reaches across his chest, and I find myself reaching out, wondering if his torso feels quite as craterlike as it appears.

 As soon as my fingers, fuelled by my fascination, brush his chest, I realise my mistake. He almost jumps out his skin, knocks my hand away with a force I didn’t think he could muster.

 “F … fuck off!” It comes from his mouth as a squeal.

 I blink at him. “I … I am sorry.”

 “Y’ … nearly touched my n-nipple!” His eyes are filling with tears – it is making me feel rather guilty. “Y’ … y’ said tha’ y’ were different ....”

 “I am – I didn’t mean to – you just looked so thin.”

 “So … so y’ wanted ta’ touch me up?”

 “No, I did not see it – it was curiosity and I apologise.”

 He turns his head to the side, eyes fixed on the window, and lets out a sniff. “Jus’ ge’ on wi’ … it.”

 “I beg your pardon?” What is he on about now?

 “It’s not … like I can run from y’ … or anythin’, and y’re … stronger than me.”

 I tut at him, roll my eyes. “Ronald, honestly, I wish you would give up that stupid notion.”

 “W … wha’?” He turns his head again so that he can look up at me.

 “I wish not to get in your pants.” I pick up a baby wipe and bend over him, wiping his neck down. “Now, let us get this done. You were cold, were you not?”

 “Uh … yeah ….”

\-------

 His front and back have been cleaned now, and patted dry, though I know that he is probably becoming clammy and moist again already. His bandage was a disgusting, wringing wet mess, and the dressing pad peeled off like a plaster left on in the shower. I must admit though, I was rather amused by his cuss words when he was met with the sting of the TCP. After all he has been through, is going through, he lets a little antiseptic liquid bring him to his knees.

 His armpits were a concern though, red raw to the eye. I am going to get some cream for them later – I should have time, as I told Sutcliff to get here for half seven. I suppose a nappy rash cream of some kind would work? I suppose that is what it is, kind of.

 Currently, I am outside of the bedroom door, waiting for him to get changed. There is a loud shouting of my name, and I enter the room, only to sigh, for he is still in his dirty bottoms. “Ronald?”

 “I … I can’t ge’ them off.”

 “Why not?” I raise an eyebrow at him.

 “Tha’ … shakes are too bad.”

 “Well you are going to have to take them off, one way or another.”

 He gulps and nods. “I … I know. Can … y’ help me?”

 “Absolutely not!” He flinches, so I lower my tone and try to explain. “You are already worried that I will ‘fiddle’ with you. You really wish for me to undress you? I doubt that you trust me enough to not go off into hysterics part way through.”

 “N … na, I want y’ ta’ help me. My underwear’s soaked and it’s chaffin’ me.”

 Well, I really needed to know that little detail. I roll my eyes at him again and say “fine, but I am as unpleased about this as you are.”

 “R-right ….”

 It takes some tugging and pulling, me ordering him to lift his hips more, but eventually, the dirty clothes are in my hands – disgusting.

 I averted my eyes throughout the whole thing, and not just for his sake. I really cannot stand the sight of genitals, and though I have never seen another naked man, my own nether regions are example enough of how horrid they appear.

 In fact, all of a naked body is off-putting, and I really do not understand the obsession with the naked form. Whether it be the fact that I have just never been with someone that I found physically attractive or not, I am unsure. Honestly, I do not care to find out.

 “Do not forget to wipe your rear,” I remind him.

 “Eh … thanks?” I hear him shift around on the bed before he asks “hey … can y’ help me out here?”

 “With what?”

 “Umm … wipin’ behind?”

 “Over my dead body!” Now that … that is just plain nasty ….

\------

 He’s snuggled up against me now, back pressed to the headboard, having been helped into some clean clothes, which was also an awkward task to complete. Realising that he hadn’t any spare underwear, I decided that he could borrow a pair of mine – I do not want them back.

 Oh, and I also had to help him to the toilet, for he was in need of … well, the toilet. That too is a task I do not want to relive.

 A fresh glass of water sits on the nightstand at my side. Now, all I have to do is get him to drink it. “Ronald,” I ask, “would you like some water?”

 “N-no.”

 “Are you not thirsty?”

 “It’ll make … me feel sick.”

 “And not drinking will make you sick.”

 “T … true.”

 I grab a hold of the glass and raise it to his chin. “So drink.”

 “N -.”

 “Just a few sips.”

 He says nothing for a few moments, pondering the options in front of him. “A … alright.”

\--------

 ***7.25pm***

 He managed a few sips of water, though a lot of it found its way down his chin. Honestly, such a messy child.

 I also had a shower, another one, and then settled down in bed for a nap. Though Ronald was feeling just as unwell as this morning, he was not as clingy and let me get a couple of hours’ sleep before waking me. Maybe he felt a little guilty for earlier, I am unsure.

 “W … Will?” He asks, his sweaty form pressed to my side.

 “Yes?” At that very moment, the doorbell rings. I glance at my watch and see that, for once, Sutcliff is early for something. I may just faint in my surprise. “I will be right back,” I say, pulling away from him gently and hearing him whine. “I promise.”

\------

 I pull the door open, and sigh at seeing Sutcliff standing there, clad in some vulgar red satin frock, his trademark coat nowhere in sight. I suppose that he did not want Ronald to vomit on it. “What on earth are you wearing?”

 “A nightdress, Willy.” He grins at me widely.

 “And WHY would you be wearing something like that?”

 “Because I wish to be comfy. You did say the little dear was bedridden at the moment.”

 “Yes, but I did not say that you could lie next to him. I wish for you to watch him, not for you to go to sleep.”

 He pouts at me for a moment, and then flails his arms around dramatically. Oh, he brought the bucket as I asked – he’s good for something then, at least.

 “Willy, you’d let that human into your bed but not me?” He moves into the house, rubbing his vulgar body up against mine. “I’m much better company, you know.”

 “You will never be good company.”

 “Wahhhhh, so cruel!”

 “Are you going to watch over him or not? Because if you are just going to goof off, you can go home.”

 “Oh no, Willy, I want to meet him!” Again, he grins at me widely. “It’s been too long since I’ve seen a human here. Since Alan, we’ve had none around – I can only hope that this Ronald is as cute as he!”

 “Very well.” I lock the door and then walk away from him. “And Sutcliff.”

 “Mmmm?”

 “Do try not to scare him.”

\------

 As we enter the bedroom, Sutcliff rushes over to the bed, screeching loudly. “Oooohhh, you are a young thing, aren’t you?!”

 Ronald, unsurprisingly, darts under the covers completely, whimpers leaving him.

 “Oh darling, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

 “Will!” Ronald calls out to me, and I can hear the fright in his voice. “W … what’s wi’ tha’ teeth?!” Oh yes, Sutcliff’s pointed teeth – Ronald probably thinks that he is an actual monster. “Tha’ thing’s fuckin’ demented!”

 “Rude!” Sutcliff shouts at him, ripping the covers back. “It’s a fashion statement, you wretch!”

 Oh dear, here we go ….

 “W … Will, ge’ her away from me!”

 Her? Ronald, I know that you are a junkie, but that does not make you blind. He is clearly a male –

 “Hmm ….” Sutcliff puts his finger to his mouth for a moment before exclaiming “aww, there’s no need to be scared of me, darling.”

 No, no, do not tell me that him calling him a ‘her’ actually calmed him down?

 “Y’ … y’re not gonna’ eat me?” Ronald asks, his face still half buried in the pillow.

 “Of course not.” He bends forward, palm tapping Ronald lightly on the head, that wide, garish grin back in place. “I think we’re going to be the best of friends!”

 My mouth drops open slightly. Oh great …. It looks as if I will be seeing more of Sutcliff from now on. Lord, why do you test me so …?


	20. Grell. Beauty.

***9.36pm***

 Willy dear has been gone for some time now, having left pretty soon after I got here. I do think that that sly fox was trying to avoid me, though he did say he had errands to run. And, AND he gave Ronald a hug, but not I! What has a lady got to do to get a little affection around here?! “Hnn.” These male reapers are so dreadfully dull – the single ones, at least.

 I don’t believe a word of this, you know? Willy dear pretending that he isn’t seeing this boy. It’s quite a scandal really – I never thought Will the type to dip into call boys. I mean, what’s so special about this kid? He’s not the cleanest, not the handsomest, and definitely not the most entertaining. Why is he so much better for Willy than me, hmm?

 I was actually looking forward to seeing this boy, seeing what a catch Will had found. I didn’t expect to be sitting on the covers of the bed next to him, bored out of my brain. All he wants to do is lie there and cry. Would a little conversation, a little gossip really kill him? I huff loudly. How dull ….

 I suppose I can’t be completely against this little brat though – he noticed me for who I really am. It normally takes much, much persuading, shouting, sulking for anyone to listen to me, to start calling me a woman. This kid didn’t even need telling.

 I look around the room – I never have been in Willy’s bedroom before. It’s just as bland as the boy lying next to me, the walls an awful beige colour. Well, what else could I expect from Will? Not any fashion sense, of course. Hmm … I should really talk Ronald into getting him to splash a bit more colour in here.

 Long, red nails click away at my phone’s keyboard. Oh no ... not a chip. "Hnn." I didn't even bring my nail file!

 “So boring ….” I huff, texting my sorrows to Eric. Will did tell me not to tell anyone about Ronald, but a secret isn’t a secret if it isn’t interesting enough to tell.

 Ugh … has that brat got a runny nose or something? He keeps sniffing. It’s so irritating … but still, I did tell him that we’d be the best of friends. Plus, if I make the effort, it might mean that Will will be friends with me … or at least friendlier with me.  

 “Pfft ….” I get off of the bed for a second, pulling the covers back and then getting into it. I always thought that I’d end up in Will’s bed at some point, but not like this. Hmm … well it’s definitely comfy and the pillows are nice and thick. I wiggle around a little. “Ohh ….” I do like this mattress.

 “What the -.” I felt something, and looking down, I see that this boy is latched onto my side. “Oh.”

 “I … I’m cold,” he whines. Really, Will, really? What do you see in this brat?

 “It’s not cold! My makeup is waterproof but I worry it’s going to run off my face!”

 He sniffs again but then chuckles slightly. “Yeah … everyone … but me thinks it’s roastin’.” 

 “Hnn.” I feel a tug on my hair. “Hey -!”

 “Sorry – y’ hair’s jus’ really nice. Didn't mean ta' yank it.” Well, that’s sweet but no lady wants greasy, sweaty hands on hair that they’ve only just washed.   

 I think he can see my annoyance, so he shifts his hand away. “Sorry. Is … is it natural?”

 “Which?” I huff at him.

 “Y’ hair colour.” 

 “Of course it’s natural, darling.”

 “Woah!” He snuggles closer to me, head resting on my shoulder. “It’s lovely.” 

 “Are you trying to get on my good side?” I raise an eyebrow to him. 

 “Hmm … na ….”

 I have been told that my hair ‘looks nice today’, but no one has said, ever said, that it is just nice. “Really?”

 “Yeah, it’s … so bright.”

 Hmm … I’m starting to take a liking to him. “Thanks.” I purse my lips, trying to think of something else to say. Conversation, lack of boredom, something to do – “Oooh!”

 He flinches slightly – guess with being around Willy, he isn’t used to people being loud. “W … wha’ is it?”

 “I haven’t had a good look at you yet.” There has to be some reason that Willy likes him so much. I wriggle away from him so that I can roll over and face him properly. He blinks at me, confused, and a gasp leaves me. “Ohhhh!”

 “Gr-Grell?” 

 “Oh darling, your eye colour is so pretty! Such a bright blue! Oh, you could have been an actor with those eyes!”

 “Eh … thanks?” 

 I’m beginning to swoon now, but oh well, he needs to be given at least one compliment from me – and this one feature is deserving. “I can see it now!”

 “See … wha’?”

 “Why Willy can’t keep away from you! Ohhh, I bet even that cold, cruel brute can’t keep his hands off of you!”

 Oh … he’s gone even paler than usual? And he’s looking at me like he’s just seen a ghost. “K … keep his hands … o-off of me …?"


	21. Ronald. A ... what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, but I'm worn out from Pokemon go and I also want Ronald to have more chapters, so I split it in two.

 I feel all hot and dizzy – did … did she really say what I think she said? She’s staring at me like I’ve gone insane. She purses her lips at me and then asks “oh, you know, I bet he’s been making a right mess of you?”

 “A … a mess of me?” I know exactly what she’s getting at, but I can’t believe what’s coming out of her mouth. I … I thought I could trust Will? Is … is he just waiting … for a chance to jump me?

 “Hmm-mm … you seem surprised?” She asks.

 I try to swallow but it feels like a lump has gotten stuck in my throat. I try to speak but it sounds more like a gasp than anything else. “We … we’ve never fucked.”

 “Ohhh … you shouldn’t use such language around a la – wait, what the hell?!

 I flinch from her outburst. Damn … she’s really scary; I don’t know whether she likes me or not. It’s so fucking hard to tell.

 There’s a long while of her staring at me – what’s she doing, eyeing me up? And then her eyebrows lift. “So you’re trying to tell me that Willy and you have never rocked the sheets?”

 I shake my head quickly against the pillow. “Na, na, w-why? Is … is he tha’ type ta’ do tha’?”

 “Well no darling, he’s exactly the type NOT to do anything of the sort.” I feel the panic leave me. Okay, good, so he isn’t a giant pervert … good. She carries on talking. “That’s why I was so shocked when I heard of you living here with him now. It’s quite the scandal for him, you know.”

 “S-scandal?”

 “Well …. Hmm … how do I put this? He’s always followed the rules to a T, our little Willy. He must really like you to have brought a human home.”

 “Oh … he told y’ ‘bout tha’?”

 Her eyes widen. “Told me what? Ohh … do you have some juicy gossip?!”

 How the fuck am I supposed to know if it’s gossip or not!? “Er … well, I was supposed ta’ die last night.”

 “No … NOOOO.” Her mouth hangs open – yeah … I probably shouldn’t have told her that? She rolls onto her back and giggles. “Oh Willy, I always knew that you had a heart! Awwhhh … oooh!”

 Fuck … I … I think I broke her brain? “Umm … Grell?”

 “Hmm?” She rolls back over to face me, grinning like a maniac.

 Do I really wanna’ ask this? I … I should because – hopefully – it’ll put my mind at rest. “So … so he’s not gonna’ r-rape me … or anythin’?”

 “Eh?” Her face scrunches up for a moment – I think I’ve confused her? “Honey, if he hasn’t screwed your brains out yet, he’s not going to. To be honest, I don’t think that that man has ever bedded anyone – at least not in his immortal life.”

 “C … cool.”

 Her eyebrows are up again. Man … do those things ever stop moving? “So … you haven’t kissed or anything?”

 “No? W-why would we?”

 “Hmm, so you’re telling me there’s no relationship there at all?”

 I can’t help but frown. Where is she getting this shit from? “No … and once I’m clean, I don’t think he’ll let me stay … anyway.”

 “Oh, won’t he? Darling,” she presses right up against me, her breath hot on my face, “I think you are mistaken. I think that a relationship is already beginning to blossom.”

 “Umm ….” I don’t think so … but what would I know? I gulp loudly. I … I don’t understand the first thing about a ‘real relationship’ ….


	22. Ronald. Hush little baby.

***10.02pm***

 We’ve been stuck in silence again for a while, but I don’t care, I don’t have the energy to keep talking anyway.

 “Aren’t you tired yet, darling?” She asks me, nails scraping lightly against my back. Hmm … she’s comfy.

 “Yeah … but I can’t sleep.” I yawn and lift one hand to my eye, rubbing it roughly. “Tha’ withdrawals, y’ know?”

 “Ohhh!” Her outburst makes me flinch – fucking hell, I wish she wouldn’t keep doing that.

 “W … wha’ is it?”

 “How about I read you a story? You know, to get you off to sleep.”

 “Umm ….”

 “Pleaseee! There’s this romance novel that I just love!”

 Man … I don’t want to crush her excitement but “I … I won’t know what’s goin’ on though?”

 “We’re starting from the very beginning, honey.”

 “B … but then y’ll ge’ bored?”

 She smiles at me, and it’s not a wide grin … it’s just nice. “Oh, I’d NEVER get bored of this story. I’ve read it so many times already.”

 She seems so keen and well, I don’t wanna’ get my face bitten off. “Al-alright, from tha’ start.”

\-------

***10.40pm***

 Her voice is nice when she’s reading. It’s even, dramatic in the right places, but not filled with shrieking like it was when she was talking to me earlier. I like the way she’s telling it, but this defo isn’t just a romance story; there’s some kinky shit here already – what was it called? Oh … Grey Shade or something? Meh … I can’t remember.

 My stomach twists – it keeps doing that, and they’re getting closer together. Ugh … I really don’t feel so good ….

\------

***11.05pm***

 “Honey … honey, come on!”

 Uh … what … what happened? I look to the side of me, my vision blurry. It’s coming back into focus now … but she’s not – I thought I’d heard her?

 “Oh good!”

 T … there’s her voice again? I look around a bit and see her … what the fuck? “W … wha’ are y’ wearin’?” Why is she wearing guy’s clothes?

 She huffs at me. “I had to wear something ghastly from Will’s wardrobe because YOU threw up all over me. You even ruined my novel!”

 “O … oh.” Now … I remember.

 “Yes, you started crying, saying you felt horrible before you threw – and then you went into a complete daze. Darling, don’t worry me like that again! I thought that you’d collapsed on me – oh my, William would have hated me forever if I’d have let something happen to you!” Something cold and damp presses to my forehead – what is that? A … a wet cloth or something?

 She’s still nattering in my ear. “Well, at least some of it actually managed to get into the bucket. I can’t believe my nightgown is gone; it was my favourite! And … and you didn’t even get any down yourself. How is that fair?!”

 “I … I’m really sorry,” I groan, “I … I jus’ went all hot and dizzy.”

 “Hmm-mm … I know, you’re starting to burn up a little.” She smiles slightly at me. “You think I carry around a damp cloth just for fun?”

 “D … dunno’.” I’m still not really with it, I don’t think. My head feels hot as hell right now … but … but the rest of me? Still fucking freezing. “It’s … helpin’, thank y’.”

 “No problem, darling. Ohhh … I do think that my maternal instinct is kicking in!”

 Oh man … why does she always have to go all high pitched like that? Fuck … my head ….

 After a while, I’m not really sure how long, the cloth is pulled away from my head, the throbbing inside of it getting worse. Fuck … give it back!

 She looks at me, and then at the glass of water Will left on the nightstand, and then back at me again. “You need to drink something, darling. Will told me to make sure you drink this glass. OH, and he told me to try to get you to eat something too.” She waves her free hand around. “But as we all know, humans can last much longer without food than water.” Her lips purse and then she’s rambling again. “Well … YOU … you won’t last much longer without food.”

 “Umm … thanks, Grell.”

 “It IS true. You look like you belong in an Irish potato famine.”

 “A … a wha’?” Man, this chick makes my head spin ….

 “URGHHH, never mind that now.” There’s a puff of air that comes from her. “Come on, sit up. You’re probably dehydrated right now from being sick.” She claps her hands together, and the sound, the loud noise makes my head spin even more. “Come on, up, up, up, darling.”

\-------

***11.49pm***

 I think I’ve made up my mind about her, and I think I like her. I mean, yeah, she’s a little annoying sometimes, and her voice is going through me at the minute – the withdrawals aren’t helping me with that. But, BUT, she’s being really nice to me. She hasn’t lashed out at me like I thought she would at the beginning. Oh, and she hasn’t bitten my face off or anything … so yeah, she’s being real good to me.

 I’m snuggled up against her, head resting on her shoulder again. “Y’ hair smells nice,” I say, feeling bad at the same time for getting all my sweat and mank over her.

 “Awwh, thank you Ronnie! It’s my strawberry shampoo, you know? It’s a godsend. ”

 “C … cool.”

 She pulls me a little closer, the hand on my back moving up to rub the area where my neck meets it. “How are you feeling?”

 “Not … too bad.” Meh … I feel awful, but at least I didn’t puke the water I drank back up. It doesn’t really make me feel any better though because I know I’ll probably hurl my guts up again before the night is out. “T … tired though.” I am – I’m so damn tired.

 “Well ….” She gives me a soft smile, her hand moving again, this time to the top of my head. “Let’s see what we can do about that.”

 Long, red nails run through my hair, the tips rubbing slightly against my scalp. “W … wha’ are y’ …? Oh man … that feels so relaxing ….

 “You wish to sleep, don’t you, darling?”

 “Well … yeah ….” My eyes are slipping shut … hmm … yawn ….

 “I’m trying to help.”

 “H … hmm ….”

 A song sweeps over me, soft, gentle, and beautiful – am I imagining things? Something a … about a mocking bird?

 No … no that’s her … and she can really sing. Woah ….

 It’s so nice, so … calming. Oh … man, it’s working, it’s really … working. I … I’m dozing off ….

_Hush little baby, don’t say a word …._


	23. William. Testing me.

***12.30am***

 For such a short shift, it sure has dragged by at a snail’s pace. I suppose that that is due, at least partly, to the fact that I have been on paperwork duty and not out on the field – I suppose that upper management no longer trust me to collect souls.

 I look at my watch again and have to suppress a groan. How is it that only five minutes have passed since the last time I looked? My pen is placed down, and I rub at my temples. I need coffee, both as a means to keep my energy up – no once should have to do paperwork passed midnight – and also to break this awful shift up. Still, if I were to have coffee now, would I not be dooming myself to a restless night’s sleep?

 I sigh loudly. No, no, coffee or not, it will not matter. With Ronald at my side, I will never get any peace. And I have been too soft on him again, letting him into my bed at present when I had told him that it would be a one night affair. No, no, he is unwell, and he is in need of a comfortable place to sleep. I wish not to make him feel worse.

 I ... I really must stop lying to myself. It is not because this shift is being particularly slow. No, it is because I am being impatient. I ... I wish to return home at once – I need to check on him, to make sure that he is okay ....

\----------

***12.59am***

 One more minute to go and then I can leave this place. Before I return home, I must remember to retrieve my earlier shopping from my locker.

 I did, as I had planned and wanted to, go to the supermarket in the human world to get Ronald more first aid items. Well, I did leave pretty much as soon as Sutcliff entered my residence – oh, how I cannot stand that irritating man. The sooner I can throw him from my house this morning, the better.

 While in the supermarket, I also came across the medicine section. After a quick look along the shelves, I decided it best to purchase a packet of diarrhoea relief capsules – one can never been too careful.

 There was also something called ‘rehydration sachets’. Apparently, they help to replace important salts in the body, which will come in handy should Ronald still be unable to stomach food at breakfast time.

 Still, all this need for medicine reminds me of just how fragile the human body is, of how fragile he is, of ... how weak I used to be ....

 The alarm on my watch goes off – finally. I file my finished paperwork away and rush off down the hallway. Now, I just need to find a way to not lose my patience with Sutcliff.

\-------------

***1.06am***

 Patience, it seems, I do not possess, for it is already being tested, Sutcliff having obviously stolen something of mine. I can see his shoulders sticking out from under the covers, and he seems to have forgotten who the wardrobe in this bedroom belongs to. “While I am glad that you are finally dressing like a man, I must ask, why do you have my shirt on, Sutcliff?”

 The vile creature rubs at his eyes, having obviously almost fallen to sleep. “Hn.” Some help he is, not being able to even watch out for Ronald properly. “Sutcliff, an answer now, if it not too much trouble.”

 “Shhhh.” He finally answers me. “Ronnie is sleeping. Please try not to wake him, darling.”

 Oh .... “You managed to get him off to sleep?” How was he, this reaper who never stops talking, who never gives me a moment’s peace, able to quieten Ronald’s cries?

 “I did.” He is actually managing to keep his voice low, to not screech. “But it was nothing, really Willy, he was already exhausted.”

 “Umm ... well, thank you for that.” Honestly, saying thank you to him is like acid in my mouth.

 “You’re welcome, dear.”

 “Did he eat or drink anything?”

 “Eat, no. Drink, yes.” His eyebrows rise. “Aren’t you proud of me?”

 “No, not particularly.”

 His face falls. “Oh Willy, why must you always be so hard to impress?”

 Why must he always be so whiney? “Sutcliff, it is not that I am so hard to impress; you merely fail, due to your personality and work ethic, time and time again. Now go home.”

 He pouts at me and yanks the covers back, easing himself away from Ronald. “You’re alwaysss so cruel!”

 I move forward, grabbing a hold of his wrist and yanking him towards me. “Be quiet. If you dare wake him, I will place you on a month’s overtime.”

 There is whining, whinging, flirting, and what appears to be the beginnings of a temper tantrum, but still I manage to drag him out into the hallway. “Sutcliff, I am grateful for your assistance, but please do not overstay your welcome. Go home, now.”

 “Aww ... are you quite sure that there isn’t room for three in your bed, Willy?”

 “Definitely not. And even if there were, I would not share my bed with someone as garish and ugly as you.”

 “Oh ....” He rips his arm out of my grip, and I am pleased to say that I have hit a nerve. “At least I don’t have a hideous fashion sense like you!” He gestures to my shirt. “Ronnie had an accident and I was forced to wear this!”

 “It is still better than being in the nude – that would have scared the life out of him.”

 His eyes go wide, a loud, shocked shriek coming from him, and I know that I have won this battle.

 I turn around, my back to him. “You can keep that shirt. Trust me, I do not want it back. Now, go home Sutcliff. You are no longer needed.”

 “Y ... you’re always so mean to me, Will.”

 His tone knocks me off guard, for it is sad, fragile. There is none of the usual dramatics, only sincerity, and I feel, for the briefest of moments, bad for him. Still, I push that feeling away, thinking that Ronald is turning me completely soft. “And you, Sutcliff, will forever be a nuisance.”

 “But I wasn’t this time! I was trying to help you.”

 “You were hoping to get in my pants, that is all.”

 “No! I was expecting you to already be in that boy’s pants, you idiot! But really Will, would it kill ... you to at least be friends with me?”

 Why must he be so persistent?! So ... so irritating .... “It would kill off any sanity I had left.”

 “Will -.”

 “I will never be friends with you. I will never want to be friends with someone like you.”

 There is a rush of wind from behind me, and I know that he has finally gone away. But ... but what was that noise as he ported from here, a ... a sob?

\------------

***2.05pm***

 Honestly, I do not know what Sutcliff was getting in such a flap about. We have been bickering amongst ourselves for centuries, so he really should have built up a thicker skin by now. Oh, he is not even worth thinking about – my attention should be focused solely on Ronald, for he is the one truly in need.

 He is still asleep, and for that I am glad, though I can still feel his body shaking somewhat at my side. I have left the lamp on for him and have also emptied out the sick bucket that Grell acquired for me – there was nothing in it really, bar a splash or two of thick, brownish liquid. That smell is one that I am in a hurry to forget.

 I know that I should try hard to sleep, as I am due into work at 9am, though that is also the exact reason I cannot fall into slumber. Sutcliff is at work then also (though I wish for him to never visit my house again) and I am still not ready to alert Slingby or Humphries of my predicament.

 I am pretty sure that Ronald can survive half a day on his own, but I am still worried. Hopefully I can get some breakfast into him later on. That will help him, help to keep his strength up ....

\----------

****4.02am***

 W ... what ... what was that noise? I must have fallen – I turn over and see that Ronald is not beside me. Dammit ....

 There’s a mad scramble as I sit up, ripping the covers from me. “Ronald? Ronald, where are you?”

 There’s no answer, merely a cry from the floor by Ronald’s side of the bed. Is ... is he alright? I pull myself to the side of the bed and peak over, the breath leaving me almost instantly.

 “R-Ronald, what are you doing?”

 He is crying, curled up on the floor, looking like he is on the verge of a breakdown.

 “Ronald, what ...?

 My heartrate speeds up, for he is clawing at his skin, nails making gouges in the area where his jumper has rolled up. It is becoming a mess of red, torn skin.

 I ... I really do not know how to handle this ....


	24. William. Brat.

 I am down on the floor in an instant, grabbing a hold of his wrist to prevent him from doing any more damage to himself. He whines, trying to pull on my grip, and when that fails, he curls up into him farther. He seems agitated, very agitated. “Ronald, w-what is the matter?”

 “H-hurts,” he manages to whisper.

 “I see.” The withdrawals, obviously, and I suppose that he must have fallen out of bed at some point. “Ronald, why did you not wake me up?” I get no reply; he merely begins tugging and whining once more. “Would you stop that?” It really is too early in the morning for this ....

 He still does not stop, and I sigh deeply. “Ronald, clawing at yourself is not going to help.” Oh, for goodness sake, does this boy ever listen to me? “Ronald!” A little sternness may get through to him. “Stop pulling, would you?”

 “Nghhh ....”

 “Honestly, what do you want from me?” He is going to drive me to insanity eventually, I am sure of it. “You really must try to calm down, okay? Stressing yourself is going to do nothing to aid your recovery.”

 “I ... k-know.”

 Oh, so he was actually listening to me? I think of asking him if he hurt himself falling out of bed, but I realise how pointless that would be – how would he know when his body is already filled with aches and pains? Instead, I tell him that we are to return to bed. “After all, I suppose that you are freezing?”

 I take his whine to be a ‘yes’ and warn him not to claw at himself before I let go of his wrist. He behaves, though the tensing and flexing of his fingers proves just how hard a task it is for him.

 I lift him back into bed, climbing in next to him and wrapping my arm around him. Just as I thought; he is jittery, the odd little tenses and clenches in his muscles proving it to me.

 “Ronald, try to get some sleep,” I tell him, though what I really wish to say is ‘let me sleep, I have to be up in a couple of hours.’

 “H ... hurts.”

 My hold on him tightens, as though the small act of comfort will be enough to send him off to sleep. I can sense it already – I am going to be rather sleepy and irritable during my upcoming shift. How ... wonderful ....

\----------

***8.58am***

 I am irate to say the least. Why did he see the need to keep me awake from 4am until the time that my alarm went off? Why did he have to have a breakdown when I merely tried to coax him into eating a bit of breakfast? Why ... why, oh why, must he refuse to drink that prepared rehydration sachet?

 “Ronald, I do not have time for this!” Apparently not even my morning coffee (x4) is helping my tiredness and general mood. “For goodness sake, just drink something. I need to be at work in two minutes ... one minute.”

 “D ... don’t go.” He hides himself farther down under the covers. “C-can’t y’ ... stay here?”

 “No, no, I cannot. I am already on thin ice at work, do you not remember?”

 “B-but -.”

 “What? But what? Ronald, believe me, I would love to return to bed, to try to get a little more sleep, but I cannot. It is as simple as that – what of that is so hard to understand?”

 “It hurts! F-fuckin’ h-hell, jus’ stay!”

 I rub at my temple, inhale a breath to force calmness upon myself. “I am sorry, but I cannot.”

 “I ... I can’t ... do this,” he whispers, and I feel myself snap.

 “Do what? You cannot stay in bed all day, doing nothing but whining?”

 “T ... this cold ... t-turkey thing is killin’ ... me.”

 “No, it is providing -.”

 “C ... can’t I ... jus’ come off of i-it slowly? T ... this hurts – Will, please, I-I -.”

 “You are making excuses, that is what you are doing.”

 “P ... please, j-jus’ ge’ me a lil’ ... bit.”

 I seriously cannot believe this child. After everything I have done for him, he wishes to just give in? My anger is beginning to bubble up. I really should leave –

 “P ... please, someone’s ... bound ta’ ‘ave ... some h-here, right?”

 I rip the covers back from off of him and he flinches. There is a pause, for I am gearing myself up to hit him with an onslaught of words. They leave me, rushed and full of anger. He is testing the last of my patience. “Ronald, for the love of God, I am never letting you near that awful substance again. You are just going to end up destroying yourself further.”

 “B ... but -.”

 “And this is the reaper realm, you moronic child. Of course we do not have Heroin here.”

 “Will -.”

 “You are just going to have to cope with these withdrawals – they are the lesser of two evils.”

 “Wait -.”

 “And it would probably help you greatly if you were to actually eat something.”

 “Y’re not ... listenin’ ta’ me!”

 “Because you are getting on my last nerve!”

 He throws a pillow at me and I blow up entirely. “You are such a selfish little brat! I have stayed up with you, held you, tried my best to help you, and this is what I get in return!?” My cheeks are beginning to flush with anger. “I honestly do not know why I bothered!” A glance at the clock only adds to my foul mood. “And now, thanks to you, I am late for work!”

 “Will, I-.”

 “I do not care!” With that, I port away, fuming and hoping that my late arrival at work will not be noticed. Honestly, could this day possibly get any worse? For my sanity, I seriously hope not ....

 


	25. Ronald. I needed you ....

***11.07am***

 I feel like shit … like I’ve been hit by a truck – more than one truck. “Shit ….” I roll over, toss and turn some more, but it’s not helping. I’m so uncomfortable, and … so, so fucking cold. It doesn’t matter how far I hide under the covers, the cold is still getting to me – it’s like it’s in my bones.

 Ugh … I feel so sick. I don’t wanna’ puke again; my stomach is already killing me. Everything kills – my muscles more than anything else. “Nghh ….” If only these fucking shakes would just quit already.

 And … and that cunt wants to tell me that it’s easy. Pfft … no, it’s not easy, it’s nowhere near easy. I … I knew that it’d be hard – I’ve heard enough stories about withdrawals – but I … I can’t believe this, I really can’t believe how fucking … hard it actually is.

 It’s like … like every fucking nerve in my body is screaming out for my drug. And when I can’t get … a hold of it, it’s like the nerves turn on me, sending shooting pain all over my body for no reason. I mean, it is for no reason, isn’t it? I’ve not been battered … from head to toe. I … I shouldn’t be in this much fucking pain.

 And … and it’s not helping that he’s not here. He had ‘work’. Man … what a weird fucking job to have. Grell’s at work too, according to Will. Shit … how does he expect me to get through this crap on my own?! I need someone with me; why doesn’t he understand that?! I need a distraction or … I’ll want –

 No, no, no! I bury my face in the pillow, squeezing my eyes shut. Will’s right; I can’t go back on that stuff now, it’ll kill me, kill … my baby. But fuck … fuck, it’s so, so temping.

 He … he should be back soon – he said he’d spend his dinner hour here with me, and … and I think he said that that was at noon. I peak my head out from under the covers, trying to get the clock to come back into focus. So … so blurry.

 Oh … okay, less than an hour left. A shudder runs through me and I hug at myself. Okay … right, I can hold on for that long. I can, yeah, of course I can ….

\------------

***1.05pm***

 Shit … shit … SHIT! He … he never came home – why didn’t he come home?! Oh … oh right, I pissed him off, didn’t I? Yeah, that’s it, he was really mad at me … when he left. BUT FUCKING HELL, doesn’t he get how shit I feel?! I’m not making excuses … like he said I was. I’m in a lot of pain and … and I need him here! And he’s … he’s just pissed off and left me to suffer! Well … well fuck him.

 The shakes are getting worse, the sweat’s just dripping out of me, and … and I’ve been scratching at myself for like an hour now – I don’t even know why. It’s just … just that my heart keeps racing, and I’m not calm, not calm at all.

 FUCK HIM!

 He comes along, acting all fucking noble, pretending like he wants to help me out of the goodness of his heart. But then … then when I start struggling (of course I’m gonna’ struggle), he starts being a prick, getting annoyed with … with me for something I can’t help. No, NO, for something he’s done to me. He didn’t even give me a choice – cold turkey and that was the only fucking option.

 Well … well screw him; he’d probably turn against me anyway. I … I’ll sort myself out my own way. H … he’s not the boss of me.

 If … if only he’d just come home … on dinner ….

 I’ll get clean, I swear I will, but … but just not like this. Not all at once. I get – fall – out of bed, smacking my elbow on the floor. “Son of a ….”

 It takes forever, but somehow I manage to stand up. I … I think I still have all of my equipment – fuck, no, he lost my last needle! Ah … fuck, and I … don’t have any money either. Umm … umm, there’s gotta’ be something worth a bit … of dosh around here.

 Shit … I really don’t wanna’ do this but … but I haven’t got a fucking choice. I’m not gonna’ be able to … stay sane until he gets back – if he gets back. “F … fuck ….” I can feel the tears wetting my cheeks again. Will, why … why didn’t you come back?! Shit, man … I really needed you.

\-------

***1.16pm***

 I managed to find my bag, my shoes, and I … I somehow got downstairs. “Brrr ….” I feel so cold, and like I’m gonna’ … pass out. I … I need to find something and … then get out of here, somehow get the front door open.

 He … he said that there’s no Heroin here but, but I … I don’t believe him, there’s gotta’ be some somewhere ….

 Will, I needed you, I really … really needed you .… Why did … you leave me all alone …?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, who next, Alan or Eric? Alan or Eric? Ohh ... Alan xD


	26. Alan. Pancakes are so sweet in the afternoon time.

***1.32pm***

 Hmm … I’ve only just woken up. No, I’m not being lazy, I just don’t have work until 7pm tonight. Mmm … every reaper needs a lie in every now and then.

 I do wonder where Eric got to though; he wasn’t in bed next to me when I woke up, and he’s not due into work until later either. I wipe at my eyes before slipping my glasses on. I wouldn’t mind sleeping for another hour or two, but I really do need to get up – the ironing won’t do itself and I’m not letting Eric near my clothes. He burnt a hole right through them last time.

 As I descend the stairs, yawning as I go, a sweet smell wafts up my nose. “Ohh.” Is, is that what I think it is? Hmm, I really hope so.

 I speed up, almost running into the kitchen, the smell now surrounding me. Eric turns to face me, a wide smile on his face. “Hey babe.”

 “Morning.” I can’t help but smile back. He’s my world, he really is. “Is … is that -?”

 “Pancakes? Aye.”

 I giggle lightly. “But it’s not even breakfast time anymore, Eric.”

 “Ah know, but yer’ve only just gotten out of bed. It counts, don’ it?”

 Hmm … his accent is so dreamy. “True, very true.”

 “And ah know how much yer love pancakes, anytime of day.”

 “Thank you. Oh … but we’re out of syrup ….” I pout, my heart sinking. Pancakes are nothing without the gooey, sickly sweet –

 “Oh really?” His teeth flash at me as he grins widely. “Ah wasn’t up late like someone.”

 “Oh.” It takes a second to sink in but “oh, you went food shopping?”

 “Aye.” He turns the stove down and comes nearer to me, bending down and pecking me on the cheek. “Ah was going tae bring yer breakfast in bed but ah guess ah wasn’t quick enough.”

 “… Lunch in bed.”

 “Aye, aye.”

 I give him a kiss to the jawline before snuggling against him. “That’s so sweet of you, Eric.”

 “Aye, whatever.” I know that he’s rolling his eyes at me. “Come on, grab yer syrup. Ah don’ want the pancakes tae burn.”

\-------

***1.55pm***

 My stomach’s full of pancakes, and we’re in the living room now, my head resting against that strong, wide shoulder of his. He takes such good care of me – he always has.

 “So …” he says, and I think I already know where this is going. “It’s weird that William’s brought a human home, isn’t it?”

 Yep, I knew it. Since Grell texted him yesterday, this is all he’s been on about. I know the reaper world can be boring at times, but seriously …. “Yes Eric, it’s really odd.”

 “Aye, aye.”

 “Why are you so interested?”

 His fingers comb through my hair. Hmm … so relaxing. “Hn, ah dunno’ really. Ah just find it really out of character. Maybe he’s in love.”

 “I … I don’t think so? Didn’t Grell tell you last night that they aren’t in a relationship?”

 “Aye, but she also told me that this Ronnie lad is a drug addict. Why would he help him if it wasn’t love?”

 “You helped me when you didn’t love me. Remember the first night we met?”

 I hear him chuckle, and the rocking motion I get from his shoulder is relaxing me further, making me really want to go back to bed. “Oh Al, ah’ve loved yer from the first time ah laid eyes on yer. How can yer not know that?”

 “I … I guess I’ve just never asked you before.” He’s loved me for so long, I’ve never felt the need to ask.

 “Oh come on. Yer so cute, how could it not have been love at first sight?”

 “Awww ….”

 “Ah think William’s in love. He has tae be.”

 “I doubt it. Maybe he’s just doing something nice?”

 “William, nice? Pfft ….”

 “Well –.” He suddenly tenses against me, making me stop in my tracks. “Eric?”

 “Shite ….”

 “W-what is it?” Something’s wrong, definitely wrong. I follow the direction of his vision. Oh … is he looking out the window? I too glance out of it, seeing our front garden and the road behind it. Is … is that what I think it is? “Oh, oh dear ….”


	27. William. Last straw.

***2.01pm***

 This shift is going on forever, and to make it worse, I missed the chance for a dinner break. Somewhere along the lines of this dreadfully slow day, I fell asleep, not waking up again until just gone 1pm.

 So now I am hungry, and still rather tired, the nap having left me with a foggy feeling in my cranium.

 The word agitated also springs to mind, for I know that I should have checked in on Ronald during my dinner break. After all, I did promise to ....

 As annoying as he has been, I wish to see that he is alright. But I cannot, I cannot leave my office for a while without a reason. Anyway, I am sure that he is just fine, probably fast asleep by now.

 Yet, I still feel rather guilty. I should –

 There is a knock on my door, and I sigh. What now? “Yes, come in.”

 It is pushed open, a subordinate of mine inching himself into my office. Oh, it is that spineless – “Sir, you have a letter from the council.” His voice is timid; honestly, it is time that he grew a backbone.

 “Put it on my desk.” I say, not looking at him until he does so. “And Perkins.”

 “Y-yes, Sir?”

 “You have blood on your shirt, your collar. Change it immediately.”

 “B-but I don’t have a spare -.”

 “Every reaper who comes back from duty must be pristine while in their office.” I glare at him. “Therefore, reapers should always keep a spare change of clothes in their lockers at all times.”

 “Sir, I didn’t see that in the rules. I, I -.”

 “Then you have failed to properly read them. Go home and change.”

 “Umm ... yes, Sir.”

 “And tonight, you shall finish at nine, not seven.”

 “Overtime?”

 “Unpaid,” I say as I pick up the envelope and rip into it.

 “But -.”

 “Midnight.” He gulps as soon as the word leaves my mouth. There is a pause, before he nods solemnly, the expression on his face making it look like he is about to cry. Honestly, he really should man up. “Now go, and may this be a lesson to you.”

 Without saying another word, he scarpers, the door almost banging shut behind him. What a waste of an employee.

 I glance at the torn open envelope, and decide that before I read it, a coffee would do quite nicely.

\--------

***2.12pm***

 Good Lord! There is coughing, hacking as I choke on the black liquid I have not long brewed for myself. Oh ... that came rather sharp.

 Though, in hindsight, maybe it was rather silly of me to take a large swig before looking at the letter and new rota attached to it. Shocking ... shocking indeed.

 The rota shows me a weekly schedule, the letter telling me that this will be my hours for the next few months. Of course, I am sure that they will add more hours in a week or two.

 I wipe at my chin quickly, trying to dry it of any coffee that has dribbled down there, before eyeing the rota again. I wish to make sure, make sure that what I am seeing is not merely wishful imagination.

 No ... no, it is true. I have gone from an average of over eighty hours a week (twelve hour shifts every day), to something resembling a normal full-time job. I have four 9-6 shifts and one 12-8 shift. Most shocking of all to me, however, is the two days off a week I have, one on a Sunday and one on a weekday.

 My hours have been dramatically reduced, though not to the extent where money would become an issue. It has become clear to me that the council have finally realised the stress they have put me under for far, far too long.

 A shock though this change may be, I can already feel the weight beginning to lift from me. I ... I will have more time to myself, for hobbies, for relaxation. Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to have some sort of life.

 There is excitement within me, something rare in my days as a reaper; much excitement, for this may be a turning point for me, the ending of a constant bad mood, of continual stress.

 “Oh ....” And then my heart begins to pound, as it has in recent days, and the cause is the same as always. Ronald. I will be able to see Ronald much, much more in the aftermath of this recent event. I can take care of him more, watch out for him more.

 I am still rather annoyed with him, for the lack of sleep I have suffered because of him. Yet, yet there is a feeling, one which I feel is making my heart race in this way. It is a warm feeling, an uplifting feeling. One I have never felt before, and one I cannot put a name to. I cannot put my finger –

 “William!”

 I almost jump out of my skin, for I was not expecting my name to have been shouted so loudly. I look up from my desk, seeing Slingby and Humphries standing in front of me.

 And my heart skips a beat. Slingby is holding Ronald in his arms, Ronald looking pale and very unwell. “Slingby, what -?”

 “Yerr lad’s not very well.”

 “Pardon?” What does Slingby mean? I, I know that Ronald is not the healthiest person, but did something bad happen?

 “Well, umm, Grell told us that someone called Ronald was staying with you.” Humphries says, and I am honestly not surprised by Sutcliff’s actions and his need for idle gossip. “And we saw him pass out outside of our house.”

 “What?” My chair is pushed back in an instant; I jump to my feet. “Ronald, what were you thinking?! You know that you need rest -.”

 “Is he going to be okay?” Humphries asks, his expression full of concern. “He came around pretty quickly ... but he’s still not looking so good.”

 “Aye.” Slingby looks down at Ronald and then at me once more. “Ah think that yer should take him tae the infirmary or something.”

 “Oh, do not be ridiculous,” I snap, irritated that Ronald left the house in the first place when he was well aware of his fragile state. I know exactly what he was seeking; I am not stupid. “He is just in need of rest and something to eat and drink.”

 “Are you sure?” Humphries steps a little closer to me. “He’s all sweaty ... and stuff.”

 A deep, long sigh comes from me. “Humphries, I assume that among other things, Sutcliff has told you of Ronald’s problem.”

 “Umm ... yeah -.”

 “Then is it not obvious that the reason Ronald looks so ill is that he is going through withdrawals?”

 “Aye, we get that.” Slingby states. “But we wanna’ make sure that he’s gunnae be alright. Yer’ve got this under control, haven’t yer?”

 “Of course I have!” My patience in being tested once again. “It is not my fault that he chose to run off like this. Now, if you do not wish for a week of overtime, leave him with me and go home.”

 The couple exchange glances with each other, and I hold in a breath – I really cannot be doing with another argument today.

 Slingby finally opens that big trap of his. “Aye, okay ... but we can keep an eye on him for a bit if yer want.”

 “No,” I state through gritted teeth, “I shall take him home and make sure that he rests.”

 “And you’ll get him to eat something?” Humphries asks. Lord, this pair is annoying.

 “I will try my best.” My hand clenches at my side for a moment, before I force it to relax. “Now hand him over.” I move closer to the large Scottish brute, holding my arms out. “Slingby, now.”

 Ronald is dropped lightly into my hold, and to my surprise, he whines. What is that look on his face? Fear? “Ronald, what were you thinking? You could have gotten yourself injured.”

 “I ... I -.”

 “Oh, umm, Mr Spears?”

 “What is it now, Humphries?” Just go home already, would you?!

 “Well, umm ....”

 “For goodness sake, spit it out.”

 My tone obviously got through to him, for he begins to ramble quickly. “Well, he left his backpack at ours when we took him into our house to – there’s some candlesticks there too. I ... I think that they might be yours.”

 My blood runs cold. No, no, he could not, he would not .... He ... he attempted to steal from me? I swallow down thickly, a lump in my throat forming. “I ... see. Well, umm, I shall drop Ronald off at home and then come to collect them.”

 “H ... he won’t be in huge trouble, will he?” The smaller of the irritating couple asks.

 “No ... no, of course not,” I lie ....

\---------

 I cannot believe that he stole from me. I have just ported home from their house, and surely enough, the candlesticks belong to me. I ... I trusted him and ... and he .....

 I enter the living room, fully intent on grabbing all of my valuables and locking them away at work before quickly resuming my paperwork.

 How ... how could he have –

 “Will ....” I look to my left and see Ronald stand up slowly from the sofa I had dumped him on. “Shit ... I’m sorry -.”

 “Scum,” I manage to whisper. It hurts. God dammit, why am –

 “Look, I’m sorry ... but, but y’ left me -.”

 “You stole from me! Do not think that you can turn this around on me!”

 “I’m -.”

 “I give you shelter, and this is how you repay me?!” I lift the candlestick in my one hand up, my blood boiling. “This was my mother’s, a family heirloom, and you were going to try to sell it for some disgusting, awful drug!”

 “Why didn’t y’ come home?! I ... I needed -.”

 His words are cut off by a swing of my arm, the candlestick colliding with his cheek. I only realise the amount of power driven by my anger when I hear the large thump of metal against the bony surface.

 I ... I find myself failing to care, for he has hurt me more than he realises. I have yet to let it sink in properly myself, I feel ....

 He staggers backwards and his back hits the floor; I feel no guilt, no pity for him, even as he looks at me with utter terror.

 Instead I turn from him, my words dripping with venom. “You are scum, Ronald, stealing from someone who has done nothing but try to help you.” He whimpers, though this time, it has no effect on my emotions. I am done caring. “You are sleeping on the floor tonight. Rot in your own filth for all I care.”

 I walk away from him and hear a sob, weak and pathetic. This time, I will provide no comfort, no cuddles. I, I am through with helping him ....


	28. Ronald. Nothing but a f**k up.

***6.01pm***

 I fucked up … I really fucked up. It doesn’t matter … matter how upset I was with him earlier for leaving me, I … I shouldn’t have done that. The … the one guy who has really fucking tried to help me, and … and I throw it back in this face. No wonder he was so pissed ….

 Man … I hate myself, I really hate myself. I was so desperate, I didn’t even think about what I was doing. I … I just did it, went for something that seemed valuable. I … I was being selfish, thinking of just myself, n … not about Will, not about my baby. Pfft … I’ve been being a fucking selfish, whiny prick since I got here. No wonder he snapped ….

 I was just in so much pain, and it hurt that he didn’t want me around enough to come … home on his dinner. I needed something to escape it, to take all the stress away. I … I’ve never really known how to deal with the things that I feel. H … his cuddles were the closest thing … to a fix ….

 And, and now I’ll never get them again. I mean, fucking hell Ronnie, did you have to do that?! Out of everything that you could have taken, it had to be something special to him. It … it had to be something from his family, right? Jesus fucking Christ, I’m a huge fuck up. I really shit all over him.

 He … he was right, I am fucking scum ….

 And all for what? Nothing, fucking nothing. B-because he was telling the truth all along – there’s no Heroin here; that Eric bloke said so. It … it’s banned here. I … I think they have cigarettes and booze and that’s about it.

 Fuck … that shit isn’t gonna’ help me. Booze might have a little in the past, but now … now it’s weak as fuck. It … it won’t calm me down; nothing can. Not even clawing at my skin is doing jack shit for me right now …. I, I need to stop it already – it’s turning into a red, cut up mess ….

 It still stings where he struck me but … but I don’t care. I mean, it fucking scared me, it scared the shit outta’ me. I thought that he was gonna’ kill me, but … but he didn’t. He could have … but he didn’t. I got lucky ….

 I’ve had people smack me around for no reason, almost kill me. Gaz … Gaz, he – seriously, compared … to the shit I’ve been through in the past, this is nothing. I … I shouldn’t be crying over this. Will let me off easy.

 But fuck … it hurts, it hurts ‘cause I don’t wanna’ be on his bad side. I don’t want him to be mad at me. I … I just want his cuddles, his body heat. I … I thought it was hard before, but … but there’s no way I can do this without him.

 Or … or if he could get Grell … to come and keep me company?

 Pfft … no way. He … he’s too pissed with me. And maybe he hasn’t gotten rid of me yet, but he will. He … he’ll chuck me back out on the streets and then … then it’s game over for me … and my baby. FUCK! I … I’d do anything for another fucking chance, I really wou – I … I need to find a way to make it up to him. I … I have to ….

 The front door swings open, banging against the wall. Shit … he’s come home and he’s pissed, he’s still so pissed. But, but maybe he’ll pop his head in here, to check if I’m alright. And … and then I can try to talk to him, to apologise … or at least try –

 He’s going up the stairs. I can hear his footsteps. “Cr … crap.” I … I can’t follow him, I can’t stand up. Even if I tried, I’d … I’d just end up collapsing at this rate. I should have fucking listened to him and drank something! I … I wanna’ run after him – FUCK!

 I … I can feel the breakdown coming, and I clench my jaw, trying to stop myself from screaming. I … I really need to scream, to get all of this horrible, hopeless feeling off of my chest. But … but that’ll just give him another reason to be fucked off with me.

 I … I’ll just have to wait it out until … he comes down and talks to me. He will eventually – he has to. I … I just need to hold on, to not lose my mind completely first ….

 Yeah, yeah, I can do that. Of-of course I can ….


	29. William. Guilty.

***2.01am***

 “Hmm ….” I roll over, hand scrambling on my nightstand for my glasses. I am pretty sure that it is not time for work yet. Wait, do I even have work today? My hand locates my glasses and I slip them on; I am soon eyeing my alarm clock. Two in the morning, on Thursday the 29th of December. “Oh ….” For a moment there, I had forgotten my new rota. A Thursday – I do not have work at all today. That is such an odd, odd thing to realise ….

 It is earlier than I had first believed, though I should not be surprised, for I went straight to bed after my shift. I needed to – I could not have stayed downstairs with him, for I was too enraged. If I had of seen him again, I may have lost my temper once more. I dread to think what would –

 But now, now I have calmed down. Though stealing from me was one of the lowest things he could have done, I feel that maybe, just maybe he was not fully to blame. I did not have to leave him on his own after he begged me not to. In hindsight, there were probably ways around the problem. I … I could have even gone as far as sneaking him into my office until he had calmed down, I suppose. But no, I was being stubborn, being cruel because of my annoyance with him.

 A large sigh leaves me – I was the one to call him a ‘brat’ ….

 I am still upset with him, of course I am, but more than this, I am feeling guilty. I should not have lashed out at him like that. I … I could have broken his cheek – oh Lord, I hope that I haven’t ….

 And it is not just Ronald who is on my mind. Sutcliff has also wormed his way into my thoughts like some sort of parasite. It is crazy, it really is. He has stayed away from me since he left my house, kept his distance for one day, and it has caused me unexpected uneasiness?

 I upset Sutcliff, as was my intention, but now I wonder if I crossed a line. He has never, never ever wished to merely become friends with me. But the one time he actually had a reasonable request, I treated him horribly, forgetting that he had just done me a great favour.

 I shake my head. No, no, I have always wished for Sutcliff to get out of my hair. Now that he finally has, I should feel nothing but sheer bliss. Plus, soon he will be back to irritating me, and I will wish for nothing but the Thorns of Death upon him.

 Gosh William, you really are beginning to go utterly soft ….

\---------

***3.04am***

 I have tried to return to slumber, thinking that leaving Ronald alone for a little longer would give him the discipline that he needs, but I cannot … I cannot sleep again now with this guilt giving me a stomach ache that only the stress of work normally provides.

 I tread down onto the last step of the stairs, and I pause, for maybe he is asleep? If he is, I probably should leave him be – no, of course he is not sleeping. How could he? He is probably feeling extremely cold at present … and that is entirely my fault ....

 I take the final step and turn the corner into the living room, feeling my heart sink as I do so. It is pitch black in here – I neglected to put the light on for him. Oh, the poor boy must be terrified. But … but why didn’t he flick the lamp on? I … I suppose he was too afraid of me to dare touch anything in here. My hand slides up the wall at the side of the doorframe and I soon find the switch, lighting up the room.

 As I thought; he is still awake, and he is hugging at his legs tightly. He did listen to my orders of sleeping on the floor – that is something at least, I suppose.

 Before I say anything, he looks up at me, his eyes horribly puffy, and a chill runs down my spine. His … his cheek is so bruised, the bright mass of purple and red covering all the way down to his jawline. Oh Lord, what have I done …?

 “Y’ … y’ want me ta’ ge’ out?” It is a question, but it is phrased as if he expects me to say yes; as if he has already accepted it.

 I draw near to him, kneeling down in front of him. “No. When … when did I ever say that?”

 He shrugs and looks away – he looks so sad, so defeated, and it tugs at my heartstrings. How … how is he so capable of this constant tugging?

 And then he moves again, his hand grabbing a hold – “Ronald, what are you -?”

 “I … I’ll make it up ta’ y’. P … please don’t kick me … out.” His hands begins to rub –

 “Ronald, stop that!” I grab his wrist and pull his hand away from that … area. “I have just told you that I am not kicking you out. Do not touch me … there, do you understand?”

 “S … sorry.”

 “You … you do not have to make it up to me.” The fingers of my other hand brush his cheek lightly. “I … I am the one who should apologise for my actions. Your cheek, do you think it may be broken?”

 “N … na.”

 “Are you quite sure? Is … is it not painful?”

 “Y … yeah, it hurts, but it doesn’t feel broken. I-I … know broken; this … isn’t it.”

 I nod slowly. “That is … fortunate. I really am sorry.”

 “Na … na, don’t be. I … I deserved it.”

 He seems to really believe it. “No, you did not.”

 “But … but -.”

 “I should not have struck you, no matter what you did. It helps nothing in the end,” I say as I release my grip on him.

 “I … I’m really … sorry too. So … so y’ don’t hate me?”

 “No. Should we agree that we have both been stupid?”

 He nods quickly. “Y … yeah, sounds good ta’ me.” Then he rushes forward, climbing onto my lap and wrapping his arms around my neck tightly. Honestly, if I were human, he would be choking the life out of me. “I … I’m so fuckin’ sorry.

 “Ronald -.”

 He cuts me off, his voice becoming elevated as he begins to sob. “I … I’ll never steal from y’ again, I … I promise.”

 Oh … that is rather sweet of him. No, no, it would only be sweet if – oh, I don’t know. When did I ever become so sappy? Once again, he is tugging at the strings of my heart.

 I speak back to him with sincerity. “And I cannot promise that I will never become mad with you again, but I do promise not to ever lay a hand on you.”

 “Y’ … y’ll still cuddle me and stuff … though, right?”

 A small smile brushes my lips at the thought of hugging him. “Of course. Do you think that you will be able to forgive me?”

 “I … I wasn’t pissed at y’ … ta’ begin wi’.”

 “Oh, well that … is good. Now, let us get you back to bed.”

 “C-cool.” And then he presses closer to my face. “Thanks Will.”

 Oh … my, what – did … did he just kiss me on the cheek …? I … I haven’t a clue how to react to that ….


	30. Ronald. Thank you.

 I don’t think I upset him again but I’m not sure. He went all quiet on me when I kissed him on the cheek. Hah, I don’t know why I even did that, but ... but I feel like I just wanna’ be close to him. It’s a weird feeling, it really is, and I feel proper clingy too ....

 Well ... maybe it’s not that he didn’t like the kiss – maybe he just isn’t used to human contact and stuff. Fuck ... I really, really don’t know and it’s not worth getting my head all up in a mess about it right now.

 The more stressed out I get, the worse I’m gonna’ feel and I already feel like complete shit. Stupid withdrawals ....

 “H ... how do they look?” I ask, Will having decided to change my dressings again. Meh ... it’s a pain in the ass but I guess I just need to grin and bear it – it’s better than letting it get infected.

 He pokes around the cut on my back, and I’m not liking the heavy sighs he’s giving off. “Will?”

 “Wait, will you?” He pokes me again. “Is this painful?”

 “Eh ... it’s still ... a bit tender, but not tha’ bad.”

 “I see.” I can’t see him but I’ve got a feeling he fiddled with his glasses just. “Well, it is a little red but it is neither hard nor hot to the touch. It is not pussy either.”

 I laugh loudly and I’m acting like a kid but oh well. “Hah ... pussy.”

 “Pardon?”

 Oh man ... he doesn’t get the joke. “Na ... nothin’. So ... so it’s not infected then?”

 “I do not think so, but using the TCP will do no harm.”

 “Oh, fuck ....”

\---------

***6.50am***

 The last hour or so has been absolute shit. I think I just hit the worst point of withdrawals, and everything just fucking hurts. I ... I think I was screaming at some point and Will had to shake me and tell me to get a grip. Well ... he didn’t say that exactly, but something like that. Meh ... I don’t even remember. I just wanna’ sleep right now but I’m still in a load of pain. Fuck ....

 Will’s been really good though. I ... I don’t know how he’s had the patience to just cuddle me, to just be there for me without losing his temper. Because fucking hell, all I’ve done since I got here is keep him awake. Man ... I really have been a pain in the ass. I’ll defo have to make it up to him at some point, somehow ....

 And he seems to have gotten over the whole lips to cheek thing. So ... so he didn’t mind it after all by the looks of it, which is kinda’ cool. Hmm ... maybe I’ll sneak another one in sometime. I ... I’d really like that ....

\----------

***7.40am***

 Just as I think I might doze off, reaper man shifts, laying me down on the bedsheets. “Ronald?”

 “Wha’?” I groan at him. Oh ... oh shit. “Y’ ... y’ve gotta’ go ge’ ready for ... work?”

 “No.” Woah, he sounded really happy then. “I actually have the day off today.”

 “Oh ... that’s awesome.” That means he’ll be here all day ... right, right? I really hope –

 “How are you feeling now? A little better?”

 “Yeah ... a bit. I feel kinda’ floaty ... and sore.”

 “Floaty? But you are not high?”

 There’s silence for a moment, because wait, did he just – “Was ... was tha’ y’ tryin’ ta’ crack a joke?”

 “I failed miserably, didn’t I?”

 “Yeeeahhh ....” But damn, he tried to crack a joke to make me feel better. That ... that’s really sweet.

 “My mistake.” He shifts, getting out of bed. “I am going to make some breakfast. Do ... do you think that you may be able to stomach something?”

 “I ... I dunno’, but I am proper hungry.” – For the first time since the withdrawals kicked in.

 “I see. Well, I did buy some breakfast waffles from the supermarket while Sutcliff was watching over you. Do they sound appealing?”

 “Ohhhh ... yeah, they sound damn good.”

\---------

***8.02pm***

 Well I managed one waffle and a bit of water, and so far, it’s staying down. “Oh man, tha’ was so good.”

 “You are done for now?” He asks, eyeing the other waffle on my plate.

 “Y ... yeah, I don’t think I can manage tha’ other one.”

 He smiles slightly. “You have done well. I ... I think that you are over the worst of it all now.”

 There’s a wide grin that spreads over my lips. Yeah, I think things are starting to look up now, for both me and my baby; I can get through this now, I know I can. Awesome.

 Thanks Will. Really ... thank you.

 


	31. Alan. Eric, stop worrying so much.

***10.48am***

 I wake up, my arm sandwiched under Eric. Ouch … he’s heavy. “Eric, wake up.”

 “No.”

 “….” Oh, so he’s been awake for a while and just enjoys lying all over me. Thanks …. “You’re squashing my arm, Eric.”

 “Ah’m also comfy.”

 I roll my eyes and try to pull my arm out from under him. It obviously fails. “Eric ….” I whine loudly. “Let me out!”

 “Hey Al.”

 “What?”

 “Do yer think that we should go over tae William’s today?”

 I sigh loudly. This was all he was talking about yesterday too. “I’ve already told you; I’m sure that both Ronnie and William are fine.”

 “Ah dunno’, Al, William looked really pissed off yesterday.”

 “Yes, well Ronnie stole from him, so what do you expect? He’s going to be a bit mad, don’t you think?”

 “Aye ….”

 “But I’m sure they’re all made up now.”

 He huffs loudly at me. “Yer cannae know that.”

 I wrack my brain for a convincing argument. “Well … if something had of happened, wouldn’t Grell have texted you all of the details?”

 “That’s the thing, Al, she’s not texted me back since the first night she met him.”

 “Oh ….” That is rather odd actually …. Grell is usually full of gossip. “It still doesn’t -.”

 “Well ah think we should check anyway, just tae be sure.”

 “Y … you’re really that worried?”

 “A bit, aye. Ah mean, Ronnie might have been kicked out, but we don’ know, do we?”

 “I don’t think that -.”

 “Al, come on, please.” He finally rolls off of my arm, instead deciding to stare up at the ceiling. “He’s just a wee lad, just -.”

 “Just like I was?” I knew that that was coming. I think, maybe, just maybe, that’s why he cares so much about this boy. He reminds him of me, somehow. Maybe because I was also so fragile at the beginning ….

 “Aye. We cannae just turn our backs on a neighbour, can we?”

 He’s not going to give up on this – he’s always been so stubborn. “Okay, okay, fine.” I turn over and glance at the clock, the feeling finally coming back into my arm. “Eric … why’s it so late?”

 “Uh ….”

 “You turned the alarm clock off, didn’t you?” Before he can reply, I groan loudly. “Eric, why did you do that? You knew that I had chores and stuff to do before work.”

 “Well … yer’re always so cranky in the mornings, babe. Ah thought that -.”

 “You thought that by letting me lie in, you’d be able to convince me to go to William’s more easily?”

 “Eh … aye ….”

 “Okay, whatever. Let’s just hurry up and go so I can get back, okay?”

 “Aye, aye, sure.”

 I get out of bed, trying not to glance at the time again. That … that really is irritating. “And Eric?”

 “Aye?”

 “You owe me so much yummy food for this.” Really, if I’m not so stuffed that I can’t walk later, I won’t be happy.

\----------

 ***11.35am***

 Well … that didn’t go so well. We both thought that William would be at work – he always is, after all – so Eric had the ‘great’ idea of porting straight into the house to check on Ronnie. Our supervisor was unhappy to say the least, accusing us of trespassing. And Eric … well, Eric is really pissy right now ….

 He sits down on our sofa and grunts loudly. Oh … he’s about to start ranting, I can feel it. “Eric?”

 “Ah … ah cannae believe that shite.”

 “Eric -.”

 “Ronnie’s only been there for a couple of days and he’s already beating on him.”

 “No, Eric, look, you’re overreacting -.”

 “How am ah!? Yer saw the bruise too!”

 “Yes, but Eric, I also heard both of their explanations for it.”

 “And yer believe that?” He looks at me, shocked, a deep furrow in his brow appearing. “Yer don’ think that Ronnie was too scared tae not agree with William?”

 “No, no I don’t. I do believe that William lost his temper and that he really does regret it.”

 “But -.”

 “And Ronnie seemed happy enough!” I cut in, not really wanting to drag this conversation out. “He looks a lot better than he did yesterday too.”

 “Aye, but -.”

 “And you told him yourself, Eric, that he can come to us if he ever needs to, if William ever hurts him again. Look, I know that you’re worried, but I think everything will be fine. I don’t think that Ronnie is in any danger.”

 “Are yer sure?” He looks so concerned. He cares, he really does care, and my hearts melts a little – the annoyance falls away.

 “Yes, I’m sure. Plus, you’ll be going to check on him anyway, won’t you?”

 “Aye, aye, I will.”

 I try to smile softly at him, to comfort him a little. “Well then, if he has you watching over him, he’s going to be just fine.”

 “Aww, thanks babe.” His frown is broken, replaced by a smile.

 “You’re -.” Oh …. I fall into silence, embarrassed by the growling of my stomach.

 “Hah.” He chuckles lightly; I love it when he laughs, because it comes straight from the heart. “Yer hungry?”

 “Umm … very. Someone made me leave the house without food, remember?” I quirk an eyebrow at him. “Do you remember who that person was?”

 “Aye, aye.” He stands up. “Ah’ll sort yer out, don’ yer worry.”

 “Hmm, I really like the sound of that.”

 Things are going to be just fine, Eric, I know they will. Plus, it’s nice to have a new friend, isn’t it? Oh … I guess I’m making a new friend too. Wow … cool ….


	32. William. Looking up.

30th December.

***8.35am***

 Yesterday was an awfully strange day, and not merely because Slingby decided to trespass on my property. No, the lack of work caused me to feel a little out of place. Not that I am complaining ….

 It was actually a relaxing day – once Slingby had eventually left. I tended to my pigeons, did a top to bottom cleaning of their shed. I also managed to continue reading my current book … after five years. I even got around to cleaning a little bit of the house; it was not dirty per se, a little dusty but still neat and tidy. Hopefully, with less work, I can get it back to my standards. I really should – Ronald’s health would benefit from an environment with as few germs as possible.

 To be honest, Ronald had improved a little yesterday. He was a little sick in the evening, though I put that down to hunger, for once he’d eaten a slice of toast, the nausea subsided. The chills and the shakes are still there, though they appear to be improving. Mainly, he is left with a runny nose – disgusting but not concerning.

 The redness of the cut on his back has also faded. Yes … I do think that things are beginning to look up.

 “Ronald?” I sit down on the empty side of the bed, food tray held in my hands.

 “Nghhh ….” He shuffles down, hiding farther under the covers. “Sleep ….”

 “You had quite a good night’s sleep, Ronald.”

 “Uhh … eff off.”

 I am beginning to realise that this boy is not a morning person. Still, at least he thought to tone down the swearing. “Very well … but your waffles will get cold.”

 Honestly, if he were a dog, his ears would have just shot up. “F-Food?”

 “Indeed.”

 He pushes himself up into sitting. “Aww … gimme’.”

 “Your appetite is improving.”

 “Yeah … I’m feelin’ pretty alright ta’ be fair, apart from bein’ sleepy and freezin’.”

 “Well eat this and then you can go back to sleep.”

 He smiles at me, and as usual, it causes my heart to melt. “Thanks babe.”

 “Y … you are welcome.” That b word, again ….?

\-------

***9.30am***

 Just before I was to leave for work, Slingby and Humphries turned up at my door. Though I was still annoyed at Slingby for sticking his nose into my business yesterday, he acted in a civil enough manner.

 So in the end, mainly due to Humphries’ persuasion, the two of them stayed over to keep an eye on Ronald. As far as I remember, Slingby is at work at noon and Humphries at 4pm. Of course, as always, I shall go to check on him on my own dinner regardless ….

\--------

***5.57pm***

 Ronald was asleep when I returned home briefly, which I am glad for, I suppose. The more rest he gets, the better his body will handle the last dregs of withdrawals.

 Then I called Humphries into my office a little after his shift had begun, asking him how Ronald was feeling. Ronald had managed to go down to the kitchen and get some food; he is getting steadier on his feet again. Good, very good.

 Oh … and I needn’t have worried over Sutcliff after all. The idiot was back to irritating the living daylights out of me again earlier, so obviously he has finally gotten over my harsh words. Though, as shocking as it is, I felt relief to know that I had not hurt him too badly. Odd … utterly odd ….

\---------

***6.04pm***

 Lord … tell me that he has not run off again. He – he is not in the bedroom, nor is he in the kitchen or living room. “Ronald? Ronald, where are you?”

 Hearing nothing, I rush back up the stairs. Why … why has he done this again? He … he seemed fine this morning. “Ronald?!”

 “Y … yeah?”

 Oh thank goodness. I open the door to the room where his voice came from, realising a little late that he is actually in the bathroom. I praise the Lord when I see that he is not on the toilet, but instead in the bath, the water covering up to his chest. Good … good, no accidental peeping ….

 He does look a little shocked that I have just barged in on him though, and he wraps his arms around himself. “S … sorry ….”

 Umm … what? “Pardon? Sorry for what?”

 “Eh … well ….”

 I feel that he may be a little uncomfortable under my fixed gaze, so I turn my eyes to the floor. “Well?”

 “I thought tha’ y’ … might be a bit pissed ‘cause I’ve used up a lot of y’ water. I … I was jus’ freezin’ and … I-I thought this’d help a bit.”

 I cannot help but chuckle, and I am sure that my reaction has confused him. “Ronald, honestly, I have been trying to get you to wash for days now.” This boy really has tickled me. “Now that you have finally touched water, I am overjoyed, nowhere near annoyed.”

 “Oh ….”

 “Is it helping you to warm up?”

 “Yeah, it really is.”

 “I see. Well I shall leave you to it.”

 “C-cool … thanks.”

 I turn away from the bath and go over to the door. “Oh, Ronald?”

 “Uh, yeah?”

 “Do not forget to scrub yourself. You … you do know what soup and shampoo is, don’t you?”

 He chuckles; it is such a lovely sound. “Y’ cheeky bastard.”

 “I’ll take that as a yes.”

\-------

 Well … that was rather awkward, Ronald walking into the bedroom stark naked asking for a towel. Thank goodness that I did not catch sight of … certain things, or I may have died of embarrassment. At least now, he is clad in a clean pair of my pyjamas, and I have changed the bedsheets again. Oh … and he finally brushed his teeth, which is obviously a plus. Yes, it is smelling a lot, lot fresher in here.

 I sit next to him on the bed, sighing as I pick up the damp towel he has discarded on the clean, formerly dry bedsheets. The offensive item is dumped on his head, causing him to shout at me. “Oi!”

 “You should dry your hair off properly, Ronald, I wish for you not to catch a chill.”

 “A … a chill?”

 “A cold.”

 “Ah.”

 Obviously, it has gone in one ear and out the other, for he throws the towel onto the floor and rests his damp head all over my suit coat covered shoulder. Really, thank you for that ….

 “I’m kinda’ tired.”

 “You can wait until your hair is properly dry before going to bed.”

 “Meh ….”

 I wrap my arm around his back, hand rubbing his arm soothingly. He still does look rather tired, still a little pale. I suppose that some calories, some sugar, will help him. “Should we go downstairs for dinner?”

 “Ohh … wha’ we got?”

 “Well, what do you fancy? If we do not have it in, I can always pop to the shops.”

 And then I realise, rather shockingly, that I am being uncharacteristically nice … once again. Apart from the day when I lost my temper, I haven’t exactly been my usual cold, purposefully nasty self. What … what is it about him that brings out the best in me …?


	33. Ronald. F**ked up again.

31st December 2016

***1.40pm***

 Last night was great – we had potato waffles. Well, we also had veg with it, but Will was moaning at me for filling every little hole in the waffles with sweetcorn. He told me not to play with my food and said that I was acting ‘childish’. Meh … so what? If I found it entertaining for a bit, then who cares really?

 I didn’t eat it all anyway because I don’t really have a giant appetite and well … dessert is way better, right? I had to save some room for that and fucking hell, it was absolutely amazing. Will brought some sort of cheesecake back – I think that’s what it’s called? – And God … I’m drooling just thinking about it. So yeah, it was a good night, a really good night.

 And then I got to cuddle with Will a bit – I say a bit because I fell to sleep pretty quickly last night. I’m glad, I’m really fucking glad that I got to avoid a sleepless night. Any more of them and I’d have probs lost my mind.

 Breakfast was nice too, though Will got me up at like half seven. He said that he’d been asked to come in an hour early to sort out some kinda’ emergency; I’m not sure exactly what that means but he did say that he’d make sure that he finished an hour early too. So he’ll be back around four, which is cool.

 I’m just glad that he didn’t notice the raging boner I had (pregnancy hormones, I guess). Or he didn’t say anything if he did anyway …. Meh, I dunno’ what he’d make of it, saying that he doesn’t seem all that keen on sex. I mean, he seemed kinda’ grossed out yesterday when I couldn’t find that towel.

 I … I’m actually pretty bummed over it to be fair. I spent all that time worrying that he’d do something to me, but now I’m starting to fancy him …. Like, I dunno’ why; it’s probs just because he’s been kind to me(and he is kinda’ nice looking to be fair), but now that I am getting a thing for him, I’ve got a feeling he’s not that into guys.

 Fuck …. I-I guess that there’s not a fat lot I can do about that ….

\-------

***3.35pm***

 Ah, that was a nice nap. Oh … I think that Eric and Alan are coming over again later. Well, they said they’d try to, but apparently the new guy who’s working alongside Will is a total cunt – he’s supposed to be some nasty shit who’s loading people with overtime and handing out written warnings (whatever those are) without a proper reason to.

 I hope that they can come anyway, because I didn’t really get much of a chance to speak to them last time, being exhausted and asleep for most of it and all. They did seem nice though, judging by the little bit of them I did see. Alan seems really cute and sweet, and Eric looks like he’d crush you in an instant – that dude’s a beast – but he actually seems really, really friendly. I could definitely get on with him, be his mate; I can see that for sure.

 But yeah, they were both making sure that I was alright and asking if I needed anything. Nice guys, really nice guys. Oh, and I think that they’re a couple. So maybe … maybe I can ask them for some advice on Will, or just see if they know if he just likes girls or whatever. We’ll see ….

 Oh man … I’m pretty hungry right now. Will brought me a dressing gown home on his dinner break earlier, and even though he told me to wait until he’d washed it, I’m cold now, so I get out of bed and slip it on. After fiddling to rip the tag off that was itching my neck, I go down to the kitchen.

 Will did tell me to help myself but I don’t know, I feel kinda’ bad for using up his food and stuff. Plus, I do sorta’ want to take a bath again tomorrow. They’re just so nice and relaxing – I don’t remember ever taking a bath to be honest. Maybe as a kid, I dunno’ ….

 I’ll have to do something to make it all up to him, but I’m not really sure what to do exactly. I could suck – No! No, I don’t think he’d want that and plus, I shouldn’t be selling myself off like that anymore. He … he wouldn’t want that for me. He … he seems to really … want what’s best for me.

 “Ohhh ….” Damn, he’s got a big ass block of cheese in the fridge. Oh man, what a luxury. This guy must be proper rich or something. I … I shouldn’t really use his cheese but well, we did have cheesecake yesterday so hopefully he won’t mind.

 And fuck, a cheese sandwich sounds fucking good. Hah, me and my baby both want that.

\--------

***3.54pm***

 Holy shit, that sandwich was amazing! But … but I didn’t realise how messy cutting a fresh loaf of bread up was, and now … now the floor’s a complete mess. Man … Will’s gonna’ be really – hang on ….

 I smile widely because now I know how to pay Will back for all his help. CLEANING! Yup, yup, he’ll be happy if he comes home to a nice clean house. Now I’ve just got to find … eh, what’s it called? AH! A vacuum cleaner. Now, where would someone put one of those things …?

\--------

 ***4.04pm***

 Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck! I found the vacuum but … but how the fuck did I manage to blow it up?! I think something got stuck – oh shit! It looked so expensive and now I’ve broken it – I was just trying to help out! Oh man … he’s gonna’ be so mad at me. Crap, crap –

 I just heard him call me from upstairs; he’s back from work. “F-fuck …” W-what am I gonna’ do?! Shit … SHIT! He … he’s gonna’ kill me! I … I’m so d-dead ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol ... someone being more of an arse as a boss than William? Who'd have thought it.


	34. William. Phone calls.

 “Ronald, what the heck were you thinking?!” I pull him to my chest, away from the smouldering piece of machinery. “You could have hurt yourself!”

 “I ... I’m sorry, I didn’t mean -.”

 I pull away from him, backing up to inspect him at arm’s length. “You ... you didn’t burn yourself or anything of the like, did you?”

 “Na. Look Will, I didn’t -.”

 He looks as if he is about to cry. “Are you quite sure? You look upset.”

 “I ....”

 “Spit it out already, would you?”

 He breaks eye contact with me and bites his lip. The light pink flesh lingers between his teeth before he speaks to me again. “I don’t ... want y’ ta’ be mad at me. I jus’ wanted ta’ do somethin’ for y’, be-because y’ve done a lot for me. Pay y’ back, y’ know? I ... I didn’t mean ta’ blow shit up.”

 Oh .... Well, after the last time, I can see why he – “Ronald, I am not mad at you. I was more worried. A vacuum cleaner can be replaced, but you cannot.”

 His brow creases. “Y’re really not mad?”

 “Not really; that blasted machine was making an awful racket the last time I tried to use it.”   
“Oh.” He lets out a little sigh. “I thought I’d fucked it up somehow. Thank fuck for tha’ ....”

 “Well next time you wish to use an electrical appliance, ask me how to actually work it first.” No, no, that is not even the point. “Either way, you do not have to ‘make it up’ to me – just concentrate on getting back to full health.”

 “But I’m feel -.”

 “Yes, yes, I know that you are feeling a lot better but you still need to rest. Go on, back to bed with you.”

 After a little persuasion, he agrees to go lie back down. I receive a parting gift – a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek before he brushes passed me. I really must tell him to stop doing that – we are not a couple and will never be – yet I quite like it .... For some unknown and probably idiotic reason, I do not want him to stop ....

\-------------

***6.07pm***

 The ruined appliance is now outside, harmless and smoke free. Ronald could not rest in the end – he was a little restless – so we have been relaxing in the living room for a little while. “Ah shit!”

 His outburst makes me flinch, the book I was reading dropping from my hand. “Ronald, what is it?”

 “I was supposed ta’ text James, wasn’t I?” He scratches at his chin.

 What is he going on about ...? “Who is James?”

 “Y’ know, tha’ guy tha’ y’ spoke ta’ on tha’ phone.”

 The man on the phone? Who – oh .... “Damn ... I completely forgot all about that, sorry.”

 “Shit ....” He shoots to his feet from the sofa. “Where ... where’s my phone?”

 “Ronald, it probably needs to be charged.”

 “Yeah, I know tha’ but I ‘ave tha’ charger too.”

 I sigh loudly. “Umm ... there is another issue that I must address first.” This is going to be joyful ....

\--------------

***9.20pm***

 Ronald did not seem overly upset by the fact that he could not reach James in this realm, instead deciding that he would charge his phone and then pop to the human world for a quick chat. When we got there an hour or so later, however, for some reason, he seemed uneasy being back in his home world. I suppose I should not be surprised, given the hell he has probably been through ....

 Even though I had made sure that he’d wrapped up warm, a rooftop does not make for a comfortable phone booth, and the phone call between Ronald and James did not last for long. At least James’ worries have now been put to rest.

 Still ... I could not help the small pang of jealousy –

 There is a knock on the door, pulling me from my thoughts, and Ronald rushes (as quickly as he can manage) to answer it. From the voices I can hear from the hallway, Slingby and Humphries have just turned up. Oh ... and Sutcliff. Great ... marvellous ....

 I try to block them out, returning to my book for a while. Just as I am getting into it, getting to the suspected clincher, Ronald jumps onto the sofa at my side. “Will, Will, it’s New Year’s Eve, can y’ believe tha’?!”

 What date – “Ah, so it is ....”

 “Eric wants ta’ take me out ta’ watch tha’ fireworks! Oh man ... I’ve never seen them close up be -.”

 “Ronald.” I stop him in his tracks. “You are not going out again in this weather.”

 His face falls, mouth hanging open for a second before he whines at me. “But Will, it’ll be fun! Please, pleaseeeee!”

 Dammit, when did he learn to pull that puppy dog face?! “Ronald -.”

 “Will, come on! We’re not gonna’ go out until right before midnight anyway. Please ....?”

 That cute face he is pulling ... and he seems so excited by the prospect .... “Fine ... fine, you can go ....” I roll my eyes at him. So much for him staying warm .... 


	35. Ronald. Too much of a 'good' time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I get any hate on this chapter, I just want to point out that Ronald knows nothing about pregnancy guidelines. He doesn't know that you're not supposed to be drinking AT ALL or the importance of ultrasounds or any of the like. He doesn't realise the danger he's putting the baby in. (The reason why and stuff in later chaps -big reveal, yada yada yada). Just wanted to point out that he's utterly clueless - not being silly and irresponsibly.

 I’m so glad that Will wasn’t pissed off with me in the end. I thought for sure that he’d flip out on me or something. And I’m really glad that it wasn’t my fault that that arse-y vacuum cleaner blew up in my face.

 It was good to speak to James again too – he was well worried about me. It … it’s nice to finally have people care about me. Obviously, I didn’t tell him about me being in a weird ass world, surrounded by grim reapers. I just told him that I was staying at a friend’s house and that I was doing better, that I was over the worst of the withdrawals and cravings. He was happy, really happy, cheering down the phone even. At least I was right, from the start, about him wanting me for more than just a shag. I … I wonder if I’ll ever see him again ….

 I really don’t know if I’ll ever go back to the human world. Man … I … I dunno’; it was so weird being up on that roof – I felt proper uncomfortable.

 It’s so weird that I feel more at ease in a world filled with ‘monsters’ than I do in the place where I belong. Na … where I SHOULD belong. I’ve spent so much time in London, and I know it so well, but I can’t stand the fucking place. Pffttt … what do I expect to feel, given all the shit I’ve gone through there?

 But … but here’s so much better. I mean, come on, Will’s here, so of course I’m gonna’ wanna’ be here. It’s not just that though; I’ve made better friends here already than I ever have in the human world. I’ve been talking a lot with Eric and Alan just now, and they seem great, they really do.

 And I’m not hungry here, and I’ve got a warm bed to sleep in and a reaper style teddy bear to cuddle up to of a night. Plus … no one’s beaten me to a pulp or forced me to do anything here. I … I really hope it stays that way. Fuck ….

\---------

***11.40pm***

 Al’s just shot me a funny look. I don’t blame him, saying I’m stuck against his partner’s side, clinging tightly to his arm. Eric doesn’t seem that bothered though. “Yer alright, lad?” He asks.

 “D-dark,” I manage to say. I knew we were coming to a park, but I didn’t realise it’d be this dark. There’s not a single street lamp and the only light I’m getting is from the bonfire that’s crackling not far away. At least … it’s keeping me warm too.

 But it doesn’t help really; it’s like the alleyway, with just a little bit of light, but worse, so much worse. I thought that I’d be able to handle this sort of thing, as long as it wasn’t pitch black, but I can’t, I can’t deal with this fear wi-without some sort of fix – something to take my mind off of … it all ….

 “Oh. Are you scared of the dark, Ronnie?” Al asks me.

 “Y … yeah.” I tug on Eric’s arm. “I … I wanna’ go home ….”

 “Back tae William’s?” Eric chuckles. “Wee lad, yer’ll be fine.”

 “N-no!” W-why isn’t he listening to me?! “Please … I wanna’ go back.”

 I get a pat on the back, Grell’s voice coming from right behind me. “Oh darling, this will be worth it, I promise! The fireworks are so beautiful!”

 “Aye, and they’ll light up the whole night sky. Just hang on until then, alright?”

 I shake my head quickly, because fucking hell, I get what they’re trying to say but “I … I can’t last until then.”

 “Eric, come on, let’s take him back.”

 “Al-.”

 “He looks really panicky.”

 Eric chuckles again, and it’s starting to piss me off. Fucking hell, take me seriously! “Eric -.”

 He cuts me off. “Ronnie, ah’ve got just the thing.” He taps his pocket. “Something that’ll relax yer good and proper.”

\---------

***11.49pm***

 My head’s starting to spin a bit, the booze that Eric gave me getting to me. Wh-what was it again, Scottish Whiskey? Fuck … it was strong but it worked. We’re all standing close … to the fire and I’m feeling a lot better. The dark seems … to have faded. It’s kinda’ fuzzy, blurred, and I fucking like it.

 I probably shouldn’t … overdo it though, with the baby and all. I mean, I dunno’ – I know Heroin isn’t very good but a bit of drink? It can’t be too bad, can it? Meh … I should stop now but for once, alcohol is actually helping me with … anxiety and shit. Normally it’s too weak – oh right, whiskey … is strong, really strong.

 “Yer enjoying that?” Eric asks, patting me on the shoulder.

 “Hell yeah!”

 “Aye, sweet! It’s good stuff, really good stuff.”

\--------

 ***11.59pm***

 Woah … I … I overdid it. The fucking whole park is spinning … like crazy. Ah … cheering?

 “5 … 4 …3!”

 “Hey lad, yer alright?”

 I giggle at Eric – dunno’ why, hah. “Yeah ….”

 “Happy New Year, Darling!”

 “Huh … wha’?” Ohhh, fireworks! I stumble a bit but whatever, man … those fireworks are damn nice! “Aww, man, s-so pretty ….”

 I’m pulled into a tight group hug … by I think Grell and everyone? Haha … I’m fucked … I’m so fucked. Will’s gonna’ kill me ….

 Hmm … I wanna’ do more than just kiss his cheek right now ….


	36. William. Late night house party, it seems.

***4.01am***

 Honestly, I let him go out and this is what happens? They returned here at around 3am, Ronald completely unaware of his surroundings; the boy is absolutely sloshed, and is attempting to crawl onto my lap.

 This is Slingby’s fault, it has to be, for he is the only other one wrecked beyond belief. “Honestly Slingby, trading his one substance for another, what were you thinking?” 

 The idiot Scot chuckles at me and I cannot understand much of what comes out of his mouth next. Something about mellowing out? Darkness? 

 “Well next time, keep the liquor away from him.”

 “Oh darling.” Sutcliff lets out a giggle (I think he has been on the wine). “Eric didn’t mean it. He only gave Ronnie a little whiskey. None of us were expecting him to get into this much of a state.” 

 Honestly, how stupid are they? “He has not been eating much and he is tiny as he is. Do you really think that his body can handle even a small amount of liquor?” 

 Humphries, the only one who came back completely sober, gives me an apologetic look. “Eric, come on, we should go. It’s getting late.” 

 Just as I am about to agree with him, Ronald manages to get onto my lap, and I receive a sloppy, disgusting – was that more of a lick than a kiss? – to the cheek. His arms are wrapped around my neck tightly now, his voice a slur against my ear. “Hmm .... Wiiilll?”

 “What is it, Ronald?” I attempt to make my dissatisfaction evident in my voice. 

 “I wuv y’, babe.” 

 Oh great … he is a clingy drunk. “Ronald, do not be silly. You are merely -.” 

 “AWWWW, honey, that’s so cute!” Grell squeals. 

 “Aye ....” Eric slurs, though this time I manage to catch what he is saying. “Yer’re ... well lucky tae ... have him, William.” 

 “Do not be ridiculous,” I snap, losing patience quickly with their antics. “It is the drink making him speak nonsense, and nothing more.” 

 “Na ... na, y’ don’t ... know wha’ y’re talkin’ ... ‘bout,” Ronald whines and I roll my eyes at him. 

 “Oh really? You are one to talk, Ronald.” 

 “You two would make a lovely couple!” 

 “Sutcliff, be quiet!” A lovely couple? A couple in general? That ... that would never happen, could never happen.  

\--------

***5.03am*** 

 I finally managed to get them all out of my house – well, with Humphries’ assistance in dragging Slingby off of my living room chair. 

 I am glad that they are gone now, for Ronald was beginning to embarrass me, finding it acceptable to grind against me on my couch. Hopefully, when he sobers up, he will remember nothing of his antics. 

 He is now sprawled out on top of the bed, still slurring at me. He calls my name a couple of times before a long, drawn out ‘babe’ leaves him.

 I sigh loudly. “Ronald, go to sleep already, would you?”

 “But …. I-I’m hornyyyy!”

 “Oh … how lovely.” Well, I have to admit, I was not expecting that ….

\-------

***5.31am***

 I exited the room shortly after he had made that statement. I honestly cannot be dealing with a sexually excitable teenager. Not only is it awkward and embarrassing, it is rather off-putting, and I really am not at all interested in helping him with his drunken needs.

 After all, I told him from the start that I did not want him for such things, and that I never will. And anyway, he will not crave me in that way when he is sober. Silly boy ….

 Daring to return to my bedroom, I push the door open and peek inside. Oh … thank goodness for that. He is fast asleep, and as I approach the bed, I realise that he is still flat out on top of my sheets. Well, I do not wish to wake him, so an uncomfortable night’s sleep it will have to be.

 I change quickly into my nightclothes and flop down onto my bed at his side – I really am exhausted. I let out a deep sigh when I hear him grumble something under his breath. Thankfully, though he rolls over and snuggles into my side, he does not wake. Honestly, the smell of alcohol on him is strong and putrid.

 “Well … sleep tight, Ronald.”

\--------

***11.15am***

 Thank goodness for having a day off today, for I was granted a bit of a lie in. Still, even though I am still quite tired, I must get up; I have things to do today, such as cleaning out my pigeons. Oh, and I may as well put away my only Christmas decoration – a candle bridge.

 But first, I must try to wake Ronald. This is going to be fun … what, with his drunken, false confession of love. I come back into the bedroom, a tray of breakfast in my hands. “Ronald.” He does not stir, so I place the tray onto my nightstand and bend over him, shaking him sternly. “Ronald, wake up, it is time for breakfast.”

 “Nghhhh ….” He rolls over onto his back and blinks awake. It is not long before he groans loudly and squints at me. “Fuck … my head.”

 “You are hungover.”

 “Urgh … great.”

 “It is your own fault.”

 “Y … yeah.” He raises a hand, rubbing at his forehead. “Man, wha’ … even happened last night?”

 “You don’t remember?” I breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe –

 “Na … not a clue.”

 Good … good, he does not remember humping against me, or anything else in relation to that. Thank the Lord for small mercies ….

 He frowns at me before speaking again. “Did … did I do somethin’ wrong?”

 “Oh, no, no, of course not, bar being bladdered.”

 “Oh yeah … tha’ whiskey. Now I remember.” He smiles slightly. “After all tha’ fuss ‘bout seein’ tha’ fireworks, I can’t remember a fuckin’ thing ‘bout them.”

 “Well … never mind that now.” I sit down on the bed and pat the space next to me. He groans again, but moves to sit at my side – it appears to take some effort on his part. “Just promise me that you will be careful in future, okay?”

 “Eh? Wha’ … do y’ mean?”

 I wring my hands. Hmm … how do I put this? “I have no problem with you having the occasion drink with friends.” I assume that this is what Slingby and Humphries are to him now. “Even if I do not drink myself. But … but be careful not to exchange one substance for another.”

 “I … I’m sorry.”

 That statement catches me off guard, and I snap at him. “What? Are you telling me that that is what you were trying to do?!” Of course, it is more out of worry than anything else. “W … why would you do that … after all the hard work you have -?”

 “B … because it was … really dark and I hate tha’ d-dark, y’ know tha’.” I am honestly surprised by his honesty. “It was … stupid, I know tha’, but I … jus’ didn’t wanna’ feel scared. I … I wanted ta’ enjoy … my night out.” He hangs his head, shoulders slumping. “I’m sorry for fuckin’ up … again.”

 Okay, well at least he has a legitimate reason …. “You have not messed up. Slipped a little, yes, but at least you have not suffered a landslide.” And I know that it is not really my place to ask, but for some odd reason, I feel that his fear of the dark is a more important issue than he is letting on. “Ronald?”

 “Y-Yeah?”

 “Why are you so afraid of the dark?”

 His reaction shocks me, for he shifts off of the bed almost instantly. “I … I need ta’ use tha’ bathroom.” He exits the room as quickly as his hungover state will allow, mumbling about his head once more on his way.

 Well … that says it all. The reason troubles him greatly, and more importantly, it is none of my business ….

 It is strange; for once in my life … I want someone to talk to me, to unload their problems onto me. I … I would not mind listening to his woes ….


	37. Ronald. Inside my head.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damn ... this story is getting long, too long.

 Fuck … I feel like shit. W … why did he have to ask that?! I woke up feeling fucking terrible, both from the booze and … and that weird fucking dream. Why’d he have to make it even worse?

 Like … like, it’s none of his … damn business why I’m so scared of tha’ … dark. He … he needs to keep his nose out.

 I flop down onto the toilet seat, head in my hands. Man … it’s pounding so bad and all of these thoughts, memories, worries aren’t helping. And … the side of my face is throbbing, like my jawline – did … did I bang my face against something last night? So … so fucking sore.

 The tears are starting to fill my eyes. W … what if he keeps trying to find out? I-I I can’t deal with that. I … I can’t tell him about why, about everything. I … I’m just not ready to talk about it. Fuck … I don’t … think I’ll ever be.

 I try to block it out so much, all of the time, but then it just comes back to bite me, and I can’t push it from my mind anymore. And … and then I just break down, and I get all panicky and shaky.

 The whiskey worked last night, like the Heroin used to … but the whiskey didn’t work for long enough. Just like always, the cycle goes around again, and I’m left feeling worse than I did to begin with.

 I … I don’t want to think about the darkness, I don’t want to think about any of this – fuck … my chest, it’s feeling all tight. Shit … shit … shit.

\---------

 I … I’m a fucking mess right now, and … and I dunno’ how long I’ve been stuck in the loo for. I bet my eyes are bloodshot – they’re definitely all wet and fucking gross. I … I can’t move from here in this fucking state – Will’s just gonna’ ask what the matter is and … and I’ll end up in even more of a mess.

 C-come on, Ronnie, get it together! And the harder I try to get a grip, the worse I feel, and the time’s just ticking by ….

 Fucking hell!

 Ugh … and I feel so sick, I just wanna’ puke. It’s so stupid – I can’t even handle one little question without having a breakdown. I’m so fucking pathetic!

 “Shit!”

 “Ronald, are you alright?”

 Oh … oh shit. My breath catches in my throat. How … how long has he been standing outside the door? Not now, I – I don’t want to … talk to you right now!

 “Ronald, you have been in there for a long while. Is something the matter?”

 Ah … shit, shit, what do I say to that?! My heart’s racing so much. I … I really don’t want him to –

 The door – shit, I forgot to lock the door! Idiot, idiot!

 He walks into the room, takes one look at me, and sighs. Damn … sighing means he’s pissed off, right?

 “Ronald, what is the matter?”

 I shrug, because that’s all I can do in this state. There’s a lump in my throat, and my jaw’s starting to ache, hurt even more, because I’m trying not to make any crying noises.

 “I know what it is,” he says, drawing closer to me. I stare straight ahead, my eyes level with his stomach. I … I don’t want him to see the shitty, ugly look on my face. “It is that I asked about your phobia, isn’t it?”

 I feel my face crack – fuck … why do my cries always sound so pathetic? “I … I don’t … wanna’ talk ‘bout i-it.” And then I’m clinging to his shirt, face buried in his lower chest, tears wetting his clothing.

 I can feel his hand against my hair, his voice calm. “I … I know, and I am sorry for asking. You don’t have to tell me, do not worry.”

 “G … good.” But it doesn’t help – I still have to think about it all, and the tears just keep falling. Even when he bends down slightly, pulling me close and rubbing my back, it doesn’t really help.

 And he keeps telling me that it’s going to be okay, that it’s all okay, but he doesn’t get it, because he can’t see inside my head. He … he doesn’t know what I’ve been through, what I’ve seen.

 “But if you ever need to speak out, to get something off of your chest, I will be here for you, Ronald, I promise. Never be afraid to talk to me.”

 But – but I … I don’t want him to get inside my head, and … I probably never will.


	38. William. Up and downs, again.

***2.05pm***

 He still is not in a very good mood, and due to staying at his side, I have yet to get anything done (my mind keeps wandering to my pigeons, to Trumpet, and then back to Ronald). He has been crying on and off since being in the bathroom, and I honestly doubt that being cooped up in bed is helping him in the slightest. Though, as much as I want to, I have no idea how to help him. Unless ….

 So … so if he does not want to talk about what is bothering him, if thinking on the matter upsets him, maybe the opposite would be beneficial. I mean, he seems fine when he has his mind focused solely on food.

 Hmm … so maybe if I can take his mind off of his woes for long enough, he will begin to feel a lot better. Maybe, given enough time, he can move on from whatever troubles he has faced in the past. Because, as far as I can make out, there is something terrible rooted back there … perhaps in his childhood? Fear of the dark is a childhood phobia, after all – I dread to think of what he may have been through, having been abducted and all ….

 So how exactly to distract him? Well, I do have one idea ….

 “Ronald, I have something to show you.”

 “W … wha’ is it?”

 “You’ll have to come into the garden, so wrap up warm.”

 He sniffs and I can tell from the expression on his face that he is not impressed. “B … but why?”

 “Because there is someone that I would like you to meet.”

 I see those lovely blue eyes of his light up. “Oh? W-who?”

 “Well, you will have to come outside to find out, won’t you?”

\----------

 Despite his hangover and upset, we are both now outside – I suppose youngsters will forever be curious. “So … so there’s someone livin’ out here?”

 I cannot help but chuckle, as he seems genuinely concerned. “Well yes, there is.” I point to the pigeon shed. “In here.”

 “In … in a shed?”

 “Hmm.” I open the shed, calling out to my favourite feathered friend. As soon as I hold out my arm, Trumpet uses it as his perch. I step back into the cold, fresh air, locking the shed behind me.

 Turning back to Ronald, I see the look of confusion on his face. His brow tilts, and he asks “eh? A bird?”

 “Yes, a pigeon in fact.”

 He shakes his head, his frown only deepening. “That’s no pigeon. It doesn’t look anythin’ like those things in London.”

 This boy really knows nothing. “There is more than one type of pigeon.”

 “Wha’ do y’ mean?”

 “Well … do all dogs look the same?”

 “Oh … no.” He pauses, I think for thought. “I … I ge’ wha’ y’ mean. Is … is it a pet?”

 “I suppose you could say that, though he is a rescue bird.”

 “Oh ….”

 “Would you like to hold him?”

 He smiles slightly. “Yeah, sure.”

 I nod. “Hold out your hands then.” He does so, and I pick Trumpet up in my one hand. He is placed down softly onto Ronald’s hands, and Ronald grins. I think the boy is beginning to feel a little better, a bit distracted.

 I really do love that wide, toothy grin of his, it truly is adorable. So far, I have not seen it half as much as I would like ….

 “Man … he’s so cute and small.”

 “Indeed.” With how small and fluffy Trumpet is, how could one not find him cute?

 Trumpet coos and Ronald chuckles at the sound. “So … y’ rescued him, like y’ did me?”

 “Not exactly. Humphries found him and brought him to me.”

 “Aww.” He looks down at my bird. “Y’ know Al then, don’t y’?”

 Well, it seems that Ronald has made a new friend.

\---------

***7.20pm***

 I decided to bring Trumpet into the house, for it was beginning to turn icy. Ronald now has him in his lap, his fingers stroking his soft neck gently. “Hmm … adorable.”

 “You really like him, don’t you?”

 “Yeah.” He smiles up at me, and I notice that he is looking rather pale. Maybe he spent too long outside in the cold? Or maybe it is just the effects of his hangover? “I’ve never had a pet,” he continues.

 “Well, I think you have one now.”

 “Wha’? Really?”

 “Well, you are living here, so I don’t see why not.”

 “Aww … thanks Will!”

 I have definitely managed to cheer him up, to distract him. Job well done …. “You are very welcome.”

\---------

***9.05pm***

 Trumpet is now settled down in his cardboard box for the night, snuggled amongst shredded newspaper to keep him warm. Ronald is cuddled up against me on the couch, and I am beginning to worry, for the colour has drained out of him. “Ronald, are you feeling alright?”

 “N-not … really. Head’s fuckin’ poundin’.”

 “Well, you are hungover.” Some gut feeling tells me that this is merely wishful thinking on my part.

 “Yeah ….” He yawns. “I … I think I’m gonna’ go ta’ bed.”

 “Very well. Do you need anything bringing up?”

 “Na … I’m not hungry.”

 He leaves the room without even asking me to come to bed with him. That really is odd … he really must be feeling under the weather. Worrisome ….

\--------

***1.05am***

 He has just shaken me awake, and is whining down my ear. I can feel his clammy hands on me, and immediately, I am concerned.

 “Will … I … I don’t feel so good,” he says, his voice shaky.

 I scramble to grab my glasses, and as soon as I push them on, I turn to look at him. He looks terrible, just as he did at the worst of his withdrawals, and I feel my heart sink. “What … what is the matter?” I feel his forehead, and as I feared, he is burning up. His skin actually feels as if it is on fire.

 “I … I dunno’, I -.” A hiss leaves him mid-sentence, his palm pressing to his cheek.

 “Ronald, what is it? Are … are you in pain?”

 I can see the tears welling up in his eyes. “My … my jaw … is killin' me.”

 Oh Lord, what is the matter with him this time …?


	39. William. A crack.

***1.22am***

 “Ronald, open your mouth.”

 “No!”

 We have been going around and around in circles for the past … God knows how long. There is no sign of a bruise or any damage on his face – well, besides the bruise from where I struck him some time again. Oh Lord, I hope I have not caused – no, no, if I had of seriously injured him, he would have showed signs of it before now.

 So, as I have suspected for a while now, he may have an issue with his jaw from the inside. I try again. “Ronald, I need to see inside your mouth.”

 “But it … it hurts.”

 “Yes, I know, but you are opening your mouth to talk anyway. You may as well just do it a little wider so I can see inside.” He makes a whining sound and I roll my eyes. “Or you can sit there feeling ill, and getting worse, without us being able to get to the bottom of what the problem is. Now, is that what you want, or do you want me to try to help you?”

 “It … it’s sore.”

 “Oh … for goodness sake, cease being awkward, would you?”

 He grumbles something under his breath, and I can see his eyes becoming shinier, wetter with tears. I breathe a sigh of relief when he finally does as I requested. But then I think to myself, if I am to be poking around in his mouth, I should probably – “I … I should wash my hands. I shall be right back.”

 “Oh, fuckin’ hell!”

\---------

 I decided to grab a torch also, and I am now peering inside his mouth. “Hmm … you are lucky, Ronald.”

 I hear a muffled ‘why?’ “Well, most of your teeth are not in a bad state. I read that Heroin can completely rot them from your mouth.”

 I think he has just grunted at me, but I am uncaring, for I have just spotted what I suspect is the source of his pain. Two molars at the very back of his mouth have decayed somewhat, and I think one has cracked. “Ronald, does it feel like toothache?” I take my fingers away so that he can speak.

 “I … I dunno’, this whole s-side of my face jus’ … hurts so much.”

 “I see. Open again.”

 He does so, and the area does appear to be somewhat inflamed, quite red. Well … we really do need to get to the bottom of this. I give the gum around the broken tooth a sharp poke. He squeals like a pig being sent to slaughter, and I receive a harsh bite. “Ah!” Painful … extremely painful, but a tooth for a tooth, I suppose.

 He releases his grip and as soon as he can speak easily again, he shouts at me. “Why tha’ fuck did y’ do tha’?!”

 “I had to see for sure what the cause of your pain was. Now we know what the issue is.”

 He sniffs loudly. “T … tha’ really hurt.” He presses up against me, obviously in need of a hug, and I oblige. “So … so why do I feel so sick?”

 “You have a tooth that is rotten, and by the looks of it, infected.”

 “F … fuck ….” He buries his face into my neck. “Tha’ … sounds bad. W-wha’ are … we gonna’ do ‘bout tha’?”

 “First thing in the morning, I shall take you to the dentist.” I am so glad that Mondays are when I have afternoon shifts.

 “Y’ … y’ ‘ave dentists here?”

 “Well, when we lose teeth on collections, they take a while to grow back. No one wants to go around with just their gums on show. Vanity.”

 “Hah … true. But … but will they see me, bein’ … human and all?”

 “I will make them.”

 “C … cool.” And then he asks something truly odd. “Uh … so wha’ do dentists … do exactly?” Honestly … where has this boy been all his life? Odd … extremely odd. My brow furrows. He really does know nothing. Has … has he lived in a cave for most of his life? It certainly seems so at times.

\--------

***9.03am***

 The dentist practice would have just opened, and it really could not have come soon enough. Ronald really has taken a turn for the worst, to the point that I was tempted to take him to the infirmary. Still, it is a tooth problem, so a dentist is probably most qualified to be able to treat him.

 “Ronald,” I say softly, “I am going to phone them now.”

 “And … and then they’ll see me?” He looks so weak and feverish at present, his skin coated in a thin layer of sweat.

 “Yes.”

\--------

***11.45am***

 I had to shout down the phone at the receptionist in the end, for she was completely uncaring of the fact that there was a sick human needing an emergency appointment. It was a good job that I knew her, for she only works part time at that practice, her full time job being my subordinate at branch. Threatening her with overtime did the trick, and Ronald was in an appointment for 10am.

 As I had thought, his gum was quite badly infected, and he was put on antibiotics. However, as we do not have those in our realm, the dentist had no other choice but to steal a bottle from a human chemist. Why he decided on the suspension instead of tablets, I do not know. I mean, Ronald might look young, but he is not six.

 Apart from that, Ronald has an antiseptic mouthwash to use, and he will have to go back in a week, once the infection has gone, so that the dentist can see if the tooth can be saved or if it will need to be removed. So now he is back home, fast asleep, and I have a rather large dentist bill to pay.

 I have just phoned Sutcliff, as I have to be in work soon, and I do not want to leave Ronald alone while he is sick … again. Well, he is at work too, so it is time to phone Slingby.

 He picks up on the second ring, roaring a hello down the phone. I sigh, and get straight to the point. “Slingby, when are you at work today?”

 “Ahh … yer want someone tae babysit?”

 “Slingby.”

 “Hah, that’s an aye then. Me and Al both start at five.”

 “Okay, very well. I take it that you will be able to keep an eye on him?”

 “Aye, aye, no probs there. But seriously though, yer need tae start paying us for all this babysitting.”

 “I thought he was your friend?”

 “Aha, ah’m only joking. So what, yer don’ trust him on his own again?”

 “He is unwell again.”

 “Ahh … bummer.”

 “So be here for noon. And do not give him whiskey this time, do you understand?”

 He chuckles down the phone at me. “Hah, that was fun.”

 “No, no, it was not!” I can feel my eyes narrow. “And Slingby?”

 “Aye?”

 “He remembers nothing of what he said New Year,” I say as sternly as possible. “Do not remind him.” For his sake, he better not open his mouth.


	40. Ronald. Advice.

***January 4th 2017***

 Ugh … it’s been a rough couple of days. I’ve felt really sick and spent the last two days asleep pretty much. But then random people keep waking me up to take my antibiotics, be it Will or my mates. And Will’s always nudging me awake to use that mouthwash – it tastes like utter shit. Aniseed or something, was it?

 Hmm … I hope that the antibiotics aren’t bad for my baby. But then again, it can’t be any more dangerous than me getting super ill. I mean, an infection is pretty grim, right?

 At least now, my mouth isn’t hurting much anymore, but I’ve still had to eat on just the one side of it. That’s pretty annoying.

 I’m here on my own at the minute – Will couldn’t get anyone to come over because they’re all at work, but I think Grell’s over later. Meh … I needed time alone to think anyway. Eric told me what I said New Year to Will, and then Al had a go at him for blabbing, which was kinda’ funny. But still … I don’t know what to make of it.

 Will hasn’t mentioned it to me, and I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing. I mean, if he was super pissed at me, he would have just ignored me, and he hasn’t been doing that at all. So … he’s either secretly happy about it or he just doesn’t care. Ugh … I’m gonna’ go with the second option. Because Will’s the kinda’ guy who keeps to himself, that doesn’t get involved in the feelings of other people. Or … at least he doesn’t with Eric, Al or Grell. It … it might be a little different with me. Fuck … this is giving me a headache.

\-------

***1.05pm***

 Oh man … did I fall to sleep again? I roll over and flinch, feeling something at my side. … Oh. “Grell, hey.”

 “Sorry Darling, did I wake you?”

 “Oh, na, it’s cool.”

 “How are you feeling?”

 “N-not too bad.”

 She flashes her teeth at me. “That’s great, Honey, but you’ll still have to take your medicine.”

 “Ugh … is it tha’ time already?”

 She blinks at me. “Oh, it’s not that bad, is it?”

 “It doesn’t taste great. Too much banana really.”

 Her grin only gets wider. “Can’t you handle a lot of banana?”

 I get what she’s really getting at and it tickles me. Chuckling, I wink at her. “Na babe, I can handle a lot of tha’.”

 “Ohhh … such a horny little boy.”

 “Haha, yeah.” My mind wanders to Will, and my mood drops just like that. I … I don’t even know why. Well … maybe I do. “Umm Grell, can I ask some advice?”

 “Ohhh …” She claps her hands together. “Do you have some juicy gossip?”

 “Umm, na, not really.”

 Her face drops and she huffs at me. “How boring!”

 “Uh … yeah. So … can I still get tha' advice?”

 “Hmm … I suppose. What is it?”

 “Well.” Hmm, how do I put this? “Eric told me 'bout wha' happened New Year.”

 “You mean you forgot?”

 “Uh huh.”

 “Ronnie, don’t lie to me!” She throws her hands up in the air and I almost jump a foot.

 “L-lie?”

 “THAT IS GOSSIP!” She grabs hold of my hand and pats it with the other. “So Dear, tell me what you’re going to do now you remember this?”

 “See, that’s tha’ thing. I … I dunno’.” I sigh as I realise I really am at a complete loss. “I mean , I told him I loved him.”

 “Yesss, even with all that wine, I do remember. Has he not mentioned it?”

 “Na, I don’t remember him sayin’ anythin’.”

 “Hmm … well that is Will for you. He’s not one for discussing feelings.”

 “Yeah but ….” I let out a huff of air. “I dunno’ if love is even tha’ right word.”

 “OH?” She leans in closer to me. “Then what is it exactly, Ronnie Dear?”

 “I don’t know! It’s … it’s like I really, really like him.”

 “Aww Honey, you’re blushing.”

 “No, no I’m not!” I rub at the back of my neck with my spare hand. Fuck … is it hot in here or is it just me? “Look, I think he’s pretty hot and all tha’. If he offered, I wouldn’t say no.”

 She giggles at me. “Oh, I’m sure not many of us would say no given the chance. He does have that dark, brooding thing going for him.”

 An image of Will and Eric going at it flashes through my head and I have to hold in a massive laugh. Man … that’d be an odd pairing. “True ….”

 “And he does have the loveliest of jaw lines -.”

 “Grell, babe, can we ge' back ta' tha' point?”

 “Ah, sorry, sorry. Hmm … well, do you miss him when he’s not around?”

 “Yeah, tonnes.”

 “And you enjoy when he hugs you and other things, don’t you?”

 Hugging is the only thing he’s ever really done to me but “yeah, I really do.”

 “Hmm-mm, I thought so. Ronnie, it’s definitely love.”

 “Y’ve thought tha’ from tha’ start though. Wha’ are y’ tryin’ ta’ do, be matchmaker?”

 “No, of course not, I just know it when I see it. You definitely have a thing for him.”

 “Yeah, I know I ‘ave ‘a thing’, but that’s not love, is it?”

 “You’d be surprised how quickly love creeps up on you, Darling.”

 “Okay, but … I don’t wanna’ say tha’ I love him jus’ yet.” It’ll come off as plain weird for a start, and I’m not even sure what ‘love’ is. “How do I go ‘bout sayin’ tha’ I like him?”

 “Well, take it from me, Ronnie, he isn’t going to appreciate you just coming out with it. I’d love to see you shout it from the rooftops, but it just isn’t going to work on Will.”

 Well that fills me with hope. “So, wha’ am I supposed ta’ do?”

 “Just mention New Year to him and see how he reacts.”

 “Ah … right. So I shouldn’t jus’ leave it and see if this goes anywhere?”

 Her teeth show again. “Well, where’s the fun in that?”

\--------

***7.56pm***

 Yeah, Grell’s right, I should just get it off my chest. Knowing about New Year now would just grate away at me if I didn’t. She’s gone home now and Will’s just come upstairs to bring me food. Well … it’s now or never. “Umm … Will?”

 “Yes?”

 “I ….” Well this is a good fucking start. “Look, I need ta’ talk ta’ y’ ‘bout somethin’.”

 He rolls his eyes at me. “Oh Ronald, what have you done this time?”

 Hah, GREAT start. “Nothin’! It’s jus’ … Eric told me ‘bout New Year.”

 “I see.” He looks kinda’ pissed off. Maybe I shouldn’t carry on ….

 “Yeah ….”

 “What of it?”

 “Well, he told me ‘bout tha’ thing I said ta’ y’.” I pause to let out a breath. “Tha’ lovin’ y’ thing.” My heart’s staring to pound because he’s not saying anything. Why isn’t he saying anything?! “Eh … so -.”

 “So forget about it. You were drunk and consuming alcohol often leads to spewing nonsense. I know that that is all it was, so worry not.”

 “Eh, no -.”

 “Forget about it. It means nothing to me, so just forget it ever happened.”

 My heart sinks as soon as the words are out of his mouth. He … he really doesn’t see anything between us. Fuck ….


	41. William. A shock to the system.

***January 6th 2017***

 I am almost due to finish work, and I hate to admit this, but I have fallen behind on paperwork a little. And even though I would love to place the blame on someone else, Sutcliff maybe, it is my own thoughts that have caused the distraction.

 It is silliness really, but I cannot help but wonder why Ronald brought up New Year again. I know it has been a few days since then now, but it really is grating on me. He went all quiet on me after that, and though his silence only lasted for that night, I cannot help but think that I may have said the wrong thing.

 Though honestly … what was he expecting? For me to say that loving me was fine? Well I am not fine with it – he is a human and far younger than I. We would never work, regardless of if … if there is a little of something between us.

 So … so I will just have to keep him at arm’s length, which means no more kisses on the cheek. Definitely no more.

\--------

 I return home from work, a little later than I should have, to find Ronald in the living room with a feather duster in hand. “Where did you get that?”

 He turns to face me, a huge, lovely smile on his face. “Wha’, tha’ duster?”

 “Yes.”

 “I asked Grell ta’ drop me one off earlier.” He shrugs lightly. “Couldn’t figure out where y’ kept y’ own.”

 I nod swiftly. “I see, but you do not have to do that.”

 His smile slips away quickly, replaced by a frown. “Eh, why not? Y’ don’t want me ta’ help out around tha’ house?”

 “I appreciate the gesture but until your course of antibiotics has finished, I wish for you to rest.”

 “I’ve been restin’ all day!” He tucks the feather duster under his arm and crosses them. “I … I’m kinda’ bored bein’ stuck in here all day.”

 “It will only be for a few more days, and besides, did Slingby not come over earlier?”

 “Yeah … but I’ve jus’ been stuck in bed.”

 “And that is where you should return -.”

 “I wanna’ go out!” He pouts at me – rather cute actually. “C … can’t we jus’ pop out for a bit?”

 I sigh, pushing my glasses up my nose. I know it is not my right to try to control him. However “I don’t want you going outside in the cold; it will only make you sicker.”

 “Uh … true. Well, we could go ta’ … like a café’ or somethin’, if y’ don’t mind?”

 Oh … no, I do not like the sound of that. It seems a little too much like a date. Oh, but look at that pleading face of his – no, no, we are not going down that path. William, think! “I am really not in the mood for that.” His face falls and I instantly feel guilty. Think of something! “Oh. That does remind me actually, we are beginning to run out of food here. Would you like to go grocery shopping?”

 As lame an idea as it is, he jumps at the chance – and jumps forward onto me, hugging me tightly. “Sounds great!”

 “I see. It is around a ten minute walk, can you manage that? Or should I just teleport us both there?”

 “OH, HELL NO.” He chuckles. “I like my feet on solid ground, thanks.”

 “Not a problem. Just make sure to wrap up warm.”

 “Gotcha!”

\--------

 Well, we have not long arrived at the supermarket, and he has rushed off somewhere. He has probably gone to one of the junk food sections – I should probably find him. I head passed the fruit and veg aisle, and spot the clothing section not far away. While I am not usually one for buying clothes at a place like this, we are in desperate need of underwear. And socks – honestly, I swear that this boy just slings them anywhere. I have found them hidden under the bed, in the corner of the bathroom, and even behind the couch in the living room.

 “Will!” Ronald rushes back over to me, arms filled with packets of cookies and cake slices. “Can we ge’ these?”

 “Trolley.”

 “Sweet!” He dumps the items in and rushes off again. He is soon back, arms full again, this time with sweets and chocolate. “I didn’t know they did so many different sorts. Can y’ believe tha’?”

 “I wouldn’t know; I am not one for sweets.”

 “Ah.” He goes to drop them into the trolley, but pauses. “Eh … it’s okay me gettin’ this much, right?” I can see the look of worry on his face. “I don’t wanna’ make y’ pay for all this stuff if I won’t be here long enough ta’ make use of it.”

 “Pardon?” What the heck does he mean by that?

 “Well … y’ won’t want me around forever, will y’?”

 What, does he think that I do not want him around now or something? “You stay as long as you need, Ronald.”

 “R-really?”

 “Of course. You may be a complete idiot at times, but I am not going to just throw you out.”

 “Hah, alrighty then.” He glances at the items in his arms. “So can I put all this in?”

 “Yes, yes, buying more simply means I will not have to come back here anytime soon.”

 “Ah, awesome.” Something tells me that I will have to put my debit card into use.

\-----------

 Finally, after almost an hour, we are about to head to the checkout. Ronald had a breakdown – in a good way – when he found out that the store stocks milkshakes. He did not know that such a thing existed – honestly, this boy knows absolutely nothing.

 The term ‘kid in a candy store’ comes to mind.

 So now, the trolley is stuffed to the brim with sweet treats, frozen pizza, crisps, bottles of soda, pots of hot chocolate, and sweet breakfast items. And then I have gotten various packets of dry pasta, rice, frozen meat and fish, eggs, as well as some fruit and veg. He can have all the junk he wants – he needs the calories and fat, after all, but he also needs vitamins and minerals. That is where I come in; I plan to at least make a couple of cooked dinners a week.

 Oh dear … cooking for the both of us. That does sound awfully couple like ….

 The last item is scanned through and I wince at the total amount. £106.47. Ouch ….

\-------

 In the end, the bags were too heavy for even the both of us to walk home with them, so to Ronald’s dismay, I ended up porting us both back. “Ugh … I’ve gone all dizzy,” he says as soon as we appear in the kitchen.

 “You will get used to it in time.”

 “I don’t wanna’ ge’ used ta’ it!”

 “I see.” I lift the first bag up onto the kitchen table. “Are you going to help me put all of this junk away?”

 “Ah … yeah, of course.”

 Half way through unpacking, I turn around and see him glugging down a 500ml bottle of strawberry milkshake. “Ronald, that is not putting items away.”

 He swallows quickly, milkshake evident on his chin, and grins at me. “It does. I’m puttin’ this milkshake away in my gut.”

 “Oh … I suppose you are correct.” I really cannot get mad at him, can I?

\---------

 So much for not allowing kisses on the cheek, for he gave me one after thanking me for buying his food. Oh dear ….

 “It seems that the antibiotic is finally doing its job,” I say as we settle down for bed. “You are looking better.”

 “Yeah, I feel pretty good.” He lets out a yawn and slips down under the covers. “Oh, Grell’s comin’ over tomorrow.”

 “Okay.”

 “She really is great, Will, y’ should try ta’ ge’ ta’ know her more.”

 “He.”

 “Wha’?”

 I sigh. I really am fed up with Ronald calling Sutcliff a ‘she’. “Sutcliff is a man, as feminine as he tries to be.”

 “Eh? No? That’s definitely a chick.”

 “No Ronald, I have known him from the very beginning. He is a man.”

 “But she’s never said anythin’ ‘bout me callin' her a ‘she’.”

 “I know. He is deluded.”

 Ronald lets out a grunt. “Don’t be a cunt, Will.”

 “P-pardon?” I ask, shocked by his wording.

 “If it makes her happy, jus’ let it be. So wha’ if down there is man-like? She seems all lady ta’ me and plus, it’s not hurtin’ anyone, is it?”

 “I … I suppose it isn’t.” I have … never thought about it like that. I … have never really taken into account Sutcliff’s feelings.

 “So jus’ let her be happy. It costs nothin' ta’ be nice ta’ someone, does it?”

 “No … it does not.”

 “So … so no more of this man thing, okay?”

 “Alright ….” Well, that certainly told me.

\----------

***January 18th 2017***

 I have not really seen Sutcliff much, as … she seems more interested in her friendship with Ronald at present, though I have tried my best to not be rude to her. It is … bearable, I would say. Two days ago, she brought over shampoo for Ronald, as he seems to like the smell of her hair. I am not really happy about the possibility of him smelling sickly sweet like her, but what can I do? Well it may be her perfume, so it may be fine.

 I really cannot believe that Ronald has been here for over three weeks now; the time has passed me by so quickly.

 The infection in his mouth cleared up, and the one tooth was filled. However, the worse tooth could not be saved. According to the dentist, it was due to the fact that the crack had extended below the gum line.

 So, Ronald came away with a sore mouth, and a gap at the back of it. Though it does not bother him, I want him to have a complete set of teeth, meaning that he will have to have an implant put in. That involves drilling into the jaw and inserting a titanium rod for the replacement tooth to sit on. So … more pain for him and a chunk out of my bank balance. I have spoken to him about it, and though he did not seem keen on the idea, he agreed to it. I shall try to book an appointment for him to go next week.

 At least he is looking better now, some colour having come back into his face. He also does not look as gaunt, though I know it will take some time for him to gain a healthy amount of weight. I brought him vitamins from the human world, after having done some research; one is a multivitamin while the other is aimed at healthy skin, hair and nails. Though saying that, his hair does seem less brittle than it was at Christmas.

 Oh, and I took him clothes shopping – he does not have great taste, preferring to live in jeans and jogging bottoms than in anything deemed respectable. Not that it matters; he enjoys fluffy pyjamas more.  

 We have settled into a routine now. I get us both up at around seven in the morning, so that he can take a shower before me – that boy takes ages in there, though I suppose it is because he enjoys the warmth. At the beginning, he seemed shocked that anyone would wash every day, but I soon nipped that issue in the rear. He has also gotten a little used to seeing that time of morning.

 So once I have showered after him, I make us both breakfast – yesterday, he seemed extra hungry, so it was a full English breakfast. Then I wash up and he dries, takes his vitamins, and by that time, his hair has dried, and he is free to go back to bed.

 He has been sleeping a lot lately, but I put that down to the fact that when he was on the street, he was filled with anxiety and stress, and therefore couldn’t rest. Now that his body and mind is relaxed and calm, he is catching up on the rest that he has missed out on.

 When I return home, he is usually still in bed or has done a bit of cleaning. The early evening, he is either spending time with Trumpet or Sutcliff, or he pops down the road to Slingby’s house. Then it is time for dinner, and shortly afterwards, bed.

 We really have gotten closer in the past week, as much as I have tried not to let that happen.

 The alarm has not long gone off, my glasses now on, and I find myself not wanting to leave the comfort of my bed. Not that is it freezing (due to the heating). No, it is that Ronald is snuggled up right next to me, unaware of the irritating alarm. He shifts a little, pressing up against me, before he rolls over, back to me.

 I move closer to him, arm wrapping around his chest. That is usually the position we take, as at the beginning, I did not want to scare him by having my arm around his waist or hips. It seems a little … low, a little close to –

 He wiggles a little, hums in contentment, and I feel my heart melt. And a shocking realisation comes to me, hits me hard. As much as I try to keep him at a distance with my feelings, he continues to grow on me. I … I adore this boy.

 My nose is buried in his hair, and it smells wonderful. It is not sickly smelling from Sutcliff’s shampoo. It is indeed sweet, though also fruity. I … I think strawberry?

 And a feeling, strong as titanium, washes over me – an urge to be affectionate. And as if the action is as normal as breathing, I give him a quick peck on the head.

 “Hmmm ….” He stretches a little, though I think he is still fast asleep, and I pull him even closer, holding him tightly. I … I think a small lie in this morning is anything but a problem.


	42. Ronald. Chill out day.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a filler chapter, but I hope you'll like the cuteness. Wanted to show more of Ronald's friendships.
> 
>  
> 
> Points if you get the Ronald Mcdonald reference.

***8.30am***

 I woke up in a proper good mood this morning; not too sure why, but whatever. Just popped my vitamins, and I head to the fridge to grab a bottle of milkshake. Chocolate milkshake is so fucking good.

 “You are not going back to bed?” Will asks me.

 “Nope.” Eric managed to get my mobile to make texts and calls to the phones here in the reaper realm. Still, it’s a shame that I can’t talk to James while I’m here. I do wonder how he’s getting on. “Eric texted me last night and told me he’s not at work until this afternoon, so I’m poppin’ over ta’ his in a bit.”

 “Oh, have fun.” He puts the tea towel into the washing machine – he’ll probs do some washing later. “Will you be back for when I am on my dinner hour?”

 “Eh … probs not.”

 “We shall spend the evening together then. What do you fancy for dinner, fish or meatballs?”

 Uh … awkward. “Umm, Grell invited me over ta’ her place, so I probs won’t be back until late.”

 Shit … did he just slam the washing machine door shut? His back’s still turned away from me when he speaks again. “I see. Dinner for one then.”

 Ah … I think he’s pissed off. “But y’re off tomorrow, right?”

 “I am.”

 “So I’ll stay in tomoz, and help y’ clean out tha’ pigeon shed or somethin’.”

 “It is fine. Compared to your new friends, how could an old bore like me keep you entertained.”

 Eh, what? “Hey, hey, it’s not like tha’.” I feel kinda’ bad now, and I put the milkshake down, moving close to him. I give him a big hug from behind, squeezing him tightly. “I’m not bored of y’. I … I love spendin’ time wi’ y’ and havin’ y’ around, y’ know tha’.”

 “Do … do you think that you may miss me while away?”

 “Of course I will.” I can feel him relaxing in my arms. Good.

 “I … I will miss you too.”

 Aww, that’s cute. Hmm … maybe he does like me a tad? Well then …. “Okay, wha’ time y’ back from work, five?”

 “Yes?”

 “Alright, so wha’ ‘bout if I go down Grell’s at like six, instead of four?”

 He turns around in my arms – bit of a tight squeeze – and frowns down at me. “Y … you do not have to do that for my sake, Ronald.”

 “Na, na, it’s fine. Plus, y’ did say tha’ y’d miss me.”

 “I know, but still -.”

 “It’s cool.” I care about him; I don’t wanna’ upset him. “Plus, I can’t jus’ neglect Trumpet, can I?”

 “Very true.” He hugs back, face pressing against my hair. Haha, he makes me feel so short sometimes. “Thank you, Ronald.”

 “F-for wha’?”

 “I … I did want to spend time with you.”

 Ah ….

\---------

***8.57am***

 That was kinda’ odd, Will being clingy – na, na, clingy isn’t the right word. But I never thought he’d really want to spend time with me that badly. Hmm, so now I’m thinking that that kiss on my head, that I thought was a dream, wasn’t a dream at all. … I’m not gonna’ look too far into it right now – it’ll just get my hopes up and stress me out.

 I’m just about to get to Eric’s, and I’ve brought some biscuits with me. They’re super yummy – I’ve put on some weight, which is good, but my bump hasn’t really gotten a whole lot bigger. I guess that’s good too, because I really don’t wanna’ have to explain being pregnant to Will anytime soon. It … it’ll be kinda’ awkward. And … there’s always a chance he’ll … get pissed and throw me out.

 Oh, right, here. I knock on the door and within a few seconds, Eric opens up. “Hey Buddy!” He gives me a rough pat on the shoulder. “How’s the wee lad doing?”

 “I’m all good, thanks.”

 “Great! Al’s still in bed, the lazy shite.”

 “Aww, that’s cute, Buddy.”

 “Aye.”

 Eric steps out the way for me and I step inside, kicking off my shoes. He’s got a nice house; it’s big, detached, old fashioned, just like Will’s place. The living room is massive, a big fireplace right in the middle of the main wall. But then it’s decked out with this flat screen TV, speakers and loads of these game console things. Oh, and the kitchen’s all modern, but Eric said that that was Al’s idea.

 Eric’s big into electronics, phones, computers and all that. Before I came over here, I didn’t know that these things called ‘video games’ existed. From what I’ve seen of them, they’re pretty cool. I sit down on the sofa and Eric goes off into the kitchen.

 He comes back in and sits down next to me, beer in his hand. “Y’re not gonna’ start playin’?” I ask.

 “The PlayStation? Na, because then ah wouldn’t be able tae hang out with yer. Ah can wait until Al gets up.”

 “Hah, yeah, y’ do ge’ pretty engrossed.” I lift the packet up to him. “Want a biscuit?”

 “Aye, aye, sounds good tae me.”

\---------

***11.15am***

 Al’s been up a while now, and I got a second breakfast. Hah, I’m a right fatty when I want to be. Eric’s game has just ended, so he’s puffing on something – I think it’s called a Shisha Pen? Apparently Al won’t let him smoke inside the house.

 Al yawns and Eric looks around at him. “Yer cannae still be tired, babe.”

 “I … I am.”

 “Not feelin’ well?” I ask.

 “Oh no, I’m fine. I’m a reaper, remember?”

 “Ah … so why are y’ so tired?”

 Al shrugs lightly. “That new supervisor is horrible. He keeps trying to work us to death.”

 “Aye, he’s a right bastard.”

 “Oh man, tha’ sucks.”

 “I know.”

 I look over at Eric, and the game he’s just started playing. It’s some weird horror game shooter thing. “Hey Eric?” Just as I thought, I get a grunt.

 “Eric.” Al sighs. “Don’t ignore Ronnie.”

 “What? Ah’m busy.”

 “Eric!”

 “Aye, aye, ah’m listening.”

 “Can I ‘ave a go at tha’ game in a bit?” I ask. “It looks cool.”

 “Yer know how tae play?”

 “Na … not really.”

 “Alright. Yer can have a go after ah’ve finished this match.”  

 Al crosses his arms over his chest. “And stick to that, Eric, I know what you’re like with hogging that thing.”

 “Ah know, ah know.”

\--------

***12.08pm***

 Oh man, that game was awesome. I can see why Eric gets so addicted to it, even if my thumbs are proper sore now. He’s back being glued to it, so Al and I are baking cookies. Well, he’s baking them and trying to show me how.

 “So, wha’, I stir in tha’ flour tha’ same as tha’ egg?”

 “Nope.” He smiles at me. “Fold it in. Don’t be too rough.”

 “Rough, hah.”

 He bats me lightly on the shoulder. “Ronnie, behave.”

 “Alright, alright.”

 “Umm ….” He picks up the bag of flour. “Can I ask you something?”

 “Yeah, sure.”

 “Umm.”

 Why’s he starting to blush? “Okay?”

 His voice drops to a whisper. “Well, you … used to … work on the streets, didn’t you?”

 “Uh, yeah.” Great … I’m probably gonna’ get a lecture or a telling off or some shit.

 “So … so you probably know a lot about … that kind of stuff?”

 “Ah ….” Now I get it. “Y’ want some advice or somethin’?”

 “Y-yes.” Aww, he’s gone completely red. “O-oral … mainly.”

 “Ah. Eh … wha’ ‘bout it?”

 “Well, Eric’s … always wanted me to … do that, but I don’t know how.”

 “Wait – how long ‘ave y’ guys been together?”

 “Too long for me … to not know how to do THAT.”

 “Alright, well, y’ got a banana around here?”

 “I … I don’t need a demonstration!”

 “Oh really.” I can’t help it – I wanna’ wind him up more. “’Cause I could give y’ a demo.”

 He lets out a gasp, and the flour ends up all over the floor. I lose it, burst out laughing. “Oh … oh man, tha’ was too funny!”

 “Okay, so now you’ve done scaring me half to death, can I get that advice?”

 “Hah, sure thing.”

\---------

***12.20pm***

 The cookies have just gone in the over. I can’t wait to try them. “Hey Al?”

 “Hmm?” He turns from the sink to look at me.

 “How did y’ guys meet anyway, reaper speed datin’?”

 He lets out a little laugh. “No, it … was a little stranger than that.”

 “Alright. Wanna’ tell me ‘bout it?”

 “Well, I was human and really unwell.”

 “Oh … did he reap y’?” This sounds kinda’ interesting.

 “No … he came for someone else in my house. I don’t know, I think he felt bad for me, so I ended up in the reaper realm with him. He … he took really good care of me.”

 “Aww. Okay, so wha’ happened next? Y’ fell in love or somethin’?”

 “Good guess.” He smiles at me. “It was nice … regardless of how poorly I was.”

 “Yeah, it does help when y’ve got someone there for y’.” But … hang on a minute. “Y’ … were human back then, so wha’ happened?”

 “Oh.” Al lets out a little sigh. “My time was running out … and neither of us wanted me to go. So … so Eric told me that if I became a reaper, I’d be able to stay with him, and if I were a reaper, I wouldn’t be sick anymore.”

 “Oh … really?”

 “Yeah. Any illness you have when you’re human just goes away.”

 “Tha’ sounds pretty cool. So … is it pretty easy ta’ become a reaper?”

 He turns his back to me again in an instant. “It … it wasn’t a nice experience. I … I’d rather not talk about it.”

 “Oh … okay.” Awkward ….

\---------

***6.15pm***

 So we ate the cookies and chilled out some more. But then Eric had to go to work, so I watched some TV with Al before heading … is home the right word?

 Anyway ... I’m heading to Grell’s now but what Al said is still bugging me. I mean ... what could really be so bad? Did he have to have some weird ritual done or something?

 Well, whatever it is, I decided not to ask Will about it. If it’s really so bad, I doubt he’d be happy about me asking. Hmm ... I wonder if Grell will tell me?

 Her house is like a fifteen – twenty minute walk, and I had to ask someone for directions because I got lost, but I’m nearly there now. It should be just – “Woah.” Hah, that’s Grell’s house alright, being painted bright red and all.

 She’s opened the door before I’m even all the way up the path. Wow, a silky, red nightdress. Cool. “Lookin’ good, Babe,” I say as I reach the door. Aww, and those fluffy, red slippers are damn cute.

 “Thank you, Darling.” She waves a box in front of my face. “You’re about to look just as good.”

 “Eh? Why? What’s in tha’ box?”

 “Hair dye.”

 Ah .... “Na, I don’t want my hair all bright red like y’s.”

 “Mine is natural!” She barks at me and I can’t help but laugh.

 “Yeah, yeah, wha’ever y’ say.”

 “It is.” She huffs at me. “Besides, this dye in here is black.”

 Okay, time to back away slowly, haha. “Er ... no thanks. I don’t think black’ll suit me.”

 “It will -.”

 “I ... I don’t really like black. And ... I’m kinda’ too pale for tha’.”

 “Ronald!” I flinch and she sighs again, leaning herself against the doorframe. “It isn’t going to cover your whole head, Darling, trust me.”

 “But-.”

 “I AM a beauty expert, after all.”

 Yeah ... she’s not gonna’ drop it. Well, if it’s really bad, I’ll just have to shave it off and start again. Ick .... “Alright, alright, I trust y’.”

 “Excellent, Darling!” In one swift motion, she grabs a hold of me and drags me inside. Oh man, I’m probably gonna’ look like a fucking clown by the end of the night.

\--------

***8.30pm***

 So, she had to dye it brown first – something to do with too much of a contrast in the dye to my natural hair. So after dyeing it brown, washing it, drying it, dyeing it black, washing it, using fuck loads of conditioner, washing that out, and then drying it again, it’s finally done. I’ve just had a chance to look at it in Grell’s bedroom mirror.

 “Well, what do you think, Honey?” She’s grinning widely at me.

 I take another look at it. It … it looks fucking awesome to be fair, black at the back, but still bright blonde on the top and front. “I love it. I look like a whole new me.”

 “You do look adorable like that.”

 “Adorable? Na, I look badass.” I really hope Will likes it. “Thanks Grell.”

 “Oh, no need to thank me, Darling, it’s my duty to make my friends look fabulous.”

\-------

***8.45pm***

 The radio is on right now, me and Grell sitting on the sofa in the living room. “Which colour?” She holds up two pots of nail polish, one pink and one red.

 Well why not? “Pink.”

 “And don’t forget your toenails.”

 “Gotcha.” I reach down, pulling my socks off. “Er … I don’t know how ta’ stick this stuff on.” She’s just taken her old nail polish off. “Can y’ show me?”

 “Of course I can, Darling.”

\---------

***8.50pm***

 She’s put on red, obviously. “Alright, doesn’t look so hard.”

 I put my feet up on the pouffe and hear her squeal. Before I know what’s going on, she’s grabbed a hold of my foot, tugging it up roughly. Hah … okay, flat on my back.

 “Oh … no, no, no, your feet are terribly dry.”

 “Uh, so?” What’s she getting at exactly?

 “I need to take you to a salon!”

 “A … a salon?”

 “Yes, where you can get your feet all smoothed out and moisturised.” She smiles at me. “I know this great human girl who lives in this realm, just like you. She makes some money by running a salon in town.”

 “Oh … well, obviously, I’m kinda’ skint.”

 “Oh, don’t you worry about that. It’ll be my little treat.”

 “Aww, thanks.” Wait a minute. “I … I’m not gonna’ come out wi’ all makeup on and stuff, am I?”

 “No, no, though your eyebrows could do with some work.”

 “Uh … k?”

\---------

***9.34pm***

 Well, I’ve gotta’ admit, pink looks damn good on me. Grell’s got curlers in her hair now – says she’s got some brunch party thing on tomorrow morning, whatever that is. So now we’ve both got a massive bowl of popcorn, and a movie’s about to start. A romcom – I haven’t got a clue what that is.

 “Umm … Grell?” If I don’t ask this now, I dunno’ when I’ll get the chance.

 “Hmm … what is it, Darling?”

 “Erm … I was wonderin’, how does a human turn inta’ a reaper?”

 “Oh Honey, you don’t want to know about that. It’s a dreadful business.”

 “Oh … alright then.” Why do I feel like they’re hiding something from me? Well, if Grell won’t tell me, there’s no way I’m gonna’ get the answer out of Eric or Will. Ugh … fucking hell, forget it. I don’t really care about it anyway, I was just curious ….

\--------

***11.15pm***

 “Aww, tha’ film was so cute.”

 “Hmm-mm, I’d love a man like that.” Grell bats her eyelashes at me.

 “Yeah ….” I’d still rather go with Will to be fair. “So, wha’ now?”

 “You aren’t tired yet?” She blinks at me.

 “Na, I’m havin’ too much fun.”

 “Aww, Honey!” She grabs a hold of me, pulling me into a tight hug. “That’s so sweet. It’s time to watch something more exciting, wouldn’t you say?”

 “Yep, sure!”

\---------

***11.56pm***

 I … I don’t like this film. It’s … all blood and guts and violence … and it’s bringing up too many bad memories. I’ve got my head buried in Grell’s shoulder and the … the tears are coming. F-fuck ….

 “G-Grell?”

 “Hmm?”

 “C-can … we turn this off? I … really don’t like it.”

 “Oh, but I checked with Eric, and he said you were fine with watching gory video games.”

 “I … it’s not tha’ same. P-please turn … tha’ fuckin’ thing off.”

 A few seconds later, the screaming on the TV turns to silence, and I can breathe again. Thank fuck for that.

 “What about a nicer film then?”

 “Alright … anythin’ … but tha’.”

 “Hmm, well I do have one that Alan lent to me. It’s not my sort of thing but I think you’ll like it.”

 “S-sure, what’s it called?”

 “Finding Dory. It’s like a cartoon thing, for children.”

 “S-sweet.” Aww … I can see Al watching something like that. He really is a cutie.

\-------

***1.30am***

 That was a great film, a good laugh, and even though I hadn’t seen the first film of the series, I loved every minute of it. “Hmm … Grell, I think it’s time ta’ call it a night.”

 “Ohhh, have I worn you out?”

 “Hah, defo.”

 “Well, I’ll port you back home then, save you walking.”

 “Aww, thanks Babe.”

\---------

“Y’ were waitin’ up for me?” I ask when I find Will awake in the living room.

 “I wanted to make sure that you had – oh, your hair?”

 “Yep! Wha’ do y’ think?” I walk over to the sofa and flop down on it next to him, smiling when his arm wraps around my shoulders.

 “It … is quite the change.”

 “I didn’t ask tha’. Do y’ like it?”

 I think I see the corners of his mouth turn up. “I like it very much. You actually look your age.”

 “Instead of a lil’ kid?”

 “Indeed.” I can feel his hand rubbing my upper arm, and it feels really nice. “Should we retire to bed?”

 “Y’ tired?”

 “Not really. I took a nap after you left the house.”

 “Oh.” I hear Trumpet flapping around in his box, and I can’t help but grin widely. “Y’ know wha’? I think I can stay up a bit longer. I think I feel a cuddle wi’ Mr Pigeon comin’ on.”

 “Of course. I … I would like that also.”

 Hmm … I don’t think that that head kissing dream was a dream after all ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be a bit different. You'll see. xD I'm looking forward to it.


	43. Side story: Chapter one. Dank world. Alan/Eric.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So ... I thought it would be cool to slip the beginning of Alan's and Eric's story in here, saying it was mentioned in the last chapter. It didn't seem right to put it at the end of the story, as it wouldn't be as relevant. Also, I never manage to finish side stories at the moment. 
> 
> Can skip this and come back to the whole side story later if you wish. It'll be spaced through the rest of the story, between the main chapters. Enjoy! xD Also, points if you notice the date.

***December 26th, 1816***

 Darkness had long fallen over London, wind and hail on a rampage across the city.

“Ah … shite.” Eric’s shoulders slumped as he appeared in a rundown street of Terrance houses, windows boarded, muck evident on cobbles. “Ah’m always stuck in the slums.”

 Finding a place to shelter from the harsh weather, he took out his ledger, glancing at the name of the soul he was about to collect. Timothy Humphries, aged 17. Cause of death: lung disease. “Oh great, another kid?” The blonde reaper cursed under his breath some more, checking his watch as he did so. Another four minutes – time to find the house.

 A minute or so later, Eric had ported into the attic room of the house. It was dark, lit by only two candles, one on the walls at either side of the room. Dank too, the smell of damp and mould filling Eric’s nostrils. Turning his eyes to the roof, he could see water leaking through a crack in its surface. _God, what a pigsty. I don’t envy the poor soul who’s had to live in here._

 His thoughts were broken by a feeble coughing, and he turned to face a musty smelling bed, sheets dirty and moth-eaten. The sickly, delirious looking young man who the sound was attached to was obviously the soul to be reaped.

 And Eric would rather be anywhere but there right now, he’d rather be doing anything but watching this poor boy suffer. But at least the human would be being put out of his misery, and this was Eric’s last collection for the night. Then he could go home, crack open a big bottle of whiskey, and get this less than grand Boxing Day over with. Getting drunk did seem the only excitement he was going to get this December, bar Grell's possible New Year Eve’s antics.

\---------

 With a sigh from Eric, the last of Timothy’s cinematic record was collected, the light from the reel leaving the room.

 “H-hello?”

 The reaper jumped a foot, and spun around, seeing another bed towards the back of the room. There was a figure, small and thin, huddled back against the headboard, covers pulled up to their chest.

 _Holy sh – they can see me?_ “Hello?” Eric drew nearer to the bed, seeing that the figure was a young brunette man. He too looked unwell, cheeks hollow, dark, almost brown in colour circles under his dull eyes. _Damn … he must be pretty close to death too. That … that would explain him seeing me._

 “You … you are death, aren’t you?” The human asked, hands twisting in the fabric of the sheets. “Have you come … to take me too?”

 “No, ah’m not death exactly. Ever heard of a Grim Reaper?”

 “N … no .…”

 “Ah don’t kill people, ah just collect their souls.” As awkward as this conversation was, Eric’s mind wandered to the cuteness of his man. As pale and sickly as he appeared, the reaper found him nice on the eyes. “Uh, sorry about yerr … brother?”

 “M-my brother, yes. He … he is in – what a-about me?”

 “Not yer time yet.”

 “O-oh.” Any other words from the human were broken by coughing, and he put his hand to his mouth. Eventually, and after an awkward blinking from the reaper, he spoke again. “B-but … why? I’m … older than he, I … I’ve suffered more.”

 Eric could hear the wheezing coming from the man in front of him. “Ah take it yer’re not well either?”

 A bitter, broken laugh came from the human. “N-no, I’ve never … been well. Riddled … with the same plague as … my brother. I … I’ve been weak, sickly … since birth. And … and it feels as if … I’ll be forever … s-stuck in this misery.” He sniffed loudly. “A-and my … family aren’t there for … me. They tell me … that this is my fault. That … sinners suffer like this … but I … I don’t remember doing … anything wrong!”

 As the man dissolved into tears, Eric felt an odd need to comfort him. Sitting on the bed, he wrapped an arm around the young human’s shoulders. _Damn … he really is tiny._ “People get sick for no reason sometimes. It’s not because they’re a bad person.”

 “H … how would you know?”

 “Eh … ah kind of work for the big man upstairs.”

 “W-what?”

 “Aye, ah work for God, do his dirty work.”

 “Ay … aye? What does … that mean?”

 _Aww, that’s kind of cute._ “It means yes.”

 “I … I see.”

 “So are yerr family … in this house?”

 “Yes … but … they keep me locked up here.”

 “They do what?!”

 More tears leaked down the human’s face as he rested his head on Eric’s shoulder. “I’m sick, j-just a burden. My parents … have enough children, they … don’t want someone … like me.”

 “Shite …. Do they even give yer food?”

 “N … not really – a little. Water … sometimes.”

 _Bloody hell._ Eric looked around the room again, taking in the mould growing on the walls, the rot taking over the room. _And … and that body is going to start decaying soon. It … it’s going to stink in here._ _I can’t leave him here._ “That’s tough, ah’m sorry ….” He thought of what to say next. “What’s yerr name?”

 “A-Alan … Humphries.”

 “That’s a grand name.” _Really cute …._

 “And I … I’m twenty two. H … how old are y-you?”

 “Hah, old enough tae be yerr ancestor.”

 “O-oh ….” Alan sniffed again. “M … my brother … is … he going to hell? My parents say -.”

 “Has he ever killed anyone? Stole? Injured a person?”

 “N-no, of … of course not.”

 Eric smiled. “Then he’s going tae be just fine up in heaven.”

 “O … oh, thank goodness for … that.” Another harsh cough left him, followed by a groan. “M … my chest … really hurts.”

 “Yer … yer should rest.”

 Alan nodded and pulled away from Eric. “I … I know.” He glanced away, looking down at the bedsheets. “T … thank you … for talking to me. Y-you … seem nice.”

 _Damn … he’s tugging at my heartstrings here._ Eric scratched at his chin. “Eh … yer can come home with me if yer want?”

 “W-what?” Their eyes met. “W-why would you – you … you don’t … know me.”

 “No but ah -.”

 “You … you pity … me.”

 “No, no, ah ….” Eric sighed. “Ah don’t want tae see yer rot in this … hell hole.”

 “I … I’m rotting … inside anyway.”

 “That’s not true … and maybe if yer go somewhere dry and warm, yer’ll get better.”

 They both knew that it wasn’t true, but it brought a small smile to Alan’s face. “T … that’s so nice … of you. Oh, where … where are my manners? What’s … your name?”

 “Eric Slingby.”

 “I … it suits you.”

 “Aye, ah think it does too. Should we make a move then?”

 “Oh … okay. B … but my brother?”

 “He’s not here anymore – he’s going tae be just fine.”

 “I … I see.” Alan bit his lip before saying “I … I’m ashamed to admit that … I can’t walk.”

 “Oh?”

 He wiped at his eyes. “Been … too sick for … a while now.”

 “Well, ah’ll have tae carry yer then, ah guess.”

 “Is … is your house far?”

 “Well ….”

\-------

 After explaining the ins and outs of the reaper realm to Alan, Eric had taken him back to his house, a large, detached home on a suburban street. The small human, now sitting up on Eric’s bed, flinched when the reaper flicked the lamp on. “W … what … what on earth is that?”

 “Ahhh … well, us reapers are a bit ahead of yer humans. We have a lot of things here that yer lot haven’t invented yet.”

 “O … oh.”

 “But yer’ll catch up in time, trust me.”

 Alan nodded slowly, eyeing the lamp with concern. “It … isn’t dangerous?”

 “Not in the slightest.”

 A small smile came over his lips. “T … that’s amazing, Eric.”

 “Ah try.” The reaper grinned at him, but the smile soon faded as Alan began to cough harshly. He was at the frail human’s side in an instant, rubbing his back – it was the only thing that he could think of that might help.

 “W … water ….” Alan managed to breathe out between coughing.

 “Aye, aye, of course.” Eric rushed off. _Shite … he’s so sickly …._

_\---------_

 A while later, Alan lay under the covers, eyelids heavy from his exhaustion. “I’m … rather sleepy.”

 “Then go tae sleep.”

 “Is … is that okay?”

 Eric frowned. “Aye, why wouldn’t it be?”

 “I … I have no idea.” Alan sighed. “I … I feel as if I’m intruding, being rude … in some way.”

 “No, no, yer’re not at all. Go tae sleep, lad.”

 “T … thank you.” _Thank you for everything …._

 “Ah should probably hit the hay myself.” Eric kicked off his shoes and slipped his wet suitcoat off. Soon, his shirt had dropped to the floor, trousers replaced by a pair of bed shorts.

 Alan’s pale cheeks had flushed, and he didn’t quite know where to look. “Y … you aren’t cold?”

 “No, it’s quite warm in here tae be honest.” Eric shifted over to the bed, pulling the covers back. _Oh …._ “Should ah put a shirt on?”

 “No, no, if you’re … warm, i-it’s not a problem.” Alan gulped. “You … have a … nice home.” He only flushed more. _Is … is that the best you could … come up with, Alan? Really?_

 “Thanks.” Eric climbed into bed, and in an instant, Alan was pressed against his side. “Eh, Alan?”

 “S … sorry, you’re … just so warm. I … I’ll move.”

 “No, no, stay. Ah don’t want yer getting sicker.”

 A large smile was brought to Alan’s lips as he wiggled around, getting comfy, hand moving onto Eric’s hard, sculpted chest. “T … thank you, Eric.” And for the first time in a decade, Alan slept like a baby, Eric’s presence comforting him in slumber.


	44. William. This is not right.

***Thursday, January 26th***

 No, no, this will not do at all. A month exactly, it has been now, since Ronald came to live here with me, and we are growing close, too close. These feelings towards him, I am not used to – they feel odd to me, anything but comforting. And becoming jealous like I did last week, that is such a strange way for me to act. I am used to not caring, not caring about anyone at all.

 He brushed against me in passing last night, and I felt my heart flutter. This is not like me, to feel anything resembling love. It scares me … scares me because I know that I will only end up hurting him.

 After all, he has a family, and I have known from the beginning that he will have to be reunited with them at some point. He will have to return to the human world eventually …. Maybe pushing him away sooner, rather than later, would be the easiest way to go about doing so.

\-------

***5.15pm***

 He is away at the moment, at Slingby’s house, which I am grateful for, because it has given me a chance to think things through. I am currently doing some ironing, straightening out the bedcovers for the guest bedroom.

 It is not really a terrible thing I am doing, making Ronald sleep in the guestroom, for he knew from the very start that our current sleeping arrangements would not be permanent. And … it is the best way for me to make him understand that nothing will ever happen between us romantically. If I tried to speak to him about it, I would probably come off as insensitive and upset him more. It is for the best.

 Still, I feel a little guilty … and dread to think of the look on his face when he finds out.

\------

***5.50pm***

 I am just about to put the first pillow in place when I hear him call out to me, the front door shutting moments later. “Hey Will, where are y’?” I hear him climb the stairs.

 I carry on with what I am doing, hoping that he will go back downstairs, thinking that I have popped out. No such luck, as it doesn’t take him long to check the guestroom. “Ah, there y’ are – wha’ are y’ doin’?” He is frowning at me. “Y’ havin’ a friend over or somethin’?”

 “No.”

 He tilts his head to the side. “So what’s tha’ point?”

 Oh … Lord, this is rather awkward. “It is time you use the guestroom, Ronald.”

 “Hah, that’s funny.” He grins at me. “Man … I’m hungry.” Turning around, he leaves the room, and I am left to stand here, utterly confused.

\-------

***10.14pm***

 The evening was rather awkward, and for the most part, we sat in silence – not what I wanted from my day off. He gets up from the sofa, heading from the room. “Going to bed?” I ask.

 “Yeah, I’m knackered.”

 “I see. Night then.”

 I wait a few minutes before going to check my bedroom, and as I thought, he is tucked up in that bed. I sigh before going over to it. “Ronald, I told you to sleep in the guestroom.”

 “N-na ….”

 “Yes.”

 He sits up in bed and looks at me. “But why?”

 “Because I said so.”

 “That’s not a proper answer!”

 I rub at my temple. “Look, you knew that you would end up in the guest bedroom eventually.”

 “B … but, but -.”

 “Ronald, for once, do as you’re told!” Why does he always have to make things harder than they have to be?

 “I don’t wanna’!”

 “Well that is tough!” I … I really don’t want to start an argument here. “Look … it is not a big issue, is it? Just go sleep in the guestroom, it doesn’t really matter.”

 “It matters ta’ me!” Oh no … he looks as if he is about to cry. “Ronald -.”

 “Y’ know wha’, fuck y’!” He rips the covers back and jumps out of bed. “I … I thought y’ cared ‘bout me!”

 “I … I do.”

 “Hah, fuck off!” He has rushed from the room before I have a chance to say anything else, and I sigh when I hear the guest bedroom door slam.

 Well done William, really, well done ….


	45. William. Beginnings.

***2.03am***

 No sleep for me again, it seems, though I suppose it is my own fault. For one, I feel a little guilty still, and two, it feels odd to be sleeping alone. I have gotten used to Ronald’s twitching and wiggling in his sleep, and I must admit that I miss it … somewhat.

 I toss and turn, the minutes ticking by on my alarm clock. It is soon half past two, and then gone three, and I doubt I will get to sleep anytime soon. I –

 What … what was that? A loud bang just came from … the guestroom? Oh, Ronald, what are you up to this time? I get out of bed and hurry to the door of Ronald’s room. My knuckles rap against the wood. “Ronald?”

 I get no reply, only some noise resembling a whine. Letting out a sigh, I push the door open, and find him face down on the floor. Well, this would not be the first time that he has fallen out of bed. Still, I should make sure – “Ronald, are you alright?”

 “N … no.” He rolls onto his back – oh great, he has been crying. This … is probably my fault.

 “What is the matter?”

 “N … nightmare, and … and now my elbow hurts.”

 “Well, you did fall out of bed.”

 “Y … yeah.” Pushing himself up into sitting, he moves to rest back against the bed. A hand moves up to his eye, and he rubs at it, letting out a hiccup as he does so. He resembles a vulnerable child when he does that … so helpless.

 “Do … do you wish to talk about the nightmare?”

 “N … no.”

 “I see.” I have to admit, this is a little awkward. “Well, try to go back to sleep. Do you need anything bringing up? A drink, or -.”

 “No! I … I don’t wanna’ sleep in here.”

 “You will get used -.”

 “No, no I won’t!” He sniffs loudly, and my guilt increases. “I … I don’t like it in here. It’s … lonely in here … and tha’ lamp keeps flickerin’. Y’ … y’ know I hate tha’ dark.”

 “Then I shall bring in the lamp -.”

 “No!” He scrambles to his feet, and is in front of me quickly, face only a foot or so away from mine. “I … I’m sleepin’ in y’ room, whether y’ like it or not.”

 “Fine, I shall sleep -.”

 “Fuckin’ hell!” Before I have a chance to say anything else, he goes into hysterics. “I … I don’t ge’ why y’ do this! Y’ … y’re fine wi’ me for a while and … then y’ jus’ push me away for no reason!”

 “I do no such -.”

 “Yeah y’ do! I … I don’t know if I’m comin’ or goin’, or if y’ … even like me.”

 “Of course I like you; it is just that ….”

 “Jus’ wha’?” I gulp when he grabs a hold of my shirt. And my heart begins to pound, because there are tears rolling down his cheeks. “Y’ … y’ confuse tha’ hell out of me. I … thought tha’ y’ really liked me.” He lets out a shaky breath. “I mean, y’ … kissed me on tha’ head and stuff.”

 Oh … oh dear. “Y … you know about that?”

 He nods slowly. “Y’ thought … I was asleep, right?”

 “Yes,” I admit.

 “Well, I liked … it. And … and I like kissin’ y’ on tha’ cheek and stuff.” His grip tightens. “I told Grell ‘bout it and … she says it means y’ like me more than jus’ a friend.”

 Oh Lord … no, this was the one conversation I never wanted to have with him. “I … I see.”

 “So … y’ do like me like tha’?”

 “No.”

 His mouth falls open for a moment before he shakes his head. His eyes meet mine again. “Don’t lie ta’ me.”

 “I … I am not.” But he knows that I am lying, of course he does, for the tone of my voice is hardly convincing. Even I am not believing my own words ….

 “P … prove it.” His lips meet my cheek, and though I feel it should alarm me, given the goal sending him to the guestroom was supposed to achieve, I relax into the touch.

 “If … if y’ really don’t like, like me, tell me ta’ stop.”

 My resolve is dissolving before my very eyes. “I … I can’t.” His lips feel wonderful against my skin.

 “Or … or y’ don’t want ta’?”

 A shaky breath leaves me. “That … also.”

 His free hand rubs the tears from his cheeks. “Cool.” And then his lips are pressed against my skin again, working their way to my jaw.

 “R … Ronald ….” No one has ever kissed me there before … and it feels quite wonderful.

 “Y’ like tha’?” He whispers against my skin, and I know that I should make him stop, that we will never be right for each other, but I cannot bring myself to do so.

 “I do.” I wrap my arm around his waist loosely. He has me defeated. “We should head to bed.”

 “Y’ bed?”

 “Yes.”

\-----------

***3.43am***

 We have been in bed for some time, though he seems restless. “Ronald, are you alright?”

 “I … I dunno’.”

 He snuggles closer to me as I ask “is the nightmare bothering you?”

 “N-na, not really.” Resting his face in the crook of my neck, he asks “y’ … y’re not gonna’ toss me away again, are y’?”

 “T-toss you away?” His words hurt my insides. “No, I … I never meant for it to come off like that.” My fingers run through his hair. “I … I am sorry.”

 “Forget … ‘bout yesterday.” He pulls away slightly to look at me. “I jus’ wanna’ know tha’ we’re gonna’ be good from now on.”

 I give him a quick peck on the forehead. Not for any reason in particular; I just wish to do so. “I … I think we will be fine, Ronald.”

 “Good.” He lets out a hum, and I am honestly amazed by how quickly he falls into slumber.

\-------

***8.14am***

 In hindsight, I should not be surprised about how this all turned out. I … I have liked him for a while now, and I was silly to think that keeping him at arms’ length would really change that – or change his … feelings for me.

 I adore him … I really do.

 I still worry, a little, knowing that I will eventually have to speak to him about his past, tell him about his parents. Still, just because he knows that they exist, it does not mean that he has to go back to the human word. It … it does not mean that he will decide to leave me.

 “Are you planning to go out today?” I ask, watching the toaster.

 “Yeah, goin’ ta’ Eric’s in a bit.”

 I jump slightly, as his voice is right behind me. I turn around, and he is grinning at me, and the next thing I know, his lips are pressed to mine. There it is … that familiar pounding in my chest, but Lord, his lips are so soft. And I kiss back, unable to help myself, my arm wrapping around his waist. He is pulled closer to me, and he groans against my mouth.

 I have to hold in my disappointment when he pulls away, breathless. “Y … you are a good kisser, Ronald.”

 “Yeahhh, I’ve been told tha’ before.” He pushes his hips forwards, against mine, and my stomach clenches. But … but it is a nice feeling. “More?”

 I gulp, nodding a moment later. “Yes.”

 He wraps his arms around my neck, our lips meeting again. Feeling his tongue brushing against my lips, I hesitate for a moment, before allowing him access. As soon as they meet, I let out a – was that a groan? Oh, but this feels so good.

 I … I have never had this sort of contact before and enjoyed it. The kiss becomes more heated, and I lose myself in the moment. He tastes wonderful, of the hot chocolate he has just devoured.

 We somehow end up on the floor, my back pressed to the cupboard doors. He squeezes me tighter, his knees doing the same to my hips. My fingers end up in his damp hair, tongues pressing together, his mouth so much warmer than mine, his skin soft and supple against mine.

 Such an interaction should disgust me, but it does nothing of the sort. I am enjoying this … enjoying this so much, and I realise that I have been a fool for denying myself such a feeling.

 I should have given in to my love for him from the first moment that I felt it. He makes me happy. Lord, he makes me so happy ….


	46. Side story: Chapter two. Tea. Alan/Eric.

 Eric was awoken at around seven o’clock in the morning by the sound of coughing. Sitting up in bed, he saw that Alan was curled up against the headboard, hand over his mouth. “Alan, yer okay?”

 After another, big cough, Alan nodded. “Yes … my chest is just worse in the morning. I … I’m not sure why.”

 “Do yer cough anything up?”

 “Yes … but at present, it feels as if it is stuck in my chest.”

 “Well, yer’ll have tae cough it up.” Eric pulled a face at the thought.

 “I … I know.”

 “Hmm … ah think ah have an idea.”

\------

 A steaming mug of tea was placed on the nightstand. “What is that?” Alan asked.

 Eric frowned at him. “Yer don’t know what tea is?”

 “N … no.”

 “Oh, but ah thought that even poor families drank tea by now?”

 Alan shook his head. “Maybe … my parents have it … but they’ve never given any to me. W … what is this ‘tea’ exactly?”

 “Just tea leaves – from a kind of plant – that have been boiled in water.” Eric chuckled at the look on Alan’s face. “It’s actually quite good. Ah’ve put some sugar in it too.”

 “S-sugar?”

 The reaper shook his head. “Never mind. The tea should help break up the stuff on yerr chest anyway.”

 “H … how?”

 “The heat.”

 “Oh ….”

 “Wait for it tae cool down a bit first though. Ah don’t want yer burning yerself.”

 Alan smiled slightly. “Thank you, Eric.”

\------

 Alan took a sip of the warm tea, letting out a hum once he’d swallowed the liquid down. “Tasty … and sweet.”

 “Aye, that would be the sugar.”

 “N … nice.” Alan continued to drink, the warmth spreading through his chest easing his pain a little. Soon, the mug was placed back on the nightstand.

 “Has it loosened up that shite in yer chest?” Eric asked, sitting on the edge of Alan’s side of the bed.

 “I think so, a little.”

 “Good. Yer should probably get yerself in the bath.”

 “T … the bath? But … isn’t it unhealthy to wash?”

 The reaper let out a sigh. “Yer know when ah said that humans are way behind?”

 “Y-yes?”

 “Well, it’s actually bad for yer not tae wash. The dirtier someone gets, the sicker they can get.”

 “Oh … really?”

 “Aye.”

\-------

 Eric came back into the room, having just finished running a bath. “Alright, it’s ready.”

 “Oh.” Alan shifted around uncomfortably. “How … am I to get to the bath?”

 “Oh right, yerr legs.” Eric thought for a moment. “Okay, strip off and ah’ll carry yer tae the bath.”

 Alan’s eyes widened. “Y … you aren’t seeing me naked, Eric.”

 “Ah’ll shut my eyes.”

 “You’re not touching my nude form either! That … that is sinful.”

 Eric grunted at him. “What do yer suggest then?”

 “I … I am not sure.”

 “What about if ah wrap a towel around yer or something?”

 Alan pondered for a moment. “T … that sounds okay.”

\-------

 Alan was now in the bath, Eric’s towel having gotten soaked in the process. The brunette wrapped his arms around his bare chest. “Eric, I said not to look … at me.”

 “Ah’m not; ah need tae show yer what stuff tae use.” Eric picked up two items. “Right, this is soap, so wash yerr body with it. This is shampoo, use it tae wash yerr hair.”

 “S-shampoo? I … I don’t know – how does it work?”

 Eric rolled his eyes. “Yer know what? Just shuffle down a bit and ah’ll do it for yer.”

 “No, no, you’re not putting … your hands by … that area.”

 “Ah meant yerr hair, with the shampoo.”

 “O … OH.” The brunette blushed. “I see – that is fine.”

 “And anyway.” Eric chuckled. “Yer had yerr hands all over my bare chest last night.”

 Alan’s cheeks only flushed redder. “Y … you were warm. That … that is all it was.”

 “Aye, aye, whatever yer say.”

\-------

 Eric’s hands worked their way through Alan’s wet hair, lathering up the shampoo.

 “Hmmm ….” Alan relaxed into his touch. “That feels … good.”

 “Good, good.” Eric looked at the colour of the bubbly mixture. “Hn, yerr hair was really dirty.”

 “It … it has been a while since I last washed.”

 “Eh … nice.”

 “Sorry ….”

\-------

 “O … okay, I’m dressed,” Alan said as loudly as he could manage.

 Eric walked back into the room, seeing Alan clad in his clothes. “Aww.”

 Alan frowned at him. “Pardon?”

 “My clothes are so big on yer. It looks kind of adorable.”

 Alan’s face flushed again. “Don’t … speak about me in that manner.”

 “Sorry.” _I’m not sorry, not at all._ “How are yer feeling anyway?”

 “I … I do feel a little better.” At that moment, Alan coughed, letting out a whine a second later. “I … I need a cloth.”

 “What? Oh, is the stuff on yerr chest coming up?”

 “I … I think so.”

\-------

 Eric rubbed Alan’s back as the brunette coughed up mucus into a wad of tissues. “It … it always tastes so horrible,” Alan sighed as his coughing died down.

 “Aye, ah’d think so.” _How … lovely._

 “Hmm ….”

 “Well, it’s better out than being all in yerr chest.”

 “Yes … breathing is a little easier now.” Alan was about to speak again, when his stomach rumbled loudly. “Oh ….”

 Eric chuckled at him. “Is someone hungry?”

 “Yes … but I think I’ll be okay.”

 “Nonsense.” Eric got off of the bed. “Ah cannae let yer starve, can ah?” _Now I’ve just got to figure out what to feed him. Hmm …._


	47. Ronald. More advice, more confusion.

***Thursday, February 2nd 2017***

 Ohhhh, I’ve just had some interesting news. It turns out that Grell’s brunch thingy was actually a proper date, which explains the hair and everything. And now, Grell has a proper boyfriend.

 His name’s … eh, what was it? It was something weird …. OH! Oh yeah, Othello. Apparently he and Grell have some history together, going way back to the 19th century. I haven’t met him yet but Grell seems happy, so I’m proper happy for her. At least she’s gonna’ be getting laid soon, even if I’m not.

 I’m so … so, so, so horny right now.

 Hmm … but one thing that’ll make this boner go down a bit is thinking about this dentist appointment tomorrow. I’m getting my new tooth put in … not to mention that metal bar that’s going to be drilled into my gum. Ouch … ouch, so, so not good. I’m really not looking forward to that one bit ….

\---------

***Sunday, February 12th 2017*** 

 Eh … well that dentist appointment really was hell, and my gum throbbed for like a week afterwards. But oh well, it’s all over now and I have a nice, new (but hella’ fake) tooth.

 Things have been going great with Will to be fair, but … I do feel like there’s something missing. I mean, we’ve been together for a while now, and … well, we haven’t been intimate yet.

 Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that he doesn’t want to just fuck my brains out … but still, it’s about time we got down to business, isn’t it?

 Or … or maybe I’m just so used to sex that I’m thinking it’s more important than it really is. Like … maybe not every relationship involves sex? And … sex isn’t always a good thing, I know that all too well.

 God … I … I don’t know. I’m so fucking confused. My shoulders slump as I think on it more. I … I really haven’t a fucking clue about what makes up a ‘normal relationship.’

 Ugh ….

 No, no, it’s not worth getting upset over. If … if I get really worried about it, I can talk to Alan about it. Yeah, yeah, that’s right – no … no need to worry, no need at all.

\-------

***12.05pm***

 I’ve just gone over to Eric’s, and Alan’s nowhere to be seen. “Where’s Al?”

 “Nhhhh ….”

 Great, he’s got his head stuck in that game again. “Eric!”

 I laugh when he flinches, pausing the game and turning around to give me a really dirty look. “No need tae shout, Lad.”

 “Then listen ta’ me when I try ta’ ask ya’ somethin’.” I grin at him.

 “Aye, aye, what do yer want?”

 “Is Al here?”

 “Oh, aye, aye, he’s upstairs.”

 “Oh … is he alright?” I ask, worrying that Alan might be knackered again.

 “He’s fine. He’s probably just working on a project or something.”

 “A project?”

 Eric rolls his eyes at me. “Go and see for yerself, ah’m busy here.”

 I can’t help but laugh at him – he’s so impatient when he’s playing that thing. “Alright, Buddy, I’ll leave y’ ta’ it.”

 “Thanks.” Hah … sarcasm ….

\---------

 I walk up to Alan’s and Eric’s shared bedroom, and knock on the door. “Al?”

 “Hmm?” I hear his voice, soft and quiet from inside of the room.

 “Ya’ alright?”

 “I’m fine, Ronnie, come in.”

 “Sweet.” I push the door open, and find him sitting at the desk in the room. Aww, he’s still got his PJs on. Well, I can’t blame him; I do the same thing when I can get away with it.

 “Wha’cha doin’?” He doesn’t need to answer, because I’m already at his side. He’s surrounded by paint pots, all sorts of art supplies, and there’s a lovely smelling mug of hot chocolate steaming away in the corner. And then my eyes wander to the art he’s been working on – some sort of bird. Amazing. “Woah, that’s really good, Al.”

 “It … it’s not that good.”

 “Of course it is. I could never draw like tha’.” I beam at him as he turns his chair to face me. “I bet Eric thinks y’re brilliant too, doesn’t he?”

 “Umm … well, yes … he likes it too.”

 “See!”

 He nods and I can see his cheeks getting red – did a compliment really embarrass him so much? “Thank you. Umm … Ronnie?”

 “Yeah?”

 “Y … you know that advice that you gave me?” Ah … so that’s why he’s gone all red. “I … I need some more advice.”

 “Oh?” I frown. “So … my advice didn’t work?”

 “No, no, it worked amazingly well. Umm, Eric was … blown away.”

 “Hah, good one!”

 He just turns redder. “I … I didn’t mean that as a pun!”

 “But Eric jizzed his pants, right?”

 “Umm … well, not his pants, but you know ….”

 “Awesome!” Hah, I knew that I was a sexpert. “So … tha’ new advice?” I ask – he’s really gotten me curious.

 “Oh … right.” He really does look like a tomato right now, and it’s so damn cute. “Well, I … want him to be … a bit rougher with me.”

 “Eh? Rough?”

 “In … bed.”

 Well, duh! “Al, ‘ave y’ seen tha’ size of him compared ta’ y’? I’m surprised tha’ he hasn’t ripped y’ in two as it is.” The more I think on it, the more it makes sense that Alan was proper ill as a human. I mean, even now, he's so small and thin; really tiny. He easily could have been the runt of the family, if looks are anything to go by. I mean, I could probably pick him up if I tried ... and that's saying something.

 “He’s super gentle.” Alan sighs. “A little too gentle – I wish that it could be a little more exciting at times.”

 “Ohhh … he’s a bore in tha’ bedroom?”

 “No, I didn’t say that!” Aww, poor flustered flower. “I enjoy sex, he satisfies me ... and we have a good amount of it. We do have ... a healthy sex life. I … I just would like it a little differently sometimes.”

 “Alright.” Well, this has an obvious answer. “So hop on top and do wha’ makes y’ feel good.”

 “P-pardon?”

 “Y’ know, ride him. Tha’ way, y’ can ‘ave it how y’ want it.”

 “Oh … oh no, I don’t think I’d be any good at that.”

 “Ah.” Right then, plan B. “Well, if y’re not gonna’ climb up onta’ him, y’ need ta’ talk ta’ him.”

 “I … I don’t know if that would work either.” His shoulders slump. “I … I think he’s gentle with me now … because the first time we did it, he hurt me.”

 “He did?”

 “He … he didn’t mean to. It … it was just because it was my first time and -.”

 “I know wha’ y’ mean.” Trust me, I know how much the first time fucking hurts. Jeez ….

 "Ronnie?"

 But then again, if y're just a little kid, it's gonna' fucking kill. That ... that's kind of obvious ....

 “Ronnie?” He’s frowning at me. “Are you okay?”

 Oh shit … did I just space out? “Yeah, yeah.” Where were we – oh. “Well, y’re gonna’ ‘ave ta’ try ta’ talk ta’ him. Y’ never know, he might wanna’ pound y’ hard but jus’ be worried ‘bout hurtin’ y’.”

 “Oh … I never thought about it like that. Thanks, Ronnie.”

"Yeah, yeah, no probs." 

 How is it that I can give good sex advice, but I don’t understand relationships …? And … and when it comes to sex between me and Will, my brain just hurts. Ugh … things can get damn confusing at times ….

\--------

***8.45pm***

 I’m back home now, me and Will eating dinner. “Hey babe?”

 “Yes?”

 “Eric told me tha' there’s this valentine’s party Tuesday night.”

 “I see.” He puts his knife and fork down. “Being as that is Valentine’s Day night, I suppose that you want to know if I am okay with you abandoning me for the night?”

 “No – eh … it is okay me goin' out, isn’t it?” Damn, I didn’t think about that. “If it means a lot ta’ y’, I’ll stay in.”

 “Of course not. Do I strike you as the sappy, romantic kind?”

 I chuckle at him. “Not one bit.” Leaning forward, I grin widely. “But I want y’ ta’ come too.”

 “What?” His brows furrow. “Why would -?”

 “Because I need someone responsible there ta’ make sure tha’ I don’t ge’ pissed off my ass.”

 “Humphries will be going though, will he not?”

 I lick my lips before saying “Yeah, but Eric’s gonna’ be keepin’ him busy.”

 “What about Grell?” He’s clutching at straws here, but I can’t blame him. I know how much he hates being around large groups of people and all that stuff.

 “She has a boyfriend now, so she’s gonna’ be busy in bed.” I’ve got him now, I know it.

 “What an utterly vile thing to know.” After a long sigh, he nods slowly. “Fine, I shall come, but on one condition.”

 “Sure, name y’ price.”

 “We are not to stay any later than eleven. I want to be in bed early, do you understand?”

 “Why?” I wink. “Do y’ want ta’ ‘ave y’ wicked way wi’ me?” He kicks me lightly from under the table, causing me to jump and laugh loudly. “Hey!”

 “I want to do no such thing, Ronald.” He rolls his eyes at me. “Do we have a deal?”

 “Yeah, we ‘ave a deal.” Dammit. I … I’m ~~kinda’~~ really fucking horny. Man, this guy needs to stop keeping it in his pants ….


	48. William. Fire, fire, fire, fire burning.

***10.57pm***

 We have not long retired to bed, and honestly, I do not understand this boy at times. I only have to press my lips to his for more than a few seconds, and it causes him to moan and groan, wiggle around. I don’t understand how he can become so … aroused from just a kiss.

 Or maybe he is putting it on? I suppose that being in the … profession that he was in, he would have had to make those noises even when he was not really enjoying himself? Still, even if that were the case, why would he feel the need to do it with me?

 He … wouldn’t, of course he wouldn’t. So … maybe he is merely trying to tell me something? He wants me to –

 Our lips meet again, and his hips press up against mine, his muffled moans bringing vibrations to my mouth. Oh dear … I can feel his arousal pressing against my thigh … and it is making me feel rather uncomfortable.

 The kiss parts, me receiving a whine in my ear as it happens. “Will, I wasn’t done yet.” He pouts at me. “More.”

 “I think that it is time for actual sleep.”

 “But babe,” he presses closer to me again, “I’m not tired yet.” I … I really wish not to be poked by his … thing.

 I turn over, my back to him. “Maybe not, but I really am tired. Can you please try to calm yourself?”

 He grunts at me. “But I’m kinda’ restless.” Sitting up in bed, he asks me “do y’ think Trumpet will be tired?”

 “Yes. He is a pigeon, and an old one at that. Just leave him be for the night, will you?”

 “Urgh … tha’ sucks.”

 He … he really is not going to shut up, is he? But … maybe it is my fault for … making him so excitable. So, if that is the case, it means that I will have to fix this somehow. Hmm …. “What if we go downstairs and I make you a hot drink? Do you think that that will help you to drift off?”

 “Hmm … maybe, but I’d prefer ta’ ‘ave a hot kiss off of y’.”

 I shake my head, and sigh as I climb out of bed. “I shall put the kettle on.”

\----------

***February 13th***

 I … if I were to grope at his thighs, run my hands up his chest, then I could understand him getting so aroused. But no, from a simple kiss, it is so strange. I know that he is a teenage boy, and that his hormones are probably running rampant, but still, I was not like that at his age. And … and I certainly feel no urges to be sexual with him from a simple, little kiss.

 Still, I worry …. I worry that as time goes on, I will be unable to satisfy his needs – obviously, and from what I have seen, the longer we stay together, the greater his need for such things will become.

 And honestly, I do feel so bad for it, because I know that I will not give into his whines and moans. Not because I do not care for him, but because I feel no urges, no need to do such things. I do … feel like I might be neglecting him in some way, but that really changes nothing.

 I am happy to kiss him (though snogging isn’t always the greatest experience – a little sloppy at times), and I am happy to cuddle him and sleep next to him. Sometimes, I feel that just having someone next to me in bed, having his warmth and his presence, is enough for me.

 I need nothing sexual to be satisfied, and honestly, the thought of doing such things disgusts me – that is how it has been all of my life. I can never imagine myself partaking in such things, and … and Ronald will just have to deal with that.

 Yet I wonder, am I the one at fault? Is … is there something wrong with me? Am –

 “Oh … great.” I have just glanced at my watch, and my work shift has already ended. Honestly, I was so engrossed in my own worries that I have failed to finish off my paperwork.

 Well, I am hardly going to be late home, so I suppose that this workload is coming back with me. How joyful ….

\----------

***5.22pm***

 “Blergh … why ‘ave y’ got tha’?” Ronald pulls a face of disgust when he sees the paperwork in my arms.

 “Because I am running behind with it.”

 “Eh? Why?”

 I roll my eyes at him, for he is so nosey at times. “I became distracted. You were on my mind.”

 “Aww,” he grins at me widely. “That’s proper sweet, babe.” Seemingly, he does not care what I am actually thinking about him, as long as he has my attention. Just as I am about to place my work on the coffee table, he kisses me on the cheek. Pulling away, he whispers against my ear. “I’m glad tha’ y’re home.”

 “Me also. No one wishes to be cooped up in an office all day long.”

 “True tha’.” I sit down on the couch, and he speaks again. “I’m kinda’ hungry right now.”

 “Then get a snack.”

 “Na, not snack hungry, meal hungry.”

 Hmm, that does come as a surprise. “Did you not have a meal at Slingby’s?”

 “Na.” He folds his arms over his chest. “I was only there for like an hour before they had ta’ leave for work, so we never got a chance ta’ eat.”

 “When you came home, you didn’t raid the fridge?”

 “Hah, well duh, of course I did. Doesn’t mean I’m satisfied though.”

 I … I am not going to look into the other meaning there. ‘Satisfied’ … lovely. “Fine.” I adjust my glasses. “We can have dinner early tonight.”

 “Sweet!”

 “I shall start it as soon as this paperwork is complete.”

 “Ehhhh.” His face falls. “But I’m hungry now!”

 “Tough.” I raise an eyebrow at him. “Do you not realise the trouble I will be in if this work is not done?”

 “Uh, a lot?”

 “Yes, so have a bit of patience.”

 Oh, there he goes, pouting at me again. Still, those lips …. “Will, I’ll jus’ cook it then.”

 “You may blow up the kitchen.”

 “Na, na, I won’t.”

 I cannot help but chuckle lightly. “Remember my vacuum cleaner?”

 “Ah ….” He pauses for a moment. “But I can work tha’ cooker; Al’s showed me at his place.”

 “I see.”

 “So wha’ do y’ want ta’ eat?”

 I quickly think through the food we have in the house, settling on something that should be rather simple to cook. Well, we can hope. “There are some chicken fillets in the freezer. It will tell you on the back of the packaging the gas mark and duration of cooking.” I pull a pen out of my pocket, planning to start on my work soon. “I shall be in to sort out the rest of the meal shortly.”

 “Awesome!” He turns, his back now to me.

 “And Ronald?”

 “Hn?”

 “Take the chicken out of the packaging before putting it in the oven, okay?”

 “Y’ cheeky bastard. I’m not tha’ thick.” He laughs as he toddles off, and I cannot help but smile from behind him. I have a feeling that he is going to make a complete pig’s ear of this.

\---------

***5.36pm***

 Or he could just blow the bloody oven up. Why … why do I let him near my appliances? “You are lucky that you were not seriously injured. No, no, we are lucky that we managed to put the fire out.”

 “Eh ….” He rubs the back of his neck. “I … I don’t ‘ave a fuckin’ clue how I – hang on a minute, is this thing gas or electric?”

 “Gas.”

 “Shit, I thought -.”

 “At this point in time, I do not want to know,” I snap at him.

 “Uh … but y’re still glad tha’ I’m not dead, right?”

 I shake my head at him, unimpressed. “Possibly.” I eye my sorry excuse for an oven. “Still, you being alive does not fix my kitchen.”

 “Yeah … and wha’ are we gonna’ do for food?”

 Honestly, this boy thinks with his stomach, and his stomach alone. “I … I am not sure.”

 “Wanna’ order take out? Chinese or somethin'?”

 “No, no, definitely not.” Disgusting …. “I will never eat that garbage.”

 “Right ….” He walks around the kitchen; I think he is in deep thought. “Eh … well, it is a special day tomorrow. Maybe we could go out for a meal tonight? We’re out partyin’ tomorrow, so we won’t really ge’ a chance ta’ celebrate.”

 Ah … yes, valentines’ day. “So … you wish for me to pay for a meal out at a posh restaurant when you have just destroyed part of my kitchen?”

 “I … I didn’t mean ta’. Plus, I’d pay for tha’ meal myself if I could.” He smiles at me. “Please? It’ll be fun.”

 Why … why do I have a sneaking suspicion than he had this planned from the very start? No, no, what a ridiculous notion. “Fine … but I get to choose the location.”

 “Yeah, yeah, sure. Wha’re thinkin’?”

 I take another look at the oven, thinking of the chicken that I have missed out on. “Italian, I wish for Italian.”

\-------

 I do wonder if Ronald has … taken care of himself? He does not seem so eager to snog me and grind up against me now. I am glad for that, as disgusting a thought as it is – oh, I do hope that he did it in the bathroom. Lord, I … I don’t want to think of the vulgar mess he may have left in the bedroom. Shudder inducing ….

 “Hey Will, y’ alright?”

 I snap out of my trance and look at him. “Yes – you have spaghetti sauce all over your face.”

 “Oh … hah, my bad.” He looks down at his stomach, rubbing it with one hand. “But it’s jus’ so good, isn’t it?”

 Well, that is rather odd. “Ronald, your stomach can hardly understand the human language. There really is no need to speak to it.”

 “Oh … oh yeah, I’m bein’ stupid … sorry.”

 Odd child. Adorable, but definitely rather odd at times.

\-------

***8.59pm***

 We are back home now, and I am reading a book. He comes downstairs, having changed into his nightclothes, and straight away, the book is plucked from my hands. God give me strength …. “Ronald, I was trying to read that.”

 “Yep, tryin’.” He gets onto the sofa, stretching himself over my lap. “I want some attention now though.”

 My hand rests on his back. “You have already had my full attention.”

 “Yup, but not good enough.” He chuckles, and rolls over, curling up against me, face against my stomach.

 “Spoilt.”

 “Hmm.” He only cuddles tighter to me. “I … I love y’, Will.”

 Oh … oh, where did that come from? The pounding of my heart begins, my stomach fluttering. “Oh ….” No, no, don’t stop there, you idiot! “I love you also.”

 “R-really?”

 “I wouldn’t say it if I did not mean it.”

 “G-good.” I think I feel his lips pressing to my clothed stomach, and it makes me smile. Really, so cute at times ….

\--------

***11.45pm***

 I definitely do think that he has taken care of his needs, for he is lying peacefully against my shoulder. Or maybe his hormones go up and down naturally – I really do not have a clue about these sorts of things.

 Still, the bedsheets appear clean, so I cannot really complain. And it is so much better to not have him trying to dry hump me. This, right here, right now, truly is contentment. It really is lovely.

 Oh ….

 I suppose that I should buy Ronald a gift for tomorrow. That is what normal couples do, is it not? Hmm, I will have to think on this one ….


	49. Eric. Two hundred years have passed us by.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay, Eric finally gets a chapter! I have been re-watching the musical. So sad. *cries*

 I can’t believe that another year has passed, and that another Valentine's Day is upon us. Two hundred years have passed us by, and our relationship is stronger than ever.

 I’m looking forward to today, even though Al always bans me from my video games. It’s the same during Christmas and Easter – those days are for family time, according to him. Nah … it’s not that bad – it’s not like I’m addicted or anything.

 We’ve had the same set up for years now. Book the day off of work months in advance, sleep in late, spend most of the afternoon shagging (I really can’t complain), eat good food, nap, chill, watch films – the only difference this year will be going out of the night for partying. I’m looking forward to that. After living five hundred years, life can get a bit boring without a wee tipple.

 So, because it’s a day for just me and Al to have some alone time, I’ve told Ronnie not to come over until like an hour before the party. He didn’t seem to mind, but I do feel a bit bad for him, William being at work and all. Well, I’m sure he’ll go hang out with Grell for a wee while.

 Well, I think it’s time that I get out of bed. Al’s sleeping peacefully at my side, his hair sticking up at all different angles. He’s so cute when he’s curled up tightly like that. Nah, screw that, he’s adorable all of the time. Bless him.

\---------

 I’ve got a nice breakfast planned for this special day, but I know it’s going to take a while to cook. Right … first thing I need is eggs –

 “Morning, Eric.”

 “Eh ….” I turn around. “Yer’re up early.”

 He gives me that wonderful, sweet smile of his. “Hmm, the bed went cold without you.” Moving forward, he hugs me gently. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Eric.”

 “Aye, right back at yer.” I give him a kiss on the head. “Ah love yer.”

 “Love you too.” He pulls back, letting out a cute little yawn.

 “Still tired?”

 “A little. What are we having for breakfast?”

 “Hah.” I grab a hold of his hips, lifting him easily onto the table behind him. “Ah think that’ll have tae wait.”

 My lips are soon on his neck, and he lets out a soft moan. “Hmm … that sounds good also.”

 I don’t think there’s a spot in this house that we haven’t christened. My hand slides under his top, fingers running over the side of his ribcage.

 “Mmm … tickles.”

 He’s always been ticklish – so adorable. Soon, the fluffy purple PJ top is off, and he’s been nibbled from shoulder to waist. His nose scrunches, cheeks flushed. “Eric, why’d you stop?”

 “Ah didn’t. Ah’m just getting started.” I lean in close to him, whispering sweets nothings in his ear. My arm wraps around his back, and I lift him up, pulling down his bottoms with my spare hand. “Hmm, commando.”

 “I never wear underwear under my nightclothes, you know that. It’s not comfortable.” I’m pretty sure that he’s rolling his eyes at me.

 “Aye, but the sexiness of it never goes away.”

 He giggles at me. “Eric, you beast.”

 “Aye.” With one swift movement, his back hits the table. Awww, the moans he makes when my lips touch his inner thighs. I’ll never grow tired of those sounds; such a turn on.

\----------

 “Ah think it’s time tae get the lube,” I say, smiling down at him. He’s blushing and panting.

 “Umm ….” He breaks eye contact with me before pushing himself up to sitting. “Can we try something a bit different?”

 Shit …. “Ah’m not bottoming, no way in hell.” I fold my arms over my chest. “Ah don’t like it up the arse.”

 “No, no, not that.”

 Thank fuck for that. “Okay, what then?”

 “I … I want you to do it roughly … for a change.”

 “Oh ….”

 “Y … you don’t like that?”

 Well, I wouldn’t put it that way when my dick’s twitching. Plus, it’s been so long since I’ve really pounded away. “Sounds good tae me.” But … “ah don’t know. Ah don’t want tae hurt yer.”

 “I … I don’t think you will.”

 “Ah … well ah did before.”

 “That was my first time, Eric. There’s no way that it would have been painless.”

 “Aye ….” My stomach sinks. “But ah made yer cry and shite.” I never want to see him in pain; I hate to see him cry.

 He sighs, and fiddles with his hands. “It’s fine, it really is.” The wringing of his hands intensifies. “Is that why you’re always so gentle? Are you scared of the possibility of hurting me?”

 “Aye, partly ….”

 His head snaps up, and he stares at me. “Partly?”

 “Aye.”

 “So … there’s another reason?”

 I don’t really want to get into this but “aye, ah suppose there is.”

 “What is it?”

 “Erm … well, ah remember when yer were human, and yer were so frail.” I remember worrying that my hugs would break him back then.

 “But I’m not frail anymore.”

 He … he sounds kind of annoyed. “But yer still look all small and delicate.”

 “That’s not my fault, Eric!” Shite … I think I’ve hit a nerve. He breaks eye contact. “I can’t change that, and you know it.”

 “Aye, ah know.” No matter how much you feed a reaper, they’ll never put any weight on. And they’ll never age a day. I still don’t know where he puts all the food he gobbles up to be honest. Over the years, he’s probably eaten enough to fill up the area of London.

 “It bothers me, you know that. I don’t like looking so small and frail. Every time that I look in the mirror, I remember how ill I was, I remember my brother."

 "Ah ... ah'm sorry, babe."

 He gulps before speaking again. "And I … I think that the other reapers at branch look at me, look at how tiny I am, and they think I’m weak. They … they don’t think I will ever make a good reaper.”

 “Hey, hang on a minute. That’s – Al, look at me.” He does and I carry on. “Yer’re a grand reaper, and yer know it.”

 “No ….”

 “Aye, all reapers are damn strong. We … we have preteens as reapers now, and even they could lift a car if they wanted tae.”

 “True. I … I know you’re right, I really do, but still, I wish I had a little more meat on me. It’s not attractive and … I wish I looked more like you.”

 I shake my head, because that idea is insane to me. “Nah, babe, yer’re beautiful just the way yer are.”

 Another, deeper sigh. “W … would you still find me adorable if I wasn’t so tiny?”

 “Aye, of course ah would.”

 “Even though … you said you fell in love with me at first sight?”

 “Aye.” I close the gap between us, poking him lightly in the chest with my index finger. “But it’s what’s inside that ah truly love.” Another poke, as I chuckle lightly. “Yer’re all warm and gooey inside.”

 He giggles and rolls his eyes at me. “That is a terrible pick up line.”

 “Hah, ah didn’t mean all gooey like that. It’s yerr heart that’s the really cute part of yer.” I pull him into a tight hug. “Ah love yer for who yer are inside.”

 “I love you too.”

 “Aye.” I rock him lightly. “Fucking sexy too.”

 “Eric, shush.” He laughs softly.

 “Sexy wee lad, aye?”

 “Be quiet.”

 “Nooo, ah don’t wanna’.”

 He hugs me back, squeezing my neck roughly. I think someone’s trying to show how strong they really are. “Can we get to the actually … sexy part now?”

 “Aye, aye. Oh right … lube.”

\---------

 Oh … fuck, this feels so good. And the noises he’s making … grrrr. So vocal – he’s always so vocal. “Yer … yer like that?” I ask, watching as his back arches, his hands tied above his head. It’s been so long since I’ve been able to thrust so hard – it feels good for the hips.

 “Hmmm.” He nods quickly against the table. “H … harder.”

 “Are yer sure?”

 “Y … yes. It feels amazing.”

 “Alright.” I pull his hips closer, pounding into him deeply. “Ah … fuck.”

 What Al wants, he gets. That’ll always be the case. I don’t think he’ll ever understand how much I love him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, tell me your opinions. This chapter was supposed to be a lot longer (like 4000 words) but I wanted to get something posted, so I've cut it in half. I needed to show more of the elan relationship, as it'll be important for the end part of the fic. 
> 
> Should I put a Ronald chapter in between? Yay or nay?


	50. Ronald. A possible business blooms.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I decided to go back to Ronnie, mainly due to the timing of the day in this fic. It wouldn't have fit in otherwise.

***1.01pm***

 Hmm … today has been proper good so far. I woke up a little while ago, to find that Will had left me chocolates and this big pile of bath stuff. The one bubble bath smells lush – it’s vanilla and coconut, and I can’t wait to try it. He also left me a card and a note, saying that he hadn’t had a clue what to get me, so he hoped that the small gifts would … what was the word? Oh yeah, suffice.

 It was really sweet to be fair, because I wasn’t expecting him to get me anything. I’d never class him as the sort of person to give presents on a day as sappy as Valentine’s Day. Hehehe, I’m turning him soft.

 Oh … and he let me sleep in too – no getting me up for a wash. Hah, what a treat. So, I’m gonna’ head to Grell’s in a bit – I really hope she’s free, or I’m gonna’ be well bored today – and then take a bath before I head to Eric’s tonight.

 First though, I need some breakfast. Pulling my robe on, I head down to the kitchen. “Ohhh.” There’s a note on the table, and I pick it up. I can read a bit … but I’m not the best – I hope he hasn’t used massive, clever words.

_Ronald,_

_Sorry for not saying goodbye this morning, but I wished for you to have a relaxing start to the day. There is some breakfast left in the microwave, though you may have to heat it a little. Oh, and I brought some more maple syrup for you – it is in the usual cupboard._

_See you soon,_

_William. X_

 Aww … he put a kiss at the end, that’s so sweet. I smile as I head over to the mic, and the grin only widens when I see pancakes and banana slices. Hah, he’s trying to get me to eat more fruits and vegetables. But I am getting a big liking for bananas, and oh man, peaches are so good, I’m in love, so it’s all good. Ohhh … and apricots are life. Anyway ….

 The food is put on the table, and I go over to the fridge. Ah … shit, we’re out of milkshake. Well, milk will have to do then. I open the fridge – aww … no way. The fridge is filled back up with all different flavours of milkshake. He … he must have gone out to the grocery store earlier – oh yeah, obviously, for the maple syrup too. Oooh … caramel flavour? Sweet!

 Oh man, he spoils me so much. I … I should get him a present for today too – shit … no money, and I can’t pinch a fiver from him for it either; that’d be kind of shitty. Hmm … well, let’s hope that Grell’s at home.

\----------

***2.06pm***

 “Oh hello, Darling, I wasn’t expecting you today.”

 Well yeah, I can see that, saying y’ve only got y’ underwear and a pair of heels on. Hmm, but still, nice panties. “Is it okay ta’ come in then?”

 “Sure thing, Honey, Othello hasn’t long left.” She waves a hand at me. “But you won’t be able to stay long. I really must get ready soon for my special night.”

 “Geez, how long does it take y’?”

 “A lady must always work hard to look her best.”

 She has a point. “Well, true, y’ always look tha’ bomb.”

 “I think so too.”

\--------

***2.30pm***

 I’m sure she’ll say yes, she’s got a soft spot for me. Still, I feel kinda’ cheeky. I’ve just finished telling her about what Will did for me, brought for me.

 “Aww, I knew that he was a big softie at heart.”

 “Yeah, it was really nice of him … but I don’t ‘ave any way ta’ give him anythin’ back.”

 “You always have that cute little body of yours.” She flashes her teeth. “And maple syrup.”

 “Eh … yeah, that’d be cool, but we haven’t gotten around ta’ doin’ stuff like tha’ yet.”

 “Tonight is the perfect night.”

 “Yeah … I really don’t think that’s gonna’ happen.” I sigh. “I was thinkin’ of buyin’ him somethin’.”

 “Oh, but with what money?”

 “Babe -.”

 “Oh no, Honey, I don’t think so.” She waggles a finger at me. “Valentine’s Day is special. Where’s the love in a gift if you haven’t earnt the money for it yourself?”

 Ah fuck … there goes my plan. “Alright … I understand.”

 “Ohhh, giving up so easily?”

 Eh, what? “Okay, now y’ve lost me.”

 “Hmm, simple minded boy.”

 “Hey!”

 She flutters her eyelashes at me. “If you want some money, you’ll have to do a little chore for me.”

 “Oh … alright, sure?”

 “How wonderful.” She stands up from the sofa. “I’ll be right back, Darling.” When she ports away, I’m super glad that she’d put some clothes on.

\---------

 “Wha’ … wha’ tha’ fuck is tha’?” My eyes are fixed on a weird metal weapon held between her hands.

 “It’s my death scythe.” She smiles widely. “I custom made it myself.”

 Oh, like that weird thing Will has …. Eric has told me a bit about what they do. “Eh … and my part in this is?”

 A pout forms on her lips before she says “as gorgeous a thing as it is, it gets awfully dirty. So many nooks and crannies to clean.”

 “Okay? So … why do I 'ave ta’ touch tha’ … thing?”

 “I can’t possibly clean it myself; it’ll ruin my perfect manicure.” She lifts it closer to her face, inspecting it. “I usually take it to the mechanical shop at branch to have it cleaned, but it’s awfully expensive. And in all honesty, I don’t trust them touching my beautiful death scythe.”

 “Right ….”

 “So do we have a deal, Darling?”

 “Uh … yeah, I guess.” I rub at my chin. “But tha’ thing won’t … y’ know, kill me, will it?”

 “Not if you use your common sense, Honey.”

 “And tha’ means …?”

 “Don’t pull the rip cord. As much as I love blood, I don’t want to see your intestines flying everywhere.” Her teeth show again. “After all, you have a special place in my heart.”

 “Umm … thanks.” Man … I’m dead, I’m so dead.

 “Now, be gentle with it.” She walks closer to me, holding out the scythe. “Now, I have to warn you, it is a little heavy.”

 “Eh … I can handle it.” I take it from her and – “Shit -.”

 How … how’d I end up on the fucking floor? Owww … my hip bone.

 “Oh Dear Ronnie, you’re such a little weakling.”

 How … how the fuck does she pick this thing up?! It’s like a bloody lead weight.

\---------

 So, after much scrubbing and scraping, the damn thing is finally clean. Oh … and I had to oil it too. My hands fucking reek. Still, I’d take this over street work any day ….

 Grell lifts it off of the sheet I’d been cleaning it on, and gives it a good looking over. “Oh Darling, you’ve made a wonderful job of this. Much, much better than those crooks at the shop.” She shakes her head. “Such a rip off they are.”

 “Thanks babe. Ah man … my neck aches.”

 “Well, you were bent over for a while.”

 “Hah, but not in a good way, right?”

 “You know, you took the filthy words right out of my mouth.” She pauses; I think she’s thinking to herself. “Hmmm … Ronnie?”

 “Yeah?”

 “You could make a little business for yourself out of this.”

 “Haha, I bet most reapers clean their own scythes.”

 “Oh no, we’re too busy drinking and getting down and dirty for that.”

 “Really?”

 “Oh yes, reapers really can be a lazy bunch. I know that Alan Dear cleans his own, but Eric doesn’t.”

 Yeah … the videos games, that makes sense. Well, I could do with some spare cash – I do feel bad that Will keeps having to pay for me and … well, I’ll need to support the baby when they come along. “Hmm … it doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I … I’ll ‘ave a good think ‘bout it.”

 “How wonderful. Now, go wash those hands; they’re filthy.”

 “Aye, aye … Miss Captain.”

\---------

 “Right, babe, pay up.” I grin at her widely as I come back into the room. Oh … she’s already got her purse out. My eyes widen slightly when a wad of cash is plonked into my palm. Jesus … I’ve never held so much dosh in my hand. Quickly, I flick through it, counting it. “Grell, there’s eighty quid here, wha’ tha’ hell?”

 “I told you that they’re extortionate. I’ve saved myself 20 pounds thanks to you.”

 “Ge’ out.” Woah … that’s shocking.

 “Oh, I’m telling you nothing but the truth, Ronnie Dear.”

 “So … you’d pay tha’ much money jus’ ta’ save cleanin’ y’ own scythe?”

 “As I said, us reapers are busy beings. Plus, if I didn’t pay that, I’d be wasting the money I’d spent on manicures and lush nail polish. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the cost of hand moisturising cream.”

 “I … I see.” Fuck, Eric really is a lazy fucking git. Hmm … I wonder if Will cleans his own or not? Maybe there’s dosh to be made there.

 “We should get going.”

 “Eh?”

 “To find Willy Dear a present or two.”

 “Oh … y’ wanna’ come too?”

 She wiggles her eyebrows at me. “Well yes, women are known to be quite nosey.”

 “Hah … true tha’.”

\---------

 “No, no, Grell, we aren’t going ta’ tha’ sex shop.”

 “But why? Don’t you want to handcuff your brute of a man?”

 Ah … ah shit, blood rushing south. “Of course I do, but he’d probs punch me in tha’ face for tryin’.”

 She sighs loudly. “True …. Pity. So, chocolate or something of the sort?”

 “Na, Will’s not tha’ sort for sweets.”

 “Oh drat!” She puts her index finger to her chin. “Flowers?”

 Fucking hell. “Grell, babe, come on, ge’ a grip.”

 “Rude! So, smart man, what do you suggest?”

 “Erm ….” Think, think – oh, oh yeah! “Grell, do we have pet stores here?”

 “A few. We will have to port though.”

 “Oh … kill me now.”

\------

 Head spinning … bile coming up. Ugh … shudder. “Are you sure that Willy is a pet person?” Grell asks me, hand on her hip.

 “Birds, yeah.” I walk into the pet store, Grell hurrying behind me. “Oh … oh, they’re fuckin’ gorgeous.”

 “Which?”

 I point to the cage in front of me, little birds flapping around and making cute little noises. “Those – I don’t know wha’ they’re called.”

 “Eurgh … Budgerigars. Noisy, messy little devils.”

 Yeah … she’s not a bird fan. “Pigeons are messy and noisy too. I jus’ know tha’ Will will love them.”

 “Them?!”

 My eyes roll. “I meant jus’ one.”

 “Hmm … so which one of these parasites do you want?”

 “Hey, don’t be so mean.” I chuckle. “They’re adorable.”

 “Oh no, Honey, he’s rubbing off on you! We must fetch the disinfectant!”

 “Hah, y’ twat.” Man … she cracks me up at times. Gotta’ love her – and I know that she’s growing on Will, bit by bit.

 I eye the birdies in front of me, and one catches my eye, amongst the young feather balls. I’ve learnt from Will how to spot older birds. And this one isn’t just old, it’s a little … lopsided? “Tha’ one.”

 “It’s a deformed winged rat!”

 “Yeah … a birth defect or injury, do y’ think?”

 “I … I don’t care!” She squeals when they flap again, feathers floating around our heads. “Ronnie, just hurry up and choose! I … I can’t stand the filthy things.”

 “Man … the colours of it.” This bird is a mix of bright green and blue; turquoise, is it? Oh … and those spots around its neck. That is one damn beauty of a bird. And … I feel kinda’ bad for the poor thing. How long have they been stuck in here?

\---------

 “You want that one?” The owner smiles at me. They’re a human too, which is kinda’ cool. Looks like humans really can belong here, fit in. “No one has ever taken interest in her due to her appearance.”

 “Oh … it’s a girl?”

 “Yes, you can tell by the skin above their beak. Pinkish for girls, blue for boys.”

 “Sweet! So, any idea wha’ happened ta’ her?”

 “Problem at birth, we think. She’s getting on in years now; she’s around seven.”

 Aww … that poor budgie. “Well, she’s comin’ home wi’ me today.”

 “She’s a fat little thing,” Grell says.

 “Yep, and she’s gonna’ ge’ all tha’ birdie treats she wants after today.”

\---------

 I ended up buying her a cute pink bird cage, and a fuck load of bird seed, as well as something called ‘millet’. Oh … and seed bells and stuff, and a mirror, and toys. Hah, I’m down to ten quid now. I could spend that on beer – no, no, Ronnie, behave y’self. It’ll be no good for the bun in the oven; I’m pretty sure of it.

 “Maybe we should take her ta’ see Will right now?”

 “Ohhh … disturbing him at work, how exciting.”

 “Porting will be okay, won’t it?” I ask the owner.

 “Should be. It causes no damage to the living.”

 “Cool.” Hah, but it definitely doesn’t do me any good.

\--------

 Will almost jumps a foot out of his office chair when he sees me and Grell appear. “R … Ronald, what are you doing here?”

 “Came ta’ wish y’ a happy Valentine’s Day.”

 His eyes go from me to the birdie. “Is … is that -?”

 “Y’ present.” I grin at him widely.

 “And where did you find the money for all of this?” Eh … he looks kinda’ suspicious.

 “He earnt it fairly, Will,” Grell sticks up for me, “doing a chore for me.”

 “I … I see.” He lets out a sigh. “What a relief.”

 “Wha’? Did … y’ think -?”

 “I … I didn’t know what to think.”

 “Hn.” I try not to let it, the obvious lack of trust still, get to me, and I place the cage down on his desk. “Wha’ do y’ think?”

 “S … she’s beautiful. I … I love her already.” I think he remembers that Grell’s in the room, because he coughs and adjusts his glasses, going back to a formal tone. “Thank you for the thoughtful gift.”

 “Y’re very welcome, babe.”

 “Now take her home and make sure to fill up her water and food.”

 Oh, hell no, I don’t think so. “I … I can’t stay here for a bit?”

 “No. This is a place of work and reapers.”

 “Will!” Grell lets out a shriek. “That is so rude! He brings you a gift of thought and love and you just shun him!”

 Ah … good ol’ Grell. “Yeah, it’s mean as hell," I agree, folding my arms over my chest, the bag of pet food swinging slightly. “Don’t be an arse, babe.”

 He lets out a long sigh. Seriously, where does he get all that air from? “Fine, fine, you win.” Adjusting his glasses, he says “just for today, being as it is a special occasion, you can stay for a small while.”

 “Sweet!”

 “Now Sutcliff, get out of my office.”

 She huffs loudly. “A lady has more exciting things to do than spend time in a stuffy office, don’t you know?” A wide grin spreads across her face. “You arse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone help me out here? Is it birdie or birdy? Google isn't helping! xD
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter has a special place in my heart because I have a wonky budgie. Fell in love with her at first sight. Can you see she's a little bigger on the one side? Her wing is also bent a little but she can fly well. 
> 
> http://xbertyx.tumblr.com/post/150280539992/my-baby
> 
> She's called Gloria. What should I call William’s new pet?
> 
> Ps this is my kuro tumblr account.


	51. Eric. Two hundred years have passed us by, part two.

***3.40pm***

 Well, breakfast became lunch in the end, but it’s all good. Chocolate cake for breakfast really went down well with Al, though I think he somehow bit off more than he could chew. That led to him having to sleep the food off for a wee while.

 Now, seeing as he changed things up with shagging, I’d say that it’s my turn. I give him a deep kiss, before rolling us over on the bed so that he’s on top of me. “Al, yer ready tae go again?”

 “Mmm … I am.”

 “Alright. Yer can be on top this time.”

 His eyes widen, and he moves to sit up on me, knees on either side of my waist. “Eric … no.”

 “Why not?”

 “B … because I know that I won’t … be any good at it.” His cheeks go red.

 “Don’t be silly. Yer’ve had two hundred years of practice with sex.”

 “B … but I just lie there. T … this isn’t the same.”

 Hah, that’s a lie – he tenses and wriggles around like the best of them. “Please? Ah’d really like tae change things up too.”

 “Yes, in another two hundred years, Eric.”

 “Ah don’t think so somehow.” My hands grab onto his bare hips. “It cannae be so hard tae just try it, can it?”

 “I ….”

 I smile at him. “Ah’m sure that yer’ll be good at it. And if not, ah’ll just roll us over again.”

 “… That fills me with confidence ….”

 “Come on, please. It’s been centuries since someone’s rode me.”

 He gives me a really dirty look. “I don’t want to know about who you shagged before you met me.” Hah, he can be really arsy when he gets jealous. He leans forward, our glasses knocking together. “I’m going to get the lube, and then I’m going to ride you so good that you’ll forget about all those other men.”

 Hah, I knew it’d work! Awesome. “Aye, okay, try not tae break my dick.”

\--------

 A gasp leaves him when he sinks down onto me, and I have to stop myself from thrusting up deeply into him. God … so tight. “Yer alright, babe?”

 “Y … yes.”

 “Not hurting?”

 “No.” He moves his hips a little. “It … it feels really nice. Odd, but nice.”

 “Good. Hn, more babe, more.”

 Hmm … fuck, that’s some good rocking action. My hands find his chest, palms rubbing over his nipples. “So, so beautiful, babe.”

 Oh, what was that, a grunt?

\--------

 “Ah!” He clenches around me tightly, his nails digging into my chest.

 “T-there?” His mouth falls open, and all he can do is nod. I grin at him, bucking my hips up. “Nh … then just keep doing what yer’re doing.”

 He nods again, and slams down onto me, a grunt coming from the back of my throat. I grip onto his hips, thrusting in time with his movements. “Ahh … oh, fuck, Al, just … just like that.”

 Oh God, I’m loving this, the feel of his weight on me, the sight of his body in full. He’s actually … so good at this, probably because he’s light in weight. Ohh … man, he can bounce up and down like a wee bunny. Fuck … fucking hell.

 “Hnn ….” He shudders against me, his head falling back; the tell-tale signs.” E … Eric, that … was so good.”

 “Aye, but ah’m not done yet.” I give myself a wee moment to catch my breath, before flipping us over.

 He giggles, wrapping his arms around my neck. “How s … selfish of me.”

\--------

***4.05pm***

 Well, after all of that sweating, I was in need of a shower. Drying myself off, I get changed before heading back into the bedroom. “Oh.” I was expecting Al to still be resting in bed, but he’s not there. “Al?” No answer, so I call out again. “Al!”

 Fuck … I hate it when he goes off somewhere without telling me. I … I know that it shouldn’t bother me, but I can’t help but worry. He was in such a bad state when I first met him … and I don’t think those feelings of worry will ever truly leave me. I still get scared that someday, somehow, I’ll end up losing him. I … I couldn’t deal with that ….

\-------

***4.08pm***

 I found him in the garden, and as I walk over to him, I see that he’s digging deep into the grass and soil. “Al, what’re yer doing?”

 “Digging up that time capsule. Do you not remember it?”

 “Oh … aye, but we were meant tae wait a hundred years before digging it up.”

 He turns to face me, giving me a soft smile. “It has been one hundred years, silly.”

 What? Oh … wow, I guess time really does go quick when yer’re having fun with the one yer love. Still, “ah cannae believe it.”

 “That’s a shame,” he giggles and drops the spade before jumping down into the hole. “Ah, it’s right below my feet!” I watch him as he kneels down, pushing the last of the dirt away with those small, thin fingers of his. It’s quite a big hole, but if I remember correctly, the time capsule was a pretty grand size too.

 Grabbing hold of the handle, he gives it a tug. “Crap … it’s stuck.”

 “Need some help, wee lad?”

 I get a glare, and the next thing I know, the thing lands a few feet away from me. “Ahh, well someone’s trying tae show off how strong they are. Am ah right?”

 Shaking his head, he sighs. “I hate you sometimes, Eric.”

 “Aww, ah love yer too.”

\-------

***4.14pm***

 We’re sitting in the garden, looking through the items we’ve just pulled out. “Oh shite!” I chuckle, looking at an old photograph of us. “What the fuck did I used tae wear?”

 “Your style isn’t much better now.”

 “Yer cheeky bastard. Ah mean, just look at yer, yer’ve been a dork from the very start.”

 “Eric, that’s mean!” He pouts at me. “At least I’m not a hairy monster.”

 “Oi!” My laughter dies down when he pulls out something from an old book. It’s some shrivelled up brown thing. “What is that thing?”

 “It’s a pressed Erica petal. It’s a shame that the colour didn’t hold.”

 “Ah’m surprised that it’s not rotted completely.”

 “I tried to preserve it the best I could.” He eyes me. “Do you remember the Ericas, Eric?”

 “Of course ah do.” Aye, he’s always found them so beautiful. “Ah remember everything about yer, Al. Ah cannae forget when ah love yer so much.” I take his hand into my own, thumb rubbing over his ivory skin. “Ah remember that day, when yer told me that Ericas mean loneliness in the language of flowers. Yer told me that all people are alone, from birth until their last moment. And yer said too that yer knew it was yerr fate, it shouldn’t make yer sad. If it truly is my fate, yer said, why am ah shedding tears.”

 His lip trembles, and he looks away. “I know.”

 “But can yer remember what ah said tae yer in return?”

 “Yes.”

 I use my other hand to cup his face, lifting it until he’s looking at me again. “Ah told yer that like the Ericas, they’ll always be someone blooming next tae yer, for all time.”

 “And it took me so … long to realise that you were right. I had my brother, and then I had you and Grell, and now Ronnie too.”

 “Aye, so there’s no need for any tears, yer got that?”

 “I … I do.” He gives me a sweet smile. “I hope that you liked your present.”

 “Aye, ah loved it, babe.” I grin at him. Reapers are granted with the gift of great memory, and the memories I’ve shared with him make my heart swell. “Thank yer for this.”

 “You’re very welcome, Eric.”

\------

***5.08pm***

 So many things were crammed into that capsule – it was amazing. I could really tell that he put a lot of thought, a lot of love, into choosing every single item. God … I love that wee cupcake so much.

 He’s gone in the bath, so I’ve snuck out of the house and just collected his gift from a friend I have in the human word. I … I really hope that he likes it.

 For the longest time, I’ve known that Al’s wanted a child of his own. I can’t remember how it came up in conversation, but aye, he’d like a wee one. I’d like that too to be honest – I’ve always found children to be cute. And yer know, if it’s yerr own, yer always love them tenfold. Plus, it’d be adorable, Al having a wee baby bump.

 But … we all know that reapers are sterile, and even if we weren’t reapers, there’s no saying that we’d be able to have a baby – not many men can carry children. No, actually, it’s kind of rare, to be honest.

 So … I really hope that this present brings him some joy. Knowing my luck, it’ll go the other way, and he’ll be pissed off with me, thinking that it’s a shite substitute. Great ….

 “Well, here goes nothing.” I port back into the house, into the living room, and he’s sitting on the sofa reading a book. “Ah’ve got yerr present, babe.”

 “Please be chocolate, please be chocolate,” he giggles, putting the book down and turning around. “Please – puppy!” Racing towards me, his eyes light up. “Oh … Eric, t-they’re gorgeous.” His fingers rub against the puppy’s head. “So … so cute.”

 “Aye, she’s lovely.”

 “A girl?”

 “Aye.”

 “Awww, yay! What breed is she?”

 “A springer spaniel.” It really is a cute wee thing, all floppy ears and brown and white patches.

 “Mmm … what a beauty. Oh … did you get her any food?”

 “Aye, all the food and blankets and toys are hidden under the bed.”

 “Oh Eric ….” Oh man, that smile …. “Thank you, thank you so much.”

 “Don’t mention it, babe.”

 “Can … can I hold her?”

 “Erm … well, she is yerrs.”

 Alan takes her from me, cuddling her gently in his arms. “Hmm, she’s so soft. W-what should we call her?”

 “Now, that choice is up tae yer.”

 “I … I don’t know. Oh, Eric, I love her so much!”

 “Ah do too, she’s fucking gorgeous.”

 He looks from me to the puppy and back again. “Maybe we should see what her personality is like and then figure out a name?”

 I nod; not a bad idea. “Aye, sounds good tae me.”


	52. Ronald. Parties and pain.

***5.32pm***

 Ugh … we’re still stuck in Will’s office, even though he was supposed to finish work half an hour ago. He had to rush out for an ‘urgent meeting’ or something like that. Oh wait, here he is. Ooh … he doesn’t look very happy. “Will?”

 “Hn.” He doesn’t look at me when he goes to pick up his stuff from his desk. “Come on, we should get going.”

 Is … is that worry I hear in his voice? “Babe, y’ okay?”

He sighs before asking “we have to be at Slingby’s soon, don’t we?”

 “Uh, yeah.”

 “Then we should not waste any more time in this godforsaken place. Follow me.”

 “No, hang on a minute.” He’s not just gonna’ palm me off like that. “Did something happen? Y’ … y’ seem kinda’ anxious.”

 His death scythe is tucked under his arm. “It is none of your concern.”

 “Yes it is. Tell me wha’ tha’ matter is.” I keep my eyes fixed on him. “Tha’ urgent meetin’ seems ta’ ‘ave left y’ in a bit of a flap.”

 “Believe me, you would not want to know.”

 “Ah, so it is tha’ meetin’.” I’ve got him now. “Wha’ was said?”

 “Would you just drop it?”

 “Nooope.”

 He shuts a book on his desk with a loud slam. “Demons.”

 Eh? I – I did hear him right, didn’t I? “Demons?”

 “The bane of my existence.” He turns to face me. “They are vile creatures, focused solely on killing, and devouring souls.”

 “Shit …. Are they here?”

 “No.” He adjusts his glasses. “But one reaper was left for dead in a region of Germany.”

 “Y’ mean in tha’ human world?”

 “Yes. It appears that there is a gang of those vile beings causing trouble there.”

 “Oh … tha’ doesn’t sound good.”

 “Because it isn’t a good thing.”

 “Yeah. Is … is tha’ reaper gonna’ be alright?”

 “We can hope.”

 “Damn ….”

\----------

 We’re going to the storeroom to drop off Will’s scythe for the night, and fucking hell, this place is huge. I’m not liking all the funny looks I keep getting though – guess they can smell the human on me or something.

 It scares me to think of the human world to be honest. Not only do we have shitty people ready to kill us, we have demons too. So … so I don’t think I’ll be heading back there, which means I should try to make a living for myself here. Cleaning death scythes really does seem like a good idea right now. I’ll have to talk to Will about it tomorrow – not sure what state I’ll be in later, if I’m honest.

 Fucking hell, I really do hate that place ….

 “We are here,” Will informs me.

 “Ah, cool. Eh … Will?”

 “Yes?”

 “Can I hold y’ scythe?”

 His brow furrows deeply. “Why would you wish to do that?”

 “I wanna’ see how heavy it is.”

 “Very heavy, I can assure you that.”

 “Please lemme’ hold it; it looks so cool.”

 “Very well, but be careful. I do not wish for you to cut yourself and lose a piece of record.”

 Eh …. “Tha’ … tha’ can happen?”

 “Yes, so be careful.”

 “Right, got it, no touchin’ tha’ sharp parts.”

 “Indeed.” He hands it to me and – “Fuck!” Yep … back on the floor again. I think I’m gonna’ have to have a good think about this scythe cleaning business. I mean, how am I supposed to pick them up for a start? “Ughhh.” Why is nothing ever fucking easy? Damn ….

\-------

***7.52pm***

 “Will,” I shout up the stairs, “come on or we’re gonna’ be late.”

 “Yes, yes, coming.” I’m soon face to face with him, and he doesn’t look impressed.

 “Y’re not lookin’ forward ta’ this, are y’?”

 “I can handle Slingby’s and Humphries’ company, but I doubt I will enjoy the party.”

 “I’m sure y’ll be fine.”

 He gives me a look of disgust before asking “have I dressed appropriately?”

 Hah, now, I can’t pretend like I haven’t noticed how hot he looks, with a tight black shirt and trousers to match. And he doesn’t have his hair gelled back. Grrr.

 “I thought that if I wore a tie and things, I would look too formal,” he continues, and I realise I haven’t actually replied yet.

 My hands run over the black material covering the tops of his arms. Hmm … you can see the muscle in his biceps through it. The area gets a rough squeeze. “Y’ look damn sexy.”

 “I … I don’t think that was the question.”

 “Y’ look fine,” I smile, hands moving to his collar. “But y’ still look kinda’ formal. Y’ should unbutton a few buttons, flash a bit of chest.”

 He snatches my hands away, a look of horror on his face. “T … there is no need to try to strip me.”

 “But y’ look so sexy, Will.” I grin at him, and he sighs, dropping my hands.

 “Can we please just get this over with?”

 “I was waitin’ for y’.”

 I receive a grunt, and he walks off, going to find his shoes. Oh fuck, his ass looks amazing in those trousers. Hmm … yeah, I wanna’ squeeze that. Ooooh, yeah, bend over for me. As he slips the second shoe on, I sneak up behind him, and cop a good feel.

 “Ronald!” He jumps a foot and turns to glare at me.

 “Wha’? Y’ ass is proper nice and firm. Juicy too.” Hah, aww, his cheeks have gone a lil’ red.

 “I do not care. You aren’t putting your hands … or anything else near it.”

 “Hah, don’t worry ‘bout tha’.” I wink at him. “I always thought I’d be tha’ one ta’ bottom.”

 “D … disgusting.” Uh, well, no it’s not? We’re a couple, aren’t we? So … so what’s so gross about that? “Come on,” he says, interlocking his fingers with mine. “We should get going now.” Well, at least he’ll hold my hand in public now. That’s something ….

\--------

 “He gave you a key?” Will questions me as I pull out a key for Eric’s house.

 “Yeah? It saves him havin’ ta’ answer tha’ door all tha’ time.”

 “So … you are very good friends with him now? Seeing as he trusts you enough to allow you access into his house whenever you see fit?”

 Uh … what now? “Wha’re y’ talkin’ ‘bout? Y’ve done tha’ exact same thing.”

 “Yes, but you live at my house.”

 “Right? So wha’?”

 “No, no, nothing. I just would not be able to trust someone so easily. They would have to be a friend of mine for a long time before -.”

 “Yeah, and that’s because y’re weird.” I shove the key into the lock and twist it. “But I guess y’ do ‘ave a point. I am really good friends wi’ Eric and Al now.”

 “I see.”

 Oh … oh, I think I get it now. He’s getting jealous again because he thinks that I’m growing closer to those two than I am to him. Aww, that’s cute.

\---------

 Hahaha, oh God, this is too funny. Al’s getting some good sucking action on the sofa, and the pair of them haven’t even noticed that we’re here. I turn to look at Will, and he’s gone so pale – he looks horrified. Still, I have to admit, Eric’s got some good technique going on there; skilled hand movements. It’s pretty hot – oh … right ….

 “Hey guys.”

 Al shrieks, and Eric just lifts his head, looking at me and Will. “Are yer two early?”

 “Na, I think we’re jus’ on time.”

 “Ahh. We must have lost track of time.” He pulls me into a hug, while Alan scrambles to find his clothes. Aww, the poor guy is probably dying of embarrassment.

 Really though, I don’t think Eric gives a shit. He seems as cool as a cucumber. “William.”

 “E-evening,” Will says, though he sounds like he’s got a frog stuck in his throat.

 “Take a seat if yer want.”

 “After what I have just seen,” he snaps, “I’d rather stand.” Oh dear, I think he’s proper freaked out. Poor guy.

\-------

***10.55pm***

 Oh my God, I can't believe Eric brought a puppy. So ... so cute! I wanna' take her home with me, haha, but I don't think Al would approve. He really is a lucky guy, having Eric as a partner and all. I want a puppy ....  

 This party is pretty cool, to be fair, even though Will’s limited me to one drink. There’s some sappy love song playing, a few couples dancing in the middle of the hall, including Al and Eric. They’re so cute together; really, they make such a good couple.

 The song ends, and I walk over to them. “Y’re pretty good at dancin’.”

 “Aye,” Eric smiles at me, “ah’ve taught Al over the past two hundred years. He was terrible tae begin with.” He ruffles Al’s hair, receiving a grumble from him.

 “Eric, I couldn’t walk. Is it any surprise, really?”

 “No, guess not.” Another, more forceful ruffle.

 “Eric, stop that!”

 I chuckle at Al – he’s always so cute when he’s annoyed.

 “Are yer going tae dance?” Eric asks me.

 I shrug, glancing over at Will, who’s hidden away in the corner of the room, looking awkward. "Na ….” But then a new song starts to play; some sort of dance type music. I can’t help myself, I really wanna' dance to it. I rush over to Will. “Will, wanna’ dance wi’ me?”

 “I would rather die.”

 “Aww … come on, don’t be like tha’.”

 “I have two left feet.” He sighs. “And plus, I’d rather not everyone here know that I am in a relationship. It … it is none of their business.”

 Eh … hate to break it to him but “between Eric and Grell, I think everyone at branch knows ‘bout us by now.”

 “W-what?” He blinks at me. “You mean to say -?”

 “Uh huh. Little gossipers, tha’ both of them.” Hah, did he just swear under his breath? “Oh come on, datin’ me isn’t tha’ bad, is it?”

 “No, of course not. I would just rather keep my private life exactly that – private.” He adjusts his glasses. “Still, there is nothing I can do about it now, I suppose.”

 “So … tha’ dance?”

\-----------

 Yes, score! I got him to dance with me, but he’s not really dancing, just stepping from side to side. “Ronald, I told you that I cannot dance. This … this is embarrassing.”

 “No it’s not.” My hands find his hips. “Y’ jus’ need ta’ loosen up. See, that’s it, jus’ rock y’ hips a lil’ bit.”

 “Honestly ….” His arm wraps around my back. “I am going to die of embarrassment.”

 “But … but y’re havin’ a bit of fun too, right?”

 He looks around himself before leaning forward, his mouth against the shell of my ear. “Do not tell anyone, but yes, I am having … a little fun. It has been too long since I have gone to a nice social gathering.”

 “Awesome.” A wide grin spreads across my face. “I’m happy for y’, babe.”

 “Thank you for bringing a little fun into my life, Ronald.”

 “Y’re welcome.” Did … did he just kiss me on the cheek? In public? Aww, there’s hope for his romantic side yet.

 I … I’ve really enjoyed this night.

\------

***7.13am***

 We ended up leaving just before midnight, because Will was getting tired, and well, a song came on that brought up bad memories.

 Will’s just got off of the phone – someone rang him from the branch – and now he’s rushing around like an idiot. “Ronald, I … I have to go. I won’t be able to make breakfast today, sorry.”

 “Where are y’ goin’?”

 “There is an urgent -.”

 Oh. “Tha’ same problem as yesterday?”

 He takes a deep breath as he picks up his work coat. “Yes – I have been summoned to help take out these parasites.”

 “W … wha’?! Y … y’ve gotta’ go fight those demons?”

 “Yes.”

 No, no, he can’t …. “On … on y’ own?”

 He shakes his head. “No, with a team of the best reapers – Humphries is coming also.”

 I swallow down a lump in my throat. “Is … is there a chance y’ll ge’ hurt?”

 “Yes, but there is always a risk. I … I will be fine, however, as I am always careful.”

 I clamber out of bed, rushing to face him. “P … please don’t go. I … I don’t want somethin’ ta’ happen ta’ y’.”

 “I haven’t a choice, Ronald.” He cups my cheek. “But as soon as this mission is complete, I will drop back in here for a visit.”

 “O … okay, how long is tha’ gonna’ take?”

 “I shall not be long.”

 Ugh … I feel sick. Hugging him tightly, I nuzzle my cheek against his. “Jus’ be safe, okay? Come … come back wi’out a scratch.”

 “I will be fine, I promise you.”

\---------

***8.56am***

 Shit, shit, shit, where is he?! I … I shouldn’t have let him leave … and … and what if Al’s been hurt too? I’ve been pacing back and forth in the living room for ages now. “Fuck ….” Something’s gone wrong, I know it has.

 What if – “Will!” He appears in front of me, leaning on his scythe. Oh shit, he … he’s hurt. “W … wha’ happened?” I rush over to him – shit, his clothes are all ripped and he’s bleeding proper badly. “A … are y’ okay?”

 “T … they ambushed us. Filth.”

 “Shit. Is … is Al okay?”

 “In a … better state than me, yes.” He struggles over to the sofa and slumps down onto it. Oh … shit, d-did he just cough up blood?!

 “We … we should ge’ y’ ta’ tha’ hospital or somethin’.”

 He looks up at me, his eyes narrow. “I will heal in no time. Just … just leave me to rest, would you?”

 “No! 'Ave y’ seen how much blood y’re losin’? It’s fuckin’ everywhere!”

 “Ronald, leave me be!”

 I flinch, and back away. W-why is … he mad at me? “I was jus’ -.”

 “I am going to bed. I … I need to rest.” Using his scythe, he pushes himself back to standing and moves to the door. “I would rather not be disturbed.”

 “Well at least let me help y’ ta’ tha’ bedroom.”

 “No.”

 “But y’re limpin’ a-and y’ look fuckin’ awful.”

 “I said leave me be!”

 I stop dead in my tracks, a cold shiver running down my spine. He sounds so mad, unbelievably mad, and it scares me a little. Why … why the hell is he taking it out on me?! H … have I done something wrong?

 “O-okay ….” Shit!


	53. William. Thinking things through.

***15th February, 2017***

***9.01am***

 I cannot believe t-that I let my guard down like that. Honestly, I am lucky that I did not get someone killed. If … if Humphries hadn’t stepped in, would I still be alive right now? And he himself was run through with a demon claw. Thankfully, he will be alright, but I can imagine the rage that will be radiating off of Slingby when he finds out. And not to mention the large gash to Humphries’ cheek. I am pretty sure that anyone touching his partner’s face will just upset Slingby more.

 Jesus … what a complete mess.

 I should have realised that it was a trap. I should – “Nghhh.” Lord, I thought that this bed was supposed to be comfortable?

 I sigh, resting my head back against the pillow. I shouldn’t have taken it out on Ronald – it was not his fault, even if it felt that way at the time. I was so distracted in Germany because he was on my mind. But … but that was my own fault, for it was I and I alone that let my concentration sway.

 I … I really should go and apologise to him. I try to move, to sit back up, only to realise what a bad idea that is. “O … or not.” Wrapping an arm around my stomach, I decide that I should let my wounds heal a little before trying to move.

 W-what was that, the door? Oh dear, I … I hope that Ronald hasn’t stormed off. I … I can see that not ending well. Bugger ….

\------

***9.20am***

 William, honestly, it is not worth getting yourself into a tizzy over. And it certainly isn’t worth getting yourself hacked to death by demons for. All he did was grope at your rear, for goodness sake.

 I grunt, rubbing at my temple. No … it is because you liked it; that is why it is bothering you.

 I felt something, but whether it was arousal or something else, I am not too sure. B-but it is just so strange – I would have never thought that I would enjoy being touched there.

 “For goodness sake!” Lord … it is not like I am going to act on those feelings, and … and anyway, that feeling did not last for long to begin with.

 Still … that is the closest thing to anything sexual that I have ever felt for someone. Maybe … it is because I really do love him?

 “Hn.” Honestly, William, it is not worth thinking about. You … you are only going to stress yourself out more, after all. Just let it go – try to let it go.

\--------

***9.56am***

 Oh … was that the door I heard? Well, at least I know that he hasn’t run off for good. Some good news, thank goodness.

 My head is pounding, and I really cannot just push these worries from my mind. Because, let us be honest, enjoying being groped is not like me, not like me at all. I do wonder … if he were to do it once more, would I enjoy it that time also?

 What … what a strange, awful thought.

\-------

***10.02am***

 The door is pushed open, distracting me from my troublesome thoughts. Well, for the time being, at least.

 He does not enter the room, instead just speaking quietly with a voice of concern. “Y’ alright, babe?”

 “I will be,” I say, looking at the wounds that have still not healed. “Did you pop out earlier?”

 “Yeah. I went ta’ see if Al was alright. His face was proper cut up … and Eric was fumin'.”

 “Yes, I imagine that he was.” If Humphries had not jumped in to aid me, he would not have gotten so hurt. My fault … all my bloody fault. “He will be fine though. Another hour or so, and both me and him will be healed.” 

 “G-good.” There is a moment of silence before he asks me “will … will Al’s face scar?”

 “Oh, no, no, of course not. The only things that can leave scars are scythe injuries, and well, we have figured out a way to remedy even those now.”

 “C-cool. Al’s too pretty ta’ be all scarred up.”

 Did he just call a man pretty? What an odd thing to say …. Not knowing how to reply, I remain silent, waiting for him to speak again.

 “I … I brought y’ a cup of tea. C-can I come in?”

 Why would he need to ask – oh … right, I snapped at him earlier. Now I remember …. Dammit. “Yes, come in.”

 He rushes inside, placing the cup down on the nightstand at my side. “At least I didn’t blow tha’ kettle up.”

 “Yes, I can see that. Well done.”

 He flashes me a smile, which fades out quickly when he lays eyes on me. “Fuck … y’re in a really bad state.”

 “That sure makes me feel better.”

 “Sorry.” Glancing away, he sighs. “I didn’t mean ta’ ge’ on y’ nerves, now or earlier.”

 “No, no, you did no such thing.” I cough slightly, before patting the bedsheets at my side. “Come, lie down with me.”

 He is next to me quickly, fingers gliding over the wound on my chest. Ouch …. “Y’ suit is wrecked.”

 “Yes, and I doubt even Sutcliff’s sewing skills could fix it.”

 “True. Y’ … y’re gonna’ be okay, right? Y’re proper sure?”

 “Yes, I am sure. Ow – okay, stop touching it, it is sore.”

 “Oh … sorry.” He looks away. “I’m sorry for pissin’ y’ off earlier too.”

 “You didn’t, Ronald.” I struggle to roll over, looping an arm around his waist. “I was annoyed with myself for letting those demons sneak up on me so easily.”

 “R-really?”

 “Yes. I have sworn to take care of you, but how could I do that if I were dead in a ditch somewhere? I was angry at myself for being so careless.”

 “Yeah.” He pouts at me. “How dare y’ almost die on me, y’ prick.”

 I chuckle, which does not help my pain in the slightest. “How caring of you, Ronald.”

 “Hah. I’d give y’ a kiss but y’ve got all dried blood around y’ mouth.”

 “S-so? What does that … matter?”

 “Y’ wouldn’t kiss me, y’d make me go in tha’ shower first.”

 “Well yes, you do have a point there.”

 “Heh, jokes.” He gives me a quick peck on the lips. “Are y’ in work later?”

 “No, with these injuries, they will relieve me of my duties for the day.”

 “Ohhh, I’ve got y’ all ta’ myself then.” He snuggles closer to me. “Awesome.”

 “Indeed. Now I just have to wait for myself to heal.”

 “Hmm.” He laughs lightly. “And then we’ll ‘ave ta’ change tha’ sheets. They’re wrecked.” And then he looks at me, his brow creasing slightly, lips pursing. “Y’ know, y’re kinda’ hot when y’re all roughed up like tha’.”

 “Umm … thank you?” Honestly, the things that come out of this boy’s mouth at times. He … he really does amuse me, really does brighten up my day ….

 Oh Lord, I adore him.


	54. Side story: Chapter three. Cookies and kisses. Alan/Eric.

***10.02am***

 Eric had decided to port to a bakery not far from his house that a reaper couple ran in their spare time. To his relief, it was open, and he rushed inside, still not really sure what to buy for Alan. _Well … I guess I should just go for what I know I like. It can’t hurt._

_\---------_

 Back in his kitchen, Eric slid a large chocolate chip cookie onto a plate for Alan, leaving the other in the paper bag for himself for later. He knew that it wasn’t much food, but Alan hadn’t been eating much of anything, so it was a start at least. _The sugar should help perk him up a bit._

 The blonde reaper was soon up the stairs, glass of milk in his other hand, and he pushed the door open with his foot. Peering into the room to check if Alan was asleep, his heart sank. The little brunette was curled under the covers, and Eric could hear a faint sobbing coming from him.

 The reaper was soon at the bedside, the food and drink shifted onto the nightstand. “Alan, what’s the matter, Lad? Is … is yerr pain bad?”

 Receiving just a whimper in return, Eric pulled the bedcovers back. Once settled on the bed, he lifted Alan up with ease, cuddling the brunette to his side gently. _Aye, it must be the illness._ “Where does it hurt, Lad?”

 Alan rubbed at his chest, his small, frail body shaking from the force of his cries.

 “Ahhh, ah see. Yer need tae bring more shite up?”

 Alan shook his head. “Y … you … you don’t understand.” A cry broke his sentence in two. “It … it is my heart that hurts. It is f-filled with sorrow.”

 _Oh …._ “And why’s that?”

 “I … I miss my brother terribly al … already. I … I think that h-his death has only just sunk in.”

 “Aye. But … but he’s in a better place now, so don’t cry.” _I … I don’t like to see him cry._

 “I know that … but without him, I feel so lonely.”

 “Aww, no, don’t be. Yer … yer’ve got me now.” To Eric’s dismay, that statement seemed to do nothing to aid Alan’s upset.

 “W … will I see him again? W … when I pass over from the world of the … living to t-that of the d-dead?”

 Eric nodded slowly. “Aye … yer’ll see him in heaven, but ah don’t want yer tae think like that.”

 “P … pardon?”

 Eric lifted Alan onto his lap with ease, fingers brushing through his hair. “Don’t just give up on life like that. Yer … yer can last a long while if yer just try.”

 “You fool. It is easy to … see that I am a man … on d-death’s door.”

 “Aye, but only if yer give up hope.” Eric knew that it was a senseless thing to say – someone living just because they hoped on it – but deep down, he didn’t want to think of Alan dying on him so soon. No, he refused to think about that option.

 “I -.”

 “And ah’m sure that yerr brother is looking down on yer.” Eric wrapped his arms around the small man, giving him a light peck on the forehead. “So yer’ll be just fine.”

 “D-did … you just kiss me?” Alan glared at him.

 Eric merely chuckled at the dirty look. “Aye, but it was just a wee kiss of luck.” He repeated the motion.

 “Y … you are very … weird.”

 “Are yer saying that yer don’t like my cuddles and things?”

 “I like the hugs. The … the kisses, no.”

 “But look, yerr tears have almost ceased.”

 Colour washed over Alan’s cheeks, and he huffed lightly. “J ... just continue the hug … and be quiet.”

 “Aye,” Eric’s chest shifted with a small chuckle. “Yerr wish is my command.”

\--------

 Eric watched Alan as the brunette tucked into the cookie, his eyes bloodshot from the earlier crying. The reaper knew that Alan’s lungs were hurting him, for every now and then, he’d hold his chest tightly, whimpering. The crying definitely hadn’t helped.

 Alan’s eyes lit up somewhat as the cookie dissolved against his tongue. He swallowed the bite down before beaming. “E … Eric, this is so good. It’s … so sweet and … soft and … hmm.”

 “Aye, but not too sweet, in my opinion.” _I’m glad that he likes it. It seems to have brightened up his mood a bit._

 “I … I can’t wait to try even more … of the good food you have here.” He paused. “If … if you don’t mind paying for … my food. I … don’t wish to be … a burden to you.”

 “No, it’s not a problem at all, Alan.” Eric walked over to him, fingers brushing Alan’s fringe to the side. “Yer’re not a burden, so don’t think like that.”

 “T … thank you.”

 “But yer know, yer’ll have tae live a lot longer tae be able tae try it all. Yer up for that challenge?”

 “I … I am. This food is so … amazing.”

 The reaper grinned widely. “Grand! And there’s so, so much more tae try.”

 “I … I look forward to it, Eric.”

\--------

***12.04pm***

 Alan was lying on his side under the covers, his eyelids heavy with sleepiness. “E … Eric?”

 “Aye?” Eric, who was sitting up in bed, shifted slightly to rub at Alan’s back, his movements soft and soothing. “Yer alright?”

 “I … I was wondering – those things … on your face, what are they?”

 “Ahhh, aye, good question.”

 “Is … is it a good answer though?”

 “Maybe,” Eric chuckled. “These things on my face are called glasses. They help me tae see better.”

 “Oh … in what way?”

 “Makes stuff seem less blurry.”

 “I … I think I could do with those things too then. My … my own eyesight is not … so great in that regard.”

 “Oh. Yer can see me though?”

 “Yes, but ... my eyes aren’t as good as … they used to be, I don’t think.”

 “Ah see. Well, count yerself lucky, because all reapers have shite eyesight.”

 “W … what a strange occurrence. Do you … know why?”

 “Nah, not a clue.”

 “Hmm ….” Any other question was broken by a yawn. “I … I am rather tired.”

 “Then yer should rest.” Eric bent over Alan farther. He was unable to help himself, and the brunette received a quick kiss to the hair. _He’s just so bloody cute._

 “Hn, stop t … that, would you?”

 “What? It’s a goodnight kiss.”

 Alan rolled his eyes and snuggled into his pillow. “I … I told you that ... a hug would suffice.”

 “Well then, that told me.” Eric grinned widely. “A cuddle it is.”

\----------

***2.37pm***

 Alan was shaken lightly until he awoke, groggy and confused. “W … what …?”

 “Ah’ve got tae head tae work in a wee while, Alan,” Eric said, hand moving to ruffle Alan’s hair.

 “O … oh, reaping?”

 “Aye.”

 Within an instant, Alan’s eyes widened, tiredness washed away. “B … but that means you … you won’t be here with me.”

 “Ah know -.”

 “B … but I … I don’t want to be … left alone.” Tears quickly filled the brunette’s eyes. “I … I’ll feel lonely … if you’re gone.”

 “Yer won’t be alone. Ah’ve asked a friend tae look after yer for a bit while ah’m gone.”

 “R … really?”

 “Aye.”

 “B … but when did you ask them? This morning?”

 “Nah, ah phoned them while yer were asleep – not long back.”

 The brunette’s brow furrowed deeply. “P … phoned?”

 “Oh … right.” Eric sighed. _Seriously? Do I have to explain everything to him? Hah, what’s next – how are babies made?_ “Er … well ….” _Dumb wee shite. Dumb … but adorable all the same._


	55. Alan. A shinigami's body does not die unless hit with critical damage.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, if this isn't serious foreshadowing, I don't know what is.

***Saturday 18th February***

***9.08am***

 “Urgh ….” What is that, the phone? I grab my glasses, slip them on, and then glance at the clock. A louder groan escapes me. “W … who is calling so early on a weekend?” Slowly, I roll over, grabbing my mobile from the nightstand. Oh … it’s Ronnie.

 “H … hello?”

 “Hey Buddy!” Oh … ugh, his voice is too loud right now. “Are y’ up yet?”

 I want to tell him that no, I’m not up, and that he in fact was the one to disturb my sleep. But no … I shouldn’t be rude, and well, Eric said that I couldn’t be nasty to someone even if I tried. He … he may have had a point. “Yes, I’m up. Are you planning to come over?”

 “Yeah, I’ve jus’ spoken ta’ Will ‘bout somethin’ and now I need a word wi’ y’ too.”

 “Hmm … okay?”

 “I’ll be right over.”

 I glance at my little puppy lying next to me on top of the bedsheets – I should get up to feed her soon anyway. “Okay, no problem.” Hmm … maybe I’ll get lucky and Ronnie will make me breakfast ….

\----------

***9.12am***

 Okay … that really was quick. “Nice PJs,” he says as he finds me in the kitchen.

 “Thank you.”

 “Oh … Eric’s not here?”

 “No … the new supervisor gave him a sixteen hour shift.”

 Ronnie hisses. “Ohhh … burn. I bet y’ never thought tha’ y’d miss Will as y’ fulltime supervisor.”

 I laugh lightly. “Actually, I’ve never minded William. He is strict, but he’s also fair.”

 “Ah, fair enough …. So, how’s tha’ pup?” He asks as he picks my puppy up, holding her in one arm, stroking her with his other hand.

 “She’s great. Really well behaved too.”

 “Awesome.” That smile of his really can cheer you up, even in the early mornings. “’Ave y’ named her yet?”

 “Nope, still thinking on that one.”

 “Ah, fair enough. Y’ know wha’ Will named tha’ budgie?”

 “Umm … no?”

 He shakes his head, his nose wrinkling. “He called her Penelope. Who tha’ fuck calls a bird tha’?”

 I can’t help but laugh at that. “It … it is a pretty awful name.”

 “I know. Tha’ poor thing must be traumatised.” His chuckles die down. “How are y’ feelin’ anyway? Finally feelin’ all better from tha’ demon attack?”

 I freeze mid motion. I … I don’t want to think about it. Not because of the run in with the demon – I’ve had plenty of those – but because of the aftermath. I’ve been injured so many times, as has any reaper who’s been alive for more than a few years. Demon bites, scythe accidents, you name it, most of the reapers at branch have had such injuries.

 I remember the once, Grell swung her scythe a little too close to me. It … it wasn’t nice waiting for my left hand to grow back. I mean, they couldn’t even stitch the old one back on, it was in such a mangled state.

 Oh, and a little while back, I was knocked from a roof by an angry cinematic record. Being impaled on a metal gate isn’t fun … not one bit.

 And … and I’m not even a clumsy reaper. Those ones come back with injuries daily.

 So … so I’m no stranger to horrible injuries, but … but this time, it was different. It … it was quite awful actually. My … my injuries took so much longer than usual to heal, and … and I just felt awful through it all. Weak and tired … so, so tired.

 It scared Eric too, to the point that he wanted me to go to the … hospital. But … but I didn’t need to go to the hospital. I told him no – I … I’m not sick, of course I’m not. But I do wonder why – that demon must have been extremely strong … or maybe even venomous. Yes … that must be it. I don’t think that I’ve ever faced a demon as vicious and a large as that one. And … I’ve never had a demon claw through the chest before, so … so that probably didn’t help my situation either. 

 I feel a lot better now, bar a little remaining tiredness, and Eric’s stopped worrying, I think. At least, he isn’t stuck to my side now, visibly fretting about me. The … the poor soul has been close to tears over my condition the past few days. He cares more for my health than he does for his own.

 But … still, it’s nice. As a reaper, you have time to build such strong relationships. I … I know that whatever happens, Grell and Eric will always be there for me. I know … that if the unthinkable, the almost impossible, ever happens, Eric will be at my side until the very end.

 “Al.” I feel a hand on my shoulder and I jump.

 “H-hmm?”

 “Y’ were in a world of y’ own.”

 “Oh … sorry.” Ah … he asked – “I’m better now, thank you.”

 “Are y’ sure?”

 “Yes.” He sounds concerned. I … I should change the subject. “So … what did you want to talk to me about?”

 “Ah! Yeah, right.” Phew … I think it worked. He’s giving me that big grin again. “I talked ta’ Will ‘bout tha’ scythe cleanin’ thing this mornin’.”

 Oh yes, I remember. I think he mentioned it to me last night while I was resting. Grell’s idea, I think? “So what did William say?”

 “He thought it was a great idea, as long as I’m careful.”

 “Really?” Hmm … I thought he’d be against it – more concerned for Ronnie’s safety.

 “Yeah, he says it’ll give me a bit of independence, responsibility and stuff. But … I do think he’s a little worried tha’ I’m gonna’ go spend all tha’ money on booze.”

 “I think you’ll be fine,” I smile at him. “So … do you have a business plan and things?”

 “Eh … a little? Grell said tha’ she’ll help me out wi’ tha’ sort of stuff once she’s -.”

 “Done getting frisky with her new toy?”

 “Hah, how’d y’ know?”

 “I’ve known her for long enough,” I say. “Is William going to help you at all?”

 “Yeah, he’s gonna’ buy me tha’ bits I need ta’ ge’ started. Cloths, tha’ proper sort of cleanin’ solution, and oil.”

 “You won’t be getting screwdrivers and the like?”

 “I’m jus’ cleanin’, not repairin’. Hah, if I tried tha’, I’d lose a finger or two.”

 “Y … you do have a point.” I smile. “But it does sound like you’ve got most of it sorted out.”

 “Eh … not really.” He scratches at the back of his head. “I … I don’t actually ‘ave a place ta’ clean yet.”

 “Oh?” That’s quite surprising. “But what about your garden?”

 “Hah, nope, Will doesn’t want scythes anywhere near his pigeons.”

 “Oh ….” Okay, I should have seen that coming.

 “So eh … do y’ know anywhere?”

 It doesn’t take much thought for me to produce an answer. “I … I think I do actually.”

\----------

 The door to an old shed in my garden is yanked open, and I step inside. “You can use this if you want. It’s a little dark in here … but at least it’s spacious.”

 “This is great!” He says as he peeks inside. “But eh … are y’ sure it’s free ta’ use?”

 “Yes. I’ll just have to move out a few of Eric’s belongings and then it’s all yours – they can go in the loft anyway.”

 “Awesome! Thanks mate.”

 “No problem.” There’s one more thing, though, that I think he needs. “Have you thought of how you’re going to advertise?”

 “Yeah. Grell’s gonna’ recommend me ta’ people she knows.” He pauses for a second. “Why? Do y’ ‘ave a better idea?”

 “I do. But first, I think it’s time for a hot chocolate and some breakfast.” Because right now, I really am so tired.

\--------

***11.07am***

 I don’t use computers all that much, but I do know how to use certain aspects when need be. Oh, and we have a printer too, which is handy. To be honest, the only time we ever use the printer is when Eric hosts a games’ night – it happens a couple of times per year. He’ll rent out a hall in town and everyone will bring along their game consoles. I never go, but I hear it’s a night of boozing and getting awful gamer rage.

 So anyway … Eric prints out a few posters advertising the games’ night, and he then puts them on the notice boards in the break rooms at branch. It works really well, and he had an amazing turn out last time. So … the same should work for Ronnie’s new business.

 “Okay, I think I’m done.” As Ronnie comes over to the laptop, I point at the screen. “I think this poster will do.”

 “Woah, it looks amazin’. Ah … why does it say at tha’ bottom ‘talk ta’ Grell for more details’? Is … is she well known?”

 “Yep, everyone at branch knows Grell, trust me.”

 “Oh … cool.”

 “I’ll print a few of these off, get them laminated and post them up for tomorrow.” I think there’s a laminator in the office at work.  

 “Thanks mate, I owe y’ one.” Yes, yes you do, Ronnie. A yawn leaves me as I press print. Ugh … I really do just want to go back to sleep now. Seriously, when will this fatigue end?


	56. Ronald. Earn a living.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you find any typos. I've got a massive headache rn.

 ***12.40pm***

 I’ve spent the past hour emptying and cleaning Al’s shed. It’s almost sorted out now, but I’ve got to text Will to ask him to get me some portable lamps or something – it’s way too dark in here. I mean, I could just open the doors, but meh, it’s still freezing out.

 I’m starting this whole thing rolling Monday, because I should have everything sorted by then. I just hope that I get a couple of customers.

\--------

***6.16pm***

 I’ve just had a phone call from Al about some last minute changes to that poster. He wants to put a timetable along with it in the main staffroom at his work, because he seems to think that I’m going to get too much trade. So … by the sounds of what he’s saying, there’ll be three slots for every weekday, where customers can write their names. One for 10am – 12pm, another for 12.30pm – 2.30pm, and the last for 3pm – 5pm.

 Unmuting the phone again, I ask “so the scythe is dropped off at like ten, and then they pick it up at twelve?”

 “Yes,” he says, “or they might give you a later time for when they’ll be picking it up. I mean, if you’re running your own business, you’ll have to be flexible.”

 “Yeah, yeah, I know.” I think it’s kinda’ cool really, because if I finish a scythe quicker than expected, I can go hang out in Eric’s house, and play with the puppy. “Timetable and amendments sound fine. Y’ still gonna’ sort them for tomorrow?”

 “Yes.” I hear him sigh – he’s still worn out from the demon attack, I think. Hopefully, given a few more days, he’ll be fine. “You still need to sort out the pricing for your work though. Have you spoken to William about it?”

 “We were jus’ ‘bout ta’ go through it.”

 “Well make sure you sort it out, write it down and – wait, does William have a computer there?”

 “Yep.”

 “And a printer?”

 “Uh huh.”

 Al pauses for a moment, before saying “okay, you can type up your pricing list. I’ll be going to bed around ten, so make sure to bring it over before then.”

 Eh … did I hear him right? “Wha’? Y’ mean tonight?”

 “Yes. It won’t take you long, I’m sure.”

 Oh come on, give me a break. I’ve been working my ass off all day. “But -.”

 “You have William to help you. I’ve done a lot of the work for you already, so stop complaining.” Hah … okay then …. “If you’re serious about making some money, you’ll just get on with it and do it.” Ohh, he’s a little snappy tonight ….

 “Alright, alright, I’ll get it down ta’ y’ for tonight.”

 “Very good. I’m sure that you won’t find it too hard.”

 “Yeah.” Jeez, for a cute little thing, he sure is bossy.

\----------

 “So, how are we gonna’ go ‘bout this?” I ask Will, sitting down on the sofa next to him. He looks at me and then down at the piece of paper he’s got in his hand.

 “On my lunch break, I asked for quotes from the two mechanical shops in the area – one of them being the one Sutcliff uses.”

 “Oh, y’ did a bit of snoopin’?”

 He shakes his head at me, letting out a sigh. “There is nothing wrong with doing a little ground research. I am sure that you’ll be thanking me for it later.”

 “Yeaahhh, y' 'ave a point. So, wha’ kind of quotes did y’ ge’?”

 “For a wet wash, a wash and polish, and then for the triple works – that includes a wash, polish, and an oiling.”

 “Right, so wha’ are tha’ prices?” He flashes the quotes at me and I cringe. “Ouch … why would anyone pay tha’ much?”

 “Honestly, some people cannot do a thing for themselves. Useless really.”

 I think that was a sly stab at Grell (or maybe Eric), but I’m gonna’ let it slide. “Right, okay.”

 “Now, you must take into account that I and Sutcliff have quite complicated scythes. For simpler designs, such as Humphries’ scythe, the cleaning will be easier, and therefore less expensive. I asked Slingby how much he pays for his to be cleaned, and it is roughly two thirds of what I was quoted.”

 “Uh … okay.” Fuck … this is starting to go over my head already. T … two thirds?

 “Now, I did ask around about this, and it seems as if they base the pricing on the weight of the scythe. I even found out the weight categories.”

 He turns the paper over, flashing some more numbers and stuff at me. Oh man … my brain …. “Will … I don’t understand. How are we supposed ta’ know how much they weigh? We don’t ‘ave a scale or anythin’.”

 “The reapers themselves will know the weight – we have to write it down enough in certain reports. I doubt that they will lie to you about it.”

 “Right … okay. So … tha’ pricin’ list?”

 “Ah, yes. We will have to take into account your expenditure too – the solution, polish, wax, etcetera.” He pauses. “And you will have to make sure that you are competitive. We know from what Sutcliff has said that you make of good job of it, but if you are going into this as a newbie, you need to charge less.”

 “Right, how much less?”

 “I think between ten and fifteen percent less than what is being charged by the other businesses. That way, you will be appealing to customers, but will still be making a nice profit. After all, the wax and other materials are not that expensive, and they will last a long while.”

 Ugh … my head’s spinning. “I … I don’t ‘ave a fuckin’ clue wha’ a percentage is.”

 “Oh, it is not that hard -.”

 “Yes, yes, it is!” Fuck … I feel so stupid right now. “I can add and take away, that’s ‘bout it. Anythin’ else goes right over my head.”

 “I see. Let me get a pen and paper, and I shall try to explain it to you.”

\--------

 “So, as you can see, if a triple job is charged at £88 for a scythe in the smallest weight range, you will charge fifteen percent less - £74.80. If you are just washing the same scythe with cleaning solution, it would have been £45. You are charging ten percent less (as it is a smaller job) - £40.50.”

 “Eh … tha’ still seems pretty expensive though.”

 “It is the cheapest they will ever get it.” He rolls his eyes. “Honestly, it serves them right for being so damn lazy.”

 “Right, that’s cool … but I still don’t really ge’ tha’ maths.”

 Will shakes his head. “What if you use the calculator on your phone? If I showed you how to use that, would that help?” I think that he’s being a bit sarcy, but whatever, it’s a good idea.

 “Yep.” I give him a big grin. “I think tha’ would do tha’ trick.”

\--------

***Monday 20th February***

***9.45am***

 Agh … I’m so nervous. I’m waiting for my first customer to turn up, and Al’s just brought me the timetable for the week. It’s got a person’s name and a contact number in each slot … and I mean every single slot! Like wow … that price list really worked. Oh … ohh, is this the first person coming now?

\-------

***6.05pm***

 I’ve just come back from Eric’s, and I flop down on the sofa next to Will. “I take it that you have had a tiring day?” He asks me.

 “Uh … huh. I managed ta’ turn tha’ scythes over, even if I couldn’t pick them up, so at least I managed ta’ clean them properly.”

 “I see. Just make sure that you do not hurt yourself.”

 “Na, it was fine. I enjoyed it ta’ be fair.”

 His arm wraps around my shoulder. “Did you have good customer feedback?”

 “Yep! They were well impressed.”

 “Very good.” Aww … he sounds so proud of me.

 “Yeah, and I think I can add an extra slot ta’ tha’ days next week. It’s only takin’ me ‘bout an hour ta’ clean each scythe, if tha’.” I shift around in his hold. “Man … my back aches.”

\----------

***Saturday 25th February ***

 Oh man, that week went by so quickly. I managed to pay Will back for the materials after the first day, and I asked Alan if he wanted any money for me using the shed. He said no, but I did buy him something … from the sex shop in town, hah. He’s back to his usual self too, which is great.

 “Ow! R-Ronnie, stop!” He shrieks at me, gasping loudly.

 “Nope.”

 “It’s too tight!”

 “Na, not tight enough.”

 “Nghhh!”

 I chuckle, pulling on the ties more. I brought him one of those corseted nightdress things. It’s all leather and lace. “Al, chill out.”

 “You’re trying to kill me!”

 “It’s worth it, trust me. When Eric comes back from tha’ store, he’s gonna’ go crazy for y’.” Well, he did want his sex life to be more exciting, and he did ask for my help before. Haha, it’s the least I can do. “He’s gonna’ be pawin’ at y’.”

 “B … but why does it have to be so t-tight?”

 “Ta’ make it look like y’ve got a cute lil’ waist.”

 “But – OW!” I pull it once more and then tie it. “H … how do you know how to wear a corset anyway?”

 “Eh … I’ve had practice.”

 “And did it hurt you as much as it hurt me?!” Jesus Al, chill out.

 “Shush!” I hear the door, and I step away from Al just in time. Eric comes into the living room, and his eyes go wide.

 “Holy -.”

 “S-surprise,” Al blushes madly as he fiddles with his hands. Aww bless … he’s so nervous.

 “Ronnie, ah’d go home if I were yer.” Eric grabs a hold of Al, slamming him back against the wall. “Yer’re too young tae see such things.”

 “Yep, yep, I’m goin’.” I rush from the room, but not before seeing Eric sucking roughly on Al’s neck. Man … the poor guy isn’t going to be able to walk after this.

\-----------

***Monday 27th February***

 Yep … I heard that Al got the excitement that he wanted. Only problem now is that Eric wants him to wear that dress constantly. Al’s going to have ring sting by the end of this week …. Ouch.

 So … this business is going really well so far (Will even helped me out a bit on his day off Thursday), though Al’s told me that some reapers want to try my cleaning service out, but can’t because they work weekdays. So … I’m thinking of opening up for like four hours on a Saturday. It can’t hurt I guess … but I don’t want to overwork myself at the same time – I … I think my bump has grown a little bit.

 I’m starting to get nervous about … THAT conversation with Will. It … it’s going to be so, so awkward, if not worse ….

 But at the minute, at least I have a way of making money that doesn’t put me or my baby at risk. I … mean there’s some danger from the scythes, but at least I’m not risking being raped and killed on a nightly basis. And I get a warm house to live in. Plus, if I ever get sick, I know Will will sort me out like he did last time with my tooth.

 I pat my stomach lightly, a small smile coming over my lips. “Yeah, I think Momma’s doin’ pretty well, don’t y’?”

 Yeah, there might be shit to deal with in the near future … but I think things have definitely taken a turn for the better. T … this really does beat the human world – by a mile.


	57. Ronald. Completely and utterly screwed.

***Sunday 12th March***

***10.23am***

 Shit, shit, shit! I turn around again, seeing if the change of angle will help at all. “Fuck ….” It doesn’t matter how much I twist and turn, I definitely look bigger in the bathroom mirror. Ugh … this isn’t good – it’s really getting noticeable now … and … and I still don’t feel ready to talk to Will about this.

 Fuck … I must be around …. four and a half months gone now … and it really doesn’t fucking help that the rest of me is still so damn thin – my gut’s gonna’ stick out like a sore thumb soon.

 But … I can’t tell him yet, and at least it’s still freezing (even though it’s March now), so I can hide it for a little longer with jumpers and my dressing gown. But … fucking hell, I won’t be able to keep this up for much longer.

 Na … na, maybe I’m overreacting – maybe I’m not as big as I think I am. “Fuckin’ hell, I don’t know!” The toilet seat is slammed down, and I sit down on it, putting my head in my hands. “Crap ….”

 If … if I tell him, at least it’ll be off of my chest, but … I know that he’s gonna’ freak out, I just know it. And … we haven’t been together for very long, so … so I doubt that our relationship will last if he finds out now. I mean, we haven’t even shagged or anything yet.

 God, I don’t … know what to do.

\------------------

 “Ronald, are you alright?” I flinch when Will knocks the door loudly. “You have been in there for a while now.”

 “Oh ….” Yeah, I guess I have. “Yeah … I’m fine.”

 “Are you sure?”

 “Yeah ….” Hn, think of something! “Eh … I jus’ wanted ta’ spend ages in tha’ shower.” Oh fuck, that’s lame!

 “Oh. Well, I suppose that it is rather cold today. Are you planning to come out anytime soon?”

 “Yeah.” Ah, shit, my dressing gown is in the bedroom. “Is breakfast ready?”

 “Not yet, no.”

 G … good. “Alright, finish it off for us and I’ll be right down.”

 I get silence, and I worry that he’s caught on to the shake in my voice. I let out a massive sigh when he finally says “of course. Do you want jam or honey on your pancakes?” Phew ….

 “Jam.”

 “Alright, it shall not be long.”

 I slump against the back of the toilet as I hear his footsteps getting quieter. But I can’t really relax yet. I … I need to hurry up and grab my dressing gown.

\----------------

***10.56am***

 “Ronald, do you have a stomach ache?” He looks at me from across the kitchen table, his eyebrows raised.

 “W … wha’?”

 “You keep rubbing at your stomach,” he says in a way that shows he thinks he’s stating the obvious.

 I can feel my back starting to sweat, a lump rising in my throat. Oh shit, say something! “Yeah, it is a bit achy this mornin’.” Oh … thank fuck for that. I managed to speak without my voice shaking. Good.

 “I am not surprised,” he says, rolling his eyes. “If I ate the amount that you do, my stomach would be hurting also.”

 “Haha … yeah.” Fuck, I need to make sure that I don’t touch my tummy when he’s around. Shit … this is gonna’ be tough.

\-------

***12.15pm***

 I told Will that I was going out, to treat myself to some new clothes with some of the money that I’d earnt, and well, I am, because I could do with a bigger pair of jeans (and a few more jumpers), but really, I just needed time alone to think.

 I … I think at the minute, I’m just going to try to hide it a little more. It shouldn’t be too hard, seeing as I’m working weekdays and a few hours of a Saturday now. And I don’t really think that my friends will notice yet … because I don’t cuddle up to them the way I do Will.

 So … I’ll wait a little longer, until I can figure out exactly what to say to Will. I … I think it’ll all work out in the end. Y-yeah … of course it will.

\---------

***3.47pm***

 I found a really nice coat – it’s not too thick, so I can wear it in spring – that covers up my gut area nicely. I tried to keep my distance from Will when I came back home but he asked me to help him clean out the pigeon shed. I mean, I didn’t want to seem like I was acting weird, so I agreed.

 Still … the nerves in my stomach are killing me.

 “Oh.” I can hear the happiness in Will’s voice as he says “it seems that we have two newly lain eggs.”

 “Cool.” … Wait a minute, this is my chance to find out – “Will, do y’ like babies then?”

 “Yes, they really are so adorable when first hatched, all bald and tiny.” He gives me a little smile – man, he really does love his birds.

 Ah … so maybe …. “That’s cool.” I try to make it seem like just a random question. “So wha’ ‘bout other sorts of babies? Puppies … and human babies?”

 He gives me a look of disgust, causing my heart to thump. “I am not a fan of either, especially babies of the human race. I have neither a like or a want for them. They are noisy, messy, irritating -.”

 “Ah … okay.” My stomach sinks, twists – I … I feel sick. “F-fair … enough.”

\-----------

***4.05pm***

 I … I managed to run off to the bedroom, giving W-Will some bollocks about a bad headache. As soon as I’m in the room, my legs give way, body hitting the bedcovers with a hard thump. I … I just don’t know what to … do. If … if he doesn’t l-like babies – “F … fuck.”

 My … my head really does hurt now.

 Shit … he … he’s gonna’ kick me out of the … house when he finds out. He … won’t l-love me anymore. I curl up on the bed, hiding my face in the covers. And I cry, I … I cry until no more will come, until my … eyes are dry.

 I … I feel so sick, and it hurts so much. Why … why can’t he just – fucking hell!

 I … don’t … don’t have a choice. I … I’m just … gonna’ have to keep the pregnancy … hidden for as long as I can. I sniff loudly – my nose feels … all bunged up and horrible – my head’s spinning like crazy.

 It … it’s not fair!


	58. Ronald. Changes.

***Tuesday 14th March***

 I’ve had a chance to think about it, to calm down a bit. I mean … even if Will doesn’t like babies, he might warm to mine because … he loves me. And well, if we’re together, this baby will be like his own. I … know that people always love their own kids more than … other people’s kids, so … so maybe it’ll all work out for the best.

 And … and things aren’t all bad. Will’s been a lot more kissy and cuddly the past couple of weeks. That … that might mean that he’s really starting to take this relationship seriously? Or … even better, he could have been serious about me from the start.

 He’s been getting along really well with Al and Eric too in the last week or so. He’ll actually give them the time of day now, so … I guess he isn’t as much of a grumpy git as he was to begin with. Maybe he has changed a little … for the better.

 I … I’m still really worried, but if I think about this logically, I doubt Will would have said what he said … if he’d have known that I was carrying. And … I don’t think he’d … have been as disgusted either. He … he was probably thinking about babies as a whole … and yeah, I bet some can be a real pain in the neck at times. But I think if he knew that he’d be able to experience the good bits of having a child, he’d come around.

 But then again –

 Ugh … I need to just make my mind up. I need to get my shit together and fucking tell him already. But … but I’m still scared ….

\-------

***Wednesday 15th March***

 Still haven’t built up the courage yet, and … still stressing a bit about this whole thing, even though I know I shouldn’t – I bet the stress won’t do my preggo body or the baby any good. Fuck … I need to get a grip.

\------

***Friday 17th March***

 Still nothing … but I do have something else important that I CAN tell him. A teenage girl came into the shop today – a human. She’s looking for a job and said that her partner (a reaper) had seen the ads for my business. She dropped off her CV (still not exactly sure what that’s all about) and said that she wasn’t really fussed about the rate of pay as long as she could get out of the house. Being a human in the reaper world is so dull, she said.

 I … I don’t really understand that idea. Like … once you make friends, this world is fucking amazing. It’s so much safer and calmer and just – why would anyone want to be back in the human world after seeing this place?

 Well … each to their own, I guess.

\-------

***6.17pm***

 “So wha’ do y’ think?” I ask Will, having just explained the situation. “Should I hire her?”

 “’Miss Marie’ – that is a nice name, and her CV appears to be fine. Apart from that, I cannot really comment because I have never met her.”

 “Well, she seems nice enough.” Smart too, smarter than me – she went to proper school until she was sixteen.

 “Hmm … does she appear strong enough for the job?”

 “Hah, yeah, a stronger body than mine anyway.”

 Will nods. “I see. Do you think she will provide good customer service?”

 “Yeah, she was pleasant ta’ me.”

 “Well, you can always trial her for a week and see what she’s like – paying her for it, of course.”

 “Na, I think she’ll be fine wi’out a trail or wha’ever. It’s jus’ ….”

 “Just what?” His eyebrow rises.

 “Well … I kinda’ don’t want ta’ be someone’s boss. And I … don’t really want tha’ hassle of sortin’ out wages and stuff.”

 “Then she is not getting hired, is she?”

 I sigh … I don’t think he’s getting the point. “Na … I mean, why don’t me and her become work partners or somethin’?”

 “Okay? Explain the financial side to me.”

 “Oh …. Well, I thought tha’ she could jus’ work alongside me. Like, I can get another work bench so tha’ she can ge’ started … and then she can sort out her own timetable and stuff.”

 “But you still own the business. You need to be making some money through hiring her.”

 “Well ….” Hmm, think – ah! Right … percentages, now that I finally understand how they work. “She can buy her own materials once she’s made a bit of money. And … I take, wha’, twenty percent of her earnings at tha’ end of each day?”

 “I … I am not sure, Ronald. Can you trust her to not use your materials? To not give you less than the percentage agreed?”

 “Yeah, I think she’ll be fine.”

 He rolls his eyes at me. “Honestly, only twenty percent, I think you are too soft.”

 “Na, I think it’s fair, especially if she’s buyin' all of her own materials too. I don’t want ta’ rob from her.”

 “I think that a fixed wage would be -.”

 “Unfair too. I don’t want ta’ underpay her if she’s triple jobbed five scythes. At tha’ same time, I don’t want ta’ pay her £7.50 an hour or wha’ever if all she’s done all day is sit around and only brought in one cash payment of like £40.”

 “Y … you do have a point there.”

 “Exactly.” I’ve had people take advantage of me to make money in the past. There … there’s no way I’m gonna’ do it to someone else.

\-----------

***7.14pm***

 The conversation about Marie sorted, his lips press against mine, his hands moving to my hips. It … it’s such a fucking turn on, but … but at the same time, I don’t want his hands anywhere near my tummy.

 I have to act natural though, so my arms wrap around his neck. We’re soon lying on the sofa, my body pressed under his. Oh man … his kissing really has gotten better, more daring. “Hmmm.” The bulge in my underwear is rock hard at the min –

 He usually pulls away at the first sign of a boner – and I know he can feel it because our hips are against each other’s – but this time, he’s not doing anything like that. He … he just carries on kissing me. Oh fuck … this is so good.

 I … I think I’m gonna’ have to sneak to the bathroom for a quick wank tonight. Yeah … for definite. God … what a fucking turn on he is right now.

\--------

***Saturday 18th March***

***10.55am***

 Eric and Al are out at work, and Will’s gone out shopping. He said that he wants to buy plants for the garden, and I think … varnish or something for the empty pigeon shed? He’s been going on about getting some new pigeons for a while – something to do with having more time for them now that he’s got less hours at work to do.

 I’m just about to finish this one scythe I’m working on – I have another, smaller job on in about an hour.

 Marie is starting Monday; she popped over at ten this morning so we could have a chat. For the first week, I’ll be paying her a fixed rate of £60 a day. That’ll give her time to learn how to do stuff properly and to advertise some extra slots on the timetable for the week after – then it’s up to her to make a living.

 She seemed happy with it, confident that she’ll make some good business for herself – and she was fine with the twenty percent she’ll be paying me. Oh, and I double checked with Al last night; he’s cool with having some other human working alongside me in his shed.

 It’s a good idea really, because I’m going to have to have some time off around the time the baby is born (I’m not gonna’ be able to keep this up when I’m super heavy), and there’s always a chance I’ll be off sick some days. So … at least the business will stay open, and I’ll still be getting a bit of money from Marie’s slice –

 Oh shit … I need to text Will and ask him to get me another sturdy table for in here. I move to grab my phone, and stop dead in my tracks. “W … wha’ tha’ hell?” Oh … shit, I just … felt it again. My baby … just moved?

 Holy shit … that’s so weird, like … a fluttering feeling. Kind … of like butterflies in the stomach, but stronger.

 I swallow down the lump in my throat, because fucking hell, that’s amazing. They … they must be getting pretty big now.

 Fuck … wow ….

 I sit down on the chair in the shed, hand on my stomach. The tears are coming … and my head’s spinning a little bit.

 Wow … just wow ….

 Oh fuck … I’m blubbering like a little kid here. But it … it’s so amazing. My … my baby – I … I’ll be able to see them, hold them … so, so soon. I … I love them so, so fucking much already.

 I feel another tiny flutter – I … I can’t wait until I get to hold them, I really, really can’t wait. “H-holy shit ….”


	59. Side story: Chapter Four. Grell's a strange being, apparently. Alan/Eric.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Split this chapter into two before it ends up as like 4-5k. Other part should be up tomorrow, hopefully. Then it's back to the main story for a while xD 
> 
> I'm sorry that this story is getting so long ....

***2.59pm***

 A minute before Eric was due into work, the doorbell rang. “W … what is that sound?” Alan asked.

 “It’s just my friend at the door. Ah best be heading off now.”

 “O … okay.”

 “Ah won’t be long.” Eric bent over the bed, giving Alan a quick kiss on the forehead. This time, Alan didn’t bother to tell him off for the action – it wasn’t as if the Scot was listening anyway. “It’s just a six hour shift today.”

 “And then you’ll … be straight home?”

 “Aye. Ah’ll see yer later.” Eric walked from the bed, only to turn around when Alan called his name. “Aye?”

 “I really like the way you … have done your tie. It … it looks quite rebellious.”

 The blush on the brunette’s cheeks was obvious. _If he’s trying to flirt, he’s not very good at it._ “Aye.” Eric shot him a cheeky grin. “Ah am a right rebel.”

\---------

 “Hello Darling,” Grell cooed as the door was pulled open. “Do you really have a little human upstairs?” She asked, leaning on the doorframe. “Or were you just trying to get me to come over?”

 “Sorry, yer really do have babysitting tae do.”

 Her face fell. “Eurghhhh.” Pulling a face of disgust, she asked “why would you want some icky human in your life?”

 “Because … ah felt bad for him? Look, he’s really sick and he was living in some slum – ah couldn’t have just left him there.”

 “He better not be contagious.”

 Eric shook his head. “Yer’re a reaper. It doesn’t matter.”

 “Hn … fine, I’ll play nanny for the afternoon.”

 “Thanks. Ah really appreciate it.” The blonde leant forward, giving a chaste kiss to her cheek. “Ahhh, shite, ah’m going tae be late for work.” His coat was grabbed from the hallway hook, and in the blink of an eye, he was gone.

 Grell touched her hand to her cheek, a pout coming over her lips. “How rude of him to just run off like that! That is NOT the way to treat a lady!”

\----------

 Grell entered the bedroom, seeing the small brunette sitting up against the headboard. On seeing her flash those sharp teeth at him, he paled even more than usual. “W … what are … you?”

 A scowl was given as she swayed over to the bed. “A reaper, what does it look like?”

 “B … but you appear … to be a strange being.”

 “I beg your pardon?!”

 “I -.” Alan froze in place when she lunged forward onto the bed.

 Her hand cupped his face, nails digging into his cheeks. “What did you just say?”

 “Um ….”

 The redhead sighed at the panicked, scared look on Alan’s face. It was no fun becoming heated with someone who wouldn’t bite back. “Hn … you don’t look in the greatest condition yourself.”

 Alan looked away. “I … know. S-sorry, I didn’t mean to offend.”

 “Hmmm ….” Grell ignored his words, instead staring straight at him. “You really are a poorly little thing, aren’t you?” Alan said nothing; he merely looked away and nodded.

 “Mmmm.” The redhead moved, flopping down on the bed and resting her chin in her palm. “I do wonder why he brought you home.”

 “He … he thought that … doing so would get me well again.”

 “But why? What are you TO him?”

 “Nothing?” Alan gulped. “I … I feel that he pitied me.”

 “Oh Darling, you are so blind.” Grell let out a giggle. “The only reason he’d bring anyone home is because they’d captured his romantic attentions.”

 That statement caught the brunette’s attention, his eye’s meeting Grell’s again – an unwavering stare. “Romantic? Do not be … foolish.”

 “Mmmm?” Her eyebrows raised, and she tilted her head to the side a little. “What is so foolish about that?”

 “Two men – romantic. T … that is … silly.”

 “Oh no, no, no Darling, it’s anything but.”

 “Yes -.”

 “You really need to understand the rules of this realm. Two men, two women, three ways – anything goes here. You humans have an awful lot of catching up to do.” She shifted again, sitting right next to Alan, index finger and thumb twiggling a lock of hair. Her eyes fixed on the red strand as she said “Eric has brought you back here because he fancies you. Our Scottish reaper has a bit of a reputation; he’ll sleep with anything that moves.”

 “S … sleep … as in -?”

 “Hmm-mm. If he has you here, he can’t bring anyone else back home to have his naughty way with. So ….” Pursing her lips for a moment, she thought to herself. “He … he must really want you.”

 “N-no!”

 “Yes.” Her teeth were flashed. “I bet he wants balls deep into that tight little rear of yours. Though, thinking about it, probably not; by the looks of it, he’d probably break that weak little body in two.” Alan had turned a deathly shade of white, and Grell couldn’t quite tell if he was horrified, shocked, or just plain disgusted.

 “No … I-I won’t let him tarnish me like that! Y … you’re all sinful, vulgar -.” Alan scrambled to get away from Grell, to get out of bed, only to end up hitting the bedroom floor with a loud thud. Still, he was not done shouting. “I … I’d never do something … so … so against God’s will! You -.” A cough broke his tirade, and he bent forward, a stream of gasps and splutters leaving him.

 “Feisty ….” Her eyes were fixed upon him, his frail form. “My, my, you really are so close to death.” A wide grin spread across her face. “So … if you really are so disgusted, why don’t you run off somewhere peaceful to die?” Alan shook his head, his coughing continuing. “Oh … and why is that?”

 “I … I’m … too sick,” he gasped.

 “Oh? Then stop being silly and get back to bed.” Her tone was snappy and she was surprised when Alan shook his head again. “Oh, don’t tell me that you’re too sick to stand too?”

 “Y … yes.”

 Rolling her eyes, she slid off of the bed and knelt in front of him. “Humans really are pathetic, weak little creatures.” Her lips pursed for a moment before she gasped. “Oh … if you’re THIS sick, Eric can’t just want to hump you. Ohhhh … has our little Scotsman actually fallen in love?” Alan flinched as Grell fell into her usual dramatics. “Ohhhh … one reaper’s fiery, rough, sharp passion has finally been tamed by matters of the heart! It’s just like Romeo and … well, Romeo!”

 “L … love?” The brunette coughed once more before the hacking gave way to panting, his breath slowly falling back into natural rhythm. “Y … you think he loves … m-me?”

 “Well it certainly seems that way.”

 “I … I ….” Alan felt that he should be disgusted by the possible love of another male, yet he couldn’t bring himself to it. Instead, shock wracked his core. _S … someone loves me? S … someone … finally cares that much about me? I … I never thought it possible …._

\----------

 A few hours had passed, and to Grell’s surprise, she was actually beginning to like this human – he definitely had the cute, innocent streak going for him. She pouted at him when he let out a yawn. “Oh Darling, don’t be so dull. Provide me a little entertainment.”

 “I … I cannot help it.” Another, longer yawn left him. “Now I have eaten, I am … really rather tired.”

 “Be boring and sleep then, see if I care.”

 “I … I wish I could, but … I feel very cold.”

 Grell rolled her eyes. “I really am being made to babysit.” Her palm pressed to his face. “Ohh … you are freezing.” With a sigh, she said “well, I suppose I can act like a hot water bottle.”

 “P … Pardon?”

 “You can use my body heat.”

 “Oh … oh no, I shouldn’t snuggle in bed with a woman. It … it may come off as -.”

 “Nonsense Darling.” Leaning forward, her nose almost touching Alan’s, she said “of course people won’t talk – you’re not really my type, in all honesty.”

 “Umm … well, okay then.” Alan gave in, the cold feeling in his bones getting the best of him.

 “Oh, and don’t touch the hair. I can’t guarantee your safety if you go against that little request.”

 The brunette gulped loudly. “O … okay then.”

\---------

 It was a little after nine at night when Eric returned home. He went straight to the bedroom, and found Alan sleeping peacefully at Grell’s side. Not wanting to wake the sleeping human, Eric spoke quietly. “Hey Grell, how’s he been?”

 “Apart from the numerous coughing fits, I think he’s survived quite well in my company.”

 “Grand. Yer two get along alright?”

 “Hmm … I think so.” Her fingers brushed lightly through his hair. “He really is a sickly, sweet little thing.”

 “Aye -.”

 “I can see why you like him so much.”

 Eric could see where this conversation was going, so he tried to change the direction of it. “Ah really appreciate yer helping me out -.” He paused when Grell shot him a dirty look.

 “I think we need to talk, don’t you, Dear?”

 The blonde’s hand shifted to mess with the end of his tie. _Shite._ “Aye … aye, we do ….”


	60. Side story: Chapter Five. Shite ... ah should have seen that coming. Alan/Eric.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of hidden foreshadowing here. Try to find it.

 The two reapers had gone down to the kitchen for a chat. So far, it didn’t seem to be going well for Eric. “Look, Grell, yer’ve known from the start that we’re just friends with benefits. It was obvious that it wasn’t going tae last forever.”

 “Hn.” She turned her back on him, arms folded over her chest.

 “Ugh … ah give up.” Eric flopped down on a kitchen chair. “It’s not my fault that ah’ve found someone that ah really want tae be with.” The Scot sighed “It’s not like ah went out looking or anything – he just fell intae my lap so tae speak.”

 “Well you could have told me about it sooner! It wasn’t nice to just find out like that!”

 “How could ah have? He’s only been here for like a day.”

 “Hn.”

 “Yer’re not being very reasonable.”

 “Yes I am!” She let out a huff. “Only a day and you already love him?”

 “Aye … ah think so.”

 “I see.”

 Eric groaned internally. “Look, ah’m sorry, alright? Ah don’t know what else yer want me tae say.”

 There was a brief silence before Grell said “I know of one way that you could make it up to me.”

 “Okay, sure, what is it?”

 “Would you deny a lady one last night of fun?”

 “W … what?”

 “Well, you’re not dating him yet, are you?”

 “Well no -.”

 “So what’s the harm in a little grinding?”

 Eric took a moment to answer. “Well … nothing, ah guess? But -.”

 “But nothing.” Grell turned around, grinning as she swayed over to him. “After all, you do owe me.” She’d soon straddled his lap, arms around his neck. “And you won’t be able to get any action with that sick little human of yours – you know, unless killing him is your plan.”

 “Ah … ah know.”

 “So don’t you want to unload while you still have the chance?”

 The blood began to run south for Eric as she rocked her rear against him. Though his resilience was starting to wear thin, he still wasn’t sure that this was such a good idea. “Ah don’t know, Grell, won’t it just hurt yerr feelings more in the end?”

 Leaning forward, her breath fell against his ear. “At least I’d know that this was our last time. I’d know to make the most of it.” Her one arm left his neck, hand sliding down as she wriggled back a little. His bulge was given a rough squeeze. “I think you know that you’re in need too.”

 Eric grunted, hips bucking up; he was torn between the two options. Even if he wasn’t in a relationship with Alan yet, he knew that he’d feel guilty for bedding Grell later. But on the other hand, he knew he’d been a bit of a prick to Grell, having not taken her feelings into account when asking her to watch over Alan. If he rejected her now, she’s probably fly off into hysterics, and he’d feel like even more of a cunt.

 Plus, he did find Grell attractive – he had from the start, even more so when she’d grown her hair out and had begun to use makeup. And her current grinding was turning him on more by the second. His hands moved, one placing on her hip, fingers of the other working through her hair. He’d always been lucky enough to get away with touching her prized possession.

 Truth be known, his accent always made Grell weak at the knees; he was able to get away with most things with her.

 “Aye … alright, one last time.”

 She bent over a little, speaking in between pecking along his jawline. “Are you going to do me on the table or are we heading to my place?”

 “Hmm.” _I shouldn’t leave Alan alone … but at the same time, she’s loud, and I don’t want to wake him – he needs his sleep. And … it would be shitty of me to just bang her on the table when … well, this obviously means something to her._ “Yerr bed sounds nice and comfy.”

 “Mmmmm … then we shouldn’t waste another moment, should we, Darling?”

\--------

 The lube had been grabbed, clothes stripped quickly off. Eric had her pressed under him on the bed, fingers working away, pinching and tweaking erect nipples.

 “Mmm … you really … know how to tease a lady.”

 “Aye … and not just ladies.”

 Grell giggled. “Very true … you naughty boy.” A moan left her when Eric’s mouth latched onto her chest. Nips and sucks went downwards, his stubble rubbing against her ivory skin. “Ahhhh … hmmmm.”

 “Hn, so gorgeous,” he said as he shifted back up her body, fingers stroking through her hair again.

 “You do flatter me.” Her eyelashes fluttered.

 “Nah, ah’m telling the truth, yer sexy wee thing.” His lips crashed onto hers, causing a long, muffled groan to be dragged from her.

\----------

 “Ah … oh, Eric!” Her leg’s squeezed around Eric’s waist as she panted and moaned, her hair a matted mess against her pillow. Their mouths met again, tongues dancing together as Eric slammed into her. It was rough, fierce, passionate; everything that Grell enjoyed, everything that she needed.

 She loved the nights like these, when they’d meet for a night of fiery, brutal, truly satisfying sex.

 Even if it hadn’t truly ended yet, she found herself becoming upset by the known future outcome. She would miss these nights terribly.

\---------

 “Ahhhh … yer’re so good in bed, babe.” Eric said as he stretched out his aching muscles, planning to get up to locate his clothes shortly. That thought left his mind, however, when Grell didn’t give one of her usual comments. Instead, she merely gave a small smile and looked away. “Yer okay?” She shook her head, and when she looked back at him, he could see tears in her eyes. “Eh … Grell, w-what’s wrong?”

 “I … I really am so ugly, aren’t I?”

 “No?” His brow creased deeply. “What’re yer on about, Lass?”

 “That … that is why no man will ever want me.” She sniffed loudly. “I’m vulgar.”

 The lightbulb flicked on in Slingby’s mind, and he realised what she was getting at. “Oh … ohhh, no Lass, yer’re gorgeous.”

 “But then why -?”

 Eric pulled her into a hug as the tears fell. He’d never seen her like this before, and it was bringing down heavy guilt upon his shoulders. “Ah think that yer’re a right beaut, but we both knew that we’d never be anything more than just friends with benefits. Ah was always under the impression that this would end if either of us found someone tae date?”

 “I … I know -.”

 “But yer feel like ah’ve messed yer about?”

 “Mmm.” She nodded, resting her head against his shoulder.

 “Ah didn’t mean tae hurt yer. Ah … ah really didn’t want tae make yer feel like shite.”

 “I … I know.” She leaned into his touch when he began running his fingers through her hair again. “It … it just feels so lonely at times.”

 “Yer’ll find someone too, of course yer will.” Eric chuckled. “Yer don’t need me anyway when yer’ve had yerr eye on William grumpy face all this time.”

 “But he … he doesn’t want me either.”

 “Aye … he is an idiot.”

 “You’re one to talk!”

 “Aye … but we’ve tried dating before and it didn’t work out. We're both too volatile. There’s no point – oh babe, come on, don’t cry.” He gave her a small kiss on the head, trying to comfort her. “Look, just because Alan’s here now, it doesn’t mean that our friendship is over. Ah ... ah’m not just going tae blank yer from now on. We’ve been friends from the start and ah'll always be there for yer, ah promise.”

 “Y … you really mean that?” A hand moved up to her face, and she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

 “Aye.” A small smile came to his face. “Cross my heart, babe.”

\--------

 A little while had passed, Grell curled up against Eric. “Will you stay for a bit longer?”

 “Well ah’m not just going tae leave yer here when yer’re this upset, am ah?” _I know I should get home to Alan, because he’s really sick and dependant, but it’s not right to abandon a friend in need._ “Ah’ll stay until yer cheer up a wee bit.”

 “G … good.” She sniffed again. “B … because I really need to get something … important off of my chest.”

 Eric hung his head in shame. “Yer want tae tell an arsehole like me?” _I feel really bad._ “Yer still trust me enough for that?”

 She poked him hard in the chest. “Silly man, you’re the only real friend I have.”

 “Aye … same.”

\-----------

 “A … a baby?” The Scot looked at her in shock. “But yer’ve never mentioned anything about it before and -.”

 “I lost the little thing … while carrying it.” She pointed downwards. “Bodies like … these aren’t so great at bearing children.”

 _Ahh yeah … I forgot how dangerous it is._ “Ah’m surprised yer didn’t bleed tae death.”

 “Hmm … it was only early on – a few months – so I got away with a lot of mess and blood and pain, without completely bleeding dry.”

 “Oh shite … ah’m sorry, babe.”

 “Mmmm.”

 “B … but if that hadn’t have happened, yer’d have been hanged or something.”

 “I know, though it offers little condolence really.” She sighed softly. “I’d kill for a little one of my own.”

 “Aye … a wee one would be ni – wait ….” A sudden thought sprung to mind. “Is … is that why yer …?”

 “Mmmm ….” She broke eye contact with him. “It definitely did nothing for my mental health.”

 “Shite … ah’m sorry, babe.”

 She shook her head. “I’m … I’m just glad to have finally told someone.”

 “Aye.” He pulled her closer again, hugging her tightly. “Thank yer for telling me. Ah … ah’m glad that yer did.”

\--------

 “You should head home to your sweetheart now,” Grell declared randomly, surprising Eric.

 “Are yer sure? Yer sure that yer’re okay with being left on yerr own?”

 “I’ll survive.” She waved a hand dismissively. “Alan, on the other hand, might have fallen out of bed again, the poor thing.”

 “Aye … good point.” Eric stood up from the bed. “Ah … ah’m sorry -.”

 “Oh no, that sex was brilliant as always, no need to apologise.”

 “Ah meant ….” He trailed off when Grell shot him a look of disapproval – a warning to change the subject. “Eh ….”

 “I hope Alan gets well at some point. If not, he’ll be missing out on a man who’s absolutely fabulous in the sack.” She wriggled her eyebrows. “A good bending over would do him well.”

 “Thanks,” Eric chuckled, sending a wink her way. “Yer’re pretty fantastic yerself.” _Aye … I think she’ll be just fine. At least, I really hope so …._


	61. William. Urges.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not feeling 100% today so if you see any typos let me know.

***Saturday 18th March***

***2.17pm***

 Ronald has not long returned from work. I was hoping that he would help me with potting a couple of the plants I brought, but he seemed tired, and so he has retired to bed. Maybe it is for the best. I … I do need some time alone to think.

 I still do not understand what is happening with me. I am becoming more aroused … and less disgusted when he is aroused. His erections do not bother me as they used to ….

 Maybe it is because we have grown closer, I am not sure. Maybe I am just more attracted to him now than I was at the beginning – I have grown used to his appearance, to the feel of his body against mine.

 Would this not be the normal progression of a relationship? Honestly … I have no idea, and thinking on it isn’t really helping me. I am merely going around and around in circles.

 I … I do think, though, that with his new job, I am finding his newfound maturity and sense of responsibility appealing and somewhat attractive. Especially when he comes home with grime on his cheeks or oil smeared in his hair. Those are the signs of hard work … and I do quite like to see him looking like that.

 “Oh … honestly ….” I have managed to plant this flower in the soil … rather than in the intended pot. I really need to get a grip – I am far too distracted. With a sigh, I turn to head back into the house, trowel in hand.

 I am going to get nowhere with the gardening today … I can already see it. I may as well just scrub my hands, get changed, and head to bed – Ronald is probably already asleep. It never takes him very long to drop off.

\---------

***2.36pm***

 He was fast asleep when I came into the bedroom, but now that I am spooning up behind him, he is shifting around a little. I think that he may be dreaming. Or maybe he is just happy, even in sleep, to be held.

 Still … he does seem to be moving around a lot more than usual. He –

 “Hmmm ….”

 Oh … definitely dreaming by the sounds of it.

 “Nhhh … Will ….”

 Oh, he isn’t dreaming? “Yes?” I ask.

 He fidgets some more, rear pressing back against me. “Ah … Will, hmm.”

 “What is it, Ronald?” I receive no reply – oh … maybe he is dreaming about me?

 I blink in confusion when he lets out a moan. W … what is he dreaming about? My name … and some curse words leave him. What – oh … oh, I see. He … he is having THAT sort of dream over me? Okay …. From the way he is acting … it certainly seems that way. Oh dear ….

 Umm … right, what do I do now? Do … do I depart from the room and leave him to it? Do I … just carry on holding him and hope that he – no, not when he keeps grinding his rear against my crotch like that. It is time to wake up.

 I shake him slightly, calling his name in an attempt to coax him from sleep. Yet, the more I try, the louder he gets. “Ronald -.”

 “F … fuck, Will, harder!”

 Those d-deep … moans of his are –

 Oh … oh Lord. With a gulp, I rush to get out of bed. T … this is distressing. I … I seem to have a little … problem of my own.

 But … but surely, if I just leave it be, it’ll go … away by itself. It … it has to.

\----------

***8.38pm***

 “I can’t believe tha’ y’re actually comin’,” Ronald smiles at me.

 Ah yes … we are about to head to Slingby’s for a movie night. I will admit that I have warmed to both him and Humphries, though … I am not too sure why. “I suppose that it will be tolerable.” Maybe being forced to socialise with them, for Ronald’s sake, has actually done some good.

 Or … maybe I was being an arse to them, to everyone that I came into contact with, before Ronald arrived. Yes … that seems more likely.

 I … I think that without Ronald, I would never have realised the need for or importance of friendships and … relationships.

 “What’s wi’ tha’ blanket?” Ronald asks me as he sees me pull it from the wardrobe. “Y’ plannin’ ta’ sleep over?”

 “No, of course not.” I do not think that I will ever be close enough to them to do that. “It is to cover the chair that I will be sitting on. I have seen the rotten things that they do on their furniture.”

 “Hah, suck, suck.”

 “Oh … behave yourself.” I turn my back to him. My … little issue did eventually vanish, but I am still feeling a … little, what is the word, f … frisky? Honestly ….

 I am not used to feeling like … this, and I dare say I am finding the whole experience rather … bewildering. I mean, I haven’t a clue what I am to do about these … urges.

 Though … if I can get him alone tonight, I know of a person who may be able to help me. I … I am not very happy about having to speak to him about such things … but he is the next best person to Ronald to speak to. I am sure that he is experienced enough to be able to lend some advice.

\----------

***12.03am***

 Ronald is curled up on the chair next to me; he has not long fallen asleep. We are on our second film of the evening … and by the looks of it, Humphries has departed us for the land of slumber also. Slingby is lying behind him on the couch – quite a tight squeeze – his fingers running through his partner’s hair. “Aww, someone’s a sleepy head, aren’t they?” He asks, smiling down at him.

 I do have to admit, those two are not as sappy as I thought they would be. In the past, they’d always struck me as the sort to snog in public. Though I personally would not snuggle with Ronald when other people could see me, I was obviously very wrong about Slingby and Humphries.

 I will admit that they are sweet – they … do make for a cute, loving couple, and they do seem to suit each other well.

 However, as I watch Slingby stroke the sleeping reaper’s cheek, I cannot help but ask “how can he possibly sleep with your continual touching?”

 Slingby turns his head to look at me, letting out a deep chuckle. “He’s gotten used tae it. Seriously, ah’ve never been able tae keep my hands away from that cute wee face.”

 “I see.” I internally cringe, for that was indeed sappy, especially when Alan hums a little in his sleep and Eric begins grinning like a Cheshire cat over it. Yes, you find him adorable, I understand that – no need to rub it in my face.

 No … no, I need to be civil. After all, I need advice from him on this … awkward, awkward topic. I check to make sure that Ronald really is fast asleep, which he is –

 “Ah think we should call it a night,” Eric says to me. But … but I haven’t had a chance – I need to say something –

 “Umm … Slingby ….” It comes out as a croak more so than anything. How embarrassing ….

 He rolls his eyes at me. “Ah keep telling yer tae call me Eric. We’re not at work right now.”

 “Right, yes, of course ….” Great. This really isn’t going so well so far ….

\--------

***1.10am***

 Well … that sure was an odd conversation. Slingby knew that I would not want to actually speak to Ronald about my urges. Ugh … so very awkward to speak to someone about such a thing, though Slingby was actually rather considerate about it all.

 Still … I am not sure about his advice. _‘I’d bet a tenner that Ronnie’s dying for a wee bit of action. If yer don’t want tae have that conversation with him, just give him a good snogging or a grope tae the arse – he’ll soon get the idea. That should get the conversation rolling, yer know, if he doesn’t just jump straight tae the action.’_

 I can see how that may work with Ronald, though I cannot see myself just … jumping straight in like that.

 Still … maybe I can work up the courage – it is a Sunday now, after all, so I do have all day. That is, of course, if the urges haven’t left me completely by then. I have a feeling that they might do ….

 I glance over at Ronald, who is fast asleep, and a small smile comes to my face. He truly is so adorable.


	62. William. It's time.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 62 chapters to get here ... and I'm happy with how it turned out. It seems the right time in my eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still not feeling the greatest - travelled back from my holiday in Greece yesterday, which was tiring. So if you spot any typos, please let me know.

***7.18pm***

 “Y’re a virgin then?” Ronald asks, leaning back against the kitchen table. This is not going so well – how did squeezing his rear end with this?

 We have already discussed the fact that diseases cannot be passed through reapers. And we have touched on the sterile topic, though I doubt he is one of the percentage of unlucky souls to be burdened by the dangers of male pregnancy.

 “No,” I say, breaking eye contact with him. This is indeed awkward.

 “Oh? But how? Y’ always seem -.”

 “Look at me, Ronald. Do you not think that, as a human of my age, I would have had a wife?”

 “Oh ….” When I look back at him again, he looks quite shocked. “Shit, I never thought of tha’ ….”

 “Well, I cannot say that I enjoyed my time with her.”

 “Y’ mean tha’ sex?”

 “Y … yes.”

 “How come? Y’ don’t like girls or she jus’ sucked?”

 “I … I don’t know ….”

 “Well -.”

 “I really don’t want to speak about my past life!” I snap at him.

 “Sorry.” His shoulders slump. “I guess it’s not important.”

 “Of course it isn’t. It happened centuries ago.”

 His lips purse for a moment – he must be thinking hard about something. “So … are y’ still technically married?”

 The idea is so preposterous that I cannot help but laugh. “Of … of course not. I am in this realm … and she is in heaven, I presume. No one here cares much about their past life – it simply matters not.”

 “So y’ don’t miss her?”

 “Not one bit.”

 “O … okay.” It takes a while for a smile to appear on his face. Maybe he felt that I was being uncaring, but I do not care – I was only being honest. “Is tha’ because y’ve got me now?”

 “Hmm … maybe.” I lean forward, pressing a tender kiss to his head. “You must be special to get so much of my attention.”

 “Or y’re jus’ an awkward bugger,” he chuckles. “So … wanna’ head upstairs?”

 A lump forms in my throat, and it is hard to swallow it back down. I do … with some effort, and croak out “y-yes.”

 “Babe,” he looks at me, fingers gracing my cheek, “there’s nothing ta’ be nervous ‘bout.”

 “I … I know.” But really … it doesn’t help. I am nervous … a nervous wreck about this whole thing.

 “It’ll be alright.” He pauses for a moment. “Y’ still wanna’ try this, right?”

 I gulp, thinking it through. I still cannot say that I won’t buckle under the pressure and nerves in my stomach when we head to the bed, but … I do not think that I will be able to scratch this ‘itch’ without going through with this. And … I may not have much clue what I am doing … but Ronald will certainly help guide me through it.

 “Will?” He tilts his head and I realise that I haven’t yet replied. “Y’ … y’re not ready, are y’?”

 “I am -.”

 “Don’t lie ta’ me. Y’re brickin’ y’self.”

 “That may be true, but I haven’t partaken in … these things for centuries. It would be strange if I wasn’t nervous.”

 “I -.”

 “But I do, at this very moment, want to … do it.”

 “Are y’ sure?” He shifts around a little. “I mean … I’m gaggin’ for it, but I don’t wanna’ make y’ feel forced. There’s nothin’ worse than tha’ ….” He trails off, and my mind recalls the night that I took him in. What I saw in ‘Gareth’s’ record was truly disgusting. It has probably scarred him for life ….

 A shiver runs down my spine. “No … no, you are not forcing me in the slightest.”

 His look of sorrow turns to one of happiness. “Alright … cool.” A wide grin spreads over his face. “Why don’t I try ta’ relax y’ some beforehand?”

 My heart begins to pound – what does … he have planned? “S … sure, why not?”

\---------

 We have moved, my back against the kitchen counter. He … he did tell me that I would need something to grab onto. He drops down to his knees in front of me … and I think I understand what he meant now.

 The love bite on my neck that he has given me is throbbing … but I will admit that I enjoyed it.

 A gasp leaves me when his hand rubs against me. There … there goes my heart again.

 “Hmm … tha’ got hard again quickly.” He beams up at me.

 “What do you expect when you grope me?!”

 “Hah yeah, it’s doin’ wha’ it’s supposed ta’.”

 That fills me with confidence ….

 With skilful hands, he whips my trousers down in one swift movement, causing me to tense. “R-Ronald, what are -?”

 “Jus’ relax, babe.”

 “That’s a bit hard when – nhhh ….” H … his hands are on me again, palm rubbing me through my underwear. T … that does feel rather nice. Heat rises on my face when he tugs my underwear down, cold air hitting me. He … he certainly wastes no time.

 “Nnnn.” His hands are on me again. Oh … that rhythm feels lovely.

 “Y’re really big,” he grins up at me. I … I think that that is supposed to be a compliment? Don’t most men focus … on their size? I think – I am not sure.

 “T … thank you?” I manage to choke out.

 “Mmm.” The next thing I know, there is wetness against me. H-his tongue?

 “R-Ronald … doesn’t … that disgust you?”

 “Wha’?”

 “Y … your mouth on … there?”

 “Ah – nope, I think it’s pretty sexy.”

 “I … I see.”

 “Y’re not inta’ it?”

 I gulp – my mouth feels rather dry. I … I can feel sweat forming on my brow. “It … it didn’t feel awful just now.”

 “Awesome.”

 “Ah ….” His mouth is on me again … and I look away. It … it doesn’t look appealing … but Lord, the … sensations. I … I am enjoying this, I … I must admit.

 “Nghhh ….” Lord … I … I have no idea what he is doing … but there, there feels … absolutely wonderful. H … his hand motions also – gosh, the grunts I am making are … rather embarrassing.

 Tight heat hits me – the urge to buck my hips … is … is so strong. My … my hands, w-where do I put my … hands? On him? N … no. Oh … this is awkward. Ah! T … the counter top, of course. I grip onto it, squeezing tightly – I need the support. “N … ngh … Ronald ….”

 My head falls back – I … I need to keep my hips still. I … I wish not to hurt him. B … but the urge is so strong.

 I grunt again when he pulls away. T … that is all I am getting? “Ronald -.”

 He is on his feet again before I can say another word – the breathlessness isn’t helping me, I will admit. “Did tha’ feel good?”

 “Y … yes.”

 “Great.” Smiling widely, he grabs onto my wrist. “Come on, bedroom time.”

 “W-wait! I n-need to … pull up my clothing first.”

 “Meh, kick them off. Y’ won’t need them anyway.”

 “Umm, right, yes, of course.” With much fumbling and kicking, they come off, and I am dragged across the kitchen. He is strong when he wishes to be.

 “W … wait.”

 “Wha’ is it?” He turns, frowning at me.

 “Mouthwash … use mouthwash first. I … I don’t want the taste of … that in my mouth.”

 “Hah, charmin’.”

\---------

 He has grabbed the – what is it called? Lube? - from his old backpack. It is not a dirty, scruffy bottle as I was expecting. Disinfectant will not be needed – good. After much kissing and groping, he asks “y’ ready?”

 “I … I think so, yes.” My stomach is twisting with nerves – I feel a little sick.

 “Cool. Well, time ta’ strip, I guess.”

 “Y … yes.”

 “Eh … actually, can I keep my jumper on?”

 “Will you not be … too hot?”

 “Na, that’s tha’ thing, I’m pretty cold.”

 I roll my eyes at him. “Maybe I should take you to the doctors. You always seem cold, in need of those thick jumpers.”

 “Hah … na, it’s because I’m still skinny as fuck.”

 “True … though you seem to have gained a little weight in recent weeks. It is good to see.” I shift in bed, fingers pinching his cheek lightly. “Sutcliff seems to think that you are actually rather baby faced.”

 “Eh?”

 “Chubby cheeks.”

 “Hey! Now y’re callin’ me fat?” He pouts at me, his eyes glaring at me.

 “No, of course not.” This tangent in conversation has helped my nerves greatly.

 “Well y’re all square faced, y’ big block.” He chuckles.

 “Come now, don’t be spiteful.”

 “Hah. Well, time ta’ ge’ y’ kit off.”

 “Umm … actually, can I keep my shirt on also?”

 “Ahhh … a cold ass too?”

 “N … no, it will just put me more at ease.”

 “Ah … sure, wha’ever makes y’ comfortable.”

 “G … good.” It seems that the nerves cannot be halted for long.

\-------

 I stare at him. “Y … you want me to … put my fingers where?” Ronald, I … I caught that eye roll!

 “Where did y’ think they’d go? In my belly button?”

 “Well no ….” I … I do know how it works between two men, I just … never thought about it in much detail. I … suppose that I should have … done my research beforehand. It would have saved me feeling … unprepared and foolish now. “W … won’t that hurt?”

 “Not unless y’ shove y’ dry dick in there right away, no.”

 “Ugh … must you be so crude?”

 “Yep, always.”

\-------

 Urgh … this lubrication feels awfully strange. It certainly is not going to help Ronald with feeling less cold. “H … here?” I ask.

 “Yeah, right there.”

 I … I have to admit, he is rather flexible, his leg bent back like that. W … well, here goes nothing.

 “Nghhh.” He grunts loudly, causing me to flinch.

 “D … did I hurt you?”

 “No … tha’ feels fuckin’ good.”

 “I … I haven’t done anything yet.”

 He smiles up at me. “I know – told y’ I was gaggin’ for it.”

 “R … right.” My mouth feels so dry ….

\---------

 Oh … those throaty groans that he is making …. T … they are having quite the effect on … me. “Nghhh … Will, come on.”

 “Y … you are ready?” I would have never thought of me doing … this, but now, it actually feels … okay. It seems a bearable activity. Still not a fan of this ‘lube’ though ….

 “Yeah, y’ve got me loosened up good and proper.”

 Again with the crudeness …. A shudder runs down my spine. We … we really are about to – “I … I see.” I can feel my cheeks – I must resemble a tomato at present. “H … how do we go about this?”

 “Well y’ need ta’ put tha’ lube down there.”

 Eurgh …. “And then what?”

 “Y’ kinda’ need tha’ lube on right now, Will.” Another eye roll.

 “R … right, of course.” How wonderful ….

\-------

 “That’s it, babe, jus’ push my leg back a lil’ more.”

 “T … that cannot possibly be comfortable,” I say as I do what he says.

 “Na, it’s pretty nice. I find it stretches out my hips pretty good.”

 “I … I see.” My … my nether region is throbbing …. It is quite strange.

 “Now jus’ slide it in.”

 “I guessed that!”

 “Y’ really need ta’ relax, babe,” he says, before leaning forward, awkwardly, to kiss me. It helps … it really does help to calm me a little – the deep, slow snogging is familiar, comforting. He … he really is considerate of my feelings, probably more so than I will ever be of his …. I love that about him, I really do.

\-------

 “Fuck!” The kiss breaks, moans coming from us both.

 “Ngghhh ….” He is so warm, so … inviting. Oh … the tight heat, the sensations ….

 “Will, m … move. D … don’t jus’ lie there.”

 I cannot catch my breath to reply. I … can only do as he orders. “Ah ….”

 Those deep, throaty moans of his send shivers down my spine. T … they are lovely … and I am the cause of them. He … he is being brought pleasure by my actions. Astonishing. I … I cannot say that I am hating this … as I always thought I would.

\----------

 “H … harder!” His fingers twist in my shirt, his head pressed back into the pillow.

 “W … won’t that hurt you?”

 “No! Fuck … y’re so good at this.”

 I … I cannot see how? I … I am just doing what, in nature’s view, is natural? The thrusting … of hips and all. Though … for me, it is not exactly ‘natural’. I have to admit, I am finding the sweating quite horrid … but not enough so for me to want to stop.

 “Will … please, go faster.”

 I do. “Hnnnn.”

 “Oh … fuck!”

 Oh …. “D … do I … touch you now?”

 I hear him swallow thickly before he says “na … y’ don’t ‘ave ta’. I … I’m gettin’ close.”

 Close? Oh … oh, I see …. “Just from ….?”

 “Y … yeah – nhhh, shit ….”

 He grabs the back of my head, pulling me into a rough kiss. His … his kisses are … are so wonderful. My … my stomach begins to ache – so … so much pressure there. A muffled groan leaves me.

 I feel him clench, tighten around me.

 He … he just – oh my ….

 The kiss breaks, his body relaxing. “F … fuckin’ hell.” He smiles, looking a little dazed, up at me. “Y’ still need ta’ finish, y’ know? D … don’t stop now.”

 “O … oh, yes.” Really though, I had no intention of stopping ….

\--------

 That … that really was quite nice. It … it has scratched the itch, definitely. I am rather tired now.

 “Babe, tha’ was amazin’.”

 “I … I am glad that you enjoyed it.”

 “Yup, every moment.” He stretches and then rolls into my side. “Man … I’m knackered.”

 “How?” I raise an eyebrow. “All you did was lie there.”

 “Yeah, and it took a lot of energy,” he chuckles. “I … I love y’, Will.”

 “I love you also.”

 Yes … I do not see this being a regular occurrence (I feel I could go a long while without that need again), but for what it is worth, it was indeed … enjoyable. It definitely wasn’t the disgusting act that I previously thought – at least, not with him.


	63. Ronald. Pain and confusion.

***9.01pm***

 Fuck … where’s he gone off to? He … he just got out of bed and left. Shit … what if he didn’t like it? I mean, what if it grossed him out or something? I turn over in bed, worry bubbling away. What … if he’s gone off me now? Or … he might … think I’m slutty or something. Fuck ….

 I breathe a sigh of relief when I hear him come back into the room. He’s soon in bed again. “W … where’d y’ go off ta’?”

 He passes a towel over to me. “I felt a little … sticky, so I went to clean myself off. I thought that you would want to dry … it off.”

 “Ah … yeah, true, it can ge' a bit messy.”

 “I will have to change the sheets tomorrow also.”

 I roll my eyes at him. He’s definitely a strange one at times.

\----------

***6.17am***

 Man … I woke up early this morning, but I am in a proper good mood. I don’t think I realised how much I needed a good shag … but I definitely feel better for it now.

 It’s not just because it felt great though – I feel like we’ve grown closer as a couple now, that our relationship actually means something. I mean, he wouldn’t have jumped into bed with me if he didn’t really care about me – he doesn’t strike me as the sort to just shag someone randomly.

 It’s actually made me feel a little reassured about telling him about the pregnancy. Like … I think our relationship could survive through it. I … I don’t think he’d be a bad dad, even if he is a little bit of an arse at times.

 My hand rubs against my tummy – I haven’t felt her move in a little while; she’s probably fast asleep. Aww … bless. I’m pretty sure that they’re a girl – no, I know it. I can just feel it. Mother’s intuition or something? Yeah … I think that’s the right term.

 I stretch; back’s a little achy this morning. Hah … I really did get a good pounding last night. Heh … still, I can’t complain.

 I pat my tummy lightly. Yeah … I’m pretty sure that Will will fall in love with her as soon as he sees her. Gaz was an ugly fucker, but with my genes, I’m sure she’ll be a right cutie. Baby faced and all, right?

 I still can’t get over the fact that Will thinks I’m getting chubby cheeks. Well, it’s supposed to be an adorable thing, right? So … I guess I can’t really moan about that. I –

 Ouch … my back is proper crampy this morning. Haha, I must be getting too old for vigorous sex.

\----------

***7.46am***

 I must have fallen to sleep again, and when I woke back up, Will wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Maybe he’s out in the garden, finishing off his plant potting? Hmm … probably not; I helped him do most of it yesterday afternoon. Well … it’s worth a try, at least.

 I slide my feet into my slippers and head out back. Shit … he doesn’t seem to be out here. He … he couldn’t have been called into work early – he didn’t tell me, and there wasn’t a note in the kitchen. “Will?!” I call out, even though I know he won’t call back.

 I jump a mile when I hear him shout back “yes, what is it?”

 “Eh ….” I turn around, still unable to see him. “Where tha’ fuck are y’?”

 “Up here.”

 “Up where?!”

 “T … the roof.”

 I turn around and ah! I see him – wait, what’s he doing sitting on the roof? “Y’ alright up there?”

 “I … I needed time alone to think. I will be down in a little while.” He … he sounds kind of down?

 “What’s wrong?”

 “Nothing.”

 “Don’t lie ta’ me,” I huff. “Come down already.”

 “No, you -.”

 “I can’t ge' up on tha’ fuckin’ roof! I’m not a mountain climber or a reaper, y’ know.”

 “I see.”

 “So ge’ y’ arse down here now!”

\--------

***8.03am***

 I managed to get him to come down off of the roof, and have had to listen to him waffling on about nonsense for the past five minutes. He said that he feels bad about last night, that he somehow ‘used’ me. “Will, y’re talkin’ shit,” I snap. “Seriously, where is this bollocks comin’ from?”

 “I ….” He glances away. “You have had enough people, while you were on the streets, use you for such -.”

 “Stop right there! Wha’ we did last night is so, so different from me workin’ on tha’ streets. I … I can’t believe y’d even compare. Fuckin’ hell!” I throw my hands up in the air. “We’re in a relationship – there’s nothin’ wrong wi’ havin’ sex wi’ tha’ other person.”

 “I … I see.”

 “Why are y’ bein’ so weird ‘bout this?”

 “I … I do not understand. Weren’t you used … abused on the streets?”

 “Yeah, bad ways. So wha’?”

 “So how are you still … able to enjoy sex?”

 Jesus Christ … I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. “Because I love y’. I wanna’ ‘ave sex wi’ tha’ guy I love. I wanna’ feel close in tha’ way, ‘ave tha’ connection. It … it’s different wi’ y’.” I sigh. “Y’re different from tha’ rest, y’ know? Y’ … y’ love me whether we fuck or not. And … and last night was amazin’ … I loved every minute of it. I could tell tha’ y’ really cared ‘bout me, and well, it wasn’t painful or anythin’.”

 “You can separate it out in your mind?”

 “I don’t need ta’. I can tell both scenarios apart jus’ from tha’ experiences.”

 “T … that is good.”

 I kick at the ground below me. “Do y’ regret last night then?”

 “No … no, I enjoyed it quite a lot. I … I was just worried that you would feel that I had used you in some way.”

 “Of course not. Babe, don’t be so silly, alright?”

 “Yes ….” He sighs. “Alright.”

\----------

***8.15am***

 “Is somethin' else botherin’ y’?” I ask as we sit down for a late breakfast. Well … not really late, because Will’s got his afternoon shift today. “Y’ still seem pretty down.”

 “I am fine.” He goes to pick up his coffee, almost dropping it when I shout at him.

 “I’m not stupid! I … I can see tha' y’re upset ‘bout somethin’.”

 “ … Yes.”

 “So come on, spill already.”

\--------

 “Y’ wife?” I ask. “I thought y’ didn’t give a shit ‘bout her?”

 “I … I think that I was being a little cold.” He takes a deep sigh. “Thinking back on it, we did not have the … best relationship, but she was a nice woman. She … was kind to everyone that she met, and I suppose that part of me misses the conversations we would have.”

 Oh … right. “So, uh, did … y’ love her? Do y’ … still love her?”

 “No, I never loved her. But … to an extent, I enjoyed her company. I … I miss her as a person.”

 I let out a sigh of relief. I know it’s selfish but I’m pretty fucking glad that he isn’t hung up on her in ‘that’ way. “That’s perfectly normal, Will. If y’ ge’ close ta’ someone, y’re bound ta’ miss them when they’re gone.”

 “You think so?”

 “Yeah ….” I pause for a minute, because I don’t really wanna’ touch on this, but I think it’ll help Will understand. “There was this girl I knew for a bit on tha’ streets. I never found out her real name, but her street name was ‘Beast’. We grew pretty close ta’ be fair.”

 “Is she still among the living?”

 “N-na ….”

 “An … overdose, I presume?”

 “No ….” My hand closes around my cup of hot chocolate – the heat might comfort me a bit. “She got high on somethin’ …. I think it was LSD. Walked out in front of a … car, and got run over. It … it was pretty gruesome.”

 “Y … you were there when it happened?” He stares at me.

 “Yeah. Anyway … point is, missin’ someone is normal. Y’ … y’ won’t feel like shit forever.”

 “I hope that you are right.”

 “Yeah, and don’t forget all tha’ people y’ve got now. Al and Eric make things a bit better, right?”

 “T … they do have their positive traits.”

 “Hmm.” I smile at him. “I think y’ need ta’ look forward sometimes. Y’ keep glancin’ back inta’ y’ past and y’ll go crazy.”

 “Yes, you do have a point ….”

\---------

***9.16am***

 He … he proper opened up to me earlier. I … I should do the same – this really would be the best time. We … we really trust each other now, so –

 “Ronald, I am heading out,” Will says, pulling on his coat.

 “W-where?”

 “The garden could do with a few more flowers.”

 “Oh … okay.” Wait … shit, if he goes now, I won’t see him until after his shift. And … and by then, I’d have probably chickened out of telling him … again. I … I should just go for it … and t-tell him. Here, I … I just need to blurt it out. Just go for it! “Will, I’m ….”

 “Yes?”

 My … my throat closes up on me. “E … eh.” Shit …. “I … I’m really gonna’ miss y’ … today.”

 “Oh … is that all?”

 “Y-yeah, y’ know, because y’re on tha’ late shift. I … I’ll ‘ave ta’ wait hours after I finish work ta’ see y’.” I … I’m so pathetic.

 That lame shit seemed to have worked, because he bends down and kisses me lightly on the head. “I will miss – you look rather pale.” He frowns down at me. “Are you feeling alright?”

 “Yeah, I’m fine.” Just fucking stressed out again ….

 “Maybe you should take the day off.”

 “Na … I don’t wanna’ lump Marie wi’ all tha’ work.”

 He nods slowly. “Well … if you feel ill later on in the day, come home.”

 “Yeah, yeah, I will, don’t worry.”

\--------

***3.07pm***

 “Holy shit!” The bottle of polish clatters to the floor, and I lean forward, bracing myself against the workbench. Fuck … that hurt.

 “Ronnie?” Marie’s over to me quickly, hand on my shoulder.

 “Nghhh ….”

 “W … what’s wrong?”

 “I’ve … th-threw my fuckin’ … back out, I think,” I gasp.

 “How? You didn’t lift anything heavy, did you?”

 “I … I dunno’, I – nghhh ….”

 “Well I think you should go home. You can’t work with that sort of injury.”

 “Y’ … y’ gonna’ be alright ta’ lock up?”

 “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.”

 “A … alright. C … can y’ go see if Al’s home? I … I don’t think I’ll be able ta’ walk home. Ah … fuck, ow ….” Jesus Christ, that … that really fucking hurts.


	64. William. Darkness as far as the eye can see.

***Tuesday 21st March 2017***

***8.53am***

 It was quite a shock yesterday evening, when I came home to find Ronald not feeling so well. He also was not very well through the night, and I cannot tell if it is his back ache making him feel ill or if he is coming down with something – I know that things such as the flu can make you ache terribly.

 “Do you need anything before I go?” I ask him, bending over the bed slightly. He … he really is looking so pale.

 “G-got any more pain killers?”

 “You only took them an hour ago.”

 “Oh ….” He looks away, watching his hands as they fiddle with the bedsheets. “Well … how long until tha’ next … dose?”

 “Three hours.”

 “Fuck ….” He groans loudly. “Sleep it is then.”

 “Yes,” for we both know what a restless night you had. “Try to get as much rest as possible.”

 “Yeah, I will, I’m knackered. Y … y’ won’t be back on y’ dinner, right?”

 “No, I have a meeting that the council will not allow me to miss.” I take his hand in my own. “But I shall keep my mobile on me. If you get any worse, phone me.”

 “I … I will, don’t worry.”

 If he is not any better by tomorrow morning, I shall be making an urgent appointment with a doctor.

\---------

***1.26pm***

 Alan has just arrived at work, having been to check on Ronald before his shift. He is now in my office, and he is refusing to meet my gaze. I know why.

 Right at the end of today’s meeting, his name came up, and it was not good news. Eric cannot know at this point – he seemed in a happy mood when I saw him earlier. If he had found out, he would have flown into a rage, destroying half the branch in the process. I know how much Alan truly means to him.

 I am not one to meddle in other people’s matters. I would not tell Eric even if confidentiality at work was not an issue – it really is none of my business. I cannot say, however, that my heart does not go out to Alan. It hurts to know … that this is what … he is going through.

 It is obvious that he knows that I know, and that is why he will not look me in the eye. “How is Ronald?” I ask.

 “He … he doesn’t look so good.”

 “And … and his pain?”

 “Bad. He said that lying down was making the pain worse, so he’s downstairs watching TV right now. I think that he’s really hurt himself during work at some point.”

 My stomach twists a little. “Is he still looking pale then?”

 “Very pale.” Finally, his eyes meet mine. “If you can, you should try to leave work early. He … he’s really missing you today.”

 “I will take that into account, thank you.”

 “No problem,” he turns to leave, and I cannot help myself, I must say something.

 “Humphries.”

 “Yes?” He looks back at me, hand on the doorknob.

 “I am sorry, I really am.”

 It obviously offers little comfort, because without saying a word, he leaves my office, slamming the door behind him.

 I … I really am not good at conversing with others.

\---------

***4.45pm***

 I have decided to leave work a little early – even at the risk of getting into trouble for it. I … I don’t know why, but for some reason, I cannot shift this awful … twisting sensation in my stomach. It … it is almost a sense of … foreboding?

 I would have asked Grell to check up on Ronald during her short break at three, but she was called away on a large reap – there was a bomb explosion in London, another one. Honestly, when will these awful, needless acts of terrorism end?

 With a shaky breath, I lock my scythe away. From the bottom of my heart, I hope that when I return home, Ronald is sleeping peacefully on the couch.

\--------

 The breath is caught in my throat, heart hammering away in my chest. I … I am only in the doorway of the living room, and I can hear … I can hear him crying and whimpering. My … my legs refuse to work, feet like lead weights. Something … is wrong, very, very wrong.

 M-move, William, for goodness sake, MOVE!

 My breath hitches when I finally manage to get over to him. H … he … he looks awful. “R … Ron -.”

 “W … Will, thank G-God y’ … y’re here, I … I didn’t ….”

 Oh Lord, is … is he delirious? “Ronald, w … what -?”

 “I … I’m so … so sorry, I … I should – f-fuck ….” His sobbing worsens.

 “Ronald,” my hand presses to his forehead. He … he is sweating profusely. I can … feel the tears welling up in my eyes – he … he’s scaring me. “W … what’s wrong?”

 He tenses – the scream he lets out … it … it chills me to the core. “Ronald, t … talk to me!” The tears start to fall – the pain he seems to be in. And … and he is growing paler by the second. S-something … is gravely wrong. “Ronald, talk to me this instant! T … tell me what’s wrong!” I … I should be trying to keep calm for his … sake, but … but I can’t.

 I can see his hand gripping the shirt above his stomach. I … I try again. “R … Ronald, is – your pain, is … is it in your stomach too?”

 “I … I’m sorry!”

 “Stop saying that and bloody talk to me!”

 He tugs his shirt up with a grunt. “M … my baby – it … it’s too soon. S-she … she shouldn’t be … comin’ yet.”

 My blood runs cold. No … no, he … he doesn’t mean – “R … Ronald, n-no, don’t -.”

 My hand is yanked onto his stomach. Oh … oh God, he … he does mean ….

 “I … I’m sorry – I … I didn’t know how … ta’ tell y’ – ah!”

 Time seems to freeze, horror coursing through me. I … I don’t know what to say … and he … he just keeps telling me … how sorry he is. A … a baby, how … how did I not –

 A scream pierces the air. He … he’s in l-labour. L-Lord ….

 I swallow back the lump in my throat. “W … we need to get you t-to the hospital, immediately.”

 “N … no, wha’ … wha’ if … t-they hurt … her?”

 Her? The … the baby is a girl? “We haven’t time to argue!”

 “No! I ….” My heart almost stops dead in my chest – his … his eyes roll back – he’s gone limp.

 “Ronald? Ronald! N … no, no!”

 I scramble to pick him up – oh … oh Lord. T … there is blood. So … so much bright red blood on the couch. He … he’s bleeding out. “Ronald! H … hold … hold on!” No, no, no! I … I won’t lose him!

\--------

 I rush up to reception in the hospital, and … and I’m screeching at the top of my lungs. Ronald needs help! W … where are –

 “Sir,” a doctor rushes over to me. He looks horrified –

 “Y-you have to help him!”

  “A human?”

 “Yes, obviously!” The tears are blurring my vision. I … I can’t … can’t do anything to help … him. “He’s … he’s pregnant, in labour … I think. Do something!”

 The look on his face makes me – makes the floor fall out from under me. “D-don’t just stand there! Y … you can f-fix him, can’t you?!” Silence. “Say something!”

 His next words strike me like lightening. Call a surgeon? S … surgery? R-Ronald needs surgery?!

 The doctor turns from me, rushing down the hallway. “Please follow me. We cannot waste any more time.”

 No … no, surgery? H-humans are … so fragile. He … he won’t make it.

 “Sir, please hurry!”

 I … I feel faint ….

 No, no, I … I can’t lose him! I can’t survive without him!


	65. William. So much blood.

***10.35pm***

 This … this wasn’t supposed to happen. We … we were supposed to be happy – I thought that the worst was over for him, for us.

 He … he was in surgery for hours, and was in need of a blood transfusion. Obviously … the hospital had no need for stores of donor blood, so … they had to find a donor on the spot. We … we were at least lucky in that regard – my blood is O-, a blood type that can be safely given to almost anyone.

 And my … did they almost drain me dry. It … it has exhausted me massively, having so … so much blood taken from me.

 It … it really is astonishing how reaper blood can be used in humans …. It saved his life … but Lord, the state he has been left in.

 They had no choice but to give him a hysterectomy – the bleeding just would not stop. So … so now, he has a large surgical wound across the bottom of his abdomen.

 The … the doctor has decided to keep him sedated … and intubated for the next day or two – his … his body is just so weak at present. It is a miracle, really, that … that he survived at all.

 It … it hurts so much to even look at him at present. All those wires, those IV lines sticking into his skin. The … the catheter that I’ve been told they’ve stuck in place. It … it is awful, so awful – he … he doesn’t even look like himself.

\-------

***10.50pm***

 My hand has a tight grip on his – I don’t want to let him go; I won’t let go of him.

 I … I think that I am still in shock by all of this. A … a baby, he had a baby – how … how did I not notice? And … and why did he not just tell me?! If … if he had just have told me, n-none of this would have happened.

 I … I could have gotten him medical treatment long ago, and … and maybe the baby would have survived – he suffered a complication in the pregnancy, but the doctor … still isn’t sure what exactly happened. With male pregnancy … it could be anything off of a long, terrible list.

 We … we could have had a child together, and … and I … don’t quite know what to make of that. It was a girl – a … a daughter with HIM, it … it is not a terrible thought.

 Of course, n-none of that matters now. But … but Lord, when he does wake up … he is going to be absolutely devastated.

 I look at his face, at his pale cheeks … the dark circles under his eyes, and I … I break down. I … I am angry at him for … for being so secretive. But … but more than that, I cannot stand being … alone with him, having to see him … like this on my own.

 I sniff loudly. I … I need my friends ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next few chapters will be just as short, as the POV shifts a lot.


	66. Eric. Shock, coffee, and sleepy heads.

 It was a complete shock, being phoned by William, just as we were about to settle down for the night. I … I still can’t believe that Ronnie was pregnant, even though Al did raise that with me a few days ago – he said that Ronnie was looking a bit podgy around the middle.

 And I laughed in his face, like a complete cunt. I thought it was hilarious that a guy could get pregnant and not know that he’d have to seek medical attention immediately. I … I guess Ronald didn’t know, or … or maybe he was too scared to say anything, for some reason?

 I’m glad that Al is Al, because any other person would probably be saying ‘I told you so’. I know that he’s too nice a guy to ever do that.

 It shocked me too to see what a state William was in. I’d have never thought that he would let his tears show. But then again, Ronnie is in a pretty bad state. It … it is upsetting to see him looking so ill.

 And Grell seems upset too – she’s gone out to get coffee. I think I know what’s bothering her. “Al.” I bend down next to Al, who’s holding Ronnie’s hand tightly. “Ah’m going tae go see if Grell’s alright.”

 “O … okay.” He’s pretty devastated too, by the looks of it.

 I give him a quick kiss on the head. “Ah know it looks bad, but he’s going tae be just fine, babe. It’s just going tae take a wee bit of healing.”

 “Y … you’re right.” He doesn’t sound convinced, and it makes my heart ache. My wee baby is all shaken up ….

\--------

 I found Grell, not by the coffee dispensing machine, but almost frozen in place in the hallway just outside of Ronnie’s room. “Babe, yer alright?” She shakes her head but doesn’t say a word, her back still turned to me. “Aye … didn’t think so.”

 “That … that poor darling is going to … be heartbroken when he wakes up. Losing a … child ….”

 Shite … she’s about to cry. I … I knew it, I knew that that was the problem. “Aye … it must hurt.”

 “Mmmm.”

 She sniffs as I wrap an arm around her shoulder. Her head’s soon resting against my upper arm. “It must bring up bad memories.”

 “Of c-course.”

 “Yer’ll be alright though, won’t yer?”

 “Yes. It’s just been … a gruelling night.”

 “Ah bet.”

 Another, louder sniff. “Ronnie will be fine though … won’t he?”

 “Of course he will be. He’s a strong lad, we both know that.”

 “Hmmm ….”

 Fuck … she’s crying. She barely ever cries, and I hate to see her so sad. It’s not like Grell to ever be this sad, to be anything but hyper and dramatic. My grip tightens on her – I need to think of something to take her mind off of this. Erm … oh!

 “Come on, it’s time tae get that coffee, wouldn’t yer say?” She nods slowly against me. “Great. My treat, alright?”

 “Oh … darling.” She wipes at her eyes from under her glasses. “You really are sweet – Alan’s so lucky to have you.”

 “Aye, ah know.”

 Oh, I got a giggle. Well, looks like I’ve still got it – I’m still able to cheer her up, at least a wee bit.

 “Othello s-says that he’ll be over soon – he’s bringing me a big block of chocolate.”

 “Really? Nice! And Al’s the lucky one, aye?”

 “Hmm, I think that I’m not so misfortunate myself.”

 “Aye, that’s the spirit, Lass. Come on … that coffee’s waiting.”

\---------

 I look from William, to Al, who’s about to fall asleep – stress really can be exhausting, even to reapers. “Ah think it’s time we head off. Yer going tae be alright on yerr own?”

 “I will not be alone … Grell says that she will stay at my side until I have to return home.” William says.

 “Oh … yer’ve still got tae go tae work?”

 “I haven’t much choice.”

 “Ahhhh. Well, if it’s any help, we’ll be back as soon as our shifts end tomorrow.”

 “It … it helps greatly, thank you.”

 “No bother.” I bend down, patting Al lightly on the shoulder. “Come on, sleepy head, it’s time tae go home.”

 “N-no ….” He blinks up at me, his expression a little dazed from tiredness. “Ronnie needs me, I … I can’t go yet.”

 “Yer -.”

 “He … he’ll be lonely ….”

 Ahhh, shite, not this crap again. More of the loneliness talk …. “Al,” I try to reassure him, smiling at William in the process. “He’s got all the company he needs.”

 “Oh … I … I see.”

 “It’s time tae get yer home back, yer look exhausted.”

 He looks away. “I … I am exhausted.”

\----------

 We’re in bed now, the clock having just struck two in the morning, and he seems so, so down. Well … time to pull out the cheese. “Al, did it hurt?”

 He rolls over in bed to look at me. “Pardon?”

 “When yer fell from heaven, did it hurt?”

 A smile breaks out on his lips. “Oh Eric, that really is sappy.”

 “Aye, full of sap ah am.” Oh … whatever would I do without that beautiful smile of his …? It brightens even my darkness of days …. “Ah love yer.”

 “I love you too, Eric.” He yawns loudly – time for sleep, definitely. Oh, and cuddles, we all need cuddles at bedtime.

 I’ll always need those cuddles of his.


	67. Side story: Chapter Six. Sinful? Alan/Eric.

 Eric returned home, cussing to himself when he saw that Alan was awake. The brunette looked up at him, a sad expression on his face. “W … where have y … you been?”

 “Sorry, ah had tae … speak tae Grell.”

 “I … tried to shout you … but you did not reply.”

 _Shite …._ “Ah didn’t hear yer, sorry.”

 Alan looked away, sighing loudly. “Y … you left me all alone. I thought – Grell … said that you cared for me.”

 “Ah do, ah do.” Eric was quickly over to the bed, climbing in next to the human. His strong arm wrapped around the brunette. “Ah’m sorry, okay?”

 “Okay.”

 “Ah’m here now, so ….”

 “So … it’s fine now, I suppose.”

 “Aye, that’s the spirit,” Eric smiled. “How’re yer feeling anyway?”

 “I think … the rest did me some good. I … I don’t feel so terrible.”

 “Great!”

 “Hmm.” _Should I mention what Grell said? T … the topic of love? No, not yet. I’ll wait and see for a few more – wait a moment …._ “Eric … you smell of sweat.”

 _SHITE!_ “Hah, aye, work was pretty busy.”

 “Oh … I see ….”

 _Phew … that was a close one._ Eric tried to move the direction of conversation. “Still tired?”

 “Not too tired, no.”

 “Good. Want tae go downstairs and watch some TV?”

 “T … TV?”

 Eric chuckled at the confused look on the human’s face. “Come on … ah’ll show yer.”

 “S … sure.”

\---------

 Alan stared in amazement at the TV screen. “T … this is incredible. T … there are people in … in that box?”

 “Hah, not exactly.”

 “Oh ….” His eyebrows furrowed. “T … then how does it work?”

 “Well ….” Eric began to explain, the best way that he could, about the ins and outs of the television.

 Still, Alan was extremely confused. “I … I don’t understand.”

 The reaper laughed lightly. “Give it time – yer’ll understand eventually.”

 Alan’s face fell. “H … how much time? We … we both know that … I’m living on borrowed time.”

 Eric’s shoulders slumped, his heart sinking. _I … I know._ “D … don’t say that ….”

\---------

***December 30th ***

 Grell had come over to Eric’s house, again, to keep an eye on Alan while the blonde reaper was at work. She peeked through the bedroom door, seeing that the brunette was sitting up in bed. The door was pushed open, the redhead strutting into the room. “Hello Darling!”

 Alan flinched, having not expected such an outburst. “Oh … hello.”

 “My, my, you are looking a little better. Has Eric been taking good care of you?”

 Alan thought of all the cuddles and yummy food Eric had been giving him, and he smiled. “He … he has.”

 “Fabulous! So, come on, tell me all the juicy details!”

 The smile faded, a frown appearing. “P … pardon?”

 “Has he given you a kiss yet? On the lips?”

 “Oh …. no.”

 “Ooooh, you sound quite disappointed.”

 “No! No, I, I don’t care, I -." Alan stopped mid-sentence, coughing loudly.

 “Oh Darling, stop getting yourself so worked up.”

 “D … don’t cause me stress then ….”

 “Hn, how rude – oh!”

 “S … stop shrieking.” _You … you’re giving me a headache._

 “I made you something!” She flashed her teeth.

 Alan blinked at her. “Y … you did?”

 “Yes.” Grell pulled something from inside of her jacket. “Look, it’s a mini you!”

 “A … a doll?” Alan asked, staring at the item.

 Grell hurried over to the bed, waving the doll in his face. “Yes, but look, it’s got your hair and everything.”

 Alan eyed it. _It’s a little creepy looking … but it … it’s such a nice gesture. No one has ever made me something personal before …._ “T … thank you.”

 The doll was handed over. “You have something to cuddle now when Eric isn’t around.”

 “I … I do, thank you.”

 “So,” Grell put her hand on her hip, “what do you do for fun around here?”

 “Umm ….”

\------------

 That night, after Eric had returned home and Grell had left, the two were cuddling in bed. “Yer’re so adorable, Al.”

 Alan blushed slightly at the nickname Eric had recently given him. “N … no I’m not, stop saying … that.”

 “Nope, ah don’t want tae.”

 Alan’s eyes widened as Eric cupped his chin. “Eric, what – mph!” Their lips touched for a moment before Alan pulled away, his cheeks going bright red. “E … Eric, we … we shouldn’t -.”

 “Why not?” Eric frowned. “Ah … ah thought yer liked me?”

 “Where did you get that from?!”

 “Eh … well, yer don’t moan when ah kiss yerr head anymore … and yer don’t mind me just being in my underwear.”

 “It … it feels nice and … and I … I get more body heat from you … wi-without clothing.”

 Eric looked away. “So yer don’t like me in that way?”

 “What does that matter?” Alan paused for breath. “Y … you shouldn’t kiss me in t-that way.”

 “Again, why not?”

 Alan huffed at him. “It’s sinful. You … you know that.”

 “No it’s not.”

 “G … Grell said that too.” Alan sighed. “She says that it’s … different in this world, but how can that be? Aren’t reapers beings of God?”

 “Aye, we are -.”

 “T … then how can you think … kissing me is fine?” Alan was utterly confused. “I … I don’t understand your mind-set.”

 “Because it’s not sinful. Of all the things in the world – killing, rape, violence – is one man loving another really that bad? Most reapers don’t see an issue with it -.”

 “L … love?” _Grell was right …?_ “You … you love me?”

 Eric didn’t even have to pause for thought. “Aye, ah really do.”

 “And … it … it really isn’t sinful?”

 “No. Like ah said, humans have a lot of catching up tae do.”

 “I … I won’t go to hell … for kissing you?”

 Eric sighed. “Love is love, Al, what does it really matter? Why would yer go tae hell when yer’re not hurting anyone?”

 “I … I don’t – are … are you sure?”

 “Aye, very sure.”

 Alan gulped, silence filling the room. _M … maybe he is right. I – t … that kiss was nice._ “O … okay ….”

 “Okay what?”

 Alan tapped his finger to his lips once, tentatively. “A … again.”

 Without saying a word, Eric pulled him closer again, lips pressing to the brunette’s. He felt Alan’s body relax, the human melting into the kiss. _Hn, so soft._ The kiss parted after a while, Eric realising that Alan needed to breathe. “How was that for yer?”

 “G … good,” Alan panted, “it … it was really nice.”

 Eric cuddled him tighter. “Grand. Ah really enjoyed it too.”

 “Hmmm ….” Alan smiled before yawning loudly. “Is it time for sleep yet?”

 “Aye, definitely. It’s getting pretty late.” Eric chuckled. “Shirt off or on?”

 “Off … off, it’s getting in the way … of your warmth.”

 “Hah, ah had a feeling yer’d say that.”

\----------

 Both Eric and Alan flinched, the following evening, when Grell appeared out of nowhere in their bedroom. “Grell -.” Eric began, only for her to cut him off.

 “What are you doing here, Eric?!” She huffed. “The New Year’s party has already begun and you -.”

 “Ah’m not going this year. Yer know, busy being here, with Alan?”

 “Well you can’t! That’s boring!”

 “Ah can’t just leave Al -.”

 “Then bring him with you!”

 “He’s not well enough and yer know it.” Eric shot her a glare.

 “No … no,” Alan said, “I … I’ll come.”

 “Al -.”

 “Y … you should have some fun – I … I don’t wish to burden you.”

 “Yer’re not burdening anyone.”

 Alan sighed. “Regardless … we should still go.”

 “Are yer sure?”

 “Y … yes, I … I’ll be okay for a little while.”

 “But -.”

 “Now, now, Eric.” Grell flashed her teeth. “Alan has obviously made up his mind on this. You wouldn’t want to upset the little darling, would you?”

 The blonde grunted at her. “Fine … yer win.”

 “Now hurry up and get changed! We’re missing all the fun!”


	68. Side story: Chapter Seven. Party? Alan/Eric.

 Alan sat next to Eric, around a table, in the large party hall. The music was loud against his ears, the hall too crowded for comfort. “E … Eric, this … this is unnerving.”

 “What? Why?”

 “S … some of these reapers are a little … strange, or … or rowdy.”

 “Strange how?” Eric asked.

 “They keep staring at me.”

 “Oh … aye, that’s because they’re not used tae a human at the New Year party. Yer’re a rarity, ah guess.”

 “W … well I’d rather just blend … in.”

 “Someone as cute as yer? How is that possible?” Eric grinned widely.

 Alan glared at him. “Stop saying that – it isn’t helpful.”

 “But it’s true.”

 “I … I don’t care.”

 “Al, come on, lighten up. Ah know! Yer need some drink down yerr neck.”

 “Alcohol? No … I don’t think so.”

 “Eh? Why not?”

 “God wouldn’t approve, Eric.”

 The reaper sighed loudly, his shoulders slumping. “Ah … ah give up.”

\----------

***10.35pm***

 Alan had become engrossed with the behaviour of the redhead across the room. “E … Eric?”

 The blonde turned from a friend he was speaking to. “Aye, what is it?”

 “W … what is Grell doing up the … wall?”

 “Ahhh … she’s having a wee bit of fun, cannae yer tell?”

 “B … but … but to kiss in that manner, in public, is most indecent.”

 Eric glanced at her again, speaking more to himself than to Alan. “She … must be on the rebound.”

 “P … pardon?”

 “Oh, eh, nothing.”

 Alan blinked up at him. “Umm … okay.”

\--------

***10.47pm***

 Eric brought a beer over to the table, his fourth pint of the night. Just as he was about to sit down, a female receptionist from branch swung an arm around his shoulder. “Hello Honey.”

 Her thick Cockney accent caught Alan’s attention, and he glared up at her. “W … who are you?”

 “Oh my,” she pursed her lips at Alan. “A human – I thought that I could sense a soul. But what’s a sick little boy like you doing here?”

 “I’m here with Eric.”

 “Oh, is that so?” She gave him a dirty look. “He must have taken pity on you.” Her body pressed up against Eric. “Slingby, babe, want to come back to my place after the celebrations? I’ll kick this year off with a bang for you.”

 “Eh ….” Eric began.

 “He doesn’t need you.” Alan stated bluntly. “He has me.”

 “Oh, you? I don’t think you’re quite what he needs.”

 “Excuse me? He’s mine and I don’t think he needs your cheap hands all over him.”

 “Eric, tell him to shut his face!”

 “Uh ….” Eric felt awkward to say the least. “Well … we are together.”

 “So you’re taking his side then, are you?!”

 “Of course he is.” Alan shot her a small smile. “Now please do us both a favour and leave us be.”

 Eric received a sharp slap across the face before she stormed off. The Scotsman pressed his palm to his cheek. “Ahhh … bitch ….” He turned around and faced Alan. “W … what’s that dirty look for?”

 “I want to go home, Eric. It’s not nice seeing women draping all over you.”

 “But Al -.”

 “I told you I only wanted to stay for a little while … and we’ve been here for a long while now.”

 “Wait -.”

 “Now, Eric. I don’t want to have … to tell you again.”

 “A … alright ….”

\--------

 A little while later, in bed, Alan was giving Eric the silent treatment. Eric, however, had a plan. “That really was adorable, Al.”

 “Which?” Alan pouted.

 “Yer getting all jealous.”

 “I … I merely wished for her to know her place.”

 “No one’s stealing yerr man, eh?”

 “Not while I still have breath … in my body, no.”

 Eric pulled him close, nuzzling his cheek against the top of Alan’s head. “Ah like seeing yerr feisty side. It’s kind of nice tae be fought over.”

 “Well … it’s not nice having to fight over you, so behave yourself.”

 “What? Ah … ah didn’t do anything wrong.”

 A smile finally came to Alan’s face. “I’m only teasing.”

 “Meanie!” Eric chuckled.

 “Hmmm ….” Alan leaned into him. “But y … you’ll be with me … until my end, won’t you?”

 “A … aye, of course ah will.” Eric squeezed him tightly. “Ah promise, right until the very end.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might be a few days before I update again - busy weekend. 
> 
> Monday or Tuesday I think.


	69. William. News.

***Thursday 23rd March 2017***

 I have stayed at his side since last night, due to today being my day off. He is looking a little better (less pale), but the tubes and surgical drains are still firmly in place. The doctor has told me that they will be taking him off of the sedatives by the end of today. He says that Ronald will be fine, given time to heal, but … but I cannot help but worry. There is this nagging concern that … that something will go wrong. W … what is he doesn't … wake up ….?

\----------------

 I really am grateful for all that Alan has done. Even with all the turmoil I am sure he is going through, he has spent the majority of his spare-time at my partner's bedside. I … I do not think that I would have gotten through these past two days without him and Eric. Even Grell's presence, surprisingly, has helped me tremendously.

 Marie came over earlier, before she had to begin work, bringing over flowers and a get well card with her.

 I think she is working extra hours to complete Ronald's work also. She said that she is doing what she can to keep the business going while Ronald is away, and we are both aware of the fact that Ronald will not be able to return to work, for a few months, after such a surgery. Well … he may be able to do basic cleaning a lot sooner, but moving those heavy scythes is out of the question.

 Still, I think that getting back to work will be good for him, once he is able. It … it may help to distract him from such a tragedy ….

\---------------

***7.36pm***

 Ronald is beginning to wake up, thank goodness, the sedatives wearing off. I have been told to keep my distance from the bed while the doctor and the nurses watch over him.

 “Is … is he okay?” Alan asks me as a horrible gagging sound leaves Ronald.

 “T … they just need to remove the breathing tube,” I say, trying to convince myself as much as him.

 “Correct,” the doctor states and I sigh in relief. Soon, the tubing is removed, Ronald left to cough loudly. T … that must have been awfully uncomfortable ….

 A while passes, the medical staff checking him over. And then I hear his croaky, sleepy voice calling out to me.

 “M … may I?”

 “Yes,” the doctor says, “he appears to be fine, though he will still be a little groggy from the painkillers.”

 “I … I see.” I rush over to his bedside, as the nurses leave the room, taking his hand into my own. I give it a soft squeeze. “I … I am here.”

 His head rocks from side to side before he eventually fixes his eyes on me. “W … where am I?”

 I gulp. T … this is not going to end well …. “Y … you are in the hospital, Ronald.”

 “H … hospital?” He frowns up at me. “W … why ….?”

 I can feel the tears coming to my eyes just thinking about almost losing him. “Y … you went … into labour.”

 “W … wha'?!” His eyes go wide, causing my stomach to twist.

 “Y … you lost a lot of blood, so … so a surgeon had to … operate on you,” I say as gently as possible.

 “O … operate?” He tries to move, only to winch. Even with the painkillers, he … he must still be extremely sore. “N … ngh ….”

 “B … but you will be fine … once the wound heals.”

 “W ...wound?”

 “U … umm ….” H … how … how am I supposed to tell him?!

 “We had to perform a hysterectomy.” The doctor steps in to aid me, though his bluntness really is not helpful ….

 “W … what's tha'?” His eyes are full of fear, and he looks between me and the doctor. “T … tell me!”

 “We had to remove your uterus. I am sorry.”

 “Na … na, don't … don't be stupid.” His one hand moves to his stomach, or from the horrified expression on his face, the lack there of, and I cringe internally. The … the tears are forming in his eyes.

 “W … wha' tha' fuck did … did y' do ta' me?!” He rips his hand from mind, shooting up in bed.

 “Ronald, be careful – your stitches -.”

 He ignores me, his anger growing by the second. “W … where is she? Where's my baby?!”

 “Mr Knox -.” The doctor begins, but he is cut off by more shouting.

 “Where is she?!” Y' bastard -!”

 “Ronald, it is not the doctor's fault. T … there was … nothing anyone could do.” I take a shaky breath. “Y … you miscarried.”

 “N … no, y' ...y're lyin'!”

 “Something … went wrong with … the pregnancy.”

 “No!” He turns his rage on me. “Make them give her back!”

 “I … I can't, Ronald, s … she's gone.”

 “Bullshit!”

 “R … Ronnie, it's true,” Alan says, “I … I'm sorry.”

 “No! I … I want her back!” Before I have a chance to say anything else, my breath catches in my throat. H … he has just ripped out his IV line.

 “Ronald, what are -?”

 “I-I'm gettin' outta' here!”

 “No, Ronald, the drains -.”

 “Fuck y'!”

 He staggers out of bed on the opposite side to I , and before either I or the doctor can grab a hold of him, he doubles over in pain. “Nhhh ….”

 “R … Ronald ….” I rush over to him, hands grabbing a hold of his upper arms to steady him. “Y … you need to rest.”

 “F … fuck off ….” I can tell from the shake in his voice that he has begun to cry. B … but I … haven't a clue how to comfort him.

 Alan hurries over to us, a look of immense worry on his face. “R … Ronnie, your stitches – y … you're bleeding.”

 Oh … oh dear …. As Ronald breaks down into harsh sobs, I look over at the doctor. “D-don't just stand there! H … he's bleeding! Do something!”


	70. Alan. Terrified.

 Today really has been … awful ….

 I woke up feeling ill and tired again, really tired. Work in the morning was … okay, though it was draining.

 And then when Ronald woke up, he fell into hysterics. Even when a couple of his stitches popped, he wouldn’t calm down. And … and when the doctor tried to get him back on the bed, Ronald lashed out at him. Doctor Thompson ended up with a nasty scratch across his cheek.

 In the end, t ... the medical staff had to hold him down on the bed and give him some drugs to calm him. His wound has been tended to and he … he isn’t so enraged now. He … he’s just lying there, a little dazed, and crying.

 I … I really don’t know what to say to help him ….

 I … I just hope that he feels better soon. I … I think in time, he will be okay, but … it’s such a terrible situation to be in – for both of them.

 William is trying his best to comfort Ronnie, telling him that it’s okay … and that it will all be better in time.

 But … really, is it okay?

 William hasn’t spoken much about the whole thing, apart from the fact that he wasn’t aware of Ronnie being pregnant. I had a nagging worry that he was … but that’s beyond the point.

 He … he won’t talk about it, and I doubt he’d admit it if I asked, but I … I know that he’s hurt. Ronnie kept something so important from him for months … and that must really pain him.

 I know that if Eric had have been so secretive, I … I would be angry. I … I’d be really angry.

 Oh … but what a hypocrite I am. I … I’m sick, I am really sick … and Eric doesn’t yet know. I know that I will have to tell him, eventually, but … but I just can’t. It … it’ll destroy him ….

 What … what do I do …?

\---------

***10.37pm***

 The tiredness is getting the best of me … again. There isn’t much point in me being here any longer anyway – Ronnie fell asleep a while ago, and the doctor will be coming in to send us home soon. “William, I’m going to head home now.”

 “Of course, you get some rest.” He pauses before saying “thank you for your time.”

 “No problem.”

\----------

***10.41pm***

 I got home just as Eric was heading to work – he’s got a night shift today. I’ve just finished telling him about what happened when Ronnie woke up.

 “Shite.” Eric gulps. “So … Ronnie just scratched him?”

 “Well ….” I flop down on the bed. “It was … more like a slap, but with his nails.”

 “Ouch ….” He lets out a sigh. “Ah’m sure he’ll be alright in time.”

 “I … I hope so.”

 “Aye. Hey … do yer remember when that lass from the New Year party slapped me?”

 He … he’s trying to cheer me up, to take my mind off of everything, I know he is. That … that’s sweet of him. “Of course I remember.”

 “Ah never saw her after that, do yer know that?”

 “Good.” I give him a small smile. “My words had the intended effect then.”

 “Hah, yer wee meanie.”

 “Yes ….” I yawn loudly. “But oh well, I didn’t like her much ….”

 “Ah can tell,” he chuckles. “Oh … aren’t yer going tae take off yerr shoes?”

 “No … I’m too tired.” I let my eyes slip shut as I feel him grab a hold of my ankle. “Thank you.”

 “Yer’re welcome, lazy bum.”

 “Hmm ….”

 Eventually, he’s going to notice my growing fatigue. He … he’s going to realise that my tiredness isn’t merely normal sleepiness.

 I swallow thickly.

 W … when that happens – I … I just don’t know what to do, what to say ….

 I … I’m terrified ….


	71. Ronald. Hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is short but I've already wrote the next (dif POV). It'll be up soon.

***Saturday 25th March***

 Fuck … it hurts, it hurts so much. My head keeps spinning, and … I know it’s not from the painkillers they keep knocking me out with. This … this doesn’t feel real. This … can’t really be happening, can it ….?

 I just wanna’ see her … hold her. It kills to know that I’ll never, ever see my little baby. I’ll never see her gorgeous face ….

 And … I keep daydreaming of watching her grow up, of all the cuddles I’d give her.

 But then I have to come back to reality … and it fucking kills.

 I … I just want her back, that’s all I want.

 My … my tummy feels so flat, so empty without her. I feel completely empty ….

 I know that … Al, Will, and everyone are trying to help … trying to cheer me up, but really, it doesn’t make me feel better. I … I don’t think anything will ….

\-----------

***2.01pm***

 The … the doctor ordered some STD tests on me … you know, with the unprotected sex and stuff ….

 I didn’t really wanna’ be swabbed and stuff, but Will convinced me in the end. He … he said that he didn’t wanna’ face losing me again …. I think he was thinking about HIV, especially with me being on Heroin in the past.

 Well … it looks like the results are back ….

\-------

***2.10pm***

 They all came back clear … and I know that I should be happy, but … I … I just can’t be. So what if I’m healthy? I’ve got nothing to look forward to in the future. N … nothing at all ….

 Fucking hell … the tears are coming again.

 G-great ….


	72. William. To the boil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, I was being stupid and forgot to put a name on the title of chapter 69 'news'. It was William's. Sorry for any confusion.

***Sunday 26th March***

 Ronald is due to be released tomorrow, his wound showing no signs of infection. It is actually healing quite well, popped stitches, and all.

 But still … his health, mentally, is not in a better place. Not at all.

 I … I know that he is grieving … and that it is to be expected. I … I know that it is so very hard for him to go through, but he fails to recognise that I am hurting too. And the constant crying, the constant snapping at me is taking its toll.

 I am … losing my patience with him ….

\---------

***12.03pm***

 “Come on, Ronald, enough crying.” I try to be as gentle as possible. “It … it will all be okay in the end.”

 He pulls away from my grip, glaring at me. “That’s easy for y’ ta’ say! Y’ … y’re probably happy ‘bout it!”

 “P … pardon?” W … what the heck is he talking about?

 “Y’ didn’t want some irritatin’ kid ruinin’ y’ life!”

 “That is hardly fair.”

 “Hn.”

 I … I can feel the anger bubbling – how dare he! “Ronald -.”

 “I asked y’, so don’t deny it! Y’ … y’ didn’t want a baby!”

 “Don’t you dare! You didn’t even tell me, so … so how was it a fair question?!”

 “Pftt.”

 “How do you think I feel? Y … you kept this a secret from me.”

 “I didn’t know how -.”

 “You should have anyway! I … I thought we cared deeply about each other?”

 “Yeah, so did I.”

 “Jesus Christ! I am not the one at fault here!”

 “So y’re sayin’ I am?!” He … he’s seething too, I can tell …. Maybe I should – no, I need to get this off my chest!

 “Yes … yes I am.”

 “Y’ arse -.”

 “Don’t you think that you have hurt me too?”

 “N … no ….” He looks away.

 “Well you did. I … I wish that you’d have just told me.”

 “So y’ could’ve thrown me outta’ tha’ house?”

 “What?!” I stare at him. “I … I would have never -.”

 “Yes y’ would!”

 He looks back at me again, his eyes full of pain ….

 “Y’ … y’ didn’t want a baby, so -.”

 “No.” I cut him off. “A … a child with you, I don’t think that that would have been horrible. I cannot say that I would have taken the news well to begin with … but I certainly would not have abandoned you.”

 It all goes quiet before he speaks again. “Y … you really mean that?”

 “Yes. I made a promise to myself when I took you in … that I would always take care of you. I … I know that things have not been perfect , but I will always be there for you. A … a child would not have come between us.”

 I hear him swallow thickly. “So … so y’d ‘ave loved her like y’ own?”

 “Well I love you … so I think I could have learned to love her too, yes.”

 I was expecting my words to calm him somewhat, but no, the opposite happens. He breaks down further into hysterics. “F … fuck ….” More tears leak from his eyes – I … I thought that that was what he wanted to hear ….

 “Ronald?”

 “I … I should ‘ave told y’. T … this is all my fault ….”

 “Ronald -.”

 “If … if only I’d ‘ave ….”

 I … I really don’t know what to say, for I know that he is right. He … he should have told me, of course he should have ….

\---------

 We have been sitting in silence for a while now, bar the odd sniff from him. It is not quite awkward silence, but it is not exactly comfortable either ….

 “W … Will?”

 I am relieved to hear him – there is not an ounce of anger in his voice. “Yes, what is it?”

 “W … why did the doctor say … it was so dangerous of me ta’ not seek medical attention? I … I know that pregnancies … can go wrong, but most of them … are safe, right?”

 He … he doesn’t know? “Ronald, do you not know a thing about male pregnancy?”

 “N … not really, but isn’t it tha’ same as … women’s?”

 “No, no, it … it really isn’t. It … it is far more dangerous ….”

 “W … wha’? Why?” His eyes are locked on me.

 “You never learnt about it in school?”

 He instantly looks away. “I … I never went ta’ school -.”

 “Well you must have been living in a hole -.”

 “S … somethin’ like tha’.” He sniffs again. “Will, please, jus’ tell me wha’ y’ guys know tha’ I … don’t.”

 I take a deep breath, thinking of how to explain in a simple manner. “Men … have not always been able to become pregnant. It all began around … five hundred years ago.” And, obviously, men back then were slaughtered because of it.

 “O … oh?”

 “A mutation, it seems, passed down through the generations. Only a small number, even today, are able to bear children. Still … it is not a great mutation. Problems … often arise in pregnancies, and … through the years, I have reaped a fair few males due to this ….”

 “S … shit. So … so it’s really dangerous?”

 “Yes. The male form is not built to carry a child. After the first trimester, bed rest is a medical requirement for all.”

 He looks back at me, his eyes wide. “B … bed rest? So … so no sex?”

 A shiver runs down my spine, and I begin to fiddle with my hands. “No ….”

 “C … could tha’ … ‘ave been w-why?”

 “I am not sure,” but I have thought on it a lot … and I fear that it may have been …. It … it fills me with guilt just to think of it. He … he could have lost our child because I gave into my needs ….

 “Shit ….” He hugs at himself. “I … I didn’t know ….”

 I … I do wonder, if not at school, where did he spend his childhood once he was abducted ….? I … I dread to think ….

\---------

***2.05pm***

 Silence has fallen upon us again, and a frown has been fixed on his face for a while now. I … I wish to know why. “Ronald, is something else on your mind?”

 “Yeah ….” He rubs at his temple. “Y’ … y’ were meant ta’ reap me tha’ night, weren’t y’?”

 “Yes?”

 “T … then why didn’t y’ … notice her soul too? S … she’d ‘ave had one … right?”

 “Yes … but a female reaper would have … come for her.”

 “A girl?”

 I nod slowly. “Yes … they are assigned unborn children, babies and toddlers.” It is supposed to serve as extra punishment, a reminder of the motherhood they will never experience again. Silly now, really, given the recent mutation ….

 Oh … was that why the council found out about me sparing him so quickly? It … would make sense, as I doubt they would have told me, even if they knew, that Ronald was pregnant. They would not have concerned themselves with the wellbeing of a human that had caused them so much trouble ….

 “O … oh ….” His frown deepens. “So … y’ couldn’t sense her soul then?”

 “No. We usually can’t until close to the time of birth.”

 “So Grell … couldn’t either?”

 “Ronald -.”

 “I … I know, I know ….” He fiddles with his bedsheets. “S … she’s in heaven … though, right? S … she’s okay?”

 “A baby’s soul is one of innocence, Ronald. She … she is in heaven, yes.”

 “She … she’s happy?”

 “Yes, of course.”

 The words I hear next break my heart in two. “G … good. I … I hope I ge’ ta’ see her one day ….”

 Oh … oh, Ronald, please don’t …. I … I don’t want to think of living in a world without you ….

 My soul aches for him … it … it really does ….


	73. Ronald. Too fucking hard.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. I'm really tired today.

***Monday 27th March***

***6.08pm***

 They’ve taken out the external stitches now – I’ve been told that the internal ones dissolve over time. It … it looks like I’m healing well, which is good, I guess …. I … I really don’t care, to be fair ….

 I’m being released soon, the doctors giving me some painkillers to take away with me. The pain isn’t so bad anymore – I’ve been through worse things (withdrawals) … but I kind of like that these meds make me sleep. I … I don’t really wanna’ be … awake right now. My … my thoughts are too painful. I’d rather just be aware … of nothing.

 They’re giving me some more ‘stool softeners’ too – fuck … it really does hurt to take a shit, to be fair. Not … not something I like going through, if I’m honest.

\----------

***6.40pm***

 We’ve just got home … and I just wanna’ go straight up to bed. I want this fucking day to be over already.

 “Is there anything on television that you would like to watch?” Will asks me.

 “No.”

 “Oh … well I think that Alan is off of work at present. I could ask him to come over?”

 “No thanks.”

 “Then -.”

 “I’m goin’ ta’ bed.” Ah … shit, that was really snappy …. But … I … I just want him to leave me alone.

 “Oh … I see. Do you need help getting up the stairs?”

 “No … I’m good, thanks.”

\---------

***6.47pm***

 Okay … it was a lot more painful to get up the stairs than I expected … but at least I can head to bed now. And … I … I know I’m not due any more painkillers right now … but I don’t care. I really, really need them right now. I … I just need to sleep.

 I open the paper bag with my meds in – fuck … I should have gotten a glass of water. “Ugh … wha’ever.” I’ll just swallow them dry … fuck it.

 The prescribed dosage and then … one more for good measure. I … I know this isn’t good for me, but meh, whatever. It … it’s not like getting clean off drugs … helped me at all anyway.

 I … got off of them for her … for that reason alone, and … it was all for nothing.

 So … so fuck it, fuck it all!

\--------

***6.56pm***

 W-woah … I think they’re kicking in already ….

 I flop down in bed, pulling the covers up over my head. I … I just wanna’ hide from the fucking world ….

 No … no, don’t … don’t cry ….

 “Ugh … not again ….”

 I … I don’t want to be here anymore.

 “F-fuck ….”

 It … it’s just t-too fucking hard ….


	74. Side story: Chapter Eight. Slipping. Alan/Eric.

 Two weeks had passed since New Year, and Alan was beginning to feel more at ease when left alone. It wasn’t often that Grell and Eric were working the same shifts, but when it happened, Alan could cope with his own company for a little while.

 Eric and Alan had also grown closer to each other in that time – they were completely in love, and Eric’s presence brought Alan great happiness, a wonderful sense of contentment.

 But Alan knew it would be short lived – his health, though having improved thanks to Eric’s TLC, was a disaster waiting for happen. He wouldn’t be alive for much longer, and he was well aware of that. Therefore, he was making the most of the time he did have left.

 “Eric, that ... tickles!” Alan giggled, Eric’s fingers having snuck under his shirt, tips gracing the sides of his ribs. “S-stop it!”

 “Don’t want tae.” His digits quickened.

 “Hah … no!”

 The fun was broken by Alan coughing loudly, and Eric immediately ceased his tickling, pulling his hands out from under Alan’s top. “Shite … sorry.”

 “No ….” Another cough. “It … it’s okay.” As his hacking died down, Alan snuggled against Eric’s side. “I … I’m fine.”

 “A … alright …. Can ah get yer anything tae eat? Drink?”

 “No, stay … right where you are.”

 “Ohhh … someone’s getting bossy.”

 Alan smiled softly. “Maybe ….”

 “Yer’ll have me wrapped around yerr little finger soon.”

 A giggle came from the brunette. “I think … I already have.”

\-------------

***January 20th***

 Alan was wrapped up in a towel, after his bath, and carried into the bedroom. Eric placed him down gently onto the bed, and once Alan had dried himself off, the Scotsman headed over to the wardrobe. A t-shirt was pulled out before he asked “Al, the red or blue jumper?”

 “W … where’s the purple one?”

 “In the wash.”

 “S … still?”

 “Aye, ah haven’t had chance tae wash it yet, sorry.” Eric saw the pout on the brunette’s lips. “Ah’ll get it washed and dried tomorrow, ah promise.”

 Alan’s lips formed into a smile. “Good. Hmm … blue.”

 “Sure.”

\-----------

 “Eric, let me get dressed!” Alan whined as Eric’s lips worked down his chest. “T … that area is sensitive.”

 “That’s the point.”

 “Stop … stop being naughty.”

 “Ah like being naughty though,” Eric chuckled before giving Alan’s skin a light nip.

 “Oww …. Eric, don’t, I’ll bruise.”

 “No yer won’t, ah’m being gentle.”

 “Hn.”

 With a chuckle, Eric shifted, his lips close to Alan’s neck. “Is here any better?”

 A soft moan came from the brunette as his skin was sucked on gently. “Hmm …. E-Eric, that’s also naughty.”

 Before Eric could reply, his alarm clock beeped, alerting them both to the fact that another hour had passed. The blonde jumped up from the bed. “Ahh, shite, ah’m late for work.”

 “Oh … I’ll see you tonight then.”

 “Aye, aye – yer need anything before ah go?”

 Alan pointed to the top of the wardrobe, where Grell’s doll gift sat. “Just mini me, please.”

 “Hah, yer really like Grell’s wee pressie, don’t yer?”

 “I do.” Alan gave him a small smile. “It keeps me company.”

 “Someone tae cuddle when ah’m not around, eh?”

 “Hmm … funny, Grell said the exact same thing.”

\--------------

***January 29th***

 Over the past few days, Eric had noticed that Alan’s chest was becoming bad again, and it was really causing him concern. He hoped that when his shift ended, he’d come home to find Alan feeling well again.

 But it was not to be, for when he went into the bedroom that night, he found Alan curled up in bed, his skin as pale as the day they’d met. “Al ….”

 “Eric ….” Alan didn’t sit up in bed like usual – he couldn’t, he felt too weak. “I … I feel really … unwell.”

 The reaper could hear the hoarseness in his partner’s voice; it was obvious to him that Alan had been coughing all day. Kneeling down at Alan’s side of the bed, he asked “in … in what way, babe?”

 “M … my chest is … is so sore … and I think I … am becoming feverish.”

 Eric gulped. “Do … yer feel really hot?”

 “N … no.” Alan tried to move again, only for the pain in his chest to stop him in his tracks. A weak whimper was heard. “I … am freezing.”

 “So … yer don’t have a fever then?” Eric asked, hopeful.

 “I … I don’t know. I feel a little odd … a … a little – I don’t know. I don’t feel … right in myself.”

 “Do … do yer feel a … bit out of it?”

 “I … I think so, yes.”

 Eric felt his forehead, and his stomach dropped. The skin in that area was so hot, so clammy with sweat. _Shite … this … this isn’t good …._ He spoke, his voice shaking with worry. “Ah … ah’m taking yer tae the hospital.”

 “T … there’s no point,” Alan breathed. “It … it seems my time … is up.”

 “Al, no -.”

 “We … we both … know it’s true.”

 “No!” The tears formed in Eric’s eyes. “That’s just the fever talking. D … don’t be silly.”

 “Eric -.”

 “Ah’m – the … the doctors will sort yer right out.” The bedsheets were ripped off quickly, Eric gathering his partner in his arms.

 “It … it won’t work -.”

 “It will!” The tears began to fall. _I … I won’t give up on him. I … I can’t …._


	75. Side story: Chapter Nine. No Help. Alan/Eric.

 Alan had fallen to sleep in the hospital room where he had been taken, the various tests and scans he’d been sent for having exhausted him.

 It was almost midnight when the doctor came into the room. They were somebody who Eric knew, a man he’d become friends with, years ago, during a party.

 “P … please tell me that there’s something yer can … do for him,” Eric whispered, his fingers brushing Alan’s fringe out of his face.

 The doctor shook his head. “It is not good news, I am afraid, Eric.”

 The blonde’s shoulders slumped. Deep down, he knew that the news wouldn’t be good. Alan really had struggled to stay conscious through the hospital examinations. And the blood he’d begun to cough up just horrified Eric further.

 Receiving no reply from Eric, the doctor continued. “The tissue of his lungs is extremely damaged, and that means his lung capacity is nowhere near what it should be.”

 “So … so there’s nothing yer can do tae help him?”

 “I am afraid not – too much damage has been done, and it has probably been this way for a long while.”

 The tears leaked down his face. “S-so what do ah … do now?”

 “You take him home and try to make him comfortable. I’ll get my hands on some painkillers for him and drop them off to you later. Do you still live -?”

 “In Acocks Green, aye.” Eric paused for a moment. “Are yer sure that there’s nothing -.”

 “There really isn’t, Eric.” He placed a hand on the Scotsman’s shoulder. “Honestly, mate, what were you thinking?”

 “W … what do yer … mean?”

 “Getting your heart all torn up over a human. You … you know how fragile these creatures are.”

 “Ah … know, but ah don’t care. Yer … yer don’t always choose who yer fall in love with.”

 The doctor let out a sigh. “Too true, my friend, too true.”

\-----------

 “Hmm ….” Alan awoke to see Eric’s face looming over him. “Eric … what ….?”

 “Nothing … babe. Yer … yer go back tae sleep.”

 Alan looked around himself, still feeling awfully dazed. “W … we’re back home?”

 Eric swallowed thickly. “Aye ….”

 “T … they couldn’t help me.” He said bluntly. “I … I knew ... that they wouldn’t be able to.”

 “No, no,” Eric sniffed and leaned forward, forehead pressing against Alan’s. “We … we’ll figure something out, ah promise.” He gave Alan a small peck before saying “yer’ll be just fine, Al.”

 “I … I don’t want … that, Eric.”

 Eric pulled away instantly, confusion etched on his features. “W … what do yer mean?”

 “I … I know that my time is almost … up, and I … I’m fine with that. I … I’ve been wanting out of this pain … this misery for a while now, you know that.”

 “No … no, ah didn’t.” His fingers brushed against Alan’s cheek. “Ah thought yer were h-happy here?”

 “I am, Eric -.”

 “Then why are yer just giving up!?”

 “I … I’m not, but … but when it’s my time to go, I … I accept it.”

 “No -.”

 “T … thank you, Eric.”

 Alan’s words caught Eric off guard, causing him to frown. “F … for what?”

 “E … even if my time really is … up, you’ve made … the last month of my life – it … it’s been amazing. Thanks to you, I … I’ll die happy.”

 “B … but I don’t want yer … tae die, babe, ah can’t -.”

 “I … I accept my fate, Eric, it’s … okay.”

 “Well I don’t!” Eric screamed. “I … I won’t accept it!”

 “E … Eric, don’t … get upset.”

 “Impossible,” Eric broke down in tears, and he scooped Alan up, cuddling him in his lap. “Ah love yer too much tae let yer go.”

 Alan smiled sadly. “We … haven’t much choice. God … has decided -.”

 “No, no, t … there’s always a way. Fate … isn’t set in stone -.”

 “Of … of course it is.” Alan snuggled closer. “We … we can’t change … how frail I am, but … we … we can make the most of … the time we have left.”

 Eric couldn’t summon words, and he merely nodded, though he was unconvinced by Alan’s words. _We … we won’t have to ‘make the most of it’. I … I WILL fix this. I … I’ll find a way. I haven’t got a choice – losing him, it … it isn’t an option._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone still reading?


	76. William. Not worth the fighting.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh ... I mentioned this on one of my other stories, but I do have more permanent hours at work now. Hopefully, updates will still be every day or two. 
> 
> Oh ... and I got a letter about my pension plan today. Man ... I feel old.

***Thursday 30th March 2017***

***4.30pm***

 Things have not been going well, for Ronald, and for our relationship in general. He has been very quiet, very distant. And … he has spent most of his time sleeping. I know why … even if it did take me a couple of days to realise.

 I move over to the bedside table, picking up the packet of painkillers. A deep sigh leaves me, and I glance over at my sleeping partner. Just as I thought – he has taken more than he should have, again.

 The doctor gave him enough for a week, and yet, he is almost out. I … I tried to hide them yesterday, but obviously, while I was at work, he searched the house and found them. So … now, I … I do not know what to do, what to say.

 If I try to confront him … he will either deny it, or it … will end in an argument. The emotional wounds, for the both of us, are still far from healed.

 So … maybe I should just leave it be. I take a closer look at the medicine packet, and see that he only has three left. Hmm …

 I pop one of the tablets out, and slip it into my pocket. There … good, only one prescribed dose left for him to take. I doubt that he will realise I have taken one of them. After all, he has made himself rather groggy, rather dazed, since returning from the hospital.

 And if he does say anything, I shall just deny touching them. He … he is too out of it to know otherwise.

 I sigh as I put the packet back exactly as it was. I just hope that once the tablets are out of the way, out of his system, things will begin to improve. Really, I am at a loss of what to do – I have no idea how to comfort him, for I have never lost a child of my own. I doubt my small feeling of loss, of grief over the little girl I could have had compares to his devastation.

 No … no, William, do not be stupid – there is no comparison there. My pain and his pain … is a world apart.

 All I can do is hope ….

\---------

***8.35pm***

 Thankfully, he did not notice the missing pill. Still … my heart aches when he sleepily asks “’ave … all my pills gone … now?”

 “Yes,” I say, “you have taken them all.”

 “Oh ….” He looks away – he must have cottoned onto the fact that I know.

 “I doubt you will need them anyway – most of the pain should have left you by now.”

 “Yeah … probably.”

 I nod, muttering under my breath “not like they were doing you any good regardless” Oh … I think he heard me. It really is not worth getting into an argument over – he cannot get his hands on any more painkillers in this realm, after all. So … I change the subject. “What would you like for dinner?”

 “I’m not hungry,” he says quietly.

 “Ronald, you need to eat something. Your body cannot heal properly without adequate nutrition.” He … he already knows this. I shouldn’t have to lecture him on basic health.

 “I … I don’t care.”

 I … I thought that once we got him through the Heroin withdrawals, he would understand the importance of taking care of himself.

 Obviously, I was wrong ….

 “Ronald,” I say sternly, “you need to eat. Stop being awkward.”

 “B … but I don’t ‘ave an appetite.” He rolls over, his back to me.

 I let out a grunt when he pulls the covers over his head. Honestly … what a child. “Ronald, you are doing yourself no good by moping around. You need to get out of bed, occupy yourself.”

 “Hn … tryin’ ta’ distract myself. Yeah, that’s gonna’ work.”

 Sarcasm … I see …. “You -.”

 “I feel fuckin’ miserable! W … why don’t y’ ge’ tha’?!”

 “I … I do, and eating some good food may help with that.”

 “I don’t want anythin’!”

 Patience, William, be patient. Don’t lose your rag. “Okay … I shall bring you a milkshake instead. That should help with your appetite.” I turn, and walk to the door, hearing him groan loudly.

 Honestly ….

 I can tell already, testing times are not over – they are merely beginning ….


	77. Ronald. Going crazy here.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the supportive comments about still reading. I'm so grateful!

***Saturday 1st April 2017***

***1.03pm***

 “Y … you did what?” Alan stares at me. I … I didn’t know who else to tell about the tablets. I needed to get it off of my chest – it felt lonely not being able to tell Will – I didn’t know how to.

 “Y … yeah.”

 “I knew things were bad … because you’ve lost a lot of weight … but I … I didn’t realise – taking too many tablets can really be dangerous.”

 I look away. “I know.” But I … I really don’t care. It … it was all my fault – even the doctor thought so. He … he gave me a proper dirty look when he found out that I’d had booze during the pregnancy. Not to mention … the Heroin and lack of bed rest. But … I didn’t know anything about needing to rest.

 Not that it really matters – it’s still my fault. If … if I’d have just told Will, I’d be getting closer and closer every single day now to seeing my little girl, alive and happy.

 I … I don’t deserve to be happy.

 “Ronnie?” Al’s voice brings me back to reality, and I look at him again.

 “Hn?”

 “I … I asked if William knew about all of this?”

 “Oh … no, he doesn’t.” I sigh loudly. “I … I didn’t know how ta’ … tell him.”

 “I think you should -.”

 “Why? I mean … the pills are gone now, so … so no harm done.”

 He shakes his head. “That’s not the point. It hurt William to know that you were keeping the pregnancy a secret.”

 “Yeah … I know.”

 “So to do the same this time – it … it isn’t good for your relationship. It … it’ll crumble if it doesn’t stand on a foundation of honesty.”

 “Right … okay.”

 He pulls me into a hug. “B … but if there is anything I can do to help, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

 I hug him back. “Thanks … mate ….”

\---------

***4.05pm***

 I … I know that Al’s right – I do need to tell Will, but … the problem is, I … I just don’t care anymore. Like … so what if we … still have a relationship? I’ve lost the one thing … that gave my life any meaning. Losing Will wouldn’t make me any more miserable. I … I’m already at that point.

 I crawl back into bed, curling up under the covers.

 I think … I’ve hit rock bottom. Yeah … definitely.

\--------

***Monday 3rd April***

 Ugh … I’m going fucking crazy here. The pills have worn off … and now I can’t get a wink of sleep. It … it’s driving me up the wall.

 I … I know it’s my own fault – I … I shouldn’t have started messing with those fucking painkillers in the first place, but fuck … I just need some sleep. It … it’s killing me to be awake with all these thoughts. And … me and Will keep getting into arguments because I’m knackered and cranky, snappy.

 Ugh … I’m pretty sure he knows about the pills, even though he’s not said anything directly. I … I keep hearing him muttering stuff under his breath … and I think I heard ‘painkillers’ one time.

 Fuck, fuck – this … this is a proper mess.

 We even got into an argument, last night, when he tried to get me to have a bath. He … he won in the end, but … it got pretty heated. We even stooped as low as name calling, the both of us. Ugh … things were going so well … before –

 But, really, were they? I … I was scared to tell Will about the pregnancy – he … he’s not the easiest to talk to. I … I love him, but maybe … this was never gonna’ work. Al’s right: if I can’t talk to him –

 “Ugh!” No … I … I’m being stupid. It … it wasn’t Will’s fault for being … kinda’ scary. It’s mine –

 Having … some pills would really help right now. My … my head’s spinning and … I … I really need something to calm me down.

 I … I’d kill for some Heroin right now … I really would. I … I know it’s not good for me, but fuck it ….

 Fuck … I can’t get any here. Ugh ….

\--------

***1.03pm***

 I … I keep pacing, I can’t relax. Fuck … I’d even kill for some alcohol right now. It … it doesn’t even work that great … but … but at least it’d do something. If I drank enough, it … it’d at least knock me out for a bit. “Hn.”

 It’s not like I could get any anyway. You probably need ID or some shit – something I don’t have. Fuck ....

 Hmm, or do I need –

 Was that a knock at the door? Who could … that be?

 Ah … shit, where did I put my key?

\----------

***1.06pm***

 I open the door and see Marie standing there, next to some reaper – I think it’s her partner. “Hey Ronnie.” She smiles at me, but I can tell from the way she’s looking at me that she’s worried. Hah, but isn’t everyone?

 “Hey.” I try to smile back, even though I don’t feel like it. It’s forced, fake. “Not at work today?”

 “Oh … yes, but I booked in just enough scythes for half a day. We’re going out on a date in a bit, for our anniversary, but I thought I’d pop in first and say hi.”

 A … a date? “Cool … where are y’ headin’?” Please … please be the human world ….

 “London.” She gestures to the reaper at her side. “Jamie really likes the human realm.”

 “Oh, sweet.” If … if I can just get him to – “any chance y’ … can drop me off there too?”

 “Oh?” She frowns at me. “Why would you want to go there?”

 “I ‘ave a friend there – it’d be nice ta’ see him after so long.”

 There’s a pause – I think she’s thinking it through. “Hmm … well if it’ll help to cheer you up some, sure. I … I know things have been rough for you.”

 “We’ll be out in London for at least three hours though,” says … eh, Jamie? “Are you sure you’ll be alright for that long? Erm … Marie told me that you’ve had an operation.”

 “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I … I’m healing pretty well, thanks.”

 “Okay, cool.” Marie nods, and then chuckles. “You should change out of your PJs first though.”

 “Yeah, come in … and I’ll ge’ ready quick style.” And … I should get my money … and that backpack. I … I’m gonna’ need it.

\-----------

 Fuck … what am I thinking? They dropped me off in Whitechapel, thinking my friend’s house is only a short walk from there. I … I feel bad for lying, but … I need a fix … of something, anything. I … I can’t help myself.

 My … my old dealer should be around here .... I … I’ve got enough money on me, from my scythe cleaning business, to get … absolutely wrecked. I … I don’t think I’ll be getting home tonight in one piece … and I don’t even have it in me to give a shit. I’m going fucking … crazy here ….

 I must have … a screw loose to … be doing this again ....

\-------

***4.05pm***

 Ugh … I couldn’t find my dealer anywhere – he must have been arrested, or … shot, or something. And Marie is picking me up at five. What time is it now? I check my phone – “Fuck.”

 I need to get back to the place where they dropped me off by then … and I’m empty handed. Oh … wait, there’s a chemist close by, and a … newsagents that doesn’t ask for ID. Well … they never used to, when I used them before.

 The chemist will … have something with codeine in. W … what was it? Co-codamol? Yeah … they’re pretty weak, but … I’ve tried them before, before I got on Heroin, and … they do make me drowsy. And they never bother to ask for ID … they just ask how old you are.

 W … what age was it to buy codeine products? Sixteen? Or … eighteen? Eh … I’ll say eighteen anyway. I … I can get away with it. The … the bit of stubble on my face helps ....

\-------

***5.10pm***

 “Ugh ….” I’ve just checked my phone clock, and they’re late. I … I really need to get home. I … I have a bottle of vodka and some weak ass painkillers to get through. Hmm … there’s thirty two in the pack, but … but I’m not suicidal, so –

 Or … or am I?

 “Ronnie!” Marie hurries over to me. “Sorry we’re late.

 “It’s okay,” I say, but really, I could have been half way through the vodka by now if they’d have been on time.

 “How was it with your friend?”

 “Yeah, yeah, was nice ta’ catch up,” I lie, giving her a fake grin.

 “And … you’re not in too much pain, are you? I … I know you still have some healing to do on the inside.”

 “I’m fine, thanks.” Hah, yeah, the inside ….

 Fuck ….

\---------

***5.15pm***

 I … I’m so excited for this. I shouldn’t be … but I am. I’ve just changed back into my PJs, and … I can’t fucking wait for the pain to be gone. I … I can just sleep the day away, again. Fucking bliss!

 And … and I need to make sure Will doesn’t find the bottle or the pack of pills. He ... he’d be so pissed.

\--------

***5.57pm***

 Hah … this is amazing … I’m so pissed … and … and out of it. “Haha.” I fall under the covers, vodka sloshing around in the bottle. “M … more p-pills ….” If I finish … off the packet, I’ll be … knocked out for a week – great! Hah … I’m off my fucking rocker, I swear to God.

 Well … down they go! Erk … they taste like shit ….

 I glug the last of the vodka down, leaning off the bed to hide the evidence under it. Will will be none the wiser … I hope. Oh man … I feel so fucked, so … so tired. Sleep is nearly here, finally!

\-------

***7.30pm***

 W … what’s going on? I roll over, my head pounding, body heavy as hell. I … I don’t feel so – what … what happened? “Urgh ….”

 Oh … oh shit, no. I … I’m gonna’ puke. T … this is isn’t what I wanted …. Fuck!


	78. William. You silly little boy.

***8.03pm***

 “Ronald, what the heck?!” I can smell vomit in the air … see his tear stained face. He … he is … pale, ghostly white. The operation …. “Y … your stomach, does it hurt?”

 He squeezes his eyes shut, and nods, gripping onto the edge of the bed.

 Oh no …. If … if he is being sick, if he is in pain – complications ...?

 I move closer to him, and – wait …. “H … have you been drinking?”

 “N … na ….”

 “Yes you have – I can smell it on your breath.”

 He shakes his head, trying to deny it. But … but why must he lie to me like this? Why must he lie when the truth is so obvious? He plays me like a fool ….

 I am no fool.

 “Honestly, when will these lies, the hiding of things end?” I give him a glare before looking around the room. “You reek of the putrid stuff. No wonder you’re feeling sick.” Ah … I can see it, the bottle peeking out from under the bed. I bend down, avoiding the horrid patch of vomit. “I thought we were over you abusing sub -.” I freeze, seeing the item next to the vodka bottle. Where ... where did he get – “R-Ronald, no ….”

 And I scramble, grabbing the packet of tablets, ripping the plastic strips out of the box. Empty … completely empty. No … no, he … he didn’t ….

 “R-Ronald … tell me … you didn’t take all of these … tablets.”

 “I’m … s-sorry, Will, I -.”

 “Do you have a death wish?!” Rage surges through me, my heart beginning to thump loudly in my chest. That … that idiot! “What were you thinking?!”

 “I -.”

 “Were you even thinking at all?” The tears are coming to my eyes; there is no stopping them. “D … did you want me … to find you dead in bed?”

 “I’m sorry!”

 “You don’t mean that!” I stand up, grabbing a hold of his arm. “Hospital, now!”

 He tugs against me, shaking his head. “I … I … don’t wanna’.”

 “I beg your pardon?”

 “It’s … horrible … there. Wanna’ … stay here.”

 “You have got to be kidding me!” I bark at him, my grip tightening. “Don’t you realise that these tablets could … could kill you?!”

 “W … wha’?”

 “T … they could … cause your liver to fail.” I wipe at my eyes with the fingers of my spare hand. I … I just hope that he has … thrown up most of the tablets. Or … it … it could be too late …. “Y-you silly little boy.”

 He dissolves into sobs, and I force myself to swallow down my own. Without another word, I lift him up into my arms and port us both to the hospital. I … I can’t go through his again, worrying that I may lose him, wondering what will become of him …. It … it is too painful.

 W … what if I am no good for him? What if, for all I have done, he needs someone better?

 His mother, and his family –

 Maybe I am not enough ….

 

 

 What if … I never was?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Please?


	79. Ronald. Back at the hospital.

 The … the hospital room’s spinning … and my stomach really aches. I … I don’t know if the dizziness is from the alcohol … the pills … or just from being so dehydrated from … all the throwing up. “Urgh ….”

 “Ronald, are you alright? Do … do you feel sick again?” I feel Wil squeeze my hand, and when I look at him, he … he looks so worried. I … I feel really bad.

 “N … no, I’m … alright.”

 The staff here were gonna’ … pump my stomach, but then they saw that I was throwing up bile, so … they decided that it was pointless. Ugh … what a mess ….

 The doctor comes in … and over to the bed – he … he looks pissed. “Mr Knox.”

 “Y … yeah?” He always calls me that. That must be my last name – it’s so weird to hear it, because I never thought that I had a last name before. But … if anyone would know my full name, it’d be reapers, I think. Ronald Knox – it’s not a bad name, I guess. It … must have come from my parents, obvs, but … they’re dead – I’ve always been told I’m an orphan … so that surname means nothing … really.

 “We really do not have time for your stupidity. Our services are intended for reapers injured on duty, and for those with actual problems. I haven’t the patience for a selfish, immature brat.”

 Ouch …. It … it hurts, but he does have a point ….

 “How ironic,” Will mutters, but I think the doctor heard it too. I … I don’t understand – what’s … ironic about that? “So what are you going to do for him? You cannot refuse him treatment, and you know it.”

 The doctor lets out a grunt – he … really doesn’t wanna’ treat me, and I can’t blame him. I … I’m just a waste of space. “We will have to test his blood to find the paracetamol levels in it, and then we will take it from there.”

 “Then hurry up and do it.”

 “Not yet. Mr Knox has stated that he took the last of the tablets at around six o’clock.”

 “I … I think so, yeah,” I say – my throat is … so fucking sore from all the puking.

 “We have to wait four hours before testing. Otherwise, the results will not be accurate.”

 “So there is nothing you can do for him at present?” Will asks.

 “IV fluids to replace what has been lost from his vomiting, but nothing more.”

\---------------

***10.35pm***

 The … blood test has been taken, and we’re waiting for the results now. Will’s been … really quiet – he … he’s probably really mad at me. “I … I know about the painkillers,” he whispers.

 “W … wha’?” I know he knows about tonight? He … he saw the packet.

 He looks at me, his hand squeezing mine. “The painkillers from the hospital. I … knew that you were taking too many.”

 I … I kinda’ knew that …. “O … okay ….”

 “No! No, it is not okay!” Oh … oh, shit, he’s crying again ….

 “Will -.”

 “Why … why didn’t you just talk to me?! Why … must you continually lie to me? Hide things from me?”

 “I … I didn’t … know how -.”

 “Stop lying to me!” He … he’s getting really angry …. “You just … don’t care. As … long as you can get your fix, you … you don’t care who you hurt.”

 “That’s not true.” The tears are coming again. “I … I was hurtin’, Will, I … I wasn’t -.”

 “Oh really?” He’s … glaring right at me. “Then tell me, how did you acquire the pills, the alcohol? Did … did you convince Alan to get you the pills? Did … did you wrap Eric around your little finger? Ronald, tell me! Who … who did you manipulate?!”

 My throat closes up. I don’t know what to say – he … he’s right ….

 “Ronald, for goodness sake, tell me!”

 I gulp. Fuck …. “M … Marie.”

 “Marie?” He frowns deeply. “W … what do you mean?”

 “H … her boyfriend was goin’ ta’ … London wi’ her … so -.”

 “So you tagged along, took advantage.”

 I sniff loudly. “I … I said I wanted ta’ visit … a friend.”

 “I … I can’t believe ….” Will shakes his head. “This … this has to end, Ronald. If I … weren’t a reaper, I’d have had a heart attack by … now.”

 “I … I’m sorry, I -.”

 “Were you trying to kill yourself?! Were you … struggling that much … and … I didn’t notice?”

 Don’t … don’t start … blubbering, Ronnie …. Shit … this is a mess, a complete mess …. “I … I don’t think so …. I … I jus’ wanted ta’ … sleep for a good while, forget … everythin’.”

 “T … there is little difference between that and … wanting to die.” He doesn’t start shouting like I was expecting. He just pulls me to the side of the bed, hugging me tightly. Fuck … I’ve never seen him cry like this. He … he’s really upset. And … I’m being squeezed really tightly. It … it’s like he doesn’t wanna’ let me go, no … matter how much I’ve fucked things up.

 It … it’s making me cry harder too. “I’m … jus’ so … miserable … Will.”

 “And … I … I don’t k-know how to help you! Ronald … please, t … tell me what … I can do. I … I need to be able to help you. I … hate to see you … in this state, I ….” He breaks off into cries, burying his face in my neck.

 Fuck … what have I done? He’s … in a right … state, and … and it’s all my fault. I … I need to … sort myself out, I really … really do ….

 Or … I’m gonna’ end up … destroying his life too, I know I will ….

\----------

***10.58pm***

 Will’s just resting his head on me – he looks so … so tired. But with all the shit … I’ve put him through, I shouldn’t be surprised. The odd sniffs I can hear from him – they’re making me feel worse. I should … have just talked to him, told him that I was struggling with cravings.

 I’ve … been a cunt to him, pushed him away. And I know … that my little girl … is never coming back, but … when I really think about it, I … don’t want to lose Will too. He … he’s given me everything … and all I’ve done so far is … throw it back in his face.

 But … not anymore. I …. I’ve had a tough life – it … it’s time I start trying to live it … to the full.

 Try –

 Shit – I … I just hope my liver isn’t screwed.

 It’d break Will’s heart. He … he loves me so much – I get that now ….

\-------

***11.36pm***

 “W-what … is the news?” Will asks when he sees the doctor coming back into the room.

 It … it’s gonna’ be bad, I know it is – I … I feel … like absolute shit. I … feel like I’m fucking dying ….

 “The levels in his blood are unlikely to cause any lasting damage.” He looks right at me. “You were lucky, Mr Knox. It seems that the vomiting helped you greatly.”

 What? R … really? I’m not dying? It … it must be the codeine and … a weird kinda’ hangover then ….

 “T … thank goodness for that.” I get a kiss on the cheek from Will. “So … what now? Can Ronald return home?”

 I hear the doctor sigh loudly. “I shall get the discharge papers and then you can both get out of my sight. And Mr Knox.”

 “Y … yeah?”

 “I never want to see you back here. Do I make myself clear?”

 I nod slowly. “Y’ … won’t, I promise ….”

 No more … pills. I can’t handle … feeling this shit again ….

 I really, really fucked up tonight ….


	80. Ronald. But I still have my friends.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was only supposed to be the start of the next chapter for postage tomorrow ... but it got so long ....  
> So here you go, two chapters for today :)

***12.06am***

 We haven’t long got home … and I’m on the sofa, trying to keep my eyes open while Will cleans up the mess in the bedroom and changes the sheets. He … he’s gonna’ wanna’ talk to me … about everything, I know he is.

 I … I wanna’ talk to him too – I think we need it.

 There’s a glass of water on the side – the doctor told Will, before we left the hospital, to make sure that I get a lot of fluids. It’ll help wash out the toxins, the booze from my system, or something like that.

 Meh … I … I really don’t think I can … stomach anything at the minute. I feel all foggy headed, and my stomach just keeps rolling over. It … serves me right, I guess.

 B … but I know I have to drink it. It’s time I start looking after myself. I … I’m lucky to be alive – I mean, I lost a fuck tonne of blood … during the m-miscarriage. And … the Heroin should have done me in months ago. It … it’s only because of Will, both times, that I’m here. He … took me away from the drug; he gave me his own blood.

 I kept saying that I only got clean for my little girl … but really, looking back now, that wasn’t true. It wasn’t just for her, not really. I … I wanted to get out of the hellhole I was in. The selling myself, the highs and lows of … the Heroin addiction – I wanted it all to end. And then Will came along … and it was so hard at first, there were so many fucking … highs and lows, mostly lows, but … I got there in the end.

 I … recovered, I bettered myself … all because I wanted to. It wasn’t just for her – I wanted a steady job for myself – I needed to be something more. And I did it, I made it … for the shortest amount of time.

 I had a setback – a horrible, fucking tragic setback, and … and I don’t know if I’ll ever be properly over it. Like, do … do you ever get over … losing a child? I … I don’t fucking think so, but … I know that I have to pull myself together.

 It’s … gonna’ take a hell of a long time, but I … I have to try to come to terms with this. She … she’s not coming back ….

 It’s just me … and Will now –

 No, no! I have Alan and Eric too, and I’ll always have them. I even told Will this, for fuck’s sake! When he was missing his wife, I said that he … he still had great people around him. “Gah!” Fucking hell … I need to learn to stand by my own advice. I laugh bitterly …. “Hah, idiot!” I … I am an idiot. I still have so much in my life. It … might feel like it, but really, I haven’t lost EVERYTHING. Not at all … not by a long shot.

 And fucking hell … Al means the world to me – he … he’s so fucking sweet. Eric too; he’s a right laugh.

 Then there’s Grell, who’ll always be there for me when I really need her.

 And Will – I … really love him, even … if I have made things rough … for our relationship recently.

 A tear runs down my check, and I wipe it away quickly. I … I could have lost them all tonight. Those pills and that alcohol – I could have died tonight, and I’d have never seen them again. Was a high really worth that risk?

 “F … fuck no ….”

 I glance over at the water again, and my stomach lurches. “Ugh ….”

 Small sips, Ronnie, small sips. You won’t feel so sick tomorrow if you do what the doctor says. The water will help. Yeah … it will, of course it will.

 I reach over, my vision blurring a little. It passes quickly, and I grab the glass, pushing myself up to sit. And I take a sip –

 Hey … that wasn’t so bad. I think I can finish off this glass. Yeah … easy.


	81. Ronald. Honesty.

***12.18am***

 “Hmm … wha’?” Did … I fall asleep?

 Hmm … someone’s carrying me. Oh … it’s Will, I can tell … by his voice. “It is time for bed, Ronald. I cleaned up the room as best I could.”

 His … voice is shaking. He … he’s still really upset …. Oh, but – “I … I drank all tha’ … water, Will.” Fuck … I’m so tired, I can barely get my words out.

 “I know, I noticed.” He pauses, before saying “I am proud of you for that.”

 “Y’ … y’ are?” I rest my head against his shoulder as we leave the living room. “It … it’s only a bit … of water.”

 “Yes, but I know that you’re not feeling so well. It is hard to stomach even water … when your stomach hurts.”

 “Hmm ….”

\--------

 He … he did a really good job of cleaning up in here – I … can’t smell any puke at all. Hmm … is that vanilla air freshener? It’s … so nice ….

 And the bed is so comfortable with … the new quilt on and stuff – way better than the shitty hospital beds. He pulls the cover up, and gives me a proper tender kiss to the head. Wait … was that water splashing on my cheek?

 I open my eyes, and see him – fuck … he’s crying again. “Will … babe, don’t be … upset -.”

 “How … how is that possible?” I hear him gulp. He’s in the bed at my side quickly, and I’m pulled into a gentle hug. He … he’s being so tender … and I love this side of him. I … don’t see it often, and … and I just wish it didn’t come with a side of tears right now ….

 He keeps cuddling me, pulling me closer each time he pecks me on the head, the cheek, wherever he can reach. This isn’t … like Will at all – is … is he having a breakdown or … or something? With all I’ve put him through, has he finally cracked?

 “Ronald … you … you didn’t answer my question.”

 “I did …. I said … I didn’t know how ta’ tell y’ -.”

 “No … no, not that. What … what am I … doing wrong?”

 I pull back to look at him – oh shit … his eyes are all bloodshot. Will, no, I don’t want to see you in this state. It … it’s all my fucking fault …. “Y’ … y’ve done nothin’ wrong, babe.”

 “Of course I have! If … I had have been a better partner, you … you wouldn’t have done what you did.”

 “Don’t be daft.” I sniff, snuggling back against him. “Y’ve … given me everythin’ I’ve … ever wanted.”

 “No. You don’t … have to be a genius to realise that our … relationship has not been great … since the miscarriage.”

 “But tha’ wasn’t y’ fault. I was asleep … for days because … of the hospital pills … and then I was cranky because I couldn’t sleep. I … took it out on y’ … and it wasn’t fair. No … wonder we’ve grown apart a bit – we’ve spent no … quality time together.”

 “Yes … but I snapped at you … too much also. I tried to push you to feel better before you were ready – I … I lack patience.”

 I gulp … and nod. “Sometimes … y’ do, yeah, but … I’ve tested y’ patience way … too much since I’ve been here. Y’ only try ta’ help me … and I tend ta’ throw it back in y’ face.”

 “No, no, you were struggling.” He sighs loudly. “Just tell me this – what can I do to improve? How … do I stop tonight … from happening again? Do I need to be gentler with you? Do … you need more affection, more hugs and kisses?”

 “That’d … be nice, yeah.” But … that’s not the main issue with me … is it? I sigh – maybe I shouldn’t say this. No! He’s being proper open with me on this – I need to do the same. “Umm … I need ta’ be able ta’ … talk ta’ y’.”

 “What do you mean?”

 “My baby … and the pills – I couldn’t tell … y’ because I thought y’d be mad. I’m scared … of how y’re gonna’ react sometimes.” I swallow thickly. “Uh, y’re … not so easy ta’ talk ta’.”

 Ah, shit … I can see the hurt crossing over his face. He … he’s gonna’ start blaming himself again ….

 “I … I understand.” Oh … he just kissed my cheek again …. “I have said before that the pregnancy news would not have angered me …. It would have … merely shocked me. You can … talk to me, Ronald, please understand … that I would rather you tell me something upsetting than – I … can’t take coming home and being horrified by what I find. Tell me … before that has to happen. Please … be honest with me.”

 “I … I will, I promise.”

 His hand runs through the hair on the back of my head – fuck … that feels nice.

 “And … if you are ever struggling with cravings, and you cannot find it … in you to speak to me, at least ask Alan or Eric for help. I … need you to … be alive, Ronald, please -.”

 “No, I’ll … I’ll talk ta’ y’, I mean it.”

 “Thank you. H … how are you feeling … now?”

 “Better, actually. Everythin’ is … out in tha’ open, and … it … helps, it really does.”

 “G-good.”

 “I’ll … be okay. It … it’ll take time for … me ta’ come ta’ terms wi’ what’s happened … but it’ll ge’ better. I still … ‘ave y’ … and my friends.”

 “You do ….” W-was that a smile? “You’ll always have me, Ronald.”

 “A-awesome.”

 “We should get some sleep – it has been a rough night.”

 “Hmm … can y’ keep playin’ wi’ my hair? I … I really like it.”

 “If it will help you sleep, of course.”

\----------

***12.34am***

 I’m … really starting to doze off now …. “Hn, Will?”

 “Yes?”

 “Y’ve … really gotten better, y’ know tha’?”

 “Pardon?”

 I smile and press myself closer to him – he’s so warm …. “Remember at tha’ start when … I wanted ta’ sleep in y’ bed … and y’ were really arsy ‘bout it?”

 “I think so, yes?”

 “Well … y’re not like tha’ now. Y’ haven’t been a cold, nasty arse for a while now.” I hear him chuckle, and it makes me smile too.

 “I … I’ll take that as a compliment. Thank you.”


	82. Ronald. X-men.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoop! Just hit a million words on my ao3 stat page! Yes!

 “Urgh ….”

 “Are you alright?” I hear Will’s voice close to my ear – he’s still got me in a gentle hold.

 “Tummy … ache.”

 “It will right itself in time – just give it a day or so.”

 “Yeah … y’re right.” It’s pretty light in this room now, even with the lamp on. “It’s … mornin’, right?”

 “Eight o’clock, almost.”

 My eyes open, and I stare at him. “Y’re … gonna’ be late for work if -.”

 “I can rush around at around half passed.” His fingers stroke through my hair again … mmmm …. “I would rather spend the morning in bed with you.” Aww … that’s so sweet.

 “Thanks … babe. Uh … are y’ gonna’ tell Al and Eric … ‘bout all of this?”

 “I think it would be best. They spend a lot of time with you when I am not able, so I think they should know that you are struggling. Still, the choice is up to you in the end.”

 “I’d … like y’ ta’ tell them.” That way … I won’t have to ….

\--------

***8.40am***

 “Do you think you will be able to stomach breakfast?” Will asks as he watches me from the foot of the bed.

 “Jus’ … somethin’ small, I think.”

 “A few rounds of dry toast?”

 “Yeah.” I give him a small smile. “Sounds decent.”

\--------

***2.50pm***

 I managed the toast, and a glass of water, but … it really made my stomach ache worse.

 Will came home from work on his dinner hour, and spent the time cuddling me. It … it was really nice.

 Oh … and Eric came round here after that. I got a lecture from him – I thought that was Will’s job?

 But … I understand – he’s worried about me, and pissed because the news upset Al. Like … if someone said or did something to upset me, I know that Will would be fucking furious.

 But he didn’t stay mad for long, bless him, and he brought some Blu-rays with him. You know, so I have something to keep me occupied when no one’s around. I asked Will to buy me a Blu-ray player for ages, but he wouldn’t budge – he said there was no point because he didn’t watch the TV much. Well, that was the first thing I brought myself with the money I made from the scythe cleaning business. My opinion? Money well spent.

 Hmm, so what have we got here? Kung Fu Panda? Na. Gremlins? Shit … that thing looks ancient …. Next. Ohh … X-men. Eric said that this one was good when he handed the stack over to me. Hm, yeah, I’ll go with that.

 T ... this is actually helping … a little bit. It beats moping … around in bed, anyway, that’s for sure.

\-------

***3.45pm***

 This film is pretty good, to be fair, but ouch … when that guy’s metal claws come through; must be fucking painful. Oh … and why are all the main characters old men? Hah … the most uncool heroes/villains in the world, if you ask me.

 Well … the stomach ache’s not so bad now, so that’s good. Hopefully I won’t feel it at all by tomorrow and –

 Oh, the door’s knocking again. I dunno’ who that is – maybe Grell? Na … she texted me to say she’s coming over tonight, so it can’t be her. Hmm ….

\--------

 “So you lied to me?!” Marie’s pissed … proper pissed. Apparently she found out from Al that I was ill, and well, from what I told her, she … pieced the rest of it together.

 “Uh … yeah.” I gulp. “But I wasn’t thinkin’ -.”

 “Oh really?! I’m sure you were thinking enough to realise that you weren’t actually going to your mate’s!”

 “Yeah but -.”

 “But nothing!” She’s glaring daggers at me … shit. “You’re supposed to be my boss, and … and you used me!”

 “I’m sorry -.”

 “Oh, don’t even bother! I quit!”

 “No, don’t -.”

 “How am I supposed to trust you again?!” She storms from the room, shouting “loser” at me before I hear the door slam.

 “Fuck ….”

\---------

***4.30pm***

 Will, come on, pick up the fucking phone! I … I’ve been ringing for like twenty minutes now. What’s the hold up?!

 “Come on, come on -.”

 “Hello?”

 I sigh in relief when I hear his voice. “Will, I … I need y’ ta’ port me over ta’ Marie’s.”

 “What? Why?”

 “S … she’s pissed off wi’ me … and she wants ta’ quit her job because -.”

 “Because of the overdose?”

 “Y-yeah ….”

 “Are you really surprised? You are supposed to be her boss, Ronald, and you took advantage. I am sure that she looked up to you – you should be the responsible one here -.”

 “Y’re not helpin’!” Ah … shit, he’s gone all quiet on me. “B-babe?”

 “Y … yes, you are quite right – I am not being supportive. W-what can I … do to help?”

 “I … I need y’ ta’ port me … over ta’ her place.”

 “Is that wise? I doubt she wants to see -.”

 “I … I know tha’! But … I … I need ta’ try ta’ make it up ta’ her.”

 “Make it up to her?”

 “Yeah … I need ta’ apologise.” I just hope it works …. “Can y’ port me over there now?”

 “Do you even know her address?”

 “Yeah, I dug out her old CV thing – it’s on there.”

 “I see.” I hear him sigh down the phone. “Still, I don’t think barging in on her is such a good idea. She probably would rather be left alone at present.”

 Fucking hell, not helpful! I grunt at him. “So wha’ do y’ suggest then?”

 “Write her a letter, or something, voicing your sincerest of apologies.”

 Eh … I’m not so sure. “Do y’ really think that’ll work?”

 “I do, yes. If you try to speak to her when she is angry, it will just cause a greater mess.”

 “Right … okay. I’ll try tha’ note thing then.”

 “And for goodness sake, Ronald, try to make it legible. I have seen your shocking attempts at handwriting.”

 I don’t know why, but that actually made me chuckle. “Alright, I’ll try.”

 “I shall see you later, okay?”

 “Yeah, alright, hurry back.”

 “Of course.”

\--------

 Okay … so I slipped the note through the letter box. Now … I’m just waiting for a reply, if I even get one. Fuck … I really hope I don’t lose a friend over this.

 And just when I … thought things were starting to improve.

 Great ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, I'm going to be working on a Halloween special, so I'll be back to this story Tuesday (along with my main mpreg story and Halflinks), if not earlier. So, as a parting gift, I wanna' know your predictions for this fic, both short and long term. 
> 
> Ready, steady, go!
> 
> Oh but the next chapter will be cute af! Something to look forward to ;)


	83. William. 'Romance'?

***Wednesday 5th April***

 Just before I headed to work this morning, Ronald received a phone call from Marie. She asked him to come speak to her face to face at her home, so I ported Ronald there, wishing him well.

 I have just received a phone call from him, during my lunch break, and I couldn’t be happier with the news I received. Marie has forgiven him, and has agreed to return to work. It appears, at least to me, that she was hurt … and extremely worried, but deep down, she did not really hate him. She loves him dearly, and cares for him immensely, as do we all.

 Honestly, I am so glad that the two of them have made up. I … I could see Ronald going further downhill if he had lost a friend. Hopefully, from here on out, things will improve for him, for us both. But still, I do worry … what will happen to him … when he discovers that Alan is ill, terminally ill ….

 I fear that he … may crumble … without Alan there at his side.

 Oh dear ….

 I am beginning to wonder if … the human world, if being with his parents is … what he truly does need ….

 No! I … I cannot think about this at present. I must collect Ronald from Marie’s … and port him … home.

\------------

***5.10pm***

 I have just returned home, having had an odd conversation with Eric before my departure from work. He … said that I need to treat Ronald more; take him outside, go out … on dates. I do understand exactly what he is saying – my partner cannot stay cooped up in the house. It … it will do his mind-set no good to be stuck inside … with his thoughts.

 And … maybe it would be nice to … take it him on a romantic date. I … I am not one for ‘sappiness’, but I do think that … Ronald will enjoy it.

 I will therefore book a table at a nice restaurant tomorrow, making sure that I am out of Ronald’s earshot when I do so. And … I am off of work tomorrow, so I … can spend the day ‘treating’ him. Honestly … I am going to have to have a good think about this – I really am not naturally ‘romantic’.

 I sit down next to him on the sofa, my eyes focusing on the movie he is watching. “Which film is this?”

 “Gremlins.” He flashes me a small grin. “It … it’s not so bad, actually – a bit weird, but wha’ever.”

 “Wonderful.” I take his hand into my own, patting it lightly. “How are you feeling?”

 “Good, yeah … I’m glad I’m back on speakin’ terms wi’ Marie.”

 I … I feel a ‘but’ coming on …. “How are you feeling in yourself though?”

 “Eh ….” His smile falls away, and I think I have made a mistake by asking …. “I’m … okay.”

 “Are you quite sure?”

 Horrible silence falls between us. And there goes my heart, beginning to race. “I … I felt … her move, y’ … know?”

 “P-pardon?”

 “My … little girl, not … long before I lost her. I … I jus’ thought I’d tell y’ … tha’.”

 “Oh … I see.” I … I really do not know how to reply to that. “H-how … did that … feel?”

 “Nice .… I … I miss it. It’s hard ta’ … explain … but it was like … a flutterin' feelin'.” He moves my hand onto his stomach, and shifts it around a little. “Erm … it was right … here.”

 “I … I see. Umm … would I have been … able to feel it?”

 “Through my stomach? Na … I don’t think so – it was pretty light.”

 “Oh. I … I would have liked to … have felt it.”

 “I … I would ‘ave liked tha’ too.” He sighs loudly. “I … miss her.”

 I hear a sniff, and my heart sinks. No … no, don’t cry.

 “I love her so … so much, Will.”

 “I … I know.” As he dissolves into tears, I pull him closer, nuzzling my cheek against the side of his head. “But … you already know that it … is perfectly fine to miss someone – you have told me that yourself.”

 “Y-yeah ….”

 “And we will … get through this together, I promise you.”

 “I … I know we will, I really … do.”

 I nod against him. You just wait, Ronald. Tomorrow, I will show you how … strong we can be together ….

 No … no, how strong we ARE together ….

\------------

***Thursday 6th***

***9.50am***

 Right … be … romantic, be romantic. I let Ronald sleep in, as I felt he needed it – he was still in a rather bad mood last night before we fell into slumber. But apart from that, what can I do … to truly be romantic? I have given him breakfast in bed before, and I know that his stomach ache has passed, so I can treat him to something rather sweet – no!

 That … that isn’t enough ….

 Think, William, think.

\---------

 Heart shaped pancakes …. Honestly, William, this is the epitome of sappy. Well, if it cheers Ronald up, it is worth the cringe.

 I take the breakfast tray upstairs, and see that Ronald is beginning to wake, small hums and grunts coming from him. Definitely not a morning person, and he probably never will be. “Ronald, wake up.”

 “Hn … w-wha’?”

 “Are you hungry?”

 “Nmmm … I guess ….”

 “Well I have brought you some breakfast.”

 Ah … that certainly caught his attention, for he shoots up in bed. It is good to see that he is regaining his appetite. “Gimme!”

 “Ronald.” I lift an eyebrow.

 “Oh … right.” He rubs at his eyes. “Please.”

 I smile, placing the tray down on his lap. He stares down at it before looking up at me, pulling a face. “Hah, hearts …. I didn’t think y’ knew how ta’ do cute.”

 “Uh, I didn’t either. Umm, do you like it at least?”

 “Yeah.” He gives me a smile. “It’s proper sweet, babe. It’s really … brightened up my mornin' – eh, it’s still mornin', right?”

 “Yes, and it is not even close to noon, in fact.”

\----------

 The pancakes went down a treat, and … it is time for … my next ‘treat’. Oh … I am not sure about this one, but … I think/hope that … it will be just fine.

 I come back into the bedroom, and see that he is relaxing against the pillow. I swallow thickly. “Ronald, I have run you a bath.”

 He sits up, and gives me a small smile. “Am I gettin’ ‘smelly’ again?”

 “Oh … no, no, you smell … acceptable.” Oh … dear, I cringe. That was indeed awkward. “I just thought that you would enjoy the warmth … and comfort a bath can provide.”

 “Aww.”

 “So … should we go to the bathroom?”

 Silence – he stares at me. “W-we?”

 “Uh … I ….”

 “Y’ wanna’ take a bath wi’ me?”

 “That … was the idea.”

 “Y’ wanna’ see me naked then, eh?” He winks at me, and I feel my cheeks flush.

 No, no, I still … am not a fan of nude forms. “No, but … we would both … have to be naked, for the bath, would we not?” Oh dear … that sounded like a sleazy pick up line ….

 “True, very true.”

 “Y-yes.”

 “Well … tha’ bath is gettin’ cold ….”

 “Oh … oh right, of course.”

\----------

 This is indeed odd, being completely bare in each other’s presence. But … as awkward as I feel, it is not a horrible experience. As he settles between my open legs in the water, and leans his back against my chest, I begin to relax. The skin on skin contact, in a non-sexual manner, really is lovely.

 “Hmm, Will … this is so nice.”

 “It really is.” I wrap my arms around him, resting my chin on his shoulder. But still, something is bothering me. “Y-you … have lost quite a bit of … weight, haven’t you.” I hear him gulp and quickly add “n … not that I am mad … at you for it, I … I understand.”

 “Hn ….” He sighs. “It’ll … go back on, it has before. Don’t forget tha’ I love y’ cookin’ … and Al’s bakin’.”

 “You do have a point there.” And once again, I am reminded of Alan, and … his impending doom ….

 “So, are y’ gonna’ wash me?”

 “Pardon?”

 “Hmm … I wanna’ know how good y’ are wi’ y’ sponge action.” A small chuckle comes from him.

 “Would you like that?”

 “Yeah, it’d be sweet.”

 “Then I shall – but you can do below the belt.”

\------------

 We’re lying on the bed now, and our damp hair is going to require a pillowcase change, but I refuse to say anything. Today, I will not complain, and I shall not nag.

 My fingers run through the troublesome locks, and I have learnt from recent experiences that he does enjoy me playing with his hair.

 “Mmmm ….”

 “We should go and do something, Ronald, or you may be asleep in a moment.”

 “Hmm … okay, but wha’?”

 “Well … do you have any more of Eric’s films that you have not yet had chance to watch?”

 “Nope, seen them all now. He didn’t bring over tha’ many ta’ be fair.”

 Oh – oh! Wait … that brings me a good idea. “We could go into town … and find something new to watch.”

 “D-does … tha’ reaper realm ‘ave tha’ same DVDs and stuff as tha’ human world then?”

 “We have our ways, yes.” I pull my hand away from him, reluctantly, as Lord, his hair really is so soft nowadays. I really did love lathering it in shampoo earlier, as did he. The hums he was making – pure contentment. “Are you up for going out?”

 “Y-yeah … doesn’t sound bad.”

 Excellent. I DO have a chance then of taking him out for a romantic meal also ….

\------------

***6.05pm***

 My bank account took a bashing at the store, but it was well worth it to see Ronald enjoying watching a couple of films out of the vast collection that we brought home with us.

 I am actually glad that I am about to tell him we are leaving for a meal in a moment, for this ‘Frozen’ film truly is awful. So … so much irritating singing.

 I reach over, grabbing the remote and pausing the poor animated performance. Ronald glances at me, obviously confused. “Will?”

 “Get ready. We are due to head out soon.”

 “Eh? Why?”

 “I have made plans.”

 “Oh ….” He nods slowly. “Does Eric ‘ave a game’s night on or somethin’?”

 “No, plans for just the two of us.” Silence fills the room, and I know he is dying to begin to sing that cheesy ‘just the two of us’ song. “I have booked us a table at an American style diner.” I know that he loves cheeseburgers, and other American type foods.

 “Oh, yeah, sure.”

 He doesn’t sound so keen …. “Umm, we … don’t have to if you are not … feeling up to it.”

 “No, no, I am.” When he says this … I realise that he is too trying to … get better. “I still jus’ … don’t ‘ave much of an appetite. I don’t … know if I’ll be able ta’ eat it all, or … even enjoy it.”

 “I see.”

 “Sorry ….”

 But I am not giving up that easily. “It seems that someone will have to order off of the children’s menu.”

 “Hah … yeah, tha’ might work.” He stands up from the couch. “I’ll go ge’ ready then.”

 “Me also.”

\--------

***9.15pm***

 So … the diner was not exactly a setting that could be ‘romantic’, but we did have a lovely time nonetheless. Ronald didn’t have a main meal, instead going straight for a bucket-sized ice cream dessert. I am not complaining; a large source of calories, in any form, is a good thing for someone who needs to gain weight.

 And honestly, the food was not to my taste, but it was worth it. I … I do feel that we have rekindled our relationship … at least a little.

 “Oh man … I’m proper full.” Ronald stretches out on the couch, his head on my lap.

 “You seem tired also.”

 “Yeah, it’s been a full day, y’ know?”

 “I do. Should we have an early night?”

 He smiles up at me, and I can tell, from the shine in his eyes, that it is a genuine curve of the lips. “Yeah, I’d really like tha’. Cuddles, right?”

 I smile back; a small smile. “Yes, of course.”

 Eric’s advice seems to be working, and working rather well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now to reply to all the comments - I have like ten. I've really sucked at replying recently. Sorry!


	84. Side story: Chapter Ten. Choices. Alan/Eric.

 “No!” Eric threw his hands up in the air. “Ah … ah won’t do that!”

 Grell raised an eyebrow. “But why not, Darling? You said that you would heal Alan no matter what, yet you won’t even ask him about becoming a reaper?”

 “He … he wouldn’t want that. He wouldn’t … cope with watching people die. It’s not in his nature – he’s too sweet for that.”

 “I doubt many humans want to watch people die, yet here reapers are. They cope with it every day, Darling.”

 Eric shook his head. “It … wouldn’t work. Even if ah told Al about this, he’d never agree. He’s … f-fine with dying.”

 “You don’t really believe that, do you?” She placed a hand on her hip. “Alan just wants the pain to end – that’s different from actually wanting to die.” Eric went to say something, but she cut him off. “Becoming a reaper fulfils both wishes. Life continues, but the sickness and pain ends.”

 “Grell, babe, no -.”

 “Let me speak to him. I’ll show you that I’m correct in this.”

 “NO! Don’t yer dare -.”

 “I’m not going to tell him about becoming a reaper, Honey, don’t you worry. Just let me show him how he could look without those awful bags under his eyes.”

 “W … what do yer mean?”

 “Isn’t it obvious? He’s due a makeover.”

\-------

 “M … makeup?” Alan shook his head weakly. “I … I don’t think that is such a good idea.”

 “But why not? Don’t you want to know how you’d look as a well man?”

 “No … because … I am not a well man, so what is the point?”

 “THAT is the point. Don’t you wish to see what could have been?”

 “Hmm ….”

 “Come on, sweetie, let me do something with those dreadful sunken cheeks of yours. They really are beginning to get on my nerves.”

 The brunette sighed softly. “O-okay …. It is not like … I can stop you anyway.”

\--------

 “God … Al, yer look amazing.” Eric gasped, seeing the lack of pale, sunken skin on Alan’s face.

 “You do look fabulous.” Grell agreed. “And so healthy too.”

 “Healthy? I … I do?” Alan’s eyes widened. “Eric … bring … the mirror over.”

 As soon as Alan caught sight of his reflection, his mouth dropped out. “W … wow …. I … I never realised I … I could look … this good.” With a sniff, he put his hand up to his mouth.

 “Al … babe, please don’t cry.” But it was too late; the brunette had already dissolved into sobs.

 “Eric’s right.” Grell said. “If you cry, you’ll ruin all of my hard work.”

 Eric pulled the covers back and lay in the bed next to his partner, pulling him into a gentle hug. “Ah … ah think we need some time alone.”

\---------

 With Grell having left the room, Eric ran his fingers through Alan’s hair. “Yer alright?”

 The human shifted closer to Eric. “T … this is like a dream … come true. I’ve always wondered, always wanted to know how … I would look if … I were not plagued with this illness. Now … now I know … and it … it is so overwhelming.”

 Tears filled Eric’s eyes. “Y … yer do look wonderful. But … yer’ve always been beautiful tae me, no matter what.”

 Alan sniffed loudly. “But at … present, I … do actually … feel beautiful ….” A shaky, harsh breath left him. “I look normal … and that’s all I’ve ever wanted ….”

 “Normal?” Eric tried his best to smile. “Don’t give me … that, Al, normal isn’t good enough for yer.”

\-------

 A few days had passed, and it was now the 2nd of February. Eric returned home from work, pushing the door open to the bedroom slowly; he didn’t want to wake Alan if the small brunette was asleep. So, to check, he whispered “Al?”

 “H … hello.” Alan didn’t attempt to roll over.

 Instead of asking how Alan was feeling (the answer was obvious), the Scotsman asked “did Grell come over earlier?”

 “Hmm, yes, but … I was asleep … for most of … the visit.” He sighed loudly. “Eric?”

 “Aye?”

 “Y … you’ve told me … about your odd … tradition ….”

 “Which one?”

 “Valentine’s Day.”

 “Oh, what about it?”

 “D … do you … think I’ll make … it until then?”

 Eric gulped. He knew that Alan would hate to be filled with false hope, but still, he wasn’t sure how to word what he was going to say. “Ah … ah don’t know, Al, it’s two weeks away.”

 “Hmm. T … thank you for being … honest.”

 Eric said nothing, for he didn’t know what to say.

 “I … I’m chilly, Eric.”

 “Oh, right.” The blonde shifted over to the wardrobe, pulling a spare quilt from the top of it. Soon, the fabric was placed on top of the bed, and Eric had kicked his shoes off. He climbed in next to Alan, wrapping a gentle arm around him. “Better?”

 “Your … body heat works wonders. It … it makes the … extra sheet seem almost pointless.”

 “Nah, not really.” Eric shifted, tucking the two quilts in around them. “It keeps all my heat in.”

 “Hmm ….” Eric’s heart sank when his arm wrapped around his partner again, for he began to cough, and the reaper could feel the sick man’s chest rising and falling rapidly, the muscles struggling. A tear leaked down the blonde’s face.

 Alan took in a forced breath, trying to control the rapid breathing. He gasped again, before struggling to say “y … your heat … could even … keep my body warm … in death.”

 “Al!” Eric shouted – the words hurt, they really hurt him deeply. “Don’t … say shite like that. It … it’s not what ah want tae h-hear.”

 “I … only speak the … t-truth, Er -.” His words were cut off by a coughing fit.

 Panic rushed through the reaper, and he hurried to move again, helping Alan to sit up in bed. “Al … shite, ah … ah, oh shite.” This coughing fit was going to be awful – he could already tell.

\---------

 Eric mopped the drool and bile from the corners of Alan’s mouth with a shaky hand, his own breath shaky with upset. Alan had coughed so much that he’d vomited. “T … there we go … all better ….”

 The brunette looked at him through dazed eyes. “C … can I … lie back … down on my side now? T … things ache ….”

 “Yer m-mean yerr chest?”

 “And … my stomach – my head also ….” He let out a whimper. “Y … you know that … lying on my … back hurts my … ribs.”

 “Aye.” Eric dropped the cloth into the bin at the side of their bed and then wiped at his eyes. “Ah … ah know yer’re in … pain.”

 As they settled down in bed again, facing each other, another small whimper left the human. “E … Eric, I … I was wrong ….”

 “About what?”

 Tears leaked from the corners of his eyes, and he tried to hide his crying, squeezing them shut. “I … I don’t … want t-to d-die, Eric, I … I was … s-so wrong.”

 Pain swirled in Eric’s stomach. “Al ….”

 “I … I wish to … see Valentine’s Day. I … I want to carve p-pumpkins … at the end of October … and fill my stomach with … sweets, and … and fill a stocking … at Christmas time. I … need to experience this life … with you. T … the reaper realm … h-has truly brought me … true happiness.” He whimpered again. “I’m … too young to … die, Eric, and I … I don’t – I … I can’t go … now.”

 The lack of words from Eric was filled with struggling breaths, with sniff and hiccups. “Ah ….” _S-should I tell him? H … he’s begging for … a … a way out of this pain._ “Al … what if ah … told yer there was … a way tae … m-make it all better?”

 “I’d … say you have l-lost … your mind, Eric.”

 “No. Yer … yer could … be a reaper.”

 Alan’s eyes went wide. “L … like you?”

 “A … aye.”

 Alan gripped onto Eric’s shirt, using the little strength he could muster. “How? T-tell me how!”

 “Yer’re not … going tae like it ….”

 “I … I don’t care. Eric … I’d … jump at the chance to … spend … eternity with you. N … nothing would deter me … from that.”

 Eric swallowed thickly. _Here goes …._ “Yer … need tae … kill yerself.”

 “W … what?” The brunette stared at him in shock. “Is … that some … sort of sick, twisted joke?”

 “N-no. T … that’s the only way, Al.”

 “B … but the ultimate … sin ….”

 Eric sighed loudly. “Ah knew … yer’d say something like that.”

 “So … so you ….?”

 “Aye.”

 “Why?!”

 “That … doesn’t matter, Al, it’s in the past now. Ah’m … happier now, with yer.”

 More tears fell. “How … how are you … not in hell?”

 Alan’s words cut through Eric, but he pushed the hurt away. “It doesn’t … work like that. We … reap souls as … a way for God tae … forgive us for taking our … own life.”

 “So … so the … act is redeemable?”

 “A-aye ….”

 Words fell away for a while, Alan continuing to stare at his partner. Finally, he pulled his hands away. “I … I’ll do it.”

 “A-are yer sure? Yer … don’t want tae think about it … more first?”

 “I … have no need to. I … I’m sick of being ill, Eric, I … I need a way out.”

 _A way out …. That sounds familiar …._ “Are … are yer absolutely sure?”

 “Yes. I can’t be … pulled away from you, Eric. Life … has not been fair to me – I … I need this, a fresh start, a life … without sickness.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “T … this pain has … t-to end. It … it’s driving m-me … crazy.”

 “Okay … babe, ah’ll … find a way for yer … tae do … it.”

 A small smile appeared on Alan’s cracked, dry lips. It was almost one of peace. “T … thank you ….”

\----------

 “A … a gun?”

 “It’ll be quick … and painless.” The blonde swallowed down the lump in his throat. “Ah promise, yer … won’t feel a thing.” He lifted the gun to his own head with a trembling hand. “Yer just … put it … right here and … pull the trigger.”

 “O … okay.” Alan reached out, his limp almost feeling too heavy to support itself. “G … give it to me.”

 “A … are yer sure yer want tae … do this … now?”

 Alan shook his head, smiling sadly. “I don’t know, but … but I’ll find out in time.”

 “R-right ….”

\---------

 Alan had his head resting on Eric’s chest, the quilt pulled up around his side. His thumb rubbed over the barrel of the gun, his heartrate quickening by the second. “I … I think I am … ready now.”

 Eric wiped at his eyes. “Yer … yer do what yer … need tae do, Al.”

 “C-can you … hold my … arm up for me? I … I feel so … weak, and it … it is so heavy.”

 The blonde shook his head quickly, and he bit down on his lip for a moment. And then he whispered “ah … ah can’t, Al. If … I meddle, it might not be … suicide, and … and ah … ah c-could lose yer … for g-good.”

 “O-oh ….” Alan replied quietly. “I understand ….”

 As he lifted the gun to the side of his head with much effort, Eric wrapped a tight arm around him. “Ah’ve … got yer, babe.”

 “I … I know.” His finger found the trigger. “I … I love you.”

 A sob erupted from Eric, followed by a trembling breath. “Ah … love yer too, so … so much.”

 And Alan pulled it, a loud bang echoing around the room. It mixed in with a cry, a scream of pain, Eric’s body stiffening.

 The bullet had pierced Alan’s brain with ease, passing through the other side of his skull.

 Its journey had continued, hard, fierce metal ripping straight through the lover’s chest.


	85. Side story: Chapter Eleven. All the time in the world. Alan/Eric.

***The following day***

 Eric sat down, next to Alan, on the rooftop of the reaper academy. “Grell told me yer were hanging around here.”

 “Hmm ….” Alan smiled. “I was enjoying the view. It’s not often I get – got – to see the outside world.”

 “Aye, it is pretty beautiful.”

 “I even got to watch the sunrise this morning.”

 “Ah know – yer worried the shite out of me when ah woke up and yer weren’t there.”

 The brunette giggled softly. “I … I couldn’t help myself. After all that happened yesterday evening, I couldn’t sleep. Can you really blame me?”

 “Never.” Eric shifted a little closer. “How was yerr first day at the academy?”

 “Oh, it was great, Eric! I’ve never had this sort of mental stimuli before.”

 “Aye, the lessons are pretty intense.”

 “Hmm, strange too.”

 “How so?”

 “I can read and write, and -.”

 “Oh, aye,” Eric grinned, “the glasses will do that.”

 Alan’s smile fell away. “Oh … I see, it’s the glasses. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to read and write ….”

 “That doesn’t really matter. Yer wouldn’t be able tae see what yer were reading or writing without them anyway.”

 “That may be true, but still, I thought I had become … smarter … in some way.”

 The blonde’s hand rubbed his partner’s back lightly. “Yer are smart, Al.”

 “I … I am?”

 “Aye. Yer cheated death, didn’t yer? Pretty clever, ah’d say.”

 The smile came back to his lips. “Well, when you put it that way ….”

 Eric looked out at the night sky, and the lights illuminating it. “Yer really do look amazing, babe, and so, so healthy. Yer’ll like a whole new Alan.”

 “I feel like a whole new me. I … I can’t believe I can walk, and … and breathing has never been this easy before. It truly is … a miracle. But … but nothing is greater than knowing … I’ll always be at your side.”

 “Now that’s the true miracle right there.”

 “Mmmm.”

 “Should we head home now?”

 “No. Just a little longer – I’m thoroughly enjoying the view.”

 “Yer’re not cold?”

 “No, not one bit.”

 Happy tears welled up in the Scotsman’s eyes. “T … that’s great, babe.”

\-----------

 “Al, can ah ask yer something?” Eric asked, his arm wrapped around the brunette as they sat on the sofa.

 “Of course.”

 “Well … eh, those scars that used tae be on … the back of yerr thighs, what were they from?”

 “Oh ….” Alan looked away. “They’re gone now, so … what does it matter?”

 “Uh, ah guess it doesn’t? Ah was just curious, but never mind.”

 The brunette sighed loudly. “If you really wish to know, I’ll tell you.”

 “No-.”

 “My father always thought of me as a sinner. He thought that was the only reason I was so sick, so he … tried to beat it out of me … with his belt.”

 Eric stared at him in horror. “Shite ….”

 “But, like I said, it doesn’t matter. I know that you’ll never lift a violent hand to me for as long as we live.”

 “Aye, damn straight.”

\---------

***14th February. V day.***

 “I … I’m so nervous, Eric.” Alan hugged at himself. “The … exam is tomorrow -.”

 “Tomorrow? Jeez, Al, they must think yer’re brilliant.”

 “P-pardon?”

 “Ah don’t know of anyone who’s finished off all the written tests and everything before a month. Told yer yer were smart.”

 “Hmm, thank you. Still … I’m scared.”

 “Don’t be. Ah know yer’ll be just fine.” Eric grinned. “And yer know something else?”

 “W-what?”

 “Ah’m going tae be yerr mentor for a wee while after yer pass – got a memo about it earlier.”

 “Really? We’ll get to spend more time together?”

 “Aye – ah need tae train yer up, make sure yer don’t hurt yerself.” Eric shifted forward, his fingers cupping Alan’s chin. The words he spoke next made Alan blush madly.

 “But yer seem so good at this reaper stuff that ah think yer’ll be the one protecting me.”

\-------------

 “Well, ah didn’t really know what tae get yer, so ….” Eric pulled a bouquet of flowers from behind his back. “Ah got yer these – ah know yer like looking at the flowers in the academy’s garden.” He gulped. “Sorry if it isn’t good enough.”

 “No, no! They’re perfect, Eric!” Alan took them from him and sniffed them. “They smell lovely.”

 “Should we find a place tae put them?”

 “That would be great.”

\----------

 “I … I couldn’t buy you anything,” Alan admitted.

 “Ah know babe, no worries, yer don’t even have a pay cheque yet.”

 “Hmm, but I do have something for you – well, two things.”

 “Yer do?”

 Alan smiled. “Yes, upstairs.”

 “Ohhhh, sounds great.” Eric leaned forward, lips attaching to Alan’s neck for a brief second. “Ah cannae wait.”

 Alan pulled away quickly, his body tensing. “No … E-Eric, n-not that.”

 “Eh?”

 “I … I didn’t mean sex,” he stuttered, “I … I’m still not ready for that.”

 “Oh … alright.”

 “Sorry.”

 “Nah,” Eric smiled warmly. “Don’t be – yer take all the time yer need. Come on, show me what yer’ve got me.”

 Alan’s lips curved up into a smile. “Sure.”

\---------

 Alan pulled a box out from under the bed and opened it. “I asked Grell for advice on sewing.” He pulled out a doll. “And I made a mini you!”

 A wide grin appeared on the blonde’s face as he took the doll from Alan. “Woah, babe, that … that’s amazing!”

 “You really like it?”

 “Aye!” He moved over to the wardrobe and placed his doll next to the one of Alan. “Look, they’re together now.”

 “T … that’s so sweet, Eric.” Alan’s hand reached into the box again. “I … I made you this too.” A small framed drawing was passed to the blonde. “Grell gave me a little money to buy the frame – I’ll pay her back, of course.”

 He stared down at it, seeing a dull, dreary room containing two people. “Is … this your old house?”

 “Yes.”

 “And … the both of us?”

 Alan nodded slightly. “It’s the night we met, Eric. I … I know it looks a little depressing, but it was the start of something great.”

 “No … it’s grand. Yer can really draw.”

 “T-thank you.”

 “Where should we put it? In here?”

 “Yes, that would be lovely.” Alan rubbed at his eyes from under his glasses. “I’m so … glad that you like it.”

 “No, Al, ah … ah love it.”

\------------

 “Time for some music, aye?” Eric smiled as he switched on the radio.

 “These odd … futuristic inventions still amaze me,” Alan stated.

 “Yer’ll get used tae it – ohhh, ah like this song.” He reached out a hand. “Shall we dance?”

 Alan giggled. “Sure … but I’m not sure I … know how to dance.”

 “Oh, hush, it’s easy.”

\-----------

 “Ahh!” Eric hissed as Alan stomped on his foot. “Damn, yer really do have two left feet.”

 “I … I told you.” The brunette stumbled. “I … I can’t dance for the life of me.”

 “Aye, ah can tell.”

 “Well what do you expect?” A blush appeared on the small reaper’s face. “I … I wasn’t able to walk a few weeks ago. No … wonder I’m terrible at this.”

 Eric pulled him closer, resting his chin on the top of Alan’s head. “Don’t worry – ah’ll teach yer. After all, we’ve got all the time in the world.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more chapter of this side story left - I'll slip it in somewhere soon. 
> 
> But know, Eric and Alan will be coming more into the main story soon :)


	86. William. Should have asked questions later.

 Our lips part, the sharp pants of his breathlessness gusting against my face. “And here I thought you were tired.”

 “Hmmm.” His hands run up my nightshirt. “Maybe I jus’ wanted ta’ ge’ y’ inta’ bed.”

 “Ronald -.”

 “Jokes.” He shifts a little closer, fingers running behind my ear. I will never admit it, but that actually does tickle a little. “But y’re a good kisser, and I’m not complainin’ ‘bout tha’.”

 My hand rests on the small of his back, lips pressing to his again. His tongue is warm, moist, enticing. He moans and hums against me, his body relaxing in my hold. Hmm, this is truly lovely. I really do love those soft, sweet lips of his.

\---------

***10.16pm***

 “Will?”

 “I thought you were asleep,” I say, opening my eyes. The room is a blur, a complete blur, without my glasses.

 “Nah ….”

 “We could go back downstairs and -.”

 “No, I’m tired.”

 I chuckle. “Then why aren’t you asleep?”

 “Can’t get comfy.”

 “Oh. Are … you in pain?”

 “No. Eh … can we sleep naked tonight?”

 The breath catches in my throat. “P-pardon?”

 “I … I didn’t mean in a rude way or … anythin’. It jus’ felt really nice in tha’ bath earlier.”

 “S-so you … mean to say you just like the skin to skin contact?”

 “Yep, exactly.”

 “Um, well, I wish to keep my underwear on at least.”

 “Y’ don’t want a mornin’ glory?” He laughs.

 “Um, no, that isn’t -.”

 “I’m only messin’. I’m takin’ mine off though – y’ don’t know how much they itch at times.”

 “T-that is fine.”

\----------

 We settle down in bed again, my glasses back on the nightstand. He snuggles against my side, humming loudly. “This is so nice.”

 “It is, but don’t get used to it.” My fingers rake through his hair. “You know how much I adore my nightclothes.”

 “Aww, babe, no fair. Wha’ ‘bout every now and then?”

 “Hmm. On weekend nights.”

 He nuzzles his cheek against my shoulder. “Sounds great, babe.”

\----------

***Friday 7th April***  

***7.00am***

 The alarm goes off, and even though I was already awake, I wish for a little longer in bed. “Urghh … mornin’ already?”

 “I am afraid so.” Honestly, I am surprised that he awoke from slumber so quickly. He usually sleeps like the dead. “You can rest for a little longer if you like. I am not going to drag you out of bed,” I state, grabbing my glasses and slipping them on.

 “Na.” He sits up, stretches and yawns. “I should go and ge’ in tha’ shower.”

 It is good to see that he is trying to get back into some sort of routine.

 Climbing out of bed, he asks “unless y’ wanna’ take a bath wi’ me again?”

 “I would love to, but I am afraid we do not have the time.”

 “We’ve got two hours?”

 “I … I need to clean out the pigeon shed -.”

 “Can’t y’ do tha’ after work?”

 I can see that this ‘bath time’ is going to become a thing. “Yes, I suppose I can.”

 “Sweet!” I watch as he stretches again, my eyes focusing on the large scar on his back. I have noticed it before, but this time, it has sparked my curiosity. The scar is long, running almost parallel to his spine; thick, deep into his flesh.

 Maybe … if I ask him, he will tell me. We have agreed to be more open and honest with each other, after all. But still, I wish not to hit a nerve.

 Then again … it will only be on my mind, bother me, if I do not ask. “Ronald?”

 “Yeah?” He turns around, brushing the hair away from his eyes.

 “That … scar on … your back, how did you acquire it?”

 My stomach drops when his face falls – I have made a mistake; it is as clear as day.

 “Eh ….” He turns from me again, rushing to get out of the room. “I … I should go ‘ave a shower.”

 “But what about our bath?” I call after him.

 “Doesn’t matter – g-go clean y’ pigeons.”

 I sigh when the door slams behind him. “Well done, William, really, well done.”


	87. Ronald. Chained.

 I’ll never … escape it, will I? I can run … and run, move … forward in life, but … the past will always haunt me. Fuck … I’m shaking so much. I manage to turn the shower on, and I step into it. I … I think my legs are gonna’ give way; I feel like I’m gonna’ puke.

 I don’t w-wanna think about it! As … if I haven’t been through enough recently. And … then he has to ask me about my scars. Fucking hell! Does it look like I wanna’ talk about them?! They … they call them SCARS for a fucking reason, you know?!

 Scars … are never a good thing ….

 My fingers run across the hysterectomy scar, a shiver running down my spine. Yeah … I survived, I survived all of it, but … really, I’m just fucking broken.

 I’m surrounded by reapers, but … I’m still a human, weighed down … with all the baggage from the past. Maybe, if … there was a way, if … I could be a reaper too – maybe t-the … pain would begin to fade. F-fuck … I hate the … human world. If … if I ever end up … back there, I … I think I’d fall apart completely.

 Hah, right, because I haven’t already? Even … with all the drugs in the world, I’m never really gonna’ forget my past, am I? My … life will always be a fucking mess, a-all … because of … what they did to me.

 W-why did I have … to be an orphan? If … if I’d have … had parents, none of … this shit would have happened. I … I’d be alright.

 The … the panic is … is coming on now – fuck!

 I … I’m a train wreck, I … really am, and … one day, the past … will finally catch up with me. “Ngh!” My legs give way, elbow smacking the tiles on my way down. “F-fuck ….”

 I pull my knees up to my chest, hugging at my legs. If … if only there was … water hot enough to scald away the … memories.

 A train wreck – one day, I’ll crash and … and burn ….

\------------

 My head hurts … my heart fucking aches. T … these flashbacks … hit hard, tear … me apart. I … I can’t … cope with these … memories. T … they’re imprinted, scarred into me ….

 I can … feel their hands all over me – the … the pain feels so … fucking real right now. I w-was … just a little kid … and –

 “Ronald?” The door knocks, making the hair on my body stand up on end. It … it shouldn’t – it’s only Will coming to check on me. I … I just feel so vulnerable right now. I … ignore his call, lifting a hand ….

 T … that scar on my wrist, my right wrist, it … it never seems to fade. Fuck … the shaking is getting worse, but … but I can’t stop staring at it.

 He … he chained … m-me up, he … he –

 I wasn’t a fucking animal!

 Dark … so … so ….

 Blackness!

 Go … go away, just … leave me alone! I … I don’t … want to think about you, what you … what you did to me!

 You … you … made a monster … o-out of … me.

 “Y’ … y’ … fuckin’ … destroyed me,” I whisper, curling up into a ball on the shower floor.

 “Ronald!” Will bangs harder. “What are you doing in there?”

 “N … nothin’,” I manage to say. “D … door’s open – c-come in ….”

 I hear his footsteps, and the shower curtain is ripped back. And … and I hear a gasp. “R … Ronald, are you alright?”

 “N-no ….”

 He’s soon in the shower – he … he’s fully dressed now, his nightclothes getting soaked by the water. “D … did you have a fainting spell?” He asks, lifting me up and sitting down next to me. I lean into him, head on his shoulder.

 “N … no.”

 “You are upset … because I pried, a-aren’t you?”

 “Y … yeah.” Oh fuck … here I g-go, breaking down again. “I … I’m sorry … I can’t jus’ … tell y’ … everythin’.”

 I hear him gulp. “It is … too painful, I assume?”

 “E-ex … exactly.”

 “I am sorry.”

 “C … can … y’ … jus’ stop talkin’ now ….”

 “P-pardon?”

 Words don’t … help, at … at all. “N … need a h-hug.”

 “Oh, yes … of course.” He wraps an arm around me, pulling me closer.

 And we … sit there, water pouring down on us. But … water won’t wash it all away ….

 W-Will, I … I wonder ….

 What if I was like you … or Al? Would things … be better if I could … start over new? If I wiped … away the human me, my human life? Would that even work? Even ... make a difference?

 I … want to know.

 But … but no one will tell me … how.

 How … do I become a reaper?

 How can … I really be … a part of your world?

 Not … just an outsider looking in ….

 I … I am chained.

 Chained to … everything the human … world has done to me ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chaps for you today, as I'm going to work on my other series for a couple of days. Will be back Saturday.


	88. Alan. Comfort.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week has passed since the previous chapter.

***Saturday 15th April***

 Ronald has had a lot of ups and downs … over the past few weeks, but I think he’s finally getting somewhere – he’s beginning to improve. It is just a shame that he is unwell at the moment. It’s nothing to worry about – a bad cold, but I want to be there for him nonetheless.

 Eric is at work, and so is William, but I have booked a day off. It was actually rather lucky, as I booked this day off a while ago, not realising that Ronnie would need someone to keep him company.

 I would hate for him to be lonely when he isn’t feeling his best. When I was a poorly human, all I wanted was for my parents to come and comfort me. They never did, and I’ll never put someone else through the pain that I felt.

 L … loneliness really can mess with your head at times.

 “My turn?” He asks. He’s sitting up in bed, me on the end of it, and we’re playing chess. I and … Eric used to play board games and other traditional games, all the time, before he became obsessed with game consoles. I … I miss those days, that sort of attention, at times ….

 “Yes, your turn.”

 He wipes his nose with a tissue before moving his chess piece. I counteract his move, taking out one of his bishops.

 “Yes!” He grins at me widely, moving another one of his pieces. “Checkmate.”

 “Dammit ….”

 “I was waitin’ for y’ ta’ take out my bishop. I got y’ right where I wanted y’.”

 “Aww, very clever,” I smile at him. It … it really is so hard to concentrate these days. I’m just … so, so tired all of the time.

 “So wha’ are we playin’ next?”

 “Well … I brought Monopoly … and Othello. Oh, and -.”

 “Monopoly? I think I’ve heard ‘bout tha’ one.”

 “So should we play that then?”

 “Hell yeah!”

\----------

 He has just landed on Park Lane, and he wishes to buy it. He passes the money over to me, as I am the banker, and sighs. “I … I think tha' fever is gettin’ worse.”

 “Oh, you feel sicker?”

 “Y-yeah, a little bit.”

 “I’ll go get you some painkillers then.” William hid them away, telling me where they were before he left for work this morning. He … he doesn’t want Ronnie getting his hands on them, understandably. Hopefully, in time, the trust will return. I just hope … that Ronnie keeps it together enough to not ruin that trust again ….

 I … I’d hate to see their relationship end; they need each other ….

 Just as much as I need Eric, and he needs me ….

\-----------

 “Come on, Ronnie, hand it over.”

 He pouts at me as he gives me the owed money. “I suck at this game.”

 “Mmmm,” I giggle, “you do, but I’m obviously no good at chess compared to you.”

 “True, I -.” His words are broken by a loud rumbling, and he pulls a face. “Shit … I’m hungry.”

 “I’ll make you something, don’t worry.”

 “B … but wha’ ‘bout tha’ game?”

 “I’m going to win, Ronnie, there really is no doubt about that.”

 “Hah, cheeky.”

\-------------

 “Here you go,” I smile, handing him a mug.

 He takes it from me, staring at the mixture within. “Wha’ … is this? Cake?”

 “Yep, mug cake. You just combine a few ingredients and pop it in the microwave.” I climb back onto the bed. “And I found the chocolate sauce.”

 “Yep, I can see tha’,” he chuckles. “Y’ got tha’ same?”

 “Yeah,” I stare down at the mug, and the thought of food is making my stomach churn. I … I really have lost my appetite, but I know I have to eat. I … I can’t lose my strength, or … I really will be a failure of a reaper. I can’t … prove everyone right – they all already think I’m weak, useless.

 But … but at least William, my supervisor, has always had faith in me ….

 As has Eric. I bite down on my lip. Eric ….

\------------

 We ended up finishing Monopoly, and even though Ronnie lost, he seems in really good spirits. I … I’m so glad that my company has cheered him up.

 As I pack up the last of the board game, I yawn. So … so exhausted, and I’ve done pretty much nothing today.

 “Y’ tired, mate?” Ronnie asks.

 I turn to face him. “Yes ….” I feel about ready to pass out. “I think I’ll go home and take a nap – I’ll be back in a little while.”

 “Na … don’t go.” He pulls the covers back. “Y’ can … come nap here, wi’ me. I’m knackered too.”

 “A … are you sure?”

 “Yep. Eric’s comin’ here at three anyway, right?”

 “Y-yes.”

 “So stay.” He gives me a hopeful look. “I … I’ll miss y’ if y’ go.”

 “A-are you sure that William will be okay with this?”

 “Hah, he doesn’t ‘ave ta’ know.” He flops down in bed, looking up at the ceiling. “Plus, I really enjoy y’ company.”

 “O … okay, I’ll stay.” I climb in next to him. “Wow … this mattress is so comfortable.”

 “I know, right? Will’s got taste.” He shifts, grunting. “Wha’ tha’ hell is – oh yeah.” He pulls a doll from under the covers, and it causes me to smile.

 “G-Grell made you a mini me?!”

 “Yep! She brought it over last night. Cool, right?”

 “Y … yes, it is. She’s only got to make one for William now.”

 “Huh? Oh, she made one for y’ and Eric?”

 “Yes, over a century ago.” I giggle. “She hasn’t gotten much better at it though, has she? They’re still so creepy looking.”

 “Yeah, hah, but I love it. It’s proper sweet.”

 “It is indeed.”

 He pushes the doll back under the covers, and I feel his arm wrap around me. “You’re all sweaty, Ronnie.”

 “Oh, sorry.”

 “No, no, it’s fine. You get some rest.”

 “Yeah … sleep tight, mate.”

 “Y … you too.”

 I understand how he feels, I really do – he doesn’t want to be lonely either. It … it frightens him, just as much as it frightens me.

 But … for as long as I can, I’ll be at his side, I’ll be the caring friend. I will help him get through his inner struggles, for as long as I am able.

 But … but time is running out, and even though the sun is streaming into the room, I feel slumber beginning to consume me.

 Soon, I will be no more.

 I … I will be completely alone in death. And … that … that terrifies me. It … it chills me … to the very bone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	89. Alan. Keeping up the charade.

***3.10pm***

 “Al, babe, wake up.”

 “Hmmm ….” Is it morning already? “J … just a few … more minutes.”

 “Ah think yer’ve slept enough, Al.”

 I open my eyes, surprised that my glasses are still on. And I’m not at home – oh … now I remember …. “Oh, right, I … I was just taking a nap.”

 “Ah can see that.” Eric reaches over, grabbing a hold of Ronnie’s arm, pulling him away from the edge of the mattress. “Looks like someone’s about tae fall out of bed.”

 “Yes, he does fidget a lot if I’m honest.”

 “Aye, and snores.”

 I giggle. “Leave the poor boy alone. He’s congested – of course he’s going to snore.”

 “Yer never used tae.”

 “I’m sure that I did – I think your mind is just clouded by nostalgia.”

 “Nah.” He lets go of Ronnie, and as I sit up, he cups my chin. “Cute guys like yer don’t snore – but then again ….” He glances at our sleeping friend. “He’s a cutie, but he sounds like a big pig.”

 I can’t help but giggle. “Oink, oink.”

 “Aye -.” He stops speaking, for we both hear Ronnie whine in his sleep, our friend tossing and turning under the covers. Before I have a chance to move, Eric climbs over me, slipping under the covers in the middle of the bed. Ronnie is pulled into his arms, Eric’s strong fingers soothing his hair. “It’s alright, Lad, shhhh.”

 It doesn’t take long for Ronnie to settle, a smile coming over his sleeping face. Eric really is so good at comforting people. For such a large man, he is so gentle, so caring.

 I snuggle into his other side, smiling when he kisses me softly on the top of the head. But … deep down, it … it makes me so sad.

 I … I’m going to miss him … so much.

\----------

***5.05pm***

 William has just returned, and I know he isn’t happy that we’re in his bed. Still, he doesn’t seem to care to mention it.

 Instead, he asks me “how has he been? Good, I hope?”

 “Yes,” I smile, “he seems happy enough.”

 “Aye,” Eric agrees, “and he’s been asleep for hours. It’s great tae see him resting up.”

 “I see.” William says. “Humphries, has he had any painkillers?”

 “Just the one dose.”

 “And when was that?”

 “Umm … around midday, I think.”

 “And has he been feeling better? Worse?”

 “I think he’s fine, apart from his fever.”

 He nods. “Well, thank you for looking out for him.”

 That brings a big smile to my face. I love to think that I am really making a difference to Ronnie’s mentality. It … it makes me feel all … warm and fuzzy inside.

\-----------

***7.36pm***

 “Mmmm … Eric ….” His hands are warm against my skin, breath tickling my ear as he spoons behind me. It … it feels so good – he … he’s always been amazing in the bedroom. “Ohhhhh ….”

 “That feel good, babe?” He whispers, his voice husky and deep.

 “Y … yes.” And the … way he licked that whipped cream off of me earlier … hmmm. Cold, but … so, so worth it. Every inch of skin he kisses and caresses – it … it tingles, sends shivers through my body.

 His nails dig slightly into my skin as he pulls my hips back, mouth nipping at my ear.

 “Hmmmmm.”

 I love our love making sessions, they’re amazing ….

 But my … my sex drive is really starting to dwindle. I’m just too tired to move much, and right now … I am so glad that I can just lie here, letting him cuddle and fondle me as much as he pleases.

 It feels … so good, but I know it cannot last. Soon, I will be too poorly to … do this at all. I … I’ll be bedridden, broken, just as I was when I were human.

 And … suddenly, I feel completely alone again ….

 Eric will never understand … how terminal illness feels.

 I am alone, completely alone in all of this. Surrounded by people, yet … I … I have no one to confide in, no … one to talk to. I … I wish I could just tell him … what is going on, but … but it … it’s just so hard ….

 And … I can’t break his heart, I … I just can’t ….

\--------

***8.13pm***

 “Al … are we … growing apart?”

 I sit up in bed, turning to look at him. “W … what? Where did … you get that from?”

 “Ah … ah don’t know.” He sighs. “But … yer seem really close tae Ronnie at the minute.”

 “Oh, so you’re jealous?”

 “What? No! It … it’s just – am ah still enough for yer?”

 “Of … of course, and … t-there’s nothing going on … between me and Ronnie -.”

 “Ah know that!” He rolls his eyes. “Ah know that he’s just a really good friend. But … maybe we’re not spending enough time together? Yer … yer don’t seem happy at the minute.”

 Oh …. “Well … I wish you wouldn’t play those silly video games all the time. I … I do feel left out at times.” But that isn’t what is really bothering me, is it? I want to spend more time with him, of course I do, but I worry … the more time I do spend with him, the higher the chance that he … will realise my decline in health.

 “Yer enjoyed playing board games with Ronnie earlier, didn’t yer? Yer seemed tae be looking forward tae it this morning.”

 “I … I did have a lot of fun.” I can feel my cheeks flushing slightly. “It ... was like old times, with you.”

 “Alright. Come here?”

 I do, lying back down and snuggling into his tight, toned chest. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, speaking again. “Ah’ll trade my video games for playing cards and chest pieces then, okay?”

 “Okay, sure. Thank you.”

 “Anything tae make yer happy, my wee flower. Oh, do yer remember when we used tae play hide and seek around the park?”

 “Yes ….”

 “Ah’d love tae start doing that again. It was so much fun.”

 I force a smile. “That sounds lovely.” But inside, my stomach is churning.

 I … I really can’t do this. Playing outside takes … energy, energy I don’t have ….

 I … I can’t deal with … this – I can’t keep … this charade up … for much longer.

 It … it’s beginning to drive me crazy ….

 T-the stress, it … it’s just too … far too much ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	90. William. Troubling news.

***Tuesday 18th April***

 Ronald is over the worst of his cold now, and I think … he is finally coming to terms with his loss. He is not so teary eyed, prone to outbursts of anger and upset. But ... it has been almost a month since the miscarriage ... so I ... suppose it is to be expected.

 “Y’ … know wha’ really hurts?” He asks and my stomach drops. I … I hope this conversation doesn’t end in sobs and bloodshot eyes.

 “What?”

 “Gaz … knew I was pregnant, and he … must ‘ave known tha’ dangers of it all. But … he … he didn’t care enough ta’ even bother ta’ warn me. As long as … he got his cheap shag, he didn’t … really give a shit ‘bout me.”

 “Gaz?”

 “Remember … tha’ night y’ brought me home?”

 “Yes, how could I forget it?”

 “Then … y’ remember how battered I was?”

 “Yes.” I know what he is going to tell me, for I saw it all on Gareth’s record. A monster, not a man, if you ask me.

 “G … Gaz attacked me tha’ night, knocked me ‘bout.” Ronald sighs. “Even though … he knew I was carryin’. I … I think he was her dad.”

 “Oh.” I … once again do not know how to reply.

 “Wish he’d go die, rot in hell.” His hands clench into fists. “I … I wouldn’t ‘ave lost her if he’d ‘ave jus’ told me wha’ could go wrong.”

 I know … I shouldn’t say this, but … maybe this is what he wants to hear. “He is rotting in hell, Ronald, I collected his soul.”

 His eyes go wide. “W … wha’? When?”

 “The night you came to live with me.” It … is probably time I tell him this …. “Y … you see, Ronald, your soul had to be traded for another.”

 “I … I don’t understand -.”

 “I knew … that by saving you, someone else would … have to be taken.”

 “Shit …. I didn’t know tha’.” He looks down at his hands, still tightly balled into fists. “Hn, well, good riddance.”

 “Yes. The world is better off without him.”

 “Y-yeah ….” Silence falls between us, and then I hear him gasp. I look over at him again, seeing him turning as white as a ghost. “Will … wha’ … wha’ did y’ do?”

 “Pardon?” What did I do? What is that supposed to mean?

 “She … had a soul too, didn’t she?”

 “Well, yes.” Oh … now … now I understand where he is going with this. “Her … soul would have been … traded also.”

 “For … another baby?” A single tear slides down his cheek. Great … just great …. “Will, tell me, a girl reaper’s ta’ die book – would … it ‘ave changed ta’ … a … another unborn baby?”

 “P-perhaps … or a baby, or … young infant.”

 “F … fuck.” He begins to sob, and I pull him close, trying my best to soothe him.

 “R … Ronald, it is okay -.”

 “No it’s not! I … I’ve got two dead … children on my … hands now.”

 “No, stop being so foolish.”

 “It’s true! S-someone … had ta’ lose a baby, and still, I … I was too stupid ta’ … keep my … my own kid safe.”

 “It … it was my fault, if anyone’s. I … I refused to collect your soul, knowing full well what would happen.”

 “But … y’ … y’ didn’t know -.”

 “That you were carrying; no I did not.”

 “W … would y’ … ‘ave saved me … if y’d ‘ave known?”

 I take a deep breath, fingers running through his hair. “Y-yes.”

 “R-really? W … why?”

 “I wanted to get you out of the hellhole you were living in, Ronald, and … and I don’t think anything would have deterred me from that. K … knocking that needle out of your hand … was a reflex reaction, but … even before that, I wanted to help you. I think that … no matter what, that needle would have been … knocked to the floor.”

 “But … but -.”

 “But nothing, Ronald. You are not at fault here – the deaths are on my conscience, not yours.”

 “B … but … I … I still feel awful.”

 “Don’t. You have nothing to feel bad about, do you understand me? Nothing.”

 Yes, I wished to help him – I wished to save him before it was too late. I … I have my reasons for it, hidden away in the dark recesses of my past. But … I think that that … story is for another time. It … is something that I do not wish to discuss. Not now.

 Maybe never ….

\---------------

 “Are you feeling a little better?” I ask sometime later, for he has ceased his crying.

 “I … I don’t know.” His voice is muffled against my chest. “B … but t … there’s fuck all … I can do ‘bout it now.”

 “Exactly.” It may come off as blunt, cold, but it is true. “We have to keep moving on with our lives, Ronald. It hurts, I know it does, but … but what is done is done now. You are here, you are still alive – embrace it.”

 “Y … yeah.” He cuddles closer to me. “I … I’m lucky ta’ be … alive after … everythin’ that’s happened. And … I 'ave … so many people who love me. I … I should be grateful, I know.”

 My hand moves to rub his back. I know that this news will upset him for some time, but … I also hope that he will be able to put something so troubling behind him. Hope ….

 “And I am lucky to have you, I really am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? Thoughts? Suggestions?


	91. William. Hey, ho, it's off to work we go.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is shoddy. Was writing it on my boyfriend's laptop and it was slow - just wanted to get this chapter over and done with lol.

***Wednesday 26th April***

 Ronald seems to be doing better, a lot better. It has been a little over five weeks since his hysterectomy, and a couple of days ago, he went back to the hospital for a check-up. The doctor told him that he can go back to work now, as long as he sticks to light cleaning. No heavy lifting is allowed, and definitely no trying to turn over death scythes.

 So, today, he is returning to work, for just a few hours. “And remember, Ronald, if you need assistance with anything, tell Marie. Do not try to lift things on your own.”

 He slips his shoes on. “I know. I'll be careful, don't worry.”

 “And make sure -.”

 “Will, I'll be fine.” The other shoe goes on, and he stands up straight, smiling at me. “I'm really lookin' forward ta' this. It'll be good ta' ge' out of tha' house, y' know?”

 I let a smile cross my lips also. Yes, I think that this is what he does need; something to put his mind to, an outlet for his frustration, a distraction. “Have a nice day. Oh, will I see you at noon?”

 “Yeah, I'll be back before y' go on dinner.” Moving over to me, his arms wrap around my torso. “Love y', babe.”

 My hand finds the small of his back. “I love you too.”

\-----------

***12.05pm***

 “How was work?” I ask, having just returned home, finding him sprawled out on the couch.

 “Hmm, it was good. Tirin', but good.”

 “You did not overwork yourself, did you?”

 “Na.” He sits up, beaming at me. “I did a bit of light cleanin', but mainly jus' gossiped wi' Marie. She's gettin' married, y' know?”

 “Oh, she is? That is wonderful news.”

 “Yep! And tha' money from tha' scythe cleanin' business will really come in handy for tha'.”

 “Certainly.”

 He scratches at his chin. “Hey, can men ge' married ta' each other here?”

 “No, not in church, but currently, the reaper government is considering changing that.”

 “Ah ….”

 “Honestly, do you not think that Alan and Eric would be married by now if it were possible?”

 “Hah, yeah, y' do 'ave a point. I hope they ge' a chance ta' soon.”

 “Indeed.” But the way things are going, I doubt Alan will be alive to marry. It … is a shame, it truly is ….

\-----------

***9.23pm***

 “Hmmm ….” Ronald moans against my lips, his body pressed under me in our bed. I feel his tongue rubbing against my own, and I let a groan pass my lips. His kisses are so intense, so seductive. His skin is soft, warm, breath hot and moist. He … he is delicious to taste, a delight for my palate.

 I … I am actually beginning to become aroused. But … who can blame me? What, with his moans, his grinding, his beauty.

 I only pull away when he begins to press his crotch up against my thigh, a gasp leaving me. “Ronald, m-must you do that?”

 A pout comes to his lips. “Wha'? I'm horny.”

 With a shake of the head, I say “we cannot do anything for two months, and you know it. The doctor has told us so.”

 “But y're turned on too, I can feel it.” He sighs. “It can't be tha' bad, can it?”

 “Yes, yes … it can. I could injure you.”

 He sighs, body slumping against the covers. “No fair. I'm gaggin' for it.”

 “Well … the doctor has told us two month's abstinence, and I am sticking to it.” After all, the last time we did anything, it … it led to him losing his child. It … it almost killed him.

 “But -.”

 “But nothing. I am not risking it.”

 “Hn ….”

 He … he really is aroused, and maybe that is not such a bad thing. If his … sex drive is returning, he must be feeling better. I sigh. “T … the doctor only banned p-penetrative actions.” Oh, how I hate that word. It … it is so cringe inducing, quite revolting in sound.

 “W … wha' do y' mean?”

 “We … can do other things apart … from the actual act.”

 “Ah ….” His eyes light up. “So do I ge' a hand job then?”

 Why … why must he always be so upfront? Oh … I can feel my cheeks beginning to heat up. “Umm … well, yes.”

 “Oral too?” He grins at me.

 “N-no … t-that sounds revolting.” Oh … dear, this is embarrassing. “I … I don't want my mouth … anywhere near … that area.”

 “Hah, alright.” He grabs a hold of my hand, pulling it onto … his clothed crotch. “Hand job it is then.”

 “Uh … I … I don't really … know how.”

 “Eh? Y've gotta' 'ave wanked, right?”

 “N-no, not really. I … I never … have really felt … t-the need.”

 “Oh. Well … it's not tha' hard.”

 A lump forms in my throat, and I try my best to swallow it down. “W … well I suppose … there is no harm in trying.”

\-----------

 “Hnnnn ….” His eyes squeeze shut, hips bucking up. “Y' … y're pretty good at … this.”

 “T-thank you.” Thank goodness for a reaper's endurance … or I would have chronic arm ache by now. T … this is … hard work. “Umm … try not to … tense too much – I don't want you … to aggravate any internal injuries that … have not yet healed.”

 “How sexy.” His hand finds my thigh, palm rubbing against my trousers. “Lemme' … do y' too.”

 “Oh … umm, alright.”

\-----------

 Oh … this feels lovely. He is … straddling my thighs, our … parts rubbing together, his hand working on us … both. It … it feels wonderful. “Hn … Will, do somethin',” he whines.

 “L-like what?”

 “Dunno'.”

 “Umm ….” I shift, resting back against the headboard. Pulling him closer, my lips find his. He kisses back ferociously, hand picking up speed. Hmm … those kisses of his.

 T-tantalizing.

\----------

 I brush his sweaty fringe away from his face, fingers trailing down to his cheek. “Are you feeling better now?” I ask.

 “Mmmm ….” He closes his eyes, letting out a long sigh. “Tha' was brill. I really needed tha', babe.”

 “I … I think you did.”

 A small chuckle leaves him. “I think y' needed it too.”

 My cheeks flush again, because, actually, he is … correct. “I … I enjoyed myself, yes.”

 “Good. Oh … Eric said today tha' he's hostin' a party in a couple of weeks. Y' comin'?”

 I roll my eyes. “Why bother asking? It is not like you will give me much choice.”

 “Yeah, hah … true tha'.”

 


	92. Alan. Trials.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I put a lot of work into this chapter so I'd like to hear your thoughts and opinions?

***Wednesday 10th May 2017***

***10.15am***

 “Shush, shush … it’s okay.” Eric has gone to work, and our puppy, Belle, is kicking up an awful fuss. I have her cuddled in my arms, but she won’t stop whining.

 It … it’s so upsetting, because I know what’s troubling her. She knows, knows that I am ill. Animals can sense these sorts of things, of course they can. She knows that trouble is coming … of course she does.

 “Belle, it’ll be alright, stop crying.”

 She barks at me, baring her teeth, and my stomach sinks. “Y … you don’t believe me.” I’m not even sure that I believe myself –

 No!

 T-things will be fine. I … I’m going for tests at the infirmary. T … they’ll find a way to cure me – they have to.

 I and … William are the only ones who know about me going off for medical treatment, and … he’s been ever so understanding. He … he has given me so many hours off of duty to attend appointments, and he’s … keeping it very hush hush.

 I … I really am thankful to him.

 I am just hoping that they find a cure soon – the … the tests are just weakening me further. If … if this carries on for much longer, Eric will find out.

 I’m already having to hide things. I’ve found a way to mask my paling skin, much like Grell masked her wild red hair and sharp teeth during the Ripper days. But cheap, supernatural tricks will not help me if … I collapse in front of Eric. And it cannot hide the coughing, when it comes. The coughing, the attacks, haven’t started yet, but I know it’s only a matter of time. My chest is beginning to hurt a little – a sure sign.

\----------

***11.56am***

 Belle’s in the kitchen now, curled up in her dog basket. She … she’s gone awfully quiet, and I know that she’s still upset. It … it’s upset me too – it’s … my fault she’s hurting … all my fault ….

 The door is pushed open, Ronnie coming into the living room. His presence pulls me from my thoughts – thank goodness. “Are you off home now?” I ask him.

 “Yep.” He grins at me. It … it is so great to see him doing better, it really is. He has gained a bit of weight back, and his healthy complexation has returned. “But next week, I’m gonna' do a few full days, see how I ge’ on.”

 “That’s great, Ronnie.”

 “Yeah. Y’ at work today?”

 “Yes,” I glance at my watch, “in an hour.”

 And then … at four, another medical appointment. I’m … exhausted just thinking … about it.

\-----------

***5.05pm***

 C-cold … so cold. T … they know, at the infirmary, that The Thorns is … a disease that spreads through the bloodstream, and … eventually, it’ll engulf my heart, stopping it. So … so they … continue to inject me … with different substances, hoping that one of them will attack The Thorns. T … they are trying to cure me, but … but it is becoming clear that … that all these tests, these medical procedures, aren’t working. They are making me worse … so much worse.

 My … my office chair is causing my body to ache horribly, and … and I can’t stop shivering, shaking … from head to toe. W … what on earth … did they inject me with?

\---------

***5.08pm***

 I … I’m hugging myself, t-trying in vain to warm myself up. It … it’s painful, so … so painful.

 I hear a knock at the door – no … no, please … please don’t be Eric.

 No … his … his shift ended a while ago. He … he’s gone home to tend to Belle, surely …. “C-come in.”

 Oh … thank goodness, it’s only William. He takes one look at me, and adjusts his glasses. “The appointment did not go well, I take it?”

 “I … I’m fine.” My hand shakes as I pick up my pen. “J-Just getting … to some paperwork.”

 “I can help you with that, if you’d like?”

 “No!” I … I’m not a weakling, I’m not! I … I can do this on my own. “Umm … that is kind of you, but … but I am fine, really.”

 “I see.” He doesn’t believe me, of course he doesn’t. “Well, take your time. I will give you an extension.” And with that, he leaves the room.

 I squeeze my eyes shut. An extension, for goodness sake. I … I try, and I try, but I … I’m a failure of a reaper. I … I’m not as good as Eric, or William, and I never will be. The … Thorns … are proof of this.

 Failure … failure … failure ….

\------------

***Friday 12th May***

***9.47pm***

 I … I want to go home! Stuck at this … party Eric is hosting; it … it’s horrible. I … I’m so tired, and socializing, putting on a fake smile is … is the last thing I want to do right now.

 Hiding in a bathroom stall at … this gathering hall – pathetic, so … pathetic.

 I’m curled up in the corner of the stall, and … and I can’t stop crying. “D … dammit ….” I … I just want this … to end. It … it’s so draining, having to hide, having to … pretend that I’m fine. N-not … fair, it …it’s just not fair. Me … and Eric … were supposed to be … happy forever. T … this wasn’t supposed to happen!

 S … sleep, I … just want to sleep, forget about everything. I … I need rest, a … a break. It … it’s driving me crazy. This … fatigue, lethargy, it … it’s tearing me apart!

\---------

***10.01pm***

 “Where have yer been?” Eric asks me when I return to the hall. I … I made sure that my eyes weren’t puffy before I left the bathroom, so … so hopefully he won’t notice that anything’s wrong.

 “I needed to use the bathroom.”

 “Ahhh … someone needed a shite.”

 I fake a laugh. “Y-yes, but don’t say it out loud. Someone … might hear you.”

 “Awww.” He pats me lightly on the head. “Yer’re so cute at times, babe.”

 Phew ….

\-----------

***12.30am***

 “E-Eric, stop it, I’m not in the mood,” I pull away from him, his lips leaving my neck. “I … I just want to go to sleep, okay?”

 “Oh, alright. Are yer feeling okay?”

 “I’m fine!” I snap. “We don’t have to have sex every day, you know?!”

 My stomach drops when he blinks at me. It … it’s not often … that I shout at him. Well … never ….

 He shakes his head, huffing at me. “Aye, ah know that. No need tae shout.”

 “Eric -.”

 “Yer could have just told me – yer didn’t have tae raise yerr voice.” He turns his back to me, flicking off the lamp. “Night.”

 And I break down in tears, b-because he … he’s mad at me, and … and he never gets mad at me. N-never ….

 I … I’ve really upset him. I … I’m beginning to ruin this relationship, and it … it’s only going to get worse. My … fatigue, my irritability – it … it’s all getting on top of me, turning me … into someone I’m not.

 Soon … he’s going to … hate me. W … what if he ends … up not wanting me anymore?

 Be … be quiet, Alan, stop … snivelling, or … or he’s going to hear you, and … and things will get even worse.

 I flinch when the light goes back on. Eric –

 He turns back over, arm slinging around my waist. “Oi, don’t cry, silly lad.”

 “S … sorry ….”

 His hand moves, rubbing soothingly between my shoulder blades. “What’s the matter, Al?”

 “I … I didn’t mean … to shout.”

 “It’s alright -.”

 “N … no it’s not. Y … you’re mad at me.”

 “Not really. Ah … ah thought yer wanted tae be left alone, tae be fair.”

 “N-no.”

 “Yer want a cuddle instead then?”

 I nod slowly. “P … please.” As he pulls me closer, I whisper “I … I’m sorry for … snapping.”

 “Nah, it’s alright.” His voice is calm, and … and I can’t hear any anger in his tone. “We all have our bad days, don’t we? Being together for two-hundred years, we’re bound tae have a few squabbles.”

 “So … so we’re still okay, aren’t we?”

 “Aye.” He smiles at me. “Of course we are.”

 I sniff, tucking my head under his chin.

 We … we might be … fine for now, but … but for how long?

 How … how long before this … this illness tears us apart?

 I … I can’t do this alone. I need … need him so much. Loneliness, it … it scares me ….

 It’s … utterly terrifying ….


	93. Eric. Always will be.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is set 2.5 weeks after the last chapter.

***Wednesday 29th May***

 “Al, babe, what’s the matter?”

 My wee flower rubs at his eyes. “It’s … nothing.”

 “Yer had a tough reap?” I ask, my hand rubbing the top of his thigh lightly. He does get upset over reaps sometimes, especially if they’re children. Male reapers only get the kids over five years old, but … it’s still tough as hell at times, even though we’re not supposed to let deaths get to us. I try to block it out as much as I can; it is what it is.

 But I know that 7/7 really shook him up – he got so upset over it, poor guy – it … it was horrible to see him in that state, it really was.

 “N-no … work was fine.”

 “Ahhh … so just feeling a wee bit down then?”

 “Y … yes.”

 I shift, pulling him up onto my lap. “Anything ah can do for yer?”

 “N … no, just give me … a cuddle.”

 “Aye,” my arms tighten around him, his cute, wee body. “Ah think ah can manage that.”

 “T … thank you.”

 I hate to see him sad … but I’m not too worried, if I’m honest. He has his ups and downs, as we all do. Being alive for so many years, you can’t always be super–duper happy. We might be reapers, but really, we’re still human – we all have emotions.

 And Al … he’s so, so strong, but he does have his downers. I … I’m kind of used to it by now. He’s fine for months, years even, and then he’ll go through periods of being low, whether it be from the loss of his brother, a disheartening reap, or just generally being a wee bit fed up.

 But no matter what, we’ll always be there for each other – I’ll always be by his side, doing whatever I can to cheer him up. It’s not always an easy task, but eventually, he feels better. This time will be no different.

 Because we’re stronger when we’re together. Always have been, and always will be.

 “Ah love yer, Al,” I say, resting my chin on his head. I know, from experience, that these words never fail to cheer him up. And, fuck, I love to see him smile – it always makes me feel complete, always. So, so beautiful.

 He pushes up closer to me, closing any tiny gaps between us. “I love … you too. Y … you’re my everything … Eric.”

 “Aye, ah know,” because he always tells me that, and it makes me so, so happy. He’s my everything too – always has been.

 But most of all, he always will be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Few more happy chapters to come.
> 
> Will update again in 2 days.


	94. William. Happy birthday to you!

***Wednesday 7th June***

***8.35am***

 Today is a good day, for it is Ronald’s birthday. Seventeen – still so young, and with so much, hopefully, to look forward to. Honestly, though, I cannot believe how quickly time is passing us by; he has been here for six months now. Well, he will have been, in a few short weeks.

 I booked the day off of work some time ago, planning to spend the day with Ronald celebrating the occasion. Though, I booked it off a little after the … miscarriage, so I was not sure how Ronald’s mind-set would be today.

 Thankfully, he is doing a lot better, and that lovely smile of his is back for the most part. He is still not back at work fulltime, only doing one or two full days a week. Honestly though, I think it is for the best. Even with only working around twenty hours a week, he is making more than enough money, and he is not being overworked. It gives him a chance to spend time with his friends, which he has been doing, quite a lot.

 He has been taking Belle out for long walks, going to parks, exploring, clearing his head. Though he does have to carry Alan’s dog back – she tires quickly with her little legs. She is still just a baby, after all.

 And he has been going out shopping with Grell, playing board games with Alan at his house.

 I sigh, rubbing at my temple. Honestly, Alan is running himself into the ground, exhausting himself, and yet, Eric is still none the wiser.

 As good a reaper as he is, he is struggling, with reaps, with mountains of paperwork. I wish that he would just allow me to help him – pass some of his workload over to me. I honestly would not mind assisting him, for I know he is not lazy; he is simply ill.

 But Lord, he is so stubborn. And though I have always been amazed by his determination, this time, it is ruining him, it truly is.

 “Goodness sake ….” I must try to push Alan from my mind – today is supposed to be a happy day. Ronald deserves my full attention, and I must do my best to focus on him, and him alone.

\----------

***10.11am***

 “Hnnn ….” Ronald rolls over, stretches out. “Fuck … it’s so warm today.”

 “Indeed,” I say, “I have heard that we are approaching a heat wave.”

 “Good – I love tha’ heat.”

 I don’t, for I hate sweating, hate my suit shirt sticking to me awkwardly. Still, no negativity today. Instead of saying what I think, I bend over, kissing his forehead lightly. “Happy Birthday, Ronald.”

 He blinks up at me. “My … my birthday? I-I didn’t know tha’.”

 It is a strange thing to say, but I shouldn’t be surprised. He was abducted, so of course he wouldn’t know the date of his birth. “Yes.”

 “Eh … how’d y’ know tha’?”

 “Reapers have their ways.”

 “Hah, I should ‘ave known y’d say tha’.” He sits up, stretching again. “So … how old am I? Sixteen?”

 “You … didn’t know that either?”

 “Na … never been told.”

 Oh, well I suppose that makes sense …. “You have just turned seventeen.”

 “Ah, man, I’m gettin’ old.”

 “I beg your pardon?”

 He chuckles loudly. “Jokes. Y’re tha’ old one here, remember?”

 “Charming ….”

 Glancing at the alarm clock, his body tenses. “Shit, y’re late for work.”

 “No, today is a holiday day.”

 “Eh?”

 “I made sure to have today off.”

 “Aww – ah, shit! I’M late for work!”

 I shake my head. “I told Marie that you would not be in today – she is fine with it.”

 “Oh … cool.” He smiles at me.

 “And tomorrow also.”

 His brow furrows. “Wha’?”

 “She isn’t expecting you in tomorrow either. I have Thursdays off, if you recall?”

 “Y-yeah, but -.”

 “You only work three hours of a Thursday anyway, so I wouldn’t worry.”

 “So … so we’ve got a whole two days together?”

 My fingers brush through his hair. “Correct.”

 A wide grin spreads across his face. “Great!”

\-------------------

 “Presents, and cake?! Really?!”

 “Those are the usual birthday traditions, aren’t they?”

 “Eh … well yeah, but I’ve never celebrated it.”

 “Well,” I say with a smile, “what better time than now to start?” Pulling the covers back, I climb out of bed. “Alan, Eric, Marie, and Grell have also brought you gifts,” which I had to hide away from plain view.

 “Sweet! So did Al and everyone know ‘bout my birthday date too?”

 “No, but I told them.” Though, in hindsight, I probably should have told them weeks ago, gave them more time to put thought into their presents.

 He bounces up and down on his bottom like an excitable toddler. “So can we go open them up now?”

 “No – take a shower first. One should be clean and fresh on their special day.”

 “Na.” He scrambles out of bed, grabbing my wrist roughly. “I want a bath.”

 Well, in all honesty, I should have expected that. “Of course.”

\-----------

 “Savin’ tha’ best till last.” Ronald beams up at me, his hand on the large wrapped box I brought him. Grell had brought him some clothes, Eric a chocolate hamper, Marie some Lynx sets, and Alan got him a few board games. In his birthday card, it said ‘try to beat William at chess. I’m sure he’s far better at it than I’. So yes … I’ll be stuck playing childish games for some time to come. Still, I can think of worse things to do to pass my days.

 “I hope that you like it.”

 Ronald takes my words as a cue to rip into his present, pulling away the wrapping with great excitement. “Oh … wow!”

 “You like it?”

 “An Xbox One?! Hell yeah!” He peels away the tape, opening the box, and peering inside. “Oh … Overwatch?”

 “Indeed.” I hid the game inside the console box. “Eric says the game is months old now, but he highly recommends it.”

 “Awesome!” Standing up, he wraps his arms around me. “Thanks, babe, I’m gonna’ ‘ave hours of fun wi’ it, promise.”

 I hug him back, tightly. “You are welcome, and if there is anything else you want for your birthday, do not hesitate to ask.” I have a feeling about what else he wants, for even though he hasn’t said anything to me directly, he has been grinding up against me in his sleep. Honestly, he is like a dog humping my leg at times.

 But really, I wouldn’t mind so much if he did want … that. He has healed completely now, and well, it has been a while.

 “Yeah, if I think of anythin’, I’ll let y’ know.”

\-------------

***2.01pm***

 “Babe, can we go out and do somethin’?” Ronald asks.

 “I thought that you were too stuffed full of cake to be able to move?” As he leans his head on my shoulder, I add “and chocolate.”

 “Na, it’s gone down now. I’m kinda’ bored.”

 “Well you do have your Xbox. Why not play that?”

 “I can play tha’ tonnes when y’re not around.” He pouts – really quite adorable. “But seein’ as y’re not at work, I wanna’ do somethin’ fun, wi’ y’.”

 “Sure, but you will have to think of a place to go first.” It really can be quite dull around these parts at times.

 “Hmm, well … I saw a tennis court on one of my walks last week. Wanna’ play?”

 “Tennis?”

 “Yeah.”

 “Umm … I haven’t a clue about that game; I have never played it.”

 “Neither ‘ave I, but it’ll be fun. Y’ know, knockin’ a few balls around.”

 I shake my head. “More like highly embarrassing, Ronald. I will probably make a right fool of myself.”

 “Na … we can make fools of ourselves together. I’ll probs lose all tha’ balls before we even ge’ started.”

 “Well … when you put it like that, sure.”

\------------

 “Lord … it is so hot out today,” I complain as we enter the tennis court, having just paid for an hour long slot; an automated payment system of course, as no reapers have the time to work away from branch.

 “Wha’ do y’ expect when y’re wearin’ tha’?” Ronald raises an eyebrow to me.

 “I don’t have any shorts!”

 “Well don’t y’ think -.”

 “No, they do not suit me.” I eye his attire, with his bright blue shorts; they match his eyes. “You however … you look very nice.”

 “Aww, thanks babe,” he beams widely.

\-----------

 I hit the ball, obviously too hard, the yellow beast flying out of the court. “Dammit ….”

 “Eh … well tha’ was a fail,” Ronald laughs at me from the other side of the net. He looks around, frowning. “Oh … where’d tha’ ball go?”

 “I … I have no idea.” Embarrassing … truly embarrassing …. I actually feel the need to hide my face in shame.

 He shrugs. “Oh well, we’ve still got two balls left.”

 I nod. “Yes, and I think it best that you take the first shot this time.”

 “Sure!” He rushes to get a ball, before backing away from the net again. “Alright, ready?”

 “As much as I can be, yes.”

 He takes a swing at the ball, and I watch in horror as it comes flying towards – “OW!” Oh … God, r-right … on the … tip of my nose ….

 “Will! Shit!” Ronald rushes over to me, his eyes wide. “D … did tha’ hurt?”

 “I … it stung. My … eyes are watering … a tad.”

 “Babe, I’m so sorry.”

 “It … it is perfectly fine,” I blink away the tears in my eyes, attempting to smile. “Neither of us are very … good at this, are we?”

 “Nope, guess not.” He closes the gap between us, lips pressing to my own. My hands place on his hips, and I pull him closer, the kiss deepening.

 There are people in the courts surrounding ours, I am sure, but I cannot find it in myself to care. I love him, I love him so much.

 Let them watch if they must, let them be nosey.

 I do not care anymore. If kissing him on his birthday makes him truly happy, kiss him I shall. Passionately, deeply, lovingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, where would you like the last side story chap to go? Soon, or a bit later on?
> 
>  
> 
> Next update coming Tuesday.


	95. William. Birthday part two.

***8.03pm***

 “Hmmmm ….” Ronald’s face is flushed, his fringe sticking to his forehead. The heat, the humidity, it will just not leave the atmosphere. Honestly, sun, England is not a place you belong. Be gone, foul bright ball of gas.

 I lean closer, taking our previous kiss to deeper levels. It turns out that … love making was indeed on his mind, and while I am aroused, deeply aroused, I am taking my time to get into this. I … I am still a little nervous over the whole thing, my stomach turning every now and then.

 But his mouth, the small flicks of his tongue – they are lovely, comforting in some way. I feel his hand rubbing against my crotch, and a groan escapes me. I … I must admit, I have been looking forward … to this for the last couple of days.

 Strange … so strange ….

\----------

 “H-here?” I ask, fingers gracing over his nipples. My … my nerves are beginning to get the best of me again.

 “Yeah ….” He groans softly as I rub at his skin. “Hmmm ….”

 “Is … is that nice?”

 “P-proper sensitive.” He smiles up at me, causing my heart to melt. “In a good way though.”

 “I … I see.” Working up the courage, I bend down, lips pressing to his chest.

 “Hmmmmm ….”

 Spurred on by the noises he is making, my mouth trails to his stomach. As my lips brush over his hysterectomy scar, a pang of hurt echoes in my chest.

 Thankfully, his next words pull me from my sadness. “Hn, I’m so horny, babe. Can … we ge’ down ta’ business?”

 “Oh … right, yes, I shall get the lube ….” Oh … dammit, where did we put it?

\------------

 “A … are you ready?” I ask.

 “Yep, I’m all loosened up,” he grins; again with the vulgarity …. He sits up, fingers brushing against my cheek. “Hey, can I be on top this time?”

 I pull away from him, horrified. “N … no, I d-do not think so.”

 “Oh … why not?”

 Oh dear, I … I feel all flustered. “W … well … I-I don’t … want my a-anus -.”

 “Hah! Noooo, I didn’t mean be on top in tha’ way.” He chuckles. “I jus’ wanna’ sit on top of y’.”

 “Oh … oh, I see.” Oh Lord … that was embarrassing. I … I really did get the wrong end … of the stick there …. “Y-yes, that … is fine.”

\-------------

 “Ahhh ….” My head presses back into the pillow as … he … sinks down onto me. My hips buck up of their own accord, a long moan leaving me. “Hnnn ….”

 “Hn … fuck ….”

 I look up at him, seeing his mouth hanging open. Such … a wonderful expression ….

\----------

 Oh … oh, Lord, the … the way he is moving, it … it feels marvellous. How … how does he move like that? T … those hips of his …. How … can he … rock them so … quickly? Where … does he get the energy to … do that?

 Oh … oh my … the groans, the pants he is making. Wonderful … so wonderful ….

 “W … Will, I … I’m so close, babe.”

 “M … me … also.”

 “Hn ….” His movements quicken in pace, turn sloppy, but good lord, it … it feels amazing.

 “Nnghhh.” My nails dig into his hips, my hips bucking along with him. “Hnnnn ….”

 “Oh … Fuck!” His head falls back, his thighs squeezing around me. “Ah! J … jus’ like tha’!” Such … such a tight grip he … has on me, in every sense of the word.

\------------

 “Well … that was wonderful ….” I say, my chest heaving from all of the physical activity.

 “Yeah,” Ronald chuckles, “I can tell tha’ y’ enjoyed it.”

 “Indeed, thoroughly.”

 “Yeah, jus’ look wha’ y’ve done ta’ me.” He sits up, pointing to his hips.

 “Oh … oh my.” There are scratch marks, deep red gouges in his skin. I … I did that to him? “R-Ronald, I … I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to get carried away. I -.”

 “Huh?” He raises an eyebrow to me. “Y’ feel bad ‘bout it?”

 “Yes, of course -.”

 “Don’t.” A wide smile spreads across his face. “I think it’s well sexy.”

 “Y … you do?”

 “Yep. Y’ must ‘ave really felt good. I know tha’ I’d love ta’ scratch tha’ shit outta' y’ back if y’ were on top of me.”

 “Oh … I see. No harm done then?”

 “Nope.” He lies back down, resting his head on my shoulder. “I’m gettin’ turned on again jus’ thinkin’ ‘bout y’ diggin’ y’ nails in.”

 “I see.” A small chuckle comes from me. “Honestly, you and your teenage hormones – how am I ever supposed to keep up?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also wow this story has only 100 Kudos now. Thanks!


	96. Ronald. Our little lost friend.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sadness :(

***Thursday 22nd June***

 Will’s upset, proper upset, and for once, it isn’t from something I’ve done. Pfft, if only that was a good thing.

 Trumpet got sick at the weekend, and … his wings started trembling. He was all ruffled up and shit, and well … he just looked poorly.

 So Will brought him inside, did his best to take care of him. B … but Trumpet was … old and stuff, and when we woke up this morning, Will went to check on him straight away. It … it was horrible to see the shock and … horror on his face. Fuck … it really broke my heart.

 Trumpet’s in birdy heaven now … so … so at least he isn’t in pain anymore. But … fuck, I’m really gonna’ miss the little guy.

 And Will’s … in bits ….

 “Goodness me,” he says, trying to wipe his eyes as quickly as possible so I don’t notice, but I do ….

 “I’m sorry, babe,” I say, sitting down next to him on the sofa.

 “I … I should have done something more … for him – taken him to … a vet in the human world or -.”

 “Will, stop it. It … it wasn’t y’ fault – he … he was an old bird, y’ know tha’.”

 “But -.”

 “Y’ … y’ need ta’ stop blamin’ y’self. There was nothin’ y’ could ‘ave done.”

 “How … how could you possibly know that?”

 I sigh. “Well … I don’t think … he had an … illness or anythin’. I … I think it was jus’ old … age catchin’ up wi’ him.”

 With a sniff, he nods. “It … it did seem that way, I suppose.”

 I try to think of something positive to say. Oh, right – “Well … he was a rescue, wasn’t he?”

 “Umm … yes?”

 “So he probably wouldn’t ‘ave survived wi’ his dodgy wing if y’ hadn’t ‘ave taken him in. I think … y’ made his life happy, and long, and -.”

 “Mmm … we … we did have some wonderful times.” He manages to crack a smile. “H-he really was a lovely bird.”

 “Yeah, a right beaut.”

 “I … indeed.” With another sniff, he asks “may I have a hug?”

 “Yeah, of course.” I give him a tight cuddle.

 I … I get it, how much it hurts … to lose someone you love. But the pain does get better, it really does, and … Will will be alright …. It’ll just take a bit of time.

 It just sucks … that it’s so hard to come to terms with losing someone. It’s so painful, it … really is ….

 And I just … hope I never lose Will. If … if he ever leaves me, I … I think it’d destroy me.

 N-no, not … think.

 I know.

 I know … I wouldn’t be able to cope without him.

 Fuck … how did I ever survive without him?

 

 

 

 I … I haven’t got a fucking clue ….


	97. Side story: Chapter Twelve. A warning. Alan/Eric.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dosed up on painkillers for migraine, so if there are any typos, let me know.

***15th February***

 “That’s great, Al!” Eric grinned, having just heard from Alan that he’d passed his reaper exam. “Ah knew yer’d pass with flying colours.”

 “Hmm, I’m so glad that it’s over. I … I had to decide whether someone was worth sparing from death.” Alan replied.

 “Ahh … ah didn’t have that test, but ah know Grell did. Was it an easy decision?”

 “Yes. He was old and sick, having no quality of life.” The brunette sighed. “Taking his soul, I felt, was a merciful act.”

 “Aye, sometimes it’s best tae put someone out of their misery.” Eric moved over to Alan, pulling him into a tight hug. “Yer did great, Al, ah’m so proud of yer.”

 “T … thank you.”

\-----------

***18th February***

 Eric had been mentoring Alan for a few days now, their reaps being done together. Things had been going well, until now. “Al, yer okay?” Eric asked as they stood on the roof of a barn, awaiting their next assignment. “Yer look upset.”

 “Oh ….” The brunette looked away, grip tightening on his scythe. “I’m … okay, just a little shaken up.”

 The blonde sighed. “Yer didn’t enjoy that last reap, did yer?”

 “N … no. He … he was so young. If … if only I’d have said something to him, told him about the awful accident. I … I know it isn’t my place, but -.”

 “Yer can’t let yerr emotions come intae play on the job.”

 The bluntness of Eric’s words caused Alan to tense, and he stared at his partner. “W … what?”

 “Look, ah … ah know that yer’re an emotional person, and yer can’t help but feel empathy, but it has tae stop.”

 “I … I don’t understand -.”

 “It’s just a job, Al, nothing more.”

 “But it’s not to me! W … we’re dealing with real people, their lives and suffering.”

 “No! Yer’ll do yerself in if yer keep feeling sorry for the dead.” Eric eyed him sternly, Alan fidgeting under his gaze. Being shouted at by Eric was truly unnerving. “Didn’t they tell yer about The Thorns of Death in the academy?”

 “Y … yes, but … but that’s just a silly legend.”

 “No it’s not!” Eric shook his head. “And even if it was, do yer really want tae risk dying? After all the effort yer went through tae avoid dying a slow, painful death?”

 “N … no, that … would be horrible,” Alan gulped.

 “Aye, so do us both a favour and stop caring.”

 “I … I don’t know if … I can, Eric.”

 “Yer have tae.” The blonde moved forward, arm wrapping around his partner. “Please, ah … ah cannae see yer get hurt.”

 Alan nodded slowly. “I … I’ll try, Eric, I’ll try.”

 “Just remember that there’s nothing yer can do for the dying. God’s chosen already – it’s out of our hands. Ah … ah know that it doesn’t seem fair most of the time, but … it is what it is.”

 “I know that … but I still feel bad for them.” Alan sighed. “But if … if my life is at stake, I have to think of myself first. That isn’t … up for discussion.”

 “Aye, exactly.” _You’re the important one, Al, please never forget that._

_\-------------_

***1st March***

 “E … Eric,” Alan panted, pulling away from a passionate kiss. “I … I think I’m ready now, for … umm ….” His cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

 “Really?” Eric asked.

 “I … I think so.”

 “Well there’s no pressure on my end, yer know that.”

 “I … I know, but … I … I’d like to try.”

 A wide grin spread across Eric’s face. “Hn, ah like the sound of that.” Lifting Alan up onto the kitchen countertop, he began to kiss him deeply again, fingers slipping under Alan’s shirt. The brunette gasped into the kiss, his skin tingling.

 Soon, the buttons on the shirt had been undone, Eric’s thumb rubbing over Alan’s nipples. The kiss was broken, Eric trailing kisses down the ivory skin of Alan’s chest.

 “Hmmm ….” The brunette’s body shuddered at the pleasurable contact. “Ah ….” He gasped as Eric’s hand made contact with his clothed crotch, the rubbing motion making him tense. “E … Eric, not here.”

 The Scotsman pulled away. “Eh?”

 “I … I want the real thing, in the bed.”

 “Oh, right.” Eric let out a chuckle. “No doing yer on the kitchen counter. Sorry, got carried away a wee bit.” He lifted Alan into his arms, heading out of the room.

\------------

 Oil based lube was placed on the nightstand, Eric looking down at his nude partner. “Shite, yer’re really nervous, aren’t yer?”

 “A … a little.” Alan hugged at himself. “I … I know it’ll probably hurt … a bit.”

 “It won’t if yer relax.” Eric smiled. “Here, let me help with that.”

 The brunette gasped as Eric’s fingers graced over his throbbing member. “Ah ….”

 His hand moved down, giving Alan’s balls a small squeeze before he wrapped it around Alan’s cock, pumping it up and down slowly. “Wow, Al, yer’re really gagging for it.”

 “H … how can … you tell?”

 “Hah, well, yerr balls are proper heavy, and yer’re rock hard.”

 “Oh … oh, I see.” The movements on him picked up speed, his head pressing back into the pillow. “Hmmm ….”

 “That feel good?”

 “S-so … good.”

\------------

 “Ah!” Alan let out a loud groan when the warmth of Eric’s mouth engulfed him, the blonde further trying to relax him. “Mmmmm ….” The brunette’s hand gripped onto the bedcovers under him as his partner took him deeper into his mouth. “Y … you’re so … g-good at this.”

 “Mm.” _Aye, practice._

 Alan’s eyes squeezed shut; revelling in the pleasure as Eric began to bob his head up and down. His stomach began to ache with pleasure, and he whined when Eric pulled away. His eyes flew open. “E … Eric?”

 The blonde grabbed the lube, saying “pass me a pillow so ah can lift yerr hips up a wee bit.”

 “Oh … we … we’re going to ….?”

 “Not yet, babe, ah need tae finger yer a bit first.”

 The brunette blushed brightly. “I … I see.” The spare pillow was passed over, and Alan lifted his hips, Eric sliding it under him. “E … easier … access?” He asked, swallowing down a lump in his throat.

 “Aye, exactly.” Eric pushed his partner’s legs open a little more, the lube being rubbed over thick digits. “Alright, just relax.”

 “O … okay.” _I … I’m trying …._

 An index finger rubbed against Alan’s entrance, causing the brunette to moan softly. “S … sensitive ….”

 “Aye, definitely.” After a little while, the digit was pushed inside slowly, Eric feeling his partner tensing. “Yer okay?”

 “T … that’s uncomfortable ….”

 “Oh, want me tae stop?”

 “No! It … it’s fine.”

 “Alright ….” Eric’s spare hand gripped onto the back of Alan’s thigh, his mouth kissing and sucking on the sensitive skin of his inner thigh.

 “Hmmmm …..”

 As Alan began to relax again, the digit was slid in and out slowly, Eric’s mouth moving back to the brunette’s throbbing cock. _Fuck … he’s so hard, so turned on. I love it!_ After a little while, after much licking and sucking, a second finger was added.

 “Ahhh ….” Alan shivered, his insides feeling stretched and tingly. The fingers were scissored, and rubbed inside of him, the brunette tensing. “T-there … it … it feels nice.”

 Eric hummed around Alan’s dick, pressing inside of him farther, against a spongy patch of tissue.

 “Hnnnn.” The smaller reaper jolted, the muscles in his thighs contracting. “Ah!”

 Spurred on by the noises, Eric began to suck harder, bobbing his head faster and faster as the seconds passed by. A third digit was added, probing and stroking against the tight heat.

 “Ah! E … Eric!” Alan’s nails scraped against the sheets, pressure mounting in his groin. A deep prod pushed him over the edge, his back arching as an orgasm washed over him. “Ohhhh!”

 The blonde swallowed down Alan’s come eagerly, and he pulled away, licking his lips. He looked at Alan, seeing his flushed, sweaty face. “Aww, someone’s worn out.”

 Alan didn’t reply, instead panting harshly. After a little while, he regained his ability to speak. “T … that was wonderful … Eric.”

 “Ah’m glad yer enjoyed it.” Eric climbed into bed at his side, fingers brushing Alan’s sweaty fringe from his face.

 The action caused Alan to frown. “U … umm, w … what about the … love making?”

 “Ah think yer’ve had enough for tonight, babe.”

 “B-but what about you?”

 “It’s alright – ah don’t care as long as yer enjoyed yerself.”

 “I mind!” Alan stared at him, eyes full of determination. “I … I want the … full thing, Eric.”

 “Are yer sure? Yer’re not too tired?”

 “No, I … umm … I’m still very in the mood, actually.”

 Eric jumped up from the bed, stripping off the last of his clothing; his underwear. _Ahh, that’s better. They were getting way too tight._ “Well, ah don’t need telling twice.”

 Alan continued to stare, his mouth dropping open. _Oh my … he’s so big._ Alan bit his lip, feeling a little self-conscious. _I … I pale in comparison …._

\----------

 Eric groaned loudly, his lubed member pressing inside of his partner. “Ahhh … fuck ….”

 The brunette let out a small whimper; it was painful, his body being stretched to its limits. Eric, however, didn’t notice, and he buried his face in the pillow above Alan’s head. His movements picked up in speed, the pleasure causing him to get carried away. “F … fucking hell ….”

 Alan hissed, tears forming in his eyes, upset welling up in him. With a deep thrust inside of him, he let out a cry, beginning to sob. That sound caught Eric’s attention, and he pushed himself up onto his elbows. The look on Alan’s face caused his stomach to lurch. “A-Al? W … what’s the matter?”

 “It … it hurts,” Alan whispered.

 “Oh … oh shite.” Eric pulled out quickly, and he rolled off of Alan, pulling him into a tight hug. “Shite, ah … ah’m so sorry, Al, ah … ah thought yer were relaxed enough.” His fingers brushed through brown locks as Alan sniffed against him.

 “I … I … think … you were going … too fast.”

 “Ah … ah got carried away; ah’m so sorry.”

 “It’s fine … j … just slow down a little bit.”

 Eric pulled back, staring at his partner in surprise. “Yer still want tae … do it?”

 “Well … I don’t want my … first time to end in tears. C … can we make it … end on a high note?”

 “A … aye.” Eric wiped Alan’s tears away. “If that’s what yer want.”

 “It … it is.”

\---------

 A while had passed, Eric having kissed Alan until he’d relaxed again, followed by a long session with his fingers to ensure that Alan was fully prepared this time around.

 “Ahhh ….” Alan gasped, clinging to Eric through the slow, gentle thrusting.

 “D … does it hurt?” The blonde asked, worry surging through him.

 “N … no, it … it feels nice,” Alan breathed. “I … I’m so … aroused.”

 “Aye, ah can feel that.”

 Alan let out a giggle, which was soon replaced by a moan, Eric’s member brushing against his pleasure spot. His nails dug into his partner’s back, a tremble running through him.

 “Here?” Eric asked.

 “Y … yes – ohhh ….” He bit down on his lip, eyes squeezing shut.

 “God, yer’re so cute.” The thrusting motion quickened, a grunt rumbling in his throat.

 The biting stopped, Alan showing his pleasure with a long moan. “Hnnnn ….”

 “L … like this?”

 “Y-yes!”

 Their lips locked, pants and groans muffled, tongues sliding over and under each other. Eric thrust deeper, each forward nudge connecting with Alan’s sensitive little bundle of nerves.

 Alan screamed out against Eric’s mouth, his whole body tensing, toes curling as the sweet sensation of release hit him.

 The squeezing of his love around him caused Eric to be overcome with pleasure also, and with his movements turning sloppy, he too came, spilling forcefully into his gorgeous partner. The kiss broke, a shaky groan coming from the blonde. “God … that felt amazing, Al.”

 “Hmmm ….” Alan’s hands fell away from Eric’s back, and he lay sprawled out on the bed, a dazed smile on his face as Eric pulled out, sitting up between spread legs.

 The expression on the smaller man’s face made Eric chuckle. “Hah, someone’s done in.”

 Alan’s eyes fluttered shut, his body relaxing completely. “T … that was truly … amazing ….”

_And to think that I would have missed out on this in my fragile human state; missed out on everything that a lasting relationship with Eric could bring me – happiness, true happiness._

_Now … now that is what … what is truly amazing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that ends the side story. Hope you enjoyed.


	98. Alan. Nightmares.

***Thursday 29th June***

***10.05am***

 “Nghhh … no … no ….”

_“Yer have tae. Please, ah … ah cannae see yer get hurt.”_

 “I … I’m sorry.”

_“Just remember that there’s nothing yer can do for the dying. God’s chosen already – it’s out of our hands. Ah … ah know that it doesn’t seem fair most of the time, but … it is what it is.”_

 “I know that! I … I … I didn’t mean ….”

_“I know that … but I still feel bad for them. But if … if my life is at stake, I have to think of myself first. That isn’t … up for discussion.”_

 “N … no! I … I’m so sorry, Eric – nghhh ….”

_“I … I loved yer, Al, w-why did yer -?”_

 “It … it was an accident!”

_“Ah warned yer, Al, ah fucking warned yer!”_

 “I’m sorry! E … Eric, please … please don’t go … don’t leave me! Please!”

\------------

 Oh … oh … goodness. I … I’m shaking like a leaf – it … it was all a dream, a horrible, awful dream ….

 But … but he … he did warn me. I … I remember now, what he said when … I’d only just become a reaper.

 T … thank goodness that … he can’t see me right now, crying and trembling. I … I’m so glad that he’s at work right now, or … or this would be a complete mess.

 No … it is already an … a-awful mess ….

 He will hate … me when he finds out. He … he did warn me, and … I … I was just too stupid to listen. The … the nightmare will come true – he … will be mad, and … and he will leave me. Of … of course he will.

 I roll over in bed, curling up into a ball. He … he gave me a chance of … eternal life, and … and I’ve just thrown it all away. Stupid … stupid little child ....

 I … I endured my … first attack yesterday, at work. I … I … was all alone, and … it was so, so painful. I thought that I … I was going to d-die right there on the spot. And … and all I wanted was for Eric to hold me tight … but … but that would mean spilling … everything.

 “I … I can’t … do … this anymore. E-Eric … I … I’m so … s-sorry.”

 I … I want to tell someone so badly – I … need … s-some comfort. A … a kind word. B … but I can’t let it out – I … I’ll be judged. They’ll see me as weak, a terrible reaper. I … I am weak; pathetic, utterly p-pathetic.

\-------------

***1.03pm***

 I … I’ve been curled up here for hours now – I … I can’t move; I don’t want to move. I … I haven’t the energy, the will to do anything. H … how pitiful ….

 My body tenses – was … was that the door?

 “Al, mate, y’ in here?” Oh … oh no, I … I forgot that Ronnie was … coming to hang out with me … after his shift today. C-crap – I can’t let him see me like this! But … but if I just lie still, he … he won’t be able to see me. The … the curtains – they’re still closed.

 “Ah, there y’ are!” I hear his footsteps near the bed. “Come on, y’ lazy ass, ge’ up,” he chuckles. My breath catches in my throat when he pulls the covers from me. I … I can’t bear to look at him – I probably look awful.

 “Al? W … what’s tha’ matter?” I squeeze my eyes shut, but it’s too late. He’s already climbed into bed in front of me. “Hey … come on, look at me.”

 “N … no ….”

 I feel him pat my arm lightly. “Why not? What’s gotten y’ so down? Did … y’ and Eric ‘ave a fight?”

 “N-no.” Not yet …. I break down further.

 “Hey … mate … come on, talk ta’ me.” He pulls me into a hug. “It’s not like y’ ta’ be like this.”

 “I-I … know.” I press into his hold. Comfort, comfort …. “I … I’m sorry.”

 “Y’ don’t ‘ave ta’ be sorry,” he says softly. “Jus’ tell me what’s wrong. I … I wanna’ help y’, Al.”

 A sob rumbles from my throat. “You can’t!” I can’t take this anymore!

 “Eh? Why -?”

 “I’m sick, Ronnie, sick!”

 A gasp leaves me. I … I said it ….

 Oh God … I finally … told someone ….

 No … no, I … I didn’t mean –

 No ….

 No!


	99. Ronald. Sick?

 “Al … I don’t understand. Reapers don’t get sick.” But he … is proper upset, so he must be right. “Do they?”

 “S-sometimes ….”

 “But it’s nothin' serious, right?” Oh fuck, is it? He … he’s crying even harder. “Al?”

 “It … it isn’t … looking good.” Shit ….

 “B … but y’ve gone ta’ tha’ doctor’s, right?”

 “Y … yes, of course.”

 “So they’ll find a way ta’ help y’.”

 “T … they are … trying,” he says through his cries, “but … but they haven’t found a cure yet.”

 “But they will, of course they will.”

 “T … they have to. T … this ill-illness is driving me crazy.”

 Poor guy …. “Are y’ … in any pain?”

 “It is … q-quite bad.”

 I gulp. Shit … I should say something to make him feel better. But what? Eh …. “I’m sure tha’ they’ll find somethin’ soon. Y’ jus’ need ta’ keep strong.”

 “I … I’m trying.” He buries his head in my chest. “It … it’s just so hard.”

 I pat his back lightly. “Well, I’m always here if y’ need anythin’. And Eric will always be there -.”

 “I haven’t told him!”

 Eh …? “Y’ wha’?” Did … did I hear that right? No way –

 “I … I don’t … know how to tell him. It … it will break his heart – I … can’t do th-that to him.”

 Fucking hell …. “So y’re sayin’ y’ve been goin’ through this shit all on y’ own?”

 “P-pretty … much, yes.” He clings onto me, his voice shaking really badly. “P-please … d-don’t tell him. I don’t – can’t -.”

 “I won’t.” I mean, if someone is confiding in me, I’m not going to break their trust. And it’d be a pretty dick move to open my mouth when he’s begging me not to. “But y’ do need ta’ tell him. Y’ve always said it’s best ta’ be open wi’ y’ partner.”

 “I … I know. But … please, don’t tell him … for me.”

 “Na, I won’t, I promise.”

 “T … thank you.”

\----------------

***2.07pm***

 “Here y’ go, mate,” I say, holding out a mug of hot chocolate. But he doesn’t take it, and … he’s kinda’ bent over awkwardly, his hand on his chest. “Al, y’ alright?”

 “H … had an … attack,” he whispers.

 W-what? “An attack? What’s tha’?”

 “I … I don’t … know how to … explain. Like … a stabbing pain … and … breathlessness.”

 “Oh … like an asthma attack?”

 “A … little, I guess, but … it’s agony.”

 God … poor little guy …. “Well, bein’ all bent over like tha’ isn’t helpin’ y’. Come on, sit up straight.”

 “G … good point.” He winces when he straightens up, resting his back against the headboard. It … it must be really bad pain – he can hardly move ….

 “Tha' hot chocolate might help, y’ know, wi’ tha’ warmth of it.” I hold it out to him again.

 Slowly, he reaches out, taking the mug from me. “T … thank you.” And he takes a sip – oh … was that a smile? “It … it’s really … nice, thank you.”

 “Heh, wha’ can I say? I drink enough hot chocolate; I should know how ta’ make one by now.” I climb back onto the bed, in front of him. “And Al?”

 “Y … yes?”

 “If y’ need anythin’, anythin’ at all, jus’ lemme’ know, okay?”

 “Umm ….” He stares down at his drink. “There is … something actually.”

 “Sure. Wha’ is it?”

 “Uh … well, as you … know, I’ve been seeing the doctors … a lot recently.”

 “Yeah?”

 “It proves quite … exhausting with all the tests and procedures they’re doing … on me ….”

 Okay … but where do I come into all this? “So … wha’ can I do for y’?”

 “Would … you be able to come with … me to some of the appointments? I … I know work will clash … sometimes, but … most of them … are in the afternoon.”

 “Yeah, of course I’ll come wi’ y’ – no probs there.” I try my best to smile. “And y’ know, I only work out in tha’ garden, so if y’ ever do need me, jus’ text or call.”

 “Really?” He looks up at me. “You don’t mind?”

 “Na, not one bit.” I pat his leg gently. “Look, y’re like my best friend, Al, and I’m gonna’ be right here at y’ side until y’ beat this illness.”

 “Y ... you really mean that?”

 “Yeah, I promise, always.”

 He means the world to me. He really, really does ….

 So … so he has to get better, he just has to ….


	100. Ronald. No ... that isn't true!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit is about to go down. That is all.

***5.27pm***

 Man … today has been really stressful, if I’m honest. Well, the afternoon has been anyway. Al’s in a bad way, a lot of pain. I … I can’t believe that I didn’t notice how knackered he was, but … well, I guess he knows how to hide it well. Actually, that’s pretty obvious, seeing as Eric still doesn’t have a clue ….

 He told me what his illness is called, which kinda’ fucked with my head a little. The Thorns of Death – DEATH! I mean, Jesus Christ, way to fill a sick person with hope. And … God, it really hit me hard. Like, Al had told me it was a serious problem, but to hear the ‘D’ word, it … it really brought home how bad it was.

 I kinda’ just wanna’ go home now. Not because I wanna’ leave Al alone or anything, but I feel like crying, breaking down over all of this; but I don’t want him to see me cry. It’ll do fuck all for his morale. And there’s been enough fucking crying in this house today – I really don’t wanna’ add to it, add to the general feeling of gloom right now.

 I mean, I’ve been trying to make the best of this situation, not be super down and depressing. But … meh, I think he can tell I’m shitting my pants about the whole thing.

 “Al, is it alright if I head home in a bit?” I ask. “Will was expectin’ me home a while ago.” Which isn’t a complete lie – well, not one at all actually. I was planning to spend a couple of hours with Al, playing board games to pass the boredom of having his partner stuck at work. Then I was gonna’ get a few bits and bobs from the grocery store, and be home for four.

 “Of course you can. I … I hope I wasn’t keeping … you here against your will.”

 “Wha’? No, of course not. I love spendin’ time wi’ y’, y’ know tha’.” I give him a small pat on the shoulder. “Will Eric be home soon?”

 “Yes, about six.”

 I grab my phone from my pocket, having a look at the time. “So will y’ be alright on y’ own for half hour?”

 “I’ll be fine, Ronnie.”

 “Y’ need anythin’ before I go? Somethin’ ta’ eat or -?”

 “No … I’m not really that … hungry.”

 Yeah … he keeps saying that. Still, he does need to eat. Hmm … I’ll just have to think of something nice to bring him the next time I see him. Or … maybe I could put his baking lessons to use – and try not to burn the kitchen down in the process.

\--------

 As soon as I pull my key outta’ Al’s front door, the tears start. T … this is … so, so hard. I’ve had a mate die on me before, Beast, but … nothing like this. It’s the not knowing … the wondering if … he’s gonna’ be alright – that’s the fucking hard part.

 B … but at least Will’s home, and … he … he might be able to cheer me up some. He … he’s still having his down … moments over Trumpet, but I know he’ll still be … there for me as best he can. He has to be.

 Fuck … why am I doubting that he’s gonna’ be supportive? Fucking hell … he loves me. I need to stop being so fucking stupid ….

\--------

 S … shit, I’m full force sobbing …. W-what a mess …. And to make it even fucking worse, Will isn’t in the living room. Isn’t he even home –?

 “Ronald?” Oh … thank God, he’s in the kitchen. Ugh … my legs feel so shaky. I stumble into the room, sniffing and crying. “W … Will ….”

 He turns from the sink, frowning at me. “Ronald, whatever is the matter?”

 “Al’s … sick …. Tha’ … Tha’ Thorns.”

 He … he didn’t even flinch? W … what the hell? “Yes, it really is heart breaking.”

 Shock … takes over from how upset I’m feeling. He … he’s not shocked at all. “W … Will, d-did … y’ already know?” Na … he couldn’t, he … he would have told me ….

 “Yes … I did.”

 Oh … my fucking God …. “Y’ wha’?!” I … I’m pissed. “For how long?!”

 “A few months now -.”

 “And y’ didn’t fuckin’ tell me?!” My hand curls into a fist. So, so fucking angry!

 “I couldn’t! I … I found out through work, and confidentiality kept me from saying anything, even to you.”

 Na … na, I’m not buying that, not for one fucking second. “B-Bullshit ….”

 “It is true. I … I did want to tell you, but it wasn’t my decision. Alan didn’t want anyone to know, so -.”

 “I don’t care!” I … I’m shaking, but with rage now. “I thought y’ loved me!”

 “I do!”

 “No! Y’ … y’ said y’ … wanted us ta’ be … open wi’ each other, but y’re full of shit! Y’ want me ta’ tell y’ tha’ truth, but tha’ same rule doesn’t apply ta’ y’, does it?!”

 “Ronald, that is enough. Stop being so silly -.”

 “Silly?!” I move forward, getting right up in his face. “Y’re tha’ idiot here!”

 “Calm down, would -?”

 “Fuck no!” It’s your fault I’m so fucking angry! Al … Al could have been dead by now, and … and I wouldn’t have even known he was sick. That’s all on you, Will! “Y’re … y’re a cunt.”

 “I beg your pardon?”

 “Y’ heard!”

 “Ronald -.”

 “Wha’ else haven’t y’ been tellin’ me, huh?!” I seethe at him. “W … wha’ else do y’ know?!” Tears start falling down my cheeks. “Tell me!”

 “Ronald, stop it.” He glares at me.

 “No!” Wait …. “Y’ … y’ ‘ave … been hidin’ … other things, haven’t y’?” It … it’s obvious, how cold he’s being. “Haven’t y’?!”

 “No -.”

 “Stop lyin’ ta’ me! It’s fuckin’ obvious!”

 A long sigh comes from him, and … it just … fucks me off more. “Yes, I … I have.”

 “Y’ -.”

 “For your own good, Ronald!”

 “Don’t … don’t y’ … dare use tha’ excuse.” My nails are digging into my palm, but I … I don’t even care. I don’t think I could relax my fist even if I tried. “Y’ … y’ don’t ge’ ta’ use … tha’ fucked up line on me.”

 “So you remember what happened when you were two, do you?” His voice is dripping with sarcasm. “You can recall such hideous events?”

 I’m knocked off guard, confused. “W … wha’ are y’ talkin’ ‘bout?”

 He sighs again, harshly. “Do you really wish for me to be completely honest with you?”

 “Stop fuckin’ me around!”

 “You were abducted, Ronald.”

 The … the fuck? “W-wha’?”

 “Kidnapped.”

 “I know wha’ abducted means!” He … he thinks I’m stupid or something? “B … but wha’ are y’ on ‘bout?”

 “You were taken from your family -.”

 “My family’s dead! Don’t y’ dare bring my parents inta’ this!”

 “Oh, is that what you were told?”

 “Y … yeah?” But it’s true!

 “No it isn’t. You were kidnapped – there are many newspaper articles about it in the human world.”

 “N … no, y’re wrong!” I stagger backwards – it … it can’t be true. My … my parents died – I … I wasn’t … taken from them. N … no way in hell!

 “It is true, I am sorry.” He tries to reach out to me, but I smack his hand away.

 “Ge’ away from me! Y’ … y’re full of shit!” I … I feel sick. He … he’s lying – oh … oh fuck. But … but it fits … fits with everything else that … happened to me in my childhood. Oh … shit, he … he’s telling the truth ….

 He … he’s speaking again, but … but I can’t hear a word. My heart’s hammering … the room’s starting to blur. Fuck … this … this can’t be real. It … it isn’t real! I ….

 Oh fuck, I ….

 I can’t … believe this ….

 I feel so … hot, so … faint ….

 Fuck ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Comments?


	101. William. Panics.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Had a reader say that some of the ' didn't make sense at the end of words. Which, yeah, is true, so I've taken those out of the new chap.

 “R-Ronald?” He's fallen to his knees, sobs racking his small frame. I rush to kneel down in front of him, my hand placing on his shoulder. He is shaking, trembling under my fingertips. He … he is babbling incoherently; completely hysterical. “Ronald -.”

 A sob rumbles from his throat, tears streaming down his cheeks. T … this is bad – I … I have not seen him in such a state for a long while. And … he has gone so pale, like he has seen a ghost. Once … again, I am at a complete loss of what to say, what to do to help him.

 This … this is all my fault – I shouldn't have opened my mouth.

 “It … it is alright, Ronald -.”

 “No!” He falls forward, body slumping against mine. Curses, cries fall from his lips, and I try my best to comfort him, hand moving to rub his back.

 But … as the seconds tick by, I soon realise that he is only becoming more hysterical. My stomach churns as he begins to cough, gag on his sobs. W … what have I done to him? “Ronald, you … you must calm down.”

 “Nghhh ….”

 “Please, you are going to make yourself ill.” His gagging only gets worse, louder. At this rate, he is going –

 Much to my dismay, he gags again, and the putrid smell of vomit fills my nostrils. He … he has been sick all down my shirt.

 Poor … poor boy – he really is shaken ….

 “Uh ….”

 I tighten my grip on him, lifting him up as I stand, steadying him – he … he was swaying quite badly. I help him over to a kitchen chair, setting him down as gently as I can.

 His hands grip onto the edge of the table, knuckles beginning to turn white. My hand rubs at his back; I am trying my best to calm him, I really am. His form continues to shake, shudder under my palm, sweat soaking through his shirt.

 His breath is getting more ragged by the second, and … it is really beginning to concern me. Is … is he beginning to hyperventilate?

 “R-Ronald, are … are you alright?”

 His … his chest is heaving – oh Lord ….

 “I … I can't b-breathe ….”

 A … a panic attack? Is … is that what this is? I – I don't know … what to do. My voice begins to shake. This is concerning, deeply concerning. “Try … to take deep breaths, Ronald.” He takes a long, shuddering breath. “T … that's it, just like that.”

 I … I have really cocked up here. Just look at … the horrible situation I have put him in …. I am an awful partner, I really am ….

\-----------

 His breathing has calmed now, at least somewhat, but it … was absolutely terrifying to see … him go through that. He's slumped back in his chair now, looking completely exhausted. “How are … you feeling?” I ask, dreading his answer.

 I receive no reply; he merely shakes his head at me, tears still rolling down his face. And then a sob breaks the air, a hiccup and a sharp inhale soon following. No … no, not again. I … I cannot bear to see him gasping and gagging again.

 I don't know who was more panicked by his inability to catch his breath – him, or I.

 “Try to … calm yourself, Ronald.”

 His looks at me, and I … cannot tell if his expression is one of anger … or pure sorrow. “Y' … y' don't u-understand.”

 His words stop me dead in my tracks. He … is right, completely right. How could I possibly fathom the utter shock, the horror being told such a thing could cause? And he … believed his parents to be dead – knowing that he was taken from them by force, knowing that his life has been forever changed by the cruelty of another human – I … I just cannot begin to imagine how hard that must be.

 I swallow down the lump in my throat. “I … I know.”

 His hands move to cover his face, cover his beautiful blue eyes. As red and bloodshot as they are, they are still remarkable. A loud whimper comes from him. “S-shit ….”

 He needs to rest, he really does – he is drained. I peel my vile smelling shirt from my body, throwing it in the general direction of the bin. Arm wrapping around his shoulder, I say “I think you should lie down for a little while.”

 “K-kay ….”

\---------

 I place him down in bed softly, climbing in next to him and pulling the covers up to his shoulders. My fingers run through his hair, for I know how much he adores the soothing action. Though, this time, I really doubt it will help to calm him much, if at all.

 He buries his face in the pillow, much to my concern. “R-Ronald, don't do that. You need to take deep breaths, remember?”

 “D … don't care,” he whispers, sniffing loudly.

 At least … he has calmed down a little. “Can … I get you anything? Water, perhaps?” Oh yes, William, because mere water will really make up for what you have done to him.

 “N … no. Jus' … jus' keep doin' tha'.”

 “Playing with your hair?”

 “Y-yeah, tha'.”

\-----------

 It has been a few hours since I broke … the news to him, and he has fallen into a restless sleep. I tried to hold him, cuddle him, but he was tossing and turning far too much. A whine leaves him, confirming to me that he is having a nightmare. I … I should probably wake him, but that would just cause him to be aware, again, of the news that –

 “Ah!” His outburst causes me to flinch, and he jerks up in bed. “F … fuck ….”

 My heart sinks when he begins to cry again. “B-bad dream?”

 “M … memories.” He lets out a shuddery breath. “W … wha' y' told me … brings back a lot … of painful shit.”

 Yes … I can imagine. “Do you wish to talk about it?”

 He squeezes his eyes shut, a pained expression on his face. “N … no, I really don't.”

 At any other time, I would be deeply annoyed, but … if it really is such a bad memory, the last thing I wish to do is make him relive it …. “Understandable ….”

 He pulls his knees up to his chest, hugging at them through the bedsheets. “I … still can't … believe it.” He turns to look at me, a stray tear leaking from his eye. “It … it hurts ta know tha' … my … my life would've been … so different.” He sniffs. “I wouldn't 'ave ended up fuckin' … homeless for a start.” His teeth scrap against his lip for a moment before he asks “w … when did y' … find out?”

 I look down at my hands, wringing them. He … he is going to be enraged, again …. “Umm … around the time we first met. I … was curious … and decided to do a quick web search on you. It came up straight away.”

 “Okay ….”

 “I know that … I should have told you, but … but in all honesty, I … was worried that you would leave … me.”

 “L-leave y'?”

 “You … would want to … be reunited with your parents. Y … your parents are still … looking for you, you know.”

 He shakes his head, frowning. “Will … I … I don't even know them. Why … would I wanna meet them?”

 I … I am confused …. “Pardon? Why wouldn't you want to see them? T … they are your parents … and you also have two younger siblings. Doesn't that intrigue you?”

 “No ….” Another tear slides down his cheek. “I … I fuckin' hate tha human world. It … it's a horrible place, and … it's full of everythin’ tha’ I ge’ addicted ta. I … I don’t wanna go back there.”

 “But -.”

 “I don’t know … them, I don’t remember them, so … so I don’t really feel anythin’ for them. Y’, Eric, Al, Grell – y’re my family now.”

 That is indeed a sweet thing to say, but still “you don’t even wish to speak to them once? Just to tell them that you are alright? T … they don’t actually know if you are alive … or dead.”

 “I … I dunno.” He hugs at himself more. “M … my head’s a bit all over tha place at tha minute ….”

 It seems odd to me, that he wouldn’t jump at the chance, but … I know the human world has not been kind to him. I … I might not know the details of his life as a child, but it must be horrible, for him to be so against going back to the human world for even a quick visit.

 “That … is understandable.” My hand reaches out, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I am sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner.”

 He snorts, shaking his head. “I wish y’ hadn’t ‘ave told me. It … it’s really messed wi’ my head.”

 “B … but I thought that you wanted me to be open and honest with you?”

 “Y … yeah, but … I … wasn’t expectin’ somethin’ like tha’ ….”

 “I … I see.”

\---------------

 We have been sat in silence for a while now, awkward silence. It … it beginning to grate on me, my own thoughts and worries getting the best of me. “R-Ronald?”

 He looks over at me, but doesn’t say anything, adding further to my worry.

 “Do … do you hate me now?”

 “W-wha’?”

 “Because I didn’t tell you about Alan.”

 I hear him inhale sharply – I … I probably shouldn’t have brought Alan up. “I … I’m still … a bit pissed off,” he says, “b … but I don’t … hate y’, not one bit.”

 “Really?” That is surprising, given his outburst of rage earlier ….

 “If … y’d ‘ave told me, it … would‘ve upset me, right?”

 “Well … yes, b-but that wasn’t why I didn’t tell you.”

 “I know. But … I would‘ve gone ta Al, wantin’ answers, and … and tha’ would’ve jus’ upset him.”

 “Yes ….” I sigh. “Alan has been nothing but a superb reaper, a … a lovely young man. I … I didn’t want to betray his trust like that. It … it wouldn’t have been a fitting way to pay him back for all of his hard work at branch.”

 “I … I ge’ it. Same … reason tha’ I don’t wanna blab ta Eric. I mean, he should know, but I don’t wanna … hurt Al’s feelings.”

 “And it … wouldn’t be fair on Eric to hear it from anyone else but his partner.”

 “Exactly.”

 Silence falls between us again, my stomach churning. “Um … so … you … are not thinking … of leaving me, are you?”

 “Eh?”

 “Because … of me hiding things from you?”

 “Do … do y’ want me ta go?”

 “What? No, no, of course not.”

 “G-good.” He uncurls himself, and snuggles into my side. “Y’re family, Will, I … I’d never leave y’.”

 That is reassuring …. “Is there anything I can do … to make it up to you?”

 “N … no. I think I … might ‘ave overreacted a bit. It … it wasn’t as if y’ … really had a choice in tellin’ me.”

 “No … but the news of Alan’s illness must have come as quite the shock.”

 He presses up closer to me. “T … today’s … been one big … shock, ta be fair.”

 My arm wraps around him. “I … I can imagine.”

\-----------

 “Would you like something to eat, Ronald?” We are lying down now, his head resting on my chest.

 “N-na … I feel kinda sick.” Yes, I can imagine that his stomach feels quite unsettled. “I jus’ wanna cuddle.”

 “Of course. You try to get some sleep.”

 “Y … yeah.” He tilts his head, lips pressing to mine. He tastes of stale vomit, and … in all honesty, he is still looking rather unwell. Our lips part, and he settles back on my chest once more. “Well … night.”

 “Yes, goodnight.”

\---------

***Friday 30th June***

***8.47am***

 Ronald had a restless night, and when our alarm clock sounded this morning, it was quite obvious that he was feeling rather unwell. So, I phoned Marie, telling her that Ronald would not be coming into work today.

 The first thing she said to me was ‘oh, don’t tell me he’s done something again’. I reassured her that Ronald was just feeling under the weather.

 But really, I am very concerned. He does not only look ill, he seems stressed, and … just not himself. I just hope that it is from the shock of last night, but I cannot shake this feeling … of apprehension.

 He has been through … a lot worse recently than being told something shocking, and he has bounced back every single time; the withdrawals, the miscarriage, everything.

 And I just hope that he will bounce back this time also. But with Alan being so unwell … I doubt it. I … I doubt it, I really do ….


	102. Alan. Attacks coming thick and fast.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys make of the last chapter? I really put a lot of effort into it.

***1.24pm***

 I heard from Marie that Ronnie isn’t feeling so good, and I’m not due into work for another few hours, so I’ve decided to go visit him, see if there’s anything I can do for him. I probably won’t be very helpful though – I’m feeling pretty awful myself.

 I port into the living room. It took a while for William to let me just go straight into his house instead of knocking on the front door, but as me and Eric became closer to Ronnie … and William himself, he dropped the rule.

 And Ronnie isn’t in the living room, so it’s a good thing – I’d hate for him to have to drag himself out of bed just to answer the door for me.

 I carry on up the stairs, knocking on the door to the main bedroom. “Ronnie?”

 “Al … tha’ y’?”

 “Yeah.”

 “Come in.”

 I push the door open, walking into the room. I see his outline, curled up in a fetal position under the covers. “How are you feeling?”

 “I’m alright,” he says, “jus’ knackered.” A sigh comes from him. “Didn’t ge’ a very good night’s sleep.”

 “Well … feeling unwell can mess with your sleep circle.” Or cause you to need constant sleep, like me. “I’m sure it’ll normalize again once you’re feeling better.” My … my chest is starting to hurt again ….

 “Na ….” He huffs. “That’s not it, mate.”

 A sharp pain shoots through my chest, causing me to hiss. No … not now, I … I don’t need this right n-now. I … I’m trying my best to compose myself, but the … the pain is getting worse. “T … then what is it?”

 “I -.”

 “Ah!” It hits, pain coursing through me, my eyes squeezing shut. Everything else … fades away, nothing but the … the agony in focus. “Nghhh ….” It … it hurts, hurts so … much. Damn ….

 “Al?” I … I feel his hands on my upper arms. W … when did he … get out of bed? “Al, w … what’s tha matter?”

 My hand clenches on my shirt. My … my chest …. “Nhhh ….”

 “Al, talk ta me!”

 “A … an attack,” I manage to wheeze. S-so tight – I … I can’t breathe ….

 “Y’ … y’ should lie down,” he guides me over to the bed. “That’s it, buddy, sit down.” I sit on the edge of the bed with his help; hunched over, trying to catch my breath.

\-----------

 The pain has gone for the most part, my shaky breath remanence of the attack. “Man … tha’ was scary.” Ronnie remarks.

 “I … I know.” I rub at my chest, the last of the pain fading off into a dull ache.

 “Y’ look really shaken up, mate.” He’s staring right at me, and he looks as pale as I would be without this supernatural mask to cover up the ravages of this disease.

 “I … I am.”

 He takes my spare hand into his own, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Y’ should lie down for a bit.”

 “O … okay.”

\-----------

 Hmm … he’s warm, so warm …. If I don’t get out of this bed soon, I’ll be fast asleep.

 “Hey Al?” Ronnie’s voice jolts me from impending slumber.

 “W … what is it?”

 “I’m guessin’ Eric hasn’t seen one of these ‘attacks’ yet, right?”

 “He hasn’t. I … I’ve been lucky enough to only have them when he hasn’t been around.”

 He sighs loudly. “Al -.”

 “D … don’t say it. I … I know I need to tell him, you don’t have to remind me.” Oh …. “Umm … I … I didn’t meant to snap.”

 “Y’re stressed, buddy, I ge’ it.”

 “Really?”

 “Yeah.”

 “Okay ….” I mean, I’m glad he’s not mad, but something is off. He … he’s usually feistier than this …. “What’s wrong, Ronnie? Is … is something bothering you?”

 “Yeah … y’ … y’ could say tha’.”

 I pull back from his hug slightly to look at him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 He chuckles; it’s a fake laugh, and we both know it. “Will dropped a bombshell last night.”

 “Oh … what happened?”

 “I thought tha’ my parents had died when I was really little … but turns out … I was kidnapped.”

 “K-kidnapped?” Oh, gosh ….

 “Yeah …. So … y’ didn’t know then?”

 “No, I mean … I knew you were homeless, but … I thought maybe … your parents had kicked you out for some reason or something ….”

 He lets out a shaky breath. “Yeah … I wish it was somethin’ as simple as tha’.”

 It must have been quite the shock for him …. “So … is that why you’re not … feeling so well?”

 Oh … he just broke down in tears. Crap … what did I say wrong? “Ronnie?”

 “It screwed wi’ … my head so much, Al. Everythin’ I … thought I knew was wrong. It … it was jus’ a lie … this whole time.”

 I brush his tears away with my thumb. “But at least … your family is alive. You can go visit them -.”

 “Hell no! I … I don’t wanna go back there – all … all this shit has brought up … bad memories.” He yanks me forward by my shirt, his arms latching onto me. That’s a very tight hug …. “W … when I was … little, these grownups used ta be … be really nasty ta me. T … they hurt me a lot.”

 My heart sinks. I think I know what he’s trying to say – how awful …. “I … I’m so sorry, Ronnie.”

 “And I jus’ wanna push it all away, forget ‘bout it, but … I jus’ can’t. It … it won’t go away.”

 “Well … maybe talking about it will help -.”

 “N … no, it … it doesn’t.” A sob comes from him. “B … but … I jus’ needed ta ge’ it off my chest, and … y’re really easy ta talk ta.” He gulps. “Sorry – I … I know y’ve got enough on y’ plate right now.”

 “Oh, no, no, Ronnie, don’t be silly. I’d rather us be open and honest with each other, no matter what.” I smile … but my face is sort of pressed right up against his shoulder. “You can always talk to me, about anything, I don’t mind.”

 “T … thank y’.”


	103. Ronald. You're so brave.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long day at work today - didn't get home until eight. It's midnight now, so let me know if you see any typos.

***Wednesday 12th July***

 Things haven’t been going so well, if I’m honest. I … I’m still worked up over what Will told me, even though it’s been like two weeks now. I’m trying not to think about it, about everything … but I keep finding myself drifting out of reality, mind wandering to shit that … happened when I was … little. Daydreaming … but not a dream at all, like … a nightmare I can’t get out of. Flashbacks, I think they’re called. It … it’s horrible, and … it’s starting to take its toll on me.

 Fucking hell, I wish I could turn back time, stop myself from having a go at Will that night. Then he … wouldn’t have told me, and … things would be alright –

 No … no, not alright. Because … even without my own troubles, Al’s sick, really fucking sick.

 I’ve been going with him to the hospital, but they won’t let me into the room with him, for some reason. Maybe … because I’m a human, not a reaper. I … I don’t know. But … maybe it’s best that I don’t see what’s going on, because … Al always seems so much weaker when he comes out of that room.

 He says that they’re injecting him with stuff to try to ‘purge’ the illness from him. I … I don’t know what that means exactly. Purge? As in get rid of? I … I think so.

 But still, even if they are trying their best to help him, it’s not nice to see him struggling like this.

 I sit, and I wait, on a chair in the hallway outside of the room. As the seconds pass, my nerves grow. Just what sort of state will he be in this time? Will he throw up like last time? Or … or will it be worse?

 Fuck … I hope not. I … I want him to come out of that room and just be sleepy, like he was the first time I went with him. But … but you can never tell – it’s different every single fucking time.

 So much for a fucking cure ….

\------------

 “Ngggh ….”

 “It’s alright, Al.”

 “Uhhh ….” He leans forward, and I have to steady him.

 “Come on, sit down.” I help him down onto the bed, sitting down next to him. He … he came out of that room feeling dizzy … and he … really wasn’t with it. Walking into a wall can’t be all that fun ….

 He … he’s swaying from side to side, and I have to grab hold of him, pulling him closer. With a groan, he rests his head against my shoulder. “It’ll be alright, mate. Y’ … y’ jus’ relax, okay?”

 “Y … yeah ….”

 Hn, yeah, it’ll be ‘alright’. I … I’m trying to be there for him, strong for him, but I … I don’t even believe the shit that’s coming out of my mouth. I … I don’t feel alright in myself, and … these medical ‘procedures’ obviously aren’t working. They’re making him worse, even I can see that. It needs to stop – why … why doesn’t he see that? Why doesn’t he see the harm he’s doing to himself? It’s breaking my heart, it really is ….

\------------

 It’s been an hour or so since he came back from the hospital, and he’s been lying in bed for a while now. I watch as he glances at his watch, a panicked expression coming over his face. He scrambles out of bed, staggering slightly. “I … I need to feed Belle.”

 “I can do tha’ for y’, mate, y’ need ta rest.”

 “No … no, I’m her mother.” He steadies himself. “And … I won’t let her down, I can’t.”

 “But y’ need ta look after y’self -.”

 “I won’t sacrifice her happiness for me.” He stares at me. “I just want things to carry on as normal, as best they can, can’t you see that?”

 “No.” I shake my head. “No, that’s bullshit.” Shit … my emotions are getting the best of me.

 “W … what?”

 “Y’re gettin’ sicker, Al, and … and things aren’t normal.”

 He turns his back on me. “I … I thought you … were going to be there for me.”

 “I … I am. I’m jus’ worried ‘bout y’ – these hospital trips aren’t doing y’ any good.”

 “I know that!”

 I flinch at his raised voice. And I know that I should probably shut up, but I can’t … because I’m so fucking concerned about him. “Then … why carry on? Wouldn’t it be better ta stop -?”

 “N … no.” His shoulders begin to tremble - shit. “Because what choice do I have?” He turns to face me again. “I … I can’t just sit around and do nothing.”

 A lump forms in my throat. “B … but tha doctors are makin’ y’ worse.”

 “I … I know that. And … it’s painful, horrible, but … I … I won’t just give up. Because the only other … option is to sit around, waiting for death to come.” His hands clench, tears forming in his eyes. “I won’t do that to Eric – I … I have to keep fighting on. I … I can’t bear to think about giving up – they might only be a few more tests away from saving me. If … if I gave up now, there’s no … hope, none at all.”

 He … he does have a point. “Al -.”

 “Do you understand, Ronnie? It’s worth the risk, the pain, just to be able to spend my life with him. I’m never giving up, do you understand me?”

 I gulp – fuck … I’ve never seen him so determined before. It’s actually … weirdly amazing to see him so certain about his decision.

 “If you were dying, wouldn’t you try anything to save yourself?”

 I shoot up from the bed, lunging at him, hugging him tightly. He … he’s so brave …. Tears fill my eyes. “Yeah … yeah, I would. I … I’d do anythin’ ta stay wi’ Will. I … I understand, mate.”

 I feel him relax against me. “You’ll stay at my side, won’t you?”

 “Yeah, of course I will.” I … I still don’t like it, what he’s doing to himself, but I get where he’s coming from, I really do. “So … don’t y’ give up, okay?”

 He hugs me back, sighing softly, I think in relief. “N … never.”

 “Good.” I try to break the intense emotion with a lame joke. “For a little guy, y’re really scary when y’ ge’ all determined.”

 He lets out a small, weak laugh. “Try not to wet yourself.”

 “Ha, ha, very funny.” I chuckle. “Y’ wanna’ head downstairs and see Belle now?”

 “Yes.” He lets out a little yawn. “She must be getting quite hungry by now.”

\------------

***Friday 14th July***

 Al hasn’t got another appointment at the hospital for a couple of days, thank God. Still … he’s knackered, spending his day off of work in bed. I guess he wants to build up his strength for when Eric comes home from work later – man … this really has gone on for far too long now. He does need to just hurry up and tell Eric, as hard as it’ll be.

 Meh … I’m not going to bring it up. I don’t wanna upset him. That’s the last thing he needs right now.

 “Here y’ go, Al,” I say, holding out a plate of choc chip cookies. I know that his appetite is fucked, but bless him, he takes the plate from me, thanking me. “No probs.” I made them myself too, and without blowing up the kitchen! That’s gotta be a win, right?

 Belle jumps up Al, trying to snatch a cookie. He pushes her away gently. “Belle, you can’t eat these, you’ll get ill.”

 “Hey! My cooking’s not tha’ bad!”

 “Chocolate makes dogs really ill, Ronnie.”

 “Ah … I didn’t know tha’.” Whoops ….

 “Mmm ….” He lifts the cookie to his mouth, but pauses. “Umm … Ronnie, I’m really not hungry.” He sighs. “I’m feeling a little sick ….”

 The dizziness from the appointment on Wednesday keeps coming and going …. Man … I wish I could do more for him, but there really isn’t a fat lot –

 “Well, maybe tha sugar will help a bit. Can’t hurt ta try them, right?”

 “No, it can’t.” He takes a small bite, and giggles softly. “Y … you … put salt in these?”

 Eh? “No?”

 “I … I think you mixed the salt up with the sugar.”

 “Na, na -.” I snatch up a cookie, taking a bite. Oh … oh fuck, salty, so fucking salty.

 “I didn’t know you could pull such a face, Ronnie.”

 “And … and I didn’t know I could manage ta fuck up such an easy recipe. God … tha’ tastes awful.” Well, I’m not giving up – he has to eat. “Time ta make another batch then.”

 He smiles at me softly. “Thank you.”

\------------

 “Ohhh … now these are good.” He says. “Maybe a little on the dry side if I’m nit-picking, but good.”

 I can’t help but grin. They’re edible! “Good enough for me.” And well, I had a good teacher, didn’t I? So it shouldn’t be surprising that I managed something decent.

 “Yep.” He smiles warmly at me – aww, he’s so sweet when he’s happy. “You should be proud.”


	104. Eric. Secretive.

 God … it’s a scorcher today – sunny, hot, bright. It’s on days like this that I miss Scotland; the rain, the wind, the snow. I mean, I like when it’s warm and stuff, but this is ridiculous. I don’t want to spend our first day off together, in weeks, sweating like a big fat pig. It’ll be proper miserable – what a bother.

 But I can’t be upset, not one bit. I went to fetch the newspaper a bit earlier, Al still sleeping soundly in bed. And on the front page, there was an article. The government has finally passed the law allowing same-sex couples to marry. Well, it’s taken them long enough, hasn’t it? Piss take, really.

 But … shite, I’m so happy. I’ve been waiting for this for so long – I still can’t believe that we’ll be married soon. And I get to pick out an engagement ring, choose my way of asking him. It’s going to be amazing! I’m going to choose the day wisely, be it a few weeks, or months, from now. I want it to be perfect, the most unique and memorable proposal possible. “Aye … a day he’ll never forget.”

 I drink down the last of my morning coffee, and head back upstairs to our bedroom. And there he is, my cute wee baby, wrapped up in the bedsheets. I smile, beaming at my beautiful wee love – but then he whines softly in his sleep. And there it is again – that nag, the nagging feeling that something isn’t right.

 I … I don’t know what it is, but he’s been down a lot lately. He … he’s gone off of food, off of sex, and I can’t figure out why. And every time I ask him, he either says he’s fine, or tells me he’s just feeling a wee bit down – I never get a reason why. But I want to know, I really do.

 I climb into bed, pulling him close. And a smile, an expression of bliss, peace, washes over his face. Good … so it’s not me – I’m not the one making him feel down. G … good, I was getting worried that I was the problem. Thank God for that ….

\----------

 He … he’s gone to Ronnie’s house – I didn’t get much of an explanation, just something about having already made plans. I wanted to come with him, but he told me to ‘just relax at home, play some video games’. I told him that if he stayed, we could play board games together instead. He declined, shrugged the offer off, and ported away before I could say anything else.

 So now … I’m sitting on the sofa, trying my best to get engrossed in this game. Shite … it’s not going to work. I’m too agitated, too worried about his weird behaviour. What if he doesn’t want to be around me anymore? Have I done something wrong? Has he –

 Oh … oh. It hits me. I … I get it now. A smile crosses my lips. It’s my birthday in a couple of days, and though I didn’t care about my birthday when I first became a reaper (being dead and all), Al’s made sure to celebrate the occasion each and every year since he came into my life. It’s a big thing for him, for some reason.

 I sigh in relief. He’s being all secretive because he’s planning a surprise party or something like that. Makes perfect sense.

 And maybe he’s just been down recently over a bad reap – it wouldn’t be the first time, would it? Aye ….

 I relax back into my seat. He’ll be alright, we’ll be alright, and in a couple of days, I’ll know why he’s been so secretive.

 Because, let’s face it, if something was really, really wrong, he would have told me by now. He’s not one to lie, not to anyone – especially not to me. So there’s really nothing to worry about, nothing at all.

 I … I was just being paranoid. Aye … paranoid, because I care about him, love him.

 God … I fucking adore him, more than anyone or anything else in this world.

 There aren’t words, I don’t think, for what I feel for him. Words, in English, Gaelic, or otherwise, can’t compare to these emotions – they never will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be big on plot. Guesses?


	105. William. Combat.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has taken me like 7 hours to finish. Ughhhh >_< . Hope you like it.

***Sunday 16th July***

***10.25am***

 “Work, today?” Ronald frowns. “But it’s Sunday?”

 “Yes – well, not work exactly.” I rush to grab my coat. “More of a training course that reapers have to attend once a year.” I only remembered a little while ago, and now I am hurrying to get ready. But with my mind full of concern for both Alan and Ronald, it is not that surprising.

 “A training course?”

 “Combat training, defensive training, that sort of thing. A refresher course for fighting skills needed if one were to run into a demon.”

 “Ah, tha’ sounds wicked! Can I come too?”

 “Absolutely not.”

 “Aww, why not?”

 “Humans aren’t allowed anywhere near the grounds of the association.”

 He sighs. “No fair.” Slumping back in his seat, he says “oh well, I can always spend tha day wi’ Al.”

 “I doubt it. He will be coming too.”

 He shoots back up straight. “Wha’? But he’s too sick ta be doin’ tha’!”

 “I know, but until he admits to himself how ill he is, there is nothing I can do. I have reduced his hours at work, but I cannot do any more until he tells Eric, until he accepts help.”

 “So fuckin’ stubborn ….” He huffs.

 “I know.” I slip on my shoes. “I will attempt to talk him out of today’s activities, but I doubt he will listen.”

 “Alright. When will y’ be back?”

 “Around four, I think.”

\------------

***10.40am***

 This course is split into six parts, a small break in between each of them. Each time, different reapers take part – there are too many members in this branch for all of them to go at once. Of course, being the supervisor, I have to endure the boredom of watching all six of them, watching pairs taking on each other in combat, time and time again.

 Utterly boring, if I am honest. I would much prefer to spend my Sunday with my nose in a book. “Honestly ….”

 I walk down the hallway to my office, hurrying. I need to get the register – any reaper who decides not to come will be punished. It is compulsory to attend.

 I pass by Alan, giving him a quick hello. But he doesn’t answer, much to my surprise. Stopping in my tracks, I turn back to face him. He is gripping onto the doorframe of someone’s office. “Alan?”

 “L … leave me be,” he whispers. Is … is he breathless?

 As I hurry over to him, he bends forward, other hand gripping at his chest. He is having an attack, that much is obvious. I try to keep a calm composure, but … seeing him like this, in such pain – it bothers me, bothers me so much to have such a great reaper falling apart in front of me.

 My arm snakes under his armpit, and I guide him down the hallway, towards my room. Just as we near my door, his body stiffens against me, a sharp cry leaving him. And again, he shrieks; a loud, horrible sound.

 It causes me to panic, and I drag him inside of my room as quickly as I can, not wanting anyone to see him in this condition. I … I know that he feels the same – he’s too proud to let just anyone watch him deteriorate.

 I pull out my chair, hastily, with my spare hand, and help him down onto it. He leans against the backrest of it, his breath coming out in sharp pants. Not knowing what to do, I stand there awkwardly.

 After a while, he shifts, resting his arms on my desk. A shaky, shuddering breath leaves him. “What a mess ….”

 I swallow thickly. “It … it must be hard for you,” I say – my words mean little to him, I am sure.

 “I … I am so wrapped up in my own troubles,” he admits, “that I forgot … it was Eric’s birthday.”

 “Oh.” I didn’t even know the date of his birthday. Once again, I prove to be a terrible friend. “You should not blame yourself – you do have a lot on your plate.”

 He shakes his head. “That excuse doesn’t cut it. I … I’ve never failed to bring a great gift for him. I … I’m useless.”

 Irked by that comment, I cannot help but snap at him. “No, you aren’t useless. For goodness sake, Alan, you are one of the best reapers at branch. Stop trampling mud over your own record.”

 “I’m not even close. I wouldn’t be … sick if I was such a good reaper.”

 “An unexpected reap can happen to the best of us. I mean, just look at I and Ronald. I was supposed to reap him, wasn’t I?”

 “That isn’t the same.” He sniffs. “And I … didn’t know what to do when … I finally remembered that it was his birthday. So … I ran off here, like a coward.”

 “Oh, you aren’t part of the first combat session?”

 “No, the fifth.” He bites at his lip for a second. “Eric had friends over – he … he’s going out for a birthday meal. So … while they were talking, I rushed off here. Not that I … didn’t need to come here early anyway – I’m behind on paperwork, again.”

 “I keep telling you to let me help with -.”

 “No!” The chair falls over backwards as he shoots to his feet. “I can do it on my own.”

 As he hurries, as best he can, over to the door, I call after him, desperate to make my point known. “You are going to kill yourself at this rate!”

 He turns back to me, a look of horror on his face. “I … I won’t -.”

 “You are running yourself into the ground here! J … just stop it.” I pause, but only for a moment, shocked by my own emotional outburst, shocked that I care so much for him. He … he used to be just a subordinate, no one worthy of much concern. “What will it take for you to just come clean to Eric? I and Ronald can only do so much for you – you need to tell him already!”

 “You don’t understand!” I receive a harsh glare from him, quite unexpected from a man as gentle and sweet as he. “Stop trying to speak about things you can’t comprehend. Y … you have no idea how I feel!”

 He leaves the room swiftly, slamming the door behind him.

 And I am left wondering why I even bother opening my mouth. I am not tactful, not tactful in the least ….

\------------

***11.03am***

 Register taken for the first group of reapers, I sit down on the judging stand – honestly, judging isn’t the right word, not exactly. I am just here to observe, take notes on some of the newly qualified reapers from the past twelve months. It will allow me to consult with them, tell them of the improvements they must make. The last thing the council wants is another case of The Thorns.

 The amateur reapers are given wooden combat sticks to battle with, though even the more experienced ones are banned from using their scythes; it is far too dangerous.

 I watch as Grell slashes the arm of her combat partner with a jagged sword – painful, but nothing a reaper’s body cannot handle. The man will heal quickly, though he doesn’t look too happy to have been caught out. He scowls, landing a harsh blow with his axe. But, in all honestly, she seems to be enjoying herself – maybe a little too much.

 I roll my eyes at seeing a reaper, who graduated the academy less than a month ago, trip, almost impaling himself on his stick. I jot his name down on my notepad, writing ‘lecture him’ next to it. I shake my head – what a useless excuse for an employee.

\----------

***2.55pm***

 The day is dragging by slowly, the fifth session finally about to begin. Eric moves past me, chuckling and chatting with one of his friends. He is heading towards the main doors of the branch, probably going to prepare himself for his session.

 Much in need of a coffee, I walk in the direction of the breakroom, only stopping when my eyes fix on Alan. He is … unsteady on his feet, taking small, calculated steps. I do not have to be a genius to realise that he has been hiding from Eric, for if his partner had laid his eyes on him, he would have known straight away that something was terribly wrong.

 Alan tries to ignore me, pretend that he hasn’t seen me, but I march up to him, blocking his path. “Alan -.”

 “M … move out of my … way, William, I … need to prepare for combat.”

 “Over my dead body you will! Y … you cannot seriously be thinking of – pull out now before you get hurt!”

 “I … I can’t. It … it is compulsory to attend.” His voice is off … somehow. Distant, monotone – almost as if … he has given up, if that even makes sense ….

 “As your supervisor, I can dismiss you.”

 “You will … do no such thing. I … I have to do this.”

 “Alan, please -.”

 “Get out of my way, William, I … I will not show weakness.”

 “Pulling out isn’t weak! It is just basic common sense.”

 He looks at me, swaying slightly, tears filling his eyes. “It isn’t … your choice. Respect my decision.”

 “You are so stubborn,” I state, tone harsh.

 “Maybe … but I am a reaper, and so I … must take part in this … yearly activity. I have to do this.”

 “No -.”

 “Yes.” He pushes past me, stumbling, almost falling over as he does so. I turn, watching as he struggles down the hallway. But there is nothing else I can do. He refuses to listen to me – the fool ….

\---------------

***3.11pm***

 Alan isn’t partnered up with Eric, and they are on opposite ends of the field. My eyes are firmly fixed on him though, and I can see how much he is struggling.

 His partner is one of the worst – highly competitive, in the worst possible way. While nothing is against the rules during these sessions, this man, Fredrik, will do anything to ‘win’. He has produced some pretty nasty injuries during his time here, and his lack of sportsmanship grates at me terribly.

 “A … Alan, get out of there while you still have the chance.” He … he can’t hear me, I know that, and I watch in horror as Fredrik’s weapon rips through his trousers, cutting into Alan’s thigh. Alan’s body tenses, but the duel continues, metal striking metal – his … his movements are slowing down, turning sloppy.

 Exhaustion is kicking in ….

 He … he is getting slashed with each and every swipe of Fredrik’s weapon – oh … oh God, no …. The sword is knocked out of his hand, and … I … I can see the look of fright on his face. My heart begins to race. “Alan, get out of there!”

 He backs away a little.

 “Alan!” I shoot up from my seat, the other judges probably looking at me like I’ve gone crazy. But I don’t care – I have to get him out of there. He –

 It’s too late, the breath catching in my throat. The weapon is plunged onto Alan’s gut, a screech piercing the air. I can see the grin on that madman’s face, happy to have earned his ‘win’. Disgusting ….

 I rush over to them, the bloodied weapon being withdrawn slowly, almost as if Fredrik is revelling in it. Alan collapses to his knees, palm pressing to his wound.

 “Oh, come on, it’s just a scratch.” I hear Fredrik say. “Get up, you pussy.”

 I go to shove him out of the way, shocked when Eric beats me to it. He … he must have heard his partner’s scream. He doesn’t say anything to the crazed reaper, instead bending down next to Alan, hand on his back. “It … it’s alright, Al, just a flesh wound. Ah … ah know it hurts, but yer’re going tae be fine in a wee while.” The look of panic on Eric’s face says it all though – he doesn’t understand why Alan is bent over, shaking and whimpering. Any normal reaper would be up on their feet again by now. “Al, yer alright?”

 Alan doesn’t reply, his shaking intensifying.

 “Al?” Eric’s voice is filled with confusion. “Ah … ah don’t – what’s wrong?”

 A lump forms in my throat as Alan falls forward onto the floor, strange noises coming from him. Eric grabs a hold of him, pulling him into his arms, cradling him, his eyes wide. “Al? Al!”

 The shaking gets worse, body spasming, tears running from unfocused eyes.

 “What the hell did yer do tae him?!” Eric seethes, glaring up at Fredrik, who looks equally as horrified.

 “Nothing. I … I didn’t do anything.”

 “Don’t fuck with me!”

 “Eric,” I say, trying to avoid looking at my convulsing, whimpering friend. “We need to get him to the infirmary.”

 When I glance at the Scotsman, his wide eyes are full of tears. “B … but what’s wrong with him? W … why is he -?”

 It is not my place to say. “I … I am not sure, but the doctors will find out. We … we should hurry.”


	106. William. Telling.

 “Al … Al, c-come on, wake up.” The doctors rushed him into a hospital room, patched him up as best they could, but he lost consciousness a while ago. Eric shakes him again, lightly, tears pooling in his eyes. “Al, please, ah … ah don’t understand what’s wrong. W-wake up, please!”

 “Eric,” I reach out awkwardly, hand placing on his shoulder. “The doctor will be back in in a moment. He … he will be able to tell us what is wrong.”

 I watch as his fingers stroke Alan’s cheek gently. “Ah … ah just don’t get it …. He … he shouldn’t be this ill from just a st-stab wound. We … we’ve all been roughed up at one point … or another, but n-nothing like this.”

 “I know.” Silence falls over the room, horrible, dreary silence.

\----------

 “So … so do yer know what’s wrong with him?” Eric asks as soon as the doctor enters the room.

 He walks closer to the bed. “It seems as if his body went into shock.”

 “S-shock?” I can see the look of bewilderment on Eric’s face. “Why … why would he go intae shock?”

 “Well, with his condition,” my stomach twists at the doctor’s words, “his body will struggle to cope with trauma. He will heal, in time, but it will take a further toll on him. He -.”

 “Condition? What are yer talking about?” Eric’s eyes are fixed on his partner. “He was perfectly fine this morning.”

 I glance at the doctor, a frown etched on his face. “You are his partner, aren’t you?”

 “Aye?”

 “And … he hasn’t told you?”

 “Told me what? W … what do yer mean ‘his condition’?”

 He shifts awkwardly under Eric’s gaze. I can understand why; he is bound by confidentiality. “I ….”

 Eric stands from his bedside chair, scowl evident on his face. “What hasn’t Al told me?! Spit it out already!”

 My hand places on his shoulder. I … I shouldn’t be telling him this either – it isn’t my place – but … he … he isn’t going to let this go, not a chance. “Eric … I … I know what he is speaking of. Let us take this outside.”

 “No!” He turns to face me, anger evident on his face. “Whatever it is, just tell me!”

 I swallow down the lump in my throat. “Alan is sick -.”

 “Aye, ah can see that!”

 “N … no, you don’t understand.” I let out a shaky breath – I am about to break his heart …. “He … he has The Thorns, Eric, The Thorns of Death.”

 He pulls away from me, baring his teeth. “Don’t be fucking stupid!”

 “I -.”

 “That’s sick! H … how can yer even say that?!”

 “It’s true!” I shout back. “He … he’s been sick for a while, but I … I couldn’t tell you – he didn’t want me to -.”

 “Get out!”

 “Please, Eric, I am telling you the truth -.”

 “No!” He shakes his head. “Yer’re wrong!”

 “No,” the doctor joins in. “He … is right, I am afraid. Mr Humphries contracted The … Thorns months ago. I am sorry.

 “No!” My heart sinks at seeing the tears running down his face.

 “I am sorry, Eric,” I try to console him.

 “Get out ….” He shouts, covering his face with his hands. “Please … just … just leave.” A deep sob rumbles from his throat, causing me to hurry to the door – I can’t bear to see him like this. I am not good with emotions, terrible with empathy. Yet, I can feel the pain radiating from him, and it is beginning to crack my cold demeanour.

 Swallowing down my nerves, I glance back at him, and I see him bent over Alan, hand gripping the flimsy hospital gown. Coldness washes over me, realisation hitting me. Eric’s grief stricken face burns into my memory.

 He understands as well as I do – this is no mere illness. It … it is a death sentence.

\------------

 I am sitting on a chair in the hallway outside of Alan’s room, and every now and then, I think I can hear the pitiful cries of Eric. Unnerved by it, I go to pick up a magazine –

 “Willy Darlinggggg!”

 I turn to look down the hallway, seeing none other than Grell hurrying towards me. My eyes instantly fix upon her face, the cuts and bruises on usually smooth skin. “What happened to you?” My eyebrows rise.

 “Oh, well, I had such good fun with my combat partner that we decided to have a rematch.” She grins. “So we retrieved our weapons and battled!”

 “That is against branch rules, and you know it.”

 “Mmm, I do, but oh, it was so much fun!” Shaking her hips, she announces “you know I love my little Othello dearly, but it has been so long since I’ve really let loose with a vicious brute of a man!”

 “You cheated?” I ask, unsure of what she means.

 “Oh no, Darling.” She waves a hand at me. “I am many things, dear Willy, but I am never unfaithful. There is nothing wrong with battling it out, getting my fix of blood and violence, is there?”

 “If you say so,” I sigh, “what are you even doing here?”

 “Oh, well … my fighting was cut short by someone bringing me some news. Apparently, Alan has had a little accident, hasn’t he? It must be true, with you sitting in here of all places.”

 “Yes … an accident.” Once again, I am forced to swallow thickly. “But, in all honesty, he … hasn’t been well for a while.”

 She tilts her head at me. “What is that supposed to mean?”

 “I shouldn’t say -.”

 “Ohhhh, how cruel, not providing a lady her fix of gossip.”

 “Grell, it … isn’t a topic of mere gossip.”

 “Hmmm?”

 “T … The Thorns ….”

 Silence. No shrieking. No dramatic outburst. Nothing but silence ….

 This is uncomfortable … deeply unnerving ….

\---------

 I had to break the news to Ronald, over the phone – I … I didn’t wish to see the look of horror on that beautiful face. Grell went to pick him up from our home, and … and they have just arrived back here, Ronald’s face a ghostly white.

 He rushes up to me, tears in his eyes. “Will ….” He goes to say something else, but instead, a cry breaks the air. He collapses onto my lap, body shaking.

 “He … he will be alright, Ronald, his body … will heal.” I say, trying to calm him. “He just needs to rest.”

 “B … but he’s not alright,” Ronald cries, mucus and tears wetting his face. “N … nothing’s alright, Will! N-nothing’s … alright ….”


	107. Alan. I didn't want to break your heart.

 P … pain. Where did it come from? It throbs, pain spreading from my side. W … what happened? Did … did I get hurt?

 My eyes crack open, bright light making me cringe. “Ngggh ….”

 “Al?” E … Eric? I see a blurry figure, flashes of yellow hair. Where … where are my glasses?

 “Al ….” Is … his voice shaking? I feel my glasses being slipped on, and I blink. The room comes into focus – a hospital room? Eric looms over me, tears in his eyes, tear stains on his cheeks.

 A wave of anxiety washes over me – the … the combat session …. Realisation; heart pounding in my chest. He … he knows, oh God, he … he knows ….

 “E … Eric,” I lose it, breaking down into cries, pathetic weeps. “I … I’m so sorry, I ….” My voice fails me as he squeezes in next to me, into the small bed.

 His palm, clammy with sweat, cups my cheek. His breath is shaky, as if he is trying to hold in a cry. He … he looks so scared, in so much pain. “It … it’s okay, Al.”

 “N … no, it’s n-not,” I stutter, “I … I should h-have told you – you … you must hate me.”

 He stares at me in shock. “Ah … ah’d never hate yer, Al.” He takes a deep breath. “Yer just didn’t … want tae break my heart, did yer?”

 I squeeze my eyes shut, and shake my head. “I'd ... never want that.”

 I hear him sniff. “And … and yer didn’t want me tae … feel like this.”

 He … he knows me so well, my inner thoughts and reasoning …. “I … I knew it would … hurt you.”

 He hugs me gently. “And yer’ve … been dealing with this all on yerr … own for months.” I finally open my eyes again, relaxing into his hold. “Ah … ah’m so sorry, Al, ah … should have known something was wrong – ah … ah thought that yer were being distant, but … but ah thought that ah was just being paranoid because yer … yer mean so much tae me.”

 I go to reply, but instead, a scream leaves me. The … the chest pain, it’s … back again. I feel Eric tense, but … things start to … fade. “Nghhh ….” My body is trembling, sweat leaving every pore. I try to lie still, catch my breath, but … but the pain – “ah!”

 I hear him scrambling, and a moment later, I’m pulled into a sitting position, his hand on my back. “Al … is … is this an attack?” He … he’s been a reaper for … so much longer than me. He … he knows a lot, and … and he must have heard of the attack signs.

 I nod, my eyes squeezing shut again. His hand soothes at my back, calming words coming from him.

 My breath finally begins to fall back into normal rhythm, but … how … how horrible, him having to see me like this.

 “Yer alright?” Eric asks, his voice cracking.

 “I … I think so.”

 I’m pulled back into a hug, his lips connecting with my cheek. Relief washes over me. He … he doesn’t hate me, and … I … I don’t have to hide, suffering in silence, anymore.

 “We’ll find a way tae fix this, Al -.”

 “We will,” I nod. “The doctors will … find a cure.”

 “Aye ….” When I look at him, I can see that he’s trying to smile. “Yer’ll get through this, ah know yer will.”

\----------------

 His arms are warm and strong, protective as I rest my head on his chest. “How’s yerr tummy?” He asks.

 “It’s okay, a little painful, but okay.”

 “Ah’m going tae kill that -.”

 “No, he didn’t do anything against the rules. It wasn’t nice of him, but -.”

 “Don’t stick up for -.”

 Eric pauses when the door is thrust open. Ronnie rushes into the room – he looks awful ….

 William calls after him from the doorway, telling him to leave us be, but he doesn’t listen. Ronnie jumps onto the bed, hugging the both of us tightly. “Al … I … I was so worried.”

 “I’m okay, Ronnie, really.”

 “Aye,” Eric says, “he’ll be all healed up soon.”

 Our friend just shakes his head, his tears wetting my face. Guilt surges through me. This is all my fault – I … I shouldn’t have asked him to come with me to appointments, asked him to stay quiet for me. He … he’s shaken, so shaken up, and … it’s all because of me ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really sure where I'm going with this right now. Well, I do, but not sure of the order of events. So it might be a few days before I post again. Confused :/


	108. Alan. Show me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay, I think I've sorted out the order of things now.

***10.03pm***

 I’m back home now, the dizzy, weak feeling having passed. I think the IV fluids they pumped me with before discharging me helped somewhat – I … I haven’t been eating or drinking all that much. My side still hurts, but it has eased. Hopefully it’ll heal within a day or two – it’s only a mortal wound, after all. But I do worry … about what a toll it’ll take on my already weakened body.

 I’ll just have to rest, hope that it’ll help – I don’t have to pretend that I’m fine anymore, hide things from Eric, so I can lie in bed as much as I need to.

 William has given me a few days off of work, until I’m fully healed, and has told Eric not to bother coming in tomorrow. He’s going to submit paperwork stating that Eric had to have a day off for ‘personal reasons’. Of course, William will probably have to explain the details to the higher ups – absence isn’t really allowed in branch without good reason. Not that it matters … most people probably know of my condition now.

 I … I’m a little embarrassed by what happened at the combat session ….

 Eric soothes my hair, fingers rubbing lightly against my scalp. He seems calm, collected, but I know that deep down, he’s terrified. He’s just being brave, strong, for my sake ….

 I feel so bad, ruining his birthday like this. The worst birthday present possible ….

 The bedsheets are tucked around me tightly, warmth soothing me. Even with the summer heat, I’m cold, always freezing. I’m so … so sleepy ….

\------------

***Friday 21st July***

 I’m back at work now. Things have been hard, so hard. I … I know that Eric’s been crying when not in my line of vision. It … it’s quite obvious ….

 Ronnie’s been awfully clingy, terribly upset. I’ve told him that he doesn’t have to keep coming with me to hospital appointments, but he won’t budge. He … he doesn’t leave my side until Eric comes home.

 I … I’m worried for him, and not just because of his obvious concern for me. Something else is wrong … I can tell. I think it’s linked to … the kidnapping bombshell, because he hasn’t really been right since then. But I don’t want to pry, don’t want to upset him more.

 He … he said before that he finds me easy to talk to, so when he’s finally ready to tell me what’s wrong, I’ll be there for him. I … I hope he will be alright ….

\------------

***5.05pm***

 I’ve come home now, sitting up in bed. Eric’s downstairs, making us something to eat, hoping that I’ll eat it.

 W … work’s been horrible since I returned. Somehow … from the combat session, people have found out about The Thorns. The colleagues that I used to speak to regularly, say hello to in passing – t … they’re avoiding me, giving me looks of either concern or disgust. I … I don’t understand why. It’s not as if it is contagious or anything.

 Maybe they think of me as weak. Only pathetic, useless reapers contract such a disease. I … I understand that, but still, it hurts, it really does hurt ….

\-----------

***9.30pm***

 He’s been awfully quiet for a while now, his back resting against the headboard; he’s sitting up in bed next to me. “Eric … are you okay?”

 “Yer’re hiding from me,” he says.

 I … I’m confused by his words. “I … I’m not hiding – what … what are you talking about?”

 He sighs. “Ah went intae yerr office earlier, but yer weren’t there. But there was a textbook, a weird one, so ah took it tae show Grell. She knew what it was.” He looks at me, and he doesn’t look angry, but … concerned …. “It’s a book with ways tae hide yerr real appearance, isn’t it?” A shaky breath leaves him. “With … the illness showing signs like attacks now, yer … yer should look sicker than this.”

 I wring my hands. “Y … yes, I should ….”

 “Can yer … show me? Ah … ah want tae know … how bad stuff really is.”

 I gulp. “I … I don’t know myself – I’ve … been hiding it for a long while now.”

 He stares at me, sternly. “Show me.”

 “O … okay.” I stand up from the bed, planning to head to the bathroom. “Y … you stay here.”

 “Ah’m coming too.”

 “Eric … please, I want to see it for myself first.” I head to the door. “The … the mirror in the bathroom will be best.”

 He nods slowly. “Ah’ll stand outside the door then.”

 “O … okay ….”

\-----------

 The illusion falls away, my heart thumping in my chest. Nerves churn at my stomach, and I turn, facing the – a shriek leaves me. “Oh … oh my God ….”

 Eric rushes into the room, his breath hitching when I turn to face him. My skin is horribly white, almost grey. My … my eyes are dull, dark circles under them. No … no wonder he’s shocked.

 “Al … shite ….” He grabs a hold of my wrist, dragging me out of the room and down the hallway.

 “Eric?” I manage to squeak, concerned by his sudden action.

 He doesn’t answer, and I’m pulled into the bedroom, yanked down onto the bed. My head spins a little from the sudden jolt. “Eric,” I splutter, “w … what’s wrong?”

 He sits down next to me, pulling my PJ shirt up. “Ah … ah want tae see it all, Al.”

 “You don’t have to strip me!” I pull his hand away. “J … just calm down.”

 “Ah can’t!”

 I flinch at his shouting, hand moving to my top. “O … okay, I … I’ll show you.” My clothing comes off, piece by piece. “Y … you don’t want my … underwear off too, do you?” I try to joke, lighten the tense atmosphere.

 He … he doesn’t laugh, or even smile. “S … shite, ah … ah knew it.”

 “W … what?”

 His hand reaches out, fingers stroking over my hip. I realise what’s gotten him so shaken. My eyes go wide. Black veins – a … a patch of blood, in my body, infected by The Thorns.

 “Ah knew it ….” He says again. Tears glisten in his eyes. “Y … yer’re … really sick, Al.”

 My own tears are welling up in my eyes. I … I didn’t realise it was this bad, the … the disease already coming to the surface. “I … I ….”

 I start to blubber when he pulls me into a tight hug, his lips peppering my cheek with light kisses.

 “Eric ….” I cry, whine like a little child.

 “W … we’ll fix this, Al, we WILL.”

 I cuddle into his warmth, body shaking. I … I’m scared, more terrified than I’ve ever been before. This is serious, horribly frightening ….

 “Al … promise me something?”

 “W … what?”

 “T … that yer won’t hide it from me … anymore. Ah want tae see everything, know all of it.”

 My body tenses. “B … but I can’t … go into work like this, and … I can’t … show Ronnie. It … it’ll shake him up further.” I begin to ramble, arguments flying out my mouth.

 “Shhhh.” He says gently. “Yer don’t have tae do that. B … but when we’re alone, ah … ah want tae see it, all of it.”

 “D … doesn’t it … upset you?”

 “Aye, terribly, but … ah’d rather see the truth.”

 I nod slowly, arms wrapping around his neck. “O … okay, I … I won’t hide it from you.” But I don’t think I’ll … be looking in the mirror anytime soon ….

 The sight of myself – it … it makes me feel sick ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, if you see any typos, let me know :)


	109. Ronald. The deep web.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I came across info on the deep web while on youtube on Creepypasta. I know most of that stuff is fake, but the deep web does exist. It's certain websites and stuff that aren't detectable by usual search engines. Online drug dealing websites, and other dodgy stuff. I thought it fit perfectly into this story :) 
> 
> Seriously though, I've heard online accounts of the stuff that can happen on there, so don't ever go on it, for your own safety.
> 
> Also, there's another story that has the same sort of plot as where mine is heading, so I wanted an extra dark twist on it.

***Wednesday 26th July***

 I … I can’t take much more of this. I’ve just woken up, at half three in the morning, drenched in sweat. I … I don’t think Will has noticed; the lamp lights up his sleeping, peaceful face.

 Fucking hell ….

 I’m sick of these nightmares. They started right after Will told me about the … kidnapping, and at the minute, they’re haunting me every single fucking night. It … all feels so … real. Like I’m back there, trapped like … like an animal ….

 I wipe at my eyes, wiping away the tears, trying to wipe away the fear, the heartache.

 Shit … what I wouldn’t do for a fix right now. Anything for a little bit of a rush … any sort of rush. Even the weird, shitty, nauseous feeling I got from the painkillers would do at the minute.

 I slip out of bed, heading down to the kitchen. T … that dream was horrible, not even related to … my life when I was little. All … I could feel was pain, and I woke up within the dream, blood soaked between my legs. And … the pain just got worse and worse; fucking labour pain.

 I … I thought I had come to terms with losing her. No, I have come to terms with it – my … my mind is just a fucking mess right now. It keeps going off on all sorts of messed up tangents.

 I reach the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water. I’m about to sit down at the table when my eyes take in the wooden knife stand. There’s a massive knife in that block – sharp, so sharp.

 I heard something the once. Doesn’t pain release some sort of happy chemical in the body? Would using that make me feel a bit better?

 Ugh, no! I shake the thought out of my head. If … Will found out that I’d hurt myself, he’d be so pissed. “Not worth it,” I huff.

 I chug down the water, heading back upstairs; I wanna get away from that knife block as soon as possible. Tempting … so temping. “Ugh ….”

 Just go back to sleep, Ronnie, stop thinking about it. It’ll just make everything that much worse ….

 Don’t you dare fuck things up again.

\---------

***6.45am***

 “Nghhh ….” I’m bent over the toilet, throwing up everything left in my stomach; not much, bile mainly. It stinks, burns. I … I just keep gagging, hacking up ….

 I’m sweating, shaking, hands squeezing the toilet seat. My eyes sting, tears running down my face.

 Another nightmare in my sleep – flashes of shit I don’t want to r-remember.

 Bids.

 Screams.

 Cries of a little kid, useless crying.

 Knowing that n-nothing would ever change, no matter how hard … he cried and screamed.

 A shiver runs down my spine, memories swirling around in my brain. Too … too many horrible things all crammed in there. I … I can’t … even think straight ….

 “Urghhh ….”

 T … that fucking webcam, watching me, c … capturing everything I was going through.

 M … more bids, requests.

 Screams.

 Pleads.

 Pain ….

 Websites, h-horrible websites hidden away from plain old search engines.

 The … the d-deep web.

 My stomach lurches. I … I can’t stop gagging, can’t stop … myself from sobbing ….

 Darkness … blackness ….

 Chains.

 Fuck … n-not again! I … I can’t breathe!

 G … go away, just … just go away!

\---------

***8.50am***

 Will found me bent over the toilet a little after seven, but … the panicky feeling had passed a bit. I wasn’t crying anymore either, so … I got away with telling him that my stomach was acting up. Tummy bug or something, I’d lied to him.

 “You cannot be serious,” he says.

 “I … I am.”

 “You cannot go over to Alan’s if you aren’t feeling your best. Stay home and rest.”

 “Na … na, I need ta be there for him.”

 He rubs at his temple. “I know that you are worried, so worried, about him, but you need to look after yourself.”

 I slump back into the kitchen chair, sighing. “Alright ….” He just doesn’t get it. No one was there for me when I was … little and in pain. I … I’m not gonna let the same thing happen to my best mate.

 I … I’ve even given up work, just getting my payment percentage from Marie, all so I can be there to comfort him. He … he needs me ….

 He … he’s not going through this shit on his own, no way. No way in hell!

\------------

***9.25am***

 When Will headed off to work, I got ready, and headed to Al’s house. I’ve just locked the door behind me, and I can hear Eric … talking to someone. Following the direction of his voice, I see him in the living room, on his mobile to someone.

 “Aye, aye, ah know that! He … he won’t listen tae me though! What am ah supposed tae do?” He must have felt my presence, because he turns around, sees me. “Ah’ve got tae go, see yer later.” The call is ended, Eric walking closer to me. “Hey.”

 “Who was tha’?” I ask, wanting to know what the conversation was all about.

 “Grell,” he grunts.

 “Oh … somethin’ bad happened?”

 “No … not really. It’s just, she can see how bad he’s looking at work. It’s those fucking experiments.” He grinds his teeth together.

 “Yeah ….”

 “And ah’ve tried tae tell him that they aren’t working, but he won’t listen. Ah’m starting tae lose my mind here – the … the doctors are just using him as a lab rat.” His body’s really stiff, tense. “Ah just want this tae stop.” A sigh comes from him. “But what other choice do we have, aye?”

 “Y’ … y’ don’t ‘ave much choice. Tha doctors ‘ave ta figure out somethin’ eventually.”

 “Aye.” A large sigh comes from him as he walks away from me, towards the door of the room. “Eventually ….”

 I’m just left to stand there, feeling depressed and fucking awkward. But I get where he’s coming from, why he’s so angry. He … he just wants to help Al, but … there’s really nothing he can do.

 It’s frustrating, so fucking frustrating.

 We’re both going out of our minds over this.

 No way out ….

 Helpless … so helpless ….

 My shoulders slump. That fix would really come in handy right now ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop two chapters today! Will be back on Friday or Saturday.


	110. William. Grind.

***Friday 28th July***

 Things have been … a little rough since the day of the combat session. No … no, before that. Ronald hasn’t told me directly, but I know that he is not sleeping properly. It is hardly a surprise that he was feeling under the weather a few days back.

 And nightmares … I have noticed that he is experiencing them … on most nights.

 I sigh, glancing over at him, his head resting on the arm of the couch.

 Should I really be surprised that he hasn’t told me about his lack of sleep? Of course not – he has never been open and honest with me, as understanding as I have tried to be. I … I have asked him a couple of times what the matter is, as it is obvious that he is deeply troubled, yet he will not tell me. All I get in return is a shrug, or a shake of the head. It is beginning to grate on my nerves, this secretive side to him. I may not know much of relationships, but I am certain that no relationship should be like this.

 What a farce ….

 My mind goes back to his family, his distraught mother waiting at home for any news of his fate. I … I know that he doesn’t want to return to the human world, but I cannot help but wonder, again, if taking him home would be for the best. Maybe the love of his family would help him.

 Obviously, I am not enough for him. He wouldn’t be so miserable, so troubled, if I was ….

 And it is not as if I haven’t tried. I have. I … I really have, even going as far as asking Alan if he knew anything. He didn’t, but … Ronald had told him about the kidnapping. It … it was a bit of a shock really, and … I was angry. He … he wants to confide in him more so than me. It … it felt like a punch in the stomach. Horrid ….

 But if anything good came from that conversation, it was that we both agreed upon something; he isn’t merely upset over Alan’s illness – it … it has something to do with the kidnapping. If only he would open up to me ….

 I glance down at the paperwork I am working on. Alan finally allowed me to help him with it, though he didn’t have much choice. I went into his office just before the end of my shift, finding him bent over his desk, shaking and gagging.

 I … I think something snapped inside of me in that moment. I … I just couldn’t bear to see him struggling. I’d had enough of watching him push, and push, trying to keep up with a workload that no sick reaper could ever cope with.

 I ordered him to go home, submitted a sick note on his behalf, and then left, taking his half-finished report with me.

 If only he would see sense, realise that accepting help is necessary, perfectly fine. He … he continues to blame himself, think of himself as weak. It wasn’t his fault. It was a complete accident, an unfortunate one. He –

 “I’m goin’ ta bed,” I hear Ronald say, and I look over at him, seeing him leaving the living room.

 No smile, no hug, nothing ….

 Unbelievable ….

\-------------

***2.23am***

 I wake up, the … coldness, emptiness next to me being the obvious cause of my stirring. I sit up, grabbing my glasses. They are slipped on in haste, and I look around the room. He is here with me, sitting on the windowsill, knees tucked up to his chest. The curtains are pulled open, and as far as I can see, he is staring out at the night sky.

 “Ronald?” As I get out of bed, I hear him sniff. “Ronald, a … are you crying?”

 He stays in place, refusing to look at me. I receive no answer, but I am growing accustomed to my surroundings now, and I can hear his small cries. “C … come back to bed,” I urge, trying to keep my voice calm.

 He shakes his head slowly, and finally looks at me, tears wetting his face.

 “Another nightmare?” I move closer to him as he breaks down further, hugging at himself. The gesture is an obvious yes. “Tell me about it, please. What was the troubling dream about?” He shakes his head finally. “Ronald, please -.”

 “No!” His sudden shout startles me a little. “I keep … tellin’ y’ I don’t wanna talk ‘bout it! Stop buggin’ me!”

 “I … I am not trying to. I just want to help you.”

 “Y’ … y’ can’t!”

 His words hurt, sting, the image of his mother on that newspaper article springing to mind. Could she console him? Even so … that isn’t going to help him right here, right now. “Well … would a cuddle help a little bit?”

 “M-might ….”

 I nod, picking him up from the windowsill with ease – has … he lost weight again? Trying to push the worry from my mind, I take him over to the bed. We’re soon under the covers, my arms wrapped around his trembling form.

 I dare to try again, a few kisses laid on his hair. “What has gotten you so shaken, Ronald?” All I receive, once again, is a shake of the head. “W … why won’t you just tell me?”

 He pulls away from me sharply, turning his back on me. “B … because it won’t help.”

 “But -.”

 “Will, for fuck’s sake, jus’ drop it, would y’?” He pulls the cover over his head, a loud sniff coming from him. “Y’re not helpin’ me wi’ all these questions.”

 My teeth grind together as I lie down on my back. I haven’t a reply for him, agitation bubbling away at me.

 Just what does he want from me? I … I am trying my best to help him, for goodness sake!

 But now I understand – the more I try to help him, the more he pushes me away. If … if he doesn’t begin letting me in –

 Soon … I … I will have no choice. If he continues to deteriorate, he will have to go home.

 T … there is nothing else I can do for him.

 It is becoming apparent; I am not what he needs.

 Nowhere near enough ….


	111. William. An easy target.

***3.02am***

 Just as I am about to fall back to sleep, Ronald nudges me in my side. “W … Will? Y’ still awake?”

 “Yes.” Barely ….

 He shifts, clinging onto me, arm around my chest. “I … I’m sorry for snappin’.”

 “Don’t worry about it.” My tone of voice makes it clear that I am still angry at him.

 “I … I mean it,” he says softly. “I never meant ta … take it out on y’. Please … don’t be angry.” He sounds like a frightened little child, but … that is exactly what he is, isn’t it? I always tend to forget that he is so young, so … vulnerable. The thought of it drives the anger from me, and I am left … feeling sorry for him.

 My fingers comb through his hair. “I … I just wish you would tell me what the matter is. Can’t you see how worried I am for you?”

 He buries his head in the crease of my neck. “Y … yeah, I know. B-but it’s hard, y’ know? I … don’t wanna talk ‘bout it … because it makes it all tha’ … more real.”

 “Makes what real?”

 “Will, please, s-stop askin’. It … it’s too painful.”

 My hand moves from his hair to his back, and I rub through his shirt softly. “Then let’s try to get some sleep, okay?” I am frustrated, utterly frustrated, but what is the point of trying to coax something out of him? He … he is refusing to budge, and my need for sleep is wearing down my patience. “Maybe we will both feel better in the morning.”

 “Y … yeah, maybe.” He clings to me tighter. “L … love y’, Will.”

 “Yes.” I have to hold in a sigh. “I love you too.”

\-------------

***Tuesday 1st August***

***7.10am***

 The alarm has not long sounded, changed to the snooze setting; neither of us has bothered to get out of bed yet.

 Another night filled with a lack of sleep, with nightmares and crying, with Ronald keeping up the secretive treatment. The whole weekend has been awful, in all honesty ….

 “Will?”

 “Yes?” I look at him, seeing the dark circles under his eyes. I am in no doubt that I fell back to sleep long before him.

 “Do … do y’ think Al will mind if I stay home today?”

 “You aren’t feeling well?”

 Rubbing at his eyes, he says “I’m knackered.”

 “Then you should stay here, catch up on sleep.”

 “So … he’ll be okay wi’ it? I mean, he’s at work at ten anyway, so -.”

 “Ronald, you have been stuck at his side for the past two weeks,” I state, “he isn’t going to mind you having one day off.”

 “A … are y’ sure?”

 “I will phone him before I head to work, tell him that you aren’t feeling well, alright?”

 “Y … yeah.” He smiles a little. “That’d be great, thanks.”

\------------

***8.55am***

 I have just gotten off the phone with him, and I am unhappy to say the least. He sounded awful, voice shaky and weak. Still … he refused to take the day off sick, saying that he would be fine. I … I don’t know what he is trying to prove by doing this.

 His day is full of collections; a ten hour shift. I … I worry that he is going to exhaust himself with all the assignments. Anything could go wrong – there is high chance of injury.

 It seems that the stubborn ones never learn ….

 Sighing, I head back upstairs to check on Ronald – just a quick check, as I really must be getting to work. Pushing the door open, I see him fast asleep, the breakfast I gave him only half eaten. At least he is finally slumbering … and he looks so peaceful. Thank Goodness for that ….

 Hopefully, when I come home later, he will be well rested, and in better spirits. Hopefully ….

\--------------

***4.03pm***

**Knock, knock, knock.**

 I lift my head, pulling my eyes away from the paperwork I was plodding through. “Yes, come in.” Honestly … must they bang so hard?

 The door creaks open, Alan staggering into the room. I watch in horror as he stumbles, hand on his side. I scramble from my desk, rushing over to him. “Alan, w-what is the matter?”

 He falls forward, hitting the floor with a loud crash. “Alan?”

 I’m down on my knees in an instant, watching as he shakes, whimpers and cries coming from him. “W … what happened?”

 No answer, just gasping and sobs. With a shaky breath, I peel his hand away from his side. Oh Lord ….

 The material of his suit, both coat and shirt, has been torn away, mangled tissue on show. My hands tremble, from both worry and anger. “W … why didn’t you listen to me? I told you not to come to work today!”

 I rip his coat open, pulling up what is left of his shirt. My eyes go wide. A … a large chunk of his side is missing, flesh torn away. Blood oozes, h … his bottom rib showing through the gore.

 T … this is a demon bite; oh … oh no – t … they must have smelt the weakness, the stench of death on him. W … why did I not see this before, how they would have seen him as an easy target?

 “Alan, I … I am so sorry.”

 “Ngggh ….”

 The … the pain he must be in ….

 I … I have to get him to the infirmary, now!

 B … but it may already be too late. A demon … attack can be fatal if the wound inflicted is bad enough. And … and that is the case for healthy reapers. W … what is the fate of a reaper who is already dying?

 No … no, I cannot afford to think like that. That is not going to help him. “Y … you’re going to be just fine,” I say, trying to calm myself as much as him. I lift him up, the tensing and twitching of his muscles against my form doing little to ease my concern. “T … the doctors will know what to do ….”


	112. Alan. Surrender.

***6.06pm***

 I … I feel awful, I really do, but at least I didn’t lose consciousness this time. Now … I just really want to get out of this hospital room – I’ve been spending far too much time here lately.

 The doctors have told me that I should be fine, given time to heal. B … but once again, the injury will take a further toll on my health. I … I really do need to be more careful ….

 “Why did you come to me and not Eric?” William’s voice pulls me from my thoughts, and I stare down at my hands.

 “Your office was closer -.”

 “Rubbish. You had to teleport from where the attack happened, regardless. What is the real reason?”

 I swallow thickly, lifting my head slowly, eyes locking with his. “I … I didn’t want Eric to see … me like that. He … he’s been so worried about me recently.”

 “That makes sense.” He lets out a little sigh. “Though he is probably wondering where you have gone off to.”

 “Y … yes.” He’s had a habit of coming into my office, more than once per shift, to check on me lately.

 “Should I phone him and tell him what happened?”

 “W-would you mind?”

 “No, not at all.”

 “And … can you leave out the … more gory details?”

 He gives me a quick nod. “Of course.”

\------------

 The door is shoved open, and it bangs off of the wall, causing me to flinch. Ouch … I … I’m so sore ….

 “Al!” Eric runs into the room, a look of fear etched onto his face. “Shite ….” He’s soon at my side, arms squeezing around my neck. “Ah … ah was so worried about yer.”

 “I … I’m fine, Eric, really, I -.”

 “Yer … yer need tae be more careful.” I hear him sniff loudly. “F-fucking demons!”

 “I … I will be more careful, I promise -.”

 “You won’t have to,” William says.

 “P-pardon?” W … what does he mean?

 “You are not coming back to work.”

 “What?!” I pull Eric’s arms from me, staring at my supervisor. “W … what are you talking about?”

 “You are not well enough to continue -.”

 “No! I … I’m fine -.”

 “Ah think he’s right, Al.” Eric says. “Yer … yer’re getting weaker, and ah -.”

 “I’m fine!”

 “No.” William eyes me sternly, making me squirm in my bed. “You need to stop this. I … I am not watching you destroy yourself anymore.” He … he really cares for me?

 “B … but I still wish to be useful -.”

 “Alan,” he walks closer to the bed. “You can return to work once you are well. Heck, you can work sixty hour weeks once you are better for all I care. But I am done watching you struggle through every single hour of the week.”

 Tears fill my eyes – I … I feel so useless …. “B … but I -.”

 “Don’t you want the best chance of survival?” He asks me, eyes refusing to leave my own. “Isn’t your life worth more than some silly job?”

 “Well … yes, but -.”

 “The human world isn’t safe for you, at all, in your current condition. I’d rather not have one of my best workers become a mere meal for demon scum.”

 “Aye.” Eric grabs my hand, bending down on one knee by my bedside. “Ah … ah could have lost yer today, and … it … it’s not worth the risk, is it? Please listen tae him, babe, ah … ah can’t lose yer. We … we need yer tae get well.”

 I stare at him, at the pleading look in his eyes. My mind goes back to the moment of the demon attack, the fear, the pain. I … I was so scared that I’d never see Eric or Ronnie again. I swallow down the lump in my throat, the tears escaping my eyes. “O … okay, I … I’ll take a break.”

 “T … thank God.” Eric gives me a little smile.

 I … I’m so disappointed in myself for not being able to keep up with everything a reaper’s life requires. But still … relief is beginning to wash over me. No … no more struggling. I can rest as much as I need, worry less about the consequences of my hospital appointments.

 Yet … will I be horribly bored at home? I look at William again – he is more a friend than a supervisor to me now …. “Is … is there anything I can do to make myself useful?”

 A small chuckle leaves him, much to my surprise. “Well, you can always check through Eric’s work before he submits it to me. We all know that his grammar and punctuation is awful.”

 “Aye,” Eric sniggers, “he does have a point.”

 I cannot help but smile myself. “I … I think I can handle that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all know that his grammar and punctuation is awful.
> 
> Should it be is awful or are awful? Confused :/


	113. Ronald. Caved.

***6.59pm***

 Fucking hell, Will, pick up the phone! You were supposed to be home two hours ago! Ugh … as if I’m not agitated enough. Pressing the call button again, I put the phone to my ear. “Shit!” H … his phone’s still off ….

 Ugh …. I started ringing him like half an hour ago, because he’s never home THIS late. I even tried to get in touch with him through his office phone. No luck ….

 I’ve tried Eric and Al too, but Eric’s phone is off … and Al’s just rings out. I … I hope nothing bad has happened to one of them.

 I’m so close to snapping already – I … I couldn’t deal with any more bad news ….

 Shit! I pace around the room some more, my head pounding. I … I just keep thinking about what … could have gone wrong. My … my imagination really knows how to fuck with my head. It … it’s like every thought I have just makes me feel worse. I … I can’t escape my own mind.

 A … and I’m just one more piece of … bad news away from a meltdown.

 Another try at phoning – fucking hell! I slam my phone down on the countertop because it’s not like it’s being useful in the slightest right now.

 That massive knife is getting more and more tempting every day. I don’t know how much longer I can –

**BZZZZZZZZ, BZZZZZZZ –**

 My … my phone? I rush back over to it, seeing Will’s caller ID. “Thank fuck ….” I snatch it up, accepting the call.

 “Ronald -.”

 “Will!” I cut him off. “Where tha fuck ‘ave y’ been?! I … I was so fuckin’ – wha’ happened?!”

 “Ronald, calm yourself -.”

 “I … I can’t!” I’m so … fucking angry right now! “I’ve been tryin’ ta phone y’ -.”

 “Yes, I saw the missed calls.”

 My fist clenches, nails digging into my palm. “So … where tha fuck ‘ave y’ been?”

 I hear him sigh down the phone. “At the hospital -.”

 “W … wha’?” A nauseous feeling hits me. I … I feel sick. “A … are y’ alright?”

 “I am fine. Alan had a little accident -.”

 “S … shit. Is … is he alright?” My palms start to sweat, heat rising on my face. “Wha’ … wha’ sort of accident?”

 “A demon attack, but he is going to be absolutely fine, I promise. He is being discharged in a few hours.”

 I grit my teeth together – it … it’s all bullshit. D-don’t you dare tell me that a dying man is going to be just fine. We … we all know that these fucking hospital experiments aren’t working ….

 “Do you want me to pick you up so that you can visit him?” Will asks me.

 “N-na ….” I turn, my eyes on that knife block. “I … I’m not feelin’ so well.”

 “Oh … well, you get some rest.” He sounds surprised. I … I get why, with me usually wanting to spend as much time with Al as possible. But … I … I really don’t wanna see him in a hospital bed – again. It … it’s too hard ….

 “Yeah … I will. Y’ give him my well wishes, alright?”

 “Of course. Umm … I probably won’t be home until he leaves the hospital.”

 My eyes don’t leave that block. “Y … yeah, that’s fine. S-see y’ later.”

\-------------

 I … I don’t know why I did that ….

 I wasn’t thinking straight – head’s a right mess.

 It … it made me feel a bit better, I guess, but … the cuts on my … arm won’t stop bleeding. This is … g-gonna scar – shit! I … I’ll have to hide this from Will; he’s … gonna kill me ….

 The … the cuts sting when I run my inner arm under the tap, but at least it’ll wash most of the crusty shit and massive … globs of blood away ….

 Shutting the tap off, I grab a handful of kitchen roll, my hands shaking. “Nghhh ….” The tissue sticks to my arm, the stinging getting worse.

 B … but I kinda like … the stinging feeling – it’s taking my mind off of everything else.

 “W … wha’ a fuckin’ mess ….” I wipe at my eyes, trying to decide what to do with the bloodied tissues. If I stick them in the bin, Will might see them. Umm … I … I could flush them down the toilet, hope that it doesn’t clog up the pipes. Y … yeah, I’ll do that. I –

 Ah shit … I need to wash that knife. Eh … fuck, where did I put it? Shit!

\-----------

 It’s sore … really sore, but I … do feel better – it’s so weird, and I know it isn’t a good way to handle things. Fuck it though – it … it’s not like anything else is making me feel better, at all ….

 I got it to stop bleeding, mostly, but I had to dig out a dark navy jumper. D … don’t want the blood stains showing up … and I need to hide my arm from him. I … I don’t know if I’ll be able to fool him though. I mean, it’s still warm, really warm outside, so … so it’s gonna look so weird.

 Ugh … well done, Ronnie. You … really do know how to screw things up ….

 I lie down in bed, hoping to get a bit of sleep before Will gets home. Bit pointless though, isn’t it? I’ll only wake up again, feeling shitty, when the nightmares kick in.

\---------

 “Ronald?” I hear the door being pushed open, hear his voice.

 Didn’t really get much sleep, woke back up anyway. “Yeah?”

 “How are you feeling?”

 “I’m alright.”

 “G-good.” I don’t bother to move, and he’s soon in bed next to me.

 His palm touches against my forehead. “Will, wha’ are y’ doin’?”

 “Checking for a fever.”

 “Eh?”

 “You are obviously feeling a little unwell, wearing a jumper in this heat.”

 Ah … right …. “Yeah, yeah, I am feelin’ a bit rough.”

 He gives me a quick kiss on the head. “I shall go get you some medication.”

 “T … thanks, babe.”

 Fuck … he’s probably gonna find out at some point …. I can’t keep wearing jumpers through the rest of summer.

 Shit ….

 I … I’m such a twat ….

 He … he’s gonna hate me ….


	114. Eric. Playing doctor ... or nurse.

 It didn’t take him long to fall asleep once we got back from the hospital. It’s probably because of the painkillers they gave him when he first got there. He’s hugging me gently in his sleep now – so cute.

 I’m just glad he’s home – today really shook me up. But at least he’s finally seeing sense, thanks to William. I’m so relieved that he’s going to be at home from now on; he’s going to be safe. There’s nothing I care about more than his wellbeing.

 So now, he doesn’t have to worry about work, at all, and can focus on getting better. If only those stupid doctors would figure out a real cure. Fucking quacks ….

\-----------

***Wednesday 2nd August***

***3.34pm***

 “Eric … I can do it myself,” Al huffs. He needs his dressings changing – the hospital gave us some clean ones when he was discharged – but he’s being stubborn. As usual, he wants to do everything for himself.

 “Right … so yer think yer can pull the old dressings off and wrap the new bandages around yerself when yer’re too sore tae move?”

 “Umm … I … I’ll manage.” He tries to sit up in bed, only to wince.

 “See, without yerr painkillers, yer’ll just have tae settle for lying still.”

 “Fine ….” He relents, giving me a little smile. His shirt is pulled up, and he points to the dressings. “Come on then, play doctor.”

 “Only if yer promise tae be a cooperative patient,” I wink. I really am trying my best to be all smiley and jokey; positive. It seems to be working, making him feel better even with his pain. Besides, I don’t want things to be all gloomy – there’s no need to be depressed at the minute, I don’t think; being home will (should) do him the world of good.

 A pout comes over those beautiful lips of his. “I promise.”

\----------

 The last of the dressings come away, and I hear him hiss. I can see why …. This injury is really nasty. My wee babe is being so brave.

 “Is … is it healing?” He asks me.

 I’m not sure because I never saw it as it was at the beginning, but … “ah can see a bit of new tissue, ah think.”

 “G … good.” His breath hitches when I begin to disinfect the area. “Nghh ….”

 “Yer okay?”

 “S … stings.” He squeezes his eyes shut. “I … I don’t know why they even gave you that solution – we … we aren’t affected by germs.”

 “Well ah guess they aren’t taking any chances, and neither am ah.” The last thing I want is for him to rot away ….

\-----------

 “There we are, all done.” I smile down at him. “That wasn’t too bad, now, was it?”

 A soft giggle comes from him. “You’re a very tender nurse, Eric.”

 “Nurse? Ah thought yer said doctor earl -.” My eyes catch a look at the clock. “Shit ….”

 “Hmm?”

 “Ah’m going tae be late for work.”

 “Oh ….” He sighs.

 William phoned us this morning, saying that Ronnie wasn’t feeling well – again. He’s not coming over until the evening. “Well … Ronnie will be here in a few hours -.”

 “I … I feel bad.”

 “Eh? About what?”

 “Ronnie is struggling, we all know that. Am I making him worse?”

 “No, no, of course yer’re not. Ah know he’s worried about yer and all, but it’s not yerr fault.” And there’s that whole kidnapping thing too. Not really sure what happened with that exactly; I know it’s selfish, but I’ve had a lot of stuff on my mind lately, and I haven’t focused on anyone else but Al. “HE chose tae give up his job and everything for yer, so don’t blame yerself.”

 “I … I know that, but I asked him at the beginning to come with me to appointments.”

 “Aye, because he’s yerr best mate -.”

 “But … I shouldn’t have asked him to … deal with that. It can’t have done him any good to see me during my attacks. He’s only young -.”

 “Yer’re one tae talk, Al. Yer weren’t that much older than him when yer were human.”

 “True ….”

 I climb onto the bed next to him, hand patting his leg lightly. “Ah think he’s old enough tae deal with someone not being very well. And … hopefully … yer’ll be looking a bit better now yer’ve got time tae rest.”

 “And … I’ll be there for him, regardless of my health.”

 “Aye, there yer go, that’s the spirit.”

 He nods, and then hugs up against me. “Can’t you stay for a while longer? I … I don’t like being in this big house all on my own.”

 “Al, yer know ah would if ah could.” I really don’t want to leave him all alone …. “Ah can phone William, ask him tae come check on yer after -.”

 “No, no, he probably just wants to get home and make sure Ronnie’s okay.”

 “Aye … ah’ll make Grell come over then.”

 I see his face light up. “W-would you?”

 “Of course. She’s got tae annoy someone, hasn’t she?”

 With a giggle, he says “true, very true.”

 “Well, at least she’s more entertaining than William.” Our lips meet, a silent ‘I love you’.

 I don’t want him to feel lonely either. I’ve never wanted that.


	115. Ronald. In the garden.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't update yesterday - haven't been very well.  
> With xmas coming up, I have longer shifts at work, so will probably only be able to update this every other day. Sorry about that.

***Saturday 5th August***

***11.04am***

 The days seem to be blurring together lately, if I’m honest. It’s been ... what, four days since Al got hurt? I ... I haven’t been feeling well, still, and even though I know it’s selfish of me, I’ve been sulking at home since the day I hurt myself.

 Yesterday though, he came here – dunno why, but I think he must have either been really bored or really lonely at home. It’s the same way today; he’s chilling on the sofa.

 Will’s gone to work now, and I’m sitting on the chair opposite him. Man … I feel bad, making him come over to mine. He should be at his own house, resting in his bed. I … I can’t help feeling overwhelmed though …. If … if I felt alright in myself, I’d be there for him one hundred percent. Of course I would ….

 That … isn’t really an excuse though, is it? Fuck ….

 “Al?”

 He looks up at me from the book he’s reading – he must be feeling a little better; haven’t seen him do that in a while. “Yeah?”

 “Wanna go back ta y’ place?”

 He smiles as soon as I say that. “Sure. Is that okay with you?”

 “Yeah, of course.”

\-----------

 He’s just showed me his side, mainly because he can’t really see it for himself without a mirror – awkward angle, I guess. “Man … I wish I could heal as quickly as y’.” Because … my arm is doing my head in. It’s itching so badly right now, and I keep scratching at it through my jumpers and long sleeved shirts – fuck … I hope no one has noticed me doing that.

 “Oh … has it healed completely now?” He asks. “It doesn’t hurt or anything now.”

 “Not completely, no. It’s jus’ a bit crusty now though.”

 His fingers rub against the small scabby bit of skin, and he nods. “I think it’ll be healed by tomorrow, don’t you?”

 “Yeah … I think so too.”

\-------------

***2.01pm***

 Al got a bit restless earlier, so I decided to get Eric’s PlayStation up and running. We’ve been playing for a while now, and Al seems to be enjoying it. It’s helping me too, distracting me from everything. He really does suck at this game though, hah.

 The round finishes, and he turns it off, letting out a little yawn. “Y’ not feelin’ so good?” I ask, worry coming through again ….

 “Just a little tired.”

 “Ah … alright otherwise though?”

 “Yes, I feel pretty good.”

 “Great,” I manage to smile. Being away from work is really helping him. “Should we go lie down for a bit then?”

 “Please.”

\------------

***4.35pm***

 He napped for a little while, probably for … an hour or so? Then he got up … and he’s messing about around the house now. Uh … I think he’s reorganising his book collection or something.

 “Al?”

 “Hmm?” He continues to mess with the books.

 “Y’ feelin’ restless again?”

 “Y … yes.” I hear him sigh. “I was so used to being preoccupied with different tasks while at work that now … I’m a bit at a loss of what to do with myself.”

 “Ah … yeah, makes sense. We could play some more video games, if y’ want?”

 “Hmm …..”

 He doesn’t sound so keen …. “Or … wha’ever y’d like ta do.”

 “Well … I have been meaning to do a little gardening.”

 “Y’ feel up for it?”

 “If you help me, yes.”

 “Yeah … of course I will.” Ugh … I’m gonna be sweating like mad in this heat with this long sleeved shirt on. Great …. “I’ll jus’ text Will and tell him I’ll be home late.”

 “Thanks.” He turns to face me. “Ronnie, are you okay?”

 The way he looks at me makes me squirm in my seat. It’s like he’s … really looking at me, picking me apart with his eyes. It’s making me nervous, my palm rubbing against my arm through my clothes. “Y … yeah, I’m fine.”

\------------

 Al seems to be enjoying himself, pottering around the garden doing the little things – pruning, and stuff like that.

 Me? Meh … not so much. I’ve been digging up the weeds that have grown in the time Al’s been ill. Sweating like a fucking pig. My arm’s fucking itching too. “Nghhh ….” I drop the weed extractor tool onto the dirt, and scratch away, nails digging into my arm through the material. Hurts but … damn, I want more –

 “Ronnie?”

 I flinch, and hurry to pick up my tool again. “Y … yeah?”

 I hear him come over to me, but I don’t look at him; if I do, he’ll see the look on my face, and he’ll know I’m hiding something. Shit … shit!

 “I knew it,” I hear him whisper – shit, he’s closer, really close. I go to say something, but wince when he grabs a hold of my wrist. T … tight grip – reaper strength ….  I try to tug myself free, once, twice, but it’s no use. “Al, ge’ off -.”

 “I … I thought I was just being paranoid, overly concerned, but I was right -.”

 “R-right ‘bout … wha’?” My voice is shaking. Does … does he know?

 I look at him, at those wide eyes.

 And with his other hand, he shoves my sleeve up. My heart is hammering in my chest, breath caught in my throat.

 I see the sadness in his eyes, and mine fill with tears. “Why, Ronnie, why would you -?”

 “I … I ….”

 S-shit ….


	116. Alan. I'm not mad.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you see any typos let me know.

 Silence … a long silence, as I watch him dissolve into tears. Letting go of his arm, I say “Ronnie -.”

 “D-don’t … be mad, please, I … I’m sorry.”

 His words catch me off guard for a moment. Why would I be mad? “Ronnie, I … I’m not mad. I’m just worried about you.”

 “B … but I … I keep screwin’ up,” he says with a hiccup.

 “No, no, you don’t.” I hug him gently. “Everyone struggles at times. It doesn’t make you any less of a person.”

 He squeezes back tightly, arms around my back. “R … really? Y’ … y’re really not mad?”

 “No, I’m not, I mean it.”

 “A … are y’ … gonna tell Will?”

 “Do you even need to ask that?”

 “Al, please -.”

 “I’m not going to say anything, but I think you need to talk to someone. If you bottle things up … well, things like this happen.

 “It … it’s too hard ta … speak ta people.”

 “To even your friends?”

 “Y … yeah, sorry ….”

 “Okay ….” Holding in a sigh, I say “I think that’s enough gardening for today. You should come lie down.”

 “K … kay ….”

\------------

 He’s snuggled up to me, under the covers, now. Even with the hug I’ve been giving him for a while now, he continues to cry, small sniffs and whimpers against my ear.

 “Why did you do it, Ronnie?” I ask again. “Did … did you just need a way to cope? I know you’ve been struggling lately.” I know that that’s why he’s been staying at home; he’s feeling depressed … and sometimes it can get so bad that people can’t even get out of bed in the morning.

 “I … I couldn’t ge’ a fix, so … doin’ this was tha … only way – it … it was like a different kind of fix,” he says after a long silence.

 “And … did it help you?”

 “A … a little, I guess.” He’s shaking really badly …. “I … I didn’t know how else … ta cope.”

 “You felt overwhelmed?”

 “Y … yeah.”

 “And you still do.” It’s a statement, not a question, but he nods against me regardless. “Ronnie?”

 “W … wha’?”

 “Does … this all stem from your childhood? Y-you said that … grownups hurt you?”

 He goes into hysterics as soon as I say that. “I … I don’t wanna talk ‘b-bout it!” His shaking gets worse – I have my answer.

 “O … okay, I … I’ll be quiet.” I’m not really all that happy about this. I want him to tell me everything, because I can’t help him properly if he doesn’t. But … at the same time, I can’t keep prying. The last thing I want to do is push him away, ruin his trust in me.

 That wouldn’t do him any good ….

 “But please, if you feel like doing that again, talk to me. Let me … try to calm you down, talk you out of it.” Getting no reply, I continue. “Can you do that for me?”

 “Y … yeah, a-alright.”

 “And ….” I let out a little sigh. “You … should probably tell William too.”

 “N … no …. He … he’ll hate me, he’ll … be so m-mad.”

 “Ronnie, he’s going to be mad if you don’t tell him. He … he will find out eventually, you know that.” And I’m surprised that he hasn’t noticed yet. The way Ronnie’s been scratching at his arm makes it obvious that something is wrong. Hasn’t he even suspected a rash of some kind?

 “I … I’ll try.”

 He … he won’t try, because he’s too scared of William’s reaction. I know that. I know him well enough by now. So … William will find out, sooner or later, and he’ll take his irritation out on Ronnie – it’ll end in an argument, no doubt ….

 But I can’t tell William either – hearing it from someone else … umm, well … that’s no good ….

 “Okay ….”

\--------------

***6.16pm***

 Eric came home, just now, to find Ronnie still crying in bed next to me. He comes closer to the bed, frowning at me. “What’s happened now?”

 “He … he’s just a little upset,” I state quietly.

 His frown deepens. “Why, what happened?”

 “Eric, I … I don’t think I should say -.”

 “Al, come on, yer know ah won’t say anything.”

 Ronnie tenses against me as I start to speak. “O … okay. He hurt himself.”

 “How?” I can see the concern written all over his face.

 “He cut himself.”

 He sighs in exasperation, his shoulders slumping. “Oh, wee lad.” He quickly gets into the bed next to Ronnie, and tries to pick him up.

 Our friend clings onto me, his body tensing. “He’s not going to hurt you, Ronnie, he’s not angry either.”

 “Aye, ah think yer need a cuddle, don’t yer?”

 With a nod, he lets go of me, and Eric lifts him onto his lap. His arms wrap around Ronnie, our friend resting his head on my partner’s shoulder.

 “Lad, it’s alright,” Eric says gently “we’re here for yer.”

 I smile a little to myself as Eric continues to soothe him with small words of encouragement. He’s such a sweetheart – so caring ….

 I’m so lucky to have him ….

\-------------

***6.59pm***

 Ronnie tired himself out from his crying after a while, falling asleep against Eric’s shoulder. We decided that Eric should take him home, but not tell William about what had happened.

 Oh … he’s just gotten back. “Did William notice anything?” I ask.

 “Nah, he wasn’t home, so ah just put Ronnie tae bed. Ah don’t think he’ll be waking up anytime soon – he was out cold.”

 Yes … he exhausted himself. “Oh … well maybe he went out somewhere. Ronnie did text him to say he’d be home late, so I guess William wasn’t expecting him to be back yet.”

 “Aye, maybe.” Kicking his shoes off, he flops down on the bed next to me. “And how are yer feeling? In general, ah mean.”

 “I feel okay – I’m tired, but I feel rather well.”

 “That’s great, babe.”

 “Mmm, and my wound has almost healed now.”

 “Grand,” he grins. “Ah knew that being off of work would help yer.”

 “It really has.” My hand finds his, our fingers locking together. “Do you … think Ronnie will be okay?”

 “Ah’m not sure, Al,” he says, smile fading. “But we’ll keep an eye on him, try tae help him as best we can.”

 “I just wish he’d open up to us.”

 “Well … sometimes, things are too painful tae talk about.” He squeezes my hand. “But in time, ah’m sure he’ll tell us what’s on his mind.”

 “I … I hope so.”

 “Aye. But for the rest of today, yer need tae try tae relax, get some rest.”

 I nod a little. “Yes, I know.”

 “Have yer eaten today?” He asks me.

 “Not since … that snack this morning,” I admit.

 “Can ah tempt yer intae eating something else?”

 “My appetite isn’t so bad at the minute.” A small smile comes to my lips. “Make me something nice?”

 I receive a kiss to the cheek, and then he says, with a small grin, “aye, ah think ah can rustle something up.”

 “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be a bombshell.


	117. William. The chatroom, part one.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning.

 I … I think this is going to be a long night, my eyes tired from staring at this godforsaken computer screen since my shift ended. But with Ronald at Alan’s home – I do not expect him to be home until late tonight, judging by his text message – this is the best chance that I have.

 I noticed, two nights ago, that Ronald had hurt himself. I found it strange enough that he was suddenly wearing jumpers in this heat. So … while he was in deep sleep, I pushed up his sleeves. Honestly, I wasn’t surprised; it wouldn’t be the first time that he had hidden his destructive behaviours from me.

 I was upset with him, to say the least, yet I saw no point in confronting him over it. Instead, I decided to dig deep into the reaper archives, try to drag up some information about Ronald’s past. There has to be something here ….

 Still … I worry that, even if I do find out what exactly is bothering him, I will not be able to help him. I mean, I haven’t exactly been able to console him as of late.

 And … I cannot send him to counselling, or anything of the like. Not in this realm, anyway. Therapists are few and far between, the reapers who used to be in that profession when they were human having no time to continue it in this life. Being a reaper is time consuming and exhausting work, after all.

 And even if there were a few, I doubt they would see a human. Obviously, newly turned reapers have a variety of emotional issues, giving any therapists plenty of workload.

 With a sigh, I continue to search through files, looking for any indication of Ronald’s name. I am starting to lose hope of finding anything, any small fragment at all.

\---------------

***7.20pm***

 A file has been found, a slither of a cinematic record. There are two ways to view such records, the first being seeing the deceased as they interact with others throughout their life. That is what we view when collecting souls.

 But then, once the record is in the library, we can look at the person’s life in their point of view. This seems to be what the file is, a snippet of a record scanned into a computer – a way to back up the memories, in case of theft, it seems.

 There is more than one file, each one seeming to have some data with Ronald’s name in it. So … it appears that someone who interacted with Ronald has passed on.

 In all honesty, this is probably fruitless – I doubt there will be anything in this memory of much use. Yet … my stomach is churning with apprehension; I cannot put my finger on the cause of my uneasiness.

 Moving my mouse, I click on the link. I cannot help but frown, as I can see, through this person’s point of view, a computer screen. W … what is this? Writing? An empty room in what appears to be a home in England? The décor seems to point to that.

 I watch as someone posts a message in the chat box. Is … is this a … forum of some kind? No, no, that isn’t the word – a chatroom? Oh … it has a name; it is called ‘chat blonde fuck bid’. Well … how lovely ….

_UncleFelch: get to the show!_

 My frown deepens. What show?

 A man appears in front of the computer screen. _Admin: just a moment._

\----------

 I am utterly confused. A girl has been dragged into the room by another man, hands in front of her face as she cries, red polished nails on show … metal cuff, connected to a chain, around her one wrist. She cannot be any older than seven or eight, long blonde hair down to her mid-back.  Her small frame shakes, body clad in a light blue dress with tiny pink flower print.

 The chatroom is full of members now, their comments mocking, hateful. They demand the show to ‘properly begin’.

 I … I do not understand what this has to do with Ronald – did he know this girl? Did he live in the same house as her at some point?

 She lets out a sob as the man drags her closer to the webcam, scowling down at her. “Show our guests y’ pretty little face,” he commands.

 The girl shakes her head, refusing to remove her hands from her face. With a grunt, he yanks roughly on her arms.

 My breath catches in my throat, my eyes locked with the bright blue, bloodshot eyes looking back at me. “R … Ronald?” It … is him; those eyes are too unique to belong to anyone else ….

 W … what on earth? Why … why is he dressed like that?

 The scars on Ronald’s wrist, that terribly scarred … right wrist – the c-chain – it … makes sense now, adds up.

 H … his face is so pale, eyes puffy; a black eye. I feel sick ….

 T … the messages begin again. ‘Gorgeous’. ‘I’d love to get inside of this one’.

 The nausea grows. They are going to – no, they … they wouldn’t. He … he’s just a child!

 I … I wish for nothing more than to click off of this horrible memory link. But … I cannot. I have come this far – I … I have to know what has happened to him. If … if I see it for myself, as vulgar and awful as it may be, I will understand, truly understand what is going through his head.

 I brace myself as the messages continue. R … Ronald is being touched, in … in places no child should be touched. He tries to pull away, only for this disgusting excuse of a man to grab a hold of the chain, tugging him back into place.

 I watch in horror as he is groped, kissed, Ronald crying and shaking through it all.

 Another message, one that makes my breath catch in my throat. _Finchy123: £50 if you ram your fingers down that little throat of his. I want to see him gag._

 My hands grip onto the edge of the desk, anger coursing through me. T … they are paying money … to watch him suffer. Sick … twisted ….

 The other man seems to type back. _Admin: deal._

 The command is referred on, Ronald’s jaw being pried open. I … have to look away, sweat coating my forehead. This is beyond revolting; utterly foul.

 I can hear Ronald gagging, heaving, and when I finally dare to look again, sick is running down his chin.

_Finchy123: oh God, that was great! £50 more to make him gag on something else, you catch my drift?_

 Ronald begins to sob harshly when he hears the request out loud. He begs, and cries, tears rolling down his flushed cheeks. His pleading falls on deaf ears, and tears fill my eyes as he is shoved down onto his knees.

 My fist hammers against the desk – how … how dare they! He … he is just a child. How … how could you do such things …?

 -------------

 I – Lord …. My skin is tingling horribly, my hair standing up on end. I … I don’t want to see this, him being shoved down onto a couch, disgusting milky white liquid leaking from the corner of his mouth. Yet … as sick to my stomach as I feel, I cannot look away. I feel disgusting, perverted, but I … I need to know. For his sake, I need to see … how horrid this truly gets ….

 Because … if I do not see this, I will never know; he is never going to confide in me – that much is certain.

\------------

 I heave, grabbing my bin from under my desk with haste. Bile leaves me, as I hack, shudder from what I am seeing. Reapers … hardly ever vomit, t … their bodies having no need. B … but this, this is truly sickening ….

 The … the cries he is making … as … as they ruin him completely. Salty, hot tears roll down my cheeks. I … I have to look away, but I hear it, a loud scream. It … it is like a cry of a wounded animal.

 His pleading has stopped. All that is left is broken sobs, wheezes, coughing from his cries, and screaming. So … so much screaming.

 My eyes squeeze shut. “Oh … Ronald, I … I am so sorry ….”

\-------------

 He is thrown to the floor, requests of broken bones … and bruises being sent. I … I can see blood stains on the back of his dress. I choke on a cry. T … they have ripped into him, torn him apart … f-from … the inside.

 H … how … how do these monsters live with themselves? How have the … police not caught onto this? Is … is the website unsearchable?

 “Get up!” The man screams, tugging Ronald back to his feet. The … little helpless soul sways from side to side, shaking in fright.

 Again, and again, he is knocked to the floor, kicked, beaten, made to stand back up. Cuts and scrapes … are inflicted, and I lose myself to tears of shock, of sorrow. H … his body gives into the fear, a small puddle of urine pooling on the wooden floorboards around his bare feet.

**Slap!**

 He … he is knocked back down, the man seething. “Lick it up, y’ bastard!”

 Ronald squeaks out an apology, but is kicked in the face – a … a split lip.

 “Lick it up! Do y’ want me ta slit y’ throat?!”

 A cry of terror spills from Ronald’s lips; he … he is absolutely terrified.

 Oh God ….

 I gag as he … begins to lap … up the foul liquid. He … he is too gagging, with every small lick and suck against the floor. My … my poor boy ….

 “Good boy,” the foul monster says once the last of the urine is lapped up, Ronald coughing … obviously from the rotten, sickening taste.

 All … all I can do is watch, cry, as he is beaten over and over again.

 One command flashes up on the chat bar, and I … I break down further. “No … no, you … you can’t!”

 The man smiles at the request, the £100 bid. It … it makes Ronald cry harder, but … I … can see that he is … becoming weaker by the second. His … his body cannot take much … more of this.

 He tries to crawl away, only to be tugged back by his chain. “S … s-stop it … pl-please!”

 “Shut up!” The man barks, grabbing a hold of Ronald’s hand. W … with his other hand, he grips onto one of Ronald’s fingers.

 “No!” I cry – he … he isn’t going to, he wouldn’t –

**Snap!**

 A scream echoes around the room, my poor … boy’s middle finger being broken, yanked backwards into the most unnatural of positions.

 I … I cannot take … much more of this. Such … a horrid sight ….

 More beatings, and … he is left shaking on the floor, barely able to move. Stop … please, just stop this – it is so cruel!

 A message appears on the log. _Admin: we bring this show to an end for today. Thank you all for watching._

 Just before the camera shuts off, I see the man who had been reading and commenting on the chatroom go over to Ronald, lifting him up gently.

 The last image breaks my heart – Ronald clings to the man, cuddling up to him as best he can in … such an awful physical condition. He … he just wants to be loved, cared for. He … he needs affection, craves it.

 The bin is dropped to the floor, and I put my face in my hands, head spinning. Completely … shocking …. I … I cannot believe what I have just witnessed ….

 And … and all he wanted, all he needed, was to be loved ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments please. Been working on this chapter for four hours.


	118. William. The chatroom, part two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another trigger warning.

 I have been sitting here, for what feels like forever, trying to compose myself. Though I still feel terribly sick, I know I must click on these other memory links. They are from the same person, I am sure. As vulgar and as heart-breaking, I … I am sure ….

\---------

 I have grabbed some tissue, as I know I will need it. Sitting down again, I inhale sharply, bracing myself. One … one down, another three … to go ….

 The second link is clicked – I cannot help but frown. T … this is not a first person point of view memory, instead being taken from a cinematic record in the original viewing form. There is no computer screen, no webcam.

 It … it soon becomes apparent why, my heart pounding faster and faster by the second. Ronald looks even younger – he … he cannot be any older than six. He is once again wearing a dress, this one a light yellow, his hair a little shorter.

 I gulp when I realise that his one arm is chained to the rails of the bed. There … there are two men in the room with him, one I recognise from … the webcam. The other, a tall, thin man … must be the person who is now deceased. I … I hope that he is rotting in hell.

 Money is exchanged, Ronald cowering as the thin man gets onto the bed next to him. His grubby fingers grace Ronald’s cheek, causing the tiny boy to flinch, whimpering. “You’re such a pretty little thing, aren’t you?”

 “Get your filthy hands off of him!” I seethe, tears flowing down Ronald’s cheeks.

 He is pinned down on the bed, that … that monster’s hand around his throat.

 And … all I can do is watch, looking away when things become too much. My … my stomach is rolling over, acid bubbling in my throat. He is … abused, the man grinning through his … sick, twisted pleasure. His … his grip tightens, and he watches in delight … as Ronald faints, time and … time again, from the pain and lack of air. And … every time, the … poor, innocent boy is slapped awake, forced to … consciously endure … such horrid torment.

 He … he goes from crying, screaming, to unconscious, and then to dazed, over and over again ….

 How … how can these people live with themselves?

 I grab the tissues – I … I need them, tears blurring my vision. My … my poor, poor boy ….

\--------------

 I wipe the tissue against my nose, eyes focused on Ronald’s face – I … have little other places to look, his dress having been stripped away a while ago. Tears stain his face, but little noise comes from him … as this beast kisses and gropes him, dragging such an awful experience out further. He … he is obviously exhausted, his tiny body being able to take no more.

 I … I don’t know how such a tiny human being … survived such torture. He … he is so strong, so brave.

 “So pretty,” the man says again. “Hey, Scott?”

 The other man looks up from the chair he is sitting on. “Wha’?”

 “You should put this little beauty on the internet, show him off to people. They’d pay good money to see him put into their fantasies.”

 “I’m earnin’ enough doin’ wha’ I’m doin’ now.” He says. “Enough people pay me good money ta fuck him right here.”

 “But what about the people who live too far away? You’re missing out on a lot.”

 The man shrugs. “Don’t know much ‘bout computers.”

 “I have a friend who can set it all up for you, for a small cut. I can phone him if you want?”

 “I’ll think ‘bout it.”

 My head is spinning. He … he was whored out to … people before the chatroom began, at age six? W … what an earth – how … how young was he when this all began? He … he couldn’t have been two, because … a … a toddler wouldn’t have survived such things.

 So … so what did happen? Was he groomed? Moulded into a human sex toy? I … I gag at the thought ….

\------------

 A small packet of sweets is produced, waved in front of Ronald’s face. “Here you go, sweet cheeks, I know how much you like sweeties.”

 Ronald’s free hand takes the packet, apprehensively, from the thin man, his eyes red and puffy with tears. “T … thank y’,” he manages to squeak out.

 “You’re welcome, babe.”

 My nose wrinkles in disgust. You … you think sweets are going to make this all better? No!

 And it hurts to see … Ronald seeming to calm down a little. Such … such small things … mean so much to him, for he has nothing ….

\------------

 The third link … ended with me having my face buried in the bin again. The first message on the chatroom read ‘we have a special show for you today. Some regular viewers have travelled here to enjoy a real life experience with our gorgeous Ron’.

 I … I couldn’t watch it, four men taking … turns with him – Ronald must have been around ten by this point.

 Still … the sounds, the screams, they … they were awful enough …

 I hear a beep, a new message appearing on the chatroom. Turning to face the video screen, I frown – I … I thought this ordeal had ended? T … the ‘special guests’ had left the room. And then I see the message – oh … oh, God ….

_Whorefucker86: £20,000 if you gouge out those pretty eyes._

 I … I know that this didn’t happen, as … Ronald still has those lovely blue orbs … but  why … why the heck would anyone want this?! How … how can anyone find pleasure in the torture … and maiming of others?

_Admin: No. This boy is too precious, those eyes are too unique. We do not accept requests asking for permanent damage. Please place another bid._

_Whorefucker86: Fuck you then!_

_Whorefucker86 is offline._

 A harsh, bitter laugh leaves me. No permanent damage?! The … the state he is in now. Don’t give me that rubbish, you sick, sorry excuses for human beings!  

\----------

 The … the last link, just click it, and you can go home. You wanted to find out everything, didn’t you, William? So just click the damn link!

 My hand quivers as I grab the mouse – this … this can’t be any worse than the last memory … of course not. And … there cannot possibly be anything more sickening … than a team of child molesters, and a stomach churning request for eye gouging.

 I click it, and frown. Ronald is much older now – around fourteen? He … he is extremely thin, obviously underfed. Not emaciated like when we first met … but he is certainly getting there. With … all that these monsters have put him through, didn’t they even have the decency to feed him properly?

 No … of course not – these filthy beings have no humanity ….

 Ronald is looking into the camera, hair cut short, any femininity stripped away from him. No nail-polish, no lipstick or dresses, nothing. 

 I … I suppose that, with puberty hitting, they cannot make him look like a little girl anymore ….

 He … continues to stare into the webcam, face blank, eyes dull. It … it is as if he has given up ….

 “Say hello to everyone, Ron,” the main abuser says.

 “H … hey ….” His expression doesn’t change – is his voice breaking? He … he is indeed growing up ….

 Even as he is dragged … over to the couch, cuff digging painfully into his wrist – it has grown too tight – he makes no fight, no noise. He strips himself off without a word, lying face down on the sofa. So … so badly scarred, fresh cuts lining his skin ….

 I turn my eyes from the screen … as he is violated again. No screams … no cries. All … I can hear is the odd grunt – a groan? Is the pain not as bad now? Have the changes during puberty … made it feel – no … no, that isn’t it. He … he is just faking, playing up to the camera. It must be a way for him to avoid further punishment, beatings.

 Sickening ….

 He has been abused for almost ten years …. Maybe longer, I am not certain ….  

 A shudder runs down my spine – he has no fight left in him ….

\-----------

 Ronald curls up on the couch, knees tucking under his chin – a small attempt to cover himself …. My hand reaches out, fingers touching the screen over his face. He … he barely looks any different to today, bar the thinness.

 It is unnerving, deeply disturbing to see no emotion on his face. He usually … has some sort of expression there ….

 It … it is like he is dead inside.

 No … no wonder he turned to drugs ….

 No wonder he is a complete and utter mess.

 “I … I’m so sorry, Ronald.” This is all my fault, his current condition. I … I should have never told him about the kidnapping. I … I have opened a can of worms, one which I do not know how to close.

\------------

 It is passed midnight now, and … I am finally heading home. I … I hope that Ronald is asleep – I … I don’t know if I could form proper words, the state I am in.

 I have been sitting here, crying like a baby, for what feels like hours – it … it is quite pathetic ….

 I … I just couldn’t get over the deceased man’s record. He … he abused Ronald, both in person, and … by viewing him online for … for almost a decade. Completely deserving of death – I hope he met a painful end.

 In my state of utter dismay, of shock … I forwarded one of the links to Eric’s and Grell’s work email addresses – the first link … that I had clicked on.

 I think that I may have made a mistake – I should have just told them what I had found, instead of letting them see. It … it is no doubt going to revolt them. Yet … there is no way of retrieving those emails now – I should just accept my mistake ….

 T … they need to know.

 I … I wasn’t thinking straight. Of course I wasn’t.

 Taking a deep breath, I gather my belongings. It is time to head home ….

\-------------

 Ronald is asleep, face buried under the bedcovers. I pull them back, glancing at his sleeping face. The tears come again, sliding down my cheeks. I kick my shoes off, not bothering to change clothes. I … I just want to cuddle him, hold him, keep him safe in my arms.

 Doing just that, I hug him tightly. “Y … you poor soul. It … it is going to be alright, I promise. We … we will find a way to help you … overcome this.”

 “Nghhhh ….” He begins to stir, and soon sees me crying. “Will … wha’ … what’s wrong?”

 I gulp, coughing lightly. “I … I know.”

 “Know wha’?” He looks at me, fear in his eyes. He … he must be thinking of the self-harm ….

 “Chatroom … the bidding c-chatroom, Ronald.”

 Within a few seconds, his face pales, eyes going wide. “W … wha’ …?”


	119. William. Ultimatum.

 “H … how – I … I don’t understand.” His eyes are filling with tears. “H … how – nah, y’ couldn’t ….”

 “I had to know what … was wrong, Ronald, so I did a little digging, s-some research on the reaper database.” I gulp. “I have been so, so worried about you, and y-you wouldn’t tell me, so -.”

 I can see him getting agitated – he doesn’t know where to look, and he tries to scramble away from me. I keep a tight grip on him – I … I have to protect him. “Ronald, it is okay, you -.”

 “H … how much do y’ know?” The tears are sliding down his face now, eyes wide with worry.

 “Well, I saw some snippets -.”

 “Saw?!”

 “Y … yes, parts of a record from a person’s life. Someone … you knew passed away – a tall, thin man – ginger.” He laughs hysterically, catching me off guard. “R … Ronald, what -?”

 “I … I know he’s dead!”

 “Y … you do?”

 “I … I didn’t mean ta – it … it was self … defence!”

 My mouth falls open. Does … does he mean – no, surely not …. “W-what?”

 “I … I managed ta … break … a chain.” His hand grips onto his right wrist. “It … it had gone all … rusty. And he … he was there. I … I’d had enough – I … I jus’ wanted ta ge’ away from there, I … I jus’ wanted ta escape. But he caught me ….” A loud sob comes from him. “He … he cornered me in … tha kitchen, tried … ta stab me. I … I was so scared, Will, I thought he was gonna … k-kill me.”

 “And … y-you managed to … get the knife off of him?” I ask, not sure if I even want to know the answer.

 “No, no … I didn’t mean – I … I jus’ smacked him … around tha head wi’ … somethin’ – I … I can’t remember wha’ – I … jus’ wanted him ta … ge’ away from me.” He puts his hands over his face. “B … but then he wasn’t breathin’, and I panicked, and … no one else was home, so … so I ran off. I … I jus’ took some food, grabbed someone’s … sh-shoes … and legged it.” He … he is shaking so badly. “I … I never wanted ta … hurt him, Will, y’ … y’ve gotta believe me.”

 I ... I am shocked .... 

 I want to say how much that vulgar man deserved what he got, how he had it coming, but I bite my tongue. “I believe you, of course I do. You are not to blame.” Pulling his hands away from his face, I say “I … I know that you aren’t capable of purposely hurting a fly.”

 He says nothing, only crying harder.

 “In … in your shoes, I would have done the same.”

\--------------------

 I tried to pry more information from him – it ended in disaster. He became so upset, fell into such a panic … that he had a … little accident. I have just finished changing the bedsheets – the soiled ones will have to be thrown away. I … I am still a little shocked that he … wet himself.

 I go into the bathroom, having run him a bath, having told him to wash himself. I thought that the warmth of the water would soothe him a little.

 But no … he is curled up in the corner of the room, still clad in his dirty clothes. “Ronald -.”

 He looks up at me, and I freeze in place. Though his … eyes are shining with tears, bloodshot and puffy, I can see the glare he is giving me. I … I have never seen him look this … enraged before. “W-what is -?”

 “How … how dare y’,” he seethes, hands gripping his knees. “Y’ … y’ had no right!”

 “What are you talking -?”

 “Y’ had no right ta … ta nose … in my business,” he spits. “Y’ … y’ cunt.”

 “I was concerned, Ronald -.”

 “I don’t give a shit! I … I’m tryin’ ta forget ‘bout everythin’ … and … and y’ve made it all worse!”

 His words upset me a little. “For goodness sake, I was worried about you. What other choice did I have?”

 “Y’ … should’ve minded y’ own business!”

 “I had to know!”

 “No, no, y’ didn’t!”

 How … how dare he – all I have ever wanted is to help him. And … and once again, he just throws it all back in my face. “Yes I did!” I snap. “Because you won’t talk to me!”

 “Why tha hell would I wanna talk 'bout THA’?!”

 “I had run out of options, Ronald, can’t you see that? I … I know that you have hurt yourself, again.” I see him flinch, like a small child being caught doing something naughty.

 “Y … yeah, well -.”

 “Even though you promised me you would tell someone that you were feeling low before you did something stupid – you keep lying to me! And … those cuts are days old now, Ronald, yet … yet you didn’t even admit to it.”

 “So y’ think it’s fine ta go behind my back?”

 “What other choice did I have?” I glare back at him. “If you won’t talk to me, I … I cannot help you. I am at my wit’s end with you.”

 “Then fuck y’!”

 “I beg your pardon?!” I … I am becoming … utterly enraged with him. “All I have ever done is try to help you. B … but I cannot take this secrecy anymore. I cannot stand by and watch as … you destroy yourself. I … I just don’t know … how to help you.” Receiving more profanities from him, I begin to shout – how dare he! “You are going to drive me crazy at this rate!” I wipe the angry tears away. “If … if you don’t at least try to talk to me, tell me what’s wrong, I … I will have no choice but to send you home.”

 In an instant, his anger is replaced by shock. “W … wha’?”

 “Maybe … y-your parents will be able to help you – I am obviously a failure in that regard.”

 “B … but I … I don’t even know them – tha … tha human world – no, I … I can’t go back there.” As he begins to fall apart again, cowering in the corner, my angers starts to slowly fade away. “D … don’t abandon me, p-please. I … I’m sorry.”

 “Oh, Ronald ….” I walk over to him, sitting down next to him. “I … I don’t want to part with you, of course I don’t, but … but I need you to open up to me.”

 He clings onto me, crying louder. “B … but … it … it’s so fuckin’ hard!”

 “I … I know.” Believe me … I can see that. But what else am I to do …?

\-----------------

***3.03am***

 It is getting late, so late, but at least … Ronald has finally calmed down. He has taken a bath now, though I did have to change the water. And he was so exhausted … that he ended up falling asleep in the tub.

 “Will?” He stirred a little when I took him back to bed.

 “What is it, Ronald?”

 He yawns, head resting on my shoulder. “I … I’m sorry.”

 “We can talk about this in the morning, okay? You just get some rest for now.”

 Another yawn. “Al … alright ….”  

 Honestly, I … I am not feeling very positive at present. I … I just feel that, no matter what I do, it … it will never be enough to help him ….


	120. Eric. Fuming.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there are any typos. I've checked through it like three times, so if I've missed any, just tell me.

 I’m fuming, fucking fuming! I … I just don’t understand what William was thinking, forwarding that link to us. And he sent it to … Grell too, from what I can see. She’s going to go into a full force rage when she sees that … horrible, horrible shite.

 I woke up to the email on my account app on my phone, and … the noises on the screen woke Al up too. It … it was so horrible, but … neither of us could look away. I … I don’t know why, but … it was like our eyes were glued to the screen.

 And, God … it’s really messed with Al’s head. He’s a crying, shaking mess right now. I … I know that we’ve all seen horrible stuff in kiddie’s cinematic records … but to see our close friend going through that misery – I … I can’t even put that into words.

 It was absolutely fucking disgusting ….

 If William thinks he can get away with messing with my partner’s emotions like this, he’s got another thing coming.

\--------------

 “William, what the hell?!” I screech down the phone when he finally picks up. I must have woken him up, but I really don’t care. “Al’s a mess and it’s yerr fault!”

 “P-pardon?” Comes his groggy reply.

 “The memory link! Yer’ve really messed with his head! He’s sick, he doesn’t need this shite – he’s supposed tae be yerr friend! Would it kill yer tae think of someone else’s feelings for a change?”

 “Oh … I see.”

 “Is that all yer have tae say?!”

 “No … no. You are obviously upset -.”

 “Aye, no kidding! Yer’re a fucking idiot, yer know that?!”

 “J … just give me chance to explain.”

 My fingers grip onto the countertop edge in the kitchen. “Aye, alright, start talking.”

 “I think it is best that we speak in person.”

 I pause – that isn’t like William to care enough to – “aye … alright ….”

 I hear rustling in the background noise of his phone, and a moment later, he speaks again. “Ronald is fast asleep – I shall be over in a little while.”

 “Well hurry up – ah need tae get tae work soon.”

 “Yes, of course.”

\--------------

 I open the door to him, and before I manage to get a word in, he says “I apologise for causing you such upset. I … I wasn’t thinking last night – after what I saw, I … well, I just wasn’t thinking straight.”  

 I’m a bit surprised, to say the least. William T Spears is actually saying sorry. But it doesn’t make me any less pissed off with him. “Aye, ah can see that.”

 “And … I thought that you should know … what exactly happened to Ronald. I know that Alan has been trying his best to help him. I … I thought that knowing all of the details would help him to understand.”

 I shake my head, sighing. He … he does have a point, but “yer could have just told us about it. Al’s finally starting tae feel a bit better … and he really didn’t need tae see that shite.”

 “Yes … I know. I realised my mistake … almost as soon as I emailed you. But … by then, I had no way of retrieving the email.”

 “Yer could have just found out our email passwords and that through the work records, couldn’t yer? Deleted the email from our accounts that way?”

 “Oh ….” He pushes his glasses up his nose. “I … I had completely forgotten about that.  I … suppose that my … head is still … a little all over the place.” I can tell …. He doesn’t really seem himself. “I really am sorry.”

 With a sigh, I say “it’s alright, ah guess. Ah suppose it’s been just as hard for yer tae watch as it was for us.”

 “Yes … it has been rather taxing.” He sighs. “I … I know that I have no right to ask any favours of you, but can you not … tell Ronald that I shared that link with you? I doubt he would take it well.”

 I cross my arms over my chest. “Well ah don’t much fancy speaking tae him about it, if ah’m honest. Look, ah won’t tell him, but ah want yer tae go apologise tae Al – now.”

 “Yes … of course.”

 “And yer should probably delete that link from Grell’s email before she goes looking tae create a bloodbath.”

 “Yes, I will, as soon as I get to work.”

 “Shouldn’t yer go sort it out in a bit?” I huff at him.

 “No, this is Sutcliff we are talking about. She never checks her work emails.”

 “Ahh, aye, good point ….”

\---------------

 Al, bless him, he was so upset before I made the call. And … he was still pretty messed up when William went to speak to him, but he took it in the sweetest way possible. He’s such a good sport – he never holds a grudge against anyone.

 He accepted the apology, and even offered William a cup of tea. I know that William wanted to get home to Ronnie, but he said yes to the drink. I guess he just wanted to make peace with us both.

 I’m still a bit pissed off about it, but Al seems to have calmed down now. And as long as Al’s alright, I don’t really care. I’m not going to hold a grudge, as long as he’s going to be okay.

 So now, we’re sitting in the living room, talking about ways that we can help Ronnie. We haven’t really come up with anything except the obvious; spend time with him, be there for him, comfort him when he’s down, etcetera.

 And … William told us about how Ronnie finally escaped from that hellhole. It was pretty shocking, if I’m honest. But now, it makes sense, why he wouldn’t open up to us at all.

 “I am … debating whether to send him home to his parents,” William says, looking down at his mug of tea. “At … at least in the human world, he will have access to counselling and the like.”

 Me and Al look at each other, and I see the worried look in his eyes. “Yer … yer cannae do that,” I state. “He has all the family he needs right here.” And … Al needs him, being sick … and all. I … I don’t think Al would cope without him being there for him.

 “Yes, he doesn’t like the human world,” Al agrees. “We … we can’t give him access to drugs and alcohol – it’s too risky.”

 “Yes, though maybe his parents will be able to keep a better eye on him than I.”

 “Nah, ah don’t think so,” I argue. “There’s two of them, and four of us, including Grell. The more people, the better, aye?”

 “Yes, I suppose.” William takes a small sip of his tea. “And … the idea of taking him home will only become reality as a last resort. Hopefully … now that his secret is out, he will decide to open up to us.”

 “I think he will,” Al says. “He does trust us – it … it’s just hard for him to talk about.”

 “I hope so.”

 I’m about to say something when I hear the door open. Soon, Ronnie’s in the living room, crying, hands over his face. He’s still got his PJs on … and he’s not wearing any shoes. Fuck … he’s in a right mess.

 Al’s the first one to go up to him, discarding his tea on the coffee table. “Ronnie, wh-what’s the matter?”

 “I … I dunno where Will’s gone,” he sobs. “I … I got up, and … he wasn’t home. W … wha’ if he’s abandoned me?”

 William’s mug clinks against Al’s, and he’s up on his feet in an instant. “Of course I haven’t abandoned you, Ronald.”

 Ronnie drops his hands, his crying getting worse. “I … I … thought y’d run o-off.”

 “No, no, I just needed to … speak to Eric.”

 Our mate doesn’t even bother to ask what he was saying to me, instead saying “p … please don’t leave me, W-Will, p-please.”

 “I am not going to. Let us go home, alright?”

 “P … please.”

\--------------

 They’ve just left; Ronnie was still crying and whimpering like a scared wee puppy. Poor wee lad ….

 I sit down next to Al, arm slinking around his shoulders. “P … poor Ronnie,” he says. “W … what he went through … was so awful – I … I can’t believe something like that … happened to our friend.”

 “Aye … ah know. It’s fucking sick.”

 “Y … yes.”

 I pull him closer to me, cuddling him. “Yer’re going tae be okay though? Once the shock wears off?”

 “As long as Ronnie starts to feel better soon, yes, you … don’t need to worry about me.”

 “God … yer’re so sweet, Al.” I give him a kiss on the cheek, on that soft skin of his. He always thinks of everyone else before himself.

 I wish I didn’t have to go to work soon – I could sit here, cuddling him, all day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts or predictions?


	121. Ronald. Soothe.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the small update. I've been to two xmas parties this weekend, and have been hungover most of the day. Hopefully this chapter isn't too bad?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not mentioned in this chapter but William managed to delete the email before Grell saw it.

***Tuesday 8th August***

 It’s been a few days now since … Will found out … that stuff. I found out that he’d told Al and Eric … and Grell, a bit later, about it. I had a bit of a freak out about that … but now, I’m actually relieved. It … it’s nice … that I don’t have to go through this all on my own.

 And even though it’s not how I wanted things to happen, I’m so glad that – well … I don’t know, but I just feel like a weight’s been lifted – only a little bit, but still, it’s a relief.

 I feel a little better, a bit calmer now. Thank fuck – I think I was one crying fit away from a meltdown.

 And … part of me wants to tell Will everything, get everything out in the open. I … I think it’d help with our relationship – Will wouldn’t think that I hide everything from him then. Because I know that that really hurts his feelings, even though I can’t help it.

 Still … it’s hard, so hard to even mention it to him. I want to get it all off of my chest, but not right now – I … I don’t think I could handle that at the minute.

\------------

***9.34pm***

 We’ve just taken a bath together; it was really nice. I … I think that Will just wanted to make sure I didn’t have any more cuts on me, but even if that was the case, the cuddling in the warm water really helped to soothe me.

 We’re in bed now, naked apart from our underwear. It’s so nice to have skin to skin contact. Will’s been really good to me since he watched … that shit. He hasn’t asked about the details since that night, instead just being really kind and caring. I’m enjoying all of the small kisses and tight hugs. We’re definitely getting closer again, and I’m feeling better, better than I have in weeks.

 We’re kissing, snuggling – I … I’m getting a little turned on, if I’m honest.

 Even with everything that has happened, I’d still do it with HIM, right here, right now. It’s because … I know that he wouldn’t hurt me. He … he reminds me that sex can be a good thing; no pain, no fear, nothing ….

 Still … I’m not going to ask him for it right now. He doesn’t seem in the mood, and well … with everything that’s happened recently, I can’t be arsed with all of the questions, the whys and stuff ….

 So, for now, I’ll just settle for the snogging. It’s great – he’s a fucking good kisser.

 I can’t help but whine when he pulls away. “How are you feeling?” He asks.

 “I … I’m alright, yeah.”

 After a little pause, a small silence, he nods against the pillow. “Good. You are looking a little better.” He rolls over onto his back, and I snuggle into his side. “It is getting late. We should get some sleep.”

 “Yeah, sure.” Hopefully, tonight, I’ll be able to sleep right through, without any nightmares. And … tomorrow, I need to talk to Al. Maybe he’ll give me the confidence I need to tell Will about everything. He’s always so good to talk to. Yeah … he’s a really good friend.

 I … I just hope that he’s going to be okay. I don’t know what I’d do without him ….


	122. Ronald. Al's right.

***Wednesday 9th August***

***12.08pm***

 “Does your tummy hurt, Ronnie?” Al asks me – we’ve been sprawled out on top of his bed for hours now, laughing and joking. It … it’s nice to see that he’s feeling better – he isn’t freezing all the time now, thank fuck.

 “Huh? My tummy?”

 “Yeah, you’re holding it.”

 “Oh ….” I didn’t even realise I was doing that. I sit up, pulling my knees up to my chest. “I guess I was thinkin’ … of her.”

 “Oh, Ronnie -.”

 “Y’ don’t ‘ave ta say it,” I huff, “I’ve come ta terms wi’ it, it’s jus’ tha’ -.”

 “No, I was going to say that … it must still be hard. The what ifs and … things.”

 He … he’s so understanding …. “Y-yeah.”

 “You would have had … her by now, wouldn’t you?”

 I nod. “Yeah … she’d ‘ave been around … a month old now. You’d ‘ave made a brill auntie.”

 “Auntie, hmm?” He lifts an eyebrow at me.

 “Yep, Eric would’ve been tha uncle.”

 He nods a little. “It would have been nice … to have a little one around.”

 “Yeah, it would’ve been brill. Dunno … if I would’ve made a good mom though – I … I hadn’t really got a clue how ta look after a baby,” I admit.  

 “We could have figured that out – all of us.”

 “Yeah – did … did y’ want kids?”  

 He sighs. “Reapers are sterile, Ronnie.”

 “Yeah, I know tha’. But if y’ could -?”

 “I’d have had a tribe by now,” he giggles. “I … I’d love to be able to carry Eric’s child.” With another small laugh, he pats his own tummy. “I don’t think a baby would fit in here though – not much room.”

 I chuckle, nudging him in the ribs lightly. “And I can’t say y’ve got birthin’ hips either.”

 “At least I don’t have a wide boot.”

 “Hey, cheeky sod!”

 We erupt into laughter again – man, what would I ever do without this little guy?

\---------------

***3.36pm***

 The laughs and giggles have gone now, replaced with something more … serious. “I think you should tell him, Ronnie,” he says, holding my hand. “I … I know it’ll be hard to talk about such … awful things, but isn’t it best to just get it out of the way? You … know you need to tell him – he needs to know. The longer you put it off … the more anxious you’ll feel.”

 I squeeze his hand. “I … I know. It’s jus’ gonna … be so upsettin’. I … I try my best not ta think ‘bout it, let alone talk ‘bout it.”  

 “But if you don’t get it off of your chest, it’ll simmer, bubble away at you.”

 I gulp. He’s right. “Y … yeah, good point. Y … yeah, I need ta ge’ it outta tha way already.”

 “Yes, you’ll regret not telling him, I’m sure. I … I can come with you, if you need some support?” He gives me a little smile.

 “Na, na, I think … this is somethin’ I need ta do on my own.” I break hands with him, hugging him tightly instead. “Thank y’ for all tha advice – it … it means a lot.”

\-----------

***4.59pm***

 I’ve been pacing around the living room since I got back. I … I’m so fucking nervous, pent up, but … but I know that Al’s right. I … I have to tell him, as soon as he gets back. Well, not … right away, but soon, really soon ….

 Fuck … I’m getting butterflies in my stomach, and … and the tears are coming ….

 “Y’ … y’ ‘ave ta tell him tonight, Ronnie, or … or y’re never gonna do it. Jus’ … jus’ ge’ it outta tha way.”

 As soon as he walks into the room, I lose my shit. I jump at him, lips smacking against his. We … we stumble a bit, and he pulls away from me, holding me steady by the shoulders. He … he looks kinda shocked ….

 “R-Ronald, what has gotten into you?”

 “I … I love y’, Will.” Fuck … the tears start to pour down my face.

 “I love you too – a … are you alright?”

 “I … I’ll tell y’ everythin’!” I blurt out, and then gasp. He … he looks surprised.

 “Y … you will?”

 “Erm … yeah,” I pull back, trying to act as cool as possible. “But … on one condition.”

 “Alright?” His eyebrow rises. “What is that?”

 “Y’ … y’ need ta tell me everythin’ too. I … I wanna – I know y’ don’t wanna talk ‘bout it, but I wanna know wha’ … wha’ happened in y’ human life. P … please?”

 I flinch a bit when I see the expression on his face. He … he looks annoyed, angry even. F … fuck …. Oh fuck, have I said the wrong thing?

 S-shit ….


	123. William. What happened before this life.

 A lump forms in my throat, for my human life is personal, deeply personal. Yet … watching those memory links was an intrusion on the worst aspects of his short life, and they are worse … far, far worse. I … I may have pain rooted deeply in my past life … but it cannot compare to his misery.

 “Will?” His voice pulls me from my thoughts. “I … I’m sorry – y’ … y’ don’t ‘ave ta tell me.”

 “N-no, I do.” My voice is shakier than I would like …. “Y … you wish to be honest with me, and I should do the same, shouldn’t I?”

 “Erm … yeah, that’s wha’ I was thinkin’.”

 “Then I shall tell you.”

 “No, I … I … know it’s a sore spot – I … I don’t wanna force y’ – forget I said anythin’.”

 “No, it is time I am open with you – that … that is what I wish for you to do, so I need to be fair.” I take his hand in my own, guiding him over to the couch. “Let us sit for a while.”

 “Kay ….”

 “Don’t look so worried, it is fine, really.”

 “A-are y’ … sure?”

 “Y … yes, of course.” I take a deep breath – it is time that I begin my story. “I … I grew up, in the late 18th century. We … had a good life, our family having a high income. I had one elder brother, and a younger sister, though she died of some illness when she was only a child.”

 “Shit … I’m sorry.”

 “No, no, it is fine. I came to terms with her passing while I was still human.”

 “Oh … alright.”

 “I always looked up to my brother. He was intelligent, and he had a promising career path ahead of him. Yet, somehow, for some reason, he began … to drink himself silly. He … he embarrassed our family on a number of occasions, ruined our … reputation with his drunken antics.” I gulp, for it hurts to remember … the way in which he ruined himself. “We lost a lot of our income – our father began to find it hard to find work, with our name in the gutter. We … we didn’t become homeless, but … things were hard. And … I was so upset with my brother … that I did not even try to help him. I … I watched as he destroyed himself – he passed away in the end, and … looking back, I think that it must have been from a … diseased liver caused by the alcohol.”

 “Shit … that’s really rough, Will.”

 My hand squeezes his. “Yes, I … blame myself for doing nothing. I … I could have done something more.”

 “Y … yeah, but he … fucked stuff up for y’ whole family – I … I can’t blame y’ for bein’ pissed at him.”

 “Yes, well, if I could g-go back, I would change it all.” I move closer to him, arm wrapping around his shoulder. “I … I think that that was one of the reasons … that I brought you home with me back in December – I couldn’t just stand by as … someone else destroyed their life.” I take a deep breath. “You were around the same age as he when he first started to drink. It may seem silly, but it was … almost like a second chance for me.”

 He hugs up against me. “No, it’s not silly, and I’m glad y’ did, babe. I … I’m sorry ‘bout wha’ happened ta y’ family – must ‘ave been really tough.”

 “Y … yes. Mother died shortly after my brother – I think from a broken heart.”

 “W-were y’ close ta her?”

 “Quite ….” I sigh, for my story is not quite over yet. “After that, I had to marry into a family who had money. It was the … only way to keep a roof over Father’s head.”

 “Y-yeah … makes sense, I guess. But … y’ relationship wasn’t horrible wi’ her, if I remember right.”

 “It wasn’t the best – a rather bland marriage. We … we didn’t spend much time together, if I am honest, for I had work.”

 “Right ….” He pulls away from me a little, and I see him frown. “So … so wha’ happened next?”

 “Time passed … and well ….” Oh … this is going to be awkward …. “It … it was time that we … started a family.”

 His eyes go wide, his lips parting a little. After a small silence, he blurts out “holy shit … y’ had kids?!”

 I cringe internally at the question – it … it is indeed a sore spot … “No, we … we could not conceive.”

 “Oh ….”

 “I’m not sure why – it … could have been a fertility issue … on either of our parts, but we … did not know how exactly conception happened back then. So, naturally … I blamed myself.”

 “B-but why?”

 “Well … I did not enjoy … doing such things with her -.”

 “Yeah, because y’re not big on tha sex – tha’ isn’t really a bad thing. That’s jus’ how y’ are.”

 “Y … yes, but I felt that … we couldn’t have children … because of my utter disgust with it all. I … tried to get it over and done with as quickly as … possible, and … hated every moment of something that … should come natural to a married couple – it … it left me feeling like … a failure of a man.”

 “Will, na, that’s not true -.”

 “Quite,” I push the glasses up my nose, “I … I realise that now, but at the time … it left me feeling rather depressed. I … felt that my life was going nowhere ….”

 “B-but things got better, right?” He gives me a hopeful smile.

 “I became a reaper shortly afterwards, Ronald.”

 “Oh … right, yeah ….” He rolls his eyes. “Tha’ should’ve been obvious. So … how did y’ turn inta a reaper?”

 “I … died, Ronald.”

 “Ah … but how?”

 “That isn’t important.”

 “Oh ….” He obviously realises that that question is on a touchy subject, that it has hit a nerve, for he changes the subject. “Well … I’m glad y’re a reaper now, or I wouldn’t ‘ave met y’.”

 “Yes, I am so glad that I was able to spend time with you.”

 “Good,” he nods a little. “A … are y’ alright?”

 I frown a little, for yes, I am alright, even after speaking of something that I never thought I would share with anyone. “Yes, it … was not so hard to open up to you.”

 “That’s great, babe, and … I … I’m glad y’ told me. None of it was … really y’ fault, though, y’ … y’ should know tha’.”   

 “T-thank you.” It means a lot, to hear it from him, it really does. And … he says it with such earnest, I … feel that what he is saying is grounded in some truth. “Umm … so that is my past.”

 “Oh … right.” I hear him gulp. “So … my turn?”

 “Y-yes.” No … wait, I should do something to try to relax him first. I … I would hate for this to end in a breakdown. “I … I could get you some hot chocolate first, if you’d like?”

 The tiny, sweet smile he gives me makes my heart melt. “Y … yeah, please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Which pov is best for next chap do you think? Will or Ron?


	124. William. Betrayal.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Split this chapter in two because it was getting too long and I wouldn't have gotten it done until like Saturday. That's when I'll be back on this fic, Sat. And yeah, I'll be updating on xmas, like a saddo. 
> 
> Too much work on this week >_<
> 
> I'm tired, working on my day off, so as always, if you see any typos, let me know.

 He’s been staring down at his mug of hot chocolate for a while, legs folded on the couch, hand holding the ceramic item against his lap. He hasn’t taken a sip since he began to speak, starting at the very beginning.

 He couldn’t remember what had happened when he first came to ‘Scott’s’ house – the man who had abducted him. But … from the age of four, he … can recall some of the horrors. As … I had thought, he was groomed, shown how to do certain sexual things, made to … perform certain acts on Scott. He was prettied up, adorned in dresses, made to be this ‘cute little doll’. Photographs of his naked, tiny body were taken, sold to the most revolting of men.

 Sickening … absolutely sickening.

 He is crying now, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. I grab a tissue, handing it over to him. Taking it with a shaky hand, he gives me a small smile. “T … thanks.”

 I take the mug from him, cracking a lame joke. “We wouldn’t want a runny nose to ruin such a lovely drink, would we?”

 A small chuckle comes from him. “Na … defo not.” He dabs at his eyes, and then his nose.

 “So … what happened next?”

 “Is … isn’t tha’ my line?” He smiles a little, before sighing, sniffing loudly. “I … I don’t know if I can … carry on.”

 “Ronald, you are doing so well, please … don’t give up now.” I reach over, picking him up and resting him on my lap, “I … I think it is best that you get it all off of your chest now. We need not discuss it again, once this is over, if that is what you want.”

 “A … alright – yeah, y’re … right.” He takes a deep breath, snuggling up to me. “When I was … like five, or six – not … too sure because I never really … knew my proper age – Scott … started gettin’ people ta come over, for … y’ know ….”

 “Y-yes, I know what you mean, you … don’t have to say it.”

 “And … soon, I … was stuck in bed wi’ … those creeps every single … fuckin’ day.” He clings onto me tightly. “I … I dunno how I survived it all. It … it hurt so fuckin’ much – t-they were … in so … deep.”

 Bile rises into my throat at the statement, and I am forced to swallow it down, so that I can speak again, try to comfort him. “Y … you were very brave and strong, Ronald.”

 I feel him shrug. “I … guess. S-so, after tha’, I ended up … on tha’ … website chatroom. Y’ … y’ saw wha’ happened on there … right? I … I don’t need ta explain tha’, do I?” The question comes out as a whisper – he is obviously truly terrified of reliving those days.

 “I saw a good … portion of it, Ronald. Did … that turn into a daily occurrence?”

 “P … pretty much.” He begins to shake intensely, and I hug him more, my grip tightening. “S-some days, I’d … ‘ave men come around … and ‘ave tha … chatroom on tha same day. It … it was so horrible, I … got beaten and cut up jus’ … for turn-ons.”

 “I got … older,” he says, obviously wanting to get past the days of the chatroom as quickly as possible. “And … they couldn’t ge’ away wi’ makin’ me look like a girl anymore, so they cut my hair, started dressin’ me like a boy. I … I started gettin’ … women around ta tha house too. At … at least tha’ didn’t hurt, for a change ….”

 “I … I see.” Hurt, it may not have, but he was still being forced into – it … it is just as vulgar. “Did … you escape that place soon after?”

 “N … not exactly. T … there was this guy, tha one tha’ would type and read tha messages on … tha chatroom.”

 “Yes … I recall seeing him.”

 “Well … Scott would abuse me and stuff, all tha time, even when … tha webcam wasn’t on. But … this other guy, Matt, was always nice ta me. He lived far away … so he tended ta stay over, in tha … spare-room, a lot. He’d let me … sleep in his room, and he … gave me sweeties, and … taught me how ta read and stuff. I … I guess it was because he … he wanted me ta one day talk ta tha people on cam on … my own, but … it was still nice of him ta … try ta teach me stuff.”

 He pauses for breath, wiping at his eyes again. “I … I remember tha once, I got really sick, when I was like … ten or wha’ever – a … a chest infection or somethin’. Scott … beat me up pretty bad … for fuckin’ up a cam-show tha’ day, and … he didn’t give a shit if I died from it. He … he said it’d be easy ta ge’ another orphan … if needed.”

 Yes … they lied to him, told him that his family was dead – awful, truly awful ….

 “But Matt … got me some medicine, I think … from some online drug site, and … nursed me back ta health. He … he’d always look after me … if I got really hurt durin’ tha … chat. I … I trusted him – he was tha only one I did … trust.”

 He is becoming more and more upset, more anxious. “D … did something … bad happen with him?”

 “Y … yeah, when I was … like … fourteen, he … came onta me. He … he didn’t force himself on me, b-but … he … he guilt tripped me … inta it, told me … tha’ he’d been so good ta me, so … he deserved a little action.”

 “And … and that betrayal hurt you more than anything else.” I state; it is not a question. I understand it now, why he looked so defeated in that last memory link. He truly had lost the will to live ….

 A bitter laugh comes from him, much to my surprise. “Hell no! S … Scott caused me … so much pain, it didn’t … even compare. Matt … he didn’t hurt me, but … fuck, I … I felt so shocked, so … so fuckin’ betrayed.”  He moves a hand up to cover his face. “I … I thought he cared ‘bout me, but … tha’ was all bullshit – he jus’ wanted ta fuck me … all along.”

 “I … I am sorry, Ronald, that must … have been awful,” I say, not really knowing what else I can say.

 “N-not y’ fault.”

 “And you escaped after that?”

 “Y … yeah, I started ta wanna jus’ … ge’ outta there – I … I fuckin’ hated them all. So … yeah, I managed ta ge’ away in tha end. That’s … it ….”

 “T … thank you for telling me – I … I know that it must have been so hard for you.”

 “Y’ … y’ ‘ave no idea ….”

\---------------

 I have let him cry against me for a while now – he had to let it all out, or he would never feel better. As his sobbing dies down, I ask him “should I make you another hot chocolate?”

 “N … no, I feel kinda sick ….”

 “V-very well.” I understand, for I feel rather nauseated myself. “We can go lie down for a little while?”

 What he says next shocks me a little. “No, not … yet. I … I should clear … everythin’ up for y’ … first – is there anythin’ else y’ wanna know?”

 “Are you sure? You don’t wish to just -?”

 “I don’t ever wanna … talk 'bout this again, so … so if there’s anythin’ else, I’d rather jus’ … tell y’ right now.”

 “I … I see.” I wish to ask what happened next, on the streets. How did he end up on Heroin? Why did … he become a street worker instead of just begging on the streets, after everything that he had been through? But … there is something that is nagging at me more, and I know it is an important aspect of his life, for it affects him so greatly. It has been an issue from the very beginning, and has been after every sunset. “You are absolutely sure?”

 “Y … yeah.”

 “Well … alright …. Why are you … so afraid of the dark?”  I feel him tense against me, and I know that this is going to … be so, so hard to listen to ….

 I brace myself.


	125. William. The monster in the basement.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, here, it's a few hours until xmas. So, merry Christmas everyone!

 He became hysterical from that question, so I took him upstairs, letting him lie down for a little while. He didn’t, however, decide to rest, instead sitting up in bed, crying, hugging at himself.

 Still … I need to know the answer to that question. “Ronald,” I cup his cheeks, tilting his face so that he is looking at me. “Just … tell me, alright? Then we need not discuss this further.”

 “I … I don’t think I can,” he whines, tears and snot leaking down his face.

 Grabbing a tissue, I wipe it away gently. “You can, of course you can, Ronald. Y … you have done so well to get this far, don’t give up now. You … wished to clear everything up for me, didn’t you?”

 “Y … yeah, but -.”

 “And you expected this particular question, did you not?”

 “Well … yeah, and … I … I thought I’d be able ta tell y’, b-but it’s … so hard.”

 “I know, I … I understand that this is so hard to put into words, but … I think that it will feel better once you open up fully.” I give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Can you do that for me?”

 He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, before nodding against my one hand. “Y … yeah, okay.”

 I sigh in relief. “Thank you.”

 “I … I told … y’ tha’ Matt meant so much ta me … because he’d let me sleep in his room.”

 “Yes, I remember?”

 “Well … it … it was because Scott … would … lock me in tha basement.”

 My breath catches in my throat. “W … what?” That despicable –

 His hand moves to his scarred wrist again. “Y … yeah,” he lets out a whimper. “If … I pissed him off, even if I didn’t do anythin’, which was … always, I wouldn’t … ge’ ta jus’ sleep on tha floor. He … he’d chain me up in tha basement, and … it … it was so scary. It … it was dark – I couldn’t see a fuckin’ thing down there. And … I swear ta … God, there were rats down there. It … it smelt funny, and … I could hear them scuttlin’ around in there.” Rubbing at his eyes, he says “and … Scott would tell me tha’ there was a monster down there, and … it’d … kill me if I kept bein’ put in there. He … he jus’ liked ta fuck wi’ … my head, I think.”

 That awful sick feeling comes over me again. How … how awful, torturing a child’s mind in that way …. “No … no wonder you are terrified of the dark.”

 “Y … yeah, I thought it was … lurkin’ in tha dark. I … I still think it’s after me sometimes.”

 “No, Ronald, that evil excuse for a human being was lying to you.”

 With a shake of his head, he breaks down further. “B … but wha’ … wha’ if it was a demon, or somethin’?” A loud sob comes from him. “It … it could ‘ave … been, right? T-they do exist, and … and they hurt y’ tha once.”

 “No … that would not have been possible. If there … truly was a demon lurking in his house, his soul would have been taken long ago.”

 “So … so it was jus’ lies?”

 “Yes, concocted by a madman.”

 More tears leak down his face. “G … good ….”

 “There is nothing here, in the dark, or otherwise, that can hurt you now. I promise you, Ronald, you are safe.”

 He gives me a little nod. “Kay …. Hug?”

 “Of course.” I pull him into a hug, rocking him gently. He clings to me, head burying in the crease of my neck. “I will keep you safe, I promise you.”

\---------------

 Time has passed, and I managed to get a lot more information out of him – it seems that the topic of darkness was indeed the hardest aspect to speak of.

 When he escaped that awful place, he met a man who was selling drugs. While he didn’t end up on Heroin straight away, he got into a relationship with that man, and began to drink alcohol with him. It helped him to cope, for a little while, but then it spiralled downwards, into smoking cannabis, and then … eventually, that foul opiate. He … he paid for it all by selling himself on the street.

 In his words, he never begged because he didn’t know that that was really a possibility. As he put it, he was used to making money from sleeping with … other people, even if all of that previous payment went to ‘Scott’. His words hurt, especially when he told me that he felt at that time that selling his body was the ‘only thing he was good at’.

 It wasn’t long before the relationship with the drug dealer deteriorated, and the man who had destroyed him further threw him out of his apartment. And the worse aspect of it all? He continued to sell him Heroin, taking money from a helpless boy he had left to rot on the street. I … I just cannot comprehend how – how could someone be so cold-hearted, so uncaring? I … I thought I used to be bad, but the people in his life in the human world … they were sick, truly disgusting creatures ….

 It … it makes my blood boil just to think of it all.

 We are lying down in bed now, his leg looped over my hips. And still … more questions bubble away at me. “Ronald?”

 “Y … yeah?”

 “You said that you slept … with women while on the streets also. Do you … like women in that way?”

 “Yeah …. I guess so. T … they can be pretty sexy … but I don’t really like them as much as guys. I … I guess I’m jus’ more used ta guy’s bodies.” He snuggles up to me more. “T … they appeal ta me more; I think that’s tha best way ta put it.”

 “I see ….” A shudder runs down my spine. ‘Used to’ the male form. “The things that you went through – they … didn’t put you off?”

 “Not ta … guys themselves, no. I … I know, it’s a bit weird.”

 “No, no, it is not. I was merely curious. Could … you see yourself with a woman?”

 “Eh … I guess it could work? Like … Marie is really sweet, and I guess I could enjoy bein’ wi’ someone like her.” I hear him gulp. “B … but I couldn’t see myself bein’ wi’ anyone else but y’. It … it hurts ta think ‘bout, y’ know?”

 I smile a little, and pull him closer. “I couldn’t imagine such a thing either.”

 “Y … yeah.” He sighs. “Are we done wi’ all tha questions now?”

 “Erm … no, I am afraid.”

 “Oh … alright ….”

 He is obviously sick of the questions by now, exhausted by all of the explaining. “I have only one question to go though.”

 “Kay … shoot?”

 “Have you … ever been confused on the topic of your gender?”

 “Eh?” He frowns up at me. “No … never, why?”

 “Well … with being dressed up as a girl -.”

 “No, tha’ never really stuck wi’ me. I … I liked tha dresses, I guess, because they were pretty, but they … didn’t really feel right on me. I … I guess I could remember dressin’ in jeans and shirts for a bit … before Scott decided ta stick me in dresses. I … I don’t know why, but I always felt like a boy, no matter wha’ Scott said ta me.”

 “That makes sense, I suppose.”

 “Yeah … like how Grell knows she’s a girl, no matter wha’ her body looks like. I … I guess y’ jus’ know, deep down, how y’ feel inside.” He gives me a little smile. “I do like nail polish though.”

 “Well … boys can like that too.” Ronald has taught me that things like these do not have to be linked to just one specific gender. He has taught me … how to be understanding on many things over the months …. Honestly, I feel a little guilty for being so closedminded beforehand ….

 “Yeah, exactly.” His smile widens. “Grell needs ta come over here again, sort my nails out.” Lifting a hand up to his face, he says “they’re a right mess.”

 “When I see her at work next, I will let her know.”

 “Thanks, Will.” He lets out a little yawn, snuggling up to me further. “I … I’m knackered.”

 “Yes, it has been exhausting. A … are you feeling okay otherwise?”

 “A … a little shaken up, but … I do feel a whole lot better now.”

 “I am glad to hear it.”

 “We … we don’t ‘ave ta talk ‘bout it again, do we?”

 “No, not if you don’t want to.”

 “G … good. Can we go ta sleep now?”

 My hand moves to his head, fingers running through his hair. “Of course we can. Goodnight, Ronald.”

 “Y … yeah, night.”

 For the first time, in a long while, I feel hopeful. Maybe, just maybe, he will be alright from now on ….


	126. Ronald. Snog me breathless.

***10.38pm***

 I … I can’t sleep, I guess because it’s pretty early, and well, I did take a nap before Will came home. It’s probably because I’m a bit horny too, but hey, with this gorgeous guy cuddling me, it’s hard not to be.

 And plus, I’ve had chance to calm down now, after speaking about everything that happened, and … I’m actually feeling pretty good at the minute. It’s been a hell of a long time since we did it too ….

 “Will, y’ still awake?”

 “Yes.” His hand finds my hair again. “I thought that you were tired?”

 “I was, but then -.”

 “Things are on your mind?”

 “Na … not really.” My hips push up against his. “I … I’ve got it all off of my chest now – I’m jus’ a bit horny.”

 “Oh … I see.” His fiddling with my hair stops. “But why? With everything -.”

 “Because I know it feels good wi’ y’. I’ve told y’ this before, it feels different wi’ y’.”

 “Yes … I remember now. But really, you are in the mood?”

 “Yeah. Do y’ wanna -?”

 “I’m not really feeling in that mood,” he says. Damn …. “But you can try to … arouse me, if you wish? I … I don’t mind – it has been a while since we have … done that, after all.” I smile, because it’s sweet that he’d try, even if he isn’t that interested in it all, just for me. And … it’s so cute when he gets all flustered over this sorta stuff.

 “So y’ do want me then?” I chuckle, hips pressing closer to his.

 “I always want you, just … not always in … that way.”

 I stick my hand on his waist, smiling at him. “Give me a kiss then.”

 He raises an eyebrow at me. “Just a kiss?”

 “Y’ know wha’ I mean – snog me breathless.”

\----------------

 Hmm … it turns me on so much when he makes groaning noises. That’s what he’s doing right now, our lips pressing together, my hand down his pants. Hmm … he’s getting so hard – yum. The kiss breaks, his cheeks a bit flushed. “Ready?” I ask. “Y’re really throbbin’.”

 “N-no, not yet.”

 “Oh … but y’re really hard?”

 “I … I may be erect, b-but mentally, I … am not quite ready,” he stutters.  

 “Ah … right ….” I feel kinda bad now for just assuming. I … I mean, I’ve been hard before, because stuff feels good, even when … I haven’t wanted to have sex to begin with. “Should we leave it for tonight then?”

 His brow furrows. “No … no, of course not. I just … need a little more time.”

 “Alright,” my hand leaves his underwear, sliding up under his shirt instead. I rub at his chest softly. “So how can I ge’ tha juices flowin’?”

 “Umm … well ….”

\-------------

 I’m pressed under him now, shirt tossed on the floor. He’s kissing down my chest, tongue flicking softly against my skin every now and then. God … it’s such a fucking turn on. Our lips meet again, making me even hornier. I groan loudly, crotch desperate for more friction. I’m soon rocking my hips against his, and he grunts into my mouth.

 “Nghhh.” Oh … fucking hell, so good ….

 I grab onto his hair, fingers tangling in the locks at the base of his head. Fuck … Will, you’re so hot ….

 Our lips part, his breath hot against my skin. It makes the area tingle. “I … I think we should get the lube.”

 “Sweet – ge’ off me then.”

 “Oh … right, of course.” As he rolls off onto the other side of the bed, he speaks again. “Wait … should I cut my nails first?” He stares at his fingers. “Do you think they are a little long … for …?”

 I glance at them. “Na, not too long. They’ll make for some good fingerin’.”

 He gives me a look of horror, cheeks going bright red. “I … I see ….”

\--------------

 “Nghhh … fuck.” He’s in, moving slowly to begin with. My legs squeeze around his waist, head pressing back into the pillow. So … so good ….

 Our mouths meet again, tongues sliding against each other’s. Hmm, he’s really getting into this, I can tell. Man … I’m getting so much harder from just thinking about it.

\--------------

 “Will … h-harder,” I groan against his ear. He’s being a right fucking tease at the minute, slow and gentle.

 “I wish to be tender with you tonight,” he replies, lips pressing to the skin of my neck. It sends a shiver down my spine, because I realise that he cares, he really does care about my feelings. It … it really feels like he’s ‘making love’ to me, not just fucking me. “M … meanie,” I pout, “I want y’ ta ram my brains out.”

 “Maybe some other time,” I get a quick kiss to the cheek. “But not right now. There is nothing wrong with something a little more gentle, is there?”  

 “Na … I’m cool wi’ tha’ too.”

\-----------------

 “Ah!” My whole body shudders, nails digging into the skin of his back. “Nghhhh!”

 W … woah … he just teased the orgasm right out of me. It … it wasn’t a massive, overwhelming orgasm, but fuck … it … it was amazing. It just washed over me, his slow, gentle thrusts pulling it from me, my muscles tensing and twitching. I … I’ve never been through that sort of climax before …. “Fuck ….”

 “Did you just -?”

 “Yeah, tha’ was amazin’, Will.”

 “I … I didn’t really do anything, but you … are welcome.”

 “Na, tha’ was some good thrustin’ action.” I pat his ass lightly. “Come on, finish off.”

 He smiles down at me. “Yes … quite ….”

\--------------

 Will flops down on top of me, panting against my ear. “T … that was rather enjoyable,” he says.

 “Yeah, defo.” I wait for him to roll off of me, but he doesn’t. “Eh … Will, can y’, y’ know, ge’ off of me?”

 “No, you are rather comfortable.”

 “And y’re fuckin’ heavy.” I roll my eyes.

 A small chuckle comes from him. “Such a compliment.”

 “Will … please, ge’ off.”

 I get a kiss on the cheek and then he finally rolls off of me. Thank fuck for that – I couldn’t breathe.

 We’re soon cuddling under the covers, my back to his chest, which surprises me a bit. “Will?”

 “Yes?”

 “Don’t y’, y’ know, wanna clean up a bit?”

 “I would rather lie here and hold you, Ronald. I can change the disgusting sheets tomorrow morning.”

 “Hah, fair point.” It makes me happy – he’s finally starting to relax around the whole sex thing, not worrying so much about the sweat and everything. It’s nice to just be able to lie here, after doing it, being able to chill out a bit. “Next time we do it, we should spoon.”

 “Pardon?”

 “Y’ know, ‘ave sex in tha position we’re in now.” I pull his arm around me more. “I haven’t done it much before, but it means y’ can hold me more and stuff. It’s tender and all tha’.”

 “So, exactly like this, but while in the act?”

 “Yep.”

 His hand rubs gently against my chest. “Alright, next time, we can do that. It sounds … rather nice.”

 I yawn a bit because I’m getting tired, smiling as it ends. “Yeah, defo. I can’t wait. And, maybe soon, I can do y’?”

 His answer makes me laugh my ass off. “Over my dead body, Ronald.”  


	127. Eric. Fun while it lasts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking of doing a Grell/Othello chapter next. What do you think?

***Saturday 12th August***

 Al’s been doing a lot better lately. He’s been out of bed a lot more, and has even been pottering around a bit in the garden.

 And Ronnie seems to be doing a bit better now – we found out a couple of days ago that he told William everything. He hasn’t told us all the bits of his past, and neither has William, but that’s fine. I don’t really want to know all of the horrible details – from that memory link, I can put most of it together in my mind. Eurgh, makes my skin crawl.

 Well, at least he’s opened up now, so things can only go up from here. He’s such a sweet lad, he deserves to be happy. I just hope William sticks by him, doesn’t screw the kid up more. It’s pretty obvious that Ronnie can’t be happy without him.

 T-that sounds familiar ….

 “It’s a short shift today, isn’t it?” Al asks me, sitting up in bed, finger turning over a page in his book.

 “Aye, ah’ll be back in six hours.”

 “Good.” I give him a kiss on the cheek before going downstairs to find my shoes.

 Aye … he’s doing a lot better, but I know that it won’t last long. Let’s be honest here – it’s not just being off of work that’s doing him good. After the demon attack, the doctors decided to put the tests on hiatus for a while. They wanted to wait until he regained some strength … before they started experimenting on him again.

 I sigh to myself – the tests start again in a few days’ time. I dread to think about it – h … his health is going to start failing again as soon as he goes back to the hospital. I … I just know it.

 I want to stop him from being their guinea pig again, but I know he won’t listen to me. He’s far too stubborn; he has been from the start. Shite ….

\--------------

 As soon as I get home, slip into bed next to him, he crawls on top of me. “Someone is feeling better,” I chuckle.

 “Mmm,” his cheeks flush a little, arse rocking against my hips. “I … I’m a little restless, Eric.”

 “So … yer want tae do it?”

 He leans forward, cheek nuzzling against mine. “Maybe,” I hear a wee giggle.

 Grabbing onto his shoulders, I hold him away from me, eyes locked with his. “Are yer really feeling up tae it though? Ah don’t want tae tire yer out too much.”

 “I’ll be fine, Eric.” He pouts for a moment. “While my health … is stable, I … I’d like to – we might not have another chance for a while.”

 “Aye, true ….” He’s thinking the same as me, of course he is. He knows that things will go downhill again once he starts with the ‘treatments’ again.

 At least his sex drive has come back, for now, so that’s a good sign.  “Alright, if yer’re sure?”

 “I am, Eric,” he says with a smile.

 I shrug lightly, lips curving upwards too. “Alright, ah don’t need telling twice.”

 A cute wee giggle comes from him when I roll us both over. “Ah’m not too heavy, am ah?”

 “Nope.” He wraps his legs around me, hands tugging against my shirt.

 It causes me to chuckle. “Oi, have a bit of patience.”

 “No,” his bottom lip protrudes. So adorable. I nip at it lightly, pulling at it. Our lips finally meet, my hand sliding down to his arse. He’s always had an amazingly pert rear – I love it.

\-----------------

 My eyes stare down at him, at his naked body – the … the patch of black veins has gotten bigger. “Al ….” I gulp, thumb rubbing over the area.

 “It’s okay, Eric, I’m fine.”

 “B … but it’s grown -.”

 His hand places on top of mine, eyes looking into my own. “Don’t think about it, Eric. Things are going to be fine.”

 “But -.”

 “Please, I … I don’t want the mood to be ruined. Can … we speak about this later?”

 I shake my head. “N … nah, there’s nothing tae talk about. Yer’re right – things … will be just fine.” There’s no point upsetting him with my pessimistic thoughts, especially when he’s finally feeling healthier. The last thing I want is to ruin his good mood.  

 With a smile, his other hand slides up my chest. “Exactly.”

\----------------

 “Nghhh ….” Oh fuck, he feels so tight. I stay still, giving him a chance to adjust. “Yer alright, Al?”

 “I’m fine, Eric, you’ve asked me that like ten times now.”

 “Aye … sorry. Ah’m not hurting yer though, right?”

 “Nope,” his fingers stroke through my hair. “But I wouldn’t say no to a kiss.”

 “Neither would ah.” We start to snog again, my hips moving in small circles. Oh … God, this feels so good. I’ve missed this.

\--------------------

 “Eric,” Al moans, hands gripping onto the bedsheets. “H … harder.”

 I stop mid-thrust, staring down at him. “A … are yer sure?”

 “Y … yes.”

 “But ah don’t want tae hurt -.”

 “Eric … I’m not that fragile. P-please?”

 “Al-alright, but if it hurts, tell me, okay?”

 “You won’t hurt me, don’t worry.” Aww … what a cute wee smile.

\---------------

 “Ah, Eric!” His nails claw at my back, long moans coming from him. “Oh … it … it feels amazing, Eric.”

 “Aye … it does,” I pick up more speed, slamming into him. Oh … fuck ….

 “Nghhh ….” His body tenses, a loud cry coming from him. God … it’s so sexy. I … I’m so close –

 “F-fuck ….”

\------------

 “T … that was amazing, Eric,” he says, snuggling up to me, arm looping around my chest.

 “Aye, definitely.”

 “I … I really needed that.”

 “Same. Yer were great too, Al.”

 “Hmm, just lying there, yes.” I’m sure that he’s rolling his eyes right now.

 “No, those moans were so sexy, babe.” I shift down, growling against his ear. “So, so sexy.”

 “S … stop it,” he giggles, “you’re going to make me blush.”

 “Bit late for that – yer’re already flushed red like a tomato.”

 We both laugh, my arm pulling him closer.

 This is nice, so nice – I love to see him happy.

 But … but then I get a painful thought.

 My smile falls away, laughs stopping.

 If only this would last forever ….


	128. Grell. My little Olly.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a pretty long chapter, so if you see any typos, let me know :) 
> 
> Hopefully this sheds some light on their relationship background.

 Oh … what is a lady to do? I think that I may be getting old, wishing to settle down. Othello would never be my first choice for a partner – he isn’t the strong, dominant sort, a bit of a pushover. He doesn’t become enraged with jealousy, nor is he possessive. He is nothing that I ever wanted in a man, but maybe what I wanted all along was completely different from what I first thought. Maybe I don’t need a passionate, crazed, loud, aggressive relationship. Maybe all I need is … someone calm and collected to calm my own personality – opposites do attract, after all. I am learning more and more about myself every day – oh, how it has gotten my mind in such a tizzy. What a strange turn of events for a lady to behold.

\------------

***8.35pm**

 “Olly, “I say – as much as I love all of Shakespearean literature, it is such effort to say Othello all of the time. I grew tired of saying his full name early on in our previous attempt at a relationship. “I’m heading out, Darling.” We decided to move in together a few weeks ago, and so far, I adore everything about it.

 “Clubbing?” He asks, looking over his book at me.  He is such an avid reader, and so intelligent too. I suppose I always have loved men with a little brain power.

 “Yes, I’m going out with a few friends.”

 “Will you be home late?”

 “Mmmm, most likely.” I flash my teeth at him. “Don’t wait up for me.”

 He smiles back at me. “You know I will.”

 Yes … he always does, and he never worries that I will stray. He mentioned it once, last time, that if I ever cheated on him, he would leave me. Since then, though, not a word about it. He laid out a ground rule, and it is nice that he trusts me to stick to it. I mean, I’d never cheat on him, but thousands others wouldn’t trust me to stay faithful.

 “You look lovely, by the way.”

 I do a little spin, showing off to him. “You always have loved this dress, haven’t you, Dear?”

 “Yes,” he turns a page in his book, “but I prefer the girl in this dress more.”

 “Oh darling, such a charmer.”

 “Yep,” he nods a little. “Well, have fun.”

 “Oh, I will! You know I loooove to dance!”

\------------------

***11.55pm***

 I push the door open to the bedroom, seeing that he is still up. He looks a little sleepy, the poor darling. He never does get more than a few hours’ sleep a night, for some strange reason. OH! And he tends to sleep walk a lot too – I’ve had to use the silk tie from my bed gown to tie his wrist to the headboard so many times, I’ve lost count. It has been quite humorous at times, though, I have to admit. Oooh, and he’s sleep eaten so many times too. He does have his odd quirks, but that just makes him all the more fun.

 “Oh, you’re home early,” he says, rubbing at his eyes.

 “Mmmm, my company was a little dull tonight, I must admit. None of them were on the pull, so I couldn’t even give my amazing dating pointers.” I pout. “And well, I wanted to get home to you.” I find that if I leave his side, I begin to miss him terribly. It is rather strange, really.

 “Aww, who would have thought that the great Grell Sutcliff would miss little old me.”

 “No need to be sarcy,” I huff at him – I can’t hold it in for long though, a wide grin spreading across my face. “Should I come join you?”

 “Indeed,” he pulls the covers back and I cringe. He is wearing that ghastly onesie again, the blue one from that monster’s university film. Honestly, would it kill him to learn a sense of fashion? It’s so hideous! Oh, my eyes shall bleed! I have fantasies of stealing that atrocity to fashion, and burning it to a crisp! Oooh, my knees go weak at the thought of it.

 “It’s my turn for a cuddle tonight, isn’t it?” He asks me, eyes full of hope.

 “No, it’s mine!”

 “Awww,” he pushes out his bottom lip. “But I’ve been without you all night. Please?”

 Honestly, that cute little face of his – how could I ever say no? “You’re supposed to hold your lady in bed, you know? That … well, that’s just a rule!”

 “Tomorrow, I promise.”

 “Hn, of course.”

 I change into my nightdress, and climb into bed next to him. He snuggles up to me, mass of messy hair tickling my nose. The feel of my lovely silk against his disgusting felt like material makes my skin crawl. I should be used to it, I suppose.

 “Well, night Grell.”

 “Yes, goodnight, Honey.”

\---------------

***Sunday 13th August***

***6.06am***

 I ended up sore last night, but not for the reason I would have hoped. Olly and his damn restless sleeping – he kicked me in the shin so many times! Yet … even with all of his small annoyances, I do adore sleeping next to him – he’s so adorable!

 Well … time for work, time for the disgustingly dull paperwork. “Hn ….”

\---------

 I’m procrastinating, most definitely. And with Alan off sick, the poor dear, I can’t even go to him and make small talk.

 It’s not all terrible, though, my mind wandering to Olly. When we became a couple, the first time, all those years back, I have to admit … I found him dreadfully dull. Cute, yes, but his personality was just so subdued compared to my own.

 That didn’t last for long though – he has so many little quirks that it really did make for a complete package. His weird food cravings were the first thing I noticed – he’d make for a good pregnant human. He’s always sucking on liquorice – eurghhhh! Oh, and he enjoys those awful fillet o’ fish burgers from that hideous fast food outlet. Hn, if he enjoys fish so much, he could just get between my legs. I wouldn’t say no. It wasn’t long before I started keeping mouthwash nearby, just in case. It became a sort of running joke, one which made him laugh so cutely most often. He does have a sense of humour, I’ll give him that.

 Oh … and those weird food combinations. I mean, who mixes salsa with red sauce and eats it on bread?! And … spaghetti with curry sauce and spring rolls. Why, just why?! Such a strange man – he never stops eating either, the little gannet.

 From his horrid clothing choices and oddly messy hair to his strange fascination with collecting war medals – he is interesting, very interesting. Oh, how I do adore the little weird darling.

 And … well, he may not be romantic, per se, but he is awfully sweet at times. He buys me a box of chocolate every Saturday, and cooks a fair bit for me (normal food). Dawwww, I love my little munchkin.

\-------------

****4.30pm***

 I come home, weighed down with shopping bags. There’s nothing like finding new clothes to cure a boring Sunday. He’s sitting on the sofa, crossed legged, some strange concoction of cocoa and coffee steaming away on the coffee table. Hmm … no book, that’s odd.

 “Olly, what are you doing sitting all alone in silence?”

 He glances at me, fiddling with his glasses for a moment. “I … I think we should talk.”

 “Hmm?” I drop my bags on the floor. “What about?” He sighs, straightening his legs out on the sofa. I click my teeth together. “Well, get on with it.”

 “I’m not what you’re looking for, am I?”

 “What?!”

 “We both know that you need a romantic, exciting man. I don’t quite fit that bill, do I?”

 “Olly, stop being so silly -.”

 “I’m not. That is why you broke up with me in the first place, after all. You told me that you needed someone more passionate, full of more -.”

 “So you’re breaking up with me this time?!” I screech. “That makes a fat lot of sense!”

 “N-no, I’m not.”

 “Screw you!” I turn away from him, teeth grinding together, fully intending to storm upstairs to bed. Abandoned again, as always …. Why am I so unlovable? W … what is wrong with me?

 “Hey!” I hear him scramble from the sofa. “I didn’t say that now, did I?”

 I spin around on my heels, scowling at him. “Then what are you saying?!”

 “I … I want to know if I make you happy.”

 “What do you think?!”

 “I … I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking.”

 “Would I still be with you if you didn’t?!”

 “I … I don’t -.”

 “Do … do you even want to be with me?”

 “Yes, yes, of course. I’d be heartbroken if – but … I want you to be happy, that’s what matters most to me.”

 “I am!”

 “A … are you sure? I’m not too dull? B … because, as much as I want to be with you, I don’t want to drag you down. I’d hate for you to be miserable.”

 I look away, not knowing what to say; t … that’s a first. It … it’s so weird to be with a man who actually cares for my wellbeing. “Y … you’re an idiot.” Red tipped fingers grab onto his shirt, and I tug him forward into a hug. “A complete fool, Olly.”

 “G-Grell?”

 “You’re not passionate, or much of a romantic, but … but that doesn’t matter. I … I’ve realised something over the past few weeks, Olly.”

 “W … what would that be?”

 “Dramatics are exciting in a relationship … for a time, extreme ups and downs are fun to begin with, and passionate fights make my heart race, but it never lasts, does it? It becomes old quickly, leaves me feeling empty. I’ve had my heart broken so many times, Olly, I … I need something a little more stable.”

 “So … so you’re saying that you need me?”

 “Mmm, precisely, Darling. Maybe I’m just becoming boring in my old age, needing to settle down and all, but what a girl wants, she gets, hmm?”

 “So … so you get me, is that what you’re saying?”

 I pinch his cheek lightly. “Yes, silly boy, that’s exactly what I mean. I love you, Olly, I really do – that’s so much more exciting than a hot and fiery date that goes nowhere, hmm?”

 “Y … yeah, it is.” He hugs me back, with strength I didn’t know he had. “I love you too.”

 “Well, I’d hope so. Wouldn’t be much point otherwise, would there?”

 “Too true.”

 As the hug breaks, I grab a hold of his wrist, yanking him towards the stairs. “Now for something a little exciting – make up sex, wouldn’t you say?”

 “Eh … wait,” he almost trips over his feet, “we didn’t even fight?”

 “I shouted at you. Good enough reason for some sweaty action.”

 “D-don’t you want to show me your clothing haul first?”

 Drat, tempting, so tempting. “Yes, very good point, Honey. We’ll just have to make this a quickie, won’t we?”

 I turn to see him shrug, smiling a little. “Heh, sure, why the hell not? Grell?”

 “Hmm?”

 “Wear that sexy underwear for me? You know the one.”

 Excitement washes over me – how wonderful! “Mmm, my, my, such a naughty little boy.”  


	129. William. Wetting the bed.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts on previous chapter please?

***Tuesday 15th August***

 “Ronald, please, we have talked about this.”

 “I … I don’t wanna,” he sniffs, “I’m not ready.”

 “We agreed upon this,” I say, hand cupping his cheek. “You need to face your fears head on if you ever hope to overcome them.”

 “Yeah … I know, b-but right now, I … I jus’ can’t.”

 “You will be just fine. Let us lie down, alright?”

 “O … okay.” We lie down, and I grab my phone, setting a five minute timer. Reaching over, I switch off the lamp.

\-----------

 “Will, p-please, put tha light back on.”

 I cuddle him tightly. His pleading has become increasingly desperate. “You are doing just fine, Ronald. Everything is going to be alright, you are safe here.”

 “T … tha monster -.”

 “There is no such thing.”

 “Turn it back on! I … I’m scared, Will, fuckin’ scared!” His small cries turn to hysterical sobs. He tries to scramble away from me, get to the light, but I hold him still. “You have to face your fears.”

 “Ge’ offa me!”

 I keep trying to cuddle him, soothe him with soft words and encouragements; he refuses to listen, becoming more and more agitated as the seconds tick by.

 “Let go!”

 “Ronald, you can do this. Five little minutes, okay? That is all you need do for tonight.”

 “No, I … I can’t!” His breathing becomes shaky, hitched.

 “Come on now, deep breaths.”

 “Nghh ….”

 I go to say something else, but stop, feeling wetness against my leg – he … he hasn’t, not again. With a sigh, I turn on the lamp, feeling him relax against me.  Picking up my phone, I check the timer. “Three minutes, Ronald, well done – I … I am proud of you.” He says nothing, whimpering against me. “We … should get you cleaned up, change the sheets.”

 “Y … yeah.”

\----------------

 The bedsheets are changed for clean ones, soiled ones thrown in the bin. He’s been bathed, and is settled down in bed. “Would you like something to drink?” I ask him.

 “Put tha main light on. I … I want ta chase tha monster away – it d-doesn’t like tha light.”

 “I have told you, there is no such monster.”

 “Turn it on.”

 “Will you be able to sleep with such a bright light on?”

 “More like y’ won’t be able ta,” he huffs – he is obviously angry at me.

 “T-that doesn’t matter,” I switch on the main light, blinking as brightness strains at my eyes. I’m soon in the bed next to him. “Ronald -.”

 “Y’ … y’ should ‘ave jus’ listened ta me, Will,” he sighs. “I … I know I do a lot of dumb shit … but sometimes, jus’ sometimes, I know what’s best for me.”

 “Yes, I should have, I am sorry. I … I thought that you may be ready … for it – we discussed it earlier, so I thought -.”

 “I ‘ave a right ta change my mind, Will.”

 “Y … yes, you do ….”

 “So … next time, listen ta me, okay?”

 “Yes, a-apologies.”

 He sighs a little. “B … but, as long as y’ listen ta me, go … go at my pace, we … we’ll ge’ there, I’ll ge’ there.”

 “So … so you are saying -?”

 “Yeah, I’m willin’ ta try again. Y’ … y’re right, I’ll never ge’ anywhere if I don’t face my fears. So … a minute at a t-time, alright?”

 I pull him into a hug, giving his cheek a quick kiss. “Y … you don’t know how proud I am of you, Ronald.”

 “T … thanks.” He smiles up at me. “C-can we keep tha big light on tonight?”

 “Will it make you feel better?”

 “Y … yeah.”

 “Then we shall keep it on.”

 “G-good.”

 “Am … I forgiven?” I ask, still a little worried.

 “Y … yeah, of course. I know y’ only want what’s best for me, babe.”

 Yes … I do. He has no idea … no idea how much I care.  

\-------------

 Ronald had a wonderful night’s sleep, much to my relief. I was concerned that he may have been plagued by nightmares … due to my utter lack of common sense last night.

 I am about to leave for work, he for Alan’s house. “Will?”

 “Yes?”

 “Do … do y’ think Al’s gonna be alright? He … he has ta go back for tests tomorrow, at tha hospital.”

 “I am not going to lie to you, Ronald.” I move over to him, taking his hand in my own. “I … I have no idea what his fate will be. I hope that the doctors will find a cure, but I am no fortune teller.”

 He looks away – it is not the answer he wanted, I am sure. “Y’ … y’ll be there for him though, right?”

 “Yes, if he asks for my help, I will give it to him.”

 “G … good. Can I ‘ave a hug?”

 “Of course you can.”

 Yes, I may not be able to fill him with false hope, nor would I want to, but what I can do is comfort him, as best as I can.


	130. Eric. Injections.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Got a bad cold on me today, so point out any typos.   
> I'd still like a few more opinions on the Grell chapter please.

***Friday 18th August***

 Well … today’s the day, the day that Al becomes a guinea pig again. I’ve told Ronnie not to bother coming to our place today – he needs a break, of course he does. It’ll do him no good to always be stressing over Al.

 I’m his partner. That’s my job.

 Besides, I want to be the one to pick him up from the hospital today. Then I can cuss the doctors out if they’ve screwed him up again. I just want to punch them in their faces for what they’ve done to him. Dicks, the lot of them.

 I have to pick him up at four, even though I was meant to be at work until six. I spoke to William, though, and he swapped my shift about a bit, got me to come into work a bit earlier instead. I’m surprised, because William would have never cared enough to let me do that before.

 But then again, maybe he would have. It wasn’t like Al was sick before Ronnie came along and he softened up, so I can’t say for sure. He’s always liked Al, so maybe, just maybe, he would have gone easy on the two of us.

 Ugh … I can’t concentrate today, not when I’m so worried about him. W-what was I supposed to be doing again? Some sort of report? “Eh … shite ….”

\---------------

***4.05pm***

 He wasn’t at the hospital – the doctors said they’d finished up early for some reason, so he went home. So … I’ve just ported home, and he’s not in the living room. I guess he must be sleeping off whatever shite they’ve pumped him full of. I … I want to go check on him but … if he’s gone to sleep, I don’t want to disturb him either.

 So I’ll just take a peep inside, make sure he’s alright. Porting upstairs, I press my ear to the door. I … I don’t think I can hear anyth – w … what was that? A whimper?

 The door’s yanked open. “Al, yer -?” Oh … fuck – he … he’s on the floor. “Al!” I rush over to him, lifting him up into a sitting position. “W … what happened? W-why didn’t yer wait for me?!”

 “W … wanted to g-get home,” he manages a whisper. “W … wanted to sleep, b-but … I … I think porting made me faint – everything … w-went black, Eric.”

 “A-aye,” I lift him up, carrying him to the bed. Setting him down, I sit next to him, arm wrapping around his back to give him some support. I … I know he’d get worse again, but not like this, not this quickly, this badly ….

 “Yer’ll be alright, Al, just get some rest.”

 “I … I feel nauseous.”  I feel him shudder against me. “C-can you get me a … bowl … or something, please?”

 “Yer think yer’re going tae be sick?”

 “M-maybe.”

\------------------

 He … he was sick, alright, really sick. He’s been throwing h-his guts up for the last ten minutes.

 “W … what did they do tae yer, Al?” I’m trying to keep my anger in, because if I go off on one, it’s going to upset him. It’s so hard to not just start cussing, it really is.

 He chokes back a gag. “T … the usual.”

 “W-where? Show me.” My agitation gets the best of me. I yank his one hand away from the bowl, rolling up his sleeve. Just … as I thought, a needle mark. H-his skin is so bruised around the injection site – all deep purple, almost black. I swallow thickly. “T … they’ve been pumping yer full of shite again. Haven’t they? Haven’t they?!”

 He flinches. “D-don’t shout, Eric.”

 “But -.”

 “Y … you’re not helping.”

 I swallow again, trying to calm myself down. He … he throws up again. “A-aye, yer’re right. Ah … ah’m sorry.”

\-------------------

 He’s stopped being sick now, but he … he doesn’t look well at all. He’s shaking, sweaty all over. “Should ah get yer something tae drink?” I ask him.

 His head falls limply against my shoulder. “N-no ….”

 “Alright ….”

 “I … I think I have a fever.”

 “A fever?” I take my hand to his forehead – Jesus, fever isn’t the right word. He’s burning to the touch, which … really is concerning. He’s usually as cold as ice when he comes back from that place. “Do … do yer feel hot all over?”

 He nods weakly against me. “B-boiling.”

\-------------

 I’ve stripped him down to his underwear, bedcovers up to his waist. “Is this better?” A damp, cool cloth is pressed to his forehead.

 “Yeah, t-thank you.”

 “Good. Yer try tae get some sleep, okay?”

 “I … I’ll try.”

\------------------

***5.33pm***

 I heard the front door open a minute ago, and now someone’s knocking on the bedroom door. “Eric?” Oh … it’s Ronnie. “Can I come in?”

 “Aye, sure.”

 He peeks into the room, a worried look on his face. “I know y’ said not ta come over, but I was worried ‘bout Al -.”

 “It’s alright, don’t worry about it.” I’m actually so glad that he’s here. I need the company. “T-thanks for coming over.”

 He gives me a small nod, walking into the room. “H … how is he?”

 I glance at Al, seeing him shifting around a bit in his sleep. “He … he’s got a fever. He’s asleep … I think; he’s kind of out of it.”

 “Havin’ a nightmare?”

 “Aye, ah think so.”

 “Right.” He frowns a wee bit. “A fever – tha’ why he’s got no clothes on?”

 It makes me chuckle. “Aye, apart from his underwear.”

 Another nod. “But … he’ll be alright, won’t he?”

 “Aye, of course he’ll be.” I move over in bed, closer to the edge of it. “Come over here and give him a cuddle?”

 He flashes me a smile, rushing over to the bed. “Yeah, sure thing, mate.” Getting under the covers, he presses his palm to Al’s cheek. “Shit … he really is burnin’ up.”

 “Ah … ah know.”

 “Y’ should ge’ him some Paracetamol.”

 “Medicine?”

 “Yeah, it’ll make his fever go right down.”

 “Ah don’t think … human medicine will work for this sort of thing.”

 “Oh … right, okay. But if booze has tha same effect, this might do too?”

 “Maybe.” I sigh. “Ah guess it’s worth a try.”

 “I’ve got some at home. Can go ge’ it for y’?”

 “Nah, ah’ll get some from the human world. Look after him, alright?”

 “Y’ need some fresh air?”

 I take a shaky breath. “Aye, y-yer could say that.”

 “Take all tha time y’ need, mate.”

 “Thanks.”

 He’s a great friend. Both of us are lucky to have him, we really are.


	131. Ronald. Downhill.

 “I … I can’t, Eric.” Al’s awake now but he still seems kinda out of it. Eric brought back some liquid Paracetamol (I guess so Al didn’t have to try to swallow tablets in this state) and a cooling pad for his head. Al doesn’t seem very keen on taking it though.

 “Why not?” Eric asks. “Ah know it might not do any good, but it’s worth a try, isn’t it?”

 “Yeah, we need ta ge’ y’ fever down,” I say.

 He shakes his head a bit – he really is exhausted. “I’m not supposed to take any other medicine while they treat me – the … the doctors told me that early on.”

 “But it’s only a painkiller, Al.” He needs to listen to me or he’s gonna feel like shit for the rest of the day.

 “N-no, I shouldn’t.”

 I hear Eric grunt, and when I look at him, he’s rubbing at his temples. I can just feel the irritation coming off of him. I hope he doesn’t go off on one. “Ah’ll phone the doctors and ask them then, alright?”

 “T … they’ll say no.”

 “Let me ask them.”

 Al can feel the tension too, I’m pretty sure. “O … okay. My phone’s in my coat pocket, I think. It’s under Doctor Langley in my contact list.”

 “Right, okay.” As Eric gets off the bed, Al speaks again.

 “Y … you might be on the … line for a while. The hospital is always really busy.”

 “Ah don’t care. Ah’ll wait.”

\----------------

 Eric went downstairs, on the phone. “I … I hope he doesn’t start shouting down the phone at him,” Al sighs. “It’s clear that he hates what the … doctors are doing to me.”

 I pull away what was the damp cloth, feeling his forehead. He’s still really, really hot, and sweaty. “Well, I can’t say I blame him. He’s worried sick ‘bout y’.”

 Woah … that was a dirty look …. “I know that, Ronnie.” He adjusts his glasses, hand shaking. “But … I’d rather not upset the doctor.”

 “Yeah, he might poison y’ then.” Eh …. “Tha’ was a joke, obviously.”

 “I know, it’s okay. Can you get me a glass of water?”

 “Y’ want me ta check on Eric, don’t y’?”

 He gives me a little smile. “That too.”

\---------------

 Eric wasn’t shouting down the phone when I went into the kitchen, but I think that was because he was still waiting to get through. “Is tha water helpin’?”

 “A … a little.” Al puts the glass on the nightstand, lying back down slowly. “S … still boiling though.”

 “Tha fever isn’t goin’ down at all?”

 “I … I don’t think so.”

 Shit … he really does need the Paracetamol – fucking doctors ….

\-----------

 Eric’s smiling a bit as he comes into the room – can only mean good news. “They said yes?” I ask.

 “Aye, apparently Paracetamol doesn’t interact with many other meds, so it’s all good. Nice one, mate.”

 “And tha coolin’ pad?”

 “That’s not medicated, Ronnie.”

 “Ah … right.” I smile at Al. “See mate, y’ll feel better in no time.”

 “I … I hope so.”

\----------------

***11.34pm***

 I haven’t long got home. The Paracetamol and cool pad helped a bit with his temperature, but he still wasn’t feeling all that great. I guess that it’ll take a few more doses before it really takes effect.

 I’ve just finished telling Will about what happened, and really, it hasn’t helped my mood at all. It just reminded me that Al’s back for his next treatment on Monday – fuck knows what’ll happen then. He’s bound to come outta it even worse.

 Fuck … way to put a dampener on my mood.

 And Will isn’t really offering me much in the way of comforting words – guess he doesn’t really know what to say.

 I … I don’t want this to knock me back again. I … I mean, today’s been really rough, and the urges are already back again. God, Al, just get better soon. P-please ….

\-----------

 “N-not tonight, Will, I’m not in tha … r-right mind set.” Trust him to bring up turning off the lamp at the worst possible time.

 “You don’t at least wish to try for a minute?”

 “No, I … I don’t feel up ta it.”

 “Alright.” I think I hear him sigh – I guess he’s disappointed in me. Wouldn’t be the first fucking time. “I suppose we should try to get some sleep then.”

 “Y … yeah, alright.”

 T … the way things are going right now with Al, I can’t even think about turning off the light. It … it’s not an option.

 Shit … this is just all too fucking stressful – I’m gonna go downhill again, I just know it ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll probably skip ahead a month or two after the next chapter. Not much buildup left.


	132. Grell. New addition.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thought it'd be nice to have Grell have something nice happen to her. Also to explain why Grell's not been in the story much - boyfriend commitments.

***Saturday 19th August***

 I know it isn’t very ladylike, but I just cannot help myself – Olly is just far too adorable to not want to top. Such a sweetie.

 I straddle his hips, nails scraping down his bare chest. He writhes under me, unable to move besides that – my fault, really, chaining his wrists above his head. “Grell, I really need to get to work.”

 “Not for another half an hour, Darling. I won’t tease you for much longer.”

 “You said that an hour ago!” He tries to throw me off, bucking his hips. Such a shame that he isn’t on the large side, strength barely on par with mine.

 “Nice try, Honey.”

 “P … please just get on with it, Grell.”

 “Why?” I shift my hips back, arse rubbing against his crotch. It pulls the most wonderful grunt from him. “Are you about to burst?”

 “Y … yes.”

 I rub his nipple between my index finger and thumb, delighting as he scrunches up his nose. So, so cute. Oooh, I can’t wait much longer myself! What an utterly delicious treat!

\----------------

***Sunday 20th August***

 “No … I don’t think that is such a good idea.” He goes to start reading his book again, but I snatch it away.

 “Why not?” I’ve been trying to get him to spend time with my friends for weeks now, but he refuses to budge.

 “I have my own friends. I think it best we keep our friends separate should something happen with our relationship.”

 “Nothing bad is going to happen! Please? Darling, it would mean so much to me.”

 He looks at me, adjusting his glasses. “It would be awkward.”

 “How?”

 “T … they might not like me.”

 “Of course they will! Haven’t you already met some of them inside the branch? It couldn’t be awkward!”

 “Yes … and honestly, I don’t much care for the supervisor.”

 “Oh, Willy can be a right pain in the arse at times,” I wave a hand, “but since he got into a relationship, he’s relaxed a hell of a lot. I’m sure you’ll get along now.” I flash my teeth at him. “And you didn’t mind Alan or Eric, did you?”

 “They seemed fine in passing, but isn’t one of them ill now? I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

 “You wouldn’t be intruding, Honey. Alan is a lovely man – he wouldn’t mind you paying a visit. And Eric would appreciate us going over there to keep his partner company.”

 He scratches at his chin – he does that when he’s nervous, the poor darling. “Al-alright, it can’t hurt to try.” I receive a cute little smile. “And … if it would make you happy, I can’t really argue, can I?”

 “Exactly. I’ll text Eric, see when the best time would be to pop over tomorrow.”

 “Alright … g-great.”

 Leaning closer to him, I pinch his cheek. “Don’t look so worried, Dear, you’ll get on like a house on fire.”

\--------------

***Monday 21st August***

 Olly could only spend a short time over at Eric’s house due to work constraints, but I think we indeed picked the best time. Ronnie Darling was there, and Olly even got to meet Eric for a little while when my darling Scotsman returned home from work.

 Alan was tucked up in bed, obviously feeling a bit under the weather, but I think he really did take a liking to my little Olly – they all did, it seems.

 Now, I just need to meet all of Olly’s friends – they’re all nerds, I’m sure. Though … one name does ring a bell; I think I slept with that one in times gone by. “Eurgh ….” The thought makes me feel a little sick. That man really was an ugly git – just what was I thinking?!

 Still, if I made Olly feel uncomfortable, I suppose I need to do the same; it’s only fair.

 At least I’ll be able to spend more time with Alan now – I do feel a little guilty, I must admit. I spent so much time with him when he was a poorly human, and I feel so cold and cruel for not doing the same this time around. It isn’t that I don’t want to. Of course I wish to be there for him in this time of need. It is just that … my time is spread so thinly with work, I don’t really have much time to be with Olly, and I really want to be with him – I am an awful romantic.

 But now, I no longer need to choose between my man and my friends – I’m going to drag him along for visits whenever I get the chance. Ooh, I really am such a clever lady!

\-------------

***Wednesday 23rd August***

 We haven’t long returned home from Alan’s house. He looked so poorly, the poor thing. And Ronnie, bless him, he looks so stressed and worried. If those doctors don’t find a way to fix him, I’ll hack them all to pieces with my scythe. I swear that on my life.

\----------------

***Friday 25th August***

 “How did the consultation go?” Olly asks me. I’ve been trying to get breast implants for a while now, but the waiting list was so long! There are only a handful of reapers in this realm that do cosmetic surgery on the side.

 You see, reapers’ bodies are rather strange. They heal quickly, regenerate. So … that was bottom surgery off of the list – the thing would grow right back into place! Not that I mind that all that much – the thing does come in handy at times.

 Hormones were out of the question also – I could be pumped with tonnes of oestrogen and it wouldn’t change my body shape in the slightest. I’m stuck as I was when I died.

 Yet … implants are a little different. There’s a high chance of rejection, yes, but you’re only adding, not taking away. Nothing needs to grow back, so they are a viable option.

 “It went well, Darling. They want to schedule me in for next week.”

 “You haven’t said yes then, I take it?”

 I shake my head. “I … I’m having second thoughts, Olly.”

 “Why?” He frowns. “You’ve wanted this for as long as I can remember.”

 “And what if I don’t like them once they’re in? What if I don’t feel any more womanly?”

 “You’re all woman to me, so I can’t really comment on that … but if you don’t like them, you can always have them taken out. It isn’t as if you need worry about the scars. You’ll be back exactly the way you are now.”

 “Hmm ….”

 “Is it the risks you’re worried about?” He scratches at his chin. “I presume you know that they’ll have to give you something to delay healing. Otherwise they won’t have time to actually put the implants in. So … so it’ll either be some sort of demon venom or … other poisonous substance. I … I do worry that it’ll damage you somehow.”

 “Honey, this is me you’re talking about. I don’t even think about the risks.”

 “True … I should have thought of that. So … what is troubling you?”

 “The people at work will laugh -.”

 “Then let them laugh, they’re complete idiots.” His hand finds my shoulder, and he gives it a tiny squeeze. “Do what makes you happy, Grell, forget the rest of them. If it will make you feel better about yourself, I’d say go for it.”

 “It … it would make me happier.” I know I shouldn’t be seeking his approval but “what do you think about it?”

 “I think, as long as you don’t go for massive jugs, you’re going to look incredibly sexy.”

 “Ohhh!” I fake shock. “You’re saying I’m not already?”

 He nuzzles his cheek against mine. “You already know the answer to that.”

 “Mmm, I should go get those papers signed.”

 “Yeah, no time like the present.”

\------------------

***Thursday 31st August***

 I told everyone about my plans, and besides Willy, who didn’t give two hoots, everyone seemed happy for me. I wasn’t expecting much of a reaction from dear William, to be honest. He doesn’t really come across as much of a breast man.

 I’m being prepped for surgery now, Olly at my bedside – the little sweetie managed to book the day off, using up a bit of the holiday they owe him.

 I went for a small C cup in the end; full but not a complete eyesore. After all, I couldn’t have them so big that they got in the way when trying to swing my scythe – that would be a complete nightmare!

 Oooh, I think the drugs are starting to take effect. I can’t wait to wake up and see my new little babies!

\---------------------

 Olly leans over me, a worried look on his face. “How’re you feeling?”

 “Like I’ve been poisoned,” I giggle. Oh … Darling, stop moving around so much. You’re … making me feel dizzy.”

 He shakes his head, chuckling lightly. “I’m not even moving. You really are out of it.”

 “Mmm … heavenly.”

 “Give it a few hours and you’ll feel just fine.”

 “And … I’ll be all healed up too. Delightful.”

\---------------

 I wouldn’t let Olly see my chest when the bandages were taken off. Now we’re home, though, he can ogle them as much as he likes. “Well, what do you think?”

 “Jesus … they look amazing.”

 “Oh Honey, you’re going to make a lady blush.”

 He looks at me, gaping a little. Finally, he seems to pull himself together. “I mean it. T … they really suit you. The skin isn’t stretched or anything – wow.”

 “I know.” I lift an eyebrow. “Well don’t just stare at them! Cop a feel.”

 He does, taking one in each hand as best he can – he doesn’t have very big hands, I must say. “T … they feel so real.”

 “Hmm, I know.” They aren’t the usual silicone, instead a hybrid design to give them a more realistic texture. “I need to buy some lingerie tomorrow.”

 “Y … yeah, I like the sound of that.” He gulps. “I’m not hurting you, am I?”

 “Oh no, Honey, you squeeze them as much as you like.” He rubs his thumb over the skin, eyes glazing over a little. I think he’s gone to dreamland.

 My nipples actually feel more sensitive – how wonderful! “Erm, Darling?”

 Snapping out of his trance, he asks “y … yes?”

 “I think it’s time to go upstairs, don’t you?”

 For the first time in, I think, ever, he’s the one dragging me up the stairs. Who knew that boobs could drive a man so crazy? Well, I must admit, I do see the appeal.

\---------------

***Saturday 2nd September***

 Today was so much fun! While Willy didn’t even bother to look at the area, Ronnie said they looked great on me! Ohhh, and Eric copped a feel. He even wanted me to take my bra off so he could get a better look, the naughty beast!

 Alan didn’t seem to mind … though I think he was feeling too under the weather to become jealous. The poorly little man just used them as a pillow when he fell to sleep, the cutie. It’s nice to know that they’re comfortable, at least.  

 The people at work didn’t even mock me, though I suppose that they are too scared of me by now. They wouldn’t dare risk losing an arm for a jibe, or a head.

 I love my new additions, I really do! They really add to my figure!

\-----------------

***11.17pm***

 “Othello, I said cuddle me, not grope me!” As flattered as I am, a lady really does need her beauty sleep.

 “Hmm, sorry ….” He lets out a little yawn, moving his arm around my back. I flash my teeth when his face nuzzles against my boobs. “Is someone comfortable?”

 “Yeah.”

 “You really do like those things, don’t you?”

 “Yep, definitely.” He yawns again. “Best decision you’ve ever made.”

 My hand finds his hair, nails combing through it. He’s a lucky man, really, for I let him touch my hair too. Usually, if anyone tried to put their greasy mitts on my lovely locks, they’d lose their hand. I must really truly love him. “Yes, I think so too.” It’s nice to make a drastic decision that I know I won’t regret. That’s a first, I assure you of that.

 “Night, Grell, love you.”

 “I love you too, Darling. Nighty night.”


	133. Eric. I'd do anything.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month has passed since last chap.

***Friday 6th October 2017***

 “Ah cannae take this anymore!” I’ve just come home and … he’s just getting worse and worse.

 He sits up in bed, shivering, hands gripping the bedsheets. He doesn’t even have the energy to use that mask anymore, so even Ronnie knows how bad things have really gotten. “E-Eric, come to bed.”

 “Ah don’t want tae!” I can feel the heat rising on my face.

 “W … what’s wrong?”

 “Isn’t it obvious?!”

 “N … no.” He pulls the covers up himself more.

 “These experiments have tae stop!” I grip onto the chest of drawers, nails digging into the hard wood – I’m going to explode in a minute. “T … they’re obviously not working, Al.”

 “B-but -.”

 “Yer can barely stand up!”

 “I … I know -.”

 “And the infection is spreading – isn’t that proof enough?!” The wee patch on his hip is now covering most of his one thigh. It … it’s horrible ….

 “Eric, stop it.” He looks away. “Y … you’re not helping.”

 “No, yer’re not helping yerself! How much longer are yer going tae be their guinea pig?!”

 “Eric, y-you’re wrong -.”

 “For God’s sake, Al! Get it through yerr thick skull, would yer?!” My fist slams down on the drawers. “Yer’re killing yerself!” My … my heart’s hammering in my chest, breath coming out in short bursts – I … I don’t think I’ve ever been this angry. Why won’t he just listen?!

 “S-stop ….” He covers his face with his hands. “P … please just st-stop it.”

 His words cut my rant short – shite … did … did I make him cry? “Al?”

 “I … I don’t need this right now …. Th-things are stressful e-enough.”

 The anger floods out of me, replaced by guilt. Fuck … I feel really – “Al … ah … ah’m sorry.” I rush over to him, climbing onto the bed. A sob comes from him. “N … no, don’t cry. Ah … ah didn’t mean it.” My arms wrap around him. “Come on … ah’m sorry, Al.” The … the tears are coming. “Ah didn’t mean tae shout.” His crying gets worse, and I try to console him, kissing him anywhere I can reach – his cheek, his head, anywhere. “No, baby, shhhh. It … it’s okay, Al, it’s okay.”   

 He hugs me back, shaking hands clinging to the back of my coat. “Th … things are so hard.”

 “A … aye,” I start crying with him, “they … they are.”

 “It … it’s hurting you to see … me like this, I-I know. I … I’ll go, c-come back when I’m better. Y … you don’t have to go through this anymore.”

 I tighten my grip on him. “D-don’t be daft, ah’ll never leave yer.” I … I can’t believe he’d say that. I’d never want him to leave me.

 “I … I wouldn’t blame you – I … I kept this h-hidden for so long.”

 “Ah’ve told yer that that doesn’t matter. Ah … ah’m here for yer, Al.”

 “R … really?”

 “Aye, ah love yer, babe.”

 His clinging intensifies. “T … thank you.”

\------------------

 “Ah … ah just think yer should stop these treatments for a while.” I’m trying not to get angry again, I really am. I … still can’t believe I made him cry – makes me feel like a monster …. “Yer know, at least until they find something that might work.”

 “No … they have to … trial different methods first. Otherwise … they’ll never find a real cure.”

 I turn over in bed, looking at him. “But it’s killing yer, Al.”

 My heart sinks when he sniffs – please … please don’t start crying again. “I … I’m dying anyway. I … I’d rather go out fighting, Eric, please t-try to understand that.”

 “But it’s k-killing yer faster this way. Ah … ah want tae spend as much time with yer as possible. Ah … ah know y-yer might not have much time left, so -.”

 “So … you don’t want to watch me suffer for as long as y-you possibly can?”

 I start to well up again. “A-aye …”

 “And I understand that, I really do.” His palm touches my cheek, and I nuzzle against it – he … he’s freezing again. “B … but I need you to … understand that I can’t just lie here and let myself rot. I … I need to be actively doing something to get better.”

 “But yer were fine, yer were feeling better before yer went back tae the hospital.”

 “Yes, but it wouldn’t have lasted forever. I … I would have started to deteriorate again because of The Thorns, you know that.”

 “Not for a while -.”

 “No … but it’d happen … and the pain would be just as bad, for the both of us.”

 “A … aye.” He’s right …. “B … but there has tae be another way -.”

 “I … I did some research before I started going … for treatment, and I didn’t find a thing of use.”

 “Doesn’t mean we can’t keep looking, does it?”

 He gives me a wee smile. “Of course we can do some more research. You’ll need to pop to the library at branch tomorrow, see if there are any books on the issue. I … I think I only checked the medical section … but there might be other books around.”

 “Aye, ah can do that. Easy.”

 “T … thank you.”

\----------------

***Monday 9th October***

 I haven’t slept for three days, time spent between looking after Al and trying to dig up any information on the illness that I could, from both books and the internet. What a waste of time that was ….

 “Oh Darling, don’t be stupid. It’s just a fairy tale.” Grell leans over my desk, nails tapping on its surface.

 “It’s worth a try -.”

 “You’d murder all those people -?”

 “Ah … ah don’t know.” Slumping back in my seat, I rub at my throbbing head. “Kind of getting desperate here.”

 “You really do need to lie down, take a nap, Honey.”

 “Ah can’t, not when Al’s involved. Pure souls -.”

 “A myth, Darling, as I just said -.”

 “Yer don’t know that!”

 She pouts at me. “Actually … I do. Some poor idiot in America tried to do that. He succeeded too -.”

 “But it … it didn’t work, ah take it?”

 “It didn’t do a thing.”

 “Ahhh … shite!” My fist slams down on the desk, heart sinking. “Great, just great!”

 “Y … you were actually going to do it, weren’t you? End up in hell for little old Al?”

 “Ah’m … a desperate man, Grell.”

 “Something will come up, Darling, I’m sure.”

 “No … it’s not like ah can reap him all over again – eh, can ah?”

 “I don’t think so. There has to be a way though, we just need to find it.”

 “We? Ah don’t think yer’re really one for reading articles.”

 “This is Dear Alan we’re talking about. I don’t mind getting my hands dirty, so to speak.”  

 “R-really?”

 “Would I lie to you, handsome?”

 I feel myself relax a wee bit. “Thank yer. Ah … ah really appreciate it.”

 “Ohhh, don’t mention it.” She flashes her teeth at me. “We’ll get him sorted, one way or another, I promise you that.”

 “A … aye, we will.” We have to ….


	134. Eric. A few winks, please.

***Tuesday 10th October***

***10.35pm***

 Four days without sleep … and I feel absolutely awful. Still … it’s all worth it if I can find a way to help Al.

 Al’s tucked up in bed, fast asleep. I’m in the living room, coffee in one hand, book in the other, empty cans of energy drinks strewn across the coffee table.

 I … I’m getting nowhere here.

 I look up when I feel a rush of air, seeing Grell and Othello standing before me. They agreed to come over tonight, help me research.

 “Hello Darling,” she grins at me, waving a little. Her hair is full of curlers, a tight nightdress covering her body. I have to admit, those new boobs really suit her – I … I don’t know, it just seems that she feels more at home in her clothing now. “Yer look nice.”

 “Thank you.” Her hands glide down her waist, stroking against the silky material. “I just adore this new night wear.”

 “Going for a curly look tomorrow?”

 “Yes, I’m going out clubbing tomorrow night and I fancied a change.”

 “Aye, always good tae mix things up a wee bit.” I place the items down on the table, standing up, stretching – nghh, that feels good. “Can ah get yer a drink? Coffee or tea?”

 “Coffee and cocoa.” Othello smiles at me. “Thanks.”

 “Eurgh … gross. What the fuck is wrong with yer?”

 “He does have strange tastes,” Grell laughs.

 “Uh … huh. Grell, what can ah get yer?”

 “Just water please, Darling, no caffeine after six for me.”

 “Fair enough.”

\--------------

 We’re sitting on the floor now, a pile of books between us. It’s almost silent in here, bar the buzzing noise that’s coming from Othello’s headphones. Sounds like heavy metal or something to me – I don’t know how he can concentrate on the book with that blaring. Well … everyone absorbs information in a different way, I guess.

 “E … Eric?”

 Al? I spin around on my arse, seeing Al in the doorway hugging at himself. Scrabbling to my feet, I rush over to him. “Al, what are yer doing out of bed?”

 “I … I woke up, couldn’t get back to sl-sleep. It … it was cold without you there.”

 “Ah’ll bring yer up a hot water bottle. Yer need tae rest.”

 “No, I want to … be down here with you.” He takes a shaky step forward –

 “Al!” I catch him as his legs give out, a shriek piercing my ears – shite … he … he’s having an attack. T … that familiar feeling of dread comes over me. “C-come on, lie down.” I guide him over to the sofa – his … his muscles are tensing against me horribly. Lifting him up, I help him to lie down. “T … that’s it, yer just try tae relax, okay?”

 “Nghhh ….”

 “Ah know, ah know.” I brush his fringe out of his eyes. “But it’ll pass, Al, it’ll pass.”

\------------------

 I’m on the sofa now, his head resting on my lap, a blanket over him. “Yer feeling a bit warmer now?”

 “Y … yes.”

 “Good.” My fingers run through his hair, eyes going back to my book.

 “I … I’d help you to research if I could, b-but … I’m just so tired. I’m sorry.”

 “Don’t worry about it. Yer just get some rest.”

 “Yes, Darling, we understand,” Grell agrees.

 “T … thank you.”

 As he dozes off, I look over at my friends – Othello … seems a … a little off. “Yer okay there, mate?”

 “I … I’ve never seen an attack in real life before.” He sighs, placing his book down on the floor. “I’d heard that they were bad … but that was horrible.”

 “Aye … ah know.”

 Grell pats his thigh lightly. “It is rather scary, Honey.”

 “Y … yes.”

 “Do you need to go home for tonight?”

 “No … no, I’ll be fine. As you … said, just … a little scary.”

 Poor guy – I … I understand it, I really do. It really shook me up the first time I saw Al having one ….

 “Do yer want something tae eat? Would that help?” I ask him.  

 “It … it might.”

 Well, I don’t really want to move and risk waking Al up. “Go and help yerself.”

 He gives me a bit of a smile. “Th … thank you.”

\---------------------

 That guy’s a wee fatty, I swear – he polished off a packet of cookies in a matter of minutes. “Found anything yet?” I ask.

 “No,” they say in unison.

 “Me neither ….” Fucking hell …. Sometimes, this … this just feels hopeless ….

 But I can’t give up.

 I won’t give up.

\----------

***2.05am***

 Grell’s curlers lie next to her in a small pile. “I think it’s time to call it a night, Darling.”

 “Aye, yer go home – thanks for everything, both of yer.” I don't know what I'd do without their help. 

 “YOU need to call it a night too.”

 I shake my head. “Ah’m fine – just a wee bit longer.”

 “You’re going to exhaust yourself, Honey.”

 “Yeah,” Othello nods. “You can’t run yourself into the ground.”

 “Trust me, ah’ll be just fine.”

\-----------------------

***Friday 13th October***

 It’s been … what, a week now, without sleep? I … I’m definitely starting to feel the effects of it. The … the gash in my side proves that enough. I … I almost dozed off on duty and ended up slipping off of a roof.

 Even Al doesn’t know how bad it’s been – he thinks I’ve been getting at least a few hours’ sleep a night – the poor guy wouldn’t know either way. He … he’s out cold a lot of the time.

 “William?” I knock on his office door.

 “Yes, come in.”

 Pushing the door open, I shuffle into the room – this is … embarrassing, showing my weaker side, I have to admit.

 He looks up at me and frowns. “Is everything alright?”

 “N … not really. Ah … ah haven’t been sleeping much -.”

 “Yes, Grell did tell me.” Aye … should have guessed that. “I cannot give you a day off sick – we are understaffed as it is.”

 Again, should have seen that coming. “Alright.”

 “But I can take over from your duties for the afternoon. Pretend that you are working, Slingby, while being at home and sleeping.”

 What? “Y … yer’re letting me go home?”

 “No, I had no idea that you had snuck out of branch. When I realised, I had no choice but to pick up your slack. Do you understand me?”

 “A … aye, thank yer.” I … I don’t quite believe this.

 “Don’t mention it. I cannot have another person infected with The Thorns, can I?”

 “No … ah suppose not.”

 “Now, go leave your ledger and casefiles abandoned on your desk. I shall verbally scold you for your truancy on Monday.”

 “Aye, ah will. Th-thanks, mate.”

 “Hurry up before I change my mind.”

 I manage to summon up a chuckle. “Aye, ah’m going, ah’m going.”

\---------------

 Al’s fast asleep – no doubt he’ll ask me why I’m home early … if he wakes up anytime soon. Flopping down on the top of the bed, I let out a long sigh – can’t even be bothered to take my shoes off, I’m that knackered.

 My lips touch Al’s cheek briefly, my eyes feeling heavier and heavier. Oh … God, I need sleep. Wonderful, wonderful sleep.

 Then, when I do wake up, I’ll get straight back to researching. Aye … definitely ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next few chapters will be big ones.


	135. Ronald. Failure.

***Tuesday 24th October***

 Things have been so hard lately … and … and I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I … I’ve been trying so, so hard to keep it all together, but … it’s all piling on top of me. I … I should be proud of myself for not caving, not cutting myself, but … it’s little comfort really. Because … I … I have no other way of coping.

 I’ve been thinking, really thinking, and … I’ve realised something. I haven’t learned to cope in a healthy way … because my childhood was so f-fucked up – I didn’t have the chance to grow as a well-rounded person … to find my own personal ways to overcome things. So … so I just end up turning to drugs or alcohol … or other things. I go for the distraction method … instead of coming to terms with the actual problem.

 So … yeah, I haven’t hurt myself … but at the same time, I have no idea how to deal with shit.

 Eric’s been trying to find a way to help Al, staying up late to read books and search every corner of the web – so far, nothing ….

 Meanwhile, Al just keeps getting worse and worse. It’s killing me to … just have to sit there and watch as he falls apart. I … I don’t wanna see him die – fuck, I don’t even wanna think about it. It … it tears me apart inside.

 And me and Will keep arguing, over stupid little things, mainly because I’m really snappy at the minute … with everything that’s going on.  I think that … he’s just stressed out because I’ve been crying a lot, and he’s worried about me. He’s trying to help me, asking about the light thing … but … it’s just a mess really.

 I know he’s getting frustrated with me crying every night, but he does try his best to comfort me, cuddling me and stuff.   I dunno …. Things between us just aren’t all that great.

 Marie got married a few days back, and we all went to the wedding, but my heart really wasn’t in it. I wanted to be there for her … but I kept looking over at Al. He … he could barely keep his eyes open … and it just made my heart sink. I just wanted Eric to take him home and let him go to bed.

 It’s just so … hard – I’ve never really had a best mate, someone to confide in. Then I got one … but he got ill – it’s screwing with my head so fucking much ….

 I … I can’t lose him ….

\--------------

***Thursday 26th October***

 Eric’s been a proper good friend. We’re on the sofa now, playing video games, Al fast asleep upstairs. I … I know he doesn’t really want to be down here with me – he wants to be upstairs with Al. He’s only doing this … for my sake, to try to cheer me up some. He keeps losing against me on this game – obvs …. His heart isn’t really in it.

 And there’s this awkward silence …. No, not awkward, just sad ….

 I want to tell him not to look so glum … but there’s no point because I get it. I … I’m feeling just as shit as him … well … minus the romantic love part.

 So, I’ll just sit here, playing these stupid fucking games. We could both do with some weak sort of distraction ….

\----------------

***Friday 27th October***

 P … please just pick up the phone – I don’t know what to do! “Grell, please, please -.”

 “Hello?”

 “Grell! Y’ … y’ need ta come over here now!”

 “Mmm? Whatever is the matter? Why are you crying?”

 “Al … Al passed out,” I choke back a sob, squeezing my eyes shut. “Eric didn’t … p-pick up. Neither did Will – I …. I dunno wha’ ta do! Jus’ ge’ h-here, please.”

 “I’ll be right there, Darling.” A few seconds later, she pops into the bedroom. Al … Al’s lying on the floor – he … he looks really pale.

 Grell rushes over to him, kneeling down at his side. “Have you tried to wake him?”

 Shaking my head, I wipe at my eyes, trying to pull myself together – it … it isn’t working. “N … no, I … I didn’t know wha’ … ta do. I … I didn’t wanna move him … in case I made things worse.”

 “Oh no, he isn’t a porcelain doll, Darling.” She sits down, lifting him up onto her lap. Her palm taps against his cheek lightly. “Alan, Honey, wakie, wakie.” She … she’s so calm, I can’t even believe it …. Her tapping gets a little more forceful. “Don’t make me throw water over you.”

 “Nghhh ….”

 He … he’s coming to? Oh, thank fuck!

 “That’s it, Darling, come back to us.”

 He looks up at her, blinking. “Hmm … what … what happened?”

 “You passed out, Dear.”

 “I … I did?” He looks at me, seeing how shaken up I look. “Oh Ronnie, I … I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare … you.” Al tries to sit up properly, but ends up groaning, holding his head. “I … I feel a bit dizzy.”

 I hurry to kneel down in front of him. “Do … do y’ need ta go ta tha hospital?” Pfft, well done, Ronnie, that’ll really do him good ….

 “No … no, I … I’ll be alright.”

 “Have you eaten anything?” Grell asks.

 “N … no, my … appetite is horrible at the moment.”

 “Drank anything?”

 “N-not really ….”

 “Well no wonder you’re feeling faint. Even reapers need food.”

 “I … I know.”

 “I’ll go make y’ … somethin’, alright?” Please say yes, please – I … I don’t want you fainting again ….  

 “O … okay, thank you.”

\-----------------

 Well … Al’s feeling better, but I’m definitely not. My head’s spinning, stomach churning – I … I feel so fucking sick with worry right now.

 Al soon drops off into sleep, leaving me and Grell in the room – I … feel kinda awkward …. “Sorry for … draggin’ y’ here, Grell.”

 “It’s fine, Ronnie Dear -.”

 “No … no, it’s not. Were y’ at work or somethin’?”

 She flashes me her trademark dirty grin. “Something like that, but no need to worry. I wouldn’t want you fretting on your own.”

 I nod slowly. “A … are y’ at work today?”

 “Nope.”

 “So … so would y’ mind lookin’ after Al?”

 “You’re not feeling up to it?”

 I gulp, feeling even guiltier. “N … not really. I … I kinda jus’ wanna go home and sleep.”

 “Then you should go and sleep – you have every right to sleep off these bad vibes, Darling. I can see how this has affected you.”

 “Y’ don’t mind?”

 “No, not at all. I’m sure Eric will be home soon to keep me company, so don’t you worry about little old me.”

 “T … thanks, Grell.”

 She tilts her head, lips pursing for a second or two. “Are you going to be okay on your own?”

 “Y … yeah, of course.”

 “Now are you sure?”

 “Yeah, I jus’ need sleep.” I wring my hands – yeah, I … I need sleep, but that … steak knife, I … I need that more. I’m desperate for some sort of relief.

 Fuck … if … if I … don’t do something … I’m going to explode. And … and I know Will’s going to be pissed if he finds out – fuck, and he will find out – but … I just need … something.

I … I can’t go on anymore without some way of coping.

Fuck … it just shows what a fucking failure I really am ….  


	136. William. No going back.

***4.56pm***

 It is almost time to go home, yet … I would rather be anywhere but there at present. I am growing quite tired of Ronald snapping at me. Yes, I know he is upset … but I receive more grunts than actual replies these days.

 I don’t think he actually realises that I am trying my best to help him – not that it matters anymore; the likelihood of me taking him home is increasing by the day. It matters not what my intentions are, for it is obvious that my efforts fall short and flat.  

 I … I can see him slipping again. It is only a matter of time before he goes against his word, hurts himself again.

 It brings me no pleasure to think of taking him home … but that doesn’t mean I cannot prepare for the inevitable. After some digging, I managed to find the address of his parent’s home. Strange really, for they had moved from London … all the way up to Birmingham. That is a few hundred miles from where Ronald was born. I do wonder what the reason was for this – surely they would have a better chance of finding Ronald if they were to stay in London. Perplexing ….

\--------------

 My body freezes at the sight of a bloodied knife on the kitchen floor. I … I knew that I would come home to something like this eventually … but that doesn’t stop the anger from rising. He didn’t come to me. Of course he didn’t. He never will. “Ronald!” I receive no reply, which just adds to my frustration. Where the heck has he ran off to now?

\----------------

 “I … I’m sorry, Will ….” He’s crying in the corner of the bathroom, bloodied arms wrapped around himself.

 I … I don’t believe this. It seems that the steak knife wasn’t enough for him, for he decided to break open some of my razors also. I … I give up ….

 “Where … where are y’ goin’?” He asks as I turn towards the door.

 To calm down … before my anger and disappointment gets the best of me. “To find some bandages, Ronald.” I am sure that I have some left over down in the kitchen.

\--------------------

 He hisses as I apply the TCP, cleaning off all of the blood, both dried and fresh. He should consider himself lucky, I suppose; any deeper and these would have needed stitches.

 His loop of apologies has little effect on me. I continue to ignore him, tending to his wounds without saying a thing.  I can tell that he is getting more and more agitated. “Will!”

 Silence, bar his sniffing and a solitary hiccup.

 “W … why won’t y’ talk ta me?!”

 I shoot him a filthy look, seeing him flinch under my harsh gaze. “Be quiet.”

 “I … I said I was sorry -.”

 “So? You broke your promises, again.”

 “I … know, but -.”

 “But nothing. Is this what you wanted, Ronald? To mess me around? To let me come home time and time again to find you hurt?” Maybe my anger is getting the best of me, but I do not care. He is the source of my rage, my worry, and therefore, I think he should hear my thoughts.

 “N-no -.”

 “Well you have. I am sick of tending to a selfish little boy.”

 He stops trying to apologise, come up with excuses, instead breaking down into harsh sobs. His head falls back against the bathroom tiles as I start to bandage up his wounds. He finally understands, it seems, that this time, I am not going to forgive him.

\----------------

 I left him in the bathroom, going into the kitchen to get some black bags. It is time to start packing up his belongings.

 I am about halfway through folding up his clothes when he stumbles into the bedroom. A loud whimper comes from him. “W … Will, w-wha’ are y’ doin’?”

 “Isn’t it obvious?”

 “Y’ … y’re throwin’ me out?”

 “You are going home.”

 “N … no, I -.”

 “You don’t deserve to be given a chance for discussion.”

 “Y’ can’t jus’ decide this shit for me!”

 I turn my head to look at him, seeing him clenching his fists. “Why not? You obviously cannot make decisions for yourself.”

 I see his bottom lip tremble. “W … Will.” He rushes over to me, tugging at my sleeve. “L-look, I … I know I fucked up, and I … k-keep fuckin’ up, b-but don’t … make me go t-there.”

 “Get your coat and shoes.” I look away from him again. “I shall drop off your belongings at your parents’ home tom -.”

 “W … why aren’t y’ … listein’ ta me?”

 “You never listen to me.”

 “I … I do -.”

 “The state of your arms proves otherwise.”

 “T … that’s because … I’m really strugg -.”

 “Stop with your excuses.” I rip myself from his grip. God help me, for I am trying my best not to lose my temper with him. “Do you think that you are the only one with a sick friend? I … I am saddened by Alan’s misfortune also.”

 “B … but y’ deal wi’ death all tha … time. I … I dunno how ta cope -.”

 “And I am obviously not helping you to cope. Get ready.”

 “W-Will, please …. I … I’m sorry, okay? Can’t I jus’ … ‘ave a hug?”

 “A hug isn’t going to help you – it hasn’t lately.” He tries to hug me but I push him away. “I am not going to tell you again!” I snap at him. “Get ready!”

 “I thought y’ loved me!”

 “I do, and you have taken advantage of that time and time again!” I walk to the door, wanting this to be over with as soon as possible. “I am not letting you toy with my feelings and expectations any longer.”

 “I wasn’t toy -.”

 “You have five minutes, Ronald. If you are not ready, I am going to take you there in your socks. I am sure you don’t want that.”

\-------------------

 When I go to find him again, he’s curled up in my bed. “Ronald -.”

 “D-don’t … do this ta … me, Will. I … I won’t make it this time … around in tha human world.” He buries himself under the quilt. My eyebrow twitches with annoyance.

 “Because you are really thriving here,” I reply sarcastically. “You have ended up in the hospital twice while being in my house.”

 “N-not for a while -.”

 “But it’ll happen again and I refuse to allow that. You need to be around people who can keep an eye on you – a parent, a therapist, someone!”

 “I … I’ll jus’ go ta Al’s then … if … if y’ don’t want me around.”

 “Yes, because being around the person who is causing you stress is going to help.”

 “He … he needs me -.”

 “I said no.”

 “Grell’s then -.”

 “You need your parents, Ronald -.”

 “I don’t know them!”

 “They are your parents. You can’t say that they can’t help you if you haven’t even tried.”

 “I don’t wanna try!” I see his outline shrink as he curls into himself more. “I … I wanna stay here. I … I like this world. Please … Will, I need ta stay here.”

 I feel something inside of me snap – I am done with arguing. I have already made up my mind! “You don’t belong here, Ronald! You aren’t one of us!” Ripping the covers back, I see his eyes, wide and full of pain. He looks shocked, face having paled further. I … I have crossed a line, said something extremely hurtful – no, I shouldn’t feel guilty. I am just trying to help him. Yes … yes, all I want is for him to get better. And I am not the one who CAN improve his mental state.

 I have to take my chance, while he is stunned into silence. Grabbing his shirt, I teleport us both into the human world, in front of his parents’ house. Porting such a long distance from the reaper realm above the London area knocks the wind out of me, causes Ronald to groan and gag. The cold winter air in Birmingham blows around us – it must be chilling him to the bone. I can feel sleet in the air.

 Letting go of him, I look down at my feet. I … I am stalling – it … will take a few moments for me to regain the strength to teleport back. “Take care, Ronald.”

 “W-Will, no, don’t do this!” I can hear the fear in his voice – he is petrified. “Take me back!”

 “You tell your parents everything, okay? If they are ever going to help you, you need to be open -.”

 “No! Y’ … y’ can’t be serious. Will, p-please!” He tries to grab a hold of me, trick me into porting him back to mine, but I push him away. He lands in a crumpled, shaking heap on the grass under his parent’s living room window.  

 “I am sorry, Ronald, sorry that I couldn’t help you.”

 His fingers curl in the grass, and he looks up at me, sorrow and rage fixed on his features. “I fuckin’ hate y’! Y’ … y’ fuckin’ cunt!”

 “Yes, I am aware of that.”

 “Y’ don’t fuckin’ love me, y’ l-liar!”

 “I will always love you. I am sorry.” A crack of air brings me back to my living room, my legs crumpling beneath me. I hit the ground, exhausted both physically and mentally. I … I want to cry, lose myself in sadness. I failed him … and I will never see him again, but I … I won’t cry, I won’t shed a tear.

 He … he is better off without me and his parents … they will be able to help him. A … a mother’s love, it is strong.

 He will be just fine without me.

 I have kept him alive for this long … but I haven’t been able to help him recover fully. I, a cold man dead for centuries, cannot possibly compete with the love of his family. His … his mother’s hugs, I am sure, will be so much warmer than mine.  

 I … I have failed him, failed to make him happy.

 But … I will always love him.

 Always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be back Wednesday. Need to figure out the next arc before the ending.


	137. Ronald. Ring the doorbell.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mom's accent misses a lot of 'h's' out. So honey will be 'oney ect. 
> 
> Also -
> 
> Get - geh  
> Got - goh. 
> 
>  
> 
> Oh and James is that guy who was into daddy kink way back. 
> 
> If you see any typos, let me know. I've read through four times but this is over 3k.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh and btw if someone doesn't get the Harry Potter reference, I will cry.

***6.36pm***

 What … what am I supposed to do?! He … he just – I … I’ve been abandoned.  How could he do this?! I … I thought he loved me!

 How … how do I get … outta here? I … I need to go back – I … I can’t find my way back to Al’s … or Grell’s. “F-fuck ….” I’m stuck here … trapped like an animal … in this world. He … he knew that! He fucking knew! He … he brought me here, knowing full fucking well … that he’d never have to see me again. He … he knew … as soon as he ported me here, that he … he was sentencing … me to death. I … I won’t survive this. Just … just the thought of … being back in this place … makes my skin crawl. I … I’m scared, so fucking scared. I’m a … a goner ….

\--------------

***6.57pm***

 It … it’s so dark out here … so fucking dark. I … I finally manage to stand, my legs feeling like they’re about to give up at any second. Things are … so blurry from all the tears … but I think I can … make out bits and pieces. The … the house is big, detached – it … it’s pretty, but I don’t … belong there. That’s not my home … it never will be.

 More tears leak down my face. “I … I wanna go home.”

 I turn around, wiping the water away. T … there are trees … fir trees at the front of the garden. They … they block out the street lights. No … no wonder it’s so dark ….

 “Will … come back, p-please.” I … I need a hug.

\----------------

***7.06pm***

 I … I don’t know where to go. I … I want to get away, run so fucking far away from this strange place, but … I can’t. I think … I’m in the suburbs, by the looks of it …. This … this isn’t Whitechapel, not a chance – I … I don’t know where I am. 

 I … I’d go to … James’, because I know he’d help me, if … I could. But … I’d never find my way back there – it’s probably miles away.

 And … I can’t even walk anywhere anyway – I … I don’t have any shoes on. I’ll … probably end up … stepping on a broken wine bottle or something, cut my foot open. I can’t … call a taxi either – no phone … and no money. That … that bastard didn’t even give me twenty quid to get by – he … he wanted me to knock on their door … be a part of their weird world. That … that’s as clear as day ….

 I … I don’t have a fucking choice, do I? And … I feel so sick … like I’m … gonna faint in a minute. The cold … and blood loss is … getting to me, I think.

 Moving over to the door, I lift a hand – shit … the … the pain shoots up my arm. My arms are a … right fucking mess.

 The door is … such a weird colour. All different splashes, like some little kid painted it. Did … he tell me … before that I had siblings? I … I don’t remember.

 What if they’re not home? I … I think I can hear the TV going … but I’m not sure – the curtains are closed. If they’re … not in, I’m fucked. I … I’m gonna freeze to death out here. My … my fingers are already starting to feel numb.

 With a gulp, I – oh … wait, there’s a doorbell. I … I’ll go with that instead then ….

**Ding dong.**

 I flinch – fuck … that’s loud. I haven’t a clue who’ll come to the door – will it be my ‘mom’? I … I can’t even picture her – Grell’s the closest to a mother figure that I’ve ever had, so … so anyone else would just be strange. No … no answer. S-shit ….

 I … I’ll try one more time, and … and then –

 The door swings open, and … I’m face to face with a woman with blonde hair. Shit … say something …. “E-erm ….”

 She stares at me … not at my face – her … her eyes are locked with mine, and … and they’re just like mine. A … a bright blue.

 “R … Ronald?” I watch, not knowing what to say as tears fill her eyes. “Y … ya came ‘ome.” I flinch when she screeches, arms locking around me. Her words blur together, her thank gods and I can’t believe its all mixing into one. She … she’s hugging me so tight I can’t breathe. I … I feel really sick ….

 “H … how did … y’ know … it was m-me?” I manage to croak out.

 “I’d know those eyes anywhere.”

 She starts crying … and … and all I can do is cry harder. She’s … soft, warm – there’s … something familiar here – it … it’s like I’ve been missing her cuddles all along.

 “Oh … my baby, my beautiful lil baby.”

 But … but even if … she feels familiar, she … she isn’t a mom to me. I … I don’t know her …. 

 My head buries in her neck – she’s a bit taller than me – I … I just need some comfort, from … someone, anyone.  

\----------------------

 “Wh … where ‘ave ya been?” She asks me after what feels like forever. She … she’s been cuddling me, crying for … for ages now.

 The question sends a shiver down my spine – I … I can’t talk about all this, not again ….

 I … I can’t – I break down more, sobbing and shaking. Shit … shit, not … not now. I … I can’t have a panic attack now.

 The hug breaks, she pulls away, looking at me – she … she looks so worried. “What -?” Her eyes go wide. “Y … ya arms? What … what ‘appened to them?! Did someone ‘urt ya? Darling, t-tell me what ‘appened!”

 I can’t form a … a fucking word, so … all I can do is shake my head.

 “C-come inside, I’ll take a look.”

 Say … say something. “N-no, it’s … fine.”

 “No it’s not, ya’re ‘urt!” She … she’s freaking out – it … it’s not helping. I … think she realises that she’s shouting, her … her expression softening again. “L-let me take a look, okay? I’m a doctor – I need to make sure that ya injuries are clean.”

 They are clean! Will … Will, he made sure my cuts were taken care of. I … I don’t want her messing with my bandages. T … they’re the last nice … thing he did for me …. “T … they’re fine … tr-trust me.”

 She nods slowly, fingers wiping the tears from her eyes. “O … okay, sweetie. Let’s geh ya inside and warmed up, okay?” She frowns when I take a step back, shaking my head. “Ya … ya’re gonna freeze to death out ‘ere.”

 “I … I don’t … know this place.”

 “That’s okay. It … it must be scary for ya, mustn’t it?”

 “Y … yeah.”

 She nods slowly, looking me up and down. “Did someone drop ya off ‘ere? Ya … ya’re noh wearing shoes?”

 “Y … yeah, my … my boy – eh … ex-boyfriend.” Shit … should I have said that? W … what is she doesn’t … like gay relationships?

 She … she doesn’t even bat an eyelid. “Alright. Should I phone ‘im? W-would that ‘elp?”

 “No ….” I don’t want to talk to him … even if she could phone through to the reaper realm. The fucking cunt …. My fists clench, anger bubbling again. “I … I’ll come inside.”

 “Okay, g-good. We ‘ave a lot to talk about, sweetie.”

 “Y … yeah.”

\---------------

***7.25pm***

 I … I can’t figure out her accent – I … think it’s Cockney … but a weaker version ….

 The … rest of the family aren’t here apparently. Siblings … are at friends’ houses, my ‘dad’ still at work. This … this is really awkward – I … don’t know what to say. “E … eh, t-tha sofa is comfy.”

 “I’d ‘ope so,” she smiles a little, placing a glass of lemonade down next to a box of tissues. “It’s only a few months old.”

 “R-right ….”

 “Do ya want something to eat?”

 “N … no, thanks.”

 “Ya noh hungry?”

 “Not … really.” With everything that’s happened today, I’ve lost my appetite.

 “Okay.” She seems nice … but this is just so … fucking weird ….

 Sitting down across from me, she grabs a tissue, dabbing at her eyes. “We … we thought ya were dead, babe.”

 “Y … yeah, after so many years … I bet y’ did.”

 “No … no, ya don’t understand. We … we goh a letter … over a year ago now. We … managed to geh the newspaper to publish an article asking for information on ya sixteenth birthday … but noh long later a letter came through our door from someone saying that they’d … m-murdered ya after ya went missing.”

 “Y’ … y’ did?”

 “Mmm. I never knew whether to … believe it or noh … but ya father did. G-guess it was some sick joke on someone’s part.”

 “Yeah ….” It was probably … Scott getting back at me … for hitting that guy over the head. That’s pretty … low though, getting my family involved ….

 “I still don’t understand ‘ow they found our address. Maybe … from our telephone number in the paper or -.” She shakes her head. “That doesn’t matter now though – as … as long as ya’re home.”

 “R-right ….” I take another look around the living room. “So … is this where I spent my … first couple of years?”

 “No.” She sighs. “I wanted to stay at our old ‘ome. It … it had bad memories, and it was a tiny lil ‘ole … but ya bedroom was as it was when we lost ya. But when we ‘ad our third child … we ‘ad to move. Then … after we goh that letter, ya dad wanted to move far away. I … I guess it was too ‘ard for ‘im.”

 “F-far away?”

 “Yes … we’re in Birmingham now. Didn’t ya ex tell ya?”

 “No … he jus’ brought me here.” S … shit … that is far. I … I’d never be able to get to James’ place ….

 “Mmm, ‘ow did he find our place?” I … I think she’s making small talk. She’s tried a couple of times now to ask where I’ve been all these … years, but every time, I … I just started getting all panicked. Guess … she gave up trying to ask ….

 “I … I’m not sure. Records … or somethin’, I think.”

 “Okay …. Did he throw ya out or something? It’s a bit weird ‘ow he just dropped ya off ‘ere without shoes or anything.”

 I rip a tissue out of the box. “Yeah … he’d had e-enough of me.”

 I see her frown. “Enough of ya? W-why would he -?”

 “I … I ‘ave problems ….”

 “Problems, sweetie? W … what do ya mean?”

 I shake my head – I … I don’t wanna talk about this, have to answer all these questions. “D-doesn’t matter.”

 “‘Oney, I’m ya mom. Ya can tell me anything, I’m noh going to judge.”

 “I … I do … stupid things.”

 She doesn’t answer straight away, and I’m left listening to my own sniffing. She … will judge me, everyone does. “So … those injuries on ya arms? Did … did ya hurt yaself?”

 “Y … yeah,” I gulp, “one … one of my friends got … sick … and I didn’t know how ta … deal wi’ it.”

 “Did ya ‘ave many friends?”

 “A … a few good ones, yeah.” It … it’s weird that she didn’t start trying to ask more … about the stupid things I’ve done. My … my friends, I’ll … probably never see them again. Al’s … gonna die and … I won’t even get to say goodbye ….

 “It must feel ‘orrible, ‘oney, to see someone ya care about being so ill.”

 “Y … yeah, it was.”

 “What was wrong with ‘im?”

 “I … I dunno, it was … some sort of blood disease.  T-terminal.”

 “Oh … like cancer of the blood?”

 “Y-yeah, somethin’ like tha’.”

 “Well … just because ya broke up with ya boyfriend, it … doesn’t mean ya can’t still visit ‘im. I’ll come with ya?”

 “Na … he lives far away.”

 “Oh, how far?”

 “Too f-far ….”

 “O … okay.” She gets up offa the chair, sitting down next to me. Her arm loops around my shoulders. “Well, regardless, we need to make sure that ya focus on gehhing yaself well.”

 “Y’ … y’re not mad at me … for these?”

 “The cuts? No … but I’m scared for ya. We … we need to geh ya well, okay?”

 “H-how?”

 “I’m noh sure,” her lips touch the top of my head – that … that feels really weird. “But we’ll figure it out, okay?”

 “Y … yeah, okay.” I … I dunno. If Will couldn’t help me, how is she gonna? We … we don’t know each other.

\--------------------

***7.51pm***

 It … it feels really weird, being cuddled by her. I mean, she seems nice and all, but I just don’t feel comfortable here. I … I’m still really shaken up – still can’t believe he … he just left me.

 “So … so wha’ happens now?” I ask her.

 “Well, I’ll ‘ave to phone the police -.”

 “Tha … tha police?” I pull away from her. “W-why would -?”

 “They … they think ya’re d-deceased. I … I mean, they don’t ‘ave proof.” Her eyes fill with tears again. “T … they never found a body … but … they seemed to believe that ya were gone. I … I need to clear things up.”

 “B … but they’ll … come here, a-ask questions?”

 “Yes, but -.”

 “I … I … I don’t wanna talk ‘bout ….”

 “Oh, no … don’t … don’t geh upset.” She pulls me into a hug again. “Ya don’t ‘ave to tell them everything … but they’ll want to know about any suspects -.”

 “B … but I … I dunno who … took me. I … I only know their first names … a-and no idea wha’ … tha address was or … or -.”

 “O-okay. Erm … I’ll phone them tomorrow morning instead then? Do … do ya need time to settle in?”

 “Yeah … I … I don’t think I … can d-deal wi’ it all right now.”

 “T … that’s fine.”

 “So … so y’ don’t know who … could’ve kidnapped me?”

 “No. Ya … were taken from a supermarket.” She takes a shaky breath. “I … I turned my back for just … a moment, and ya … ya were gone. The police thought that someone ‘ad been … watching us for a while – they … seemed to know that I went to that place every Tuesday and Thursday with ya. And … the CCTV cameras ‘ad been messed with -.”

 “So … so they had … planned it all out?”

 “It … it seemed that way. No cameras caught the people ‘ho took ya.” She lets out another shaky breath. “The police even thought that one us was behind it all.”

 “U … us?”

 “Yes, I or ya father. And … and even when our names were cleared, everyone blamed me for … noh keeping a closer eye on ya. Even ya … father held it against me.”

 “J-jeez ….” She … she’s been through hell too ….

 “But like I said, none of that matters.” I’m pulled into a death grip again, life being squeezed out of me. “None of it matters because my … my lil baby’s home,” she gushes, “ya’re alive … and ya’re safe now.”

 I start shaking again, sobbing harder than I have all night. Yeah … safe now, I … I’ve heard that before.

\----------------

***8.35pm***

 It … it took me forever to pull myself together again after that. “So … so what’s y’ name?”

 She pulls back, looking at me with a confused expression on her face. “Pa-pardon?”

 “It … it feels weird ta … call y’ … Mom.” Shit … she looks like she’s gonna start balling again …. “S-sorry.”

 “No … I … I geh it. Ya … ya don’t really know me.”

 “Yeah ….”

 “My name’s Molly, with a y.”

 “R-right … so M … o … ll … y?”

 “Yes, that’s right. Ya father’s name is Arthur. A … an awfully old fashioned name, I know.” She manages a smile … and I find myself smiling back. She … she’s a really sweet chick.

 “Yeah … well old fashioned.”

 “Oh!” She turns her head as we both hear the door open. “That’ll be ‘im now.”

 A man, about my height, stocky, comes into the room. “Evening -.” His eyes fix on me – shit … he … he looks pissed ….

 “Who the hell is this?!” I flinch – his … his face is going all red. “Is this why the kids always go to mates’ houses on a Friday?! Y-you dirty whore -.”

 “What?!” She stands up. “Ya fucking idiot, that’s our Ronald!”

 “Oh … for God’s sake, Molly! Our son died years ago, you know that!”

 “No -.”

 “Stop with these delusions, would you?” He marches over to me – shit … he … he’s scary. “You can’t just bring some bum home and pretend -!”

 “I’m noh pretending! Look at ‘im, look at ‘is eyes, Arthur!”

 “Oh, Jesus Christ! Anyone can have bright blue eyes!”

 OW! He … he’s grabbed hold of my wrist, yanking me off the sofa. “You freeloader! I’ll teach you to -.”

 “Arthur, stop it!”

 “This isn’t our son!” He … he’s dragging me towards the door – shit … shit, I’m gonna … freeze to death out … out there. Tears come again – I … I’m so scared.

 Molly rushes in front of us, holding her arms out. “Geh ya ‘ands off of ‘im!”

 “Molly, get out of my -.”

 “I can prove it! I … I’ll prove it’s ‘im!”


	138. Ronald. Prove it!!

 “How?!” He … he’s so loud, shouting right by my ear.

 “Let go of ‘im and I’ll show ya.” Molly … doesn’t look too pleased either …. “Arthur, let go of our son and let me show ya, would ya?”

 He does, letting out a low grunt. “Yeah, our son, right.”

 I … I should leg it, shouldn’t I? This … this guy is really scary – I … I don’t wanna be here. Maybe I could –

 “Babe, come ‘ere.” Molly holds out her hand to me. “It … it’s okay, Ronald, don’t look so frightened.”

 Easy … for you to say. You … haven’t just been … dragged across the room. And … and how is she even … gonna prove it? If he … doesn’t think I … look right, then … then how can she convince him than I am who I say I am? This … this isn’t looking good.

 “Oh, ‘oney, ya’re shaking like a leaf.” I see her flash Arthur a dirty look. I … I guess she’s pissed that he … was mean to me. “Let’s sit ya down, okay?”

 “K … kay ….” I … I can feel my bottom lip trembling – I probably look … really pathetic.

 She guides me over to the sofa, and as I sit down, he barks again. “I’m waiting, Molly.”

 “Just a minute.” She bends down in front of me, hand on my knee. “Darling, I need to take a peek behind ya ear, okay?”

 “W … why?”

 “Because there’s something behind ‘ere that’ll prove to ya father that ya’re the real deal.”

 “O-okay,” I lean forward, and hear her whisper something. It’s barely audible, but it’s there.

 “Noh that we should even need to do this. He should know ‘is son just by looking.” She bends the lobe of my left ear forward gently. “Hn, Arthur, come take a look at this.”

 I hear him sigh, feel him come closer.

 “Can ya see it?”

 “Y-yes, the birthmark’s here ….”

 Oh … so … so that’s what it was – pretty strong proof, really. I didn’t even know I had a mark there …. She didn’t know for sure it’d be there either, but she … she trusted me enough to … risk it.

 “I think ya owe someone an apology,” she says, standing back up again.

 “Yes … I do.” He places a hand on my shoulder from behind. “I’m sorry, son.”

 “N-no … probs ….”

 “I … I can’t believe that you’re … really home.”

 “I told ya noh to trust that letter. Told ya it could ‘ave been some sick hoax.”

 “Y … yes, I should have listened to you, I’m sorry.”

 I guess this guy … isn’t one for emotions, just like W-Will. No hugs … no crying, or anything.

 “Where do we go from here, Molly? Have you phoned the police?”

 “No. Our poor boy is too shaken up right now.” She sighs. “He … he doesn’t want to talk about it all right now, so I’m going to phone them tomorrow morning.”

 “Right. Do you think we’ll finally find out who did this?”

 “No.” She sits down next to me, arm looping around me. “He hasn’t a clue, he only knows the first names of those monsters ‘ho took ‘im.”

 “I … I see.” He moves around to in front of us. “W-what are we going to tell James and Emma?”

 My … my brother and sister – yeah … she did tell me their names, I think.

 She sighs softly. “Darling, do ya really think I’ve ‘ad time to think that far ahead?”

 “No … no, of course not. That was stupid of me, sorry.”

 “Yes … it … it has been a little shocking.”

 “Should I go speak to them?”

 “No! Ya can spend some time with ya son, make up for … oh, I don’t know, the past fifteen years.” Man … she’s stressed …. Sighing again, she says “I … I’ll phone Susan and Andy early tomorrow morning, see if they can keep the kids at theirs for a little longer, so we can geh the police meeting out of the way. I … I don’t want them being ‘ere for all of that. Then I’ll take them out for food or something, tell them everything then. I … I don’t think it’d be good for them to come 'ome to a stranger in the 'ouse.”

 “S-sounds like a plan.”

 “With that out of the way,” she squeezes me again, “let’s geh ya changed into some warm clothes, okay?”

 “S … sure.”

 I look up, to see Arthur staring at me. “What … what happened to his arms?”

 “Oh … he’s been through a lot -.”

 “He did that to himself?”

 “Yes, but -.”

 “Great, just great,” he huffs.

 “Arthur -.”

 “I’ll go get him some clothes,” he says, walking out of the room.

 “Bring ‘im down my dressing gown, okay? I don’t want ‘im gehhing cold.”

 “Right.”

 Molly pulls me closer, pecking my head with a kiss. “Pay no notice to ‘im, ‘oney, he’s under a lot of stress with work right now.”

 “He … he doesn’t like me ….”

 “No, no, Ronald, he does. He … he just – well, the shock ‘as gohhen to ‘im, I think.”

 “O … okay.” I don’t … really believe her …. “Y’ … y’ like me though, right?” I don’t know why … I’m even asking her. I … I guess I just need to feel wanted by … s-someone ….

 “Babe, I love ya, silly.”

 “B … but y’ don’t even know me.”

 “I don’t ‘ave to. Ya’re my son, that’s all there is to it.”

 I press up closer to her. “T … thanks.”

\-------------------

***10.03pm***

 I … I ended up having a bit of dinner in the end. It wasn’t that I was hungry … or anything, but I felt sick. Like … that sort of sick feeling you get when you haven’t eaten enough. And Molly’s a brilliant cook – she managed to rustle up some mac and cheese from scratch really quickly.

 It … it was a bit weird though. Arthur seemed kinda pissed off that she hadn’t made a proper dinner … with me showing up and everything. I dunno … he just seems kinda like Will, cold and kinda abrupt. But at least with Will, I knew how to deal with him. This … guy, I haven’t a clue, and it … scares me a bit ….

 He’s gone to bed now anyway – I got a pat on the back and a goodnight, but nothing else. He … he doesn’t seem to really care ….

 “Are ya tired, sweetie?” Molly asks me.

 “A … a bit.” This dressing gown is nice and warm; it’s making me really sleepy.

 “Let’s geh ya off to bed then.”

 “B-bed? Y’ve got … room for me?”

 “It’s a four bedroomed house, sweetie.” I’m taken upstairs, shown into a little cosy bedroom. “I … I kept a few of ya things in ‘ere, just in case.”

 “R-really? After two moves?”

 “Mmm, just a couple of bits; a few toys and ya old blankie.”

 “C-cool ….”

 “Should I leave ya to geh some sleep then?”

 “Yeah, please.”

 “Alright,” she hugs me again, “tell me if ya need anything, okay?”

 “Y-yeah, I will, thanks.”

\-----------------

***11.31pm***

 Shit … shit the light’s gone out! “M-Molly -.”

 “You should be trying to get some sleep.” It … it’s him.

 “I … I was.”

 “Then why was the main light on?”

 “I … I don’t like tha dark.”

 “Arthur, what’s going on in ‘ere?” I hear Molly’s voice.

 “Wasting electricity -.”

 “T-turn it back on, please, tha … tha dark scares me.”

 “For goodness sake, you’re a grown man.”

 The … the panic is rising, I … I can feel it. “But -.”

 “Keep it off.”

 “Arthur!” Molly barks. “Don’t be cruel!”

 “I’m not! How are the other children going to sleep at night with this on?”

 I … I c-can’t breathe ….

 “They’ll be just fine.”

 “No -.”

 N-not again, please, not again –

 “Go back to bed, Arthur, I’ll deal with this.”

 “Ngh, fine. You’re paying the electric bill this month.”

 “Oh, wha’ever, go back to sleep, ya grumpy sod.”

 “Hn.”

 I let out a sigh when the light goes back on. Oh … oh, thank god. “I’m sorry about that, sweetie, ya father can be a right skinflint at times. He moans at the lil ones for keeping the lights on too.” She comes closer to me. “Oh … ya … ya’re really shaking.”

 “Y … yeah.”

 She gives me a sad smile. “Will a ‘ug ‘elp?”

 I … I manage to shake my head. “I … I, uhh ….”

 “Hmm, wha’ is it, ‘oney?”

 The tears start coming – this … this is so embarrassing. “I … I had … an accident.”

 “O-oh ….”

 “I … I’m r-really sorry. Tha … tha dark … really scares me.”

 “It’s okay, sweetie, we can geh ya cleaned up.”

 “Y’ … y’re not a-angry at me?”

 “Nope, noh one bit. F-fear is a ‘orrible thing.”

 “Y … yeah.”

 “Come on, I’ll run ya a bath.”

\---------------

 We’re in the bathroom now, Molly testing the water. I … I’m still really shaken up. That … that was horrible.

 The door’s pushed open, and … and he comes into the room. “What’s going on in here? Why are you two still up?”

 “Oh, Ronald had a … little accident.”

 “What?!”

 “Calm down, it’s fine -.”

 “N-no it’s not. As if hurting himself wasn’t bad enough, we have to deal with this too?”

 “It’ll geh better, so hush.”

 He lets out a massive sigh. “Right, better.”

 “Nnn ….” I flinch when the door slams shut.

 “Ignore him, ‘oney, he can be right bone ‘eaded at times.”

 “I … I made him … angry.”

 I hear her sigh. “I … I think he’s just stressed out. He … he’s taking it out on us both because he’s really concerned about ya deep down.”

 “He … he cares?”

 “Of course he does, sweetie, he loves ya.”

 “O-okay ….” I … I don’t feel very loved right now. I … I’m just getting in the way … like I always do ….

 I … I’m just a … a pain in the ass, a burden ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh ... now I'm really at a loss of what to do with this.


	139. Molly. Mrs Knox.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's some foreshadowing in here, if you look close enough.

 “‘Onestly, Arthur, what were ya thinking?” I stayed with Ron until he fell asleep, the poor little thing. He was so shaken up.

 “Hmm?” My husband rolls over in bed, facing me. “What do you mean?”

 “Ya know wha’ I mean. Why were ya so harsh with ‘im?” 

 “I … I don’t know, Molly,” he brushes a lock of hair behind my ear. “I’m worried, I suppose.”

 “So am I … but ya can’t just start shouting at ‘im. Ron looks terrified as it is.”

 “I know that. I’m just worried about what an effect this will have on Emma and James.”

 “They’ll come around.”

 “We have no idea what he’s been through though. What if he has behavioural problems? With the cutting himself and -.”

 “He won’t geh any better without ya support.”

 “Yes … but what if he hurts them in some way?”

 “He isn’t going to ‘urt anyone. If he was going to lash out, wouldn’t he ‘ave done that when ya dragged ‘im across the room?”

 “True. I guess I did … overreact a little.”

 “Go a bit easier on ‘im tomorrow, okay?” I sigh. “Things will be ‘ard enough … with the police coming and all.”

 “Yes … I will try.” He sighs. “How are we supposed to tell them, Molly? We told them that he was dead -.”

 “No. Ya told them that he was dead. I always said to them that there was a chance he’d come ‘ome.”

 “Yes … very true ….”

\-------------------------

***4.05am***

 Hnnn … I’m not going to get to sleep tonight. Arthur dropped off without trouble, but … I think I’m still in shock. I still can’t get over the fact that our little Ron is finally home. I want to go into his room, double check, make sure that he’s really here. I can’t though – I don’t want to wake the poor boy up. He was soaking wet when he came in, and if he doesn’t get some rest, he’s going to catch a horrible cold.

 Oooh … but I just want to go in there and give him a cuddle. He’s as cute as the day he was taken from me. He … he’s lost a lot of his puppy fat but when I look at him, I can still see my little toddler, his smiling face covered in melted chocolate ice cream.

 Bless him.

\---------------

***4.23am***

 My mind keeps going to tomorrow … to all the struggles we’re going to have to go through. He … he can’t even tell me what happened to him … so how is he ever going to cope in front of the police? And what are we to do after that? He’s going to have to get some sort of education – I haven’t a clue how much he knows. Can he read? Write? Does he know basic maths? I want the best for him, for his future, and that means a proper education. Will he … be at university when he’s thirty?

 And … and what if he has a medical condition?

 He … he’ll probably need therapy or something of the sort. He … he looks so terrified, those beautiful eyes of his so wide. There … there’s pain there.

 I don’t want him being stuck on the waiting lists either … I want him to get the help he needs as soon as possible. So, we’ll go private with his healthcare.

 Arthur isn’t going to like that, I already know. We used to be so poor, when we first had Ron, so now … he has a hard time letting go of money. Even if I pay for it out of my savings, he still won’t like it.

 Well, he’ll just have to deal with it. I want my little happy Ron back, no matter what.

 Still … I feel uneasy, scared for him ….

 And … part of me wants to know what happened to him, while the other – I … I dread to know. A … a mother can’t bear to have her child in pain ….

\-----------------

***5.01am***

 “Hnnn … wha’?” He looks up at me, his skin horribly sweaty.  I go to pick him up, but remember that he isn’t a little boy anymore. I … I keep going to do that – it’s so strange, Ron being a grownup now. I mean … I never saw him grow up ….

 “Ya were ‘aving a nightmare, sweetie. I … I ‘eard ya screaming in ya sleep.”

 “O … oh, s-sorry, I didn’t mean ta … wake y’ up.”

 “I was awake anyway.” I brush his fringe out of his eyes. “Do ya wanna talk about it?”

 “N-na … I don’t remember.”

 “Okay.” He doesn’t want to tell me – whatever it was must have really shaken him up. “Do ya ‘ave them a lot, ‘oney?”

 “S-sometimes,” I hear him gulp, “it … it’s usually worse when I … sleep on my own.”

 “Well ya can come sleep in with us if ya want?”

 “N-na … he … he wants tha light off.”

 “Don’t ya worry about that,” I give him a little smile, “I gave ya father a good talking to.”

 “So … so he’ll … be okay wi’ keepin’ tha light on?”

 “Yep, and if noh, he’s sleeping on the sofa.”  

 To my surprise, my lame excuse for humour actually gets a chuckle out of him. “C-cool.”

\------------------

***5.27am***

 Aww, he’s so adorable when he sleeps. I smile a little to myself, fingers combing through his hair lightly – looks like Mommy’s hugs still have that magic touch. He’s sleeping like a little baby.

 I’m feeling sleepy myself, more relaxed now that I can see him there at my side. Mmm … and I do need to sleep. It’s going to be a long day ….

\--------------

***09.01am***

 Ron tugs on my nightshirt lightly. He … he’s so shy, the poor boy – I … I think he’s still a little nervous around his Father after last night.

 I can’t say I blame him – that man can be a right idiot at times ….

 “Wha’ is it, sweetie?”

 “C-can I … ‘ave another piece of toast?”

 “Of course ya can, ‘oney.” He must be so hungry – he didn’t really touch his mac and cheese all that much last night. “Ya want some chocolate spread on it too?” Hmm, that was another thing he used to get all around his mouth when he was little – it was just precious.

 “Y’ … y’ve got some?”

 “Yes. James loves the stuff.”

 “Y … yeah then, I’d love some, thanks.”

\-------------

***12.05pm***

 Oh … that was rough, for me, but for Ron even more so. The police were … doubtful, to say the least, and … they want to do a DNA test to prove that it’s him – they … won’t change the case from ‘presumed dead’ otherwise.

 I … I was angry, so angry at them – of course it’s Ron, I’d know my son anywhere. They explained to me that people have pretended to be missing people before, to gain access to money and a roof over their head. They said they were only doing it for our benefit. So … I’m still miffed, because it’s just going to cause Ron more stress … but I guess I can understand their reasoning ….

 They weren’t exactly gentle with the questioning either – not that Ron would tell them much. My … my poor boy was getting so panicky just from … thinking about whatever happened. All … the officers got from him was the suspects’ first names and that those monsters ‘hurt’ him.

 H-hurt him – in … in what way?

 It’s making me feel sick just thinking about what could have happened. I mean … what if it … went beyond just physical abuse?

 I … I’ve heard awful things about missing children over the years. T-trafficking … all sorts of hideous stuff ….

 No … no, not to my Ron. No … no one could be that evil ….

 No one is that sick ….

 Thinking about it makes me so angry! How … how dare they hurt my child, my precious baby.

 The police are coming back again in a day or two for DNA samples and to take down more statements. They want more information from my poor boy – great … just great ….

 And … they said that in the meantime, if he remembers anything, to phone them.

 I … I worry that all these questions are going to mess with him even more. God knows he’s already so fragile ….

\---------------

***1.03pm***

 I think I have an idea of what I’m going to tell the lil ones, but Arthur got called into work, again, and … I’m not sure if I should leave Ron here on his own.

 He … he seems a little under the weather – sniffing and sneezing quite a bit. Hopefully it’s just a cold, and nothing worse ….

 And … plus, just look what happened the last time I let him out of my sight for a moment.

 At the same time, though, he’s stressed enough. I … I should prepare the lil ones instead of making him just turn up to them out of the blue. God knows how they’ll react, and … if it isn’t a positive reaction, it’ll just knock Ron back more.

 That’s the last thing I want, the last thing he needs ….

 Everything is so … so bewildering at the moment.

\----------------

***1.10pm***

 “Sweetie, I’m ‘eading out now, okay?”

 “Alright … eh, g-good luck.”

 “It’ll be just fine, I’m sure. Make yaself at ‘ome, okay? Watch some TV … or take a nap.”

 He looks up at me from the sofa, smiling a little – he … he is looking poorly. “T-thanks.”

 I bend down, pecking him on the forehead. Straightening back up, I retrieve a blanket from the cupboard, placing it over him. “I’ve left my mobile number on the fridge, so if ya need anything, just phone me from the ‘ouse phone, okay?”

 “S-sure, thanks.”

 I grab my keys, heading out the door – what the hell? There are bags, loads and loads of black bags outside the door. Is this from Ron’s ex? All of his belongings? I … I didn’t hear any noise coming from outside the front of the house earlier – odd ….

 And whoever it was, they didn’t need to block the –

 “Wha’ the -?” There’s a letter, on top of the black bag closest to the door. It has some weird looking old fashioned hand writing on it – ‘Mrs Knox.’

 It … it’s addressed to me …?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be going on at the same time as this one so don't get confused ;)


	140. William. The letter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I miss a typo, I'm sorry. Got 5 hours sleep last night and then took a nap today, had a nightmare that my ex had been murdered. That was well freaky. Enjoy ~!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going on at the same time as the police coming over and stuff.

***9.07am***

 “Yer did what?!”

 I think that it was a mistake to ask to speak to Eric, Alan and Grell this morning. Alan lost consciousness for a brief moment yesterday, and today, he seems no better. He looks dazed, head resting on Eric’s shoulder. He doesn’t seem to know, really, what is going on.

 Still … I had to tell them. They deserve to know.

 “W-we decided that it would be best for him to return home -.”

 “Don’t give me that shite!” Eric shouts. “He’d never agree tae that!”

 “Exactly.” Grell pouts at me. “He hates the human world – he wouldn’t have gone willingly.”

 “Yer kicked him out, didn’t yer? Didn’t yer?!” Eric’s face is turning redder with each passing moment.

 “I didn’t want to but we both know that he was struggling -.”

 “Aye, and he’s going tae struggle even more without his friends.”

 “He can get the help he needs now -.”

 “How? How the hell is – he doesn’t know anyone there!”

 “There are therapists there! Doctors who won’t see him as a waste of resources, a waste of time. We weren’t enough for him, Eric, we couldn’t give him what he needed. You have to accept that.”

 “No! Yer need tae admit that yer weren’t doing this for his benefit,” he snaps back. “Yer … yer just didn’t want tae see him struggling anymore, did yer? Yer … yer didn’t want tae deal with him being in hospital again -.”

 “Can you blame me?! I want him to survive -.”

 “Aye, ah can blame yer! Ah don’t want tae see Al struggling, but guess what? Ah … ah stay at his side because ah love him.”

 “And I love Ronald -.”

 “Then bring him home, Darling.” Grell says. “He’s probably missing us terribly already.”

 No … that … that would just mess with his head further – “Let him be, Grell. He … he will have a better life in the human world, better chances, a means to education -.”

 “Aye, if he lives for long enough!” Eric grunts at me. “Yer know, with all the drugs he could get his hands on!”

 “He won’t, not with his family watching him -.”

 “Who’s to say this mother of his will treat him well?” Grell asks. “She could be some vile, vulgar -.”

 “She will, of course she will. She was still asking for any information on him as of last year.”

 “Oh ….”

 “That’s all well and good,” Eric huffs, “but did yer even think about our feelings?”

 I give him a stern look. “I was thinking of his wellbeing, Eric. You cannot expect -.”

 “Who’s going tae look after Al now, huh?!”

 “That is hardly fair -.”

 “It’s true!”

 I know that he has a point, but still, Ronald was struggling to cope with taking care of Alan – that was what triggered off his downfall in the first place. “I can watch over him -.”

 “Ah don’t want yerr help! Don’t yer think yer’ve done enough?!”

\-----------------------

 I … I think I spent a good half an hour arguing back and forth with Eric. He … he just refused to listen to my reasoning, demanding that I retrieve Ronald.

 In the end, I snapped, told him that we were making him worse. That … he didn’t belong here with monsters like us, undead freaks of nature – he needed some normality in his life; not coming home to friends laced with the stench of death.

 I dare say it hurt his feelings – he told me to get out … though at least it put an end to his incessant arguing.

 Now … where was I ….?

 I didn’t get any sleep last night, fretting … I must admit.

 I … miss him already ….

 So … knowing that I didn’t have work in the morning, I decided to pack up most of his belongings – I didn’t quite realise he had so much – I suppose the little bits and pieces I bought him over the months added up ….

 He has quite a bit of money saved up from his scythe cleaning business, a lot of it having been the cut he took from Marie. I am a little weary of giving him that money, not knowing what he may spend it on … but at the same time, I have no right to keep it here. After all, it belongs to him.

\---------------

***12.50pm***

 I … decided to write a letter in the end, addressed to Ronald’s mother. If she is ever to help him … she has to know the ins and outs of the situation. I didn’t know whether it was such a good idea at first … but honestly, it took him so long to open up to me – I doubt his mother would have found out anything anytime soon, if it were left up to him.

 He will probably hate me for … spilling the details, but if his mother doesn’t know, she cannot possibly get a therapist who will be able to see to his needs.  There is a chance of justice also, if this letter will help him to tell the police about that hideous chatroom.

 And well … his mother deserves a head start. I doubt that it will help her nerves to wait for a year, trying to coax her son into opening up.

 No … no doubt he will have more trust issues after what I have done to him ….

\------------

 I must say … it did take a long while to decide on what was going into this letter. I did leave the information on the miscarriage … and prostitution out of it, though, mainly because he seems to be over the worst of those hurdles – there really is no point in dredging that up again ….

 I am sure … that in time, he will speak to his mother about his loss, if he so chooses ….

 I will take his belongings now, along with this letter, to his home – hopefully I will not collapse from the distance travelled this time ….

\-----------------

_Dear Mrs Knox,_

_I am sorry that I did not bring Ronald back to you sooner, and I am sorry that I couldn’t bring him to you in sounder mind._  

_Be gentle with him, be kind. He is no doubt frightened, and he may act out at times, but he means well._

_He has been through a lot, been on the streets. He has suffered through many addictions. I think that he doesn’t really understand how to cope in a healthy manner. Ronald doesn’t know how to converse with others, open up. He lies a lot, tries to conceal his slip ups from the ones he cares about most – I think he does this to not disappoint, to not hurt the people closest to him._

_I wish that I could bring you happy news, tell you that he had a pleasant childhood after he was taken from you, but to do that would be lying to you._

_I shall not go into detail, spare you the hideousness of it all. He spent a good decade of his life at the hands of his abusive captors. He was locked away in the basement for much of his life, chained up in the dark – he suffers a phobia of darkness from such an ordeal._

_I am sorry to have to tell you that the abuse ranged from physical to sexual. He was sold to men, paraded on webcam. He escaped, eventually, but fell in with drug dealers, became addicted to Heroin._

_He is clean now, though he still suffers from addictive tendencies. You have probably noticed the injuries on his arms by now._

_If you have any medication at home, please lock it away. If you try to hide them, he will find them, take all of them if his mood is low enough – painkillers, especially. Sharp objects should probably be taken away also, including any disposable razors._

_Please keep the lamp on at night – the dark causes him to suffer panic attacks. We did try to overcome that fear, but I think his mind was not in the right place at the time._

_He hasn’t been eating much as of late, but he does enjoy milkshakes, ice cream, doughnuts – all the usual junk food a young person takes to._

_I have left all of his personal belongings. I think that there should be enough clean clothes to get him through, and some DVDs to keep him entertained for a little while._

_Again, I am sorry that I had to be the one to tell you this._

_Extend my apologies to him for not being able to do more to help him._

_I know that you will be able to do more for him than I ever could._

_My well wishes,_

_All the best,_

_William T. Spears._


	141. Eric. Sometime, somehow.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same time frame again in this chap bit different pov.

 “Is … is Ronnie coming over today?” Al asks me … for the third time since I threw that bastard out. I’ve already explained to him what happened … but it’s just not sinking in. He really took a turn for the worst earlier on today … and I think the fever is getting to him.

 “Nah, not today, Al.”

 “He … he’s having a … bad day?”

 “Aye … something like that.” I pull the covers up to his neck. “Yer got some sleep, okay?”

\----------------

 “Nghhh … c-cold … cold ….” Al whimpers as I stick the cooling pad to his forehead.

 “Ah … ah thought yer said yer were hot?” I sigh – he was all feverish and boiling a few minutes ago.

 “B … both.”

 “Alright ….” I peel the pad away again. “Do yer want something tae eat?”

 “Eric,” Grell snaps, “are we going to talk about this or not?”

 “Aye, we are.”

 “Well hurry up. I’m already late for work.”

 “Since when do yer care about being late?”

 “Since I have to be back here, on time, to see to Alan. I can’t afford to stay over today … and if O’Connell catches on, I’ll be stuck doing overtime.”

 “Aye.” God … I hate that supervisor.

 “I … I don’t want food, Eric,” Al says.

 “Eh? Oh … oh right, okay.” I glance over at Grell, and then back at him again. “Ah’ll be right back, okay?”

 He gives me a small, dazed smile. “O … okay ….”

 “We have tae do something, Grell,” I say as soon as I think we’re out of earshot. “We … we cannae just sit around here and – William isn’t going tae get away with just throwing him out!”

 “Hmm ….”

 “What? D-don’t tell me that yer’re on his side?”

 “No … b-but he had a point. We weren’t … exactly giving him a normal life -.”

 “For the love of – yer cannae let his words get tae yer like that!” That fucking idiot has really made her feel guilty. “He said that tae hurt yerr feelings -.”

 “He didn’t – I’m made of stronger stuff than that … but he does have a point. There are things in the human world that he can’t get here.”

 “So that’s it then, eh? Yer wanted tae talk tae me so badly just so yer could tell me yer’re giving up on him?”

 “I’m doing no such thing!”

 “So what the hell are yer saying?!”

 “That Willy might be right. He … he may be cold … but he does love Ronnie Dear – I’ve known that from the start. He didn’t send him away out of cruelty, that’s for sure.”

 “Yer … yer cannae be serious!”

 “I am. I … I think we should give his mother a chance. M-maybe … she can do more for him than I ever could.”

 “No -.”

 “Think about it, Eric, how awful it must have been for her. I … I couldn’t imagine losing a child for so many years -.”

 “A-aye … but that doesn’t mean it’s safe for him tae be there. He … he could be back on the streets already, finding a new fix.”

 “Well I know that.” She pouts at me. “You don’t for a moment think that I’m not going to keep my eye on him, do you?”

 “Ah ….”

 “At the first sign of trouble, I’ll drag him right back here. You can watch him too -.”

 “How?!” I point towards the bedroom. “Ah have tae keep an eye on Al all the time!”

 “Eric -.”

 “He belongs here, with his friends!”

 “But … he was on the outskirts, Eric, watching us being reapers from the side-lines. I hate to admit it … but that couldn’t have been good for him.”

 “Eh? Al was a human here and it didn’t do him any harm -.”

 “Apart from dying in the end, becoming one of us.”

 “Aye, but he had two centuries of happiness -.”

 “Yes … but being a human would have meant dying in pain – we didn’t have much choice.”

 “Grell -.”

 “Ronnie has a chance of happiness in the human world. We need to give him a bit of time there, see what happens – not everyone can handle reaper life.”

 I swallow down the lump in my throat. “B-but he was happy here -.”

 “Was he? Don’t tell me that you didn’t notice him becoming withdrawn. We weren’t exactly able to make him feel better, were we?”

 “But -.”

 “I want him here … I really do … but I want more for him to be happy. If he can get the help he needs, find a therapist that can help him … I think it’s worth a try.”

 “Ah … ah cannae believe this ….”

 She leans up on her tiptoes, arms wrapping around my neck. “I’m going to look out for him, don’t you worry. I’m sure that we’ll see him again … sometime, somehow.”

 “A-aye ….” I hug her back, defeated. “M-make sure that he gets well, alright?”

 “You underestimate me, Darling.”

 “Aye – wait, how are yer even going tae find out where he lives?”

 “Oh, I’m sure that with a little digging, I’ll find a way. Trust me, Darling, I’ll be snooping around his house between my reaps by this afternoon.”

 “Good.” I want her to drag him back here – I … I miss him already ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Grell's reaction seems odd, but just wait a few chapters :)


	142. Molly. Further the investigation.

 The letter is clenched in my hand. I’ve been trying to pull myself together for God knows how long. I … I know I need to go pick James and Emma up … but it’s like the … wind has been knocked right out of me. My … my poor little Ron. I knew it’d be bad … but n-not like this ….

 How … how could anyone … be that cruel …?

 “Molly? Y’ still there?”

 “Ummm … yes,” I wipe at my eyes – bet I look like a right mess …. Taking a deep breath, trying to put on a brave face for my boy, I walk back inside, shutting the front door behind me.

 He’s still on the sofa where I left him. “Y’ okay?” He frowns at me.

 “Noh … noh really, ‘oney.” I try to give him a small smile, walking closer to him, holding out the crumpled letter. “I … I think ya should read this.”  

 “Wha’ … wha’ is it?”

 “Ya ex sent me a note.”

 “Wha’?” He … he looks horrified, sitting up sharply, ripping the letter from my hand. Well, it looks like he can read, at least. “Wha’ does … this say?” He holds out the paper, pointing to one word.

 “Converse … sweetie, it means talk.”

 “T-thanks.” I watch as he continues to read, his eyes getting wider and wider, paragraph by paragraph.

 He reaches the end, I think, and slams the letter down. “Sh-shit ….”

 The tears start again, running down my cheeks. “Oh … ‘oney.” I sit down on the sofa, pulling him into a hug. “It … it’s okay.”

 “N-no ….” He hides his face in my shoulder, crying, starting to shake.

 “W … we’ll geh through … this, okay?”

 My grip tightens on him – my … my poor baby. No … no wonder he’s so scared. I … I’m not surprised … he’s been hurting himself. All these things, these … horrible … horrible things that have happened, they’re … all my fault. I … I should have kept a better eye on him, protected him.

 S-some … mother I am ….

 No … no wonder he’s so broken ….

\---------------------

 “I … I think we should show this letter to the police,” I say to him. The … sobs have died down now; I finally stopped squeezing the life out of him. I … suppose that I didn’t want to let go of him. I was in absolute shock … more so than yesterday. I … still am ….

 “B … but … it’s personal,” he sniffs.

 “Hmm … William was ya ex, wasn’t he?”

 “Y … yeah.”

 “Well … do … do ya think ya could … talk about the webcam … and things on ya own?”

 “N-no, I … I -.” He wipes at his eyes. “Do … do y’ think  tha’ they’d … be able ta find tha … people who did this ta me … if they knew ‘bout tha chatroom?”

 “Ch-chatroom?” A shiver runs down my spine at the thought of it. “Is that what it was? A … a web-show?”

 “Y … yeah. I … I know tha’ some of … tha old videos were still on there – p-pay ta view. Those … vids had Scott … and Matt in them. Their … f-faces were on show.”

 I can tell that just mentioning these things to me … is killing him on the inside. He … he looks like he’s about to dissolve into sobs again. My poor, poor baby. “Would it ‘elp ya to cope if they arrested these awful people?”

 “Maybe … I … I don’t know.”

 “So -.”

 “M-maybe … y’ could tell them … ‘bout it wi’out showin’ tha letter? S-say … tha’ I told y’ ‘bout it.”

 I manage a little smile – he’s being so brave. “Yes, I think I could do that.”

 He looks away from me. “It’d … be good ta know … tha’ they couldn’t … mess up anyone else’s life ….”

 “Okay … well, I think it’d be best if we phone them now … geh it out of the way.”

 “B-but wha’ ‘bout Emma and James?”

 “I … I think I’m going to ‘ave to phone around the ‘ouses again, tell Susan and Andy what is going on. I’m sure that they’ll understand.”

 “O-okay …. I … I dunno if … I … can handle it right now though.”

 “Well … William did bring me over all of ya stuff. We … we could unpack it all – I’d love to see what nice clothes ya ‘ave.”

 “Alright ….” He sniffs again. “I … I guess he … couldn’t wait ta ge’ rid of me.”

 “Oh … sweetie, no  -.”

 “Yeah … I … I told y’ he’d had enough of … dealin’ wi’ my problems.”

 “I think … from what the letter is saying, he … he just didn’t know ‘ow to ‘elp ya.”

 “Didn’t know – yeah … right ….”

 I pat him on the knee lightly. “Well … if he couldn’t be bothered, he doesn’t deserve to ‘ave ya. It’s as simple as that.”

 “K … kay ….”

\----------------------

 Susan and Andy were understanding … but a little concerned. I … I think mentioning the police to them was what set off their worry.

 Ron had a lot of money saved up too. He said it was from cleaning for people who were lazy and had a lot of disposable income. At ... at least he was able to hold a job down, no matter how small. 

 “Ohhh … these jumpers are lovely,” I smile up at him.

 “Yeah … they’re really warm.” I get a small smile back out of him.

 “Hmm, really well made, by the looks of it.” I pull out the next piece of – “Oh … I don’t think this is yas?”

 He takes one look at the silky nightdress and bursts into laughter. “Oh … God, tha’ was a pressie for a mate. He … he wanted ta spice things up wi’ his boyfriend.”

 “Well this would certainly 'ave done the trick.”

 “Yeah ....” The laughter dies down, and he sighs. “He never got around ta … wearin’ it though. He … he got sick -.”

 “Oh, is that the same friend that ya were on about before?”

 “Yeah ….”

 “I suppose this is for the charity box then.” I doubt Arthur would be happy at seeing this ….

 “Yeah … or eh, y’ could keep it. I … I think it’d fit.”

 The thought of it makes me laugh. “I’m a little old for this kinky stuff. Believe me, that kind of thing dies as soon as ya ‘ave kids.”

 “Oh … haha, alright then.”

 “Hmm, definitely going to charity.”

\---------------------

 All the items are packed away now – William packed some milkshakes, among other things. At least I have something here to help perk up Ron’s appetite now. I will admit that it peed me off … that his ex was trying to give me advice on how to look after him … but I know that he was only trying to help me help Ron … so I guess it’s okay ….

 Ron … had a bit of a freak out earlier when I said ‘Ron’ to his face. He … said that’s what … ‘they’ used to call him. He pleaded with me to call him ‘Ronnie’ … or even just ‘Ronald.’

 ‘Anything but that. Anything but that.’

 At … at least he’s calmed down a bit now ….

 I do feel rather guilty about it –

 “M-Molly?” Ron comes up to me, holding out a piece of paper. “T … this is tha name of tha chatroom.”

 “Are ya ready for me to phone the police now then, sweetie?”

 He breaks eye contact with me. “As … as ready as I’ll ever be. Can … can we jus’ ge’ this over wi’? I … I’m feelin’ pretty ill.”

 My hand moves to his forehead. “Hmm, ya are feeling 'ot. Once the police are gone, we’ll geh ya off to bed, alright?”

 “Y-yeah … good.”

 I … I really hope this is just a cold from being out in the sleet. The piece of paper is handed to me, and my body fills with rage. That … that name – hideous … disgusting ….

\---------------

 “Do ya think ya’ll be able to find out ‘ho did this?” I ask the officer. My little baby had to leave the room – I … I think it was getting too much for him.

 “We should be able to hack into this website with a little work.” The officer places a hand on my shoulder. “We’ll try our best to find and arrest the culprits, I promise you.”

 “G-good, thanks.”

 “No, thank you for your co-operation. A member of our team will be over Monday morning to take DNA samples. Meanwhile, we will look into this chatroom.”

 “The … the DNA test, right ….”

 “I’ll see myself out now.”

 “Okay,” I follow him, locking the door behind him.

 They’ll find these evil men, I’m sure of it.

 My … my little Ron will get some justice, no matter how small.

 He … he has to ….


	143. Ronald. Grell?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh I need to explain something. The old newspaper article, that William saw, had the parents new number on it because the mom, even after receiving the letter about the murder, phoned up the newspaper company and asked for the scanned in report to be altered with the new number. She wasn't giving up hope.
> 
>  
> 
> And I decided to change the ages of the siblings from what was stated at the beginning, for various reasons. My bad! Don't hate me!

***5.03pm***

 I … I feel so ill right now. I don’t care what Molly’s been saying – it’s not just from being stuck out in the sleet. I … I remember Will saying something … about germs being around more in the human world than in the reaper realm – reapers don’t give off bacteria or something like that. So … so being back here means being surrounded by all sorts of nasties … and if my body isn’t used to it after months of being there – no … no wonder I’m ill.

 I’m lying in bed now … partly to get away from James and Emma. James … asks too many questions, like where I’ve been, and stuff. He … even said ‘you’re meant to be dead’ to my face. Yeah … nice, really nice …. I … I don’t think he trusts me all that much – well, that’s how it felt, at least.

 Emma was curious too … but she seemed more trusting. She’s only five … two years younger than James. She was alright to be around … but really hyper. Play with me, play with me … that’s all I got out of her really.

 So Molly sent me to bed, told them to let me rest – I was really grateful that she stepped in. I was getting close to breaking down in tears. I mean, I wasn’t exactly feeling in the greatest mind-set anyway after all that shit with the police ….

Oh man … I really need to get some sleep. My fucking head is pounding ….

\----------------

***6.15pm***

 So … Arthur came home … and Molly had forgotten to move that envelope full of money out of the living room. He … he went mad at me, accused me of selling drugs or something to get it. Molly tried to tell him that I used to have a drug addiction … so selling the stuff too wouldn’t have made much sense.

 He dragged me out of the bedroom, tried to throw me out, again – he … he just wasn’t listening to anything Molly was trying to say.

 Then they started arguing really badly … so Molly sent Emma and James next door with a neighbour. Ugh … I can hear them going on. It … it’s getting pretty heated. I grab a hold of the pillow, pulling it over my head … but I can still hear it ….

 “I told ya, he’s done nothing wrong!”

 “I don’t like this, Molly! I can’t believe that you believed his bogus story! Rich friends? Since when would an ex druggie have rich -?”

 “Don’t ya dare call ‘im that!”

 “I … I just don’t think it’s safe for him to be around James and Emma – he’s hardly stable.”

 “For goodness sake, Arthur, he’s ya son!”

 “Yes, I know that, but we cannot risk -.”

 “Oh … just shut up, would ya? I’ve been with ‘im all day and he’s been fine bar a lil crying. He’s not a danger, so I suggest ya drop it.”

 “But that money -.”

 “He earnt it fair and square and he can spend it ‘ow he wants, okay?”

 “But -.”

 “Ya’re so worried about Emma and James but ya know full well that this arguing isn’t going to do anything for them. And if ya want Ronald to be okay, if ya’re that worried, ya need to support ‘im as best ya can. If anything’s going to push ‘im over the edge, it’ll be ya shouting at ‘im.”

 “Right … yes, true.” I … I guess he realises that he isn’t gonna win Molly on this one, so he’s giving up …. I … don’t know what his problem is with me exactly. I haven’t … exactly fucked up, yet ….

 “Now, ya march ya sorry arse in there and apologise.”

 No … fuck no, I … I really don’t want to see him right now. Fuck ….

\--------------------

***7.20pm***

 He … he did apologise … but it seemed really forced. I can tell he … doesn’t trust me one bit. Hopefully … he’ll calm down a bit in the next few days. Heh, yeah … hopefully ….

 I’m in the kitchen now, waiting for Molly to finish dinner … trying to stay awake. Ugh … I … I feel really hot. I shouldn’t complain, I guess; Al’s probably feeling a hell of a lot worse than me ….

 “So ….” James stares at me from across the table. “Are you a zombie or something? Woah … that’d be -.”

 “James, sweetie, I told ya to stop asking ‘im things like that.” She turns away from the stove, raising an eyebrow. “Rude lil boys geh no dessert.”

 “Mommy!” Great … Emma’s going to start waffling again …. “Mommy!”

 “What is it, ‘oney?”

 “Tell Ronnie to play with me! Tell him!”

 I sink down lower in my seat, holding my head. She’s a sweetie, I’m sure, but fuck … I just can’t handle all the squealing right now ….

 “When he’s feeling better, he’ll play with ya.”

 “How long?!”

 “Emma, be quiet.” Arthur says. “Daddy’s tired right now. Use your inside voice.”

 Right, he’s tired ….

 “Awww ….” She slumps back in her seat, pouting her lips.

 Molly tries to change the subject. “‘Ow many chips do ya guys want?”

 “Just a few,” James scrunches up his nose – guess he doesn’t like chips ….

 “Lots!” Emma shouts. “All chips, Mommy!”

 “No, ya need to eat some lasagne too.” She turns back around – “Ah!”

 “Molly?” Arthur jumps up from his seat. “What is it?”

 “I … I thought I saw – no, never mind.”

 “Tell me!”

 “For … for a moment there, I could ‘ave sworn I saw a flash of red hair in the garden … someone darting behind the tree.”

 I sit up straight, staring over at her. Grell? That … that’s gotta be her, right, red hair and everything? Oh … thank fuck, she’s gonna come and take me home …. I … I guess she’s just waiting for the parents to leave the house. I … I can’t wait. I just wanna get away from Arthur and these kids. Shit … I … I think I’ll miss Molly though – she’s a lovely woman.

 It’s so good to know that my friends haven’t just given up on me, forgotten about me – pffft … unlike someone else ….

 “Well I don’t see anyone there now.”

 “No, of course noh.” She laughs gently. “Hmm … I think the stress of the last couple of days has gohhen to me a lil.”

 “Yes, yes, of course. You need to take care of yourself too – go lie down for a little while.”

 “Hn, and ya’re gonna serve up dinner?”

 “Well, yes -.”

 “Hmm … good luck with that. Try noh to make a giant mess, okay?”

 “Sure thing.”

 She rubs at her eyes, walking towards the door. “Ya two be good for Daddy, okay?”

 I don’t wanna be stuck in here with – I get up out of my seat as quick as I can. Ngh … dizzy spell ….

 “Boy -.” Arthur glares at me.

 “Ya wanna come lie down too?” Molly smiles at me.

 “Y-yeah … please.”

 She gives Arthur a warning sort of look. “Alright, sweetie. Arthur, ya leave 'im a bit of dinner, okay?”

 “Yes, right, okay.”

 “Come on, ‘oney, let’s get ya lay down.”

 “C … cool.”

\-----------------------

 Her warm arms wrap around me, and I rest my head on her shoulder. I … I’m starting to get used to her cuddles, and really, I kinda like them ….

 “Ya pay no attention to ya father, okay? He can be a right idiot at times, but he’ll calm down, worry less, given a lil time.”

 “He … he doesn’t trust me ….”

 “He doesn’t trust many people, sweetie, I guess because ya were stolen from us. He … he’s fretting a lot.”

 “Yeah … I guess. I … I jus’ don’t like it when he shouts at me.”

 “Well, if he keeps it up, I’m gonna whack ‘im over the ‘ead with a rolling pin. No one’s gonna make my lil Ronnie feel uncomfortable in his own ‘ome.”

 “Heh … a rollin’ pin, huh?”

 “Yep. I might look cute and innocent, but no one upsets my lil babies and gehs away with it.”

 I know she’s only joking about the rolling pin thing … but it does make me feel a bit better, knowing that she’s on my side. “Th-thanks.”

 “Oh, sweetie, don’t mention it.”

\-------------------------

 “Y’ feelin’ a bit better now?” I ask her – she was feeling a bit sick when we first went up to bed.

 “Hmm, a little. I guess the morning sickness is still messing me about.”

 “M … mornin’ sickness? Y’ … y’re …?”

 “Only a few months, sweetie. I haven’t told the lil ones about it yet though, so shh, okay?”

 Yeah … I wouldn’t worry about that. Not really dying to talk to them …. “I … I won’t.” Must be nice – I … I miss the feeling of being pregnant with my little girl. “Y’ havin’ a boy or a girl?”

 “Oh,” she giggles, “we won’t know that for a good while yet. I’m 'oping for another boy though – girls can be so fussy at times.”

 “Fussy?”

 “Hmmm, James is usually so laid back, and he always was as a baby, but Emma, well … she really craves attention at times. It can geh a bit much, as much as I love her.”

 “Right.”

 “And baby boys are so cute in their tiny baby shorts.”

 “So … wha’ was I like as a baby?”

 “Oh ….” She giggles again, nails combing through my hair. “Ya were a right pain when ya were tiny. I used to ‘ave friends with babies, and they’d all go on and on about ‘ow their lil tykes would take naps in the afternoon. Ya? Hah, no chance, sweetie. Ya never napped, only slept for a few hours a night. But apart from ‘ow much energy ya seemed to ‘ave, ya were golden once ya started on proper food. Perfectly happy as long as ya ‘ad some ice cream or something of the sort.”

 “Hmm … yeah, ice cream …. So … I wasn’t naughty or anythin’?”

 “Nope. As a new born, ya cried a lot, but that was normal. I mean, later on, ya never threw a tantrum or anything.”

 “C-cool ….” I don’t know why … but it feels good to know that I didn’t cause her stress when I was little. Pfft … not that I’m not stressing her out now – she’s obviously worried sick about me …. “Should I go lie down in my room now?”

 “Why would ya wanna do that?”

 “Well … I don’t want y’ catchin’ wha’ever I’ve got. It … it won’t be good for tha baby.”

 “Oh, no, don’t ya worry about that, ya lil sweetheart. I ‘ave a good immune system. Being a doctor and all, I think I’ve built up some resistance against illnesses.”

 “But … but didn’t y’ say y’ worked at a private clinic? Y’ don’t deal wi’ ill people much now, right?”

 “No, I deal more with people with skin conditions and stuff now, but it wasn’t always like that. I’ve been around my fair share of snotty kids, believe me.”

 “Oh … alright, if … if y’re sure?”

 “Positive, sweetie.” I hear her yawn. “Well, time to geh some sleep, okay?”

 “Y-yeah, great.” I … I don’t know if I’ll sleep much – my mind’s on Grell, when she’ll come to see me, take me home – but … her hugs are so soft and warm. They make me feel more relaxed, sleepy ….

 Yeah … her hugs are brilliant. I … might actually miss them once Grell comes to get me. And … I’m gonna miss her as a person – yeah, definitely ….

 She’s so sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	144. Molly. Love ya, sweetie.

***Sunday 29th October***  

***12.03am***

 “Molly, go to sleep, would you?” Arthur groans. “Stop fussing over the boy, I’m tired.”

 “But Arthur, he’s so adorable when he sleeps.” I give Ron a kiss on the cheek, my heart swelling when he smiles in his slumber. Oh … I just adore this lil sweetie.

 “I’m sure that he is, but at least he is getting sleep. This bloody lamp is bad enough without you going on and on.”

 I roll my eyes – he’s such a grump at times. “I just can’t believe that he’s ‘ome.”

 “Neither can I … but can you please let me sleep?”

 “Fine, ya moody git.”

 “Thank you.”

 I hum to myself, fingers combing through his hair – it’s lovely and thick, soft. It’s a sign that his ex took good care of him, fed him well. Even though his mental state isn’t all there … and he’s coming down with something, he does seem in good shape physically, at least. I … I’m glad, I really am. If … if he had come to me being on death’s door, I don’t know how I’d have coped.

 I mean, he is on the skinny side, but that’s nothing my home cooking won’t fix. 

 I lean closer to him, whispering in his ear. “Mommy loves ya, sweetie.” The small humming gets a lil louder. “Thank goodness ya’re ‘ome, my lil adorable man.”

\------------------

***3.07am***

 “Hn … now what?” Arthur’s just woken up, and … he’s definitely not happy. It was obviously Ronnie’s tossing, turning and groaning that woke him.

 “He’s ‘aving a nightmare, ‘oney.”

 “Great ….”

 I’ve just felt his forehead and my lil Ron is burning up. “I think it’s the fever.”

 “Oh, I see. Can’t you give him some medicine?”

 “Not right now, Arthur, I don’t want to wake ‘im up.”

 “Okay.”

 He … he is annoyed, I can tell from the tone of his voice. “It won’t be like this for forever – he just needs to geh over ‘is sniffles and ‘e’ll be just fine.”

 “Yes, hopefully.” I hear him grunt. “Goodnight.”

 “Hn, night ….” Honestly, he’s so obsessed with getting his sleep, it’s ridiculous.

\------------------

***2.07pm***

 We’re all downstairs now, Arthur keeping the lil ones entertained. I don’t really want them bothering Ron when he’s looking so poorly. Well, at least with their father home, they’ll be well behaved, quiet. Ron doesn’t need any more questions right now.

 His skin is horribly sweaty and pale, and he’s burning to the touch. I … I’m really becoming concerned. “Ronnie, I’ll give ya some medication for the fever, okay?”

 “P-Paracetamol?”

 “Yes, that’s right.” I don’t want to risk giving him anything else, as people don’t always take well to Ibuprofen and things ….

 “Y’ … y’ know I shouldn’t take painkillers. Will … told y’ tha’ I ‘ave problems wi’ takin’ too much of tha’ stuff.”

 “I hid them away, remember?” It’s so good to see that he’s being honest with me about his triggers and problems.

 “A … a good hidin’ place?”

 “Yes, ya’ll never find them.” And when I’m out of the house tomorrow, I’ll get a box to lock our medication away in. “So can I geh ya some?”

 “Y … yeah, alright. Do … y’ ‘ave any of tha liquid stuff? My … my throat’s gettin’ really sore.”

 “Of course I do, sweetie. I ‘ave lil kids, remember?”

 “Hah … yeah, true.”

\---------------------

 Ronnie didn’t want his leftovers from dinner last night (no appetite), so I had it, just to keep the peace. I … I know how much Arthur hates food waste. No arguments today, please ….

\------------------

***8.35pm***

 He doesn’t seem to be getting any better, even with the Paracetamol I’ve given him. He started coughing this morning … and it seems to be getting worse. I don’t have a stethoscope with me … but he is starting to wheeze. I think it may be a chest infection ….

 I did check his arms earlier, to see if his injuries had become infected. He did seem a lil reluctant to let me touch them, I guess because he was worried about my reaction. Maybe I didn’t help the situation, asking him to wear long sleeved shirts around the lil ones – I just didn’t want them to see the bandages, ask questions ….

 The cuts were horrible to look at, and it broke my heart, but at least they seemed to be doing alright healing wise.

 “Sweetie?”

 “Y-yeah?”

 “Does ya chest feel tight?” I ask, brushing his fringe away from his sweaty brow.

 A weak nod.

 This … this infection has come on quickly, and I need to nip it in the bum before it causes real problems.

 “Arthur?” I call – he’s about to put the lil ones to bed.

 He comes into the room, Emma following closely behind him. “Yes?”

 “I think Ronnie has a chest infection, so I’m gonna write ‘im a private script -.”

 “You won’t get in trouble for that?”

 “No, as long as I’m noh abusing my power as a doctor. I mean, it wouldn’t be good for ‘im to be stuck in a walk in centre, would it? He doesn’t need to be around a bunch of sick people.”

 “Mommy!” Emma comes rushing up to me. “Is he dying?”

 “Oh sweetie, of course noh. He’s just goh a poorly chest, okay?”

 “O-okay ….”

 I lean over, patting her on the head lightly. “Don’t ya worry, okay? Ya brother’s gonna be just fine.”

 “Really?”

 “Yep, totally fine.”

 “Mommy’s medicine … will help?”

 “Exactly, sweetie.”

 “Yay!”

\-----------------------

 Arthur didn’t seem very happy about me having to pay for Ron’s medication, but he went to get it anyway. I don’t really understand why he was so uptight about it all – the medication was only £5 on private prescription. And besides, even if it had been expensive, it still would have been better than Ronnie ending up in hospital, no? I … I suppose he’s just used to getting free prescriptions from the doctor for the lil ones’ medicine.

 Hmm … that rolling pin ….

 Well, whatever, he can be a grump all he wants as long as these antibiotics help my boy. They should work – they’re the ones normally given for chest infections.

\-----------------

***10.10pm***

 We’re still downstairs at the moment, just us two. He’s curled up on the sofa, head resting against the arm of it, blanket tucked around him. I … I guess I just wanted to spend some time with him … without Arthur whining about our talking stopping him from getting any sleep.

 “’Ave y’ seen this film before?” Ron asks me. It’s a DVD that Will left here. He tried to get his phone to work earlier, but the network connection was skewed. Apparently William had left a message on the phone saying he’d tried to sort out the network issues as best he could – guess the phone is just old and knackered by now. I’ll have to buy him a cheap one in the next few days. I mean, I know he has the house phone … but he’s a teenager – it’ll be a hell of a lot more likely that he’ll text me while I’m at work than call.

 “No, I haven’t, but I’m enjoying it.”

 “Yeah … it is pretty good.” He shifts over to me, curling up against me. “Molly?”

 “Yes sweetie?”

 “I … I really like y’.”

 I get that warm, fuzzy feeling again. I mean … I know he had warmed to me … but for him to actually say it … it means I’m doing something right as a mother.

 “And I love ya, Ronnie.”

 “Y … yeah, y’re my -.”

 “Yes, I know that, but I like ya as a person, son or noh.”

 “Well, I like y’ as a person too – y’ … y’ve been really nice ta me. I … I know tha’ y’re my mom, but still … I … appreciate it. N-not many people ‘ave been nice ta me.” I hear him gulp. “Y’ … y’re a really great mom, Molly.”

 I … I don’t know if it’s his fever talking – is … is he saying he’s starting to see me as a mom? After just a few days? God … I hope so ….

 I pull him into a hug. “And y’re my wonderful lil man, Ronnie.” I give him a kiss on the head, and to my surprise, as I pull away, he reaches up, doing the same to my cheek. It’s light, brief, but God, it means the world to me.

 “Love -.”

 Oh … I thought I heard something from behind me … hn … probably just my imagination, or baby-brain …. A bit of both, maybe?  

 “Love ya, sweetie.”

 “T … thanks.”

 He … he isn’t ready to say it back yet, but I understand. Well … if just now is anything to go by, he’ll soon start saying it back, soon start calling me mom. When that does happy, gosh, it’ll be wonderful.

 Absolutely wonderful. I can’t wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> going back to the reapers next chap.


	145. Eric. Talk to me, Grell.

 Al came around a bit this morning – I think the meds they gave him at the hospital have finally started to wear off. He finally realised what had happened with Ronnie … but he wasn’t exactly angry at William.

 That’s what I love about Al. He isn’t like me; he tries to understand another person’s reasoning. He was upset, obviously, about not being able to say goodbye, but after a bit of crying, he said that he just wanted Ronnie to be happy.

 Aye … he’s a lot less selfish than me. Still … it doesn’t make me feel any less angry. William’s really left us in the lurch here, and the house just feels so empty without the wee lad.

 Well, at least there’s a chance that Grell will drag him back here. She started nosing around his parent’s house last night, trying her best to stay hidden from them all. She did have to use powerful masking though, because Ronnie has been around us a lot, so he’s bound to pick up on Grell’s presence.  

 Problem is … something so strong can’t last for a long time, so last night, she had to keep rushing back to our realm to top up on the mask. She must be knackered ….

 I just hope Ronnie’s doing alright ….

\---------------------

 “Nghhh ….” Al curls up in bed.

 “What’s the matter?” I ask, sitting down on the bed next to him.

 “I feel a little nauseous.”

 He did manage to eat something, for the first time in days, but I don’t think it went down well with him. Before I have a chance to say anything, try to console him, we both hear a massive crash coming from downstairs.

 It causes my wee baby to flinch, me shouting “what the hell was that?!” Shite … that was so loud ….

 “I … I think Grell might be back to tell us … what’s going on.”

 “Aye, but that doesn’t explain the banging – ahhh, shite, ah hope she hasn’t fainted.” She’s probably exhausted herself from all the travelling.

 “You should go check on – oh … my ….” The banging and crashing sounds have gotten louder. Maybe it isn’t Grell after all ….

 “Al,” I slide off of the bed, “yer stay in here, okay?”

 He rolls his eyes at me. “Where else am I going to go?”

 “Aye … true.” I hurry out of the room, down the stairs. Maybe it is Grell, and she’s brought Ronnie back with her … though not in the best of states.

 The sounds are coming from the living room. “Oi, who is it?!” I bark, hoping to scare off any possible thief. It … doesn’t happen much in the reaper realm, theft, but … that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.  

 I don’t get an answer, not really, only … a shrieking sound. Aye … aye, that’s Grell – fuck … has something bad happened to Ronnie?

**THUMP!**

 I rush in, finding the wee lass sprawled out on the floor now. The … the room’s a right mess – something’s upset her, really upset her. “Lass?” I bend down next to her. “What’s wrong? Did … did something happen tae Ronnie?”

 All I get is a loud sob – not great comfort, I have to say.

 “Come on, talk tae me.”

\--------------

 I couldn’t get a word out of her – she was a mess, crying, shaking, looking like she was going to have a full mental breakdown – so I helped her into the kitchen, got her a shot of whiskey. The proper Scottish stuff seems to have calmed her down a wee bit. Hopefully she’ll tell me what’s wrong now ….

 “So … is … is Ronnie alright?” I ask her. She slides the shot glass across the table, wanting me to top her up. “Grell -.”

 “I … I lied to you, Darling,” she sniffs, eyes puffy, makeup running down her face. “I wasn’t happy at all … about Willy taking Ronnie away from us. I … I was planning to bring him right back home ….”

 “Okay?” I … I sense a ‘but’ coming ….

 “He … he isn’t coming back to us.”

 “Why not?” I tip the bottle of whiskey, topping her up. “Did … did something bad happen tae him?”

 “N … no.” Her bottom lip trembles. “He … he’s caught the … flu or something … but … his mother is so good to him. He … he’s growing so close to her already.”

 “Oh ….” I feel my heart sink. “So … so he’s happy then?”

 She necks the second shot, slamming the glass back down on the table. “I … I don’t know if happy is the right word – he … he seems a little out of place, but his mother, oh, how she dotes on our little Ronnie.” She shakes her head. “No … he isn’t our Ronnie anymore. T … that woman, she … she’s going to protect him no matter what. We … we can’t compare, Darling, we … we really can’t.”

 “Are … yer sure? He … he’s better off there?”

 “Y-yes. I heard … his parents talking – the … the police already know about the chatroom. T … they’re going to find the culprits, and … and Ronnie will get some justice.” She slumps over the table, crying into her arms.

 I … I don’t believe this …. “But how is he going tae cope without us? We’re his friends, Grell.”

 “Hn ….”

 “Grell!”

 “We’ll … always be … be his friends, but … he … he doesn’t need us anymore. We … we have to accept that … Willy was right. R … Ronnie’s going to be so happy … there, with … with that lovely woman at his side.”

 “So … so that’s it then ….” Shite … I feel absolutely crushed ….

 “Y … you want him to be happy, don’t you?”

 “A … aye.” Of course I do. I … I just wish it didn’t have to be like this ….

 “Me too. It … it’s silly, isn’t it? Crying … when I should be … so, so happy for him.”

 “Ah … ah understand how … yer feel.” We’re both selfish, I guess ….

 “Maybe … one day, once he’s all better, he … he’ll wish to come back to us.” Before I have a chance to reply, she looks up at me. “Can … I have a hug now, Darling?”

 “Aye,” I stand up from the table, moving to behind her, arms wrapping around her shoulders. “Are yer sure that bringing him back here won’t be better?”

 “I … I’m positive, Darling.”

 “Alright ….” I want to scream, shout, argue, smack William in the face … but I trust Grell … trust her judgement. And I could see that Ronnie was starting to struggle over here, even if I wouldn’t admit it before. I … I guess I’ll just have to accept this, accept that he’s back home with his family, no matter how much I hate this shite …. “Ah’ll break the news tae Al in a bit then.”

 “Hmm.” She leans back, weight pressing against my chest. “And I’m going to go back home. I think I need to … work out my frustrations with Olly.”

 “So rough sex, aye?”

 “You know me too well, Darling.”

 “Aye … well have fun.” I know telling Al isn’t going to be any fun whatsoever – he’s going to be understanding of it all, but fuck, I can already see the hurt expression on his face. This is going to be rough … so, so rough ….

 Urgh, if I see William tomorrow, he’ll be lucky not to get a punch in that smug, ugly face of his.

 Bastard didn’t even give us chance to say goodbye ….


	146. Ronald. The station.

***8.05am***

 “Okay, thanks Jim.” Molly ends the call to, I think, her Boss?

 “So … so y’re not goin’ inta work today?” I ask.

 “Nope, just for today, I’m ‘aving the day off. I didn’t wake ya, did I?”

 “No … I’ve been awake for ages now.” But she wouldn’t know – been hiding under the covers since I woke up … because it’s nice and warm down here. “So … how come y’re stayin’ home today? I … I thought y’ said y’ had a lot of appointments and stuff.”

 “I do, but I’ll ‘ave to rearrange and cram them all in over the next four days instead. The police guy is meant to be coming over this morning, but ya father leaves for work just before eleven.” I think he works with computers or something like that …. “I don’t wanna risk ya ‘aving to face ‘im alone.”

 Yeah … that would be pretty horrible …. “Thanks.”

 “Plus, I’d rather be ‘ere if ya’re still feeling under the weather.”

 “C-cool.” I don’t feel as bad today. The breathing has gotten easier and I don’t feel as exhausted.

 “I’m going to take the lil ones to school in a bit – do ya want any breakfast before I go?”

 “No, I’m alright thanks.” I’ve got the worst stomach ache … ugh …. “Maybe later.”

\-----------------------

***9.10am***

 “Sweetie, ya okay?” Molly asks, pulling the covers down.

 I curl up more. “Got a stomach ache.”

 “Oh. 'Ungry ache or sickie ache?”

 “Sickie … like cramps and stuff.”

 “Aww.” She gets into bed next to me, hugging me from behind. Hmm … those hugs make all the difference. “I’m sure it’ll pass soon.”

 “Yeah, once this crappy flu or wha’ever is outta tha way.”

 “Yep.” She rubs at my tummy with her one hand. “Does this ‘elp a lil?”

 “Yeah.” I relax into her touch. “It’s a bit better, thanks.”

 “Hmm.” I hear her yawn.

 “Y’ tired?”

 “Very. The first trimester always knocks me about a bit.”

 Yeah, I know what she means. I really didn’t enjoy the nausea I got at the start with my little girl. “Y’ … should rest then.”

 She chuckles against my ear. “That’s what I’m doing, ‘oney. No work means I can take a nap until ya father has to go out, hmm?”

 “Yeah, good point.”

 I get a quick kiss to the back of the head. “Ya geh some rest too, okay?”

 “Yeah.” I snuggle back, closer to her. “Sounds good.”

 “Nighty night, sweetie.”

 “Night.”

\--------------------------

***1.01pm***

 Molly was right to stay home … because the DNA person didn’t turn up until just before noon. It wasn’t too bad. He took samples of my hair and … spit, I think? I dunno, I got swabbed on the inside of my mouth. He took fingerprints too and then left – he wasn’t here for much longer than half an hour. So yeah … I dealt with it alright, but … it was all kinda pointless. I mean, Grell’s gonna come and take me home as soon as I’m alone in this house, so I won’t be here in a few weeks when the results come back.

 I could have sworn I felt someone lurking in the house yesterday … but today, it seems empty – I … I dunno how to explain it. Well … I guess Grell’s stuck at work or something today – shit, I … I just wish she’d come and get me already.

 Arthur … makes me feel so uneasy. I can’t even put my finger on why. I know he doesn’t like me … but it’s not just that. Urgh … I don’t even wanna think about this all right now; my head is pounding enough.

\-----------------

***1.25pm***

 I’ve just been in the shower … eh … because I was starting to feel really greasy and gross. The warm water did really help my tummy ache too. While I was in there, Molly popped down to the local chemist to get me some new bandages. I know she didn’t wanna leave me on my own … but she said I could do with having my injuries covered up for another day or two. They … they still look pretty fresh at the minute – I … I wish I hadn’t cut so deeply ….

 Still no sign of Grell ….

 Work, yeah, she definitely must be stuck on duty ….

 I hope ….

\---------------------

***1.55pm***

 Molly disappeared for a while … and I’ve just found her in the bathroom. “Y’ … y’ alright?” I ask her.

 She turns from the toilet, giving me a tiny smile. “Yeah, just a bit of morning sickness.” She rubs at her tummy. “I’m sure ya don’t wanna see me throwing up, ‘oney, go back downstairs. I’ll make ya some dinner in a bit … if ya’re feeling up to it.”

 “I don’t mind stayin’.”

 “Ya’re a sweetheart, but it’s fine.”

 “Alright. Well … can I ge’ y’ some water or somethin’?” She’s been so good to me; I wanna do something for her too.

 “That would be lovely, Ronnie. Thank you.”

\---------------------------

 Molly is out of the bathroom now, and she sits down next to me on the sofa. “Y’ feelin’ a bit better now?”

 “I’m fine, sweetie. I’ve been through this three times already; don’t ya worry about me.”

 “Cool.” I go to grab a tissue, and hear the doorbell ring.

 “Oh.” She frowns. “I wonder ‘ho that is.” She stands up from the sofa. “I wasn’t expecting anyone.”

\---------------

 I watch as a policeman follows her into the room. “We have some news for you both.” He looks between me and Molly.

 “L … like wha’?” A lump forms in my throat.

 Molly asks him to take a seat, and he does, Molly sitting back down next to me. “‘Ave ya found a suspect?”

 “No, but you’ll be glad to know that we managed to hack into the chatroom. It was shut down a few hours after we hacked into it -.”

 “Sh-shut down?” Molly asks.

 “It seems that the owners of said chatroom figured out that someone had hacked into it.”

 “How is that good news?”

 “We obtained, were able to download two videos before the shutdown.”

 “Y’ … y’ know wha’ they look like then ….” I gulp.

 “We do, and we will try our best to find the culprits.”

 “That’ll be easy though, won’t it?” Molly asks. “Now that ya ‘ave their appearances?”

 The policeman looks at me again. “You said that these men didn’t live far from Whitechapel?”

 “Yeah … that’s right.” Shit … I’m starting to shake again. “When … I ran away from tha’ place, I don’t … think I went tha’ far. A few miles, probably, and I … ended up in Whitechapel.”

 “Then we will work together with the police in London, ask for witnesses. With a little digging, we should be able to uncover the identities of these two men.”

 “Thank God for that ….” Molly relaxes into the back of the sofa.

 “Yes, though I do need to ask a few more questions, if that is okay with you, Ronald?”

 “L … like wha’?”

 “Well, we must first confirm that this child in the videos really is you.”

 “Why wouldn’t it be ‘im?” Molly snaps.

 He pulls something from a case he brought with him. “These are a few screenshots taken from the videos -.”

 “Let me see.”

 “Mrs Knox, I warn you, these aren’t nice to look at.”

 She tugs the photographs from his hand – the … the colour drains from her face. I gulp, leaning over to look at them too. That … that sick, hot feeling comes over me again. “Yeah … that’s me, alright.”

 Tears fill her eyes. “T … that’s my lil Ronnie.”

 “You see,” the policeman says, “we were rather confused at first. We thought that the child was a girl -.”

 “T … they jus’ … dressed me like tha’ … tried ta make … me look cute.”

 “Do you have any proof that it is you?”

 “Proof?!” She slams the photographs down on the coffee table. “Isn’t his word good enough?”

 “If we find these men, that argument won’t hold up in court, you see -.”

 “Rubbish!”

 “M-Molly … calm down.” I reach out a shaky hand, giving her shoulder a squeeze. “Tha … tha guy is jus’ tryin’ ta help.”

 “Well … ya knew the name of the chatroom – isn’t … that proof enough?”

 “It is helpful, yes.” The man says. “But if there is anything else that you know, it would be highly appreciated.”

 “Like what?!” Shit … she’s getting really pissed off – I … I guess she knows how stressful these questions are for me. She’s … just trying to protect me.

 “Any more information about the culprits that could tie him into this. Ronald, did these men have any unusual scars, anything like that?”

 “I … I don’t think so.” I take my hand away from her. “But … I do ‘ave other proof … sorta.”

 “Go on?”

 I can feel Molly’s eyes on me as I pull my sleeve up, start to undo the bandages. “Y’ … y’ see tha chain they’ve … got me tied ta, right?”

 “Yes, of course.”

 The tears start filling my eyes as I think about it …. “Well … they never took it off … and it started diggin’ in … when I got older.” The bandage comes away and I hold my arm out to him. “It … it scarred my wrist up pretty badly.”

 He gives me a small nod. “I’d like to get this photographed down at the station. It would also be appreciated if you could watch over the videos, give further statements.”

 “Right now?” Molly asks.

 “That is correct.”

 “Y’ … y’ really want … me ta watch … tha’ stuff?”

 “It may prove beneficial to the investigation, yes.”

 “K … kay ….”

 “Ronnie, are ya sure?” Molly shifts closer to me. “It … it won’t be too 'ard on ya?”

 I cover my face with my hand, rubbing at the ache between my eyebrows with my fingers. It’s really starting to pound again. “I … I dunno. I jus’ … want them locked up.” Shit … this is gonna be really fucking hard …. “I … I can … try.”

 “Well, if ya’re sure, I’ll go … geh our coats.”

 I’m … not sure, not one bit … but I … I’ll have to get it over with at some point. “Y … yeah, thanks.”

\--------------------------

 That … was rough, so rough. I … I had to keep taking breaks, and … I threw up bile a couple of times, but at least it’s over now. I just hope Grell comes – I … I might have to go back to the station at some point otherwise ….

 I was starting to get hungry by the time we left the station … and I think Molly could see I needed cheering up, so she took me to a dessert shop. It … it was nice to be able to spend some time with her outside of the house and I really needed those pancakes. Hmmm ….

 We’ve just got home now, Molly getting us a taxi back so I didn’t need to be stuck on a bus. “Ya feeling okay, sweetie?” Molly asks me, putting away her purse.

 “Yeah … I … I think I’ll be alright.”

 “Good. I think it’s movie time, isn’t it?”

 I manage a smile. “That’d be awesome.”


	147. William. If looks could kill.

***Tuesday 31st October***

 I cannot say that I have yet come to terms with the empty feeling in this house. It is so quiet, horribly quiet without him. I find myself as I was before, working more than I know I should. For once though, it is of my own choice. I … I have decided that if I am to ever forget about him, I have to throw myself back into duties, into paperwork.   

 With no one that I once called a friend speaking to me much, if at all, it is my only distraction ….

 I saw Eric in passing yesterday. He said nothing, though if looks could kill ….

 I sigh, looking back down at my paperwork. I must cease with this self-pitying act, must stop sulking like a pathetic teenager. I cannot miss him forever, cannot be selfish. Regardless of what the others think, he is in a better place now.

 I go to take another sip of coffee, only to realise that the last dregs have already been drained. Time for another cup, I suppose. I leave the room swiftly, only stopping when I see Grell chatting to someone on her phone outside of the breakroom. “Well, yes, I know that, Darling, but what choice do we have?”

 “Sutcliff.” I bark at her, causing her to flinch. “Take personal calls outside of work hours, would you? No one should have to hear your obnoxiously loud chatter.”

 She throws her hands up in the air, phone almost being thrown from one in her dramatics. “Willy! Just the person.”

 We both hear shouting coming from the phone, though I cannot make out the sentence through the muffling and swearing. She puts it to her ear again. “Well if you come up with a better solution, which you won’t, phone me back.” The call is disconnected, and she grins at me. I have learnt by now that such a smile never bodes well for me. “Darling, are you busy tonight after work? No … silly question, of course you aren’t.”

 “What do you want?”

 “Well, you see, I’ve got a long shift ahead of me; punishment from that hideous man for … messing up on the job a couple of days ago.”

 O’Connell, I see …. “I do not even want to know how you have messed up this time, Sutcliff. What do you want?”

 “Well … Eric’s stuck at work too later on. We’ve no one to take care of little poorly Alan.”

 “Othello, perhaps?”

 “No … he’s swamped with work too. Well … if he can even get to branch today – I’ve made him ache tremendously the past few -.”

 “Stop, I wish not to know the fate of that poor man.”

 “Yes, yes, never mind the possible broken hip.”

 “For goodness sake -.”

 “I need you to look after Alan tonight, okay?”

 “You really expect Eric to even allow me into his home?” After throwing me out the last time ….

 “What choice does he have?”

 “Well, I can always trade shifts with him, I suppose.”

 “No. If that beast catches us doing that, Eric will be taken away from Alan for a whole week!”

 “I am not going over there -.”

 “Aww, are you scared of Eric, Darling?”

 “No -.”

 “Well you owe us a favour.”

 My eyebrow twitches. “I beg your pardon?”

 She moves closer to me. “You broke our hearts, taking Ronnie from us.”

 “That is none of my concern. As long as he gets the help he needs, I care not about your fickle feelings.”

 She flutters her eyelashes at me. “You know that that isn’t true. Ronnie Dear brought us closer together, and you seemed to enjoy our company. You don’t want to throw all of that away because you’re moping, do you? Well, do you want to be stuck all alone again?”

 All alone …. “No, I suppose not ….”

 “So you’ll do it then?”

 I sigh. “Eric is not going -.”

 “He doesn’t have a choice. Sure, he can hold grudges, but he isn’t going to risk leaving Alan all on his own. I don’t need to tell you that his health is truly beginning to fail."

 “Fine, I can try.” She isn’t going to let this drop … of course not ….

 “Thank you, Darling.”

\------------------------

***5.05pm***

 I knock on Eric’s door, waiting to come face to face with an expression of rage.

 The door doesn’t open, even as I continue to wait. I clear my throat, raise my hand to knock again. It swings open, Eric glaring at me.

 I adjust my glasses. “Hello -.”

 “Ah told Grell ah didn’t want yer here.” He grunts. “So why are yer here?”

 “She didn’t give me much choice.” I sigh – this is going to be embarrassing. “I am sorry about -.”

 “Och, don’t bother!” He huffs loudly, turning his back on me. “Yer were right anyway, so whatever.”

 “Right?” My brow furrows. “About what?”

 I see his shoulders slump. “Ronnie seems tae be doing just fine. Guess he didn’t need us. So aye, great ego boost for yer, ah guess.”

 “You … you went to see him?”

 “Grell was snooping around his house for a bit. She won’t be going back … doesn’t think she can compare tae his family.”

 I cannot help but roll my eyes. “No wonder she has been put on overtime.” I pause for a moment. “So … Ronald is happier over there?”

 “Why do yer care?” He turns back to face me, scowl fixed on his face. “Yer just threw him away.”

 “I did no such thing. Not that it is any of your business, but I do still care for him.”

 “Hn.” I hear him intake a breath sharply. “He’s alright. His … mother’s taking good care of him, by the looks of it.”

 “I see.”

 “Yer were lucky.”

 “I … I beg your pardon?”

 “His mother could have been a nutter for all yer knew.” He grinds his teeth together … for just a moment. “He could have been dead by now. Lucky for yer, Al’s best mate isn’t just a corpse.”

 “Is that a threat?” I shoot him a glare.

 “It’s a warning. For yerr sake, I hope nothing bad happens tae him.”

 “Do you wish for me to take care of Alan or not?”

 “Ah don’t want tae even look at yer right now.” He scratches at his chin. “But with Ronnie gone, yer’ll have tae do.”

 His attitude is beginning to irk me. “Then if that is how you feel, I shall return home.”

 “Aye, turn yerr back on the people yer’re meant tae care about. We all know how good yer are at that.”

 “Slingby -.”

 “Ah cannae be arsed tae argue.” He turns away, walking inside the house. “Take good care of him and ah might be able tae look at yer without wanting tae punch yer.”

 My eyebrow twitches. “What wonderful persuasion.”

 “Don’t test me.”

 I say nothing, following him inside. Honestly, with everything that has been going on … I also wish not to argue. I … I suppose that he does have a right to be angry … his friend no longer being in this realm. “How is he today?”

 “Bad. The Thorns is spreading.”

 “Oh … I see. Has he been to the hospital recently?”

 “Aye, this morning. Don’t worry, he’s been asleep most of the day – he won’t bother yer, annoy yer.”

 I ignore his stab at me. “I wouldn’t have minded either way. You know that I have great respect for him, his work ethic.”

 “Okay.”

\------------------

***7.03pm***

 Alan can barely move at present, yet he still summoned up the strength a little while ago to tell me that he understood why I took Ronald home. It is obvious that he misses his friend, yet he made a point of letting me know that he wasn’t mad at me, at all.

 Silence passes for a long while before he speaks again. “I … I didn’t want him to see … me like this anyway. I … hate to be a burden … to anyone.”

 I sigh, pushing my glasses up my nose. “You are not a burden.”

 “I -.”

 “People want to help you because they care about you. Does not sound like a burdening situation to me.”

 He turns over in bed, snuggling down into the pillow. “Thank you. What … time is Eric back?”

 “You have already asked me that.”

 “S-sorry. My … head is a little all over the place … because of the treatment.” 

 Yes … I can see that. “He finishes his shift at one.”

 “So … how long is that?”

 “Six hours.”

 “O … okay. You sound bored, William.”

 “I am perfectly fine.”

 “There … are some books downstairs in the living room. Take … a look if you … want.”

 I stand up from my chair. “Thank you.”

 “Mmm, you’re welcome.”

 “While I am downstairs, can I get you anything? A drink, some food?”

 “I … I can’t stomach it right now.”

 “Eric told me to give you something to eat if you woke up.”

 “I … I just want to sleep.”

 “I see.” He doesn’t seem like he is going to give in, eat. I suppose sleep can be the best medicine at times ….

\-------------------------

***1.06am***

 Just as I was feeling the clutches of sleep coming for me, Eric appears in the bedroom. “How’s he been?”

 “Not too bad, I suppose. He told me that he couldn’t stomach food.”

 “Aye ….” He sighs. “Ah didn’t think he’d eat ….”

 “Yes.” I stand up from the chair. “I best be going.”

 “Aye, see yer.” Just as I am about to port away, I hear him say something else. “Thanks … for tonight.”

 “It isn’t a problem.” I pause. “If you need anything else, do not hesitate to ask.”

 He climbs onto the bed next to his partner. “Aye, alright, ah will.”

 He still doesn’t seem fond of me … but for the most part, his anger has disappeared. Maybe … this isn’t the end of my previous friendships ….

 That is, to my surprise, a huge relief ….


	148. Ronald. The toaster.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter overlaps a little with the last. Tuesday into Wednesday again.

***Tuesday 31st October***

***7.40pm***

 I … I’ve gone to bed, my own bed. Today hasn’t been … very good. No … actually, it’s been shit ….

 Molly went to work this morning … so I was stuck in the house for two hours with Arthur. I just felt so uneasy, tried to keep out of his way.

 And … even when he left, things didn’t get much better. I spent hours pacing around the house, waiting, just waiting for Grell to show up, take me home.

 She didn’t … show herself to me. I … I couldn’t feel her … the house felt empty, but I was getting desperate. I … I called out to her, hoping that she’d say something back. I … I just wanted a hug.

 She … she isn’t coming for me. Maybe … she was here over the weekend, but she’s gone now.

 I curl up in bed, squeezing my eyes shut. I … I just don’t get it. Why would she …? Why ….? Did … did Will say something to her? Did … he tell her – shit … no matter what he said, she wouldn’t just – I … I don’t understand ….

 I’ve … been abandoned … again.

 Didn’t she … give a shit about me? I thought she loved me ….

 But I thought the same about Will ….

 Unless … something’s happened to Al.  He … wasn’t doing so well before …. No! He … he couldn’t have, not yet. I … I needed to say goodbye. He can’t be …..

 “Sweetie.” I hear Molly’s voice. The door creaks open. “Do ya want any dinner? It’s noh far off done.”

 “N-no ….” Shit … my voice’s so shaky.

 “Ronnie.” Tap, tap, tap, she comes closer. The covers are pulled back slowly. “What’s wrong?”

 I don’t look at her; she’s seen me crying enough lately. It … it’s probably getting on her nerves, like it did Will’s …. “I … I’m alright.”

 She sits down on the bed. “Now, ya wouldn’t be crying if ya were alright. Did someone say something to ya, hmm? James been saying mean things to ya again?”

 “No … he hasn’t spoken ta me” at all ….

 “Arthur then?”

 “No ….”

 “Ronnie -.”

 “I … I jus’ miss my friends. S-sorry.”

 “Sorry?”

 “It … it probably sounds like … I don’t like spendin' time wi’ y’.”

 “Oh no, sweetie.” Her hand touches my shoulder. I glance at her, seeing her smiling at me. “Ya don’t ‘ave to be sorry. I understand that sometimes people grow closer to friends than their own family. They mean a lot to ya, don’t they?”

 “Y … yeah.” I sniff. “But I haven’t heard anythin’ from them.”

 “Ya phone’s broken, that’s probably why.”

 “Nah … if they really wanted ta see me … they … they’d ‘ave come ta visit me. I … I know tha’ they’d find out where I lived, come see me, if … if they really cared.”

 “I’m sure that they do.”

 “N-no ….”

 “Maybe they’re just busy right now. Or maybe William told them to wait a lil bit, let ya geh settled in.”

 “No … my friends never listened ta him. They … tend ta do wha’ they want.”

 “Oh ….” She leans forward, messing with my hair – she does that a lot. “Well don’t be discouraged, sweetie. Once ya geh a new phone, I’m sure ya’ll ‘ear from them. I’m going shopping after work tomorrow, so I’ll try to find ya one then.” She smiles again. “Ya can use my phone, try to text them now?”

 That … won’t work, no way. I … I can’t send a text to the reaper realm from here. There’s no way for me to reach them …. Not … like I can tell Molly that though. She … she’d think I’m fucking crazy. She’d never believe me …. I give her a fake smile back. “Okay … thanks.”

 “Don’t mention it, sweetie.”

\--------------------------------

***9.10pm***

 She comes back into the room, well … pokes her head around the door. “Did ya geh a message back?”

 I … I did try to text in the end … out of desperation, I guess. As I thought though, I got an error message when I tried to send something to Grell. Their phone networks … just don’t work with the ones here.

 “N-no … nothin’ yet.”

 “Maybe try phoning?”

 “I … I don’t wanna bother her.” Even if I could phone her … I’m obviously not all that important. She … she was here, for fuck’s sake … but … but she didn’t even bother to say hello. I … I’m too much trouble … even for her ….

 “I’m sure ya won’t.”

 “Molly, please, jus’ drop it.”

 I see her face fall. “I’m sorry, ‘oney, didn’t mean to upset ya.”

 “Y’ … y’ didn’t. I … I’m jus’ feelin’ shitty.”

 “Don’t give up ‘ope yet. Ya’re loved, Ronnie; I’m sure they’ll geh in touch soon, and they’ll ‘ave a good reason for noh speaking to ya sooner.”

 “Y … yeah.” I … I hope she comes to see me ASAP. This … this is driving me crazy. I … I just don’t know how to … cope with this shit. It … it’s blown me away – I never thought Grell, of all people, would leave … me all alone like this ….

 I’m a burden, a … a fucking burden, to everyone. And … and she’s just proved it to me ….

\---------------------------

***Wednesday 1st November***

***8.29am***

 Molly’s just woke me up. “I came in ‘ere again last night, to see if ya wanted to sleep in our bed, but ya were already fast asleep.”

 Yeah … I think I ended up crying myself to sleep. The … the stress of the day really tired me out …. “It’s alright.”

 She bends down, kissing me on the forehead. Straightening up, she smiles at me softly. “I didn’t sleep well last night – missed the cuddles.”

 “M-me too.” I was asleep … but yeah, I would have liked a snuggle. I … I felt really lonely last night … and not having her hugs made it all worse ….

 “Ya feeling a bit better today?”

 “N-no, not really.”

 She nods slowly. “B-but are ya feeling any less poorly?”

 “Yeah, tha antibiotics really help.”

 “That’s great, sweetie. I’m gonna leave a dose of paracetamol in a cup in the kitchen. Take it if ya need it, okay?”

 “Alright, thanks.” I rub the tiredness from my eyes. “Y’ … y’re goin’ out soon?”

 “Yeah, I need to ‘ead to work. Ya were out cold this morning when I came to check on ya, so I thought it best to let ya sleep. We don’t ‘ave a lot of food in the ‘ouse right now, but there’s bread if ya want some toast. Bet ya’re gehhing ‘ungry, hmm?”

 “Really hungry.” I sit up in bed. “‘Ave fun at work.”

 “I’ll try, ‘oney.” I get a quick kiss on the cheek. “Phone me if ya need anything, okay?”

 “Y-yeah, I will.”

\-----------------------

 “Ronald!” I flinch. Arthur’s calling me … and he sounds angry. “Boy, get in here, now!” Shit ….

 I get off of the sofa, walking slowly to the kitchen. Why … why’s he shouting? I peek into the room. “Y-yeah?”

 “I said get in here.”

 “O … okay.” I move inside, a little closer to him. My … my heart’s starting to pound. He … he’s giving me that horrible jittery feeling again.

 He points at the toaster, glaring at me. “Care to explain yourself?”

 I … I don’t get – “W … wha’?”

 “You mean ‘pardon’.” I hear him mutter to himself under his breath. ‘Where are your manners?’

 “P-pardon?”

 “The toaster. Why is it still plugged in? Why didn’t you bother to switch it off?”

 “I … I forgot.”

 “You forgot? Do you enjoy wasting electricity, boy?”

 “N-no, I … I really jus' -.”

 “Oh, you’re talking back to me now, are you?”

 “N-no -.”

 “You’ve been lucky, us letting you stay here. If it wasn’t for Molly, I’d have kicked your druggie rear out as soon as you got here.”

 The breath catches in my throat. He … he’s being so mean …. “That’s n-not fair.”

 “I beg your pardon?!”

 The tears start filling my eyes – he … he looks so mad. A … a lump’s forming in my throat. It … it’s like I’m being backed into a corner …. “I’m not jus’ … a druggie. It’s not very n-nice -.”

 “Boy -.”

 “But it’s not! I … I’ve been clean for -.”

**SLAM!**


	149. Ronald. Rib cage.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow I've had like 4k views on this. That's amazing! Thanks guys.

***11.05am***  

 My … my head’s spinning. I just can’t believe – why … why did he get so mad at me? He … just snapped at me over nothing … and … and then stormed out of the house.

 “Nghhh.” I sit down on my bed. My … my whole body’s shaking. I feel really sick – it … it hurts. T-time to … take a look at the damage, I guess. My hand slides my shirt up – “Ngh ….” My … tummy’s all bruised, already. He … he slammed me … up against the wall, and … and just went for me, punching me in the gut.  I … I thought he was gonna break a rib or something ….

 All … that, just for a toaster? It … it doesn’t make sense …. I … don’t know much about families, but … I don’t think parents are supposed … to hurt you like that.

 I … I just wanna get out of this place b-but … Molly’s been here for me. She … she’s not gonna believe me … about this though. He … he hasn’t raised a hand to Emma or James, as … far as I can see.

 And even if she … did believe me, I … I don’t wanna upset her. She … she’d probably get really mad at him – what if they ended up splitting up? That … that’d be horrible for Emma and James. I … I don’t like those kids very much, but … but I couldn’t do that to them.

 So … I … I don’t know what to do ….

 I … I’m not safe here, defo not … but at the same time, Molly’s the only one in this world … who seems to love me.

\---------------------

***1.31pm***

 I … I haven’t been able to stop crying since … he hurt me It … it got so bad that I had to run to the bathroom to throw up. The … the muscles in my tummy really hurt. I can’t even lie down – they’re that sore, tight ….

 The bruising’s gotten worse ….

 I … I’d take a bath, try to ease the painfulness with … warm water, but Arthur would probably … go off on one again for wasting water. Can’t … put the heating on either, even though it’s freezing in here.

 I … I feel so fucking cold and … I don’t know if it’s because of the house being like that … or from being scared.

\--------------------

***2.01pm***

 I … got a hot water bottle in the end, from the kitchen – doesn’t use up much water. Shit, d-did I turn the kettle off? Yeah … yeah, I did. I checked, that’s right.

 It … it’s starting to ease the pain in my middle. “Ah ….” I hold it tight to my tummy, wincing as I lie down. I … don’t think I’m gonna be able to move later – fuck ….

\------------------

***4.35pm***

 Molly came home a while ago, excited about the new phone she’d bought me. I … I guess coming into my room and seeing me crying didn’t do much for her good mood.

 She tried to get me to tell her what was wrong … because I was a right mess. I was crying … wheezing, all … that sort of stuff. I … just couldn’t get a grip on myself. Guess the shock … hadn’t worn off. It still hasn’t … but I managed to give her some … bullshit story, said I was just missing my friends really badly.

 I don’t know if she believed me, but if she didn’t … she didn’t say anything. She just gave me the same prep talk as last night. Her cuddles are helping a bit though …. I’m not crying as badly, not feeling like a panic attack is coming on.

 Still … it hurts, really hurts that I can’t just tell her what … happened.

 “I need to go backstairs, sweetie, okay?”

 No, no, I –“W … why?”

 “I don’t like leaving the lil ones alone for too long.”

 “O … okay.” She has a point, I guess.

\------------------

***5.01pm***

 “Sweetie?” She pokes her head into the room. “Emma’s asking ya to come play with her again.”

 “I … I don’t feel like it.”

 “Ronnie, don’t ya think spending some time with ya siblings would ‘elp? I … I want things to be okay between ya three.”

 I sniff. She has a point … but even if I wanted to, I don’t think I’d be able to move all that much. “I … I’m sorry but … I don’t feel up ta … it.”

 I hear her sigh softly. “Okay.”

 “Tell … Emma I’m sorry.” Man … I feel really bad. She’s not like James; she actually wants to spend time with me ….

 “Ya don’t ‘ave to be sorry. Will ya play with her tomorrow then?”

 “Y … yeah, alright,” I’ll try ….

 “I’ll tell her that then instead.”

 I squeeze my eyes shut. “Are … are y’ mad at me?”

 “No, of course noh. Things will take time, I know that.”

 “B-but Emma doesn’t … ge’ tha’, right?”

 “Yes, exactly. Don’t worry about it though, ‘oney, I’ll talk to her.”

 “T … thanks.”

 Why … why can’t Arthur be like this? More tears come.

 I … I don’t know why … he’s being so cruel ….

\---------------------

***Thursday 2nd November***

 Molly set up my phone for me last night. I guess she just wanted to put my number in her phone. I’m expecting a lot of texts today.

 She … she’s gone out now, taking Emma and James to school.

 So … so that just leaves me … and … him ….

 I’ve been hiding out in my bedroom this morning, even though I spent the night in Molly’s room. I … I didn’t really enjoy it – it … it was so unnerving to … be in bed right next to him.

 Shit … I can hear his footsteps. I hide under the covers – he … he’s getting closer. I … I used to do this … before, when I used to sleep in Matt’s bed. I … I’d go under the covers, pretending that no one could see me, hurt me.

 It … it’s not much comfort now though ….

 The door swings open, banging off of the wall. Just … just pretend you’re asleep, Ronnie, he … he can’t have a go at you if you’re asleep.

 “Boy!”

 I … I bite down on my lip, trying to hide a whimper.

 “You made Emma cry last night, you selfish brat!” 

 No, no, I … I didn’t –

 “She just wanted to play with you!” The covers are ripped off – shit!

 “Ge’ off me!” He … he’s jumped on top of me. His … fist collides with my head – everything … goes all … blurry. His nails … scratch against my scalp, fingers tugging on my hair, jerking my head back.

 “You’re tearing this family apart, boy. We were so much happier before you came back.” The … the tears come. I … can’t breathe. “What do you have to say for yourself?!”

 “I ….”

 “Spit it out!”

 “I … I didn’t mean – ah!” He … he punches me in the side. Something cracks – fuck … my … my rib. “Gyah!”

 “You’re going to ruin your mother!”

 I … I can’t say anything. The … the pain, nghhh ….

 “Don’t you realise how much you’re stressing her out?”

 I … I’m trying to hold in my cries, but … but one slips out – it … it’s going to make him angrier.

 I can feel his breath against my ear. “We have another child on the way. We don’t need you fucking things up for us,” he hisses. “You don’t give a shit about Emma or James, too busy crying and whining to your mommy. You’re a waste of space.”

 “I’m sorry!” I manage to shriek. I’m … I’m so scared.

 “Oh, you will be!”

 I try to shove him off, run from him – he … he’s too heavy. “P-please -.”

 “You’re pathetic!”

 The … the weight, it … shifts. He’s sitting up on the backs of my … knees now. No! I … I can feel his hand on my PJ bottoms. “St-stop it -.”

 “Shut up!”

 The … the bottoms are yanked down. My … my underwear too. No, no … he … he’s not gonna – “No!” I try to move again – the … the pain shoots up my side, stops me in … my tracks. “AH!” A … a punch to my back knocks the wind out of me.

 I squeeze my eyes shut – there’s … no way I’m gonna … be able to get away from him ….

 I … hear the metal of his belt – fuck … no, he’s … meant to be my dad!

 I can’t … move, my … my body’s gone all –

 He … he moves down more – fuck, no, p-please … no ….

 “Ah!” His … belt comes down … on my ass. He … he’s not gonna – “Nghhh ….”

 “I didn’t want to have to do this, but you’ve left me no choice. Naughty children have to be disciplined, and you’ve been causing trouble from the start. You’ve been a naughty little boy, haven’t you? Haven’t you?!”  

 “Y … yes” I gasp out – I … I just want him to stop ….

 But he doesn’t stop – the … the whips get harder.

 “Ah!” The … the metal’s … tearing at my skin. I … I’m bleeding, I must be ….

 Please … make it stop. It … hurts, hurts so much ….

 Will, p-please come … get me. I don’t … I can’t stay here.

 “Ghhhh!”

 “Shut it!”

 Will, p-please, I … I need you!


	150. Ronald. I rush back to the start.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Point out any typos please. Read through this three times but don't wanna read through the usual forth time. Not feeling well and need to proofread another fic chap too tonight. Will probably come back and read the forth time later on tonight.

***10.05am***

 He … he stormed out of the house again. I … I’m curled up in the bathroom now – th-threw up again ….

 There … there’s blood all over the tiles. The … the metal … cut into me. My … my ass … and my back is all torn up, so painful. He … he whipped the hell out of me.

 And he … he –

 “Nghhh ….” My … my fucking rib.

 I … I don’t know how long I’ve been … in here now, just staring into space. I … think my body’s gone into shock. I just can’t believe – he … he was meant to be my dad. He should … love me, protect me, n-not do … th-this to me ….

\--------------

***10.23am***

 I … I have to get out of here, before he … kills me. Molly … can’t protect me, I … I get that now.

 “Ahh ….” I struggle to my feet. It … it fucking hurts. But there’s no … way I can stay in this place. I … I kinda love Molly, and she’s so … kind to me, b-but I can’t go through another beating. I … I just can’t.

 I … kinda wish he’d … have just finished me off. Not like I wanna … be stuck in this world anymore.

 I miss my friends so much. I … even miss Will.

 I didn’t … mean it … when I said I hated him, I … was just so pissed off, hurt. I still love him. I wipe at my eyes – it’s so painful to … to even think about him. Fuck … I miss him so much, need to see him. I … I just want one of his cuddles.

\------------------------

***11.37am***

 I … I rushed, as much as I could, to get some of my stuff packed. Will even brought … my shitty old backpack to Molly’s place, thank God. Not much room in that thing though, so I just packed both of my phones, a change of clothes, and my envelope of money – gonna … need it …. Couldn’t find where Molly put the antibiotics … but whatever, I’m better off without them if it meant getting out of there.

 I … got changed into some warmer clothes – that … that really hurt, trying to move so much ….

 Got on one of the jumpers Will bought me … and my coat.

 I … I wish I could have taken all of the stuff he got me with me … but I … just couldn’t. Arthur … will probably throw it all out – shit, that … that’s painful to think about.  Those gifts meant so much to me at the time. A show of kindness, real kindness ….

 I went to the nearest corner shop to the house – just needed some change for the bus.

 I’m in Birmingham now, at New Street train station. I wince, walking up to the ticket station. Every step is … a killer. “Hey.”

 “Hello.” The ticket seller smiles at me.

 “One ticket … ta London please.”

 “Which station in London?” She asks.

 “Eh … which one’s … in tha middle of London?” No, wait, that’s miles away from Whitechapel. “Umm … no, close ta tha Tower of London?”

 “Oh.” She thinks on it for a moment. “You need to go to Fenchurch Street Station.”

 “Right … tha’ one then please.”

 “Of course. Single or return?”

 “S-single.” There’s … no way I’m coming back to this place.

 “Would you like the one for noon or half past?”

 “Half … past, please.” I … I need to go find a … pharmacy. N … need something for the pain in my rib.

 “Okay, so that’s one single ticket to London Fenchurch Street?” She asks.

 “Y … yeah, that’s right.”

 “Right. It involves one change.”

 Eh …. “Wha’ … does tha’ mean?”

 “You’ll have to get off at London Euston and then get the train to Fenchurch.”

 “Oh … there isn’t jus’ tha one?”

 “I’m afraid there isn’t a direct train from here to Fenchurch, sir.”

 “Alright. That’s c-cool.”

 She tells me the price – shit … trains are expensive … and I don’t have enough in my pocket for that. I wince … getting my backpack off. The bag is unzipped, and I poke around in the envelope. I hand the money over. “H-here y’ go.”

 She … she’s looking at me funny. “Sir, is everything okay?”

 I put the backpack over my one shoulder. “Ngh ….” The … the pain in my rib – I … hold my side. “I’m alright.”

 “You … you’re hurt? Do you want me to call someone? Do … do you need an ambulance?”

 “No, I’m alright.” I … I just need to get back to London. I did think about going to the hospital … for a moment, to get my rib looked at … but Molly would probably be called and … she’d bring Arthur along. She … would want me to go back to hers … and I just couldn’t … deal with that. I … I’ll take my chances with my probably broken rib ….

 “Sir -.”

 “I … I jus’ had a bit of an accident. Nothin’ … serious, I promise.”

 “Well if you’re sure ….”

 “Yeah, yeah, I am, thanks.”

 “Okay.” She takes the money. “I’ll print your ticket for you now.”

 “Th-thanks.” 

 A little while passes, the … the throbbing in my side getting worse. Fuck … I really need some painkillers. She gives me the ticket and smiles a little at me. “Here you go, sir. Have a safe trip.”

 A … a safe trip, right ….

 Nothing is safe in this fucking world …..

\-------------------

 I … I ended up taking more pills than I should have … but not … because I wanted to. Well … not exactly. I mean … I wanted to numb everything out … but at the same time, the … the pain was just getting so bad.

 It … hurts to walk, sit down … even to stand still. And some fucking cunt walked straight into me on the way to the pharmacy. I … I think I screamed down his ear from the contact – serves him right. He should have watched where he was fucking going.

 I’m sitting down now, the train having pulled out out the station not so long back. I’m so glad I got a seat – don’t think I’d have managed to stand for hours.

 The … Co-codamol hasn’t done much for the pain … in my rib, really. I’ve tried every sort of sitting position I could in the cramped space … but nothing helped. At … at least the drugs are starting to kick in … in other ways.

 Everything’s gone all foggy, the drowsy feeling starting to come. Good – if … if I’m sleepy, I can’t think about things. I’m already feeling less teary - great. I pull up my hood, hmm … warm, rest my head against the window.

 Sleepy time … great ….

\---------------------

 “Kid, hey kid.”

 “Nghhh ….” Who … who’s shaking me? Man … what happened? I … I feel drained …

 “Kid.”

 “Huh?” I turn my head, look at some guy. “Yeah?”

 “We’re at London Euston now. Last stop.” He flashes me a small smile. “I hope you didn’t miss your stop.”

 “No, no, I didn’t, thanks.”

 He nods. “Good. Well, see ya.”

 “Bye.” As he walks away, I stand – “Nghhh ….” Fuck … my rib, yeah …. Jesus ….

\------------------

 I’ve just … stepped out of the station at Fenchurch. When I got off of the train, I went all dizzy and sweaty …. Guess it’s the pills, again. I … I really should be used to be effects of Codeine by now ….

 It … it’s cold out here and horribly familiar. I … I recognise the taller buildings. It … it brings chills to me, makes me feel sicker. Everything is so dull in this city, from the grey stone to the silver metal buildings. Fuck … I hate this place …. But I have to be here. It … it’s the only way I’m ever going to find Will. There … there’s a better chance of seeing Grell … Eric or Will if I’m in London. Because … it’s obvious they’re not ever coming to Birmingham again ….

 I … I know where I’m going … so I guess there’s no point wasting time ….

\----------------

 It … it seemed to take forever to get to that alleyway. Walking was getting really hard, and I don’t think it was just because I was in massive pain. I’m still really groggy … and kinda outta it from the painkillers. Feeling … really sick and weak too – I haven’t eaten much the past couple of days.

 I wince as I slide down the wall as slowly as I can, using my hands to help me. Everything is so … tight and stiff around my middle.

 It … it’s so weird to be here again. Like … being back at the start, the start of … everything again. If Will doesn’t find me here, things are gonna go downhill really quickly. I … I can just feel it.

\---------------

***6.08pm***

 Did … did I fall asleep again? It’s weird … but I kinda wonder if … Will, my parents, it was all a fucked up dream. Maybe I was so sick … of the Heroin … that my mind just broke. Or that drug just broke me ….

 But no … that’s wishful thinking. Will … did break my heart. My … my dad did really do … that. Will’s gift of a jumper, the burning pain filling my body – it’s proof enough.

 I’m … back at the beginning, and … I guess … everything’s broken. I … I’m stuck in hell, surrounded by cunts, no matter where I am ….

 I’m so … stupid, thinking that Will would sense that something was wrong. Fucking insane to think that … Will would go past this alleyway … for memories' sake – he … he’d never get attached to anything silly like this in that way ….

 I … I don’t think he … can care about anything, really care.

 But … I don’t wanna give up on him. I can’t. Because … if I do, what else do I have? I … I’m never gonna have that happy family I dreamt of as a kid – I get that now.

 I just want to see … him again, speak to him.

 I wouldn’t know what to do though, would I?

 I … I’m caught between wanting a cuddle and wanting to punch him in the face.

 I … got the beating of my life because of him. I got –

 Fuck … I’m stuck here again because of his stupid idea of a ‘fix’.  I’ll probably end up hooked on something again … because of what he did to me.

 “B-but … I still love y’.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “I … fuckin’ love y’.”

\---------------------

***7.35pm***

 My feet took me here without me even thinking about it. It’s all the same – week to week, in London, nothing seems to change ….

 I had to leave that alleyway in the end. It … was getting too cold … and I didn’t fancy going out in that way. I couldn’t die anyway – I … need to survive long enough to see Will again.

 More tablets got swallowed before I left – I needed them or … I wouldn’t have been able to walk here. And well … I needed something to drug me up enough … to keep the horrible thoughts at bay.   The … the shakes started, the panic was beginning to come on – the Codeine in these things was the only thing I had to … stop me from pissing myself in fright.

 I thought about going to a hostel for the night – I have the money – but … then I got thinking. They’ll probably turn the lights off in that place … and it’s shared accommodation, I think. I … don’t want – no idea what … those strangers would do to me.

 So … it’s either the streets … or this.  

 Man … I’m so tired. Forgot that he lived a way away from the alley.

 Hopefully he won’t mind seeing me. I mean … he did want me to stay at his place last year, get better. But then again … he might have found someone to date by now ….

 I take a shaky breath, lifting my hand to knock at his door. It doesn’t take long for James to answer, his eyes widening a bit when he sees me. “Ronald?” He gives me a wide smile. “Hey.”

 “H-hi ….”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James is the daddy kink guy from the first few chapters. In hindsight, I shouldn't have called the brother that too. Oh well.  
> Back to the reapers next chap. Overlapping days again.


	151. William. A turn for the worst.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is set at the same time as Ronald being in the alleyway and all that.

***5.05pm***

 I have been called to Eric’s home again. It is no great surprise that O’Connell is still punishing Grell harshly, so … once again, I am the last resort. Not that I mind …. I quite enjoy the little company I receive.

 Eric takes me upstairs – he does not seem in such a bad mood with me today. “How has he been?” I ask as we reach the upper landing.

 “D-don’t ask.”

 “Eric -.”

 “He had an attack earlier on today, a bad one. And he’s back at the hospital again tomorrow … tae be used as a lab rat some more.”

 “I see. Has he been awake much today?”

 “A bit – he hasn’t been out cold … for a change.”

 “Well … umm, that is good, I suppose.”

 “Hn … good ….”

\--------------------------

***5.37pm***

 As Eric was getting ready for work … something happened. Alan … well, he … he just began to shriek. Eric came rushing in to see what the matter was … and from the bewildered expression on his face, it was clear that this wasn’t the usual … cry of an attack of Thorns.

 He was writhing around on the bed, screeching – Eric had to pin him down in the end, trying his hardest to find out what the problem was.

 Through his cries of pain, Alan managed to say something about his stomach hurting. Eric was yelling at me to lift his shirt up, see what the matter was.

 I did … feeling a little embarrassed. I … I don’t think anything could have prepared either of us for what we saw. The … the infection was spreading before our eyes, up and across his stomach. It … was a horrible sight to witness, and … Eric’s colour faded from his cheeks – I … thought he was going to faint.

 I come back upstairs, carrying a glass of water in my hand. Alan is being held on Eric’s lap, his eyes glazed over with unshed tears. He has been like this since he stopped screeching; Eric hasn’t been able to summon a peep out of him.

 “He must be in shock,” I say, passing the glass of water over to Eric.

 “N-no, ah … ah think he’s still in pain.” Eric gives him a tender kiss to the head. “Yer’re all … worn out, aren’t yer?”

 Alan doesn’t reply, still staring into space. Pitiful ….

 “Al, ah need yer tae drink this water, okay? It’ll make yer feel a wee bit better.”

 Again … no reply.

 I see the expression of pain on Eric’s face as the water drips down Alan’s chin. I … I do not think he is capable of drinking it, of moving, even if he wished to. “Oh … Al ….” Eric’s voice trembles.

 I … I wish not to see a grown man cry – for some odd reason, it would make the whole situation seem that much more tragic. “I have an idea,” I state.

 He glances up at me. “Y-yer do?”

 “Yes. Give me a few minutes. I have to go get something.”

 “Al-alright.” 

\---------------------

 I return to the bedroom a small time later, having just retrieved an oral syringe from a chemist in the human world. “Try this.” I take the glass of water from him, filling the syringe. It is passed over to him. “It may help.”

 “Thanks.” He smiles at me … but there is no happiness there. I … I think he is merely trying to stop himself from breaking down in front of me. I cannot say I blame him ….

\---------------

***5.58pm***

 The syringe worked to give Alan a little hydration, though slowly, I must admit. “There we go, Al, all … all better, see?” Eric wipes at his eyes and then glances at the clock. “Shite ….” He sighs. “Al, ah have tae get going, okay?”

 I can tell that he would stay at home, if only he could. And … he would be able to, if it weren’t for the fact that O’Connell is at the department tonight. 

 He looks at me. “Take good care of him, alright?”

 As he lays Alan down in bed, he makes the first sound in a long while, a whine. Eric eyes him with sadness, gives him a quick kiss to the head before straightening up again. “Yer … should probably give him a cuddle or something. Ah think he could do with some comforting.”

 “A … a cuddle? No … I don’t think -.”

 “Yer still owe us for what yer did.”

 “You have made that point known, Slingby, but … hugging, it is not in my comfort zone.”  

 “Well if Ronnie was still here, he’d give him a cuddle. He’s not though, is he, thanks tae yer.”

 “Fine ….” I grit my teeth together. He can have it his way … for now. I get onto the bed, patting Alan’s shoulder lightly.

 “A proper hug.”

 “Hn.” I wrap an arm around him – how … how awkward this feels. “Happy now, are we?” I ask him, tone laced with sarcasm.

 “Aye,” he nods, “much better.”

 “That had better not have been a smirk, Slingby.”

 “Heh, where’s yerr proof?” He turns away from us, leaving the room. “Ah’ll see yer later.” 

 Alan whines again, a quiet, weak noise.

 I gulp, feeling even more ill at ease. “Umm, there, there, Alan, it will be alright.” This is … most certainly uncomfortable ….

\-----------------

***7.15pm***

 Alan is asleep now, thank goodness, though it is clear that he … has very little time left here with us.

 Honestly … I do not understand these people and their need for cuddling everyone in sight.

 Still … at least Alan seems peaceful at present. One cannot feel pain when asleep, I suppose ….

 He … he almost reminds me of Ronald when he slumbers, innocent looking, vulnerable even ….

 “Ronald.” I … I miss him … think of him often, as much as I try not to ….

 “I … I hope that you are doing well ….”


	152. Ronald. Nowhere else to go.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I worked hard on this chapter, adding stuff, ect.
> 
> Again, there's the same thing hidden between the lines here as in the last Ronald chapter.

 “You finally kicked the habit,” he leans against the doorframe, still beaming at me. “Wow, Ronald, you look amazing. I’m so glad.”

 “Thanks.”

 Before I can stop him, he rushes forward, pulling me into a hug. I … I have to hold in a scream. I … know he’s only being friendly … but I really can’t take contact like this right now. “I … I was worried about you, you know? Wondering if you’d ever get off of that stuff. I barely recognised you – you … you’re not just a stick now. Wonderful. I … I’m so happy for you,” he gushes.

 “Nghhh ….” He … he’s squeezing me too tightly ….

 I feel his arms relax and he pulls away from me, frowning. He … he’s really looking at me, trying to pick me apart with his eyes. “Are … are you in pain?”

 “A … a bit,” I admit, looking away.  He … he seemed so happy, thinking I was doing alright.

 His shoulders slump. “What’s happened now?”

 “It … it’s a long story -.”

 “Ronald -.”

 “Look, I … I n-need a place ta stay, please. I … I don’t ‘ave anywhere else ta go.”

 “I thought you were staying at a friend’s house?”

 I gulp. “We … we fell out.”

 “Well, of course you can stay here.”

 “Th-thanks.”

 “B-but I want to know what’s happened, okay?”

 “Y-yeah … okay.”

\---------------------------

 “What? Your dad?” He’s frowning more now. I … managed to tell him what had happened. Well … some of it anyway. “I … I thought your family was dead?”

 Yeah … that’s right …. I … did tell him some stuff about my childhood. When I was fucked up on Heroin, it just … used to come out of me in rambles …. It … didn’t hurt so much to recall that sorta stuff … when I was high.

 James was the one to tell me that what happened to me was … sexual abuse. Be-before that … I used to just think what they did to me was normal for an orphan – they … they could do what they wanted because no one wanted me. Like … I knew it wasn’t nice, and it hurt, but … I never knew it was considered abuse, something that was wrong ….

 He … he really opened my eyes to things, and … and maybe that’s why … I find it a bit easier to talk to him than most ….

 But at the same time, him telling me … what I kinda thought deep down … made things worse for me. It … it started to hurt just that bit more, knowing that what they’d done really made for a fucked up childhood – they … they took so much from me.

 “Ronald?”

 Oh … didn’t I answer? I wipe at my eyes. “N-no … not dead. That’s jus’ … wha’ those guys told me.”

 He nods slowly, coming to sit down next to me on the sofa. “Why … did he hurt you?”

 “Dunno. He … jus’ … didn’t like me.” A shudder runs down my spine. “I’m … jus’ glad ta be away from him.”

 “Oh …. Well, I think we should take a look at that rib.”

 “I … I’m fine, jus’ sore.”

 “I still want to take a look – a broken rib can be serious if it’s moved, stabbed into something.” 

 Oh right … I think he mentioned before that he was … a nurse for a little bit a few years back. “Really? It … it could be tha’ serious?”

 “Yes.”

\--------------------------

 I … I feel kinda exposed, lying down on his bed, my jumper and shirt stripped off. He’s pressing around my tummy with his fingers. Not that he’d hurt me – he’s no Gaz. “Is there any tenderness here?”

 “N-no, I’m jus’ a bit achy.”

 He continues to feel about. “Well, I can’t feel any bloating … or any signs of internal bleeding.” His fingers ghost over my rib, causing me to flinch. “This looks rather tender though, a lot of bruising.”

 “Y … yeah.”

 “At … least they aren’t jutting out now,” he says quietly. “Erm … and your breathing is alright, isn’t it?” He asks. “No wheezing, no shortness of breath?”

 “No, that’s all … fine.”

 “Any chest pain?”

 “No, it’s jus’ my side tha’ kills.”

 “Have … have you been coughing up any blood?”

 “No.”

 “All good signs. I should probably take a look at your back too though, just to make sure.”

 “I … don’t think I’ll be able ta lie on my front.” The … the thought of it makes me ache even more.

 “I wasn’t expecting you to.” He extends a hand to me. “Probably easiest for you to stand up.”

 “O … okay.” I take his hand and he helps me up. “Nghhh ….”

 “You okay?”

 “Yeah … jus’ really stiff.”

 “Alright. Turn around.”

 “Okay.”

 “Holy shit!”

 I flinch. “W … wha’?”

 “You … your back. What the hell happened?!”

 “His … his belt buckle.” He didn't stop at my ass - my whole back is a fucking mess .... 

 “I … I know you said he hurt you … but … Jesus.”

 Yeah … hurt …. I sniff. “Can … can y’ jus’ ge’ on … wi’ tha check-up?”

 “Oh … right, of course.”

\------------------

 No … no massive damage, James said. “Does anywhere else hurt?”

 I look down at my hands. “N-no.” I sniff, and try to change the subject. “This … bed’s comfy.” Lame ….

 He ignores me, saying something completely unrelated. “I think you should call the police.”

 “I … I don’t wanna.”

 “You can’t let him get away with this.”

 “I … I jus’ wanna forget ‘bout it all.”

 “But what about the rest of your family? You … you mentioned you had a mother?”

 “She … she’d never believe me.”

 “But she -.”

 “James, stop. I … I don’t ‘ave a family, not really.”

 “You can’t just let him kick you out of your own home -.”

 “It … never felt like a home, though, n-not properly.”

 “Ronald -.”

 “If I go back there, he … he’ll kill me.” He … he’ll do things to me ….

 Shit … no, I’m getting all panicky again …. “I … really can’t … t-talk ‘bout this right now.”

 He nods slowly – he … he doesn’t wanna let it go, obviously. “Fine …. For now, I think the most important thing is to tend to your injuries. Th-those lacerations need cleaning.”

 “L-lacerations?”

 “Cuts.”

 “Oh … right, okay.” Of course. I … I think the painkillers are getting to me again. I feel so groggy, sleepy ….

 “I’ll have to pop out, okay? I don’t have much in the way of first aid supplies in the house.”

 “S-sure.”

 “You going to be alright on your own?”

 “I’ll be fine.” Anything’s better than being … trapped in a house with Arthur ….

 “I won’t be long, okay?”

 “K … kay.”

 I watch as he leaves the room, calling out to him when I hear him rustling about in the hallway. “J-James?”

 He pops his head into the bedroom within moments. “Everything okay?”

 “Y-yeah, I jus’ wanna ask y’ somethin’.”

 “Sure, go ahead.”

 “Eh … is … is it okay if I call y’ Jay? My … my little b-brother’s called James too. F-feels weird ….”

 “Hey, you can call me shit head if it makes you feel better,” he smiles.

 I chuckle – ow … not a good idea …. “Thanks.” He … he’s being really sweet to me.

\-----------------

 “Ronald, hey, Ronald!”

 “Hmmm ….” Is … he shaking me?

 “Ronald?”

 He … he sounds worried. I open my eyes, looking up at him. “Y-yeah?”

 “God … you had me worried there. I … I thought you’d fainted or something.”

 “N-no, I don’t think so.”

 “So … so you just fell asleep?”

 “Yeah.” I sit up on his bed. Ow …. “I … I’m knackered.”

 He gets onto the bed next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders softly. “You … you had me scared.”

 “Sorry.” I rest my head against him – guess I just want a bit of comfort.

 “You don’t have to be sorry. Let’s get these injuries seen to, okay? Then you can get some sleep.”

 “Th-thanks.”

\---------------

 He pulls the covers up to my shoulders, tucking me into bed. It … it was a killer, him cleaning my cuts, bandaging up my side. But … but I know he was being as gentle as he could – I … I’m really grateful for that.

 “I’ll be downstairs if you need anything, okay?”

 “Y’ … y’re not sleepin’ in here?” I … I’m so close to just nodding off – so … so tired.

 “You need a soft bed more than me. You … you’re not going to get a good night’s sleep on the sofa with that rib the way it is.”

 “B-but you’re … sleepin’ on tha sofa?”

 “Yeah, I don’t mind.”

 “Y’ … y’ don’t wanna sleep in here too?”

 He frowns down at me. “Wouldn’t that be awkward for you?”

 “N-no. I … I know y’re not gonna … hurt me.”

 “Well … yeah, obviously, but still -.”

 “I … I don’t like sleepin’ on my own. P-please?”

 “If you’re sure, I don’t mind.”

 “Yeah, proper sure.”

 He nods slowly. “Do you still want the light to stay on?”

 What …? “I … I told y’ ‘bout tha’?”

 “Yes, ages ago.”

 “I … I can’t believe y’ remembered.”

 Jay chuckles softly. “Hey, what can I say?” He points at his head. “Good memory.”

 “C-cool. Will y’ … be able ta sleep wi’ tha light on?”

 “I should do,” he shrugs, “but who cares – not like I’m in work tomorrow.” 

 Oh … yeah, I remember him mentioning something about … annual leave earlier on. Is … is that the right term? Hn … I’m too groggy to care …. “Th-thanks.”

 He pulls off his socks and climbs into bed, shirt and jeans still on. I … I wouldn’t care if he stripped down to his underwear … but I think he’s doing it to put me at ease … in some way. I dunno … but it’s nice that he’s thinking of my feelings.

 “Sleep well, Ronald.”

 “Y’ … y’ too.” I kinda want … a cuddle, but I can’t with this pain. My hand roams around, finding his. I hold onto it, squeezing it lightly. Hmm … his hands are really warm – and soft, saying he’s a guy.

 He doesn’t say anything about it, just squeezing back softly instead. It’s stupid … but that small gesture of comfort really means a lot to me. “Night, Ronald.”

 “G-goodnight.”


	153. Ronald. Answer the phone.

***Friday 3rd November***

***9.19am***

 “Hmmm ….” H-hand … I was holding someone’s hand before ….

 “Are you awake, Ronald?”

 Who … who is that? Oh … right, I’m staying at Jay’s right now. I open my eyes, seeing him looking down at me. “Yeah, I’m awake.” Fuck … my side is killing already ….

 “You alright? You … you look rather pale.” I feel his palm touch my forehead. “Hmm, no fever ….”

 “I … I don’t feel sick. Jus’ … in a lot of pain.”

 “I can get you some painkillers -.”

 “I … ‘ave some strong stuff in my bag.”

 He raises an eyebrow. “Ronald -.”

 “N-not Heroin or anythin’ like tha’. Jus’ some Co-codamol.” I … I’m not going to tell him about my problem with painkillers. Not because I wanna lie to him … but I don’t wanna risk him not giving them to me. I really do need something stronger than just Paracetamol.

 “When was the last time you ate?”

 “W-wha’?”

 “You shouldn’t take them if you haven’t eaten for a while – they can cause nausea.”

 “I … was fine yesterday wi’out food.”

 “Y-you didn’t eat at all yesterday?”

 “N-no, didn’t ‘ave a chance.”

 Jay nods slowly. “Well, I think you should eat something first.”

 “B-but I’m in pain now.”

 “Yes, I know that, but I don’t want to risk you throwing up. Can you imagine how painful that’d be with your rib the way it is?”

 Ugh … I … I don’t wanna even think about that.

 “I’ll make you some quick breakfast first, okay? Can you hold on for ten minutes?”

 My bag’s downstairs … and I don’t think I’d be able to walk all that way without something to help, even if I wanted to. The … the pain is even worse … today. “Y-yeah, I’ll wait.”

 He gives me a soft smile. “Thank you.”

\------------------------

 Damn … it took me forever to even sit up – fucking pain ….

 “Hmm, tha’ was good.” I manage a little smile … but really, feeling full isn’t helping my side.

 “Yeah, I make a mean cheese toastie, huh?”

 “Hah, yeah. Can I ge' my … painkillers now? They’re in my bag.”

 “Of course.”

\-------------------

 He rushes back into the bedroom, painkillers in one hand, my … my phone in the other. “W-why’ve y’ got my phone?”

 “S-sorry, when I went to get your tablets, I saw it light up. Someone called Molly was trying to phone you – that’s your mother, isn’t it?”

 “Y-yeah, it is.” Shit ….

 He looks at my phone again. “Jesus, you’ve had like one hundred missed calls and fifty texts. She must be worried sick.”

 “O-okay.”

 “You should phone her back.”

 “I … I can’t.”

 “Ronald -.”

 “Wha’ am I supposed ta say?!” Shit, I … I shouldn’t shout with my injuries – fuck ….

 “The truth, maybe?”

 “N-no, I … I can’t.” I look away from him.

 “Ronald -.”

 “N-no.” The … the tears start again ….

 “You – she’s phoning again.” He walks closer to me, holding out the phone. “Answer it.”

 I push it away. “I … I -.”

 “At least tell her that you’re alright.”

 “N-no, she … she’ll ask too many questions.”

 “Well, if you don’t speak to her, she’s going to phone the police.”

 “N-no, she won’t -.”

 “Yes, she will. She’s going to think you’ve gone missing, worry that something’s happened to you.”

 “N-no.” He … he’s right, but no … I can’t d-do this.

 “Then I will -.”

 “No!”

 “You can’t just hide from this, you know that.”

 I try to snatch the phone from him, wincing, but he … he’s too quick for me. He … he takes the call. “Hello?”

 I … I can’t hear what Molly’s saying, b-but she’s screeching. “I’m a friend.” James says. “He’s fine.”

 He pulls the phone away from his ear. “She wants to speak to you.” The phone is dropped onto my lap. “Speak to her, okay?”

 “N-no.”

 “Ronald, she’s crying.”

 “Sh-shit.”

 “Just give her a few minutes of your time. Please?”

 “No -.”

 “She’ll just keep phoning otherwise. You realise that, don’t you?”

 He … he’s not gonna let this drop …. “K … kay.” I pick up the phone – I … I’m shaking so badly. “H-hello.”

 “Ronald, what the ‘ell is going on?!”

 My heart stops in my chest. “I ….”

 “W … why did ya lash out at ya father?”

 “L-lash out?”

 “The … the cut on ‘is hand. He … he told me what ‘appened, Ronald.”

 “W-wha’?”

 “Ya … ya went for ‘im with a knife.” No, no, I … I didn’t – he … he set me up! Did … did he go back, clean up my blood? He … he must have – shit ….

 And … Molly believes him … believes that … I … I could hurt someone like that ….

 “Ronald, just come ‘ome, okay? Wh-whatever … ya father said to upset ya, we … we can work it out.”

 I … I can hear Arthur screaming at her in the background, saying he doesn’t want me back. He … he’s calling me all sorts of names, crazy … and dangerous. I hear her sigh. “R-Ronnie, sweetie, I … I’m noh mad at ya. Just come ‘ome, we … we can ‘ave a good talk, okay? Tell me where ya are … and I’ll come pick ya up.”

 I … I can’t get my words out. He … he actually – fuck … he’s turned this all back around on … on me.

 “Ronnie, sweetie?”

 “I … I’m not … c-comin’ back.”

 “What? W-why noh? Ronnie, we’ll forgive ya, it … it’s noh a problem. We … we can geh ya into therapy, geh this sorted out. I … I know things are ‘ard, but … but it … it’s noh the end of the world.”

 “I … I’m sorry -.”

 “Ronald -.”

 “I’m fine … h-here, d-don’t worry ‘bout me.”

 “Ya -.”

 “I … I can’t come home, M-Molly, I’m sorry.”

 “Ronnie -.”

 “T-take care.” I end the call, pressing down on the off button – I … I have to turn it off before she … phones again.

 “Ronald, what did she say?”

 I … I can’t answer, just … just crying instead. Everything’s spinning – I … I can’t believe this shit!

 “Ronald?”

 I … shake my head, wishing that … that he wouldn’t get involved.

 “Did … did she shout at you?”

 “N-no,” I choke out. I … I just want him to … give me my painkillers. This … this crying isn’t fucking helping ….

 He sits down on the bed, rubbing between my shoulder blades lightly. “Okay, g-good. Does she know what happened?”

 “No.” My breath hitches, panic coming over me. “She … she doesn’t … ‘ave a … f-fuckin’ clue ….”  


	154. Molly. Find a way.

 He … he’s turned his phone off on me …. “For … goodness sake,” I mutter under my breath.

 It … it’s not helping that Arthur’s going on and on, shouting at the top of his lungs. I … I had to take the lil ones to school this morning, if … if only to stop them from having to hear all of the cuss words ….

 “He isn’t coming back, do you understand me, Molly?”

 “No! He’s our son, Arthur, we … we’re noh just gonna abandon ‘im!”

 He comes right up to me, shoving his hand under my nose. “Do you even see this? See what he did to me?! This is deep, Molly, not just a mere scratch. If I hadn’t have fended him off, he could have slashed my throat, anything!”

 “Arthur -.”

 “Are you really so irresponsible? Y … you’d let him into this house with two children too young to defend themselves?”

 “He … he didn’t mean -.”

 “Don’t give me this rubbish!”

 “Don’t turn this around on me! Ya … ya said something to ‘im, didn’t ya?”

 “No, of course not.”

 “Don’t lie to me!”

 “I’m not! He just went off on one for no reason!”

 “I … I don’t believe ya. He … he wouldn’t ‘ave just -.”

 “Well he did. Believe me, it came as a shock to me too. I mean, I thought he was dangerous, but the viciousness -.”

 “He … he just ‘ad an episode. It … it doesn’t mean he’s dangerous. We can fix this -.”

 “No, we can’t.”

 “But … he’s our lil boy -.”

 “He isn’t. He was when we lost him … but he’s changed, Molly, can’t you see that?”

 I … I can feel my bottom lip trembling. “N-no, I can’t -.”

 “Who knows what he’s capable of. He’s been on drugs – that could have caused serious mental problems, you know that.”

 “But -.”

 “We can’t keep him here, Molly. I won’t stand for it, you understand me?”

 “N-no -.”

 “Molly -.” He tries to pull me into a hug, but I push him away. I … I don’t want to look at him, speak to him.

 “Ya’re an arsehole!”

 “What -?”

 “Ya … ya’re supposed to love ‘im!”

 “I do, but unlike you, I am not letting it cloud my judgment.”

 “Ya … ya’re being ridiculous!”

 “No, you are.”

 I turn from him, rushing to get out of the room. If … if we keep arguing back and forth like this, I … I’m going to knock his lights out.

 “Molly, wait!”

 “Leave me alone!”

 Oh … Ronnie, why … why did you have to do this?

 Things were going so well ….

\----------------------

***10.45am***

 Arthur comes up into the bedroom – I don’t even look at him … but I can feel that he’s there.  I’ve just been … lying down in bed crying. Every time I tried to ring Ronnie, his phone was still off ….

 “Hi.”

 I glance at the clock. “Ya need to geh to work.”

 “You really think I’m going to go to work when you’re in such a state?”

 “Hn, noh like ya’re ‘elping anyway.”

 I feel his weight pressing down on the bed. “I’m sorry, Molly.”

 I refuse to look at him. “I’m noh gonna give up on ‘im, ya know that, so ya can stop trying to change my mind.”

 “I … I know.” I feel his arms wrap around me. “Maybe … I overreacted a little before. I … suppose I was just scared.”

 “Hn, ya, scared? Since when ‘ave ya ever been scared?”

 “I’m not usually … but when someone pulls a knife out on you, well … that can knock you about a bit.”

 “Ya can’t just give up on ‘im, no … no matter what’s ‘appened.”

 “He can’t come back here … not yet anyway.” His hand finds my stomach, rubbing it lightly. “He has to get well first, so none of us get hurt.”

 I squeeze my eyes shut. “So … so what are ya saying?”

 “I want him … to go into therapy or something, inpatient treatment -.”

 “Arthur, no, he … he needs to be at ‘ome with ‘is family.”

 “And he will be, just not yet.”

 “We … we can’t just kick ‘im out – it … it’ll break ‘is heart.”

 “He’s not a little baby, Molly. If we explain it to him in a reasonable … manner, he is sure to understand.”

 “I … I’m noh sure.”

 “Let me speak to him.”

 “I … I don’t even know where he is, Arthur.”

 “Well … when you do find out, I’ll go pick him up, talk to him.”

 “Ya … ya won’t upset ‘im, will ya?”

 “No, no, but I do think your soft touch just isn’t going to cut it. He needs firm words, not coddling. I’ll sort this out, okay?”

 “Y … ya’re noh … still angry at ‘im?”

 “A … a little, but he’s our son. Nothing is going to change that.”

 I nod slowly against the pillow. “M-maybe … he’ll come ‘ome once he realises … that ya’re willing to put this behind ya.”

 “Exactly. I’m sorry … for overreacting, Molly.”

 I … I’m not quite ready to … forgive him yet. He … he said some pretty hurtful things …. “T-take it back, Arthur.”

 “Hmm?”

 “Ya … ya said he was crazy.”

 “Oh. Yes, I take it back. I didn’t mean it.”

 “Good, because he’s noh crazy … he’s just going through things we can’t understand.”

 “Yes, yes, I know. Do you forgive me?”

 I roll over in his arms, cuddling up to him. “Yes, ya idiot.”

 “Still love me?”

 “Don’t ask such stupid questions.”

 He hugs me tightly. “Good. I love you too.”

 “Well I know that.” I manage a small smile. “We … we’ll geh through this, won’t we?”

 “Yes, of course we will.”

 I bury my head in his chest. “I … I just ‘ope Ronnie is doing alright ….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh ... how he can twist her around his little finger.


	155. Ronald. Good to me.

***11.10am***

 “Ronald, please, stop crying. You’re going to make yourself ill at this rate.”

 I … I know he’s right … and even … if the crying is making … my side throb so badly, I … I just can’t stop. Arthur turned this all around on me … and now I’ve turned my … phone off … who knows what he’s going to say. Molly, she … she probably hates me by now.

 “Talk to me, please.”

 I shake my head. I … I can’t get my words out, even if I wanted to. Everything’s a mess … a complete mess.

\-----------------------

***1.13pm***

 “You’re kidding me, right?”

 “N-no ….” I … I managed to tell him in the end. He gave me some of the painkillers and propped up some pillows … so I could sit up without as much pain.

 “And she believes him?”

 “She … she doesn’t ‘ave any reason not ta. He’s … h-her husband … so ….”

 “Ridiculous.” I look at him, seeing him scowling. “We need to phone the police, sort out this mess.”

 “N-no, I … I can’t handle tha’.”

 “Why the hell not?” 

 His … his tone makes me flinch – he sounds … so, so angry. “I … I jus’ can’t. Molly … will be devastated if she … found out. And … and my siblings, I … I can’t ‘ave their parents splittin’ … up jus’ because of me.”

 “But it’s not because of you, it’s because of what he did. Molly will be upset, yes, but she deserves to know the truth.”

 “No -.”

 “You can’t blame yourself. You did nothing to deserve what he did to you.”

 I look away. “They’re … happier wi’out me … better off.”

 “That’s isn’t tr -.”

 “It … it is, though. I … I didn’t feel welcome there.” I sniff. “My brother … didn’t really seem ta want me there.”

 “Probably due to Arthur’s influence.”

 “N-no, he jus’ … didn’t like me much. I’m tha problem.”

 “Don’t be stupid, Ronald.”

 “Jay -.”

 “Look, you need to tell the police. Who knows what he could do to your siblings.”

 “He … he won’t hurt them. They didn’t seem scared of him.”

 “You can’t risk it -.”

 “Y’ don’t ge’ it!” I hold onto my side – n-need to remember to … stop shouting. “I’m … I’m tha problem, alright?” A hiccup causes pain to shoot through me. Fuck …. “I’m th-tha problem.”

\---------------------------------

***3.10pm***

 We … we argued back and forth for ages. He … he even tried to say that’d he’d call the police over if I wouldn’t. I told him … I’d just send them away again – I … I’m just not ready to talk about … all of this shit.

 It … it was hard enough the last time … to talk to the police, and that stuff happened years ago, for fuck’s sake. I … I’d probably have a meltdown … if I had to … go over something so fresh again – I … nearly lost my mind just talking to Jay about it all ….

 Jay’s annoyed with me … I can tell. He’s not had a go at me or anything … but he’s gone all quiet on me. “J-Jay?”

 “What is it, Ronald?”

 “Sh-should I go?”

 “Pardon?” He looks at me, frowning. “Go?”

 “Y’ … y’re pissed off … at me.”

 “No, I’m not. The situation is just frustrating … because I want the best for you. You know you need to phone the police, sooner or later.”

 Fuck … not this again …. “I … I’m gonna ge’ goin’ – nghh ….” Or … or not. Fucking pain ….

 “Why are you in such a rush to leave?” He sighs. “Is it because I keep bringing up the police?”

 “Y-yeah.”

 “Then … I’ll stop, for now. You know that you’ll have to speak to them eventually … but I’d rather not stress you out. You’re not exactly in the best of states right now and I’m not about to drive you out onto the streets.” He gives me a small smile. “So … for now, you get some rest, okay?

 “O-okay.”

\-----------------------

***6.01pm***

 After another dose of painkillers … and I fell asleep still sitting up straight. I still feel a bit groggy right now. “Jay … I … ‘ave some money in my backpack.”

 “What?”

 “You can … ‘ave it if y’ want.”

 He shakes his head slowly. “I don’t want your money, Ronald.”

 Oh … so … so he wants …. “Well … when I’m all … healed up, we … we can do tha’ instead.”

 “Do what?”

 “Y’ … y’ know, tha … daddy kink stuff.”

 “Don’t be stupid, Ronald. I don’t want to have sex with you.”

 “Oh …. Then … how … do I repay y’?”

 “I don’t expect you to give me anything.”

 “W-wha’?” I rub at my eyes. “Y’ … y’re jus’ doin’ this outta tha goodness of y’ heart, hn?”

 “We’re friends, aren’t we?”

 “A … a bit, I guess ….” Not … not close friends. “I … I thought tha’ y’d help me.”

 “I see. Look, if anyone needs to be repaying, it’s me.”

 “Wha’?” What the hell is he on about?

 He sighs quietly. “I … I feel rather guilty about what happened between us.”

 “Tha sex?”

 “Yes.”

 “B-but … why? Y’ … y’ never hurt me … or anythin’.”

 “I still took advantage of you, paid money towards your addiction. That … that was wrong of me.” He sighs again. “I … I was beginning to regret it … even last year.”

 “Is … is tha’ why y’ wanted me ta stay wi’ y’?”

 “Don’t you remember what I said to you back then?”

 “N-no, not really. It … it’s all a bit of a blur, really.”

 “I said that I didn’t want to keep paying for a habit that was killing you.”

 “Oh, r-right.” Yeah … I think that rings a bell …. “Well … for wha’ it’s worth … I’m glad y’ … gave me tha money back then. Y’ … y’ were tha only client, really, tha’ was good ta me. I’d … ‘ave probably ended up wi’ another person like … Gaz otherwise.”

 “That still doesn’t make it right. I … I couldn’t help you back then … but I promise to make it up to you this time. I … feel awful about what I did to you.”

 “D-don’t.” I find his hand, giving it a small squeeze. “Y’ … y’re a great guy, Jay, and … and I’m really glad tha’ y’re lettin’ me stay wi’ y’.”

 “Really? You don’t hate me for what I did to you?”

 “Na, of course not. Y’re one of tha only decent guys I’ve met. Y’ … y’ve always been good ta me.”

 “Th-thank you.” He squeezes back, smiling at me a little. “Should I make us something to eat?”

 “Yeah, sounds good.”

 “Oh … or I could order Takeout? Do you fancy that?”

 “D-do y’ like Chinese?”

 “Love it.”

 My tummy rumbles at the thought of it. “Sounds like a plan.”


	156. Eric. Operation.

***Wednesday 8th November***

 “An operation?” William asks me.  

 I glance at Al, my wee baby fast asleep. “Aye … the hospital wants tae fit … a feeding tube because he’s barely eating.”

 “The syringe isn’t working then, I take it.”

 “Not enough, no. It’s just not getting enough intae him.” My fingers comb through Al’s hair. “He fainted in the hospital yesterday … before they even got around tae the next experiment. So … they phoned me, asked me tae come in tae discuss things. They’re going tae do the operation tomorrow. He … he won’t last much longer without some nutrition.”

 “So you have decided to go ahead with the surgery?”

 “Aye … don’t have much choice.”

 “What has Alan made of all this?”

 “He … he thinks the same way as me. If … if that’s the only way tae buy him some more time, tae try tae find a cure … so … so be it.”

 He nods slowly. “But it is not without risks, I take it?”

 My heart sinks, that sick feeling coming over me … like it did back at the consultant’s office. “Th-they aren’t sure if … he’ll even make it. Ah mean, it’s … a pretty straightforward … procedure … but they’ll have tae put him under. That’s what’s gotten … us all worried.”

 “Well … given the circumstances, I think it is worth the risk.”

 “Aye, Grell said the same too.” I try to give him a smile. Not … not very convincing, I’m sure. “Al’s a strong one – he … he’ll make it through this, all of this.”

 “Of course he will.”

 Aye … he … he doesn’t sound too sure himself ….

\--------------------------

***Thursday 9th November***

 It … it’s almost time for the operation – they’re about to wheel him off … sedate him. They’re not the most patient of people – his glasses have already been taken off of him. “Y-yer okay, Al?” I ask, fingers running down his cheek. My other hand has a firm grip on his – I … I don’t want to let him go.  

 “I’m fine, Eric, don’t worry so much.”

 “Yer … yer’re not feeling scared?” I sure am ….

 “N-no, just sleepy. I … I can’t wait to go home and sleep.”

 I gulp. “Well … they … they’ll be sending yer off tae sleep really soon. Ah … ah’ll be right here when yer come out, alright?”

 He gives me that adorable smile of his … but it … it’s clear that’s he’s dazed. I’m not surprised really – they’ve given him a bit of sedative; just enough to help him relax before they … knock him out properly. “O-okay.”

 I bend down, kissing his forehead softly. I whisper against his skin. “Yer’re going tae be just fine, babe.”

 “I … I know.” As I straighten up, he smiles again. “Don’t look so worried, please?” I must look in a right state for him to say that twice ….

 “Ah … ah cannae help it, Al.”

 “Sir, we need to take him to the operating room now,” a nurse says.

 “What? Right now?”

 “Yes, the surgeon is ready for him.”

 My hand tightens on his. “N-no -.”

 “It … it’s okay, Eric, really,” Al says softly. 

 The other nurse smiles at me. “He’ll be out before you know it, Mr Slingby.”

 “A-aye.” I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing myself to let go of his hand. They … wheel him out of the room as I open my eyes again. He … he’s gone, been taken from me.

 I … I didn’t even have a chance to … to say everything I wanted to. “I love yer, Al.”

\-----------------------------

 I’m pacing back and forth in the waiting room – something … something’s wrong – he’s been in there too long! It … it was only supposed to be a half hour stint, a simple procedure. He’s been in there for an hour now! I … I swear to God, if they’ve hurt him, fucked this up –

 “Mr Slingby.”

 Finally …. I turn around, seeing a nurse coming up to me. “Is … is Al alright?”

 “The procedure was a success.”

“Then what took them so long?!”

 “Sir -.”

 “S-sorry, ah didn’t mean tae shout. Ah … ah was just worried that something had gone wrong.”

 “The surgeon had a little bit of trouble placing the peg tube due to The Thorns.”

 “What?”

 “Well … the peg had to be placed in an area where The Thorns has infected. The black veins made it a little hard to see exactly what was what.”

 “But he’s fine? They got the tube in alright?”

 “Yes, eventually.”

 “G-good. Can ah see him now?”

 “In a moment. We are just waiting for him to come around from the anaesthesia. With his condition the way it is, we want to make sure he is okay upon waking.”

 “R-right.”

 She smiles at me. “Don’t look so worried, sir. This operation will greatly improve his quality of life, for however long he has left.”

 Did she really just say that? “What are yer trying tae say?” I grind my teeth together.

 “Well -.”

 “We didn’t go intae this tae try tae improve his life. We’re buying him more time tae find a cure.”

 She shakes her head. “There isn’t a cure for this disease. I should know; my husband died of it over thirty years ago. Do yourself a favour and enjoy the time left with him instead of trying to find a cure that isn’t there. You’ll drive yourself crazy that way. Think about it. I’ll come get you once he’s awake.”

 Before I have a chance to say anything, she rushes back down the hallway. How dare she say something like that to me. I’m going to find a cure, no matter what she says.

 Stupid cow ….

\-------------------------

 “Yer’re just bitter because yer didn’t try hard enough tae save yerr husband,” I say to her on seeing her again. I stand up from my seat in the waiting room, staring her down. She looked shocked, a wee bit hurt, but I don’t care. She had no right to meddle in my business. “I bet yer’re going tae feel completely useless when ah figure out a cure. Shame it came thirty years too late, aye?”

 “Sir -.”

 “Ah don’t want yer going near my partner again, yer got that? Or ah’ll report yer for what yer said tae me.”

 “I ….”

 “What room have they got him in?”

 “Th-thirteen.”

 I brush past her, not even giving her a thank you; she doesn’t deserve any thanks. Stupid lass doesn’t have a clue what she’s talking about – as if I’d ever give up on Al.

\----------------------

 “How’re yer feeling?” I ask Al, taking his hand and holding it tight.

 “I … I feel fine, just tired.”

 “Are yer in any pain?” Due to the treatments he’s having, the doctors here won’t give him any drugs that aren’t ‘absolutely necessary’. So … aye, that means he’s getting no painkillers through all of this, apart from some weak shitty Paracetamol.

 “I’m just a little sore. N-nothing major.”

 “G-good.” I’m so glad he came out of this alright …. “Yer had me scared, yer know?”

 He nods slowly. “I … was a little scared myself.” He rubs at his eye with his spare hand. “Can we go home soon?”

 The nurse in the room, another nurse, speaks up. “He should be free to go home this evening. The consultant does want to talk you through how to use the peg tube first though.”

 “Aye, alright.” I expected as much.

\-------------------------------

***10.10pm***

 Alan came home with me about an hour ago. He’s starting to heal, a wee bit, which is good, but still … if he was in good health, he’d have been healed within a matter of hours, if that. The doctor talked me through how to feed him but they want us to wait until the morning to give him anything. And … he’s got to go back to the hospital again tomorrow for a check-up.

 Well … if anything, at least he won’t be going for any more experiments for a good few days.

 “Eric, can I have a cuddle?”

 I’ve got my head stuck in a book again, one Grell brought over, thinking it might be useful. “In a bit, Al.”

 “Eric?”

 I glance over at him. “Aye?”

 “I … I’ve been thinking. We … we should make the … most of the time we have left.”

 I slam the book shut. “That nurse spoke tae yer, didn’t she?”

 “Y-yes ….”

 That stupid cow must have … whispered something to him as he was coming around …. “And yer’re listening tae her?”

 “S-she’s right though. There isn’t … a cure.”

 “Just listen tae yerself! Yer cannae just give up because of what she said.”

 “B-but what … if she IS right? What … if we’re wasting time?”

 “No. We will find a cure. If yer just give up now, the pain yer’ve been through will be all for nought.”

 He shakes his head. “B-but … I’m so tired, Eric.”

 “Ah know.” I place the book on the nightstand. He shifts over to me, hugging onto my side. “Look, ah know it’s hard but yer’re stronger than this. Yer can get through this if yer just keep fighting. Don’t let that stupid lass make yer think differently.”

 “B-but it’s … it’s so hard -.”

 “Aye, it is … but think about it. What if we’re only a few weeks away from finding a cure? Do … do yer really want tae risk missing out on that? There’s a chance that yer’ll survive this, so … so yer cannae just throw that chance away.”

 “You really think … that we’ll fix me soon?”

 “Aye, ah do. There’s bound tae be something hidden in these books. And when we get some food intae yer, yer’ll be feeling a lot better.”

 “G-good.” He rests his head against my shoulder. “Because … I … I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

 “We’ll get there, Al. Ah’m not going tae give up on yer.”

 He buries his face into my shirt. “Th-thank you.”  


	157. William. Company.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short filler sort of chap. 
> 
> Extra points if you guess what mobile game Alan is playing.

***Sunday 12th November***

 I am going to head to Eric’s home in a short while. He hasn’t asked me to, for he is off of work today, but still … I would like to spend a little of my weekend in the company of others.

 Grell told me that Alan perked up a little yesterday thanks to the newly given nutrition, though the feeling of being full has apparently been giving him some discomfort and stomach ache.

 It is still better than being too weak to function, though honestly, I know it is only a matter of time before he starts to decline again ….

\-----------------------

 Alan seems in better spirits, sitting up in bed, his body resting against Eric’s. He is playing on some electronic device of Eric’s; a tablet, I think it is called. Yet … he still seems fatigued, still looks awfully pale.

 “Like this?” Alan asks, smiling a little.

 “Aye, that’s it, babe, yer raid that village, grab all the loot.”

 It peaks my curiosity, and I lean forward in my chair, glimpsing at the screen. Some sort of game, by the looks of it.

 Alan giggles lightly. “This is fun, Eric.”

 Eric smiles. “Aye, ah know. Ah used tae love this game. Oh, don’t forget tae use yerr spells. They’ll make it easier tae get maximum damage.”

 “B-but there are so many spells. Which one is which?”

 “Well … there’s this one, which helps yerr troops heal. The purple one makes them stronger and the green one helps yerr troops tae jump over walls.”

 “Wow ….”

 A few minutes pass, my eyes having returned to the book I was reading. I am startled a little by Alan’s small outburst.

 “I did it, Eric!”

 “Aye, great game, Al, well done.”

\--------------------------

***2.03pm***

 It seems that Alan is on a constant cycle of feeding. Eric mentioned that he cannot handle a large quantity of liquid feed in one go without feeling like he is going to vomit. So … he is being fed every hour, on the hour. I do wonder if this continues throughout the night ….

 “Eric, enough ….” Alan groans.

 I have averted my eyes, given him some privacy. I am sure that he doesn’t want me to watch him having to be fed through a tube; I know I would feel embarrassed. Still, there is no doubt that I will have to do it the next time the others cannot get time off of work. I … doubt it will make for pleasant viewing; there is a tube piercing his stomach, after all. It … it must be quite ghastly for him.

 “There’s just a bit more, babe.”

 “B-but I feel sick.” I must be awful for him – he isn’t the sort to normally whine, especially in front of me and Grell.

 “Ah know, Al, but it’ll be over soon. Just hang in there, okay?”

 “O-okay.”

\----------------------------------

***2.34pm***

 I sit down on the sofa downstairs. Eric has gotten Alan wrapped up in a blanket and he places him down next to me. “Yer going tae be okay, Al?” He asks. He needs to go out to get some more nutritional supplements for Alan; the hospital only provided a few packs of sachets.

 “I’m fine, Eric.”

 “Alright. I’ll be back really soon, okay?”

 “Sure.”

 As Eric leaves the room, I glance over at Alan. “I hope that you are not expecting a cuddle this time?”

 “No.” He chuckles lightly. “That was Eric’s idea. I know it makes you feel uncomfortable. Still, it’s good to have you here. It’s good for Eric too, to have … other company.” He sighs. “He won’t say it … but I know this whole ordeal is … really beginning to st-stress him out.”

 “I see ….”

\---------------------------

***2.55pm***

 We have been sitting, watching a movie, for a while now. “How is the stomach ache?” I ask … more curious than anything.

 “It’s better … for now.” He yawns. “Well … I just need to get used to feeling full again, I guess.”

 “Yes, it will take time.”

 “Hmm … time ….”

 I watch as his eyes slip shut. “Are … you alright?”

 He rests his head against my shoulder. “Yeah, just feeling sleepy. I … I should get some rest before Eric comes back wanting to feed me again.”

 “Fair point.”

 “Hmmm ….”

 So much for not feeling uncomfortable ….

 Still … I can think of worse things.

 Being alone, for instance ….


	158. Ronald. The phone call.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to get this up so point me out if there are any typos. Beginning of the biggest plot point since the miscarriage. You'll want popcorn for the next few chapters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First part overlaps in time with previous chap.

 It’s been … almost two weeks now since I came to Jay’s house. The pain has eased off a little … but it’s still there. Apparently … according to Jay, the pain will be here for around four weeks – another two or so to go ….

 He’s been swapping around my painkillers … because he doesn’t want to risk me getting addicted to the Codeine. Apparently, you’re not supposed to use them for more than three days in a row. So … it’s mainly Paracetamol and Ibuprofen he’s been giving me. It’s helping a bit, the Ibuprofen taking the inflammation down around my ribs. So … I’m finding it easier to move around, stand up and stuff. And when the pain does get too much for me, he’ll give me a couple of Co-codamol just to tide me over.

 He’s been really good to me, making me food and stuff. I did offer to … have sex with him when I’m better a few more times … but he wasn’t having it. I feel kinda glad about that … but … I dunno, I feel bad about not being able to repay him in some way. Whatever though – if he’s happy to let me stay here for free, I should be happy about it too.

 And … he’s eased off a bit with the police thing. Had to compromise though. Had to speak to Molly. Well … not speak to her; just had to turn my phone on and keep in touch with her through texting. I guess he just didn’t want her to be fretting about me.

 When I first turned my phone back on, she bombarded me with calls, but I didn’t answer any of them. So … then she settled for texting, but kept asking me to come back home. Since yesterday though … I think she understands that I’m not gonna budge. Now I’m just getting constant texts asking how I’m doing, what I’m up to, that sort of shitty small talk. But I do think … as long as she knows I’m alright, she’s a bit calmer. The last thing I wanna do is stress a pregnant lady out ….

 Oh ... and the DNA test came back, Molly said, with obvious results. Duh .... 

\---------------------

***11.34am***

 “Achooo!”

 “Oh dear.” Jay sits down next to me on the sofa, handing me a tissue. “Someone’s getting the sniffles.”

 “Yeah.” I wipe at my nose. “Been gettin’ sick a lot lately … since my ex kicked me out.”

 “You must be run down then; could do with taking some vitamins.”

 Good point …. “I … I used ta take multivitamins at h-his place.”

 “Ah … I see. I’ll get you some tomorrow.”

 “Thanks.”

 He leans back on the sofa. “So … have you -?”

 “Decided ta phone tha police?” I give him a dirty look. “No, I haven’t.”

 “Okay, that’s fine.”

 “Jay -.”

 “No, really, it’s fine. Whenever you’re ready.”

 G-great ….

\---------------------------

***Monday 13th November***

 “R-Ronald, please calm down -.”

 “Y’re gonna kick me out, right?! Y’ … y’ don’t want me here!”

 “Of course I do -.”

 “N-no ….”

 “Ronald.” He brushes the tears from my eyes. “Calm down, please?”

 I squeeze my eyes shut. “B-but y’ … y’re gonna abandon me!”

 “Why would you think that?”

 “Everyone … gets … f-fed up of me. I … I’m too much for people ta … h-handle.”

 “I’m not going to get fed up of -.”

 “Yes y’ will!” 

 He wraps his arms around my back gently. “I won’t, I promise. You’re free to stay here for as long you want.”

 I rest my head against his shoulder, crying against his shirt. “I … I’ll fuck u-up somehow.”

 “We all screw up, Ronald. And even if you do, I won’t give up on you. I promise you that.”

\--------------------------

 I dab at my eyes with a tissue. I … I feel kinda embarrassed for just … freaking out on him. It … kinda came out of nowhere. I just started thinking about stuff too much … getting myself into a panic.

 “What … was all that about?” He asks me.

 “I … I dunno ….”

 “Have I said something to make you think this way? Did … I do something wrong?”

 “N-no.”

 “Then why do you think I’m just going to chuck you away?”

 “A … a lot of people … jus’ wanna ge’ rid … of me once … they’re done wi’ me. Like … my ex.”

 “You have trust issues,” he says, sighing. It’s not a question, more of a statement.

 “C-can … y’ blame me?”

 “With what you’ve been through, no, I can’t.” He takes a hold of my hand. “But there are still people who want you around, people who don’t care if you make mistakes. Both me and Molly really care about you.”

 “Y’ … y’ll ge’ sick of me.”

 “Never, I never will. Look, I don’t expect you to put your trust in me. It’s my actions, not what I say that’s important.” He squeezes my hand. “I’ll show you that I won’t let you down.”

 “K … kay.”

 “So dry those eyes, stop fretting so much.”

 I take a deep breath. “I … I’ll try.”

 “Well you’re going to have to. It’s time for dinner.”

 “Oh … cool.”

\-------------------------------------

***Tuesday 14th November***

***8.34pm***

 Molly keeps phoning me … and her texts are kinda all over the place.

 Another text comes. “Shit ….”

 “What did she put this time?” Jay asks me.

 “She’s tellin’ me ta pick up tha phone. She says she really needs ta speak ta me.”

 “I think you should answer then.”

 “N-na, wha’ if Arthur’s in tha background? If … if it’s tha’ important, she can text me wha’ever it is ….”

 He lifts an eyebrow. “Ronald, if she’s phoned you hundreds of times already, she isn’t going to let this drop. It must be really important.”

 Does he mean …? “Do … y’ think … somethin’ bad has happened?”

 “Pick up the phone and you’ll find out.”

 “No -.”

 “Ronald, she hasn’t tried to phone you in days. She’s obviously desperate to speak to you. And judging by those texts, she’s getting stressed.”

 Stressed … shit …. I gulp. “Al-alright, I’ll p-pick up.”

 I accept the call – fuck … my hand’s shaking. “Hello?”

 “Ronnie! Where are ya?!”

 “W-wha’?”

 “I-I … need to speak to ya, in … in person.” Fuck … is she crying? “Something’s ‘appened … so … just tell me where ya are.”

 My heart starts to pound in my chest. “W … what’s happened?”

 “I … I can’t tell ya on the phone!”

 “Molly, jus’ tell me.”

 “N-noh over the phone!”

 I glance over at Jay. “B-but … I’m happy here.”

 “For goodness sake, Ronald -.”

 “T-tell … me what’s happened first, or … or I’m not givin’ y’ tha address.” She … she starts sobbing down the phone. “M-Molly?”

 “Fine, fine, ‘ave it ya way!”

 I flinch at her shouting. “Jus’ … jus’ tell me.”

 “Ya … ya father’s … b-been arrested.”

 The breath catches in my throat. Shit … why? Emma, James, fuck … did … did they get hurt? Fuck ….


	159. Ronald. The truth finds a way.

***12.35am***

 “Ronald, stop pacing. Sit down.”  

 “Why isn’t she here yet?! She … she said she was headin’ right out!”

 “There’s no need to threat, Ronald, you know how bad the traffic is in and out of London. She’s probably just stuck in a traffic jam.”

 “N-no need ta threat?!” My nails are digging into my palms – fuck knows how long I’ve had my fists clenched. “I … I don’t ‘ave a fuckin’ clue what’s happened! My … my siblings could be hurt for all I know!”

 “I’m sure nothing like that has happened.”

 “How could y’ – wait … y’ … y’ phoned tha police, didn’t y’?”

 “No, I did no such thing.”

 “Y’ -.”

 “Ronald, I had nothing to do with this. I’m in the dark as much as you are on this whole thing.”

 “But -.” A knock on the door …. “Sh-shit, she’s here.”

 We both hurry to the main door, Jay unlocking it. Molly’s there, her eyes all red and puffy. She looks Jay up and down. “H-hello.”

 “Hey.” He steps aside. “Please come in.”

 I’m swamped with a hug. Ow .... “Oh … oh, my Ronnie.” She starts crying again, really loudly.

 “M-Molly, wha’ … what’s goin’ on?”

 “I … I’m so sorry, sweetie.”

 “For wha’?” I’m not getting anywhere with her …. “Are … tha lil ones alright?”

 “Sh-shaken up. It’s not every day … they see their … father being taken a-away in handcuffs.”

 “Where are they?”

 “With Sharon.” The next door neighbour. Right …. “She … saw the commotion outside … the ‘ouse and … I … I ‘ad to find ya … so … she has them for the night.”

 So … he didn’t hurt them. Good …. “Why was he arrested then?” Her … crying gets worse again. Great ….

 Jay steps in. “Can I get you a drink?”

 Molly glances over at him. “T-tea, please.”

\------------------------------

 She’s calmed down a bit now, mug of tea clasped between her hands. I’m sitting opposite her at the kitchen table. “Molly, are y’ gonna tell me what’s happened?”

 “Yes, yes ….” She takes a shaky breath. “A … few days ago, the police in London found the two men in … those videos -.”

 “Y’ never told me tha’.”

 “I didn’t know. The … police kept … that fact ‘idden from us … because the men … bargained with them. They … gave them … information … ‘oping they’d geh their sentences reduced.”

 My stomach starts to churn. “Wha’ … does this ‘ave ta do wi’ Arthur?”

 “Y-ya … remember when I said … we were poor back then?”

 “Y-yeah.”

 She lets go of her cup, covering her face with her hands. “H-he … knew th-these men. He … he was the one … behind all of this.”

 That … can’t be right …. “B-but tha police never found any evidence … tha’ y’ or him were involved?”

 “They didn’t – Arthur … used to go … out of the ‘ouse a lot … when ya were lil. He said it … was to go job ‘unting … but really, he … he was going to some … man’s ‘ouse – Scott … I think it was.”

 That name makes me shiver. “Y-yeah … he … he was tha main guy ….”

 “He … he was talking to this man … about ‘ow … to geh ya abducted. He … he did it all face to … face. No … no phone calls, no letters, nothing … that could be traced back … to ‘im. He … he knew a lil … bit, even back then, about … computer things. A … a third man … was arrested this morning – Arthur … had told ‘im ‘ow … to disable the … security cameras in the supermarket.” A sob breaks through her sniffing. “He … he was pulling … the strings all along. F-for … over ten years, he … he’d go to that ‘ouse, pick up … money.” Another sob. “They’d … agreed upon … a cut he’d … geh f-for … everything ya … w-went through. And … he was behind the letter … and he phoned them from a payphone … to … to tell them to … shut the … chatroom down.”

 My stomach starts to churn – my … my own dad ….

 “The … the men who were arrested … said he … he only cared about … the money. And … and he’d make … sure ya … were l-locked down in the basement … before he even came into the ‘ouse. We … we used that money … to buy a nicer house in … the area. We … we used it, alongside our … wages, to … to raise the lil ones – I didn’t ‘ave a fucking clue!”

 Jay speaks up. “And the police don’t suspect you?”

 “Jay!” I glare at him. “Don’t say stuff like -.”

 “N-no, it … it’s fine.” A bitter laugh comes from her – it … it makes me uncomfortable. “Ya … ya know what those men said, Ronnie? They … called me a stupid cow … said I was so unaware of everything. S-so yes, I’ve … been cleared. N-noh that it makes … any of this better.” She pulls her hands away, tears sliding down her cheeks. “I … I’m a failure of a … mother.”

 “That isn’t true.” Jay cuts in. “He’s a manipulator. Ronald, I think it’s time you told her the truth.”

 She looks between me and him. “W-what truth?”

 “J-Jay, no -.”

 “If you don’t tell her, I will.”

 “R-Ronnie, what is he … talking about?”

 My … my throat closes up on me. I look away, bracing myself.

 “Your husband was never attacked by Ronald. He set the whole thing up, cut himself. I bet he even left the knife out as evidence, didn’t he?”

 I look back at Molly … and … and her expression says it all.

 “Ronald left for a reason, but not because of that.”

 Her hands grip onto the table. “Th-then … what ‘appened?”

 “H-he beat … m-me up.” I manage to say.

 “It seems he wanted to get Ronald out of the house as quickly as possible. Maybe he was scared that Ronald would remember something?”

 The colour’s drained from Molly’s face. “B-beat ya up?”

 “Ronald, show her -.”

 “N-no -.”

 “R-Ronnie, please, sh-show me.” She says.

 I stand up from the table – I … I’ve gone all light headed. The tears start when Jay helps me to take my jumper and shirt off.

 “Ronald, turn around, let her see.”

 “K … kay.” I do … hearing her gasp.

 “W-what -?”

 “Cuts from his belt buckle,” Jay explains. “He sustained a broken rib too.”

 The room goes silent apart from crying. She … she must be in shock.

\----------------------------------

 It’s been ages since I showed her what happened now. Apparently … they have some concrete evidence … that Arthur was involved in it all … but they haven’t even … told Molly what that is yet. My … my body’s gone like Jelly – it … it’s too much to take in right now. If … if he wasn’t my … dad, I … I wouldn’t be so fucked up now. I … wouldn’t have had a baby to lose – none of … this would have been a reality.

 “We should geh going, Ronnie,” Molly says – she’s not crying or anything now. Maybe … she’s put up a wall, distanced herself, to protect herself. I’d do the same thing ….

 “N-now?”

 “We’ll probably be on the road for … three or four ‘ours. I don’t know about ya … but I just wanna geh ‘ome.”

 I shake my head. “N-no -.”

 “Ronnie -.”

 “I … I told y’ I was happy here!”

 “I know, I … remember … but the police are coming over again in the afternoon to talk to ya.”

 I squeeze my eyes shut. “I … I jus’ wanna be left alone.”

 “Ronnie, ya can’t -.”

 “I didn’t ask for any of this!” My fist slams down on the table. “This is y’ mess, his mess! S-so go fix this on y’ own!”

 “Ronald,” Jay says, “if you’re ever going to heal from this, you need to face it head on.”

 “No!” I shoot her a dirty look. “Why’ve I gotta suffer because y’ were too stupid ta see wha’ was goin’ on?!”

 “Ronald, enough!” I flinch – Jay … he ... he’s not one to shout …. “I understand that you’re upset but throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to help anyone.”

 I dissolve into tears again – it … it’s not fair! “B-but … I don’t wanna … g-go back there – tha’ … house, it … it isn’t a home.”

 “It could be. Your mother really cares about you – you know she isn’t the one to blame. Arthur twists everyone around his little finger.”

 “I … I love ya, Ronnie, I … I’m sorry.” I look back at Molly – she’s crying into her hands. S-shit … I … I feel kinda bad now ….

 “Ronald, you know I’ll always be here for you, and you can text and call me whenever I’m not stuck at work.”

 “B-but … things were … simpler here.”

 “I know, but the best things for a person aren’t always easy. You want these people locked up, don’t you?”

 “Y-yeah.”

 “So you need to speak to the police.” He gives me a little smile. “I tell you what – you sleep here for tonight and then in the morning, you can head back. Molly, I know you want to get going, but it’s risky to drive without sleep.” His eyes stay fixed on me. “The last thing you need is to get into an accident.”

 “T-that’s fine with … me.” Molly hiccups.

 “Ronald, you go get some sleep, okay? You’ll be of calmer mind once you’ve rested.”

 “K-kay.”

\-----------------------------------

***Wednesday 15th November***

***6.31am***

 Jay changed the bedsheets, let Molly sleep up here with me. I … I didn’t want a pregnant woman having to sleep on the sofa either really.

 For once though … it’s not me being plagued with nightmares, it’s her. I just can’t get to sleep, too … busy thinking about everything ….

 I feel really bad for her. She’s crying in her sleep. She’s probably in a worse state than me – she … she’s been lied to all these years.

 Man … I’m not getting a wink of sleep tonight ….


	160. Ronald. The truth gets worse.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again, if you see any typos, let me know. Wanted to get this up as quickly as possible.

***8.01am***

 I’m just getting ready to leave now. Man … I’m absolutely knackered. Didn’t get any sleep at all.

 I heard Molly talking to someone on the phone earlier, asking for them to keep the lil ones ‘entertained’ until the evening. Must have been the next-door neighbour. I guess Molly doesn’t want them around … for whatever the police have to say to me.

 “Are ya ready to go?”

 “Y-yeah.” I turn to look at Jay. “I’ll text y’ when I ge’ there?”

 “Yeah, please.” He hands me a bottle. “Don’t forget to take your multivitamins, alright?”

 “Th-thanks. H-hug?”

 “Of course,” he smiles at me and then gives me a soft hug. He gives me a kiss on the cheek; it’s brief, but it makes me smile. He really does care about me.

 The hug breaks and I look up at him. “I … I’m gonna miss y’.”

 “So am I … but you’re going to be alright. You take care of yourself, okay?”

 “Y-yeah, okay.”

 “And phone me if you need anything.”

 I nod at him. “Alright.”

\------------------------------

 “So … ya didn’t tell Jay about ya problem with painkillers?” Molly asks me as I click my seatbelt into place. It’s so weird, using a seat belt – don’t think I have before. I look away from her – fuck … I really don’t need a lecture right now. Kinda … pisses me off that she’d even bring that up.

 “Y’ ever had a broken rib?”

 “No.”

 “Well … it kills. I wouldn’t ‘ave been able ta cope wi’ tha pain wi’out them.”

 “Well -.”

 “Molly, I don’t need this right now -.”

 “No, no, I understand …. I was just worried – did ya take too many?”

 I sigh – no … point lying to her, I guess. “Jus’ … tha first day. I … didn’t think I’d be able ta travel down here … wi’ tha normal dose. I … I could barely move wi’ tha pain.”

 “Hmm. Ya need to be more careful, sweetie. Paracetamol can really mess up ya liver.”

 “Yeah.” I really, really don’t need this ….

 “Is the pain any better now?” She asks. I think she … wants me to come off of the painkillers.

 “It’s still pretty bad.”

 “O-okay.” She sighs. “I … I’m so sorry, sweetie. I … I should ‘ave realised what was going on.”

 “How? He … he twisted everythin’ – proper convincin’ … I guess.”

 “Still -.”

 “Forget ‘bout it. He’s out of tha … picture now, so wha’ever.” Shit … that sounds really blunt. It’s the truth though – I … I just want this to be out of the way, over with. No … no one can blame me for that.

\-----------------------

 I fell asleep during the car ride, for a little bit.

 We’re outside the house now … and … my feet just won’t move. Molly said that all my stuff is still in there … but that doesn’t fucking help. “Come on sweetie, let’s go inside and ‘ave something to eat. We shouldn’t deal with the policeman on an empty stomach.”

 “N-na, I … I can’t.”

 She looks over at me. “Ya’re not ‘ungry?”

 “N-no, I … I can’t go in there. D-don’t wanna.”

 “Sweetie, h-he isn’t ‘ere now. Ya’ll be safe.”

 “N-na.” The house gives me that same horrible feeling as it did when Will abandoned me. It’s so … unwelcoming. “Tha’ … place isn’t a home.” 

 “Remember what Jay said? He said that it could be a ‘ome if ya give it a try … give ya family a chance.”

 “B-but James … doesn’t even like me.”

 “No, he … just doesn’t know ya. He’ll come around eventually. Ronnie, just come inside, okay?” She holds out a hand to me. “Th-things will be just fine.”

 Man … she’s really putting on a brave face … just for me …. I reach out slowly, taking her hand. I … I really just wanna go back to Jay’s place … but I … I can’t hurt her even more than she … already is. “O-okay, I’ll come inside.”

 “Thank ya.”

\--------------------------

 The policeman is here again, the same guy as before. My heart starts to pound ever faster as he takes a seat across the coffee table from us, pulling out a laptop. This … this can’t be good.

\--------------------------

 I’m shaking like … a fucking leaf. Arthur … he … he was one of the guys … who used to come over. I … I never saw his face back then, but it … it all fits. They … used to blindfold me a lot, tie … me down. A … a few times a … week, maybe.

 M-Molly threw up when … she saw him … doing those things on … the laptop. The screams …the sounds I was making – it … it was just t-too much …. Fuck knows … why he had to show us that – confirmation that … it was me or some shit? I don’t get it!

 They’d … shut the chatroom down, but they had … thousands of videos saved on USB sticks in … their house. I … I never saw his face, and he never spoke to me … b-but … I remember it … how he used to hold me down, nearly suffocating me against … the pillow.

 Apparently … he … he was the only person, really, who’d want me blindfolded. Everyone else … liked my face, my … bright eyes, b-but … he didn’t want to risk … me remembering him.

 “B-but … why would he ….?” Molly’s sobbing. “I … I thought … ya said he … he did it for the money!”

 “It was that way at first,” the policeman says, “but according to the other suspects … Mr Knox is a control freak. He would complain about you -.”

 “M-me?”

 “Yes … I am afraid he felt that … he couldn’t control you. You were stubborn, strongminded. You had thoughts of your own. The sort of person Mr Knox is, he needs to have control over people. And so … Ronald was the easy target, easy to frighten. It made Mr Knox feel as if he had ultimate control over someone. A helpless child was the easiest option.”

 “S-so it … was my fault ….”

 “Molly, don’t say tha’!” I hold my stomach – it … it’s really churning. “It’s HIS fault, his problem, not y’s.”

 “Your son is right,” the policeman says. “It is due to his personality. It is not down to anything that you did.”

 Molly holds her face in her hands. She … she’s so shaken up. Maybe worse than me ….

 Na … na – is that even possible?

\---------------------

 Things … just got worse. There … was another kid that had been abducted … taken to their house. The … police found him when they arrested them. The … the poor kid was only five years old … for fuck sake ….

 He … he’s probably gonna end up as fucked up as me ….

 And … Arthur was … he … he was planning to kill me off. I … I was getting too old, not bringing in much money – no … no doubt he … he would have started hurting James or Emma soon …. 

 He … he was even trying to figure out how to … make one of them go ‘missing’. N-not an easy thing … to do when one kid’s already been abducted ….

 Fuck … if I hadn’t … run off, he … he’d have done me in. I … I’d be buried in a ditch somewhere.

 That … wasn’t all either. Arthur … thought I’d gotten … pregnant a few months … before I ran off. I … remember that, throwing up … but I thought, back then, that I was just ill. I … I didn’t really understand it all … until Gaz told me some stuff ….

 So … so he got Scott to … beat me to a pulp. If … if I was preggers, by … one of them, I lost the baby. It … it’s a bit fuzzy, b-but I do … remember bleeding a bit – nothing new there though. It … it wasn’t unusual … to bleed from … there after being fucked really hard like that ….

 And then … they started giving me a pill … every morning. They wouldn’t tell me what it was … but I get it now. Wasn’t just any pill, but ‘The Pill’.

 Guess the chance that … I could have gotten … pregnant by him was the final straw though – they had to bump me off ….

 I … I feel so queasy … and it’s not over yet. I … I need to go down to the station, again, give a statement. And … they want to take pictures of … my cuts and stuff, even if the belt lashes are pretty much just scars now.

 Molly told them … about him beating me up a few weeks back. Fuck knows how she got her words out. I fucking couldn’t ….

\----------------------

 “M-Molly, please, j-jus’ leave me alone.” She … she’s trying her best to comfort me … but … but I can’t deal with any of this right now. I ended up blacking out in the back of the police car – I … I think the stress and shock got to me. It … it wasn’t for long though – don’t think anyone noticed.

 “Sweetie -.”

 “J-jus’ go away.” I pull the covers over my head. Hiding out in her room. “I … I jus’ wanna sleep.”

 “D-don’t ya think we should talk … about this?”

 “No!” What the fuck is talking gonna do?! Make me have another panic attack? I … I’ve had enough of having them today. “I want y’ ta go away!”

 “A-are ya … mad at me?”

 “No! I … I jus’ wanna be left alone! Why don’t y’ ge’ tha’?!”

 She makes a little crying sound. “O-okay, Ronnie, I … I’ll leave ya be.”

 I hear the door shut and squeeze my eyes shut. If … if only everything would just go away ….


	161. Molly. Hell hole.

 Ronnie’s in a right state – it … shouldn’t come as any surprise really, but it really shatters my heart to see him cry. I … remember when he was a toddler. He’d barely cry – he’d only start wailing when I wouldn’t give him something sweet to eat … and well, I couldn’t say no to that face.

 If … if only it was so easy to cheer him up now. But … nothing is simple. I … I doubt it will be for a while to come.

 Th-that man … he’s ruined everything. I … I try to encourage Ronnie, tell him that everything is gonna be alright … but really, whatever way I look at it, my … my lil baby is broken. He’s not the young man he could have been – just … a frightened, shaking shell, really ….

 And it’s all his fault. Things … could have been so, so different … if only that man … wasn’t his father. My mother was right – he … he was an awful man all along.

 And if I ever see him again, there … there’ll be a knife where his heart should be. Hn, should be.

\-----------------------------------------

 I … I still don’t think this has all sunk in yet. It’s … like I’m trapped in a nightmare and I can’t get out. That … man, he was so convincing … all these years. He … he had me twisted around his little finger.

 And … I fell for all of it. Those awful men were right – I am a stupid bitch.

 I’ve let my … lil boy down. I … I have from the start ….

\-------------------------

 “For fuck sake,” I mutter under my breath, slamming a half full whiskey bottle down on the kitchen table. I … I told him, so many times, to get rid of this bottle. Whether it be hiding it or tipping it down the sink, I told him to get it away from Ronnie! I wanted a bowl of soup, something to calm my nerves … but now I’m in even more of a tizzy.

 I’m trying to hold it all together, for Ronnie, for the lil ones … but I just want to scream, take out my rage on someone. I … I wish I could tear this place to shreds. We … we spent THAT money on this house, buying it, fixing little things. Even the toaster is ….

 I … I know what I said to Ronnie, that we should stay here, work on our relationship as a family, but really, I … I don’t want to stay here. Everywhere I turn, memories come to me. All … the things he said to me, all the lies he told.

 The bottle is thrown in the sink, shattering upon impact. I don’t want to touch that thing; he’s probably had his mouth around it. “Ya-ya’re a monster, Arthur, nothing but a monster.”

\-------------------------

 I grab another tissue, dabbing at my eyes. It’s so … selfish really, crying, feeling sorry for myself. I … I should just be thankful that Ronnie’s still with us. He’s the one who has a reason to cry, not me. The torture, it’s hundreds of times greater than mine. He … he’s probably never known love, or much in the way of kindness.

 I should probably go check on him. I know … he doesn’t want to see anyone, but it’s been over an hour. In this state of mind, I really can’t risk leaving him alone for too long. That letter from his ex, it plays on my mind all of the time.

 I shudder at the thought of it, pushing myself up from my chair – I … I don’t want to think about what he could be up to.

\--------------------

 “Sweetie, can I come in?” Oh no, no answer. I knock a little louder. “Ronnie?”

 “Nghhh ….”

 My heart skips a bit. Groaning – that … that can’t be good. The door is slung open – oh … he’s still in bed. “S-sorry, sweetie, were ya sleeping?” I move closer to him.

 “Was … tryin’ ta,” he rolls away from me, “but it doesn’t matter.”

 “Okay. ‘Ave … ya calmed down a lil bit?”

 “Y-yeah, I guess.”

 “So … look at me, ‘oney, please.”

 I hear a loud sigh and a few moments later, he sits up in bed, looking at me. Oh … he looks so pale – the colour has all but drained away from him. “There’s my handsome lil man.”

 He nods slowly. “I … I’m sorry for snappin’ … earlier.”

 “It’s -.”

 “Didn’t mean … ta take it out on y.”

 “Sweetie, it’s okay. These are testing times – we’re both bound to snap.”

 “I … I’m still sorry though. Things are jus’ as tough for y’.”

 “Really, it’s okay. I forgive ya.” I smile at him, hoping that he’ll smile back. He doesn’t … breaking eye contact with me again.

 “Molly … I … I need ta tell y’ somethin’.”

 “Okay. Are … ya gonna look at me?” He shakes his head. “Okay … what do ya need to tell me?”

 His hands grip onto the bedsheets. “Arthur … he ….”

 My stomach turns over. “He …?”

 “H-he … did … stuff ta me.”

 “I … I know, sweetie, I saw the videos.”

 “N-no, y’ … y’ don’t understand. Wh-when he … broke my rib, he … did other stuff. I – it hurt so much, I … couldn’t throw him off.”

 “O-oh ….” Oh God ….

 A weak cry pierces my ears. “M-Molly, I … I thought he was gonna kill me. And … I … I couldn’t think ‘bout it. It ... was like my mind had blocked ... it out ta ... s-stop me goin’ insane. It … it hurt too much ta … remember … tha’ my … own dad did THA’ ta me. It ... it screwed wi' my head ... so badly. My ... my mind jus' ... couldn't deal ... wi' it. A-and now … I know he was doin’ … it ta me all along. Molly, I … I don’t know how ta cope.”

 “I … I think ya’re doing amazingly well.” I … I’m trying so, so … hard to not break down. He … he did THAT to my lil boy in … this house.

 “N-no … I’m not. I … I’m a mess.”

 “Ya should be so proud of yaself, sweetie. Because of everything ya told the police, that lil boy will see ‘is family again.”

 “Whose p-place did he take, Molly?”

 “Ya ‘eard what the police said. Ya’d ‘ave died if ya’d ‘ave stayed there. Look, that … that lil boy was only there for a lil bit of time. With enough ‘elp, he’ll be fine.”

 “Unlike me, right? I’m … gonna be fucked up for life.”

 “No, no, I … I didn’t mean it like that. I was just saying ya’ve been so, so brave.”

 He shakes his head. “Y’ … can’t really think there’s any h-hope for me.”

 “I do, I really do. S-so put on a brave face, geh to know the lil ones. Things will be alright.”

 “Y’re … gonna go ge’ them soon?”

 “In a bit, yes.” His hands move and he hugs himself. “Unless ya need a lil more time?”

 “A … a cuddle wouldn’t hurt.”

 “Okay sweetie.” No … we can’t stay in this house. We’ll have to … find a new home, a … a real home.

 This … this place is a hell hole ….


	162. Molly. Too young.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Point out any typos please.

 I glance at the clock in the bedroom, knowing that I need to go collect the lil ones. I can’t leave Ronnie though, not when he’s crying this badly. And I just want to cuddle him so tightly, comfort him all I can, but … I can’t – his rib is still painful. The last thing he needs is physical pain … on top of this mental anguish.

 My poor boy – he … he’s so distraught.  

\--------------------------

 “Molly, I … I’m so sleepy.”

 “Then ya should rest.” He did say he hadn’t gotten much sleep.

 “N-na, tha lil ones -.”

 “I can tell them that ya’re sleeping, ‘oney, it’s no problem.”

 “Y’ … y’ don’t want me there too?”

 “I can handle two lil kids, Ronnie; ya just focus on feeling better.”

 He snuggles a little closer to me. “B-but they’ll hate me.”

 “N-no, no, why would they ‘ate ya?”

 “T … they’ll probably blame me for … Arthur bein’ locked up.”

 My heart sinks – the … the lil ones are too young for me to tell them what’s really going on. “Let me deal with that, okay? Ya ‘ave enough on ya plate right now.”

 “S-so do y’.”

 “True, but I’m the parent here. It’s my job to worry about things like that. S-so ya just focus on yaself, okay?  Ya need to make sure ya’re gehhing enough sleep, eating enough, all of those important things for ya own wellbeing. Can ya do that for me?”

 “Y-yeah, okay. So … is it alright if I stay up here for today?”

 “That’s fine, sweetie, I can tell the lil ones that ya’re noh feeling well.”

 “Th-thanks.”

\----------------------------

 He’s fallen asleep now, snoring lightly against my shoulder. I slide out of bed as slowly as I can, not wanting to wake him. The covers are tucked around him, and I bend down, kissing him on the forehead. He’s so cute when he sleeps.

 But then again, all three of my children are just adorable. They have my good genes, after all.

 “Sleep well, ‘oney.”

\----------------------------

 “Poorly? What do you mean?!” Emma follows me through the front door. “Is … is he gonna die?”

 “Oh sweetie, no. It’s nothing like that. He … he’s just sleepy.”

 “He’s probably got Zombie disease.” James says.

 “James, stop it.” I give him a warning look. “I’ve told ya enough times that he’s noh a zombie.”

 “But -.”

 “He isn’t dead. That letter was a lie, okay?”

 “Right -.”

 “Mommy,” Emma cuts him off, “when’s Daddy coming home?”

 I gulp. “He … he isn’t, sweetie.”

 “Why not?!” James shouts. “He didn’t do anything wrong!”

 “H-he did.”

 “That’s what Ronald says! Dad said we can’t believe a word he says!”

 “What? When … when did he say that?”

 “I dunno – when he showed up.”

 “Well the police know the truth and that’s why he’s in jail right now.”

 “Then what did he do?!”

 “Yeah, Mommy.” Emma pouts. “W-what happened?”

 “I … I’ll tell ya when ya’re older.”

 “No! Tell us or you’re lying!”

 “J-James, I’m noh lying. Ya’re just too young to understand.”

 “Don’t -.”

 “Ya … ya father ‘as done bad things, to me … to Ronald. That’s all ya need to know.”

 “That’s not good enough!”

 I sigh. “One day ya’ll understand.” I try to change the subject. “‘Ow was the sleepover?”

 “It was good, Mommy!” Emma says. “We stayed up late and played lots of games!”

 “Stayed up late?”

 “Oh … are you mad?”

 “No, ya know I don’t mind ya staying up late if ya ‘aven’t goh school in the morning. What games did ya play?”

\-------------------------------

***8.34pm***

 James is up in his room, sulking I think. I … don’t blame him in the slightest – it must be so hard for him.

 At the same time … I feel completely useless. I … I can’t comfort him because I can’t tell him in detail what happened – he’s far too young to understand all of this. So … I’m forcing him to trust me blindly, and that isn’t fair on him. I’m his mother … but … he’s always been closer to him.

 I … I worry now – sometimes … I see a lot of Arthur in James … his attitude towards things. That … scares me ….

 “Mommy?” Emma’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. She’s handling this well, unusually well … but part of me thinks it’s all going over her head. Maybe she thinks … her father will be home soon, no matter what I said earlier. And … I … I don’t know how to make things clear, and … then make things easy for her ….

 “Yes sweetie?”

 “Can I see Ronnie now? I … I want him to play with me.”

 “Emma, it’s gehhing a bit late now to play games.”

 “Oh … then I want to spend time with him. Please?”

 “He might be sleeping -.”

 “Please!”

 “Okay, okay, we can see if he is or noh.”

\---------------------

 We went up to check on him and … found him crying under the sheets. “Ronnie, don’t cry!” Emma bounces up and down on the bed on her knees. “Daddy will be home soon, don’t worry!”

 I draw in a long breath – just … as I thought, Ronnie … starts crying harder. He … he’s shaking, my poor boy. “N-no, he … he’s not!”

 “Yes he is!” She grins. “So no crying, okay?” I … I think Emma notices that he’s getting more panicky because she looks over at me. “Mommy, d-did I say something wrong?”

 “No, sweetie, I told ya that Ronnie’s noh feeling well. He’s a … little sensitive, okay?”

 She looks between the two of us. “Th-then what do I do?”

 “Let’s leave Ronnie to geh some more sleep, okay?” I extend a hand to her. “We’ll geh ya in the bath now, alright?”

 “O … okay, Mommy,” she says quietly, taking my hand.

 Oh … what a complete mess. Everything … is so jumbled up. And … because of the age difference, I … can’t possibly hope for them to understand.

 I … I’m at a loss.

\--------------------------------

 I come into the bedroom, flopping down in bed next to Ronald. It’s getting late, really late … but I needed some time to think – not that it helped. I went over things time and time again in my head … and didn’t come up with any solutions – there aren’t any ….

 “Ya okay, sweetie?”

 “E-Emma’s wrong … isn’t she? He … he’s not comin’ back?”

 “No, he isn’t. I told both of the lil ones this … but I don’t think Emma really gehs it.”

 “So … there’s … no chance of him -?”

 “No, there’s no way in ‘ell that I’m letting that man come back into our lives. I won’t let allow it, I promise ya that.” 

 “G-good. I … I like ya … and when I was at Jay’s, I … I really missed ya.”

 “Hn … I can’t see why. I … I’ve let ya down so badly.”

 “No, no, y’ haven’t.” It comes out almost as a shout. Maybe … he’s mad that I’d think that. It … it’s the truth though.

 “Sweetie -.”

 “Y’ … y’ haven’t let me down. Y’ … y’ve believed everythin’ I’ve said ta y’. I … I’m glad that y’re my mom. Hn … I doubt many other people would ‘ave this sorta patience wi’ me.”

 “Well … I know that it’s going to take time to adjust … for all of us.”

 “Y-yeah ….”

 “Do ya want something to eat?  We have some bits and pieces left over from what me and Emma ate.”

 “N-nah – ‘ave y’ got any crisps lyin’ ‘bout?”

 “Hmm, should ‘ave. I’ll go take a look.” I don’t care what he eats, as long as he’s eating something. God knows he needs to put on some weight. Ngh … my mind goes back to those videos, how … how small and frail he looked. It breaks my heart …. “What flavour?”

 “Any – n-not fussed.”

 “Sure thing.”


	163. Ronald. Shouting.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Point out any typos please.

***Thursday 16th November***

***9.25am***

 Today has been hell so far and it hasn’t even started properly yet. I came down for breakfast a bit earlier, because … well, I didn’t eat much yesterday. I was well hungry.

 James, the little shit, barged me outta the way – he … he’s strong for a kid … and really aggressive towards me. I don’t think Molly even noticed; she was too busy sorting out the food. I … I don’t think I’m going to mention it to her … yet. I mean, she’s already upset, and I can deal with James being an asshole.

 He’s just a little kid … and I can understand why he doesn’t like me much. I’d rather deal with some moody kid than … him ….

 Molly’s just come back from taking them to school … so at least I’m free of him for a good six hours.

 I get into the car with her – we’ve got to go get STD tested. The … police said so, after everything that’s happened. I mean … I had one before, back in the reaper realm, but … I can’t tell her that. Heh … that’d open up a massive can of worms.

 So yeah … off to the clinic we go. Apparently, I’ve been added to the medical books or whatever. Molly got the records all sorted out while I was at Jay’s.

 “‘Ow’s the rib pain?” She asks me.

 “Alright, yeah.”  She’s hidden all the painkillers away, but she left a dose out on the kitchen counter for me to take while she was out. “Tha pain is really startin’ ta ease off now.”

 She nods slowly. “Ya’re starting to heal.”

 Yeah … my body’s healing, and that’s the only thing. That’s what she’s thinking too, I can tell.

 “Are ya ready to geh going?”

 “Y-yeah. Uh … these tests, they aren’t gonna hurt tha baby, right?”

 “No, don’t worry.”

 “Alright …. Eh … when are y’ gonna -?”

 “Tell the lil ones? I … I don’t know yet. It can’t be long before I start to show though.”

 “Y’ can’t not tell them. It’s … never a good idea ta hide things.” Especially when it comes to being pregnant ….

 “I … know. It’s just … there’s so much going on already. I’ll tell them soon, just noh … right now.”

 I can hear her voice shaking, so … best to just drop it for now. “Alright.”

 We sit in silence, and I’m just waiting for the car to drive out onto the street. It doesn’t …. I glance over at Molly – shit … she’s crying. “Y’ … y’ okay?”

 She wipes at her eyes quickly. “F-fine.”

 “Molly -.”

 “Really, I’m okay. I … I don’t ‘ave to tell ya that things are a lil stressful right now.”

 “D-do y’ wanna talk ‘bout it?”

 “No, no, I’m okay. Just … give me a moment … and we’ll geh going.”

 “Alright ….”

\--------------

 My name’s just been called for the STD tests. So … not looking forward to this. “I’ll be waiting right outside, okay?” Molly says.

 “Yeah … alright.” I take a deep breath. “See y’ in a bit.”

\-----------------------

 “Sweetie?”

 “Ronnie?”

 “A-are ya listening to me?”

 “Hey, stop that!”

 I flinch, looking down. Molly’s just grabbed a hold of my wrist. “Wh-wha’?”

 “I … I think ya zoned out, sweetie. Ya were picking at ya elbow.”

 I look down at the spot where they jabbed me for the HIV blood test. When … did I pull the cotton wool off? “Oh … I didn’t realise.” The spot’s kinda throbbing, bleeding ….

 “It’s okay. Just … be careful, okay? Ya could introduce infection to the area by messing with it.”

 “Al-alright.”

 “Are ya alright?”

 “Y-yeah, I guess so.”

 “Is … there anything ya wanna talk about?”

 “N-no.”

 “Ronnie.” She lifts an eyebrow.

 “I … I jus’ didn’t like … those tests. Didn’t … like bein’ swabbed and stuff.”

 “Hmm … it made ya uncomfortable?”

 “Yeah … kinda.”

 “Well … it’s over now, and … it … it was for the best.” She lets go of my wrist.

 I nod slowly. “Yeah, I know. I … I’m alright, really. It … it wasn’t tha’ bad.”

 “Are ya sure?”

 “Yeah, really.”

 “Alright.” She gives me a small smile. “Do ya wanna stop off at a café’? We could geh some yummy food?” The engine of the car is turned on.

 “Yeah, sounds good.” I feel my tummy rumble. “Cake?”

 “Yes, cake sounds wonderful.”

 “Are … y’ ‘aving any cravings yet?”

 “Pregnancy cravings? Hmm … no, noh really.”

 “Did y’ ‘ave cravings wi’ me?”

 “Nope, none of my pregnancies were like that. I more just suffer with backache and fatigue. Those sorts of things.”

 “So … they sucked for y’?”

 “Oh, no, they could ‘ave been a lot worse.” It goes quiet again. “So … cake?”

 “Yeah, cake sounds good.”

 “Great.”

\----------------------------

***6.33pm***

 The TV remote goes flying past my head, missing it by a few inches. My fists clench – fucking kid has been making nasty comments and … just being a jackass since he came home. I hear him laugh, a really mean laugh –

 “Tha fuck is y’ problem, kid?!” I snap, turning around, glaring at him.

 “You’re mean, swearing at me,” he says.

 “Oh right, I’m tha cunt here. Look, if y’ve got a problem wi’ me, jus’ say it.”

 He folds his arms over his chest. “I hate you. It’s your fault Dad isn’t here.”

 “Pfft,” I shake my head, “it’s really not.”

 “Yes it is! You come along and Dad ends up in jail!”

 “Oh right!” I shoot to my feet. “Because he’s such a great guy!”

 “He is!”

 “Y’re lucky, y’ know tha’! He could … ‘ave hurt y’, don’t y’ realise tha’?!”

 “Dad would never hurt me!”

 Molly comes rushing into the room. “Settle down, ya two.”

 “No!” James shouts. “He shouldn’t be here! He … he’s a bad person, Mom!”

 “No … sweetie, ya father is the bad … one.”

 “You’re stupid!”

 “Stop it!” I grab a hold of my shirt, pulling it off. I turn around, showing him my back. “Y’ see this, kid? He did this ta me!” I … I’m scowling. “He … he was tha one who took me away from my family. He … he beat me up, did horrible things ta me. So … so y’re lucky tha’ he’s gone! Because … this could’ve been y’!” The tears start coming. “So … so be glad tha’ … I came back, tha’ he’s gone, because … y’ … y’ could’ve ended up jus’ as messed up as me.”

 The room goes silent. Shit ….

 I … I really just said all that.

 Fuck ….

\----------------------

***8.13pm***

 I’ve been hiding up in my room since … I blew up in James’ face. M-Molly’s probably really mad at me … for saying all that. He … he’s just a kid, but … I let my anger get the best of me. And … I’m not usually the sorta person to go off on one, but … he was just being so mean to me …..

**Knock.**

**Knock.**

 Shit ….

 “Ronnie, can I come in?”

 “O-okay ….”

 She comes into the room – what … why is she smiling?

 “Are ya okay?”

 “Y’ … y’re not mad at me?”

 She shakes her head. “Nope. Actually … I’m really proud of ya for sticking up for yaself.”

 “B-but I shouted at him.”

 “So? He needed to be told off … for what he was saying to ya. He … needed to be put in ‘is place.”

 “So … does he believe … wha’ I said?”

 “With … those scars, it’s ‘ard noh to.” She sits down on the edge of the bed. “I think ya stunned ‘im into silence … which is a first.”

 “That’s … not a good thing.”

 “I think it is. Ya … managed to tell ‘im things that I was scared to say. At least it’s all out in the open now. I … I think he understands things a lil more now.”

 I nod slowly. “Alright ….”

 “I ‘ad a good talk with ‘im … and well, I don’t think he’s gonna be mean to ya anymore.”

 “Really?”

 “Yes … I think he feels a lil guilty, if I’m ‘onest.” She chuckles. “So that’s a win.”

 “Yeah.” I manage a smile. “That’s good.” Thank fuck – I don’t like having things chucked at me …. “So … is it okay ta go back downstairs?”

 “Yep.” She giggles. “I don’t think ya’ll be ‘aving anymore problems.”

 “Alright. C-cool ….”

 “But can I ‘ave a ‘ug first?”

 “Yeah, sure.” Sweet – I like her cuddles ….

 Man … I really hope she’s right. I really hope I managed to knock some sense into him ….


	164. Molly. Decisions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The part in italics shows past tense of the conversation ....  
> Eh, you'll see what I mean.

***Friday 17th November***

***2.13am***

**Knock.**

**Knock.**

**Knock, knock, knock.**

 “Yes, come in.” It isn’t just me that can’t sleep … by the looks of it, James peeping into the room. Ugh … I have too much on my mind, from the baby, to the police, to … explaining all this to Mother. She’s going to say I told you so, I know she is ….

 Bloody woman … and her pride ….

 “Ya okay, sweetie?” I ask him. Ronnie stirs a little at my side, muttering under his breath.

 “Can I … sleep in with you tonight?”

 “Can’t sleep?”

 “I … feel bad. And ….” He looks down at the floor. “Scared.”

 “Scared?”

 He nods slowly. “D-Dad … really did all that. If … if he comes back, he … could make me all scarred up, or … Emma.” Yes … it really has dawned on him, the severity of it all. My poor boy ….

 “He won’t be coming back, I can promise ya that.”

 “O-okay …. It … it’s still really weird.”

 “I know. I can’t believe it either. But … for tonight, we’ll just focus on sleep, okay?”

 “Kay ….”

 I pat the spot next to me. “Come on, geh in.”

 “D-does … Ronnie even want me here?”

 “Mmm … hop in.” Ronnie says sleepily.

 “R-really?”

 “Yeah.” He sits up in bed, rubbing at his eyes. “I already told y’ tha’ I forgive y’.”

 A smile comes to James’ lips. “Great!”

\------------------------------

 “Mom, it’s so bright in here.” James wiggles around in bed. “I can’t sleep.”

 “Turn tha light off then.” Ronnie says, much to my surprise.

 “Sweetie, no,” I say, “that’ll scare ya.”

 “I … I can always try it.” That’s sweet of him to even consider it, for his lil brother.

 “Are you really scared of the dark?” James asks.

 “Yeah, he really is.”

 “Oh … then keep it on. It … it’s okay.”

 Ronnie turns over in bed, yawning. “Thanks.”

 “Mom?”

 “Hmm … what is it, sweetie?”

 “W-won’t it … cost a lot to keep it on?”

 “No, noh really.” That man has really gotten into his head. “Don’t ya worry about that, okay?”

 “B-but we can’t live with no money.”

 “Trust me, sweetie, we’ll be just fine.”

 “O-okay ….”

\-----------------------

 “Oh Molly, you look awful.” Sharon, my next-door neighbour, says. She’s middle aged, childless … with a really handsome husband. We’ve been friends ever since she brought over cookies the day I moved in.

 I went to drop the kids off at school … and now I’m going to talk to her … for a little while.

 “Umm … thanks.” I … I need to get some things off of my chest. And … these things, I can’t talk to Ronnie about. He’s still young … and I don’t think he’d really understand ….

 “You know what I mean. I mean, it’s hardly surprising that you look tired, given the circumstances. So tell me, how is Ronald doing?”

 “He … he’s noh doing too badly, to be ‘onest.” I manage a smile. “I … I was expecting ‘im to be a lot more of a ‘andful to be fair.”

 “Why would you think that?”

 “That letter from ‘is ex.”

 “Oh … right, I remember. So … what does this boy even look like? I hear you talk so much about him, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him. Well … I’ve seen those pictures from when he was little, but – has he changed much?”

 “No … noh in appearance. He’s just taller, thinner.” I chuckle a little. “Noh that tall though.”

 “Oh … that’s odd. I’d have thought given your height, and how tall you said your father was that he’d be taller.”

 “Well … ya need nutrition to grow properly.”

 “Oh, right, true …. So, are you going to come in for tea?”

 “Yes. I … do need to talk to ya about something.”

 “Of course.” She smiles. “Full of advice, me.”

\--------------------------

 I … I just broke down in front of her, all my sorrows thrown her way.

 “S-so … I … I just don’t know what … to do.” I dab at my eyes. “I … I can’t deal with … another baby. D-does that … make me an awful person?”

 “No. Given what that man did to your oldest son, I wouldn’t want to be carrying his baby.”

 I shake my head. “It … it isn’t about that. I … love my three children, no matter where they came from.”

 “So what’s gotten you so fretful?”

 My … my mind just isn’t in the right place right now. I … I’m barely coping as it is … s-so another baby ….” I sniff. “Arthur would always … tell me to noh worry over Ronnie … because it wouldn’t do the baby any good.”

 “And what did you tell him?”

 “Th-that this baby wasn’t ‘ere yet. That the baby … wasn’t important when I ‘ad three other kids that needed my support.”

 “That’s understandable … given the miscarriages you’ve had; you need to focus on the three blessings you have now. If you think another child is going to hinder their happiness in some way, an abortion may … be best. If the stress gets the better of you … well, all of your children will suffer.”

 “I … I know, I really know that ….” I knew she’d be the best person to speak to about this. She’s always been so level headed, been the person I’ve confided in since I moved here. “B-but … I feel so guilty. It … it isn’t the baby’s fault that all this has ‘apppened.”

 “Of course not … but some things can’t be helped. It isn’t your fault either. I know it’s hard, Molly, and I’m sure you were looking forward to having this child before -.”

 “I … I wasn’t.” I sniff loudly. “I … was dreading … it a lil.”

 “Really?”

 I nod slowly. “Emma … is such a ‘andful … and … I thought that Ronnie … was d-dead. My … my ‘eart wasn’t in it ….” The tears slide down my face. “I … I love my children, I really do. I … I could love this baby too -.”

 “Molly, you need to think of yourself for a change, what’s best for you. When was the last time you put yourself first?”

 “I-I … don’t know. Sh-should I really g-go … ahead with this?”

 “I can’t tell you what to do. With something this big, you need to decide for yourself.”

 “B-but if ya were me?”

 “I’d … book in for the abortion at the clinic. At least then the ball can start rolling – you can always change your mind, not go ahead with it. But … honestly, I think it’ll be easier on you the quicker you get this out of the way.”

 “O-okay, I’ll … think on it.”

 She moves around the kitchen table, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Well … whatever you choose, I’ll be here to support you.”

 “Th-thank ya.”

\------------------------

 I … I haven’t been feeling well since that conversation. I didn’t … even have it in me to spend time with Ronnie … so I told him I was feeling sick, stayed in bed until it was time to pick the lil ones up from school.

 He did come up to check on me, make sure I was alright. Again … I just said I wasn’t feeling well. I … I needed time to think ….

 Not that it did much – I still feel as confused and guilty as I did this morning.

 I feel … so weak and pathetic, wanting to put my needs in front of my baby’s. This … this just isn’t like me – I’ve always loved children. The … the more, the merrier, I used to think ….

 And … things aren’t going to get any easier today. I … need to speak to Emma, make her understand, really understand … that he isn’t coming back.

\----------------

***7.11pm***

 A horrible feeling comes over me. She … she understands … but … she isn’t upset.

_That’s okay, Mommy._

_Okay?_

_Yeah …._

_Ya’re noh upset?_

_N-not really._

 I swallow down the lump in my throat. “Sweetie … I need ya to tell Mommy the truth, okay? Did … he ‘urt ya?”

 She looks away from me. “No.”

 “Don’t lie to me!”

 She flinches. “He … he said mean things … to me, Mommy.”

 “M-mean things? Like … what?”

 “D-doesn’t matter.”

 “No, ya tell me, ya tell me now.”

 She shrugs lightly. “J-just that … I wasn’t wanted.”

 But … that makes no sense …. “Why … did ya tell Ronnie that he’d be coming ‘ome then?”

 “He was crying, and happy people don’t cry, Mommy, so … I thought he was sad … because Daddy was gone. I … I wanted to make him happy.”

 My hand reaches out, brushing a piece of hair out of her face. “That’s sweet, Emma, really kind of ya … but Ronnie was crying because he … couldn’t stop thinking about what mean things ya father did to ‘im.”

 She looks up and rolls her eyes at me. “I know that now, Mommy. He was … all scarred up.”

 “Yes …. Are ya sure that he didn’t ‘urt ya? No … pushing ya around or slapping ya?” My stomach turns over at the thought of it.

 “No.”

 “Ya’re telling me the truth?”

 “Yes Mommy.”

 “W-why didn’t ya tell me this before?”

 “He told me not to.”

 That … proves it. I … I knew Arthur would have never sent James away, but … what he was saying to Emma behind my back – he … he was planning to sell her off too ….

 “Mommy, are you okay?”

 “Y-yes, sweetie. But I … need ya to promise me something, okay?”

 “What?”

 “If anyone says or does anything mean to ya ever, ever again, ya need to come and tell me straight away.”

 “Why?”

 “Because Mommy needs to know. Mommy can stop people being mean to ya, okay?”

 “Okay!” She grins. “I’ll tell you everything.”

 “That’s great, sweetie.”

 The … poor girl. She … she doesn’t understand how close she came … to being – no, no … I can’t even think about it ….

\-----------------------

 I’ve just had a phone call from the police. They’ve moved Arthur to a jail in London, the police in London taking over all aspects of the case. It … makes sense, really, because everything happened … back in London. Most … of it, anyway.

 So … that means … all of the court trials and things … will take place in London. Such a lot of … travelling.

 We … won’t be in this home for much longer – I … I’m happy about that.

 But … we won’t be able to afford a home in London … or anywhere near London. We’ll barely be able to afford living here for much longer – I refuse to use HIS money for anything.

 I sigh loudly. Time to phone Mother ….


	165. Ronald. On the road.

***9.01pm***

 I’ve just managed to slide away from the little ones – Molly wanted some time alone to make a phone call … but damn, I’m so curious. I wonder who she’s speaking to. It wasn’t an easy task, getting Emma to give me five minutes’ peace.

 And it’s not a school day tomorrow, so I couldn’t get away with sending them to bed.

 To be fair though, that board game was kinda fun – eh … what was it called?

 “Yes, Mother.”

 “YES, Mother. Okay, yes, I understand. Alright, see ya tomorrow. Hnn, see YOU tomorrow.” She ends the call with a sigh.

 Mother? “Molly, wha’ was all tha’ ‘bout?”

 “We’re gonna be spending some time at ya grandparents’ ‘ouse.” She sighs again, sitting down at the kitchen table. “I can’t stay ‘ere any longer.”

 Well I definitely don’t wanna stay here … but “y’ don’t sound happy ‘bout it?”

 “Well … Mother can be a bit of a nightmare at times.”

 “Oh?” Not good …. “Why?”

 “I’ll tell ya once the lil ones ‘ave gone to bed.”

 “Oh … alright.”

 Molly leans back in her chair. “Do ya mind keeping an eye on them for a bit longer? Talking to Mother really drains me.”

 “Yeah, alright.”

 “Thanks, sweetie. I’ll bring ya in a ‘ot chocolate when I come back through, okay?”

 “Yeah, cool.”

\-----------------------

***11.07pm***

 Oh man … I’m not the only one to have a … eh … complicated relationship with my parents. Molly’s mother is really rich, apparently, the owner of a really successful family business. She married someone from a normal family, which really pissed her own mother off – eh … my Great Granma?

 So she, Martha, her name is, wanted Molly to go to a private school, but her dad thought it was better to send her to public school … so she could mix with different sorts of people and not be stuck with snobs … or something like that. Martha agreed but … well, she held that decision against him for years.

 Turns out she blamed him for Molly getting pregnant when she was only sixteen … because Molly met Arthur through her friends at high school.

 When Martha found out, she went mad because she wanted Molly to have a great career, not be a housewife.

 She … she even tried to make Molly get rid of me – first an abortion … and then adoption. They had a massive falling out because of that … and well, Martha cut off all Molly’s money. Molly had a bit in the way of savings, but not enough to keep them in a home in London for a long time.

 And … I don’t need to hear what happened to me, again, after that.

 “S-so … Martha really doesn’t like me?” I ask.

 “It ‘as nothing to do with that,” she sighs, “she just didn’t want me pregnant at such a young age – she … she ‘ated Arthur … couldn’t stand ‘im. I … I always thought it was just because he goh her lil girl pregnant … or because he was five years older than me. Or even that she didn’t like ‘im because he was just an average guy – I … I couldn’t understand it. I mean, Father isn’t anything special.” She slides down further on the sofa. “B-but now I geh it – she … ‘ad a mother’s intuition, must ‘ave smelt the evil on ‘im.” Another sigh. “I’ve goh a lot of apologising to do.”

 “Na, if she was bein’ a mean bitch to y’ back then, she should be tha one sayin’ sorry.”

 I get a chuckle out of her. “Don’t call her that to her face. But no … she’s strict … but part of us falling out was my doing too. I … said some pretty harsh things to her. And really … she was very good to me when I was young.”

 “Well then … hopefully y’ can make up?”

 “We should be able to, with ‘im out of the picture.”

 “Yeah. Has she ever seen tha lil ones?”

 “Yeah, a couple of times. She’d pop over every now and then when he was out at work. Noh that … she’d stay long, and we didn’t really talk much. I guess … we never put the effort into trying to fix our relationship. But … the lil ones grew on her – ya did too. She … saw ya twice, I think, when ya were a few months old and just before … ya went away. She thought ya were a real cutie.”

 “W-wha’ did she say … when I went missin’?”

 “Hn … that she’d told me that bad things would ‘appen … but in some ways, she did ‘elp me. I was … in a really bad place after ya were taken, but she made me see that I couldn’t just wallow in self-pity. So … I went back to education, became a doctor. She always tried to make the best out of me.”

 “Yep,” I grin, “and bein’ a doctor is really cool.”

 “Hmm.”

 “Y’ wanna patch things up wi’ her, don’t y’?”

 “Of course I do. As snarky as my mother can be … I’ve really missed my parents.” She giggles. “I miss the ponies too, but that’s a story for another time.” She covers her mouth with her hand, hiding a yawn. “Hmm, it’s gehhing late. We should ‘ead to bed.”

 “B-but I wanna hear ‘bout tha ponies.”

 “Tomorrow, I promise.”

\---------------------------

***Saturday 18th November***

***11.15am***

 Fuck … this morning’s been stressful. Emma realised that we weren’t coming back to his house and she … well, kinda went mad. She really likes the big garden here and the neighbour – not to mention her friends.

 She’s still making her point known as we pile into the car – Molly told us to bring just a few things with us each, for now. James isn’t very happy either. “I don’t want to live there! Grandma is so stuck up!”

 “Well we can’t afford to live ‘ere!” Molly snaps – she’s had enough, obviously. I’d be raging by now too, if I was pregnant and had been moaned at by my other two kids for hours.

 “You said not to worry! You said you had a plan!”

 “This was the plan!”

 “Well I hate it!”

 “Mommy!” Emma whines. “Don’t make us go!”

 “We’re happy here!”

 “Shut up!” I flinch, her hand slamming down on the steering wheel. “Just shut up! Ya think I wanted all this?! I’m doing the best I can! It’s noh my fault ya father’s a monster!”

 It goes quiet … apart from Mommy’s hard crying. She slumps over the steering wheel, head in her arms. I turn around, looking into the back of the car. The two lil ones look stunned. “Eh … y’ … should probably give her a bit of peace and quiet, okay?”

 They nod at the same time, Emma’s eyes filling with tears. Great ….

 “I … I’m sorry, sweethearts,” Molly manages to say before breaking down completely. Shit … this is awkward ….

 “Molly … it … it’s alright.” Her crying gets worse. Oh man … what do I do?

 Uh ….

 I lean over, hugging her. Ouch – ah … shit, I forgot to ask Molly for the painkillers this morning, with everything that was going on. It doesn’t help with her crying. Shit ….

 I gulp. “M-Mom, it … it’s okay, d-don’t cry. W-we know y’re tryin’ y’ best.”

 “S-sorry, Mommy.” Emma says quietly.

 “Mom?” I’m swamped with a hug – shit … that hurts ….

 “Oh … Ronnie, w-what a m-mess.” She loses it, body shaking against mine. Her head’s buried in my neck, tears spilling against my skin. Man … she’s in a right state.

 “Th-there, there,” my hand rubs at her back.

 And we just sit there, for ages, me holding her as best I can. I … I don’t want my m-mom to be in such a state. She deserves to be happy, she really does ….

\--------------------------

 She finally calmed down, and we’re about halfway to London now, but fuck, did her crying get fucking loud. It really broke my heart.

 And Emma and James have been really quiet. I don’t think they’re scared or anything like that. Maybe they just feel bad for making her cry. I know I would.

 “So ….”

 “What is it, ‘oney?” She asks – seems back to her normal self now. Maybe she just needed a good cry ….

 Man … I hope this question doesn’t upset her. I just don’t want it to be unusually quiet anymore. “Wh-what’s y’ dad like?” The wide smile that spreads across her face says it all – phew ….

 “He’s the most amazing father I could ‘ave asked for.”

 “He’s a giant!” Emma adds.

 “Huh, a giant?”

 “Yeah.” James says. “He’s super tall. I want to be a giant like him someday.”

 “Well I keep telling ya that ya will if ya just eat ya vegetables,” Molly chuckles.

 “Never.”

 “So … how tall is he exactly?”

 “About six foot six, I think.”

 “Woah ….” That’s fucking tall ….

 “But don’t worry, sweetie, he’s like a lil puppy at ‘eart – not scary in the slightest.”

 “Ah … cool.”

\--------------------------

 We’ve just turned off of the motorway … before we really got into London. “Eh … M-Mom?” It feels weird to call her Mom … and not Molly, but I … I kinda like it. Feels nice – makes me kinda warm inside ….

 “Yes?”

 “A-are y’ sure this is tha right way?”

 “Yep.”

 “Oh … but aren’t we headin’ away from London?”

 “We are.”

 “B-but didn’t y’ say they lived in London?”

 “Nope, by London, but noh actually in London. It’s about forty minutes’ drive from the centre of London – a bit in the middle of nowhere really.”

 “In tha middle of nowhere? B-but isn’t it all built up around here?”

 She giggles. “Ya’ll see what I mean.”

 “Okay then ….” Hn, weird ….

\------------------------

 Huh? That’s weird. Molly’s just pulled up in front of a massive gate, rolling down a window. A man in a uniform comes closer – he … he almost looks like a security guard; large, middle aged. A smile breaks across his face. “Ah, Miss Parker – the lady of the house told me to be expecting you. It’s good to see you after all these years – you haven’t aged a day.”

 Molly giggles. “Aww, ya’re too kind. ‘Ow ‘ave ya been?”

 “Ah, same told, same old.”

 The gate is soon opened … but I’m proper confused. I’m guessing Parker is the surname she had before she got married? And what the hell does ‘Lady of the house’ mean?

 I look away from her … and my mouth falls open. “Eh … is … is tha’ tha house?”

 “Yep. It’s quite something, isn’t it?”

 “It’s ….”

 “It’s massive!” James finishes me off.

 Fuck … massive doesn’t even do it justice. The house is a giant … old style of house, brown and red bricks reaching up – fuck … three stories? And … the garden is amazing – so pretty, even in winter. Martha’s family really must be fucking rich ….

 I … I can even see a pond off in the distance, in the middle of a large field. Do … they own all of this?

 The car parks up at the side of the house, everyone climbing out of it. I stay at the back of them … because I really don’t know what to expect. We walk past giant windows … and mini Fir trees –

 Shit.

 There … there’s a woman standing in the middle of the giant archway of the front door. She’s tall, thin, grey hair in a Bob sorta style. And fuck … she doesn’t look happy.

 Doesn’t look happy at all ….


	166. Ronald. Snarky.

 Her lips turn upwards into a smile. Well … that’s something, at least. “Molly, it’s good to see you again.”

 “Ya too.”  

 Martha raises an eyebrow. “Well, come on, give your mother a hug. With all the stress you’ve put me through, I think I’ve earnt it.”

 Uh … that’s kinda awkward … and I’m pretty surprised when Molly takes it on the chin, chuckling. “Hmm, terrible, aren’t I.”

 I look away from them as they hug, fiddling with my hands. I don’t really feel a part of all this ….

 “My, my, how you’ve grown.”

 “Sweetie, ya okay? Ronnie?”  

 Oh … they’re talking to me, right …. “Yeah?”

 “I said that you’ve grown,” Martha says, raising an eyebrow.

 “Oh ….” I rub at the back of my head. “Yeah, I guess so.”

 “Have I got big and strong?” Emma asks.

 “Ya sure ‘ave, sweetie,” Molly says, giggling.

 “Tsk, Molly, stop talking like some commoner. I didn’t raise you to be hard on the ears,” Martha says.

 “Ya make it sound like I spoke all posh when I was in school. Ya know the kids rubbed off on me.”

 “Hn, Ronald, this is your fault.”

 My mouth falls open. My fault? How is it my fault?

 “Oh, sweetheart, ya know ya love my accent,” comes a manly voice. A tall guy with short grey hair steps out next to Martha. “We can’t all be ‘sophisticated’ like ya.”

 “Grandpa!” Emma cheers. She hurries up the steps towards him.

 Right … so his name is ‘Ronald’ too? That’s gonna get fucking confusing ….

 So … I guess Molly named me after her dad? She definitely loves him – she looks so happy to see him.

 “My little cupcake,” Ronald – eh … Grandpa says, picking Emma up. “Well, not so little anymore.”

 “Haha!”

 So … Emma wasn’t so keen on coming here earlier … but I guess Grandpa has made her feel a bit better – he … he seems pretty cool. Even James doesn’t look so miserable … and he’s known for having a right face on him most of the time.

 “You should come out of the cold,” Martha says, “I’ll tell the butler to come get your belongings from the car.” Eh … what the hell is a butler?

 “Um … we didn’t bring much with us,” Molly sighs, “noh that much room in the car.”

 “Not even some spare clothes?”

 “A few … but noh many.”

 Martha shakes her head. “Well that’s silly, isn’t it?”

 I hear her sigh. “Yes … Mother.”

 “Well, never mind that. We can sort out the moving vehicles on Monday, so you’ll just have to try to squeeze into some of your old clothes.”

 “Hey, come on,” Grandpa chuckles, “don’t be snarky.”

 “Ronald, honestly, she’s had three children – she’d need a miracle to still be a size six.”

 Grandpa shakes his head. “Well … now that ya’ve made everyone feel awkward, should we let them get settled in?”

 “Hmm, the butler has made up a couple of beds. He can show you to your rooms.”

 “Is it still -?” Molly begins, only for Martha to cut her off.

 “Yes, Bates is still our butler … and he may be even battier than before. Damn man is a pest.”

\--------------------------

 Man … this house is massive – we’ve gone past like ten rooms already on the first floor of the house. That staircase was huge too, and proper posh.

 The butler opens a door for us. “Ma’am, this will be your bedroom.”

 Molly giggles. “Oh, Bates, stop calling me that.”

 “If I call you by name, The Lady will have my guts for garters.”

 “Heh, she doesn’t ‘ave to know.”

 “Oh … believe me, she has ears everywhere. Now, please, The Lady has requested that you get some rest.”

 “Man … tha’ bed is really big,” I say, “looks well comfy.”

 “Yep, big enough for the four of us. Kids, ya wanna sleep in with me and Ronnie tonight?”

 “Sure Mommy!”

 “Yeah, sounds cool.”

 “That settles it then. Bates, this room will be just fine.”

 “You don’t wish to use the other rooms, Miss Parker?”

 “Nah, we’ll all be alright in 'ere. Plus, may as well save the cleaners all the laundry.”

 The butler nods. “A fine idea.”

 “Hmm ….” Molly yawns, stretching her arms above her head. “Well … time for that rest.”

 Sounds good to me too – I’m knackered.

\---------------------

 Everyone … is downstairs now, eating dinner … but I went back to bed after being around Martha for an hour or so. I said I’d got a massive headache … but really, I felt fucking awkward. So … I’m just sitting on this bed now … fiddling with my hands.

 Martha snapped at me earlier for calling her by her first name. She scolded me, told me to stop being so disrespectful. I was to call her ‘Grandmother’ and nothing else.

 Hn … she went as far as calling me a ‘rude yob’, said I got my ungrateful attitude from my dad.

 That hurt, really hurt – I’m nothing like him. Guess she just doesn’t like me much ….

 And Molly wasn’t even in the room with me … she was getting Emma to go in the bath. It was just me, her … and Grandpa. Fucking awkward ….  

 “Hey.”

 I glance up from my hands, seeing Grandpa standing in the doorway. “Hey ….”

 He comes a little closer. “I can call ya Ronnie, can’t I? Molly said ya like that nickname, and well … might get a little confusing otherwise, right?”

 “Yeah, fine by me.”

 “Alright.”

 “Eh … everythin’ alright?”

 “I just wanted to check on ya, make sure ya were alright.”

 “Yeah, I’m fine.”

 “Ya don’t look fine. Must be a little unnerving being in such a big house. God knows I’m still not used to it after almost forty years.”

 “Nah, tha house seems nice ….”

 “Then what’s gotten ya so troubled? Ya look like ya’re about to cry.”

 “It … it’s nothin’.”

 “Don’t be silly.” He sits down on the bed next to me, mumbling about how low the beds are in this place. “Look, I know ya don’t know me, but ya can talk to ya Granddad about anything. I know I look all big and scary … but I’m pretty easy going. So come on, spill the beans.”

 “Well ….”

\--------------------------

 “Oh … don’t worry about Martha. She can be a bit of a nightmare at times … but she has a good heart. I … guess she feels the need to have younger people respect her.”

 “I … I didn’t meant ta offend her.”

 “Seriously, don’t let it bother ya.” He wraps an arm around my back. “She’s probably forgotten about the whole thing already.”

 “So … she doesn’t hate me?”

 “Pfft, it’d take a lot more than a name to get her to not like ya. Trust me … we’re all just glad that ya’re still here with us. Martha wouldn’t ever admit it to ya mom … but she was heartbroken when ya went missing. So … don’t let a snaky comment bring ya down.”

 “B-but she said … I was like Arthur.”

 “I know … I was there. I think … she’s just a little concerned that he’s rubbed off on her grandchildren.”

 “Well he hasn’t.”

 “I know. Ya’re nothing like him, I can see that. Look, if … it’s really upset ya that much, I’ll speak to her, ask her to apologise.”

 “N-na, I … I don’t wanna make her madder.”

 “It won’t.” He chuckles. “I’ve been married to this woman for years – if anyone can talk some sense into her, it’s me. I’ll work my magic.”

 “Y’ … magic, huh?” I give him a smile.

 “Yep. What can I say, I’ve got charm.”

 “Thanks … Grandpa.”

 He pulls me into a soft hug. “Don’t mention it.”

\-----------------------

 It wasn’t long before Martha came upstairs, saying that she ‘may’ have overreacted. I guess we’re going to be alright now … as long as I stick to calling her Grandmother.

 I’m just glad that she took back what she said about me being like Arthur. She was obviously pretty embarrassed that she’d gone that far ….

 Whatever – as long as she doesn’t act like a complete bitch to me from now on, I can get over this.

 This amazing food is really helping to cheer me up too – the chef in this place is fucking awesome. And guess what? We have dessert to come too; apple pie and ice cream.

 Fuck yeah!

 But man … I hope I can fit it all in.

 I’m stuffed to the brim already.


	167. Molly. Arrest.

***10.34pm***

 I overheard my parents talking earlier. Mother was voicing her concern about Ronnie, saying that he was awfully shy and withdrawn. Apparently, he’s all scrawny and pale, looks unhealthy. Made me feel like a bit of a failure of a mother. I … I don’t think he looks ‘too’ bad.

 Hn, she even said that my son didn’t have much chance … with his father being who he is.

 But at least Father stood up for him. Said he’d try to coax Ronnie out of his shell. Well … if anyone can, it’ll be him.

 But really, I think Ronnie has been doing wonderfully. He’s been talking, joking around with Father. It’s just that … he’s really jumpy. Guess he needs to settle in properly ….  

\-------------------------

***Tuesday 21st November***

 Mother was a great help yesterday, paying a higher fee to get moving vans to transport all of our things to this place. Father kept an eye on the children while I travelled back to the old house with Ronnie at around two in the afternoon. Mother even sorted out delivery of the moving boxes we needed to pack our belongings away – paying premium, again, for same day delivery.

 It was kind of her to fork out for it all, but … I know she did it for her own reasons. She wanted me back home with her ASAP … so I wouldn’t have a chance to change my mind. Not that I would – my mother is a snarky cow at times … and she can be pretty brutal with her words, but she’s no monster.

 I actually felt so happy over the weekend – it was like I had something back that I was missing all along, and I don’t mean the ponies.

 So … we spent a good six or so hours packing everything away. Doesn’t seem like a long time for a whole house … but most of the bigger things we won’t need. All the furniture can stay in that house; Mother has enough in her home. Hn … she could fill two homes of that size with the amount of wooden items she has. But most of them are family heirlooms so I can’t really moan – they mean a lot to her.

 The only bulky thing we packed up was the TV – Mother isn’t one for watching things. Father has a large one, with over 500 channels, stuck in the corner of the living room … but I know James won’t be happy if he can’t have on what he wants. Hopefully Mother will let us put the TV up in our bedroom and I’m sure Father will upgrade to allow us to watch those channels on both systems.

 Ronnie helped to move the TV for me – pregnancy perks, I guess. Ugh … I’m not looking forward to telling Mother – she’s going to flip. She’s always called me a baby making factory. Well … we’ll deal with that hurdle when it comes.

 A lot of cutlery and bed linen has been left in that house, bar a few of my favourite items. The clothes were probably the easiest thing to pack away, though I found a few items from like a decade back that made me cringe. I probably looked like a bloody hooker.

 And … I remember wavering when I went to pack the photo albums away. I … I didn’t want to see his face ever again … but those photographs contain my children too. I couldn’t just get rid of them.

 Ronnie went all quiet when we went into his bedroom. It … was where that man hurt him, so … I couldn’t have expected him to be all chatty. The room did give off this horrible atmosphere – really creeped me out, made me feel sick. Such negative energy ….

 We finished up packing, got some takeout to eat and then headed to bed. We both slept really well – felt like the end of all the badness, a new start. And then, this morning, the moving vehicles came, took away our things. We got back in the car, headed … home.

 Father looked tired when we got home … and I felt rather guilty about that. I know that he enjoyed looking after the lil ones … but I also know that Emma can be a handful and hard to send off to sleep when her mommy isn’t around.

 Father has a heart condition … and he almost died when I’d just entered high school. He’s okay now, has a pacemaker, but I still worry. I don’t want him to deal with any more stress than necessary. I mean, the guy isn’t getting any younger. He’ll be sixty next year.

 And Mother worries about him, really worries. I used to catch her crying up in her bedroom sometimes. She knows that he’ll be okay as long as the pacemaker is checked regularly and is kept in good condition … but she’s so overprotective of him. She’s refused point blank to let him get a job since his stint in the hospital. There’s this lil niggling concern in the back of her mind that he’ll over exert himself, damage his heart somehow.

 And God … when he has to go in for surgery to get the battery changed, she goes into meltdown mode. Even after our falling out, she’d phone me whenever he was in the hospital, sobbing down the phone – and believe me, she isn’t one to cry; too much pride.

 Heaven forbid he’s the one to … go first. She couldn’t survive without him. As much as he teases her, winds her up, irritates her at times, she loves him so much.

 It’s funny, really, such a stoic woman melting into putty whenever Father starts laying on the charm. Well … they do say opposites attract.

 I do think that Father wanted another child around that time – Mother’s biological clock was ticking, almost tocked.

 But after everything that happened, they tested me for the same condition. I had a healthy heart but Father didn’t want to risk passing on the condition to a child.

 Hn … not that I haven’t had my own health problems. After having Ronnie … bearing children became a lot harder, for some reason. I had an ectopic pregnancy before Emma came along … and a miscarriage a year before James … and two years ago. Even if I keep this baby … who knows if I’ll even make it to full term.

 Well … no time to worry on this all now; I still have a lot of things to unpack, put away.

\----------------------

***4.36pm***

 Ronnie helped me to pack the rest of the things away and then went to take a shower. Mother isn’t a fan of the clothes he decided to put on. “Why are you wearing pyjamas?”

 “I’m not?”

 “These.” She tugs on his bottoms.

 “Oh … nah, they’re jus’ joggin’ bottoms.”

 “Well they’re ugly.”

 “And well comfy,” Ronnie smiles, hoping to put an end to the conversation. He doesn’t look that fazed by it though – must be getting used to her retorts.

 “They don’t look that bad,” Father says, resting his chin on the top of her head. “I kind of like them.”

 “You’re insane.”

 “And ya must be getting old, not being able to understand the fashion of the new generation.”

 “Hn, I don’t want to understand it.”

 She leaves the room, heading back to the office on the first floor. Not before shouting ‘slob’ though.

 “Well I think we won that round,” Father says, sitting down next to Ronnie and chuckling.

 “Yeah, she’s only jealous. Probably wants a pair for herself.”

 “Yep, definitely.”

\--------------------------------

***Thursday 23rd November***

 “Aww, so cute!” Emma grins, eyeing up the ponies. Until we manage to get them into a school close by, I’ve decided to get them outside, exploring the grounds of the house.

 Plus, ponies, obviously.

 The stables are about a ten minute walk away from the main building, across a field and past the pond. Fresh air seems to be doing them all good.

 “Yeah, they’re adorable,” Ronnie smiles, petting Bruce. “So … they’re horses?”

 “Noh exactly, but close enough.”

 “Can we take one back to our room, Mommy?” Emma asks. “I want to use one as a bed!”

 “Oh no … sweetie, they aren’t inside pets. They’d make an awful mess.”

 “Aww ….”

 “But I’ll let ya ride them soon, okay?”

 “Really?!”

 “Yep.”

 “Cool!”

\-------------------------

***Tuesday 28th November****

 We’ve been here for over a week now and for the most part, things have been going smoothly. Mother is being a bitch as always, but she’s nowhere near impossible to deal with. I do wish she could get to know my children a lil more though.

 But … I do understand. She has a business to run. She doesn’t go to the place of work much … but she’s always stuck in her office, either on her computer or her phone. And believe me … she hates to be disturbed.

 When Emma realised that the house was actually going up for sale, she got a lil upset. She’s so young, a big change is bound to upset her, but she wasn’t in a bad mood for long. Father helped with that, making her laugh.

 I really do think that she is starting to love being here … and that’s all thanks to Father. He’s definitely been a pillar of support.

 Ronnie has really taken to him too. I was worried that he’d be scared of him, have trust issues with men – he hasn’t had a father figure he can trust … but he’s been glued to Father’s side. When Father takes an afternoon nap, Ronnie goes with him, snuggling up to him and snoozing too. It’s so adorable.

 I peek into Father’s bedroom, seeing them both lying in bed. Father stirs a little, looking at my lil boy. The bedsheets are pulled up higher, tucked around Ronnie. I smile when Ronnie mumbles something in his sleep. My heart swells. He’s … so adorable, and he looks so content.

 It’s about time he’s somewhere he feels safe, at peace.

 My smile gets wider. I never thought I’d see him looking anything but sad, terrified. Guess I’ve been proved wrong.

\---------------------------

***Wednesday 29th November***

 The police came over last night, asking to confirm statements and that sort of thing. It was a little odd … I have to admit. And a name was brought up, some man I hadn’t heard of before. Ronnie said that yes, he knew the man, but … then he went all quiet. He didn’t really speak much to me for the rest of the night.

 I guess this man was one of the worst he came into contact with ….

 My poor boy ….

\------------------

***7.43pm***

 “Ge’ offa me!”  I … I don’t understand. The police … have just come round, and they’ve handcuffed him.

 “What’s the meaning of this?!” Mother screeches.

 “M-Mom, make them stop!” He fights against them, struggling … but in vain. “Mom!”

 I … I can’t say anything – my throat’s closing up. Oh … Ronnie, what … what have you done?

 “Ya’re scaring him!” Father shouts … but we all know they don’t care about that.

 They give us a fleeting glance. “Mr Knox, you are under arrest for the murder of Jason Streatham.”

 “No!” He cries.

 “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in -.”

 “This is preposterous!” Mother shouts. “That scrawny little boy isn’t capable of murder!”

 They discard her reasoning, dragging my crying son from the house.

 “Molly, Molly, you can’t let them do this, do you hear me?! He didn’t murder anyone!”

 No … he … he did. The … look on his face said it all. My … lil boy killed someone ….

 The tears start coming … thick and fast.

 Oh … Ronald, why …?


	168. Investigator Johnson. Questions.

 The suspect has been taken into custody and I am about to question him. First though, I watch him from behind a screen as he’s told to sit down at the table. “This kid killed someone?” My assistant asks, raising an eyebrow.

 “According to the other suspects surrounding the child trafficking case.”

 We both watch as he cries, begging the police officer to take him home. “You aren’t going home, I’m afraid.”

 His cries get worse. “P-please d-don’t hurt me.”

 “We aren’t going to hurt you. We ask that you co-operate, answer our questions truthfully.”

 “I wanna go home!”

 “You are a murder suspect. Until you are questioned fully, there isn’t a chance that you’ll be going home. Make things easier for yourself and tell us the truth.”

 “This kid’s a complete wimp,” my assistant says. “There’s no way -.”

 “Don’t let his looks fool you. He may be just a youngster … but if you ever wish to be a successful investigator, you have to look beyond that.”

 “But -.”

 “The victim’s body has been found. The other suspects are already looking at a long stint in jail. Why would they lie to us?”

 “Because they’re trying to further reduce their sentences by throwing this kid under the bus.”

 “Maybe, maybe not. Streatham must have died somehow. I doubt they’d lie to us, risk getting in more trouble. They agreed to tell us everything in return for a reduced sentence.”

 “Hn ….”

\--------------------------

 After speaking to the policemen who brought him to the station, I enter the interrogation room, eyeing up Ronald Knox. He’s small, doesn’t look very strong, but sometimes looks can be deceiving. The officers told me that the suspect spent the whole car ride in a full panic.

 If that isn’t a sign of guilt, I don’t know what is.

 I sit down across the table from him, watching as his hands twist. “Not a fan of the handcuffs, I see.”

 “B-been … chained up … way too much.” 

 Yes, I have watched the videos, can see where the metal cuff dug in, caused an awful scar. “I can have them loosened, if you’d like?”

 “N-na … I jus’ wanna … go home.”

 “Then let’s get this over with.” I produce a photograph of Streatham. “Do you know this man?”

 His face pales further. “Y-yeah.”

 “And when was the last time you saw him? Can you remember?”

 “T-tha … day I escaped … f-from tha’ place.”

 “There was an altercation.”

 “W-wha’?”

 I get straight to the point. “Something happened between you two, ending in his death.”

 His face contorts, and he falls forward onto his arms. “I … I … didn’t mean ta hurt him.”

 “What happened?”

 “H-he … pulled a knife … out on me, tried ta stab me. D-didn’t want … me ta leave.”

 “So you wrestled the knife from him?”

 “No!” His fingernails scratch against the table. “I … I jus’ hit him over … tha head wi’ somethin’.”

 “You were angry at him for the abuse he put you through.”

 “N-no … I … I didn’t wanna hurt anyone. Y’ … y’ gotta believe me!”

 “I don’t. You saw your chance at revenge and took it. Why wouldn’t you? The pain they all put you through -.”

 “No! I … I jus’ wanted ta ge’ away from them.”

 “And it would have been easier to flee from them if they were all dead.”

 “No, y’re not listenin’! D-didn’t mean … ta kill him.” He snivels. “I … I jus’ panicked. He … he would ‘ave killed me … if I hadn’t -.”

 “So you are saying that he gave you no choice but to attack?”

 “I … I didn’t … attack him. It … it was jus’ one hit. I … I was desperate ta ge’ away.”

 “Are you really telling me that you only hit him once? Ronald, honestly, we have seen pictures of Streatham. He was a large man, and you are tiny in comparison. One blow by you wouldn’t have done it.”

 “I … I’m tellin’ y’ tha truth!”

 “And what did you hit him with, Ronald?”

 “C-can’t remember.”

 “Lying to me isn’t going to help you.”

 “I’m not lyin’!” He looks up at me, tears streaming down his face. “It … it all happened so quickly – I … I was backed against tha sink part … of tha kitchen. M-must’ve … been a saucepan or … somethin’ tha’ was dryin’.”

 “Don’t be stupid. A saucepan wouldn’t have caused enough trauma -.”

 “I … I jus’ wanted ta … stun … him, give myself … a chance ta ge’ away. I … I never expected ta kill him!”

 “So … after you hit him with the saucepan, what happened?”

 “N-nothin’ … f-for a bit … but then he jus’ collapsed. Th-then … he jus’ stopped movin’ … and stuff.”

 “For someone who was desperate to get away, you sure wanted to stick around to see what would happen.”

 “I … I … was in shock. Didn’t … expect it ta … work. I … I thought he was gonna … stab me right then and there.” He lifts up his hands, covering his face. “P-please believe me.”

 “Are you certain that this is the story you wish to tell me?”

 “It’s tha truth! P-please … I wanna go home now!”

 “Smith, take him to his cell.”

 “No!” He’s dragged away, begging, crying, screeching at the top of his lungs.

 I slide down in my seat as the door to the room swings shut.

 I don’t think he is lying to me … but none of it adds up. A saucepan? One blow to the head? No ….

\-----------------------

***10.35pm***

 My assistant sits down next to me. “The poor kid is screaming, trying to break out of the cell.”

 “Hn … he can try all he wants. Those bars won’t budge.”

 “So … do you believe that it was self-defence?”

 “No.”

 “Oh ….”

 “I have just had a phone call. Apparently Streatham had suffered two heart attacks in the decade before his death.”

 “So?”

 “So … I think he was telling me the truth. The witnesses said that they came home, found Streatham deceased on the floor.”

 “Yes, I know that.”

 “Yet they didn’t see any injuries on his body. No cuts, no blood, nothing.”

 “Johnson, stop with the riddles and tell me what you’re thinking.”

 “I’m thinking that none of this adds up. You have seen the videos from around that time. The suspect was scrawny, malnourished and … in some of those videos, it looked like he could barely stand up.”

 “Yes, I know.”

 “He couldn’t have possibly had the strength to beat someone over the head enough to kill them. Even if we take into account adrenaline … it still doesn’t seem feasible. He could have stabbed him in his condition, yes, but … that doesn’t fit with what the witnesses have stated. We won’t know until the remains have been examined for a fractured skull … but I am beginning to think that the shock of the blow caused him to suffer a heart attack. That would fit with what the suspect said regarding the delayed collapse.” And … either way, with the body having been found as merely a skeleton … I doubt there would be enough evidence to convict Knox of much, if anything at all. 

 “So … you believe all aspects of his statement?”

 “My gut tells me he is telling the truth.” I sigh. “But we will need to do a lie detector test on him.” Yet … if he fails that test, that will not be enough evidence. We cannot use the results in court …. Hn, court ….

 And I cannot forget his overall demeanour.  He seems more frightened than anything … and bar shouting, he didn’t lash out at the officer when taken to his cell. He tried to get away … but he seems to have more of a flight than fight response. That fits in with his statement.

 He’s no murderer … just a scared little kid. That’s the vibe I got off of him anyway … and in the past two decades, using my gut feeling … going off of vibes and feelings alongside evidence has served me well. “Whatever happened, I don’t think he is to blame.”

 “Hmm … so you are going to seek self-defence in court?”

 “I don’t think this will end up in court, if I am honest.” And even if it did, I couldn’t see him being charged with anything. They’d put it down to the trauma he’d experienced … and probably send him off on his way. The kid isn’t to blame for trying whatever he could to get out of that situation. He has been traumatised, terrorised …. “But who knows. This investigation has only just begun. I have a lot more questions to ask.”


	169. Investigator Johnson. Cell.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Point out any typos please. I'm so tired RN.

***11.57pm***  

 My assistant, Cole, has just left with a police officer. There has been some trouble, apparently. Honestly, part of me doesn’t care. I just want to get back to my investigation.  Me and my assistant had been watching the videos from that time, digging, digging, trying to wrack our brains for something we were missing. No such luck.

 But maybe that is lucky. Maybe I’ve gotten to the bottom of all this already.

 “Johnson, come quick,” Cole says, peeking his head around the door.

 I give him a swift nod, getting up out of my seat. Cole leads me down the hallway. “A problem with Ronald Knox, I take it?”

 “An altercation with his cellmate.”

 “I told those idiots to put him in a cell on his own.”

 “And they would have, if we had any spare cells. The jail is almost at full capacity, you know that.” Cole sighs. “Kid was shouting and screaming about something, according to the officers. Guess it got on Thompson’s nerves.”

 “Thompson? Jack Thompson?”

 “Who else?”

 “They put Knox in the same cell as Thompson?”

 “Yes.”

 “Then we’re lucky we haven’t got a body on our hands.” Some idiot at the station decided to pair Knox up with that madman. They may both be here as murder suspects, but Thompson is not a man who fits under the ‘innocent until proven guilty’ category. “Did Knox retaliate?”

 “No, I don’t think so.”

 “Hmm. What condition is he in?”

 “He’s a bit roughed up.”

 I nod. “Well I may as well use this opportunity to have another chat with him.”

 “Really? He’s probably a nervous wreck.”

 I glace down the hall, eyeing up a vending machine. Tapping my pocket, I make sure I have some spare change. “Gaining his trust may do it.”

 “And how are you planning to do that?”

 “I have my ways.”

\--------------------------

 I told Cole to let me speak to him in private, though he’s watching through the one-way glass. Knox had been placed in the same interrogation room as before. I place a cereal bar down on the table. He doesn’t move, doesn’t look up at me. “Here you go.”

 “Hn.”

 “Do you want to tell me what happened tonight?”

 “Y’ mean this?” He looks up at me and I see a split lip, the start of a black eye. “I … don’t wanna talk ‘bout it.” He slides down in his seat. “J-jus’ wanna go home.” He fidgets. “I … I could make it worth y’ while.”

 “I beg your pardon?”

 He points to his mouth. “Y’ … know ….”

 I roll my eyes. “Not everyone you come into contact with is perverted, Ronald. Why don’t you have something to eat and then tell me what happened in your cell.”

 Hands cuffed together, he pushes the bar back towards me. “Not hungry.”

 “Alright then. I’ll find you a different cell mate -.”

 “No!” His body jolts. “I … I can’t go back in there!”

 “You’re in prison. That requires a cell.”

 “B-but it’s dark in … th-there. I … don’t like tha … dark.”

 I sit back in my seat. “So that is why you were kicking up such a fuss in your cell? The lights out caused your distress?”

 The tears start pooling in his eyes. “Sc-scares tha shit outta me.”

 “And your cell mate?”

 “H-he … told me ta shut up … or he’d f-fuck me up.”

 “But you didn’t listen?”

 “I … I couldn’t. J-jus wanted ta … ge’ away from tha … dark.”

 “So he struck you?”

 “What’s it look like?” He grumbles.  

 “I know what it looks like, but I want to hear it from you.”

 “H-he … smacked me ‘bout a bit. R-really hurt.” He hangs his head. “I … I don’t ge’ why people … always beat on me all tha time.”

 “Because you are small, weak, an easy target. I bet it makes you angry, doesn’t it? Did you want to hurt him back?”

 “I … I’m not good at fightin’ back.” He sniffs. “Think … tha bruises prove tha’.”

 “But did you want to make him pay?”

 “N-no. F-for fuck sake, I … I jus’ wanted … ta ge’ out of tha dark.”

 “I see. So you didn’t fight back?”

 “For tha last time, no!”

 My … someone is getting tetchy. Kid needs his nap time. But what he’s saying does match with what Cole told me. Flighter … not a fighter. “I see. Did he hit you, kick you anywhere else but your face?”

 “Ev-everywhere. My … my rib really hurts.”

 “Your rib?”

 “Yeah.”

 “He hit you directly in the rib?”

 “D-don’t think so. Hit … tha ground pretty h-hard though.”

 “The broken rib you received in the assault by your father?”

 “Y-yeah.”

 “Then you will need to see the doctor immediately.”

 “Th-this late?”

 “Yes.” I give him a little smile. “There is always a doctor on duty to see injured inmates. There are injuries at all sorts of times in a jail.”

 “Oh … alright.”

 “Is that alright with you, going to see them?”

 “Y-yeah.”

\---------------------------------

 The doctor saw no reason to send him to the hospital. A bit of tenderness from the healing injury … but it didn’t seem as if his rib has gotten any worse. “Wh-what’s tha’?” He asks, eyeing up the blanket on his chair.

 “It is rather cold in here.”

 “Right.” He sits down and I nod to the officer, a message that he can leave the room.

 “I’ll make you a deal,” I say as soon as the door shuts behind the officer.

 “A … a way for me ta go home?”

 “No, I am afraid not.”

 “Oh ….” His shoulders slump.

 “Look, I cannot put you back into a cell with a light. Lights out in prison means lights out.”

 “K-kay.”

 “Lights go back on at six in the morning.” I glance at my watch. “So … that leaves us around five hours.”

 “Okay?”

 “So talk to me – let’s kill some time. If you get tired, you can sleep in here. I’ll keep an eye on you until six.”

 “Hn … don’t y’ ‘ave a home ta ge’ back ta?”

 “Fine, back to the cell with Thompson you -.”

 “No!”

 “Then don’t give me attitude. I don’t have the patience. It’s been a long day.”

 “S-sorry.”

 “But yes, I do have a home to go back to. Spend more of my time here though, to be honest.”

 “O … okay.” He begins to fiddle with his hands as best he can. “Y’ … really wanna be in here wi’ me?”

 “Pardon?”

 “Y’ … y’ think I’m a murderer.”

 “Maybe, maybe not. You could just be a stupid kid.”

 “Then why am I still here?!”

 “Because I don’t know what the truth is yet.” I pick up my pen from the table. “So tell me more about your childhood.” His body tenses. “Come on.”

 “I ….”

 “Yes?”

 “C-can I ask y’ … somethin’ first?”

 “Go ahead.”

 “Is … is he here?”

 “Who?”

 “Arthur.”

 “I’m surprised you didn’t see him on the way to your cell. With the lack of free space in this place, he was only about twenty feet from you.”

 “Oh ….” He covers his face with his hands. “I … I can’t … be here.”

 “Then keep talking to me. That’s the only way you’re going to see the light of day.”

 “Wh-why are doin’ this?!”

 “Because I want to get to the bottom of this. So start talking.”

\-------------------------

***3.29am***

 That was quite the feat. He really didn’t want to speak to me – guess I pushed the wrong buttons. I got through to him in the end though … and we talked about everything, from the beginning of his ordeal to his life after escaping. Kid’s been through a lot, and that’s rare for me to think.

 You get the sense that he’s … no killer. Hn, like Cole said, a bit of a wimp.

 I just hope the autopsy results come back soon and they prove my thinking right. And the lie detector test will have to be done when I’m back on my shift this evening. Though … with how jittery he is, I wonder how useful that will be.

 He’s just explained to me the reason for his fear of the dark. “D-does … tha’ make any sense?”

 “Perfect sense.” I hear his stomach rumble. “You should have something to eat.”

 He eyes to cereal bar. “Yeah ….” I watch as he pulls it towards him, struggles to open the wrapper.

 “Let me.”

 “Th-thanks.”

 The bar is opened, handed back to him. He takes a bite. “Hmm … not bad.”

 “They’re my favourite.”

 “C-cool.”

\-------------------------------

***5.59am***

 Even in his sleep he’s not relaxed. He mumbles a lot – I listened to him intently, seeing if his incoherent rambles would tell me something his conscious words won’t. No luck there either.

 I sip on the coffee Cole brought me … though it’s gone cold now. Anything to keep me awake for the next few – oh … it’s just turned six. That passed quite quickly.

 “Ronald,” I lean over, nudging him lightly.

 “Nghhh ….” He looks up at me and his face falls. Guess he remembers where he is. “L-lights on?”

 “That’s right.” I give him a smile. “Let’s find you a nicer cellmate, okay?”

 He nods slowly. “O-okay ….”

 After everything that I’ve seen, heard, I don’t think we have a conviction on our hands. Maybe he’ll be home tonight, or in the next few days.

 Who knows ….

 Things could take a surprising turn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will overlap these past two chaps, but from Molly's POV.


	170. Molly. The visit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit later than planned, sorry. Mom didn't get me up from my nap xD

***Wednesday 29th November***

 “Molly. Molly, for goodness sake, go after them!” Mother’s hand slams down on the kitchen table in front of me. “Molly!”

 “Wh-what good … will it do?”  

 “For goodness sake – do you seriously believe he’s capable of that?” She scowls at me. “You do, don’t you?”

 “He … he’s done something. ‘Is … ‘is face said it all.”

 “No -.”

 “I’m ‘is mother! I know the look of guilt on my kid’s face when I see it.”

 “And what a great mother you are.”

 “What’s that supposed to mean?!”

 “Mommy,” I hear Emma’s voice, and turn, seeing her peeking her head into the room. “Why are you shouting?”

 Shit … I thought Father had put them both to bed. To my relief, he gets up out of his chair, ushers her out of the room. “Come on, Princess, it’s ya bedtime, remember?”

 “B-but I … I wanna know when Ronnie’s getting back.”

 “Really soon, Emma. He’ll be back before ya know it.”

 “But the police took him away!”

 “They just want to talk to him.”

 I hear their voices fade out and slide down in my seat. I … I really can’t deal with all of Emma’s curious questions at the moment.

 But the vibes Mother is giving off ….

 Horrible.

\----------------------

 Father comes back into the room, and … as soon as he does, Mother starts on me again. “You have a lot of explaining to do.”

 “Explaining?”

 “You can tell me why you’ve just given up on your son for a start.”

 “I ‘aven’t given up on ‘im!”

 “Well it seems like it,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest. “You think he murdered someone, don’t you? Don’t you?!”

 “S-something … ‘appened.”

 “Oh, would you listen to yourself.”

 “Y-ya don’t know ‘im like I do.”

 “Well you can’t know him that well either. Have you seen that child? He wouldn’t hurt a fly!”

 “Ya’re noh listening to me! I’m telling ya something ‘appened!”

 “And if it did, it must have been an accident.”

 “Yes, he wouldn’t hurt a fly.” Father repeats Mother’s words.

 “Yeah ….” I look away from her.

 “What do you mean ‘yeah’?”

 “I … I … don’t know what he’s capable of -.”

 “Not murder!” I can feel her eyes boring into me. “You’ve let that awful man worm his way into your head as always.”

 “No -.”

 “Yes, I know what he told you. You believed what he said the last time, so can you really blame me for thinking the same this time around?”

 I take a deep breath. “I … I don’t think Ronnie did it on purpose. Maybe … he snapped or something -.”

 “Oh, some mother you are! You should be ashamed! You are a lousy mother, always have been -.”

 “Ya’re one to talk!” Something inside of me snaps. “Ya act all ‘igh and mighty, but ya abandoned me, Mother, just like that! J-just because I goh pregnant!”

 “That isn’t true and you know it! I reached out to you, countless times, but you were too stubborn, too attached to that beast to listen to your own mother! Ronald suffered because of you!”

 “If it was up to ya he wouldn’t even be alive!”

 “I changed my mind, didn’t I? I stopped with the adoption talk.”

 “Yeah, eventually!” I bite back. “After ya made me feel like complete shit! Can ya really blame me for noh wanting to listen to ya?!”

 “Well you’re -.”

 “Why should I bother with -?”

 “Now you listen to me, you disrespectful -.”

 “All ya do is attack, attack, attack!”

 “And you -.”

 “Shut up!” We’re both silenced by Father, and I look at him, see him rubbing at his head. “Ya two give me such a headache at times.”

 “I … I didn’t mean to cause you stress, Ronald,” Mother says quietly.

 He sighs lightly. “Why don’t we have a glass of wine and try to talk this through like calm, collected adults.”

 My stomach sinks. “I … I can’t drink.”

 “What? Why the heck not?” Mother asks.

 “I … I’m ….”

 “Oh … Molly, not again. Would it kill you to keep your legs shut for five minutes?”

 “Well … Mother,” I grunt, “I didn’t open with my legs knowing what that man ‘ad done.”

 She’s going to flip … I just know it.

 “Honestly, Molly, they have this wonderful thing called the pill now, you know.”

 Hn … talk about feeling like a lil kid caught in the cookie jar …. “Ya … know I love children.”

 “Your eldest son is the exception, I take it?”

 “N-no … I still love ‘im … no matter what’s ‘appened.”

 “Ya know he couldn’t hurt a fly, Molly,” Father states.

 “If he did hurt someone, which I highly doubt … it must have been out of self-defence,” Mother says.     

 “That … makes sense.”

 “So let’s put our heads together, figure out a plan, in a civil way. What do ya say?”

 “Al-alright ….” I nod. I … I just don’t know what to think at the minute. Everything’s gone to shit again ….

 “Yes, I agree,” Mother nods. “Though if she can’t drink, I’ll be having her share too.”

 “Ya giant piss head,” Father laughs.

 “Ronald, don’t use such foul language in front of our child!”

 “Whoops … sorry.”

\-----------------------------

 Mother talked me round in the end – gosh … my mind really was all over the place. Deep … down, I knew he didn’t murder anyone … in cold blood, but that look on his face, it really unnerved me.

 Self-defence … if anything at all, it has to be. I sip on my coffee as Mother speaks of a plan. “So, we shall go down to the station, see if they will tell us anything of use. If it … isn’t looking good, we will invest in a lawyer. Who knows what the police have been told.”

 We’ve figured out that those men … behind the chatroom must have tried to get Ronnie in some trouble. Awful …. “'Ho’s gonna stay ‘ere with the lil ones?”

 “I will.” Father smiles. “I’m sure ya can handle the cops on ya own. Ronnie will be back before the sun comes up, I’m sure of it.”

 “Y-yes … of course.”

\----------------------------------

 “No luck,” I sniff, sitting down on the sofa next to Father.

 “What?”

 “The police wouldn’t talk to us at all,” Mother huffs.

 “Th-they said … he was … in the interrogation room with … an investigator. Oh … my poor lil guy – he’s probably terrified ….”

 “They didn’t say anything else besides that?”

 “Hn, useless they are.”

 “W-we were told that … they’ll give us a call in the morning, up-update us.”

 “So Ronnie agreed to talk to them, I take it?”

 “Agreed, or was forced, who knows.”

 “M-Mother … d-don’t say such things.”

 “It’s true. The poor boy probably doesn’t know his rights. I doubt he even knows what a lawyer is, let alone that he can refuse to talk to the police until he has one.”

 “Y-yeah.” My shoulders slump. “So what now, Mother, what are we to do?”

 “I’ll look into lawyers; we have some good men close to the family. And then … when the police phone us, we can request a visit with him, tell him all about our plans.”

 “Right ….”

 “Don’t lose faith, Molly,” Father pulls me into a hug. “We’ll get him out of there.”

 “I … I ‘ope so.” I rest my head on his shoulder. “I … I’m missing ‘im already.”

 “We all do.” Mother says. “He’s a good boy.”

 “Hn … right ….”

 “Pardon?”

 “I’ve ‘eard ya talk, saying ya’re concerned because of ‘ho ‘is father is.”

 “Then you misunderstood me when you eavesdropped. I am concerned about his mental health. Anyone would worry about his mental state when his own father put him through such torture.” She stares me down. “But I see no evil in that boy, none at all. He’s shy, withdrawn, a little … damaged … but he’s no cold blooded killer. And that is why I want to help him. Understood?”

 “Yes Mother … I understand ….”

 “So … this pregnancy -.”

 “Noh now,” I grunt, “given everything that’s going on, I don’t think it’s important.”

 “It’s plenty important. You’ve miscarried so many -.”

 “NOH NOW.”

\--------------------------

***Thursday 30th November***

***3.33pm***

 Ronnie’s phone kept going off this morning – it was that friend of his, Jay. When I answered the call, the poor guy was worried sick, wanted to know what was going on. Said Ronnie had been texting him non-stop since he came home with me, up until last night. I … I told him what had happened, told him I’d keep him updated.

 Mother rang the police again this morning, because we hadn’t heard from them … and then again around noon. The police have finally agreed to let us see him – she found out that Ronald has been questioned … and they’re going to do a lie detector test on him this evening. And … as thought, it was those awful men who told the police about the killing – arseholes. They … they just couldn’t leave him in peace ….

 So … we had to speak to the visiting office of the prison; they were actually really good to us, let us get a visit without an appointment. That must be a good sign – if they really thought he was murderer, they wouldn’t have let us see him so soon … I think.

 Problem was though … we were only allowed two adults to visit. Mother offered to say home and look after the lil ones … which came as quite a shock. I would never have expected her to keep them company. But … she did say Ronnie would be happier to see Father than her … so it makes sense. She did want me to mention the lawyer to Ronnie though – I won’t know how much trouble he’s in until I see him.

 God … I hope he’s alright ….

\-----------------------

 “Wh-what ‘appened ta ya face?” I gasp, seeing his bruised eye and split lip. “‘H-‘ho did this to ya?!”

 “H-had … a fight wi’ another prisoner.”

 “A fight?”

 “One … sided. He … he started it.” He shifts around in his seat. “I … I moved cells though – th-tha new guy isn’t … any trouble.”

 “O-okay.” I nod slowly, leaning closer to him. “‘Ave ya spoke to the investigator?”

 “Y-yeah, told him … everythin’.” He sniffs. “It … it was an accident, Mom, he … he came at me … so I smacked him over tha … head wi’ somethin’.”

 “Ronnie, we know you aren’t capable of murder,” Father says.

 “Yes,” I lower my voice, “b-but … why did ya admit to it? Ya … ya could ‘ave said ya didn’t know anything about it. It’s their word against yas.”

 “Wha’ … good would tha’ do?” I … I’m taken aback by the dirty look he gives me. “Lying’s … gotten me nowhere … in tha past – I … I’m not gettin’ in more trouble just ta try ta wiggle my way outta it. I … I’d look even guiltier ….”

 “But why? They don’t ‘ave any proof.”

 “They ‘ave … a b-body.”

 My stomach churns …. “Oh ….” I gulp. “I … I didn’t know that.”

 “Y-yeah.” The tears start running from his eyes. “I … I jus’ want them t-ta believe me.”

 “Sweetie -.”

 “I wanna go home!” He starts to bawl. “I … I miss y’ … and … I even miss tha lil ones. I … I can’t stay here!”

 My hand reaches out, and I grab onto his clenched fist. “Ronnie -.”

 “Oi, keep your hands to yourself!” A guard shouts, causing me to flinch.

 “S-sorry.” I pull my hand away.

 “Do that again and I’ll put an end to your visit.”

 “Y-yes, understood.” Gosh ….

 “Ev-everyone's … so sc-scary in … here,” he sobs, voice breaking with every word. It tears at my heart.

 “Sweetie, ya listen to me. Ya ‘ave to keep it together for the next day or two, okay? We’ll geh ya out of ‘ere … but ya need to stay strong.”

 “B-but … they’re gonna lock me up … in here for life. M-Mom, I … I can’t handle – lights out … lights out!”

 Oh shit … the dark …. “Ya … ya ‘ave to be strong. Ya aren’t gonna be stuck in ‘ere for much longer -.”

 “Y’ don’t know tha’!”

 “Y-yes, yes I do. Ya Grandmother’s gonna fix this, I promise.”

 “N-no -.”

 “Ronnie -.”

 “Y’re wrong, fuckin’ wrong!” He screams at me. “I … I’m gonna rot in here, fuckin’ rot!”

\--------------------------

 We’ve just got home – that … that was horrible. He had an awful breakdown in front of us both, started screeching at the top of his lungs. They carted him away in the end – horrible, fucking horrible ….

 “It didn’t go well, I take it?” Mother asks – I probably look like absolute shit. Been crying since we got out of the prison.

 “Ya … ya need to geh hold … of a lawyer.” I rub at my eyes – the lil ones don’t need to see me like this. “N-now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we return to the reapers.


	171. Eric. PICC.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter spans the last couple of weeks. Wanted to stick it all together to show how things progress. Saves a load of mini chapters too.

***Friday 17th November***

 “Al, Al, calm down. Please just calm down.” I … I’m trying to feed him, but today, he’s having none of it.

 William’s here, and I’m about to head out to work, but I really need to get some food into him. We’re already ten minutes behind. “I don’t want it!” He slaps my hand away for the third time.

 “Al, stop being awkward.”

 “No!”  

 Before I have a chance to say anything else, William grabs a hold of his wrists, pinning his arms at his sides. “What the hell are yer doing? Get off of him!”

 He eyes me sternly. “You want to feed him, don’t you?”

 “G-get … off,” Al starts to cry.

 “Y-yer’re hurting him -.”

 “I am doing no such thing. I barely have a hold on him.”

 “But -.”

 “Just get on with it. The more he struggles, the more stressed he will become.”

 “R-right, okay.”

\-------------------

 “Er-Eric, my … my tummy hurts.”

 “Ah … ah know, Al, ah’m sorry.”

 My wee baby rolls onto his side, curls up under the covers. “Okay.”

 “Ah didn’t mean tae hurt yer, babe.”

 “I know.”

 Hn … he doesn’t sound too happy with me …. “Ah … ah’ve got tae head tae work now, okay?”

 “Mmm.”

 I lean over the bed, kissing him softly on the temple. “Yer just get some sleep – ah’ll be back before yer know it.”

 “Okay, Eric.”

 Right ….

\--------------------------------

***Saturday 25th November***

 Things … have really gone to shite – Al … Al’s had some toilet trouble – I … I don’t think he has control over his muscles anymore. So … I had to buy him some male incontinence underwear. It … it’s not nice to deal with, and I know he’s embarrassed by it, but … I couldn’t deal with the doctors shoving a catheter in him. He’s already got that fucking feeding tube … and Monday, they put something in called a PICC line. It’s a long, thin, flexible tube that goes from the inside of his elbow up to the main vein just above his heart. He … looks more like a patient … in an ICU than an outpatient ….

 They put that extra thing … in so that he doesn’t keep having to have injections – this … new med they’ve got him on needs to be given every four hours – they’ve shown me … William, and Grell how to use and … maintain the PICC (Grell’s finally been taken off of all that overtime). It … it’s not a nice drug – massive side effects ….

 But even with all the side effects, we have to just grin and bear it – the doctors made a breakthrough … and they told me that they’re certain this drug will help him. I … I hope to God they’re right ….  

 At … at least now Grell’s back to her normal shift, William doesn’t have to come over so much. It’s not that he hasn’t been a great help … but I don’t think he’d do so well with the incontinence issue. I … mean, I don’t like the idea of Grell having to help Alan change … but I don’t think William would be able to stomach something like that.

\--------------------------

***12.03pm***

 “Er-Eric … d-don’t.” He looks up at me with those big, wet eyes.

 “Al -.”

 “It … it makes me … f-feel sick.”

 “Ah … know, but yer heard what the doctors said. They really think this drug is going tae help.”

 “It … it’s not helping.” He squeezes his eyes shut. “Y-you … know that, you … c-can see that.”

 “Yer … cannae just give up -.”

 “You’ve already given up on me!”

 “Wh-what?”

 “Y-you’ve … stopped … looking up cures – you’re not … searching through books any longer.”

 “Al, what’re yer talking about? Ah’d got my head stuck in a book just last night. Yer were awake, yer saw me.” Even if they’re saying this will cure him … I’m still looking for a back-up plan. I’m taking no chances when it comes to his life.

 His face falls. “N-no … that … that isn’t true!”

 “Al … yer know the drugs are messing with yerr head.”

 “N-no ….” He shakes his head. “You’re lying to me!”

 “No, ah’m not.” I turn away from him, getting the saline filled syringe ready. It’s … tedious, having to flush the line through before and after every dose.  It’d be a nightmare if it got clogged ….

 Everything goes quiet … and I glance back over at him. “Wh-what were … we talking about again?”

 “Nothing, Al.” I hold in a sigh. We … really don’t need another argument at the moment – he … he’s been so tetchy, so argumentative since he’s started on this medication.

 “Okay …. Eric?”

 “Aye?”

 “When does my … shift at work start?”

 Not this again …. “Not yet, babe.”

 “B-but … don’t we … have combat training today?” His brow furrows. “Could … have sworn … I had to pick up one of … those wooden sword things.”

 “That was ages ago, Al.”

 “No ….”

 “Okay, babe.” I grab an alcohol swab and climb onto the bed, kneeling next to him. If … I’m lucky, he won’t realise what I’m doing ….

 I reach over slowly, pulling down the cover on his arm that keeps all the tubes tucked up nice and neatly. So … many fucking tubes. There’s one for the medication … and one that can be used by the doctors to take blood. And then … there’s this other tube … that I have to use once I’ve given him his medication. It’s … used for a different med, a … blood thinner. The thinner stays in the one tube, goes into his system slowly – can’t have … any blood clotting in the PICC line.

 They all kind of connect into one just outside of his skin.

 “Eric … what -?”

 “Just relax, Al.”

 “Okay ….”

\-------------------------

 “It’s … alright, Al, it’s alright.” He didn’t make … much of a fuss, but … the tremors have started.

 “Nghhh. Eric … I think – sick.”

 “Yer’re not going tae be sick, Al, just relax.” I rub at his tummy lightly.

 “Yes I will!”

 “N-no, no, yer haven’t thrown up from this yet. It’s just a bit of nausea.” I lift him up onto my lap, trying to smile. “N-no gain without … pain, right Lad?”

 “P-pain?” His shaking gets worse. “Hn … t-torture for no r-reason.”

 “That’s not true. Y-yer just have tae get over the worst of it.”

 “Th-this isn’t the … worst.” His head flops against my shoulder. “Th-this – ngh ….”

 I pull him closer, rocking him gently – I … I hate it when he makes these gurgling noises. It’s the same every time that med goes in – he … he’ll knock out soon, sleep for hours. But even … when he sleeps, it doesn’t stop his body from spasming.

 “Grr … hnn ….”

 “It’s alright, babe, just sleep.”

 “Urkk….”

 “Shush, Al, shhhh.”

\------------------

***Wednesday 29th November***

 Al’s been in a horrible mood for the past couple of days. We had to … give Belle away, to Grell, for the foreseeable future. I didn’t want to have to do it … but she wasn’t doing so well here, kept pining, pacing around. She’d start barking when I shut her in the kitchen so I could give Al his meds … and she jumped on him a lot on the bed, hurt him even though she was just trying to show affection.

 I thought Al would … understand … but he didn’t. He went mad at me. He … he really misses her.

 Well … once this medication starts to do something for him … she can come back.

 But … really, it’s not his fault. If … he was completely with it … he’d understand why Belle had to go to Grell’s. He wouldn’t be holding it against me … hn, when he can even remember that she’s gone.

\----------------------------

 I rub at my cheek – the large scratch Al gave me ten minutes ago has almost healed. He … he really wasn’t with it when I tried to give him his meds – just started screaming, lashing out. I definitely took the brunt of his rage.

 Well … at least he’s asleep now. He’s not going to cause William much trouble when he comes over in a bit – my shift is going to clash with Grell’s again tonight.

\----------------------------

***6.10pm***

 “What’s this?” William’s just handed me a piece of paper.

 “Open it.”

 “Alright ….” I unfold the paper and read it – a sick note …. “Oh …. This is for me?”

 “Yes, as you can see, I have stated the reason as being stress and personal issues. I just need you to sign it.”

 “B-but why? It’s … not like yer tae -.”

 “Alan needs full-time care … and honestly, I don’t think me or Grell are up to scratch.”

 “But … why? Yer’re already one man down -.”

 “And you are running yourself ragged. I need reapers at branch to concentrate fully on the job at hand. And … well, Alan has been nothing but an exceptional member of staff. He deserves the sympathy of the branch.”

 “Th-thanks.” I … never expected him to do that for me – nah … he probably just doesn’t want to deal with Al anymore ….

 But then again, he’ll have to do a hell of a lot of overtime instead ….

 “It is not a problem.”

 I glance at the sick note again. “From the second?”

 “Yes. You have to understand that we need to put people in place to take over your upcoming collections. That cannot be done instantly.”

 “Aye … ah understand.” I stand up from the bed. “Ah’ll get it signed at work and handed intae HR.”

 “Very well.”

 “Aye. Ah … best get ready for work.” I lean down next to Al, whispering against his ear. “Yer be good for William, alright?”

 He makes a small humming noise in his sleep. So cute ….

 “William, yer take good care of him, okay?”

 He gives me a small nod. “Of course.”  


	172. Ronald. A bad night.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know this is short, but I wanted the next part of this to be in Johnson's POV.

 I saw h-him … on the way back to my cell, and … he spat at me. I … I just got this … massive surge of anger – I … I’ve never wanted to h-hit someone so badly in my life, hurt him – fuck … I felt like ripping his f-fucking throat out. It … it finally hit me, how much I fucking hate him. He’s ruined my life. H-he can drop down dead!

 I didn’t go for him though, of course I didn’t. He … he’s not worth getting in more trouble over – actually, I think he got in shit for spitting at me. Serves him right ….

 Shit … I wish I hadn’t seen him though. It’s really made me feel … all panicky, kinda sick. I … I can still feel the … w-wetness on my cheek. Fucking disgusting ….

 Ugh … really sent a shudder down my spine.

\--------------------------------

*** Friday 1st December***

 Last night was horrible. Johnson told me to relax for the lie detector test … but I still failed it. They asked me basic things, like my name, my mom’s name, stuff like that. Hn … it came up as me lying about that, even though it’s obviously true – DNA test and all. I … even managed to fuck that up ….

 So … they didn’t bother carrying on with it, sent me back to my cell. But … Johnson did say I’d have to do it again … sometime today. Fuck ….

 “You okay, Kid?” My cellmate asks.

 “F-fine,” I curl up in bed, hoping he’ll leave me alone.

 “Hn, alright. So … what are you in here for?”

 “M-murder charge.”

 “Seriously?”

 “Y-yeah. Wha’ ‘bout y’?”

 “Drug charges.”

 “Oh … well if we ever ge’ … outta here, y’ can hook me up wi’ some.”

 “I don’t sell them.”

 Well … that was kinda blunt. “Alright ….”

 “Don’t let the guards here hear you say that. You have to be careful what you say here – could get in a lot of trouble.”

 Oh … so he is a drug dealer but just doesn’t wanna admit it. Right …. “Okay, got it.”

 “Good. So … did you actually murder someone? You don’t seem the kind.”

 “Well n-not exactly ….”

\---------------------------------

***Saturday 2nd December***

 I’ve been in this place for … three days now, well … three nights. It’s starting to get the best of me. I’m curled up in my bed, shaking … trying my best not to cry. D-don’t … wanna piss off another cellmate. He … he seems alright … but a little scary looking. Shit … don’t … cry, don’t cry.

 Hn … another cellmate ….

 Johnson took me out of my cell yesterday afternoon, told me that my cellmate had ‘snitched’ on me. Apparently I’d told the guy that … I’d murdered Jason on purpose. Johnson didn’t believe him  … said my cellmate was known for lying and making stuff up to get others in trouble … but fuck, it really shook me up. I … I thought Johnson was going to sentence me on the spot.

 So … I’ve changed cells, again ….

 He told me that … they wouldn’t be doing another lie detector test on me too – he … he didn’t think the results would be conclusive … because of how nervous I get. It would be a waste of time or something …. I don’t know what he expected – of course I’m gonna freak out with a machine connected up to me, people asking me loadsa questions.

 Last night was hell … because Johnson couldn’t keep me in the interrogation room for a third night in a row. N-not that … I’d want him to keep it up – poor guy hadn’t slept for two nights because of me ….

 Couldn’t sleep though – I … I was terrified. There … was something bad in the corner of the … cell, I … I know there was. A Demon … monster … something hungry for blood.

 I look down at my hands – they’re full of little cuts … from where I tried to claw my way outta my cell – being … locked up, trapped in a small space, doesn’t get … any easier, even after all those years ….

\------------------------------

***12.34pm***

 I had to go speak to the doctor just now … and she’s going to give me something to help me relax tonight … plus a sleeping pill. I … I guess they just don’t want me kicking up a fuss.

 I … I’m not happy about having to take pills … because if I ever get out of here … I’m gonna want to get high, take something to help me relax.

 B-but … at the same time, I … I need something. I … I’m not gonna make it through another night like the last one. I’m just hoping the sleeping pills kick in, knock me out … before the lights go off.

 Or even better … that I can go home before I even have to take those meds. That’s all I keep thinking about, going home, being … back with my family. Man … if Will was here, he … he’d be able to break me out just like that. B-but … he’s not here, so … I’m trapped – no way out.

 And Mom hasn’t been able to come visit me again – well … I think that’s what it is … that they aren’t letting her come back.

 But … maybe she just doesn’t wanna see me. I … I wouldn’t blame her – pretty much blew up in her face the last time.

 What … if I scared her? What … if she thinks I’m crazy, a … a psycho …?

 Shit ….

 No … no.

 She has to take me home ….

 Has to ….


	173. Eric. Mind-trip.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this chapter got long really quick.

***Saturday 2nd December***

 Al … Al’s mind’s really starting to suffer. He … he’s acting like a wee kid half of the time, throwing tantrums, asking questions over and over again. And I know it’s just a part of the medical treatment … and that I have to work my way through it because … the doctors have told me he will get better … b-but I wish there was another way.

 I … I don’t want him being so confused, so vulnerable. It … it really breaks my heart.

 B-but at least I’ve just started my sick break, so … so I’ll be here to comfort him all I can. I know him best, so … I’m the best person for him.

 My baby needs me – I can’t crack under the pressure, can’t let him down, n-no matter what hurdles he throws at me ….

 I won’t let him down – if the tables were turned, he’d be there for me, one hundred percent. I know he would.

\-----------------------------

 “Al, stop it!” He’s getting more violent, lashing out more. Every … administration of medicine or food is a battle. But … it’s not his fault, it’s the meds. I rang the doctors up about it this morning and they said it’s because the medication is a steroid mixed with something else. One of the main side effects – aggression. Explains why he seems to be getting stronger too. I’ve been smacked in the face a couple of times ….

 Or … or maybe he’s getting stronger because he’s improving. I … I really don’t know anymore.

 “Al, ah said stop!” I grab a hold of his one wrist.

 “G-get off! I … I hate you!”

 My stomach rolls over. My teeth scrape against each other. “Y-yer don’t really mean that.” Crushing ….

 He … he’s not even listening, too busy trying to wiggle his way out of my grip.

 “Al … please just keep still.” I pin his wrist against the pillow by the side of his head, pulling down the covering over his PICC line. Right … where did I put the –

 “Ach! Al, for the love of God, stop it!” His … his fist has just collided with my nose. My hand goes to it – ahh … shite, nosebleed.  Every blow … every hit, it … it hurts just that wee bit more, coming from him ….

 I look back over at him – oh great … he’s crying. “Al -.”

 “I … I’m sorry, E-Eric, I … I didn’t mean it.” Seems like he’s come back to reality.

 “It’s alright, Al,” I sigh, trying to stop my voice from wobbling, “ah know yer didn’t mean it.”

 “Y-you’re mad at me.”

 “No. Just keep still, alright?”

 “Still? F-for what?”

 “Ah need tae give yer yerr meds.”

 “B-but … th-they make me all twitchy.”

 “Ah … ah know.” I let go of him, wiping my blood on my sleeve. “But the quicker we get this over with, the better. Can we just get on with it?” 

 Al turns his head, looks away from me. “I … I’m sorry f-for hitting you.” A loud sob makes my ears ring, causes my heart to ache. “Y-you … must h-hate me.”

 “Ah … ah don’t hate yer. Al, ah just … don’t want yer tae keep fighting me all the time. W-we both know yer need tae take yerr meds.”

 “Th-they hurt me.”

 “Aye, ah … ah know, ah know.”

 “C-can I have a cuddle?” He looks back over at me. “P-please?”

 “And then will yer let me give yer yerr meds?”

 He nods against the pillow slowly. “O-okay.”

 I get off of the bed, climb under the covers. My … my poor baby shakes against me as I pull him closer.

 “Y-you’re so … warm, Eric.”

 A shiver runs down my spine, and I have to take a deep breath to stop the tears from coming. He … he used to say that a lot, when he was a human. B-but the worst part; I … I can’t tell if he was sicklier then … or if he’s worse now. And … back then, there was an easy fix ….

 “I … I like it … when you’re warm.”

 “Like a mini radiator, aye?”

 “Y-yes.” I feel his body jolt. “Eric, y-you’re going to be late for work.”

 “Al, ah told yer that ah won’t be at work for a while.”

 “B-but why?” I can hear the confusion in his voice.

 “Because yer’re poorly.”

 “B-but you’re not. I … I don’t understand.”

 “Ah have tae take care of yer.” How many times have we had this conversation already today …? I … I know it’s not his fault, but … it’s so draining. I … I miss the old conversations we used to have, intelligent conversations ….

 He pulls away from me, pushes himself up onto his elbows. “I don’t need your help.”

 “Al -.”

 “I’m fine! I … I’m not weak!”

 “Alan -.”

 “Stop saying I’m weak!”

 My head falls back against the pillow. “Alright ….”

\------------------------------------

 I … I finally got the meds into him, but we were far behind schedule. I’ve been getting his meds sorted ten minutes early, when he’s awake, because it never goes smoothly, is never given straight away. But this time … even the ten minutes didn’t do much for the delay.

 “Tw-twitchy,” Al cries, head buried in my shoulder. He is – his … his body is jerking so badly.

 “It … it’ll be over in a minute, Al.”

 “N … nghhh ….”

 My hand rubs at his back. I … I just need to keep it together until … he falls asleep – he … he doesn’t need to see me cry. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block out the gagging, gurgling noises he’s making. D-doesn’t get any easier ….

 My … my poor baby ….

\-----------------------

 He’s about to nod off – the … noises have finally stopped. I tuck him into bed, watching as his eyes start to slip shut. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I soothe his hair, trying to lull him off – at … at least he’s not in any pain when he sleeps.

 “Nghhh ….”

 “Al, yer alright?”

 “N-no.”

 “Wh-what is it, babe?”

 He bites down on his lip, tears sliding down his cheeks.

 “Al, t-talk tae me.”

 “I … I’ve … had a … a little accident.”

 Oh …. “Not tae worry, babe, these things happen.”

 “B-but I’ve been … doing so well. H-haven’t … had one in days.”

 He … he doesn’t remember this morning. B-but I don’t have it in me to tell him that – it’ll just upset him more. “Aye, yer have, but we all have bad days. Don’t let it bring yer down.”

 “Y-you’re not disgusted?”

 “No, of course not. Ah know yer cannae help it.”

 He nods slowly, head rolling to one side. “Y-you’re … really k-kind, Eric.” He dozes off before I have chance to reply. I give him a kiss on the forehead before getting up, pulling a drawer open to get out a new pair of disposable underwear.

 At least I’ll be able to change him without him kicking up a fuss. It … it’s a horrible thought, being glad that he’s asleep, but it makes things so much easier. I should be able to get another dose or two of meds into him before he wakes up, and I’ll be able to feed him a good few times too.

 Shite … I feel awful for even thinking that. It’s just … his constant mood swings, the punching, hitting, scratching – they’re … really wearing me down, draining me.

 I … I miss the old Al.

 Miss him so much ….

\-------------------

***6.32pm***

 He’s been … crying nonstop since he woke up an hour ago. It’s Belle – he’s missing her so much, won’t stop talking about her. “Al, ah keep telling yer, she’ll be back soon.”

 “Now!” He tries to wiggle out of my grasp, but I hold him tighter, keeping him against my chest.

 “As soon as yer start getting better.”

 “It’s not fair! Y-you … you took her away from me!”

 “She wasn’t happy here, Al.”

 “Y-you … didn’t like her!”

 “That isn’t true, ah – Al, stop squirming. Y-yer’re going tae hurt yerself.”

 “B-but … I … I want to go home!”

 Oh … great …. “Yer are home, babe.”

 “Nghhhh ….” He wiggles around again, curling up against me. “I … I feel sick.”

 “In what way?”

 “N-not sure.” I feel his body relax against me. “Eric?”

 “Aye?”

 “W-will … sleeping make me feel better?”

 “Aye, probably.”

 “H-hold me until I go sleepy?”

 “Ah am holding yer, Al.”

 “Well keep holding me.”

 “Ah will, babe, don’t worry about that.”

 “G-good.”

\----------------------

***11.07pm***

 Al’s been asleep since about seven, glasses still perched on his nose … and it’s about time I head to bed too. I’ll have to set my alarm for midnight though, and again for four in the morning. I can get away with only feeding him after I give him his meds … if he stays asleep until around eight – I just give him a larger quantity, hope he doesn’t wake up feeling sick.

 But I don’t have a choice really – I tried to get up every hour when he first had the PEG tube in … but it was knackering.

 I ended up not concentrating properly on duty, screwing up a couple of times.  

 It’s best for the both of us if I get some sleep.

 I close the medical book I was reading, taking off my glasses. The lamp is switched off. Ahh … sleep, I need sleep.

\-----------------------------

***2.03am***

 Ngh … what time is it? I squint at the clock – oh … that’s early. Al must have woken me up for something. “What is it, babe?” I … I’m met with silence. “Al?”

 Nothing ….

 I grab my glasses, shoving them on. Shite – where is he?!

 A loud crash comes from under me – what the hell?! I jump out of bed, hurrying down the stairs. Another crash – the … kitchen? “Al? Al, answer me!”

 I rush into the kitchen, dark apart from the light of the fridge. He’s knelt in front of it –

 “Al … how did yer get … all the way down here?” He shouldn’t have – he can’t even walk. I rush closer to him when I hear him whimper. “Al, what’s wrong?”

 “P-puppy.” His hands reach into the fridge. “Puppy!” Items are tossed out onto the floor.

 “Yer’re not going tae find her in there, Al,” I crouch down at his side, getting a bottom lip from him.

 “F-find her,” he peers into the fridge again.

 “She’s at Grell’s,” I try to say as softly as possible.

 “N-no,” the tears fill his eyes as he stares at me again. “P-puppy, f-find her.”

 “Not tonight, Al.”

 “Puppy!” My heart sinks when he starts to cry, fingers slipping under his glasses. He starts to rock back and forth on his legs.

 “Ah … ah cannae get her tonight.”

 “I want her!”

 He … he’s so confused … so fragile ….

 “But it’s too late – ah cannae wake Grell up at this time of night.” I sigh when he starts crying more. “Al, please, ah’ll ask Grell tae bring her over first thing in the morning.”

 His hands fall onto his lap. “Y-you hate me.”

 “No, ah -.” A jar of jam hits me, pulled from the bottom shelf of the fridge, shatters against my shirt. “Okay, okay, ah … ah’ll try phoning her. Just stay here.”

\----------------------------

 On the third ring, she picks up. “Eric, is everything alright?”

 “Aye … pretty much. Ah’m sorry for waking yer up.”

 “Hn, wake me up? You make it sound like I can sleep.” She sighs down the phone. “You know the worry over Alan is keeping me awake at night – Olly, no one cares, so shut up. You should be used to it by now.”

 “Grell -.”

 “Yes, what do you want?”

 Poor lass is getting cranky too …. “Can yer bring Belle over here?”

 “What? Now?”

 “Aye …. Al’s throwing a fit.”

 “Oh …. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, Eric. I know she’s a handful, but she means a lot -.”

 “No, it’s better this way. Ah … ah cannae cope with her on top of – he … he’ll be fine if he can just see her for a bit.”

 “Don’t they say having a pet helps with recovery?”

 “Aye, and she can come back as soon as Al starts showing some signs of – look, can yer just get here? Ah can hear him screeching in the kitchen.”

 “Yes, yes, coming, Darling.”

\---------------------

 “Puppy!” A wide smile spreads across Al’s face as Grell places Belle down on the floor next to him.

 Shite, she’s jumping up him again. “Belle, not so rough -.”

 “Darling, stop worrying so much.” Grell pokes me in the side. “Look how happy he is!”

 Aye … he is smiling pretty widely, giggling – I … I haven’t heard that sound for a while. “Ah know … but his tubes.”

 “Eric, look … puppy!” Al smiles up of me.

 “Aye, she came tae see yer.”

 Belle starts to settle down a wee bit, decides to just lick his face. I get another poke from Grell. “See, told you not to worry.”

 “Aye … aye.”

\----------------------------------

 “How’s he doing?” Grell peeks her head into the bedroom. She offered to clean up the kitchen while I took Al back upstairs with Belle. I did tell her not to worry about it, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. A distraction from the insomnia, apparently.

 “Aye, ah think he’s happy.” My fingers stroke through his hair. “Aren’t yer?”

 He nods slowly, the arm looped over Belle pulling her closer. “Sleepy ….”

 “Alright. Yer get some sleep.” I look over at Grell, mouthing a ‘thank you, and receive a smile in return.

 “E-Eric?”

 “Aye?”

 “D-don’t … take her away from me again.” He blinks slowly, obviously really tired. “I … I really missed her.”

 I glance over at Grell again; she nods.

 “Alright. We … we’ll figure something out, okay?”

 “S-so … she can stay?”

 “Aye, so she’ll be able tae stay here.”

 “Th-thank you.”

 “It’s alright.” I pull my hand away, grabbing a tissue. It’s wiped against his nose. “Someone’s a wee bit snotty from all the crying.”

 “Mmmm ….”

\-----------------------

***2.59am***

 “Yer should head home,” I say to Grell, pulling the covers up over Al. “It’s getting really late.”

 “Early.”

 “Aye … early.”

 She flops down on my part of the bed. “Home doesn’t sound so good right now. I’m really going to miss you – I can’t even chat to you at work now.”

 “Then yer should visit more.”

 “Come on now, don’t be like that. I came over here _without_ makeup on, so show your appreciation.”

 “Aye ….” Well I need to be up in an hour again anyway …. “A beer and a chat it is then.”

 “A coffee for you and water for me – you need to be sober,” she turns her head to look at Al, “or you’ll never be able to tell the difference between all of those tubes.”

 I roll my eyes at her. “Ah’ll get beer, yer water, and then yer can give him his meds.”

 “Is that the price I have to pay for your company?”

 “Aye,” I chuckle, “deal?”

 “Hn … deal.”

\--------------------------

 “Darling, don’t cry.”

 I rub at my eyes, and glug the last of my beer. “Ah … ah cannae help it.”

 She snatches up my hand. “Things will be just fine – we’re never going to give up on him.”

 “Aye, fine. Aye … of course. Fine … fine, aye ….”

 Fine ….


	174. Grell. 1,2,3, 1,2,3, drink.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Any idea what song title is from?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Ronald next, I promise.

***Sunday 3rd December***

***3.59am***

 Eric managed to drink himself under the table in under an hour. He went from one beer, to four … and then to shots of whiskey, knocking them back until we both lost count. In hindsight, I probably should have stopped the poor darling before he bladdered himself … but everyone needs to unwind every now and then – him more than anyone right now. I didn’t have the heart to tell him off when he was crying so much.

 I’ve just dragged his knocked out behind to bed – how a little dainty lady like myself managed to support his weight, I’ll never know. He’s snoring like a big, fat pig now – such an animal.

 The alarm goes off, Alan stirring a little. I stand up from my chair, nails clicking it to silence – hn … a chip ….

 Well, I don’t want Eric waking up, for now – I pull the covers back, lifting Alan up. I’ll give him the medicine downstairs, in the living room; give Eric some peace.

\-------------------

 “Darling, are you alright?” I ask him – he’s leaning against the arm of a chair, side of his head resting against his shoulder.

 He gives me a little nod, head flopping against the back of the chair.

 “Do you feel … damp at all?”

 “N-no.” His eyes are barely open – the poor boy must be so tired.

 “Okay, Darling, you go back to sleep.”

 “Alright.”

\-------------------

***4.22am***

 I’ve moved him onto the sofa, covered him with a blanket. He should be fine right there for the next couple of hours. While I’m here, I may as well clean up – a much better idea than tossing and turning, trying to get the sleep that’ll never come to me.

 I cleaned the kitchen up earlier … but I could do with tackling the dirty dishes in the sink. My heart really goes out to Eric Dear – he’s so tied up with our little brunette that his house is in utter disarray.

 The bedroom is piled high with all sorts of medical supplies – this room isn’t much better. Medical textbooks are strewn across the floor, pages torn out and thrown on the coffee table. I take a closer look. Annotations upon annotations, sentences circled, highlighted. Some of them have been ripped to shreds – Eric Darling no doubt took out his frustrations from their utter uselessness. He –

 “Ohhh ….” I pick up a lined, small piece of paper – ripped from a notepad, I assume. There are internet links written down, some crossed out. I even recognise the one link – I found that website also when I was doing some research a couple of days ago.

 Oh, another one. The names of doctors, their email addresses and numbers. It … it breaks my heart a little to see that they have all been crossed out – no luck there.

 Well … time to start cleaning. There must be a binder or something in this house that I can put all the paper scraps into. At least Eric won’t lose any important references then.

\----------------------

***8.04am***

 I’ve just gotten home – managed to do most of Eric’s laundry, clean up the living room fairly well. Almost threw a fit when I broke a nail – no one seems to understand the effort that has to be put in to grow them long.

 I took Alan back up to bed just before the alarm was due to go off at eight. Eric woke up then, a little groggy from the booze, but not completely hungover. He took over from me, told me to head home.

 “How did it go?” Olly asks me.

 “Mmm, as good as possible, I suppose.”

 “And how is he?”

 “Hn.”

 “Okay.” He continues to pack up his lunch for work. “I missed you.”

 “Well if you figured out a way to fix him, you wouldn’t have to.”

 “Grell -.”

 “Let’s face it – you haven’t exactly been very helpful recently.”

 His knife drops onto the cutting board. “I keep telling you; there is nothing else I can do.”

 “No -.”

 “I’m a forensic scientist, no doctor. They won’t allow me to have access to the medical records at the hospital -.”

 “Then find someone who can!”

 “I already have, but the only doctor who’s my friend lives in America now – he isn’t replying to my texts, emails, anything.”

 “Then phone him!”

 “I’ve tried.”

 “Try harder!”

 “Grell -.”

 “You can’t just give up on him. Do I make myself clear?”

 “Well … y-yes, but -.”

 “Marvellous! Now that that’s settled, Darling, I’m in need of a beauty nap. I’ll see you later, okay?”

 “Al-alright ….”

 Hmm … now where did I put my sleep mask?

 And I could do with a strong drink myself ….


	175. Johnson. Autopsy results.

***Monday 4th December***

***5.45pm***

 “Yes, yes, thank you.” The call is ended. That settles it then. The autopsy examiner has just told me that Streatham’s skull was intact. That does not mean that there was no bleeding on the brain – he could still have suffered a Subdural Haematoma even without a skull fracture … but at this point, there is no proof left of that. There is no evidence, really, to convict Ronald. A confession, on its own, will not hold up in court.

 I am a little miffed if I am honest. I have been waiting since Friday for this phone call – it seriously cannot take long to look over a skeleton. I expected them to call on Saturday morning as the facility is open until around one in the afternoon on that day. Their lack of urgency has caused Mr Knox a lot of unnecessary stress.

 But … if anything, it did give me a chance to speak to Streatham’s family this morning. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for them to find out that their missing family member was not only dead … but involved in something this vulgar, this unforgivable.

 His wife, as emotional as she was, was surprisingly helpful. She told me that a month or so before his disappearance, she’d told him to go see his GP. He was having some symptoms that seemed to be high blood pressure related and she thought that he may need his medication upping. Of course, Streatham hadn’t listened to her, had never booked an appointment, even with his history of previous heart attacks.

 It all fits with my previous inklings. Most likely, he suffered a heart attack during the scrap with Ronald.

 So … it is time to speak to the police officers, time to write down my findings, submit them. Ronald will be going home tonight.

\--------------------------

***6.19pm***

 “H-hey,” Ronald walks up to the bars of the cell. His eyes widen as the officer opens the cell for him, no handcuffs in sight. “W-wha -?”

 “We are dropping the charges against you.”

 “I … I can go home?”

 “In a little while. You will have to fill in some paperwork and then my assistant will contact your family, tell them to come pick you up.”

 I’m squashed by a death grip, Ronald hugging me tightly. “Th-thank y’.” He cries against my shoulder. “Sh-shit, I … I can’t believe it.”

 “Umm.” My hand reaches to his back, and I pat it lightly. “Th-there, there.” The poor kid is really shaken up, so emotional. I can’t really blame him – he has been through a hell of an ordeal. “We should sort out that paperwork now.”

 He jumps away from me, wiping at his eyes. “Y-yeah, right, sure.”

\----------------------

 We’re almost at the office now. “I heard that the doctor put you on some sleeping medication. Did it help you over the weekend?”

 “Y-yeah. Knocked me out … before lights went out. W-wasn’t … too bad.” He wrings his hands. “J-jus’ glad ta … be goin’ home.”

 “And I apologise that it has taken so long to release you. I was hoping to send you home Saturday morning.”

 “B-but … y’ had ta be … sure, right?”

 “I had to wait for the autopsy results. But … I have thought you were innocent of murder for a while now.”

 “O-oh … okay. S-so … tha … blow ta tha … head didn’t kill him?”

 “From the evidence we have found, it seems more likely that he died from a heart attack caused by the shock of the blow. You are not to blame here.”

 “G … good.”

\-----------------------

 The paperwork has just been sorted, Mr Knox changed back into the clothes he was brought here in. I noticed scratches on his arms as he was signing the papers, and he told me that it was the way he’d dealt with the anxiety of being cooped up in the cell. I guess even the Lorazepam they gave him alongside his sleeping meds didn’t help to calm his frantic mind.

 “S-so … y’re gonna phone my mom now, right?” He asks me.

 “My assistant is dealing with that as we speak. They probably won’t be here for an hour or so – would you like to get something to eat?” I know he barely ate anything during his stint here.

 “Y-yeah, alright.”

 “Follow me.”

\----------------

 We are sitting in the staff canteen of the prison now – he isn’t a prisoner anymore, so I don’t see a problem with it.

 The poor boy is shaking like a leaf, eyes fixed on his plate of Mac and cheese. I lean closer to him, across the table. “Are you worried that we’ll send you back to your cell, Ronald? Do you think we’ll uncover something new?” Guess I cannot help but ask him questions – my job role is showing through.

 “Wh-wha’?”

 “You look terrified. The shaking?”

 “O-oh … nah. Tha … tha stress has gotten … ta me, I guess.”

 “This badly?”

 “M-might be … because I’ve … not taken those meds today. I … I dunno.”

 “I see. Are you going to be alright?”

 “O-once I’m … outta here, yeah.” He manages to pick up his fork, stabs at the pasta.

 “So, tell me more about your childhood.”

 He glances up at me. “I … I thought tha in-interrogation was over?”

 “It is,” I sit back in my chair, “but I would like to know more about how it has affected you as an adult. Any further information, however small, may prove useful in court.”

 “Oh … alright. I … I guess that’s alright.”

 I pull out a piece of paper and a pen from my pocket. “May I take notes?”

 “Y-yeah, okay.”

\--------------------------

 Cole has just phoned me, told me that Ronald’s mother has arrived. We leave the canteen, walking quickly; he is eager to see her, though the shaking hasn’t quite settled. I got a little more information from him, about his life after his escape. I really got the sense that he is unable to let his past go – it haunts him, still terrorises him.

 “S-so … will … they ge’ locked up?” He asks. “Y’ … y’ said their sentences … will ge’ reduced?”

 “Reduced, yes, but that means nothing. It is just – they probably will not get a life sentence. Saying that, even if they are released, the authorities will keep a close eye on them. They will not hurt another child for as long as they live. I promise you that.”

 “B-but they will ge’ locked up?”

 “Yes. I will do everything in my power to make sure they receive the justice they deserve. They will not get away with this. You will have your justice.”

 “G-good.”

 As we reach the doors to the main reception area, I stop, turn to him. “Ronald.”

 “Y-yeah?”

 “You take care of yourself, alright? Get the help you need. After the court hearings are over, you have to move on with your life.”

 “Y-yeah. I … I think it’ll help me … ta know they … can’t hurt anyone else. I … ‘ave a family tha’ loves me. It … it helps a lot.”

 “That is good to hear.”

 “Y-yeah. Th-thanks, again, f-for believin’ me.”

 “Don’t thank me. The truth has a way of finding its way out. Come on, it is about time you see your family.”

 “Y-yeah.”

 I pull the door open. “If I need to speak to you again, about the chatroom case, I shall phone the house.”

 “Al-alright, cool.”

 I give him a small nod. “After you.”

 He rushes through the door – I am glad that he is getting out of here. Jail really isn’t a place where he belongs ….


	176. Ronald. Home we go.

 Mom’s here, right here. And she’s hugging me so, so tightly. I … I just can’t stop crying – don’t believe … I’m finally free.

 She’s crying too. “Oh, Ronnie, my sweet lil Ronnie. It … it’s okay, we’re here, we’re here.”

 “M-Mom ….” I bury my face in her neck. That … Mom smell. I … I’ve missed that flowery perfume smell so much ….

 “Let’s get ya out of here,” Grandpa says.

 “Y-yeah.” I swallow down the lump in my throat. “S-sounds great.”

\------------------------

 My head rests against the top of Grandpa’s arm – I’m fucking exhausted. Guess the ordeal has drained everything out of me. B-but … I just feel so relaxed, the shaking’s gone; it’s a great feeling to know I’m going home. The little bumps in the road are rocking me off to sleep … and Grandpa feels so warm.

 “Ya tired, Lad?” Grandpa asks.

 “Knackered.”

 His hand tugs on my seatbelt, pulling it looser around me. “Here, lie across me, get some sleep. We probably won’t be home for a good half an hour yet.”

 I kick my shoes off, pulling my legs up onto the seat. It takes a bit of work, wiggling about, but I manage to turn around, snuggling up to him, my face burying in the shirt covering his belly. “Mmmm.” He’s so comfy.

 Grandpa pats my head gently. “Better?”

 “Yeah … much better. Thanks.”

 “Don’t mention it.”

 I let my eyes slip shut. So … so sleepy ….

\----------------------------

 “Hmmm … wha’?”

 “We’re ‘ere, sweetie,” Mom says.

 I sit up, rubbing at my eyes. I’m still fucking knackered. Think I’ll be sleeping for days after this ….

 “Emma’s gonna be so excited to see ya, ‘oney.”

 “C-cool.” Man … she’s gonna ask so many questions ….

 “And we ‘ave a surprise for ya.”

 “Y’ do? Wha’ is it?”

 She turns around in her seat, smiling at me. “I’ll show ya soon enough. Come on, wipe those cobwebs away.”

 “Ya Grandmother is eager to see ya,” Grandpa adds.

 “Sh-she is?”

 “Yep, and if I were ya, I wouldn’t keep her waiting.”

 “G-good point.” I unbuckle the seatbelt and reach down, grabbing my shoes. I … I wonder what the surprise is ….

\------------------------

 “Jay!” I rush over to him, his arms wrapping around me as soon as I’m close enough.  

 “I was so worried about you. God … thank goodness you’re out of that awful place.”

 “J-Jay ….”

 “Surprised to see me, eh?”

 “Defo.” I squeeze my eyes shut for just a moment. I … I don’t know why, but I’m so happy to see him again. Guess we … really became proper friends in those two weeks. W-wha’ are y’ doin’ here?”

 “Your mom has been in contact with me for a few days now.”

 “Yep,” Mom says, “he was worried about ya when ya stopped texting ‘im.”

 “And your mom phoned me as soon as she heard that you were being released.”

 “A-and y’ came all this way?”

 “You make it sound like I had to travel down from Scotland. It’s only about a fifty minute drive.” His grip tightens on me. “Your grandmother was the one who invited me here actually.”

 “R-really?” I turn my head, look at her – ooh … she’s smiling?

 “That’s very true. Your mother told me that he helped you out, let you stay at his home a little while ago. Anyone willing to help my grandson out is welcome in this house.”

 “C-cool.”

 Emma comes closer to me, tugs on my jeans. “He brought cake, Ronnie.”

 “Cake?”

 “Yes,” Jay says, “picked it up on the way here.”

 “We wanted to celebrate ya coming home,” Grandpa explains.

 “Though it will probably taste vile.” Grandmother doesn’t sound very impressed. “Supermarket food simply cannot compare to what our chefs are able to prepare.”

 “I’m still eating it,” Emma pouts.

 “Yeah, cake sounds good.” Really good.

 “Then you can cut it, have the largest piece.” Grandmother smiles again.

 “Cool.” As my hug breaks with Jay, she pats me lightly on the back. “It’s good to have you back.”

 “Th-thanks.”

\---------------------------

***11.13pm***

 Mom’s just put the little ones to bed, which was kinda tough. Emma didn’t wanna go to sleep – guess she was excited to have me back. Was probably partly my fault – I played some games with her after we had cake (which tasted fantastic) … so that probably kept her kinda lively. I was tired myself … but wanted to spend some time with the little ones. Things have been proper rough for the two of them lately, so I wanted to try my best to cheer her up.

 Grandmother is letting Jay stay over tonight, which was a shock. I guess she must like him a lot. She offered him a room but he said he’d be fine on the sofa for the night. He didn’t wanna be any trouble, I think.

 Mom walks into the living room, squeezes onto the sofa with us. “Ya okay, sweetie?”

 “Y-yeah, I’m fine.”

 “Are ya sure?”

 I move closer to her, rest my head on her shoulder. “Yeah. So glad ta be outta there. I … I think I’ll be fine.”

 “Well if ya ever need to talk -.”

 “Mom, really, I’m okay.”

 “But if ya -.”

 “I will, don’t worry.”

 “Good. Are ya coming up to bed?”

 “Nah, not yet. I’m gonna stay down here wi’ Jay.” I know he said he didn’t travel very far … but I still don’t wanna fob him off. I … I’m really grateful that he’d go outta his way to make sure I was alright.

 “Alright, sweetie. Just don’t stay up too late, okay?”

 “Alright.”

\-------------------------

 We’re outside now, at the back of the house – the butler came round a bit earlier, asked if we needed anything before he ‘retired’ to bed. Jay asked if there was anywhere he could go to smoke. Turned out there was a little smoking area cornered off in the back garden for the staff here that smoke. It’s pretty nice actually – cover from the rain, seating and tables, potted plants that look well cared for. The staff here have got it pretty good.

 I lean over the table. “I didn’t even know y’ smoked.”

 He chuckles, stuffing tobacco into the rollup paper. “Bad habit. I’ve been smoking on and off since I was twelve. Managed to quit for years … but I guess things have been stressful recently.”

 Oh …. “B-because of me?”

 “N-no, not really. My partner passed away – it was the five year an-anniversary a little while ago.”

 “Oh … shit, I’m sorry. I … didn’t know.”

 “Because I never told you. You had your own problems. It wouldn’t have been fair of me to bother you with my issues.”

 Makes sense …. “Y’ … really cared 'bout him? Or her?”

 “Him.” The cigarette is rolled up. “You … you think you’re going to be with someone forever … and then they’re just taken away from you.” It makes sense now … why he never seemed to be interested in finding anyone back when he was my client. He’s still loves, is still attached to his ex; he doesn’t want anyone else …. Poor guy ….

 “Y-yeah, I … know.”

 “Will?”

 “Y-yeah. I … I mean, he got rid of me … but y’ know ….”

 “I understand, yes.” He lights up his rollup. “If it helps … I can tell you it does get easier.”

 “Th-thanks. W-wha’ happened ta him? Ah … sorry, y’ … y’ don’t ‘ave ta answer tha’.”

 “It’s fine. He … he had cancer.”

 “Sh-shit, I’m sorry.”

 “It’s alright. Like I said … it gets easier.”

 “Easier, r-right ….”

\-------------------

 “You sure you don’t want to go to bed?”

 “No.” I’ve just moved to lie on top of him on the sofa. “Y’re comfy.”

 “It’s not hurting your rib lying like this?”

 “Nope.” Not any more than usual anyway …. “It’s not causin’ me tha’ much trouble now.”

 “Alright then.” His hand finds my back, fingertip making small circles and patterns through my shirt. Hmm … that feels pretty good, relaxing. “Night, Ronald.”

 “Call me Ronnie already.” I yawn. “Hm … everyone else does.”

 “Fine by me.” His movements change, my back getting rubbed lightly. “Night, Ronnie.”

 “Nighty night.”


	177. William. Porting around.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Point out any typos please. I'm so tired today.

***Thursday 7th December***

***9.01am***

 Penelope hops onto the kitchen table, pecking at my leftover toast. She was a fine present, I have to admit, and rather good company. My hand reaches out, index finger rubbing against the top of her head – such soft plumage.

 But as good as she is, I cannot help but miss Trumpet.

 And I miss _him_ even more.

 It is too quiet here, far too quiet.

 Still … I am to go over to Eric’s house at around noon. I have two of his collections to see to tonight … but I refuse to sit around here, sulking, until then. And Eric could probably do with some assistance – Alan’s been quite the handful since his new treatment began.  

 I glance at my watch. Three hours … three hours. I may as well get some cleaning done, I suppose.

\-------------------------

 What the heck is that? I have been deep cleaning the living room for a while now … but there is something stuck behind the seat of the couch. Awkward as all hell, its positioning. “Come on – ah!” The thing comes loose, my hand coming back to smack me in the nose. “Nghhh ….” Oh God … that stings ….

 I look at the offending item – a sock? Not my sock ….

 His.

 Well … he cannot be missing it very much. And judging by all the fluff that has accumulated on it, it belongs in the bin.

\--------------------------

***12.02pm***

 “Now is not a good time?” I ask, seeing a gruesome looking split lip.

 “Ah’m doing better than yer judging by the look on yerr face,” Eric retorts.  

 “I am fine.”

 “Missing Ronnie or something?”

 “N-no, I -.”

 “Well at least he’s not dying, as far as we know. Yer might want tae be a wee bit more grateful.”

 I will not let his words irk me … “Yes, I am sure that he is fine. How is Alan?”

 “Tetchy.” He licks the blood from his lip. “Ah was trying tae give him his meds when yer knocked.”

 “Apologies.”

 “Nah, it’s fine.” He sighs loudly. “Yer can … help me hold him down, ah guess.”

 “Understood. His strength is growing by the day, I assume?”

 “Aye. His knee got me right in the rib.”

 “I see ….”

\---------------------

 “No, no, no!” Alan’s cries make my ears ring, but I keep my grip firm on his wrist.

 “Al, Al, shhh.” Eric rubs his cheek lightly. “Come on, enough. Yer’re going tae knacker yerself out at this rate.”

 “I said no!” Eric receives a harsh kick to the gut.

 “Nghhh ….”

 “Go away!” 

 He rips his arm from my grip – definitely stronger than usual … “Alan, come now – what …?” He … he’s gone?

 Eric’s eyes go wide. “Al? Al?!”

 “He must have ported. He couldn’t have gone far -.”

 “Don’t just sit there then!” Eric clambers off of the bed. “H-he has tae be around here somewhere.”

 “Yes.” I stand up myself. “You check the living room. I shall look in the kitchen.”

 “A-aye.” He ports from sight, and I follow a second later. “Oh … thank goodness.” To my relief, Alan is standing in the kitchen, his back to me.

 “It … it’s not fair.”

 “I -.”

 “T-tell … him t-to stop!”

 “Oh … Alan, you know Eric is only trying to help you.”

 “No!”

 I walk over to him slowly. “Yes, so come back to bed.”  

 “N-no, I … I ….” His legs fall out from under him – I catch him just in time, prevent a nasty fall. “Honestly ….” My arm sweeps under his legs, and I pick him up from the back of his knees. “Back to bed we go.”

 “I ….”

 “Yes, yes, I know.” I turn back to the kitchen door. “Eric!”

 He rushes into the room, sighing in relief. “Oh thank fu – Al, don’t do that again.” He comes closer to us. “Don’t run off, alright?”

 “I … I didn’t … mean to.” He blinks up at us lazily.

 “Yer didn’t mean tae port away?”

 “N-no.”

 I feel his body tense, twitch against me a few times. “Alan, are you alright?”

 “F-feel funny.” I make the mistake of blinking – he vanishes again, weight gone from my arms.

 “Shite!”

 “He … he couldn’t have -.”

 “What, gone far?!” He glares at me. “Th-this isn’t right!” He rushes out of the room.

\-----------------

 “No luck,” I say, meeting him back up in the bedroom.

 “Sh-shite …” I see the tears forming behind his glasses.

 My hand reaches out, finds his shoulder – I … I can attempt to comfort him. “We will find him.”

 “How?!”

 “Where would he have gone? Is there anywhere special?”

 “N-no. If … if he can’t control it, he … he could have gone anywhere.”

 “Well -.” I’m silenced by Eric’s ringtone. He shrugs my hand away, grabs his phone. It is slammed up to his ear. “Grell, ah don’t have time – what?!”

 I can hear her shrieking down the phone. “He … he’s collapsed on the floor! For the – just get here!”

 “Where?!”

 “Our bedroom. Hurry!”

 He’s gone in a flash. I follow suit, feet slamming onto the garish red carpet of her bedroom.

 “Al … oh, sh-shite, Al!”

 I glance over at the three of them – oh … my ….

 Alan is convulsing on the floor.

 Eric’s expression says it all – terrifying.

\--------------------------

***12.37pm***

 Alan lost consciousness shortly after we entered the hospital. We are now sitting in a hospital room … waiting for the doctors to tell us something, anything.

 I hope they give us some sort of answer soon – Eric is beside himself. He shakes his head, grip tightening on Alan’s hand. “Ah … ah knew it was … coming. Ah … ah knew.”

 “Wh-what do you mean, Darling?” Grell asks.

 “He … he won’t be … getting out of here … this time around.”

 “Of course he will. They’ll give him something for the … seizures and he’ll be on his way.”

 “N-no. Th-this is it. R-really it.” A sob wracks his large frame. “Ah … ah knew it … was coming, b-but not n-now. It … it wasn’t supposed tae … h-happen yet.”

 “Slingby, you stop this nonsense at once,” I say. “How would Alan feel if he could hear you talking like this? You cannot just give up on him.”

 “Yer’re not helping!” I receive a rather dirty look. “What about yer, huh? Yer just gave up on Ronnie, so shut yerr mouth!” 

 Yes … shut up.

 Understood ….


	178. Eric. Tuesday.

 They’re telling me that Al’s been having mini-seizures … apart from the big one he had earlier. Every time he had one of those small seizures, it’d mess with his ability to port. That … explains how he got into the kitchen the night he was upset about Belle. That has to be how ….

 They gave him another dose of those meds ... because I hadn't been able to. At ... at least he was asleep, didn't know what was happening to him .... 

 “E-Eric?” I feel Al tug against my hand as he starts to wake up – he looks so confused. “Wh-where am I?”

 “In the hospital, Darling,” Grell explains to him. “You’re having a few little problems with the medication you’re on.”

 “P-problems?”

 “Y-yer had a seizure, Al.”

 “S-seizure? T-that’s what it was – I … I’m not going … cr-crazy?”

 “Of course you aren’t, Dear.” Grell smiles down at him.

 I have to swallow down the lump in my throat. He … he is losing his mind too ….

 “They’ll … get yer on some meds tae help with the seizures, okay?”

 He shakes his head at me. “Th-they won’t. Y-you know … they won’t put me … on anything else d-during my treatments.” He … he looks so sad, so beaten down. My … my wee baby has given up ….

 “Don’t be silly, Darling, they’ll give you something.”

 “Aye, they can’t keep letting yer have seizures.”

 “R-right ….”

\--------------------

 “Oh … my shift is about to start,” Grell sighs.

 “Y-you … should go.” Al says.

 “And leave you? I don’t think so somehow.”

 “Grell, you must go. O’Connell will have your head if you are late,” William states.

 “He can try,” she huffs.

 “Grell, he’s right. Ah don’t want yer stuck at work for the next two weeks straight.”

 She looks over at me. “Are you sure, Darling? I don’t want to leave you two all alone.”

 “We’re not alone.” I glance over at William – he’s not very good at comfort … but him being here … it’s better than nothing. “We’ll be alright, Grell, really.”

 “Okay then, if you insist.” She bends over the bed, giving Al a gentle hug. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

 I flinch, Al making a loud – oh … he’s just giggling. “Your hair – tickles!”

 “Oh, whoops!”

 She’s so good around him, even when he isn’t all there. She … she might be handling his current mental state better than me, actually ….

\----------------------

 I hate this place, hate these doctors! They’re telling me that they can’t give him anything to stop the seizures. “Try not to worry too much, Mr Slingby,” the doctor says. “The treatment will be over this coming Tuesday.”

 “So yer’re just going tae let him suffer?!”

 “It will pay off in the end, I promise. We really think that this new drug is the breakthrough Mr Humphries has been waiting for.”

 “Well that is all well and good,” William says, “but what about his inability to control his teleportation? We cannot just have him disappearing at random.”

 “We are working on that.”

 “Right … working on it.” Hn … they don’t have a fucking clue how to help him. They probably never have ….

 Fuck … Eric, don’t think like that, don’t give up on Al – they … they’ll find a way to save him.

\----------------------

 I’ve just been handed something that looks like a handcuff on a chain. “This will stop him teleporting. The cuff will go around his wrist – you must latch the other end onto a solid object.”

 “Is that what I think it is?” William asks.

 “What?”

 “Specialised handcuffs used for inmates at the prison.”

 A fucking … prisoner – hn … it fits ….

 “Yes, that is correct, Mr Spears. Mr Slingby, it will keep him grounded. Please keep it on him at all times.”

 Aye … definitely a fucking prisoner ….

\--------------------------

 I ended up losing my shite with the doctor again. I don’t even remember what he said to make me snap … but I had another go about them not giving Al any meds for the seizures. I don’t know what I was expecting him to say … but obviously, he didn’t budge.

 So … I just need to bear with it until Tuesday. I mean … he hasn’t had an attack since he started on the medication …

 So … it might be working. Aye … aye, of course it’s working. The Thorns haven’t spread, and with no attacks, it has to be doing something.

 “Do you need me to come back with you?” William asks. I’m just about to take Al home with me.

 “Yer need tae head tae work in a bit, right?”

 “In a few hours.”

 “Then go home and chill for a bit. Ah can handle stuff on my own.”

 “Are you sure?”

 “Aye.” I’ve been doing most of this on my own for forever now anyway ….  “Ah … ah’m sorry about earlier.”

 “Earlier?”

 “Ah had a go at yer. Ah didn’t mean tae take it out on yer.”

 “I tried to advise you on things I did not understand. I should be the one to apologise.”

 Hn … not like him to say sorry. “So let’s call it even, eh?”

 “Yes.”

 “Okay. Yer miss him, don’t yer?”

 “Yes.” He stands up as soon as the word is out of his mouth.  “I should get going then.”

 “Alright.” Hn … looks like I hit a nerve there.

\----------------------------

 “Eric … I … I don’t want to … d-do this anymore.”

 “Ah know, Al, but it’s just until Tuesday. We -.”

 “Why are y-you letting them torture me like this?! I … I can’t do this!”

 “Al -.”

 “I … I’m losing my mind … here.”

 I lift him onto my lap, hugging him tightly. I … I’ll have to shackle him to the bed soon; don’t want to risk him porting off somewhere …. “Al, j-just bear with it until Tuesday, okay?”

 “It’s not helping!”

 “Yer don’t know that. The attacks have stopped, haven’t they?”

 “Y-yes, but -.”

 “Just until the test results come back on Tuesday. If … if it isn’t helping by then, we’ll stop, okay?”

 “Y-you promise?”

 “Aye.” My stomach turns over. “If … if it’s not … done anything, we’ll stop it, all of it, ah promise.”

 “G-good.” He cuddles up to me. “B-because … I’m sick of fighting, E-Eric, I’ve … h-had enough.”

 His words make me feel sick … “A-ah know, Al, ah kn-know.”


	179. Eric. Kiss the pain away.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Point out any typos please. Chapter is way long.

 “Eric … I … I can’t lie like this,” Al says, tugging on his cuff. “Y-you know it hurts to lie on my back for t-too long.”

 “Yerr chest is hurting yer again?”

 “Y-yes.”

 “Ah thought it had gotten better since yer started on the meds?”

 “N-no, I just haven’t mentioned it.” He sighs. “Have … had bigger problems lately.” His tugging becomes more pronounced. “B-but I … I can’t stay on my back.”

 “Alright.” This is going to be awkward. I need to figure out a way to keep his wrist tied … while being able to get to his PICC line easily with him being on his side.

 “Eric, h-hurry, please.”  

 “Oh, right, sorry.”

\-------------------

 “Is that comfortable enough?” Ended up having to lie him on his side, PICC line arm bent up above his head. I won’t be able to reach it otherwise.

 “N-no. Having my arm up … like this is really making my ribs ache.”

 “Well ah cannae -.”

 “Just … loosen it a bit. Please. I … I need my arm by my side.”

 “But Al, ah need tae get tae yerr PICC -.”

 “D-don’t make me b-beg, please.”

 “Oh … Al.” You know how to tug at my heartstrings … I undo the latch, unwrap the chain from around the bars of the headboard. It’s latched back into place, loose enough that he can have his arm flat against his side.

 “Th-thank you.”

 “Better?”

 “Hmmm … much better.”

 “Ah’ll have tae roll yer ontae yerr back when ah give yer yerr meds, alright?”

 “And … for food.”

 “Aye … but at least yer’re not stuck on yerr back, eh?”

 “That’s okay.”

 “Aye.” Not it’s not. He’s going to fight me – hn … keep fighting me, like he has been. Nothing is going to change that ….

\-----------------------

***Friday 8th December***

***12.23am***

 Fight me he did ….

 I … I can still feel the blow to the ribs he gave me. It’s probably just in my head. I mean … I heard something crack, and it came sharp, but I must have healed by now. My feelings got hurt is all. Aye … that’s what it is.

\-----------------

***1.03am***

 I can’t sleep, not with the bed shaking like this. Every time his body tries to port … the cuff keeps him tethered. Grounded, aye, but he keeps almost taking the bed with him. It’s been jolting, legs scraping against the floor for ages now.

 I’m never going to get any sleep at this rate. Probably shouldn’t even try. Need to be up in a few hours anyway. I should probably just go downstairs, grab a beer and then watch some TV or something. When the s-seizures stop, I can get some sleep. Not like I need to go to work or anything in the morning … and I think Grell is off tomorrow. I can ask her to help out for a few hours.

 I’m tempted to ask her to come over now … because I’m knackered, but … that wouldn’t be fair on her. She needs her beauty sleep.

 Hn … I swear if I wasn’t a reaper, I’d have aged ten years just from lack of sleep.

 Well … whatever. Time for that beer.

\----------------

***2.11am***

 Alright … I might have had a bit too much to drink ….

 Well … whatever – I have enough time to sober up before the next round of meds. I creep back into the bedroom, hoping not to wake him up. “Ow!” Heh … just walked into the desk …. A piece of paper falls off the wall, so I bend down, picking it up. “Aww ….” It’s one of Al’s drawings.

 I sit down on the chair, pulling open the top drawer. That’s where he keeps all the artwork, I think ….

 “Ahh … there yer are.” I pull out a folder and flick through it. It’s not all of his stuff, because he used to do a lot of big canvas paintings. Eh … booze has made me forget where those are.

 “So … pretty.” I look over at him. “Yer’re really talented, yer know?”

 “Hnnn ….” He grunts in his sleep. Guess he doesn’t believe me ….

 Ahh … I miss seeing him paint, draw, sketch. He … always looked so at peace when he was doing that artsy stuff.

 Well … come Tuesday, we might be back on our way to getting him to that happy place again.

 Ugh … fuck, Eric, don’t cry. Don’t let the booze get the best of your emotions.

 Aye … the booze, aye ….

\--------------------

***Saturday 9th December***

 Grell was a great help yesterday. I … I had to phone her in the end, at four o’clock on the morning. Couldn’t … sober up in time. She told me off … but I guess she understood why.

 I really should stop cramming booze down my throat. Should have learnt my lesson, from my human days; booze never helps with any sort of problem. It wasn’t that I was an alcoholic or anything like that … but I got into a few fights with the other drunken Scotts back then. Didn’t make me feel any better about the other stuff going on in my life, obviously.

 Well … just until Tuesday. Won’t need it after that.

\--------------------------

***8.03pm***

 “Al … come on, not tonight.” I really can’t be dealing with any more of his kicking and screaming.

 “Do you need my assistance?” William asks.

 “Nah … ah think ah can handle this.” I unlatch the chain, tightening it around the rails so that his arm’s bent at the side of his head. “Al, just relax, okay?”

 “B-but the fits.”

 “Ah know, Al -.”

 “You don’t know!” He cries. “Y-you … you don’t know … how much it hurts!”

 William stands up from his chair but I wave a hand at him. I … I can handle this on my own. He’s not … going anywhere, can’t ….

 “Yer’re right, Al, ah don’t understand, but ah’m just trying tae help yer, okay?”

 “N-no, it’s not okay.”

 I brush the tears from his eyes with my thumb. “Just two and a bit more days, okay?” Either way … it’ll be over.

 “What did I just – hmphh ….”

 A kiss cuts him off. Kissing him worked to distract him earlier … after he kneed me in the chin ….

 I pull away from him, trying my best to smile. “All better?”

 “M-more.”

 I glance over at William. “Yer might -.”

 “More!”

 “I won’t watch.” He turns his head away from us. “Do what you need.”

 “Aye.” I climb onto the bed, kneeling over him. Our lips meet again – “Ock … Al, don’t touch me there.”

 “More!” He tries to tug my joggers down.

 “Al, ah said no!” I yank his hand away.

 “I’m horny!”

 “William’s here!” Shite … this is so awkward.

 “I don’t care!” His hips bump up against mine. “T-tell him to go!”

 “Yer’re too sick – Al, it’s time for yerr meds.”

 “No!”

 “Al -.”

 “I want to fuck!”

 Well … I’ve never heard that word come out of his mouth before …. I clamber off of the bed, glancing over at William again. He’s still not looking over at us … but fuck, he’s probably feeling as uncomfortable as me right now.

 “E-Eric, get back here!”

 “Time to hold him down?” Comes William’s voice.

 “A-aye ….” Shite … that plan really backfired ….

\------------------------

 “Ah’m sorry about that.” I say as soon as Al nods off.

 “I didn’t know Alan had that side to him.”

 “Heh … he’s not normally that demanding ….”

 “Yes … I see.”

 “Sorry if it made yer feel awkward.”

 “It’s fine. I know it isn’t his fault.”

 “Hmmm ….” I slide down in my seat. “Was Ronnie like that, eh?”

 “Like what?”

 “Demanding.” I chuckle when his cheeks go a bright red. “Ah’m only messing. Yer don’t need tae answer that.”

 “Right ….” He looks over at Al. “Do you think he is going to make it?”

 “Ask me that Tuesday. Ah … ah don’t have an answer right now.” I’m not thinking about this – “Yer want tae see some of Al’s artwork?”

 “I don’t see why not. We do have time to kill.”

 “Aye.” Kill ….

\----------------------

 “These are rather good,” he says, flicking through the folder.

 “Rather good? Ah think they’re brilliant.”

 “Hmm – umm … well … that is umm, flattering?”

 “What is?”

 He flashes me a drawing. Ahh … a naked sketch of me. I saw that before … but the booze made me forget all about it. “Aye … definitely flattering.”

 “Yes.” The folder is handed over to me. Guess he doesn’t want to risk any more shocks ….

\--------------------------

 “Do you think he is doing alright?” William’s voice breaks the silence.

 “Who? Ronnie?”

 “Yes. You probably think I don’t care about him … but I cannot help but wonder how he is doing.”

 “Nah … ah know yer only wanted tae help him.”

 “You are just saying that to make me feel better.”

 “Pfft, why would ah bother trying tae do that?”

 “True ….”

 “Look … ah know he was struggling tae cope with Al getting sick. If he was fine, he’d still be here now, right?”

 “Yes, though you probably think I just got rid of him because I couldn’t cope.”

 “Heh, maybe, but he wasn’t doing well.” I sigh. “Ah didn’t want tae admit it, because ah wanted him tae stick around for Al’s sake. Guess ah was being the selfish one.”

 “Not at all. It has been … as Grell would put it, rather dull without him.”

 “Aye. Maybe yer should go check on him, make sure he’s alright.”

 “No. He hates me.”

 “Nah, he was probably just upset -.”

 “It still wouldn’t be fair on him. I … I cannot just come back into his life after sending him away. I have made my bed. It is time to lie in it.”

 “But yer want tae see that he’s alright, don’t yer?”

 “Yes … but Grell has said that his mother is good to him. I am sure that he is alright.” He sighs. “It is just a niggling concern. Nothing more.”

 “Yer’ll go see him eventually. Curiosity kills the cat, right?”

 “I don’t much care for cats.”

 “Aye. Ah’d go see him if ah could.”

 “D-don’t think that I haven’t been checking that he is okay from a distance. I … I have been scouring the recently deceased lists and not a sign of him on there. That has to be a good sign?”

 “The ones from Birmingham?”

 “Yes … I have my ways. I … I suppose I just needed to know.”

 I roll my eyes. “Just go check up on him.”

 “No. I … I do not deserve to see him. I … I left him, so I do not deserve closure.”

 Aye … he does have a point there. “Well … it’s yerr choice, ah guess.”

 “Yes … yes, it is.”

\-------------------------------

***Sunday 10th December***

***11.34am***

 “Here we go, mate.” I fill up Belle’s food bowl. “Bet yer’re hungry.” I bend down to pet her –

 “Ah!” 

 A shiver runs down my spine. “Al ….” I rush up the stairs, yanking open the door. I … I know that scream.

 He … he’s thrashing around on the bed, crying, screaming. No … no, it … it can’t be that. “Al … Al, what’s wrong?”

 I snap the cuff off of him, pulling him up onto my lap as I get onto the bed. “Shite – Al … Al, come on, talk tae me.”

 His hand grips at his chest. No … no ….

 “It … it’s happening … again.”

 “No … y-yer’re just imagining it.”

 “I’m … n-not,” he wheezes, tears filling his eyes. “I … I told y-you … it wouldn’t help.”

 “No -.”

 “It hurts!”

 “Y-yer cannae be having an attack. The meds -.”

 “Nghhh … hurts!” He writhes around, manages to rip his shirt up. 

 My heart … skips a beat. It … it’s spreading. Right … in front of me. No … no, this can’t be happening!

 H-hospital, I need to –

 This – it … it can’t be happening.

\----------------------

 The staff at the hospital had to restrain him because he was kicking up such a fuss, and … I had to get the handcuff from back at the house. They … they want to run some tests … but it’s fucking hopeless. The Thorns have spread … all the way to his shoulders now.

 But I … I don’t understand. It … it was working, keeping the illness at bay. I need to … understand.

\----------------

 “Get away from me!” Al cries, trying to get out of the restraints. They got a blood sample through the PICC tube pretty easily … but now they need a urine sample. Catheter ….

 I gulp when he yelps in pain, cries harder. “Al … it’s alright.” I stroke his hair. “It … it’ll be over in a minute.”

 Shite – his … his crying is just getting worse. I have to hold my own tears back. He … he’s so confused, so scared. I lean in, kissing him lightly. Sometimes it works to distract him … sometimes it doesn’t.

 He whines against my lips … but starts to settle down. The kiss breaks, and I give him my best attempt at a smile. “Th-that’s it, Al, just focus on me, okay?” I wipe his tears away. “Ah know it’s uncomfortable, but be brave for me, alright?”

 “B-brave ….” He nods slowly.

 “Aye, my brave wee lad.” I kiss him again, slowly, gently.

 Just something, anything … to help him through this ….

 

 

 

 Why … why is this happening? Why to Al?

 My … my wee baby ….


	180. Eric. Masked.

 It … it just masked the symptoms … just masked them. R-rebound effect, made things worse in the end. Fuck … no, no! I … I put it him through all that torture, that pain … and it was all for nought. All … for fucking nothing ….

 “Condolences, Mr -.”

 “Yer … yer ….” My fists clench. I shoot up from my seat. “Yer lied tae me!”

 “Pardon?”

 “Yer told me this would work!”

 “I said we believed in a high chance of success. I -.”

 “Yer … yer just wanted a lab rat, didn’t yer?!”

 “Of course not -.”

 “Well it stops now!  Ah’m done!”

 “Sir, we won’t be able to fund his medical care if you choose to discontinue his treatment plan.”

 “Ah don’t care!”

 “We will not be able to pay for his meal replacements -.”

 “Ah have savings.” My teeth grind together. “Ah don’t need yerr help.”

 “Sir, I warn you, it will cost a lot -.”

 “What part of ah don’t care don’t yer understand?!”

 “You are making a mistake -.”

 “Am ah?” I march over to Al, unbuckling the padded restraints. “The only mistake was listening tae yer lot in the first place.”

 Al looks up at me with those big eyes, glazed over with tears. But even with those damps eyes, he’s smiling up at me. “W-we’re going home?”

 “Aye, Al, yer won’t be coming back here.” The latch is snapped from the bed. “Ah promise.”

 “Mr Slingby, I must protest -.”

 “Shut up.”

 “But -.”

 “He’s not yerr guinae pig anymore. Consider him struck off yerr trial list.”

 I scoop him up from the bed, and port him home. As my feet hit the bedroom carpet, he cuddles up to me. “I … I love you, Eric.”

 I take a shaky breath. “Ah love yer too, Al.” I lie him down on the covers, crawling onto the bed next to him. I … I should latch him back onto the bed … but I just want to cuddle him so tightly.

 His hand reaches up, cupping my cheek. “It … it’s over, isn’t it?”

 “Aye ….” I tease his hand away, kiss his knuckles. “Ah … ah’m so sorry for not listening tae yer, Al. Ah ….” I gulp. “Ah … shouldn’t have forced yer intae all … of this. Y-yer were right all along.”

 His … his expression – the look he’s giving me is so kind. “Y-you … just wanted me to get better. B-but … now … we … we can enjoy our time left together. We – E-Eric … d-don’t cry.”

 “Ah … ah cannae help it, Al. I … I thought things would … be better come Tuesday.”

 “Th-they … are better.” He smiles up at me. “The … the bad stuff is over now.”

 “A-aye.” He’s pulled up onto my lap. He tucks his head into the crook of my neck as I rock us both gently.

 God … Eric, don’t lose it, don’t –

 Shite.

 A sob comes from me. I … I can’t deal with this.

 I … I’ve lost all hope – he … he’s dying.

 And … he … he’s fucking happy about it, because I’ve been torturing him. I’ve caused him so … so much pain. He … he must fucking hate me ….

 “Eric … please don’t cry. It … it’s going to be alright.”

 “N-no … Al, it’s not. Ah … ah c-cannae lose yer.  Ah … ah just can’t.”

\------------------------

 I had a full on breakdown – shite … Al could have done without seeing that. He’s sleepy now … about to fall asleep. “Eric?”

 “Aye?” My fingers stroke against his cheek – so soft ….

 “Wh-when can I get … this PICC thing out of me?”

 My teeth scrape against my bottom lip. “Ah … ah think we should keep it in.”

 “Wh-why? I don’t want it!”

 Shite … don’t start freaking out again …. “Well … y-yer might need painkillers in the future.”

 “Hmmm … no, I’m not allowed … those.”

 “Y-yer weren’t … but now, yer can -.”

 “N-no … no! No more … hospital … or tests!”

 “Ah’m not saying that … but if the pain gets too bad … ah can always get some painkillers from the doctors.”

 He frowns at me. “Th-they … said – pay for them?”

 “Aye.” My fingers run down his jawline. “So yer don’t have tae go through any more testing.”

 “N-no. Don’t waste your money on me.”

 “Al, it’s our money … and … and ah’ll pay whatever ah can t-tae make th-things easier for yer.”

 “Th-things are easier. The … the seizures will … stop now, won’t they?”

 “Aye … they will.” But … he doesn’t realise how bad things are going … to become. I’ve read so much about The Thorns. The … the pain is just going to get worse, become unbearable.

 I clench my free hand, nails digging into my palm. I … I can’t even think about this ….

 I just can’t.

 “Eric … what were we talking about?”

 Don’t … cry, don’t fucking cry ….

 You need to be strong for him ….

 “Nothing, Al, y-yer just get some sleep, alright?”

 I get a big, wide grin. “Okie dokie.”

 “Aye … okie dokie.”

 I should phone Grell soon … tell her the bad news.

 But … right now, I … I just need to be close to him. After everything I’ve put him through, I … I can’t bear to leave his side.

\----------------------------

***Monday 11th December***

 The seizures stopped by last night … and he’s slowly coming back to his senses. I haven’t been shouted at, smacked or kicked since we got back from the hospital … but that’s probably because he isn’t being pumped full of drugs. He has whined a little about feeling full and sick … but things are calmer now. A … a lot calmer.

 Grell had a full on breakdown down the phone when I told her … the news, screaming, crying, but she’s going to keep pestering Olly so that we can find a cure. I … I don’t even know if I can do … that anymore, the research. It … it’s like the will to fight has been … beaten out of me ….

 Shite … I’m so pathetic. William was right, what he said before – I can’t just give up on him ….

 “Hmm … so comfy,” Al says, cuddling up to me. I think he’s just glad to have that cuff off of him. “Why … are you so warm, Eric?”

 “It’s all the muscle, ah guess.”

 “Mmm … sexy.”

 “Heh, yer’re telling me.”

 He giggles softly. “Oh … Eric.”

 He seems so happy today, like he doesn’t even realise how sick he is. Or … he just doesn’t care anymore ….

\-----------------------

***4.03pm***

 “Hey!” Marie smiles at me as I open the front door. It soon fades away. “I … I heard the bad news.”

 “Yer did?”

 “Hmm … Grell text me.” It’s odd really, that she works just in our garden, yet we barely talk. I mean … she was always Ronnie’s friend more than mine … but I probably should have been the one to keep her up to date. She’s literally ten feet away from me most of the time ….

 “Aye ….” I eye up what she’s holding in her hands. “Flowers?”

 “Yes … I brought them for Alan.”

 I give her a wee smile. “He’ll really appreciate that. He loves flowers.”

 “Yes, I know -.”

 “Grell told yer that too?”

 “Yep.” The flowers are handed over to me. “I … I’m so sorry -.”

 “Don’t.” I look away from her. “Ah … ah don’t want tae talk about it.”

 “Oh … okay. Apologies.”

 “No … it’s al-alright.” My voice shakes. “Ah … ah just – it’s a touchy subject at the minute.”

 “That’s … understandable. Can I pay him a visit?”

 “He’s fast asleep at the minute.” Her face falls. “But yer can come in, for the meantime, if yer want? I can make us some tea?”

 “That would be lovely, thank you.”

\--------------------------

 Al really loved those flowers … and dived into rambling about the different types of Tulips. At least his mental state has come back enough for him to remember all about flowers. My wee lad didn’t stop smiling over the flowers … until he had an attack.

 It … it never gets easier … having to see him go through that.

\------------------------

***Tuesday 12th December***

***8.34pm***

 Today’s … been really rough … because it was supposed to be the day … we were told that the treatment was working. I … I just can’t stop thinking about what could have been … and it’s tearing me apart ….

 “Hnn ….”

 “Yer alright, Al?”

 “My … my back really aches – the … the attacks, they … have started to make me … ache after.” He wriggles around on the bed, rolling his shoulders forward. “It … it’s all in my ribs too.”

 “Then you need a massage, Darling,” Grell gives him a wee grin. I … I know that she’s just as upset as I am … but when she’s around him, when he’s awake, she doesn’t let it show.

 “A … a massage?” He raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

 “Yes, yes, roll on your front.” She slides her fingers between each other, cracks her knuckles. “Let me work my magic.”

 Al shrugs lightly. “Alright.”

 I don’t like the sound of this …. “Grell, be gentle with him, okay?”

 “You worry too much, Dear; I’m not going to hurt him.”

 She hops onto the bed next to him as he turns over, hands pressing to his back.

 “Oh ….”

 “Al, y-yer alright?”

 “Hmmm … this feels nice, Eric.” He giggles. “She’s good.”

 “Now we just need to teach him how to do it, don’t we, Darling?”

 “Mmm … yes, definitely.” He sighs gently. “I … I think it’s working. My muscles don’t feel so tight.”

 “Of course it’s working. I told you, Darling, my hands are magical.”

 “Is that what Olly tells yer?” I chuckle.

 She flashes me a grin. “Always.”


	181. Ronald. The old man in the attic.

***Thursday 14th December***

 The little ones started school on Monday – it’s good to have a bit of peace and quiet. Don’t get me wrong, I love Emma, but she never shuts up. I wonder … if that’s how Will felt about me. I mean … I talked a lot more than he did.

 Meh … doesn’t matter. At least Jay doesn’t think I talk too much. He’s been coming over a lot since I got out of jail, finally agreed to have his own bedroom when he stays over. It’s good – he’s great company. It’s nice to have a friend to just hang out with, cuddle up to.

 Things have been good as a whole since I came back home. I … I’m still missing everyone back in the reaper world … but … I need to make the best of the situation. Once the court stuff is over with … I can just get on with my life.

 I … I’m not too sure when that stuff will happen – a couple of months, maybe? I’m not looking forward to it … but I think I’ll be able to get through it. Yeah, yeah, Mom will be there, so it’ll be okay.

\--------------------------------

***10.45am***

 “Grandma?” She’s eased off with the ‘grandmother’ thing now – not sure why. Maybe she’s just more chill, or Grandpa said something, I dunno.

 She looks away from her computer. “What is it?”

 “There’s this bangin’ noise comin’ from upstairs. Any idea wha’ it is?” I noticed it when I first came back home … but the past couple of days, it’s been … more obvious, I guess.

 “It’s just the senile old man in the attic.”

 What the actual fuck …? “Y’ve got some guy locked up there?”

 “What? No, of course not, I’m not deranged.”

 “Th-then wha’ -?”

 “When my mother passed away, father came to live with us. He took a liking to the converted attic for some reason. I suppose he chose to stick around. God only knows why.”

 “Stick around?”

 “We’ve a ghost in the house.” She turns back to her computer. “Usually he’s quiet … but he does like to bang around occasionally.”

 A ghost? Nah … that doesn’t make sense. Reapers are meant to send people on their way.  “A-are y’ sure? Y’ve seen him?”

 “No, of course not. But I know it’s him. He’s family.”

 “Right … okay.”

 “I wouldn’t worry too much about the noises. The man was always a little eccentric, but he’s harmless.”

 “Oh … right, okay.” Well … that’s fucking weird ….

\-------------------------

***11.56am***

 “Grandma?”

 “Yes?”

 “Where’s Mom?”

 “She’s gone with your grandfather to the school, for a meeting to discuss how the children are settling in.”

 Ah right … they didn’t seem to be enjoying it the first couple of days, it being a posh private school and all. Grandma pulled a few strings, paid a load of money to get them in mid-way through the school year. “Shouldn’t she be back by now though?”

 “She has a doctor’s appointment too.”

 “Oh … because of tha baby?”

 “Correct.”

 “Ah … she didn’t mention anythin’.”

 “She was going to tell you this morning but you were fast asleep. She didn’t want to wake you.”

 “Oh … right. She’s gonna be back soon though, right?”

 “I’m not too sure. I think they wish to go grab some more Christmas decorations. Your grandfather seems to think we don’t have enough already.”

 Heh … she has a point there. We decorated the house last night and it took like five hours. There’s all this random crap everywhere – stars, angels; I don’t really know what it all means, to be honest. I’ve never celebrated Christmas … so I haven’t got a clue. It does look really nice though, gotta say.  

\-----------------------

***1.01pm***

 “Grandma?”

 “Hn … what is it, Ronald?”

 “I’m kinda bored. Wanna hang out?”

 She turns around in her seat. “Ronald, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m working.”

 “But -.”

 “Ronald, please, I don’t have time to entertain you. I have a business to run.”

 “Grandma -.”

 “I said no. If you’re so bored, go play with your little friend.”

 Eh …. “My little friend?”

 The colour drains from her face. “Get your mind out of the gutter, for goodness – I meant Jay. Get the chauffeur to take you to his house.”

 Yeah … she’s just that posh. She has someone to drive her to and from work when she does need to be there in person. “Nah … can’t. He’s at work.”

 “And so am I.”

 “Come on -.”

 “Go on, toddle off. Do whatever boys your age do to entertain themselves.”

 “Heh ….”

 “Not THAT! Jesus, stop winding your poor grandmother up.” She sighs. “Go and read a book or something. God knows you need to catch up on the decade and half of education you’ve missed.” She raises an eyebrow at me. “You CAN read, I take it?”

 “Y’ know I can, Grandma.”

 “Then off to the library you go.”

 “Yes … Grandma.” So much for spending time with family ….

\-----------------------

 Man … this library is pretty big. Still don’t know why I even came up here though – not in the mood to open a book. “Heh … maybe I’ll jus’ go play wi’ my ‘little friend’.” Grandma’s face was fucking priceless.

 Urgh … poetry, no. Eh … fairy tales? No idea what those are ….

 I walk over to the other side of the room – something’s caught my eye; a row of something that looks like magazines. One’s pulled out. “Eh … Bat … man?” I flick through it quickly. “Eh … alright.” Loadsa pictures in it, at least. I shrug. “Beats poetry.”

\----------------------

***1.45pm***

 “Ronald.”

 I look up from the magazine, seeing Grandma standing in the doorway. “Oh, hey.”

 “You found something to read, I see,” she comes over to me.

 “Yeah, it’s some sort of magazine.” I lift it up, show it her.

 “Oh, that’s no magazine.”

 “Really? Wha’ is it then?”

 “A comic book. They’re basically picture books about superheroes. Good people versus bad people, that sort of thing.”

 “Oh … so these comic things are y’s?”

 “Oh … heavens, no.” She chuckles. It … it’s nice to hear her laugh. She should do it more often. “Those are your grandfather’s. He has so much free time on his hands, so he needed some sort of hobby – such a big kid really.”

 “Ah … that’s pretty cool.”

 “Well if it gets you reading something, I can’t complain.”

 “Cool.” She sits down on the sofa next to me. Weird …. “Grandma?”

 “I was thinking I could spare an hour. Maybe … I was a little hard on you earlier.”

 “Nah, it’s okay. I know y’re proper busy.”

 “Hmm … but really, you don’t bother me much, let me get on with things. We could take a walk outside, see the ponies?”

 I put the comic down, and lean up against her. “Nah … I’m happy ta jus’ hang out.”

 An arm is wrapped around me slowly. “Okay … we can ‘hang out’.”

 “Sweet. So how did y’ and Grandpa meet?”

 “You’re a nosey little thing, aren’t you?”

 “Aww, come on, Grandma, tell me. I bet it’s all romantic and stuff, right?”

 “Hmm … alright, I’ll humour you.”

 “Sweet.” 

\----------------------

 “Aww, that was so sweet.”

 “If you say so.”

 “Hmm ….” A yawn slips from between my lips. “I hope he gets home soon. It’ll be naptime in a bit.”

 “Hn … do all teens these days lack endurance?”

 “No … I’m jus’ lazy.”

 She chuckles. “Well at least you’ll admit it.”

\-----------------------

 Grandpa still isn’t home yet … but Grandma has just tucked me in for a nap. Heh … she can be pretty sweet when she wants to be. She sits down on the other side of the bed – swapped over from her computer to her laptop. “Comfortable?”

 “Yeah, Grandma, thanks.”

 “Hmm, then sleep tight.”

 I chuckle, snuggling more under the covers. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s gonna be a problem.”

\---------------------------------

***4.34pm***

 “Y’ … y’ can’t do tha’!” An … an abortion, no!

 “Sweetie -.”

 “D-don’t – it … it’s not fair!”

 “Another child isn’t a good idea,” Grandma says. “Everything is all up in the air at the moment.”

 “But -.”

 “Ronnie -.” Mom tries to touch me, but I knock her hand away. “Sweetie … please, I … I’m noh in the right mental place at the moment to raise a baby.”

 “Then I’ll look after it!”

 “Oh … Ronnie, that’s sweet of ya … but ya’re just a kiddy yaself.”

 “I … I don’t care! Y’ … y’ can’t jus’ kill off a baby!”

 She gulps. “I … I don’t want to … but things are really ‘ard right now. I ‘ave the lil ones to think about … and the court ‘earings. It … it’s just noh gonna work -.”

 “That’s not tha baby’s fault!”

 “Your mother has to think of her own health -.”

 “It’s not fair! M-Mom, y’ can’t do this! Please!”

 “I … I’m sorry, sweetie, but … my mind’s made up.”

 “No! I thought y’ cared ‘bout y’ kids!”

 “I do -.”

 “Y’ wouldn’t be doin’ this if y’ did!”

 “Y-ya’re noh being fair.”

 “Y’re tha one bein’ a cunt!”

 “Ronald, don’t you dare use such language in my house!”

 I spin around, looking at Grandma. “Why aren’t y’ stoppin’ her?!”

 “Because I agree with her. She’s a person with emotions, not a baby making machine.”

 I storm out of the room. “Fuck y’ then!” I … I can’t believe this – why … why are they all fine with k-killing a little baby? They … they don’t f-fucking care ….

\------------------------

***7.03pm***

 “My … that is rough.” Jay says down the phone. Mom tried to come check on me earlier … but I didn’t wanna see her …. I … I didn’t even wanna talk to Grandpa.  

 “Y-yeah.” I wipe at my eyes. “It … it’s jus’ a little kid – n-not fair.”

 “I doubt your mother took the decision lightly. She’s probably struggling quite a bit – her life’s been turned upside down recently.”

 “Y-yeah … b-but a baby would make her happier.”

 “Not exactly. Babies are a lot of hard work, especially if your mind’s not in the best place.”

 “Nah … she has me and her parents ta help her out, so … so she could make it work if … she wanted ta.”

 “Well … yes, but she has to go through the pregnancy pretty much on her own. There really isn’t anything you can do. It’s her body, her choice.”

 My blood starts to bile. “So y’re takin’ her side then?!”

 “Oh … Ronnie,” he sighs down the phone. “This isn’t about taking sides. I understand both sides … but there’s really nothing you can do. It’s your mother’s choice.”

 “B-but it … it’s not right. I … I’m so pissed off.” I sniff down the phone.

 “It might not seem like it – look, do you want to stay over at my place tonight? Maybe getting away from everyone for a bit will help you calm down.”

 Yeah … I … I don’t really fancy being stuck upstairs on my own all night. “I … I don’t think Grandma would let me. I swore at her.”

 “Let me talk to her, okay?” He gives a small laugh. “She’s fond of me, remember?”

 “W-well … yeah.”

 “I’ll head out now then. See you in a bit.”

 “Al-alright then. See y’.”


	182. Martha. Keeping the peace.

***8.02pm***

 “Molly, honestly, pull yourself together.” She’s been in such a tizzy since her argument with Ronald. My husband has been saddled with the younger children for hours now.

 “H-he … he ‘ates me, Mother.”

 “He doesn’t. He … well, he probably just wants a baby sibling to dote over.”

 “And … I’m taking that away from ‘im. No … no wonder he’s so angry.” She dabs at her eyes with a tissue. “I … I don’t know if I can do this.”

 “Ronald is only young. Everything is so black and white to him. You should know that yourself from your younger days. He’ll come around eventually, once he’s calmed down.”

 “Th-that’s it exactly though, isn’t it?” She sniffs. “I … I used to be so against abortion. What … what ‘appened to me? I … feel so ‘eartless.”

 “Of course you aren’t. You’re just being realistic about things. You know that you can’t handle another child at the moment.”

 “B-but he’s right. It’s … noh the baby’s fault. I feel awful.”

 “Well don’t. There really isn’t any point. You have to do what’s best for you and that’s the end of -.”

 “Mrs Knox.” The butler enters the room.

 “What is it? Can’t you see that I’m busy?”

 “Yes, Ma’am … but you have a visitor.”

 “Hey,” Jay walks in behind our butler.

 “Oh, hello. Now really isn’t a good time.”

 “Yeah … I heard.”

 “Pardon?”

 “Ronnie phoned me. He was pretty upset. I thought that maybe he could stay over at mine tonight?”

 “See!” Molly cries. “He doesn’t even wanna be around me!”

 “Oh, no, it’s nothing like that,” Jay states. “It … it was my idea, actually. I thought some space might do him good. Might give him a chance to calm down a little.”

 “If … if it’ll put ‘im in … a better mood, it’s fine. J-just … bring ‘im ‘ome safe tomorrow morning, okay?”

 “Hmm, it would do him good to get out of the house for once. Go on, go find him. I think he’s upstairs in the bedroom you normally sleep over in.”

 “Okay, thanks.” He turns away from us, only to look over at us again. “He’s worried that you’re mad at him.”

 “Me?”

 “Yeah. He swore at you, didn’t he?”

 I nod my head. “He did, but I’ve had my fair share of experiences with angered teenagers. Tell him not to worry.”

 “Alright … I’ll let him know. Thank you.”

 Hmm … such a nice young man. I’m glad someone outside the family is looking out for Ronald. He might just be the calming influence that boy needs.


	183. Ronald. Stay the night.

 “She … she’s really not mad?”

 “Nope. She understands that you’re upset.” Jay clicks his seatbelt into place. “We should get going.”

 “R-right, okay.” I do the same. “Alright, I’m ready.”

\----------------------

 We step into the living room, Jay turning to me. “Do you want to watch TV? Or we could order in Chinese?”

 “N-no.”

 “Alright, well -.”

 “I … I jus’ want a cuddle.” I walk close to him. “Please?”

 “Sure thing.” He grabs my wrist lightly, pulls me over to the sofa.

 I pretty much yank him down onto it, jump on top of him. Just … just want a big hug. I lean into him, face hiding in his neck when he rests his palm against my back. “I … I want a proper cuddle.”

 He slides his arms around me, gives me a tight squeeze. “Like this?”

 “Y-yeah, jus’ like tha’.” His cuddles are always so good. And … he’s always been so nice to me. I snuggle closer to him. I … I think I might be starting to like him … a bit. It’s not hard, I guess … when he’s been so kind and he’s pretty nice to look at.

 B-but he’s … no Will. He … he doesn’t give me that special feeling.

 I … I don’t wanna … even think about Will right now. It … it’ll just upset me more ….

\-------------------------

 “Ronnie, come on, that’s enough.”

 “N-no.”

 “I … I know it’s hard, upsetting, but … you have to try your best to understand where your mom is coming from.”

 “I don’t wanna!” He … he just doesn’t get it … like everyone else.

 “Ronnie -.”

 “Don’t!” I pull away from him, scramble to sit up. “Th-tha’ poor baby.”

 “W-well your mom probably feels trapped.”

 “Trapped?!”

 “Y-yeah. How would you feel being pregnant by someone you hated?”

 “I wouldn’t care! I … I’d still wanna raise my baby!”

 “You can’t know that.”

 “I … I do.” I grip onto the edge of my shirt, wiping the tears away with my free hand. “I … I know how it feels ta … be knocked up by … someone horrible.” When I look over at him, he’s … gaping at me.

 “What … did you just say?”

 “Gaz … got me pregnant … back when I was on tha streets.” I gulp, vision going really blurry again. “B-but … I … I didn’t care. I … I loved tha’ little baby so much, Jay.”

 “Wh-what happened to them?”

 “H-had a miscarriage when I … was at Will’s.” I lift my shirt up, pointing down to the scar. “It … it nearly killed me.”

 “Is … is that a hysterectomy scar?”

 “Y-yeah.”

 He gulps. “Y-you … were pregnant when you used to visit me?”

 “Jus’ a … couple of months, I think.”

 He scoots closer to me, his index finger running over my scar. “I’m so sorry. If I’d have known, I’d never have – I … I could have killed you.”

 “It … it wasn’t y’ fault.” I rub at my eyes. It … it’s not a fresh wound, but fuck, it still stings to think about her. “I … I never told y’ … and I didn’t even know it … it was dangerous for a guy – thought it was jus’ like when a woman gets pregnant.” Besides … it was fucking Will that did it … not having Jay as a client … way before that.

 “I’m still sorry. I really am.”

 “D-don’t be.” I snuggle back up to him, look up at him. “D-do … y’ ge’ it now?”

 “Why the abortion bothers you so much?”

 “Y-yeah.”

 “Yes, I do. It must bring up some painful memories.”

 “Yeah. I … I jus’ don’t ge’ … how she could do somethin’ like tha’ … ta a poor kid. She … she’s not even givin’ them a chance.” At … at least I tried to give my little girl a … a fair chance at life.

 “I know it’s hard to understand, but you can’t hold it against her.”

 “But -.”

 “She’s a good person, isn’t she? She’s been a good mom to you?”

 “She has, but -.”

 “She loves the three of you?”

 “Y-yeah … she … she really does.”

 “And you love her?”

 “Of course I do. I … I … jus’ didn’t think she’d … d-do somethin’ like this.”

 “She wouldn’t be … doing this if she felt she had a choice. It was probably the hardest decision she’s ever had to make.”

 I nod slowly. “Y-yeah … I guess.”

 “So … try not to hold it against her, okay? She loves you so much and she could do with your support.”

 My support …. “I … I don’t think I can. I don’t … like her choice.”

 “Well you can’t change her mind for her. Like I said before, it’s her choice. You can’t force her to keep the baby.”

 I turn over, resting my head in the crook of his neck. “Y-yeah … I know. I … I know there’s fuck all I can do.” A few more tears trickle down my cheeks. “I … I don’t wanna make things harder … for her, but fuck … it … it’s so horrible.”

 His fingers comb through the back of my hair. “We should head to bed. Maybe … things will feel a little better after a good night’s sleep.”

 I get a kiss to the top of my head. It’s brief, a tiny peck … but actually … it … it makes me feel a little comforted. I cling tighter to him. “Yeah … sleep sounds good.”

 “And you expect me to carry you up to bed?” He chuckles softly.

 “Yeah, y’re supposed ta be makin’ me feel better.”

 “Seriously?”

 “Y’re strong enough ta.”

 “Alright, I can heave you up, I guess.”

 “Sw-sweet.”  

\-------------------------

***Wednesday 15th December***

***6.34am***

 “Come on, sleepy head, get up.”

 “Nghh … stop nudgin’ me.”

 “Then get up. I need to drive you back home and then head to work.”

 “But … it’s so early.” Hn … what a nag, just like Will. What is it with sexy guys trying to get me out of bed? They should be trying to drag me TO bed ….

 “Yes, I know it’s early, but I have to accommodate for the risk of heavy traffic.” The covers are pulled away from me.

 “No fair. Don’t wanna.”

 “I promised your mom that I’d bring you home first thing in the morning.” He sits down on the bed next to me. “Are you worried about going back home? Not feeling up to it?”

 “No, I’m okay.” I had a good think about it … after Jay fell asleep … and I felt a bit calmer. I still don’t like it … but holding grudges won’t do any good. Mom needs my support … and my family doesn’t need me causing drama. I … I can’t do anything to change her mind … so there’s really no point holding it against her. “I jus’ hate early mornings … and it’s so cold out.”

 “Well, once you get your arse out of bed, I can heat the car up. I’ll get you a spare toothbrush out, alright?”

 “Hn … okay.” I grin up at him. “If y’ carry me ta tha bathroom.”

 “Oh, hell no, use your legs.”

 “Aww … no fair ….”

\-----------------------------

***1.13pm***

 Me and Mom are okay now, I think. She looked really tired this morning – I think she was up all night worrying or something ….

 And she kept saying sorry over and over again when I got home. I … I feel kinda bad now for shouting at her. The whole situation has obviously taken a toll on her.

 Jay was right. She … had to think long and hard about it – it … it wasn’t an easy choice, not at all ….

 Must be fucking horrible to have to even consider doing that ….

 She’s gone out again … but not to an appointment or anything. Her and Grandpa are going Christmas shopping. I wasn’t allowed to come.

 Heh … must mean they’re buying me something. That’ll be well sweet on Christmas day. Wonder what it is ….

\------------------

 That … fucking banging. It’s driving me mad. I … I don’t care what spooky story Grandma told me, I’m gonna check it out.

 It … it gets louder as I climb the stairs up to the attic. I … don’t think I’ve been up here yet … and it’s kinda creepy. It’s not dark or anything like that. Just gives me weird vibes.

 My hand goes to the knob of the door. Well … here goes nothing, I guess.

 Ugh … na, stop it.

 Ghosts don’t exist, so ... no need to be scared.

 I push the door open, step –

 “H-holy sh-shit ….”


	184. Ronald. Snow is in the air.

 There … there’s this guy in the corner of the room, an old guy, small, kinda frail looking. Kinda see-through …. “H-hey.” He … he doesn’t answer me. His … his back’s to me; I can’t see his face. “Uh … old guy?”

 “Are you talking to me?”  

 “Yeah, I am.”

 He turns to look at me. Fucking pale …. “You can see me? Hear me?”

 “Y-yeah.” Duh …. “Is tha’ unusual or somethin’?”

 “I’m dead, in case you haven’t noticed. Not many people can see the dead.”

 “Oh … weird.” This is really, really fucking weird …. Eh … small talk, make small talk. “So … so y’ jus’ stay cooped up here?”

 “Mostly. There never seemed much point in going downstairs when no one could interact with me.” He lets out a hoarse laugh. “Though I do sometimes listen in on Martha’s conversations. I know all about you, Great Grandson.”

 “Y’ … y’ do?” I take a few steps forward –

 “Don’t come too close.” He backs away from me. “God, sonny, the pain just radiates off of you.”

 “Wh-wha’?”

 “You’ve been through a lot.” He puts his hand on his chest. “Gosh, I can feel the hurt.”

 “H-how?”

 “I’m a spirit. I can sense things that living people cannot.” He sighs. “You poor young thing.”

 That … doesn’t make any sense …. Reapers aren’t able to do that …. I shrug it off. “Na … things ‘ave been hard, but I’m doin’ alright.”

 “Are you sure?”

 “Y-yeah.”

 “The feel you give off says otherwise.”

 “R-right.” Okay … I’m officially freaked out.

 “Your name is Ronald, isn’t it?”

 “Y-yeah, but most people call me Ronnie.”

 “Ronnie, I see. Have you always been able to see ghosts?”

 “I … I don’t think so. I … I can see … eh … reapers. Well … a … a few ‘ave shown themselves ta me.”

 “Reapers?”

 “Y-yeah, I … I stayed over in tha reaper realm for a bit.”

 “That’s it then. When you’re surrounded by beings that wreak of death, you’re bound to start seeing the dead.”

 “R-right. So … y’ know all ‘bout reapers then?”

 “Yes. As I said, we have a greater understanding of things.” His lips turn into a scowl. “Useless bunch, the lot of them.”

 “Wh-wha’?” I frown. “Wha’ makes y’ think tha’?”

 “I wouldn’t be cooped up in this house if they’d have done their job properly.” He huffs. “One of them was about to collect my soul, but then poof, they just left. Never bothered to come back.”

 “Oh ….” So … so that’s how ghosts are made. Damn …. “Well … it’s not all bad, is it? Y’ ge’ ta be around y’ family.”

 “When they can’t see me, it’s little consolation.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Well I have you to speak to now, don’t I?”

 “Yeah, sure, I’ll keep y’ company.”

 “Thank you.” He raises an eyebrow at me. “By the way, who were you calling ‘old man’? I’ll have you know I look perfectly fine for my age.”

 “Eh ….” Whoops ….

\---------------------------------

***Friday 22nd December***

 I’ve been going to see Great Grandpa for the past week or so when Mom takes the little ones out – school has finished for two weeks now. Grandpa’s usually busy doing little things around the house … so I have a chance to sneak away for a bit.

 I … I just don’t know how to tell my family that I’m spending time in the attic with a ghost. Grandma believes that he’s around … but even she’d think I was crazy, I think, if I told her I can have a full on convo with her dead dad.

 Yeah … I’m gonna keep this quiet for a bit longer … at least until I figure out how to tell them about this weird shit ….

 “Sweetie, ya ready?” Mom pops her head into the living room. We’re going Christmas shopping – seriously, is that all people do this time of year? Grandma travelled all the way down to London on the weekend to get some stuff. The shopping centre close by just wouldn’t cut it, apparently.

 “Yeah, totally ready.” Grandma gave me some money earlier so I ‘could buy some things for the rest of the family’. She really didn’t have to do that. I still have that money saved from cleaning scythes and I wouldn’t have minded paying out of that. Oh well … whatever.

\--------------------------------

 We get out of Mom’s car – fuck … it’s freezing. I’m so glad that I wrapped up warm. There’s a bit of snow in the air – brrrrr ….

 “Mommy!” Emma tugs on her coat. “Why are we going shopping when Santa brings all the presents?”

 “Oh, sweetie, Santa only brings presents for children. We need to buy things for Grandma and Grandpa.”

 “Oh … okay.” She pouts. “But I want Santa to keep bringing me presents when I get older.”

 “Well, if ya stay on ‘is good list, ‘oney, he might.”

 Eh … I’m so confused. “Who’s Santa?”

 “You don’t know?!” James shouts at me. “You’re so stupid!”

 “James, enough!” Molly glares down at him. “He’s noh stupid.”

 “How can’t he know?!”

 “He’s never been taught about it, okay?”

 “Hn … that’s dumb.”

 “Y’ can teach me all ‘bout him then, alright?” I give him a little smile. I get it – must be so weird to have someone not have a clue about something everyone seems to fucking know about. I bet I do seem pretty clueless.

 “Okay then.”

 “Cool.”

\-------------------------------

 James dragged me off to tell me all about Santa. He told me that the guy doesn’t actually exist. Hah, he even warned me not to tell Emma that. Said it’d upset her.

 Man … it’s so interesting what people tell their kids. But then again, the real world is full of stranger things than some fat guy climbing down a chimney to deliver presents.

 Oh well … whatever ….

 We pile back into the car, my belly full of Christmas cake from the café in the shopping centre. Hmm … that was some good grub.

 It took me ages to find something for Grandma … but I just went for some fancy chocolate in the end. Grandpa was easy to pick for – some new comic book volumes for his collect. He’s gonna love them, defo.

 Now I just need to tell Mom what I wanna get the little ones. Couldn’t get the stuff while they were there, obviously. We did pop into a toy shop though, just to ‘browse’. Hmm … I’m gonna have to have a good think about it.

 I wanna pick the right presents, ones that they’ll really enjoy.

 Hmm … think, Ronnie, think.

 Think harder!

 Umm ….

 

 

 

 Okay, I don’t have a clue ….

 Think I’m gonna need Mom’s help on this one ….


	185. Eric. Christmas day.

***Saturday 23rd December***

 Al’s finally back … really back to his normal self. He just flinched awake yesterday, looked really confused. He was going on about feeling like he’d been asleep for weeks on end. It made sense, with those meds pretty much knocking him senseless.

 But it looks like they’ve finally worn off completely, my wee baby out of that horrible daze he’d been in. Christmas is just a couple of days away, and though I haven’t really been feeling the Christmas spirit, I’ve been putting a couple of decorations up every day for the past week or so to get the house looking nice – Al loves this sort of stuff.

 “Al, decorations are all done.” I sit down on the edge of the bed.

 He sits up slowly. “Really? The Christmas tree is done?”

 “Aye.”

 “And the candelabra?”

 “Aye.”

 “A-and -.”

 “Al, everything, ah promise. Yer want tae see?”

 He nods eagerly. “Y-yes.”

\-----------------------

 “Aww, Eric, it … it’s so pretty!” Al bounces a bit in my arms as I carry him into the living room. “Ohh … you managed to buy presents?”

 “Well … ah gave Grell a list of things tae buy … but ah did do all the wrapping.” Apart from one gift. That one I got myself … and it’s very special. It’s the only part of Christmas I’m looking forward to this year ….

 Al giggles up against my ear. “I asked Grell to do the same for me.”

 “Yer wanted tae get me something?”

 “Of course I did. I’d never … forget Christmas. Um … Grell says she’ll wrap them up for me.”

 “Aww, that’s sweet of her. What do yer think she’s gotten Olly?”

 “Sex toys.”

 How … how did he say that with a straight face? “Aye ….”

 “Hmm …. Eric?”

 “Aye?”

 “Can we stay down … here for a bit? It’s so … festive and beautiful.”

 “Of course.” I place him down on the sofa. “Ah’ll go get yer a blanket and put the fire on, alright?”

 “Ohh … it sounds so festive and toasty.”

 “Aye, definitely.”

\----------------------------

 Ahhh … roasted marshmallows. A winter tradition and oh so tasty.

 “Hmm … Eric, that smells so good.”

 I turn away from the fire to look at him. “Yer want one?” I’m not really expecting him to say aye.

 “O … okay, just the one.”

 “Really?”

 “I … I can try. If I chew it up enough … I … I should be able to swallow it.”

 “Aye, if yer feel up tae it.”

 “It … it might make me feel sick, but we only have roasted marshmallows once a year. I don’t … want to miss out.”

 “Aye, aye, fair enough.”

\-------------------

 “Hmm … so tasty,” Al smiles, leaning up against me. He managed to swallow it without much trouble. I … I should have tried tempting him with mallows before we had the feeding tube put in … but really, he couldn’t live off of just sugar.

 “Yer don’t feel too sick?”

 “No, not really. I … I could do with some water though – dry mouth.”

 “Water?”

 “Y-yes, just a little bit.”

 “Aye, alright.” He’s being a right trooper … and I think it’s because he wants to keep up the happy Christmas spirit. He … he’s being really positive, for me ….

 Bless him ….

\------------------

***Christmas day***

***9.53am***

 Al had a really bad attack last night when Grell was over; she’d come to drop off the presents, collect some money from Al.

 Still … at least he’s in better spirits this morning. I can feel the excitement just billowing off of him. It’s so adorable. The wee lad’s always loved Christmas. “I … I hope Ronnie is enjoying his Christmas,” Al says as I take him down the stairs.

 “Ah’m sure he is, babe.”

 “I wish he … could have been here. He would have been … here for a year now.”

 “A year? Really?”

 “Hmm … it … it was around Christmas time, I think ….” He frowns. “Or … or maybe closer to New Year. I … I’m not too sure.”

 “Jeez, ah didn’t realise.”

 “T-time passes so … quickly.”

 “Aye, yer can say that again.”

\----------------------

 We’re down to the last present each now. We do this every year, tell each other which gift we want the other to open last, the most special gift out of the bunch. I brought him some PJs, DVDs, and a cute wee owl shaped pillow; something to cuddle up to when I’m not in the room. I … I just wanted to get him things to make his life a bit easier, more comfortable at the minute.

 He got me a couple of random bits and pieces. Some new jeans, chocolate, and a bottle of whiskey. Like every year, he’s probably going to moan at me when the bottle is empty by the end of the day. Oh well … it’s Christmas, aye?

 I peel away the wrapping paper from my last present, my heart swelling when I see what it is. A picture frame containing an old couple photo of us. “Aww, that’s adorable, Al.”

 “Y-you like it?”

 “Aye, of course ah do.” But I don’t remember this photograph. “Where did yer find this?”

 “It was in an old photo-album that Grell found … while you were out of the house a few days ago. We … we had some … good giggles over some of the pictures.”

 “Aye … ah bet some of them were real cringe.” I look at the present again. “Jeez, what was ah wearing?”

 “Our fashion sense … in the eighties was terrible.”

 “The eighties? That’s … so long ago.”

 “I know … but I really like … this photograph.”

 “Ah do -.” I pause when Al starts to cough, wheeze. “Al? Yer alright? Is … is it an attack?”

 He covers his mouth with his hand. “N-no.” Cough. “I … I don’t think so ….” Hack. “J-just … this pesky cough.”

 “Al-alright, Al.” I move closer, cup his cheek with my hand. And … and then I spot it –it’s spread again, the main artery in his neck turned black. It … it’ll be covering his face soon …. I hadn’t noticed it before … but it … must have been from the massive attack last night.

 “E-Eric, are you,” cough, “okay?”

 “Aye, I’m fine.” I won’t tell him until tomorrow. I’m not ruining his Christmas; I refuse to.

\-----------------------

 The tiny box is opened up, Al staring up at me. “A … a ring?”

 “Aye, ah guess so ….” I chuckle awkwardly.

 “Is … is this what I think it … is?”

 I pull the ring out of the box, hold it in my palm. “Aye, if yer’ll have me.”

 “Y-you … want to marry me?”

 “It’s been a long time coming, Al. Ah was just waiting for the laws tae change.”

 “B-but … with me looking like this? So sickly? I … I won’t even be able to walk down the aisle.”

 “Not right now, Al.” I cup his cheek with my spare hand. “But ah want yer tae hang on until Olly finds a cure, alright? Then, once yer’re all better, Grell can walk yer down the aisle.”

 His arms wrap around my neck. “Y-yes, I will, Eric, of course I’ll marry you.” He sniffs against my cheek. “It’s … it’s about damn time, Eric.”

 “Aye, long time coming.”

 “Y-yes.” He pulls away from me, holds out his hand. I slide the ring on, kiss the knuckle of that finger.

 He giggles softly. “Alan Slingby … it has a nice ring to it.”

 “Aye, it really does.”

\----------------------

 “It’s so pretty,” Alan giggles, rolling the ring around his finger. “D-do you have one?”

 “Aye, got it hidden upstairs. Ah’ll go get it in a bit.”

 “Okay.” He glances away from me. “Ohhh … Eric, I think it’s snowing.”

 “Oh … aye, it is.”

 “C-can we go outside in it?”

 “Won’t that make yer cold?”

 “J-just for five minutes.”

 “Alright.”

\------------------------------

 It’s really coming down – I haven’t seen snow like this in years. Al reaches a hand out, giggles when the snow falls onto his palm. “We … we’re going to have a white Christmas, Eric. Isn’t it amazing?”

 “Aye, it really is.”

 “Hmm …. Brrr … so cold though.”

 “Yer want tae head back inside? We can enjoy it through the window.”

 “Okay … sure.”

\-----------------------

 “E-Eric, do you … think I look horrible?” Al asks as I toss his shirt to the floor. We got really damp from just being in the snow for a few minutes.

 “No. What makes yer think that?”

 “The … The Thorns. My … skin looks all icky and diseased.”

 “No, Al, ah still think yer look beautiful.” I give his tummy a kiss. “It doesn’t bother me at all.”

 “Really?”

 “One hundred percent.”

 “O-okay,” he yawns. “I … I’m exhausted, Eric.”

 I rub at his belly softly. “Well we have been super busy today. Ah’ll get yer intae some warm clothes and then yer can get some sleep.”

 “B-but … I don’t want to miss … the snow.”

 “Ah think it’ll be around for a while – doesn’t seem tae be stopping.”

 “Hmm ….” His eyes start to slip shut.

 “Ah’ll wake yer back up in an hour, alright?”

 He smiles, resting his cheek sideways against his shoulder. “Thank you … Eric.”

 “No bother, babe, no bother.”


	186. Eric. Away we go.

***5.53pm***

 The snow’s finally stopped, everything outside white now. Al spent a good few hours perched up against my chest, just staring out of the window, admiring.

 It’s worn him out a lot though, not sitting down, not taking his usual long nap. Belle isn’t helping with that … but I don’t have the heart to take her down to the kitchen.

 Al’s hand wraps around her chewing rope, and he tugs on it lightly, giggling. She pulls back on it with her teeth, growling playfully.

 She soon grows tired of it, deciding to lick at his face instead. “Hehe, tickles!”

\---------------------

 “Come on, Al, yer really need tae get some sleep.” He’s been entertaining Belle for over an hour now.

 “Hmm … I know … but who can say no to a puppy?” He gives me a pouty face. “It’s Christmas.”

 “Aye ….”  

 “Plus, she’s settled down now.” He scratches under her chin. “You’re a good little girl, aren’t you?”

 “Aye, she is good around yer.”

 “Hmm … Eric?”

 “Aye?”

 “Did Grell … pick out the ring? It … it’s very pretty, so I thought -.”

 “Ah have a good fashion sense too, yer know?”

 “So you picked it out?”

 “Managed tae sneak out and get it when ah was picking up some more meal replacements last week.”

 “Ohhh … definitely sneaky. I never would have guessed.” He stops petting her, snuggles down into the pillow. A small yawn slips from his mouth. “Hmm … I’m glad you … picked it though. Makes it all the more … special.”

 “Because yer are special, Al.”

 “Aww … y-you’re so sweet. Y-you need to … start planning the wedding. I … I’d like lots of flowers and … we need to put Belle in a little dress. Grell … will really like that, a … a little, tiny dress.”

 “That would be kind of cute.” I sit down on the side of the bed. “But yer need tae focus on staying as well as yer can tae give us a chance of finding a cure. Yer know what that means, eh?”

 I see him roll his eyes. “That I have … to go to sleep.”

 “Aye. Yer look exhausted, babe.”

 “I … I am.” He sighs. “But it seems such a shame … to sleep through Christmas.”

 “We’ll have more, Al,” I put on a brave face.

 “We … have to. I want … my knot tying … so … I have to wait it out.”

 “Aye, exactly.”

\--------------------------

 He’s fast asleep upstairs, and I’m downstairs now, tapping through my laptop with my one hand, the other grasping at the bottle of booze Al got me. But for once, thank fuck, it’s not to wade through the treacle of medical research.

 Nah … Al got me thinking. It’s the holidays, a festive time … and Al deserves to have a bit of fun. Just for a few hours, mind you, but aye ….

 Just to get out of this house … and not to the hospital; it’d be nice ….

\------------------------

***Boxing day***

 Grell came over this morning, congratulated us on our engagement. As we both thought, she’d bought Olly sex toys. Heh … even brought a dildo over to show us. Jeez, I haven’t seen Alan’s cheeks so full of colour in ages.

 It was good to know that she had a nice Christmas, away from William’s resting bitch face, Al’s … frailty and my moping ….

 But we are too getting away from it all for a wee while … or at least finding a distraction. Won’t be long now.

\--------------------------

 “Oh … Eric, it’s gorgeous.” He sits between my open legs, back resting against my chest. We both stare out at the ocean.

 “Aye ….”

 Spent most of last night on google, trying to find a beach in the southern hemisphere that would be pretty much deserted. I nailed it, found a beach that was close to inaccessible on the island of Fiji.

 And then it took me another few hours to figure out a way to port us both all that way … without exhausting Al too much. A lot of little pit stops … and feeling like I was going to faint a few times … but we finally got here.

 It’s summertime on this side of the world … and it’s pretty damn hot, really fucking hot for a Scott. Beautiful here though – bright blue ocean, almost white sand, palm trees – wonderful.

 “Our wedding should … be here, Eric.”

 Wow … I really did choose well. “Yer think?”

 “A … quiet, little reception in the middle of nowhere … sounds wonderful to me. And Belle can … go play in the sea after it’s all over.”

 “Aye.” I chuckle. “Ah swear yer love that pooch more than me.”

 “That’s impossible, Eric.” He turns his head, kisses me on the cheek. “Hmm … I haven’t been this warm in ages ….”

 “Ah’m sweating like a big, fat pig here.”

 A loud giggle goes right down my ear. “Oh … Eric. C-can we go in the sea?”

 “Of course we can.” Definitely looks inviting.

\------------------------

 I’m holding him under his knees, trying my best not to go bobbing away with the ripples. I’m not as heavy as I thought, by the looks of it.

 “My … underwear’s getting all wet,” Al says. I look at him, seeing him blushing. “It … it’s like a baby soiling their nappy.”

 “They all puffed up and heavy?”

 “Y-yes.”

 “Well try not tae worry about it. We’ll get in the bath once we get home.”

 “I’m not worried.” He hugs closer to me. “I … I was just saying – a … a little embarrassing.”

 “There’s no need tae be -.”

 “I … I know.” I get a kiss on the cheek. “This … is really lovely, Eric, thank you. It … it’s so nice to be … somewhere else.”

\-----------------------

 I held him up for a bit so he could float on top of the water … but it wasn’t long before he got knackered out. Still … he doesn’t want to go home quite yet.

 “Yer’re going tae get sand all over yer,” I say, kneeling down next to him. He was adamant about sunbathing for a bit … but I didn’t bother to bring any towels or anything. Stupid really … but I just wanted it to be me and him, nothing else.

 “The bath will … sort that out,” he smiles, a little smile. He’s obviously about ready to fall asleep.

 “Then we should go take a bath now. We’re both soaked.”

 He rolls his eyes at me. “Nope … the sun will dry us out. D-don’t worry … I won’t catch a chill.”

 “Alright.” I lie down next to him, hand rubbing at his tummy through his wet shirt. I know I should get him back soon, get some food into him … but he looks so happy, so contented. I can’t ruin such a special outing for him.

 “C-can I have a cuddle?”

 “Aye, of course yer can.” I wrap my arm around him tightly. “Better?”

 “Much better.”

\----------------------------

 I’ve just gotten us both dried off, clad him in the disposable underwear. “Alright then, time for food, okay?”

 “Another … cuddle first?”

 “Alright, alright, but then food.”

 “S-sure.”

 I pull open a drawer –

 “Umm … Eric?”

 “What is it, babe?”

 “A … a cuddle like this. Just … in our underwear.”

 I raise an eyebrow at him when I come and sit down on the bed. “Yer trying tae rob my body heat again?” I lie down next to him, pull the covers up over us.

 Al rolls onto his side slowly, looking at me. “Maybe I … just want to … see you topless.” He gives me the look, THAT look. “Such a hunk.”

 It brings a chuckle from me. I slide down in bed, kissing his tummy softly, trying … not to look at his disease ridden skin. “Come here, yer naughty vixen.”

 “D-don’t … tease me, Eric.”

 “Aye … sorry,” I laugh and move back up the bed, wrapping an arm around him.

 His lips meet mine, and he giggles against them. Ahh … so cute, so damn cute. I could just hug him, keep him warm like this … forever.

\----------------------------------

 Al’s looking pale … really pale. Maybe I gave him too much meal replacement liquid to compensate for earlier … but he hasn’t complained about that. No … more like I knocked him about for days from the long travelling.

 “Yer alright, Al?”

 “Mmmm … just so tired ….”

 “Do … yer feel ill?”

 “N-not … any more than usual, no.” He hugs at his owl pillow as I put away the last of the feeding equipment. A sigh comes from him. “I … I miss it … the freedom of being able to … port anywhere I want … within reason. Just to … move around. Hn … freedom. I was never as good at porting as you. But then … I’ve never been as strong as you.”

 I know where this is going; he’s going to start going on about feeling weak and about being a terrible reaper. I need to nip it in the rear. “It’s not about being fast at porting or about endurance. Yer got where yer needed tae be in the end and that’s all that matters.”

 It works because his expression softens. “Y-yes … in the end. Are you coming … to bed?”

 I push the drawer shut. “Aye.”

 “G-good … because I could do with a snuggle before I fall … to sleep. I feel … as if I could nap for days.”

 “Not likely. We need tae plan for our wedding, remember?”

 “Oh … right, yes.”

 As I get into bed, cuddle him … I can’t help but feel sad … even with the great day we’ve had.

 I remember when we could just go out … anywhere, on dates, or just to chill out together, and I wouldn’t have to worry about his fragile state, about getting him home to feed him.

 It’s so hard ….

 I … I really don’t know what to do anymore.

 Do I … make him happy … even though I know it might progress his illness … or should I wrap him up in cotton wool?

 Will … having one nice day out make him sicker that much more quickly?

 I … I don’t want him to be cooped up here, wasting his days … but at the same time, I’m scared that Olly will find a cure too l-late … by weeks … or days even.

 And … and then it’ll be my fault.

 I … I made him worse, stole more of his health from him.

 The … the tears start to well up in my eyes.

 I … I could end up killing him, t-taking away his chance at recovery. And … that kills me, tears me up inside.

 

 

 

 All because I wanted to … m-make him happy ….


	187. Ronald. Xmas, Boxing Day, New Year.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spot the Logan reference.

***Friday 29th December***

 Oh my God … Christmas was fucking amazing. Grandma got me a Rolex watch. It’s so fancy looking – must have cost a bomb. She told me to be super careful with it, but I’ve been wearing it non-stop, apart from when I go for a wash.

 I love it, man, makes me feel all posh and shit.

 Everyone really liked the presents I got them too. Brought Emma some ‘My Little Pony’ toys because Mom told me that she really likes the ponies we have here.

 She also told me that Grandpa had gotten James a video game console, so I decided to buy him a few games to go along with it. He was well chuffed.

 And that chocolate I brought Grandma was gone by Boxing day … though I do think Emma pinched a few while no one was looking, hah.  

 Ooh … and it snowed, really snowed – makes me fucking thankful that I’m not on the streets this year. So I played out in the snow with the little ones, had a load of fun, took a few snowballs to the head. James has a really good right arm; fucking terror.

 Ohh, and I went to say Merry Christmas to George. He told me to stop calling him Great Grandpa. Too long winded or something. Don’t waste your breath addressing a ghost, he said, because they don’t even have breath to waste on you.

 Well … I hugged him, didn’t I, because I was in such a good mood. Eh … bad idea. He was kinda only half solid, fucking freezing. Made me … feel all sick and dizzy, like the energy had just been ripped outta me. Weird … really weird.

 Don’t think he liked it much either. Said he could feel even more of my pain when we touched. So arm’s length now; best for the both of us.

 Things were kinda hard on boxing day … because that was when I first met Will. There … there’s such a difference between this time last year and now. I miss him … a fucking lot … and now, I … I don’t have it in me to hate him. I mean … the arse gave me back my family … and it looks like I might be in with a chance of justice, some closure. I … don’t know whether to believe him, believe that he just wanted to help me … but regardless … he has helped me.

 I still miss him though, an awful lot. And I miss his house. It was big … but not too big, not like this place, where you could get lost just trying to find a bathroom. It was homely … and I miss the pigeon sheds and Penelope.

 I wish I could just go back there, stay at that home again. He wouldn’t even have to talk to me, like me. Hell … he could be a knobhead like usual and I’d still be happy. Just to be back in that place, in that world, to be able to see my friends again. Yeah … just to get back … to that familiarity.

 Still … there’s no point dwelling on it, I guess. Once we get into January … past this memorable time of year … I’ll be fine. I’m gonna have to be ….

 I’m not getting back there.

\--------------------------------

 Emma’s sick, run down with something, and I think Grandma is getting it too. The business she runs is closed until the New Year now, so she hasn’t been cooped up upstairs, but she’s still been out doing things to keep herself occupied. Today though, she’s just been sitting on the sofa being really quiet.

 Grandpa comes into the living room, sits down next to her. His arm is thrown around her.

 She tuts in response. “Ronald, get away from me. You’ll catch the lurgy.”

 “Ya worry too much, sweetie. Can’t a husband just cuddle his wife?”

 “Not when I’m sick.”

 “Well I don’t care about catching it. I can’t have ya sitting here moping.”

 “I’m not moping. I am no child.”

 Grandpa pulls her closer, cuddles her. “Ya are soo sulking.” She gets a kiss on the cheek.

 A little laugh slips from between her lips. “Oh, Ronald, you sappy old fool.”

 “Ya know me well.”

 “Hmm.” She snuggles closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. 

 Aww, that’s so sweet. They –

 Ohh … phone’s ringing. I pull it out of my pocket, stand up and leave the room. The call is answered. “Hey Jay.”

 “Hey. I’m going to see the fireworks on New Year’s Eve. Do you want to come with me?”

 “Tha ones in London?”

 “No. I found out that there’s one in a park not far from your house.”

 “Ah … cool.” Good. I don’t fancy being stuck in a massive crowd for hours in the cold.

 “So … are you up for it?”

 “Yeah, sure. Sounds like fun.” I don’t think Mom will mind me being out late if I’m with someone.

 “Cool. I’ll pick you up about half nine.”

 “Sweet. Am I still comin’ over tonight?”

 “Yep, yep. Do you want me to pick you up or are you getting in the glorified taxi?”

 “Heh, glorified taxi. Gotta ge’ tha chauffeur ta earn his keep, right?” The guy actually lives in a spare bedroom of the house … and I’ve seen him around a couple of times, getting food off of the chef and stuff. He said that he likes living here, that it feels like a home. He has a partner but they’ve never been interested in living with each other. Oh well, whatever makes you happy, I guess.

 “Hah, yes, very true.”

\-----------------------------------

***9.05pm***

 “Y’ve been really quiet. Y’ alright?” I ask Jay, at his house.

 “Oh … I’m fine. This time of year is just hard, you know?”

 “Y’ mean Christmas?”

 “Yes … and New Year. A lot of great memories you can’t recreate.”

 “Oh … y’re talkin’ ‘bout y’ partner again.”

 “Yes ….”

 “Hmm …. How come y’ don’t ‘ave any pictures of him around here?” I noticed it a while back … but didn’t wanna ask him outright. But if he’s bringing him up anyway, best time to ask, I guess.

 “I used to have loads … but it was too painful to keep seeing his face everywhere I went.” He sighs. “I can show you some pictures if you’d like?”

 “Alright, sure, if y’ feel up ta it.”

 “Th-there are some nice … photographs in our album. I … I can’t keep moping around forever, I suppose.”

 “Y-yeah, true.”

\----------------------------

 “Aww, he’s so cute!” He was a little guy, kinda looks like Al, but ginger.

 “He really was.” He turns a page and I point to a picture. They’re on a beach.

 “Where was this taken?”

 “In Greece. We went abroad with his parents. I … I still talk to them every now and then.”

 “Ah … cool. Y’ got any of y’ parents? I wanna see wha’ they look like.”

 “Hn, what parents?”

 “H-huh?”

 “My dad died before I was born … and my mom, well, she never wanted to know.  I was raised by my grandparents.”

 “Oh … I didn’t know, sorry.”

 “I know.” He turns a page again, fingers gliding over a picture of his partner and their parents sitting at a table. Looks like it’s in Greece too. I can see a pool behind them. “Th-they tell me all the time to … move on. I … I think they’ve been able to carry on with their lives more than I have. C-can … you believe that?”

 “W-well … I guess they know tha’ they … can’t live in tha past forever. He … he’s gone, and … as hard as it is, y’ need ta accept it.”

 “I … I don’t know if I can. It … wasn’t the cancer that took him in the end. He … he overdosed. I helped him get … the pills. He … he couldn’t take the pain anymore, mixed them with his morphine.”

 “Oh … man ….”

 “I … I still wonder if … I did the right thing.”

 “Y’ … y’ did, of course y’ did. If … if y’ love someone … y’d wanna stop their pain. Y’ … put him out of his misery … and I bet he was really thankful for tha’.”

 “Y-yes, maybe, but … how do you move on from something like that?”

 “Y’ … y’ jus’ ‘ave ta. I … I don’t like it either, but I … know I ‘ave ta move on from Will eventually.”

 “Th-there’s a chance you might see him again.”

 “No … I won’t, trust me.”

 “Okay ….”

 “Look, y’ … y’ll find someone else. Things will be alright … but y’ partner, he … he wouldn’t want y’ ta be miserable. He’d want y’ ta move on.”

 “You … really think so?”

 “Yeah.”

 “P-part of me wants to … but -.”

 “But nothin’. I’m not … sayin’ it’s gonna be easy” because I know it’ll kill me to try to move on, “but someone else will come along.”

 “I … I think someone has come along.” He shuts the album, pats my knee, but looks away from me. “I … I … kind of like you. Have … done since last year.”

 “Y’ do?”

 “Yes.”

 “I … I like y’ too.” 

 He finally looks at me. “You do?”

 “Yeah.”

 “Oh … g-good.” Heh, he’s gone all nervous on me. Kinda cute.

 I shift closer to him, the side of our thighs bumping together. He leans in for a kiss, and I give him a quick peck. Everyone needs someone, right?

 “Okay then ….” He gives me a small smile. “Now … that we have that … um, established, want to watch a movie?”

 “Yeah, sure.”

 Everyone needs someone to feel close to.

 He’s nice, has been super kind to me since I came back into his life. I … I know he’ll treat me well.

 But he’s not Will. I like him, how good he is at comforting me when I’m down, but I don’t think I’ll ever love him like I do Will.

 Not … not a fucking chance ….

\----------------------------------------

***Sunday 31st December***

***10.01pm***

 The bonfire is massive. I can see it from far away. “Here you go,” Jay says, handing me a hot chocolate in a disposable cup. He went and got it from one of those things, like a hot dog stand, but one for just hot drinks. He’s going to stay over at mine tonight, so he doesn’t have to travel back to his. I’m glad – don’t want him going far in a car, late at night, when he’s tired.

 “Thanks.” I cup it between my glove covered hands.

 “Something the matter?” He sits down next to me on a low wall, slings an arm around my shoulders. “You seem distracted.”

 “Yeah, I’m fine.” I look back up at the night sky, at the white lines going across it. “Do y’ know wha’ those white lines are?”

 “Which?”

 “Those, up there. I see them sometimes in tha daytime too.”

 “Oh, they’re made by the fuel coming out of the back of airplanes.”

 “Air … planes?”

 “Yep.” He kisses my cheek. “You don’t know what they are?”

 “I’ve heard tha’ name … from back when I was in tha’ guy’s house. Tha house would … ge’ really noisy and someone there told me it was made by them. Not sure wha’ they are exactly though.”

 “Oh … well, they’re like big flying cars and they carry lots of people. That’s how I got from here to Greece. They’re a lot quicker than cars.”

 “Really? H-how do they ge’ up there?”

 “Well … have you ever seen those little metal things going through the sky? They’re usually grey or white and they have little triangle things on them?”

 “Oh … yeah! But sometimes they’re bigger.”

 “Yes, that’s when they’re flying closer to the ground, usually coming in to land or just taking off.”

 “Ah … so that’s wha’ they were.”

 “Yep. Those triangle things are wings that help keep them up in the air and they use the fuel in them to get them off of the ground. Like the petrol in cars to get them to move.”

 “C-can they fall out of tha air?”

 “Yes … sometimes they crash … and if that happens, well … most times people don’t survive it.”

 “Oh … shit. I … I don’t think I’ll be flyin’ then.”

 “Don’t worry, it’s really rare. Safer than driving, actually.”

 “Ah … right.”

 Well interesting.

 Hah, they do say you learn something new every day.

\---------------------------------

***Wednesday 3rd January 2018***

 New Year night was good … and the park wasn’t too dark, thank fuck. There was a small group of rides not far from where we were sitting, and they gave off a lot of light. The fireworks were really nice, nothing epic, but nice.

 James was really tired by the time we got home at like two – my fault really, because I was hyper from going on those fairground rides, wanted to run around the park like a little kid. He let me, followed me around for a bit before he dragged me back to the car. Heh … not actually dragging, but you get the point.

 It was fun … but it left me feeling kinda depressed the day after. James stayed at the house … but I couldn’t stop thinking about that night when I went to watch the fireworks with Eric and Al. That was when me and Eric started to bond … I think. It’s all a bit fuzzy because of the withdrawals and me getting drunk that night … but I miss those two. They … they were such a cute couple … and that made it all the more painful when Al got sick.

 And … just thinking about New Year’s Eve last year makes me wanna go back there. I miss Grell … miss Will … and it hurts. But I can’t dwell on it, I won’t.

 It’ll crush me if I carry on with my mind stuck in the past.

\-------------------------

***10.06am***

 The butler comes up to me, hands me a letter, telling me that it’s addressed to me. Mom leans over the breakfast table, tells me to open it. She … she’s going for an appointment tomorrow to be booked in … for that abortion.

 “It … it might be for the court case.”

 I nod, open the letter and begin to read. She … she was right. “Court date … March 1st.”

 March 1st … March 1st.

 In two short months, just two months, this might be over ….

 Finally fucking over ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Won't be back until Tuesday. Hairdresser is coming over tomorrow after work.


	188. Eric. Headaches.

***Wednesday 3rd January***

 Al took a turn for the worse again on New Year’s Day. I guess the festivities wore him out more than I first thought. He’s been coughing a hell of a lot … and it’s spread again. His neck and chin have turned dark and infected … and the tops of his arms too.

 “Nghhh ….” His face buries in the pillow.

 I rub at his back lightly. “Yerr … chest is hurting again … hmm?”

 “N-no ….” I hear him sniff. “I … I have a really … bad headache.”

 “A headache?”

 “Y-yes. It … it’s … really painful.”

 “Ah can get yer some painkillers?”

 “N-no. I … I don’t want to … be getting the doctors involved … unless I have to. D-don’t trust them.”

 “Some Paracetamol then?”

 “Th-that … won’t work, I don’t think.”

 “Why not?”

 “It … it’s really bad. Paracetamol … isn’t strong enough.”

 But if he doesn’t want me going back to the hospital …. “Well it’s worth a try, isn’t it?”

 “Okay … Eric. We … we can try.” He doesn’t sound very hopeful … but what else can I do? He … he’ll be upset if I go get him powerful drugs without his permission.

 I still haven’t gotten over the guilt of making him go through that last trial. I … I hurt him so much ….

\-------------------------------

 I … I guess he was right – it doesn’t seem like it’s helped him in the slightest. He squeezes his eyes shut, groaning. “It … it’s getting worse ….”

 My palm presses against his forehead – I … don’t know what I was expecting; he’s still as cold as ever ….

 His hand finds my wrist, grips at it. “D-don’t … touch me there, Eric. It … it hurts.”

 I pull away from his skin. “Sorry.”

 “I … I feel a little dizzy ….” He lets go of my wrist, rolls over slowly. “I … sh-should sleep, b-but … I don’t know if I can.”

 “Why not?” I rub his side gently. “Yer look tired.”

 “B-because … the pounding … in my head is … isn’t giving me any peace.”

 “Try not tae focus on it, alright?”

 “Hmmm ….”

 “Sleeping might give the Paracetamol chance tae kick in properly.”

 “It … it’s been what? An hour already?”

 “Aye ….”

\-----------------------------

 Al fell to sleep for a wee while … but woke back up feeling even worse. I brush the tears away from his eyes … but more instantly take their place. He takes a shaky breath. “What … what’s happening to … me, Eric?” A whimper comes from him, makes my heart ache. “Why … why does it hurt so … so much all of a sudden?”

 “Ah … ah don’t know, Al.”

 He looks at me – his … his eyes go wide. “D-do … you think it’s … spread to … my brain?”

 “No! No, Al, of course it hasn’t.”

 “But -.”

 “Al, the skin on yerr forehead would be all dark and veiny if … if that was the case.”

 “N-no. Who … who knows … what’s going … on inside of me. The … the tissue of my … brain could be – y-you wouldn’t see it … because of my skull.”

 No …. “Al … don’t be silly. It … it’s just the pain getting tae yer.”

 He looks away from me. “Y-you’re not … listening to me.”

 No, of course not! Why … why would I want to listen to this shite? It … it’s not true, can’t be. I won’t believe it!

 I … I need to change the subject. “Ah … ah really think we should get … yer something strong.”

 “See! N-not listening!”

 “Ah … ah didn’t mean hospital drugs. Ah … ah could pop tae a pharmacy in the human world, see what the strongest thing is they have?” 

 He seems to calm down a bit, gives me a half smile. “O … okay. S-something strong.”

 “Aye ….” Something to try to take his pain away ….

 Try ….

\--------------------------

 I ended up getting some dissolvable Co-codamol, mixed two tablets with a lot more water than it told me to on the box because I was worried it might clog up the tube. It didn’t, thankfully, but the large amount of water made Al feel like he was going to throw up.

 It’s helped a bit, I think. He’s starting to doze off. His head rests on my shoulder, eyelids blinking lazily. “I … I feel so drowsy.”

 “That’s just the Codeine, Al.”

 “I … I kind of like it ….”

 “How’s the pain?”

 “R-really … bad still, b-but I think … I’ll be about to sleep through it.”

 Good ….

\-----------------------------------

***Thursday 4th January***

 Al was up through most of the night, the early hours of the morning, crying, gripping at his head. Even the strongest painkiller I can get over the counter isn’t potent enough. And he knows that, yet he still isn’t budging, isn’t letting me go to the hospital.

 Doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep trying. “Al, come on, just try some painkillers from the doctors.”

 “N-no. I … I told you I don’t want you ... using up all of our money. We … we need savings … for our wedding.”

 “So ah’ll go pinch something from the human world.” 

 He grunts at me. “You’re … not helping.”

 “Al -.”

 “It … it isn’t just about that. What … what if the doctors slip something else … into the painkillers? I … I don’t want them … m-messing with my head again. I … I don’t want to become a monster again, hitting you and – I … I just can’t.” He hides his face in the pillow.

 “Ah’ll make sure what they give me is legit, okay?”

 “N-no ….”

 “Al -.”

 “Just drop it, Eric … please. Y-you’re making the pounding … worse.”

 “Aye, alright.” I sigh in defeat … for now.

\---------------------------------

***5.04pm***

 By four in the afternoon, Al finally gave in, pretty much begged me to get him something strong. The pain had gotten even worse, had worn down his resistance. The need for some pain relief had outweighed his concerns about the doctors.

 So I headed to the hospital, spoke to the same doctor that had dealt with his treatment, tried my best not to punch him in the face.

 They had some morphine in stock, the stuff they put in IVs when a reaper gets nailed by a demon. Made me glad Al still has his PICC line in.

 It was a fucking expensive form, but faster acting than the oral liquid, so I wrote them out a check, came home with a few vials of the stuff, ones that you can plunge the needle into. The doctor wrote me down the dosage. He didn’t mess about, gave me the second strongest mg to ml they had in stock – 25mg/ml.

 It kicked in pretty much as soon as it got into his system. He relaxed into the pillow, started to smile … just a wee bit. It helped … helped a lot, according to what he was saying before he fell asleep.

 Hopefully it’ll keep helping.

 Aye … hopefully.


	189. Alan. Sickness.

****Monday 8th January***

***4.43pm***

 “Urghhh ….” A … a shiver runs down my spine. I … I don’t know why … but I’ve … been throwing up since last night. It … it’s not the morphine, I’m sure. If … if it were, I’d have been throwing up since the first dose. I … I don’t know. At … at least the headaches … have been kept at bay.

 “Blergh!” It happens again, my throat burning. It … it’s mainly just bile now.

 My hands grip onto the plastic bowl tighter, holding it in place … just like Eric is holding me up, his hands on my shoulders to stop … me from falling over to one side. There’s … no way I’d be able to sit up … on my own. All … the throwing up, it’s draining. I … I haven’t been able to sleep a wink – neither has Eric.

 I … I just feel so dizzy, so dehydrated. Eric has been … trying to feed me, but it doesn’t have chance to even settle … in my stomach before it comes back up. The … the stomach cramps are awful. I … I just don’t understand what’s going on. I’ve felt like I was going to be … sick for months now … b-but it’s never happened, not like this ….

 I … I don’t want to … die like this, throwing up, withering away, crying all the time.

 It’s hard … on Eric, but more … than anything, it’s embarrassing, showing such weakness. So embarrassing ….

 And … and I try to keep it to myself … as much as I can. But sometimes he asks how I’m feeling … or … or it gets so bad I can’t help but tell him. Or … or sometimes … I just feel so out of it that my woes come rushing out of me.

 I … I’m such … a whiner. I … I don’t know how he puts up with me.

 “Nghh ….” No, no, not again ….

\-------------------------

***5.01pm***

 “Hmm ….” Warm … something is warm ….

 “Al, yer alright?”

 I blink, looking up at him. Something … smells …. Wait … why am I lying down? He … he wasn’t wearing that shirt before …. “W-what happened?”

 “Yer blacked out for a wee bit, Al.” He brushes my hair aside. “Had me really worried – yer just went all limp on me. Ah thought about the hospital -.”

 “B-but you knew … I’d be pissy … if you did that?”

 “Aye,” he chuckles, pinching my cheek. “My headstrong wee lad.”

 “D-did I throw up … on you? Y-your shirt?”

 “Aye, but don’t worry about it.”

 “O-okay. It … it smells like s-sick in here.”

 “Aye … well, when yer blacked out, the bowl hit the floor … and it went everywhere.”

 “Oh … Eric, I … I’m so sorry.” I’m disgusting. I’m sure he thinks so too ….

 “It’s alright. ah’m going tae ask William tae come over in a bit so ah can clean it up.” He pulls a face. “Yer got it all on the covers too.”

 “Wh-why does … William have to come over?”

 “Someone needs tae keep an eye on yer while ah clean up. Ah cannae scrub and hold a bowl for yer at the same time and ah cannae ask William tae clean it up.” He gives me a smile. “He’d probably throw up too; he doesn’t seem the sort tae have a very strong stomach.”

 “T-true.” My stomach starts … to cramp up again. I cover my … mouth with my hand, murmuring “Eric … d-do … we have a …sp-spare bowl?”

 “Yer feel sick again?”

 “Y-yes.”

 “Ah … ah’ll go find one.”

 “Please … h-hurry.”

\---------------------------------

***5.12pm***

 I’m downstairs now, with William, trying to keep the tears at bay. Every … hack and heave makes my … body rattle with pain. I feel bad for him … having to hold the bowl for me. It … it stinks – just this … dark brown, almost black bile now ….

 “You haven’t been able to keep anything down?” He asks.

 “N-no. N-not … even water.” I … squeeze my arm around my tummy. Anything to … try to ease the cramping …. “E-Eric … won’t listen to me … but I think it’s … spread t-to … my brain.”

 “Because of the headaches?”

 “Y-yes … and this r-really strange d-dizzy feeling. I … I can’t explain it.”

 “Well regardless, Grell is continuing to pester Othello. You will have your cure shortly.”

 “Y-you believe that too?”

 “Don’t you?”

 “Th-there isn’t … a cure, and … and even if there were, they won’t … find it in time. T-too much damage has already been done.”

 “You have your healing abilities. As weakened as they have become, they’ll surely be able to keep the damage at bay for a little while longer. You aren’t brain dead yet, so stop thinking that there is no hope.”

 “Y-you … can’t seriously think that … I’m going to be fine.”

 “What matters is what you believe. I thought you were going to keep it together so that you and Eric could get married?”

 I spit out the saliva that was collecting in my mouth into the bowl. My eyes brim with tears. “I … I want to and … I thought there was a chance … but that was before … the headaches started. He … he’ll f-find someone else.”

 “Oh, stop talking rubbish. You know he’ll never love anyone else.”

 “H-he will. I’m not … that special.”

 “You are to him. You are stronger than this, Alan. Stop thinking of just giving up. I expect more from such a capable reaper.”

 “O … okay.” Am I? Am … I stronger than this …?

\----------------------

 He grabs me as I slide sideways across the back of the sofa. I’m pulled against his shoulder, his grip … still firm on the bowl. “Are you alright?”

 “D-dizzy spell.”

 “I see.” He holds me against him. “Stay like this. I don’t want you falling off of the couch and hurting yourself.”

 “B-but … I’ll … end up throwing up on you.”

 “It is fine. After all, I should be used to it by now. Ronald has vomited on me countless times.”

 “B-but … I’m n-not Ronnie.”

 “No, but you are a friend. I will just have to deal with the mess. I have countless suits, can spare one for the bin.”

 “Okay … thank you.”

 I … I see him as a friend … but the other way around? Does he … really feel that way or is he just lonely? I … I’d feel lonely without my partner ….

 No, no, I should … take his word on it. After all … he’s always been straight forward, up front.  

 I’m glad … that he’s gone further than just … having colleagues.

 Really, it’s about time ….

\-------------------------

***6.23pm***

 “Eric … w-water!” My … my throat burns, this … this sudden thirst … coming over me.  So … so damn thirsty. “I … I need water.”

 “Alright.” He goes to the drawer –

 “N-no, n-not through the tube. Just … get me a glass of water.”

 “But -.”

 “I … I don’t care!” I gasp out. “I need it. N-now!”

 Where … where has this come … from all of a sudden?

\-------------------

 He holds the glass against my lips, and I chug it down, not caring about it dripping down my chin, onto my shirt. It’s gone in just a few seconds, the glass being pulled away. “Oh … oh, thank goodness.”

 “Better?”

 “Much … better.” I wipe the drips from around my mouth. No … no, not again! I … I should have known – “E-Eric, bowl.”

 So … so much for some relief.

 I … I can’t keep going on … like this.

 I … I don’t care what William said.

 They won’t find a cure in … time.

 They … they just won’t.


	190. Ronald. Talking to a ghost.

***Monday 8th January***

***8.12pm***

 I’m over at Jay’s right now, staying the night. I needed a bit of cheering up really … because Mom’s going in for the abortion tomorrow. Grandma gave her the money to go private with it … so they got her in sooner for the actual thing.

 I know I’ve made my peace with it, with her … but it’s still gonna be hard when it actually happens.

 Hn … making out just isn’t cutting it tonight. I lie back on the sofa, pulling him on top of me. “Hmm ….” My hips rock up against his.

 The kiss breaks. “Ronnie, stop that.”

 “Why?” I pout. “I’m horny.”

 He sits up, moves back against the arm of the sofa. “I … I can see that.”

 “Is … tha’ a problem?”

 “Well … we haven’t been together long. I … don’t want to rush into things.”

 “Oh … come on, it’s not like we haven’t shagged before.” I roll my eyes.

 “That’s just it though, isn’t it? I … I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage again.”

 “I … I never even thought tha’ tha last time. I wanna do it. Please?”

 “I ….”

 “I … I don’t ‘ave any STI’s or anythin’, if y’re worried ‘bout tha’?”

 “What? No! That wasn’t -.”

 “So … so do y’ ‘ave somethin’?”

 “No – I … got tested after we stopped – not that I thought you had, and we used condoms anyway, but I … I thought it best to -.”

 “Jay, y’re ramblin’ again.” I raise an eyebrow.

 “Oh … whoops ….” He sighs. “I … I just don’t think it’s best to rush into things.”

 “So … y’re not ready?”

 “It’s not that … I’m not ready. I … I just feel bad for what happened between us before.”

 “Well y’ shouldn’t.”

 “You could have died because of me.”

 Not this again …. “No, not because of y’. It was my choice, Jay, and if y’ didn’t pay me, I’d ‘ave got my money elsewhere.”

 “That doesn’t make it better -.”

 “Look, would y’ stop blamin’ y’self for my problems? I was tha one tha’ got addicted ta tha’ stuff. It was my choice not ta jus’ bite tha bullet and come offa it. Y’ … y’ were tha only one back then tha’ actually cared ‘bout me, wanted me ta ge’ offa it.  It … it didn’t matter tha’ it’d mean we wouldn’t be havin’ sex anymore – y’ … y’ jus’ cared ‘bout me gettin’ well.”

 “True ….”

 I sigh lightly, fold my arms over my chest. “I wouldn’t be here if I thought y’ were a bad person, would I?”

 “No … I guess not. Sorry … I know you didn’t come over here to have such a depressing conversation.”

 “It’s fine, as long as y’ know now.”

 “Y-yes.”

 I give him a little smile. “Can we jus’ ge’ back ta snoggin’ each other’s brains out now?”

 A little chuckle comes from him. “Alright, sounds good to me.”

\------------------------

 Hnn … horny, so fucking horny. It doesn’t help that he’s a good kisser – he can probably feel my boner rubbing against him. Ugh … my balls are proper aching.

 Uhh … no, don’t stop kissing – oh … neck kisses …. “J-Jay … y’ fuckin’ tease. Y’ know I’m … gaggin’ for it.”

 I hear a small popping sound as his lips pull away. “Sorry, I got carried away.” He … looks kinda nervous? “I could … umm, use my hands? If … if want me to?”

 “Hell yeah!” I shove my hands between us – oh man … I can’t get my trousers open quick enough.

\----------------------

 “Heh … I made a right mess,” I grin up at him. Ended up pulling his bottoms down, touching him, rubbing and grinding up against him. Didn’t wanna receive without any giving. Hah, not that he was complaining. Man … I really needed that.

 “Hmm … so did I.”

 “Bath?”

 “Sure.” He kisses my cheek. “Did you … enjoy that?”

 “Wha’ do y’ think?”

 “Ronnie -.”

 “Of course I did.” I grin, stretch my arms above my head. “Ahhh … I’m gonna sleep tonight.”

 “Me too. Nice … umm, wrist action.”

 “Haha,” I wink, “thank y’.”

\------------------------

***Tuesday 9th January***

 “You alright?” Jay asks, turning away from the sink. We’ve just had breakfast, are waiting for the chauffer to pick me up.

 “Yeah … I think I’ll be alright once Mom’s back home. Kinda … worried ‘bout tha actual abortion goin’ wrong.”

 “Try not to get too worked up. She’ll have some bleeding and cramping but she’ll be fine once that settles.”

 “Uh … thanks for tha’ bit of information.”

 “Sorry.” He pauses. “You’re doing okay though, aren’t you? Feeling okay in yourself?”

 “Yeah, I’m good.” I slide down in my seat. “Horny though.”

 “Really? Even after last night?”

 “Yep. I think tha’ made me worse actually.”

 “I shouldn’t be surprised really.” He chuckles. “I remember when I was a teenager.”

 “Y’ were full of spots?”

 “Hey! No … no, I wasn’t. I was a raging ball of hormones though. Glad those days are behind me.”

 “Heh, it’s not so bad, I guess. But yeah … could do wi’ a good shag.”

 “Well … maybe the next time you stay over?”

 “Wha’? Really?” Oh man … blood rushing south, blood rushing south ….

 “L-last night wasn’t as … awkward as I feared. I … I’d be up for it?”

 “I would too – can’t we do it right now?”

 “He’ll be coming to pick you up any moment now. I am not being caught with my pants down.”

 “Meh … alright.” I get up, walk over to the fridge.

 “You can’t still be hungry.”

 “Heh, try me. We got any pizza left over from last night?”

 “Nope, you ate all of it, including most of my share.”

 “Damn.”

 “Hmm.” I hear dishes clink on the drying board. “I stocked up on some ice cream though.”

 “Sweet!” I reach for the freezer door –

**Knock. Knock.**

 Ah … fuck ….

 Jay comes closer to me. “Take it with you if you’re hungry.”

 “But then I’ll ‘ave nothin’ ta eat at y’s.”

 He gives me a soft kiss on the jaw. “I’ll buy you some more, don’t you worry.”

 “Aww, thanks babe.”

 “You’re welcome.”

\------------------------------------

***11.33pm***

 Been sitting on the sofa for a while now, waiting for Mom to come home. That ice cream … made me feel a bit sick to be fair. Probably shouldn’t have eaten two litres of the stuff in one go ….

 Grandma’s sitting opposite me, tapping away on her laptop. She told me I’d end up getting diabetes if I carried on eating like that. Well –

 “Hey, Ronnie.” Mom walks slowly into the living room, Grandpa right behind her.

 “Oh … y’re home quick. H-how did it g-go?”

 “I … I couldn’t go through with … it.”

 What …? “Y’ … y’re keepin’ tha baby?”

 “Yes.”

 “A-are y’ sure? It … it’s not because of wha’ I said, is it? I … I mean, I’m glad, but -.”

 “No, no, it … it wasn’t that. I … I’ve been ‘aving second thoughts for a while.” She glances over at Grandma, gulps. “Mother?”

 “Yes?”

 “A-are ya’ mad?”

 “Didn’t I say from the start that it was your choice?”

 “Well, yes -.”

 “So, while I may not like your decision, I am here to support you.”

 Grandpa nudges her lightly. “Told ya.”

 I … I can’t believe she – I’m gonna have a baby brother or sister! I jump up from the sofa, hug her tightly. She hugs me back. “Are ya okay, sweetie?”

 “Okay? Mom, I … I’m so fuckin’ happy!”

 “Hn.” Oh right … don’t swear in front of Grandma.

 “Are y’ alright?” I ask Mom.

 “Yes … I … I feel – it might seem strange … but I feel at peace. I … I don’t think I’d ‘ave been ‘appy … if I didn’t give this baby a chance.” Her grip tightens on me. “I can finally tell the lil ones now, stop ‘iding this lil start of a bump from them.”

 “Sounds brill, Mom.” I squeeze my eyes shut. So … so happy. “Do y’ think … they’ll be a boy or a girl?”

 “I ‘ave no idea, sweetie. I ‘aven’t thought that far along.”

 “I’d like another granddaughter,” Grandpa says.

 “Yeah,” I smile, “a sister sounds good.”

 “Hmm.” Her grip loosens on me. “I’m gonna lie down for a bit.”

 “Aren’t you feeling well?” Grandma asks.

 “I’m just tired,” she answers, pulling away from me. “Today … ‘as been a lil stressful.”

 “Can I come too?”

 She gives me a warm smile. “Of course ya can, ‘oney.”

 “He needs to sleep off that gallon of ice cream,” Grandma states.

 “What?”

 “Eh … nothin’ ….” Haha, she got me there ….

\----------------------------

 I spoke to George earlier on today, telling him how happy I was about Mom keeping the baby. Heh … poor guy couldn’t get a word in I was rambling so much.

 But now, I’m heading back up there – need some advice ….

\----------------

 “Tell them what? That you’re dating that man?”

 “Y-yeah ….” I rub at the back of my head.

 “So … no one knows you’re that way inclined?”

 I … I was kinda worried that he’d judge me for it … being part of the older generation … but he seems to be being pretty cool about the whole thing. “Well … my mom knows I had an ex-boyfriend … and she’s fine wi’ tha’.”

 “Then what is the problem?”

 “I … I’m worried wha’ Grandma might say. She likes … Jay as a person but … I don’t know how she’d take it -.”

 “Martha? You’re worried about Martha?” He bursts out into laughter. Okay … weird ….

 “Eh … George?”

 “Oh … oh, my boy, Martha is many things … but she isn’t a homophobe.”

 “R-really?”

 “Yes.” He holds onto his side, quietening down. “S-sorry … it’s crazy what can amuse you when you’ve been dead for years.” He moves to sit down on the bed in the room. Well … more like hovering …? “Scary, isn’t she, my daughter?”

 “Uh … sometimes.”

 “I … I shouldn’t laugh, really. It … it is no laughing matter, but hmm … the look of worry on your face was priceless.”

 Okay … now I’m confused. “W-what’s no laughin’ matter? Uh … oh … he looks really sad all of a sudden …. “George?”

 “My son … your grandmother’s brother, he was gay. It never bothered anyone in our family, really, times were changing … and well, we loved him so much. Martha may be judgmental at times, over things like wealth and education … but she’d never hold a grudge because of who you choose to love.”

 I … I’ve never heard her talk about her brother – wait …. ‘Was’? “D-did somethin’ happen ta him?”

 “I’m sure you’ve heard of HIV?”

 “Y-yeah?” Oh man … I know where this is going ….

 “He died of Aids in the late 80s. It broke Martha’s heart, the poor girl. Refused to talk about him for years, took over the company … shortly after our loss. I … I think working tirelessly made for a distraction.”

 “I’m so sorry ….”

 He shakes his head. “Time heals … even the worst of wounds, I suppose. Still … nothing compares to the pain of losing a child.” He points a finger at me. “So do Molly a favour and don’t ruin yourself, boy.”

 “O-okay.”

 Another shake of the head. “Anyway, as I was saying, she won’t judge you. Expect a speech on safe sex from her though.”

 “Heh … right.”

 “Hmm … I wouldn’t bother telling them just yet though. See how the relationship pans out, you see?”

 “I … I think we’ll be alright.”

 “You don’t love him; I can feel that from you.”

 “Well … no, I don’t, but he’s been super good ta me … and he does make me kinda happy.”

 “Can you learn to love him?”

 “I dunno – fuck … this is so weird, talkin’ ta a ghost ‘bout my love life.”

 He tilts his head. “Stranger things have happened, I’m sure.”

 “Eh … nope, I think this wins tha award.”

 A sudden laugh startles me. “Oh, sonny, you are an odd one. I love it!”

 “Heh, normal is borin’, right?”

 “Oh, yes, yes, I’d be so bored without your company.”

 I chuckle lightly. “Y’re very welcome.”


	191. Ronald. Ugh ... Maths.

***Friday 12th January***

***8.16pm***

 “I’m not doing you on the sofa.” Jay extends a hand to me.

 “Aww, but we did stuff on tha sofa tha other night.”

 “That was just a bit of fumbling. We’re doing it in bed like normal people.”

 “But then I’ll ‘ave ta go all tha way upstairs. That’ll take ages and it’s comfy on here.”

 “Ronnie, come on, the bed is better.”

 “Alright, if I ‘ave ta.” I take his hand, let him pull me to my feet. “Do y’ still ‘ave tha’ dress?”

 “Pardon?” He asks, frowning. His hand lets go of mine.

 “Y’ know … tha daddy kink one.”

 “Oh, no, I threw it out.”

 “Oh … okay.”

 “I don’t need it anyway. I can get off without any kinky things.”

 “But y’ enjoy it more wi’ it, right?”

 He sighs loudly. “I enjoy it, yeah, but it was more his kink than mine.”

 “Y’ partner’s?”

 “Yes. I guess … back then, I just needed something to remind me of him.”

 “Ohhh … so y’ imagined tha’ I was him?”

 “Yes.” He gulps. “You probably think I’m a right creep.” He goes to walk away from me but I grab his sleeve.

 “No I don’t. I … I ge’ it, I really do. If y’ missed him, y’ were bound ta think of him.” I rub at the back of my head. “And … well, y’ payed for it, so y’ had every right ta think ‘bout wha’ever y’ wanted.”

 “If you say so.”

 I yank on his sleeve. “Stop puttin’ y’self down, would y’? Look … we all do stuff we’re not proud of, but I still want y’ ta’ shag my brains out. That’s gotta be a good sign, right?”

 “Yes ….”

 I slide my hand to his wrist, tug him forward. Well … not very well. He’s a lot heavier than me …. “Come on then, wipe tha’ worried look offa y’ face.”

 “You still want to -?”

 “Yes!” Because, you know, I’ve only been looking forward to this since I was down here last time ….  

\-------------------------------------

 “Ah!” My muscles clench as he goes in. “Nghh ….” It’s been too long, way too long. And he was a right tease, kissing me, touching me. I guess he wanted to ease me into it.

 “Hnn … you’re so flexible.”

 “Hnnn … I … I know.” Of … course I’m gonna be flexible. I’ve been bent … like this since I was little. No, don’t think about – ahh … all the way inside. That … that’s what I’m talking about.

 He starts to thrust, slowly at first, but that doesn’t last for long. But he’s being really gentle with me. It’s nice. I wrap my legs around him – I … I want him in even deeper. “Ah … r-right there.”

 I get a deep kiss, am pulled closer. Oh man … this feels good, so fucking good.

\--------------------

***8.54pm***

 “We … we should … try tha’ kinky stuff again sometime,” I say, finally starting to cool down after all the sweaty action.

 “No, no, it’s fine.”

 “Well … y’ like tha idea of it still, don’t y’?”

 “I … I do, but wouldn’t that be awkward?”

 “Nah, not really. Dressin’ up is kinda fun, interestin.”

 “But … with what happened with your dad -.”

 “He’s not my dad. In … in name, yeah, but he means nothin’ ta me. I … don’t think it’d bring up bad memories or anythin’ … because I’ll never see him as a dad.” I roll over, snuggle up to him. “Plus, I did kinda like wearin’ a dress.”

 “You did?”

 “Yeah, it was somethin’ different, y’ know?”

 “Y-yes … I understand. Maybe … in the future we can.” He kisses me on the cheek. “But for now, I’m happy just to be with you, dress or not.”

 Aww … so sweet. “Heh, yeah, I’m well sexy.”

 “And cute, so, so cute.”

 My … my cheeks flush a little. It … it’s nice to have someone say sweet things about me. But … but it doesn’t make me feel all that much ….

 It … it would coming from Will … but Jay, I … I don’t love him. George is right. I … I really don’t ….

\----------------------------

***Sunday 14th January***

 Mom finally broke the news to the little ones. It took her a while to figure out how exactly to tell them, I think. Heh … James didn’t really seem to care, but Emma’s so excited, just like me.

 I … I told Mom about … the miscarriage and … the prostitution last night – that stuff wasn’t in the letter Will left for her. I … don’t know why I told her, exactly, but … I thought it was the right time … and well, she deserved to know the full story of what happened while I was away ….

 She was upset … and confused, asked me how the police didn’t get in contact with me when I was in the hospital. Because, you know, missing person and all ….

 But then she brought up confidentiality … so I went with that. Eh … she wasn’t impressed with that answer, I don’t think ….

 But she let it drop. I guess she didn’t wanna risk upsetting me by keep going on about it.

 Heh, thank God for that. Couldn’t exactly tell her about the reapers, could I?

\----------------------------

***12.03pm***

 “Right then, time to get to work.” Grandma drops a load of books that she bought yesterday down on the coffee table in front of me. She wants me to get a home tutor … and then eventually go to school or something. But first … I need to ‘learn the basics’ – English, Maths, Science, that sorta thing.

 “Which subject should we start with?” She asks me.

 “Erm … Maths. I know a bit of tha’ already.”

 “What is the point of starting with something you already know?”

 “Aww, Grandma, don’t be mean.”

 “Fine, fine, we shall start with Maths. Tell me, what do you know already?”

 “Erm … how ta count and take away, a bit ‘bout percentages. Umm … that’s ‘bout it.”

 “Do you know your times tables?”

 “Oh yeah, I know some of tha’ too.”

 “Okay then. What is twelve times twelve?”

 “Um ….” Shit …. “I’m not sure.”

 “Then you don’t know them.”

 “Okay ….”

\---------------------------

***2.33pm***

 “I … I don’t know!” We got … through multiplying pretty easily … but then she … went onto shapes and angles. I … I just don’t get it.

 “Yes, you do.”

 “N-no.” She … she’s putting too much pressure on me, not given me enough time to let it sink in.

 “I’ve explained it countless times. How can you not know?”

 Frustrated … so frustrated. “I ….”

 “You know this.”

 “N-no, I … I don’t.”

 “You must.”

 “It’s too hard!”

 “How -?”

 “I’m stupid, okay?!” The tears start to come. “I -.”

 “Don’t cry.” She huffs at me. “You are uneducated, not stupid. There is a difference.”

 “B-but -.”

 “I wouldn’t be bothering if I thought you were stupid, would I?”

 “G-guess not.” I sniff. She’s made me feel pretty fucking stupid though …. I … I’ll never get through this textbook ….

 “We’ll leave it here for today. You probably need a break.”

 “O-okay.” See … see! She … she’s giving up on me already.

\---------------------------

***8.05pm***

 “G-George, hey.” I walk into the attic – snuck up here with that textbook.

 He takes one look at me and frowns. “Dear boy, why are you crying?”

 “I … I feel like a right thicko.”

 “Why? What’s happened?”

 “Grandma’s … tryin’ ta teach me Maths b-but … I’m too stupid ta understand.”

 “Pfft, you’re not stupid. It’ll just take a bit of practice.”

 “I … I dunno.”

 He chuckles softly. “Martha always has been such a slave driver. Pay no heed to her, go at your own pace, and you’ll be fine.”

 I wipe at my eyes. “I … I was hopin’ y’d be able ta help me ge’ ta grips wi’ this.”

 “Well, I can try.” He laughs. “But you know me, old and ‘senile’. You’ll probably wipe the floor with me.”

 “I … I doubt tha’.”

 “Tell me, what is it that’s confused you?”

 “Angles. I … I jus’ don’t ge’ wha’ it’s all ‘bout.”

 “Ohhh, angles. Yes, I think I can help you there.” He sits down on the bed, pats the space next to him. “Come, sit, show me.”

 “Alright.” I walk over to him. “Don’t sit too close, right?”

 He gives me a big smile. “Oh, you are such a thoughtful boy.”

 “Heh … yeah.”

\---------------------------------

***Monday 15th January***

***10.55am***

 “Yes, yes, that’s right.” Grandma smiles at me. “See, I told you you could do it.”

 “Y-yeah.” If only she knew about the ghost upstairs helping me, hah …. George was really good. Explained it all … gave me a chance to digest it. Man … I must have spent hours with him last night. He’s a great guy, was so patient with me. A good teacher, really good.

 “Excellent. Let’s move on to some harder questions.”

 “Alright.”

 “Oh, and Ronald?”

 “Y-yeah?”

 “If I ever hear you calling yourself stupid again, I’ll be banning ice cream from the house. Understood?”

 I chuckle a bit. “Yeah, Grandma, I understand.”   


	192. William. Heartless.

***Thursday 18th January***

 Alan is getting weaker day by day. Some days he is able to keep some food down, but on others … he vomits, over and over ….

 I think it has something to do with his healing abilities. They are able to repair some of the damage, keep the sickness at bay at times, but … it is an uphill battle. The Thorns are winning this fight ….

 “Hey.” Eric opens the door to me … and my eyes instantly go to the bottle of alcohol in his hand. Whisky … I think, or maybe rum.

 “Is everything alright?”

 “Same as always,” he mumbles. The bottle is raised, and he takes a large glug. He hisses as it’s swallowed, hits his stomach. “Yer coming in or what?” He isn’t drunk, yet, at least ….  

 “Yes, of course.” He doesn’t seem very well … actually … is probably drained. “You … aren’t looking so good. Are you feeling alright?”

 “Ah’m just tired.” He shuts the door. “Al was up all night being sick.” He walks towards the staircase and I follow him.  

 “Is he slumbering now?”

 “Would ah be standing here with a drink if he was awake?”

 “Well … no. How are his headaches?”

 The deep sigh that comes from him is anything but comforting. His grip tightens on the bottle. “They’re … starting tae come back.” He sighs again. “If … they get any worse, ah’ll tell the doctor, see … what dose they can move him up ontae.”

 “I see ….”

\-----------------------------

 After much persuading on my part, Eric finally took a nap. As usual, he didn’t want to risk being out cold when Alan awoke, but I told him that I would wake him if anything happened.

 He is snoring rather loudly at present … probably due to the alcohol.

 “Hmmm ….” Alan fidgets around a little under the covers. The rest of his face is beginning to be taken over by infection. The blood vessels in his cheeks have turned not quite black, but a dark purple; not long though …. And … it has spread further down his arms.

 Yes, no doubt about it. Not long now ….

 But he has to carry on fighting regardless. He can’t be denied his wedding day. Where would the fairness be in that?

 “Eric ….”

 “He is asleep at the moment,” I say quietly.

 “Oh ….” His eyes flutter open, and he glances over at his partner before struggling to sit up. I hold out a hand to him, give him a quick nod as he thanks me, uses my weight to help him sit up straight. He rests his back against the headboard. “He … he’s been tired a lot lately.”

 “Well you both have a lot on your plates at present.”

 “Y-yes. I am … glad that he is finally getting some rest. He … he hasn’t had much chance since the … sickness started.” He rubs at his stomach. “I … I already know that today … isn’t going to be a good one.”

 “Cramps?”

 “Y-yes ….”

 He said that Eric hasn’t – “hasn’t Grell been over much as of late?”

 “N-no. She’s … been researching, pestering … Olly. I … I haven’t seen her in ….” He pauses, I think to ponder on it. “Umm … about five days, I think.”

 “I see.” I pause for a moment. “I could … spend more time over here if that would help?” I … don’t know why I am offering. It isn’t like me to care … yet Eric is obviously struggling to cope … and I don’t much fancy finding him slumped over the kitchen chair in a drunken stupor.

 “N-no, I couldn’t ask you to … do that. You … you’ve been such a great help already … and you have a life of your own to … lead.”

 “Do I?” I sigh. “Apart from work?”

 “Well ….”

 “I thought not.”   

 He gives me a soft smile. “You … need to go talk to him.”

 “Pardon?”

 “Ronnie -.”

 “When did I mention him?”

 “Well … you didn’t … but your life was more than just … work before he left. Would it – ohh.” Eric must have stirred a little in his sleep, for Alan is pulled down, held against him.

 “Nghh ….” Eric mumbles in his sleep. “Al … yer … need tae … sleep.”

 “So do you.” Alan giggles softly – he might just let Ronald drop. “You need to … speak to him though, William. It might help to cheer you up a bit.” No such luck …. “Hmm … you seem so … miserable.”

 My eyes narrow. “I am fine without him, thank you.”

 He nods against Eric. “Okay … I’ll be quiet.” He sighs. “It … would be nice if you came over, I suppose, if … you haven’t got anything else on. Eric does need his sleep.”

 “Yes … gladly.” As long as no one dares bring Ronald into this again ....

\----------------------------

***Friday 19th January***

***11.03am***

 Alan spent much of yesterday evening being sick, and by the time I left … he was barely conscious. He –

 Oh … my mobile phone is going off. I pull it out, seeing Eric’s name on the caller ID. Oh Lord … what has happened? I quickly accept the call, put it up to my ear. “Hel -.”

 “Get yerr arse here now!” He shouts down the phone.

 “What is wrong?”

 “Don’t play games! Ah know what yer did!”

 My brow furrows. He … sounds quite drunk, at this time of morning …. “And what would that be?”

 “Stop fucking with me! Get here NOW!”

 “I am at work -.”

 “Ah don’t care! Ah’ll drag yerr sorry arse here myself if ah have tae!”

 Rude ….

 “I would like to know what I apparently have done first.”

 “Ah … ah trusted yer, William, and yer play me like this?!” He begins to cry down the phone … and it peaks both my curiosity and worry. I mean, I don’t think I have done anything ‘wrong’. Did I maybe say something to upset Alan? No … I don’t think so. I tried my best to comfort him last night … when Eric was passed out on the couch … either from exhaustion or alcohol, I am still not sure …. “Ah … ah trusted yer.” He sounds pitiful, in all honesty.

 “Fine … fine, I am coming.”

\----------------------

 A letter is thrust into my hand upon arrival, Eric glaring at me, his hand clamped around another bottle of whiskey. He seems to be getting through at least one a day ….

 “Read it!”

 I do … quickly, my … my heart sinking. He has been summoned to a court hearing to discuss his absence from work … and Alan is to go with him. No wonder he is so angry …. “Oh ….”

 “Oh? Is that all yer can say?! Oh?!”

 “I can assure you that I had nothing to do with this.”

 “Don’t give me that shite! Look! It says my supervisor raised concerns about my absence!”

 I sigh loudly. “You have two supervisors, Slingby.”

 “Yer -.”

 “Why would I put in a complaint to the higher ups? I was the one to let you have the time off. Believe me … this is the first I have heard of this.”

 “Ah ….” His teeth grind together for just a moment. “Al … said it was O’Connell.”

 “Then you should have believed him. Why would I want you back at work?”

 “Because yer’re always fucking moaning about overtime!”

 “I can deal with the overtime. I, however, would not want to clean up the mess of you being back on duty, exhausting yourself further. We both know you’d probably end up getting yourself killed.”

 His expression softens a little. “So … so it really wasn’t yer?”

 “No, it wasn’t. I wouldn’t do that to … a friend.”

 “R-right.” He flops down onto the kitchen chair, begins to sob. “What … am ah … supposed tae do? Ah … ah cannae … just go back tae work. Al … needs me, William, he needs me!”

 “Well … I assume they will want to hear all sides in the hearing. I will probably receive a letter shortly asking for my attendance.” Or … more likely, the letter came to my house this morning … after I had already left for work.

 “So … yer’ll fight my corner?” He scoffs. “Is that what yer’re saying?”

 “Yes. In the meantime, you need to think of your own arguments.” I bend over, pry the bottle from his grip. “That means being sober, clear of mind, Eric.”

 “A-aye.” His empty hand clenches into a fist. “If … if ah see that bastard, ah … ah’m going tae fucking kill him!”

 “Yes … likewise.”

 I have always been cold with my workers … but doing this to one of them? Cruel. Utterly cruel. He doesn’t deserve the title of supervisor.

 Disgusting and heartless. That is what he is ….

 Heartless.


	193. Eric. Court.

***Tuesday 23rd January***

 “Y-yer ready tae go, Al?” I’ve got him changed, dressed us up nicely. I … I want to make a good impression. I’ve been trying to stay off the booze, like William said, form an argument. Bit hard though … when I have no idea what they’re even going to ask me.

 Grell told me to not go, not even give them the time of day, but I know better than to take her advice on things. I mean, I love her dearly as a mate … but she’s not exactly what I’d call rational ….

 “I … don’t w-want to go, Eric.”

 “Ah know, Al.” I sit down on the bed, rub his back through his suit coat. He looks so poorly, so drained. He can barely even move. His pain meds went up again two days ago … and I think it’s starting to mess with his head. “Ah don’t want tae go either … but we need tae get it out of the way.”

 “I … I feel s-so … ill today.”

 “It … it’ll be over quick.”

 “Y-you don’t know … that. Eric … what if I … I’m sick in the … courtroom?”

 “Ah’ll bring a bucket.”

\-----------------

 The handle of the bucket is wrapped over the crease in my elbow as I pick him up, hold him against me. “God, Al … yer’re really shivering.”

 “Fr-freezing.” He … he really doesn’t want to go. I understand. I don’t want to put him through this either … but what choice do we have?

 “Ah’ll bring a blanket too, okay?”

 “Th-that won’t … l-look good ….”

 “Ah don’t care, Al, ah’m not letting yer freeze in there.” A … a courtroom is bound to be cold.

 “N-no ….”

 “Aye, alright ….”

\------------------------------

 “Grell, what’re yer doing here?” She’s sitting outside of the courtroom, next to William. As he said … he got a letter demanding that he turn up. This … this damn hearing, it’s getting in everyone’s way. “Yer weren’t summoned here, were yer?”

 “No, but I came along for moral support.” She grins at me.

 “But if O’Connell catches yer -.”

 “He already has. I told him to bite me.”

 “Ock, Grell -.”

 “What’s he going to do? He’s here today, not on duty.”

 “Aye … but that’s not going tae help our case, is it? We’re going tae look like right troublemakers.”

 “Oh … I didn’t think of that.”

 “No, yer didn’t.”

 “Th-thank … you for coming though.” Al says. “W-we … really appreciate it, d-don’t we, Eric?”

 “Oh … aye.”

 “You’re very welcome, Darlings.”

\----------------------------

 They let me and Al sit together, at least, but he really isn’t doing well. He’s shaking really badly, keeps dozing off. “Eric … I … I want to go h-home.” There are no members of prosecution or defence … just us lot and O’Connell, a judge and a small bunch of jury members.

 “Ah know, Al. Just hang on, okay?”

 The judge coughs loudly. “Mr Slingby, if we could have your full attention.”

 “Sorry.” Jeez ….

\--------------------

 These damn questions. We’re going over the same over and over again. Al’s getting cranky, just wants to go home, and I’m getting just as frustrated. “And there is no one else to look after him?” I’m asked. “We have heard rumours that you have a human acquaintance?”

 “No.” I grind my teeth together. “He’s back in the human world now.”

 “And what about Marie Wilkinson?” O’Connell butts in. He … he keeps doing that, and it’s driving me fucking mad. Is he even meant to be allowed to do that? “Doesn’t she work on the grounds of your home?” Where are they getting this fucking information?!

 “Aye, exactly,” I hiss at him. “She just works in our shed. Doesn’t have a lot tae do with us personally.”

 “But she could go check on him, couldn’t she?” The judge asks. “She has been interviewed and she has stated that she has visited your house on occasion.”

 “That was just tae bring Alan flowers.”

 “Well -.”

 “Look, Alan needs fulltime care, okay?” I lift him up onto my lap, pull his coat and shirt up. “Yer see this? He cannae eat on his own – do yer not see this fucking tube?!”

 “Hn.” O’Connell glares at me. “Then if that is the case, he needs to go to a hospice, doesn’t he? I’ve heard of a nice one at the Birmingham branch.”

 “N-no, ah … ah won’t do that tae him.” I hug Al tighter. “He … he’s got enough tubes in him. They’ll p-poke and prod him.” My eyes start turning wet. “Ah … cannae do that.”

 “It may -.”

 “Don’t yer have a heart?! All … all his life he’s served the association, been a grand reaper. Don’t yer think he deserves some respect? Why cannae yer just leave us in peace?!”

 “Mr Slingby -.”

 “He deserves better than this!”

 “Hn, I wouldn’t say he is a good reaper, just a reaper,” he mutters.

 Al hears it, must have, because he starts crying into my neck. That fucking – my blood starts to boil. “How dare yer! Show some damn respect! Yer’d be nothing without yerr workers!”

 “I … I just want to … g-go home,” Al whimpers.

 I pull him closer, the tears running down my cheeks. “We cannae go … home yet, Al.”

 “Now!”

 “Shhhh, Al, just calm down.” I can feel everyone’s eyes on us – why … why can’t they just mind their own business?

 “Oh, stop with the crocodile tears, would you?” O’Connell groans. Good, you fucking groan; you’re not ruining our lives! “No one is buying your attempt at garnering pity.”

 I glare over at him. “Bite me.”

 “I would advise you to treat me with respect. I am your superior.”

 “Hn, yer don’t deserve respect!”

 “Er-Eric, please, h-home -.”

 “Ah’ll never respect yer. Neither should anyone else here.” I look around the room, at the judge, the jury, at William. “Yer really want tae take his side in this, huh? If yer get sick, do yer think he’s going tae treat yer any different?” I shake my head, squeeze my eyes shut. “Where’s yerr humanity?”

 “You brought this on yourself, Slingby. You are a reaper, you have sinned. There is no excuse for skimping out on your duties.”

 “No bigger sinner than yer,” I hiss under my breath.

 “T-take me home!”

 The judge’s voice booms over us. “Enough!”

 Oh no, fucking no, I’m not done with him yet. “Ah don’t care what yer say or do! Ah’m not working for a spineless rat like yer! I’m not leaving him for work! Ah … ah’ll let us both fall on my scythe before that happens!”

 “Order!”

 “Ah’d rather die than leave him, yer got that?!”

 His lips turn up into a smirk. “Oh … that can be arranged.”

 “Be quiet!” The judge shouts again. “O’Connell, you will not threaten fellow reapers, do you understand?” He sighs deeply. “My Slingby, if you would please calm down, I have a few more questions.”

 I take a shaky breath – could just rip that cunt to ribbons! “A-aye.”

 Everything goes quiet for a minute, the judge thinking.

 “Home!” I flinch – Al hasn’t shouted that loudly since he was on that trial med ….

 “Al, ah cannae take yer -.”

 “Now! I … I want to go! Everyone – they … they’re so mean to us.”  

 “We won’t be here for much longer, so … just wait it out, okay?”

 “No!” He tries to wriggle out of my grip, but I hold him still. “Come on, enough crying. We … we’ll be out of here a lot sooner if yer just settle down.”

 “I want – my … my head really hurts.”

 “Enough!” The judge again …. “I think it best we take a short break. Court shall be dismissed for twenty minutes.”

 “But Sir,” O’Connell opens his fat gob again, “we all have work to get back to. I don’t have the time to -.”

 “You should have thought of that before you went about trying to get a rise out of both of them. Dismissed!”

\---------------------------------

 “Oh … oh, my poor little darling, whatever have they done to you?” Grell asks as I pass Al over to her, let her cuddle him.

 “H-home.” He whimpers. “C-cold.”

 The judge comes out of the courtroom, walks over to us. The way he’s looking at us is anything but comforting. “Eh … sorry about that.” Pfft … how lame do I sound right now …?

 “I think it best he goes home. He is causing too much disruption in my courtroom.”

 “B-but he cannae help it – it’s not his fault.”

 “I am aware of that.”

 “You will not need him for the remainder of the hearing?” William asks.

 “No. The jury has been able to have a good look at him, I am sure.”

 “I see.”

 “Did you hear that, Dear?” Grell smiles. “I’m going to take you home, get you back to your nice, warm bed. Eric, does he need some painkillers?”

 I glance at my watch. “Aye … he’s about due. Ah … should come with yer – his dose has gone up since yer came over last.”

 “Don’t be late back,” the judge warns.

 “No … no, ah won’t.”

\------------------------------

 I gave him his painkillers, got back here with time to spare. We … we’re just about to go back into the room. “It’s not looking good, is it?” I glance over at William.

 “No … though I think you garnered some sympathy from the judge.”

 “Yer think?”

 “He let Alan go home, didn’t he?”

 “Aye … because he was kicking up a fuss.”

 “No … I don’t think so. I think there was some genuine caring there.”

 “We’re still fucking doomed ….”

 “They haven’t heard my arguments yet.”

 “Pfft, aye, that’ll really help ….”

 “I have something up my sleeve, trust me.”

 “Yer do? W-what is it?”

 The courtroom doors open again, and he walks off in front of me. “Just wait and see.”

 “Aye … right ….” Hn … that really doesn’t fill me with hope ….


	194. William. Court-royale.

 I stand up, clear my throat. It is time to make my statement. “I would like to request no interruptions while I have my say. I am sure we all just wish to get out of here.”

 “Request accepted,” the judge says, glancing over at O’Connell. He is obviously not very happy with him at the moment. “Go ahead.”

 “O’Connell likes to think that he knows his workers, but he does not. I have been supervisor here for well over a century; I know them more than he ever could. He may not have known Humphries for long before he became ill, but I did, and honestly, I can tell you that he was one of my best workers. He carried on with his duties well into his illness, and wished to do more even when I dismissed him.”

 “So, what are you saying?” The judge asks.

 “Humphries deserves respect, does he not? Do our trusted employees not deserve end of life care? For years, we have prided ourselves on being ahead of humans, but even they can give respect to the dying. What is our excuse?”

 I hear some members of the jury murmur to themselves. I think my point has gotten across.

 “Yes … thank you.” The judge nods. “Is that all?”

 “No. You see, we are trying … to keep Humphries alive for as long as possible.”

 “Why is that?” He frowns.

 “We … think that there is a cure out there somewhere.”

 “Pfft, are you crazy?” O’Connell laughs. “There isn’t a cure, you -.”

 “Be quiet, O’Connell. You have already had your say.”

 “B-but -.”

 “But nothing!” He really is becoming miffed …. “Spears, please, carry on?”

 “We have a friend, Othello Grainger, who is trying to get in contact with a friend of his who works as a doctor.”

 “Trying?”

 “Yes, this friend doesn’t live in the country. Getting a response is proving quite tricky.”

 “The doctors over here won’t agree to help?”

 “They have closed down their trials, aren’t even willing to pay for Humphries’ end of life care. And … Grainger cannot look over the medical findings as he is not a doctor.”

 “Because of confidentiality, yes. But tell me … what does this have to do with Slingby’s case?”

 “We are playing a waiting game at present, and honestly, I think if you take away Humphries’ pillar of support, he will not last long enough for us to find a cure.”

 “He’s a dead man walking!” O’Connell shouts. “You idiot!”

 “Shut the fuck up!” Eric screams.

 “Oh … for goodness sake, stop bickering.” The judge huffs loudly. “You aren’t little children, so stop acting like it.”

 “All I am trying to say,” I hope to not be interrupted, “is that a cure may be out there. And all I ask is that you give us a chance here. Think about it – anyone in this room could fall victim to this illness. Imagine a world where The Thorns doesn’t automatic mean a death sentence. That is all I have to say,” I sit back down. “Thank you.”

\---------------------------------------------

 “Shite … oh, shite ….” Me and Eric walk out of the building. We have just heard the verdict from the jury – it did not take long for them to come to a decision. “Ah … ah cannae believe this.” The colour has all but drained from his face, from the stress, I believe.

 We won the case … by a landslide.

 “Yer … yer actually did it. Ah thought, shite, ah thought we were doomed.” I’m swamped by a hug, squeezed tightly. “Th-thank yer.”

 “Um … you are welcome. Y-you can stop hugging me now.”

 “Oh ….” He pulls away from me. “Sorry.”

 “You!”

 I swing around in the direction of the shout, see O’Connell approaching. The joys ….

 “You are a disgrace!” He comes right up to me, and I am showered in flecks of saliva. Lovely …. “I thought you were better than this, Spears, but you’ve turned soft. Pathetic!”

 “Someone is bitter, I see.”

 “Oh, don’t act all high and mighty. You wouldn’t have cared if your friends weren’t involved.”

 “You lost fair and square. Deal with it.”

 “I … I will have you demoted, William! You aren’t capable of being a supervisor. After all, I wouldn’t have taken over from you -.”

 “You did not take over from me. You were to assist me, run the branch while I was away from work. The higher ups decided that no reaper should have to work as many hours as I did. You managed to weasel your way in, that is all.”

 “No, that isn’t true at all. They knew you weren’t up to scratch. You aren’t the man you used to be, Spears, and I used to look up to you. What a mistake that was.”

 “Oh dear, I created a monster.”

 “Shut up! I will have you out of a job! You have been nothing but a pathetic waste of space since that human came into your life, and -.”

 My fist collides with his gut, knocks the wind right out of him. How … how dare he bring Ronald into this! How dare that man reference him at all! “I will have you fired, O’Connell, mark my words. I will compile a list of complaints against you, which there are many, I am sure. You will be out on your arse; I can promise you that.”

 I go to strike him again, but Eric grabs my wrist. “He … he’s not worth it, William. Come on, we shouldn’t waste our time with him. We’ll tell Al the good news, okay?”

 “Yes … yes, fine.” Though I really would like to beat that sorry excuse for a reaper to a pulp ….

\----------------------------

 “Al, Al, we won!” Eric sits down on the bed next to him. “Ah … ah don’t have tae leave yer.”

 “R-really?”

 “Aye. William really turned it around.”

 “O-okay.”

 “He isn’t feeling well at all,” Grell says, I think to explain why Alan isn’t excited by the news.

 “Hmm … dr-drained.”

 “Oh … Al.” Eric soothes his hair. “Ah’m so sorry ah had tae drag yer along with me.”

 “It … it’s not your fault … Eric.”

 “A-aye. Have yer … been sick?”

 “Y-yes … a few times since … I got back. It … it’s okay … because I … I did manage to sleep for … a little bit. Cuddle?”

 “Aye, of course.”

 Alan shuts his eyes. “Th-thank … you, William … for sticking up for us.”

 “It … is fine, really.”

 “No, he’s right,” Eric says, “we really appreciate it.”

 “Mmm.” Grell smiles up at me. “Such a sweetie at heart, aren’t you, Darling?”

 “Umm, no … but you are very welcome.” A sweetie? No … I think not ….


	195. William. The end.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, I found out during the court chapters that we don't use gavels in the UK. Odd. So I had to rewrite the first court chapter. What a pain ....

***Saturday 27th January***

 I have begun to reach out for complaints and comments on O’Connell … but our happiness after the trial was short-lived. Two days after the court case, Alan began to experience pain in his arm, the one with the PICC line. Eric, bewildered by the strange symptom, took Alan to the hospital. Alan, obviously, did not want to go, and by the time he finally managed to get him there, the stress had gotten to him.

 One of the tubes of the PICC line had broken, was rubbing up against his vein wall. Needless to say, on hearing the news, Eric broke down. He was frantic, worried that Alan’s vein would rupture. Thankfully, the hospital was able to remove the old PICC line, put a new one in without complications.

 But it left Eric with a hefty hospital bill … and in all honesty, I think it … broke his spirit. I found him inebriated on the couch that evening. I … I keep telling him to put the drink down, to just stop, but he isn’t listening to me.

 I … I have to face it – he is a broken man.

\-------------------------

***Sunday 28th January*** 

 Alan began to wheeze yesterday evening, felt short of breath. I stayed the night so that Eric could get a decent amount of sleep … but that was not to be. His breathing got worse … and by six o’clock this morning … it became so bad that we had to rush him to the hospital.

 He has an oxygen mask pressed over his mouth and nose now. Another hefty bill … and the obvious news from the doctors that this illness is starting to destroy the tissue of his lungs.

 He may be here … until tonight … or even overnight; we haven’t a clue.

\---------------------------

 “I’m here,” Othello rushes into the room. I phoned him a little while ago, caught him at a bad time, it seems. He told me that he had been sleeping, as he hadn’t slept throughout the night. He’s been doing that a lot, staying up all night trying to dredge up any information on where his doctor friend might be. Just a few days ago … he found out that the doctor isn’t actually in America currently. He has been travelling the globe, teaching new medical practices.

 It explains why Othello couldn’t get a hold of him … but it came as quite the blow; really, not a chance in hell that Othello will find him in time ….

 His hair is a mess, and he is still clad in his pyjamas. He produces a notepad and pen, wishes to take as many notes as possible on how Alan’s illness is progressing. It will prove useful, he thinks, to have as much information as possible on hand in case he does find a way to contact his friend.

 I begin to explain to him all that has happened, tell him that it has spread further across his face.

 Eric cannot do it – he is too busy sobbing … has been since Alan was admitted.

 It is rather saddening … in all honesty. Alan keeps pulling his mask away, only to start wheezing and coughing again. And … every time, Eric shushes him … tells him to rest through his own hitching breath. It must be quite awful for Alan … to not even be able to communicate properly now.

 I feel for them both, I really do ….

\-----------------------------

***Wednesday 31st January***

 Alan was discharged on the Monday morning, oxygen mask and canister brought with him, as well as medication to help open up the airways; all paid for out of their savings. It isn’t pleasant when he vomits, as Eric has to take the mask away …. He really struggles to get sufficient air without it.  

 He was not home for more than … I would say a few hours … before the nosebleeds started. And … they do not seem to be stopping, the blood a gunky … sticky, black mess.

 And now … a new symptom. Alan began to sweat an hour or so ago, and Eric, thinking it was a cold sweat, felt his forehead. He was boiling to the touch ….

 Othello ports into the room, looks mortified. “A fever? Are … you sure?”

 Eric slams his bottle of rum down on the nightstand. “Of course ah’m sure!”

 He gulps. “Y-you know … what this means, d-don’t you? The fever phrase -.”

 “Aye, ah know! Y-yer’re … too late!” He begins to cry. “Too fucking late!”

 Yes … we all know what this means. Anyone who has done even the slightest bit of research knows … about the fever stage of The Thorns.

 The final stage, the curtain closure ….

 Most … inflicted reapers do not … even make it to this stage, passing long before then ….

 It … it a blow to all of us, a tough pill to swallow.

 This … this truly is the end ….


	196. Grell. Breaking up.

***Wednesday 31st January***

***5.33pm***

 “Olly!” I nudge him, really want to throttle him. He should be researching, not lying in bed! “Get up!”

 “G-Grell … leave me be, I’m tired.”

 “You -.”

 “Please … I didn’t sleep … last night again.”

 “I don’t care!” I yank the covers back, grab the top of his arm. “Up!”

 “Nghh ….”

 “You haven’t got time to – Alan’s really sick!”

 “Th-the fever stage ….” He mumbles. “Y-yes … I know.”

 “Y-you knew? You knew?! And you did nothing?! Y-you just went to bed?! You’re so selfish!” I drag him out of bed. “How can you sleep when our friend is dying?!”

 “Th-there’s nothing I can do – I’m too late -.”

 “Don’t you dare talk like that! You’ll find your little friend and cure Alan, do you understand me?! No more excuses!”

\----------------------------------

***8.57pm***

 “What do you mean no?!” It’s like he doesn’t even care!

 “I … I’m not a miracle worker, Grell.” He shuts his laptop. “I … I’ve tried my best, but -.”

 “Then find someone else! Find another doctor!”

 “It … it’s not that simple.”

 “Why not?!”

 “It’s risky. If … a doctor, who isn’t part of a medical trial, tries something on Alan … and it goes wrong, they’re liable. They’re putting themselves on the line.” He gulps. “No one would be willing to help me … out apart from this friend of mine.”

 “Hn.”

 “Look, Grell … I’m sorry, but I’ve exhausted every resource at my disposal.”

 My hand slams down on the table. “Stop it! You’re full of excuses! Don’t you even care?!”

 “Of … of course I care.”

 “Then fix him!”

 “I … I can’t – I don’t have all the answers -.”

 “I hate you!” My hand slaps backwards across his cheek. “You’re useless, Othello!”

 He stares up at me, hand going to his face. “G-Grell ….”

 Oh … shit. He’s crying …. “Olly, I ….”

 He shoots up from the table, starts to sob. “I … I’m done, Grell.”

 “No, Olly, I didn’t mean it. Y-you know how I get when I’m upset -.”

 “You … you’ve been like this for w-weeks now, pressuring me, yelling at me.”

 My teeth scrape against my bottom lip. “Because I’m scared sick about Al -.”

 “What about me?!” He hugs at himself. “What … about how I’m feeling?”

 “But Alan -.”

 “See! You … don’t care about me. Y-you … don’t hug me … or kiss me anymore – all … all you do is shout.”

 “Olly -.”

 “I … I just can’t do it anymore; I can’t deal with you.”

 “Don’t be like that -.”

 “I haven’t done anything wrong! I’m done!”

 He ports out of sight.

 Oh … oh, what have I done?

 He … he’s just broken up with me? No, no, he wouldn’t –

 Olly ….

\---------------------------------

***9.32pm***

 “He did seem under a lot of stress,” Willy says.

 “I … I pushed him away … and … and now he’s gone!” I tug on the ends of my hair. “Eric, Darling, I … I’m so sorry!”

 “Don’t … worry yerself.” He’s drunk, so drunk – he must be, wouldn’t be accepting it if he wasn’t. “We … we were too l-late anyway. It … it’s not his fault.”

 “Grell, these are testing times, and I know you meant well,” Willy says, “but … there’s no point in piling all the pressure onto one man. You should try to mend the relationship. Apologise, maybe?”

 I shake my head. “I … I tried to find him … b-but I couldn’t! He’s gone! He … he hates me!”

 “Give him a little time.”

 “N-no … I … I hurt his feelings. He’s sensitive, my Olly, he … can’t stand being shouted at.”

 “Forget about him for now.” Eric pulls the covers back on the bed. “Get in, Lass, ah think yer need a cuddle.”

 “Y-you’re not angry with me?”

 “No … it’s not yerr fault.” He wipes a few stray tears from his cheeks. “We … we’ve tried everything … but ….” He glances over at Alan; he’s sleeping like a little angel. “But what else can we do? Ah … ah don’t think we c-can fix this.”

 “Oh … Darling.” I rush over to him, climb into bed and cuddle him. And … and all we can do is cry.

 Poor … Willy. He must feel so awkward … right now, stuck in the middle of this … whole mess. 

 What an awful mess it is ….


	197. William. Too makes two.

***Tuesday 6th February***   

 “You need your sleep, Eric.” Alan has started to cough up … that same gunky mess as was coming out of his nose, has been for the past two days. Eric … he was been awake for even longer. God only knows how … he hasn’t passed out yet, with the amount of alcohol coursing through his system.

 “Ah … ah cannae leave him!” He sobs, all but screams at me. Alan is clamped tightly in his arms … but he is unaware. Asleep; has been since last night.

 “You -.”

 “N-no.” He looks up at me, tears streaming down his face. “Wh-what … if today’s … the day? Ah … ah cannae sleep – ah have tae be here for him! Wh-what … if ah miss the … ch-chance tae say goodbye?”

 “You cannot just stay awake -.”

 “He’ll hate me!” He squeezes his eyes shut. “If … if he has tae … go through it … on his own, he’ll fucking hate me.”

 “Well … for now -.”

 “He’s what? Hanging on?!”

 My stomach twists. “Yes ….”

 “Ah … ah have tae be here, h-hold him.” Alan is pulled closer. “Sl-sleep can wait.”

 I am not going to win this one …. “Alright. Can I bring you some food?”

 “Another bottle of whiskey.”

 “Eric, come now -.”

 “Don’t! Don’t lecture me!”

 “Eric -.”

 “Y-yer … yer don’t understand! Ah … ah need something -.”

 “Drinking yourself into oblivion isn’t going to help -.”

 “Nothing will help! In case yer haven’t noticed, the love of my life is dying! Yer … yer might be able tae move on from someone yer loved, but ah can’t! Ah care too much!”

 “I see.” I turn away from him. “And I care not enough. Understood.”

 “William ….” Something in my voice must have … made it plain as day that his words wounded me. “Ah … ah ….”

 “Forget about it. I shall bring you a glass of water. Nothing else.”

 “Aye … thank yer.”

\------------------------------------

***Wednesday 7th February***

 The fifth day hit, and Eric couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer. I decided to take him to the guest bedroom, just … so that he could have some peace. I … I didn’t want Alan’s coughing, hacking … his cries … of pain to wake him up. He needs a good rest.

 Though … he was quite hard to carry, heavy.

 And … something is amiss. I … I cannot put my finger on it, but Eric … seems off somehow. And … yes, I know, I know he is in pain … and his heart is breaking … but that isn’t it. It isn’t ….

 I … I just don’t know ….

 Alan stirs, and … I feel a weak tugging on my shirt. A raspy breath, barely audible. “Er-Eric?”

 “No, he is sleeping at present.”

 He starts to cough, wheeze, and shake. And … I reach over, pull on the tubing of the oxygen mask a little to gain some leverage. And … as I lift him up onto my lap, for goodness knows why, to comfort him, I suppose, he calls for Eric again.

 It is so pitiful … the way he has fallen from what he was – no fault of his own, of course … but it saddens me.

 I can tell that he is getting upset, restless. “Alan, Alan, listen to me. Eric is sleeping.”

 “I … I n-need h-him.” He leans into me, starts to cry. “B-but … he doesn’t … need this. D-doesn’t … n-need this stress.”

 “Don’t start blaming yourself, Alan.” I hold him tighter. “Okay?”

 “Th-the … drinking, it … it’s not him – I -.”

 “That is his decision, Alan. He is a grown man.”

 “N-no, he wouldn’t b-be … like this if – I … I’ll let h-him sleep. Stay … h-here?”

 “Yes, of – are you alright?” I can feel him heaving. And then I hear him gagging. The mask is pulled away just … in time … for vomit and that … gunk to splash against my shirt.

 “I … I am s-so … sorry,” his crying gets worse.

 “No, no, I know you cannot help it.”

 “At … at l-least … Eric doesn’t … h-have to deal … with this – one … l-less mess for … him to clean u-up. I … I didn’t mean -.”

 “No, you are right. And when I agreed to help out, that included the messes.”

 He tries to giggle, but wheezes, grabs the mask from me. After a few deep breaths, it eases, and he relaxes against me. “I … I miss the days wh-when … breathing – when … I … I didn’t have to … think about it.”

 I don’t have a reply for that … don’t know what that feels like. I know the feeling of … a dying breath … but not breath which is stripped away slowly, painfully, until you can only gasp …. “Let’s get us both cleaned up.”

 “B-both? Y-you’re the one … I got it … all over.”

 “And so you decide to lie in it all?”

 “Oh … oh, g-good point.”

\-------------------------------

 Alan is fast asleep again … cannot stay awake for more than, I would say, half an hour?

 I hear a cough, turn to look at Alan again – it … it isn’t him? No … it is coming ….

 The guestroom ….

 The … the guestroom?!

 Eric –

 Oh … Jesus Christ, not him too!

 I scramble out of bed, rush to the guestroom.

 This … this is the last thing we need ….

 The … the last thing Alan needs ….

 Christ!


	198. William. The collection.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh.

 “You don’t know? How could you not know?!”

 Eric’s staring at me with wide eyes, hand over his mouth. “Because this is the first time, alright? Ah … ah mean, ah’ve … been feeling under the weather for weeks, b-but this is the first time ah’ve coughed.”

 Not just a cough … a deep hacking. That … that sound I know all too well ….

 “You … you really didn’t know ….”

 “No ….” He chuckles … which surprises me. I would be doing anything but laughing …. “Ah just thought it was the booze knocking me about.”

 “I … I see. Umm … condolences -.”

 “Are yer mad?”

 “Pardon?”

 “Cannae yer see that this is a good thing?”

 Has he lost his – “What?”

 “Ah … ah don’t need tae … live without him. Not … for long, anyway.”

 “But to … accept death so easily -.”

 “Ah can … accept my own death a lot easier than his. It … it’s just better this way.”

 “B-but … you cannot just let -.”

 “Why not? Ah’ve been dying a little on the inside since he got sick.”

 “Well -.”

 “Haven’t yer?”

 “H-haven’t I what?”

 “Been dying a wee bit on the inside since Ronnie went away?” He shrugs, looks away. “That’s why yer’ve been here so much, isn’t it? Yer’re lonely?”

 “We all get lonely at times, but I don’t see what that has to do with you -.”

 “It doesn’t, ah guess. Ah’m … just saying, ah cannae live without him. Ah’m glad it’s come tae this.”

 I … I don’t know what shocks me more: the news of his illness … or his complete lack of caring …. “Y-you … should try to find a cure, for yourself, for him.”

 “What good would it do? Aye … ah might be able tae save myself, but Al? No, no … chance.”

 “Eric, would you listen to yourself -.”

 “What did yer think would happen, William? Al … would die and … ah … ah’d just carry on? Yer know ah … ah cannae do that. Ah’d … have found a way tae -.”

 “Oh, for goodness -.”

 “It’s true! Demon attack, falling on my own scythe -.”

 “No -.”

 “Ah’d be following him there in one way or another. Cannae yer see that? Ah … ah’m glad ah’m going tae go like this. And … and ah’ll finally know, what he’s been through, the pain he’s felt. Besides … the medical tests, obviously.”

 “Why … why would you want to die like that?”

 “Why would ah want tae live without him? How can ah?”

 I let out a shaky breath, sit down on the bed. I … I cannot believe – “how … how did this even happen?”

 “Which?”

 “The Thorns! H-how did – Christ ….”

 “Ah … think it was just before yer put me on leave, yer know, when ah wasn’t sleeping. But then … ah never sleep anymore.”

 “I … I should have put you on leave sooner.”

 He sighs. “Like I said, William, ah wouldn’t have been sticking around anyway.”

 I put my face in my hands. “How … how can you be so calm …?”

 “Maybe it … hasn’t sunk in yet.”

 “Right …. How … are you going to tell Alan? When?”

 “Ah … ah don’t think ah will.”

 “You are kidding me, aren’t you? After how much it hurt you for him not to tell you -.”

 “Aye … but he’s so sick; ah don’t want tae make him sad too. Just let him have some peace, aye?”

 “He thinks you are going to find someone else ….”

 “Heh … no, he doesn’t. He can try and tell himself that, but he knows the truth.”

 “I … I see.”

 “Are yer going tae blab tae him then?”

 “No … I am not going to meddle in your relationship. But -.”

 “How is he?” He cuts me off. Point taken ….

 “He woke up for a little while, was sick … but he’s asleep again now. I am surprised that you didn’t shout at me for bringing you in here, for not waking you up.”

 “No … yer’d have woken me up if … if something went wrong. And ah … do feel better for it.”

 “I see. If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to go home?”

 “Yer alright?”

 “I am fine.” No … not at all. I … I am going to lose another friend, and then … when Grell finds out – no … I don’t want to think about it.

 “Aye, alright.”

 And … I … I cannot believe Eric’s reaction to all of this.

 I … cannot tell if he is actually calm, or just delusional.

 Probably more so … in denial ….

\-------------------------------------------------

***Thursday 8th February***

***4.59pm***

 Last night was … rough, to say the least. I didn’t sleep a wink, couldn’t.

 My mind was on Eric … on what he is going to go through. And … dammit, my mind kept wandering to Ronald, to how he is doing, wondering if I did the right thing ….

 I … I miss him so much ….

 He caused me so much stress, but that smile of his ….

 Dammit ….

 Lonely … so lonely ….

 Yet … I don’t even have it in me to go to Alan’s tonight. I am just going to go home and go to bed … attempt to sleep off these feelings.

 And thank goodness, it is time for me to leave. I should not have even been in work today (Thursdays are my off days), but I had to come in to cover … my sick friends. No … I chose to be the one to cover them ….

 It was guilt, even more guilt now.

 I grab my coat, open the door and rush –

 “Ack!” I knock into someone, casefiles flying everywhere.

 “Sorry, I didn’t mean -.”

 “No, no, it’s okay.” Mr Peters bends down to pick them up, and my heart aches. He looks so much like Alan, only ginger ….

 Such a large pile of assignments …. “Are those casefiles all yours?”

 “Heh, yep! O’Connell is really kicking my butt since he lost that court case. Oh … you asked for complaints, didn’t you?”

 “I have more than enough by now, but feel free to submit one to me also.”

 “He’s going to get the sack?”

 “Hopefully.”

 “Oh … thank God. He’s a real bully.”

 “I can see that. Would you like me to take a few of those assignments for you?” Peters is a good man … and I cannot stand the thought of someone else being overworked … catching The Thorns.

 “Oh, no, O’Connell will -.”

 “Forget about him.”

 “Oh … well, you can have this one.” He hands me a file. “It’s a prison suicide … and well, prisons give me the creeps.”

 Normally … I would make a snide comment about being scared of a location … but … “fine by me.”

 “Thanks – oh … but I don’t think this collection is until about midnight.”

 “Oh, it is a pre-planned death. I see.”

 “And you’re leaving work now, right?”

 “Doesn’t matter. I can go home for a little while and then return here.”

 “Oh … okay, thank you.”

\------------------------

 I … I made the mistake of glancing at … the casefile before … leaving the branch.

 Arthur Knox … Ronald’s father.

 Christ!

 Prison … prison?!

 I pace around the living room … heart racing.

 I … I just don’t understand ….

 How did this happen?

 Jesus!

 Lord … what have I done …?

 What have I done …?


	199. William. He will pay.

***9.07pm***

 I … I need to calm down. Just … just because this man is in prison, it … it doesn’t mean Ronald was involved. It … it could be anything ….

 Yes … anything ….  

\-------------------------

***Friday 9th February***

***12.01am***

 No … no, this … this isn’t right. There is someone else in the cell with him … and he just let him – he … he is a paedophile … has to be. Christ ….

 I … I cannot delay this … any longer.

 I gulp.

 Pull it together, William, you have a job to do.

 You … you don’t have a choice. Stop … stalling.   

 Stop!

 You coward!

\---------------------------

 He … he sold him off. How … how – monster! He … he –

 And … oh Lord, I … I sent him back there, sent him back to that wretch!

 The record moves on, and my stomach rolls over. I … I know this house, the decor, the grime ….

 No … no, he … he wouldn’t. Not to his own son ….

 But … I, God, I can hear the cries and whimpers coming from Ronald. And … I know what is to come ….

 He … pounces – I … I have to look away, but … the … the screams, the sobs, they … they ring in my ears.

 The tears creep in, fall from my eyes. I … I cannot believe – how … how could someone do such a thing?!

 The bile rises in my stomach, but I swallow it back down, force it down. The nausea is overwhelming.

 And … I sent … him back there, put Ronald in … in harm’s way.

 I … I am a monster ….

 A disgrace.

\-------------------------------

 My legs crumple from under me. It … it is guilt, the weight of my guilt, holding me down. As … as soon as he gets Ronald alone, he attacks. A … a punch to the gut.

 And now he’s back … back for more.

 R-Ronald, he … he is terrified. A … a fist comes down on him, and … he … he cries out. He grabs a hold of Ronald. A … another fist is slammed … into his side. Something cracks.

 More … tears fall.

 He … he’s crying, begging … him to stop. Pleading, apologising … it all falls on deaf ears.

 I … I want to look away, want to … cover my ears, do anything but watch, listen.

 B-but no … I … I have to see, deserve to see … where my decisions have led.

 I deserve to go through hell with him.

 I … I watch in horror … as the belt comes down, again … and again, on soft flesh, tears it up. Brutal … so, so brutal.

 The belt is dropped to the floor – oh … Lord, please … please let this be the end of it. I cannot –

 N-no, not … not again, anything but –

 The bile rises again. I look away, have to – I … I can’t see him being violated again.

 B-but … the sounds, they … they paint a picture in my mind.

 It’s scarred in – I can’t un-see what I have … already seen, know exactly wh-what … disgusting thing is happening … before me in this record.

 That … that bastard!

 A bitter laugh slips past my lips.

 He … he thinks he’s escaped justice?! Escaped what the men in prison do to those who fiddle with children?

 Oh … no, no, he hasn’t escaped, no.

 Foolish … foolish wretch.

 By the time I am done with him, he will be praying to be back in prison.

 Ronald, mark my words, I will make him pay.

 I will make him pay.


	200. Ronald. News.

***Thursday 8th February***

 Things have been going well, for the most part. George has been helping me a tonne with my studies, and I’m really getting along pretty far with it. Could be getting that tutor any day now.

 Grandma found out about me and Jay, and the first thing she said was “don’t get aids.”

 Jay was pretty upset about that, thought it was a homophobic slur or something. But he did calm down when I explained what happened to her brother, that she didn’t say it out of nastiness, but concern.

 So yeah, that’s all sorted now, and everyone knows we’re together, everyone is cool with it.

 Mom’s been a little snappy recently – I tried to bring up George and well … she basically told me not to be so stupid. Haven’t mentioned it since, to anyone, not even Grandma.

 I think it’s just her hormones making her cranky, to be fair. She’s been super tired lately and stuff.

 And fuck … shit went down on Tuesday night. Turns out Arthur … on top of all the shit he’s put us through, was cheating on Mom with another woman.

 This crazy bitch turned up, pregnant, about to have the baby even, and jeez, she started yelling at us, screaming about how she wanted to see Arthur.

 And Grandma told her straight that he was in prison, pulled no punches when telling her all the shit he’s done.

 And then this crazy fucking cunt started on Mom, smacked her. So Mom … I think she snapped, punched her to the floor. This woman pulled out the pregnancy card … and Mom was just like “so am I, ya crazy slut.”

 The butler and a few members of staff at the house managed to pull her out of our place, and we called the police on her ass.

 Berserk … that night was, fucking berserk. At least we haven’t heard from her since. Thank fuck for that ….

 I’m staying at Jay’s tonight, have been most nights. Heh, his sex drive is just as high as mine. Last night, we couldn’t even wait to get upstairs, so he did me over the kitchen table. So hot. I wasn’t complaining.

 “Ohhh … pretty.” I lift up the dress, look at it. At least it’s not fucking pink this time.

 “Are you sure about this?” He asks me.

 “Jay, seriously, y’ worry too much.” It was kinda my idea to try the daddy kink stuff again. I didn’t mind it all that much last time, and meh, I guess I fancied something different.

 “Ronnie -.”

 “I’m dead sure, okay? I keep tellin’ y’ he isn’t my dad, so it’s not gonna bring up bad memories.”

 “Alright.”

 “Yeah, okay?”

 I get a kiss on the cheek. “Go get changed then, Babygirl.”

 Heh, alrighty then!

\-----------------------

***Friday 9th February***

***2.02am***

 Fuck … I can’t sleep tonight.

 Not because of the daddy kink stuff or anything like that. I really enjoyed that, still have the dress on – I dunno, makes me feel pretty, which is a really weird thing to think, but whatever.

 I nudge Jay in the side because he’s starting to snore; has had a bit of a cold on him the last few days – he doesn’t usually. And it’s all cool … he told me I could kick him or something if he started.

 I don’t know … what it is exactly, but … my nerves are shredded. Dread … yeah, dread, that’s the best way to describe it.

 And … it’s a crazy thing … but I think it has something to do with Will. Fuck knows why I think that … but something is wrong. Al … maybe, I dunno … but Will isn’t doing so good, for some reason, I know it. I can feel it ….

 Worst part is … I can’t even check on him, can’t see if it’s all in my mind or not.

 Pftt … but that’s his fault, not mine.

 Ugh, fuck him.

 I dunno why I’m even bothering to care.

 I … I have my own life now, without him.

 Y-yeah, yeah, my own life without him ….  

\---------------------------------------

***7.35am***

 Jay pulls up in front of my house. “You still want to come over tonight?”

 My brow furrows. “Yeah, why?”

 “You’ve been quiet all the way here.”

 “I’m jus’ tired. Didn’t ge’ much sleep.”

 “Something on your mind?”

 “No, babe, jus’ one of those nights when y’ can’t drop off.” I shouldn’t lie … but I don’t think he’d wanna hear about Will …. Not more than he already has, anyway.

 “Alright.” He kisses me on the cheek and then pulls away. “You get some sleep, and if you don’t feel up to coming tonight, just phone me.”

 I give him a wink. “Oh, I’ll be there.”

\-----------------------

 Uh … Mom has this look on her face, and I can’t tell what expression it is exactly, but it’s bad. I walk a little closer to her. “What’s up?”

 And she bursts into tears. Great …. “Mom?”

 “The police phoned this morning. Arthur … was found dead … this morning, in his cell. He ‘ung ‘imself.”

 “R-really? He’s dead?”

 “Yes.”

 “Alright,” I shrug. “Good riddance.”

 “Sweetie, we … we can talk -.”

 “Nah.”

 “Ronnie -.”

 “He means fuck all ta me, Mom, okay? I don’t need ta talk ‘bout it.”

 “But the trial -.”

 “I don’t care ‘bout tha trial. He’s dead, and there’s no bein’ released from where he’s gone. He’ll be burnin’ in hell, and that’s miles better – look, I’m fine.” Will taught me that heaven and hell are real – he’s gonna suffer.

 “Sweetie, please -.”

 “I’ve got nothin’ else ta say.” I turn away from her, walk to the doorway. “Jus’ forget ‘bout him. It’s better tha’ way.” I know I shouldn’t be happy, but I’m fucking ecstatic.

 The cunt’s dead.

 He can’t hurt us anymore.


	201. William. Let the torture begin.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know this is short but I didn't want this to be too gory. Same as with the rape scenes and stuff. Not tonnes of detail, not too harsh to read, but you'll get the picture.

***Friday 9th February***

***2.05am***

The cries he is making are pathetic, and it fills me with such glee, more than I can comprehend. I took him, not to the academy like I am supposed to, but straight to my house.  And then I tied him to a chair, waited for him to awake, to realise that there is no escaping justice for him. He won’t be going anywhere, can’t.

 He won’t be able to port for some time; it takes time, practice, concentration to master it.

 He is trapped here, trapped like the animal he is.  

 The room reeks of blood, the crimson liquid pooling on the floor under the chair. I have used every sharp instrument I could find in the house to inflict pain on him, and … every one of those objects is now thick with blood.

 He was so shocked to realise that the wounds inflicted couldn’t kill him, which only filled him with more terror. Delightful.

 But it isn’t enough … it isn’t –

 “I … I’m sorry, please!”

 I grab a hold of his face, nails digging into the flesh of his cheeks. “No, you are sorry you got caught.”

 “No, no, I -.”

 “Yes.” I pull away from him, smack him across the cheek. It makes the most wonderful sound.

 “Okay, okay, I hurt him!”

 “You molested him!”

 “Y-yes, b-but why -?”

 “Why am I going to make your days here a living hell?” The gulping sound he makes is like music to my ears. “Ronald meant everything to me, means everything to me! The suffering you put him through -.”

 “Ah … I see. He was too much of a bother for you to keep.”

 “I beg your pardon?!”

 “That’s why he isn’t here -.”

 “Shut up!” My hand finds the fire poker.

 “See, I – ah!”

 It’s driven in, and I twist it. “If I were you, I would keep my mouth shut.”

 “Nghh ….”

 “By the time I am done with you, you won’t be in a state to hurt anyone else.” I spit on his face, watch as it mixes with his newly formed tears.

 Good.

 The bastard will be doing more than crying and screaming by the time I am done with him.

 I cannot kill him, as much as I would love to. It is a crime punishable by death if the higher-ups were to find out that I had killed another reaper.

 And as … guilty as I feel for what I have done to Ronald, I am not going down with this monster. I refuse to.

 So … I will settle for the next best thing. I am going to torture him until his mind breaks, until he cannot form cognitive thoughts.

 I cannot slay this monster, but I can cut off its claws.

 “Nnn … uhhh ….”

 “Oh, be quiet.” I pull the weapon out, shove it back in, through his shoulder.

 “Ah!”

 “You bought this on yourself.”

 Let the fun continue.

\----------------------------

***7.49am***

 It is beginning to work; he is silent bar the cries and whimpers. His blood has soaked through my clothing. I can feel it on my skin, and it makes me feel revolting, like he has tainted me in some way. Disgusting, disgusting.

 And I am growing quite bored of … stabbing him, piercing him with sharp objects. I think maybe a little suffocation, or something of heat may prove satisfying.

 I kneel down in front of his chair, but he is too frightened to meet my gaze. Good.

 “Look at me.”

 “Nghh ….”

 “Look at me!” He does and I glare at him. He is frozen in my gaze. Good. “Do you understand now? The fear? What Ronald felt all of those years?”

 He makes a crying sound.

 “Do you?!”

 “Yes! I … I’m sorry! I’m sorry.”

 “Oh, you will be. You will be.”


	202. Ronald. Arguments.

***Friday 9th February***

***7.35pm***

 “Sweetie, please don’t go.”

 “Mom, drop it. Please?” She’s been going on and on all day, wanting me to open up and talk to her. Problem is … I really don’t have anything to say. I’m happy about it, and that’s it.

 I mean, I’ve tried to comfort her as best I can, but … after like twelve hours of being pestered about it, I really have had enough ….

 “But Ronnie -.”  

 I glance between her and Jay. “I’m goin’ ta Jay’s.”

 “No, no, I need ya ‘ere -.”

 “And I need some space.”

 “Sweetie -.”

 “Y’re pissin’ me off!”

 “Ronnie,” Jay touches my shoulder, “come on now -.”

 “No! Mom, why are y’ so upset?!”

 “I -.”

 “After all he did ta me, didn’t y’ want him dead?”

 “I … I don’t – things are just so ‘ard right now.”

 “I thought I meant eveythin’ ta y’!”

 “Ya do -.”

 “Jay, come on, we’re leavin’.”

 “Ronnie -.”

 “I don’t wanna hear it! Jay, come on.”

 He gives a quick apology before following me out. “Ronnie -.”

 “Jay, don’t, jus’ don’t.”

 “Okay. Do you want to go to Pizza Hut? Get something yummy?”

 “No … can we jus’ go ta y’s?”

 “Yeah, sure.”

\-----------------------------------------------

***9.07pm***

 “Ronnie?”

 “Wha’ is it, Jay?” I hug against the arm of the sofa.

 “Do you think you might have been -?”

 “A little hard on Mom?” I sigh.

 “Yeah.”

 “Yeah … I was, I guess.” I rub at my forehead. “And yeah, I feel bad ‘bout it. But … y’ dunno wha’ today’s been like.”

 “Then tell me.”

 “She jus’ kept goin’ on and on ‘bout him, kept tryin’ ta ge’ me ta open up. It jus’ got too much in tha end.”

 I feel his hand on my shoulder. “Well if you do need to talk -.”

 “Jay, I don’t, I really don’t. I’m glad he’s gone, okay? It’s like tha trial came early.”

 “Are you sure?”

 “Jay,” I turn to face him, give him a little smile, “I’d tell y’ if somethin’ was wrong. Y’ know tha’, right?”

 I’m pulled into a hug. “You have been very open and honest with me recently, yes.”

 “And this time isn’t any different, I promise y’ tha’. Trust me, I know tha’ lyin’ gets y’ nowhere. Took me a long time ta realise tha’, but y’ know.”

 “Then I won’t bring it up again, unless you need to get something off of your chest.”

 “Sounds like a plan.”

 “But … I do think you should phone your mom.”

 “Jay, when I go home tomorrow, I’m gonna apologise ta her. But … for tonight, I need my space. And … I think she needs time ta calm down.”

 “Alright, if you think that’s best.”

 “Defo. She’s so hormonal at tha minute.” I chuckle. “It’s a bit of a nightmare.”

 “I can imagine. Do you want to watch a film or something?”

 “Yeah, sure.”

\----------------------------------------

***10.15pm***

 “Do you want some food, babe?”

 “N-no.” He’s asked me that … like three times now. “I’m not hungry.”

 His fingers run through my hair. “You … look quite pale?”

 “Yeah … I’m not feelin’ so good – think I’ve caught y’ cold.”

 His hand moves to my forehead. “You’re burning up.”

 “Well I feel freezin’. Got tha cold shivers comin’.”

 “Shit, I’m really sorry.”

 “For wha’? Givin’ me y’ cold?”

 “W-well, yes -.”

 “Don’t be. I’m always gettin’ sick.”

 “Yes, I … have noticed that.”

 “Meh … shitty immune system.”

 “Should we head to bed?”

 “Nah … I’m kinda inta this movie.” 

\------------------------------

 “Here you go.” James has just come back into the room, hands me a hot water bottle and his dressing gown.

 “Thanks, babe.”

 “I could bring you a hot drink too, if you want?”

 “Heh … now that’s jus’ sappy.”

 “What can I say? I like taking care of you.”

 I grin up at him. “Y’re a real sweetie, y’ know tha’?”

 He chuckles. “Yes, I know.”

\-----------------------------

***11.30pm***

 We’re in bed now, his fingers running through my hair. So relaxing ….

 Sleepy … so sleepy ….

\-----------------------------

***Saturday 10th February***

***2.45am***

 “Nghh … is … it mornin’ already?”

 “No -.”

 “Then … why nudge me?” I roll over in bed. “Sleepy ….” And I feel … like shit.

 “Your Grandmother just phoned me -.”

 “Nah … would’ve … phoned me first.”

 “She tried, but -.”

 “Ngh … am I late for -?” Wait – it … it’s not morning yet. I shoot up in bed. “Wh-what’s happened?”

 “I don’t want you to panic, but -.”

 “Tell me!” Oh … oh shit, shit, did … did that crazy bitch break in? Hurt someone?!

 “Your mom … is in the hospital.”

 “Wha’?! Why?!”

 “She … she’s gone into labour.”

 “N-no … no!” Shit!

\-----------------------------

***6.33am***

 “Mom … Mom, I … I’m so sorry!” I rush over to the bed – fuck! It … it took the doctors so … so long to let us see her. Just … me, Jay, and Grandpa – Grandma and the little ones are at home still.

 She … she looks so tired, so drained. And … and the baby didn’t … survive.

 She gives me a tiny smile. “What for, sweetie?”

 “I … I yelled at y’, stressed y’ out, and … and now -.”

 “No, no, it wasn’t ya.” Her hand reaches up, palm patting against my head. “I stressed myself out.”

 “But -.”

 “Shhhh. It wasn’t ya, I promise.”

 “B-but tha baby -.”

 “I … I know, sweetie, I know.”

 I swallow down the lump in my throat. “H-how … how are y’ so calm?”

 A few tears leak from her eyes – fuck … my heart is breaking, all … all over again. “I … I’ve lost a … lot of babies, and … maybe I was expecting … it this time too.” She sniffs. “Maybe … it just wasn’t meant to be.”

 “N-no … no!”

 “Ronnie -.”

 “Why is it always tha babies, Mom? Why … why does this keep happenin’?”

 “I … I don’t know, sweetie, I don’t know.” A cry slips past her lips. “G-give ya mom a ‘ug, okay?”

 I do, squeeze her tightly. I … I can’t believe – shit! “Nghh … fuck … fuck!”

 “Shhh … shhh, it’ll … be okay, it’ll be okay.”

 “No, no – I’m so sorry, Mom.”

 “It’s noh ya, fault, I promise. Ya’ve done nothing wrong.”

 But – fuck! I … I’m never gonna shout at her again ….

\-----------------------

***8.46am***

 “B-but … I don’t wanna go home.”

 “Ya’re not well, Ronnie,” Grandpa says. I ended up blacking out not long back … from the stress … on top of the fever.

 “But -.”

 “Sweetie, I don’t think I’ll be in ‘ere for much longer, to be ‘onest.”

 “B-but … y’ … y’ could’ve died!”

 “No, I … wasn’t in a lot of danger. My body just ‘ad to … work through it.”

 “But … when I – it almost killed me!”

 She gives me a little smile. “Pregnancy isn’t as risky in girls, Ronnie.”

 I gulp. “O … okay.”

 “So go ‘ome and geh some rest, okay?”

 “Al-alright.”

\--------------------------

***9.50am***

 Jay called in sick ages ago … just so he could be there for me. He’s so good to me.

 We stopped off at a pharmacy on the way home, so he could get me some Paracetamol. He’s got them tucked in his pocket so I can’t take more than the dose, but he hasn’t said it out loud. He’s good like that, doesn’t bring up the problems I have unless something really needs to be said.

 Emma wanted to spend time with me when I got in … but Grandma told her to leave me alone. I’m guessing Grandpa phoned her after we left the hospital.  

 Jay climbs into bed with me; we’re in the room he normally sleeps in if he does stay over. The covers are tucked around me, and he cuddles me from behind. “How are you feeling?”

 “Like shit.”

 “You do know that none of this is your fault, don’t you?”

 I nod slowly against the pillow. “Y-yeah … deep down, I … I know she … probably would’ve lost tha baby no matter wha’ I did. But … I feel like shit for shoutin’ at her.”

 “Well … you apologised, like you said you would, and I don’t think your mom is mad at you. You made up, and no matter what has happened, that’s what counts, right?”

 “Yeah …. Y’re tha best, Jay.”

 He chuckles, holds me tighter. “Yeah, I know. Get some sleep, alright?”

 “Yeah, defo ….”


	203. Ronald. No such thing as ghosts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, sorry.

***7.07pm***

 Mom got home a couple of hours ago. The doctors checked her over, said she was alright to go home. Well … at least that’s what Jay told me – I’ve only just woken up.

 I still feel super unwell, but I’m going to her room to check on her now. Grandma wants her to rest for the next few days, and so do I. Part of me wants her to still be in the hospital, just so she’d have some more medical supervision. Guess I’m just super worried for her ….

 “Mom?” I knock on her bedroom door. “It okay if I come in?”

 “Of course it is.”

 The door is pushed open. She’s sitting up in bed, holding a magazine. “Y’ alright?”

 “Hmm, I’m okay. Just a bit sore and crampy. I’m more restless than anything.”

 “I bet … but y’ need ta rest.”

 “Ugh, ya sound like my mother.”

 “Mom -.”

 “I know, I know. I’d just rather be spending my time with the lil ones than being stuck up ‘ere on my own.” She smiles at me. “Fancy keeping me company?”

 “Yeah, yeah, of course.” I hurry over to the bed, get into it.

 “Aren’t ya gonna tell Jay? I don’t mind ‘im being in ‘ere too.”

 “He’ll follow me in in a bit, I bet. He knows I was comin’ ta see y’.”

 “Fair enough.” She pats my arm lightly. “Ya’re still looking poorly, sweetie.”

 “Yeah, I’m not feelin’ so great.”

 “Remind me to beat that Jay up for giving my lil boy ‘is cold.”

 “Hah, Mom!”

 “Hehe, no, I couldn’t do that. He’s so good to ya, such a sweetheart.”

 “Yeah, he really is.”

\--------------------------------------

***8.01pm***

 Jay came in a little while ago to check on me, said he was gonna go downstairs and rob a few of my donuts. Poor guy hadn’t eaten all day.

 Man … I’m about to nod off.

**Bang. Bang. Bang.**

 “What is that?” Mom groans. “I could ‘ear those damn bangs earlier on too.”

 “Umm … it’s George.”

 “Oh … noh again,” she sighs. “I already told ya that ghosts don’t exist.”

 “N-no, really, even Grandma said it was George makin’ those -.”

 “Ronald, enough! Ghosts don’t exist. Do ya understand me?”

 “I … I can prove it.”

 “No -.”

 “I … I know ‘bout Grandma’s brother dyin’ of aids! George told me. How could I know tha’?”

 She … she gives me a look – her expression has changed and I … I don’t like it. “Ya listen to me, Ronald. Ghosts don’t exist.”

 “Wh … why won’t y’ believe me?”

 “Because ya’re saying Arthur could come back as a ghost too, and I won’t stand for it. He’s gone, just like George, and that’s the end of it.”

 “But -.”

 “Why would I wanna think that he could come back and ‘urt us?!”

 “He won’t! George won’t let him!”

 “Enough! Enough of this stupid talk, okay? I don’t want another word of this crap coming out of ya mouth.”

 I gulp. “I … I should go check on Jay.” I scrambled out of bed. “Make sure he’s found tha donuts.”

 “Oh … Ronnie, don’t -.”

 “See y’.” No … no, Arthur … he … he couldn’t come back. George would – shit ….

 No … no ….

 Fuck ….


	204. Eric. Down to three.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I keep flicking back and forth between the 9th and 10th of Feb, but I wanted to show all different sides of things. Bear with me.

***Friday 9th February***

***2.03pm***

 Today … has been absolutely shite. Last night, William didn’t show up after work … and fuck, I realised how hard it is to take care of Al – turns out … when I’m sober, the physical pain is so much worse than I thought it was. The booze numbs it, definitely.

 And it seems like my Thorns are progressing a lot more quickly than his. No clue why. Stress, that’s my best guess.

 Grell came around here last night, to help me a bit, because William wasn’t answering his phone. She heard me cough, lost her mind when she realised.

 Eventually, I managed to calm her down, a wee bit, just enough to stop her from shouting. The … the last thing I wanted was for her to wake Al up, for him to know.

 Couldn’t get her to stop crying though, and when Al did wake up, he asked her what was wrong. But … but she just shook her head, said it didn’t matter.

 She stayed the night, refused to move until noon when she had to go to work.

 And it hit me – we’re back at square one again. We had so many friends, and now … it’s just us three again.

 Ronald’s gone. Othello pissed off. Hn … and William, well … I guess he finally grew some feelings. But now … now that he knows I’m sick too, I guess shite got too much for him. He seemed beyond upset the last time we talked; makes it pretty obvious he won’t be coming around here for a while.

 So … just me, Al, and Grell; the three of us. Three … and then two … and then just the one. Grell knows this, knows she’ll be the last one standing. Everyone’s fucked off, our group dispersed.

 That’s why she’s so upset. She needs someone around her, a friend, or she’ll go insane. She’s scared of being all alone.

 But then again, aren’t we all …?

\-----------------------------------------

***5.43pm***

 “Al … Al, shush.”

 “N-no … no … I … I can see … him.” He … he’s thrashing about on the bed, weakly, babbling about something. “My … my brother, he … he’s here.”

 No …no, that’s – shite! Seeing his dead – NO! “No, no, Al, it’s just yerr imagination.”

 “N-no ….” His head rolls from side to side as I sit down on the bed next to him. “He … he’s really … here. Wants me to come … with him.”

 “Alan, ah said no!” He tries to sit up, but I hold him down, hand heavy on his shoulder.

 “Nghhh ….” He tries to fight me. Doesn’t have the strength. “He … he’s happy to … to see me.”

 “Ah don’t care! If yer go with him, yer’ll never see me again!”

 “N-no … that isn’t ….” He looks at me, stares even …. His eyes go wide. “Oh … oh, God. Y-you … have it too.”

 Shite, no …. “Have wh -?”

 “Th-the … Thorns.”

 “Al, ah don’t know what yer’re talking -.”

 “H-he … he wouldn’t lie … t-to me. Eric, m-my brother wouldn’t lie!”

 “Al -.”

 “You knew, didn’t you?!”

 Dammit! “Calm down -.”

 “Why didn’t you tell me?!” He starts to wheeze.

 “Al -.”

 “W … why?”

 “B-because … ah … ah didn’t want yer being sad. Ah … knew it’d upset yer.”

 The tears start slipping down his cheeks.

 “Al … ah … ah’m so sorry.”

 “After … you were so m-mad at me for … n-not -.”

 “Ah know, ah know.”

 I get a weak shake of the head. “Br-brother … I … I can’t come … wi-with you.”

 A shiver runs down my spine. I heard a … voice, a distant voice. ‘You’ll see each other again, I promise.’

 “N-no … not like this. Eric … he … he’s not … going to die. I … I need … m-more time.”

 ‘Your time is up.’

 “N-no -.”

 ‘How can I give you more time? Othello isn’t coming to save you.’

 “Brother … please. Y-you … you’ve always been … good to me. Please … o-one … more time, h-help me.”

 ‘You have to come with me.’

 “No!”

 ‘Always so stubborn. Fine … fine, a little more time. I will try to buy you more time.’

 “Th-thank … you.”

 ‘I’ll see you again.’

 I gulp. “What … the fuck was that? A reaper … or something?”

 “A … a … guardian … angel … I think. I … I’ve never seen … him before th-though ….”

 “Oh ….” Aye, because he’s … so close to ... death now – “makes sense. D-do … yer want tae talk about this?”

 “You … should have told me … b-but I … do … understand. Same … reasons why … I didn’t … tell you straight … away.”

 “Aye.”

 “H-how … bad is it?”

 “Not that bad. Ah’ve only just started coughing.”

 “C-coughing? Al-already?”

 “It’s not that bad, ah promise – no, Al, come on, don’t cry.” Fuck …. This is why, why I didn’t want to –

 “It … it’s … my fault, isn’t it?”

 “No, no -.”

 “You … wouldn’t have … been careless on … a collection usually. You … you were w-worried about me.”

 “No, no, this is on me, Al. It wasn’t yerr fault.” He … he isn’t listening to me. “Al, yer need tae stop crying. It won’t do yerr breathing any good.”

 “N-no ….”

 “Aye, yer need tae.” I lie down on my side, wrap an arm around his tummy. “Shhhh, come on, shhh.”

 “I … I’m … so sorry.”

 “Shhhh.”

\-------------------------------

***9.02pm***

 Al cried himself to sleep in the end, hasn’t woken up since. I feel horrible for thinking it … but it’s probably for the best. His emotions can’t hurt him in his sleep.

 I’m about to nod off too ….

 Body’s aching so –

**Ring. Ring.**

 “Ughh ….” I pick up my phone. It’s Grell. The call is accepted. “Hey.”

 “Hello Darling.”

 Uh … her voice is a bit wobbly. Something’s worrying her. I know her well enough, can tell. “What’s wrong?”

 “Hmm … nothing really.”

 “Grell -.”

 “Has Willy Dear been over at yours today?”

 “No, haven’t seen him for about two days.”

 “Dammit!”

 Okay …. “Why?”

 “He didn’t turn up for work today. O’Connell seems to think it’s our fault somehow.”

 Did she really just – “Nah … he’d never miss work.”

 “Well he has! Something is wrong, Eric!”

 “Aye … yer’re telling me. Have yer checked his house?”

 “My shift has only just finished. I’m heading there now.”

 “Alright. Phone me later, keep me up tae date, aye?”

 “Mmm, I will, don’t you worry.”

 “Thanks.” That is odd ….

 Concerning, aye, definitely concerning ….

 Shite … is this more than him just not wanting to be around us?

 Shite ….

 I … I hope he’s alright ….


	205. Grell. The deed is done.

***9.09pm***

 Oh … it’s an awful mess in this house. What … has Willy been up to, mmm? It looks like the place has been ransacked, drawers pulled out and tipped over in the kitchen.

 The living room wasn’t much –

 The … the knives, where are the knives?!

 Oh … no, no, no … no, no. “William! William, where are you?!” Oh … upstairs, I haven’t checked – “Willy, I’m coming, Darling!”

 I … I knew he was a little down over leaving Ronnie, but – oh … I hope he hasn’t – “Ohh!” I fall flat on my face – William’s damn carpet got caught around my heel. Not even nice carpet either, so bland.

 “William!”

 Oh … was that a cry? I rush to get up, almost trip again. Hn, I’m not being very ladylike today. Yes … a definite cry. It … it’s coming from the bathroom. Sounds like Willy Dear. I go up to the door. Yes … it’s him. At least … he’s still alive. Ah, locked!

 “Willy?” Ugh! “Willy, open the door!” Stop ignoring me! “William T. Spears, you open this door, do you understand me? Will! Ugh, Willy, would you at least talk to me … please? Open up! I will break this door down!” Ugh, fine!

 One swift kick is all it takes for the door to crack from its hinges. Can get my leg up pretty far. Ugh … think I broke my shoe heel doing it. The door swings open. I rush in. “Oh … Willy!” He … he’s all covered in blood. “What happened?!”

 “G-go … away, Grell.” He doesn’t look at me, head hiding in his arms. “B-but … of course … you’re going to leave … me anyway. Once – you … know, don’t you?”

 “About Eric?”

 “Y-yes.”

 “Yes, I found out last night.” I bend down in front of him. “But that isn’t important right now. Why are you all covered in blood?”

 “It … it isn’t mine.” The poor darling sobs harder.

 “Then whose is it?”

 “I … I have made … such an awful mess.”

 “Of what?”

 “Ronald -.”

 “No, that isn’t his -.”

 “His … his father.”

 “H-his father?!”

 “That bastard! He … he was the one. Sold him! S-sold … him to that sex ring, molested him -.”

 “What?! Willy, that can’t be right!”

 “Can’t it?”

 “No! I … I went to that house, and his mother was -.”

 “Exactly. She … she didn’t know. She didn’t -.”

 “Oh … shit! I … I knew I should have stayed there a little longer, kept an eye -.”

 “No … no. It’s all my fault. My fault! I … I sent Ronald back there, and … and that bastard … he … he raped him again! He had … Ronald’s mother … wrapped around his little finger.” He finally looks up at me. Oh … he looks so tired, so torn up. “I … I sent him back there. How … how can I live with … myself, Grell? How can … I live with myself?”

 “Darling, you couldn’t have kn – wait! How do you know?!”

 He squeezes his eyes shut. “Committed … suicide last night. Saw the whole – I … I had to make him … pay, Grell.”

 “Y-you killed him?”

 “I want to! He … he’s tied up in the bedroom – Grell, I … I have made such a mess … of this -.”

 “Sweetie, calm down, back track a little. So, you took this man from the academy?”

 “N-no, brought … him here straight from the reap.”

 So … if he didn’t kill him, but is covered in that lovely colour – “You tortured him?”

 “And … I enjoyed it too. Lost myself … to it, even. This … this is such a mess, Grell. I … I feel like … I’m losing my mind.”

 “Mmm … revenge will do that to you.”

 “What am I supposed to do?! When … when the higher-ups find out, I … I’ll be strung up.”

 “Well, did you tamper with the records?”

 “Yes … yes, of course. I … I have erased his … collection from the books.”

 “Then -.”

 “But what am I supposed to do?! I cannot let him go free, don’t want to! But I … I cannot keep him here – oh … Lord, I … I missed work -.”

 “Who said anything about letting him go, hmm?”

 “I … I don’t have the … balls to murder … someone, you know that.”

 “Oh, no, you are no murderer, but I am.” I grin at him.

 “No -.”

 “He hurt our little Ronnie. I’m not going to let him live.”

 “B-but … after the ripper – you’ll get yourself killed!”

 “You just said he can’t stay here, can’t be allowed to open his mouth to anyone about this.”

 “No, no, I … I won’t allow you to -.”

 “You said it yourself, I won’t be around here for long once Eric and Alan are gone.” I don’t get a reply, just more cries. “I’ll go fetch my scythe.”

\--------------------------------

***9.57pm***

 “Is it over with?”

 “Mmm. He begged for death. Really, William, a grown man begging for death. You really must have gone to town on him.”

 “Y-yes.” He sniffs. “The … the body – did you -?”

 “Disposed of. No one will ever find it. I collected his reaper record, have it stashed away in my scythe until I get time to destroy it.”

 “Th-thank you.”

 “No problem, Darling, I quite enjoyed finishing off that piece of shit.”

 Willy Dear nods slowly. “Did … we do the right thing?”

 “Don’t you worry yourself, Darling. This is on my head, not yours.”

 “No, no, that isn’t -.”

 “He isn’t worth the stress. Now, are you going to get off of the bathroom floor?”

 “I … I don’t feel -.”

 “Come on, get up.” I bend down, grab a hold of his upper arm. “Up! I won’t have my Willy moping over that monster. Up!”

\---------------------------------

***Saturday 10th February***

***1.05am***

 I took him into the spare bedroom because the main bedroom was an awful mess. Well … I wouldn’t call it awful – so much beautiful crimson splashed on every surface.

 He’s in a real mess though – I’ve never seen him cry like this.

 And he keeps going around and around in circles, begging me not to do anything stupid once Eric and Alan are gone.

 “Am … am I not enough to … keep you here?”

 “No. No offence, William, really, but I’ve always been so close to Eric. Life just wouldn’t be the same without him and his little munchkin.”

 “I … I see.”

 “But there is someone who you were enough for. Ronnie needed you.”

 “No … no, he hates me.”

 “You should go talk to -.”

 “He hates me!”

 “Aren’t you -.”

 “I … I messed up so badly. Lord, I – you … you have to go check on him, Grell, m-make sure he’s okay.”

 “No, Willy, that’s something you have to do.” I pat him on the back. “Even if it’s only to clear your conscience. I think it’s about time you talk to him.”

 “No … no, I … I cannot show my face – he … he wouldn’t want to see me.”

 “You don’t know that.”

 “Grell, please! I … I need to know that he’s alright. He … he didn’t part with you on bad terms. He … he will talk to you.”

 “You are so stubborn!”

 He puts his face in his hands. “I … I … pushed him away, don’t have … the right to show my face. P-please … Grell, please?”

 “Uh, fine!” Only because I’m worry for Ronnie myself! “But what if he wants to come back here? Hmm?”

 “That is … not my choice to make. If … if he feels the need to leave … the human world, I … I don’t have the right to stop him.”

 “Mmmm … you want him back here, don’t you?”

 “Yes … but I am no good for him.”

 “Hmm … we’ll see.” I flop down on the bed.

 He pulls his hands away from his face, looks at me. “Y-you aren’t going to check on him?”

 “No, not yet.”

 “B-but he could be in trouble -.”

 “Right now, I’m more worried about you. I’m staying here for tonight, will check on him after my shift.” He has work in the morning, and so do I. Ugh … a twelve-hour shift. I … I’m pretty sure Ronald will be looked after for one more day.

 I hear him gulp. “B-but -.”

 “He has his mother to watch over him. Who do you have, William?”

 Oh … whoops. He’s just dissolved into sobs again. I think I hit a nerve ….


	206. Ronald. Hello, friend.

***Sunday 11th February***

***11.01am***

 Me and Mom are okay, I think. I kinda kept my distance from her last night – I don’t know what Jay made of it all; he didn’t really say much on it.

 Well … anyway, I came down into the living room a little while ago, and Mom was down here too. I guess she was done lying about. She just smiled at me, said morning. I’ve been sitting with her ever since, and it’s alright, just a bit awkward.

 Jay’s still here, wants to make sure I get over the worst of this cold … flu, whatever it is. I still feel like absolute shit. Head’s pounding, nose keeps running. Ugh ….

 “Mommy! Mommy!” Emma runs into the room, and I turn around, see my grandparents in the doorway.

 “Where’s James?”

 “Still up in bed.” Grandpa says.

 “Seems like someone has hit their grumpy teenage years early.” Grandma huffs.

 “No, he’s probably just upset,” Mom says. “I think he was ‘oping I’d ‘ave a boy, a brother for ‘im.”

 “It’s no fair!” I turn back around, see Emma pout.

 “I know, ‘oney. Come on, give Mommy a ‘ug.”

 “Grandma says not to touch you. I might hurt you.”

 “Mother!”

 “What?”

 “I’m noh a delicate lil flower!”

 “Did I ever say that?”

 Jay leans in close to me, whispers in my ear. “Is it always like this here?”

 “Yep, always.” He should know, has been here enough. “Emma -.”

 “What the ‘ell?!”

 I feel Jay jolt next to me. “Holy shit!”

 “Helllooo there, Darlings.”

 G-Grell? I look over in the direction – “Grell!”

 She smiles at me. “Hello Ronnie.”

 I … I can’t believe –

 “Get the hell away from my grandson!” Grandpa runs in front of the sofa, blocks my view of her.

 “Grandpa, it’s alright, I … I know her -.”

 “Ya know this thing?! It just appeared out of nowhere, Ronald!”

 “It?!” Grell shrieks. “Who are you calling a thing?!”

 Grandpa backs away, and I hear shrieking, Emma starting to cry. Oh … that’s why. “Grell, put tha chainsaw away.”

 “Hn, I was expecting a hug, not a lecture.” She slips it back under her coat – I don’t quite know how it fits under there ….

 “Yeah, sure.” I get – Jay grabs hold of my wrist. He looks like he’s seen a ghost or something. Yeahhh … something. “Jay, Jay, it’s okay. She’s my friend.”

 “Oh, Ronnie, is this your new man? He’s handsome.” She grins at me. “I’d love to see what he’s got hiding under that shirt of his.”

 Jay shivers, gives me chance to pull myself away. I rush over to her, give her a massive hug.

 “Ohhh, you’ve put on some weight, Ronnie. It’s good to see.”

 “Or feel,” I chuckle. Man … everyone else has gone all silent on us. I … I bet they’re shitting their pants ….

 “You do look a bit poorly -.”

 “Jus’ another cold or somethin’.”

 “Have you been taking your vitamins?”

 “Uh … no.”

 “Tsk, naughty boy.” The hug breaks. “Still, it’s so good to see you, Darling. I was going to come see you last night but O’Connell gave me overtime. It was past midnight by the time I finished work and I thought you’d probably be asleep by then.”

 “Yeah, I wa – wha’ are y’ even doin’ here?”

 “Hn, charming.”

 “No … no, I mean – is Will alright?”

 “Willy Dear begged me to come check on you.”

 “Wha’?” My … my heart starts pounding. He … he still cares?! “Wha’ … did y’ jus’ say?”

 “Well … he saw Arthur’s record.”

 “Record?!” Mom shouts. “What are ya talking about?!”

 “It … it’s a long story, Mom.”

 “And I don’t have time to explain.” Grell waves a hand. “I got called into work at eight this morning, have another collection soon.”

 “Yeah, right, forget ‘bout tha’. Y’ said Will -.”

 “Yes, he knows. And Darling, if he had known what that monster had done to you, he never would have sent you back here.”

 “Okay.” I look away. “If you say so.”

 “No, no, it’s true!”

 “Right. So … so … Arthur’s not gonna come back as a ghost, is he?”

 She laughs loudly. “Oh, no, no. Ghosts do exist, but he won’t be coming back as one.”

 I breathe a sigh of relief. “Thank … God for tha’.”

 “Mmmm. He can’t hurt you. So … Willy – look, I think it’s best we speak in private.” She grabs a hold of my wrist.

 “G-Grell, Grell, no, don’t y’ -.”

 Ughhh … we end up in the middle of the field in the house grounds. “I … I’m gonna barf ….” I … I still can’t handle porting ….

 “Sorry, Darling, but all those eyes on me were beginning to irritate me.”

 “Uhhh ….” I straighten up, wrap an arm around my tummy. “Y’ … really shouldn’t ‘ave jus’ popped up in front of my family. They’re gonna freak.”

 “Mmm, let them freak.”

 “Grell -.”

 “How was I supposed to know they’d be there?!”

 “Umm, because y’re a death god?”

 “Oh, hush. I don’t care about them right now. I’m concerned about you.”

 “Me? Grell, things ‘ave been goin’ great for me.” I pause. “Well … for tha most part.”

 “Hmm?”

 “Mom had a miscarriage recently.”

 “Arthur’s child?”

 “Yep ….”

 “That sounds like hell, Ronnie.”

 “I … I’ll be alright.” I shrug. “It’s hard ta take in … but I’ve dealt wi’ worse.”

 “Hmm, okay. And his suicide?”

 “Wha’ ‘bout it?”

 “What? I … I mean, how do you feel about it?”

 “I’m happy ‘bout it.” Another shrug. “He deserves ta rot in hell.”

 “And he will, but it must have been a shock?”

 “Grell … look, I’m fine wi’ it. I’ve had my mom on my case ‘bout his death … but really, it really hasn’t affected me tha’ much.” Oh … man, she’s staring at me. “Grell, come on, drop it. I wouldn’t lie ta y’. I’ve been super good at tellin’ tha truth ta people recently.”

 “Hmm, okay Darling -.”

 “How’s Al?” Shit … is … is he …? Oh shit, her face just fell.

 “He … he doesn’t have long left.”

 Fuck …. “How long is … not long?”

 “A … a week, maybe.”

 “Sh-shit ….”

 “A … a cure didn’t come.” I … I can feel the tears coming. “Do you want to come with me, visit him?”

 Oh … God, it’s tempting, so fucking tempting. “I … I don’t think I could … deal wi’ tha’, seein’ him so sick.” I wipe at the tears that have run down my cheeks. “Sorry.”

 I hear her gulp. “It … it’s okay, Ronnie. He probably wouldn’t want you seeing him like this. He … he’d want you to remember him as he was.” She pulls me into a hug, makes a crying noise. “But I … I can pass on a message, if you want?”

 “Tell him I love him? As … as a friend, y’ know?”

 “I’m sure he knows that, but sure, I’ll let him know.”

 “Thanks, Grell.”

 The hug breaks, her hand patting against my shoulder. “But … you know,” she wipes at her eyes with her other hand, “you can still come back to us if you want.”

 “Wh-wha’?”

 “William misses you, isn’t coping without you.” Fuck … she went there …. “He knows how much he’s hurt you, and it’s killing him.”

 Fucking hell! He … he left me, so … so why do I even care?! My shoulders slump. I … I can’t believe I’m even – “Do … do y’ think he still loves me?”

 “With all of his heart. Oh, Darling, you should have seen the mess he was in when he saw what was in Arthur’s record. He was so upset, said he wants you to come back.”

 “Heh … heh ….” More tears fall. It … it’s like my heart is breaking all over again. I … I’m shaking. “He … he left me, Grell. He … was … tha one … who left … m-me.”

 “Oh, Ronnie, don’t cry.” I’m dragged back into a hug, squeezed tightly. “I know it hurts, I know.”

 “Nghhh ….”

 “But … but he does love you. And I know he hurt you by sending you away, but he really did think he was doing the best for you.”

 “I know! I … I know tha’ now. And … and I’m kinda thankful, y’ know, because I ‘ave my family now. And … and those bastards are in jail. I … I wouldn’t ‘ave had tha’ if Will … hadn’t ….”

 “Mmm, you’re living at your grandparent’s home now. It took me quite a while in the early hours of the morning to track you down. But it was worth the effort.” She pulls back, hold me at arm’s length. She … she’s looking me right in the eyes. “I want you to come back too. I need my little Ronnie back in my life. And … and you don’t have to talk to Willy yet if you don’t want to, but … please, come back to us?”

 I shake my head, look away. “I … I wanna, I … I really do, but I can’t, Grell, I … I can’t.”

 “But you … you miss us, don’t you?”

 “Yeah! Yeah … I do, but … I can’t come back. At … at least not yet.”

 “B-but … w-why?” Her voice goes so shaky. “We … we’re your friends, aren’t we?”

 “Y’ … y’ are, but I ‘ave stuff here I need ta do. I ‘ave ta go ta trial, make sure those bastards ge’ life in prison. And … and my family, I … I can’t leave my family. They’d be heartbroken.”

 Her hands slip from my shoulders. “Your family seems wonderful.”

 “They … they are, they’re fuckin’ brilliant. I … I’m sorry, Grell, but I jus’ can’t come wi’ y’ right now. It … it doesn’t mean I don’t care ‘bout y’.”

 “I understand.”

 “No … y’re pissed off wi’ me.”

 “It’s not the answer I wanted, but I’m not going to kidnap you.” She flashes me a grin, a fake as fuck one. “But ….”

 “But?”

 “Well … I thought there might be a chance … you wouldn’t want to come back.” She sighs loudly. “For whatever reason …. But if you ever need my help, or even just need to talk -.”

 “Grell, we … we live in different worlds.” I sniff. “It’s not like I can jus’ phone, or text -.”

 “Exactly. But … I have done some digging.” She dips her hand under her shirt, pulls something over her head. “This is how we can talk.” The item is held out to me.

 I take it from her, glance at it. “A … a necklace?”

 “Hmm. Olly told me … a little while ago about this. It’s a way to summon a reaper, apparently.”

 “B-but how?” It’s just a fucking necklace ….

 “It has a little chunk of coffin in it. Can you see?”

 “Yeah … I think so.” Yeah … there’s a little brown bit in the … I dunno what. Sap or something? “Y’ coffin?”

 “Mmm, when a reaper is created, something from their burial is catalogued. A piece of coffin, chunk of gravestone, a scrap of clothing, or if need be, a lock of hair.”

 “Uh … why?”

 “Tradition, I suppose. I knew about it, but didn’t realise how useful it could be.”

 “Wow ….” Wait … catalogued? “Y’ had ta steal this from some sort of archive?”

 “Hmm, I’ve had it for a while now, just in case you needed me.”

 “So … so how do I use this?”

 “Smack is against a hard surface, or tap on it, the rumours say. It’ll get my attention.”

 “It’s connected ta y’ somehow?”

 “Yes, I think so.”

 “So … so will it hurt?”

 “I haven’t a clue, Darling.”

 “Okay.” I sniff. “Y’ still really care ‘bout me, don’t y’?”

 “We all do. I … I have to go, but if you need anything, anything at all, come knocking.”

 “W-wait!”

 “Hmm?”

 “C-can I ‘ave a hug?” She does, lunges at me, squeezes me. “I … I’ve missed y’ so much.”

 “I miss you too, but you don’t just miss me, do -?”

 “G-Grell, don’t. Don’t.”

 She pulls away from me, nods. “Okay. I really have to go.”

 “K … kay.”

 And she’s gone … and … and my knees buckle. I hit the grass, hug at myself. Will … Will ….

 And … I just sit there, crying. I … I didn’t want to … be reminded of this, of him! “Nghhh ….” Just sit here ….

 “Ronnie!” I turn, see my family hurrying over to me.

 “Are … are you okay?” Jay’s the first one to get to me.

 “Y-yeah.” Fuck no ….

 “Did it hurt you?” Grandpa asks.

 “No … hell no. She’s my friend.”

 “You look … upset.” Jay says.

 “I … I jus’ … miss them.”

 “Them?!” Mom looks down at me. “Young man, ya ‘ave a lot of explaining to do.”

 “N-not right … now, M -.”

 “No, no, ya don’t geh to say that right now.”

 “Mom -.”

 “A monster came into our ‘ome, threatened us with a chainsaw! Emma’s terrified!” She gulps. “We deserve to know what the ‘ell just ‘appened.”

 “O … okay, I … I’ll try my best ta explain.” Even though you’re all gonna think I’m crazy ….

 “Okay, come on then.”

 “Grell’s … a grim reaper. So … so was Will.”

 “… **What?!** ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yeah, they managed to preserve a piece of coffin for archiving.


	207. Ronald. Possession.

 “Ya expect us to believe that?” Mom frowns down at me. “First ghosts and now this?”

 “How … else do y’ explain it?”   

 “Ronald -.”

 “He has a point.” Grandpa says. “We saw it with our own two eyes, that woman appearing out of nowhere. If he knows her, he must know what she is.”

 “I … I agree.” Jay nods slowly. “As … as unbelievable as it is, it’s obvious that she wasn’t human.”

 “No! Ronald, ya showed me a picture of ya ex. He looked nothing like that thing!”

 “Yeah … but I changed tha … picture ta black and white. All … reapers ‘ave weird coloured eyes.”

 “Really?” Jay asks.

 “Y-yeah. But … they all look pretty human. Grell … jus’ has a weird style.”

 “I … I don’t believe this.” Mom rubs at her forehead. “Show me the unedited version. Now.”

 “O-okay.”

\-------------------------------

 I showed them the unedited photo on my old phone, the one selfie I managed to get Will to take with me. And then … there were a few pictures of me with Grell, Al, and Eric. They saw the weird eyes, alright. Definitely.

 “This … this is crazy,” Mom says, pacing around the living room. “Ya … ya lived with these things?”

 “St-stop callin’ them things. They were people once too.” It’s starting to piss me off. They’re not monsters!

 “Oh, oh, because that makes it so much better!”

 Jay shakes his head. “Y-you … did live in … umm, the reaper realm?”

 “Yeah, that’s wha’ it’s called. Mom, that’s why … there were never any records of me bein’ in hospital. Tha … miscarriage, y’ know?”

 “Right … okay.” She makes a sound, a half sigh, half grunt? “B-but … ‘ow did ya … even end up there in the first place?”  

 “Well … Will kinda saved me. I … I was meant ta overdose on Heroin tha night we met. He … he stopped tha’ from happenin’.”

 “A reaper noh killing someone? Hn, right.”

 Ouch …. I gulp. “They … they don’t kill people, Mom. People … die when it’s their time, and … and reapers jus’ collect their souls, help them go on their way.”

 “B-but that woman said ghosts exist?! That makes no sense, Ronald!”

 “George told me … tha’ he was never collected. A reaper messed up somehow.”

 “Right … right, of course.” She squeezes her eyes shut. “This is madness, Ronald.”

 “Yeah … I know.”

 “So … you’re meant to be … dead?” Jay asks. “Back … way back?”

 “Yeah … he was supposed ta collect me tha’ night, but he stopped me from overdosin’ in tha first place.”

 “B-but why?” Mom asks. “Why would -?”

 “I … I dunno. He … he thought I deserved better, I guess.” Fuck … Will ….

 Mom laughs; it makes me shiver. “This is madness, but … but it makes sense. Why … ya couldn’t geh in touch with William, why … why everything just seemed off somehow.” She shakes her head. “Crazy.”

 “Y-yeah, I know, but … they’re good people, Mom, they really are.”

 “That woman could ‘ave fooled us!”

 “Mom -.”

 “She pulled out a chainsaw on us!”

 “Y-yeah … I know, I know.”

 “You mentioned my father.” Grandma speaks for the first time since we came back into the house. “I … I always knew he was here. You … you can see him, speak to him?”

 “Yeah, that’s right.”

 “Mother, now isn’t the time!” Mom flips out. “We’ve just ‘ad a bloody reaper in our ‘ouse!”

 “Then now is the perfect time. If … we now know that there is another whole world out there, I think my dead father is a part of that.”

 “For fu – am I the only one freaking out ‘ere?!”

 “No. We are all in a state of shock over this. It’s not every day a strange creature just appears in your house. But … now that I know Ronald can speak to my father, I want to be able to communicate with him.” Man … at least one of my family members is being rational ….

 “I … I don’t think y’ can,” I sigh. “George says tha reason I can see him is because I was around reapers for so long.”

 “But you can pass messages along, can’t you?”

 “I … I don’t believe this,” Mom huffs.

 “Molly, try to compose yourself, would you? Ronald?”

 “Y-yeah, I … I can do tha’ for y’.”

 Grandma stands up from the sofa. “The attic then, yes?”

 “Y-yep.”

\---------------------------------------

 “Hey George.”

 He turns around, frowns as everyone else piles into the room. “What is everyone else doing here?”

 “Well … Grandma wanted ta speak ta y’.”

 “Hmm … they look pale.”

 “Heh, yeah, a reaper friend of mine decided ta pop up.”

 “Ohhh … how unnerving.”

 “Yep …. Anyway, Grandma has some things ta say ta y’.”

 “Y-yes,” Grandma steps forward, comes to my side. “It … it’s good to be able to talk to you.”

 “He … he says it’s good ta see y’ too. H-hey, George, knock on somethin’ so they know I’m not crazy.”

 “I don’t think you are crazy.” Grandma says. “I … I had a feeling he was up here.”

 “W-well … for everyone else. George? Two knocks … please?”

 He rolls his eyes at me, but bends down, knocks against the wooden frame of the bed. One … two.

 “Ah!” Grandma claps her hands together. “Wonderful! Father, are … are you happy here?”

 “He … he says no. He … he’s lonely.”

 “Oh, Father, you don’t have to be lonely now. I’ll come to visit.”

 Shit …. “He … he’s saying it’s not enough.”

 “W-why?”

 I listen to his words. “Because my wife has moved on, and I haven’t. Oh, Ronald, she was the most beautiful woman, my Lilly, my … everything. Ever since she left me, I’ve been waiting to see her again.” I … I see the pain on his face. “And I thought … upon death, we’d be together. It … it tears me apart being stuck here without my love. Came as quite the shock when the reaper didn’t take me, an awful shock.”

 I … I know how he feels. Me and … Will, in different worlds …. “Y’ … never told me tha’ before.”

 “I know. I didn’t want to bring your mood down, but Martha, she needs to know the truth of it all.”

 “Al-alright.”

 “Ronald, what is he saying?” Grandma puts a hand on my shoulder. “Why … why isn’t he happy here?”

 “He misses Lilly.”

 “Oh … oh, Father, I miss her too -.”

 “No, no, Grandma, y’ don’t understand. He … he can’t live wi’out her.”

 Mom finally speaks up. “He … wants to move on, doesn’t he?” Finally, she fucking believes me ….

 I listen to what George says. “I’ve wanted to move on for years now. Ronald, when you see that reaper friend of yours again, you have to get them to finish this collection.”

 “B-but y’re my friend.”

 “I … know, I know, but I don’t belong here. Son, it’s like I’m trapped.”

 Yeah … trapped …. “Al-alright, next time, I … I will.”

 “Ronald?”

 “Yeah … yeah, he wants ta move on.”

 “But Father -.”

 “He … he says he loves y’ … but he needs Lilly.”

 “B-but … I haven’t even had chance to spend time with him.”

 “She’s right.” George nods, comes closer to me. “Let me speak to her properly.”

 “Wh-wha’? How?”

 “Through you.” He holds out a hand.

 “Oh … hell no. I’m not havin’ any more weird old guys inside of me.”

 He rolls his eyes. “That is disgusting, Sonny.”

 “Y-yeah, y’re tellin’ me.”

 “Let me use your voice, please? So … so at least Martha can have some closure for when my time comes.”

 I gulp … and then sigh. He … he has a point …. “So … possession or somethin’?”

 “It’s not always a bad thing.”

 “R-right.” I hold out a hand. “Jus’ make it quick, okay? Y’ make me feel all cold and funny.”

 I get a chuckle from him. “Yes, I know. I promise.” He grabs a hold of – oh … shit. “Nghhh ….” My … my heart skips a beat. Fuck … cold … cold ….

\------------------------------

 “Ronnie!” M-Mom …?

 “Wh-wha’?” What … just happened?

 Grandma smiles at me. “Thank you.”

 Oh …. “Y’ … got ta speak … ta him?”

 “Yes, yes, I did.”

 “We had a good talk.” I hear George’s voice. “Really, Son, thank you.”

 “Y’ … y’re welcome.” Ugh … I feel all dizzy.

 “Are you alright?” Jay hurries up to me. “You look awful.”

 “I … I need ta … lie down.”

 “Right, yes.” He shifts about, wraps an arm around my side. “We’ll get you to bed.”

 “C-cool.” Uh … I’m gonna barf …. Ngh …. “S-see y’ … later, George.”

 “Yes, see you. Thank you again.”

 “It … it’s cool.” I … I’m really gonna fucking barf ….  


	208. William. Acceptance, or admission of defeat?

***Sunday 11th February***

***1.11pm***

 I have been waiting and waiting, pacing and pacing this living room since the early hours of the morning. Grell, she … she was supposed to check up on Ronald last night, but upon phoning her, she told me O’Connell had kept her at work.

 So I tried ringing this morning … and surprise, surprise, she’d been called back into work. Last I heard … she was about to head to Ronald’s.

 But … but that was two hours ago. Now the … bloody phone keeps ringing out. Something is wrong, has to be. And … and if I don’t get an answer from her this time around, so … so help me, God, I … I am going over there myself to make sure he is alright.

 I pick up the phone again, slam my finger down a number of times on it to call her again. It rings, once, twice –

 “Hello -.”

 “Grell, for goodness sake, where were you?!”

 “On duty, like I -.”

 “Ronald, you were supposed to be -.”

 “Yes, yes, I visited him.”

 “And?”

 “He’s doing fine – look, Darling, I have a little break between collections after this one. I’ll be over soon to explain everything, okay?”

 “Since when have you ever cared about doing your job properly?!”

 “Ohhh, your words wound me.”

 “Grell, get here at -.”

 “I would, William, if O’Connell wasn’t on my back. I thought you were going to take care of that little problem, hmm?”

 “I will -.”

 “Well until you do, I’m going to behave myself, mmm.”

 “Fine … fine, just be here as soon as you are done.”

 “You can count on it, Darling.”

\-----------------------

***1.23pm***

 He … he wants to … come back? No, no, that – “are … are you sure?”

 “Yes, one-hundred percent sure.”

 I don’t believe this …. “He … he said it himself?”

 “He did. He said he can’t come quite yet because he has to go to trial and things, but soon, he’ll come back to us.”

 “No … no, that cannot – he … he hates me.”

 She shakes her head. “No, I don’t think he does, Darling.”

 “He can he not?” I wipe at my eyes. Honestly … I cannot remember when the tears started again. Did they even stop …? “H-how can he not hate me?”

 “Because he still loves you.”

 I … I can feel my heart aching. It … it is a shock …. “How can … you possibly know that?”

 “Because he asked me if you still loved him. That doesn’t sound like hate to me, Willy.”

 “Y-you … cannot seriously tell me … that … that he has forgiven me … for everything ….”

 “No, he hasn’t. You were a dick to him, William, and he’s still hurting … but there’s still love there, still a want, a need.”

 “I … I don’t believe this.” I put my face in my hands. I … I should be happy about this, but to know that Ronald is still clinging onto the idea of me somehow, and … and causing himself pain because of it – that is awful. I’m still hurting him …. “Oh … Ronald.”

 “And before you ask, Willy Dear, yes, I told him that you still love him.”

 “J-Jesus ….”

 “What? Was it a lie?”

 “N-no … no, of course not.”

 “Hmm … you really are all over the place, aren’t you?”

 “Wh-what do you expect?!” I … I have hurt him so much, and even now –

 “Where there is love, there is pain, mmm.”

 I swallow down the lump in my throat. “Y-you … are telling me.”

 “But then there is no need to fret, is there? Because you love him, and he loves you, and he will come back to us.” She gives a small sigh. “So … so we just need to wait it out, wait for Ronnie to return to us.”

 “I … I don’t know – wait … does this mean … y-you are going to stay?”

 “Ronnie would give me more of a reason to carry on, yes.” She is silent for a moment, shakes her head. “Anyway, enough about me. You know that he is alive, healthy, and for the most part, happy. It’s not like you to whine and cry, so stop it.”

 “It … it isn’t that easy.” Pathetic, that is what I am ….

 “Hn. You were a crying mess because you thought you’d killed Ronnie off, or sent him off the deep end, but that wasn’t the case. He’s fine. Actually … he seems to have matured quite a bit.”

 “He has?” That … actually … makes me feel a little better ….

 “Yes, most definitely. He gave really reasonable reasons as to why he couldn’t return yet.” I get a laugh. “I hate to say this, but I think our little Ronnie is finally turning into a man.” She sits down on the sofa next to me. “Oh … I can’t wait to have him back.”

 I gulp, admit something to her. “I … I would love to … see his face again.” His eyes – I … I have gone bloody soft ….

 “You don’t have to wait to see his face, Darling, you know that. Hn, but of course, you won’t do that. Too busy beating yourself up, you poor thing. And you can be a very frustrating thing at times too, Willy.”

 “I … I don’t need your lectures.”

 “No, no, you don’t, but you do need my advice.”

 “Do I?”

 “Hn, you needed my help with Arthur, so hear me out.”

 True, I owe her that much …. “Fine … fine.”

 “Why don’t you go take a shower, get something to eat? And then you go over to Eric’s, help him out.”

 “I … I don’t know … if I am up to that at present.”

 “Darling, you need company.” She touches my knee, gives it a pat. I … I wish she wouldn’t do that …. “And you were actually really good at helping them out. It was very kind of you.”

 “N-not … really. I am their friend.”

 “Exactly,” she grins, “and you need your friends right now, don’t you, Darling?”

 “I ….” Dammit, she … she is right …. And … and I suppose Eric could do with my help, would prefer me being there than here moping. “Yes … yes, you are right.”

 “A lady is always right.”

 Hn … how typical of her to say ….

 “I do need to get going, Willy Dear.”

 “Yes … yes, of course. Thank … you for stopping by.”

 “Oh, no, don’t mention it, Darling. After all, what are friends for?”

 I nod slowly. “Yes … you have a point there ….” And … and she has put my mind at ease, for the most part. I am thankful … yes, thankful.

\--------------------------------------

***4.05pm***

 I got to Eric’s not long ago … and surprise … surprise, he knew everything that had happened. When I questioned him on it, he told me that Grell had phoned him, spilled everything. She must have called him while I was getting ready earlier, grabbing food … and trying to compose myself.

 It certainly showed to me the special place Eric has in her heart. Her urgency to spill it all is proof enough.

 He didn’t say much in regards to Ronald, merely stated that he is glad that he is doing well. The term ‘still alive’ left his mouth, and I am pretty sure that that was a little stab at me.

 It means nothing though, really – I feel like gutting myself for all I have put Ronald through, thank my lucky stars that he didn’t end … up in a … ditch somewhere. I … I am such an idiot –

 “Ah’ve got tae say though, William, torturing that bastard.” He pauses for a moment. “Well played. Ah didn’t think yer had it in yer tae go all vigilante.”

 “He deserved it. I … I couldn’t let him get away with hurting Ronald like that.”

 “Aye, not arguing with yer there. Next time though, phone me or something.” He gestures for me to come inside, finally. “Ah was worried about yer.”

 “Oh ….”

 “Aye, yer’re telling me. Weird.” He smiles and then leads me into the kitchen, not upstairs … as I was expecting. It soon becomes clear why – he’s headed straight for the booze.

 “How is Alan doing?”

 “Bad. Ah’d rather not talk about it.” He plonks himself down at the kitchen table.

 “Oh, I -.”

 “He … he saw his dead brother.” He laughs a little. “Ah think it’s over.”

 “I … I didn’t ask, and … and I thought you didn’t want to -.”

 “Aye … well, that’s all ah’m saying on it.”

 “Understood.” My brow furrows as he opens up a box – as I thought, cigarettes. He lights one up, takes it to his mouth. “Eric, you know that that isn’t good for you.”

 “Aye -.”

 “You are already sick.” And pale, too pale for this early stage ….

 “That’s the point, isn’t it? Ah want it over with as quickly as can be.”

 “No -.”

 “Like ah said, it’s over.”

 For goodness sake …. “The second-hand smoke will do Alan no good.”

 He grunts at me. “Ah’m not smoking in the bedroom, William.”

 “Yes, but still -.”

 “Then it’ll finish him off quicker, won’t it? He won’t have tae suffer for much longer.”

 His bluntness astounds me …. Acceptance … or admission of defeat? “Eric -.”

 “Fine, fine.” He shoots up from the chair, walks over to the window. It is pushed open. “Happy now?”

 “Yes.” No … no, of course not ….

 Of course not.


	209. William. To be reaped.

***Saturday 17th February***

***5.13pm***

 The scythe hits the ground with a clunk, but … not before taking off my little finger in the tussle. “God, man, what were you thinking?!” I went over to Eric’s just now, but he wasn’t opening the door. And … I knew it was wrong of me to just port into someone’s home, but I had an awful feeling that something was amiss.

 Thank heavens I did.

 “Give me my scythe back,” Eric says – he is fuming, crying.  

 “No – have you lost your bloody mind?!” Must have, sneaking into branch to take his scythe – having that item on your person outside of shifts is forbidden.

 “Ah … ah cannae just let … him suffer like this.”

 “It is not your choice to make.”

 “No, it’s not! If it was up tae me, none of this would’ve happened!”

 “Th-that wasn’t in your control.”

 “No … no, it wasn’t, but this is!”

 I gulp. “Y-you … have to calm yourself.”

 “No -.”

 “Eric, you’re drunk, alright? You aren’t thinking clearly.”

 “Ah’ve never thought so clear.” He goes to grab the scythe again, but I move in to block him, shove him backwards.

 “Ah!” Missing fingers, they … they are painful, of course.

 “Stop getting in my way, William!”

 “No.”

 “Yer’ll stand aside, or ah’ll cut yer down!”

 And … and goodness, he means it …. But I will not stand aside. As merciful as he thinks he is being, he will only come to regret taking Alan with his own hand. “Never.”

 He scowls at me. “Fucking -.”

 “Eric, you are unwell, and drunk. You will come to regret this in the morning.”

 The scowl vanishes, and he rubs at his chin, turns a little away from me. “Aye … maybe, but ah … ah don’t care.”

 “You should. Alan wouldn’t want this.”

 “William, shut up! Yer have no idea -.”

 “He’s here, fighting, for you! Don’t you dare take that choice away from him!” It … it just isn’t sinking in! “You cannot just kill him off because you want an easy way out.”

 “Aye, yer’re one tae talk -.”

 “Yes, I know, but I didn’t plunge a scythe into Ronald’s chest just so he’d be put out of his misery.” I sigh. “Life doesn’t work like that.”

 “What would yer know about living?”

 “Enough, and Alan should be able to go out on his own terms.”

 I hear him sniff. “B-but … he’s suffering.”

 “He … is, but he is hanging on for a reason. Let him go out fighting.”

 “Ah … ah cannae just -.”

 “J-just comfort him … as best you can. It … will be over soon.”

 He comes towards me – why isn’t he listening to me?! “Eric, no – um ….” He’s grabbed me, hugs me tightly. “Ah … ah cannae take this … anymore.” And then all I get is loud sobbing sounds as he squeezes the life out of me.

 “Umm,” my arms wrap around him, slowly, softly, “there, there. It … it’ll be over soon.”

\-------------------------------------

***6.11pm***

 He has calmed down now, but … for goodness sake, has decided he wants to try to convince Alan to –

 He hasn’t been awake for more than a few minutes. “Al … Al, y-yer … don’t have tae keep fighting.” Eric takes the mask away, and Alan’s eyes widen. Madness!

 “Eric, he … he can’t breathe without that -.”

 “Ah know. Al, yer … yer just go back tae sleep, okay?”

 “Eric -.”

 “Ah’m talking tae him, okay? Not yer.”

 Alan starts to cough. “Eric, this is ludicrous!”

 “Shut up!”

 Alan reaches up for the mask, and I see Eric’s shocked expression. It gives Alan chance to grab the mask back, and he holds it to his mouth, takes quick gasps of the gas, his chest heaving.  

 And Eric is frozen in place, his mouth hanging open. Well, I suppose he expected Alan to just lie there and let himself die. Idiot ….

 “Al ….”

 And Alan gives him the dirtiest look I have ever seen from him. It rivals even my glares …. The mask is lifted a little, so he can get his words out. “Eric, wh-what … the hell? D-don’t … don’t you dare … d-do that … again, d-do you understand … m-me?”

 Eric gulps. “Ah … ah just didn’t want … yer tae suffer -.”

 “I … I’m fighting … for you, Eric, so … so y-you … won’t just give up.”

 “B-but … ah … ah want this … tae be over.”

 “S-same … but not … like this, Eric, n-not like this.” A few tears leak from his eyes. “I … I want to … go out fighting.”

 Another gulp, Eric nodding. “Okay … babe, al-alright.” He bends forward, rests his head on Alan’s chest. His fingers twist in the bedsheets as he cries. “Ah … ah’m … s-sorry, Al.”

 “It … it’s okay, Eric.”

\----------------------------------

***9.27pm***

 Eric has finally come back to his senses, has calmed down. Alan is now asleep, probably dreaming of punching Eric in the face.

 I … I have to admit, I found that a little scary ….

 “Ah’m sorry about the finger,” he says, has finally sobered up some. “Ah … ah didn’t mean tae do that.”

 “It is fine. It’ll grow back.”

 “Aye ….”

 “Just don’t be so stupid ever again.”

 “Aye ….”

\--------------------------------

***Tuesday 20th February***

***8.34pm***

 Alan seemed in a lot of pain when he woke up, more so than usual, if that can even be believed. Eric hasn’t touched alcohol since the day he cut off my finger. I think it was the wakeup call he needed.

 At least it has grown back now.

 “Tell me where … it hurts, babe.” Eric pulls the bedsheets back.

 “Ngh ….” Alan groans. He … he may be awake, but he isn’t really aware.

 “Al?”

 “T … tummy.”

 “Yer got tummy ache again?”

 “W-worse. P … pain.”

 Eric lifts up his shirt, has a feel around. I see his brow furrow. “Eric, what is it?”

 “Wh-what the hell?”

 “Eric?”

 “C-come here, f-feel this.”

 “I don’t -.”

 “Now!”

 Alright …. “Yes, okay.” I come closer, feel very awkward as I – “oh ….” The area is hard, a … a little extended.

 I … I know what is … happening, and … and judging by Eric’s face, he does also.

 Internal bleeding, it … it has to be ….


	210. Othello. Him.

***Wednesday 21st February***

***2.03am***

 I can’t sleep again, probably won’t. My insomnia has gotten worse since I broke up with Grell. I have been staying at an acquaintance’s house ever since the breakup, because … I know her – she’d come to my house, try to apologise.

 I just can’t see her right now. I don’t want to see her. She hit me, and I don’t think I can forgive her for that.

 And yes, I know she was angry, and I know how dramatic she can be, but she had no right to strike me like that. As much as I love her, there’s no going back.

 And … part of me is scared to see her. I still haven’t had a call from my friend. I … I feel like a bit of a failure.

\------------------------------

***4.05am***

 Steve comes into the kitchen, grabs a glass and goes over to the sink. “You still up?”

 “Yep.”

 “Whatcha doing anyway?”

 “Playing an RPG.”

 “Huh, lame.”

 “Well … can’t sleep, but too tired to really concentrate on anything else.”

 “Well at least try to get some sleep.”

 “Have, so many times.

 “Okay, well … have a beer. It’ll help relax you.”

 I smile a little. “No, thank you.”

 “Meh, alright. I’ll make you a hot chocolate then, and then hit the hay.”

 “Oh, okay, thanks.”

\----------------------------

***5.05am***

 BZZZZZZ

 BZZZZZZ

 “Ugh … shut up ….” I’ve only just gotten to sleep, I think, and now the phone – I sit up, reach for it. “Oh my ….” It … it’s him. Finally ….  

 I slam it up against my ear. “H-hello.” My heart is racing ….

 “Hey, hey! I heard on the great vine that you’ve been looking for me.”

 “I … I have. Someone … I know is sick with The Thorns, and … and we’ve been trying to find a cure.”

 “Oh … I see. That is rough.”

 “Y-yes, and the doctors over here won’t allow to me look at the medical research -.”

 “Yes, because you aren’t a doctor.”

 “Exactly.”

 “Hn, stupid rule, if you ask me.”

 “Definitely.” I gulp. “Umm -.”

 “You want me to come over there?”

 “If … if it’s not too much trouble.”

 “Heh, actually, I feel bad for not getting back to you sooner.”

 “Oh. Where … were you?”

 “Travelling the world, teaching about new medical practices. Heh, was attacked by a demon when I took some students to the human world. It was pretty bad, actually, was in the hospital for God knows how long.”

 “Oh … I’m so sorry.”

 “It’s cool. Not dead, right?”

 “Y-yes. So … so where are you now?”

 “A city in Africa. Got attacked close to a small village over here. Been spending a while in recuperation mode. This friend of yours, how long does he have left?”

 Damn …. “N-not long.” If … he’s even still alive – no, no, he is. I would have heard something at work if he wasn’t.

 “Then I’d best hurry over there. Uh, I warn you, it might take me a few hours to actually port all the way.”

 Right … he’s not at full strength. “I could come, port you over?”

 “Pfft, I don’t need a babysitter. Am I meeting you at the house?”

 “No!” Crap …. “No, no, I’m staying at a friend’s at the moment.” Double crap. “Hang on … I’ll get you the address.”

\-----------------------------

***7.10am***

 I had to ask Steve if it was okay for Jonathon to come over for a little while. He was miffed that I woke him up so early, but said it was fine.

 There’s a knock on the door, and I rush to open it. “Oh ….” His face is … quite scarred on the one side ….

 “Don’t stare,” he rolls his eyes.

 “S-sorry, b-but … scars -?”

 “My body is still healing.” You can say that again – reapers don’t usually scar …. “Demon venom – hah, my face nearly melted off.”

 “Ouch ….”

 “Yeah, but at least the scarring is a lot better than it was.” 

 “Right … okay, good.”

 I let him in, and he yawns. “That trip was a nightmare.”

 “Well … I’ll make you some tea and then you can go find those medical records.”

 “Sounds like a plan.” He turns to look at me again. “I have to warn you, though, Othello, I can’t promise anything. This really isn’t my forte.”

 “I … I know, but you’re my only hope.”

 “Oh, you flatter me. Anyway, I want to know why you’re living here at the mo.”

 Oh … crap …. “It … it’s a long story.”

 “Then tell me over that tea.”

 “Umm … okay, sure.” Crap times one-hundred!

\-------------------------------

 “Seriously? Mate, after last time, you should have known you’d only get hurt again.”

 “I know ….”

 “You should have known better. Sutcliff is a crazy one.”

 “She is ….”

 He hands me a tissue, and I thank him, wipe at my eyes. Got a little emotional there.

 “But you still love her, right?”

 “Doesn’t matter. She crossed a line. There’s no going back from there.”

 “That would be a smart move, and you’re a smart man -.”

 “I mean it.”

 “Then why are you still trying to help this friend? If you aren’t together -.”

 “Because Alan is a nice man, and … I feel like I’ve tried so hard to find a cure on my own … I can’t just give it up now.” I sigh. “I feel that … there is a cure, probably right under our noses somewhere. And … and if I don’t keep trying, the deaths to come will be on my head.”

 He shakes his head. “Othello, that’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself.”

 “I know, but … I have to do something.” I won’t prove her right. I’m not useless …. “Can we get to that research now?”

 “You don’t have work soon?”

 “Not until noon, no.”

 “Okay then. Time to retrieve these medical studies.”

\-----------------------------------

***10.33am***

 I … I can’t even concentrate, can barely keep my eyes open, focus on the words of this file –

 “Ngh … don’t … nudge -.”

 “I think I’ve found something.”

 My heart skips a beat. “Al-already?” I thought we’d be going in circles for days.

 “Yes. There’s something interesting that happened once it was discovered that it was a disease of the blood.”

 “Wh-what?”

 “Here, take a look for yourself.” He points to part of the text.

 “Oh ….” Dialysis? Oh … but …. “Jon, I … I don’t think this is it. It says unsuccessful?”

 “Yes, but look closer. It says -.”

 “S-some … improvements … noted in the first few months.” Oh …. “They … they thought it was working … but then the results just ceased.”

 “Yep.”

 “So we’re no closer -.”

 “I think we are. I’ve skimmed through years of testing … and nothing, nothing … has ever given results as close to an actual cure as this.”

 Oh … I … I think I understand. “So … there is no drug to cure it? It can only be cured by cleaning the blood?”

 “To a certain extent, yeah. If you read on, it says they believe it failed due to the fact that there was still contamination in the blood. The special dialysis machine couldn’t ‘clean’ it properly.”

 “So why didn’t they just invent a better machine?”

 “Well … from what I can make of it, there … isn’t a way to separate the illness from the blood cells entirely.”

 My heart sinks again. “How is that, in any way, a good thing?”

 “I think … we just need to drain the blood entirely.”

 “That’ll kill him ….”

 “Might not.”

 “Of course it will! Stop the blood flow and his brain dies! Reaper or not, he’s sick, and he won’t survive that.”

 “I’m not so sure.”

 “What?”

 “There was an operation done in the human world … hmm, around five years ago. They drained all the blood out of this woman’s body, cooled her down to eighteen degrees so her brain wouldn’t die as quickly. Drained it all to remove blood clots, if memory serves. It could work for this man you know, if we could get another reaper to donate enough blood for a transfusion. New, healthy blood just might do the trick.”

 “No … no, that wouldn’t work. His tissues have been taken over by this disease too.”

 “Yes … but going off of this research, the blood cells are what keep this disease in the body. It’s the disease’s anchor.”

 “That … that’s silly -.”

 “It isn’t. The dialysis patient, he was already showing signs of tissue infection, dark patches over his body. With the treatment, some patches faded, disappeared even, for a while.”

 I swallow down the lump in my throat. “So … so there’s a chance ….”

 “I think so. Even if it takes a few of these treatments, I think it will work.”

 I shake my head. “B-but … but how did no one see this before?”

 “An … oversight, I think. This research is old, very old. It didn’t work, and no one back then would have thought of draining all the blood – they moved onto a new approach.”

 That … that makes my blood boil. “An oversight? That oversight might’ve cost so many reapers their lives.”

 “Well, better to stop the cycle late than never.”

 “T-true.” Crap … I … I’m still not convinced. “W-what now?”

 “I will contact the hospital, ask for some assistants, some supplies -.”

 “Y-you’re going to … do this yourself?”

 “No one else would be willing to put their neck on the line. It’s my hunch, my risk. Now, I need you to ring who you need to, get Alan to the hospital. We need to find out his blood type -.”

 “W-would that even matter?  Blood types in reapers?”

 “Honestly, I have no idea, have never heard of blood transfusions between reapers. But it isn’t worth the risk, is it?”

 “N-no, guess not.” This … this is madness ….

 “Get him to the hospital. Find a blood donor. We really shouldn’t waste any more time.”

\----------------------------

 I can hear horrible noises going on in the background, wailing, I think. I … I have explained what is to happen, and I know … what state Alan is in.

 William picked up – Eric wouldn’t come to the phone. He … he managed to swap his shift last minute with a reaper a little below him. They … don’t think he’s going to make it until tomorrow.

 “So … so I’m too late?” I ask, my stomach clenching.

 “No … no, I think you may have … come just in time.”


	211. William. Draining.

 “Do … yer really think this will work?” Eric asks. I think he is still in shock. So … am I. I cannot believe that Othello actually found something. And … it was in those medical files all along. Alan could have been saved this torture if only they had –

 “William?”

 “Oh, yes, I think it just might.”

 “And a donor? What if we don’t-?”

 “I am sure someone will have a matching blood type. And if push comes to shove, I am sure Othello will be willing.”

 “A-aye ….”

 “Should we get going now?”

 “Aye … no time like the present, ah guess.” He bends down at Alan’s bedside, strokes the side of his face lightly. “Al, by the end of today, yer’ll be feeling all better, okay?”

 Alan can’t give an answer, even if he wanted to. He is in too much pain, has been wailing and crying since last night. I … I don’t think he has been able to sleep, as exhausted as he is. The pain is keeping him from that peace. And … and the sounds he is making – they remind me of … the dying moments during a reap ….  

 We watched as it spread further, took over all of him. Even … the little blood vessels in the whites of his eyes … have turned black ….

 “William, yer grab the canister, and ah’ll pick him up.”

 “Are you sure you are strong enough -?”

 “Tae lift him up? Aye, he’s not exactly heavy.”

 “No, porting us all?”

 “Ah’ll be alright.”

 I nod, walk over to the oxygen canister. I lift it up, and Eric does the same to Alan. It brings a shriek from his lips.

 “Ah … ah’m sorry, Al.”

 “Nghhh!”

 I cannot help but notice how Eric holds him, gently, like he is a small child. Like … he is precious ….

 “When we get tae the hospital, can yer phone Grell? Give her the news?”

 “Yes, of course.” Though I … still don’t know if this is truly good news. It … it could all be another set of false hope ….

\-----------------------------------

 They were expecting us, took us straight into a hospital room upon our arrival. The blood tests have just come back – I and Grell had to take one also, though I already knew my blood type.

 Grell …. She has been trying to catch Othello’s eye ever since she got here, but he is blanking her, finding any reason to leave the room for a short while.

 Eric may have been a donor match, I am not sure, but it matters not – he has this disease too, wouldn’t be able to help his partner as much as he desires it. Grell … isn’t a match, but I am.

 And … and I cannot help but think that Ronald would jump at the chance to help his friend. He has the exact same blood type as Alan ….

 No ….

 Why am I even thinking of him?!

 “I’ll do it.”

 Jonathon eyes me. “Are you sure?”

 “Of course I am.”

 “I warn you, it isn’t going to be pleasant. We will have to take a lot of blood -.”

 “I know, but it is not going to kill me, is it?”

 “No, you are healthy, will be able to replenish the blood quite quickly.” In all honesty, I didn’t mean that as an actual question, wasn’t expecting an answer. “But we will have to take most of your blood. You will probably become dizzy, may even vomit.”

 Yes, I know. I remember from last time I had to give blood …. “My mind is made up.”

 He nods. “Then the nurse will draw some of the blood, and then will give you a short break, a chance to replenish. I am going to get the room prepped for surgery.”

 “Understood.”

 Othello turns to leave the room, and Grell speaks up. “O-Olly, wait -.”

 “Leave me be, Grell.”

 “But -.”

 “I don’t want to speak to you.” He hurries out of the room, and there is an awkward silence.

 It is broken by another one of Alan’s wails.

 “Al … Al, shush.” Eric strokes at his cheek lightly. “N-not long now, okay?” And then he looks at me, smiles. “Thank yer for this.”

 “No problem.”

 “No, ah mean it, ah -.”

 “So do I. It is not a problem.” And really, it is not. Time has almost run out for him, and … and I will not stand aside and do nothing. I will not let them down. God knows I have let someone I cared about down before ….

 Not again. Not again.

\-----------------------------------------------

 As I was … expecting, I feel unwell … so drained. They jabbed me in the neck, my main artery, with this wide needle, took quite a lot of blood.

 “D-don’t … touch me, Grell.” She … has just patted my cheek.

 “Couldn’t help myself, Darling, you looked like you were nodding off.”

 “Hn.”

 “Yer look really pale,” Eric says.

 “You’re one to … talk ….”

\--------------------------------------

 I feel a little better now, have been given enough time to replenish my blood supply. Jonathon has just come back into the room, says the operating room is ready for surgery. He looks over at Alan, who isn’t happy in the slightest. He is writhing as much as he can, groaning loudly.

 “Nurse, I think it best we get Humphries sedated now.” He gives Eric a small smile. “I don’t think he’d appreciate being awake for the blood draining.”

 And it strikes me. He … he isn’t like the other doctors, who didn’t stop to think about Alan’s turmoil. He actually cares … about his suffering and wellbeing ….

\-------------------------

 Alan is given the sedative through his PICC line, Eric stroking at his cheek as he waits for it to take effect. “When yer wake up, Al, yer’ll be all better.” Whether he has actually started to believe it or not, I am not sure.

 The mask is pulled away, just so Eric can give him a lingering kiss – for all we know, it could be their last. And … and I can swear, Alan kisses back, just for a moment, before his body falls limp against the bed.

 He … he looks quite at peace.

 “We’ll take him into surgery now, get his body cooled. William, we will come get you shortly.”

 “Yes, that is fine.”

 “We cannot sedate you also, I am afraid, cannot risk double dosing Mr Humphries.”

 “I wouldn’t want that regardless. I wish to see how this plays out.”

 “Understood.”

\----------------------------

 They … they started to draw blood from me … again, and … part of me wishes I could have been sedated. It … it is such an odd sensation. I … I don’t know – a pulling feeling? It … it shouldn’t be surprising, really, the … size of this needle and tubing ….

 Alan is … surrounded by these metal blocks, ice packed inside of them, is even lying on top of one of them. And there is also some sort of machine – they … they told me … what it was called, but I cannot remember. Bypass … or something of the sort? I … I am beginning to feel rather foggy ….

 More … and more bags are being filled, and … and the dizziness is starting to get the best … of me.

 It … it is cold, very cold in this room ….

 B-but … they are starting to … drain the blood from Alan, so … so quickly. There are so many … tubes in him. And … and I cannot believe my eyes – as this … black, diseased blood drains away, and he … becomes paler – yes … paler. The … the darkness is leaving his skin.

 Astounding ….

 I … I cannot believe – Lord … my … my vision is blurring. I … I feel awful, I ….

\---------------------------------------------

 “Nghhh ….”

 “Oh, Darling, you’re finally with us!”

 Grell? “What?”

 “You blacked out on us.”

 “Oh … I see.” I finally open my eyes, see Jonathon standing above me, right next to Grell.

 “We needed more blood than we first thought, sorry. Mr Humphries had a lot more internal bleeding than I believed possible, so I had to open him up, fix up what I could to give his body a greater chance of recovery.”

 “MMM, I was a little worried, Darling, that we’d killed you off. You went all limp on us.” Yes … yes, that is all well and good, but Alan –

 “How are you feeling?” Jonathon asks.

 “Fine, yes, just drained. Did -?”

 “Then … we both need to … sleep for a week.” That … that voice – I turn my head, am amazed to see Alan on the bed next to mine, awake.

 “It … it worked?”

 “I think so, yes.” Alan gives me a small smile. “Thank you.”

 “Y-you … are welcome.”

 That … that is amazing, astounding.

 Oh … I … I cannot believe this ….

 A … a miracle ….

 Yes, a miracle ….

 I … actually managed to help someone I care for –

 Amazing ….


	212. Grell. Soup.

 “Grell, I don’t need soup.”

 “Nonsense.” I place it down on William’s lap, on a tray. He was sent home from the hospital quite quickly, once he’d had chance to fill his blood bank back up. “You need to eat, keep your strength up.”

 “No, really, I -.”

 “You also said you didn’t need a wheelchair, but who had to carry you up to bed when you collapsed?” I’ve got him now, mmm.

 Oh, and the shame on his face is just precious. “Y-you ….”

 “Yes, so eat it all up. You’re looking quite the pasty little boy.” And he is, bless him. I made sure to tuck him into bed all nice and tight.  

 “Don’t patronise me, Grell.”

 “Hn, just eat your soup.”

 I get a tiny chuckle. “How do I know you haven’t poisoned it?”

 “Oh, would I do such a thing?”

 “Yes, you are a psychopath.”

 I’m grinning from ear to ear, because it feels so right, so normal, bantering like this. Like old times. But … only this time, he’s only joking. He doesn’t say it … to be cruel. Mmm, this is better than old times. “The poison only works once it’s cooled, Darling, so I suggest you eat up.”

 “I better do as I am told.” He takes a spoonful, puts it up to his lips, sips. Hn … he really does think I’m out to get him. “Oh … this is nice.”

 “Don’t look so surprised. I can cook. It was my mother’s recipe, actually.”

 “Oh ….”

 “Bitch would be rolling in her grave if she knew I was using it to feed a man.”

 “Yes, because yours is probably much better than hers could ever be.”

 “What?”

 “You’ve had centuries of practice.”

 “Oh … hmm, good way of looking at it.”

 “Yes. How … are you feeling?”

 “Me? Fabulous! Alan is all better!” I hurry up to him, jab him in the chest with my index fingers, quite a few times. “And that’s all down to you! H-mmm, it’s great!”

 He glares at me “Grell -.”

 “Oh, oh, yes, stop touching you -.”

 “No. I meant how are you feeling? Othello? You knew what I meant the first time I asked.”

 No, no, I did not!

 “Grell?”

 “What?!”

 “It … must have come sharp, him ignoring you like that.”

 “He didn’t ignore me. He told me where to go.”

 “Yes … yes, I do remember that actually ….” He takes another sip of soup. “But I think you should try to talk to him -.”

 “What? Bother him more?! I … I hit him, William, cannot just -.”

 “Have you told him you are sorry?”

 “I haven’t had a chance! He’s avoiding me!”

 “Then I am right in -.”

 “William!” Ughhh! “He is avoiding me! I have tried to see him, but he is never at home.” Even though we started to live together, he still had his own house, needed it for his endless hordes of junk. “I … I think he is living somewhere else … just to get away from me.”

 Ouch … my aching heart ….

 “I see.”

 “And … I would talk to him, apologise, if only I could.”

 “You … could always corner him at work -.”

 “No! No, I can’t! He’d get pissy if I disturbed him at work!” Even … when we were together, he wasn’t so keen.

 “I think you need to get everything off your chest.”

 “Oh, you’re one to talk -.”

 “Y-yes, I know … but I am … a bit of a wimp. You are not.”

 Hah! Did he seriously just admit to that? Oh, Willy!

 “Grell, d-don’t laugh at me!”

 “I … I can’t help myself!”

 “Just go talk to him, would you?”

 “No, I don’t think I will.”

 “Are you scared?”

 “No … I just need to make sure you don’t faint on me again.”

 “I am fine.”

 “Nope! I need to, Darling.” I jump on the bed, want him to understand that I’m not going anywhere.

 “Ack! Grell, the soup!”

 “Hmm?”

 “It almost spilt!”

 “Oh, oh, you poor thing.”

\------------------------------------

 I went in the end, to speak to Olly. It wasn’t that Willy said anything else about him, more that … I knew he wanted to say more. Or … or it could just have been my own subconscious. Hn, probably. My mind always does work against me.

 So … I went to the lab, just to be told he wasn’t there. There was this nice man there, though, who told me that Olly was in his office. Now I just need to knock on the door ….

\----------------------

 “Just go away!”

 “Olly -.”

 “I … I told you I didn’t want to see you. Why can’t you respect that?”

 “Because you won’t let me apologise.” He won’t even let me speak!

 Just seeing him so up close makes my heart swell. I … I just want to pour all my feelings out.

 “Fine … fine, you’re sorry. Now go.”

 “No!” He … he won’t even look at me! “Olly, please, I … I really am sorry. I … I didn’t mean to hit you -.”

 “Well you did, and you can’t take that back.”

 “Olly -.”

 “Enough!” He shoves the chair off its legs as he stands up. And … and he’s glaring at me. I … I’ve never seen him look at me like that before. “Yes, you didn’t mean it, and yes, you act out when you’re upset, but that doesn’t excuse you. You crossed the line, and there’s no going back from that.”

 “Olly, please -.”

 “No! And it wasn’t just that, was it? You … you treated me like a slave!”

 “No, I -.”

 “Yes! Yes, you did! Every day, I’d come home, have to work on a cure straight away or you’d go mad.”

 “No, I -.”

 “You treated me like crap!”

 “I … I was worried … about -.”

 “Alan, yes, Alan. But what about me? Y-you … didn’t care about me, treated me like a piece of dirt on your shoe. If … if I wasn’t helping, I wasn’t worth your time.”

 He … he’s right. I … I did act like a spoilt brat. Oh …. That hurts ….  A … few tears start to trickle. “I … I know, but I do care about you.”

 “Hn, maybe, until something else happens to one of your friends -.”

 “No -.”

 “Yes! Then it’ll be goodbye Othello again.”

 “O-Olly, st-stop it, you’re … making me feel awful.”

 “Good! You know how you made me feel now!” He turns his back on me. “Like I was worthless, so … so go away.”

 “Olly, please, I’m begging -.”

 “Go away! I don’t want to see you ever again!”

 “No! You don’t mean that! Y-you’re just saying that … because y-you still love me!”

 I hear him grunt. “Go now, or so help me, I’m calling security.”

 No, no – “Y-you … wouldn’t do that to me!”

 “I want you to stop harassing me!”

 “B-but … I still love you ….”

 “No, no, you don’t. You don’t treat the people you love how you treated me. N-now go.” He turns around – he … he’s crying. “Grell, just go.”

 “No -.”

 “I have to move on! S-so … do you.”

 “Olly, no, no, you -.”

 “I hate you!”

 “N-no.” More tears! “No, you don’t!”

 “Y-yes, yes, I do! You broke my heart! I don’t want you anywhere near me.” He grabs his chair, lifts it up to standing, and sits back down at his desk. “Look, when someone asks for space, you’d do well to listen to them.”

 “Y-you … really loath me that much?” He … he’s not looking at me again. Why … why won’t he –

 “Just go away, Grell.” He wipes his face on his sleeve, gets back to work. “I can’t be bothered with your drama anymore.”

 I … I can’t help it, start blubbering like a baby. “Fine! Fine, I’ll go! If I mean so little to you, I’ll just piss off!”

 “Thank you.”

 Oh ….

 He … he didn’t … even flinch, pause, anything ….

\-------------------------------------

 “It didn’t go so well?” He … he actually looks concerned. Or horrified. Probably horrified. The … the makeup has pretty much melted off of my face.

 “N-no.” I flop down on Willy’s bed. Oh, this is so embarrassing, crying like this. My fists bang against the bedsheets. “H-he hates me!”

 “He said that?”

 “Yes!” I roll over, curl up against his side. “H-he … he wants me to just go away – b-but … doesn’t everyone? They … they all think I’m a nuisance.”

 “No, not everyone.”

 “Oh, don’t give me that. You of all -.”

 “You grew on me.”

 “Hn, but you can’t even stand to be near me. I … I think I must be making your skin crawl -.”

 “I hate contact with anyone, Grell. It is not a reflection on you.”

 “I … I’m not repulsive?”

 “Not any more than any other person.”

 “W-wonderful.” Apart from Ronnie, obviously …. I do wonder what it is about that young man that is irresistible to him ….

 “Sarcasm?”

 “N-no. D-do … I have to move?” Say no … say no.

 “No … it … it is alright. You are obviously upset … and I wish not to make it worse.”

 “Th-thank you.” I snuggle up to him more – the sheets are probably caked thick in mascara by now.

 “I wouldn’t worry yourself, Grell. You said sorry, didn’t you?”

 “Y-yes … yes, but he … doesn’t care.”

 “At least he knows.”

 “He … he thinks I’m a bully.”

 “He said that?”

 “In … in so many words.”

 “No, no -.”

 “I hit … him, William. I … I am a terrible person.”

 “We all make mistakes, all act out at times. Doesn’t make you any less of a person.”

 “Hmm ….”

 “Honestly, I wouldn’t worry yourself. I think he will come around eventually.”

 Hn, I doubt it … but “why are you being so kind to me all of a sudden?”

 “A reality check, I suppose.”

 “Hmmm?”

 “I … suppose today has really shown me … how important friends are.”

 “Oooh ….” I sniff. “So … you won’t mind me using you as a pillow for the next few hours, hmm?”

 “I’d like some more soup.”

 “I’m not your slave, Willy!”

 I feel his chest move as he chuckles. “And I am not a headrest, Grell.”

 “Hmm, touché, touché.”


	213. Eric. Miracle.

 I’ve just brought Al home from the hospital, carried him to the upstairs landing. He wasn’t there for long, really – a couple of hours after he came around from the operation, just a wee while after William had gone home.

 They ran some tests, gave him a really good dose of fluids. The tests results are looking good, but Jonathon wants to do the blood draining a few more times, just to be sure.

 Need to strip every single speck of this illness from his body.

 I’m not taking any chances, no matter how scary that whole procedure was. I’m sure William won’t be too pleased when I tell him, though. He wasn’t so keen on passing out from blood loss.

 I’m really … thankful to William for going through that, for us. If we’d have had to wait for another donor, just one more day – I don’t want to think about it. And there’s no need to think on it, because that isn’t reality.

 I … I think I’m still in shock.

 “So …bed, or bath?”

 Al yawns, presses his face into my shirt. “Hmm … I’m sleepy, but a bath is too tempting.”

 “Bath it is then.”

\-------------------------------

 There we go, all wrapped up. Electric blanket on, dressing gown around his wee frame. “Hmm … all snuggly.”

 “Aye.”

 “It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

 “It is. Ah’m still in shock.” My fingers run through his damp hair. “We need tae buy Othello a thank yer present. Chocolate or something.”

 “He doesn’t like chocolate, Eric. Liquorice would be better.”

 “Oh, alright then. And … well, it isn’t over yet, ah guess. A few more procedures -.”

 “It is over.”

 “What?”

 “The disease, it’s gone. I know it is.” He smiles at me. “I can just tell.”

 “How?”

 “I feel normal again. I … I don’t know. I … I was always freezing, like … the cold was in my bones. And … then … the awful fevers would come. But now … it’s gone, and … and so is everything else – I can think again, don’t … don’t feel like I’m trapped inside this dying body.”

 Don’t say dying …. “Yer still need tae get those other – ah don’t want tae risk yer getting worse again.”

 “I know, Eric, I know. All … I’m saying is that you don’t need to worry now. I … I’m going to be okay.”

 “Ah’ll never stop worrying about yer, Al.”

 “I … I know.” His eyes go a bit wide. “Y-you need to get yourself cured too!”

 “Ah will, Al, once yer’re all better.”

 “No … no, you have to do it tomorrow! You … you can’t risk getting sicker -.”

 “Al, babe, cannae ah just enjoy spending some time with yer first?” I shuffle down in bed, peck him on the cheek. “We haven’t been able tae talk like this in months.”

 “No, we haven’t, and it’s lovely, but -.”

 “Once yerr treatment is over, ah’ll get right on it, alright?” I give him a wee smile. “And besides, ah don’t think Jonathon is going tae treat anyone else until he’s sure it’s worked for yer.”

 “That’s silly,” he pouts.

 “Aye, but it’s the truth, isn’t it?”

 “It is. I … guess … I’ll have to … be a little bit patient – I … I can’t help but worry.”

 “Don’t.” I rub at his side with an open hand. “Ah’m nowhere near as sick as yer were. Ah can afford tae wait a few more days.”

 “I … I don’t know if my … nerves can.”

 “Then focus on the good things, okay? How much better yer feel already.”

 “How it doesn’t hurt to breathe …. Hmm ….” His expression softens. “There … are so many positives to focus on, yes.”

 “That’s the spirit.”

 “It … it is. Can I lie on top of you?”

 I … I can’t help it – that really makes me smile. “Yer haven’t done that for a while.” 

 He nods slowly, looks away. “Contact … started to … hurt too much.”

 “Aye … ah bet.” My … poor wee lad.

 “But … it’s okay now. My … my skin isn’t so … on edge, if that makes sense?”

 Aye … the nerves aren’t so frazzled now …. “Perfect sense.”

 “Hmm.” He looks back over at me, blushes – he … he can actually blush, has a bit of colour in his cheeks now. Wow …. “Can we … snuggle? In … in just our underwear?”

 “Heh, yer want tae rob my body heat, aye?”

 “Always. Like … old times.”

 “Aye, but ah don’t know if ah’ll be so warm. The Thorns, remember?”

 He rubs at my arm. “You still feel warm to me.”

\-----------------------------

 “Comfy?” My arm loops under his arse.

 “Very ….”

 “Heh, nodding off on me already?”

 “Yes. I’m still … so tired.”

 “Ah bet. That operation would knock anyone about.”

 “No … no, it’s not that.”

 “Then what is it?”

 “The … the sickness … it exhausted me, but … I think … the pain stopped my body from being able to rest. No … no deep sleep, I guess? But now, my body is relaxed – sorry, I’m rambling.”

 “No, yer’re not. It’s been too long since we’ve had a proper conversation, so if yer want tae talk about how much better yer’re feeling, ah’m all ears.”

 “No ….” He gives me a soft giggle. “Sleep seems better.”

 “Aye, it does. Al, yer’re so warm.”

 “Exactly. It … it’s not ice, or fire. Just … all nice and cosy. So … comfortable – I could lie like this forever.”

 “Well, it’s not like we have tae be anywhere, is it?”

 “Hmm … thank goodness for that.” He presses his face right into the crease of my neck. “Warm – Eric!”

 “Aye?”

 “Don’t grab my butt!”

 “But it’s all warm and firm,” I chuckle.

 He giggles back. “Nighty, night, Eric.”

 “Goodnight, my wee miracle.”

 “Th-that’s so cute, Eric.”

 “It’s true though, isn’t it?”

 “It is.”

 “And … yer held on for me. Ah -.”

 “I did, so don’t try to kill me off again.”

 “Ah … ah’m sorry.” Shite … I can’t believe he remembered that ….

 “Forgiven. Just don’t do it again.”

 “Ah promise.”

 “Good. Sleep well, Eric.”

 “Aye, yer too.” Of course I’m going to sleep well. Because Al’s alright, and that’s all that really matters. That’s all that’s ever mattered to me.


	214. Ronald. Hiding away.

***Tuesday 27th February***

 I just can’t … get my shit together … at the minute. The trial is in two days, two fucking days ….

 I’m freaking out, proper freaking out. I … I thought, oh yeah, just get this trial outta the way, and everything’s gonna be all fine. Fucking fine.

 Well it’s not, it’s not fine! I’m shitting myself. Those guys, I … I don’t wanna see them again. Their faces are … are like the things n-nightmares are made of. My … my fucking nightmares! Literally!

 I … I thought I could deal with it, because … I had to go there, get it done.

 B-but … now, I … I don’t even know if they’re gonna end up in jail. I mean, there’s no reason to think that, because the police have a fuck-tonne of evidence … but I dunno, I … I just worry. No, no, not worry. I … I’m fucking losing my mind!

 I mean, if they don’t go to jail, it’s gonna fuck me up. Knowing that they’re back on the street – fuck, my … my h-heart is racing just thinking about it.

 I’m a mess, I … really am. Haven’t been studying, have been snapping at my family a lot. Especially Grandma, especially when she keeps trying to get me to go through a text book, or work through a mock exam – I … I got so far along, thanks to George, that we were on the last year of primary school level. But now … fuck, my … mind has forgotten most of what I’ve learnt.

 Nah … nah, it’s probably still in there somewhere – I just … just can’t think straight.

 And … and everyone is being super supportive. Grandma didn’t snap back at me, kinda left me alone for a bit after each snap or shout.

 Grandpa is being really kind, and Mom, once she finally got over the shock of the dead guy in the attic, well … she thinks I’m special – I … I dunno, really, like I’ve got a gift? Yeah, I guess I have? And it’s … pretty cool. Yeah … yeah, I guess it is.

 Jay noticed pretty early on that I wasn’t doing so great, said he’d take me away on holiday after the trial and everything is all over. A real holiday, in America somewhere. So … so Grandma got my application for a passport sent off. Jay’s gonna book it as soon as the passport comes in.

 And … and that’s amazing, it really is – LA or Orlando … and … and he’s gonna pay for the whole thing – well, said he would, but I don’t think Grandma will let him pay for her grandson. But … I … I just can’t look forward to it. It’s like I … can’t even imagine getting past the trial, feeling better, happier.

 Fuck ….

 I … I don’t think I’ve been right since the day George took me over – it … it’s weird. And … and Al’s probably dead by now! I didn’t … even get to say goodbye, and … and I know it would have fucked me up more, b-but I should have gone, at least told him in person how much he meant to me. I … I’ve missed that chance now, can’t ever get it back.

 I’m a fucking terrible friend.

 Yeah, yeah, I am! Grell was pretty much begging me to come back – she was struggling with something, I could tell, and … and I just fucked her off.

 Then there’s Will – I … I could have seen him, could have tried to set shit straight.

 But no, I had to stay, had to deal with this trial. Pfft, had to be the big, brave man – look where that got me! Shitting myself, ending up not wanting anything to do with … with this fucking trial!  

 That … necklace is getting more and more tempting … by the minute. But … but Mom, I … I can’t do that to her. Can’t just run off. It’d destroy her … probably.

 N-not … not feeling a lot of self-worth right now ….

 Fucking pathetic ….

\-------------------------------

***7.10pm***

 “Come on … give it to me. Ronald, give it to me.” Jay holds out a hand, is … is looking super concerned. I … I feel … so guilty right now ….

 He … he found me hiding … in the bottom of a massive wardrobe, crying.

 “N-no.” The sharp things have been locked away since we moved in here … every single little thing … but today, a small knife got left out by mistake. Perfect … timing ….

 “Please?”

 “No.” I … I haven’t even had chance to use it yet. I … I guess something was stopping me …. Shit ….

 “Okay … well, stop hiding in there, okay? We can talk.”

 “I … I don’t wanna – y’ … y’ already know wha’ tha matter is.” Most of it ….

 “The trial?”

 “Y-yeah.”

 “Well, at least Arthur isn’t going to be there. That’s one positive, isn’t it?”

 “No … y’ don’t ge’ it. I … I’m glad he’s gone … but when I was … little, I never saw his face. Saw it … on tha evidence footage … but I … I saw those other guys – I … I saw their faces when they did tha’ … shit ta me. They’re tha ones … tha’ really terrify me.”

 “I … I understand, but come the end of this trial, you’ll never have to see their faces again.”

 “Y-yeah … I guess.” If … if I even make it … through that. I … I can’t do this, I –

 He reaches into the wardrobe, pats my knee. “You’ll get through this. You’re stronger than you think.”

 “No, no, I’m not …. I … I -.”

 “Yes, you are, so … so just give me the knife, okay?”

 “B-but … I need it!”

 “No -.”

 “I … I do. I … I feel like shit.”

 “But you’ve been doing so well.”

 “B-but what’s tha … point? Yeah … I do well, but then things go wrong, and … and I’m back cravin’ this again. I … I wanna ge’ so … high right now. Why … why do I even try?! When nothin’ seems ta ge’ better?!”

 “But you have gotten better. Look at how healthy you look now. And you have a roof over your head, have your family back.”

 “S-so? I … I’m still strugglin’.”

 Another pat. “You’re probably always going to have temptation, and that’s part of recovery. But you have to think … in the long run, is doing this going to make you feel any better?”

 “C-cuttin’?”

 “Or abusing alcohol, or drugs?”

 “N-not in tha long run … no.” But … but right now, it’d help. I … I need something! Ah shit … more tears.

 “So … can I have the knife?”

 I look away from him, grip onto the knife handle harder.

 “Ronnie, please? You know you’ll only feel worse from it. You’ll be sore in the next few days, and that won’t help with anything.”

 “Y-yeah … I know.” He … he is right … and I can’t do … it now anyway. He … he’d find out, and things would be … even shittier. I … I remember how … shit would always hit the fan when … when Will would find out …. I … I don’t wanna … drive him away too, d-don’t … wanna be alone again! “F-fine … here.” I hold out my hand – fuck … shaky.

 “Thank you.” He takes the knife away carefully. “I’ll go put this away, but then I’ll be right back, okay?”

 “A-are … y’ … gonna tell Mom ‘bout … this?”

 “No …. I … I don’t think that would help – you’re stressed enough. And … I think … once this trial is out of the way, you’ll be feeling a lot calmer.”

 I … I hope so ….

 Fuck … he’s so … so fucking level-headed. If … if only I had that gift ….

 Shit ….

 I’m just a wreck … of a person, unstable. Y-yeah, unstable ….

\---------------------------

 Jay’s just gotten back into the room, is sitting down outside of the wardrobe. “You going to come out, Ronnie?” He gives me a little smile.

 “I … I – a-are y’ … mad at me?”

 “No, Ronnie, of course not. We all have bad days, and slip ups are bound to happen, but … but you didn’t slip up. I’m so proud of you for that.”

 “I … I don’t feel proud of … myself. I … I should’ve never picked up tha’ knife in tha first place. M-might … ‘ave used it too … if y’ hadn’t come in.”

 “But you hadn’t – how long were you in that wardrobe before I came in?”

 “A … a long time.” Ever since … I spent a bit of time with the family earlier on. S-said … I wasn’t feeling well, said I … I was going to take a nap. Fucking … liar. I … I’ll always be a fucking liar ….

 “See, you held off a little, right?”

 “Y-yeah.” I gulp. “P-part of me … didn’t – well … knew it wouldn’t help. And … and I haven’t … really done anythin’ … since I got ta Grandma’s. S-second thoughts, y’ know?”

 He flashes me a warm smile. “Good. That’s a good sign, Ronnie, impulse control.”

 “Y-yeah.”

 “Do you want to come out of there now? Have a cuddle?”

 “S-sure.”

\---------------------------

***8.23pm***

 We’re in bed now, Jay cuddling me really tightly. Not … not helping much though ….

 Shit … I need to … get something off my chest. It … it’s driving me loony … keeping it to myself. “Jay … I need ta tell y’ somethin’.”

 “Of course; you know you can tell me anything.”

 “R-right, yeah.”

 “What is it you need to tell me?”

 “D-do … y’ remember tha day tha’ George took me over?”

 “Yes – oh … did it hurt you?”

 I rub at my eyes, rub the new tears away. “N-no … no, I … I didn’t feel anythin’, Jay, at all. And … and I … I liked it.”

 “P-pardon? You weren’t aware at the time?”

 “No, it … it was like I wasn’t even there, like … I didn’t exist.” I … take a deep breath, exhale really slowly …. “Wh-when … he took me over, I … I didn’t feel a thing. And … and it was great, Jay. No … pain, no feelings, nothin’. Tha … tha cuttin’ and … stuff numbs … out m-most of tha … emotions, sometimes, but … but nothin’ like tha’. It … it was jus’ nothin’, p-peace.”

 He pulls away from me, sits up in bed. “Ronald, are you … saying y-you want to end it?”

 “I … I dunno – jus’ … jus’ want things ta … stop.”

 His face falls. Shit. “Ronald, no – look, you … you felt nothing when George – maybe – but y-you started to feel bad not long after that. The feelings ... will always return.”

 What? “H-how … did y’ know tha’?”

 “I could tell. You haven’t been yourself for a while, but … look, you know there’s an afterlife, don’t you? The reapers -.”

 “Y-yeah, I know.”

 “So … doing something to yourself, it … it wouldn’t be the end, would it? The feelings wouldn’t stop. But they can get better, okay?”

 Right … whatever …. “O … okay.”

 He cups my cheek. “They will. Ronnie, you might have highs and lows, but I think things are slowly on the up.”

 “I … I guess … overall, yeah.” Probably … maybe, I dunno ….

 “Just promise me you won’t do anything to yourself, okay?”

 A … lump forms in my throat. Numb … I … I can’t get that – he … he’s right. I … I’d probably just … burn in hell instead. Not … not good enough … for heaven. “Yeah, I … I promise.”

 “Thank you.” He leans forward, kisses my cheek.

 Yeah … I promise.

 Probably … maybe, I … I dunno.


	215. Molly. Worn out.

***Wednesday 28th February***

***6.16pm***

 “Ronald, you have to calm down.”

 “Nghh!” Father tries to grab a hold of Ronald, but he pulls away. I … I don’t even know what happened. Ronnie hasn’t been doing so well … so me and Mother sat him down earlier, told him that we want him to go into therapy. Well … we didn’t say therapy, just that we thought it best he speak to someone.  

 “Get away from me!”

 And … and he seemed fine with it, a bit nervous, but fine.

 But … not long ago, he … he just flipped. Screaming through the house, throwing things. I … I don’t know what to do.

 “Come on, calm down.”

**Crash!**

 Father … he grabs a hold of Ronnie, pins him against the dining room table. He … he doesn’t really have a choice. Either he’ll hurt someone, or hurt … himself.

 Ronnie … has thrown things at him … at me too. He … he has a nasty gash on his forehead from … a plate. Mother … had to take the lil ones upstairs because my lil boy was kicking up such a fuss ….

 “Get off me!” He’s trying to … to wiggle out of his grip.

 “No, no, not until ya calm down.”

 “No!” He pushes his face against the table. “Y’ don’t understand! Let me go!”

 “Sw-sweetie ….” My … my poor lil boy. I hurry over to him. “It … it’s okay, Ronnie, I … I know ya’re scared -.”

 “Fuck off!”

 “Hey, hey, none of that,” Father says. “Y-ya … ya’re having a little bit of an episode, and that’s understandable, but throwing things around the room isn’t going to help.”

 “G-go … away.”

 “Ronnie, don’t do that!” He … he’s just smacked his … his head against the table – again! “Stop it!”

 “Go away!”

 I stick my hand in the way. “I said no.”

 “Nghhh ….”

 “Ronnie.” Father’s voice drops. “I’ll let go of ya, but ya have to calm down, okay?” A … a wail comes from my lil boy – breaks my heart. “Ronnie, can ya do that for me?”

 “Th-things are gonna be alright, Ronnie.” I gulp. “I … I know ya’re frightened about tomorrow, we all are -.”

 “Y’ … y’ are?”

 “Y-yes, sweetie. I … I’m bricking it.”

 “K ….”

 Father leans over, gives Ronnie a small kiss on the head. “Can I let go of ya now?” I … I know he’s hating every moment of this. No … no one wants to manhandle a loved one.

 Ronnie makes a small crying sound, but … but stops struggling. “Y-yeah.”

 “Alright.” He takes his hands away, and Ronnie pushes himself up. He turns around – “Ronnie!”

 Oh … oh thank goodness – Father catches him – his … his legs have buckled. “I’ve got ya.”

 Ronnie … his … his breathing is all over the place. “R-Ronnie, y-ya ‘ave to calm down or … or ya’re gonna ‘ave a full-on panic attack.”

 “Nghh.”

 “It’s alright, Ronnie.” Father holds him tight against his chest. “I’ll get ya up to bed, alright?”

 Oh … he’s shaking so … badly. And … and I … I don’t know what to … say or do … to help him. Reassurance … isn’t working. “I … I wanna … see Jay,” he wheezes.

 “He’s probably on ‘is way, Sweetie. He said he’d be ‘ere tonight, remember?”

 “N-no … ph-phone him. Make … make sure.”

 “Ya need cuddles and kisses?” Father asks softly.

 “Y-yeah. Mom … phone him, p-please?”

 “Okay, I will.”

 “Th-thanks.”

\---------------------------------

 I go upstairs, find them both in the room I sleep in. Ronnie is sitting on the edge of the bed, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders – Father’s arm is wrapped pretty tightly around too. “Jay’s on his way, Sweetie.”

 Father looks over at me, shakes his head.

 “Wh-what is it?”

 “He’s having a bit of trouble getting his words out right now.”

 I … I get this sudden rush of sadness, more so than earlier. “Oh … Ronnie.” I hurry over to them, sit down on the other side of him. “Sweetie, once this trial is over, things will -.”

 “D-don’t.”

 “He doesn’t want to talk about it.” Father gives me a lil smile.

 “But … ya know ya need to talk things through, ‘oney, ya -.”

 “M-Mom … n-not now.” His face scrunches up, and … and he starts to sob again.

 “For tonight, I think it best we leave it be.”

 “O-okay.” But … he does need to talk, even if it is hard. He … he won’t make it through his therapy sessions otherwise. Am … am I being too pushy?

 Ronnie is pulled into a hug, Father rocking him lightly. “There, there, Ronnie. Why don’t ya try to get some sleep?”

 “C-can’t.”

 “Too anxious?”

 “Y-yeah. I … I’m sorry, Grandpa … I didn’t … mean t-ta … throw … somethin’ at y’.”

 “Yes, ya shouldn’t have done that … but things are tough at the moment. Just don’t do it again, okay?”

 “I … I promise.”

 Father pats him on the back, and then starts to rub it. “Alright, good.”

 “I’m sorry!”

 “I know, I know. Just concentrate on taking deep breaths, okay? Like we talked about earlier?”

 “K-kay ….”  

 “Is ya ‘ead okay?” I ask Father. The … the gash is pretty nasty.

 “It’s fine, don’t worry about me.”

\------------------------------------

***7.12pm***

 “Hey.” Jay leans over the bed, strokes at Ronnie’s cheek. He’s been crying, was hiding in Father’s chest before Jay came into the room. “I came as quickly as I could. How are you feeling?”

 “M-my … chest really h-hurts.”

 “Did you have a panic attack?”

 “Y-yeah, b-but it r-really hurts.”

 “It’ll ease off, I promise.”

 “N-no, my … my heart’s racin’.”

 “That’s a part of a panic attack, Ronnie.” He gives my boy a warm smile. “And I know it’s scary, but this feeling isn’t going to last forever. You just need to try your best to work through it, okay?”

 Ronnie sniffs loudly. “O-okay.” He nuzzles his cheek against Jay’s hand. “I … I feel really cr-crappy.”

 “I know, babe, but it won’t be like this forever.”

 “R-right. C-can I ‘ave a cuddle?”

 “Of course you can.”

\----------------------------------

***Thursday 1st March***

***2.04am***

 Ronnie fell asleep around midnight, is snuggled up tightly against Jay – I think my poor boy just exhausted himself from all the crying. He looks so pale.

 I … I can’t sleep; I’m so worried about Ronnie. That … that episode of his earlier on … was more than just a little concerning. It scared the lil ones … I know that much.

 I … I think the sooner we get him into therapy, once the trial is over, the better. He … he really does need to find his own, healthy way, of coping.

 Father left the room around nine, is sleeping in with the lil ones tonight. I … I really should get them to sleep in their own rooms, but that wouldn’t be fair. I … I don’t see Ronnie sleeping on his own anytime soon, and when Jay isn’t on the scene, he’s right there sleeping at my side.

 I’m going to head to bed myself soon, will probably just spend the night in a spare room … but something is on my mind.

 It … it has been for a while now, but I haven’t had chance to speak to Jay in private. Ronald won’t tell me, changes the subject when I ask … and that concerns me.

 I watch as Jay rubs at Ronald’s back lazily. Must be tired himself …. “So … ‘ow did ya two meet?”

 The rubbing stops. “Oh … it’s a long story.”

 “Is it really that bad?”

 He pinches the top of his nose. “Y-yes … it is.”

 Oh … no, no – I … I feared it may be the case, but – my teeth grind together. “Ya picked ‘im up off the street, didn’t ya? My lil boy was struggling and ya -.”

 “Yes … b-but … it … it wasn’t what you think.”

 “Then what was it?!” I trusted him around my Ronnie and –

 “I was driving home one night, saw this kid on the side of the road. So … so I offered him a place to stay for the night.”

 “Ya expect me to believe that? Ya just took ‘im ‘ome out of the goodness of ya ‘eart?”

 “It … it’s the truth. We … we were having a thunder storm – I just … thought he was homeless, didn’t realise what he was doing for a living. I … I didn’t want him freezing to death.”

 “But ya still slept with ‘im, didn’t ya? Didn’t ya?!”

 “H-he … he came onto me. And … and my partner had died, I was -.”

 “That doesn’t make it right!”

 “You think I don’t know that?! You … you think … I don’t regret it every time I look at him?”

 “Well if that’s the case, why are ya still ‘ere?”

 He frowns at me. “Because Ronnie wants me here.”

 “Well he shouldn’t. Ya’re disgusting!”

 “I know, I know. But … but I never wanted him … to be suffering from this drug addiction. I … I begged him to stop, told him that he could live with me … with no strings attached.”

 He … he really thinks that matters?! “I don’t care! Ya still ‘urt ‘im!”

 I hear him gulp. Good … good, he should feel guilty! “N-not intentionally, n-no. I … I never lay a finger on him. B-but … I regret giving him … money, yes.”

 “Ya -.”

 “But he … he wouldn’t have come back to stay with me if I had hurt him. He … he’s said it himself, he … he isn’t holding grudges.”

 “He isn’t a well man, ya know that.” I hear Ronnie whine in his sleep – it … it’s probably the shouting. “Look, once this trial is over, I want ya out of ‘is life. Am I making myself clear?”

 He nods slowly. “Perfectly.”

\--------------------------

***2.23am***

 I … I had to leave the room in the end, couldn’t look at his face any longer. I … I really wanted to kick him out of the house, tell him to fuck off and never come back … b-but … that wouldn’t have done Ronnie any good. But then –

 Oh … I don’t know. I … I don’t even know what IS best anymore.

 I … I was expecting the worst to come out of that man’s mouth … but to actually hear it – oh … it has knocked me about, made me so angry. No … fuming.

 Can’t do right for doing wrong here ….

 I went up to the attic some time ago, brought up a pen and a piece of paper. I … I didn’t expect it to work, but Grandfather has been writing things down for me for a little while. He … explained that he wouldn’t be able to do it for long. It drains a lot of energy.

 I ... I just needed someone to confide in ... and no one else was awake .... And ... Grandfather always made me feel welcome. He ... he's always been so good to talk to. 

 The pen moves across the paper again – amazing. I squint – he has messy, swirling handwriting. ‘Everyone makes mistakes, Molly’.

 “Th-this … this isn’t just a mistake! He … he paid my son for sex!”

 ‘Then I don’t know what to suggest. Maybe you should speak to Ronald, find out his take on it all?’

 “No … no, he isn’t thinking straight. He … he isn’t a well man, Grandfather. And … and this is the problem, isn’t it? I never know what’s best for ‘im. He … he seems to do well for a while … and … and then, he … he just slips again. What if I’m noh doing right by ‘im?”

 ‘All you can do is try your best’.

 “D-do ya think that will be enough for ‘im?”

 ‘I honestly don’t know. I do worry for him. Even when he seems happy, I can feel this sadness radiating off of him. He’s in a lot of pain. For me, it’s painful just to be around him. His feelings are so intense’.

 A few tears run down my face. “O … okay.”

 ‘I’m sorry I don’t have words of reassurance’.

 “No … no, I’d rather ya be ‘onest.” I wipe at my eyes. “I … I just ‘ope the therapy will work.”

 ‘I hope so too’.

 “I … I just don’t know what to do. Sometimes … I feel like I’m spinning in circles with ‘im.”

 ‘Don’t let it discourage you. He needs you, needs the love of his family’.

 “No … no, I’d never give up on ‘im. I … I’m just scared for my lil boy.”

 ‘Because you love him and you care. I’m sorry, Molly, but I have to go’.

 “W-worn out?”

 ‘Yes’.

 “Alright … no problem. Thank ya for listening.”

 ‘Anytime’. I feel a cold hand on my shoulder. A comforting gesture … that freezes me to the bone.

 I … I feel pretty worn out too. I … I really do.


	216. Ronald. Chaos.

***Thursday 1st March***

 Ugh … head’s pounding. I … I don’t feel like I’ve been asleep. But … but Jay did say … I had slept alright.

 Oh … oh right, last night. Oh … shit, last night. “D-does Grandpa … hate me now?”

 “No, of course not. He knows you’re stressed.”

 “Y-yeah.” Fuck …. “Wha’ time is it?”

 “Ummm.” Jay looks at his phone. “Almost half nine.”

 “Shit ….” I bury my face in his shirt. “I … I hoped it’d be … earlier.”

 “Why? It’s important to get enough sleep so you don’t get poorly.”

 “I … I know.”

 “Then why aren’t you happy about having a bit of a lie in?”

 Y-yeah … any other day, I’d want it to be later …. “Because it means … tha trial is tha’ much closer.” One o’clock … one o’clock – only … three and a half hours to go. Fuck ….

 “Well ….” I feel his hand rub at my back. “Maybe you should think of it another way. You have less time to be in a panic, less minutes to wait it out.”

 He … he’s right, I guess. “Tha … tha dread won’t build up … as much, I guess.”

 “Yeah, exactly. Want me to get you something to eat?”

 “N-no … my stomach is fucked this mornin’.” It … it’s probably been going over since last night, even during sleep ….

 “I think you should eat something. You’re going to need energy for later on.” He pats me between the shoulder blades. “It … it’s going to be draining on you.”

 “I know … but I’ll probably jus’ throw it all back up anyway.”

 “Is your stomach really that upset?”

 “Y-yeah.” I … I’m surprised I haven’t shit myself or something. It’s that fucking bad.

 “Well you need to have something. Fruit juice? Just something to get some sugar into you.”

 “Alright … yeah.” Doesn’t sound too … impossible … just to drink something. “I … I think Mom has a smoothie … in somewhere.”

**Bang. Bang.**

 “Shit!”

 “Ronnie, it … it’s alright, it’s just the door, okay?” Jay grabs me gently, pulls me against him again.

 “Nghh ….” H-heart just skipped a beat. I … I jumped a fucking foot. I gulp. “K-kay.”

 “Well, can I come in or not?” Oh … it’s James.

 “S-sure.” I sit up in bed – shit … didn’t realise I was shaking so much ….

 The door gets pushed open, my little bro coming into the room. “Mom says you need to come down for breakfast.”

 “Wh-why isn’t she comin’ in ta tell me?”

 “Dunno. She’s being a right grump today.”

 “She’s probably just stressed.” Jay says. “I … I think all us grownups are.”

 “Pfft, why? I’m stuck here with the butler.” He pouts. “Boring.”

 Oh yeah … they’re not in school today. Grandma decided it was … probably best to keep them at home … because … we … we don’t know how long … this trial is gonna run for. It’ll be short … I hope …. “I … I thought y’ didn’t like school anyway?”

 “It’s alright, if you ignore the snobs.” He walks a little closer to us. “A-are you okay, bro?”

 I look away, shake my head slowly. “N-not … really.”

 “Okay. You really scared us last night.” I hear him sigh. “Emma was upset.”

 “I’m r-really sorry, mate.”

 “It … it’s okay. I’m just worried about you.”

 “He’ll be alright once today is over with,” Jay states.

 “Really? Ronnie, is that true?”

 “Y-yeah, I hope.” James has been super nice to me lately … I think because I’d been playing football and things with him. Well … for a small while. And … and I really appreciate him not being a dick …. I … I know it’s been hard on him, losing his dad … and he could have easily held that against me, but he hasn’t. He … he must know enough about what really happened to … understand that it wasn’t my fault. “Hey … y’ think I can ge’ a hug?”

 “That’s gross … but yeah, just this once. Then you need to come down for breakfast, or Grandma will drag you down.”

 “Y-yeah, I bet she would.”

 He climbs onto the bed next to me, snuggles up against my side. “Bro?”

 “Yeah?”

 “Don’t throw things again, okay? It … it hurt Grandpa pretty bad.”

 Shit … now I feel even worse. He … he’s right though. I … I had no excuse for that ….

 I … I really hate myself for … flipping out ….

 “I w-won’t, I promise.”

 “Good. Y-you scared me.”

 “Y’ … y’ think I’m scary?”

 “You … can be, at times, when you act all weird, b-but I know it isn’t your fault. Mom says you’re unwell.”

 Ouch …. I mean … I know I am … but my mom actually saying it …. That hurts ….

 “He’s better than he was,” Jay says, stands up for me. Such a great fucking guy. “And he’ll carry on getting better. But you need to support him, okay?”

 James nods against the top of my arm. “I will.”

 “Th-thanks.”

 Man …. Mom, I … I really could have done without you telling everyone I’m sick. I mean … it’s true, but still … don’t make it even more real! Heart’s … racing again ….

\--------------------------

***11.01am***

 I … I didn’t eat any breakfast, just pushed it around my plate. I mean … it looked nice and all, but … no appetite.

 And … and I don’t know if I was imagining … shit, but things seemed awkward between Mom and Jay. Yeah … yeah, I … I’m losing my mind here.

 Shit … and Grandpa had a plaster on his head …. I … I’m such a fucking cunt ….  

 We’ve just got on the road … are heading to … the courtroom now ….

 Grandma … got us in a limo. I … I guess she wanted us to … make a good impression?  I … I dunno.

 I’m trying … super hard to not crack up again … but on the inside, my – I … I’m having a really fucking hard time ….

 Head’s fucking spinning ….

\---------------------------------------

***11.37am***

 “You’re not looking so good, babe.”

 “No ….” I turn my head – have it resting against the back seat – look at him. “N-not … feelin’ very well.”

 His hand touches my forehead – feels really cold. I hear him sigh. “You always get a fever when you’re under stress.”

 “I … I know.”

 “Ya should rest, sweetie.” Mom speaks up. “It’ll be a good ‘alf an ‘our before we geh where we need to be.”

 “Sleep … sounds good, I guess.” But … but then when I wake up … I … I’ll be there ….

 Shit.

 I … I can’t do this!

\------------------------------------

***12.55pm***

 “Ronnie, we ‘ave to go.”

 “N-no.” We … we’ve been arguing back and forth … for ages now, b-but … I … I can’t get my feet to move … even if I wanted to. I … I’m too scared.

 “We ‘ave to. Ronnie, they’ve called us in.” Mom goes to grab my arm, but I jolt away from her.

 “No!”

 “For goodness sake, we don’t ‘ave a choice!”

 Don’t … don’t shout at me! It’s not helping!

**Thump! Thump!**

 My … my chest … really hurts. Too … too much noise! Chaos … feels … like it’s fucking chaos out here!

 “She’s right, Ronnie.” Grandpa says. “We … we can’t call it off now, even if we wanted to.”

 “B-but … I can’t do this.”

 “Enough!”

 Why … why does she keep shouting?!

 “Ya knew this day was coming, Ronald. Ya ‘ave to do this. Ya want justice, don’t ya?”

**Thump! Thump! Thump!**

 I cover my face with my hands, just … just want to hide away. “N-no ….”

 “Ya don’t want justice?”

 “I … I do!”

 I hear my last name being called … again. The … the guy sounds inpatient.

 “Then … then we ‘ave to go, Ronnie, please -.”

 “No!”

 I … I feel warmth around me – Jay … Jay, he’s cuddling me. “You can do this.” He … he sounds so calm. “Ronnie, you’re stronger than you think, and I know you can do this. We can get these people put away, okay? But you need to face them.”

 “N-no, I … I can’t.”

 “Why not?”

 I pull my hands away, cuddle right up against him. “Wh-wha’ … if they don’t end up in jail?”

 “They will. You know your Grandmother made sure the prosecution was the best possible. That means it’ll be over before you know it.”

**Thump!!!!**

 “R-really?”

 “Yes.” His arms wrap around me properly. “It will, but you need to make your statements, okay?”

 “I … I don’t … ‘ave a … choice, do I?”

 “No … I’m sorry.”

 Shit …. “Y’ … y’ll keep me safe?”

 “We all will. Nothing bad is going to happen to you.”

 “K-kay.” I take a shaky breath. “I … I’ll do it.”

 I hear Mom sigh softly. “Thank ya, Ronnie.” Shut up! You … you shouted at me!

 The hug breaks, Jay wiping my tears away. “Ready?”

 “F-fuck no … b-but … come on, l-let’s do this.”

\---------------------------

 The … courtroom is big … as I walk through the massive doors. I … I got a family group hug … before I walked there. Didn’t help ….

**Thump!**

 I … I feel … so sick. My … my heart’s racing, fucking hammering.

 I … I’m going all hot ….

 Shit … shit!

 My … my vison’s starting to blur.

**Thump! Thump!**

 So … so scared!

 They’re … in there, I … I think. C-can’t … really make them out.

 Shit … shit, don’t wanna see them! I can’t!

 I … I … I don’t feel … so good ….

 “Nghhh ….” Dizzy ….

 “Ronnie!”

**Slam!**


	217. Ronald. Verdict.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, this chap was effort.  
> Thank you, Hellosweetie17, for helping me with the legal stuff - I hadn't a clue, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The man who disabled the security camera went to trial a while back, but Ronnie didn't have to go to that one, didn't know the guy or anything. He didn't get long anyway. :/

***1.09pm***

 “I … I think he’s waking up.”

 “Ronnie? Sweetie, can ya ‘ear me?”

 “Nghhh ….”

 “Sweetie?”

 The … the room’s spinning.

 “Ronnie, are ya with us?” Grandpa ….

 It … it’s coming back into focus … a bit. This … this isn’t my room. “Wh-where … am I?”

 “A quiet room in the courthouse,” Grandma says.

 “C-court – tha trial?!” Oh … oh shit …. I push myself up – I … I’m on a bed?

 Jay bends down in front of it. “Ronnie, forget about the trial for now.”

 “No, no, I -.”

 “Sweetie, y-ya need to calm down, okay?”

 “N-no -.”

 “Yes.” Mom sits down next to me, strokes at my cheek. “Y-ya just passed out on us.”

 I frown. “S-so … this is like a hospital room?” Ugh … head’s … spinning.

 “Yes, I suppose.” Grandma nods. “Apparently, a lot of people have fainting spells in the courtroom. A member of the medical team brought you in here.”

 “W-we … we wanted to take ya to the ‘ospital, but the doctor said ya seemed stable enough – Ronnie, I’m so sorry – I … I shouldn’t ‘ave forced ya -.”

 “H-how long was I out?” I … I don’t wanna hear it – I … I don’t ….

 “A few minutes, tops.” Jay says. “We’ve only just brought you in here – the doctor has gone to speak to the people in charge. The hearing is probably going to be delayed for an hour or so.”

 “R-right … an hour.” **Thump!**

 “I think this is ludicrous, in all honesty,” Grandma folds her arms over her chest. “You could have needed hospital attention and this trial is still going ahead.”

**Thump!**

 I hear Mom sigh. “Mother, what other option is there?”

 “Oh, I don’t know. Postposing it, maybe?”

 “There’s n-no way we can do that.”

 “I have money, can bribe -.”

 “Don’t be stupid!”

**Thump! Thump!**

 “I am not! I am not the idiot here.”

 “I beg ya pardon? What the ‘ell are ya saying?”

 I … I hear Jay grumble under his breath ‘oh, not this again’. They … they do argue a … a lot, and … and it’s not helping.

 “I’m saying what the heck were you thinking earlier? Shouting at him like that? No wonder he fainted!”

 “I … I didn’t mean to shout. Ronnie, y-ya know that, don’t ya? I … I was just stressing -.”

 “He isn’t ready, Molly, you should have known that. And it took you this long to pull your finger out your arse and realise he needs therapy.”

**Thump!**

 I wish they’d just stop!

 “Well ya didn’t say anything either, did ya?!”

 Grandma … looks kinda shocked. I … I guess … she knows Mom has a point. And … and she does. No … no, they both do.  I … I’m just a massive … bundle of nerves, c-can’t … get my … shit together. I … I need some sort … of help ….

 Shit ….

 I … I am poorly ….

\--------------------------------

 “Half an hour?” Grandma g-gives the doctor a really dirty look. “Are you insane? Our poor boy can’t go back in there that soon.”

 At … at least Grandpa got her and Mom to stop fighting. He … he was right with what he said. They … they don’t mean it, aren’t really mad at each other. Just … worried, about the trial … about me. Everyone … everyone’s losing their minds because of me.

 “I am sorry … but they are refusing to hold off the trial any longer.”

 “Then I will just have to make them change the date.”

 “Mother, noh again.”

 “Yes, again! We -.”

 “Enough!” It … it … comes outta my mouth before I … can even stop it. But I … I need to make them understand. “I … I can’t g-go … through this again, I … I can’t.”

 “I know.” Grandma folds her arms over her chest. “That’s why we’re taking you home for today -.”

 “No! No, y’re not listenin’!”

 Jay places his hand on my knee. “We are. What is it that you need us to do?”

 **Thump!** Shit … I … I can’t believe I’m actually – “I … I can’t … go … go through his stress again. Not … tha … waitin’, tha … tha panic.” Shit … my … my guts …. Tangled ….

 “Sweetie, are ya saying ya want to go ahead with the trial?”

 I wipe at my eyes. “I … I just … want this over wi’. All … all of it.”

 “I … I don’t want you collapsing again,” Grandma sighs.

 “I … I … I don’t either, b-but … I … I can’t go through another d-day like this one, j-jus’ can’t.”

 “I think his mind is made up,” Grandpa says.

 “Y-yeah.” I gulp. “It … it is. Jus’ … want this shit … done wi’.” Ugh … ugh … the … the panic is setting in again …. **Thump!**

 “I’ll get you a glass of water.” The doctor says.

 “Th-thanks.”

 “And some sugar,” Jay nods. “Is there a vending machine in this place?”

 “No. But there is a shop about five minutes from here.”

 “Thanks. I’ll get you something, okay, Ronnie?”

 “S-sure.”

 Y-yeah … I do need sugar. N-not … making that mistake again ….

 Shit … I … I can’t believe I’m actually d-doing this ….

 Fuck!

\------------------------------

***1.47pm***

 Through … those big, scary doors again … and … and I swear, the courtroom looks ten times as big this time around. B-but … at least I don’t feel so … faint. Jay … got me Skittles, so … so I think the sugar helped.

 Shit ….

 I … I was right, those … guys are in here. And … and one of them is smirking … at me. D-does … he know that I fainted? M-maybe … probably.

 There … there’s a lump in my throat.

 I feel a pat on my back, hear Jay’s voice. “You’re going to do just fine, Ronnie.”

 I … I swallow down the lump. “Th-thanks.”

 “I mean it. I know you will.”

 It … it actually makes me smile a little bit. “Th-thank y’.”

\---------------------------

 “Can you tell me what they did to you, Mr Knox?”

 No …. **Thump!** “Y’ … y’ already know. Tha … tha evidence -.”

 “We must hear it in your own words.”

 “T-they … they’d m-make me … do things.” I … I think … I’m gonna puke ….

 “Define things.”

 “Th-they’d … make me … do oral on … them … and … and they’d … ‘ave sex wi’ me.” I … I don’t wanna remember this shit, c-can’t!

 “They molested you? Are those your thoughts on the matter?”

 “Objection!” The … the defence lawyer calls. Who … who the fuck would even defend these guys?! “The prosecution is putting words into Mr Knox’s mouth.”

 “Overruled.”

 “Mr Knox? Were you molested?”

 “Y-yes.” F-fuck … I … I hate that word ….

 “Every day?”

 “All … all hours of tha day.” Ugh … it … it’s coming up.

 “Mr Knox -.”

 “C-can … we take a break?” I hug at my tummy. “I … I feel sick.”

\-------------------------------

 We … we kept … having to take breaks … when I was telling them about what had happened. The … the Skittles didn’t … stay down. And … and my eyes are burning from all the crying … but at … at the very least, I … I said everything that had to be said … told my side of the story. I … I made it through.

 And … and they questioned Mom a bit … about Arthur's personality, about … the day leading up … to my abduction. I … I felt really bad for her – she … she was crying so hard. And … I felt awful for thinking … it, b-but … I was so glad they … left me alone for a little bit.

 They … they even spoke about the five-year-old … that was at their house when they were arrested …. Fuck … I got so angry over that …. That kid’s gonna be fucked for life ….

 Now, they’re … showing the footage, a-are asking more questions on it. I … I feel so … fucking sick, c-can … barely even look at those fucking images. It … it’s disgusting!

 Why … why can’t it just be over already?

\--------------------------------

 It … it’s the defence’s turn ….

 Fucking cunt ….

 “How can we even be sure that Mr Knox is the child in this video footage? It seems strange, does it not, how the witness just came out of the woodwork?”

 “Objection! We have already seen evidence to prove this. The chain around the child’s wrist in the footage matches the scar on Mr Knox’s wrist.”

 “Sustained.”

 Dickhead …. His … his defence fell fucking flat!

\-----------------------------

 “How can the witness be trusted with what he says?” “He is jittery, continues to ask for breaks.” The defence … guy looks right at me. **Thump, thump, thump!!** “Mr Knox, would you say that you are well mentally?”

 “Objection! Mental health does not affect his ability to tell the truth.”

 “Overruled.”

 I … I could swear that … this defence guy … looks way too pleased to … to calling me a nutjob. “Mr Knox?”

 “Y’ … y’re right, I … I’m not well. How … how could I be after wha’ they did ta me?”

 “Then if that is the case, how can you be trusted with telling the truth? Maybe you cannot remember clearly?”

 “Objection! Your honour, I think if anything, Mr Knox’s stressed appearance is proof in itself. What has been done to him has deeply affected him, and it shows in the way he acts, his inability to speak on it for long periods of time. It is not a sign of lying, but a sign of having to speak on something that no one should have to,” the prosecution lawyer says quickly, rambles … almost.

 Wow … that … that was a really good point. My … my fam was right, he … he is good. I wipe at my eyes.

 “Overruled.”

 What?! No!

 The … the judge, doesn’t he believe me? No, no, he has to! He … he can’t –

 Fuck … I … I’m shaking all over.

\----------------------------

***3.55pm***

 Thank … thank fuck, it … it’s finally over. The … the defence lawyer tried to say that it … it wasn’t even them in the footage, b-but … the house in the videos matched up to the pictures of the house taken after their arrests.

 So … realising that he’d … fucking failed on that one, he … he tried to say that they … didn’t want to hurt me, were … just poor and desperate for money.

 I … I … don’t think that went down too well … with the jury.

 We … we get outside of the door, close to a bench … and … and I just collapse onto it. I … I’m shaking, sobbing, just … just … letting my emotions … take over. I … I’m so fucking drained ….

 Mom sits down next to me, pulls me into a warm hug. “Ya did wonderfully, Ronnie.”

 “I … I didn’t … ch-choke?”

 “No.” Grandma says. “We all know how hard it was for you, but you got through it, told them the truth, and got your point across.”

 “You should be so proud of yourself, Ronnie.” I … I feel Jay’s hand ruffling my hair.

 “I … I am, I … I guess.”

 “Good, because we are so, so proud of ya, Ronnie.” Grandpa says.

 “Th-thank … y’.” I … I’m so glad that they’re all here with me. I … I wouldn’t have gotten through his … on my own.

 No … no fucking way ….

\---------------------------

***5.37pm***

 I … I’ve been cuddled up to Jay for a while now. We … we could have gone home, if we wanted to … but the lawyer didn’t think … we’d be too long here – the … the jury will make up their mind quickly, apparently.

 Well … we’ve been stuck out here for ages now. And … and I’m so drained, I could fall asleep –

 “Ronnie, come on,” Mom calls.  

 “Wh-wha’?”

 “It’s time to ‘ead back in. They must’ve come to a verdict.”

 “Oh … c-cool.”

 No … no, it’s not cool! What … what if they don’t – shit! What … what if they walk free?!

\--------------------------------

 Oh … oh fuck ….

 I put my face in my hands, rock back and forth. I … I can’t believe it.

 Guilty! Fucking guilty!

 And … and they’re going … away for a long time, a … a long fucking time. Good! I hope they rot in there!

\------------------------------

 I … I walk out those doors, and … and I’ve never felt so … free. I … I’m tired, and I feel like … I could pass out r-right now, b-but … fuck, it’s over, it’s finally fucking over.

 Mom’s grinning from ear to ear, and … and I feel like I could do the same. And … I’m so frigging hungry, hadn’t even realised.

 “It’s about time we went ‘ome, isn’t it, sweetie?”

 I give Mom a smile. “Yeah.” Can’t wait to get home, get food … and have a cuddle with Jay. Sounds good. No … no, it sounds fucking brilliant.

 I … I never wanna see this fucking place again.


	218. Ronald. Jay ....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the shit starts again ....

***9.24pm***

 “Hah … whoops.” I ended up stuffing my face when I got home, was so frigging hungry. The chef made this rad steak and chips for me. And then I had cake, ice cream … and then raided the fridge.

 By the time nine o’clock rolled around, I was ready for bed. And … that was a massive burp, hah.

 “You’re so gross at times,” Jay chuckles. He doesn’t pull away from me though, has been cuddling and kissing me since we got up to bed.

 “Yeah, because y’ve never farted in front of me.”

 “Uh … point taken.”

 “Yep.” The covers are pulled up a little, tucked around me. Jay snuggles closer, kisses me behind the ear. A really nice kiss …. “Hmmm ….”

 I hear a little popping sound as he pulls away. “Ronnie, I’m -.”

 “I swear ta God, if y’ say y’re proud of me one more time, I’m gonna smack y’.”

 “I can accept that. But I really am proud of you.”

 “I … I know, I know, I … made it through.”

 “You did more than that. You stood up to the defence lawyer, to those bastards. And everyone is so, so proud of you for doing that.”

 I smile a little to myself. “Yeah, I did, didn’t I?”

 “You kicked ass, Ronald.”

 “Heh, I wish I could’ve kicked their asses for real. But … y’ know, they’re gone now, and that’s tha best part.” It really is ….

 “You can … finally move on with your life?”

 “Yep, I hope.”

 “P-properly move on?”

 His … his voice just shook. “Wha’?”

 “I … I’m a part of your past -.”

 “Jay,” I turn around in his tight grip, look at him. “Y’re not a bad part of my past, nowhere near. Heh … tha only good part of it, actually.”

 “So … you still want me around?”

 “Of course I do – why do y’ think I wouldn’t?”

 “N-no … reason, really, just … being scared over nothing, I guess.”

 “Well don’t be.” I shuffle down in bed a bit, tuck my head in under his chin. It’s pretty cosy with my face like this. “Y’ve got me through a hell of a lot, and I won’t jus' forget ‘bout y’, okay?”

 “Yes … thank goodness. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

 “Same.” Defo. “We good?”

 His palm strokes against the back of my head. “Yeah, we’re good.”

 “Hmmm.” I yawn. Proper tired …. “Is it sleepy time now?”

 “Yep.” He groans softly. “Need to be up early for work. Sucks, doesn’t it?”

 “Yeah,” I chuckle, “sounds like hell.”

 “You have no idea how boring it is.” I’m pulled closer, really close; couldn’t get a piece of paper between us. “Do you want to come over to mine tomorrow night? Help me get over the boredom? If … if you’re not too drained, that is.”

 “Doesn’t matter if I am or not,” I smile against his skin, “I still wanna see y’, and it’d be nice ta ge’ outta tha house for a night.” I … I haven’t really been out much since I started feeling down …. “We gettin’ take-out?”

 “Hmm … how about you come over about nine? It’ll give me time to cook us dinner.”

 “Heh, how romantic.”

 “Yeah, I am full of sap, aren’t I?”

 “Defo. Night, babe.”

 “Goodnight.”

\------------------------------------

***Friday 2nd March***

***8.05pm***

 “A-are ya sure ya don’t wanna stay ‘ere, sweetie?”

 “Na, I’m good.” I slip on my shoes. “Jay’s makin’ me dinner.”

 “B-but ya’ve been through a lot the past few days. I think it’s best ya stay ‘ome for tonight.”

 Ugh … Mom’s been saying she wants me to stay home since I mentioned Jay. It’s well weird …. “I’m goin’, okay?”

 “But -.”

 “I’ll see ya later, alright?”

 “O-okay, sweetie.”

 “Cool.” I head to the front door. Hn … that was weird. Na … it’s fine. She’s probably still worried about me, doesn’t want me outta sight – and stressed. Yeah … stressed ….

\--------------------------------

 “Wow … what’s all this?” I’ve just walked through the door, and … and there are balloons everywhere.

 “Well ….” Jay walks closer to me, a smile on his face. “I thought, given the outcome of the trial, a celebration was in order?”

 “Oh … wow, that’s great, babe.” So sweet …. “Thank y’, really.”

 “You’re welcome.”

 I take another look around – shit …. Those glasses …. “Tha’ … tha’ isn’t booze, is it?”

 “No, no, it isn’t. Ever heard of a mocktail?”

 “Eh … no?” Wait … maybe?

 “It’s just fruit juice, basically, stuff like that. No alcohol, I promise.” His face falls. “It … it isn’t triggering, is it? I … I just thought it would be kind of fancy? Didn’t mean -.”

 “Jay, Jay, it’s fine.” Really … it is, was just worried he’d forgotten about me not being allowed to drink. But he never would forget something like that. I'm stupid sometimes .... “I like it. Looks like a right party in here. It’s well cool.”

 “A … a party theme was kind of what I was going for. I bought popcorn, and cheesecake -.”

 “Ohhhh, cheesecake.” Hah … he’s got me sold now. “Sounds brill. Wha’ we got for dinner?”

 “You’ll see. It’ll be ready in a bit.”

\--------------------------------------

***11.33pm***

 Oh man … James made the best spaghetti carbonara ever. It was simple, I guess, but fucking delish. And then I managed to get through the cheesecake, drinks and popcorn.

 Hah … and, oh God, Jay wasn’t kidding when he said he was going to make it into a party. He … he put music on, made me get up and dance. It was so embarrassing, but I haven’t laughed so hard in ages.

 Now, we’re just chilling, have a film on in the background. “Hey, Jay, wanna head ta bed?”

 He glances over at me – oh … I think he was actually watching that film. “Tired?”

 “No, tha’ wasn’t wha’ I meant.”

 “Oh … are you up for that?”

 “Why wouldn’t I be?” I smile.

 “It’s been a long few days.”

 “Yeah … it has,” and he’s been really great about it. Since I started feeling down, he hasn’t brought up sex once. No big deal, I guess, but … I know a lot of other guys would still want me to do it with them, upset or not. “But I feel better now.”

 “You sure?”

 “Hell yeah, I’m sure.” Wait …. “But … but if y’ don’t wanna, that’s cool too.”

 He grabs hold of my wrist, chuckles. “Like I’d ever say no to you.”

\--------------------------------

 “Hmmm.” Our kiss breaks, and I lift my arms up, help him to pull off my shirt. He’s taking it slow tonight, for some reason. Maybe he just wants to tease me.

 His hand runs down my chest, rests on my hip. I get a smile from him. “Beautiful.”

 Heh .... “Y’ always tell me tha’.”                   

 “Because it’s true.”

 So … that’s why he’s taking his time. He wants to admire my body. I … I don’t know why; it’s not that great, is full of scars.

 “Ronnie, I mean it.” I … I must have been pulling a face or something. “You are beautiful.”

 “Ev … even wi’ all tha scars?”

 “Ronald, I don’t even notice them.” He smiles at me. “Because they don’t matter.”

 It … it does make me smile a bit. “Thanks.”

 “Welcome.”

 “Oo!” He flips me over, moves on top of me. “Mmmm.” More kisses … awesome.

\-------------------------------

 “Ahhhh ….” Fuck … he’s being so gentle with me … and usually, I’d tell him to go harder, but … but it just feels so good. He … he’s making me feel really cared for.

 “Mmmm.” His fingers lock with mine; he holds my hand tightly as he pushes it back against the pillow. I grip back just as hard. So … so cute –

 “Ah … fuck!” I claw at his back with my spare hand. Hmm … that was just right … just the right spot. “Fuck – hpmmmm!” Hmm … kisses. He … he really likes kissing me.

 Cool ….

\------------------------------

 I’m cuddled up to him now, head tucked under his chin again. Hmm … that was a really good round. “Night, babe.” Sleepy ….

 “Goodnight.” He rubs between my shoulder blades. “I love you, Ronald.”

 What? “Oh ….” Shit.

 I hear him gulp. “It’s alright, you don’t … have to say it back.”

 “Y-yeah, okay.” I … I pull away from him, roll over.

 “W-was it too soon?”

 “N-no, it wasn’t.” And … and it really wasn’t. We … we’ve been together … for months now, and … and I think he had a thing for me before that.

 “I … I know … you don’t feel the same, b-but I thought you should know how I feel.”

 “I … I’m sorry.”

 I feel him scoot up right behind me. “Why?”

 I squeeze my eyes shut. “W-Will.” I … I feel awful for … for saying that ….

 He sighs. “I … I thought so … and that’s okay. I … I know you’re still hung up on him.”

 “D-do … do y’ hate me now?” I’d hate me ….

 “No … no, of course not.” He wraps an arm around my waist. “I understand … and I know you’ll probably end up back with him at some point.”

 “M-maybe.” I … I’m horrible. He … he loves me … and I just said –

 “And … and that’s okay, I … I know I can’t make you stay.”

 “I … I’m really sorry, Jay.” G-getting teary ….

 “No … it’s okay.” I’m squeezed tightly. “I’m just glad for any time I get to spend with you.”

 “O … okay.” I sniff. He … he’s so great. I … I don’t deserve him …. “I … I really like y’, Jay, b-but … I … I don’t think it’s love.” O-ouch … that’s horrible to say out loud …. But … but it’s true.  

 Another gulp. “Okay. C-can I get a proper cuddle?”

 “O-okay.” I roll over, hide my face in his chest. And … and I just start crying.

 “Ronnie, y-you okay?”

 “N-no.”

 “Oh … did I do something wrong?”

 “N-no … no, it’s not y’.”

 It’s me … always me. And … and I feel so bad … that … that I can’t love him. He … he’s such a great fucking guy … and … and if I’d have got with him … and never met Will, I … I’d probably be head over heels in love with him.

 But … but that didn’t happen. And … and he’s not Will, he’s … just not.

 Fuck … I … I’m a giant cunt ….

 “Okay. Is there anything I can do?”

 “N-no.”

 “Well -.”

 “I … I jus’ wanna sleep, Jay, okay?”

 “Oh … okay, sure.”

 And … and now … I’m taking it out on him, b-because I … I feel guilty.

 Fucking hell ….

\-----------------------------------

***Saturday 3rd March***

***4.04am***

 I woke up, just now, and Jay wasn’t there next to me. That’s … probably why I woke up. Not used to sleeping through the night without someone right next to me, anyone. It … it’s okay when it’s morning, and they have to go to work and stuff, but not when the sun isn’t even up yet.

 He wasn’t in the bathroom, so … I’m gonna try the kitchen now. Oh … he’s in here, by the sink. Must have gotten thirsty. “Hey.”

 “H-hi.” He turns a little and … his eyes are all red.

 “Jay … ‘ave y’ been cryin’?” He nods a little. “Is … is it because of … wha’ I said earlier?” I … I bet it is … shit …. I … I’m horrible … for putting him through this shit, knowing … all along that I could never love him …. Shit … he never cries – I … I’ve really hurt him.

 “No … no, it isn’t that.”

 “A-are y’ sure?”

 “I am.” He pinches at the bridge of his nose.

 He … he wouldn’t lie to me. “Th-then … wha’ is it? Y’ … y’ late partner?”

 “No.” I hear him sniff. “Don’t … get me wrong, I miss him, but it isn’t that.”

 “Th-then … are y’ gonna tell me wha’ it is?”

 “The last few days have … been hard.”

 “Na, na, that’s not it.” I frown. “There’s more ta it … so tell me.”

 He finally turns around properly. “I … I just worry about you, Ronald.”

 Seriously? “That’s why y’re cryin’?”

 He nods slowly. “You scared me during the trial, when … when you fainted.”

 “I … I couldn’t help it.”

 “I … I know, I know.” He gestures towards himself. “C-come here.”

 I hurry over to him, get swamped by a hug. He starts to rock us a little. “I … I don’t think I would ever forgive myself if something happened to you.”

 I … I don’t know where all this is coming from. I … I’ve been fine since the trial ended. But … but maybe, I … I didn’t realise how stressed it got him … because he was doing so well with calming me down.

 “Nothing’s gonna happen ta me, Jay, I promise.”

 “Y-you … don’t know that. Something … might set you off and then -.”

 “No, no, tha’ isn’t true. I … I think I’m over tha worst of it, and tha therapy will probably help anyway.” As … as much as I’m not looking forward to it.

 “But -.”

 “Jay, stop it. I ‘ave y’, okay? Y’ keep me sane. Nothin’ is gonna happen as long as I’ve got y’.”

 “Y-you’re sweet, Ronnie.”

 “It’s true.” He … he isn’t Will, but … but he is enough to keep me happy. “Wanna head up ta bed?”

 His hugging gets tighter. “Not quite yet.” He kisses me gently on the head, hand moving up to the hair on the back of it, stroking it lightly. Hmm … feels nice.

 Yeah … I guess I could stay like this for a bit ….

\------------------------------

***Sunday 4th March***

***8.07pm***

 This … this is insane! Jay … Jay hasn’t texted back once since he dropped me off back home yesterday morning. And … and he didn’t even come into the house.

 This … this so isn’t like him!

 He … he usually texts me like crazy, first thing in the morning, as soon as he gets offa work. And … and if he’s not texting me, he’s here, with me.

 But … but now, he … he won’t even answer his phone! And I’ve been texting and texting –

 Something’s not right!

 Did … did I fuck it up somehow?

 Oh … oh shit, I … I did, because I don’t love him, and … and I told him that!

 Fuck!

 I … I have to go there now, talk to him.

 But … but what if he doesn’t wanna see me?

 I … I’ll just have to keep phoning him. Yeah … yeah, until he fucking picks up!

 J-Jay ….

 Why?! 


	219. William. Hunger.

***Friday 2nd March***

 They are fine now, the both of them. It was utterly draining, having to go to the hospital day after day, having to go through the ordeal … of blood draining. But once Alan’s treatment was over, they found that Grell was a match for Eric’s blood type.

 It was a relief, I have to admit – four days in a row wasn’t fun, to say the least. Eric was only required to have three treatments – thankfully, it is all over and done with now.

 And … I did receive a sick note due to the exhaustion from the blood draining, am not back at work until Monday. So … I suppose I cannot complain … though today has been the first day I feel well enough to be out of bed for more than ten minutes at a time. Grell did help me quite a bit –

 Surprising, really, what a long-lasting effect mass blood loss can have on a reaper ….

 I think I will head to Eric’s, just to check up on them both, make sure they are continuing to do well.

\----------------------

 There was no answer … so I teleported into the bedroom, was a little concerned.

 Alan is sitting up in bed, feeding tube in hand. Empty bottles of meal replacement line the floor. Eric is deep in slumber, which explains why no one came to the door – Alan is still unable to walk.

 I clear my throat, and he glances up at me.

 “Oh … hello.”

 “Hungry, I see?”

 He nods. “I … I feel like I haven’t eaten in months.” It seems so … with the amount of bottles he seems to have gotten through.

 “Should I go downstairs and -?”

 “No … I’ve tried, but I can’t manage solid food at the moment.” He looks away from me. “S-sorry, I … I know this feeding tube is disgusting.”

 “It isn’t pleasant, no, but it doesn’t bother me to see it.”

 “It doesn’t?”

 “No … I have gotten used to it.”

 “Well I haven’t; it’s horrible.” He sighs. “Can’t wait for it to come out.”

 “Well … at least the PICC line has been removed.”

 He looks at me again, smiles a little. “Thank goodness for that.”

 I look over at Eric. “Is he alright?”

 I hear Alan giggle. “He’s been a sleepy head since last night.”

 “Exhausted … I see.”

 “He … he’s been through a lot, taking care of me, worrying over me.” His voice drops. “Has … a lot of sleep to … catch up on.”

 “He does … yes. Can I get you anything at all?”

 “Water, please. It’s … the only thing I can take by mouth at the moment.”

 “Understood.”

\------------------------------------------

***Sunday 4th March***

 “Alan, what are you doing out of bed?” He … he is standing up in the kitchen. “Y-you should be resting -.”

 “I’m hungry … for real food.”

 Ah … yes, he managed a yoghurt and a piece of toast last night, but still “you shouldn’t be trying to walk around. Return to bed and I shall bring you up -.”

 “I’m fine, really. I … I managed to get down the stairs … and I need to get the strength back in my legs.”

 Yes … he did wonderfully with eating last night, and I was rather amazed by how quickly he managed it …. but he doesn’t seem to understand that these things are going to take time. Walking, eating properly – it … it is like he doesn’t realise the trauma his body has gone through. And … I know he is a reaper, and he should be healing quickly, but … The Thorns – it … it just isn’t that simple.

 He takes a few careful steps to the fridge, pulls it open. I hear him sigh softly. “It … it all looks so good.”

 “W-well … don’t overdo it.”

 “I won’t.” I can hear him riffling around in it. “Ohhh ….”

 “Found something?”

 “This cheese looks so good.”

 “That won’t make you feel sick?”

 “Hmm … one way to find out.”

 The item is grabbed, and Alan turns around – too fast. I … I manage to catch him just in time.

 His eyes widen a little; wasn’t expecting to fall, it seems. “Th-thank you.”

 I look down at him, lift an eyebrow. “What did I tell you?”

 “I … I should be resting ….”

 “Well then -.”

 “Are you going to let go of me?”

 Oh … oh right, he … he is still in my arms. My cheeks heat up a little. “Right, yes, sorry.” I let go of him – he … he hits the ground with a thud. “Oh … oh, sorry, I didn’t mean -.”

 “Ouch ….”

 I … I really did not mean to do that. I … I was just a little flustered. “I really am sorry.”

 “It’s okay. Can … I get some food now?”

 “Yes, yes, of course.” Oh … I … I should probably help him up ….

\---------------------------

 Eric came downstairs for a little while, though he couldn’t keep his eyes open for long, soon returned to bed. As Alan said, exhausted ….

 I blink at Alan in disbelief. He downed the cheese … and is now making his way through a large pile of toast with Jam. He … he is reminding … me of Ronald, of when he used to stuff his face. Such familiarity. A pang of sadness strikes me. “How are you not feeling sick?”

 “I’m not sure.” He takes another bite.

 “Wh-where … is it all going?”

 He covers his mouth with his hand, giggles. “I really have no idea. I guess I’m just starving.”

 “I see.”

 “Hmm. William?”

 “Yes?”

 He drops his hand back on the table. “Why are you here?”

 “P-pardon?”

 “Why did you come over today?”

 Why … why does he ask? “I … I wanted to … make sure you were alright.”

 “No … that isn’t it.” He … he’s looking right at me. Alan Humphries is making me feel uncomfortable. A rare occurrence …. Odd …. “You’re lonely, aren’t you?”

 “No.”

 “I know you care about us, William, but you can’t tell me that’s the only reason.”

 I gulp. “I ….”

 “I’m not saying this to be mean, but you are lonely. And I don’t think I and Eric can help with that.”

 “A-are you saying you want me gone?”

 “No … no, of course not.”

 “Then what are you getting at?” Just get to the point, would you? I … I know you are dying to ….

 “Grell told me about speaking with Ronald. You miss him, don’t you?”

 I look away. “Of … of course I do.”

 “I do too. I … I didn’t notice when I was unwell, wasn’t aware enough to realise, but … things really aren’t the same without him.”

 “No … no, they aren’t.” I sigh. “But if Grell spoke to you … she told you that he isn’t coming back anytime soon, I am sure?”

 “She did … but that isn’t to say you can’t speak to him in the meantime.”

 “No … no -.”

 “Wouldn’t it make you feel better?”

 “No, not really.”

 “A little less lonely then?”

 “No.”

 He frowns. “Why not?”

 Oh … Lord …. “It would remind me of what I am missing out on.”

 “Oh … well -.”

 “Alan, change the subject, would you?!” Oh … I didn’t mean to raise my voice. “Umm … please.”

 He sighs lightly. “Okay … sure.” He points at the plate. “Would you like a piece of toast?”

 “No, thank you.” I have lost my appetite ….


	220. Ronald. Not your life!

***Sunday 4th March***

***9.01pm***

 “Jay, wha’ tha fuck?!” He … he’s finally fucking picked up. Not like I haven’t been crying for like an hour! I … I thought he’d never speak … to me again. “Why ‘ave y’ been ignorin’ me?!”

 “I -.”

 “Y’ said y’ loved me! And then y’ do this ta me?!”

 “I … I didn’t mean to …” he trails off, makes a kinda … sighing sound? Why does he get to sigh?!

 I … I’m shaking a bit. I … I don’t even know if it’s … because I’m … so upset or … or just really mad!

 I … I don’t wanna ask this …. “Is … is it because I … I said I don’t love y’?”

 “No … no, of course not. I … I understand that completely.”

 “Don’t lie ta me!”

 “I’m not.”

 I … I don’t underst – “Th-then why … ‘ave y’ jus’ fucked off?”

 “I … didn’t have a choice.”

 The fuck?! “Bullshit! Y’ … y’ jus’ don’t want me anymore!”

 “I … do -.”

 “No -.”

 “Ronald, let me explain, okay?”

 “Right … right, y’ ‘ave a fuckin’ explanation.” If he did, he … he would have said before!

 “I do -.”

 “No!”

 “Ronald -.”

 “I don’t wanna hear y’ fuckin’ excuses!”

 “Ronald -.”

 “I hate -.”

 “It was your mom!”

 “W-wha’?” Mom? What the fuck is he on about?!

 “She … she found out about how we met, went mad.”

 Oh … ohh …. Holy shit …. “Y’ told her?!”

 “Ronald, I couldn’t lie to her. And … and it all happened so fast, she caught me off guard. She doesn’t want me to see you anymore, c-called me some names.”

 No, no … that can’t be – “So … so that’s it? Y’ … y’re jus’ gonna fuck off?”

 I hear him sigh down the phone. “I … I didn’t want to. Your mom told me to get lost as soon as the trial was over … and when I got you to come over the night after – she … she phoned me up, told me to leave you alone or … or she’d make sure I did.”

 Oh shit … she … she was shouting down the phone at someone before. “Jay … she … she was swearin’ at y’, wasn’t she?” Wait, no, she wouldn’t! She … she wouldn’t swear so much at him, she –

 “Y-yeah.”

 “She can’t do tha’!” I … I can’t believe this shit!

 “She … she already has.”

 “Na … na.” Shit …. “That’s why y’ were cryin’, r-right?”

 He gulps. “Y-yes. Ronald … I’m sorry, I … I should have told you the whole truth, I know. I … I’m worried that if I’m not around, something bad will happen.”

 “W-well, yeah, b-because I … I need y’ in my life.”

 He sniffs real loud. “I … I’m really sorry. I … didn’t want it to end like this.”

 “It’s not gonna end like this!” Don’t give me that!

 “I … I don’t think your mom is going … to change her mind.”

 “I’ll make her!”

 “Ronnie -.”

 “I’ll talk ta y’ later. Bye.” The call ends. Fucking hell!

 I … I can’t believe Mom would stoop so low – it isn’t her choice!

\-----------------------------------

 “No, ya’re noh going anywhere.”

 “Y’ … y’ can’t do this!”

 “I’m doing this to protect ya -.”

 The fucking cheek! She’s nuts! “From Jay? Y’re kiddin’, right?”

 “No -.”

 “He’d never hurt me! Mom, he … he keeps me safe.”

 “He took advantage of ya!”

 “It wasn’t like tha’! If … if anythin’, I took advantage of him.”

 She huffs at me. “Oh … would ya listen to yaself?”

 “Wh-wha’?”

 “Ya just can’t see what’s right in front of ya.”

 “Mom -.”

 “He’s no good for ya! And … and ya’re noh well, sweetie, don’t know what’s best.”

 Fuck, my blood is boiling! “Where do y’ ge’ off on sayin’ tha’?!”

 “What?”

 My hands curl into fists. “Y’ wanna know who wasn’t any good for me?! Arthur! B-but … y’ still kept him around! Y’ never fuckin’ noticed! Jay wasn’t tha one who made me sick! So … so don’t go preachin’ ta me ‘bout what’s right and wrong for me!”

 She gulps. Good, she should feel fucking bad! “Ron -.”

 “And so wha’ if I’m not well?! Doesn’t mean I’m fuckin’ brainless! Doesn’t mean I dunno who’s makin’ me better!”

 “Ya don’t -.”

 “It’s not up ta y’! It’s my fuckin’ life! And y’re fuckin’ ruinin’ it!”

 “Sw-sweetie, I … I know ya don’t want this, and I’m sorry -.”

 “If … if y’re so sorry, t-take it back.” Shit … I … I just whimpered? And … and I’m shaking so bad now. He … he does mean a lot –

 “Ronnie -.”

 A … a few tears leak down my cheeks. “I … I’m missin’ him already.”

 “Ya know I can’t do that.”

 She tries to touch me – I slap her hand away. “Fuck off!” Not can’t! Won’t!

 “I’m only doing this to protect ya!”

 “It’s fifteen years too late!” I … I don’t even wanna see her! She won’t listen to me! “J-jus’ leave me alone.”

 “Ronnie, wait -.”

 “I never wanna see y’ again! Cunt!”

 “Wait! Don’t just storm off!”

 Too late! I’m already out the room! She … she can go fuck herself!

\----------------------------

***11.58pm***

 Fuck this … fuck this! I’m not staying in this house! Not when everyone is against me. I mean, my grandparents were in the next fucking room! And … and did they even come in to see what the matter was? No!

 I … I mean, they probably didn’t wanna … make it worse, but still!  

 And no one’s bothered to come see me since the fight – g-good, good, I guess. Hah, need time to cool off, right? But … but I could have slit my wrists by now –

 Fuck this!

 I wanna see Jay, and if … if she won’t let me see him, I … I’m just gonna have to sneak out.

 Yeah … yeah, get the fuck outta here!

 Mom must be asleep by now, the butler too. Guards on the gates go home at ten. I have money stashed away – yeah … yeah, I’ll get outside the gate (will probably have to go across the field, climb over the little … gate at the back. No … no way I’m getting over the massive front gate).

 Then … I … I’ll phone a taxi once I’m back on some sort of street.

 It … it’s gonna cost a bomb … but I don’t care. I … I need to get out of this place.

 And … and I’m not coming back!

 Fuck it! I … I thought she cared about what I wanted.

 I wipe at my eyes.

 G-guess not ….

 She … she wouldn’t even listen to me ….

 F-fuck this ….

 What … what’s the point in even trying to … get better if … if no one will work with me?

 “H-heh … no fuckin’ point ….”

 M-may as well … just give up ….


	221. Jay. Hospital trips.

***Monday 5th March***

***2.45am***

 Was that … the door? No … probably just my imagination – it’s late and I haven’t slept yet, have been fretting too much over what happened between Ronnie and his mom – no, what … what might have happened. I can imagine them fighting, the language that must have –

**Bang! Bang!**

 No … wasn’t my imagination … and by the sounds of it, Molly’s come to give me hell … again. Ugh … and at this time? Give me a break. It’s not as if I went blabbing to Ronald about what was said. He came after me.

 That makes me … rather happy, that … that I mean enough to him – the amount of calls and text messages. He … he might not love me, but he does care a great deal. Means a hell of a lot.

 Uh … do I really want to get out of bed and deal with her? I … know she’s not a bad person, only cares for Ronald’s safety. And I can understand why she’s so angry with me. I would be too, in her position.

 But the names she called me – they were hurtful. No … no need to stoop THAT low. I mean … paedophile?! And I know I like a bit of daddy kink once in a while … and … and Ronald was only around sixteen when we first met, a lot younger than I am, but I am not THAT.

 I’ve done shitty things, immoral things – no … no, I did one immoral thing to Ronald.

 But I don’t like little kids – the thought of such things disgusts me.

 No need, no need!

**Bang!**

 Fine … fine! I roll out of bed, feet hit the floor. “This is … going to be fun.” I walk out onto the landing –

**Bangbangbang!!**

 “For goodness sake – coming!”

 Why am I even hurrying? I guess I just want this over and done with. I grab my keys, hit the downstairs hallway. Well … here goes nothing. The key is jabbed in the door, turned. Door is pulled open –

 Ronnie? “Oh ….”

 “H-hey.” He’s gripping onto the doorframe, swaying a bit –

 Oh …. Dammit. “You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?”

 “M-miss me?” And … and he’s all glassy eyed, has obviously been crying …. He … he must have really gone at it with his mom.

 “Ronald, I can smell it on you, and … you’re slurring – shit, is that blood?!” It … it’s all up his cheek. “What happened? And h-how did you even get here?”

 He sniffs loudly, looks away. “C-can’t I come … in?” He laughs at me. “Still … takin’ … orders from Mommy?”

 He really is drunk …. “I wasn’t taking orders from her. She didn’t give me a say in it. But yes, come in.”

 “C-cool.” He comes towards me – shit!

 “Hey … hey, it’s alright.” Managed to catch him before he fell on his face.

 “Uh ….”

 “Y-you’re shaking like a leaf.” This is worrying ….

 “G-goes … cold at nighttt.” He giggles. “N-not … tha’ I can … really feel it.”

 “How long were you outside?”

 “D-dunno.”

 “Y-you didn’t take anything, did you? Drugs?”

 “Uh ….”

 “Ronald, did you take any drugs?”

 “N-nopez ….”

 “Th-thank God for that.” Not that … this is any better …. Okay … okay, I … I’ll get him up to bed … and see what we’re dealing with here.

 “Did someone hurt you? Beat you up?”

 “N-no.”

 Good – no, not good! He did this to himself?! Oh … this is bad, so bad.

 Shit ….

 What … what happened to his impulse control?

\--------------------------------------

 “Ugh ….”

 “R-Ronald, keep still.”

 He kicks his legs out on the bed. “Feel … sick.”

 “You’re drunk, that’s why.”

 “Don’t … be a cunt.”

 “I’m not, b-but … you’ve got blood all over – I need to see the damage.”

 “I … I’m fine.”

 “No, you’re not. You wouldn’t be drunk and covered in blood if you were fine.”

 “Not my fault! Everyone’s … against me!” He … he’s a crying mess ….

 “O-okay.” Let … let’s try again …. “What happened?”

 “Uh ….” His head lolls from side to side. “Got … into a massive fight … wi’ tha’ … bitch.”

 “Your mom?”

 “Yeah ….”

 “And then what happened?”

 “She … told me … I … I couldn’t see y’ – and … and I really wanted ta … see y’!”

 “You snuck out?”

 “Yep! And I’m not goin’ back! No … no way.”

 Oh God, what a mess …. “R-right. Then what happened?”

 “Got … a … taxi.” He burps. Please don’t be sick ….  “Th-then … booze.”

 “And … and where did you get the booze?”

 “I … I know … tha area. Heh … not all … shops … ask for ID.” He sniffs. “I … I jus’ wanna sleep.”

 “Well you can’t yet. I need to look you over.”

 “Ughhh … why?”

 “Because you’ve obviously hurt yourself.”

 “Nghh ….”

 “So just keep still, okay?” My hands go to his jean button.

 “Heh … horny bastard.” He grabs hold on his jeans, tries to yank them down. “I’m … all y’s.”

 “Ronald, stop it.”

 “I … I’m up for it.”

 “Well I’m not, okay? I’m worried sick!”

 His hands slip back onto the bedsheets. “Hn … y’ … y’ don’t want me.”

 “No, Ronald, d-don’t start this again.”

 “Y’ jus’ gave up on me! Didn’t … even try!”

 “I … I didn’t want to make it worse.”

 “B-bullshit. Uuhhh ….”

 “No -.”

 “Blergh!”

 Oh … he … he’s just been sick.

 “Ack!”

 I grab hold of him, pull him up against my chest. “H-hey, it’s alright.” My hand pats his back. “Just … spit it out, okay?” I … I probably shouldn’t have put him on his back – don’t … don’t want him to choke.

 “Nghhh ….”

 “I … I know, but y-you need to get it out of your system.”

\-----------------------

 He stopped being sick some time ago, and I cleaned up as best I could … but he really isn’t looking well. He … he has gone pale, and really sweaty. I’ve got him on his side now, just in case he’s sick again.

 At … at least he’s sobered up a bit now, I think. Good. I … I was so worried he … he’d drunk himself into the hospital, thought he was going to … faint on me.

 “I … I can’t … believe Mom … would do … do this shit ta me.”

 “It … it must hurt.”

 “Doesn’t … it hurt y’?”

 “It really does. I … I’m heartbroken.”

 “W-why h-heartbroken? I … I’m here now.”

 My eyes start filling with tears. “Because … y-you’ve gotten drunk and hurt yourself, and … and I hate to see you in pain.” I ... I just love him so much ....

 “Y-you’re mad at me?”

 “No, no, not mad. Worried sick.”

 “R-right.”

 I gulp. “Can I look at what you’ve … done to yourself now?”

 He looks away from me. “K-kay ….”

\------------------------------

 “Ronald, wh-what the hell … d-did you do to yourself?” I … I’m trying to stay calm, for … for his sake, but this is … so much worse than I thought it’d be. His … his coat covered a lot of the damage, but … but the blood had made his shirt – it’d stuck to the wounds! And … and there’s blood caked onto his skin – I … I can’t even see the … the true extent of his injuries with all this mess. “Where else?”

 “I … I -.”

 “Ronald, did … did you cut anywhere else? Your legs -?”

 “J-jus’ … tha bottoms.”

 “Just?! Ronald, don’t you realise how bad this is? D-doesn’t it hurt?!”

 “A … a bit.”

 “A bit?”

 “Tha … tha vodka kinda … numbed it out.”

 Right … he … he did this drunk, of course he did. No … no wonder he could go so deep, draw … so much blood. I sit back on my heels, pinch the bridge of my nose. “Why … why didn’t you just call me?”

 “Y’ … y’ wouldn’t ‘ave … picked me up anyway.”

 “I … I mean once you’d snuck out.” I mean, sneaking out is bad … and worrying, but … but that I could have – it’d have been so much better than THIS!

 “I … I jus’ needed … somethin’ t-ta stop tha pain.”

 “Ronald -.”

 “I … I wasn’t thinkin’, okay?”

 No … no, he wasn’t …. I sigh, try to calm myself down a bit. Shouting isn’t going to help, it … it isn’t. But … but I can’t just say nothing, let … let him think doing this is okay. “Ronald … y-you … can’t just do these things when something goes wrong.”

 “Y’ … y’ don’t ge’ it, Jay.”

 “Then … then explain it to me.”

 “Y’ … y’ wouldn’t understand.” 

 No, probably not … because I’m THAT worried, but … “I … I’ll try my best to understand, okay?”

 “K-kay .... No … no one … was stickin’ … up for me, not even my grandparents. And … and when me and Mom were arguin’, it … it was like she wasn’t even listenin’. Like … like none of it was sinkin’ it.”

 “So … so you did this to get her attention?”

 “Wha’? No! But … but I felt like … no one was fightin’ my corner … so … so wha’ was tha point in even gettin’ better?” He rubs at his forehead. “It … it’s like no one cared wha’ I wanted.”

 “That isn’t true – I … I care -.”

 “Didn’t … seem like it.”

 The … the guilt – I … I could have done something to stop this from happening. “I … I was backed into a corner, but I -.”

 “Pfft … doesn’t fuckin’ matter. It’s not y’ I’m mad at.”

 “No … no, I … I could have handled it better, t-told you when you came to visit. And I’m sorry for that, I really am.”

 He nods against the pillow, covers his eyes with his hand. “K-kay.”

 “Ronnie -.”

 “I … I jus’ wanted them ta listen! I … I was in so … so much pain, and … and they couldn’t even see it!”

 Oh … I … I think I understand what he’s trying to say. “So … because no one could see … you did this to make them see?” People can see cuts on skin ... but not inner feelings .... 

 “M-maybe, I … I dunno? I … I guess tha’ was part of it. But … but mainly, I … I’d jus’ given up.”

 “Oh … Ronnie -.”

 “And … and I wanted ta see y’, I really did, but … but when I was comin’ over here in tha taxi … I … I jus’ couldn’t stop tha urges. And … and I thought, well what’s tha point?!” A sob. H-heart-breaking …. “I … I’m not gonna ge’ anywhere … if … if no one is supportin’ me. May … may as well jus’ give in. Because … I … I had urges wi’ tha trial … but … but people seemed ta … care back then, so … so I held them off. Y’ … y’ know I held them off ….”

 I … I feel like I could start crying all over again, the pain he’s in. “I … I know.” Right … okay. Right …. “I … I think your mom does care, and that’s why -.”

 “No, she doesn’t. She’d ‘ave … changed her mind … when … she saw how upset I was if she did.”

 “She does. She doesn’t trust me … around you. That’s what it boils down to.”

 “It doesn’t matter! I … I know what’s best f-for me!”

 A sigh comes from me. “Look … Ronnie, I … I know things are tough, and I know it’s unfair, but nothing is worth hurting yourself over.”

 “Y-yeah … well … Mom’s … not made me feel v-very full of self-worth right now.”

 “Ronnie -.”

 “It … it’s like I don’t even matter!”

 “You do, of course you do -.”

 “A-are y’ … gonna tell Mom I’m here?” He cuts me off.

 “D-do you want me to?”

 “No. After tha shit she’s put me through, she … she can worry … for all I care.”

 “I … I wasn’t going to say it … out loud … but I … I do feel the same.” She needs to learn that trying to rule someone’s life isn’t the way to go about things ….

 “Do … do y’ hate her?”

 “No, but I am angry. I … I’ve been a bit of a mess the past few days because of her.”

 He nods against the pillow. “That’s wha’ makes y’ great, Jay.” He sits up, hisses. “Ahh … y’ … y’ actually listen ta me. And … and tha’ helps.”

 “W-well, yeah, you can’t help someone if you don’t listen to what’s wrong.”

 “Exactly.”

 “The cuts – are they starting to hurt?”

 “Y-yeah. Vodka’s wearin’ off.”

 “Then I guess it’s best I try to patch you up?” Even … though I really don’t want to see these wounds for what … they truly are.

 “T-that’d be great, thanks.”

\--------------------------------

 “Ronald, this is really deep.” I … I started with his legs, thinking the wounds wouldn’t be as bad in that area. They weren’t … but his stomach’s a mess. I cleaned all the blood off, dressed most of the carvings … but this one cut won’t stop bleeding. “I don’t think I’ll be able to patch this up.”

 “Wh-wha’?”

 “I think you need stitches.” I … I can’t believe someone would sell him vodka … and a knife … without ID. There … there are some arseholes around – no … that’s an understatement.

 “No, no -.”

 “Look,” I sigh, toss the kitchen roll in the bin, “I’ve been trying to get this to stop bleeding for over twenty minutes now.” God knows the amount of bloodied tissue I’ve gotten through … for just this one cut.

 “It … it’ll clot.”

 Stay calm …. “Ronald, it’s an open wound -.”

 “Na … na, it’s not tha’ deep.”

 “Yes, it is. Look, you were drunk, didn’t realise how deep you’d cut, but this is bad, okay? It … it’s really bad.” All … all of them were messy, jagged, thanks to the effects of the vodka. Not straight, not one bit. He … he’s lucky he didn’t cut into something he shouldn’t have.

 “Y’ … y’ can sort it out.”

 “No … I don’t think I can. Steri-strips aren’t going to fix this. You … you need to go to the hospital.” The … the little bubbles of fat are even visible …. It … it’s awful ….

 “No, no -.”

 “You know I wouldn’t be telling you this if I didn’t think you needed to go.”

 “B-but … they … they’ll lock … me up, think I’m a nut.”

 “No, they won’t. I -.”

 “Y’ … y’re not listenin’!” He … he’s starting to panic.

 “I am, trust me, I am.” James, stay calm. He’ll listen … if you just stay calm.

 “N-no ….”

 I reach forward, cup his cheek. “I know it’s scary, and I know hospitals bring up bad memories … but if we don’t get this cut taken care of, it could get infected. We … we’re talking all sorts of nasty.”

 He blinks up at me. “R-really?”

 “Yeah.”

 “Y’ … y’ … can stitch me up y’self -.”

 “No, no, I can’t. You need to go to the hospital.”

 “B-but I don’t wanna.” He … he looks so scared ….

 “Please? I won’t let them keep you in, I promise.”

 “N-not even for … observation? I … I’ve heard they do stuff like tha’ here. N-not … in tha reaper realm, they don’t give a shit -.”

 “They don’t?”

 “N-no. I … I overdosed over there … and tha doctor was more pissed tha’ I wasted their time than anythin’.”

 “Oh.”

 “But here -.”

 “Pfft, Ronald, trust me … hospitals over here are rubbish too. They won’t keep you in useless you’re about to jump off a high-rise building.”

 “Oh ….”

 “Nothing’s going to happen, okay?”

 “K-kay ….”

 “I’ll make sure of it.”

 “Al-alright, yeah ….” He gulps. “S-sure.”

\------------------------------

***7.01am***

 “That wasn’t too bad, was it?” They asked him a few questions, got him stitched up. There were some eyerolls, which I wasn’t too happy about, but apart from that … it went quite smoothly.

 “N-na, guess not.” He hugs at himself. “B-but … I’m sore and … and I feel like a right idiot.”

 “An idiot? Why?”

 His shoulders go up in a shrug. “I … I slipped up, r-real bad.”

 “Then let it be just that, okay?”

 “H-huh?”

 “A slip up.”

 “Oh … oh, right.” He sighs loudly. “Man … I jus’ wanna sleep for a week.”

 “I can bet.” I’m going to have to call in sick for work again. Not that I’d leave him all on his own in this state … but the boss is going to say something sooner or later. He can’t be happy about all the sick days recently … even if I did book holiday off for the trial, did it the proper way. Well … I’ll just have to deal with that when it comes …. “Bed sounds really good right now.”

 “Y-yeah. So … we can go home now?”

 “Yes.” Home … and then when we wake up again … we’ll … see what the new day will bring ….


	222. Molly. A good talking to.

***Monday 5th March***

***11.15am***

 “I … I don’t believe this!” I slam my phone down on the kitchen table. Ronnie’s gone, and I can’t get in touch with him! I … I even searched the grounds, but nothing!

 I turn to the butler, heart racing. “‘Ow didn’t ya see ‘im sneaking out?!”

 “It must have happened after I retired to bed.”

 “Great … just – that isn’t good enough!”

 “Oh … come now,” Mother says, “he isn’t here to babysit a grown man.”

 Fine, whatever! “B-but ‘ow did he even geh out?!”

 “He probably got over the back wall. It isn’t impossible to climb.” She tells the butler to leave the room, and he does, rushes out the door.

 I snatch my phone up again. “Well I wish he’d pick up! I’m worried sick!”

 “Oh … you care now, do you?”

 “What?!”

 “After the row you two had, can you blame him for running off? You backed him into a corner.”

 “Oh, shut up! Ya don’t know the ‘alf of it!”

 “No, we know all of it,” Father says.

 What?! “Excuse me?”

 “About how Jay and Ronnie met.”

 “‘Ow?!”

 Mother sighs. “Jay seemed off the day of the trial, so I asked him what the problem was. We managed to get five minutes alone with him, and he spilt everything.”

 This is insanity! “I can’t believe – ya knew and did nothing?! Ya let that man stay -.”

 “It wasn’t my choice. And obviously, it wasn’t your choice either.”

 “What is that supposed to mean?!”

 “Well … forcing that man to leave hasn’t ended well, has it? I can bet that’s where Ronald has gone.”

 “Th-then I’m gonna go there, bring ‘im back -.”

 “And what good will that do? Ronald isn’t going to come home with you.”

 “Of course he -.”

 “No, no, he isn’t. He’s mad at you, Molly, doesn’t want anything to do with you at present.”

 Yes, he said, but I didn’t care then. And I don’t care now! “That’s tough! I’m doing what’s best for ‘im!”

 “No, you aren’t. Can’t you see that he needs Jay in his life?”

 Is she kidding me?! “Ya’re insane! Ya know what he’s done and yet -.”

 “Yes, I know, but I also know Jay isn’t the monster you’re making him out to be.”

 “Ya -.”

 “He made a mistake, but I see no evil in him, no malice or selfish want. I am very good at reading people, Molly.”

 “And I’m noh?”

 “One word, Molly. Arthur. I was right about him, wasn’t I? You didn’t see the evil in -.”

 “Hn, then ya’re a hypocrite, aren’t ya? Ya tell me I can’t geh involved with my son, but ya -.”

 “And that really ended well for us both, didn’t it?”

 “Well -.”

 “Let’s face it – you didn’t listen to me, and I pretty much ruined our relationship. Learn from my mistakes.”

 “No … no, I won’t change my mind.” I … I am right in this.

 “Why not?”

 “Because ya were right, weren’t ya?! Arthur was a monster -.”

 “But Jay isn’t.”

 “Yes, he is! He took advantage of my lil boy!”

 “Oh … for goodness sake. They slept together. That’s it. You’re making it sound like Jay abused him.”

 “He did! He paid my boy for sex -.”

 “Jay isn’t the only one at fault. In case you didn’t notice, Ronald was a prostitute -.”

 “So?!” Didn’t mean anyone could just fuck my boy!

 “So how did you think they met? I and your father knew it was probably something a little dodgy.”

 She … she’s trying to say I’m stupid for not figuring it out sooner? Of course – she’s always called me stupid! “I don’t care if ya – ‘ow can ya be okay with that?!”

 “We’re not.” Father says. “Don’t get us wrong, we don’t like what has gone on in the past, but -.”

 “But Jay cares about our grandson. If it wasn’t for him, Ronald probably wouldn’t be alive now.”

 “That’s rubbish, Mother -.”

 “No, it isn’t. When Arthur broke his rib, who took him in?”

 Ugh …. “J-Jay, but -.”

 “And who managed to keep Ronald together during the trial when we could not?”

 Dammit …. “Jay.”  

 “Well then -.”

 “Ya can’t make me like ‘im.”

 “No, but -.”

 “I’m trying to protect my kid!”

 “Well you have pushed him away. You see, what happened between Ronald and Jay, that doesn’t affect you. It only has an effect on Ronald, and he has obviously come to terms with it, has been able to move on and forgive.”

 “But what Jay did to ‘im -.”

 “Come now. Ronald has more trust issues than anyone I have ever met, yet he is relaxed around this man. He is obviously not in any danger.”

 “He knows that Jay is doing him some good.” Father nods. “And he seemed happy around him.”

 I gulp, because I … I know Ronnie was happy around him … but … but that isn’t the point. “Ronnie … isn’t a well boy.”

 “He isn’t a boy at all.” Mother huffs. “He is an adult, capable of making his own decisions.”

 “But -.”

 “He isn’t one-hundred percent mentally sound, no, but he has a right to choose. So … put him through therapy, and once he is better, he can decide for himself whether Jay is worth his time or not.”

 “No, he -.”

 “Molly.” Father stands up from the kitchen table. “Enough, okay? I know it’s hard to accept … but ya really can’t force Ronnie to stop seeing him.”

 “I … I can. Father, I only want what’s best for ‘im.”

 “Yes, I know. But ya know Ronnie isn’t gonna listen to ya. No one here can make him do something he doesn’t want to.”

 “I … I can’t just accept this.”

 “Molly,” Mother sighs, “you are going to have to, and … in the grand scheme of things, paying for sex isn’t the worst thing one can do.”

 “It is -.”

 “Because your son is involved, that’s why. But I do think Jay hates himself for what he has done, is trying to make up for it.”

 “He … he can’t -.”

 “Maybe not … but is it worth losing your son over?”

 “Losing – what?” No, no, I ... I won't lose him! 

 “Last night, I think you pushed him away. You didn’t listen to him, didn’t try to understand his point of view. Let’s face it – Ronald isn’t going to come back here unless you let him choose.” No, no, I didn't mean to push him -

 “He ran off after ya argument last night – I think that’s proof enough that ya’re not gonna win this one.”

 “Ya … just … want me to let this go?” I ... I don't know ... if I can .... Oh, Ronnie .... Did ... did I really hurt him badly? God .... I ... I never know what is best .... 

 He pats me on the shoulder. “I don’t think ya have a choice. I know ya want to keep him safe … but if he won’t talk to ya, how worried are ya gonna be?”

 Oh, crap …. He … he does … have a point. Ronnie … has run off, and … and that’s scarier than – “y-ya … really think he’ll hold this against me?”

 “Look at it from his point of view. Ya’ve tried to take away one of his main forms of support. Plus … I really do think that Jay makes him happy.”

 Great …. “Fine … fine, I give in.” Even … if I don’t want to, it seems I don’t have a choice. My … boy is stubborn … just like I used to be. “I … I ‘ope Ronnie is okay.”

 “I’m sure he is.”

 “But … but he’s run off, and … and won’t – I … I need to phone the police.”

 “No, I don’t think there’s need for that,” Mother says.

 “But … he could be ‘urt! I -.”

 “No, I doubt it. I can bet you any money that he is at Jay’s home, and is just ignoring you.”

 That … that does make sense …. “So, what should I do? Do … do I phone Jay?” Even if I’d rather do anything but that ….

 “You can try, yes, though he will probably just ignore you too.”

 “Then what the ‘ell do I do?!” In case they haven’t noticed, I’m worried sick! My lil boy has vanished and … and it’s obviously all my fault ….

 Oh … God … I’ve turned into my mother! Why … why didn’t I realise this before?

 “Text Ronald and tell him that you are sorry. I’m sure he’ll get back to you then.”

 “And … and what if he doesn’t? He … he could be in trouble, and -.”

 “You don’t know that yet. Just text him, alright?”

 “Right … yes.” God … what a mess. What an awful mess ….


	223. Jay. Calls.

***Monday 5th March***

***12.15pm***

 We didn’t get to sleep until … around nine because Ronnie wasn’t feeling very well. Wasn’t a surprise, really, with the amount of vodka he must have gotten through.

 I haven’t long woken back up – can’t sleep with everything that’s happened, it seems. The kettle goes off – thank God. Coffee feels like a gift from the heavens at the moment.

 Oh … while I’m in the kitchen, I should probably check to see if I’ve got some strong painkillers in the medicine cabinet. I wouldn’t let Ronald have any earlier, because of the alcohol that might have still been in his system, but he’s going to need them later, is going to be very sore.

 I grab the key, unlock the padlock on the door. It’s pulled open, and I have a nose around – ah … yes. Co-codamol. That’ll do.

\-------------------------

***1.01pm***

 “Ugh ….”

 “I didn’t think you’d be awake yet.”

 “Hn ….”

 I chuckle. “Or maybe you’re just grunting at me in your sleep?”

 “N-na, I’m awake. Uh … head’s fuckin’ poundin’.”

 “I’m not surprised. Want me to make you something to eat?”

 “Na. I need ta – ah!” He sits up, tenses. “Son … of a bitch.” He huffs loudly. “Wh-why’d … I ‘ave … ta fuck up like this, Jay?”

 “Well … you had a bad day -.”

 “I … I won’t … be doin’ tha’ drunk again.”

 I raise an eyebrow. “You won’t be doing that again, at all, Ronald.”

 “Y-yeah, good point. I … I really outdid myself this time. Body’s stinin’ all over.”

 “You’ll heal.” And hopefully, this really will be the last time he does something like this. He might have learnt his lesson here ….

 “Y-yeah. Tha … tha sooner, tha better, right?”

 “I’m sure this amount of pain won’t last for more than a day or two.”

 I see him wince. “Thank … fuck for tha’, right? Oh man … I really need ta pee.”

\-----------------------------

 “Nghhh ….”

 “It’s alright,” I say, helping him to stand up from the bed. “Just take it slow, okay?” I get another groan out of him – that stitched up cut is really causing him issues; it’s in such an awkward place, right in the way of every twist and bend. He's in a lot of pain, to say the least. 

 “K-kill me now.”

 “Never.”

 “H-heh – ahh, fuck!”

 “You’ll be alright,” I say, leading him out of the bedroom. “That’s it, slowly does it – we don’t want you popping those stitches.”

 “Uh … hell no. That’d … be gross.”

 He’s telling me. Open … bleeding wounds are something I’ll always pass on … given the chance.

\---------------------------

 “Jay, seriously, go.”

 “No -.”

 “I … I don’t want y’ ta watch me pee.”

 “I’m not – I’m looking the other way.”

 “Ughhh ….”

 “Ronald, I’ve seen you with your trousers down before.”

 “N-na, na, not like this.”

 “Seriously, now’s not the time to be modest. You’ve never been that way before, so no point starting now.”

 I get a groan, Ronnie resting his head against my shoulder.

 “Ronald, seriously, go before you pee yourself.”

 “Alright, alright, b-but no peekin’, kay?”

 “Yes, yes, I promise.”

\----------------------------------

 “Hmm … painkillers are kickin’ in, I think.” Ronnie sighs lightly.

 “Tired?”

 “Y-yeah. Bet y’re tired y’self, huh?”

 I reach over, pat his hand gently. Can’t really hug him or hold him, as much as I want to. I can imagine his arms, his legs, his stomach – they must all be so tight and painful, must sting with every movement. “I’ll live -.”

 “Yeah, off of coffee,” he chuckles, only to wince a moment later. “Urggh … I dunno how y’ drink tha shit.”

 “Hah, well … it keeps me going.”

\--------------------------

 He’s asleep now, zonked out from the tablets. Our fingers are interlocked, and every now and then, I give his hand a little squeeze.

 This is what makes me the happiest. Not the sex, nor the laughing and talking. I live for this, just being able to cuddle the person I care for, or today, just being able to link hands.

 It’s nice, simply nice, just to be able to lie here, all warm and cosy, in the quiet and in the peace. So satisfying.

 If only … things hadn’t gone this way. It’s all so complicated. So damn complicated.

\----------------------------

***4.56pm***

 Ronnie’s not long woken up … but he still looks exhausted. “D-do y’ think … it’s time I turn my phone back on?” He asks, bites down on his lip a bit. He’s had it off since last night.

 “It’s up to you, isn’t it?”

 “Y-yeah.” He turns his head, looks away from me. “B-but … wha’ do y’ think I should do?” I hear him gulp. “I … I’m still pissed at her ….”

 “But you don’t want to leave the situation hanging like this?”

 “Y-yeah, exactly. But … I … I’m not goin’ back unless she changes her mind. I … I jus’ wanna know if she’s said anythin’.”

 I nod. “Then I think it’s best you take a look. The curiosity is going to drive you crazy otherwise.”

 “Y-yeah, got a point there.”

\----------------------------

 “Is … is something wrong?” He’s got this look of absolute confusion on his face.

 “N-na … na, it’s jus’ ….”

 “Just what?”

 “Tha last text from her – she … she said she’s sorry.”

 “Oh ….”

 “Has she messaged y’?”

 “I doubt it, but I’ll have a look.” I get up from the bed, go over to the other side of the room. It’s on, but I muted it completely. “Yeah … one message.”

 “Did … she say sorry?”

 Heh, he’s joking, isn’t he? I don’t expect to ever get an apology from her. “No.”

 “Th-then she cuss y’ some more?”

 “No, just wanted to know if I knew if you were safe or not.”

 “Oh – ah … she’s missed called me a couple of times too.”

 “So … what are you going to do?”

 “Wait … until she calls again, and then … pick up, maybe.”

 I nod slowly. “Do … you want me to tell her you’re okay, at least?”

 A loud gulp. “No … hell no.”

 “Ron -.”

 “Tha longer she has ta worry – well, it’ll give her chance ta dwell on tha shit she’s put us both through.”

 Well … he does have a point, and as we said before, she can worry for all we care – at least … for a little bit longer. She still has a lesson to learn. “Fair enough.”

 “Yup … so, for now, can … y’ make me somethin’ ta eat?”

 I give him a smile. “Sure. What you fancy?”

 “Somethin’ bready.”

 “Sure.” Yeah … something stodgy – best cure for a hangover.

\-------------------------------

***6.12pm***

 “Everything alright?” I poke my head into the bedroom – he picked up the phone to his mom, so I left the room. He didn’t ask me to, but I thought it best he had some privacy.

 “Yeah … fine.”

 “Fine? Really?”

 He nods slowly. “Turns out … my grandparents gave Mom a good talkin’ ta. She … she realises now … tha’ she can’t jus’ go in … guns blazin’, can’t try ta control my life.”

 “I see. At least your grandparents had your back after all.”

 “Y-yeah, guess so.”

 “So -?”

 “I’m not goin’ back.” He sighs. “N-not … yet anyway. I told her tha’ I’m fine here … and if she wants ta see me again, she’s gonna ‘ave ta give me a few days. After all tha shit tha’ went down … I kinda need some space from her, from tha’ house.”

 “I can imagine.” Probably doesn’t want her to see his injuries … and freak out even more …. That’s the last thing anyone needs ….

 “I … can stay here, right?”

 I walk over to the bed, sit down on the edge of his side. “You should know by now that you don’t need to ask that.”

 “Heh … stupid question, right?”

 “Yep.”

 “Cool.”

\-----------------------

 “Wha’?! Why didn’t y’ tell me tha’?!” I’ve just told him that … his grandparents knew about how we met, that they’d told me not to worry about it. He doesn’t seem too happy.

 “I … I’m telling you now.”

 “No, tha’ isn’t good enough! Y’ should -.”

 “Should have told you last night?”

 “Y-yeah.”

 “Things were bad enough -.”

 “So?! I … I’m sick of everyone treatin’ me like a little kid! First Mom, and … and now y’re keepin’ shit from me?”

 “Ronald, it wasn’t about you.”

 “Wh-wha’?”

 “I … I wasn’t hiding things from you. I … I just didn’t want to talk about it.”

 “Huh?”

 “I … I thought that your grandparents had accepted me … into the family … no matter what had gone on. They … they said they’d help me out during our talk, but come last night … when you told me they did absolutely nothing – it … it hurt, okay? And … and with everything else going on, I … I just didn’t want to speak on it. Kind … of like a punch in the gut, you know?”

 “Oh ….” He nods slowly. “Y-yeah.”

 “It wasn’t because I thought you couldn’t handle it, I swear.”

 “Yeah, yeah – shit, sorry. Things … ‘ave been tough for y’ too.”

 I pat his hand lightly. “For the both of us, yeah.”

 “Y-yeah. So … y’ don’t think I’m some stupid kid?”

 “Nope, never have.”

 I get a little smile off of him. “Thank y’.”


	224. Grell. Whole again.

***Sunday 4th March***

***9.55pm***

 Things have been going great recently – hn … for everyone else! Alan and Eric are doing well, recovering … even if it is a slow recovery. They’ve been asleep more often than not.

 But they’re alright, and Willy Dear seems to be coping much better than he had been.

 Hn.

 I fall back on the sofa, wine almost spilling out of my glass. Seems that this little bottle of red is my only company for the meantime.

 “Hmmm ….” I am lonely.

 It’s not that everyone has just forgotten about me … now that all is well … but I do feel as if I’m not needed … quite so much. Alan and Eric deserve time alone, and I’m sure William could do with some peace after having gone through that hospital experience.

 Hn … I’ve annoyed him enough over the years, I know that. I’m not stupid! I have been a pest so many times ….

 Lonely ….

 I miss Olly, I really do … and waiting for Ronnie to come home is breaking my poor, fragile heart.

 I … could go to Eric’s, I suppose … but what’s the point? They’ll either be sleeping … or Alan will be too busy stuffing his face to have a decent conversation.

 Hn … no, no point.

 Not that I blame Alan – the poor boy has been starved of any variety of food –

 No point … trying to speak to Olly either. I … I want to! Want to rush into his office and beg! But I already know that would end … in disaster.

 He … he hurts at the sight of me. And … and his words of anger would only scar me further.

 Oh … it’s too much pain to bear!

 No … point, none at all!

 Lonely ….

\-----------------------

***Tuesday 6th March***

***8.14pm***

 Ooooh, the door! Oh, I do hope it’s Eric coming to say hello! Maybe he’s perked up.

 I put my drink down, hurry over to the mirror in the living room. Hmm … I don’t look my best, but it’ll do. Will have to do. Acceptable ….

 I rush into the hall, up to the door. The key is turned, handle pulled on. Ohhh, so exciting –

 Oh ….

 My quivering heart stops dead.

 I … I think the wine is making me see things. I can’t believe what I’m …. “O-Olly?”

 He … he’s not looking at me. Floor must be more appealing than I ….

 And there goes my heart, quivering again ….

 “H-hello.”

 “Are -?”

 “I … I miss you.” Oh …. I’ve been waiting to hear that – my nerves, they light on fire –

 He looks up at me – my poor man … is crying. “L-look,” he wipes at his eyes, “I … I’m still mad at you, and what you did was wrong … but, God, I miss you.”

 My heart starts to – heartbeat quickens. I … I must be dreaming. “You’ll … take me back?”

 He eyes me with sternness – a little unnerving. Don’t look at me like that! “One last chance.” He gulps. “If … if you do anything like that again, I swear -.”

 “I won’t! I … I’ve learnt my lesson, Olly -.”

 “No!” He throws his hands up in the air. Ack! He startled me!

 “I -.”

 “That isn’t good enough!”

 “Olly -.”

 “It … it’s not about learning a lesson, Grell. You should know I deserve to be treated with respect! You should have -.”

 “I know, Darling, I’ve always known that, I swear to you.”

 “Then -.”

 “I … I’ve just learnt not to treat people like garbage when I’m upset. N-no matter how troubled I am.” I … I don’t want to argue again! Olly, please, listen to me! “I … I’m so sorry for how I treated you.” Listen ….

 “R-right, okay.” He does a half turn away from me. No! D-don’t go! Not again – oh … oh, he turns back, sniffs loudly. “Grell … can … we just get to the part where you start kissing me?”

 I hurry out of the house – oooh, the stones are all wet. When did it rain? Doesn’t matter! I wrap my arms around him, pull him close.

 Our lips slam together!

 Oooh, this is wonderful! I’ve missed his eager kissing.

 “Hmmm.”

 It’s absolutely fabulous!

\----------------------------

***8.36pm***

 “Ah!”

 “Ohhh ….” Oh … this make up sex – oh, there’s nothing like it! We dragged each other straight up to bed! So much need!

 And I just had to top him! He’s so adorable, and I just had to show him how much he means to me!

 He makes such cute noises! This is simply the best!

 So top-able!

 “Ah, Grell …!” His nails claw into my back. Oooh, so tingly! It burns! Marvellous!  

 And he’s crying, and I’m getting all teary. But they’re good tears! So much emotion, so much passion!

 I live for this!

 And … and there is so much relief!

 His face buries against my neck – I can feel his hot, moist breath against my skin. Wonderful! “I … I love you, Grell.”

 “I love you too, Darling. Mmmm ….”

 “Ahhhh ….” His cute little body tenses up against mine.

 “So … so much.”

 Oh … I can’t believe he’s back in my arms! It’s fabulous!

 OH, I’m never pushing him away again!

\-------------------------------------

***10.34pm***

 He’s asleep now, hair sticking up at odd angles, head resting against my breasts. His breathing is soft, slow.

 Cute …. My little Olly is so cute!

 Hmm ….

 It’s such an oddity, him being able to sleep this early … and such a peaceful sleep too.

 Not that I can’t understand it. I can. A part of me died when he left me … but now I feel whole again, at peace.

 I have my little Olly back!

 But in all the time I’ve known him … he’s never looked so peaceful in sleep. And he’s never slept so well … has never dozed off so easily, ever!

 But the answer is so simple, really.

 He … he isn’t hurting anymore. Like me … he can finally rest easy.

 He was lonely too ….


	225. Grell. Ground rules.

***Wednesday 7th March***

***7.01am***

 The sunlight washes into the room – hmm … I didn’t even shut the curtains last night.

 It truly is a beautiful morning, nice and bright. A little chilly, but I have my little Olly to keep me warm.

 Ooooh, my squishy little hot water bottle.

 He is still asleep, which is absolutely astounding – he … he must have been exhausted, my poor man. And he has his face hiding in my breasts – he sure does love my puppies!

 Not that I can blame him – I love them too!

\------------------------

***8.13am***

 Ooh, I think he is stirring.

 “Hnnnn ….”

 Oohhh, he is!

 He rolls away from me, onto his back. “Hmm ….” His eyes flutter open, and he turns his face to me, gives me such a cute smile. “Morning.”

 “Good morning, Darling. Not too sore, I hope?”

 He shakes his head a little against the pillow. “No, I’m not sore at all. It was … super enjoyable.”

 “Well that’s good to hear.” Hmm … it’s always a boost to be told I’m good in bed. I roll over, hand running against the sheet over his chest.

 I … I apologised, but with the passion last night, I forgot to say “thank you, Darling.”

 “Pardon?” Oh … he’s got that perplexed expression on his face – it’s always wonderfully adorable.

 “You know, for helping my friends.”

 “Why … are you thanking me? I … I couldn’t just let them die.”

 “W-well, yes, Darling … I do know that, but … I treated you so poorly -.”

 “Y-you expected me … to be so angry with you that I’d -?”

 “N-no … I know you aren’t the sort to hold a grudge that deeply … but I wouldn’t have blamed you. And … and it seemed like an impossible task. I … I still can’t quite believe that you pulled it off for us.”

 He sighs lightly. “You put the idea of helping them into my head in the first place – I couldn’t give up when I knew lives were on the line, when … there was a tiny chance I could actually do something. I just couldn’t. They’re good people, Grell.”

 “Well -.”

 “No. Really, any decent person would have tried to help. Like I said … they’re good people, and I just couldn’t – look, you really don’t have to thank me.” He finds my hand, gives it a little squeeze. “It’s over with now, the whole mess, so … we can just move on.” He relaxes back into the pillow, shuts his eyes. “Please?”

 “Mmmm … sounds like a plan, Darling. But … maybe just a little thank you?”

 He cracks one eye open. I get a chuckle. “Well … I’m already on my back.”

 “Ohhh! And then I can make you breakfast! Will that be good, hmm?”

 “Sounds brilliant.”

\------------------------------------

***Friday 9th March***

***4.01pm***

 Things have been going so, so well! Olly is back here, living with me! Ohh … things are better than expected!

 I didn’t see him this morning – stupid work patterns! But … we’re going out on a date tonight! Oh, I’m so excited! It’s going to be so romantic!

 Oooh, the oven – don’t want them to burn.

\---------------------

***4.37pm***

 “Afternoon.”

 “Afternoon – ooh, you look tired, Darling. Long day?”

 “No, it was fine.”

 “Mmm. Did you sleep okay last night?” I sure did after all the action!

 “So-so.”

 “Well that’s good for you, isn’t it?” I smile.

 “Yeah – Grell ….” He sniffs the air. “What’s that smell?”

 “Oh, I thought you’d never ask!” I hurry over to the oven. “I have some banana bread keeping warm in -.”

 “Y-you baked?”

 “Hmm … I’ve never tried this recipe before, so it might not be the best … but I thought – well, we can’t starve until the restaurant tonight, but if we eat something big now, we’ll ruin the meal -.”

 “Grell … stop it.” He sits down at the kitchen table.

 “What? Honey, you’re a reaper, you won’t get fat -.”

 “No. That’s not what I meant.”

 The baking tray hits the top of the oven. I turn around. “What do you mean?”

 He slides down in his seat. “Look ….”

 “Don’t give me that!” Not again!

 “What?”

 “When … someone says stop it, it … it usually means they’re breaking -.”

 “No! Uh … no, no breaking up. It’s just -.”

 “Olly, spit it out.”

 “I ….”

 “Olly!”

 “Y-you’re being too nice -.”

 “What?!”

 “The flowers, the date tonight, and now this -.”

 “No -.”

 “You even gave me a damn back massage. It’s a bit much and -.”

 “Yes! Because I love you! And … and I want you to know how much you mean to me.”

 “Yes, and I know that -.”

 “You said to treat you with respect.”

 “I … I know, I know … but I also said I wanted things to go back to how they were. You know, before all the crap that went down?”

 “Oh, well -.”

 “Just be yourself, okay? I love you for you.”

 Oh, he’s so sweet! “For me, hmm?”

 “Even the snarky parts, yep. You don’t have to tiptoe around me, really, we’re fine as we used to be. I can handle it.”

 “Hmm … well, I think I could drop the sickly sweet. It really is exhausting to be acting all pumpkin pie.”

 “Yeah, I bet.”

 “I’m still going out for food later though.” I’ve been looking forward to it so, so much!

 “Oh, yeah, totally.” He sits back up, leans his arms on the table. “Is … that banana bread ready to eat?”

 “I’ll cut you a slice, don’t you worry, Darling.”

 “Thank you.”  


	226. Ronald. Let it go.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please point out any typos - it's 3am. :/

***Friday 9th March***

 Mom’s coming over today. She … she’s been phoning me for a few days now, which was fine – I picked up, didn’t cause her any problems. But … I didn’t give into her either ….

 She was upset, obviously, that I’d just run off … and proper worried. But I told her I wasn’t coming home yet. Needed more time, more space. And … kinda needed time to heal. I … I wouldn’t have gotten through the pain of all that without Jay doting on me like he does.

 He really is the best.

 But stitches … they’re the fucking worst. Could hardly move the first two days. At least it’s starting to ease off now – I’m off the painkillers now, still a bit sore, but better, mainly, at least.

 Man … I’m kinda nervous about seeing Mom. When she phoned this morning, I told her she could come over … and that I’d come home with her, as long as Jay came with me too.

 She said yeah straight away, didn’t even pause – I guess Grandma gave her a really good talking to … or I taught her a lesson.

 But now I’m scared of what will happen when she walks through that door. Jay said he isn’t going to hold a grudge, just wants to move on with things. And … and he said he’ll be nice as long as she is – I mean, he’s even fine with her coming over later but –

 Ugh … fuck, I’m just worried that she’ll start something … or say something because she’s still pissed off. And her reaction when she realises … I’ve hurt myself. Fuck ….

 I … I guess I’ll just have to see, hope for the best ….

\---------------------------------

***5.03pm***

 “I’ll get it.”

 “No, I … I’ll do it.” The door’s just gone. “I … I don’t want things ta be awkward -.”

 “Exactly the reason I want to open the door.” Jay stands up from the sofa, gives me a little smile. “I … I kind of want to see what her reaction is … get the gist of how she’s feeling towards me now.”

 “Oh … okay.” Yeah … good point. If … if she acts like a bitch … she’s not getting inside this house. No way in hell. “Y-yeah, alright, sure … but I wanna hang in tha hallway.” I … need to hear what she says for myself.

 “Sure.”

 I get up too, follow behind him slowly, take a deep breath as he opens the door. Shit … awkward silence – oh, this isn’t good –

 Oh … oh ….

 She … she said hello, and … and her tone – it … it’s pleasant.

 Holy shit – did she actually say sorry?!

 And … and Jay accepts her apology, welcomes her in.

 Oh … good, good. I feel the tension in my shoulders leave a bit. This … this is going well.

 She walks into the house – man … she looks tired. I glance over at Jay, and he gives me a little smile. Good … I needed that bit of reassurance.

 “Hello, sweetie.” She gives me a smile too – a nervous one, I think.

 “Hey.” I shove my hands in my pockets. “H-how’s it goin’?”

 “I … I’m fine. Just feel like … a bit of a prat.”

 “Yeah ….”

 “I … I really am sorry. I overreacted; I geh that now.”

 “It’s … alright.”

 “Do … ya think we can put this behind us?”

 “Y-yeah, if y’ can.”

 “Of course I can, sweetie.” She goes to hug me, but I step back.

 “And … if Jay can ge’ past this too.” Wanna … make double sure he’s okay with all this ….

 “You know I already have.” Jay comes a little closer. “I … I do understand your concern, Molly, but I need you to know I’ll never hurt your son.”

 “I … I know that – I … I know ya’re a good person, I do.” I don’t know if she actually believes that … or is just saying it – I’m not starting another argument though ….

 He nods a little. “Alright then. Tea?”

 “Umm, coffee, please.”

 “Sure thing.”

 He disappears – shit …. Mom’s got me, in a death grip – oh … shit, that hurts. Sorer than I realised …. “I … I’ve really missed ya, sweetie.”

 “Nghh ….” She’s pressing right up against my stitches.

 She lets go of me – thank fuck for that …. “Y-ya’re in pain ….”

 “N-na, na -.”

 “Y-ya’ve … ‘urt yaself again, ‘aven’t ya?” Her eyes … are searching mine – oh man … she looks like she’s gonna burst into tears.

 My stomach lurches. “I … I couldn’t help myself. I … I didn’t mean ta – got drunk … and f-fucked myself up.”

 She nods slowly. “‘Ow … bad is it?”

 “B-bad.”

 A few tears run down her cheeks. Shit. “Ronnie, ‘ow bad?”

 “J-Jay had ta take me ta tha hospital -.”

 “What?!” She … she looks fucking horrified – I shouldn’t be surprised ….

 “Had … ta ‘ave stitches. B-but I’m okay now, jus’ sore.”

 She wipes at her eyes. “No … no, ya’re noh. I made ya so miserable that … that ya relapsed into -.”

 “N-na, not relapsed.”

 “But -.”

 “Jay … Jay said it was jus’ a slip up, and … and I’m sidin’ wi’ him on this one. I … I don’t wanna do tha’ again.”

 “Ronnie -.”

 “Really … I don’t wanna end up back where I was. I … I was jus’ havin’ a rough night.” Stop freaking out … please ….

 “Because of me!”

 My shoulders slump – this is just fucking brilliant …. “No, Mom, it’s -.”

 “Coffee’s ready!” Jay calls.

 Thank fuck for that. I hurry past her, into the kitchen. Jay probably overheard the conversation, came to save my bacon. Yeah … for sure.

\-------------------------------------

***9.34pm***

 I … I haven’t seen much of Mom today. Drove back home in Jay’s car … just because I didn’t want the awkward conversations … didn’t wanna see her getting upset again.

 And then when I got home, Grandpa gave me a big hug. A gentle one though – I think Mom must have told him that I’d hurt myself. She probably texted or something.

 I spent a bit of time with the little ones … went up to speak to George.

 I think Emma was keeping Mom busy for most of the evening, but we did all have dinner as a family. Hopefully tomorrow won’t be so awkward. I … I just wanna get past this.

 I mean, she screwed up, bad ways … but at least she came around in the end.

 She’s not an asshole – just overprotective, to a crazy level.

 I get it though, I really do. She’s probably scared shitless that someone’s gonna hurt me, take me away again.

 Yeah … I guess I can … understand her point of view now we’re all a bit calmer ….

\---------------------

***10.01pm***

 “Mom, I think we’re gonna head ta bed.”

 “Alright, sweetie.” She stands up from the sofa. “Goodnight.” I get a kiss on the cheek. “Sleep well.”

 “Yeah, y’ too.” I will, for sure. I’m knackered.

\-------------------------

***10.56pm***

 So much for sleeping well ….

 I went downstairs a little bit ago, because I’d left my phone down there by mistake. Overheard my grandparents talking to Mom.

 And, man … Grandma was really laying into Mom. Basically called her a stupid bitch for not listening to anyone, for being stubborn.

 She was pissed, and I mean … really fucking pissed.

 “I can understand it,” Jay says. I’ve just told him about what I heard. “Her grandson ended up drunk and hurt. I mean … something worse could have happened – no wonder she’s got her knickers in a twist.”

 “Yeah ….”

 “Can’t be nice to overhear it though. No one wants their family members to fight.”

 “Na … it’s not so much tha’.”

 “Then what is it?”

 I lie back down in bed, sigh. “I … jus’ want this ta be over wi’, y’ know? Grandma and Mom argue all tha time … but this has been complicated enough – I don’t want it draggin’ on.”

 “Yeah, I can understand that. Waiting for the whole thing to just blow over myself.”

 “And … I kinda feel bad for Mom. She already feels guilty … and Grandma isn’t cuttin’ her any slack.”

 “Cutting her -?”

 “Wha’ she did was shitty … but I guess her heart was in tha right place.”

 “Yeah. She was only trying to protect you, as crazy as she went.” He rubs at his forehead. “I do feel … bad for her too.”

 “Y’ do? I thought y’ were proper mad?”

 “I think she’s learnt her lesson, to be fair. And, well … she’s been through fifteen years of hell. Poor woman’s probably had as much as she can take.”

 “Yeah … for sure.” I guess … I should be surprised she lasted that long without losing her shit ….

 “I just hope I’m not on the receiving end again.”

 “Yep ….” She … she blew up at the wrong person ….

 “But I’m sure it’ll blow over soon. I mean, I really like your grandmother … but she’s a crazy bitch too at times.”

 That gets a laugh outta me. “Hah, I know. Grandpa always ends up in tha middle of nuclear war between those two. Poor guy.”

 “Heh, I’m surprised he still has hair.” He rolls over, pats me on the shoulder. “But try not to worry yourself over it. There’s nothing you can about it at the minute, so try to get some sleep.”

 “Yeah … I’ll try. Can I ge’ a cuddle?”

 “Sure. You want me to wake you up in the morning before I go to work?”

 Ugh … yeah, he’s stuck on the Saturday shift again. “Na … it’s alright. Y’ll be over after work anyway, right?”

 “That’s a stupid question.”

 I smile, snuggle up close to him. “Cool.”

\-------------------------------------

***Saturday 10th March***

***11.04am***

 Just woke up … and Mom’s sitting on the edge of the bed. “Hey.” All I get is a sniff – oh … crap, she’s crying. I sit up in bed. “Y’ … alright?” Stupid fucking question ….

 She covers her face with her hands. No … she’s definitely not okay. “I … I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

 “Wh-wha’ do y’ mean?”

 Her hands slap down onto her lap. “I don’t know ‘ow to ‘elp ya! I … I try and I try, but I don’t know … what’s right anymore. I never know!” She looks over at me – she looks dead. Did she even sleep? No, I bet she didn’t ….

 “Mom … I’m alright -.”

 “No! No, ya’re noh! Or … or maybe ya are, today, but for ‘ow long?” She’s shaking …. “I … I feel like I’m going in circles with ya. Ya … ya’re okay for a bit, and then -.”

 “I … I’m sorry.”

 “No … no.” She leans forward, holds her stomach. “It’s noh ya fault. It’s mine … always my fault.”

 Fuck … Grandma’s really got to her. “It’s not.”

 “Look at the state I put ya in!”

 “Y-yeah, y’ … fucked up, but y’ didn’t put tha’ knife ta my skin. That’s on me.”

 “B-because ya’re noh well -.”

 “Yeah, I know tha’. But tha’ doesn’t mean I can – I should’ve jus’ gone ta Jay’s – everyone keeps tellin’ me … I need ta learn ta cope better – they’re right.” It’s weird … that I’m trying to make her feel better – we were at each other’s throats not long back. But … but she’s my mom, and I love her … and it’s true.

 Any excuse to go back to those shitty coping mechanisms, right?

 “N-no ….”

 “Yeah. And … and we’re good now, right?”

 “N-no. I … I should’ve – ya were right! I … I’m fifteen years too late!”

 Oh … shit, I did say that …. “Y’ … y’ know I didn’t mean tha’.” She … she’s starting to rock back and forth a bit …. “Mom?”

 “Doesn’t matter … because it’s true. I … I’m ya mom … and I should’ve kept ya safe.”

 “How? Arthur had y’ wrapped around his little finger – it wasn’t y’ fault.”

 “I … I could’ve seen through it.”

 “Pfft, he was a right manipulator.”

 “N-noh … good enough.”

 “M-Mom … come lie down, okay?” I move on top of the covers, lie down on my side.

 “Hah, ya actually want me near ya?”

 “Yeah, of course I do. Jus’ come lie down, okay?” She does, hugs up against me. She really is shaking … and her crying is getting worse. “It … it’s okay.”

 “It … it’s noh. Arthur … he – I … I’d see glimpses of … that other side of ‘im.”

 The … fuck is she on about? “Wha’?”

 “He … he’d say things. Lil … shitty things. Like I … was putting on … weight … or letting myself go. Put downs … but … he knew noh … to say those … things all that often. So … so few and far between that I … I didn’t even realise – I … I’m so stupid.”

 “No … y’re not.”

 “I … I should’ve seen through – I should’ve but things together, realised … he was a monster.”

 “Mom … y’ loved him -.”

 “So?!”

 “S-so … sometimes y’ don’t see. I mean … I’m in love wi’ an actual monster. William – reaper, remember?”

 Oh … was that a laugh? G-good …. “We’re … so screwed.”

 “Yeah … love will do tha’ ta y’.”

 “I … I don’t know ‘ow I could’ve ever loved that thing. Ya … ya could’ve ended up … in a ditch somewhere because of me. I ... I thought ya ‘ad.”

 “Mom, come on, stop it. It’s in tha past now.”

 “No … no, it’s noh.” She pulls back a little, finally meets my eyes. “I … I’m still so scared I’m gonna lose ya.” Her fingers run down my cheek. “I … I just don’t know ‘ow to ‘elp ya. I’m always making things worse.”

 “Na, that’s not true. Y’re gettin’ me inta therapy.”

 “Only b-because Mother gave me a kick up … the arse.”

 “Doesn’t matter. I … I think it’ll help.”

 She blinks a couple of times. “Ya do?”

 “Yeah.” I smile. “And I ‘ave my studies ta focus on and stuff.”

 “B-but … what if … something goes wrong? I … I don’t want ya gehhing worse again.”

 “Me neither … but I’m a lot better than I was.”

 “I … I doubt it, with me around.”

 I … I wish she’d stop beating herself up …. We … we said sorry, made up – she needs to let it go ….

 “It’s true. I’m offa tha streets, tha heroin. Look … if someone told me tha’ my family was alive … and I’d be living wi’ them, and tha’ I’d be clean back then, I’d ‘ave never believed them. So … so … I don’t think gettin’ tha rest of my shit together is impossible.” It’s just gonna … take a long while ….

 And it’s gonna be fucking hard ….

 But … I do wanna sort my life out. No … no one would wanna keep going up and down … around and around in circles ….

 She takes a shaky breath. “I … I needed … to ‘ear that.”

 “Yeah, and I ‘ave my family, so … so it’s true.”

 I wrap my arms around her, let her hide up against me again. And … and she starts sobbing … really hard again.

 “I … I’m s-so sorry.”

 “It … it’s alright, Mom, it is.”

 “I’m … so s-sorry.”

 “I know, I know.”

 Man … it’s fucking heart-breaking.

 She … she loves me so much she’s losing her shit ….

 Jay’s right – she’s gonna have a fucking breakdown at this rate.

 No … no, she won’t.

 I … I’m not gonna let that happen.

 Fifteen … fucking fifteen years of hell – I’m not gonna make it twenty.

 No fucking way.


	227. Ronald. Fixing things.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any possible typos. I'm living on five hours sleep and it's 2am.

***12.43pm***

 “Here,” I hand Mom a cup of tea. Grandma gave me a funny look when she saw me making it, but didn’t say anything – I … I dunno, man, it just feels fucking awkward right now ….

 “Th-thanks, sweetie.” She wipes at her eyes with her spare hand, sniffs loudly.

 “Hopefully it won’t taste like balls.” I … I haven’t had much practice with making tea, but it’s meant to calm people down, right? A nice, soothing cup of tea?

 “I … I’m sure it won’t.”

 I sit down next to her on the edge of the bed, rub at her back. “Are … y’ gonna be okay?”

 She stares down at her cup. “I … I ‘onestly … don’t know.”

 Oh. Wasn’t what I was hoping for …. “Anythin’ … I can do ta help?”

 Another sniff. “St-stay alive.”

 “Mom -.”

 “I … I mean it, Ronnie.” Her eyes meet mine again. So bloodshot …. My poor Mom …. “If … if I lost ya, I don’t know what I’d -.”

 “Y’re not gonna lose me.”

 “I … I almost did -.”

 “But y’ didn’t … and we made up, and we’re fine now. So y’ … y’ need ta put it behind y’.”

 “I … I don’t know if I can – I … screw up all the time.”

 Na … that’s me …. “That’s not true.”

 “It … it is, and Mother ‘ates me. I … I don’t know if things are ever gonna be the same now.”

 “Na, she doesn’t hate y’.”

 “She does – ya … ya don’t know the ‘alf of it.”

 “I do, trust me.”

 “No -.”

 “Yeah. I … I left my phone downstairs and – I … I heard most of it.”

 Her eyes go wide. “Oh … oh, God, Ronnie, I’m sorry – ya … ya -.”

 “Why are y’ apologisin’?” She … she needs to stop saying sorry ….

 “Ya … didn’t need to ‘ear that.” She rests her head on my shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

 “It’s alright – well, not alright, but I’m used ta y’ two bein’ at each other’s throats.”

 “S-some … ‘ome to live in ….”

 “Mom, I’m tellin’ y’ it’s fine, okay? And … and she doesn’t hate y’.”

 “Of … of course she does.”

 “No. She might be a bit pissed, but that’s only because she’s worried. She’s like y’ – goes a bit crazy when she’s worried ‘bout her family.”

 “Hm ….”

 “But she still loves y’, like I love y’ – look, do y’ want me ta talk ta her?”

 “No … no. I couldn’t ask … ya to do that.”

 “But -.”

 “She … she won’t listen anyway.”

 “I can try.”

 “N-no. Just … just stay with me, right ‘ere.” A sniff. “Please?”

 “Sure.” Oh … she’s starting to really shake again. “Mom, want me ta ‘ave tha’ tea back off y’?” She makes a crying sound. “Here, I’ll take this.” I ease it out of her hand, place it down on the table by the bed. “I think y’ should ge’ some rest.”

 She nods against my shoulder. “I … I’ll try, sweetie.”

\------------------------------------------

***2.03pm***

 “Mom, Mom, shush.” She’s hiding her face in my shirt, just won’t stop crying. “Mom … Mom, please, y’ need ta calm down. Come on … sleep will do y’ good.” My stitches are hurting pretty bad … because of the close contact, but I don’t care. I need to cuddle her, try to make her feel better.

 But … but more cries come ….

 I … I kinda get it now, how Will felt. Watching someone suffer and not being able to do anything to help them – it sucks, hurts ….

 But I understand her too. Sometimes … you just can’t get your shit together, no matter how much someone else tries to reassure you, comfort you.

 You … you just carry on falling apart, bit by bit.

 Shit ….

 Mom ….

\--------------------------

***4.16pm***

 “J-jus’ tell her y’re sorry.” Mom calmed down in the end … just enough to fall asleep, so I decided to go downstairs, have a word with Grandma. She wasn’t happy … thought Mom had gone running to me – I soon put that straight ….

 “I’m not sorry.”

 “Grandma, please? She … she thinks y’ hate her.”

 She pulls a face at me. “Of course I don’t.”

 “B-but … she thinks y’ do, and she’s a wreck -.”

 “I guessed, seeing as she hasn’t seen her other children all day.” Grandpa’s got them for the day ….

 “It … it’s not her fault. Y’ … y’ really upset her.”

 She sighs loudly. “Yes, I realise that, but I had to get my point across. She needed to understand -.”

 “B-but … she did understand. She said sorry before y’ had a right go last night.”

 She picks up her cup of tea, swirls her spoon around in it. “I don’t think you understand.”

 “Wha’ do y’ -?”

 “That was before I found out that my grandson had ended up in the hospital. That isn’t okay, Ronald.”

 “No … it’s not, but tha’ was down ta me.”

 “She pushed you into it because she just would not listen.” She sits back in her chair, crosses her legs. “None of this would have -.”

 “B-but … y’ve made tha same mistakes, pushed her away -.”

 “I didn’t put her in the hospital.”

 “Grandma -.”

 “I really don’t think you understand. I could have lost my grandson because of the mess she created.”

 I shake my head. Stubbornness runs in the family …. Fuck my life … seriously. “Mom could’ve ended up in tha hospital after y’ two fell out – only … difference was … her head was in a better place than mine’s ever been. Y’ … y’ still tried ta force y’ wants on her.”

 She looks away from me – got her! “I see your point, I suppose.”

 “So – look, it’s over wi’ now. Things could’ve gone a lot worse, but they didn’t … and I’ll be fine, and me and Mom will be fine – can we … jus’ put this behind us?”

 “I am not going to hold a grudge.”

 “Then -.”

 “But I am not going to say sorry – I told her off for a reason.”

 “Grandma -.”

 “Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate her, far from it, but I am annoyed.”

 “O … okay, y’ don’t ‘ave ta say sorry … but can y’ at least tell her y’ don’t hate her?”

 “She knows that, deep down. I’m sure she’ll be fine come tomorrow. I don’t plan to let this drag on, say anything else on the matter.”

 “Please? F-for me?”

 She raises an eyebrow. “For you?”

 “Y-yeah. Seein’ … Mom like this is stressin’ me out.”

 “I suppose it isn’t nice, no.” She uncrosses her legs, slides her cup back onto the table. “I will speak to her.”

 “R-really?”

 “Yes.” She sighs. “And I don’t want the silly girl moping for the next month.”

 “C-cool.” Silly girl … right …. Well … it’s the best I can hope for. Fucking stubborn as all hell. “Thanks, Grandma.”

 I get a small smile out of her. “Come here.”

 “H-huh?”

 “Can’t I give my grandson a hug?”

 “Oh, yeah, sure.” I get up from the sofa, manage to squeeze in next to her on the chair. Eek, tight squeeze.

 Hmm … grannie cuddles. They’re rare, but the best. I … I like it when she shows her softer side.

 “I … I was rather worried about you, Ronald.”

 “W-well I’m back now, so … so things will be alright.”

 “Yes, you are. Fair point.”

 “Yeah.”

\-----------------------------------

***7.15pm***

 “Hey,” Jay walks into the bedroom. I think Mom and Grandma made up, because she seemed a bit better a while ago. She’s asleep again now, snuggled down in bed with her head tucked under my chin.

 “Hey.”

 “She alright?”

 I texted him not long back, told him what was going on. “Yeah … I think so. Jus’ completely knackered.”

 “I can imagine.”

 “B-but … I feel good – it’s nice ta be able ta help someone.”

 “She’s lucky to have you.”

 Aww … that’s sweet. True or not, I dunno – I’ve stressed her out so bad since I got to the human world. “Thanks.” I see him out of the corner of my eye pull up a chair, plonk himself down on it. “Y’ not gonna gimme a cuddle?”

 “You’ve got your mom for that at the moment.”

 “I … I don’t think she’ll mind y’ lyin’ next ta me.”

 He chuckles lightly. “That’s not what I meant. I just think you both need each other more than you need me right now. Especially your mom. She needs you quite a bit at the moment.”

 He does have a point … I guess. “Heh, jealous?”

 “Never.”

 My hand rubs at Mom’s back. I’m smiling pretty widely right now. “Y’re tha best, man.”

 “Yep, I know.”

\----------------------------------

***Monday 12th March***

***2.33pm***

 Things are better, much calmer. And … and I think Mom’s managed to pull herself together. Thank fuck – I was really worried she was going to have a full on mental break ….

 A book gets dropped onto my lap. She’s gotta be kidding me …. “Grandma -.”

 “It is time we get back to your studies, Ronald. You’ll thank me a decade from now when you’ve got a good job.”

 I roll my eyes at her.

 “I saw that, young man.”

 “Heh … sorry.”

 She sits down across the coffee table from me. “I … know things have been tough recently, so I shall make a deal with you.”

 “Okay …?”

 “We’ll do this for an hour, and then you can spend the rest of the day how you choose.”

 Just an hour? Hah, jackpot! “Alright, deal.”

 I get a smile out of her. “Good. Turn to page fifteen.”

 I do as I’m told. May as well – better to get back on with my life sooner rather than later, I guess.

 Let’s do this shit!


	228. Alan. I am strong. Stronger now.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As you can tell ... time skip.  
> The story is moving onto the final part.

***Sunday 18th March***

 Hmm … I never know what time of the day it is, all the sleeping we’ve been doing. Well … Eric’s been doing most of the sleeping, but when he does, I lie down in bed, shut my eyes as I cuddle up to him … and just relax … for hours.

 We’re both feeling a lot better though. And we did venture out yesterday – I think we both needed something to do – and … and we’ve been trapped in this house for so long, we just had to escape for a couple of hours.

 Not that it’s been just the two of us – William is over quite a lot. He’s been so good to us, brings food up to our bedroom … but I stand by what I said before. He’s here because he’s lonely – at least, for the most part ….

 But I’ll never put a stop to his visits. I don’t have the right, and … and I don’t want him drifting away from us, going back to how he was before Ronald came into our lives. I like him more as a friend than just a boss ….

 He can be very kind at times –

 I … I just wish he’d go speak to Ronnie. Or … or at least open up to me more about how he’s feeling about the situation.

 I won’t bring Ronald up though, not again, not until he’s willing. There’s no point … in upsetting a friend when nothing will come of it. I … I think he’s made his mind up ….  

 We ended up at Grell’s. Her and Othello are so cute together, and they seem so happy at the moment, so glad to be partners again.

 I … I don’t really remember them breaking up … was too ill, too unaware … but I could tell how upset she was over it when I finally did come back to reality. Utterly heart-broken.

 I’m happy for her, truly.

 I’m still weak and my legs keep buckling from under me at the worst possible times – it’s so embarrassing, especially when William is around. And gosh, the hunger …. I’ve never experienced anything like it. But … the pain is gone, completely gone – and Eric is fine now too, will recover fully; nothing else matters.

\---------------------------

***Monday 26th March***

 The last three days have been good, so good. Eric seems to be a lot more lively. Doesn’t seem to want to get out of bed at the moment though.

 “Pfft, Belle,” I giggle. She’s napping, but her tail’s just swung up, slapped me across the face. I reach over, scratch her under the chin. Aww, she’s just cracked one eye open at me. “Hello there, Belle.”

 Oooh, no, she’s shut it again.

 “Ah don’t think she wants tae know,” Eric chuckles.

 “Nope,” my hand moves, and I stroke against her forehead, “she’s being a lazy girl today.”

 “Aye … caught it off of us, ah guess.”

 “Hmm, true.” No … I don’t think it’s that. She’s been so calm since we got better. Dogs are sensitive, can feel when things are good or bad. And she knows that things are better now – there’s no need to panic, no need to do anything but snooze the day away.

 It’s so good to see her happy again, no pining or barking – she’s like, no ... is a child to me. My little, fluffy girl.

\------------------------

 “Hmm … Eric.” There really is nothing like a kiss and a cuddle. And I appreciate them even more so after all we’ve been through. “Hmmm ….” A butt grab. He … he’s so naughty, but I adore it, as I adore him.  

 The fingers of his other hand comb through my hair. So caring. “Do yer want something tae eat?”

 It is tempting, and my stomach feels as if it is about to rumble … but “I … I had something else in mind.” Oh … my cheeks are getting all warm.

 “Oh?”

 Getting warmer …. “It … it has been a while ….” And … and I just need to feel that closeness again ….

 “Are yer sure?”

 “Hmm,” my nose rubs up against his, “I think I’m strong enough for it now – are you up for it?”

 “Aye, for sure.” He chuckles. “Will probably sleep for a week after though.”

 “Oh … Eric,” I giggle. “Ooh!” He rolls me over, moves on top of me. Hmm … gropes – “Eric, wait -.”

 “Aye … ah know.” He shifts off of me again, gets out of bed. Belle is scooped up in his arms. “Come on, Lass, downstairs yer go.”

 She doesn’t kick up a fuss.

 But then again … she’s smart, probably knows what being taken out of the bedroom means. And I’m sure no one wants to see us doing that ….

\---------------------

 “Ah don’t even remember where ah put the lube.”

 “Well … it has been a while since we used it,” I smile. “Um … try the bottom drawer.”

 “Oh … aye, now ah remember.” The drawer is pulled open, and I watch as he rifles through it. “Got it.” It’s pulled out. “Oh, is it – ahh, aye, still in date.”

 “G-good.”

 He jumps on the bed, pulls the covers back over himself. “Right,” he grins, “where were we?”

 I smile back at him. “I think you know.”

\------------------------

 “Nghh ….”

 “Ahhh …. Y-yer alright, Al? Does it hurt?”

 “It … it’s a bit of stretch, b-but … I’m okay.”

 “Heh … thanks for the compliment.”

 “Very funny, Eric.” I take a deep breath, relax as best I can to adjust. “O-okay … you can start moving.”

 “Yer sure?”

 “Yes, definitely.”

 “Aye, alright.” He starts to – oh … that feels wonderful ….

 “Ohhh … mmm ….”

 “F-fuck ….”

 I think he’s missed this too … for sure ….

\---------------------------------

 “Eric … harder!”

 “Ah … ah don’t want tae hurt yer.”

 “Y-you won’t. P-please?”

 “Ah ….”

 “P-please. Y-you were … nothing but gentle with me while I was ill … and that was wonderful of you, but I’m not sick now. I … I’m not fragile.”

 “Yer are.” I get a soft kiss to the cheek. “My delicate wee flower.”

 “Okay … maybe,” I laugh, “but you can still be rough … with me in bed.”

 “Aye … alright, if that’s what yer want.”

 “Definitely – hey!” D … did he seriously just pull out?! “Eric, what -?”

 “Ah have an idea.” The covers are pulled back, and he climbs out of bed. Okay then …. A hand is held out to me. Odd …. I take it, and he pulls me up to my feet.

 “What -?”

 “Yer’ll see.”

 “W-we’re doing it standing up?”

 I’m guided over to the nearest wall. “Nope, ah’ll be the one standing up. Get it?”

 “No? Oh … wait – yes, understood.” Very naughty ....

 “Yer like the sound of that?” A wide grin spreads across his face.

 I smile back. “Yes, sounds great.”

 I’m rather excited. Definitely more interesting than a bed. We … we’ve done this once before, but still … my heart is racing in anticipation.  

 I’m so sick of lying in bed ….

\------------------------------

 “Ah! Oh … oh, Eric!” My back slides up and down the wall, legs squeeze around his waist. This … this feels wonderful.

 “Nghh … Al ….” His hands clamp down on my waist.

 “Ahhh ….” Hmm … nails. Makes my skin all tingly when he does that – so nice. “H-harder.”

 “A-aye.”

 “Ah!” He is – oh … “oh … God!” My head hits the wall – “Eric!”

 Oh … oh, that was too much. So … intense.

 “Nghhh ….”

 Ohhh … for him too, judging by – “oooh!”

 Um … okay … we’re on the floor? “Eric … are you okay?”

 “A-aye,” he pants.

 “What … just happened?”

 “Ah … think my knees buckled, hah. Told yer it’d wear me out.”

 “So … it was tiring.” I get up, move to straddle his waist. I smile as I lean forward. “Or … that was one intense orgasm.”

 His hands slide up my back gently. “Aye … ah think yer hit the nail on the head there.” I feel his body relax against the floor. “That scratched the itch.”

 “For sure.” More than that – it’s such a breath of fresh air after the lazy days, truly. “That … that was great, Eric.”

 “Aye.” I’m pulled down on top of him. “It was, my wee flower.”

 “Hmm.” I shut my eyes.

 Being called delicate, or a flower – it doesn’t bother me anymore. I don’t feel weak any longer. Sure … I messed up at work, and that’s how I … became ill in the first place. But I … pulled through.

 My brother bought me more time … I’m sure of that, but still … I was the one who hung on through all the pain, the doubt. I … I survived the un-survivable –

 I … I’m not weak. I never have been.

 It was all in my head. Yes … all in my head.

 But no longer. I AM strong. I’m worth something.

 And … and that makes me so happy to realise – finally! I … I finally understand what Eric was saying all along.

 As horrible as the ordeal was … it’s taught me some much needed lessons.

 And … and I still can’t quite believe we made it through.

 Wow ….

 Life is so amazing, it truly is ….


	229. Ronald. To talk.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was meant to be longer ... but I've been ill since Thursday and it's so hot in the UK right now, I'm dying. Will post up the second half of this tomorrow.

***Friday 30th March***

 Ugh … I’m never getting stitches ever, ever again. Getting them taken out a few weeks back was fucking horrible – the thread was kinda stuck in my skin? I dunno – don’t even wanna think about it. It was gross.

 But at least I’m all healed now.

 And things have been going well … and the whole house seems calm again. Mom and Jay have gone back to how they were before the falling out. Well … I don’t know if they’re one-hundred percent fine with each other now … but I haven’t felt any tension for a couple of weeks.

 And Mom’s doing a lot better. A few days after her and Grandma made up, Grandma took her out shopping in London – a girly day out, I guess? Well … it seemed to help their relationship a bit.

 And that new dress Mom got – wehhh, I’m surprised she hasn’t pulled yet.

 Yeah … things are good right now for her – I guess it helps to know I’ll be starting therapy next week.

 Man … I’m so nervous.

\--------------------------------

***Wednesday 4th April***

***12.01pm***

 “Ya’re gonna be just fine, sweetie.” Mom straightens out my shirt.  

 “R-right.”

 “My … don’t you look smart,” Grandma says.

 “Y-yeah, I guess ….” I was kinda all over the place yesterday, so Mom took me out shopping. I guess she knew I needed to get out of the house. And I think she really likes shopping … heh …. I do look posher today though – maybe a bit too posh, hah ….

 Grandma glances at her watch. “You should get going – I don’t want you being late.”

 “Come on then, Ronnie.” Mom walks towards the door.

 “Y-yeah, comin’.”

 Grandma grabs a hold of my arm lightly, stops me mid-step. “Best of luck.”

 That … makes me smile a bit. “Thanks, Grandma.”

\---------------------------

***12.16pm***

 We’ve been on the road for a bit now … travelling down to London. Well … the place is just outside of the main part of the city.

 “Ya alright, Sonny?” Grandpa asks. He’s sitting in the back of the car with me. Mom’s in the front with the chauffeur – I thought she’d drive us down there herself, but maybe she’s not feeling up to it, is worrying herself. And she did drive us down to London yesterday ….

 “Yeah ….” I rub at my head – it’s starting to pound a bit. “I … I jus’ hope this guy isn’t a dick.”

 He pats me on the thigh. “I don’t think he will be. Ya know ya grandmother wouldn’t let ya see him if he didn’t have a good reputation.”

 “Tr-true.” I think she forked out a tonne on this guy because he’s meant to be massive in his field, is known for working with teens. So … so he’s gotta be good.

 “Just see ‘ow it goes,” Mom says. “If ya don’t like ‘im after a few sessions, we can find ya someone else.”

 “Yeah. Gotta … give tha guy a chance, right?”

 “That’s the spirit, ‘oney.”

 “Y-yeah.” Knowing my luck, though … he’s gonna be a right prick ….

\---------------------------

***1.02pm***

 I feel Mom’s hand on my shoulder – I’ve just been called in … for my session. “We’ll be right out ‘ere if ya need anything.”

 “Thanks.” Ugh … my gut is all over the damn place. But it’s just an hour a week – I can … find my way through it. And … and Grandpa did give me a cuddle on the way down … which helped a bit.

 To be fair … this place is giving me good vibes so far. Proper posh looking … and the leather seats in the waiting room were so comfy. High end … for sure.

\----------------------------------

 “Yes, yes, come on in.” Wow … this guy is younger than I thought he’d be. Late thirties, probably? And this office – where’s the weird therapist chair that you lie down in? Uh ... is that just a movie thing?

 He extends a hand to me. “I’m Fred. Ronald, right?”

 “Yeah.” I give his hand a quick shake. “That’s me.”

 He gestures towards the sofa in the room. “Make yourself comfortable. Sit, lay down, whatever feels best for you.”

 I sit down – I … I’m not lying down on a sofa when I don’t know the guy. No … no offense intended to him … but bad things have happened when I’ve been down on a sofa before with someone who isn’t a friend.

 He sits down on his chair opposite me. “So, tell me, what’s on your mind? What’s bothering you at this moment?”

 “Oh ….”

 I get a small smile. “Oh?”

 “I … I thought today would jus’ be … gettin’ … my details down and … stuff. Medical history and all tha’?” That’s what Grandma told me would happen at the … start of the session, for most of it.

 “Well … I’m sure others like to do that, but I’d rather you come out of your first session feeling like we’ve actually gotten somewhere.”

 “Oh … right.” That … does make sense, I guess.

 “Is that okay with you?”

 “Y-yeah, s-sure.”

 “We can get all your details jotted down at the very end of the session.”

 “Cool ….”

 “So,” he sits back in his seat, clicks his pen a few times, “why have you come here today?”

 “B-because … of my past, I guess. It … it’s kinda messed up.”

 “You guess?”

 “W-well … that’s why Grandma got me ta come here.”

 “Hmm, okay. But is that what’s on your mind today? Is that the main thing?”

 I look away from him. “N-no … not really. It … it’s not affectin’ … me too bad at tha minute. B-but … I know I’m gonna … ‘ave ta deal wi’ it eventually.” I gulp. “Y’ … know, talk ‘bout it wi’ someone like y’?”

 “And we can get to that when you’re ready. And we will speak about that, for sure, but we don’t have to start at the beginning. We will go in the order you need.”

 “R-right, okay.”

 “What’s on your mind?”

 I … I should tell him … I guess. He … he’s here to help … and it beats sitting here in awkward silence. “W-Will ….”

 “Will? Is that the name of a person?”

 “My … my ex.”

 “Your ex … I see.”

 “Y’ … y’ think that’s dumb?”

 “No, not one bit. Please, do go on. Tell me about him.”

 Man … this is gonna be rough. A … a big can of worms …. “A-alright.” Here goes nothing ….


	230. Ronald. First session.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still not feeling well, like at all. So, I don't know when I'll be updating next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't my best work, I'm sure, but crippling stomach pains xD

 “And how did that make you feel?” I … I’ve just told him that Will left me … sent me back to my parents without giving me a choice. He … he’s actually easy to talk to. Well … about Will – we … we’ll see about the other stuff ….

 He hands me a tissue. “Thanks.” Got … a bit emotional there. “It … it made me feel angry. It … it was like I was too much trouble for him.”

 “Have you told him that?”

 “N-no. I … I haven’t seen him since then.”

 “Has he cut contact?”

 “Ha, yeah … y’ can say tha’.” Uh … how should I say it without mentioning reapers? Grandma warned me not to mention reapers … ever. I’ll end up in the ‘nut house’ if I do, according to her …. “He … he moved away, and I dunno where he is.” And … it was like moving away – he knew I couldn’t reach him on my own ….

 “That does sound rough.”

 “Y-y’ve got no idea.” I sigh.

 “If you could tell him -?”

 “I … I would.” If … if I saw him again, I … I’d probably scream all my thoughts and feelings at him. Just to get it all out ….

 He nods, jots something down. “And how do you think he’d react? What would he say?”

 “He did it … because he thought it was best. And … and that’s true. Look, I’m not even mad at him anymore. Well … not completely. I … I jus’ miss him.” So fucking much ….

 “You’ve come to terms with what happened between you two?”

 “No ….” I sigh. “I … don’t think that’s it. I … I jus’ ge’ it – I was a … right mess.”

 “Well … understanding is the first step to letting go.”

 I shake my head. “I … I don’t wanna let go.”

 “Why is that?”

 “Because … I still want him.”

 “Do you see yourselves together again in the future?”

 “Y-yeah, I do. A mutual friend … told me he still loves me. There’s a chance, I guess ….”

\---------------------------

 “Y-yeah … he’s super good ta me.” Jay …. “Hah … maybe things would be simpler if I could jus’ love him.”

 “Well … things aren’t always that simple.”

 “I … I know, but … I … I feel like I’m stringin’ him along all tha time.”

 “Does Jay think that?”

 “N-no … no, I don’t think so. He … he cares a lot ‘bout me.”

 “Have you spoken to him about this?”

 “Y-yeah. He … he says it’s fine – he … he kinda knows I’ll end up back wi’ Will at some point … probably.” Poor fucking guy ….

 Fred nods slowly. “Well he is able to make his own choices. You have nothing to feel guilty about.”

 “I … I still feel kinda bad.” I … I don’t know how Jay’s so chill over the future ….

 “Hmm. Do you think you make Jay happy at the moment?”

 “Y-yeah.” Shit … I didn’t think about that. “Yeah … I think I do.”

 “And he makes you happy?”

 “Yeah,” I smile, “he really does.” He really is the best ….

 “Would you say it would be better to go with the flow for now? Instead of worrying over the future between you and Jay?”

 “I … I think that’s … wha’ I’m doin’.”

 “But you have niggling concerns?”

 “F-for sure. B-but y’re right. Things … are fine between me and Jay for now. I … I don’t want tha’ goin’ away. He's good for me.”

 “Hmm.” He flips over another page in his notebook.

 I … I kinda like this guy. He … he’s kinda making me think on things … but at the same time, he’s not putting ideas into my head.

 “So, tell me more about Will.”

 “Like wha’?”

 “We haven’t really touched upon what he is like as a person.”

 “Oh ….”

 “You don’t sound too happy about speaking on that?” 

 My shoulders slump. “H-he’s … an awkward guy, I guess.”

 “Awkward?”

 I nod slowly. “D-doesn’t … know how ta speak ta people.” I chuckle, because what else can I do? It … it hurts. “Hah, sometimes I think it’d be better if I were a pigeon. I … I’d 'ave probably gotten more outta him then.”

 Fred frowns – I think I’ve confused the poor guy. “Pigeons? P-Pardon?”

 “Oh … he likes racin’ pigeons.”

 “Oh, I see. Is he a lot older than you?”

 “Wha’ makes y’ think tha’?”

 “I don’t know many teens who are into pigeons. Tell me if I’m wrong -.”

 “No … no, y’re not.” So fucking old …. Shit …. “Is … is this tha part where y’ ask if I ‘ave a thing for older guys?”

 “Is that something we need to speak about?”

 “Na … I don’t think so.”

 “Do you feel safer around older men?”

 “I … I dunno. They … they do make me feel looked after, I guess.”

 “I see.” He glances at his watch. “Oh … my, that session went by quickly.”

 “It … it’s over already?” Seriously?

 “Once I get your details down, yes. We’ll pick up where we left off next week.”

 “Alright, cool.” That really was quick ….

\---------------------------

 “'Ow’d it go, sweetie?” Mom asks as we meet up in the waiting room.

 “G-good, yeah. He seems kinda cool.”

 “That’s great, Ronnie. Did … ya talk about much?”

 “Na, not really.” Nothing about my past … anyway. “Can we ge’ goin’?”

 “Sure. Are … ya feeling alright?”

 I smile at her. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I actually am – that wasn’t half as bad as I thought it’d be. But we haven’t touched on the proper bad stuff yet.

 We … we’ll see …. 


	231. Ronald. Second session.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back. Stomach's still acting up a bit, but oh well.

***Sunday 8th April***

 I’m surprised that Mom hasn’t pestered me about what was said during that session. I mean … she did ask about it a bit when I first got out of there, but soon dropped it. I guess she knows I’ll tell her about the topics … if I need to.  

 She’s defo a lot more chill – it’s great.

\------------------------

***Monday 9th April***

 “Er ….” I … I dunno – why the fuck would anyone think using letters in math was a good idea?!

 “Come on, you know this.” Grandma taps her nails against the coffee table – not helping! “What is C equal to?”

 I place the book down. “Grandma, I need a break.”

 “You -.”

 “We’ve been at this for three hours already. I think my brain is gonna melt outta my ears.”

 She laughs lightly. “If that’s how you feel now, God help you when the teacher comes.”

 “Ahhh ….” I rub at my chin. “Don’t remind me.” Tomorrow … great ….

 And … and yeah, teacher, not tutor. Different things – kept thinking tutor for some reason ….  

 “You tell me the answer, and then you can have a break.”

 “Fine ….” The book gets picked up again. “But I don’t know it.”

 “Try your best. You should know by now that there’s no shame in getting it wrong.”

 True … and if I do get it wrong … at least she’ll explain it to me. “Okay.” Pretend to think for a sec …. “Three.”

 “See, you can do it.”

 Really?! That was a guess …. Play it cool, Ronnie. “Awesome.”

 Well … I was bound to get lucky at some point. About fucking time.

\-----------------------------

***Tuesday 10th April***

***10.01am***

 “Oh, I don’t think so, young man.” Grandma folds her arms over her chest as I hit the main downstairs landing. She looks me up and down, shakes her head. “Try again.”

 All this for a fucking tutor – teacher! “Come on, I look plenty smart.” And it’s too fucking early for this ….

 “You look like you’ve just gotten out of bed.”

 “Wha’?” I even smoothed my hair down all fancy!

 “Martha, leave the poor guy alone,” Grandpa says. “Who cares? The teacher wouldn’t mind if he was wearing jogging bottoms and nothing else. She isn’t here to judge fashion.”

 Grandma purses her lips at him. “Fine … fine.”

 Hah … I love how Grandpa has her wrapped around his little finger.

 She looks over at me. “Sorry. That woman is the best teacher I have ever met, but an even better snob. Wouldn’t have her in my house if I could help it.”

 I near Mom laughing from the chair in the corner of the room. “A bigger snob than ya? Hah, that’s funny, Mother!”

 Ooh … death glare …. “As much as it may surprise you, yes.”

 This is not gonna be fun, is it? Oh, man … I hope she isn’t a complete bitch.

\-------------------------

***11.02am***

 “It’s wonderful to meet you.” She shakes my hand. A chubby woman, in her fifties … I think. “Ronald, wasn’t it?”

 “Y-yeah.” She doesn’t seem too bad, kinda friendly. Still … with what Grandma said, I’m a bit worried. The contact breaks.

 “He prefers to go by Ronnie though,” Grandpa says.

 “Oh, okay, sure. I’m Alexandra Tonks – is something funny?”

 I … I couldn’t help cracking a smile. “H-Harry Potter.” Jay likes those films, is a right dork when it comes to them – oh … shit, should I have said that out-loud?”

 “That was Nymphadora.”

 “Oh, y’ -?”

 “Heard it before? Yes, every new student seems to remark on it … and the grandchildren.”

 “Ohhhh.”

 “But, as I say to most, call me Alex. It’s easier that way.”

 “Yeah, sure.”

 “Now,” she smiles, “should we get started?”

 “Yep.”

 I dunno what Grandma was on about – she seems pretty cool. Heh … better not speak too soon ….

\-------------------------------

 Ugh … that was tiring. Four hours straight – killed me. And she’s gonna be here for like … eight hours on Friday. At least I’ll get a break in between then though.

 Brr … proper chilly today. It’s cool though – decided to help Grandpa in the garden so I could get some fresh air. It’s weird – all these people working at this place, but Grandpa won’t let even one of them touch the garden. Even with Grandma moaning at him about working too much with his heart condition.

 It’s his baby, I guess, heh ….

 “I dunno wha’ Grandma was on ‘bout,” I say as he passes me the watering can.

 “Hmm?”

 “Alex was nice.”

 “Yep, I know. I think Martha just doesn’t like other women coming into her home.”

 “Uh … why?”

 “In case they judge. As much as I love her, she’s a crazy one.”

 “Heh, I know tha’.” Runs in the family … I think ….

\--------------------------------

 This gardening is nice … brings up memories of helping Will and Al out in their gardens. When … when he was alive ….

 And the pigeons … got me thinking about the pigeons. Hah ….

 “Do ya want to head back inside?”

 I look up at Grandpa. “Huh?”

 “Ya’ve got a busy few days ahead of ya.”

 Heh … he’s telling me. Emma wants me to play with her tonight. I do enjoy it, as tiring as it is. I’m never gonna … get my childhood back, but I can still play those silly games with her. It’s just … I’m old enough now to know they’re silly.

 Oh, and I should probably go say hello to George tonight … though he has been out of the attic a lot lately, has been following me around. Guess he just wants some company. Poor guy ….

 It’s therapy tomorrow … and then Mom’s taking me to the dentist for a check-up. Might need a filling – back tooth at the top is getting sore, on and off.

 Then Thursday … it’s time to go shopping again with Mom. I need to get a few random things for these home schooling sessions – well, certain things me and Grandma haven’t needed yet. Graph paper, and stuff. Oh … and a few new, harder workbooks.

 “I’ll be alright for a bit longer.”

 “Fair enough. Ya alright?”

 I look up from the plants. “Yeah, I’m good.”

 “With the therapy session coming up, I mean. Are ya … coping okay with it all?”

 “I’m … kinda nervous … ‘bout it. I … I think we might be gettin’ … inta tha horrible stuff. I … think I’ll ge’ through it though.” Need to … right?

 He smiles at me. “That’s my boy.” He stands up from the roses he was nosing at. “But if ya do need to talk away from -.”

 “I’ve always got y’. I know. Thanks, Grandpa.”

 “Heh, I’ll stop bugging ya then. Oh, pass me the trowel, would ya?”

 Hah, he’s death glaring a weed. “Yeah, sure thing.”

\--------------------------

***Wednesday 11th April***

***1.23pm***

 “It’s alright. Take your time.”

 I … I was fucking right. We … we went from talking about dating older guys … to me saying … I’ve always been around o-older men. I … I date people … older than me because I’m not used to … being around people my own age, don’t … really know how to connect with them. I … I guess they don’t appeal.

 And now … we’re getting into my past ….

 “S-sorry.” I’m blubbering like a baby. So … so many fucking tissues ….

 “You have nothing to be sorry for. It must be painful.”

 “Y-yeah.” I … I thought I’d be okay … with the trial being out of the way and all … b-but … it all being brought back up again –

 Just thinking of their faces – it’s all too … too fucking much …. “J-jus’ … gimme a … minute.”

 “Please, don’t rush yourself.”

 “K-kay ….”

\--------------------

***1.58pm***

 “My … my Mom … and me were in tha supermarket and … and that’s when I got kidnapped.” F-finally managed to … get my words out. I … I’m a snotty mess.

 “Do you remember anything from that day?”

 “N-not really. I … I spent so long … believin’ tha’ my family was dead.”

 “Who told you that?”

 “Th-tha … bastards who took me.” This … this hurts ….

 “And how old were you when you were taken?”

 “T-two.” I look up at the clock. Fuck …. “T-time’s up.”

 He looks too. “Oh … so it is.”

 “S-sorry we didn’t ge’ anywhere.”

 “I think we did.”

 “R-right. So … so, same time next week?”

 “Absolutely.”

\-------------------------------

***2.01pm***

 “Oh … oh, Ronnie.” Mom hugs me. “It’s okay.”

 I hide my face in her neck. “Th-this is … so hard, Mom.”

 “I know, sweetie, but it’ll be worth it in the end. I’m so proud of ya.”

 I feel Grandpa pat me on the back.

 “I … I’m proud of me too.”

 “Do ya still feel up for going to the dentist? We … we can go ‘ome – I’ll cancel the -.”

 “No, no, y’ … don’t need ta do tha’. I … I still wanna go.”

 “If ya’re sure?”

 “Yeah.” I sniff. “Tooth is doin’ my head in.”

 “Alright. Should we go geh something to eat in the meantime?”

 I try to smile, manage it … I think. “Sounds great.”


	232. Ronald. Broomstick.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was short ... because I don't really know what to do now. Probably one more session chap ... and then time skip? What do you guys think? 
> 
> And yeah, it's probably going to be Ronald's POV for a bit.

***4.04pm***

 Haven’t long gotten back home from the dentist – got a cavity, which explains the pain. At least I’ve only gotta wait until tomorrow afternoon for the filling, thank fuck. Perks of Grandma being able to afford private healthcare ….

 Ugh … I’m so tired … and still kinda shaky from the therapy session – was all through lunch and the dentist appointment.

 Hmm … think I’m gonna nap until Jay gets here. But I really can’t be bothered going upstairs, don’t have the energy. Sofa it is.

\----------------------

***6.07pm***

 “Ah!” Uh … what? Oh … oh, I was sleeping.

 “Bro … are you okay?” Emma’s giving me a really weird look.

 “Yeah -.”

 “You were crying in your sleep.” Oh … James is here too – is that a broomstick? “So I poked you.”

 “Heh, thanks.” Jeez … session really did do a number on me ….

 “I was worried!” Emma whines.

 “I’m alright,” I swing my legs to the front of the sofa.

 James rolls his eyes at me. “No, you’re not if you cried.”

 “Well I feel alright now. I think I was jus’ havin’ a nightmare.” I rub at my eyes – they’re right. Tears ….

 “About Daddy and the bad men?” Emma asks.

 “Yeah.” I don’t remember … but it’s almost certain it’d be that.

 James frowns – God, he does that a lot for a little kid …. “I thought the therapy was meant to help?”

 “It is … but it’s still early days.”

 “B-but … I want you okay now!”

 “Emma, it’s okay -.”

 “No!”

 “Hey, hey, I’m tellin’ y’ it’s fine.” I lean forward, pat her on the shoulder. “Y’ don’t need ta worry, I promise.”

 “Will … hugs help?”

 Does this kid ever listen? She’s hella sweet though, looking out for her big bro. “Yep.” I pat the spot next to me.

 Oh … okay, not listening again. Plonked herself right in my lap.

 But her hugs are always really tight; it’s adorable.

 “Better?”

 “Yeah,” I wrap my arms around her, “much better.”

\------------------------------

***10.23pm***

 “Mmm ….” That was well tiring. I swear, one of these days, someone’s gonna walk in on us. I’m so glad the walls are super thick in this place. “Ah! Jay, y’ hands are cold!”

 “How?”

 “I … I dunno.” Maybe I’m just really hot from the shagging? But then he would be too – uh … no idea.

 “Hmm.” I’m pulled closer. “You alright?”

 “Yep. Tha’ was great.”

 “You … didn’t seem that into it.”

 The fuck? “Wha’?”

 “You don’t … just usually lay there.”

 “Oh, hah. I’m jus’ tired.”

 “No … that isn’t it. You don’t seem … yourself today, in general.”

 I pull the covers up a bit more. “I told y’ tha … session messed wi’ me a bit.”

 His hand moves up to my cheek. “Just a bit?”

 “Hah … can y’ really tell tha’ much from how I am in bed?” I mean … if I was in a really bad state, sex wouldn’t have happened at all. At least I was in the mood. I’m coping … for now ….

 He chuckles a little. “Yes, if you want to think of it that way. Now, what’s wrong?”

 “Uh … alright. Well … it did shake me up quite a bit, and … I had a nightmare earlier.”

 “Oh -.”

 “Yeah … yeah, I know I should’ve told y’ before … but I couldn’t remember tha nightmare … and I didn’t think it was tha’ important.”

 “But now?”

 Fuck …. “Now … I’m worried I’m gonna ge’ them loads. Like … every time I fall asleep.” I sigh. “And then …. Well, they make me go inta a panic ….”

 “When you can remember them?”

 “Y-yep. Not … fun.”

 “Well … like everything else, it’s something you’ve got to work through.”

 “Heh, y’ make it sound like it's somethin’ I can control.”

 “No, you can’t, but as the therapy starts to help you, the nightmares are going to fade away too.”

 “I … I doubt it – seems like therapy has kickstarted them again.” And … and the nightmares are the fucking worst ….

 “Yeah ….” He nods. “But that’s part of the process – it’ll get better eventually.”

 “Eventually, huh?” Great ….

 “You know what I mean. You just need to get past the hard part first.” His hand leaves my cheek, and I get pulled close, in a hug. “But you will get through this.”

 “I … I hope so.”

 “I know so.”


	233. Ronald. Card games.

***Monday 16th April***

***5.03pm***

 “Alright, see y’.” I wave to Alex as she leaves the room. “Thanks.”

 “You’re doing well,” George says. “Clever young man.”

 “Heh, thanks.” I am getting somewhere now, not really needing to go to George for help … even if this stuff is getting a lot harder than what me and Grandma were looking at. I think it’s that I’m getting more to grips with the foundation of maths and grammar. I … I understand the ideas and workings behind the equations and stuff now.

 Grandpa glances over at me. Me and Alex have been doing these lessons in the library, because it’s quiet and peaceful, but Grandpa came in earlier with hots drinks, has been in here for like an hour with his comic books.

 He doesn’t say anything though. None of them do when they see me talking to thin air – well … not thin air. But they’re used to it now, know it’s him.

\----------------------------

***Wednesday 25th April***

 Appointment got cancelled last week – Fred called Grandma directly to let her know, which was cool. Personal reasons or something, but not sure what exactly.

 It … it was good, I guess, not having the stress of that therapy appointment … but now … I’m twice as anxious because I’ve had two weeks of worrying about what might happen, what could be said.

 But he hasn’t called to cancel this week … so gotta deal with it, I guess ….

 At least I only had that one nightmare. That’s a plus. No … actually, it’s not really. Still spent so long panicking over nothing ….

\---------------------

***1.02pm***

 “Everythin’ alright?” I ask as I sit down on the sofa.

 “Hmm?”

 “Y’ weren’t in last week. Somethin’ b-bad happen?”

 “No. Wife just went into labour three weeks early. She’d have throttled me if I’d have missed it.” Fred chuckles.

 “Oh … wi -?”

 “Uh huh. Everyone thinks I’m gay for some reason.” He shrugs. “Must be the soft spoken-ness.”

 “Heh … yeah.” Whoops …. “They okay, though? Wife and baby?”

 “All good. Emma’s settling in well.”

 “Emma? My sis is called tha’.”

 He smiles at me. “It’s a popular name.”

 “Yeah, for sure. First baby?”

 “Definitely not. Got three little girls.”

 That’s so cute. “Aww, bless – I … I’m surprised y’re tellin’ me all this.”

 He picks up his notepad. “Why? You asked.”

 “It … it’s supposed ta be y’ … askin’ all tha questions, right?”

 “Not with me, no. Nothing wrong with a bit of conversation.”

 “Right …. Ever wanted a boy?”

 I get a shrug out of him. “Maybe once … but I think we’re going to have our hands full for a good long time.”

 “I bet. I know my little sis is defo tha’.”

 “Hmm, so much energy. Anyway … should we pick up where we left off?”

 Shit … I was hoping it wouldn’t get to this so quickly. “Y-yeah, k-kay.”

 “Not looking forward?”

 I look down at my hands. “N-not really.”

 “Should … we get the hard stuff out of the way? Or do you want to talk about something else? We could chat some more about William?”

 “N-no … no. I … I’ve been in a bit of a panic ‘bout it, thinkin’ … of it for tha past two weeks. So … so can we jus’ ge’ this over wi’?” And … I’m not in the mood to talk about Will again. It still hurts way too much ….

 “We can discuss the troubles in your past, yes.”

\-----------------------------------

***1.32pm***

 Get … get it over with … yeah, right. I … I can’t do it. He … he asked what a typical day looked like at … at that place.

 I … I don’t wanna remember –

 I’ve been curled up on the sofa for ages now, just … just shaking and … crying. “S-sorry … I … I’m probably gettin’ all … snot and gross … shit on y’ sofa.”

 “That’s what the throw’s for. You’d be surprised the amount of young people I’ve had throw up in here.”

 “I … I can b-bet.” I … I could barf right now too ….

 “Can I get you a glass of water or anything?”

 “N-no.” I bury my face even more in the sofa. Wanna hide …. Why is this so hard?!

\----------------------

***1.43pm***

 “I … I’d ge’ … hit a lot, and … and shouted at.”

 “Why did they shout at you?”

 “It … it was over anythin’. Jus’ … jus’ ta … intimidate me … I think.”

 “Must have been terrifying.”

 I pull my face away … from the sofa, see him writing something down. “Y-yeah. I … I was scared, so … fuckin’ scared.”

 “Can you tell me anything else about your time there?”

 I hug at myself more. “Men … men would come over, all tha time. I … I’d ge’ … fucked a lot.”

 “Ronald.” He leans forward in his chair. “You weren’t just ‘fucked’. You were molested.”

 “Y-yeah.”

 “You know that, don’t you?”

 “I … I do.” Fucking horrible – I … I hate that word.

\--------------------------

***2.01pm***

 I … I didn’t … get any further. Too … too much of a mess. And … and Fred got up, led me to the door. First time … he’s done that. “Tough session, sweetie?” Mom asks me.

 I … I can’t even get my words – Fred pats me on the back lightly. “If you two need anything, don’t hesitate to call.”

 Mom nods. They … they both … must see what a horrible state … I’m in. He … he’s never offered that before. “Thank ya. Let’s take ya ‘ome, Ronnie.”

 I … I still can’t get my words – lump … stuck in my throat. Barely managed to move … my legs. An arm is looped around my shoulders, Mom leading me –

 I … I’ve really got the shakes.

\-------------------

***4.04pm***

 “Shush … shush, Ronnie, it’s okay.” Mom’s combing through my hair. I … I don’t know how long … I’ve been curled up against her.

 “N-no.”

 “It is.”

 “No! It … it hurts.”

 “Ronnie -.”

 “I … I jus’ want it … all ta go away.”

 “D-do ya want me to phone Fred?”

 “No! I don’t wanna talk!”

 “O-okay, sweetie. Just … just try to relax, alright?” She … she doesn’t sound relaxed – not … not one bit. Worrying her again ….

 “K-kay.” I want to … for her, so … I don’t have a heart attack b-but … I don’t think I can ….

\-----------------------------

***6.15pm***

 “Ronnie, p-please stop crying? Come on, ya really need to calm down.”

 It … it’s been hours … and … and I’m so fucking tired, but … but I can’t – I … I just can’t calm down. It … it’s brought up … all sorts of shit. Memories – flashbacks. I … I feel so fucking sick.

 Is … is someone else in –

 “B-bro?” Shit – Emma ….

 “Sweetie, go downstairs, okay?”

 “No!” She … she sounds really – “Big bro said he was fine!”

 “He will be, ‘oney -.”

 “He’s crying again!”

 “Molly, go downstairs with Emma.” Grandpa? “I’ll stay with Ronnie.”

 “Nooo!” Emma whines.

 “Come on, don’t stress ya Mommy out. Ronnie will come spend some time with ya once he’s stopped crying.”

 “But he won’t!”

 “He will. I’ll make sure, okay?”

 Yeah … you … you can try ….

\-----------------------------

***6.50pm***

 Grandpa’s cuddles are so good. His arms are really long, m-make me feel like I’m being wrapped up in a blanket, kinda ….

 It … it makes me feel safe, like … like his arms are protecting me … from everything.

 So … so I was wrong – he … he has managed to calm me down a bit. But … but I’m still crying, and now, I just feel … like utter sh-shit.

 “Why … can’t … I ge’ my shit together?”

 “What do ya mean?”

 “I … I’m a wreck … all tha time. Even … tha little ones … are startin’ ta notice. And … and it’s upsettin’ Emma.” I’m always … stressing them out ….

 “That’s not true. I think ya’re doing great.”

 “Pfft, as … as if.”

 “Ya are.”

 “B-but … I k-keep cryin’.”

 “Yes, but only after ya therapy sessions. That’s the hardest thing right now, so ya’re bound to be upset. But ya can’t let one day a week bring everything down.”

 I squeeze my eyes shut. Painful … to think about. I’m h-hurting everyone around me. “B-but … I … I don’t wanna keep losin’ my … shit every time -.”

 “Emotion isn’t a bad thing. I … think it shows that ya’re opening up. The therapy isn’t going to work if ya don’t do that, cry and let it all out.”

 “He’s right, you know.”

 Shit, scared the – when did George get here? Heart … starts racing even more ….

 “So … so I’m really not … doin’ t-too bad?”

 “I think ya’re doing just fine, I really do.” His arms tighten around me. “But ya need to stop being so hard on yaself. Take it one day at a time, okay?”

 “He’s right. Rome wasn’t built in a day, sonny.”

 “R-right … right, yeah.” M-maybe … that could work ….

 “Should we try to make the rest of the day a little better?”

 “I … I dunno how.” Feel so shaken up …. 

 “Well, we’ll stay up here for a bit longer, let ya calm down. Then we can go make sure Emma is okay, yeah?”

 “Al-alright, yeah.” Yeah, Emma – I … I really wanna cheer her up. That … that’s good motivation, for sure.

\-----------------------------

***7.11pm***

 “Bro!” Emma hurries up to me as I enter the room.

 “Hey.” I smile at her. Still … feeling a little on edge, and really upset … but I can’t have my little sister worrying herself sick. “Told y’ I’d be okay.”

 “Really?”

 “Yep.”

 “O … okay. Hug?”

 “Sure.” I pick her up off the ground. She wraps her legs around my waist. “Better?”

 “Yep! But stop scaring me!”

 My stomach sinks. Guilt …. “I’m sorry -.”

 “Promise!”

 “I’ll try my best, I promise.” I … I dunno if …  I can – good … good job I said try.

 Mom’s smiling over at me –

 “She’s such a demanding young lady, isn’t she?” George chuckles.

 Nah … she isn’t, not really. She just really cares about her big brother. How fucking adorable.

\------------------------------

***Friday 27th April***

***7.26pm***

 I feel a lot better than I did Wednesday … but I always do. Jay’s been really good, has managed to calm me down about the next session. We … we’ll see. But … I really do like Fred as a therapist. He’s down to earth, friendly.

 And … and once the worst bit is over, the talking about that place, we’ll be able to figure out better ways of coping for me.

 It’s weird – these sessions mess me up … but the days afterwards – I … I feel like I’m getting somewhere. I’ve got professional help now, and … and I never thought that’d happen.

 It’s fucking amazing that I even accepted that sorta help, pushed myself to do it. Yeah … I’ve definitely gotten stronger … even if it doesn’t seem that way Wednesday afternoons.

 George slides the card along the floor. “Shit!”

 “Better luck next time, sonny.”

 “Yeah … good game.” I grab the cards, shuffle them again. Spent the last couple of hours in the attic with George. We’re playing this card game. No idea what it’s even called, but he beats me every time.

 Old man skills, I guess.  

 Doesn’t matter though – gotta keep the guy entertained so he doesn’t start climbing the walls.

 I dunno if he’s getting lonelier … or I’m just noticing it more, but he’s sad … so fucking sad. I can tell that so easily now, and it’s heart-breaking.

 And I’d bang this locket, put him outta his misery if I could – I … I’m not ready. Grell will come back … and she’ll probably drag me back to the reaper realm. I … I’m not fucking ready for that ….

 “Another round?” I ask.

 “Please.”

 “Ronnie, come out.” Jay? No way it’s that time already ….

 “Come in here. I’m chillin’ wi’ George,” I call back.

 “Oh … okay.” Poor guy is still a bit freaked out by ghosts, I think. The door is pushed open, and he comes up to me. “I have a surprise for you.”

 “Milkshake?” I grin up at him.

 “Better.” An envelope is handed down to me.

 Ooh …. I open it up, pull out the letter. What is – California. That word catches my eye. Wait, the date?

 George whips it outta my hand, takes a long. “Ohh ... nice.”

 “In … in two weeks?”

 I hear Grandma from by the door. “We promised you a holiday after the trial, so here it is.”

 “B-but therapy?”

 “I only paid for another session, as I didn’t know how you’d take to the therapist. I can book more once you -.”

 “B-but … I … I shouldn’t miss -.”

 “Ronald, it’s only for a week. Relax and enjoy yourself, okay?”

 True … defo true. And a whole week without studies will be awesome. I smile up at Jay. “Thanks, babe.”

 “You’re welcome.” He stretches his arms above his head. “I think we’re both in need of a holiday.”

 “Yeah, for sure.” And a bit of sun – sounds great.


	234. Grell. Hideous.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter.  
> Didn't have time to write a long one, but didn't want to leave you without a chapter for almost a week. Going out drinking tomorrow, so I'll probably be hungover and unable to write on Sunday, lol.
> 
> Oh, and btw, I wrote a chapter up yesterday and f***ing hated it, so deleted the lot, lol.

***Monday 30th April***

***7.11pm***

 “Grell.” **Knock. Knock.** “Grell, is everything okay in there?”

 It … it was. I was supposed to be going out for drinks tonight. And then it happened ….

 “O-Olly ….”

 The door is pushed open, my darling coming into the room. “What is – oh ….”

 Crying on the floor … with a bunch of ripped up clothes around me. What a sight for sore eyes I must be ….

 “Grell, what’s going on?” He kneels down in front of me. “What’s wrong?”

 “I … I was going to go have fun, but nothing fits!” It’s not fair!

 “What are you talking about? I … I thought you bought a load of new clothes after your boob-job?”

 “I … I did, but nothing looks good on me, Olly!”

 “Don’t be -.”

 “I’m hideous!” So hideous – I hate myself so much!

 “Grell, don’t be daft. You’re beautiful.”

 “I … I don’t feel it.” I tug my knees up towards my chest. “I … I don’t want to go out – they’ll laugh at me … behind my back, mock me. Olly, I can’t -!”

 “Grell,” his hand touches my knee, “I really doubt that.”

 “They will!”

 “If that is the case, it’s only because they’re jealous,” he smiles at me. Such … an adorable expression.

 But it isn’t true. “Wh-who would be jealous of me? This … this body – it … it’s a mess, neither h-him nor her.”

 “Grell -.”

 “Y-you … understand, don’t you?” Our relationship has been going well, and I haven’t been trying too hard, but with kicking up a fuss – oh … I hope he doesn’t think he’s made a mistake in taking me back, doesn’t –

 “Of course I understand. I know things can be hard for you at times.”

 “It … is … a bad day ….”

 “Exactly, you’re having a bad day, but I get it.”

 “Hmm -.”

 “But I don’t agree.” His thumb rubs over my knee. “You’re such a beautiful woman, Grell.”

 “Fl-flattery.”

 “It’s the truth. You’re all woman to me. I wish you could see it for yourself all the time.”

 “Hmm ….”

 “Will a hug help?”

 “If … if you can bear to touch me.”

 “It’d be an honour.”

 “Oh, oh, Darling!” I scramble to get onto my knees, throw myself at him. “Oh … oh, my sweet Olly.” What would I ever do without my little man?

\---------------------------

***7.33pm***

 “You should get ready. You’re going to be late.”

 I cling to him tighter. “I … I’m not going.”

 “Don’t you think you’ll feel worse if you let this ruin your evening?”

 “Hn ….”

 “You were really looking forward to it.”

 “W-was ….”

 “Come, Grell, you love your nights out. Don’t let this stop you from enjoying yourself.”

 “It … it would be … nice to get out on the dance floor.”

 “It would. And I promise that no one is going to laugh at you.”

 “Hmm ….”

 “So get ready, and go have some fun.”

 “B-but … I’ve ripped my clothes -.”

 “Not all of them are in this little pile.” He chuckles. “I know your wardrobe is about to burst open.”

 “M-maybe … I’ll just stay in … with you.”

 “No, you go out.”

 “D-don’t you want me?” Oh, such a frightening thought ….

 His fingers run through my hair. “Of course I do, but I don’t want you to be cooped up in this house every night. That’s not you and besides, every lady needs to let their hair down, right?”

 Oh, he called me a lady! My wonderful Olly. “Hmm, okay, I’ll go, Darling.”

 I can’t see his face, but I know he’s smiling. I can sense it. “Great. Now come on, we’ll find you a pretty dress.”

 “Hmm, sounds wonderful.”

\-----------------------------------

***7.57pm***

 “Oh, you look so pretty, Grell.”

 “Really?” I do a little twirl.

 “Stunning,” he grins.

 “Hmm. Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” I flutter my eyelashes at him. I just can’t help myself!

 He folds his arms over his chest. “Have a fun evening, Grell.”

 I run over to him, give him a quick peck on the cheek. “I won’t be gone too long.”

 “We’ll see.”

 “Cheeky!” Yes! Those wonderful little cheeks of his – oooh!

 I rush off out the door.

 I feel much better now. Guess all I needed were a few kind words from my little Olly, h-mmm. Such a wonderful man, he truly is.

 Oh, I just love him!


	235. Ronald. What do you really want?

***Wednesday 2nd May***

***1.00pm***

 That’s weird. Fred’s normally at the door, waiting for me. I knock at it. “It alright if I come in?”

 “Please do.”

 I push the door open – oh …. “Uh … babysittin’?” He’s sitting in his chair, a little bundle in his arms.

 “The wife got a call from the school. Teachers think Suzanne and Josie have the Chicken Pox, so Emma can’t be around them.”

 “How come?” I dunno what this pox thing is.  

 “It’s contagious, and with Emma being so young – she won’t be here much longer. My wife needs to drop them off at their Grandparents, take a shower, and then she’ll be back to pick this little one up. I know it isn’t ideal-.”

 “It’s alright.” I walk into the room properly. “Man, she’s such a little cutie.”

 “You’re telling me,” he chuckles. “You a fan of children?”

 “Yeah, who wouldn’t be?” I sit down.

 “Some just aren’t keen.”

 “Well, I’m not one of them.”

 “Hmm. Would you like to hold her?”

 What? “R-really? Y’ trust me ta -?”

 “Of course I do. I know you wouldn’t hurt anyone.” He stands up from the chair, comes over to me.

 “I … I dunno how ta even hold a baby.”

 “Just make sure you keep your hand under her head, okay?”

 “Y-yeah, understood.” Oh man … please don’t let me drop her ….

\----------------------------

 She’s so adorable! The way she’s looking at me – and … and those chubby cheeks, that cute little face.

 Fuck … I really wish I had one of my own ….

 Na … na, don’t think about it. You … you know it hurts to think about ….

 I turn my head away from her – don’t wanna risk getting tears all over her. I … I can imagine that would really piss Fred off, crying all over his kid.

 Shit – I … I can’t keep it in. I could … have had a cute little girl like this ….

 “You alright?”

 I shake my head. “N-not really. Y’ … y’ should … take her back. D-don’t … wanna drop her.”

 “Alright ….” He sounds confused. I hear him get up from the chair, but I don’t look at him – he’s probably pissed that I’m getting upset with his kid right here. “What’s troubling you?”

 “N-nothin’.”

 Emma is eased out of my arms. “I know babies can be so cute that it brings you to tears, but that’s not it, is it?”

 “She … she is adorable.”

 “What’s gotten you upset?”

 “Doesn’t matter.” I look back over at him, see him taking his seat again.

 “Well -.”

 “I … I shouldn’t be talkin’ … ‘bout bad stuff wi’ Emma in tha room.”

 “Nonsense.” He gives Emma’s cheek a little pinch. “You can’t understand a word we’re saying, can you?”

 Aww …. “Y’ … sure it’s alright?”

 “It’s still your therapy session, baby or not. And you have my apologies – I know it isn’t the best situation.”

 “Na … na, it’s fine.” I wipe at my eyes. “I … had a miscarriage last year.”

 Oh … he looks hella confused. “Oh.”

 “Y-yeah. I’m one of those guys tha’ can ge’ pregnant – well … could.”

 “So … this pregnancy, it wasn’t during -?”

 “No … it wasn’t. Prostitution … after all tha’. I … I jus’ – God … I thought I was over it, losin’ my kid, but then ….”

 “Seeing a little baby brings it all back?”

 “Yeah. And … and when I think ‘bout it, I … I jus’ want my own kid.”

 “Going back a year, would you have been able to handle a baby?”

 “I … I would’ve tried my best for my kid.”

 “Mentally, would you have been able to cope?”

 Shit …. “No … probably not. I … I couldn’t handle much of anythin’ back then. But … I wanted a kid, and still do.” More tears …. “A hell of a lot.”

 “There’s nothing to say you can’t have children in the future.”

 “N-no … I really can’t.” My hand rubs against my scar. “They had ta do a hysterectomy on me.”

 “A hys -?”

 “Y-yeah, they cut things outta me. And Will’s infertile, so -.”

 “Well … would you consider adoption?”

 “Y-yeah, I would.” Might even stop a kid … from ending up in a place like I did. “But … who’d let me adopt a kid? I … I’m a mess.”

 “No one would, at the moment. But that’s why you’re here, to get better, so you can do all the things you want to do.”

 “Y-yeah.” I wipe at my eyes again. “It … it’d be nice ta look back … at some point, be able ta see how far I’ve come. Hey … can we talk ‘bout tha stuff I’d like ta do in tha future? That’d be nice.”

 “Sure.”

 “Cool.” But no reaper talk, obviously ….

\------------------------------

***2.03pm***

 “Good session, sweetie?” Mom asks.

 For once, I’m actually smiling. “Yeah, wasn’t too bad.”

 “That’s good,” she smiles back. “Should we ‘ead to the shopping centre now?”

 Oh, right, yeah – almost forgot about that. I’ve gotta get some summer clothes for the holiday. “Yeah, sounds great.”

 It’s weird. I talked about the stuff … I wanted to do, and barely any of it involves Will.

 I don’t wanna do anything major – no travelling the world, or anything like that.

 Just finishing off my education, getting a decent job – I did enjoy my scythe cleaning business. It was nice to be able to earn money … without feeling like absolute shit.

 Then the little things – picking Emma up from Prom, stuff like that. I can’t remember how I even heard about Prom. A film, I think?

 But yeah … it’s strange. I want Will back in my life … but all the other things I want – it’s all conflicting ….

 It’s weird ….

\-------------------------

***Tuesday 8th May***

***7.06am***

 “Uhhh ….”

 “You alright?” Jay asks, patting my leg lightly.

 “Tired ….” We’ve been up since like … three in the morning. And we … won’t even get to America until tonight.

 Airports are … so weird. They scan you for weapons … check your luggage for drugs, and they won’t even let you bring drinks through to this area – what’s it called? Departures or something?

 Hn … talk about making you feel on edge. Planes can … fall out of the skies, right?

 “Just keep drinking your energy drink and you’ll be fine.”

 “Hmm … not doin’ much ta wake me up.” Probably got like four hours sleep – na, more like three after me and Jay got finished in bed.

 “You’ll be able to sleep for hours on the plane.”

 “Y-yeah.” If I’m not too busy shitting myself over the thing coming down ….

 “Want me to get you something to eat?”

 “Yeah, alright.” Even the shops in this place are weird. A chemist, bookstore – I mean, why’s there a bookstore in an airport?

 “What you fancy?”

 “Cheese sandwich, if they ‘ave it.”

\----------------------

 “Mmmm.” Sandwich isn’t half bad. I’ll probably pass out before I eat it all though ….

 Waiting … so much waiting.

 “Oh, Ronnie, we’re boarding.”

 “R-really?”

 “Yep.”

 I push myself up from my seat. “Thank fuck for tha’.” Or not – still gotta get through this flight. I’m nervous as hell ….


	236. Ronald. Cali, baby.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Man, it took so long to figure this all out. Flight duration, Californian attractions, ect.

***8.01am***

 “Oh … shit ….”

 “Ronnie, it’s alright.”

 “N-no.” My nails dig into his hand. “It … it’s -.”

 “It’s just the plane taking off.”

 “B-but it’s so loud.” So loud … it hurts my head.

 “That’s usual. It takes a lot to get it off the ground.”

 “N-na.”

 “We’re going to be fine. Trust me.”

 “Y-yeah …. right.” As … as if ….

\---------------------------

***8.57am***

 He … he was right. We’re fine, and things seem peaceful up here at the minute. Had to move … into the middle seat though, swap with Jay. Couldn’t cope with looking out the window. It’s a hella long way down ….

 “Brrr … it’s cold in here.”

 “Yeah, it always is in the cabin. I’m not sure why, actually. Altitude, maybe.”

 “Y’ mean because it’s so high up?”

 “Yep.”

 “Makes sense, yeah.” I’m so glad I brought my dressing gown with me. I thought it’d be comfy to sleep in, as slobby as it makes me look, but looks like it’s gonna stop me freezing half to death too.

 “Oh, movie’s starting,” Jay smiles.

 “Ah, awesome.” Hmm … sleep or watch a kid’s film? Tough choice.

\----------------------------

***1.03pm***

 Film was good, and I dunno what Jay was on about. Airplane food wasn’t that bad. The muffin we got with it was fantastic actually, and –

 Holy shit! What … what was that?!

 Fucking hell! The … the whole plane’s shaking!

 “J-Jay -.”

 “It’s just turbulence.”

 “Wh-wha’?”

 “We’re just in a wind current.”

 “No! Tha … tha plane’s gonna come down!”

 “No, no, it’s not.” He pats my knee. “Planes are strong enough to deal with this happening, and – Ronnie, p-please don’t cry. Things will be alright, I promise.”

 “N-no -.”

 “It’ll pass in a little while.”

 “No, it – ah!” The plane – it – “Jay … it … it’s fallin’!”

 “No, it’s not. The plane just dropped a little.”

 “Dropped?! W … we’re done for!”

 “We’re not -.”

 “We’re all gonna die!”

 “Ronald, d-don’t say that.”

 “It’s true!” Shit – I … I didn’t think I’d go out like this, not like this, not –

 “No, it’s not – look, you need to calm down.”

 “How?!”

 “Just relax, please. You’re going to freak everyone out – they can all hear you.”

 “B-but -.”

 “First flight, is it, honey?”

 What?! Oh … it … it’s the old lady who’s been s-sitting next to me, on the aisle seat. “Y-yeah,” I gulp. “And … and -.”

 “You should listen to that hunky young man next to you. We’re going to be just fine.”

 “N-na -.”

 “Trust me, honey, I’m a lot older and wiser than you.” So?! “I’ve been on a lot of flights, most of them having turbulence, and I’m still around to tell the tale.”

 “B-but it’s really bad.” Heart’s gonna jump outta –

 “I’ve lived through worse.” She smiles. “Where are you heading when we touch down?”

 “C-California.”

 “Oh,” she laughs, “I know that. You’d be on the road for years otherwise. Where in Cali?”

 “Hollywood. I - ah!” It … it just shuddered again. “Nghhh ….” I’m clawing at the arm rests.

 “Ohh, how lovely.”

 Concentrate … on the old lady, not the … winds …. “Y-yeah, I hope it’s warm.”

 “Oh, I’m sure it will be. Not the hottest state, but it’s enough.”

 “A-are … y’ from California?” She’s … defo not English. Pretty sure she’s American.

 “Oh, no. I’ve been vacationing around for the past three months.”

 “Oh … how come?”

 “When my husband passed away, he left me quite a lot of money. Decided to use it for something interesting.”

 Oh, man …. “I’m … sorry for y’ loss.”

 “Oh, no, honey. He was a boring old man.”

 Okay … did she really just say that?

 “I’d always wanted to go to London,” she carries on, “and it lived up to my expectations. Now I’m finishing it all off by flying around to different places in America.”

 “Sounds cool. Y’ goin’ home after tha’?”

 “Yes. I think the grandchildren are missing Nanna. Where are you from?”

 “London.”

 “Wow! Have you lived there all your life?”

 “Y-yeah.” Living … is an overstatement ….

 “How lovely.”

 Uh …. “Heh … yeah, apart from tha cold.”

 “Ronnie.”

 “Yeah, wha’ is it?” I turn my head, look at him.

 “Turbulence has stopped,” he smiles.

 “Ah -.”

 “You didn’t even notice, did you, honey?”

 I look at her again. “Hah, no, I didn’t.” My lips turn up a little. “Thanks a lot for tha’.”

 “No need to thank me. I just didn’t want you to have a heart attack.”

 Heh, she does have a decent point.

 I feel Jay’s hand pat my shoulder. “You should get that sleep now.”

 “Oh … uh -.”

 “Oh, don’t mind me,” she says. “Growing boys need to rest.”

 Heh, she thinks I’m a boy? “Cool. Thanks again.”

\-------------------------

 Trying to sleep … but I’m really not comfy. It’s too constricting, and –

 Oh. I just heard a ping – seatbelt sign’s gone off again.

 Pulling my legs up onto the seat, I curl up a bit, manage to get my head to rest on Jay’s shoulder. Ugh … no, still isn’t right. The hood on my dressing gown is pulled up. Ah … much better. It’s nice and cosy now.

\------------------------

***6.27pm***

 “H-huh, wha’?”

 “We’ll be landing soon.”

 Jay? “Wha’?”

 “The seatbelt sign’s come back on, so you’ll have to sit up straight.”

 Seat – landing? “I … I slept tha’ long?”

 “Yep.”

 “Cool.” Ouch – legs have gone all stiff. I manage to sit up straight, click my belt back into place. “Did y’ ge’ any sleep?”

 “I think I dozed off for a bit, but didn’t sleep properly. There was another movie on though, at least.”

 “Aww.” Poor babe. “Which film?”

 “Spider Man – well, one of them.”

 “Cool.”

 “Not really. Preferred the original.”

 “Oh.” Fair enough ….

\-------------------------

***9.46pm***

 Ugh … landing was hell. Thought I was gonna fly out the window or something with the impact. But … I survived it, somehow, and going through the airport this end wasn’t too bad.

 The hotel key is handed over to me. “Go on, open it.”

 “Is it gonna be all fancy?” I chuckle.

 “I sure hope so.”

 I jab the key into the door, twist it. The door opens – holy shit! “Jay, this is swag!”

 He peeks into the room. “Wow … fancy.”

 “For sure – tha bed looks great. Wanna try it out?” Who’s got time to unpack when this bed needs breaking in?

 He chuckles. “Sure.”

\-------------------------------------

***Wednesday 9th May***

***11.04am***

 “Ronald, what is it?” Jay takes my hand.

 “I’m fine.”

 “You’re too quiet to be fine. What is it, hmm? Not liking it here?”

 “I like it here ….” I really do, and –

 “Then -.”

 “Everyone can see my scars like this.” It’s too warm to wear anything but a shirt and shorts. And a hoodie at night … if I get lucky.

 “Oh … I see.”

 “J-jus’ feelin’ like everyone is gonna stare.”

 “Why would they?”

 “B-because they’re ugly.” So fucking ugly ….

 “Ronnie, nothing about you is ugly.”

 Oh. I’m stopped dead. Did he stop walking? Yeah, he – I turn around to face him. “Y’ … don’t think people will notice them?”

 Aww … that’s a sweet smile. He gives a shrug to go along with it. “They might, but so what? They’re not going to say anything, and you don’t even know these people. You’re never going to see them again.”

 “D-do … y’ think they’ll judge?”

 “No. Might be curious, I guess. Look, it’s our holiday, so us two are all that matter.”

 I … I know that …. “R-right.” B-but their opinions –

 “You deserve to enjoy your holiday, Ronnie. Screw everyone else. Plus, I don’t want you feeling sick from the heat.”

 He does have a point …. I’m probably never gonna get a holiday like this, with him, again …. “Al-alright.”

 “You sure it’s alright?”

 “Y-yeah. Y’ … still think I’m attractive wi’ these clothes on?”

 His other hand comes around me, and he taps my ass. “Sexy as hell.”

 “Heh, thanks.” I feel the weight in my stomach leave. I … I guess a compliment goes a longer way than expected sometimes.

 “Ready to get on with our holiday?”

 “Yep!” Hell yeah! I’m gonna make sure it’s great. Well, try my best. “Th-thanks, babe.”

 “No need to thank me,” he beams.

\------------------------------------

***Saturday 12th May***

***10.32am***

 This holiday – oh my God, it’s been amazing so far. Warm weather, sun, sightseeing. Tonnes of sex, hah!

 Ah … but I don’t think I’ve ever walked so much.

 We saw so many cool things! Film studios, the walk of fame. So awesome!

 And we went to the theatre last night, which was insane. For old people, right? But no joke, I was blown away!

 One gripe I have though … is the amount of people. It really is fucking busy ….

 But we’re heading out of Hollywood today – Jay’s hiring a car.

 Uh … the Queen Mary and then we’re going to Venice Beach, I think.

\---------------------------

 “Are you sure it’s okay if we go?”

 “Yeah, why?” I fasten my seatbelt.

 “The area can be a bit rough at times. Homeless people -.”

 “Na … it’s alright.”

 “And … and there might be drug addicts.”

 “On tha ship?”

 “No, but in the surrounding area.”

 “Well, it’s alright. Seein’ them isn’t gonna make me wanna do stuff again, especially if they’re homeless. It’s … more like a warnin’, y’ know?” What might happen if I slip up again, bad ways ….

 “Well, if you’re sure.”

 “Yeah, and I know y’ really wanna see this ship.” He fist-pumped the air when he realised they had tickets for the actual ship, not just the museum part.   

 But yeah … I’m not that nervous about the area being ‘rough’, not when this ship is meant to be haunted, anyway.

 God help me ….

 But na … Jay’s been so good to me, brought me all the way out here, calmed me through the flight. I can get through seeing a few ghosts, want to, for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know Cali isn't too hot in May ... but come on, we're English. Cut Ronnie some slack xD


	237. Ronald. Dunk in the sea.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God ... it's too hot to concentrate. Let me know if you see any typos.

***12.34pm***

 “H-hey, wait!”

 I don’t wait, don’t slow down. As … as soon as we got to the end of seeing the ship, I bolted. Had to get outta there. But … but at least I stayed, so Jay could see it all, right?

 Ah, good, a bench. Thank God. I collapse down onto it. Just needed to get away from there ….

 “Ronald, d-don’t do that again.” Jay caught up ….

 “Wha’?” I ask, looking up at him.

 “Running off like that – it’s a dangerous area. I told you that.”

 “I … didn’t run far.”

 “Well – what’s wrong?”

 “N-nothin’ really.”

 “You wouldn’t have darted off like – you’ve gone really pale.”

 “Y-yeah … I bet.”

 He sits down next to me. “You … didn’t enjoy the Queen Mary, did you?”

 Can’t help but chuckle. “Ship was fine. Dead people … not so much.”

 “Oh … was it really that haunted?”

 “Y-yeah.” Leaning over, I rest my head against his upper arm. “They … kept screamin’ and stuff. A … a lot of hurt.”

 “Then,” he sighs, “the reapers … really are useless around these parts.”

 “Heh … yeah. Guess … tha ghosts are good for tourism around here.”

 “Why would that matter to the reapers?” He sounds confused. Bless him.

 “It was a joke, Jay.” Just trying to cheer myself up ….

 “Oh.” His arm wraps around me. “I’m sorry -.”

 “No, don’t be. I’m happy tha’ y’ enjoyed y’self. It’s fine.”

 “Th-thanks. Do … you want to head back to the hotel?”

 “Na … I’ll be alright.”

 “Are you sure?”

 “Yeah.” I nod against him. “It … was fuckin’ horrible, but I’ll live. Jus’ glad ta be away from there.”

 “Okay … well, take a breather, as long as you need.”

 Does he … feel guilty? He is a proper sweetie. I really do wanna go to the beach soon though, even if my gut’s a bit all over the place. Ah, I know! “Can we go ge’ food in a bit, before we go ta tha beach?”

 “Sure. I’m kind of hungry myself.”

 “Yeah.” I really want a burger – hmm, probably won’t do my stomach any good, but whatever. Mad cravings!

\----------------------------

***2.25pm***

 “Ronnie,” Jay shakes his head at me, “you’re so naughty.”

 I pout at him. “Sorry. Tha water was jus’ so temptin’.” I couldn’t help myself! Ran straight across the sand and jumped right in.

 “You could have drowned.” He rolls his eyes. “I had images of you sinking to the bottom of the sea.”

 “It wasn’t tha’ deep.” Heh, can’t swim ….

 “Yes, thank God. I’m glad I brought the beach towels.” One’s pulled around me. “Now you’ll have to wait to dry off before we get back in the car.” He leans in, kisses my cheek. “So naughty.”

 “Heh, if y’ – bet I taste salty, huh?”

 “Very.”

 Yeah … a load of water went in my mouth, and up my nose. Frigging gross, and a big surprise. Didn’t ever think it’d be like that. “Do y’ know why?”

 “Hmm?”

 “Why’s seawater salty?”

 “I think … it’s from minerals and stuff that get washed into it. Like when rocks erode and that.”

 “Oh. Heh, y’re so clever, babe.”

 He chuckles lightly. “I know.”

\----------------------------------

***2.46pm***

 This is so good. I don’t care that I’m all damp and soggy. Don’t even give a fuck that little grains of sand are getting stuck in awkward places. I love this yellow stuff … have really been missing out on a lot … in life.

 And the sea air is so nice and refreshing. Ahhh … sun’s so warming on my back. “Hey, Jay?”

 “Yeah?”

 “Wanna build a castle thing?”

 “A sandcastle, you mean?”

 “Yeah, tha’.” Hah ….

 “You big dork,” he says, chuckling.

 “Aww, come on.”

 “We don’t even have a bucket and spade.” I give him the puppy dog look. “But we could buy one. I’m sure they sell them across the road somewhere.”

 “Sweet.” I’m just plain irresistible.

\---------------------------------

***Sunday 13th May***

 Building sandcastles turned into a competition. He won. His sandcastle was epic. We spent like the rest of the day at the beach, until I started getting a bit chilly. Think it was because I got wet. Heh, doubt the salt stains are gonna come outta those clothes ….

 Fun, so much fun.

\---------------------------

***6.03pm***

 “Hmm … y’ kinky bastard.”

 “You enjoy it really.”

 “Hell yeah.” The scarf is pulled tight around my wrists. I bet he packed it in his suitcase just to use it to tie me up. “Wha’ … are y’ gonna do ta me?”

 He grins down at me. “I brought a little present out here with me.”

 I watch him get offa the bed. “Is … is it a whip?”

 “Hah, now who’s being the kinky one?”

\-----------------------------

 “Ah!” Fucking hell! My … my thighs are shaking. This … this vibrator …. “Nghhh.” Everything’s twitching. “Jay … Jay, st-stop it.”

 “A-are you okay?” He frowns.

 “F-fuck me already! I … I’m gonna come before – ah! Jay -.” Oh … oh, he turned it off. Oh man … I’m just pouring sweat.

 That was so fucking intense … in a fucking good way – wait, did the people at the airport see the vibrator on those scan things? Hah, oh my God!

 Uh … why am I even thinking about that and not – “Jay, come on, ge’ on already.” I spread my legs wider. “Stop keepin’ me waitin’ and do me.”

 “Glady,” he says, smiling.

 Heh, that’s more like it.

\----------------------------

***Tuesday 15th May***

***7.03am***

 “Ah ….” Jay winces as he sits down on the seat next to me. He’s a bit of a thicko, really, getting a giant tattoo the day before travelling back.

 I took the piss a bit, asked if he was getting my name across his back. It’s really pretty though. An owl across his shoulders, with mostly black ink. Amazing, really … even if it did take all day, nearly.

 But he’d emailed the tattoo studio as soon as the holiday was booked, but they were fully booked. But then, last week, he got a call, to say there was a cancellation. And he got so excited, was emailing back and forth every day, seeing the tattoo being drawn up and stuff.

 I couldn’t get in the way of that, not when this tattoo studio was meant to be one of the best in the area.

 So I just did my own thing. The area wasn’t rough, was safe to be in. Went cinema, grabbed food, and bought some things with the spending money Grandma had exchanged and given me. But I didn’t go far, kept popping back into the studio. And made sure to text him, to check in, a hella lot.  

 Knew he’d only worry about me otherwise – bless him.

 But it was nice, even without him, just to have a look around, buy a few things.

 This holiday has been fucking amazing, no joke! One of the best weeks of my life. I am kinda ready to go home, see my family, but … I do wish we’d have had a few more days.

 I really can’t thank Jay enough for bringing me out here, looking after me. Would Will have ....

 Man … I bet Jay’s inking cost a bomb ….

 “This is gonna be a long flight, huh?”

 Ripping open his packet of crisps, he nods. “Y-yep. I’m so sore. It was worth it though.”

 “Yeah, for sure.” Hah … bet he won’t be saying that by the time we get back into the UK. Poor guy.

\-------------------------------

***8.10pm***

 Ugh … I’m so glad that flight is over. I wasn’t so anxious, and there wasn’t any turbulence, but fuck … that still wasn’t any fun. Got back ache from just sitting ….

 Next time Jay wants to woo me with a holiday, he can take me to Spain or something. Somewhere closer. Shorter flight, you know?

 Man … I really bought a lot of stuff yesterday. Case is proper heavy.

 “Sweetie!” I look up, see Mom rushing over to me. She came to pick us up from the airport; just couldn’t wait to see me, I think.

 “Hey Mom – uhh.” Death hug again ….

 “I’ve missed ya so much!”

 “Heh, I’ve missed y’ too.” Can’t breathe – oh … she lets go of me.

 “So, ‘ow was it?”

 “Epic!”

 “That’s great, sweetie. Jay, what about ya? Ya enjoy yaself?”

 “Y-yeah, was great.”

 She frowns. “Are ya alright?”

 “He got a tattoo. Kinda sore now.”

 “Oh. Well, let’s geh ya ‘ome, Ronnie. Ya probably just want to ‘ead to bed. It’s been a long day, hmm?”

 “Yeah, it really has.” My comfy bed, ahhhh.

\------------------------------

***9.22pm***

 “Big bro!” Emma hurries up to me. “You’re back!”

 “I sure am,” I say, bending down to pick her up.

 “Tell me about it! What did you do? Was it sunny? Did you have fun?!”

 Yep … I’m back … at the mad house. Man, it feels so good to be home.


	238. Ronald. So ... I'm an adult now? Or did that happen at 16?

***Monday 21st May***

 Ugh … science is really kicking my ass at the minute. Biology sucks … is really confusing. But it’s a good thing, that I’m getting to the hard stuff already.

 I just don’t get plant biology. It’s weird … with no sex involved. Oh well; I know I’ll get to grips with it eventually.

 Jay’s been going to the gym ever since we got back from holiday. Said he was getting a bit podgy after all the junk we ate over there, but I don’t see it. His body still looks hella good to me. I’m kinda jealous, actually. Lifting weights sounds cool ….

 So, he’s been leaving super early in the mornings to get his gym time in. At least then, he doesn’t end up seeing me any later in the evenings.

 Doesn’t bother me anyway, because I just stay in bed. And even if I’m staying at his, I just call the chauffeur guy to pick me up in time to get back for my studies; have a key to his place.  

 I don’t have therapy this week, but it’s starting up again the next. That’s gonna be fun ….

\------------------------------

***Wednesday 6th June***

***1.01pm***

 Fred shakes hands with me. “It’s nice to see you again.”

 “Y-yeah, y’ too.” It is nice, of course it is, but I’m always nervous when I see him … because it means talking about bad things is just around the corner.

 “You’ve got a lovely tan. How was the holiday?”

 “Heh, thanks.” I did get some good colour, came back less pale. “It was great, thanks.”

 Sitting down on his chair, he smiles. “Tell me all about it?”

 “Alright, sure.”

\-------------------------

 I’ve been a bit upset since I got back home, on and off. Couldn’t spend the whole session gushing about my holiday …. It wasn’t the worst session I’d been through … but it still hurt.

 I’ve been up in Mom’s room since I got back, and she stayed with me for a bit. But I told her I’d be alright on my own so she could pick the little ones up.

 I feel bad, you know? Grandma’s been having to pick them up when I’ve been in a bad state on Wednesdays. It’s not fair on them.

 Oh … they’ll probably be back soon.

 I should head downstairs – if Emma knows I’m cooped up here again, she’ll be sad …

\---------------------

 “Bro?” Emma walks up to me, doesn’t rush. “A-are you okay?”

 “I’m not too bad.” I can’t lie to her, say I’m feeling great; she isn’t that stupid.

 “But not good?”

 “I … could be better, I guess.” I sit down on the sofa. “But y’ know how ta make it all better, yeah?”

 “H-hugs?”

 “That’s right, kiddo.” Swinging my legs up, I lie down. “So come gimme a cuddle.”

 “Okay.” She climbs up onto me, tucks her face up in my neck. My arms wrap around her. “Is that better, big bro?”

 “Yeah, much better.”

\-----------------------------

***10.34pm***

 Man … it’s so hot tonight. I mean, it was during the day … but it’s really set in now. Sticking to us, like. We both had to strip down to our boxers, kick the duvet off.

 Mom came in to say goodnight to me earlier and, hah, I think she almost had heart attack seeing Jay half naked. Poor woman.

 I think Jay was a little embarrassed too, to be fair.

 “Do you think she thought … we were in the middle of …?”

 “Shaggin’? I dunno.” It’s too hot – don’t think either of us feel like fucking.

 My hand rubs against his stomach. “Maybe y’ hotness took her breath away.” He does seem to have gotten a bit more toned since we got back off holiday … but what did he say it was? Water weight? The bottom of his stomach is so flat.

 “Uh … don’t remind me that I’m old enough to date your mother.”

 “Eww.”

 “I know, so I really hope she doesn’t think I’m hot.”

 “Hmm, who wouldn’t. I’m well jealous of this body.”

 “As you keep saying.”

 “Yeah.” Pulling away from him, I roll onto my back. I wanna cuddle up to him, but it’s just too hot. “I wish I could go gym, ge’ fit.”

 He chuckles. “You’ve been saying that a lot too.”

 “I know -.”

 “I don’t think you’re one for physical activity. More one for lying in bed.”

 I roll my eyes at him. He’s right but … “tha whole point of bein’ here is ta improve myself.”

 “Here?” He raises an eyebrow.

 “Yeah, at Grandma’s.” In this world …. I need to stay here until … I get myself sorted.

 “Well, I think you should work on your mental health first.”

 “Can’t I do both?” I scratch at my chin. “I mean … I haven’t exactly treated my body tha best. Isn’t it ‘bout time I gave it a shot?”

 “Okay … if you really want to, I’ll show you some basic lifting.”

 Heat, seriously, go away so I can snuggle him. “Thanks, babe.”

\---------------------------------

***Thursday 7th June***

***6.45am***

 Ugh … what time is it? Hmm … kisses. I feel lips pull away from my cheek. “Happy Birthday, Ronnie.”

 My eyes fly open. “It … it’s my birthday?”

 “Yeah … you didn’t know?” Looks kinda confused ….  

 “Na … I didn’t realise. All my time growin’ up, I didn’t even know wha’ a birthday was, y’ know?”

 “Oh … right.” And now he looks sad ….

 “Wow … I can’t believe I’m eighteen.” Hah, an adult, right?!

 His fingers run through my hair. “It’s a big milestone, babe.”

 “I know. I can ge’ a tattoo now.”

 “Nooo, your grandmother would kill you.” Hah, his eyes went all wide then.

 “Heh, probably.” I grin up at him. “Do I ge’ a special birthday present?”

 “What’s that?”

 “Mornin’ sex?”

 “Your morning breath stinks, Ronald, so I don’t think so.”

 I pout at him. “Y’re mean.” He’s getting so cheeky, but I like it. Guess more of his personality is coming out now … he doesn’t have to focus on keeping me sane.

 I am doing better.

 “I know, but your grandmother told me I had to get you up early for presents.” Another kiss on the cheek. “I’ll make it up to you later, I promise.”

 Presents? Right now? Cool.

\--------------------------------

 Emma was so groggy this morning, the poor girl, having to get up earlier than usual. But when the presents came rolling out, she really perked up.

 Ah, the chocolate, so much chocolate. And I got a load of gift cards for clothes. Plus … Grandma bought me a plain silver bracelet, and this really expensive aftershave. It did smell super nice.

 “Open mine!” Emma pushes her gift up in my face.

 “Heh, alright.” I take it from her, set it on my lap. It’s unwrapped carefully, and I pull out the item. Aww … that’s so cute. It’s one of those wooden carved out things you put on a desk or something, painted black. “Believe in y’self.”

 “Emma thought it was adorable,” Mom says.

 “Yeah! Do you like it, bro?”

 “Yeah, I really do.” I reach over, give her a quick hug. “It’s so sweet.”

\---------------------------------

 “These are swag, James.” My brother got me some cool red and black trainers.

 “I know. Wish I had them.”

 “Heh, I don’t think they’d fit y’.”

 He nods his head. “True.”

\-------------------------------

 “I got you one extra present,” Jay says as I’m about to get up.

 “Oh?” But he got me a load of stuff? Those PJs were so cool! His phone is passed down to me. “Huh, an email?”

 He chuckles lightly. “I got you that gym membership you wanted after you fell asleep.”

 “Really? Thanks, babe!” Wait …. “Tha’ sounds expensive?”

 “Don’t worry. If you don’t start going, I can cancel after a month.”

 “Heh, is tha’ ta make me go?”

 He folds his arms over his chest. “Yep.”

 “Just don’t hurt yourself,” Grandma says. “I can see you dropping a weight on your head.”

 “So can I,” I hear George say from the chair right in the corner of the room.

 Yeah … me too …. “I’ll be careful, I promise.”

 “Bro … are you gonna get hench?” Emma asks, staring at me. Heh, she learnt that word from me.

 “If he puts the work in, he might,” Jay replies.

 “Wow!” James shouts. “That … that’s kinda cool.”

 “Yeah, so jus’ watch me,” I grin. Oh man … I’m stuck with accountability now. Ugh … early mornings …. Kill me now.

\---------------------------------

 Heh … Jay got me another extra present. Chocolate flavoured lube. Kinky bastard. Oh, and he’s gonna treat me to mocktails again next time I go down his.

 God! Birthday sex was so good! He took his time with me, really made me feel cared for. But then, bam! He fucked the shit outta me!

 It didn’t hurt, obviously – he’d never do that to me.

 It just felt so good. He made me feel loved.

 I … I felt so loved ….

\----------------------------------

***Friday 8th June***

***7.10am***

 “Do you want me to take you back home?”

 Early mornings do me no good …. Face is all squished up against the window. “No … I wanna do this.” I pull myself away from the car door, rub at my eyes. Wanna better myself.

 He pulls up, and we get outta the car. Ugh … legs aren’t even working properly yet, it’s that early ….

\--------------------

 Wow … this place is huge. “Right,” Jay says as he looks around the gym. “We need to warm up.”

 “Why?”

 “So you don’t pull a muscle.”

 “Ah ….”

 “Some treadmills are free. We’ll hop on those.”

 “Wha’?” I pull a face at him. “Runnin’?”

 “No, a brisk walk on it will do.”

 “Ah … good.” Thank fuck for that ….

\------------------------

 Okay, well the treadmill wasn’t so bad, but then he made me do stretches. I felt like a fucking idiot doing –

 These … these guys are huge …. “Jay … this is scary.”

 “It can be intimidating the first time, yeah.” He pats my shoulder. “But no one’s going to bother you.”

 “Because I’m wi’ y’?”

 “Yeah, and because I know a lot of the guys here. They’ll take care of you.”

 “Oh … okay.” But they … look like they’ll punch me in the face ….

 “Hey, Ashley!” He calls out.

 A massive dude with a belt around his waist drops this bar thing to the ground and turns around. “Hey, James, my man.” He walks up to us, hand slapping down on Jay’s. A rough handshake is exchanged. “I missed you yesterday.”

 “Yeah, sorry. I was busy.”

 “Your partner’s birthday, right?”

 “Heh, you remembered.”

 He glances at me. “Is this him, by any chance?”

 “This is Ronnie, yep.”

 The guy smiles at me. “New to this, huh?”

 “Y-yeah … I’ve never b-been ta tha gym before.” He … he’s so big up close. Like Grandpa … but way more beefed out.

 “Well don’t look so worried.” He pats me on the shoulder, almost knocks me off my feet. “Me and James will show you the ropes. Start you off light and make sure your form is proper, alright?”

 Light? Form? Huh???? “Y-yeah, thanks.”

\---------------------------

 Oh … God, I’m so sore! The chauffeur picked me up at the time I asked him to, but I could barely get in the car. And Jay says I’m only gonna be sorer tomorrow morning.

 Yeah … I didn’t lift a lot of weight … and got super outta breath, but Ashley said I did really well for my first time. He’s like Grandpa. Looks scary … but is super nice.

 But fuck … those two put me to shame! Ashley could probably lift a car! I was amazed at the massive weight … eh, plates? Yeah, the plates he had on his bar.

 But … even though my body feels like it’s gonna break into pieces, I feel good. Feel awake, like I’ve got more energy.

 And I did what I said I’d do last night. I got up early, and went.

 Man, I feel so fucking accomplished right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk how the gyms are over in the USA, so I'm just basing it off of a cheap gym chain I go to in my town. It's pin number entry, so no need to get a swipe card.  
> God, I hate those swipe cards.


	239. Ronald. Was it love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm so sorry I've been crap at updating this week. Been tired and busy.

***Thursday 12th July***

 “Uh ….” We walk out of the gym – Jay usually waits with me until the chauffeur picks me up. Just to make sure I get home safely.

 “Sore?”

 “Na … jus’ outta breath. Good session though.”

 “For sure. You’re really improving.”

 “Thanks.” New personal squat record. Bam! “Ohh, he’s here.” I lift up on the fronts of my shoes, peck him on the cheek. “See y’ later, babe.” 

 “Coming to mine later?”

 “Yep.”

\-------------------------

***Saturday 15th September***

 I’m doing so well, I can’t even believe it. My studies are going well, and so is therapy.

 We’ve moved on from what happened, are talking more about how I felt during my childhood. It’s weirdly easier, not talking about what they actually did to me. Yeah … I’m not getting so upset now during my sessions ….

 I’ve been going gym for … what, three months now? Not been going every day, because that’d kill me … but a good two or three days a week.

 Depends how sore I am, and how tired I feel when Jay tries to get me up.

 Haven’t been this week … because a heatwave’s hit.

 But it feels so good. I feel stronger, more confident. It … it’s like … I’m not so scared anymore, because I feel like I could hold my own.

 I’ve gained a bit of muscle, that’s for sure. Not a lot, but my legs and the tops of my arms don’t look so stick-like.

 Hah … I’m even trying to eat a bit healthier. Not super healthy, but I’m trying not to eat so much crap for breakfast and snacks. Less donuts and ice cream, but nothing extreme.

 I just love junk too much.

 I’ve been doing so well, and … and I’m so happy here.

 That’s a problem ….

 It … it’s something I’m gonna have to speak to Fred about.

 Been … thinking about it all … and it’s kinda troubling me a bit ….

\--------------------------

***Wednesday 19th September***

***1.01pm***

 “You’re looking so good,” Fred says as we shake hands. He seriously says that every time we meet.

 “Thanks.”

 Our hands disconnect. “You sound troubled. Is everything alright?”

 He knows me pretty well by now, and … because I haven’t really been getting upset as much during our sessions – well, he … can tell how I’m feeling just by … my body language and stuff, I guess?

 “I … I’m doin’ great, buddy.”

 “You look sad.”

 I rub at my eyes – can feel the tears coming. “I … I’m confused.”

 “Confused?”

 “Well … conflicted.”

 “Okay. Well, take a seat, and we’ll talk about it.”

\---------------------------

***1.04pm***

 “So … so things ‘ave been really good, and … and I mean … like really good.” I’m fiddling with my hands, scratching the nail of my thumb against my opposite palm – getting so anxious talking about this. “B-but … I can’t keep doin’ this.”

 “By ‘this’, what are you referring to?” I look down, shrug. “Your family not giving you enough space?”

 “N-no, it’s not tha’.” But I get why he’d think that. He … he does know that Mom is super protective of me … bless her. Gah, stop scratching at – I move my one hand, rub at my eye. “I … I’ve jus’ … been strugglin’ tha past few days, y’ know?”

 “You’re going to have bad days. That’s perfectly normal,” he says, giving me a small smile.

 “Y-yeah. I … I jus’ dunno wha’ ta do.”

 “With -?”

 “I … I was meant ta … be seein’ my old friends once tha’ trial was over and I started gettin’ better. And … and I wanna see Will, was meant ta be gettin’ back wi’ him … b-but I’m so confused.”

 “What makes you think that you were meant to pick up your relationship again?”

 “My … my friend said he still loves me … and … and I still love him.” Shit …. I feel tears leaking down my cheeks. “B-but … I … I dunno if I even wanna go back.” Can’t believe I’m fucking saying this, c-can’t –

 “Okay. Why aren’t you sure?”

 “Th-things are t-too good here.”

 “And the reasons for going back to Will?”

 “My … my friends are there too … and I miss him. B-but … but I dunno – my family is here, and … and Emma’s so sweet. She’s keepin’ me strong right now. I … I wanna be here ta watch her grow up, wanna make sure she’s … okay through high school and stuff.”

 “How important is being around your family to you?”

 “R-really important. They … they can be a bit crazy at times, but I … I dunno if I would’ve gotten this far through my therapy wi’out them.” No … I wouldn’t have, defo not ….

 He nods. “I think you have done really well during these sessions, and overall, but you still have a long way to go. You know that, don’t you?”

 “Of course … I know tha’.”

 “Do you think you’d continue to improve if you removed yourself from this setting?”

 “I … I dunno.” All … all I keep thinking about is how ... bad things got at the end. Me and Will were constantly arguing – he … he didn’t have the patience for me. That wasn’t good for me ….

 “Then … if you aren’t sure, why not stay here until these therapy sessions are no longer needed, at least?”

 I grab a tissue out the box, wipe at my eyes. “B-because … tha longer I stay, tha … more I won’t wanna go see my old friends.”

 “But things are good here, yes?”

 “Yeah, so good.”

 “Then why are you putting pressure on yourself to even go back?”

 “I … I promised a friend I would.”

 Fred jots something down. “You are completely within your right to change your mind.”

 “B-but … I … I feel bad.”

 “Ronald, as you grow up, get further along in your recovery, your goals in life are going to change. There is nothing wrong with that.”

 I look down at my hands. “She’s … gonna hate me.”

 “Your friend?”

 “Y-yeah.”

 “Because you might choose to stay? Because that may be best?” He’s right, so fucking right. Staying here is best for me ….

 “Yeah … I don’t think she’ll understand. She … she jus’ wants me home.”

 “And where do you class as home?”

 Shit …. “H-here, I think. God … it’s so confusin’. Will’s place … was my home, but now – my family ….” I wipe at my eyes again. “I – God, I love him so much.”

 “Will?”

 “Y-yeah, who else?”

 “I see.” He puts down the notepad, leans forward in the chair. “I’m going to ask you something, and I need you to be honest with both me and yourself. Completely honest, okay?”

 “Yeah … no point lyin’ ta my therapist. What’s … tha question?”

 “Every time we talk about William, you tell me the nice things he did for you at the beginning.” Yeah, that’s right. I do mention him … a lot. “But why do you love him?”

 “Tha’. B-because … he did so much for me.” Odd question?

 “But apart from that? What personality traits do you like in him?”

 “He … he was tha first person … ta show me proper affection.”

 “Okay, and that’s great. But what do you love about him? Is he funny? As a person, what is it you love?”

 “I … I dunno.” I don’t – his personality? I think about it. Shit … all I can think about is how nasty he was at the end. He … he was frustrated, and … and we argued so much. He told me I didn’t belong there ….

 “Anything at all?”

 “I … I can’t ….” I … I feel my whole world crash around me. I … I don’t know why … why I love him. “Y’ … think I only … l-loved him … be-because he was kind ta … me?”

 “I can’t answer that for you, Ronald.”

 “I know tha’!  B-but … I don’t understand. I … I don’t know why – tell me why!”

 “I think … your first love can be powerful. And to be taken in, be provided with food and company – that can grow into love. But that isn’t always strong enough to withstand the test of time.”

 “S-so … wha’ are y’ sayin’?”

 “I’m not trying to put ideas in your head -.”

 “I know! J-jus’ tell me … wha’ y’re gettin’ at.”

 “I … think it would be wise to stay with your family. If you go back to Will, and the relationship doesn’t work out -.”

 “It … it’ll … knock me back again.”

 “I think it may, yes.”

 “Th-thanks … for lookin’ out for me,” I manage.  

 “Not a problem. Do you think you … are more in love with the idea of him than the actual person?”

 “Wh-wha’?”

 “You think of the nice things he did for you at the beginning, and that makes him seem better than he really is? You see him as a hero, and that warps your memory of him. Is that correct?”

 “I … I don’t … know.” I … I can’t even think straight. I lean forward, hide my face in my hands. “Shit …. Y’ … y’ve given me a lot … ta think about,” I whisper, can barely get my words out.

 “Yes, I suppose I have. Are you feeling okay?”

 No, I’m not! I … I’m really fucking not! I … I can’t remember why … I loved him. I can’t – why can’t I?! Has too much time passed? It … it’s been nearly a year – I … I just don’t know …. It … it’s like my … whole world has … has just imploded ….

 Was it even fucking love?! If … if I can’t even come up with one reason – shit …. “N-no. I … I don’t wanna talk … anymore.”

 “We can talk about -.”

 “No. I … I don’t wanna.”

 “You want to cut our session short?”

 “Y-yeah, I do.” Just wanna go home and fucking cry …. He’s … right, so fucking right. And … and it hurts. Was … was it all just because he was kind? I … I mean, everyone … else is kind, kinder … even. That … that’s probably why I don’t really … wanna go back. Right? Right?!

 Is … is there really nothing … left for me there? Am … am I starting … to … move on? F-fucking hell ….

\----------------------------

***1.17pm***

 “Sweetie, wait!” Mom rushes after me. “Why … why are ya -?”

 “R-rough session.”

 “Oh -.”

 “I … I don’t wanna talk ‘bout it, okay? Jus’ … jus’ wanna go home.”

 “Oh, but we were meant -.”

 “No!” Yeah, ice cream, I know. But no, just no.

 “Oh … okay. ‘Ome it is then ….”

 “Th-thanks.” Shit ….

 I … I feel so broken up right now ….


	240. Alan. I don't like this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big time skip. 
> 
> I wanted to have a few chapters in between the last one and this, but people seem to be getting bored, so whatever. 
> 
> You'll get Ronald's full point of view and reasoning in the next chap, so don't worry. Everything will be explained.

***Friday 7th August 2020***

 “We have to!” Grell’s shrieking rattles around in my ears.

 Things have been peaceful, and I’ve been back at work for well over a year now. Eric went back long before I – around two years now, I think?

 But … as peaceful as it has been, there’s been this … cloud hanging over us, an unspoken issue.

 Ronnie. He never got in touch with Grell. We’ve not heard a thing.

 And I was fine with that, completely and utterly fine. He must be happy, must be doing well.

 I’m happy for him, glad that he’s found his way in life … or created a new life for himself.

 But I might be the only one ….

 Grell wants to visit him … drag him back here. She’s been speaking of it for a long time, but I think she’s finally snapped. “N-no, we don’t have to.”

 “It’s been three years!” Almost, yes ….

 “Ah’m with Grell on this one, Al.” Hn, Eric would be. He isn’t one for listening to reason.

 “Why?”

 “Because we’re his friends, Al.”

 “But … for whatever reason, he’s choosing not to come back.”

 “Because he’s in trouble!”

 “I … I don’t think he is, Grell.”

 “Don’t be stupid!” She throws her arms up in the air. “He could be dead!”

 “Of course he isn’t.” I know William continues to check the death lists, just to make sure. “We know he isn’t.”

 “But -.”

 “I think we should just leave him be.” Listen to me, please?

 “No.” Eric folds his arms over his chest. “He’s our friend. We’ve got every right tae know what’s going on.”

 Right, they want answers. Well, “no, you don’t have any right to demand answers from him.”

 “He made me a promise!” She shouts.

 “Yes,” I sigh, “I … know.” She’s told us all enough times ….

 “And anyway,” she waves a hand, “it isn’t all about me. You know that Willy Dear is struggling.” 

 Yes … he has been quieter than usual lately … doesn’t visit half as much as he used to.

 “He misses Ronnie so much, is moping!”

 Okay, yes, for sure … but it isn’t Ronnie’s job to make William happy.

 “Aye.” Sighing, Eric sits down next to me. “Ah … just don’t get it. They love each other, so why is Ronnie staying away?”

 I lift up my glasses, rub at my one eye. “The real question is why … William hasn’t decided to see him if he misses him so much?”

 “Hn, because he is an idiot, that’s why,” Grell huffs. “So it’s Grell to the rescue, I suppose.”

 Rescue? Really? I think she may just make it all worse, will hear something she doesn’t want to …. “I … I still think William should -.”

 “No. I am going to go see him.”

 “Grell, I don’t like this.”

 “Yes, I can tell. I have to know, can’t you see?”

 “Okay ….” Stubborn … so stubborn. If I can’t change her mind – “just … be civil, okay? And … and if he really doesn’t want to come back here, don’t try to force him.”

 She grunts at me. “I won’t have to. As soon as he sees me, he’ll want to come back. He’ll remember his promise.”

 “Okay.” I hate to think this … but she has her head in the clouds. Whatever Ronnie is up to, he’s in a better place than he ever was here. And … I think she’s forgetting the fact that Ronald had a boyfriend last time she visited him. I know she thinks he was just a companion, nothing special, but I’m not so sure ….

 “We should get going, mmm.”

 “No, Eric’s staying here.”

 “What?” He frowns at me. “Yer cannae -.”

 “I don’t want you two ganging up on him, making him feel like he hasn’t got a choice.”

 “Ah wouldn’t -.”

 “Stay,” I give him a stern look, “okay?”

 He huffs at me. “Aye … fine.”

 Good. Finally listening to reason, it seems.

\---------------------------

 Grell wasn’t too happy with me, making Eric stay here, but she did leave in the end. We’re waiting now, for her to come back, to hear what Ronnie had to say.

 “Al?”

 “What is it, Eric?” I’m a bit annoyed with him, taking Grell’s side on this, I have to admit.

 “Ah … wouldn’t have forced him tae come back – yer know that, right?”

 “Then why bother going?”

 “Ah just wanted some answers, is all. Wanted tae know what he’s up tae.”

 “So … you wouldn’t have tried to get him to come back?” I raise an eyebrow.

 “Ah’d … have asked, but ah cannae force him.” He sighs. “Ah’m … just a bit annoyed, yer know? It feels like … he’s just forgotten about us.”

 “I’m sure he hasn’t.”

 “Aye, ah suppose. Do yer think he’s lost the locket Grell gave him?”

 “I don’t know, Eric.” I doubt it ….

 “We’ll find out soon, ah guess.”

 “Yeah ….” I rest my head on his upper arm. “I … hope Grell doesn’t go in there guns blazing. Upsetting Ronnie – that’s the last thing we need.”

 “Aye, so it would have been best if ah’d have gone with her tae try tae keep her calm. Who knows what’ll happen.”

 True …. I … I just didn’t think he’d be so calm himself. “S-sorry.”

 “It’s alright. Nothing ah can do now – she’s probably talking tae him as we speak.”

 “True.” I don’t like this. I … really, really don’t like this.

 Why not just let the poor boy be?

 That’s what I’d do. I don’t think he’s forgotten about us, of course he hasn’t … and we’ll always be friends, but if he’s moved on? I … just don’t see what the problem is.

 After all … he wasn’t doing well here, not at all. He was really struggling, so what’s the point in trying to drag him back?

 It’s nonsensical, if you ask me.

 But then again … Grell isn’t thinking straight. She’s hurting, feels like Ronnie doesn’t care about her anymore.

 Angry, upset Grell – great … just great ….

\-------------------------------

 Eric shoots up from the sofa as Grell pops back into the room. “How’d -?”

 “He wasn’t there! Swanning off to Crete, but he can’t be bothered to come back here?!”

 Crete? He really must be doing well. Oh no – she demanded to know where he was from his family …?

 “Doesn’t matter though – he will be back tomorrow night. So I will just wait for him to return, mmm.”

 “Grell, you can’t just drop into someone’s home -.”

 “Hn.”

 Well, she can’t. Especially … after what happened last time with her brandishing her scythe – Ronnie’s family was probably terrified.   

 “I have to speak to him, one way or another. Tomorrow, this whole mess will just be an awful memory.” And with that, she ports away.

 I rub at my head –  she isn’t going to listen to me, no matter what I say, no matter how much I try to make her see reason.

 This is going to … implode.

 It … it really is ….


	241. Ronald. I can't!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School holidays fall a little different here than in the USA. End of July until the start of September.

***Monday 27th July 2020***

 Life is good, so good. Busy … but good. I’ve been carrying on with my studies, and honestly, I don’t think I’ve got far left to go. Well, until I finish the high school level stuff.

 Grandma wants me to go off to college and everything, but … I’m not so sure I want that.

 I mean, I have a part-time job now. Grandma has a friend, a rich old guy that set up a chain of charity shops for homeless people. I’ve been working at one of the branches on a Saturday for about a year now, and I’ve even gone to those soup kitchen things to help the staff out there.

 I swear I recognise a few of the guys from when I was homeless. Those you share a passing glance with, can relate to, but never talk to.  

 I dunno – just feels more meaningful to be doing that than … getting a high-end education.

 Oh, and I learnt to drive … after crashing Mom’s car into a tree. Yeah ….

 Passed last month. Grandma makes me use the chauffeur all the time though, because … tree ….

 Therapy has really helped me. The past abuse … doesn’t haunt me so much now.

 I was having a rough patch ages ago, had urges … but I think the change came in realising I deserved better than hurting myself. It wasn’t ‘I shouldn’t do it’ … ‘can’t do it’ … or ‘everyone will be mad if I hurt myself’. It was just ‘my body deserves better. I deserve more than this’.

 And the healthier coping tactics helped a lot along with that. Exercise is a good one.

 I’ve been seeing Fred still, but only about every six weeks, just to talk.

 So … things are good, and I’m doing everything I should be doing … but it’s all so … on the surface. I stayed here because it was the right thing to do, and it’s helped me, it really has. And I love my family, and me and Jay are so close –

 But, God! There’s this little nagging shitty thing in the back of my mind.

 I never did … figure out why I loved Will so much … personality wise. But does it fucking matter? No, it doesn’t, because … it’s not some idolisation or something like that. For some reason, it’s real love.

 I just wanna see him, talk to him – hell, shout at him for the shit he put me through. No … we put each other through shit. Ugh … so much shit.

 B-but … I can’t go back. My family wouldn’t understand … and I’ve been doing so well here, have made a life for myself.

 And I thought, oh yeah, I don’t need to go back, don’t need to see Will. When my life is proper on track, I won’t need him, won’t even think about him.

 That worked, worked for ages; I was too busy to think much about it all, what I really wanted.

 But this sadness, this little chunk of emptiness in me … it keeps on growing.

 So much so … that when Jay’s asleep … I just sit there and cry.

 I’m happy … on the surface, but inside … I just feel so trapped.

 I … I thought I’d forget about him with time … but I’m just missing him more and more each day.

 But I need to cheer up. I can fake feeling great to others … but with the holiday coming up, I wanna be able to enjoy it.

 Heh … we’ll see.

 We will fucking see ….

\----------------------------------

***Friday 7th August***

***2.04am***

 I wake up from a sleep that wasn’t that great to begin with – took me forever to nod off – to the feel of someone squashed up against my side. Emma.

 She’s done this every night since we got to Greece – doesn’t matter that it’s boiling here. But then again, she does follow me around everywhere at home, so I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s defo cute though, and she’s growing up so quick – so lanky for her age.

 I … I have to stay here, for her.

 James is still a grumpy git half of the time, but I love him all the same, and he’s smiled so much during this holiday.

 The kids have really enjoyed their time here, running around on the beach, playing games, and eating junk food. Such a handful though, I swear.

 I wasn’t originally gonna take the little ones, but Emma overheard me and Jay discussing where we wanted to go, and she begged me to take her. Then James was like ‘if she goes, I want to go too’.

 Grandpa thought it was a great idea, because it’d give Mom a relaxing break too. She found a new job, another part time doctor role, and met someone – a woman named Josie.

 I’m pretty sure Arthur turned her off men for life ….

 Josie’s super nice though, is great with the little ones. And Mom’s happy.

 Oh … God – I came downstairs for a glass of water the night they went on their first date. A gallon of brain bleach isn’t enough ….

 I spoke to Fred about taking the little ones on holiday with us and he thought it was a brill idea. Told me if I really wanted kids of my own one day, this would be a good start, would give me a bit of practice.

 And Mom was fine with it, obviously trusted me enough by then, which is awesome, so we took them. Booked a family room, the sort that has a double bed for me and Jay, and then two singles. Got a few weird looks, but I don’t care.

 Hah … they probably thought Jay was the dad, with three kids. Funny as fuck.

 “It’s too hot.” Oh, has Emma been awake this whole time?

 “Move back inta y’ own bed then, silly.”

 “No, don’t wanna.” She squeezes me tight. Bless her.

 “Alright.”

 I can’t help … but remember what Will said to me. He … he’d have taken care of my little girl.

 I … I could have had my own family by now.

 The … the empty hole gets a little bigger ….

\-------------------------

***Saturday 8th August***

***1.40pm***

 “D-don’t be scared, big bro,” Emma says. “I’m not scared.”

 “I know, Kiddo. Y’re a brave girl.”

 Ugh … fucking flights …. I wasn’t in full panic mode on the way to Greece, but I was defo a bit jittery, a little sweaty.

 I’m shaky now, and we’ve not even boarded yet.

 “You can be brave too if you try.”

 Yeah … she’s right. But I’d take porting over flying any day … even if it does make me feel ill.

 Oh, for fuck – I … I’m thinking about it again ….

 Hole just keeps growing ….

\------------------------------

***8.04pm***

 This doesn’t … feel right …. I can – shit …. I rush in the direction of the feeling, into the living room.

 Grell ….

 “H-hello, sweetie.” Mom looks terrified – I don’t blame her after the last time ….

 “Ronnie!” Grell ports from – her arms are around me.

 I hear Emma scream from somewhere in the background. “The bad lady is back!”

 I … I can’t move – what … what is she doing here?

 I … I was trying to forget. I just wanna forget!

\-----------------------------

 Grell dragged me outside … to avoid the stares, I think? No … more like she wants to talk to me in private.

 I … I don’t know … what to say. Throat feels so fucking dry …. “H-how’s … Eric?”

 “He’s fine, Darling.”

 “R-really?” I frown. “B-but Alan -?”

 “Ohh! No, he survived!” He … what? “Mmm, we thought for certain he was a goner, but Olly found a cure just in time!”

 The … the fuck …? “And y’ didn’t tell me?! Y’ let me think he was dead?! For two years!”

 “Well excuse me – you had the locket! You could have simply asked!”

 I back away a little. Scary ….

 She … she doesn’t usually shout at me …. Or didn’t ….  

 “Well … it doesn’t matter now. I am going to take you back where you belong.” Smiling, she tries to grab my wrist, but I avoid the contact just in time.

 “Wh-where I belong?”

 “Yes. I’m coming to take you back home with me. God only knows you’re taking your sweet time.”

 “H-home?” No, she doesn’t mean –

 “Hmm. This place is hardly where you belong.”

 No … no! She … she can’t be – “I … I can’t go back … Grell.”

 She laughs at me. “Oh, don’t be silly.”

 “I … I’m not.” I … can feel the tears coming …. “Gr-Grell, my … my family’s here.”

 I … I’m given a glare, her eyes piercing right into mine …. “No, your real family is back with me. Eric, Alan, Willy Dear – they’re your real family.”

 “N-no -.”

 “Blood means nothing!”

 I … I can’t believe I’m saying this – this … is my chance and … and I’m just – “It … it does ta me. Grell … I … I can’t come back, I mean it.”

 “Of course you can. We’ve all missed you so much.” She tries again, but I knock her hand away.

 “Stop it! I … I said I can’t, okay?”

 “Can’t, or won’t?!”

 “C-can’t.” I … I want to, so bad – why can’t she see?!

 “W-we took you in, Ronald, when no one else would. And this is how you repay us? Y-you … just forget about us?!”

 “I … I’ll never forget ‘bout y’ … any of y’.”

 “Then come back.”

 “I … I can’t!” I rub at my head. “Wh-wha’ … part of can’t don’t … y’ understand?”

 “You have to!”

 “N-no.”

 “B-but … you made … me a promise?”

 “I … I know, but things ‘ave changed. I … I’m sorry.”

 “You … don’t love us anymore?” She … she’s crying, tears trickling down her face. Grell, no, don’t –

 “It … it’s … not tha’ simple, Grell.”

 She scowls at me. “You’d choose these humans over us?”

 No! “N-no, it’s not like tha’. It’s -.”

 “We love you!”

 I know! There’s … so much hurt in her eyes. Oh, fuck …. “So … do they. I … I’m sorry.”

 “What have they done to you!”

 “Noth -.”

 “You’ve turned cold! Ungrateful brat!”

 They … finally fall. Her … words hurt …. “I … I’m not ungrateful.”

 Shit! I jump, fall backwards onto the ground. Her … her scythe struck … the grass just a few inches from me. “G-Grell -.”

 “I don’t even recognise you! How can you just turn your back on us?!”

 “I keep sayin’, that’s not it!” I … I never wanted to hurt her. Never! “And … and y’ can visit me, y’ all can -.”

 “That isn’t good enough!”

 Then … then I don’t know what … to say. “O-okay.”

 “It’s not okay! You’ve turned into a monster!”

 “G-Grell -.”

 “I hate you!”

 “Y’ … y’ don’t mean tha’!” N-not really – she’s just mad, couldn’t hate me. We … we were so close. Are SO close!

 “Can you blame me?! Y-you don’t do this to family, Ronald! You’re a horrible, selfish little boy!”

 Stop saying this shit! It … it’s hurting me. “I … I’m sorry -.”

 “No, you’re not!”

 “I am! And … and if I could, I’d come back -.”

 “Liar!”

 I … I don’t …. What do I say?! She’s in so much pain, because of me …. “K-kay.” I wipe at my cheeks – they’re soaked …. “D-do … y’ want y’ … locket back?”

 “Oh, you would love that, wouldn’t you?” Her arms are thrown in the air. “Cutting every tie you have to us!”

 “I … I was … jus’ askin’.” Thought … that’s what … she would want ….

 “No. You’ll need that when you come crawling back.”

 “H-how many times d-do … I ‘ave ta say I’m sorry?”

 “Sorry isn’t good enough!” Her chainsaw is yanked from the – is … is she gonna – “You’ve broken my heart!”

 “I -.” She … she’s gone.

 Shit … shit ….

 “I … I’m sorry.” My heart’s breaking too …. I hug at myself, rock back and forth on the grass. “I’m sorry!” I’m so fucking sorry!

 I … I wanted to go with her … b-but I can’t, I just can’t.

 It … it isn’t that easy!

 I sob … just sob. So much … r-raw emotion from her.

 Fuck ….

 I’m … I’m so trapped ….

 The hole gets bigger, so … so much bigger.


	242. Alan. We know now.

 I’m twiddling my thumbs, waiting for Grell to return. Eric tried to catch her at work before she left, so he could go with her … be a calming influence, but he missed her. And he didn’t want to go to Ronald’s home on his own, risk … scaring Ronnie’s family more … so now we’re just waiting, wondering when … or if she’ll turn up.

 I really hope … she isn’t trying to drag him back … or shouting at him.

 But … she probably is. This is Grell I’m talking about ….

\---------------------

 “Shite!”

 What the heck is that?! A … a chainsaw?! We both rush in the direction of the noise – it’s coming from the kitchen.

 She … she’s tearing up our kitchen floor?! What the –

 “Grell, stop it!” Eric says before I have chance to. He hurries down in front of her, pulls the scythe from her. It skids across the floor. “Lass, what’s the matter?”

 She … she’s crying so badly.

 “Grell, talk tae me.”

 “He doesn’t care!”

 “Ronnie?” I ask.

 “Who else?!” Her nails dig into the mangled – well, can’t really call it a floor with what she’s done to it …. “He’s refusing to come back!”

 “Is … is he well?”

 Judging by … that shriek … that was the wrong question to ask ….

 “He doesn’t love us anymore!”

 “That isn’t true, Grell,” Eric assures.

 “It is!”

 “Alright … alright, try tae calm down.” Eric wraps his arms around her, pulls her close. “It’ll be alright.”

 She buries her head in his shoulder, wails. “He’s not the same, Eric! I hate it!”

 Not the same? I … I’d hope not. I … I hope he’s nothing like … that broken, terrified boy he used to be ….

 Obviously … Grell doesn’t think the same.

 How selfish ….

\---------------------------

***9.37pm***

 She calmed down a little bit, enough to tell us what happened, what was said. I … I’m pissed at her, to say the least. Shouting at him like that – what was she thinking?

 “I … I said … I hated him.” She wipes at her eyes with her crumpled tissue. “B-but I don’t hate him, I don’t!”

 I have to bite my tongue. I want to give her a right telling off for upsetting him, for pushing him further away, for being such a close minded – but I don’t want another friendship to go up in flames today.

 “Ah know yer don’t.” Eric pats her on the knee. “Ah know yer’re just hurting.”

 I’ll be having words with Eric though, for not trying to stop her in the first place.

 No … who am I trying to kid?

 Even if he’d have said something, she … she wouldn’t have listened.

 “And he doesn’t hate yer either.”

 “He does!”

 “No,” I say, “Ronnie isn’t the sort to hate easily.”

 “W-wasn’t the sort.”

 For goodness – “No, he still isn’t. What you said must have hurt him, but he wouldn’t hate you.”

 She hugs at herself. “H-his words … hurt too.”

 “Aye, ah know, Lass.” Eric gives her a little smile.

 “No, y-you don’t.”  

 “Ah do, because ah’m missing him too – look, yer’ll feel better once yer get some sleep.”

 “I … I won’t.”

 “You will.” I am mad, so mad, but she’s still my friend. “Why don’t you sleep in our spare room tonight?”

 “Aye, great idea.” With another pat, Eric gets up from the sofa. “Ah’ll get yer a glass of water tae take up tae bed with yer.”

 She dabs at her eyes, then manages a smile. “Y-you’re sending me to bed with no dinner?”

 “Heh, aye, but ah know yer believe yerr beauty sleep’s more important.”

 “Y-you know me well, Darling.”

\-----------------------

***11.13pm***

 Eric sits down next to me, pulls the tab open on his can of beer. “Is … she asleep?”

 “Aye, finally. Poor Lass,” he sighs sadly.  

 “Hmm ….”

 I feel his arm wrap around my shoulders. “Ah’m sorry, Al. Ah … know ah should’ve done more tae stop her.”

 A sigh comes from me. “It doesn’t matter, Eric; there’s nothing we can do now.”

 “Ah don’t know. We … could speak tae Ronald ourselves?”

 “What?!” Is he joking?

 “Yer know … tae smooth things over? We … we could tell him that we understand his choice, are okay with it.”

 “No, Eric, absolutely not.” Idiot …. 

 “Oh -.”

 “I think it would be best to give him his space. The last thing he needs at the moment is more intrusions in his life.”

 “Aye … alright. It was just an idea.”

 “I … I know.” My tone softens. “I know you’re just trying to help.”

 “Aye … trying.” He takes a sip of his beverage. “God … what a mess. One friend’s a moping git, the other is a world away, and -.”

 “And one’s gone crazy?”

 “Heh … she’s always been crazy,” he chuckles.

 “She is unique,” I admit, cuddling into his side. Silence passes between us for a little while before I hear him say my name. “What is it?”

 “A-are we going tae tell William about this?” He sighs. “Ah … don’t think it’d be right of us tae keep him in the dark about what Ronnie’s said.”

 “Eric … I don’t think he expects Ronnie to come back. That’s … why he’s been moping so much.”

 “Aye know that … but he should know for sure.”

 Fine …. “Tomorrow, Eric. I … think we should take our own advice and get some sleep soon.”

 “Tomorrow … alright.”

 “Yes.” A small break from this would be nice. The stress, the overthinking of everything, it isn’t going to do any of us any good.

 Grell’s a testament to that ….

\---------------------------

 “Ah think we need a holiday,” Eric says as we settle down in bed.

 “I think it’s about time we get this wedding sorted.” It’s been years now ….

 Well … once we fix our floor, that is ….

 “Yer know ah’m working on it.”

 “Yes, I -.”

 “Ah … ah was just hoping Ronnie would be back here for it.”

 Oh. “So … that’s why you’ve been dragging your heels?”

 “Aye ….”

 I snuggle up to him. “Well … at least we know now that … we don’t need to put our lives on hold.”

 “Aye.”

 “Hmm.” He … he is right, though. It … it would have been nice to have Ronnie here for that. But he has his own life now. That is … just something Eric will have to accept.


	243. Ronald. If home is where the heart is, where is home, really?

***8.44pm***

 “Ronnie, are you okay?” When … when did Jay get here? I … I can’t even look at him, can’t deal with ….

 I press my face closer to my palms. Just wanna … wanna hide away …. “N-no.”

 “Did that bitch hurt you?” Grandma?

 “She … she didn’t.” Not … not physically anyway ….

 “What did she say to you?”

 “D-doesn’t matter.”

 “Yes, it does. Tell me this instant!” I flinch – don’t shout at me! I … I’ve been shouted at enough already.

 “Mother, stop it.” Mom’s … here too. They … they’re probably all staring at me. “Can’t ya see that he’s upset?”

 “Yes, and I want to know why.”

 “And he can tell us later, when he’s ready.” I hear shuffling next to me. “Let’s geh ya back inside, sweetie, okay?”

 “N-no … I wanna … stay here.” I … I just wanna cry. It … it hurts so bad.

 “Don’t be silly. Ya can’t stay out ‘ere – it’ll be gehhing dark soon.”

 “She’s right,” Jay says. “If you want to be left alone, that’s fine, but we’re not leaving you out here.”

 “No – l-let go!” Someone’s got their hands … under my armpits. “Go -.”

 “It’s alright.” Jay pulls me up. “I’ll take you up to bed.”

 “No! I – uhh ….” My legs buckle. B-bile’s coming up – dry … dry heaving.

 “Ya need to rest, sweetie.”

 All … I can do is nod at Mom. Don’t … feel well … at all.

\-------------------------

***9.36pm***

 “What?! Young man, there is no way in hell you are going back to those monsters!”

 “Stop callin’ them tha’!”

 “Don’t -.”

 “They’re my friends!” Grandma, she … she’s got no right to –

 “Some friends! One turns up, and you end up on the floor – you’re a mess because of that thing!”

 “I told y’! So is she! Tha’ … that’s why she had a go.” B-because … I’ve hurt her.

 “I don’t -!”

 “Ya … ya need to calm down, both of ya,” Mom says, sighing.

 Grandma doesn’t listen. “You are not going back there.”

 My fists curl. I … I’m not even mad at her, not really. Just … just upset. “No, I’m not,” I say through gritted teeth. “I’m not goin’ back. I told her I’m not, okay?”

 She folds her arms in front of her. “Good. You keep it that way.”

 “R-right.”

 Seriously, just f-fuck off. I … I said I wasn’t gonna, so just piss off. Can’t … can’t you see I’m exhausted, just wanna sleep?

\-------------------------------

***10.22pm***

 “Sweetie?” Mom strokes through my hair.

 “Wha’ is it?” I … I’m so done with talking today, to anyone, about anything …. So fucking drained. Just been … lying on my bed, not moving at all ….

 “Don’t listen to ya … Grandmother – if … if ya wanna go see ya friends, ya can. Noh gonna lie – that red’ead scares me ‘alf to death, but ya know the reapers properly, know the good in them. And … and they helped keep ya alive before, so -.”

 “I … I keep sayin’ … I’m not goin’ back.” Why won’t they just listen?

 “I’m noh saying ya ‘ave to, but … ya miss them, don’t ya?”

 Shit …. “Of … of course I do,” I admit. Stupid … fucking question, really ….

 God, it hurts ….

 “Then … there’s nothing wrong with paying a visit, is there? Ya … ya can spend the weekends, if ya want?”

 No … no, I … I’m not going there, not gonna consider – “No.” I pull away from her, roll over on the bed. Even that … tiny bit of movement was exhausting ….

 “Ronnie -.”

 “Jus’ … jus’ drop it, okay?” If … if I go there … even once, I … I won’t wanna come back ….

 “O-okay.” I feel her pat my back. “B-but we’re gonna ‘ave to talk about this eventually.”

 For fuck – “‘bout wha’?”

 “The reapers.”

 “We’ve talked ‘bout them!”

 “No, noh really.” A gulp comes from her. “We … can pretend all we want … but ya’ve ‘ad a foot in two different worlds -.”

 And … and I don’t really belong in either, right?! “No. I … I did, but not anymore. This … this is where I wanna be, so … so end of story, okay?”

 She sighs. “Okay.”

 I … I don’t think she believes me ….

 Heh … I don’t even believe myself ….

\----------------------------------

***Sunday 9th August***

***10.43am***

 Ugh …. God, my head’s pounding ….

 I roll over – face was kinda stuck to the pillow.

 “Emma came in here last night,” Jay says, “said she wanted to keep you safe from the mean lady.”

 “Grell … wouldn’t ‘ave hurt anyone.”

 “She doesn’t know that.”

 Yeah … I know, and bless her for looking out for me …. “I … I’ll ‘ave a word wi’ her later.”

 “Okay.”

 Awkward …. “Is she … gettin’ ready for school?”

 “No, it’s Sunday. Your grandmother made her go downstairs for breakfast.”

 “Oh ….” I look over at the clock. Surprised … I managed to sleep this late ….

 A sighing noise pulls my attention away from the time. “Y’ okay?” No … he probably isn’t. I … I never have said those three words to him, no matter the times he has …. He says he … understands, but now … with Grell popping … up again – it must be so fucking painful ….

 I feel fucking guilty for not being able … to love him, I really do. The things he’s done for me, and I can’t even –

 “I need to speak to you.”

 Oh, fuck – not him too …. “I don’t -.”

 “You were crying in your sleep.”

 “I … I was?”

 “For the past few hours, you were, yes.”

 That … that explains being stuck to the pillow …. “Why didn’t … y’ wake me up?”

 “With how exhausted you were last night, I thought disturbed sleep was better than no sleep at all.”

 “Oh … yeah, good p -.”

 “You’re not happy here, are you?”

 Where … where did that come from? “I … I am -.”

 “You wouldn’t have been crying -.”

 “I was cryin’ because Grell shouted at me!”

 He makes a kinda laughing sound. “No, that isn’t it. You’d have told her to fuck off and would have carried on with your life if that was all it was – we both know you can stick up for yourself now.”

 “Look … I miss them, okay? B-but … I’m stayin’ here. That’s my decision, tha … tha end of it, alright?” My teeth grind together. I … I’ll show him sticking up for myself. “I don’t wanna talk ‘bout this again.”

 “Alright,” he says, getting out of bed. The … look he gives me sends a shiver down my spine. It … it’s like he’s trying to … pick me apart with his eyes. “But … you haven’t been happy here for a while.”

 St-stop it! Do … do they want rid of me or something? Or … or is Jay that done in, that hurt – is … is he done waiting? “Yeah, I ‘ave. I -.”

 “Ronnie, I’m not stupid. I know you well enough by now – you’re not happy here, not really. And … and don’t get me wrong – I love you, want you here, but … the human world – I … I don’t think it’s really where your heart is at.”

 “I ….” My mouth goes dry, words drying up too.

 What … what the fuck am I supposed to say to that?

 My eyes start feeling damp again.

 He … he’s right, so fucking right.

 I’m … the furthest thing from happy.

 I … I don’t know what to do ….


	244. William. To grieve.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yep, short chapter, but that's why I made it the second one of today.

***Sunday 9th August***

***2.02pm***

 “Yes … I expected as much.” It … is funny, really – what else should have I expected after three long years?

 “Aye ….”

 “Are you … okay?” Alan asks.

 “Fine. As I said, I … was not expecting any other outcome.”

 “Are yer sure yer’re alright?”

 “Yes.” Honestly … must I tell them numerous times?

 “O-okay,” Alan says. “Do … you need us to stay?”

 “Aye, we could do something. Watch a film or -?”

 “No, there is no need. As I said, I am perfectly fine.”

 “Alright … we’ll leave yer be then ….” Eric walks over to the door, then stops. “But if yer need anything, yer can give us a call, okay?”

 “I won’t, but thank you.”

 I hear him sigh. “Yer know … this doesn’t mean yer’ll never see him again. Yer could always go – what?” I am guessing … Alan gave him an awful glare. “It’s true – alright, alright, shutting up now. See yer later, William.”

 “Yes, bye.”

 As I hear the front door shut, my composure slips. My heartrate quickens, tears forming in my eyes.

 Honestly, pull yourself together, William.

 You knew this was coming. What did you think he would say after three years?

 After all, I am not a nice person …. Why on … earth would he come back? I have nothing to offer him, nothing at all ….  

 But all the logic in the world does nothing to help. The tears build, fall as I place my face in my hands.

 Lord … I miss him.

 And … and with what Grell had said, him still loving me, a … a part of me, a miniscule part of me hoped that he would –

 Yet … that is not the case. And all the crying and wishing in the world will not bring him back, will not make him want me again.  

 They … they say time heals all wounds. I … I think that I was one of those wounds ….

 No … not think. I am.

 No wonder he has moved on ….

 I … I am not worth remembering ….

\----------------------------

***6.11pm***

 Time has passed, much time, I am sure. Yet … I have not moved from my couch, am not sure … I even can.

 The weight of everything, the fruitless hoping, the overthinking, has finally hit ….

 This feeling – is this what it is to grieve?

 And these memories, the good and the bad, swirl around in my mind. They only bring on more pain … remind me of all the emotions he caused me to feel.

 I will never know that again, that happiness, that completeness.  

 That intensity ….

 I hear Penelope squawk from the other side of the room, and that sound only causes more tears to fall.

 She … she is the only part of him … I have left.

 The only … thing in this bleak, rotten house to remind me of him, of what he brought to my life.

 Everything else ….

 It … it is all so … empty ….  

 My … heart, it is broken.

 I … am broken ….

 


	245. Ronald. Dying from a broken heart.

***Wednesday 23rd December 2020***

***7.10am***

 The nurse comes into my room, gives me a small smile. “How are you feeling?”

 “I’m alright,” I say, giving her a small smile back. Alright as I can be at the minute ….  

 Heh … never thought I’d end up nearly dead because of something like THIS.

 Had a fucking heart attack ….

 Still … can’t quite believe it ….

 Turns out I have the same heart condition as Grandpa. It’s … messed up, really, the amount of drugs I used to take, and fuck all happened – don’t know how I survived that with my heart the way it is. And to live through all that … just for my heart to give out when I was doing nothing but chatting to George up in the attic.

 What bullshit. I tried so hard and –

 Fuck … I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for George. He tried to warn me, even … for like thirty seconds before it hit me. Guess he could sense it or something. He was saying something like I had to go downstairs ASAP, get Mom to call an ambulance.

 But I think I was that confused by his sudden outburst that I just stood there like a plonker, asked him what the fuck he was on about. And then the pain hit, and this dizziness … this fucking horrible, sweaty, brain-splitting vertigo shit.

 When I woke up again, I was in the hospital, wasn’t really with it … but I remember Mom saying the family heard these loud banging sounds. George had managed to alert them, brought them to where I’d dropped within … like a minute?

 Think I was … pretty much dead … and Grandpa had to do CPR on me.

 I’m so … so grateful to George. He saved my life.

 Man … I’d never seen Mom so upset. Or Emma ….

 I was too, was freaking out when they told me I had a heart condition, needed a pacemaker fitting. And … and I mean really freaking out, screaming and crying. The doctors even had to hold me down, I was that hysterical. I … I thought I was gonna die.

 I spent so long … wishing I was dead, but I … I don’t wanna die. It … it seems so fucking scary now ….

 Grandma and Mom were arguing back and forth – Grandma wanted the pacemaker fitted privately, said I’d die of infection on the NHS, which really didn’t help.

 Went with the NHS surgery in the end though, because I needed it right then and there.

 The surgery yesterday wasn’t horrible … but fuck, I was awake for the whole thing.

 Now … I’m just sore … and drained.

 I was hoping to be outta here for Christmas … but I don’t think that’s gonna happen. I mean … it wasn’t just me going in to have this pacemaker. I had a massive … heart attack … and they need to make sure nothing goes … wrong.

 I’ll just have to deal, I guess.

 It’s not like this hospital is horrible or anything, and the staff are super nice … but it’s so fucking boring.

 And there are so many ghosts roaming around in this place, moaning and groaning. It’s creepy ….

\-----------------------------

***10.03pm***

 Visiting hours are over now, and the fams gone home. Grandpa didn’t come over at all today …. He’s having a hard time … with it all, I think. He blames himself, feels guilty because I have the same condition as him.

 But it’s not his fault. Of course it’s not. It’s just one of those things – unlucky genetics.

 I … just ended up with the short end of the stick … again. They had to bring James and Emma in, get them tested ASAP, just to be sure … but nope, just me. It … it always happens to me.

 I’m so glad the little ones don’t have to deal with that shit though, for sure.

 And before, I would have been angry about it, angry that bad shit always happens to me … so fucking angry. But I’m not, not this time around. My head isn’t such a mess now, and … and nearly dying … it … it’s made me think a lot … about what I really want.

 I … if I’d have died living like this – I don’t even wanna think about that – I’ve been living a lie, for fuck sake!

 Ever since Grell came to see me, I’ve been pretending that I’m fine, even more than I had been before I saw her. And … when anyone tried to mention to me that I was looking down, or tried to speak to me about the reapers, I’d cut them off, tell them to drop it.

 And I just kept going, carried on with studying and everything I ‘had’ to do.

 Getting more and more miserable ….

 I kinda felt empty … like my heart was breaking a little bit more each day.

 Heh, staying away from Will has broken my heart, literally.

 Will ….

 I … I remember it now, the reason why it felt so different with him. Why … why I love him, not Jay. C-can’t believe I didn’t see it before, didn’t realise – fucking idiot.

 This place brought up memories … of the miscarriage, of that … time I overdosed on codeine and booze.

 Will was so upset, distraught even when I took those pills. Yeah … Jay was pretty frantic when I came in here, but it … wasn’t so intense.

 Will broke down completely when he thought of me dying, and … and for someone who doesn’t show emotion much … that was huge. And … and just thinking of that – it … it moves me so much.

 I … I can still remember the look on Will’s face that day. It … it was just so … much fucking sorrow. Because he … didn’t know how to help me. I … I think his heart was … breaking right then and there. He … he loved me more than anything.

 Things were hard with Will, so fucking hard, but when they were good … God, I felt so – ugh, I don’t even know! But it was something deep. Will could give me the butterflies at times, could make my heart race.

 It’s not always pretty and romantic, but that’s real love. That is real, raw fucking love!

 And it’s not that Jay isn’t fantastic, and yeah, I could see myself moving in with him and all that stuff. But would I be happy doing that? No. And … and that’s down to me. There’s nothing lacking in him.

 He … he’s just not my Will.

 I … I have to go back, talk to him, I know that now. I … I need to do what I really want to do before … before it’s too late. I mean, with this metal thing in my chest, I should be fine … but I don’t wanna take that chance.

 It’s made me realise … that I’ve wasted enough fucking time.

 Life is short, too short.

 As … as soon as I’m outta this place, I’m banging on that damn necklace until Grell comes to see me.

 Fuck … I miss my necklace – her necklace. They took it off me when I first came into the hospital – shit, I hope they’re keeping it safe.

 I had it around my neck all the time, even after she shouted at me.  It … it made me feel secure, I guess.

 Heh … I really don’t feel right without it.

 I’m sure of what I want now … but I’m still nervous. I’m worried … that Grell’s not gonna wanna be my friend now.

 And … and even though I know Eric and Al will be good with me, because they’re chill people, I’m not sure … if Will would want me still, especially after what I said back in August ….

 I … I don’t know if he’s moved on by now, but I have to know.

 I can’t let this fucking linger anymore – I’ll lose my mind.

 And … and Mom was right with what she said ages ago. It doesn’t mean I have to only be in one world. Spending the weekends with Al and Eric sounds like fun.

 But ….

 I rub at my head. Jay ….

 I … I don’t know how to tell him ….

 I mean, he’s expecting it, I’m pretty sure, but there’s gotta be a part of him that hopes we’ll stay together.

 I … I’m gonna end up breaking –

 Who’s knocking at the door? The nurse? Na … she came in not long back ….

 “Y-yeah, come in.”

 “Alright.”

 Shit, holy sh – I know that voice! Na, na, it can’t be –

 The door flies open … and E-Eric comes into the room, a wide grin on his face. Al … Al’s right behind him.

 I shoot up in bed –

 Fucking hell!

 Are they trying to gimme another heart attack?!  


	246. Ronald. Old, familiar comfort.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, got a migraine coming, so tell me if you see any typos.

 The smile slips – I … I bet I look like I’ve seen a ghost. “Hey,” Eric says.

 “H-hi.” My eyes fill up with tears – I … I can’t believe it.

 As they come closer, I rush to get outta bed – fuck, this stupid IV line keeps getting in the way! I rip the fucking thing out.

 “R-Ronnie, be careful,” Alan says. “Sh-should you even be out of bed?”

 “I … I’m fine, Al.” Bit wobbly on my legs, b-but that’s because they … they came to see me. I hurry over to Eric, hug him. I … I’ve been wanting one of his hugs for ages.

 And … and I just lose it. “I … I’ve missed y’ guys so much! F-fuckin’ hell.”

 “Ock, Lad, ah’ve missed yer too.” His arms wrap around me. Ah, his … his hugs – they … they’re so good, so … so fucking warming.

 It … it’s too much. My cheeks are s-soaked already, tears running down my face. Happy tears, for the first time … in forever.

 “We both have,” Al says.

 “Y-yeah.” My knees give out – I slide down his chest, but he holds me tighter, stops me from ending up on the floor.

 “Y-yer alright?”

 “I … I can’t believe y’ … y’re h-here.”

 “Aww, wee lad.” I’m lifted up. I’d … forgotten how strong reapers are. “Let’s get yer back in bed.”

 “O-okay.” Yeah … think I need it. God … this is so fucking overwhelming.

 I’m carried over to it, get plonked down on his lap. My hands cling onto his shirt, I cling onto him, hide my face in his neck. 

 D-don’t go anywhere. P-please. I … I need you guys.

 “Ronnie, d-don’t cry,” Alan says.

 But … but I can’t stop, sob and shake, curl up to Eric as much as I can. It … it’s like I can’t fucking breathe.

 “G-God, I … I’m so happy.”

 “To see us?”

 “F-fuck yeah.”

 “And we’re happy tae see yer too.” Eric rubs at my back. God, it’s so comforting. “It’s been too long, Ronnie.”

 “Y’ … y’re tellin’ me.”

\---------------------

***10.15pm***

 “I … I’ve been so fuckin’ miserable, guys … I … I really ‘ave,” I cry as Eric rocks us both gently. Just … just like old times – that familiar protection.  

 “Has someone been making you -?”

 “N-no, Al … no, it … it’s not tha’. I … I’ve jus’ … felt stuck, y’ … y’ know? I … I’ve been wantin’ ta … ta see y’ guys … f-for ages – I … I couldn’t though, had … had family, w-was doin’ all … all sorts of good things. I … I thought I was doin’ great, but – I … I feel so empty wi’out my friends.”

 “W-well don’t worry,” Al says softly, “you can do both. See your family and us, okay? S-so don’t fret.”

 “Y-yeah, I know … b-but tha’ doesn’t feel enough.” My hands twist in Eric’s shirt. “I … I’m comin’ back.”

 Eric kinda flinches under me. “R-really?”

 “Y-yeah. N-not … full-time, b-but once I’m back on my feet a bit, I … I’ll be comin’ … over y’ end.”

 “Ock, that’s great, Ronnie.” I’m squeezed so tight. It kinda hurts, because I’m sore from the op, b-but I don’t even care. I … I feel so secure. “Y-yer … miss William, don’t yer?”

 I squeeze my eyes shut, because that question hurts – I … I can feel it in my heart, right in there, deep. “S-so much. So … so much tha’ it’s fuckin’ killin’ me.”

 “Aye … love will do that tae a fella.”

 “F-for sure.”

 “And he misses yer too. Stubborn bastard won’t admit it, but he’s been really down recently.”

 “B-because of me?”

 “Because he thought yer weren’t coming back.”

 “Oh ….” That helps, that really helps – he hasn’t moved on, hasn’t forgotten all about me. But … but at the same time … the thought of him being sad – fuck … that makes me ache on the inside.

 “And when yer do see him, give him a good slap for being a pussy.”

 “A … a pussy?”

 “Aye. Again, won’t admit it, but he’s too nervous tae come see yer himself.”

 “Even though he really wants to,” Al adds.

 He wants to …. “O-okay. I … I’ll slap him one for bein’ a douchebag.” I bite down on my lip.

 I … I’m gonna break down again … so badly. I can feel it.

 It’s all so … so fucking overwhelming.  

\---------------------

***11.02pm***

 The tears are slowing down now, and … and I can manage a sentence. But fuck … did I sob my heart out. All those emotions just … flooded outta me.

 It … it’s still so raw ….

 “Yer’re looking good, mate,” Eric says, “yer know … given the circumstances and all.” He shifts a little under me. “Defo got more weight tae yer. It’s great tae see.”

 “Heh … y’ callin’ me fat?”

 “Ock, no.” He chuckles. “Yer look fit.”

 “Y-yeah … was goin’ gym a lot before -.” Hang on …. “H-how’d y’ know I was in tha hospital?”

 “Yerr mother told us.”

 Mom? “Wha’? When?”

 “Not long ago.”

 “B-but how?” I … I don’t understand ….

 “Well …. Eric wanted to see you -.”

 “Aye, wanted tae bring yer over a gift for Christmas, show we hadn’t forgotten about yer. And,” he sighs, “ah wanted yer tae know that there are no hard feelings over what happened with Grell.”

 That … that’s lovely.

 “So … we went to your house, to see if you’d be willing to see us, and the butler called for your mom.”

 “We … we thought she might freak out after what happened with Grell, but yerr mom’s a super nice lass.”

 I hear Alan giggle. “She said we didn’t look scary.”

 That makes me chuckle a little bit. “Heh … Grell’s pointy teeth freak her out.”

 “I can imagine – anyway, she told us what had happened, and your room number, said she thought you’d probably still be awake.”

 “And we were fine with coming during visiting hours instead, but yerr grandmother hates reapers, apparently.”

 “Y-yeah. She’s not a fan.”

 “Can’t say I blame her,” Alan mumbles.

 “No … me neither.” Grell really pissed her off …. I move a bit, rest my head on Eric’s shoulder. He’s comfy …. “How’d y’ manage ta sneak in here anyway? It’s after visitin’ hours.”

 “Heh,” I hear Eric laugh lightly, “if we don’t want tae be seen by humans, we aren’t seen. And if a nurse comes in tae check on yer, poof, invisible.”

 Ah … yeah, now I remember. “So … so will y’ stay wi’ me until mornin’?”

 “Of course we will.”

 “We … we can, but shouldn’t you rest?”

 “I’ll be alright, Al. Slept for like two days when I first got here.” They’re so much more important than sleeping right now. I … I don’t want them to leave me ….

 “Well … if you’re sure?”

 “Yeah, I am, so sit down already.”

 With a smile, he does, squeezes his skinny ass into the small space left on the bed. The bag he’s been holding since he got here is tipped upside down. A little wrapped up bundle falls onto his lap.

 “Is tha’ for me?” I ask.

 “Yep. It’s just a little something, but -.”

 “C-can I open it now?”

 “Ock, yer cannae open Christmas presents before the day. It’s terrible luck.”

 Alan sighs softly. “You’re a superstitious old fool, Eric.”

 “Aye, ah know. Ahhh, go on then, because yer’re stuck in this shite place.”

\-------------------------

 “Aww … thanks, guys.” They got me this cute little Xmas jumper.

 “Hopefully it’ll fit yer.”

 “Hey, stop callin’ me fat!” I laugh.

 Eric laughs too. “Ah wasn’t! And if yer want anything else, just ask.”

 “We weren’t really sure what to get you,” Alan admits.

 “Jumpers are always useful, trust me. And … and I didn’t buy y’ anythin’, so -.”

 “Doesn’t matter.” Eric gives me a little squeeze. “Yer didn’t know we were coming.”

\---------------------

***11.36pm***

 “Y’re … alright now, right?” I … I’m still kinda worried for him.

 “Who, me?”

 I nod at Al. “Yeah. Tha … Tha Thorns and stuff -.”

 “Everything is back to normal, yes.”

 “C-cool.” I gulp. “I … I thought y’ … were gone.”

 “I … I know, and I’m sorry I didn’t let you know I was okay.”

 “We … we didn’t know what was best tae do.” Eric sighs. “Ah mean, we didn’t want tae get in yerr way … in case yer didn’t – well, in case yer wanted tae move on.”

 “But we are sorry.”

 “Aye, for sure.”

 “N-na … I understand,” as much as it sucked thinking he was dead …. “I … I’m glad y’r gettin’ in tha way now.”

 “Yer cheeky bastard,” Eric laughs.

 “Heh.” I fiddle with my hands. “Did … did it ge’ really bad?”

 “Aye, it did. Internal … bleeding and everything.”

 “It … it had spread all over my body. B-but it’s fine now, so … so there’s no point dwelling.”

 “Y-yeah, true.” Guess he doesn’t wanna remember it. My arms are held out. “C-come gimme a hug, Al.”

 He does – I squeeze him so tight. “I … I’m so glad y’re alright.” Fuck … I’m tearing up again just thinking about him being ill.

 I … I need them in my life. I … I really fucking do.  

\---------------------

***Thursday 24th December***

***1.17am***

 The nurse came in a while ago to check on me, was super confused by the wrapping paper in the room. And she wasn’t very happy that I’d pulled my IV line out. So … the IV went back in ….

 I … I wanna rip it back out, because I really don’t need it, have been drinking alright and stuff – can’t though, because Al would tell me off.

 Pain in the ass, really, because Eric popped back home to get some playing cards and the line is getting in the way.

 Have to kill the whole night somehow, right?

 And it’s fun, so fun. Just sitting here, playing a little game with my old friends – I … I haven’t felt this happy, this contented, in so, so long.

 “Heh, y’ beat me again. Man … I suck at this.”

 “But ah’ve had years of practice, aye?” Eric smiles from the chair he’s sitting on.

 “True. Right,” I clap my hands together, “time for another round.”

 “Heh, so yer can lose again?”

 “Shut up, Eric.”

\------------------------

***4.45am***

 Al’s asleep now, couldn’t keep his eyes open. Heh, he should be a cat, the amount he sleeps.

 Tiredness is getting the best of me now too. The cards are put away, and I lie down, snuggle up to Al. His arm is pulled around me, and I smile as he cuddles up against me in his sleep.

 Eric yawns ….

 “Do y’ wanna go back home?”

 “Nah. Ah promised we’d stay the night.”

 “Y-yeah, but if y’re tired -.”

 “Ah didn’t sleep for weeks when … Al was sick, so a few sleepless nights are child’s play.”

 “Oh.” That must have sucked …. “Y’ sure y’re alright?”

 “Aye, don’t worry about me. Yer just focus on getting some rest.”

 “So I can ge’ outta here ASAP?”

 “Exactly. Hospitals are the worst.”

 “Y-yeah, I know.”

 Well … I don’t think sleeping is gonna be a problem. Al’s all warm and snuggly.

\-------------------------------

***9.04am***

 Man … I’ve been smiling from ear to ear since I woke up.

 When I first woke up, I was kinda disappointed … because they’d gone. But then I saw the note they’d tucked into one of my hands.

 God … they’re the best, so sweet. God bless them … seriously.

 ‘Had to go to work. But we’ll be back tonight, and the next night, and – well, you get the point. Al & Eric.’


	247. Eric. Beating a dead horse.

***Friday 25th December***

***2.03am***

 “Heh, isn’t the wee boy just adorable?”

 Ronnie must have been knackered from staying up most of last night, because he didn’t last long tonight, even with it being Christmas now.

 He’s using me as a teddy bear, or a body pillow, I’m not too sure. Either way, he’s got his arm wrapped across my chest, and his leg looped around me too.

 As Grell would say, it’s darling.

 “It is sweet ….”

 “There’s a ‘but’ coming, isn’t there?”

 “Yes …. He isn’t a boy anymore, Eric. He’s twenty.”

 “Pfft, ah know that. Our wee lad is all grown up now.” Though Al was twenty-two when we met, and I still think of him as young and innocent at times. “Compared tae me though -.”

 “He is young, yes.”

 “Aye.” More like I’m just old …. “What’s wrong, Al?”

 “Nothing -.”

 I look him dead in the eyes. “There’s something wrong. Yer’ve been cranky all day.”

 “No -.”

 “Yer have. What’s the matter? Don’t yer want tae be here?”

 “No, it … it’s not that. Of course I want to be here.” He sighs. “I’m just worried for him.”

 “Ock, don’t be. He’s got us, and once he sees William again, all will be fine.”

 “No, Eric, I don’t think it will be.” He looks down at his hands. “He’s really sick.”

 “Nah -.”

 “He wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t.”

 “Aye, but he has that pacemaker thing, so he’ll be alright.” I pat Ronnie’s arm lightly. “People can live great lives with heart conditions.”

 “I … I know that, but … I worry about what else could be wrong. Everything he’s been through … must have taken a toll on his body.”

 I … I don’t know where he gets these ideas from – how’d we go from a genetic condition to all this? “Yer worry too much, Al.”

 “Maybe you don’t worry enough.”

 “Nonsense. Our wee boy – man – will be just fine.”

 I’m given a slow nod. “I’m hoping so.”

 “Aye. Well, stop yerr worrying for now and come give me a cuddle.” 

 He makes a small giggling sound – so cute. “There’s no room for me.”

 “Oh, ah think we can make room.”

 Another giggle. “Okay, we can try.”

\------------------

***4.05pm***

 “No, Eric, that’s a terrible idea.”

 “It’s not -.”

 “Yes, it is.” His arms wrap around my neck. “It’s Christmas Day, so put Ronnie out of your mind until we go back to the hospital, okay?”

 “No -.”

 “He will be fine until tonight. His family is there for him.”

 Right …. “Yer know he’s miserable with just his family. Just let me talk tae William -.”

 He gives me a glare. “You know that isn’t going to end well.”

 “It will. Yer know he misses William, so seeing him on Christmas night would make him so happy.”

 “Or give him another heart attack,” he says with an eyeroll.

 “It won’t. It’ll be good for his heart, aye?”

 Heh, he doesn’t say anything. Must know I’m right.

 “M-maybe, but I doubt William will agree to it.”

 “He might, if ah can just talk tae him.” I give him a wee smile. “Aye?”

 He sighs, shifts a little on my lap. “You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?”

 “Yer know me well.”

 “Fine … fine … as long as you’re civil with him.”

 “Ah will be.” Try to be, as long as he doesn’t rub me the wrong way.

 Nah, he’ll want to go, I’m sure of it. He wouldn’t turn his back when Ronald’s in the hospital. 

 “And can we finish what we started first?”

 Oh, aye, we were getting down to business before my mind went off on a tangent. “Oh, ah don’t know, Al.”

 “Eric!”

 I can’t help but laugh. “Ah’m only joking, babe.” My hands run up his back. “Yer know ah cannae say no tae yer.”

 “Well, I’d hope not,” he pouts.

 He’s so cute when he does that.

\------------------------

***6.13pm***

 “Ock, come on! He’s going tae be lonely on Christmas night stuck in that place. Don’t let him be all alone.” I can’t believe – didn’t think I’d come up against opposition – I mean, he’s been moping for a reason. And with Ronnie being ill –

 He gives me a dirty look. “He will not be on his own because you will be going to see him.”

 He caught me out …. Not that that’s the point. “Aye, but yer mean a lot tae him – it’d be a great Christmas present for him if yer’d just show yerr face.”

 “No -.”

 “Yer can just come along with us.”

 He looks away. “I … I am not going.”

 God, this is frustrating. Starting to lose my patience here …. “Yer do know he’s coming back soon, don’t yer? So yer’re going tae have tae see him whether yer -.”

 “Yes, I do know that. But that is going to be on his terms, when he comes to me, when he is ready -.”

 “He is ready!”

 “I am not going. That is final.”

 “William, just -.”

 “No, I will not.”

 My blood starts to boil. I don’t see the problem.

 He’s being a right fool!  

 “Ah think -.”

 “I said no. The answer is no.”

 “God!” I throw my hands up in the air. “Don’t yer even care about him?! He had a heart attack, for Christ’s sake, and yer still won’t grow a pair! Ah … ah bet if he died, yer wouldn’t even go tae his funeral!”

 “You -.”

 “Because yer’re a selfish prick!” I … I’m done trying to convince him. “Ah don’t know why ah even bother!” Why should I feel sympathy for a man who isn’t helping himself? I won’t! Not any longer. I refuse to.  

 Let him be miserable, for all I care. It’s his own fault, his own doing.

 “I never asked you to come here. And if you are going to continue to try to force me into things -.”

 “Someone needs tae give yer a push!”

 “I think you should go.”

 “Ah -.”

 “Get out of my house, Eric.”

 “Ock, ah don’t believe this! Yer know what? Fine!” I turn from him, don’t want to see his stupid face for another second. “He deserves better than yer anyway!”

 I’m fuming!

 But more than that, my heart goes out to Ronnie, it really does.

 Loving this piece of shite ….

 And for what? He doesn’t even care.  

 Doesn’t seem to ….

 No, he doesn’t.

 He really doesn’t, doesn’t care about anyone but himself.


	248. Ronald. Breaking up.

***Friday 25th December***

***11.34pm***

 “Ah cannae believe this.” Eric huffs, folds his arms over his chest.

 But I don’t care. I’m so happy right now.

 Eric popped outta the room to go to the bathroom, found a package outside my door.

 It was from Will. Pretty obvious that it was a last-minute present, because the wrapping paper wasn’t even the Xmas sort. Heh … he probably got the chocolate from a corner shop because everything is shut at the minute.

 “Ah mean, he brings yer a crappy Christmas present but cannae be bothered tae show his face?”

 “I don’t care, Eric,” I grin. “He … he’s thinkin’ ‘bout me.” That’s all that matters. And the note he left meant a lot. It was a short message, really short … but it was so nice. He basically just said he hoped I’d get well soon.

 He actually cares enough to say that, and it’s made me feel amazing – on top of the world, even.

 “Hn. A simple hello would have been nice.”

 “N-na.” I sigh. “I … I dunno if I’d be able ta handle tha’ right now.”

 “In what way?” Alan asks.

 “I … I need ta be ready ta see him, y’ know? Need ta ge’ my head in tha right place … so … so I don’t lose my shit completely.” Because … when Eric and Al came to see me, I really did break down. If … if my mindset isn’t right, I … I’d just – God, I don’t even know, but it’d be messy ….

 “That does make sense.” He gives me a little smile. “It’s going to be a big step for you both, so it’s best not to rush.” He eyes Eric sternly. “Isn’t that right, Eric?”

 “Aye, aye, ah guess,” he says with a sigh.

 “Heh, y’ jus’ want us back together, don’t y’?” I chuckle.

 “Ah want him tae man up.”

 Right …. “Yeah … well, I … I’m glad he didn’t jus’ barge in here. Don’t think tha’ would’ve done either of us any good.” He doesn’t seem very impressed …. “Look, he reached out ta me, okay? That’s enough for me … for now.”

 “Well … as long as yer’re happy -.”

 “I am. I really, really am.” So fucking happy.  

 A stupid, dopey smile comes over his face. “Well then, ah’ll stop moaning.”

 “Thanks, Mate. And … and I know he’s gonna man up eventually,” I laugh, “so don’t worry ‘bout it.”

 “Heh, stop worrying about yer? Yer got tae -.”

 “Y’ know wha’ I mean.”

 “Aye.” He shrugs. “Guess ah should change the subject, aye?”

 “Yep.” I go to tuck into the chocolate, but stop. Oh …. “I … I don’t think I ‘ave tha heart ta eat these.”

 “Why?” Eric raises an eyebrow.

 “W-well … they’re from Will. It’s like they’re precious.”

 I hear Alan giggle. “That’s adorable.”

 Yeah … adorable, or really fucking sad.

 Man … I’ve turned into a fangirl. Hah ….

\------------------------

***Saturday 26th December***

***11.06am***

 “S-so …?” I gulp. This … this is kinda scary ….

 Jay saw the chocolates, realised who they were from – fuck … the expression on his face. It … it was pure hurt ….

 And … and now, we’re alone in my hospital room, because he asked my family for some privacy. He … he’s sitting on the bed now, and … and the expression has gone, but I … I can still see the hurt in his eyes.

 “So William came to see you?”

 “N-na. He … he jus’ dropped tha present off.”

 “R-really?” He looks surprised – can’t say I blame him …. It is kinda odd ….

 “Yeah ….” I take a shaky breath. “I … I think he’s nervous ‘bout seein’ me face ta face – we … we didn’t break up on tha best terms.”

 “Oh.”

 “Y’ … y’re breakin’ up wi’ me, aren’t y’?” He … he must be, wouldn’t have asked for –

 “I … I think now is the best time -.”

 “I’m in tha hospital! I’m sick … and y’re – that’s really shitty, Jay.”

 His hand reaches out, and he pats my knee. “Look, we could carry on like this, but … we both know you’re going to end up back with William. Do you really want this … relationship to hold you back?”

 I wipe at my eyes – wet already …. “Y’ … y’ make it sound like y’re gettin’ in tha way.”

 “Aren’t I, though?”

 “N-no, d-don’t say shit like tha’.”

 A sigh comes from him. “You want to be with William again, don’t you?”

 “I ….”

 “Come on, be honest with me.” He offers me a small smile.   

 Fuck …. “Y-yeah, I … I do.” I … I must be breaking his fucking heart ….

 “Then just think about it – I … I’m not saying this to be cruel, but if you see him … and make up, I’m just going to get in the way of that, and you’re going to wish you were already single. Wouldn’t it be better for the both of -?”

 “Y’ … don’t want me anymore?” He … he is fed up with me, has to –

 “Of course I do, but I want you to be happy more than that. You … can try to hide it all you want, but you’re not happy here. I might have made you happy a few years ago, but that isn’t the case anymore.”

 He … he’s right. “S-so … this is it then?”

 “I think so, yeah.”

 Man … this is so hard. I … I knew I’d have to break up with him soon … but this … this is really sudden. But I can’t stop him, don’t have the right to lead him along …. I wipe away a few more tears. “Al-alright. H-hug?”

 “Yeah, of course.” We both shift on the bed, his arms wrapping around me.

 “J-Jay, I … I’m so sorry.” I can feel the … tears trickling down my cheeks. So … so many of them.

 “For what?” I can’t see his face, but I know he’s frowning.

 “F-for … for leadin’ y’ on.”

 “No, no, you haven’t been, Ronnie. You’ve never lied to me, said you loved me when you didn’t. Y-you haven’t led me on at all.”

 My stomach churns. “I … I’m sorry I c-could never say it.”

 “I wouldn’t want you to.”

 “Y-yeah.”

 “You okay?”

 I nod against his shoulder. “I … I will be. Jus’ … a … a bit shaken up.” Cuddling to him tighter, I ask “will … y’ be okay?”

 “Yeah.”

 “Y’ … sure?”

 I’m squeezed so hard. “Yeah. It … it’s hard,” his voice shakes, “letting you go … b-but I always knew it was coming. It’s lessened the blow, I guess … so I’ll be okay, I promise.”

 “O-okay.” I let out a shaky breath, b-because I’m scared of his answer. So fucking worried about it. “Will … I ever see y’ again?”

 “Hah!” He laughs. “Of course you will, silly. I’m not going to just piss off because – look, I’m not bitter about it, kay? I’ll still come over to your place regularly, and I’ll always be here if you need to talk.”

 I squeeze my eyes shut, because it means a lot. I … I still need him around. Even with Eric, and Al, and fuck … even Will, I don’t want Jay out of my life. He … he’s been such a good pillar of support, still is. I don’t … wanna lose that. “Y’ … y’re tha best, Jay.”

 “Yep, I know.”

 Bless him. Seriously … bless him.


	249. Ronald. It's time.

***Monday 11th January 2021***

 I’ve been outta the hospital for a few weeks now – got out on the night of the 27th.

 Things have been going well since I got back home, but I’m gonna take a few more weeks to get myself back on my feet.

 I mean, I feel good with Al and Eric coming back into my life … but I am tired. Didn’t realise it until I got back home, started moving around a bit, but the heart attack and operation really has drained me.

 And I know I was so determined to go back to the reaper realm ASAP, but I think I’ve calmed down a bit now that my friends are here again. And, with realising … I’m not _quite_ ready to see Will face to face again, I think a bit more time isn’t gonna hurt.

 Might give my family a bit more time to adjust too, if I’m honest. Grandma wasn’t too happy when Al and Eric first came to visit me, at home, a couple of days after my discharge … but she’s getting used to them now.

 Hah … she said they seem like nice, well-rounded people, not freaks.

 Obviously, when they come in and just chill, watch the TV with me, instead of … coming in guns blazing, screaming the place down ….

 Eric says Grell’s gonna be coming over tonight. Don’t think Grandma is gonna approve. Fun ….

\--------------------

***Wednesday 13th January***

***7.01pm***

 “Puppy, puppy!” Emma chases Belle around the living room. Grandma wasn’t very happy that Al brought an animal into her home, but when I told her animals were good for recovery, she soon shut up. Hah, guess she couldn’t argue with that. “Aww … come here!”

 “Emma, stop plaguin’ tha poor dog.”

 “But bro! She won’t play with me!”

 Alan bends down, manages to catch Belle in his hold. She’s lifted up onto his lap. “It takes her a little bit of time to get used to new people. Why don’t you just pet her instead, for now?” They’re so good with the little ones – they’d make great parents ….

 “Okay!”

 “No dirty animals on the furniture!” Grandma screeches – wait, how’d she know? She’s not even in this room.

 Alan flinches. “O-okay. Sorry.”

 “I should think so, young man.”

 Hah, young man …. “Heh, y’ got told, Al.”

 Aww, he’s blushing in embarrassment. “Yes … it seems so.”

 “Put the filthy mutt on the floor – now!”

 “Y-yes, ma’am.”

\---------------------

***8.15pm***

 “A-are y’ alright?” I’m trying to act concerned, stop myself from laughing, but fuck, that was so funny! Jay came over to visit, didn’t realise Belle was around. He tripped over her, ended up flat on his face! “Is … is y’ knee -?” I snort.

 “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. It’s really throbbing.”

 “Aww.”

 He glares at me. “Stop taking the piss.”

 “I can’t help it! Y’ should’ve seen y’self!”

 “I … I’m really sorry,” Alan says.

 “It’s alright,” he chuckles, “I’ll live.”

\------------------------------

***Wednesday 20th January***

***11.38pm***

 “Uh ….” What the hell? Who’s poking me? “Ngh!” I swipe a hand – stop jabbing me in the gut! “G-go away.”

 “Wake up then.”

 Eric …. “Hnnn.” Must have dozed off. I turn over – hmm, squidgy. I was snuggled up to Jay again ….

 I really need to stop doing that, because I know I need to let him … move on and stuff. But … I’m just so used to cuddling up to him. I haven’t tried to kiss him, or anything like that, but I do need that comfort. I think it’s … the body heat and security I’d miss most.

 And Jay hasn’t said anything, doesn’t seem to mind it. Maybe he needs that closeness too ….

 “You should go to bed,” he says. “It’s getting late.”

 “Yeah … bet it is.” And I bet Eric wants to get home. They have been staying over some nights, because Grandma has taken a liking to them now, but Al’s stuck on a late shift, so he’ll want to be there for him when he comes home.

 Jay will probably stay over, because he doesn’t like to drive when it’s so late. We’re sleeping in separate rooms now though, obviously.

 “Aye. Ah best be going,” Eric says, getting up from the sofa.

 Hah … I knew it.

\------------------------

***Thursday 28th January***

***1.01pm***

 Today’s the day. This is it. All this waiting is coming to … an end.

 God … I’m so nervous. Not to see Grell, because we’ve made up now. Grandma wouldn’t let her inside the house, because of what happened before, but we had a good talk in the garden, and everything is fine.

 She said she was sorry for everything she said … and I … I think that’s all I needed to hear.

 Na … the nerves aren’t anything to do with her.  

 It … it’s seeing Will again. I … I’m gonna ask Grell to take me straight there, I think … and I’m fucking bricking it.

 I … I have an idea of what I’m gonna say to him … but when I actually see him, that might all go out the window.

 Shit … my heart is racing. And … and my stomach is all knitted up.

 I want to turn around, run back into the house … but I won’t. I … I can’t.

 It … it was Mom who gave me … the final little push – she … she knows I haven’t been happy here for a long while ….

 She told me to go out into the house grounds, so that Grandma couldn’t stop me. Said she’d tell her later, when I’m already over there, when there’s fuck all she can do about it.

 As long as I’m back by morning though, so she knows I’m alright.

 Fuck, my stomach –

 Okay … okay, Ronnie, just keep walking. Try to stay calm. You … you’ll feel better once this is done with.

 Can’t put it off any longer, no matter how nervous I am. I’m well enough now, have been taking short walks outside with Grandpa, so I think I’ll be able to handle porting.

 It’s time.

 I … I’ll only regret it if I don’t go today.

 No … no turning back now ….

 No more waiting.

 No more wishing.

 No more emptiness.

\---------------------

***2.06pm***

 I … I’ve been sitting on this bench, in the field, for ages now, the wind freezing me.

 I … I can’t move. Every time I think about doing this, I … I just tense up.

 This is so nerve-racking. Nervous beads of sweat are rolling –

 Agh! Get on with it already!

 Come on … come on.

 Just … just do it ….

 My breath shakes as I pull the necklace from around my neck, over my head.

 It … it’s really pretty –

 Don’t just stare at it!

 For fuck –

 I … I have to do it. I have to! 

 Here … goes nothing.

….

 Come on! D-don’t even think about Will … for now. Just … just focus on getting Grell here.

 I … I can do this.

 Please … please just do it –

 Now!

 Fucking hell – stop being a pussy!

 You love him, don’t you?!

 This … this is what you want.

 I … I need to stop holding myself back.

 With a racing heart, my knuckles rap against the smooth surface of it.

 I … I’m shaking, so badly, and it … it’s not from the cold.  

 God … this is really happening. She’s really coming.

 I … I feel fucking nauseous – anxiety or excitement? I … I can’t tell.  

 The wind blows again.

 Where is she …?

 I look down at the necklace again, and then back up. Nothing ….

 “Grell, d-don’t do this ta me ….”

 I know she might be at work, but she promised me she’d come as soon as I called on her. She promised ….

 I knock on it a bit harder.

 Still fuck all ….

 She has to come!

 Fucking hell – come on!

 The fucking thing is slammed down on the bench. She said she’d –

 I’m hit with a massive gust of air. It … it isn’t the wind.

 She came! “Hey Gr ….”

 What …?

 Will?

 Will?!

 What … what the – f-fucking –

 How?! Grell was meant – how?!

 I stare up at him, can’t – shit, I … I can’t believe what … what I’m seeing.

 This … this isn’t real ….

 “W-Will ….”

 “H-hello ….”


	250. Ronald. To feel him again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well ... here goes nothing. 
> 
> You guys have no idea how much this chapter has plagued me. I had to restart it once xD
> 
> Worked on it for 8 hours today, and had worked on it most of Friday and Saturday. Finally, I'm happy with it xD

 “A-are y’ okay?” He … he’s kinda bent over, arm wrapped around himself. “W-Will?”

 “Wh-where did you … get that?”

 He … he sounds winded … “Wha’? Grell’s – is … is this y’ necklace?”

 “Y-yes.”

 Oh ….

 Grell fucked with me …. Fuck, I … should’ve seen this coming …. “It’s h-hurt y’?”

 “V-very much so.” He staggers closer, holds out a hand –

 The fuck?!

 I clasp the thing to my chest. “Hell no -.”

 “It is mine, Ronald -.”

 “I don’t care! If … if y’ ‘ave it back, y’ … y’ll jus’ piss off again.” My eyes fill up with tears. He can’t go! N-not after everything –

 “No -.”

 “Y’ did before! Y’ … y’ jus’ dumped me here, left me ta rot!” My hand clenches around it so tightly that it starts to dig into my palm. But I don’t care – he’s not having it back! “And … and now, y’ … y’ jus’ wanna leave again.”

 “No … no, I don’t. Not if you don’t want me to.”

 “Y’re lyin’!” I mean, he … he didn’t wanna come – he wouldn’t see me on his own!

 He’ll run off first chance he gets!

 Why … why else would he want it back?

 And … that hurts, hurts so fucking –

 “I … I’m not.”

 “Y’ are! Because that’s wha’ y’ do! Y’ … y’ said y’d always love me, but y’ jus’ dropped me off like -.”

 “R-Ronald -.”

 “Like I was nothin’!” The tears fall, thick and fast – I … I felt like nothing, like –

 “I … I know -.”

 Does he fuck! “Do y’?! Do y’ know wha’ happened when y’ jus’ abandoned me?!” The anger, everything I’ve wanted to say – it … it’s just flooding outta me. “D-do … do y’ even know … h-how tha' ….” I break, choke on a cry. “H-how … tha’ … m-made me feel? Do y’ fuckin’ know?!”

 “I … I cannot imagine the … the pain I put you through.”

 “Y’ … y’ jus’ don’t wanna think ‘bout it!” The tears are running so much – he … he’s gone all blurry. “I told y’ I didn’t wanna go back! I was tryin’ ta stay away from this horrible fuckin’ place!”

 “Ronald, I … I had to -.”

 “Like fuck y’ did!” I wipe the tears away with an angry hand. “Not -.”

 “Ron -.”

 “Not like tha’! Y’ didn’t even ask – y’ jus’ forced!”

 “I am -.”

 “Y’ sent me back ta tha’ monster!” I glare up at him. “He sold me off! And … and he raped me!” I … I see something in his eyes, pain, so much pain – good! I want him to feel pain! Feel everything I felt!  “That’s on y’! It’s all on y’!”

 His eyes fill up with tears, but I’m not … I’m not done with him yet! “Y’ … y’ left me all on my own, t-took my friends away from me -.”

 “I … I am so -.”

 “Y’ left me wi’ him! H-he … he wanted me dead! J-jus’ … jus’ so I wouldn’t out him! So … so he wouldn’t pay for wha’ he did! I could’ve died!”

 “I know.” The tears fall down his face … one by one. “I … I know the pain I have caused you.”

 “Y’ don’t know! Y’ … y’ weren’t there! Y’ don’t know how much it fuckin’ hurt! When … when he ….” My hand covers my mouth, because it hurts! Hurts … hurts to even think about. I lean forward, because the stomach ache is growing. Cramps – so painful. “When … he t-tore inta me.”

 His knees hit the ground with a loud thud, the … the tears swimming on his skin. “I … I am sorry. I … I am so, so s-sorry.”

 He tries to touch – go away! My hand moves from my face, knocks his away. “Don’t touch me!”

 “Ronald -.”

 “Y’re a fuckin’ cunt! Y’ – I said don’t touch me!” H-his arms are around me. Tight. “G-ge’ off!”

 “I … I can’t.”

 “Fuck off!”

 “No! No, I will not.” Tighter.  

 “I … I said -.” I try to push him off, b-but he’s too strong. “Will -.”

 “I … I can’t let you go, Ronald, n-not again.”

 “Y’ didn’t let me go! Y’ … y’ ….” Fuck … he … he’s so warm.

 “I know, I know. I … I made an awful mess, Ronald, a t-terrible mess. And … and when I heard about what he … he had done to you, I … I was heartbroken – I … I will never forgive myself.”

 He … he knew? Eric told –

 “I … I am so sorry.” He pulls away, looks at me. His face scrunches up as … as I hear a sob. It … it’s not from me. “I … I am a fool, such a fool.” Another sob. “Oh … Ronald.” My cheek is cupped. “My … how you have grown. Y-you have done so well.”

 Tears drip down my face – his … his touch …. Oh God, his touch …. I nuzzle into his warmth. “I … I’m a big b-boy now.”

 “Yes, and you look wonderful.”

 “I … I don’t feel wonderful.”

 “Y-yes, I can see that.” His thumb wipes at my tears. “A-and I know th-that is all my fault.”

 “Y-yeah.” My arm squeezes around my gut again. I … I feel so sick. “Y’ … y’re a cunt.” It … it comes out like a whisper. Voice … has gone fucking hoarse from the shouting.

 B-but … I … I don’t think I have it in me to shout again, don’t wanna shout anymore ….

 I’m starting to … feel calmer, I think ….

 Because … I … I don’t think he’s gonna … just run off now.

 Just … just to feel him against me, it’s –

 “I … know I am.” He gulps. “Sh-should I just go?”

 “No!” I cough – fucking throat. B-but fuck the pain – I … I can’t let him leave, didn’t mean – “I … I didn’t mean ta … ta shout so much. I … I’m jus’ upset. D-don’t g-go.” His … his touch – it’s melting the anger away. “P-please. I … I feel so lonely, Will.”

 “As … as do I, be-believe me.”

 Always so lonely …. “I … I ‘ave, f-for so long – it … it was like no one c-cared ‘bout me.”

 “Oh … Ronald.” I’m pulled forward, again, into a tight hold. “Believe me, n-not a day went by that … that I didn’t think of you. Y-you were on my mind, all the time. Oh … R-Ronald.”

 He … he’s really breaking down, sobbing and … and trembling. I … I’ve never seen him like this. Fuck … stop it! Stop … stop breaking my heart. “W-Will, don’t cry.”

 “I … I c-cannot h-help it. Oh … Ronald, I … I love you so, so much.”

 That … that does it, rips the last shred of anger out of me. Just – oh fuck, just to hear him say those three words. My arms move around him, squeeze at him. “I love y’ too, Will.”

 “Ev-even after all I have done?”

 “F-fuck yeah. I … I jus’ want y’ back in my l-life.”

 He leans back, looks at me with watery, bloodshot eyes. “Th-thank you.”

 “It … it’s okay.” I manage a smile – for … for his sake. Stop crying, please ….  “I … I’ve really missed y’.”

 “I … have missed you too, s-so much.”

 “C-cool.”

 The words fall away, and … and we just stare at each other.

 Fuck ….

 I … I want to kiss him ….

 I lean forward slowly, my stomach rolling over. Our lips meet.

 Oh, fucking hell ….

 I feel my whole body relax.

 Fuck … it’s so familiar. 

 And … and he isn’t pulling away, slides me closer even. Our tongues meet – it sends a shiver down my spine.

 So … so fucking good.

 It turns sloppy, heated.

 Fucking intense, so intense.

 And so fucking satisfying.

 I groan into the kiss, his hands moving to run up my back. It’s messy, and passionate, and … and all I’ve wanted for years.

 This is raw.

 Raw fucking love.


	251. Ronald. Home. Home ....

***3.13pm***

 The kissing died down way too soon, turned into a lot of crying and shaking. Well … on his end, because I’d gotten most of my emotions out when I shouted at him.

 He was a right mess.

 It broke my heart, seeing him so upset, it really did.

 I hugged him really tight, had to tell him over and over that I loved him, that things were okay now.

 I finally got him to calm down a bit, and I’m just chilling on his lap now, my head on his shoulder.

 Ah … I’ve missed resting on him like this. It’s fucking great.

 And … he’s changed. He’s really fucking changed.

 I … I don’t even know how, but he’s different. Softer … somehow.

 I’m pulled closer, Will’s hand rubbing at my back. I hear him take a deep breath. “Ronald ….”

 “Hmm … wha’ is it?”

 “I … don’t know … how to tell you -.”

 “T-tell me wha’?” No, no, he isn’t leaving already, can’t –

 “I … I was the one to reap Arthur.”

 My body tenses – d-did he just say … what I think he said? “Wh-wha?” He … he’s fucking kidding, right?

 “I … I saw everything … that happened.”

 “R-really?” Na, na –

 “Y-yes, on … on his record.”

 I blink up at him, can’t believe what I’m fucking hearing.

 He … he saw it all ….

 Shit … I … I thought he didn’t know, shouted at him for not caring – but … but all this time, he knew, had seen everything that bastard did –  oh, fuck, he … he was living with that guilt for years ….

 And … and I’ve made him feel ten times worse ….

 He sniffs. “I … I am so sorry, Ronald. When I saw – it … it was a shock. I … I thought family would help you, didn’t realise … that you would end up living with a monster -.”

 “Will, it … it’s okay.” I … I feel even worse for shouting at him now …. “I … I ge’ it. I … I wasn’t doin’ so well in tha reaper realm, so … I know y’ were only tryin’ ta do wha’ y’ thought was best.” I sigh. “And I’m sorry too, for shoutin’ at y’.”

 “No, you were well within your right.”

 “M-maybe, I guess, but I’m still sorry.”

 “It … it is fine.” He grabs my wrist lightly, pulls my hand up to mouth level. My skin is given a soft kiss. “I understand, I do.”

 He … he’s being so kissy and cuddly. I could get used to this Will.

 “Ronald?”

 “Yeah?”

 “H-how … sick are you?”

 I frown, because I don’t get what he means. “Wha’?”

 “Y-your heart condition?”

 “Oh. Na … I’m not sick, not really.”

 “But … you had a heart attack?” Fuck … he looks so worried.

 “It’s jus’ a heart condition, Will. As long as I’ve got this pacemaker, I’ll be fine.”

 “I … see.”

 “Yeah. And I’ve got a pretty cool scar, so it’s not all bad,” I joke. “Wanna see?”

 “I will pass, thank you.”

 “Alright.”

\----------------------

***3.21pm***

 “How … are you feeling in yourself?” He shifts a little under me. “Eric told me that therapy did you well?”

 “Yeah … I think I’ve come ta terms wi’ … wha’ happened when I was a kid. I mean, it still gets me down sometimes, but … I’m a lot better.”

 “That is -.”

 “Y’ … know wha’ bothers me though?” I curl up to him more.

 “No-.”

 “All … those pervs watched me, got off on seein’ me. And … and I dunno who they were, or how many – it … it makes me feel dirty.”

 “You are not the filthy one, Ronald, believe me.”

 “Y-yeah, I know tha’ … deep down. It … jus’ pisses me off tha’ so many people perved on me, y’ know?”

 “I can understand your anger, yes.”

 “Yeah ….” I turn my head a bit, give him a little kiss on the jaw. “I’ll be alright though, promise.”

 “Are you sure?”

 “Yep.” A smile spreads across my lips. “Because y’re back now. That’s all tha’ matters.”

\---------------

***3.43pm***

 It’s freezing out here, and the wind picked up a while back, but I can’t even feel the cold, not really. He’s keeping me nice and warm. His touch feels so great.

 “Will?”

 “Y-yes?”

 “C-can y’ take me home now?” I ask, hoping he’ll say yes. He … he has to ….

 A small sigh passes his lips. “I … I don’t know if your family would want to see me.”

 “No, not there. Home.” Idiot ….

 “Oh … my … my house?”

 “Yeah.”

 “Are … you sure?” He rubs at my lower back. “I … I don’t mind staying in the human world for -.”

 “No, I … I wanna go ta y’s.” That’s all I’ve wanted … for ages.

 “Are you well enough to teleport?”

 “Yep.”

 “You are sure your condition is stable enough?”

 “Yeah. So … can we ge’ goin’?” Please say yes, please …. I just wanna go home, just wanna –

 “Y-yes, I would love to.”

\----------------------

 The … the sickness from the porting doesn’t even bother me as I look around the living room. I wipe at my eyes, because the emotions are getting to me … because the room hasn’t changed one bit.

 Home ….

 A noise catches my attention; I’d know that squawk anywhere. “Penelope!” I hurry over to her – aww, she’s standing on the top of her cage. “Hey there, girl.” She lets me stroke gently at her chest. God … I’d forgotten how soft she feels. “Do y’ recognise me, huh?”

 “I think she does,” Will says from behind me.

 I spin around, run back over to him – pretty much throw myself at him, squeeze him tightly. “I … I can’t believe I’m home, Will.”

 “No … I cannot quite believe it either.” His arms wrap around me softly. “But I am glad.”

 “S-so am I.” My eyes fill up with more tears, so … so many of them.

 Home. I … I’m finally home ….


	252. William. Less bone, more muscle.

***3.52pm***

 “Th-thanks, babe,” Ronald says as he takes the glass of water from me.

 He … he was fine, happy to be here … for around five minutes. But then … he grew pale, needed to sit down. I … I am deeply concerned.

 “Are you sure you are alright?”

 “Y-yeah.”

 “And y-you are sure it … it isn’t your h-heart?” My voice shakes from merely thinking about that … possibility.

 “Will, I jus’ feel sick from tha portin’.” He takes a small sip from the glass. “I … I’ll be fine.”

 “B-but are you … sure it -?”

 “Will, it’s not my heart, okay? I know tha difference, kay? It’s probably tiredness too – it’s been an exhaustin’ day.”

 “R-right, yes. But if you start to … feel any worse, t-tell me, and I shall take you to the hospital.”

 He rolls his eyes at me. “I’m fine -.”

 “Ronald -.”

 “If I start feelin’ really funny, I’ll tell y’.”

 “Thank you.” I … I am probably being a fool, but I cannot help but worry. I … I have almost lost him so many times before …. “Can I get you something to eat?” I offer, bending forward to stroke at his cheek. He ... he is not only pale ... he is terribly sweaty, clammy .... It ... it is quite concerning .... 

 “N-na, not hungry. Jus’ sit wi’ me, yeah?”

 “Are you sure? Maybe you need sugar -?”

 “Will. Sit.”

 “R-right, yes, alright.” I do, sit close to him.

 The glass is placed on the coffee table, and he then sits back, rests his head on my shoulder. “Ah … much better.”

 My arm loops around him. “Try to get some rest, Ronald.”

 “Na … don’t wanna.”

 I frown a little. “But … didn’t you just say -?”

 “Yeah … I’m knackered … but if I sleep, I won’t be awake ta spend time wi’ y’, will I?”

 That is very sweet of him. “That is true … but I don’t mind. If you are tired -.”

 “I mind.” He cuddles into my side.

 “Yes … okay. Maybe we should go upstairs?”

 “Upstairs?”

 “A bed may make you feel more comfortable? G-given that you aren’t feeling too well?”

 “Heh … kinky.”

 I tense. “Ronald, I … I didn’t mean -.”

 “Heh, I’m only jokin’.” He laughs lightly. “But … na, I’ll be good until tonight.”

 T-tonight? “Y-you are staying the night?” Just the thought of him sleeping next to me, wanting to stay with me through the night – it fills me with immense joy.

 “Yeah. I’d stay longer … but Mom wants me back by mornin’.”

 “That is fair.” And I am glad his family knows where he is – it was a concern of mine. I would hate for them to be worried … and therefore angry ….

 It … it really shows how much he has grown. No more running off, and no more hiding things from those close to him.

 I … I couldn’t be prouder.

 “Y’ … y’ want me ta stay tha night … don’t y’?”

 I pat him lightly on the top of the arm. “Of course I do.”

 “Sw-sweet.”

\----------------------

***4.15pm***

 “Ronald, what is the matter?” He keeps shifting on the couch, pushing up against me. “Can’t you get comfortable?”

 He moves again. “I can’t ge’ close enough, Will.”

 “To me?”

 “Yeah.”

 How lovely. I smile a little. “Would lying … on top of me help?”

 He nods eagerly, smiles. “That’d be great, babe. Can we ‘ave a blanket too, be all warm and snuggly?”

 “Yes … that sounds wonderful.”

\--------------------------

 He rests against me, our clothed chests pressed together. With a soft sigh, he fidgets a little more, tucking his face tight to my neck. His body relaxes.

 We are finally close enough … and it feels lovely.  

 My arms slide under the blanket, wrap around him. Lord … he feels so different. He is no longer bone, or bone with a tiny layer of fat. I … can feel muscle in his back, around his sides.

 And … it almost moves me to tears.

 “Hmm … this is great, babe.”

 “Y-yes, it is. Are you warm enough?”

 “Hmm … nice and toasty.” I can feel soft, slow breath against my neck. “I love y’, Will.”

 “I love you too.”

 “I love y’ more.”

 I cannot help but chuckle. “How childish.” 

 “Aww … come on, humour me.”

 “Yes … very well. I love you the most.”

 He laughs also, his chest moving against mine. “See, y’ can be a bit of a kid too.”

 “It appears so.”

 “Hmm.”

 We fall into silence … but it is a comfortable silence. I move a hand, stroke at his hair gently.

 Lord ….

 It is so wonderfully soft, and thick, weighty. Silky … and healthy. I could lie here, just running my fingers through his hair, for hours.

 “Is the nausea settling?” I ask. He doesn’t reply. “Ronald? Are -?” Oh … he is asleep.

 Couldn’t stay awake, for all his trying, for all his wanting to converse with me.

 Adorable ….

 Penelope flutters down, lands … on his head. Honestly …. “Penelope, don’t stand there.”

 She flies onto my head instead. I chuckle. “You little terror.”

 It is clear to see why Ronald chose her out of all the Budgerigars – she is just as mischievous as he.

\----------------------------

***7.22pm***

 “Ack!” Ronald is pulled up from my lap, into a death hold.

 “Darling!” Grell squeezes him tighter … if that is even possible. Maybe … I shouldn’t have phoned Alan to let him know that Ronald was at mine – the three of them just barged in here, not bothering to knock.

 No … no, that isn’t quite fair. Alan didn’t teleport here without knocking – he was simply dragged along by Eric, his fiancé’s hand wrapped tightly around his wrist upon his appearance.

 And honestly … I simply could not keep the excitement of having him return to myself. And … they did deserve to know, are his close friends. It would not have been fair to hide that information from them.

 “Oh, Darling!” She shrieks loudly. Must she be so … deafening? “I knew you’d come back to us!”

 Still … she could have knocked before trying to suffocate him.

 “H-hey Grell.”

 “Ohhh!”

 “Y’ … y’ totally fooled us,” he manages.  

 “Hmm?”

 “Tha … tha necklace.”

 “Oh! Yes, I know! I stole it from the vault!” She gushes wildly.

 “Cl-clever.”

 My eyebrow twitches a little. Yes … it was clever, but I never want to feel that pain again … from that darn necklace. It was … as if I was being stabbed in the gut ….

\------------------------

***11.24pm***

 Our friends have left now, and though I am rather tired, I am glad that they came. Ronald had a lot of fun … and I have to admit that I did also. We didn’t do much except play card games – much to my surprise, it kept us entertained for hours.

 “Should we head ta bed?” Ronald asks, yawns a moment later. He seems in amazing spirits, thanks to his friends.

 “Yes. I think I am in need of sleep.”

 My stomach rolls over a little. I … I am worried that … he … he may want make up … well, love making ….

 Is … isn’t that what couples normally do?

 And … and that is something I … I am not ready for.

 “Do … do you still sleep with the light on?” I ask, wishing to get my mind off of the worrying thought.

 “Yeah. I’m not scared of tha dark anymore, even if I’m still not keen.” He shrugs. “But I jus’ got so used ta sleepin’ wi’ tha light on … tha’ my body can’t drift off ta sleep wi’out it, y’ know?”

 “Yes, that does make perfect sense.”

 “Heh, same for y’, huh?” He chuckles.

 “Yes, is it.” Except … I could sleep in the dark. It … it was just that … I hated doing so. Sleeping with the lamp on – it … it reminded me of him.

 It … it was the greatest comfort; one of the only comforts ….

\--------------------------

 He cuddles up to me, under the covers, his lips meeting mine as we lay face to face. The kissing grows more passionate, more intense, his body pressing up against mine.

 The … the nervousness grows – he … he wishes to –

 The kiss breaks … much to my surprise. “Night, babe.”

 “Yes … goodnight.”

 I … I am quite relieved; I roll onto my back to settle down for sleep.

 He … he must not be in the mood, is probably too tired.

 It … it is not that I do not find him attractive, for he is absolutely beautiful, and those eyes are brighter and more wonderful than ever … but the act itself does not appeal.

 Even after going without … that for so long, I feel no need, no urge … for such things.

 All I wish to do is hold him, stroke through his wonderfully soft hair some more.

 He snuggles into my side, wraps an arm over my chest.

 Yes … this is all I need.

 I couldn’t be happier at this present moment. Truly.

\-------------------------

***11.47pm***

 “Will.” Ronald’s hand tugs at my shirt. “Take this off.”

 “P-pardon?”

 “Y’ shirt. Take it off … please?”

 “Why?” I frown. Is … is he –

 “I … I want y’ body heat.” He smiles. “And … I wanna feel even closer ta y’. So … please?”

 “Oh … right.” That … makes sense. “That … that is fine. And … and my b-bottoms?”

 “Na,” he laughs. “Topless is good enough for now.”

\-------------------------

 His … his skin is so soft. My fingers run over the top of his arm – oh …. I frown, because I’m looking at his skin … and it is different. “Ronald … your scars have faded quite a lot.”

 “Yeah, I know. Grandma paid for laser surgery ‘bout a year back.”

 “That … is amazing.” Faint lines are still visible … but it is such an astounding difference.

 “Yup, I know. I … I’m glad it worked.” He snuggles closer. “Didn’t wanna keep seein’ them all tha time, y’ know?”

 “Yes, I can understand that.”

 “And … and I don’t plan ta make any more.”

 “I would hope not,” I say sternly.

 “Yeah. Well … night, Will.”

 “Goodnight, Ronald. Sleep well.”

 “Heh, I will wi’ y’ right next ta me.”

 I feel the exact same way. I … I think I will sleep better than I have in years.

\-------------------------

***Friday 29th January***

***7.50am***

 We stand in the same spot as yesterday … by the same bench, the winder stronger, the weather worse.

 It … it is time to say goodbye. Not … not forever, only until tonight … but Lord, it … it is hard.

 He reaches up, wraps his arms around my neck, and squeezes. “Love y’, Will.”

 “I love you too, Ronald.” My … my heart – it is aching ….

 The contact breaks as I feel the first few spots of rain, and he pulls the necklace over his head. “Y’ … y’ can ‘ave this back now.”

 “Are you sure?”

 “Yeah. I … I know I’ll see y’ again, so … so it’s cool.” He shrugs, smiles. “Plus … it’s y’s, so I don’t really ‘ave tha right ta hold onta it.”

 “I … I do not mind -.”

 “Take it, Will. I don’t need it anymore.”

 “Yes … alright.” I take it from him. “Thank you.”

 “Jus’ be here tonight, at half nine, okay? Right in this spot?”

 “Yes, I will be here. You have my word, Ronald.”

 “Cool. Well … I best be goin’, so see y’.” I receive a kiss on the cheek, one that is too brief, before he turns from me, hurries back in the direction of his grandparent’s house.

 “Y-yes, Ronald, see you.”


	253. William. Such timing.

***1.03pm***

 Work is … dragging on, my foot tapping impatiently against the floor.

 This is no good – I cannot concentrate on this darn paperwork.

 With a sigh, I put my pen down … and glance over at my necklace. It is placed on my desk, looks perfectly innocent.

 Looks can be deceiving ….

 It … it makes sense now. I felt incredible ill … one of the days, found out a little while later that it was at the same time Ronald suffered his heart attack. I … I thought that it was because I was thinking of him so much that … I was connected to him in some way.

 And I was correct in my thinking … though it wasn’t due to an emotional connection; it was the necklace.

 My soul is tethered to this awful thing … and if it were ever to be destroyed, I would be gone along with it. There is a rumour … that when a reaper achieves forgiveness, the soul tether is destroyed by the council … and the reaper is sent on his or her way.

 Rumours … of course, as I have never seen for myself a reaper being freed from this life, and the stories of such a thing happening – they are so few and far between.

 I pick the darn thing up. It is no wonder I felt the pain he felt during his … heart attack …. He was wearing my necklace at that exact time.

 I glare at the object. Honestly … what a pain.

\----------------------------

***3.03pm***

 “So … last night went alright?”

 I shoot Eric a dirty look – why won’t this man knock? Does he even know what a door is? “It was fine, thank you.”

 “And yer guys are back together, right?”

 “Yes, obviously ….”

 “Great! Yer’re both happy?”

 As irritating as he is being with his questions, I cannot help but smile. “Yes, we are.”

 “Good, good.” He leans forward, places his palms flat on my desk. “Yer best keep it that way.”

 My brow furrows. “Pardon?”

 “Keep him happy. If yer screw things up, or upset him, ah’ll -.”

 “I do not plan to hurt him again.” So … this is why he came in here ….

 “Aye ….”

 “I mean it.” I look him dead in the eyes. “I will stand by him from now on, no matter what happens.”

 “Alright then.” He straightens back up. “Glad that’s sorted.” I’m given a rough pat on the shoulder – must he be so heavy handed? “Ah’ll see yer around.” He turns from me, walks to the door.

 “Yes, alright. Goodb – oh, Eric?”

 “Aye?”

 “Your paperwork was due in two hours ago.”

 “Ock, ah’ve been busy.” A hand is waved lazily – an irritating gesture that he has picked up from Grell, I assume.

 I raise an eyebrow. “Busy with what?” 

 He turns back to me a tad, winks.

 Oh … Lord. I … I really should not have asked. “J-just have it on my desk in the next hour.”

 “Aye, alright.” He leaves my office.

 Hones – oh ….

 Haven’t … Alan and Eric both been at work … for hours?

 Oh, Jesus –

 My face flushes.

 Honestly ….

\-------------------------

***10.14pm***

 Ronald rushes up to me, is a little out of breath. “Sorry … I’m a … bit late.”

 “A bit?” I … am not mad at him for keeping me waiting, not at all. I was more worried that he wasn’t coming at all, that something was wrong ….

 “Heh … good point.”

 “Is everything alright?”

 “Ugh,” his shoulders slump, “Grandma was pitchin’ a fit.”

 “Oh? Over what?”

 “Over me goin’ wi’ y’.” He rolls his eyes. “She thought I was gonna run off … but after I explained tha’ I’m only gonna visit y’ end part-time, she calmed down.” A chuckle comes from him. “So I ran outta there before she had chance ta ge’ pissy again.”

 “So … it is okay for you to spend the night?”

 “Yeah.” He shrugs. “She’ll jus’ ‘ave ta deal.”

 “Right ….”

 “Hey, don’t look so worried. She’ll be fine after a couple of days – she always is.” He comes closer, wraps his arms around my neck. “And everyone else is cool wi’ it, so it’s all good.”

 My hands find his waist. “Good. I … I would hate to upset your family.”

 “Y’ haven’t upset anyone, babe, don’t worry.” He leans in closer, lips almost touching my own. “And Mom likes y’ already.”

 “She does?” I frown. “She … she hasn’t even met me?”

 “Yeah, but she’s seen how happy I’ve been today.”

 His lips meet mine … finally. My hands grip onto him tighter as a deep kiss is exchanged. Wonderfully soft lips, and I do wonder what he has eaten recently – he has a hint of something sweet dancing on his palate.

 Knowing Ronald … it is probably ice cream.

 And I really wish not to break this wonderful kiss … but I must. It is freezing out in this field, has to be below freezing – I need to get him inside before he catches a chill.

 My lips pull away from his. I receive a pout. “Aww, I was enjoyin’ tha’.”

 “Yes, as was I, but I think we should get going.”

 “Ah, alright – yeah, I’m gettin’ kinda chilly.”

\---------------------------

***11.14pm***

 Ronald felt queasy when he first reached my house, due to the teleporting, but thankfully, the sickness was nowhere near as harsh as yesterday, and he bounced back from it rather quickly.

 I am … topless again. Ronald wanted my body heat, as he did last night. I honestly cannot blame him – even with an extra quilt, it is still terribly cold in this bedroom.

 “Will?”

 “Yes?” My hand runs up his side gently – it is taking some getting used to, feeling barely any rib under his skin.

 An amazing difference – it truly is.  

 “I need a favour?”

 “What is it?” I ask, patting at his skin lightly.

 “I need y’ ta send … a ghost on their way.”

 “Your great-grandfather?”

 A confused look comes over his face. “Y’ … know ‘bout him?”

 “Yes, Eric did mention him. He wants to move on?”

 “Yeah. I … I think he’s had enough, ta be fair.” A sigh comes from him. “He … he’s gettin’ crankier.”

 “Yes … I can imagine. I have heard that … the longer a ghost is trapped in this world, the angrier they become. It … is the isolation ….”

 “Th-thank God he’s had me ta keep him company then.”

 “Yes.”

 He clings to me a little more. “So … y’ll help him?”

 “Of course.”

 “Thanks, babe.”

 “It is not a problem.” A sigh passes my lips. “Honestly ….”

 “Hmm?”

 “Yet another case of a reaper not turning up for a collection. Something else was more worthy of their time … clearly.”

 “Heh, it was probably Grell.”

 I ponder on that for a moment. “Probably.”

\--------------------------

***11.26pm***

 “Hmmmm ….”

 He’s pulled closer, my hand running up his bare back.

 Before meeting him, I never would have thought … that having someone’s tongue in my mouth would be anything but disgusting. He is the only one who could ever make it feel so … wonderfully natural.

 “Mmm.”

 But the sounds he is making … are bringing up the anxiety once more. They … they are moans, almost –

 His … his hips are pushing up against mine – he … he is aroused –

 My stomach churns. He –

 The kiss breaks, and I am given a dopey smile.

 I … I hope he isn’t thinking –

 “I bet it’s gettin’ late.” He rolls away from me, onto his back. His arms stretch above his head. “Ahh … night, babe.”

 I roll onto my back also, look up at the ceiling. “Goodnight.” I gulp – he didn’t mention …. “Will … you be coming over tomorrow night also?” I ask, desperate to think of something else, anything other than –

 A little sigh comes from him. “Probably not.”

 “Oh ….”

 “I … I wanna, but Grandma’s probably gonna think I’m abandonin’ them. And I need ta spend time wi’ my little sis too, y’ know?”

 “Yes, of course. I understand completely.” Though I am … disappointed ….

 “Cool.” He rolls back over, rests his head on my shoulder. “I’ll spend most of Sunday down here though, yeah?”

 “If you can, I would appreciate it.”

 “Y’re off work, right?”

 “Yes, thankfully.” I pull off my glasses, reach out an arm, and place them on the nightstand. “What time shall I meet you?”

 “Hm, dunno. I’ll let y’ know tomorrow mornin’ – too tired ta think.”

 I rub at my one eye, as I am tired also. “Okay. Goodnight, Ronald.”

 “Nighty night, babe.”

 I … am going to miss him tomorrow – dreadfully.

\-------------------------------

***Saturday 30th January***

***1.12am***

 Ronald is fast asleep, dozed off quite quickly, in fact. His skin is pressed flush against my own, and he has me in a vice-like grip, one leg wrapped tightly around me.

 His breath is soft, and slow – peaceful.

 I am tired, I really am, but sleep will not come.

 I cannot stop thinking … of what happened before Ronald fell into slumber. It was indeed … odd.

 The … the topic of … sex wasn’t brought up.

 Maybe he was far too tired, was not in the mood – no … no, of course he was. He was … aroused.

 Yet … he pulled away as … as soon as I felt his … hardness.

 I have no idea –

 Oh ….

 He … he did that … for me? Because he knew … I was feeling uncomfortable?

 With such timing ….

 I rub at my temple with one hand, for a few moments, and think … just think ….

 But I … I cannot think of any other reason ….

 It must have been that.

 My fingers run through his hair.

 He truly is wonderful.


	254. Ronald. Goodbye, my friend.

***Sunday 7th February***

***1.06pm***

 “Thank you, Ronald, thank you.” George goes to touch my face, but stops – guess he doesn’t wanna make me ill again.

 “It’s alright, mate,” I smile at him. I … I won’t get upset. This is a good thing, a happy time for him. I … I’m not gonna get sad, have to think about his point of view.  

 “Mother, it … it’s alright.”

 Turning around, I see Mom comforting Grandma, her hand patting her shoulder lightly.

 “Grand -.”

 “No, no, I … I am fine.” She wipes at her eyes quickly. “It … it is the way things have to be.”

 “Y-yeah.” I hear George say something from behind me. “He … he says it’s probably time ta say goodbye?”

 “Yes, yes.” She sniffs, holds out a hand. “Show me where he is.”

 “Alright.” Taking her hand, I pull her a little closer. My other hand points at George. “He’s right there, okay?”

 “Y-yes, alright.” Her hand squeezes mine – fucking death grip.  “Father … I … don’t know what to say. I … I will miss you, so … so much.”

 “He says he’ll miss y’ too. He’s gonna … miss all of us.” Fuck … this is … really heart-breaking ….

 She sniffs loudly – she’s gonna break my fucking hand. “Thank you for everything. F-for watching out for our Ronald.”

 That … that’s really sweet …. Na … don’t tear up, don’t –

 I hear George chuckle. “What else would a bored ghost do except nose at people?”

 Uh …. “He says it’s cool.” Hmm … decent translation, I guess.

 She nods slowly. “D-do you have a piece of paper?”

 Guess she wants to communicate with him without a middle-man. Can’t say I blame her. It … it’s gonna be the last time.

 Shit … I’m really gonna miss him ….

 “I’ll geh ya some,” Mom says.

 “Th-thank you.”

\------------------------

***2.33pm***

 Man … that got pretty emotional. George wrote down some really sweet things.

 But now, it … it’s time. Fuck, poor Grandma ….

 I hear Will gulp. He came, like he promised he would, but I know he’s nervous – I can tell. This is his first time coming into this massive house, meeting my crazy fam, and it’s not exactly … a nice situation to be introduced with. “Y-you should probably leave the room -.”

 “What?! Why?!” Grandma glares at him.

 He backs away from her a bit – can’t say I blame him …. “W-well … this isn’t going to be pleasant ….”

 “Do I look like I care?” She hisses. “I’m not leaving him!”

 I can hear George laughing from behind me.

 “Y-yes, right.” Gripping onto the handle of his scythe tighter, Will nods. “Un-understood.”

 “Tell him to get on with it already,” George says.

 I turn around to face him. “Y’ … y’ sure y’re ready?”

 “I’ve been ready for the past two hours.” He gives me a little eyeroll. “But, Martha being a drama queen as usual, had to drag it out.” 

 “R-right, okay. Will, g-go for it.”

 “Oh ….”

 “W-well, go on then!” Grandma screams at him. “You’re a reaper – do your job!”

 He goes bright red – I … I really feel for him. Grandma can scare the best of us, Will ….

 “Yes … of course.” His scythe is raised, and my heart skips a beat.

 “T-take care of y’self, m-mate.” My voice shakes.  

 “You too, Sonny, or I’ll come back to haunt you again.” He waves at me.

 Tears form in my eyes as I wave back. This … this is really happening –

 The scythe is swung, hits –

 Shit ….

\--------------------------

***2.54pm***

 We’re sitting in the living room now, and … Grandma’s really upset, keeps mumbling about how much she hates reapers, how useless they are.

 And I get it, I do, because I’m sad too … but it’s not Will’s fault. He … he was only cleaning up … someone else’s mess, giving George … what he needed all along.

 It’s not fair to make him feel so fucking awkward ….

 “Do ya want a cup of tea?” Mom gets up from the sofa. “Hmm?” She frowns. “William?”

 His head jerks up, and he looks at her. “Oh … oh, yes, thank you.” Guess he didn’t realise Mom was talking to him.

 “Ronnie?”

 “I’ll ‘ave a coke, thanks.”

 “Okay, sweetie.”

 She leaves the room, and I pat Will’s knee lightly. He looks at me, and I smile at him. “Y’ okay?” Have to whisper, so Grandma doesn’t overhear – she’ll probably have another bitch fit, shout at me for being worried about _his_ feelings.

 I get a nod outta him – guess he doesn’t wanna anger the beast either.

 Hn … awkward ….

\-------------------------

***6.27pm***

 We haven’t long gotten home – Will had to leave me at Grandma’s for a bit, so he could take his scythe back to branch. He had to do a load of paperwork, because he’s not supposed to take his scythe out when he’s not working … or something like that. And he had to do a report on soul collection, I think.

 Poor guy was stuck at work … for like two hours – on a Sunday!

 His hand rubs up my back. “Are you alright?”

 “Yeah.”

 “Y-you don’t sound it?”

 A sigh slips out. “I … I’m jus’ kinda sad. I … I miss him already.”

 “I … I see.”

 “It’s gonna be … so weird not seein’ him jus’ standin’ there, y’ know?”

 “Yes, I understand.” He gulps. “Y-you do know I didn’t have a choice -.”

 “Hey, hey, I wasn’t sayin’ tha’ – I’m not mad at y’, at all. I … I know it’s for tha’ best. It’s jus’ … I miss him.” I sigh again. “But … I’ll be alright. He’s in a better place now, right?”

 “Yes, he’s at peace,” he says softly, “and … I am sure he is grateful to you.”

 “Yeah … he probably is. Do y’ think he’s wi’ his wife right now?”

 “Most definitely.”

 I smile at the thought. So cute! “Awesome.”


	255. William. No tears?

***Thursday 11th February***

***1.07am***

 “R-Ronald, Ronald, wake up.” I shake him. He … he is having a nightmare, I think, is groaning and shifting in his sleep. “Ronald – hn.” His hand flies out, smacks me in the face.

 “Uh.” His hand flips, palm rubbing around my features. “Wha’?”

 “A-are you alright?”

 “Ughh … tired.” His arm flops back against the covers. “Don’t tell me … it’s mornin’ already.”

 My brow furrows as I sit up properly in bed. Where … are the tears? Where is the screaming? The shaking? “N-no … you were having a nightmare.”

 “Hmm … okay.” He shifts, rubs at his face.

 “O-okay? Y-you are fine?” My frown deepens.

 “Yep.” A yawn comes from him. “All good.”

 “B-but you had a nightmare?” This is … an odd reaction …. He … he is too calm.

 “Yeah, it still happens sometimes. Not often though.”

 “Oh ….”

 “Hmm?”  He blinks up at me.

 “Y-you aren’t shaken up?”

 “Nope.”

 “Are you sure?” I have to ask again, cannot quite believe –

 He sits up in bed. “Babe, I’m okay, trust me.”

 “But the night -.”

 “It … it’s not like it used ta be, okay? I’m don’t wake up cryin’ from them – heh, no pissin’ myself either.”

 “Yes … I am noticing that.”

 “Yeah, and ta be honest, I don’t even remember wha’ tha nightmares are ‘bout anymore.”

 “But … you are still having them ….”

 I receive a small shrug. “Well, I can’t really control tha’. But they’re jus’ dreams. I … I don’t really think they matter all tha’ much.”

 “You don’t?”

 “Nope.” Another yawn. “Mmm … they’re not affectin’ me, so it’s fine.”

 “O-okay.” My … my voice shakes.

 He frowns at me. “Wha’ is it?”

 I gulp. “Am … am I affecting you … in a negative way?”

 “Eh?” A face is pulled. “Will, wha’ are y’ on ‘bout?”

 “R-reapers … reek of … death. They … they give off negative energy – that is a … given fact.” It … it has been a … niggling concern … since he came back to me … but now, it is more than a little worry ….

 “Huh?” His eyes are rubbed at again. He … he must be tried, as he isn’t … grasping what I am trying to say, in the slightest. “Y’ … don’t smell.”

 “I am … concerned that … simply being around me – it … it may make you worse.”

 His hand slams down onto mine – he squeezes it tightly. “No. Will, no, I’ve felt better since I came back here. Tha therapy did me good, but seein’ y’ again, it’s made my mental health tha’ much better.”

 “But ….”

 “But wha’?”

 “We … we have only been together … for a couple of weeks, and you are already -.”

 “Like I said, it happens sometimes. Look, I used ta ge’ nightmares when I was wi’ Jay too last year, so it’s not y’.” His tone is firm, and yet … I must ask again, if only to … make it absolute.

 “A-are you sure I am … not affecting you?”

 “Only in a good way,” he smiles, “promise.”

 I squeeze his hand back. “Al-alright.”

 Leaning in closer, he asks “are y’ sure it’s alright?”

 “Yes … yes, but … if you do start to feel unwell -.”

 “I’ll tell y’, for sure.” A chuckle comes from him. “Y’ worry too much, babe.”

 I gulp, admit “I … I am just scared that … I may lose you again.”

 “Y’ won’t, okay? I promise, I’m not goin’ anywhere.” He shifts, places his head against the top of my arm. “Never again.”

 “Alright.”

 “Yeah … all good.” He slips down a little. “Is tha’ everythin’?”

 “Yes. I … I am sorry for fretting.”

 “It’s alright.” Pulling away from my side, he settles down, head resting against the pillow. “Don’t worry ‘bout it, babe.”

 We fall into silence … but now … I am … wondering if I should ask ….

 No, no, he is tired –

 But … now may be the best time. We … we have just had an open and honest conversation. And … it will only play on my mind if ….

 “Ronald?”

 “Hn?” He grunts.

 “Can … I ask you another … question?”

 “One more … and then y’ need ta lemme sleep, babe.”

 “Yes, I promise – only one more.” He is cranky – no, probably more so groggy ….

 “Shoot.”

 Oh … this is nerve-racking. I take a deep breath. “Y-you … haven’t … brought up … the topic of m-make up s-sex?”

 “Oh, y’ in tha mood?”

 “No!” William, calm down, for goodness sake. I take another breath, a shaky breath. “I – no, I … I am not.”

 “Then … what’s tha problem?”

 My heartrate increases at the question. I … I must stay calm, explain things … properly. “N-nothing. I … I just know that … being a young man, you have hormones … and needs. Yet … you haven’t mentioned it.”

 “Yeah.” His hand reaches out, and I am given a lazy pat to my stomach through the duvet. “Because I know y’ don’t like sex.”

 “A-and you are … okay with that?”

 “Yup. I knew gettin’ back wi’ y’ meant a lot less sex, so I’m fine wi’ it.”

 “Y-you mean that?”

 “Yep. Sex isn’t everythin’.” He grins up at me. “I’d rather jus’ ‘ave y’.”

 He is honestly so sweet. “Th-thank you.”

 “It’s okay. But … if y’ are ever in tha mood, lemme know. I’m not gonna say no.” He chuckles lightly.

 “I … I will remember that.”

 “Cool.” I feel his legs kick out a little under the covers. “Sleep now?”

 “Yes, yes – sorry for keeping you up.”

 “It’s alright. Night, babe.”

 “Goodnight, Ronald.” I lie back down in bed, cannot help but smile.

 As I thought may be the case, he … he was doing it all for me, the pulling away, the stopping when things become a little intense.

 Our little talk – it has put my mind at ease.

 I am so, so lucky to have someone as understanding as he.


	256. Ronald. Until death do us part.

***Tuesday 20th April***

 It’s been almost three months since me and Will got back together, and I … I still can’t quite believe it. I’m so over the moon, it’s unreal.

 We’ve been spending a lot more time together, which is fucking awesome.

 Super horny at the minute, but that’s nothing my right hand can’t fix when I’m alone at Grandma’s, hah …. I think there’s a vibrator hidden in the bedroom somewhere from when I was with Jay. Hmm … tempting.

 I’m still getting the nightmares … but they come and go. I’ll get one or two in a week, and then none for like a month. But even when I get them, they only last a few minutes. That’s what I’ve been told, anyway. Will hasn’t woken me up since the first time, because I was super cranky the next day. Hah … he learnt his lesson, learnt that I really do need my sleep.

 And I … I know Will still gets kinda concerned when I have them, but it doesn’t bother me at all, because I’m just so happy with my life right now.

 Well, my life in the reaper world ….  

 When I’m not over there / don’t have any visitors … things are kinda boring ….

 I haven’t been studying … at all, haven’t gone to work at that charity shop once since I had my heart attack.

 It’s not that Grandma has stopped me doing those things – she just hasn’t brought it up.

 And, at first, I thought she was letting me have a bit of time away from it because I hadn’t been well.

 Then she was upset, had a lot to deal with herself … because her dad wasn’t around, so I didn’t think anything of her not telling me to go study. She’d always felt his presence around the house … and to suddenly not have that … was super hard on her.

 But after about a week, she was feeling better – still nothing. No talk of getting the teacher back, or anything.

 Yesterday, it finally hit me, why she hasn’t mentioned it.

 She … she wants me to spend the rest of my life … sitting around, doing nothing … just like she made Grandpa do.

 Fucking heart condition ….

 I used to get fed up with my studies, like … really fed up, but now, I’m just so desperate for something to do.

 I mean, I have been flicking through a few workbooks, been doing some online tests … but it’s not the same.

 It’s so … boring ….

\----------------------

***7.33pm***

 “Well, why don’t you just talk to her?”

 I roll my eyes at Jay. “Great idea. I never thought of tha’. Where do y’ -?”

 “Alright, alright, I get it.” He sighs. “She might not listen … but it’s worth a try, isn’t it?”

 “Heh ….” I fold my arms over my tummy. “She probably thinks I’m too frail ….”

 “Then you need to make her see that that isn’t the case. The doctor only said -.”

 “Ta lay off intense exercise … yeah.” I sigh. “Ugh … this isn’t gonna be fun.”

 His lips turn up a bit, in a smile. “I don’t know – she does listen to you … sometimes.”

 “Heh, fingers crossed.”

\--------------------------

***Friday 30th April***

***1.03pm***

 It worked! I was right – she … she did want me to spend my life … on a kinda bedrest … but after bugging her, and bugging her, and bugging her some more, she finally agreed to bring the teacher back.

 She … wants me to work from home when I do finish my studies … but I dunno. I’m kinda hoping I’ll be able to move in with Will again soon, dunno … what job I could do over there. I guess I could work from Grandma’s part-time.  

 Living there properly – that’s gonna be fun to talk to my family about ….

 “Er … three.”

 “Very good,” Alex says. “And the next equation?”

 “Four.” That was an easy one to answer.

 It’s amazing really, how far I’ve come. I’m on the proper advanced stuff now, can’t believe I’m … actually clever enough to do it.

 It probably doesn’t even matter – I’ll never use this detailed stuff … ever. Kinda stupid me doing it, really, but I’ll carry on.

 I’d just be bored otherwise ….

\-----------------------

***Sunday 30th May***

***1.11pm***

 Finally! Today’s the day! They’re gonna tie the knot! Ahhh … it’s so fucking cute! I’m proper excited!

 Really … tired today though, and … I feel kinda off. Dunno why – I got enough sleep last night, even with going to bed late – was too excited to doze off early.

 It’s probably from the porting – we had to take so many short hops to get all the way to Fiji.

 But … it’s been a few hours since we got here … and I still don’t feel right.

 Meh … it’s probably the nerves – well, not nerves, exactly. More like nervous excitement. I’m pumped!

 And no fucking wonder – I’m best man! I still don’t really get what it means, because the whole wedding thing is new to me, but it’s so cool.

 And all the fam came too! Even Jay’s here. I didn’t even have to ask them to come – they all really get along with Eric and Al, wanted to be here for their big day.

 I think Emma’s a bit nervous though. She never did get used to Grell, keeps giving her worried glances.

 I … I think she’ll eventually take a liking to her though, because she hasn’t exactly seen a lot of Grell, doesn’t know her good side properly yet – hah, the crazy chick does take a bit of getting used to.

 At least she didn’t feel sick from the porting around. Actually … no one did, apart from me ….

 Typical.

\----------------------

***2.01pm***

 “Oh, Darling, don’t be nervous!”

 “Y’re gonna be fine, mate.” I pat Al on the shoulder. Poor guy’s so nervous.

 “There’s no reason to fret, mmm. You two have been together for long enough.”

 “I … I know.” Aww … he’s shaking. “B-but it … it’s such a big day. I … I can’t believe it … it’s really happening.”

 Yeah … he has been waiting ages …. 

 My hand slips offa him as he turns to look in the mirror … _again_.

 Grell tuts. “You look fine!”

 “Better than fine,” I grin. “Y’ look so cute.”

 “C-cute? I … I was hoping for hunky.”

 He’s joking, obviously – I can tell from his voice. “Y’re too small for hunky, Al.”

 Swinging around, he bites his lip, but just for a second. “D-do you think the suit’s too big?”

 “Nope,” I wink, “jus’ right.”

 “You really do look fabulous, Dear. Eric is a very lucky man.”

 Al takes a shaky breath. “More like … I’m lucky to have him.”

 I give him a sharp poke. “Hey, none of tha’.”

 “Okay,” he nods, “w-we’re lucky to have each other.”

 “That’s more like it!”

 Jeez … I bet Jay, Will, and Othello are having an easier time with Eric.

 Or he could be a nervous wreck too, I dunno – my mates are full of surprises.

 I should probably go see how Eric’s doing, to be fair. I mean, I _am_ best man.

\-----------------------------

***2.54pm***

 “Ock, yer look gorgeous, Al,” Eric whispers, leaning in close to him.

 He really fucking does. He’s wearing a black suit, with a light pink shirt underneath – a really nice pink that reminds me of the roses in Grandpa’s garden. And he’s got a daisy chain on his head. Fuck … it’s so cute.

 The vows start – they wrote their own. And … and I start tearing up, because it’s so sweet, and the beach that we’re on is fucking beautiful, and it’s so sunny.

 I … I’m a right softy, I swear.

 Glancing over at Mom, I see her crying too – blubbering even. She dabs at her eyes with a tissue.

 She’s a massive softy too.

 “Ah do.”

 Those two words snap my attention back to Eric and Al – aww, Eric looks so happy.

 “And Alan, do you take Eric to be your husband?”

 “I do.” His eyes are all teary. “I really do.”

 “You may now kiss.”

 They do.

 So … so adorable.

 A few tears fall –

 Fucking hell, I’m a right fangirl.

 But … but it’s just so lovely.

 They … they’ve been through so much … and … and now, they’ve finally gotten what they deserve, what they’ve wanted for so fucking long.  

 I … I can’t even put it into words how happy I am for them both.

 It … it’s fucking amazing.    

\-----------------------

***Monday 31st May***

***1.12am***

 Music on the beach, and dancing, and laughs – it was a super simple reception, but it was fantastic.

 It’s dying down now. Will and Othello took my family back home a few hours ago, so it’s just me, Jay, the newly-weds, Will, Grell, and Othello left now.

 I stopped dancing ages ago … because I was just too tired. Didn’t really notice it when the wedding ceremony was going on … but I still feel pretty ill.

 It has been a tiring day though, so I’m probably just worn out. 

 “Ronald, are you alright?” Will’s hand rubs at my back. “Y-you are looking quite pale.”

 “What?” Eric stops dancing, hurries up to me. He must have overheard Will. “Ock, aye, yer don’t look so good. What’s wrong, Lad?”

 “I’m jus’ worn out, I think.”

 “Aye, ah bet.”

 “It okay if I go home?” I don’t wanna … but I really think I need to sleep.

 “Of course it is. Thanks for coming today,” he beams.

 “It’s cool.” I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. “Hope y’ ‘ave a nice honeymoon.”

 “Ock, we will.” I get a wink. “Don’t yer worry about that.”

 “Yeah. Jay, y’ comin’ or stayin’?”

 “I’ll stay a bit longer, I think,” he answers.

 “Alright.” Hah, party animal.

\--------------------------------

 “I … I really don’t feel so good, babe.” Kinda … kinda dizzy.

 “In what way?”

 “Q-queasy.” I rub at my head – it … it’s not going away, and … and I … I’m going proper hot.

 He takes my arm in his hold. “D-do I need to take you to the h-hospital?”

 “N-na, I … I jus’ need … t-ta lie down. I – ah!” Pain – chest … is … is getting tigh – no … no, not again, not –

 “R-Ronald, what -?”

 “P-pain ….”

**Thud.**

\----------------------

 “Ronald!”

 Who … who’s tapping … my face? “Nghh ….”

 “Ronald, I … I’m going to take you to … to the h-hospital, okay?”

 What …? “Sl-sleep.”

 “N-no … y-you weren’t sleeping. You … you fainted. I -.”

 “D-don’t!” He … he’s trying to … to lift me up. “I … I wanna sleep – it – too early.”

 “No -.”

 “L-leave me alo – uh ….”

 “It … it’ll be alright, R-Ronald. J-just try to r-remain calm.”

 “D-dizzy.”

 “I … I know, I know, b-but it’ll b-be okay. It … it will.”

 “Sleepy ….”

\---------------------

 It … it’s too bright. So … so bright ….

 So much … noise ….

 Smells … like puke ….

 Pain – wh-what’s … that … pain …?

 “Nghh ….”

 “Ronald, y-you’re going to b-be just … just f-fine. Just fine – the … the doctor will fix this, h-he will, I promise.”

 Will? “Why … why … are … y’ cryin’? Wha’ …?”

 So … d … dizzy ….


	257. William. I could have saved him.

***Tuesday 29th June***

***3.01pm***

 My … my heart is broken.

 Broken into miniscule pieces ….

 It … it breaks a little more each day.

 Ronald, he … he suffered another … heart attack … on returning home from the wedding.

 The … the pacemaker, it … it had burnt out … completely. It … it was due to the teleporting, had to be. The … the forcefields created by moving between worlds – they … they destroyed the only … the only thing keeping him alive.

 N-no. I … I destroyed it, d-destroyed him.

 I … I should have known it would affect – I should … have seen it coming.  

 This is my fault – entirely my fault. It … it was my job to keep him safe, keep him well –

 And … and just when we … we all thought he was out of … the woods, that he was … recovering from both the attack itself … and the operation to replace the pacemaker … it … it happened.

 It happened.

 A … a stroke.

 I … I still cannot believe –

 B-but I … I will never be able to forget that day. The … the look of terror, absolute terror, on his – it, it is scarred into my memory.

 They … they don’t know … why the cl-clot formed – we … we may never know.

 From … from laying in a hospital bed all day … doing nothing ….

 Or … a surgery c-complication.

 Or … or his heart condition heightening his risk –

 It … it doesn’t matter.

 If I hadn’t … teleported him … from place to place, none of … none of this would have happened.

 It … it is all my fault.

 The … the days drag on … slowly, painfully ….

 They seem empty, so empty – utterly hopeless.  

 And I wish I … I could stop, stop thinking, stop remembering that day.

 I … I am losing my sanity – the … the guilt, it is heavy.

 It … it is overwhelming.

 The hatred I feel for myself –

 I … I could … have done more to save him.

 I will never, never forgive myself.

\---------------------

***5.03pm***

 I walk over to the bed, am greeted by the same little smile as always. “Hello, Ronald.”

 The corners of his mouth turn up a little more – it … it is always the same. No … no hello. Only a small smile.

 The … the stroke, it … it damaged him. He … he cannot walk, has … trouble moving. And … and when he does speak, it takes so much time, so much concentration to … to say even the simplest of sentences.

 To … to even think about it, it … it rips my heart to shreds.

 He … he is cooped up in this … this damn room night and day – his … his life is hell.

 And his family’s life is hell – the … the constant worrying, the … the having to be at his side to … to tend to his every need – things … he … he should be able to do.

 He … he is a … a young man … and … and yet, he … he is so weak, so unwell.

 I can see … medication on the dressing table, bottles of … meal replacements – he … he isn’t eating, has no appetite.

 Th-the sadness he feels is too great.

 He … he doesn’t even have the … energy to chew.

 I … I could have prevented this, c-could have saved him from this … awful existence.

 “W-Will?”

 “Yes?” I look at him again, see … that he has that familiar expression of … intense concentration. Such … such concentration to simply speak ….

 The furrow in his brow deepens. Heart-breaking …. “Y’ … y’ o-okay … b … babe?”

 “Y-yes, I am fine.” I sit down on the bed. “How was your day?”

 “S … s-same.”

 Horrid then ….

 I gulp, for … for that awful expression comes over his face. Blankness.  

 He turns his head a little on the pillow, looks away from me.

 And … and I know what is to come. He will stare off into space … in his own little world … for hours.

 And … nothing, nothing at all will snap him out of … this trance.

 I have … lost him again.

 “I’ll leave ya to it,” Molly says from her position in the doorway, her expression grim ….

 “Th-thank you.”

 Leave … please leave before … I begin to cry.

 The door is shut.

 I lie down on the bed, hand reaching out to soothe at his hair.

 “I … I am so s-sorry, Ronald.”

 I … I have to hold in a bitter laugh … for he doesn’t reply, as … as always.

 He … he is young, so young, yet … he has no life ….

He has no life ….


	258. Molly. I want my lil man back.

***Friday 2nd July***

***12.19pm***

 “Oh … oh, sweetie.” My palm rubs at his cheek. “What’s the matter?”

 My … my poor boy is so agitated, is crying and shaking. He … he always is now.

 “W-Will.”

 “He’ll be ‘ere soon – oh … Ronnie, please stop crying.” He … he’s breaking my heart.

 Father pats at his leg through the bedsheets. But he doesn’t say anything, gives me a sad look instead. It … it is unusual for him, not knowing what to say.

 But … but none of us do.

 My … my lil boy was doing so well, and … and now, he’s worse off than ever.

 “N-now!”

 I … I don’t think he understands ….

 “Sweetie, Will’s at work.” A … a horrible cry comes from him. I … I hate that sound. He … he never used to make such a wailing before – it … it’s like a banshee. “I … I know ya miss ‘im, I know, but … I can’t do anything r-right now.”

 Another wail – a … a chilling sound ….  

 “When’s Eric coming over?” Father asks.

 “Two.” I sigh. “I … I dunno if he’ll be able to ‘elp though.”

 “He … he might calm him down some.” I get a lil smile, one of hope.

 I … I hope so too. If he keeps crying like this, he’s only going to make himself sicker. “M-maybe.”

 Ronnie makes a grunting sound. He … he’s been doing that … a lot, making strange noises, thick throaty sounds.  

 This … this isn’t my Ronnie. He … he’s always so angry, and withdrawn … so withdrawn.

 The stroke has changed him.

 I … I just want my lil man back ….

\------------------------

***3.57pm***

 Eric didn’t calm him down … but Ronnie went off into … one of those lil trances … where he just stares off into space – I think it happens when he’s worn out. He’s asleep now … and he looks so … so sad.

 Why … why is it always … my Ronnie? I wouldn’t wish this on anyone … but why do bad things always happen to him?

 My baby tried so hard, got himself better. But it … it seems like he gets punished, each and every time he fights to improve his life. He worked so hard … but has nothing to show for it.

 And I … I’m thinking things that no mother should think. No … no good mother, at least.

 But … things would have been easier if … if he’d have d-died when he was lil. At … at least then he wouldn’t have had to keep suffering … and suffering … for nothing. No … no one should have to go … go through all this cruelty, time … and time again.

 But there … there is no one to blame – no one was at fault here. That’s the … worst thing – I … I don’t have anyone to place my frustrations on.

 It wasn’t the hospital staffs’ fault. Ronnie was asleep … when it happened. One of the nurses tried to wake him up, because she had to do a test on him … but … but it took so long to wake him up – when … she did finally wake him, it … it was obvious something was wrong.

 My … my lil boy’s expression of … of fear said it all. It was … awful ….

 They … they did all they could … but the damage had already been done.

 I can’t blame William either, or any of the other reapers.

 William thinks the porting around … fried the pacemaker, but there’s no real proof of that – Father’s pacemaker was checked, and it was fine, even with going to Fiji.

 Even if it was the reason, I still can’t blame them – Ronnie wanted to be over in their world, wouldn’t have taken no for an answer.

 They did it to make my boy happy.

 But now … he can’t go to William’s home, because William won’t take the chance … and because my lil boy needs full-time care (I’ve quit my job so I can be with him round-the-clock).  

 And … and I don’t think Ronnie understands why he can’t go back, or even realises he can’t – he … he isn’t able to grasp anything most of the time – at … at least it seems that way, with his tantrum throwing and ….

 My … my lil man’s so poorly ….

\--------------------

***Wednesday 7th July***

***12.07pm***

 A few days ago, we bought Ronnie a new bed, one of those ones you can raise just by pressing a button. I … I thought it’d help his mood, at least a lil, not having to be propped upright by one of us.

 But no … he … he’s having a really bad day.

 Father or I can get him to eat sometimes … but today … he isn’t having any of it. He … he knocked a bottle of meal replacement out of my hand … in a fit of rage.

 Because … he wants to see William.

 He … he always just wants to see William.

 “Sweetie, come on … just eat something.”

 “N-no!” He … he keeps screeching – it … it’s so loud.

 “Ronald, that’s enough, okay?” Father swallows thickly. “Ya … ya need to calm down.”

 “W-Will!”

 “Later -.” I’m cut off … by a loud cry.

 My eyes squeeze shut, because … I … I’m at my wit’s end.

 I … I don’t know what to say, or what to do.

 My baby’s a mess, and Emma’s devastated, and … and James is just as shocked and confused as the rest of us.

 And Father's too old to … to be dealing with all this stress, and … and the family is just a mess. We’re all so worried.

 I … I don’t know what to do. I … I can’t … help my poor lil boy ….

\---------------------

***5.04pm***

 “Oh, thank God ya’re ‘ere.” I rub at my head – it’s pounding. “Ronnie’s … been throwing a fit … all day.”

 William really doesn’t look much better than me – he’s just as tired and frazzled looking as I most days.

 It … it’s the worry – does horrible things to the body, reaper or human.

 “Has he eaten?”

 I shake my head, eyes filling up with tears just thinking about it. If … if he doesn’t eat, he … he’ll end up in the hospital, with … with a feeding tube. “N-no. I … I’ve tried, but ….”

 “He isn’t having any of it ….”

 “Exactly. Come on ….” I turn, head up the stairs. Mother is in the room with him. I … I couldn’t handle the screaming and crying any longer – I … I’m such an awful mother.

\--------------------

 Ronnie settles down the instant he sees William, smiles a lil.

 I … I don’t know what I’m doing wrong ….

 I can’t get him to calm down, no matter what I do ….

 “W-Will.”

 “Yes, I’m here.” William hurries over to the bed.

 My boy lifts his left arm up – he … he can’t lift his right, at all. H-he’s so weak …. “H … h-hug?”

 “Of course you can have a hug, but you need to promise me something first, okay?” He asks, his voice calm. But I know he isn’t calm on the inside – none of us are.

 Ronald blinks up at him, makes a lil throaty sound.

 “You have to eat something, okay? Can you do that for me?” My boy looks away from him, stares at the wall instead. “Ronald, are … are you listening to me?”

 “D … d-don’t … w-wanna.”

 “Don’t want to … listen to me, or eat?”

 “E … eat … ea-eatin’.”

 “Ronald, you know you have to -.”

 “T-too sad!” He shrieks.

 “Yes … I know, but you still need to eat.” My Ronnie makes a crying sound. William bends over, scoops him forward into a hug. “Please just have something to eat … for me?”

 “Sad!”

 “I … I know, Ronald, I know.”

 Mother and I exchange a glance – she has this look of surrender on her face. She isn’t the most patient of women, and I think … she’s getting frustrated, had expected to see improvements in his condition by now.

 We all had … or, at least, we’d hoped ….

\------------------------

 William places the spoon back in the bowl, slides the bowl onto the dressing table. He managed to get Ronnie to eat this chocolate and toffee pudding thing that the chef made especially for him yesterday.

 It’s full of butter and sugar, but he needs the calories.

 I … I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

 I … I spent all day trying to get Ronnie to eat … and William just comes in, gets him to eat within half an hour.

 I … I don’t know.

 “Is that better, sweetie?”

 He shakes his head. “S-sad.”

 Oh …. I … I thought seeing William would help – no, nothing ever helps ….

 “You look tired,” William says gently.

 “I … I a-am,” Ronnie sniffs. “Sl-sleepy.”

 “You should take a nap.”

 “St-stay?”

 “Of course I will.”

 “I’ll draw the curtains,” I say, getting up. As I pull them over the window, I hear it again … Ronnie saying he’s sad.

 My heart sinks.

 I … I don’t know what to do to help him.

 I’m his mother … and … and I can’t, I just can’t help him.

 I just want him to be happy ….


	259. William. For him.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. Not been well + been busy.

***Thursday 22nd July***

***5.06pm***

 It … it has been a little over four weeks since Ronald returned home from the hospital … and I think finally, finally … he is beginning to settle a little.

 There has been a lot less crying and screaming, and he is eating a little more – though he will only take biscuits and cake at present.

 But I will take any little improvement.

 Molly lets me into the bedroom, telling me that Ronald has been asleep for a few hours. “Okay, thank you.”

 As I walk over to the bed, I have to hold in a sigh. She has him in that darn thing again – what is it called? A onesie? The hood is up … and though he does look adorable in it … he isn’t a child. There is no need to put him in an oversized baby-grow –

 No … no, I shouldn’t judge. Ronald does enjoy the warmth … and the garment must be quite comfortable; it is soft to the touch.

 “Nnn ….” He stirs, blinks up at me. That smile ….

 I climb into bed next to him, pull the rim of the hood up a tad – it was obstructing his line of vison a little. “There we go. I can see you now.”

 “W-Will.”

 “Yes, I’m here.” My fingers stroke at his cheek.

 “M … miss … m-missed y’.”

 “I missed you too, Ronald.”

 “W-work … s … s-sucked?”

 “Yes, it did,” I chuckle. It is nice to see a little of the … old Ronald coming through.

 It soon falls away, a whimpering noise coming from him. “What is the matter?”

 His left-hand paws at my suit shirt. “C-cuddle.” The movement is almost frantic.

 I grab hold of his wrist lightly. “Of course.” He is pulled close to me. “Have you eaten today?”

 A weak nod is felt against my chest. “C-cake.”

 “Was it nice?”

 “Sw-sweet.” I hear him yawn. “Th-this … this n-nice.”

 “Which?”

 “B-bed … cu-cuddles – t … to … toasty.”

 “Yes,” my hand pats lightly against his hood, “I imagine you are.”

 “Y-yup.”

 We fall into silence, apart from the small grunting and groaning sounds. They come constantly when he is awake … and I have gotten so used to them now … that they almost seem like background noise.

 I … I think the vocalisations are almost like tics … something he cannot control because of the stroke.

 “W-Will?”

 “Yes, Ronald?” I ask.

 “D-do … do y’ th-think – because … of … of tha … h-heroin?”

 “The heroin? What … do you mean?”

 “Th-tha … tha st-stroke?”

 “No, no, of course not.” I rub at his back. “It is not your fault, not at all.”

 “Hmm ….” He doesn’t sound convinced.

 “Wh-why would you think such a thing?”

 “C-caught … up wi’ … wi’ me. Wi’ … wi’ my b-body. D-d-damage.”

 I shake my head. “No.”

 “H-how’d … y’ know?”

 “Because the heart condition is genetic -.”

 “No!” The shout startles me a little; it shouldn’t – he … he is quite prone to outbursts at the moment.

 “No?”

 “N-not … h-heart at-attack. Str-stroke.”

 “Well … I believe that the … stroke was connected to the heart condition.”

 “M-might … n-not be.”

 “If it was the heroin, this … would have happened years ago.”

 “O-okay.”

 My hand pats at his back lightly. “Please don’t blame yourself, Ronald. It wasn’t anything you did, believe me.”

 “Y’ … y’ s-sure?”

 Pulling him closer, I say “yes, I am sure.”

 “W-will … things ge’ b-better?”

 “Yes, they will. They always do.”

 “N-not f-for long.” A small yawn comes from him. “N-never f-for long.”

 He … he isn’t wrong …. Still …“try … try to remain positive – things will improve.”

 I hear him sigh. “T-tr-tryin'.” Before I have chance to say anything else, the subject changes. “Y’ … y’re warm.” It happens quite a bit … his mind wandering.

 “How can you tell I’m warm when you’re wearing that?”

 He makes a little chuckling sound – I wish I could hear that beautiful noise all hours of the day … like I used to. “B-because … y’ … y’re al-always warm.”

\-------------------------

***Friday 6th August***

***8.04pm***

 He seems a little better this week, is continuing to improve. He isn’t … becoming angry as often, and it … may just be wishful thinking, but it does seem like his speech is a little less broken.

 Ronald’s left palm rubs against my thigh. An odd … action. “Are you alright, Ronald?”

 “Yeah. Jus’ … a … a b-bit … h-horny.”

 Oh – I … I shouldn’t be surprised. He has been quite … cuddly the past few hours. But “I thought you were … feeling unwell?”

 “E-earlier – f-feel … okay now.” His hand squeezes at the muscles in my leg. “Pr-proper h-horny.” He smiles a little. “At … at l-least my dick st-still … works.”

 “Y-yes, I … I think I can feel that.” I … I should do something to … help with his frustrations. A gulp comes from me. “D-do you wish to …?”

 “Y’ … y’ feel up … for it?” He frowns at me.

 “D-do you?” I gulp again. “A-are you feeling … well enough?”

 “Y-yeah, I think s-so. As … as long as y’re … gentle.” His frown deepens. “B-but … d-do … y’ even wanna?”

 “I … I am willing.” He has been so patient with me … didn’t nag or ask in the many months we spent together … before the stroke.

 “I … I d-don’t w-wanna … pr-pressure y’.”

 “You aren’t. I want to do this, for you,” I say sternly.

 It … it may be partly out of pity … may well be … but he has given me so much – he … he has been so giving … and I wish to do the same, even if it does mean … stepping outside of my comfort zone.

 “Y’ … y’ don’t ‘ave … ‘ave ta.”

 “I want to.” And … it … did feel rather nice the previous time … once I relaxed into it.

 “S-sure?”

 “Yes, I am. It … may take a while … to get me in the mood though ….”

 “S-so a … a lot of kissin’ … and cuddlin’ then?”

 “Yes.”

 He smiles at me. “Hmm … s-sounds good t-ta me.”

\-------------------

***8.53pm***

 His deep kisses are sloppy … messy … because of the stroke, but they are just as passionate as always.

 We have been kissing for a while … a long while … but I think the … the heated contact is having an effect.

 His lips leave mine, head turning to the side. “Y’ … y’re really h-hard, babe.”

 “Y-you … can feel -?”

 “Oh … yeah, f-for sure.” He chuckles quietly. “F-feels like a br-brick.”

 My cheeks warm, but I manage a slight laugh also. “I … I will take that as a compliment.”

 “Y’ … sh-should.”

 “Yes …. Should we …?”

 I am given a slow nod. “If … y’re r-ready.”

 “I … think I am, yes.” I shift a little, cup his cheek. “You are so beautiful, Ronald.”

 He gives me this dopey smile – adorable. “Y’re … not h-half bad y’self. Uh – tha … tha l-lube is … in one of … tha drawers … from b-before – I … I think.”

\----------------

***9.01pm***

 “Hnn ….”

 The muscles in his chest clench as I lay kisses on his skin.

 The … the scar from the operation – it … breaks my heart.

 “W-Will, c-come on,” he whines.

 I pull my mouth away. “Yes … yes, sorry.”

\--------------------

 “Nghhh ….” His … his teeth cut into my shoulder as … as we connect. It … it is intense.

 “D-does that hurt?” The … the biting is certainly causing me … some pain. “Ronald?”

 His mouth leaves my skin. “N-na. F-feels g-good.”

 “Comfortable?”

 “Y-yeah. I … I’m fl-flexible … n-no matter … wha’, I … I guess.”

 “It … it does seem that way.” I shift, pull him closer. And … and I begin to move. “Ahh ….” It … it feels … wonderful. He … he is warm, and his skin is soft.

 Lord ….

 I … I am quite enjoying this already.

 “Nghh … f-fuck.”

 His mouth hangs open slightly, eyes glazing over a little.

 My … my heart flutters in my chest. So … so beautiful.

\-------------------

 “Ah … ah … Will …. Ngh ….” His breath shudders, muscles in his legs quivering.

 My hands grip onto his thighs tightly … in … in pleasure.

 “W-Will!” A deep groan rumbles in his throat. “L … love y’.”

 “I … I love you too.” Oh … oh, Lord …. “Ahhh ….”

\---------------------

 “It … it’s o-okay, Will.”

 I … I finished before him – I … am not embarrassed … by it, but … I am disappointed that I … I couldn’t give him that … release, that break … from it all.

 He smiles up at me. “Tha’ … w-was gr-great.”

 “It … it was? But -?”

 “I … I think … it’s … t-takin’ my … body a b-bit more t-time ta – tha … tha st-stroke, y’ … y’ know?”

 “That … does make sense.” I … I wish to run into the bathroom … and shower, because the sweat is making me cringe … but “w-would you … like me to use … my hands?”

 His smile widens. “H-hell yeah.”

\----------------------

 A whimper slips past his lips … as his body tenses around my fingers.

 “Ha … ha ….” His chest heaves as I pull away from him. “F-fuckin’ … hell.”

 Leaning in again, I kiss him on the cheek. “I love you, Ronald.”

 “L-love y’ … t-too, babe.”

 He is wrapped up in a thin blanket, lifted out of bed. “I think a shower is in order.”

 “H-heh … am … am I all gr-gross?”

 A small laugh comes from me. “We both are. The bedsheets will need changing also.”

 “Y’ … y’re such a … a germ – erm ….”

 “A germaphobe?”

 “Y-yeah,” he nods excitedly against me, “that’s tha’ … w-word.”

 I return a little nod. “You aren’t wrong.”

 “Hmm. Thanks … f-for … tha’ though. I … I know y’re not keen.”

 “It is no problem, Ronald.”

 “N-na. I … I a-appreciate … it. I … r-really do.”

 His words cause me to smile. “Then you are very welcome.”

 I … I can … handle the sweat … and other unappealing things … once in a while, to make Ronald happy.

 He … he deserves to be happy.

 William, do … do not get upset.

 Do … do not –

 He … he is so … so unwell ….


	260. William. Sedation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm going on holiday on Sunday, and am super busy up until then, so will probably not get a chapter up until Sunday/Monday. 
> 
> Bear with me xD

***Tuesday 17th August***

***5.04pm***

 Today has been exhausting … utterly exhausting. I was required to cover for another member of staff, spent most of my shift hurrying from one collection to another.

 I was not expecting to come back to find Ronald cuddled up to Jay. It is irritating –

 No, William, there is no need to be jealous.

 They are friends now, only friends –

 Ronald smiles the brightest for me.

 “Hey,” Jay smiles at me.

 “Hello.” I think he booked the day off from work. He must have, as he was here before me. I take off my coat, place it on the chair in the corner of the room. “How is he?”

 “He’s not feeling so well.”

 I … expected as much. Ronald was full of cold yesterday, could hardly stay awake.

 “Been asleep since noon,” he continues.

 Walking over to the bed, I bend down, touch at his forehead. His temperature has come down since yesterday, at least.

 Hopefully, by tomorrow, he will have slept the illness off.

 “Hnnn ….”

 Oh, he is beginning to stir. “Hello, Ronald.”

 “Hnn ….” His head shifts a little on Jay’s chest. “H-hey … babe.”

 He does sound quite snotty, congested. “How are you feeling?”

 A croaky laugh slips past his dry lips. “R-rough.”

 “Do you wish for me to get you a glass of water?”

 “P-please.”

\----------------------

***Wednesday 8th September***

***7.08pm***

 I … I don’t know what happened. Ronald, he … he was doing well, recovered from his cold.

 But then … it all crashed … and burned.

 Ronald wanted to get up, move around. He … he wished to walk ….

 And I would tell him … over and over again … that doing so wasn’t possible.

 But he didn’t listen. He … he never listens.

 He would … go around in loops, go on … and on about the same thing. The … the stroke … changed his mind – he … he will zone in an idea, will get obsessed. And nothing anyone says will make him let go of that idea.

 And I tried, I really did try.

 It made no difference.

 Molly left … him alone for a few minutes, needed the bathroom, and … when she returned to the bedroom, Ronald was on the floor. He … had tried to get out of bed … walk.

 From that moment on … his mood began to falter. He became irritable … depressed … and then began refusing to eat. We tried … we all did, but were met with no success.

 As we feared … he is now in the hospital. The medical staff too tried to coax him, but soon realised how stubborn he can be ….

 His mother’s worst nightmare became a reality – a … a feeding tube.

 “Ronald, enough of that.” I snatch at his left wrist. “What have we told you?”

 “Aye, Lad, yer cannae keep pulling it out,” Eric agrees.

 Alan pipes up too. “The … the nurses will restrain you if it keeps happening.”

 He … has pulled it out, time and again ….

 Ronald gives me a filthy look, tries to pull his arm free.

 “Ronald, I said enough.” I am trying to remain calm, I truly am, but this situation is frustrating, to say the least.

 I can understand it, I can – he is sad, horribly sad, and frustrated –

 But he … he isn’t helping himself.

 Maybe that is the point. He doesn’t want to help himself … because he … has given up.

 Life … it … it has beaten all the … fight out of him.

 My … my poor boy.

\----------------------

***Thursday 9th September***

***4.34pm***

 “Ronald, stop it.” My hands pin his arms at his side; I keep him firm on my lap. He continues to struggle. “Ronald -.”

 “G-go away!”

 “I cannot.” The nurses tried to restrain him … because he ripped out his feeding tube once more … caused an awful nosebleed, but they weren’t able to. He … he lashed out, went as far as to bite one of them.

 So now … much to Molly’s dismay, they are going to sedate him. He … isn’t going to be asleep … but the medication will make him calmer.

 “W-Will, d-don’t … don’t d-do this.”

 I squeeze my eyes shut. I … I hate hearing him beg. This situation, the state of him – it is breaking my heart … and my spirit. “I have to, Ronald. I … I am so -.”

 “I hate y’!” He screeches, kicking his left leg out as he thrashes.

 It … it doesn’t do anything – I am so much stronger than he.

 The nurse approaches, brandishing a syringe. Oh, Lord. I –

 A cry comes from Ronald – he … he is terrified. “N-no!”

 A … a horrible whine strikes my ears as … the needle pricks his skin – it … it is almost like a squeal.

 Horrible … utterly horrible ….

 It … mixes with the sound of his mother’s cries – I … I understand her horror, as I can feel it too.

 I move my arms, hug at him instead as his movements slow. Rocking him gently, I do my best to comfort him, comfort myself. “It … it’s alright, Ronald. It’s … alright.”

\---------------------

***8.03pm***

 He is restrained to the bed … is staring up at the ceiling with … this horrible expression of hopelessness.

 I … I think he is in … a daze, somewhat, is … is as still as death – they … are continuing to administer medication to keep him calm, so … so that he doesn’t risk hurting himself.

 The tube … has been fitted again – Lord, the amount of tears that ran down his face when they slid it into place. I … I am worried that they might have hurt him.

 Eric enters the room, Alan right on his tail. He stops dead, his brow furrowing in confusion. “What … the …?” His expression turns to one of horror as I explain to him what has happened. “Ock, Ronnie, yer … yer know better than this.” He sighs. “Yer poor lad.” Bending down, he gives Ronald a kiss on the forehead.

 They’ve all been doing that recently, apart from Alan, kissing him on the head. Even Jay has … but I will not become jealous. Not when he is … so unwell.

 They are only trying to comfort him.

 “Can I get you anything? Molly?” Alan looks over in her direction.

 She glances up from her chair, looking pale and tired. “N-no, thanks,” she sighs, “they’ll probably … make us leave soon – visiting ‘ours and all.”

 “Oh, alright.”

 “We’ll take good care of him, don’t yer worry,” Eric smiles.

 Rubbing at her eyes, she returns the smile. “I know ya will – ya always do.”

\-----------------------

***11.23pm***

 “I know, Ronald.” He … he is looking up at me, his beautiful eyes watery and bloodshot. They … they show anger … and pain, intense pain. “Y-you hate me, I know.”

 I swallow down the lump in my throat as I bend forward – that … that tube is hideous.

 Yet … it is the only thing keeping him alive.

 “It … it is alright, Ronald. And … and whatever happens, kn-know that you are loved.” He … he understands, even with the medication, he understands, for two tears slip down his face.

 I begin to tear up also as I wipe them away.

 I … I am breaking under the weight … the misery of … this situation.

 Hopeless ….

 “Y-you are loved.”  


	261. Molly. Another day like this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello from Greece! 
> 
> If anyone has Instagram and wants to follow me, lemme know down in the comments. Kinda addicted to that right now.

***Wednesday 22nd September***

 My … my poor lil man. He … he’s so dazed.

 The doctors have been … loading him up on all sorts of medication. Anxiety meds … anti-depressants – I … I hate it, I fucking hate it.

 But … the … the medical staff didn’t have a choice.

 Ronnie – he … he’s been so violent.

 They took him … off of the sedative … and … and he went crazy.

 Lashing out … screaming at everyone.

 I … I know he’s had his problems in … the past … with the panic attacks … but he’s never been so naughty – he … he really has been … disruptive.

 Nasty … at times ….

 Ronnie even … punched … Emma in one of his … rages, gave her a black eye. My … my boy would never, ever do that if he was thinking straight. He dotes on his lil sister – if … if he realised what he’d done, he’d be so ashamed, disgusted … and heartbroken.

 The punch hasn’t stopped Emma clinging to him – I wouldn’t have expected it to, if I’m honest. She … she loves her big bro, has always looked up to him, followed him around at every opportunity.

 I … I think it’s hit her the hardest out of all of us.

 James has been really strong, is still going to school most days, but Emma refuses to. She hasn’t been since Ronnie went to the hospital – I’m expecting letters from the school any day now.

 And … and when visiting hours are over, and she has to come home with us – God, she … she’ll scream and bawl and beg –

 Father has to drag her out of the room … every single night.

 As a mother … I just feel so hopeless.

 Useless.

\--------------------

***9.43pm***

 Emma runs up the stairs, to her room, sobbing – wailing. I hear the door slam.

 My shoulders slump, and I sigh. I feel like … all I do at present is sigh.

 “You alright, babe?” Josie’s hand rubs at my back.

 She doesn’t come to the hospital often, because the room is pretty packed out, but she’s always waiting for me when I come home. God, I love her. “As alright … as I can be, I guess.”

 Her arms slide under mine, wrap around my waist. “I’ll run you a bath, okay?”

 “That’d be lovely, sweetie.”

 I wanna go up to speak to Emma … but I know from experience that … that isn’t a good idea. There’s nothing I can say or do to make her feel better – it … it’s best to give her space when she’s like this.

 I’m … useless.

\------------------

***10.39pm***

 That bath was lovely. I’m still in my dressing gown, was too tired to change –

 I’m always so tired … knock out by ten o’clock most nights. And I … still wake up exhausted.

 I take a cup from Josie, smile because there’s hot chocolate inside. “Thanks, ‘oney.”

 “No probs.” She gets into bed with me – her hand pats at my inner thigh.

 I … I’m so, so lucky to have her.

 She … she’s been such a pillar of support.

 My hands clamp tightly around the cup … so much it starts to burn.

 Arthur … never would’ve done this, never would have … comforted me through this hardship.

 Bastard.

 For fuck – not again –

 My … my mind always wanders to him when things go to shit. Probably because … he was … everything wrong in my life, the one who caused so much pain.

 It … is so frustrating.

 He isn’t … worth a single thought of mine.

 The cup is moved – painful.

 “Molly?”

 “Uh – hmm?”

 “You were staring into space … again.”

 “Oh,” I manage a smile, “I’m just tired. I should probably go say goodnight to Emma.”

 “Want me to come with you?”

 “No … no, I’ll be okay.” I’m her mother – I … I should be able to deal with her outbursts on my own.

 Hopefully she won’t … yell at me to get out of her room tonight.

 My poor lil girl ….

\----------------------

***Thursday 23rd September***

***7.00am***

 My hand slams down on the alarm clock – fucking thing.

 I don’t feel … like I’ve slept at all.

 “Coffee time ….” Josie grumbles. She’s not an early bird whatsoever.

 “One for me too.”

 “Obviously,” she laughs lightly.

 “Thanks.” I sit up in bed, rub at my forehead … to attempt to ease the throbbing.

 Time to … get ready, head to the hospital – the same as every morning.

 And every day … the routine … gets a lil bit harder.

 He’s so … poorly, isn’t getting any better.  

 I … I just want this nightmare to be over.

\---------------------------

***Friday 1st October***

***9.11am***

 I ... I can’t take this anymore, his ... blank stares. The ... drugs have turned him into a zombie.

 My lil man ... is so highly medicated that he ... he can’t speak, can’t do ... anything but lie there with those ... silent tears running down his face.

 It’s so h-horrible to watch.  

 I don’t care, don’t care if he’s angry, or even violent.

 I’ll take it, deal with it all.

 This ... this has to end. No more ... no more days like this.

 They ... they've numbed my ... boy into ... nothing.

 This isn’t him, it isn’t –

 I ... I have to get him out of here.

 I have to ... make this stop.

 My lil Ronnie – this is torture.

 For me ... for Emma, but ... mostly, for him.

 I can’t let him suffer like this anymore – he doesn’t have a ... doesn’t have a life.

\-------------------

***9.56am***

 I took Mother into the hallway … to discuss my decision. 

 “You do realise ... that if you discharge him, he is going to die?”

 I look Mother dead in the eyes. “I know.”

 “Pardon?”

 “So be it.” I wipe away the tears frantically. “So ... so be it, Mother.”

 She ... she can argue, if she wants, but –

 “Un ... understood.”

 I blink at her. She ... she doesn’t want to ...?

 Oh ….

 I ... I think she ... realises how cruel ... this is.

 She wanted to ... put him on ... bedrest after his first heart attack, do ... do anything she could to keep him alive.

 But this is different, so different.

 There ... is ... is no quality of life to ... keep.

 She ... she’s crying too. “You know ... what is best. You … are his mother ... so ... I ... I have no right to meddle ... in this. And ... I do think Ronald would ... want to be at home ... for … for what is to come.”

 She’s pulled into a deathly tight hug. “Th-thank ... ya.”

 Having Mother’s support, agreement … for once – it … it means the world.

 “I love you, Molly.”

 A squeak slips out. “I … I love ya too, M-Mother.”

\---------------------

***12.33pm***

 “Sweetie,” I tap at his pale face, “I … I’m gonna take ya ‘ome now, okay?” The discharge papers have been signed – this is it … really it.

 But … a hospital – it … it’s no place for him.

 I … I won’t have him … live like this. No … no good mother would.

\----------------------

 “There we go, son,” Father says as he clicks the seatbelt into place around Ronnie.

 My … my lil man is so … weak, so disorientated – his head is lolling to one side.

 “When we geh ‘ome, I’ll geh ya onesie out, okay, sweetie? Would ya like that?”

 Oh – a … a smile. The first one in a long while. It’s such a weak one, but … but it shows that I’m doing the right thing.

 He … he just wants me to take him away from here.

\-----------------------

***1.45pm***

 I finish tucking the thick quilt around Ronnie. “There we go, sweetie. Isn’t that so much better?”

 A noise from behind me jolts me. I turn, see Emma standing there, crying. She … was so quiet on the way back home. “What -?”

 “T-take him b-back.” She hugs at herself. “T-take Ronnie back, Mom.”

 “Back?”

 “Th-the hospital.”

 Oh, no, no – “I … can’t, sweetie, he -.”

 “He’s poorly!” She screams at me.

 “I … I know, Emma -.”

 “He needs a doctor!”

 “I am a doctor -.”

 “A real doctor! The one in the hospital!” Her foot slams down on the ground.

 “Emma -.”

 “He’ll die otherwise!”

 A lump forms in my throat. I can’t … say what I said to Mother – ‘so be it’. “Y-yes … I … I know.”

 “Then take him back!”

 I … can’t go … back on it all now. “Ronnie … wants to be ‘ere, sweetie -.”

 “No!”

 “I … I’m sorry, Emma -.”

 “You … you can’t just let him die!”

 “I’m noh taking ‘im back -.”

 “But -.”

 “Emma, en-enough, okay? He was miserable there – I … I’ve made up my mind, and … and so ‘as he. I know it’s ‘ard, but -.”

 “I hate you!”

 “Em -.”

 “You’re horrible! I hate you!” Before I have chance to say anything else, she’s gone, door slamming behind her. 

 Oh … Emma ….

 She … she just doesn’t understand.

 She … she’s too young to see the … bigger picture –

 But she … she does hate me … for this. She really does – I can … tell she meant it, wasn’t just saying it out of –

 What … what if she never forgives me?

 The tears start to fall.

 I collapse down onto the bed – what? Something is ripped out from under me – the bag of pills Ronnie was discharged with.

 The … the anger rips through me – these … these fucking things! They’ve turned him into a mindless drone.

 The bag’s thrown across the room. “No … no more pills, Ronnie, I promise.” I wipe at my eyes, look over at him – he … he looks happy about that, is probably so relieved that … that he isn’t going to be drugged into oblivion anymore.

 But that tube … that damn tube. Every time I see it, anger floods through me. Anger … directed at myself.

 I was the one … who took him to the hospital, had the nurses force-feed him.

 He … he doesn’t want to be here – he … didn’t to begin with – that’s why he stopped eating in … the first place.

 I … I made him … stay, suffer … for me, for the family.

 Selfish … so fucking selfish.

 The tube –

 I … I can’t let … let this go on … for even … one more day.

 It … it has to come out.

 This has to end.

\-----------------------

 The last inch of the tube is eased out. As a doctor, I did know … the basics of getting it in and out … but watching the nurses – I … I think I’m a pro now. “There … we go, sweetie.” The thing is tossed in the bin.

 My hands grab his shoulders, and I pull him up into a hug – he’s been so knocked about by all the drugs that … he’s all limp, feels like dead weight.

 “N-no … no more tubes … or pills, Ronnie. N-no more. Y-ya … ya don’t … ‘ave … to go through this anymore.”

 His head moves a lil on my shoulder. “Th … thank y’.”

 I lose it – he … he hasn’t spoken … in weeks – weeks! The hug tightens, so much that … I could break his weak lil body.

 But I … I can’t let go.

 My … my lil man. “Ya … ya just rest, sweetie. Just r-rest.”

 He … he won’t last long … without the tube – a … a couple of days.

 Unless … he starts to eat … and drink on his own –

 I … I don’t see that happening.

 This … this doesn’t seem real –

 But … it’s for the best, I know it is.

 Watching my … lil man in so much pain, seeing him suffer so much – it … it’s killing me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 I … I just hope that … he was happy, before the heart attack, before … the stroke.

 I … I hope I did … right by him.

 I hope … we were enough for my precious lil Ronnie.

 Was … I a good enough mother?


	262. Alan. Really, a plan? You thought things through? Wow ....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At this time, none of the reapers know Ronald's been taken out of the hospital. Being in a different world, and all.

***3.33pm***

 Eric has called a meeting. Silly thing to name it, really, as he basically just called Grell over to the house. But that’s the word he used, so I’ll stick with that.

 I already know what he’s going to say – it’s painfully obvious.

 I do blame myself, in a way … for what happened to Ronnie. It happened just after the wedding … and with the porting ….

 We came as soon as we heard … and have been watching him slowly deteriorate since then. It’s awful, and I’m surprised it’s taken Eric this long to get involved, speak up.

 I think he was hoping William would do something.

 He hasn’t ….

\-------------------

 “Ah don’t know what William’s thinking,” Eric sighs. “He hasn’t said a thing about – we need tae do something.”

 Nodding, I say “I agree.”

 “Ah … ah know suicide isn’t pleasant, but it’s better than what he’s dealing with now.”

 “Yes -.”

 “Ah mean, he isn’t happy.”

 “I know.”

 “And ah know it’ll take him some time tae get used tae it, but ah think he’d make an alright reaper in time.”

 He isn’t listening …. “Eric, I -.”

 “He’ll be a lot stronger, and we won’t have tae worry about his health -.”

 Grell smacks him around the back of the head.

 “Ock! Arhh.” He rubs at the sore spot. “What the -?”

 “He said he agrees, you moron. Try listening to your hubby once in a while, hmm, Darling?”

 “Oh.” He gives us both a small smile. “Sorry – got carried away there.”

 “It’s okay, Eric.” I fiddle with my hands. “I do … agree that there isn’t any other way. I have … a horrible feeling that … something else is going to happen soon – another … heart attack or ….”

 “Aye … he doesn’t have long left.”

 “So, what’s the plan, Darling?” Grell asks.

 “Ah think, before we do anything else, we need tae get William on board.”

 Oh – I … I didn’t expect him to have a plan – he normally doesn’t think things through properly ….

 “Hmm.” Grell nods. “We do need him on our side.”

 I couldn’t agree more. I’m not sure why William hasn’t mentioned the reaper option … but if he doesn’t want that for Ronnie, doesn’t agree with us, it’s going to make helping our friend a lot harder.

 “Aye.” Eric walks across the room, bends down to get his shoes.

 Oh ….

 “We’re going now?” I ask.

 “We don’t really have time tae waste, Al.”

 I frown. “But isn’t he working?”

 “Aye,” he shrugs, “but he’ll be on his own – be easier tae talk tae him that way.”

 “True.” Though he will probably … be annoyed that we disturbed him at work.

 But … thinking about it, when he’s at the hospital, with Ronnie, he won’t want to talk to us at all.

 Grell bolts over to the door. “Come on, Darling! No time like the present.”

 “Coming.”

 I hope Eric has planned out what he is going to say to William – it … it is a touchy subject.

 And the fact that William hasn’t said or done anything – it … it does worry me a little.  

 It seems as if he is … simply watching it all play out. 

 And I … don’t know if he is in denial, believes Ronnie will get better, or … if … if he is just waiting for the end.

 Maybe … he thinks letting him … die is a kinder –

 I … I really hope not.

 I never wanted Ronald to become a reaper, miss out on experiences in the human world … but that was before he was bedridden and poorly – 

 Now, it really is the only way – I know that … from my own experience as a sickly human. Living in … a horribly damaged body – it … it’s hell.  

 Ronnie, he just wants this to be over.  

 I … I just hope this all works out in the end.

 Ronnie is such a lovely young man, a true friend.  

 He … he deserves so much better than this. He really does.  

 We need to help him.

 If we are to call ourselves his friends, we have to.


	263. William. How dare you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been nearly a month (in the story timeline) since we heard from William, saw his point of view.  
> So, let's see where his head's at. 
> 
> Oh, and Grell isn't in this chapter because Eric made her wait out in the hallway (after much whining, she finally gave in and agreed, lol)

 “No, absolutely not – are you insane?” I cannot believe what I am hearing, cannot believe they would come to me with –

 “Are yer?” Eric glares my way. “Why wouldn’t yer want this for him?”

 “You … are seriously asking me why I do not want my partner to commit suicide? Suicide, Eric.”

 “Ock, don’t say it like that.” He waves a hand. “He won’t be going anywhere.”

 “But to ask him to – I … I will not allow it.” Just the thought of him … taking an overdose, or – he … he has hurt himself enough over the years. I … have seen it … too many times.

 Alan nears me. “He … he’s going to die, William. Even with the feeding tube, his heart -.”

 “Is weak.”

 “Yes -.”

 “I am perfectly aware of that.” I am neither blind nor stupid.  

 “Then you … you want him -?”

 “To die? No, of course not.” Never. I never wanted this.  

 But … it … it is the reality. I … I know it is coming, have known for a while – I am trying to come to … terms with … this nightmare. They must come to terms with it also, stop meddling in –

 “Then -.”

 “It is a no, Alan.”

 “It isn’t even yerr choice,” Eric hisses.

 I glare at him. “You want him to suffer endlessly?”

 “Ock, yer -.”

 “Because being a reaper – it … it is an awful existence, a lonely – I will not have him go through that.”

 “It won’t be lonely for him – he’s got us.”

 “We’ll be here to help him through it,” Alan agrees, “through all of it.”

 I … I honestly cannot believe what I am hearing. “Do you not think he has been through enough? Seeing all that death, having to collect souls – that will destroy him.”

 “No -.”

 “Yes, it will. Y-you idiots may not see it, but it will traumatise him.” Hasn’t … he been through enough trauma, seen enough of the evil of this world?

 “W-well, he doesn’t have to go out on collections. He could work in branch and -.”

 “And do paperwork? Be out of his mind bored for centuries? How is that any better than being in a hospital bed?” Have these two thought this through, at all?

 “At least it’s a life!” Eric barks at me –

 I really am not in the mood for this. They think I don’t know all this, haven’t thought about every single detail –

 “Ah cannae believe yer – do yer even love him?”

 “Of course I love him!” How dare they ask –

 “Doesn’t seem like it! Yer’re seriously telling us that yer’re just going tae wait around for him tae die?”

 “That is what he wants! If … if you would just open your eyes, you would see -.”

 “No -.”

 “He has had enough! H-how can you n-not see that he doesn’t want to ….” I squeeze my eyes shut, for it … it is terribly painful to think about. “He … he doesn’t want to live.”

 “William.” I feel Alan’s hand touch my arm; I open my eyes. “He … he does want to live, he does. It’s the debilitation that’s making him depressed. If we talk to him, can get him to understand that he can carry on living -.”

 “No!” I rip my arm away. “Not as a reaper – I … I will not allow – I … I have never wanted that for him.”

 “Ock, would yer listen tae yerself? Yer’re being ridiculous – being a reaper really isn’t so bad.”

 “Y-yes, it … it is.” I cover my face with my hands. “All … all I wanted was … for him to … have a healthy, h-happy human life, a natural life.”

 “So did I,” Alan says, “but that was … before the stroke. Things have changed now. I … I know it’s hard to think of Ronnie … having to go through killing … himself, but it’s … for the best.”

 For the best? For the – a … a life of monotony and – they are selfish to the core, cannot see beyond their own pain, their own loss.

 Ronald, he … he is such a wonderful young man … but he is a fragile man – he … he would never cope –

 “William, please … please just see it from his … point of view.”

 “How dare you,” I spit, pull my hands away. How dare he say – they know nothing, nothing of his thoughts and feelings. “I _am_ seeing it from his point of view.”

 “William -.”

 “I will never change my mind on this, do you understand me?” I am done discussing this – there is nothing to discuss. I made up my mind … long ago.  

 “Yer -.”

 “Get out of my office.” I am trying to remain calm, God knows I am. “Now.”

 “But -.”

 “Now!”

 “No, ah -.”

 “Eric, we … we should go,” Alan says.

 “Not until -.”

 “Please. Arguing isn’t going to do anything. It … it won’t help, okay?”

 “Ock, fine.”

 They finally leave, Eric cussing as he goes.

 They … are gone, their absence allowing my emotions to flood out of me ….

 I collapse down onto my office chair, and cry, just cry.

 Ronald … as a reaper? I … I just cannot … cannot see that working, helping …. 

 He … he wants to … wants to die.

 Is … isn’t it kinder –

 Wouldn’t … heaven … be a kinder place?

 I … I think so.

 It … it hurts, aches, kills to … to even think about.

 Losing him … losing him ….

 I … I cannot … bear the thought –

 But keeping him … grounded … making him live on when he … wishes to die … wants only to be at peace – it … it is cruel.


	264. Alan. Molly may I.

 “Well … that was a bust,” I say.

 “I’ll go talk to that moron.” Grell’s fuming – I’m disappointed myself. I thought he’d see the bigger picture, understand –

 “Forget about him.” Eric says.

 “But -.”

 “We don’t need him anyway. We’ll go talk tae Molly.”

 “Mm!” Grell claps her hands together. “She’ll say yes! That woman dotes on our Ronnie.”

 “Aye, and tae be fair, we need Molly tae agree tae this.” He grunts under his breath. “Not William – his opinion doesn’t matter.”

 He really is annoyed, but he does have a point. We can go against William, but we’ll have to respect Molly’s feelings on this. If she doesn’t … agree with us, I … I think that will be the end of it.

 “Hospital it is then, Darlings.”

 “Aye.” Eric nods. “Come on then.”

\----------------------

***4.11pm***

 I … I’m unsettled. We went to the hospital, only to find out that Ronnie had been discharged.

 When we ported to the family home, Martha opened the door … explained the situation.

 Molly – she … she’s brought him home … to die.

 I … I hope we can turn this around.

 The three of us head up the stairs, to the room Ronnie was in before he ended up in the hospital. Eric knocks on the door. “Molly, yer in there?”

 “Y-yes, come in.” She sounds upset … unsurprisingly.

 Eric’s the first to go inside – I’m the last. I can barely see Ronnie, he’s tucked under so many sheets.

 “Yer … alright, Lass?” Eric asks.

 “Better … now that we’re outta that awful place.” She leans over him on the bed. “Ronnie’s ‘appy about it too. Feeling a bit poorly though, aren’t ya, sweetie?”

 A weak groan comes from the direction of the bed.

 Grell rushes over to it. “Oh, Darling, what’s the matter?”

 “He was due some meds a few ‘ours ago, but I won’t ‘ave ‘im take … that rubbish anymore.”

 “So … he’s withdrawing?” Eric asks, nearing the bed as well.

 “A lil, yes.”

 “It’ll be alright, Lad.” He bends down, kisses Ronnie on the head. “Aye?”

 Molly sighs, looks away from us. “I … I’m guessing ya’ve ‘eard … why he’s back … ‘ere.”

 “Aye, we have -.”

 “And we need to speak to you about that, in private.”

 Grell and Eric both look at me like I’ve gone mad. I give Eric a stern look in return. We came here for a reason, and now he wants to waste time on pleasantries?

 We have a friend to save, in case you’ve forgotten.  

 “Oh?” Molly frowns at me.

 “Please? It’s important.”

 “O-okay.” She glances back at Ronnie. “I’ll ask ya Grandfather to keep ya company, okay, sweetie?”

 “Hnn ….”

\----------------------------

 A bottle of wine is plonked down on the table, one taken from a locked cabinet in the kitchen. “‘Elp yaself,” Molly says, before taking a sip from her glass.

 “We’re okay, th-.”

 “Is it the good stuff?” Grell asks, cutting me off. I don’t know why I’m surprised – that’s exactly the sort of thing she would care about.

 “Yes, the strong stuff.”

 Molly … looks exhausted, completely overwhelmed.  She usually takes such pride in her appearance … but today, her hair’s a mess, there’s no make-up on her face. She … doesn’t look well, at all.

 The bottom of the glass hits the table. “I … I can’t believe it’s come to this.”

 “Well -.”

 “He … he was such a … cute lil baby, my Ronnie,” she sniffs, “all … all chubby cheeks and fat rolls.”

 “Aye, ah bet he was.” Eric smiles a little – he always melts when it comes to babies.

 “Hmm.” She rubs at her one eye. “I … I’m doing … the right thing, aren’t I? It … it seems cruel to ….”

 “That’s what we need to talk to you about,” I say.

 “Aye.” Eric leans forward in his chair. “There is … another way.”

 Confusion washes over her face. “Another way?”

 “Well … he doesn’t have tae … die, exactly. He could turn himself intae … a reaper. He’d have tae come over tae our end, but he … wouldn’t be gone.”

 “Wh-what?”

 “We know a way tae turn him intae a reaper. We can help him … if that’s alright with yer?”

 Silence.

 She sits there, unmoving, blinking across the table at Eric. 

 This … this isn’t a good sign. She –

 Her fist flies out, collides with Eric’s face. “Ya tell me this NOW?!”

 “Ock!”

 I … I felt that ….

 “What the ‘ell, seriously?! Ya’ve let ‘im suffer -.”

 “W-we were … hoping he’d get better.”

 She grunts at him. “Well he isn’t gonna, so explain ‘ow this reaper thing works.”

 “You’re … okay with him … being a reaper?” I ask.

 “I don’t care about – anything to save my Ronnie.”

 “Okay.”

 “‘Ow do we go about doing this?”

 “We need Ronnie tae … do something for us,” Eric says.

 “Okay. What?”

 I see something flicker across Eric’s face momentarily – an expression of nervousness.  “Ah’ve … got tae warn yer, it’s not nice.”

 “I said I don’t care.”

 “Alright ….” Eric swallows. “He has tae … kill himself. That’s how all reapers are made.”

 She … she doesn’t even flinch. “Right, okay.”

 Eric frowns. “That’s … okay with yer?”

 Her hand grips onto the glass. “He … he’s gonna end … up starving ‘imself to … death anyway. He wants to die, so … if there’s a way to … save my lil boy, I’ll take it. I’ll do anything.”

 “We should go talk to Ronnie Darling then,” Grell says – the bottle’s empty …. She drank it all? When did she sneak all that into her mouth?

 “Okay, I’ll -.” She gasps. “Oh … oh, God ….”

 “A-are you okay?” I ask.

 “Arthur ‘ung – he … he’s noh, is he …?”

 Grell waves a hand. “He was a reaper, but he’s not around anymore. I took care of that little problem.”

 Molly’s shoulders relax. “G-good. Ronnie doesn’t need that bastard anywhere near ‘im.”

 I agree, absolutely.

\------------------------

***4.37pm***

 Molly is in the bedroom, explaining it all to Ronnie’s Grandpa. Hopefully … it will be okay. He is a calm, understanding man. He’ll accept it, I’m sure ….

 Molly did apologise for punching Eric, though there were no hard feelings – we all understand the stress she’s under.

 Hmm … Eric has been slapped a lot today. He –

 The door is pushed open, Molly poking her head out of the room. “Okay, ya can come in now.”

 We pile into the room, Eric the first one to reach the bed. “Hey, Lad.”

 “He’s a … bit out of it,” his grandfather says.

 “Ahh, it’s alright.” Eric gets onto the bed, lifts Ronnie onto his lap.

 “Nghhh ….” He doesn’t look happy about being moved.

 He’s … so pale, sickly looking. He seems to be becoming frailer by the day ….

 “Hey, it’s alright. We’re going tae help yer, okay?”

 Ronnie shakes his head … probably doesn’t think there’s any help left for him.

 “We are. How do yer feel about being a reaper like us?”

 That seems to peak his interest, because he stares up at Eric intently.

 “Does that sound better than this?”

 “Y … yeah. H-help.”

 “That’s -.”

 “H-help … p-please ….” He starts to tear up.

 “Aww, Darling!” Grell rushes over to him, nudges his cheek with the end of her fingernail. “Don’t cry, mmm? We can fix this.”

 Eric pulls him closer. “We … we became reapers – ehh, well … we all … killed ourselves. That’s how reapers are made.”

 “Do you understand what you have to do, Darling?” Grell asks.

 “N-now.”

 An unexpected shudder runs down my spine. Now? “Y-you … want to do it now?”

 “P-please.”

 The three of us exchange a glance.

 “Why … don’t ya sleep on it, sweetie?” To my surprise, it’s Molly who speaks up first. “Th-think … about ‘ow … ya wanna … do it?”

 He shakes his head. “N-now.”

 “Darling, you really should listen to your mother. If … if you get this wrong, it’s going to be painful.”

 “Aye, agony. So … wait until tomorrow, alright? Yer’ll manage until then.”

 “No!” He buries his head in Eric’s neck, begins to sob. “Now! N-now ….”

 My heart breaks.

 He … he’s so desperate to … to die.

 He’s in pain, so much pain ….   

 And I … understand it, understand the frustrations, understand how trapped he feels.

 I understand it … completely ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, Molly really didn't fall far from her mother's crazy tree. Scary.


	265. William. Wrong.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter killed me, but hopefully the effort I put in was worth the wait? 
> 
> Not sure when I'll update again, as I'm travelling home from Greece soon. Tuesday at the latest, I hope.

***5.11pm***

 I … expected as much, those three to be at Ronald’s side. Though … the last thing I expected was for Ronald to be returned to his grandparent’s home.

 I … was bracing myself … for his death … to come in the coming weeks or months … in his hospital bed … but … that isn’t going to happen. Martha’s words to me on entering this home have made that perfectly clear.

 It … it is too … too soon ….

 I cannot believe … he will be gone … in … in days ….

 I take a deep breath, compose myself. “Hello.”

 “Hi.” Alan gives me a small smile.

 “N-now. Er-Eric, now.” Ronald’s voice catches my attention. I look over at him, see him curled up against Eric. He looks drained – I … think he has been crying for a while. “N-now.”

 Now? He keeps saying –

 “Now? Now what?” I ask.

 Eric looks at me – I am still not happy with him … due to our earlier conversation. “Ah told him, and he wants tae be a reaper.”

 What? He –

 No, no, don’t be daft, William. He didn’t just say …. “Excuse me?”

 “Yer heard. Like ah said, it’s his choice.”

 I … I cannot –

 “H-he wants this.”

 I spin around to face Alan. “How da-?”

 “W-Will,” Ronald cries my name. “Will, t-tell them. T … tell th-them now!”

 Ronald, I can’t, I don’t want – “I ….”

 “See?” Eric all but shouts at me. “He just wants out.”

 Grell’s hand pats at my shoulder. “Darling, face it – this is the way it has to be. I know you aren’t happy about this … but he doesn’t want to die, not really. It’s not right of you to force death onto him because you don’t like the alternative.”

 Forcing? No, no ….

 My stomach lurches.

 Forcing ….

 I … I didn’t think of … it … like that ….

 Forcing death ….

 I … was only trying to … to be kind ….

 “He wants this, one hundred percent,” Eric says, “so yer’ve got two options. Yer can be with us, or against us, but there’s no changing Ronnie’s mind on this.”

 “Now!” Ronald screams, tugs on Eric’s shirt. His shirt has been pulled out of shape from all the frantic grabbing.

 I gulp. Have … I been … wrong in my thinking? Nearing the bed, I bend down, cup his cheek – he is boiling hot, has worked himself into such a tizzy …. “Ronald … is … this really … what you want? Do … you want to be … a reaper?”

 “H-help.”

 “Is … is that a yes?”

 He nods, sniffs loudly. “N-now.” 

 A sinking feeling comes over me. If he understands … wants this … I … I have no right to tell him otherwise. I … don’t want this for him, never will, but … he is old enough to make his own choices.

 I have no choice but to … accept.

 He shifts, falls forward onto me. His face hides in my neck.

 I hug him tightly. “Un-understood.”

 “P-pain.”

 “I … I know, Ronald, I know. But … but it’ll be okay, it will.” A sob rattles my left ear. “It will.”

 At least, I hope it will ….  

\--------------------------

***9.04pm***

 “Lad, get some sleep, alright?” Ronald tired himself out with all his crying, but he is still mumbling the same words. “Just wait until tomorrow, okay? Yer’re going tae make yerself feel worse if yer keep crying.”

 Ronald whimpers, gives Eric a pleading look, his eyes wet and bloodshot.

 Every action … shows me … shows me that I was wrong. Every action … shows that all he wants … is to be a reaper. I feel … a fool.

 I … should never have tried to … make this decision for him.

 I was wrong.

 The thick blanket is tucked tighter around him. “Tomorrow, ah promise.”

\--------------------

***Saturday 2nd October***

***12.53am***

 Alan and Eric have left for a shift at branch, Grell sleeping in a spare bedroom – she too has a shift, in a few hours.

 Just … just when we thought Ronald was about to fall asleep, he started to feel nauseous. He has been vomiting, on and off, for hours now.

 Withdrawals from the medication – Lord, it brings back memories … of those first few nights with him. It is … so familiar.

 It is … going to be a long night.

\-------------------

***2.37am***

 “Nghhh ….”

 “There, there, Ronald.” I rub at his back. It has been … four or so hours, I think, since he began to be sick … though it cannot really be called ‘vomit’ at this point. It is more just bile, and water.

 He looks awful, is shaking like a leaf … but he does seem more aware. The fog of all that heavy medication has lifted, if only a tad.

 “W-water.”

 “Y-you want some water?” I ask.

 “Y-yeah.” It is a shock – he hasn’t eaten or drank anything willingly … in such a long while. “Dr-dry.”

 “I’ll geh ya some, sweetie.” Molly gets up from the bedside chair.

 “Th-thanks.”

\--------------------------

***3.22am***

 Molly fell asleep some time ago – I can only imagine the exhaustion she is feeling.

 The vomiting has stopped, though the nausea is still gripping him. He is suffering from cold sweats – we have come full circle, I feel, are right … back at the beginning ….

 Drugs – it is … always drugs ….

 “Will?” Ronald’s hand rubs against my chest weakly.

 “Yes, Ronald? What is it?”

 “Y’ … y’ … don’t w-want … me ta do … this, do y’?”

 “Pardon?”

 His brow furrows in concentration. “Th-tha’ … reaper thi-thing. Y’ … y’ and Eric … got inta … a f-fight … ‘bout it, right?”

 “We did … yes,” I admit. It is … surprising to me that he noticed the strained atmosphere between the two of us … when he was in such a state himself.

 “D-don’t … y’ … want m-me … around?”

 "No! I mean – no, no ... it isn't that, of course it -."

 "Then -."

 "I ... I am just worried ... that you will struggle to cope as a reaper." 

 Never think that I don’t want you. I will always want you.

 "It ... it's b-better ... than bein'... d-dead ... dead." 

 "Yes ...." I … have realised that.

 His hand grips at my shirt. "What's ... so b-bad ... 'bout bein' a ... r-reaper?" 

 “I … have found it to be … a rather dull … and lonely existence.” A gulp leaves me. “I … didn’t want that for you.”

 “But I … w-won’t be … l-lonely, Will.” His hand tightens on my shirt. “I … I’ve got m-my friends … and I’ve g-got y’.”

 “That is … true, yes.” And sweet … so sweet of him to say.

 “I … I’ve … g-gotta … do this, Will. I … can’t c-carry … on like … like this ….”

 “Yes … I can see that. And I will stand by you.” I will.

 “G-good.” His face contorts in upset. “B-because I … n-need this. I … I’m … in so … so much p-pain.”

 “I know, Ronald, I know. But … as Eric said, you just need to wait a while longer.”

 He makes a whimpering sound.

 I hug him, hold him tight. “J-just a little longer.”


	266. William. The end.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, I feel super ill rn, but I got this up a day ahead of schedule, so enjoy!

***6.32pm***

 I sit at the bedside, Ronald asleep – he finally fell asleep just before I had to leave for work this morning. Molly told me that he hasn’t woken since then.

 Martha is banging away on her laptop. She has been told about the plan, and she is on board after much apprehension and anger towards us reapers … but her frantic tapping shows her impatience.

 We are waiting, not only for Ronald to come around, but for our friends’ shifts to end. They feel they need to be here … when it happens. I agree – Ronald will appreciate their support.

 No … no, he needs their support.

 He needs his friends and family … for this important … horrid day ….

\----------------------------

***7.13pm***

 “An overdose?” Alan asks.

 My hand touches Ronald between the shoulders. “Are you … certain?”

 “Y-yeah.”

 “I don’t know, Ronnie,” Alan says, “that … might be quite painful ….”

 “Aye, and it might take a while too.”

 “I … I don’t c-care. I … j-jus’ … wanna be … outta it – don’t … wanna … f-feel it … y’ know?”

 “I understand, sweetie.” Molly’s fingers run through his hair. “We … we can go about it that way.”

 “C-cool. N-now … right?”

 “Yes, soon.”

 “So … what pills … do we use?” Eric asks.

 I was thinking the exact same – painkillers … or sleeping tablets, I assume?

 But I will wait for Molly to explain. She is the doctor. She will know best.

 She continues to comb through his hair. “We need strong painkillers. The really … strong stuff.”

 “It’ll be over quickly with those?” Alan asks.

 “It should be, yes.”

 “Alright,” Eric nods, “good. Where do we get those from?”

 “I’ll write ya out a prescription – think I’ve goh a pad lying around somewhere.”

 “And then we go tae a pharmacy, right?”

 I roll my eyes. “Yes, Eric, that would be correct.” He really is … dense at times.

 “Ahh, alright.”

 Idiot ….

 “Just make sure ya geh the full amount.”

 Eric nods. “We will.”

\------------------------------

***7.53pm***

 Eric teleports into the room, his husband appearing at his side a moment later. “Ock, chemists are so confusing,” he complains, rubbing at his head.

 “Did ya geh it all?” Molly asks.

 “Aye … eventually.”

 “We had to try a few places – some didn’t have the full quantity in stock,” Alan explains.

 “N-now ….” Ronald must have seen the prescription bag, for he raises his hand in that direction.

 “Wait a minute, sweetie.” Molly sits up on the bed.

 “Wh-why?”

 “Ya need something to eat first -.”

 “N-no, not … not h-hungry.”

 “I know, sweetie, but ya need something on ya stomach. If ya … throw up the … pills, it won’t work.”

 Ronald blinks up at her. “Oh … o-okay. F-food.”

\-----------------------------

***8.22pm***

 He … managed … the medication, swallowed down the last tablet a couple of minutes ago.

 Now … now it is a waiting game ….

 Grell … she has been so … uncharacteristically quiet. This is awful … for her, for all of us ….

 “Nghh ….”

 “What is it, sweetie?” Molly has him in a tight hold. “Do ya feel sick?”

 I wish to hold him, hug him … but I will stand back, will not come between mother and son … during such an ordeal.

 I shall hold his hand through this … until he … passes.

 “Sl-sleepy.”

 “Y-ya … sleep then, sweetie.” She is trying her damnedest … not to cry, but she is struggling to maintain her composure. I … I cannot imagine the pain she is feeling … watching her eldest son dying … before her eyes. Ronald is pulled closer, her palm petting at the hair on the back of his head. “M-Mommy l-loves ya, Ronnie.”

 “L … love … y’ t-too.”

 “Oh … my … my lil man.”

 “D-don’t … cr-cry.”

 I well up inside – Ronald, despite his pain, is trying to comfort her.

 Such a close … a close bond between mother and son.

 “Oh, sweetie.”

 The seconds tick by. I … watch as the colour drains from his face. He … he is almost grey.

 “W-Will.”  His nails dig into my hand.

 “Yes, I’m here, Ronald.” I squeeze his hand tightly in return. William, keep it … keep it together, for him. “I’m here.”

 “Nghh ….”

 “I’m right h-here.”

 Slowly, his grip loosens, his … eyelids slipping shut. I feel him relax … completely. “R-Ronald?”

 There … there is no reply.

 I hear Molly gulp. “He … he’s sleeping now ….”

\---------------------------

***9.38pm***

 A reaper I somewhat know has joined us, is waiting patiently. He must be wondering what we are all doing here … though he hasn’t said a word.

 Not long now ….

 This is … horrible, utterly … horrible.

 Sitting … waiting ….

 Watching him die ….

 I … I cannot take much more … of this.  

\------------------------

***9.47pm***

 “H-he’s -.”

 “G-gone,” I say, finishing Alan’s sentence.

 We … we can all sense it, the … the lack … of life-force.

 Molly feels around for a pulse. “Oh ….” A shrill cry comes from her. “Oh … oh, God -.”

 “Hey, hey,” Eric hurries over to her, “it’s alright.”

 “Ronnie is going to be just fine,” Alan reassures.

 I see the reaper move from the corner of the room. “I will go to the reaper realm, wait for him to arrive.” Truth be known … I … I do not wish to see Ronald … being reaped.

 Just … just having to see … to see his … his dead body –

 It is … more than I can take.

 “We’ll wait here with Molly,” Eric says, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

 “N-no, no, ya … ya go find Ronnie. He … he’ll need ya support.”

 “So do yer.”

 “But -.”

 “We’re staying here.”

 With a nod, she manages something resembling a little smile. “Th-thank ya.”

\--------------------------

 I am in … what is known as the recruitment office, though it is not an office at all. It is more like a small hospital, has beds for those who have just entered the reaper realm.

 It brings to me bad memories – waking up in that bed, disorientated … afraid.

 I approach the desk. “Pardon m-?”

 “What?” The woman sitting behind it glares at me. “What do you want?”

 What a rude woman …. “Is a man named Ronald Knox here?”

 “Just arrived – do you know him?”

 “Yes. May I -?”

 “Room twenty-six.”

 “Understood.” I will not say thank you to her.

 Glancing up, I see that the hallway to my left will take me there. I hurry down it – I wish not to leave him alone for a minute longer.

 God only knows the state he will be in.  

 I reach twenty-six, push open the door. A whimpering sound reaches my ears. He is lying on the bed … stark naked. I … I remember how … vulnerable that made me feel.

 “Ronald, I’m here,” I hurry over to him, “I’m here.”

 His … his eyes – he … he looks so different. So different.

 “W-Will? Where – I c-can’t see anythin’!” His voice is shrill.

 “Don’t panic – you just need glasses.” If I remember correctly, they were kept – ah, yes. A pair is grabbed from a pot in the corner of the room. I am soon back over to him, sitting on the bed.

 “Will!”

 The glasses are slipped on. “There we are.”

 “W-Will.”

 My hands slide under his back, and I pull him up into a hug. He is absolutely freezing, is shivering intensely. “It is alright, Ronald – no, don’t cry, don’t cry.”

 “W-Will.” His face buries in my neck. His shivering turns to intense quaking.

 He … he is completely shaken, terrified.

 I … I can understand it completely. Being reborn – it … it is awful, disorientating.

 Rubbing at his back, I do my best to comfort him. “I know, I know. But it will be alright, it will.” Another whimper comes from him. “It will.”


	267. William. Crossing over.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in almost a week. Had most of this chap written and then got hit with the flu and was bedridden for three days. Fainted and everything - so not nice. Anyway, hope the chapter is alright?

 “I will get you some clothes -.”

 “No! D-don’t go.” His clinging intensifies.

 “You need something to wear, Ronald.”

 “St-stay.”

 “You are freezing -.”

 “Stay!”

 “Ronald, I will only be gone a minute,” I try to reason with him.

 “N-no.”

 “Yes.” I untangle myself from his grip. “You still have some clothes at mine.”

 He blinks at me, seems to calm slightly. “I … I do?”

 “Yes.”

 “O-okay.” He hugs at himself. “H-hurry.”

\--------------------------

 “There we are,” I smile as I pull up the zipper on his hoodie. “Isn’t that better?”

 “A … a bit.”

 “A little warmer?” The shaking does seem to have slowed a tad.

 “Y-yeah.” Shuffling forward, he wraps his arms around my neck. “I … I don’t feel well, Will.”

 “I -.”

 “S-scary. Will, I … I’m sc-scared.”

 “I know, Ronald, but that … that is normal. Things … will feel strange and new for a couple of days,” I say softly, rubbing at his back.

 “Wh-why?”

 “Well … it takes some getting used to, being a reaper. The rebirth process can be quite … draining.”

 “W-was it like tha’ … for y’?”

 “Yes. For the first few days, it wasn’t pleasant.” I’d rather not think about it ….

 I hear him sniff. “B-but … Eric said I’d … be okay if … if I did this.”

 “Ronald, you will be, but it will take a little time.”

 “Y’ … y’ sure? It’ll … ge’ better?”

 “I am one-hundred percent sure.”

 “O-okay.” He sniffs again. “I d-don’t … feel … well, Will.”

 I slide him closer. “I know, Ronald, I know.”

 The sooner I get him out of this awful place, the better ….

\--------------------

***10.28pm***

 “May I take him home?” I ask one of the staff members. Two of them have just entered the room, given Ronald a quick looking over.

 He smiles at me. “That would be a great help, actually. We’re about to run out of rooms.” Rubbing at his head, he says “it’s been crazy here recently.”

\--------------------

 Ronald seemed to cheer up as soon as leaving this place was mentioned. He has stopped crying, is waiting under the covers for me to finish the paperwork.

 I write my signature, and then hand the forms over to the member of staff. “That is all, is it?”

 “Yes, Mr Knox is free to go. Someone from the academy will be over to see him tomorrow.”

 Tomorrow? But … isn’t it Sunday – no rest for new recruits, I suppose. Honestly ….

 Slave drivers ….  

\-------------------------

***10.49pm***

 “Th-thanks, babe.” Ronald takes the glass of water from me, has a sip. The shaking throughout his body has stopped completely, thank goodness.

 I sit down on the couch next to him. “Do you feel better now you are out of that place?”

 “Y’ mean now I’m back home? Yeah.”  He smiles at me. “Hmm … home.” Putting the glass down on the coffee table, he says “I … I ache though … really bad.”

 “It’ll pass.” I … I don’t have the heart to tell him that this is all … part of the punishment. No … no matter the circumstances, no matter the reasons, he has still sinned … and the Lord will … will ….

 It is unfair, horribly unfair ….

 “Yeah … s-soon, I hope.” A small laugh slips past his lips as he cuddles into my side. “W-well at least I can … move properly now.”

 “Yes.” My arm slips around him. I pat at his upper arm. “And that is wonderful.”

\-------------------------

***11.53pm***

 “Yes, yes, come in.” Eric phoned me a few minutes ago to ask where I was, and he has just turned up at my door. He walks past me, and I shut the door.

 “Al and Grell are still with Molly.”

 I nod in understanding. “Did … you ….?” I … I cannot say it out loud – Ronald’s … body – they … they needed to dispose of … of it so that the staff in his grandmother’s home – we needed to make it possible for Ronald to still be able to spend time with his family.

 Martha is going to tell the staff that Ronald has gone away for special treatment, and so … he will have to stay hidden from them for months. Then he will have to wear blue contact lenses when he – it … it is such a complicated cover-up.

 “Aye … it’s been taken care of.”

 “G-good.”

 “Aye ….” He is silent for a moment. “How … is he?”

 “The ordeal has drained him … but he is coping. I think it could have been a lot worse.”

 I receive a smile – he is obviously relieved. “Good. Can ah see him?”

 “Yes, yes, of course.” He is currently laying in our bed, resting. I walk past him, head to the foot of the stairs. “Follow me.”

\-------------------

 Eric all but jumps into the bed – Ronald is squeezed tightly, roughly. “Ock, how ah’m glad tae see yer.”

 “H-hey, Eric.”

 “Yer alright, Lad?”

 “Yeah, not too bad.”

 “Great.” Eric pulls back a little – my ears are assaulted by loud laughter. “Ock! Yer look like a right dork in those glasses!”

 “I … I do?”

 “Aye,” he pinches Ronald’s cheek, “but it’s adorable.”

 “Heh … so adorkable?” He beams, obviously pleased with his own joke.

 “Hah, aye, aye, good one.”

 “Will said I’d ge’ a decent pair … after tha academy?”

 “That’s right. Yer can get a red pair, like Grell,” Eric teases.  

 “Shut up.” With a chuckle, he sits up straight.

 “Make me.”

 “Heh, fat chance of tha’.”

\------------------------------

 “Is … is Mom okay?” Ronald is deeply concerned for his mother – his expression says it all.

 “She is, aye, but she wants tae see yer.”

 “Now?” I raise an eyebrow. “B-but Ronald needs time to adjust -.”

 “It … it’s okay, Will. I wanna make sure she’s okay.”

 I can understand that, yes, “but are you sure you feel well enough? You were quite shaken earlier?”

 “I’ll be alright.” He fiddles with his hands. “I … I can’t jus’ let her worry ‘bout me.”

 He … does have a point. “Yes, alright.”

 “Well … yer take it easy for a bit longer, and then we’ll all go, okay?”

 “O-okay.” Eric is given a little smile. “Sounds like a plan.”


	268. Molly. Just wait.

***Sunday 3rd October***

***1.02am***

 Emma curls up on the bed. “He’s not coming.”

 “He is, sweetie.” She’s so tired – it’s way past her bedtime, but she won’t go to sleep until she sees Ronnie for herself.

 I couldn’t tell her all of the details, because of her age, but she does understand that Ronnie has gone away for a lil while, will return … as a reaper.

 “No ….” She sniffs quietly.

 “He will.” He will come. He will. Don’t cry, sweetie … please ….

 “We can go check on them?” Alan offers.

 “No … no, Eric would be back by now if something was wrong – he’d ‘ave told us.” He would have. Everything … everything will be just fine.  

 “I don’t get why you’re so worried.” James slides down in his seat – he wants to roll his eyes, I can tell. “He’s run off before, and he’s always come back.”

 “Not this time – he … he’s sick.”

 “Sweetie -.”

 “It’s your fault! You made him leave the hospital!”

 “Emma -.”

 “Now he’s gone, and he’s not coming back! It’s your fault!” She slams her fist down on the bed … again, and again.

 “Em -.”

 “I hate you! I hate you, I hate you!”

 I don’t say anything, don’t try to touch her, or hug her.

 There’s no point. She’s so stressed out, has barely been eating anything recently … which isn’t like her, at all.

 Nothing will help calm her ….

 I understand her frustrations … understand why she isn’t … happy with me … but having your child constantly blaming you for – it … it weighs heavy after a while.

 I’m the only parent, so … it all falls on me.

 The lil ones don’t see Josie as a parent yet, as much as they like her – not fully, anyway. Maybe one day ….

 Josie’s been so good with this, with the reapers – I think it confused her a lil, but she hasn’t freaked out.

 “I hate you!” Emma grabs me, clings to my side. “I … I hate you, Mom.”

 Does … does she just need a hug? That doesn’t usually help –

 I … I just don’t know ….

 Ronnie … please hurry ….

\--------------------

***1.26am***

 “Bro!” Emma scrambles off of the bed, lunges at Ronnie. “Bro!”

 “Hey, Emma.” His arms wrap around her. “Hey ….”

 He’s back ….

 God, it really worked – he’s really here.

 “Sorry about the wait,” Eric says, “Ronnie needed time tae rest.”

 “I don’t care about that.” He’s back … he’s back. That’s all that matters.

 I hurry over to him, hug him tightly from behind. “Oh, my lil man. Oh, Ronnie.”

 “Hey, Mom.” He’s happy – I can hear it in his voice.

 “James, geh over ‘ere and give ya brother a big ‘ug.”

 “Ughhh ….”

 “Now.”

 “Okay … Mom.”

 He gets up, and … and we have a massive family hug.

 God ….

 My heart’s racing, going a mile a minute, but I won’t cry.

 I won’t cry.

 There’s no reason to.

 He’s happy, and he’s well.

 He’s okay.

 That’s all that matters.


	269. William. The dead of night.

***10.33am***

 “Will?”

 “Yes?”

 Ronald fell asleep at his Grandparent’s home, next to his mother and sister. I hated having to wake him, but we had to return to mine – I was not sure at what time someone from the academy would be visiting. They have not yet arrived.

 “How does it all work? Tha reaper thing – why … why did killin’ myself turn me inta one?”

 Oh … I was afraid of this. I … I didn’t have the heart to explain it to him yesterday … because he wasn’t at his best.

 But … he does seem to have cheered up quite a bit … and if he is asking – I will be honest with him.

 “Because you … sinned, Ronald.”

 “Uh … wha’?”

 “Killing yourself … it is a sin. Being a reaper is your long-lasting punishment.”

 “Y’ … y’ really think tha’?”

 “No … no, of course I don’t think you have done anything wrong. But … by God’s law, you have sinned.”

 “So … that’s why … I ache and stuff?”

 “Yes.”

 “Fuck … tha’ really blows.” He pulls his feet up onto the couch.

 “It isn’t fair … no.”

 “Yeah. Well … tha stupid rule saved my life … so wha’ever.” Rolling over, he makes a sighing sound.

 “You seem tired, Ronald.”

 “Yeah … I am.”

 “Maybe some food will perk you up?”

 “Na … not really hungry.”

 “Oh … alright.” That is unusual …. I thought he’d be starving by now.

 I assume it is because he is adjusting … his body is adjusting … to all that is new.  

\--------------------------

***Tuesday 12th October***

 Ronald has been at the academy for a little over a week. He is doing well, and I am immensely proud of him … but there is one … problem.

 Since the previous Sunday, he has not been able to sleep a wink … as tired as he is. It is a common problem amongst new reapers, an awful thing to go through … and it doesn’t help that he is constantly having to visit the mansion.

 His family wish to make sure he is okay … each evening, and yesterday, he paid Jay a visit.

 And the three idiots are constantly coming over, making noise. It is a nightmare.

 I am just as drained as Ronald … as I have been staying up with him as much as I can manage – I wish not to leave him on his own during this transition period.

 I hope this will right itself … shortly.

\----------------------

***Wednesday 13th October***

***3.10am***

 “Ronald, come sit down.”

 “I … I can’t. I’m so restless.” He paces around the living room. “It-it’s like I’ve got too much energy … but I’m knackered at tha same time.”

 I rub at my head – the tiredness is dizzying.

 Maybe if I were to wear him out …? “We should try going for a walk. It may help to tire you that little extra.”

 “Wha’? It’s like … three in tha mornin’,” he grumbles.

 “It doesn’t matter. It is safe here in the early hours.”

 “Hn … unlike in tha human world.” A grunt comes from him. “Fuck … I’m so tired.”

 And cranky …. The lack of sleep is making him awfully irritable.

 “Alright … alright, we’ll go.” His voice drops to a harsh whisper. “Gettin’ … kinda desperate here.”

\-------------------------

***4.42am***

 It is freezing out … and wet, soft red leaves squelching under our feet. We have been walking around … for well over an hour, have just reached the entrance to a small park area.

 Ronald moves over to a bench, sits down on it. I join him.

 “This is nice … Will. Peaceful.”

 I understand what he is saying. It is quiet, just the two of us.

 Regardless of the less than perfect circumstances, it is nice. It is lovely.

 His head rests against me. “W … we’ve had some … rough times, Will … but I … I really love y’.”

 He must be beyond exhausted, wouldn’t speak of the bad past between us if he weren’t. “We have, yes. I love you too.”

 “We … we’ll … be alright, won’t we?”

 “I think we are doing just fine, Ronald.”

 “G-good.” He makes a humming sound. “Y-yeah … I … I think this is workin’. Hn … yeah, think I’m … gonna doze off.”

 “Should we head to bed then?”

 “Yup … hmm.”

 I take his hand, teleport us both into our bedroom. He kicks his shoes off, flops down on top of the bed.

 I quickly change into my nightclothes, join him.

 I am drowsy … rather drowsy ….

\----------------------

***7.02am***

 “Hmm … morning, Ronald.”

 “Yeah ….”

 His tone – it isn’t good. “Didn’t you sleep?”

 “N-no. I … I was so close ta … droppin’ off … b-but … it was like somethin’ … kept stoppin’ me.” Rolling over, he hides his face in my nightshirt. “I … I jus’ wanna … sleep, Will. This is drivin’ me crazy.”

 He is on the verge of tears. My fingers run through his hair. “The insomnia will pass, Ronald.”

 “Wh-wha’ if -?”

 “It will.”

 “S-soon?”

 “Very soon.” For his sake … I hope it is soon ….

\------------------------

***8.13pm***

 Ronald was laying on the bed when I returned home from work. He did go to the academy today, but he has not moved from that spot since he came home. No visiting his family, no going downstairs for something to eat. Simply laying there … hoping for sleep to engulf him.  

 “I’m goin’ mad.”

 Every so often, the silence will break, and he will say something along these lines. “Just grin and bear a little longer, Ronald.” I roll over, kiss his forehead, soothe at his hair.

 The action does seem to relax him somewhat. “Hmm ….” He points to his cheek. “Kiss here too?”

 I do, follow his finger as he points to various places. I lay kisses to his jaw, his neck, pull his shirt down a tad to find his collar bone.

 Sitting back up straight, I see him point to his crotch. I raise an eyebrow as he winks at me. “Don’t be silly, Ronald. You know that will never happen.”

 “Heh, damn.”

 Oh …. “Are … you in the mood … for …? W-would that help?”

 “I was only jokin’, babe. And even if y’ were actually up for it, I don’t ‘ave tha energy ta keep my legs open.”

 “I see.” I … am relieved. If he did think it would help … I … I would probably have agreed … for him.

 “Yeah ….” He yanks up his shirt. “Tummy kisses then?”

 “You want me to kiss your stomach?”

 “No funny business, promise.”

 “Yes, alright.” I move, rest my weight lightly on his legs. The shirt is slid up farther.

 When I see his body, I am always relieved. He lost some weight … because of the stroke, but I think he became a reaper … before muscle wastage truly set in. Some muscle and fat was eaten into, but because of the feeding tube, I can still see the muscle throughout his body, can feel it when I hold him.

 I am happy for him, happy that all his hard work in lifting weights and getting well wasn’t for nothing.

 It is nice … seeing the man he has become.

 His body tenses under my lips. “Tha’ tickles.”

 “Should I stop?”

 “Na … na, it’s kinda nice.” I go back to kissing him. “Mmm … tha’ really does feel nice. Hmm ….”

 His fingers run over my hair. “Hmmm ….”

 The movements slow … and slow, stop. Oh … his body is … completely relaxed?

 I look up, and smile.

 He is fast asleep.

 How adorable.

 Thank goodness for that.

\---------------------

***Thursday 14th October***

***6.18am***

 I stayed up through the night to make sure – I was worried that he would suffer nightmares … as he has been a little emotionally strained due to the lack of sleep. But he has been sleeping peacefully for hours now.

 “Hn ….” He shifts, and then jolts awake. “Ah! Eh …?”

 “Morning, Ronald.”

 “Mor – I … I slept?”

 I smile at him. “You did. The stomach kisses worked.”

 “Heh, they were super relaxin’.”

 “I can imagine. Are you feeling better?”

 “Yeah, much better. Thank fuck for tha’.” He rolls over, hugs at my side. “Love y’, Will.”

 “I love you too.”

 And I am glad, so glad that he was able to sleep. Hopefully, that will be the end of his insomnia.  


	270. William. Be more careful.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how long the academy would last ... but I'm guessing not long? They want new reapers as soon as, right? 
> 
> Also, loads of overtime this week, so not sure when the next chap will be up. Probs close to the end of this week. 
> 
> Leave me feedback in the meantime!

***Sunday 23rd January 2022***

***2.07pm***

 Ronald jumps on me, straddles my waist. He has been so hyper … for days now, seems to have not gotten used to the new level of energy being a reaper brings.

 “Are y’ proud of me?”

 “Yes, I am.” He did well on his tests, graduated from the academy a few days ago. He is due to start … his work tomorrow, Grell his mentor.

 I … wanted someone a little more … professional to watch over him, but … she was adamant, and I know that she will watch out for him, so … so be it.

 “Can’t wait ta ge’ my new glasses tomorrow.”

 “Yes, I know.” He keeps saying ….

 “I’m gonna look well sexy.” He bounces up and down on my lap, goes for my hair. It is ruffled … much to my annoyance. “Y’ hair’s gettin’ long. It needs cuttin’, Will. When y’ gonna cut it?”

 Lord … you know I love him, but please shut him up ….

 “Hah, it’s all stickin’ up!” He bounces harder. “Hey, are y’ listenin’ ta me? Will!”

 I throw him off of me sideways, onto the couch.

 “Hey!”

 How … do I silence him? Oh … yes, that might work ….

 “Don’t ignore me! Will, I’m bored!” He pouts at me. “I -.”

 I lean over, capture his lips.

 Ah … yes, I think that –

 I’m pulled down onto him, his legs wrapping around my waist, squeezing.

 I think I cured his boredom.

 Thank goodness for that.

\---------------------------

***Friday 28th January***

***6.09pm***

 Ronald has been doing well, and going out on collections has helped him with his immense energy. After the first two days, he calmed.

 Partially … at least.    

 Grell took him shopping after work –

 Shoes … these white shoes – he will not stop talking about them, how ‘cool’ they are.

 It was the same … when he had his new glasses.

 “I jus’ love them, Will! ‘Ave y’ ever seen anythin’ so cool?”

 “No, I haven’t.”

 God give me strength. Honestly ….

\----------------------------------

***Wednesday 3rd February***

***11.34am***

 I hear a shriek outside of my office door, look up in time to see it fly open. Grell comes rushing in. “Will! I tried to warn him!”

 “Pardon?”

 “He wouldn’t listen to me!”

 What is she –

 Ronald staggers into the room – oh … I … I see.

 “Will … W-Will, it … it hurts.”

 A … a large metal pole has … has speared the side of his torso.

 Lord ….

 I stand up from my chair. “Ron -.”

 “He won’t let me pull it out! I didn’t know what to do, so I brought him – do something!”

 Ronald hits the ground with a thud. I hurry to kneel down in front of him. “Ronald, it is alright -.”

 “No!” He knocks my hand away as I try to touch him. “D-don’t … don’t t-touch.”

 He is crying, gasping … coughing up blood.

 “Ronald, I -.”

 “No!”

 “Al-alright. Grell, how did this happen?”

 “I told him!” She flies off into hysterics. “Told him roofs get slippery when wet – I warned him to be careful, to not rush around!”

 “So … he fell off … onto -?”

 “A metal gate! Willy, he keeps hurting himself because he doesn’t listen to me!”

 “Alright, alright, calm down -.”

 “He -!”

 “I think Ronald has learnt his lesson.” Judging … by the cries, he is in agony. Oh, Ronald ….

 “Ronald -.”

 “D-don’t t-touch!” His wheezing gets worse. “Ah …. Ngh ….”

 “If we don’t remove it, you won’t be able to heal.”

 “N-no.”

 “Yes.” I pull his arms away –

 “Will … Will, no, no, p-please -!”

 “You will feel better as soon as it is out, I promise.”

 “No!”

 “Yes.” My hand grips the metal bar. “On the count of three, okay?” He lets out a whimper. “Then the worst of it will be over.”

 “Nghhh ….” His eyes squeeze shut, more blood … leaking from his mouth.

 “It will all be okay soon, I promise.”

 He gulps. “K-kay ….”

 “One.” I tug the offending object out.

 A loud scream rings in my ears.

 “I know, Ronald, I … I am sorry.” I … thought the sooner I removed it, the better.

 I throw it to the floor, hold him close … as he shakes and cries, clings to me. “It is alright, Ronald.”

 “I … I’ll get you some bandages, Darling.”

 I glance up at Grell. “He doesn’t need bandages. He will heal just fine.”

 “B-ba-bandage.” He gasps.

 “Will that make you feel better?” Ronald nods frantically against me. “Alright.” I lift him up, carry him over to my office chair … and all the while, he shrieks and cries. “Ronald, it will be alright. I … I know it hurts, but it isn’t fatal.”

 His shaking worsens as I place him down. His skin is pale, drenched in sweat. Reaching up, I cup his cheek. “Ronald, y-your body … is experiencing shock, but you will feel better in a little while.”

 His body … isn’t used to such an immense blow.

 Given time … he will become used to … such injuries.

 “I … I’m g-gonna … die.”

 “No … no.” My thumb strokes across his skin. “It … must feel that way, but you won’t die from this.”

 “Ha … ha … ha.”

 “Ronald, deep breaths, okay? It will help with the pain.” And with the shock ….

\---------------------------

 “There we are.” I tuck the bandage into place. “Is that any better?”

 Ronald doesn’t answer, sniffs loudly. I reach out again, wipe away his tears. “You will be healed in no time, I promise.”

 “Y-yeah.”

 He really is … still so shaken, so pale. Dried blood cakes the corners of his lips.  

 I lean forward, hug him as lightly as I can.

 “Will ….”

 “I know, I know. You should go home, Ronald, rest.” He needs time to recover from this, a quiet bedroom with a warm, comforting bed.

 “M-mad?”

 “No, no, of course not. And Grell won’t mind finishing off your collections for the day, I am sure.”

 “S-sorry.”

 “It’s okay, Darling. Just listen to me next time, mmm?”

 “K-kay … s-sorry.”

 I pull away from him. “Let’s take you home.”

 He lets out a shaky breath. “Th-thank y’.”


	271. Ronald. So sweet.

***12.46pm***

 This … hurts, really fucking hurts.

 And the worst part? It … it’s all my fault.  

 It’s just – I get really excited … when I’m out on collections. It still feels … kinda surreal … that I can even move … after the … the stroke and all.

 And I can do really cool jumps and stuff now – got a bit carried away ….

 “Nghh … fuck ….”

 Will gave me some painkillers before he left … but they’re doing fuck all.

 I … I wish he was here.

 He got my mouth cleaned up, cuddled me until I started to calm down a bit … but then he had to get back to work.

 He tucked me up tight in bed before he went … but it’s a shitty replacement for his hugs. I … I want his hugs.

 Fuck … I really wish he was still here. It’d help with the pain.

 I … I feel like a right prat ….

\----------------------

***1.03pm***

 “Heard yer -.”

 “Ah!” Oh, fuck! “Nghh ….” Eric ….

 “Sorry, didn’t mean tae scare yer.”

 Scared?! I jumped a – my … my fucking side …. “J-jus’ … because y’ can port … doesn’t mean y’ ‘ave ta sneak up on me.”

 “Ock, so tetchy,” he chuckles. “Ah would have knocked, but ah didn’t know if yer’d be asleep. Besides, doubt yer can even get out of bed in that condition.”

 “True.” Wait …. “How did y’ -?”

 “William phoned me, asked me tae check on yer.”

 “He … he did?” Oh … wow, that’s so sweet of him.

 “Aye.” Eric sits down on the bed. “How are yer feeling?”

 “In … pain, but alright.” Better now I’ve got some company. Will didn’t want me to be alone …. “So … Will’s worried ‘bout me?”

 “Oh, aye. It’s not nice seeing yerr loved one getting smashed up like that. Trust me … Al got impaled a few times in the early days.”

 “Ouch ….”

 “Aye,” he gives my shoulder a little pat, “but at least ah know from experience that yer’ll be alright in a few hours.”

 “Yeah ….” Thank fuck for that ….

\---------------------------

***1.21pm***

 “Eric … can I ask y’ somethin’?”

 “Aye, anything.” I get a warm smile.

 I’ve wanted to know this … since I became a reaper, but I haven’t been able to get Eric alone. It … it’s probably not something he’d wanna talk about in front of everyone. “Why … did y’ do it?”

 “Do what?”

 “Become a reaper? I … I ge’ why Al did it, but – y’ … y’ don’t ‘ave ta answer if -.”

 “Nah, it’s fine, Lad.” He lays down next to me, tucks his arms behind his head. “Nothing bad happened tae me … or anything like that. Ah guess … ah was just fed up of it all.”

 “It all?”

 “Aye …. Ah came from a pretty bad family … in our village. Everyone there said ah’d never amount tae anything because of that. Ah didn’t care in the beginning … stole so ah could drink, shagged around – if they all thought ah’d never get anywhere, ah didn’t see the point in trying.”

 “Yeah … tha' does make sense.” Reminds me … of myself when I was on the streets, living … for my next fix. And it was because of circumstances, because … I didn’t have a way to make my life better, didn’t have a way outta it … just like him.

 “But … over time, it got stale. And doing nothing with my life – ah got depressed in the end … didn’t see the point in … carrying on. Life … just had no meaning.”

 “Tha’ really sucks.” Again, I … I can understand it. Life … on Heroin … did seem pretty meaningless … even more so now I’m clean … can look back on it.

 “Aye, but ah don’t think about it now. Ah’ve got my friends, and Al, so fuck those idiots.”

 “Yeah, they didn’t know wha’ they were on ‘bout.”

 “Aye.” He turns over, faces me. “Yer’re happy, right? Being a reaper – it’s made things better? Ah know things are really different for yer, but -.”

 “I’m really happy.” And … and I’ve come a long way, such a long fucking way.

 He beams at me. “Good.”

 And I get to be with Will forever. That’s the best thing – it’s fucking amazing.

\-------------------------

 “Ah’ve … always wondered why William did it.” Eric scratches at his chin. “He never really struck me as the sort tae let things get on top of him.”

 “Yeah ….”

 “Yer -.”

 “I … I shouldn’t really say anythin’ – it … it’s got nothin’ ta do wi’ me really.”

 “Oh … alright.”

 I sigh, because it’s … sad to think about … Will being in so much pain. “He … lost someone close ta him … and felt bad. I’ll leave it at tha’.”

 He chuckles. “Thought yer said yer weren’t going tae say anything?”

 “I – shut up, Eric.” I mean, I didn’t tell him much of anything – agh! Shut up, Eric.

 “Heh, alright.”  

\------------------------

***2.27pm***

 “Uh … I’m really sleepy.” Eyelids are super heavy ….

 “Healing can do that tae yer sometimes, aye.”

 “It … it takes a lot of … energy, I guess.” He’s defo right about the healing – the pain has eased off a lot. I’d take a peek … if I wasn’t so tired – na … actually, that’d be gross.

 “Aye. Yer get some sleep.”

 “Y’ll stay wi’ me?” Please don’t go. I … I still need the company.

 With a smile, he ruffles my hair. “Of course. Ah’ll wake yer up before ah go tae work, alright?”

 “Wha’ time y’ gotta head off?”

 “Half four, so it’ll only be like half an hour before William comes home.”

 “C-cool.” Yeah … yeah, I can handle that.

\--------------------

***5.03pm***

 I stare at the clock, trying to stay awake. Will should be back soon … and I really wanna see him. I need to see him.

 Fuck – I’m so drained ….

 My lips turn up – he’s just opened the bedroom door. I hear a bit of shuffling … but I don’t have the energy to move.

 The covers are pulled up a bit more. He gets into bed, rubs at my back through the duvet.

 “Hey, Will.”

 “Are you alright?” He … he looks really worried. Aww.

 “I’m fine, babe … jus’ knackered.”

 His hand moves to my cheek. “And the pain?”

 “Gone. I think … I’m all healed up now.”

 “Good.” His lips press to my forehead.

 “Hmm ….”

 “I will take a look a little later. You just focus on resting.”

 He … he’s being so sweet …. “Will?”

 “Yes?”

 “H-how … come y’re not angry at me? I … I thought y’d be – I … I really fucked up today.”

 “Oh, no, Ronald, you didn’t.”

 “I … I did -.”

 “No.” He rubs at my cheek with his thumb. “These things happen with recently qualified reapers. Maybe … you were overexcited … and a little over-confident … but mistakes are easily made. As long as you have learnt from it … and are okay, I cannot be mad at you.”

 “Y’ … y’re really not mad?”

 “No, but … promise me you’ll listen to Grell from now on? I know she is bossy, and irritating, and I block her out most of the time because of that … but she is only telling you what to do to keep you safe.”

 “Y-yeah, I know. I’ll do wha’ she says.” I need to – this … this is … the third time I’ve gotten hurt … all because I didn’t listen to her. Just a few scrapes and stuff the first two times … but still ….

 I … I can’t believe he’s not mad. Fuck ….

 “Alright. And you must be extra careful with your scythe. If you’d have fallen on that … it would have been much worse.”

 “O-okay, babe.”

 I get another kiss, start to tear up.

 He … he’s being so fucking sweet, so nice.

 Since we got back together … he … he’s really changed. He was so … good to me when I was poorly.

 Fuck – I … I don’t know if … it’s the stress from today … but – fuck ….

 “Ronald, what is it? What is wrong?” He reaches under my glasses, wipes at my eyes. “Are you still shaken?”

 “Na, it’s – I … I … jus’ love y’ so much, Will. Y’ … y’re tha best, s-seriously.”

 He … he just chuckled? What’s so –

 “I love you too, Ronald.” I get another peck. He pulls back, smiles, his hand going to my hair. “Your sappiness is adorable at times.”

 “Y’ … y’ think I’m bein’ sappy?”

 “Yes, though I am not complaining.”

 “Hmm.” I love it when he messes with my hair …. Sleepy ….

 “You get some sleep, Ronald.”

 “Y … yeah ….”

\----------------------------

***8.08pm***

 Will kisses my skin, and then smiles at me. “That is much better, isn’t it?”

 He took off my bandage, cleaned off all the caked-on blood. “Yeah, all good. Hungry though.” Guess healing makes you hungry, as well as tired.

 “Alright. You stay here and I shall bring you up some food.”

 “Aww, thanks babe.” He’s making my heart melt right now. So sweet.

\--------------------------

***9.12pm***

 “Hmm ….” Kisses. Nice kisses. “Ah ….” His lips go to my neck – so good, so tender.

 He … he’s really getting into this – oh … oh, shit.

 “Will, y’re hard.”

 “I … I know.” He sits up. “I … I think … I am in … the mood.”

 “Really? Y’re horny?”

 Looking away from me, he rubs at his chin. “I … I don’t think it is that ….”

 “Then -?”

 “It is – I … I was worried … for you today, so worried. I feel … the need to be close to you.”

 “Well, gimme a cuddle then. Y’ don’t ‘ave ta ‘ave sex wi’ me.”

 “No, no – I … I wish to be close to you … in that way, to … to be tender with you.” He sighs. “D-does that … make sense?”

 “Yeah, and if y’ really wanna, I’m up for it.”

 His breath shakes. “I … I want to, yes.”

 “Wanna spoon? That’s pretty damn tender.”

 He frowns at me. “Spoon? Remind me … again how … we go about that?”

 I reach up, pat his cheek. “I’ll show y’.”

\------------------------------

***9.31pm***

 “Ah … ngh, Will ….” He’s holding me so close, nails scraping across my stomach. His face is buried right up in my neck.

 “I … I like this … spooning … Ronald.”

 “M-me too. It … it’s tha – ahhh – tha best.”

 “Y-yes.” His breath shudders. “I love you.”

 “Heh, I … I need ta ge’ … hurt more often.”

 “… Do be quiet, Ronald.”

 “Hah, I love y’ too.”   

\--------------------

***9.43pm***

 “Ha … ha.” I flick my sweaty fringe outta my face. “Tha’ was great, babe.”

 “It was, yes.” I’m slid closer to him. “You feel better now, I assume?”

 “I felt better as soon as y’ got home, but yeah, thanks.” Feel pretty full of energy right now actually. I look over at the clock – it’s not too late. “Should we ge’ showered and stuff? I wanna go out.”

 “Go out?”

 “Yeah, head ta Eric’s or somethin’.”

 His hold on me gets tighter. “No … I would rather stay here.”

 “Why – oh … y’ want me all ta y’self, huh?”

 “Precisely.”

 Aww, bless. Seriously, he’s so adorable at times. “Alright, we’ll stay right here.”

 “Thank you.”


	272. Ronald. A decade, in a snap.

***Thursday 13th November 2031***

 I can’t believe ten years have gone by already. Feels like just yesterday I was in the academy.

 Not much has changed, really, but we have had a couple of weddings. Grell married Othello two years back – it was this big, red, extravagant thing. Must have cost a bomb ….

 And then Mom got re-married last year – took them long enough, really – me and Emma kept bugging them. It was only a small ceremony in the family gardens, but it was so adorable!

 Mom’s so happy! She fucking deserves it.

\-------------------------

***6.32pm***

 Party!!! It’s Jay’s birthday today, and that means mocktails! “Hey.” Jay smiles at me.

 “Happy Birthday!” I hold up a gift bag. “Bought y’ this.”

 “Thanks,” he beams, taking it from me. I’m pulled into a quick hug, before he looks at me again. “Uh … you do know the party doesn’t start for another hour, right?”

 “Yeah, but I thought I’d come help out … or eat all of tha best food before tha others ge’ here,” I chuckle.

 “Heh, thanks. Come on in.”

 I think things have changed more for Jay in the past few years … than for anyone else.

 He’s living in the reaper world now.

 I kept seeing this guy around work … every now and then. He looked like Alan … but ginger. And I knew I knew him from somewhere, but couldn’t put my finger on where. It was driving me mad, to be fair.

 But then, a few years back, I was over at Jay’s, and he had a photo album open. It was a duh! moment. And I just blurted out everything, told Jay that I knew where his late partner was.

 Another duh moment. Jay already knew. Kinda obviously really … given that I’m a reaper and the way we both died was almost identical. But … he’d never said anything because he thought Evan had moved on.

 I ended up speaking to Evan and he said pretty much the same thing, that he wanted Jay to be given the chance to carry on with life. He was worried too, didn’t wanna scare Jay – you never know how someone’s gonna react when you just pop up from the dead, I guess.

 They finally got their act together, and Jay moved in with him the next week! He’s doing some odd jobs for reapers, like dog walking, and stuff, to get some extra income, but I don’t think he’ll ever be going back to work in the human world.

 Can’t say I blame him – things have gone to shit in London …. Three terrorist attacks in the past month … and things haven’t been much better in other cities.

 I’m so glad my family live far out – I … I get so worried when they have to travel into London. At least I know it’s coming a bit in advance, so I can warn them to stay away.

 Fucking crazy ….

 “Hey.” Evan looks over at me.

 Jay pats at my back. “Ronnie came over early to help out.”

 “Oh, okay. Any good at blowing up balloons? I don’t like the feel of the rubber in my mouth.”

 “No condoms for y’ then.”

 “Ha … ha ….”

 I’m so glad they’re together, and Jay’s happy. The guilt over not being able to love him … had niggled at me sometimes, but not now. I don’t need to feel bad anymore.

\-----------------------

***Tuesday 13th January 2032***

***8.04pm***

 “Ronnie, pass the popcorn.” Emma says.

 I do, but not before grabbing a handful for myself.

 “Thanks.”

 I can’t believe she’s grown up so quick. She’s nineteen now, went from a tiny little girl to a lanky teen … like overnight. She was taller than me by the time she was twelve!

 She’s super busy these days, landed herself a modelling contract. I’m not surprised – pretty genes run in the family.

 In the six months she’s been signed up to the company, she’s travelled around quite a bit. So, as well as checking for attacks in London, I’m making sure her planes and trains don’t crash.

 I don’t want her to be held back, but I need to make sure she’s safe. If anything happened to her, I’d … I’d lose it. We’re so close – even after I became a reaper, she’d stay by me side whenever I came to visit. She loves her big bro so much – it’s adorable.

 She’s got this music band thing going on with a few friends too, hopes she’ll get somewhere with that someday. She didn’t really care that much for music until she went into high school, and then bam! She got pretty obsessed with it.

 So, busy, busy.

 But she still tries her best to get here for movie night when she can. We’ve been doing it every Tuesday night since I became a reaper. It’s just me, Emma and James normally, but sometimes Al and Eric come – William even joined us the once.

 Tonight … it’s Grandpa, because James wanted to watch this new Avengers movie (sequel fifty, or something, hah), and he’s a massive comic book geek.

 Dunno why he’s bothering though – he’ll only moan that the first one was so much better than this shit.

 “That didn’t happen in the comic book,” he mumbles. I knew it ….

 “Grandpa, just watch the film,” James mumbles back.

 He took over the business from Grandma a few years ago because she was getting too old to wanna do it anymore. Can’t say I blame her – she’s in her seventies now. Still … it was kinda pointless, because she’s breathing down his neck most of the time, can’t just let go.  

 Mom didn’t wanna do it – I didn’t think she’s ever wanted to run Grandma’s business – and we all know James is antisocial as fuck. Sitting at home in front of the computer suits him well.

 “Ya aren’t even watching the film.”

 He rolls his eyes at Grandpa. “I’m texting Shaun.”

 Emma shakes her head, shovels more popcorn into her mouth. “Can’t your dick wait until after the film?”

 “I – shut up, Emma.”

 “We all know you guys are dating. Just admit it already.”

 “I said shut up!”

 She grabs another fist-full of popcorn, throws it at him. “Make me.”

 He makes a grunting sound, goes back to texting.

 Man … those two – they really crack me up at times.

\-------------------------------

***Thursday 15th January***

***9.54pm***

 “Hmm … Will, y’ giant tease.”

 Over the years, Will’s gotten more into having sex with me.

 I don’t think he fancies me any more than he did, doesn’t look at me and think ‘I want that nice piece of ass’. At least, I don’t think so.

 It’s more … he wants to feel close to me, has relaxed into it a bit more now that we’ve gotten a lot closer as a couple.

 He’d never be able to do it if the emotional connection wasn’t there, wasn’t super strong.

 Plus, it feels really good.  

 Well … it would, if he’d get on with it. Right tease ….

 Maybe he’s admiring the view – playing dress up tonight, wearing a bit of makeup I robbed off Grell.

 I like to mix it up every now and then, just so it’s not always so vanilla.

 “Will … come on.”

 “Patience, Ronald.” He unclips my garter from the stocking, nibbles at my thigh.

 “Nghh ….” Fuck patience. I’m so hard ….

\---------------------------------

***Friday 13th February***

***1.11pm***

 Another … another bomb attack. Me and Eric step onto the train … what’s left of the train ….

 Oh … oh, fuck …. My heart starts to race, blood runs cold – there are … body parts everywhere ….

 “Ock ….” Eric walks through … the debris … to where the other end of the train used to be … though I can barely see him with all the dust and shit in the air. It’s so thick ….

 A … a female reaper ports in … right next to him – shit … there … there were little kids on … here.

 Three bombs went off – no … no survivors.

 The … the quicker we get this over with, the quicker we can go. “Come on,” I call.  I … I just wanna get outta here.

 “Aye.” Eric opens his ledger. “We -.”

**Bang!**

 “Ah!” I’m knocked to the floor.

 “Ronnie!” He runs towards me.

 “I … I’m alright – nghh ….” My … my gut. I look down – nails?! Three bombs weren’t enough for the bastards? They had to use a nail bomb too?!

 Eric kneels down next to me. “Ah … ah wasn’t told there’d be a fourth explosion -.”

 “B-because … th-there’s no one left ta kill.” So it … it wouldn’t have shown up … in our briefing.

 “Aye, right – shite, that looks nasty.”

 “I … I’ll be fine.” I rip the fucking things out. “Nghh ….”

 “Yer sure?”

 “Y … yeah.” Used to getting hurt on duty by now. I stagger back onto my feet. “C-come on.” I … I need to get outta … this hell.

\---------------------------------

***6.33pm***

 “Evening, Ronald. Sorry I am a little late; I had a lot of paperwork.”

 “Hey ….”

 “Are you … alright?”

 “N-no ….” I curl up under my blankie.

 “What is the matter?” Will’s voice gets closer. “Ronald?”

 “Why … why do I … keep gettin’ tha terrorist collections?”

 “It … it isn’t just you, Ronald. Most of us have -.”

 “Why won’t they jus’ stop?!” The tears start to come. “Why … why do they keep doin’ this, Will? K-killin’ … all these people.”

 “Ronald -.”

 “And … and … it’s always kids, and babies! It’s not fair! How … how could anyone be so cruel?”

 The covers are pulled back. “I will never understand … the minds of cold-blooded murderers, so I cannot answer that.” His fingers find my hair. “But I will try my best to keep you away from those sorts of collections.”

 “P-please.” I … I could … handle it … if it wasn’t for the kids – I really adore them. It … it’s bad enough having to collect them … when they get sick and stuff.

 “Alright.” He strokes at my head. “Do you still … wish to go to the movies tonight?”

 “Y-yeah … alright. Dwellin’ … on it isn’t gonna … do me any good, I guess.” It … won’t stop those cunts, will just make me feel … shittier.

 “Precisely.”

 Fuck … I … I really wish I could have a kid of my own someday ….

 Wish ….  


	273. William. A void.

***Thursday 13th April 2034***

***4.03pm***

 “Grrr … grrrr!”

 Honestly … this mutt hates me.

 Ronald … has been bringing strays home … for the past two years. He’ll find them on the streets during his shifts, and keep them as pets.

 And it isn’t only dogs – he has brought home a runaway hamster, for goodness sake. He has even tried to sneak cats in, but I would not stand for it.

 Those fur-covered demons would try to eat my pigeons.

 So now … Grell is saddled with three of those feline monsters.

 Ronald isn’t the only one at fault … I suppose. Every time … he brings a new pet home, I use it as an excuse to buy a new pigeon, or – I now have a rescue chicken, and … and quails –

 Lord … help me. He has turned my house … into a zoo.

 And I know why ….

 He … he wishes to have a child, and while he does love the dogs … I feel he has been bringing them home to … fill a void.

 He … talks about children … a lot … and when he sees them on the television, he goes all … mushy.

 I … I hope this is merely a passing phase.

 It has me concerned, to say the least.

 I cannot give him what he wants ….

\-------------------------

***5.12pm***

 “That dog hates me, Ronald.” She is still hiding under a chair in the kitchen, growling at me.

 “She doesn’t, Will. She’s jus’ scared.” He kneels down on the floor, leans forward on his elbows. “Sandy, come on, babe, come out.”

 Her growling ceases. Typical ….

 Do … do I give off a bad vibe? I do not understand –

 “Y’ don’t ‘ave ta be scared.” Ronald reaches his arms out, slides her out of her hiding place. Standing up, he holds the terrier in his arms. “See, she’s alright, Will. She jus’ needs time ta adjust.”

 “I … suppose.” He may have a point …. After all, she has only been with us for two weeks.

 Ronald pets at her head. “Y’re a good girl, aren’t y’? Yes, y’ are.” He chuckles. “My little fur baby.”

 My heart sinks.

 Precisely.

 A fur baby.

 A baby ….

\---------------------

***Saturday 17th June***

 Ronald has been down … so down recently … ever since Sandy had puppies.

 It was ironic … in all honesty. I brought a pregnant … boy home from the streets, and Ronald did the same … with a dog.  

 Ronald gushed … and gushed over those little canine bundles … but we couldn’t keep them. Even with the extension that was built last year for the dogs, we didn’t have the room. And … in all honesty, I didn’t feel comfortable having them running around my birds, didn’t trust them not to hurt them.

 Ronald didn’t want them to go, wanted them to be separated even less so.

 Eric and Alan took all of them off our hands, along with Sandy, after much … crying and screaming from Ronald about the unfairness of it all.

 It was … a horrible situation, but I felt, still feel that it was the right thing to do.

 With Belle having passed away five years ago, they needed something to fill the void, I feel, and if nothing else, having six puppies to take care of will give them both something to do.

 We may be given Sandy back once the puppies are old enough, or we may not … but regardless, I don’t think Ronald is … going to be alright.

 Seeing babies … even animal babies – it has shown him what … what he is missing out on.

 He walks around most of the time now … with his hand on his stomach … remembering, I am sure, how it felt to be with child, remembering … the hope he felt ….

 He will never have that hope, mixed with excitement and nervousness … again.

 And there … there is nothing I can do for him ….

\-------------------------------

***Saturday 24th June***

 It has gotten worse. Ronald pleaded with his mother to adopt a child on his behalf, but she refused.

 And … rightly so. If anyone were to find out, she could face jail. As much as she loves her son, wants him to be happy, it would have been wrong of her ….

\-----------------------

***8.12pm***

 This is … unusual. Ronald normally goes out every other Saturday with Eric and Grell.

 I didn’t like the idea at first, thought Eric was being quite irresponsible … wanting Ronald to be out late, around alcohol … but in the ten years he has been doing it, he has come home sober, has been home before midnight, every single time.

 I am more worried now … because he isn’t getting ready; he usually spends an hour trying to pick out a shirt to wear.

 “You aren’t going out?” I ask.

 He slides down on the couch. “Na. Told Eric I didn’t feel like it.”

 “Oh, I -.”

 “I said I don’t feel up ta it, alright?”

 I am taken aback – he hasn’t been this snappy in a long while.

 “Yes … alright.”

 He has been upset, but not … snappy.

 Maybe I should … leave him be.

 I wish to speak to him about all of this … but at the present moment, I do not think that is wise ….

\----------------

***Monday 26th June***

***8.05pm***

 I come home … to find him curled up in bed … alone. I usually cannot fit onto the sheets, have to shoo the dogs out, but tonight – oh … this isn’t good.

 “Ronald?”

 He turns from me. “G-go away.”

 I do the opposite, get into my side of the bed. “Ronald -.”

 “I ….” He curls up under the sheets. “I … I want a baby, Will.”

 “I know -.”

 “No! Y’ … y’ don’t know how I feel!” He tries to push me away as I wrap my arms around him, but I hold him tight. “Y’ don’t even want kids!”

 I never said that. In fact, I have said quite the opposite in the past. “I do, Ronald, I do. And … and if we could conceive naturally, I would not hesitate to have you bear my child.”

 His hand moves – he is touching his stomach, again ….

 “If ….”

 “I am sorry, Ronald. If I could – oh, Ronald, don’t cry.” I pull him closer. “Maybe one day -.”

 “No!”

 “Ronald, it -.”

 “It … it hurts!” His fists bang against me. “I … I … jus’ ….” A sob rattles through him. “Jus’ … want a family.” His banging slows; he clings to me. “It’s not fair!”

 I hold him tightly, as he … cries, and cries … says over and over how he just wants a baby.

 And there is nothing … nothing I can do to help him. Reapers will never be allowed to adopt. I know it, and he knows it, yet … I do not have the heart to be truthful with him ….

 “We will find a way, Ronald. We will.”

 It does nothing. His sobbing only worsens.

 I gulp, for I can hear the utter heartbreak … the sheer pain … in his wails.

 He hasn’t been this upset, this devastated … in a long, long while ….

 His cries … they take me back to the moment he found out he had miscarried. And why wouldn’t it – she is consuming his thoughts.

 The thinking of what could have been, what he doesn’t have – no wonder he is … in such a state.

 I continue to hold him … try to soothe him … as the minutes tick by … turn to hours of shaking and whimpering.  

 He falls into a fitful sleep, tossing and turning in my arms.

 I will stay up tonight. The early hours will no doubt be filled with nightmares ….


	274. Ronald. Talia Owusu.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sad times.

***Thursday 29th June***

***7.05pm***

 “Are you feeling any better, Darling?”

 “A bit … I guess.” Not really ….

 Will gave me a few days off work … and it gave me a chance to get my head together a bit. Trouble is … work wasn’t the problem in the first place.

 A … a part of me is still missing ….

 Grell plonks herself down on my desk. “I know how you feel, Dear. I’ve wanted a child for years.”

 “Yeah ….” And I know Al does too ….

 It really isn’t fair.

 “But you can’t let it control you – it will drive you mad. Trust me, I know.” She waves a hand. “And besides, it’s not all bad, is it? You have Will, and us.”

 “Yeah ….”

 No. No … it … it’s not that fucking simple ….

\--------------------

***9.03pm***

 I … I know Grell was trying her best to cheer me up, and I appreciate it … but fuck … I still feel like absolute shit.

 As much as I wanna feel better, there … there’s just no getting over this ….

 And … to make things even worse, I’m on the nightshift tonight. I tried to get outta it, but Will couldn’t help … because he’d already given me last minute leave.

 I … I really don’t wanna deal with this ….  

 The terrorist attacks have died down … thank fuck … but the crime rate is up. Murders … more than anything … especially at night.

 For my last collection … some psychotic cunt is … is gonna murder his ex-girlfriend, a young woman named Talia Owusu.

 Pretty name ….  

 Man … this world is so messed up ….

\-----------------

***11.47pm***

 I … I hear screaming and shouting coming from the house. It … it’s so fucking loud!

 I need – no … I can’t. I … I can’t. My shoulders slump. This … this is the worst part of the job … not being able to stop shit like this.

 Can’t do a fucking thing ….

\-------------------

 Just … just wait a few more minutes … just – agh! All … all that screaming.

 I should have – I hear the front door bang open, turn around to see a tall, blonde guy running outta the house. My fist tightens on my lawnmower.

 I … I should kill the fucker where he –

 For fuck sake! Pull … pull it together.

 They’ll find him – the police will find that bastard – they’ll make him pay!

 I watch him flee … like the fucking coward he is.

 Gritting my teeth, I yank on my scythe. I … I still have a job to do ….

\-------------------

 My heart thumps in my chest – the … the house is a mess.

 Fuck … there’s – I … I can hear a baby cry – she had a kid?!

 I didn’t – I … I never read the case file –

 No … no!

 I … I didn’t know, I didn’t –

 My knees give out.

 I … I should have done something, stopped this.

 “Y’ … y’ stupid fuckin’ cunt.”

 It … it’s my fault –

 “Fuckin’ hell!”

 My fist slams down on the floor.

 “Fuck ….”

 I – agh!

 Pull yourself together!

 Pull … pull it together ….

 I wipe at my eyes – I … I need to do my collection … make sure the baby’s okay … and get outta here.

 Get up!

 Get … get up ….

 Fuck ….

 Standing up, I feel my body sway.

 Get … get a grip.

 I grab hold of my scythe, and port upstairs.

 She … she’s in the baby’s room.

 My heart pounds harder. I … I don’t wanna see this.

 Okay … okay, deep breaths. You can do this. Just … just get through the collection, and … and you can go home.

 With a shaky hand, I push open the door –

 I … I’m gonna be sick – there’s … there’s blood all over the –

 “St-stay away from her!” She … she’s bent over the crib ….

 “I … I’m not … gonna hurt her.”

 Talia gasps, shrieks out “wh-who are you?” She … she’s too hurt to move, look round at me.

 “I … I’m a reaper. I’m … I’m not here ta … hurt anyone, I promise, but y’ … y’ – I … I’m so sorry ….” I hurry over to her. “I … I’m so sorry I didn’t help -.”

 “Y-you … won’t … h-hurt my baby?”

 “No, I … I’d never hurt them. B-but y’ … y’ can’t stay. I’m -.”

 “T-take her.” She gasps again … coughs up b-blood. “T-take her, please – he … he’ll come back, hurt her – take her!”

 “I -.”

 “P-please. She … she doesn’t … have anyone else.”

 Fuck ….

 My head starts to spin – this … this isn’t really happening. “I ….”

 “P-please, I … I’m begging you. Please.”

 The baby’s crying – it … it’s ripping my heart in two. “O-okay, I … I will.”

 “Th-thank you.” She … she reaches a hand out, touches … touches her baby’s cheek. “C-Carmen … child, it … it’s … alright. M-Mother … loves you.”

 The … the tears run down my cheeks … as I touch her back, rub at it. “I’m so sorry.”

 “No … it … it’s ….” She takes a shuddering breath. “Carmen ….”

 Her body … goes limp ….

 Shit ….

 “I’m s-so … sorry.”

\----------------------

***Friday 30th June***

***12.32am***

 Talia … she … she was right. Her … her record – Carmen’s … grandparents don’t give a shit … and … and Talia didn’t have any close friends.

 All … all she had was … was her baby.

 And … and I … I stood by … and did … nothing … to save her.

 And Carmen – she … she’s crying so much.

 She just wants … her mommy.

 Fuck … fuck!

 I have to do something, to … to make her stop crying, to comfort her.

 I pull myself up from the floor, nearly fall again.

 This … this precious, little thing. “Carmen … I’m so sorry.”

 Another sob slips – she … she’s got blood splatters all … all over her.

 I reach down, shaky hands sliding under her back – she … she’s so tiny.

 Lifting her up, I hold her to my chest. Tiny ….

 And it hits me – I … I’ve never held a baby before, don’t even know if I’m holding her right.

 “Carmen … I’m sorry.” I try to bounce her a little, squeeze my eyes shut. It hurts …. “B-but … it … it’ll be okay. I … I’ll take good care of y’, I promise.”

\-----------------------

***1.05am***

 I … I’ve been standing … in front of my door … for ages now. I think I’m still … in shock.

 More tears leak down my cheeks. I … I wanted a baby, but not like this.

 The … the poor little girl.

 Fuck … she … she’s stopped crying now, is sleeping … but just looking at this tiny … fragile human – she … she’s breaking my fucking heart.

 I … I need to get her inside, but … but I’m scared –

 What … what if Will doesn’t … let me keep her?

 He has to!

 I … I can’t break my promise to Talia. I won’t!

 This … this is all my fault ….

 Okay … okay, just explain … it all to him. He … he’ll understand. He wouldn’t turn his back on … on such a cute, little girl.

 Taking a deep breath, I press my leg up against my scythe, and port it into the living room.

 “Ronald, where have you been?!” Will shoots up from the sofa. “I was – what … what the heck is that?”

 “W-Will ….” D-don’t be mad – I … I need a hug.

 “Ronald, take … take that … baby back at once.”

 “No!” I can’t! She … she doesn’t have anywhere else to go. “Will, listen -.”

 “Kidnapping -.”

 “I … I didn’t kidnap her.” The fuck?! I … I’d never –

 “You -.”

 “W-Will … please, jus’ … jus’ listen.”

 He … he’s staring at me, frowning at me. “Go on ….”

 “I … I was … out … out on collection. Her … her mommy was mur-murdered – I … I promised her I’d take care of her baby.”

 “Oh … Ronald.” I … get a sigh. “That … that is sweet, but if the council finds out -.”

 “They won’t!”

 “Ronald -.”

 “And … and so wha’ if they do?” I don’t care! “We -.”

 “Ronald -.”

 “We … we can act on dyin’ wishes.”

 “Yes, but -.”

 “They said so in tha academy!”

 “Waaaa!”

 Shit, I … I made Carmen cry –

 “Yes … but no one actually does that. That … tradition has died out.”

 “I … I don’t care.” The tears come … thicker, faster. “I … I could’ve … saved her mommy … b-but I didn’t. Will, p-please, I … I ‘ave ta do this.”

 “You were only doing your job -.”

 “W-Will … d-don’t … don’t – she doesn’t ‘ave anyone else.”

 “Waa!”

 “I -.”

 “Sh-she’ll be passed around foster – I … I can’t let tha’ happen.”

 He sighs. “Alright -.”

 “She … she’ll ge’ hurt, and … and -.”

 “Ronald -.”

 “I need ta keep her safe!”

 “Yes, I -.”

 “She deserves better than … than I got.”

 “Ronald!”

 “Wha’?!”

 He … he holds out his arms. “Would you be quiet for one moment and let me hold my daughter?”

 My stomach rolls – he … he didn’t just say – “R-really?”

 “Yes. We … we can try to make this work.”

 “W-Will ….” I choke on a cry, hold Carmen against my chest. “Y’ … y’ hear tha’, Carmen? We … we’ll look after y’. Y’ll … be s-safe here.”

 “Um … Ronald, may I hold our child?”

 “Oh … oh, right.” I hand her over, and … and her crying dies down again.

 Will smiles. “Oh … isn’t she beautiful, Ronald?”

 My legs go to jelly, nearly give out again. Fuck ….

 He’s smiling. He … he loves her already.

 I … I can’t believe this –

 This doesn’t … doesn’t seem real.

 “Carmen is a very pretty name, isn’t it?”

 He … he’s speaking so softly.

 He’s a great daddy already ….


	275. Ronald. Not a clue.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, this chapter killed me. 
> 
> But hope you enjoy! ... ???

***1.56am***

 I’m curled up against the edge of the sofa, listening to Will speaking to Carmen. The dogs have been shut up in the extension – I … I think Will wanted some sexy time tonight, or to watch a film in peace.

 So … so much for those plans ….

 I … I keep zoning out, thinking about Talia.

 She … she had it so rough. Her parents … were so horrible to her, and … and so was her first proper boyfriend.

 When she did finally break up with that cunt, he … he started stalking her. She got a restraining order, and met someone decent, finally.

 And … and she was so happy, was about to have a baby with the man she loved. Then her world … fell apart before Carmen was born – her partner was in a … a fatal car crash.

 It … it’s not fair. All … all the shit she went through – it … it just isn’t fair ….

\-------------------------

 “Oh, someone is a very sleepy, aren’t they?” I look over at Will, see him lift Carmen to his shoulder.

 He … he’s gone all mushy.

 “Is … is it love at first sight, Will?”

 “Love at first hold, yes. She … she has had quite the effect on me.” He smiles. “I … I didn’t think I would turn into Grell at the sight of a baby.”

 “Y-yeah.”

 “Are you … alright?”

 “N-not really.” I curl up even more, hide my face. I … I hate myself, so much ….

 “Do you -?”

 “Th-this shouldn’t ‘ave happened, Will. I … I should’ve helped her mommy.” My stomach rolls over. “I was there … early, heard … heard all tha screaming. I -.”

 “Ronald, this isn’t your fault, believe me. You can’t stop … these things from happening. It … it is fate.”

 “B-but y’ … y’ saved me.”

 “Yes … yes, I know … but we cannot help everyone.”

 “We should! We … we should be able ta stop – it’s not fair!”

 “I know, Ronald, I know. I understand that … this line of work can be … hard to bear at times. But you did the right thing by taking Carmen out of harm’s -.”

 “No!” I gulp. “No … she shouldn’t … she shouldn’t be here, Will.”

 “Y-you … don’t want her?”

 “I … I do.” And … and I’ll keep her safe, for Talia. “B-but she shouldn’t be here in tha first place. She … she should be at home, wi’ her mommy.”

 Will sighs. “Yes … that is quite true. But I think, as long as we take good care of her, her mother will be at peace.”

 “I … I guess ….” But … I don’t want her … to … to be at ‘peace’. I … I want her to be alive …. I take a shaky breath. “Fuck … wha’ … wha’ a mess. This … this is a fuckin’ mess.”

 “Ronald -.”

 “I … I don’t even know wha’ I’m doin’, Will.” I look up at him. “I … I don’t know how ta look after a baby.”

 “Yes, but -.”

 “I don’t even know how ta hold her!”

 “Neither do I, but -.”

 “Y’ … y’ do. Y’ve been holdin’ her this whole time.”

 “Yes … but I have been copying what I have seen in movies and the like. I think, hope, I am doing it correctly, but I can’t be sure.”

 “Fuck … w-we’re way in … over our heads.”

 With a sigh, he moves Carmen to his other shoulder, reaches out a hand. He touches my leg, rubs at it. “We will figure this out.”

 “W-we’re … not her mommy, Will.”

 “I know, but we – oh, Ronald, don’t cry. Come on, come here.” He moves his hand, holds out his arm.

 “W-Will.”

 “Come on. You need a hug.”

 I … I do. I really do. I shuffle up to him, curl up against his side … and cry, just cry ….

 His fingers run through my hair. “It will be alright, Ronald.”

 “No … no, it … it won’t.” It won’t be … it won’t. She … she needs her mommy. She needs her mommy ….

\------------------------

***3.03am***

 I … I feel better … a bit better, but not really ….

 I think … crying it out helped … to … to get the hurt out, the guilt out … but every time I think about this … this tiny girl … my heart just breaks all over again.

 I … I wanna turn back time, but I can’t. So … so I … I have to try to pull it together … do my best for her. For … for Carmen ….

 But I’m not her mommy, don’t deserve to … to ever think of myself as that.

 I was … desperate, so desperate to have a baby … but this … this whole situation, it isn’t right.

 Desperate ….

 “W-Will?”

 “Yes?”

 “Y’ … y’ didn’t really think I’d kidnapped her, did y’?”

 “I -.”

 “B-because … I … I’d never do somethin’ like tha’.”

 “I -.”

 “It … it’d be fucked up, and it’s no … no better than wha’ those bastards did ta me. I’d never take a kid from their parents – maybe if … if I saw them abusin’ their kid, or somethin’, but -.”

 “Ronald.”

 “But I’d – yeah?”

 “No … I didn’t think that, not really … but I had no idea what to think. It … it was a shock – I am sorry for saying that to you.”

 “It … it’s okay,” as … as long as he doesn’t really think that.

 I hear a chuckle, frown up at him. “Wha’ -?”

 “Sorry. I just had an amusing thought.”

 “Wha’ thought?”

 “If this all works out, Carmen is going to be rather spoilt.”

 “She is?”

 “Oh, Ronald, come now. Alan, Eric … Grell?”

 “Oh … oh, right.” Yeah … true.

 We … we’ve still gotta tell them … about it. I … I’d completely forgotten about – my … my head really is a fucking mess ….

\------------------------

***3.14am***

 Carmen is fast asleep. Will has her resting on the top of his thighs, is touching her cheek, fussing over her.

 I … I never thought he’d be so loving, so fond of a baby.  

 And I still … can’t believe how tiny she is. She isn’t even the full length of his thighs.

 “We need to dig up some information on her, make sure she doesn’t have any medical conditions.”

 “She … she doesn’t, I don’t think. Uh, she was premature -.”

 “She was?” He looks at me, a worried expression on his face.

 “Y-yeah, I saw it on Talia’s record.” Talia ….

 She … she went into labour early. I … I think it was from the stress of losing her partner – it had to be ….

 Will gulps. “H-how early was she?”

 “Two months, and … and she was in tha hospital for a bit, but she’s fine now. I heard tha doctor say she was alright, jus’ small.”

 He looks down at Carmen again. “I would still like to check, just to be sure.”

 “Alright.” Yeah … yeah, better to be safe than sorry … for sure.

\-----------------------

***3.33am***

 “You should head to bed, Ronald.”

 I lift my head up from his upper arm. “Wh-wha’?”

 “You look tired … and I know tonight has been tough on you. You need some rest.”

 “I -.” I flinch – Carmen’s crying again. “Is … is she okay?”

 “She … she is fine, I am sure.” Will lifts her up, holds her to his chest.

 He kisses her head – that … that’s so sweet.

 “Carmen, Carmen, shush, it’s alright.”

 Her … her crying just gets worse – shit! “She … she didn’t ge’ hurt in tha attack, did she?”

 “No … no, of course not. We’d have seen that straight away.”

 “Th-then what’s wrong?”

 “I … I am not sure. I cannot smell anything – maybe she is hungry?”

 “M-maybe.” I don’t know! “Sh-she needs milk, right?”

 “Yes, I … I think formula. But … I … I don’t know which one, or how much ….”

 “Waaa!”

 “I … I dunno either.” Shit! Shit – wait …. “I know someone that’ll know.”

 Will goes pale. “No … no, anything but that. I … I can’t be doing with her shrieking at -.”

 “W-well, Carmen’s jus’ gonna keep cryin’ … and … and if she’s hungry, we need ta feed her.”

 He shudders. “Fine … fine … do what you must.”

\--------------------

 “A baby?! How did you get a baby?! I’ve been waiting years, and a baby just falls into your lap?! How -?”

 “Grell … Grell, I’ll explain later. Jus’ … jus’ ge’ her some milk – and nappies – she needs nappies, right?”

 “Mmm, if you don’t want baby poo all over your house. How old is she?”

 “Does it -?”

 “It’s important, Darling.”

 “Oh … she’s two months old.”

 “And how much does she weigh?”

 “I … I dunno – she’s tiny.”

 She tuts at me. “Well, that’s no good, is it?”

 “I -.”

 “I won’t know what nappy size she needs, or how much to feed her if I don’t know her weight.”

 “W-well we don’t ‘ave a scale -.”

 “I do! I’ll be right there!”

 “Grell, wait a -.” She puts the phone down on me. “Alright then ….”

\----------------

 “Awww! She’s adorable!” Grell bounces up and down on her heels, hands gripping the scale. Then she just stops …. “Where’s her blanket?”

 Will frowns at her. “Pardon?”

 “A baby needs a blanket, William! You can’t keep her up this late without something to keep her warm. It’s cold in here!”

 “Grell, she is fine.” He gets a look of murder. “Um … fine, fine … I will find her a blanket as soon as we get her fed.”

 “Hn.” She kicks off her shoes, puts the scale on the floor. “Hand her over, Willy.”

 “What? Why?”

 “Because I already know how much I weigh. I just need to see how many pounds she adds.”

 “Right … yes, okay.”

 He doesn’t wanna let go of her. That … that’s so adorable.

\------------------------

***4.11am***

 “Waaa! Waa!”

 “Carmen, Carmen, shush.”

 “Where is she?!”

 “I … I don’t -.”

 “I … I can’t take this!” She … she’s crying so much. I put my face in my hands. “She … she sounds so sad.”

 “She isn’t sad, Ronald, simply hungry. Once Grell returns, she will be just fine.”

 My teeth grit together. “She needs ta hurry up.”

 “Yes, quite.” I look up, see him cuddle Carmen closer. “Carmen, why don’t you take a nap? If you sleep, Grell will be back before you know it.”

 She … she can’t understand him … but fuck … it’s so adorable.

 Grell … fucking hell, hurry up ….

\----------------------

***4.32am***

 Grell ports into the living room … with a supermarket trolley.

 “Where have you been?” William stands up from the sofa. “It has been -.”

 “Sorry, Darlings.” She laughs. “I saw all the little baby clothes and got a little carried away.”

 “Y’ bought her clothes?”

 “Mmm, and a baby blanket, and – do you want to see it all?!”

 “In a little while, Grell. Carmen needs feeding.”

 “Oh … oh, yes!” She grabs one of the bags, walks off towards the kitchen.

 “Where the heck are you going now?”

 “I need to sterilise the bottles, Willy.”

 “Pardon?”

 “Ster – wha’?”

 We … we really don’t have a fucking clue ….

\----------------------

 “Oh, isn’t that just darling?” Grell cups her hands together.

 “It is really cute.” So cute. Will has her cradled in his one arm, and she looks so happy to have a bottle.

 And Will looks so happy too, has all his attention on her. “Oh, someone was hungry, weren’t they?”

 “She really was.” Her bottle’s nearly empty already.

 The last few dregs of milk are downed; the bottle is pulled away. “Is that better, Carmen?” Will smiles.

 She wriggles around. Aww ....

 “Is that a yes?”

 “You have to burp her now, Darling.”

 “Burp – yes, yes, I have heard of that.” His brow furrows. “How do I …?”

 Grell laughs. “I’ll show you, Willy Dear.”

\--------------------------

***5.01am***

 Will goes all pale. “Oh … oh Lord, that … that is ghastly.”

 “That’s a dirty nappy for you, Dear.” Grell drops a clean one of his head.

 “Grell!”

 I laugh … I think for the first time since I came home.

 Hah … seeing Will with a nappy on his head … is pretty damn funny.

\---------------------

 Carmen’s all clean now, has been changed into a new baby-grow. It’s light pink, and … and so cute.

 I’m so glad she’s outta the bloodstained one, but I’m not gonna get rid of it. No way. Her mommy bought her that – I’ll get it washed, keep it safe somewhere in the house.

 We didn’t have a blanket small enough for her, and the baby one needs washing, so Will has her wrapped up in one of his thick nightshirts. It swamps her – adorable.  

 I’m falling in love with her already. I … I know I don’t deserve to have her … but … but she’s so cute, and amazing.

 How could anyone not fall for that little face?

 She’s beautiful.

 I go over to the trolley, want to see what else Grell bought her.

 I tip out the bags, and smile. Grell got us so much stuff. A load of nappies, and baby wipes, and cuddly toys. A load of grows too, in all different pretty colours. “This is amazin’, Grell, thank y’.”

 “It’s no problem, Darling.”

 “How much do we owe y’?”

 “Oh, nothing, nothing.” She waves a hand. “No expense spared for this little darling.”

 “Th-thank y’.”

 “Oh, don’t mention it.”  

 She leans in closer to her, so wants to hold her. Will frowns up at her, doesn’t wanna let Carmen go for a second. “No.”

 She pouts at him. “Hn.”

 “Will, come on, let her hold Carmen for a bit.”

 “She already has -.”

 “Will.”

 He sighs. “Fine … fine, as long as she promises not to disappear with her.”

 Grell gasps. “I’d never do such a thing! As jealous as I am, she’s your little angel, Willy Dear.”

 And if she was gonna do that … I think she would’ve by now ….

 He … he’s so protective of her already ….

 “Yes … yes, alright.”

 She squeaks as Carmen is passed up to her. “Oh, you wonderful little thing!”

 “Grell, stop shouting, would you? She is trying to sleep.”

 “Oh, I’ll get her off to sleep in no time. Don’t you worry about that.”

\-------------------

***5.16am***

 Grell’s walking around the living room, bouncing Carmen lightly, humming softly to her. She’s in her element.   

 She stops, turns to me. “Ronnie?”

 “Yeah?”

 “Are you sure she’s two months old?”

 “Yeah … why?”

 “Well, I thought this earlier – she is awfully small.”

 “She was two months premature. I guess that’s why?”

 “Ohhh, so she is just like a nine-month-old new-born! Oh, Carmen, you really have had a rough start, haven’t you? But don’t you worry, Darling, we’ll watch out for you.” She smiles at me. “I think Carmen would like it if you held her.”

 “I … I’d like tha’ too.”

 She’s handed down to me, and … and I nearly burst into tears again. “D-did y’ jus’ yawn, Carmen?” I hold her closer, rub at her back through Will’s shirt. “Is someone super sleepy?”

 Beautiful … absolutely beautiful ….

\------------------------

***5.29am***

 The three of us head upstairs, me dragging my feet all the way. My emotions are all over the place, and … and there’s so … so much to think about, like who’s … gonna look after Carmen when we’re at work … but I’m too tired to … to concentrate on anything.

 Will let Grell stay the night … after telling her, again, to not run off with her.

 Pfft … if Carmen wakes up in the night, we won’t have a fucking clue what to do ….

 Will pushes the door open –

 Oh ….

 “Where’s Carmen gonna sleep?”

 “I – umm ….” Will looks around the room. “I have an idea.” He walks over to the chest of drawers, pulls one of the drawers out. The clothes are dumped on the floor. “This should work.”

 I look round at Grell. “Is … is tha’ alright ta do?”

 “Oh, yes, it’ll do until you buy a crib. Parents have been using that hack for years.”

\----------------------------

 I tuck Will’s shirt around Carmen. She … she’s so cute when she sleeps, looks so peaceful.

 Reaching up, I stroke at her soft, squidgy cheek. “Sleep well, Carmen.”

 Will bends down, kisses her head. “Goodnight, child.”

 I … I bet he’d have her in bed with him if he could, if I didn’t move so much in my sleep.

 He … he’s so good with her.

 Grell takes a seat by Carmen, and we both flop into bed, completely knackered. I’m pulled close, Will breathing against my hair. “Goodnight, Ronald.”

 I yawn, lean into him more. “Night ….”

 Sleep well, Carmen ….


	276. William. Baby's first night.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really like this chap xD
> 
> Only two more to go after this, and we're done!

 Ronald is curled up against me, his leg kicking out in his sleep. He is keeping me awake, but I do not mind it. I doubt I would be able to sleep regardless.

 The last few hours have been quite … overwhelming. I … I still cannot quite believe that this is real, that we have a child.

 I … I never thought I would be so overwhelmed with love, would slide into the role of being a father so easily.

 But … then again, I am sure a lot of males think that before they have a child of their own.

 I smile to myself. Our own child ….

 I am so happy that I care not that Grell can see us … snuggling in bed.

 I … I am not the man I used to be, definitely not … and that is a wonderful thing.

 “Willy Dear?”

 “Yes?”

 “What’s wrong with Ronnie?”

 “He is having a nightmare.”

 “Hn, I know that.”

 I raise an eyebrow. “Then why did -?”

 “I didn’t mean right now.”

 “Then what -?”

 “I thought he’d be dying to feed baby, would want to be front and center with her … but he just sat there. With all the talk of wanting a baby, I thought he would have been over the moon.”

 Ah … I see. “It isn’t that simple.”

 “Why not?”

 “Well … Carmen’s biologic mother was murdered.”

 “Yes, Ronnie did tell me, but -.”

 “Tonight has been hard on him – he blames himself.”

 “He shouldn’t!”

 “I know … but he does.”

 She sighs loudly … dramatically. “The poor darling. He’s always been too sensitive.”

 Yes … I know that too. I would love for him to be on desk duty, away from the horrors of the world … but I know that such a job would bore him half to death. “He will come to terms with it, given a little time, I am sure.”

 “I sure hope so. Little Carmen needs the love of a good mother.”

 I smile at that. “He will be a wonderful parent. Just give him a few days.”

 “Hmm … we need to get him to bond with Carmen.”

 We cannot rush these things, surely? Still … her words pique my curiosity. “How -?” I pause, my attention turning back to Ronald as he rolls away from me. His leg kicks out again. I hear a whimper.

 “Oh, Darling!” Grell shoots up from the chair, hurries over to him before I have chance to move a muscle. She grabs at his hand, pulls it towards her. Her palm pats at his skin, strokes at it in a soothing manner. “Oh, Ronnie, it’s okay.” She looks at me, her lips turning up. It isn’t a grin, merely a little smile. “Doesn’t he look like a little baby himself when he sleeps?”

 A little … yes. He is adorable when he is asleep … but I will never admit that to her. “I suppose.”

 “Nghhh ….”

 “Ronnie, Ronnie, it’s alright.”

 I lean forward, my hand –

 I stop mid-motion.

 Carmen has just begun to cry. Rolling over, I lean over the side of the bed, scoop her up, nightshirt and all. Lying back flat, I hold her to my chest, hand on her back. “What is it, Carmen? Are you hungry again? Do you need a nappy change?”

 “She just wants you to hold her.”

 I glance over at Grell, frown. “Pardon?”

 “All she needs is a cuddle, Will.”

 The frown deepens as … as Carmen settles down.

 “See, I told you, Darling.”

 “H-how … how did you -?”

 “A lady knows these things. And I know she likes you.”

 “She … she does? Already?”

 “Of course she does.” She laughs. “Just look at that happy little face.”

 “I … I don’t know what to say ….”

 “Well – oh, Ronnie!” He … he has begun to cry in his sleep. “Ronnie, Darling, shhh.”

 For Grell’s trying, Ronald’s crying only worsens. “N-no … no ….” His legs kick out again, more frantically this time.

 “Grell, hold Carmen for a minute.”

 “Hmm?”

 “Take her. Please.”

 She does, sits down on her chair again.

 Rolling over, I hug at him. “There, there, Ronald.”

 “Nghh.” He clings to me in his sleep, breathes heavily against my shirt.

 “It’s alright.” As always, my hand goes to his hair.

 And, as always, it works like a charm. He settles, falls into a peaceful, deep sleep.

 Grell’s laugh pierces my ears. “What -?”

 “Oh, Darling, Ronald really has turned you into a softy.”

 My cheeks flush a little. “I … I know.”

 “And Carmen is just going to make you softer.”

 My voice falls to a whisper. “I … I don’t doubt that ….”

 “Mmm. Do you want to hold her again? I think she wants her daddy.”

 “Not quite yet, in case Ronald stirs again.”

 I wish to hold her, of course I do, but Ronald needs me. He needs me.

\-----------------------

***8.02am***

 The time has passed as a blur ….

 I … I think I may have fallen asleep at some point.

 I heard … bits of … conversation. Carmen … cried once or twice, I think, needed a nappy change. Or … or maybe she was hungry, I cannot be sure. Grell did say she would take care of it – yes … yes, I do think I fell asleep after that.

 It is rather bright out – what time is it? I untangle myself from Ronald’s hold, turn over – drat ….

 An hour until work begins ….

 I sit up, thinking about how long I can stay in bed … before I physically cannot get ready in time. Maybe –

 Grell catches my eye. She has Carmen cradled in her arms … looks so …. maternal in that pose.

 “Oh, you’re awake.”

 “I am, yes.” So I did sleep …. “Did you sleep at all?”

 “No, no, but it’s fine. I don’t have work until eight tonight. And besides, how could I sleep? I could watch this gorgeous, little girl for days!”

 As could I …. “Was she okay while I was asleep?”

 “Oh, yes, yes! She has been awake for a while now though.” She laughs. “I think she’s mesmerized by my hair – she keeps staring at it!”

 “That is -.”

 “Nghh ….”

 Ronald has obviously just woken up. He groans again, rubs at his face as I look at him. “Morning, Ronald.”

 “Uh … did I even sleep?”

 “For a few hours, yes.” I hear Grell cough lightly, look at her. We exchange … a glance.

 “Ronnie, would you like to hold Carmen?”

 I look at him again … see a flicker of something in his eyes. Sadness? No … a deeper emotion. “Y-yeah, okay, s-sure.”

 Grell hurries over to the bed, and Carmen is passed down.

 And … and Ronald, he … he bursts into tears. “H-hey, beautiful.” He pulls her closer, kisses her head. “Hey.”

 It … it is like watching a new mother … holding their child for the first time.

 “Fuck ….” He squeezes his eyes shut. “Carmen ….”

 He cries harder, the emotion … pouring out of him.

 I cast a fleeting glance at Grell; she smiles at me … a knowing smile.

 “Th-this is really hap – C-Carmen ….”

\----------------------------

***9.05am***

 I have just gotten into work. It was quite the … rush job. I had forgotten to let the dogs out of the extension in the night … and they had left me a little … surprise this morning. After cleaning that up, I had to get them back into the extension.

 They … they weren’t happy about it … but with Carmen being here – I … I don’t know …. I am just worried they may jump up her … or not take to her at all.

 I … I am not sure what to … do at all. Ronald loves those dogs … but is it safe?

 I … will have to talk to him about it in a few days … once everything has settled – no … no, no …. Ronald would never, ever let them go.

 Even with a human baby … he would never turn his back on his … fur babies.

\------------------------

***10.34am***

 I have just received a picture message from Grell. It is … bad of me to be looking at my phone at work, I know … but I had to make sure the three of them were okay.

 Ronald was so tired this morning, so emotional, that he thought he had to be in at nine. He didn’t, isn’t due in until noon.

 His head … still wasn’t quite there.

 Thankfully, Grell was there to look out for him, to show him how to feed Carmen, change her nappy.

 I open up the message, and smile. Ronald is sitting up in bed, is holding Carmen, giving her a bottle.

 My heart melts a little.

 That is sweet, truly, truly sweet.

\-----------------------------

***12.11pm***

 Ronald comes into my office … looking a bit worse for wear. “Hey.”

 “Afternoon. Are you alright?”

 “I feel a … a bit better, yeah.” He hugs at himself. “It … it still … hurts, b-but bein’ around Carmen … helps, I guess. At … at least I’m doin’ somethin’ good, y’ know?”

 “Judging by that picture earlier, I’d say you are doing wonderfully.”

 “Th-thanks.” He wipes at his eyes. “C-can I ‘ave a hug, Will?”

 “Of course you can.” I stand up, wrap my arms around him. He returns the hug – a death hold ….

 “Th-this’ll work out, won’t it? W-we’ll ge’ there?”

 “We will. It may take a little time to get into a routine, but we will get there.”

 “C-cool.”

 Speaking of Carmen …. “I found some information on Carmen -.”

 “Y’ … y’ did?”

 “Yes -.”

 “Is she okay?”

 “Yes, perfectly healthy. You were right – she is just small.”

 He nuzzles his face in my neck. “Awesome.” 

\----------------------

***5.26pm***

 I came home … to another surprise. Grell had invited Alan and Eric over.

 I could have done with a quiet evening … in all honesty.

 “Ah want tae be the uncle,” Eric says.

 “I … I wouldn’t mind being the aunty then,” Alan smiles at me. “If you -.”

 “Oh! I want to be an aunty! And Godmother!”

 “Yer cannae be both, Grell.”

 “I can! Will, tell him!”

 “No. That isn’t fair -.”

 “You can all be aunts, uncles, and Godparents for all I care. Just be quiet.” Carmen is trying to sleep, after all – I wish they would be a little more considerate.

 Grell throws her arms in the air, shrieks in delight.

 So much … for peace and quiet ….

\-------------------------

***8.37pm***

 Ronald came home some time ago. We are all sitting in the living room – the conversation has moved from Carmen to mere chit-chat.

 “Olly says he’s going to take me out on a date tomorrow night.” Grell twiddles a lock of hair around her finger. “It’s about time, really – married life can be such a bore at times.”

 I look over at Ronald … and completely zone out of the conversation. He is smiling down at Carmen, his fingers rubbing against her cheek. He is murmuring words to her.

 A warm, lovely feeling comes over me.

 He has fallen in love with our child.

 He has fallen in love.


	277. Ronald. Our daughter ....

***Sunday 2nd July***

 Things are getting better … they are, and I love Carmen so much … but … but it’s still hard … a sad situation to be in.

 I … I’m not her mommy. I … I can think of Will as her daddy, that’s not a problem … but … but I think about Talia all the fucking time.

 I … I feel really close to Carmen, but – I … I don’t know. I just don’t know … if I’ll ever be able to get past this … see myself as her mommy.

 I … I just don’t know ….

\--------------------

***11.32am***

 “Uh … ‘ave I got everythin’?”

 “Yes.”

 I riffle through the bag. Formula stuff, nappies and wipes. Uh, talcum powder …. “Are y’ sure?”

 “Yes -.”

 “But -?”

 “Ronald, everything is there. Stop stalling.”

 “Heh … sorry, Will.” I look round at him, scratch at my head. “Jus’ a bit nervous.”

 “Yes … I can see that,” he frowns, “but why?”

 “I … I dunno wha’ Mom’s gonna say … or think.”

 “She will be over the moon at having a grandchild.”

 “Y’ … y’ really think so?” A … a grandchild ...? No … no, Carmen’s not –

 “Oh, Ronald, of course. You are worrying over nothing.”

 “Y-yeah, probably.”

 He chuckles at me. “Go on, run along.”

 “C-can y’ come wi’ me?”

 “I have the house to clean, Ronald.”

 “Oh … yeah, right ….”

 He pats me on the shoulder. “I will try to get it done quickly -.”

 “And then y’ll come over?”

 “Yes.”

 I manage to smile. “Th-thanks, Will.” I zip up the bag, pull it over my shoulder. Picking up Carmen, I take a deep breath.

 Here goes nothing ….

\-------------------------------

 Mom was happy … Mom was so happy for me.

 For me ….

 I get it, I do, because I was so miserable before … but I can’t be happy for me – I shouldn’t be. This isn’t a happy situation, not really ….

 “Oh … isn’t she so cute?” Mom rocks her in her arms.

 “Yeah, she is.” And she’s so good too, didn’t start crying when I ported her over here. Maybe feeling sick from it only happened to me. Hn, probably, knowing my luck ….

 Mom giggles. “I just love babies – all those cute lil fat rolls.”

 “Yeah -.”

 “Ya were so cute when ya were a baby.”

 “Right -.”

 “Such a pudgy lil man.”

 James snorts.

 “M-Mom -.”

 “I’ll ‘ave to geh the photo albums out in a bit.”

 “Yeah … great.” Great …. Change the subject. Change the – ah. “Where’s Emma? Wasn’t she meant ta be home today?” It is Sunday today, right?

 “Yes, her plane landed this morning.”

 My stomach starts to feel uneasy. “But she’s not back yet?”

 “She’s out with a few friends -.”

 “Oh -.”

 “She’s noh in the city centre though, don’t worry.”

 “C-cool.” Good – even with the terrorist attacks being rarer at the minute, she still normally lets me know when she’s planning to travel in. I … I was worried she might have forgotten this time ….

 Mom looks at the clock. “She’ll probably be ‘ome soon.”

\--------------------------

***12.43pm***

 Grandpa’s been fussing over Carmen for ages now. “It always amazes me how small babies are.”

 He’s not wrong – she isn’t that much bigger than his hands.

 “They have to be. Labour would be hell otherwise.” Heh … typical Grandma.

 “Why don’t ya ‘old her?” Mom smiles.

 “Oh, no, no … I don’t want to risk hurting her.”

 “Y’ won’t,” I say. He was always super gentle with his hugs when I was upset … or poorly. “Go on, hold her.”

 He smiles at me. “Well alright.” As Carmen is handed over, that smile just gets wider. “Hello sweetie.” A chuckle comes from him. “I … I never thought I’d live to see a great-grandchild.”

 My stomach rolls again. She … she’s not mine ….

 Grandma tuts at him. “Don’t say such things.”

 “Well -.”

 “I’m home!” I look up, see Emma walking into the room.

 “‘Ow did the meeting go, sweetie?” Mom asks. She was going for an interview for a contract with a bigger modelling agency … if I remember right.

 “Ugh.”

 “That bad?”

 “Douchebag told me I had to drop ten pounds, so I told him he could shove the job up his ass.”

 Seriously? She’s skinny enough already ….

 “Well, I would hope so,” Grandma says. “Don’t you change for anyone.”

 “Yeah, I hear you.” She shrugs her bag off her shoulder. “I like pizza too much, and – is … is that a … baby?”

\-----------------------

 “These are super good, Emma.” I carry on flicking through the portfolio she took with her. I haven’t seen any of her modelling pics in ages.

 “Yeah.”

 I don’t think she’s really listening. She has her feet up on the coffee table, is holding Carmen on her legs, rocking them from side to side.

 I go to turn the page, but stop. “There’s no … naughty pictures, right?”

 She laughs at me. “No, silly. You know I don’t do those kind of shoots.”

 Phew …. I start flicking through again. “Aww, this one’s super cute.”

 “Which?”

 “Pink, flowery dress, uh, and -.”

 “Oh, yeah. That’s one of my favourites. My hair’s on point.”

 “It sure is.” She had it dyed a really pretty colour too.

 “Big bro?”

 “Yeah?”

 “Are all babies … kinda funny looking?”

 “Hey!” She did not just call –

 “What? They -.”

 “I bet y’ were funny lookin’.”

 “No! Mom -.”

 “Ya were … a bit,” Mom laughs.

 “Then so was Ronnie!”

 “Nope … sorry.”

 Emma pouts. “No fair ….”

 Hah! That’s what you get for calling my kid funny looking!

 My gut twists … again.

 My … my kid ….

\-----------------------

***5.02pm***

 Will’s got here a while ago, and now we’re all waiting for dinner. I think everyone held Carmen … even James.

 He finally admitted he was with Shaun a few years ago, after a lot of trying to deny it.

 I think it’s done him some good, having someone to socialise with.

 He … he keeps looking at his phone – dunno why. Shaun’s already here.

 And the look he’s giving James, I think he’s noticed it too. “Stop fidgeting, would you?”

 “I really need to get back to work.”

 “Ack, it’s a Sunday -.”

 “I know, but I have a big meeting tomorrow -.”

 “Which you haven’t bothered to prepare for yet,” Grandma huffs.

 “Y-yeah, I know.” He goes to get up, but Shaun grabs him around the waist. He tuts. “Shaun, let -.”

 “Aww, come on. Don’t you wanna stay with the cute little niece?”

 “I … I have to – let go!”

 “No -.”

 “You’re embarrassing me!”

 “Stayyyyy!”

 He tries to pull Shaun’s hands off, but fails miserably. “Shaun! P-piss off.”

 I laugh loudly. His face has gone bright red.

 That’s kinda adorable actually. Aww ….

\---------------------------

***Thursday 6th July***

***6.11pm***

 Pick up. Pick up!

 “Hel -.”

 “Grell! I … I dunno wha’ ta do -.”

 “What’s the matter, Darling?”

 “Carmen – she … she threw up everywhere – I think she’s sick!” This isn’t happening! It … it can’t be –

 “Did it happen just now?”

 “Y-yeah, right after I fed her. I -.”

 “Is it a lot?”

 “Wh-wha’?” I … I can’t breathe, I –

 “Did she throw up all of her milk?”

 “N-no, like a mouthful – but she’s never done tha’ before!”

 “Then -.”

 “Is she sick? D-do I … I need t-ta take her ta tha h-hospital?”

 “Oh, Darling, of course not.”

 “But -.”

 “It’s perfectly normal for little ones to spit up a little.”

 “It … it is?”

 “Yes. Their digestive systems haven’t matured properly yet, so sometimes they have a bit of reflux.”

 I feel my shoulders relax. “Th-thank fuck for tha’.”

 “Just clean her up and see how she goes with the next feed.”

 “O-okay, thanks Grell.” Thank fuck I’ve got a friend who … who knows what they’re doing.

 “Do you need me to come over?”

 “No, it’s alright.” She’s doing something with Olly tonight, I think. “Thanks though.”

 “Are you sure?”

 “Yeah, y’ enjoy y’ night.”

 “Well, phone me if you need anything, anything at all.”

 “I will.” We say our goodbyes, and I end the call … feeling a lot better.

 “What did she -?”

 “Sh-she said Carmen’s fine.” I turn around to face Will. “Ph-phew.”

 He raises an eyebrow. “I told you so.”

 I roll my eyes at him. “Shut up, Will.”

 I had to make sure she was alright – if … if she got sick, I … I’d lose it.

 I have to keep her safe.

\----------------------------

***Sunday 16th July***

***3.11am***

 “Ronald … would you please stop fidgeting and go to sleep?”

 “I can’t help it. I’m so excited.”

 “For what?”

 He … he seriously forgot? “Tha shoppin’ trip!”

 “Oh … right, yes.”

 I roll onto my back. “I can’t wait ta see all tha clothes and stuff Mothercare is gonna ‘ave.” And Asda, and this posh place in London – me and Grell are gonna have an epic day!

 Reminds me of when we got the crib for Carmen last week. That … that was a good moment. Bit of a waste though … because she doesn’t even sleep in it. We’ll put her down in it, and within half an hour, she’ll wake up crying, won’t settle until someone holds her.

 So now, we have to use a rolled-up blanket between us so I don’t roll onto her and Will. Have to get my cuddles in quick these days.

 “Well, the quicker you sleep, the sooner the shopping trip will come around.”

 “Yeah – man, I seriously can’t wait. I’m gonna ge’ her clothes, and -.”

 “Ronald, it is three in the morning. Go. To. Sleep.”

 “Hn, someone’s grumpy.”

 “No … no, just tired.”

 Yeah … I guess he did seem tired when we went up to bed …. “I’ll behave.”

 “Thank you.”

 Ah, so excited!

\------------------------------

***3.22pm***

 Oh, that was so great! Grell’s so much fun to shop with! And I still can’t believe the amount of cool baby stuff the shops had. I wanted to buy it all!

 “Hey.”

 “Darlinggg!”

 Will looks at me, looks at Grell, looks at the bags, and goes white. “H-how much …?”

 “We got a little carried away, mmmm.”

 “But y’ll -.”

 “Why … why did I give you the debit card ….” He rubs at his temple with his spare hand.

 “Because -.”

 “You … you have probably burnt through a month’s worth of income.”

 Grell huffs. “Stop overreacting, Willy.”

 “I -.”

 “You’ll feel much better once you see all the new goodies Carmen has.”

 Will sighs, grumbles under his breath. Something … about going bankrupt? “Yes … yes, very well.”

 “Great!”

\----------------------

 Will cheered up as soon as he saw some of the stuff. Still doesn’t understand why we bought a pram though, because, you know, porting, but whatever.

 He chuckles as he picks up the penguin baby-grow. “That is quite adorable.”

 “Mmm.” Grell bounces Carmen. “The label said ‘boy’s’ on it, but that’s stupid, isn’t it, Carmen? Any baby would look just darling in it. Especially you.”

 Heh, we could clothe her in a black bag and she’d still look adorable.

 “Right, last bag.” I grab hold of it.

 “Are you sure this is the last one?”

 “Yeah, promise.” I tip it out, the random bits and bobs falling out … onto the other – man … we really did get so much awesome stuff.

 “Ronald ….” Will leans forward, picks a little box up. “What are -?”

 “Post-natal vitamins. See, it says so on tha box.”

 “But why -?”

 “Grell said I needed a little pick-me-up. Y’ know … new baby keepin’ us up and stuff?”

 “Oh … Ronald.” He sighs, drops the box back on the floor.

 “Will? I -.” I’m swamped with a massive hug.

 “Oh … Ronald.” He kisses my cheek. “Y-you are so daft at times.” 

 He … he’s crying? “W-Will, are y’ okay?”

 “Yes.” Pulling back, he smiles at me. “You … you really are so silly at times, but you are such a wonderful mother.”

 He … he’s gonna make me cry too. “I … I’m not her … mommy, Will.”

 “Not by blood, but you are her mother. She has taken to you so well.” His thumb strokes at my cheek. “I … I am so, so very proud of you.”

 “D-don’t make me cry, Will, d-don’t – fuck ….” I all but jump on him, squeeze him so tight. “Fuck … I love y’ so much.”

 “I love you too. And … and so does Carmen, Ronald, so … does our daughter.”

 “W-Will.” Fuck ….

 Fucking hell ….

 Our … our daughter ….

 Our beautiful little girl ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Will, what were you thinking letting those two go shopping? Big dummy!


	278. William. Doggies and dates (the final chapter).

***Tuesday 25th July***

 Things have settled, for the most part. We have gotten into a routine, though … sometimes finding childcare is a pain. One of the mornings, even Ronald’s grandparents had plans (a hospital appointment for his grandfather), so we had to ask Jay to take her.

 Not that I mind him having her, not at all … but I do feel guilty for having to pass her around so often.

 Still … there is no point dwelling, for there is nothing that can be done.

 I should thank my lucky stars, really, that I haven’t had a visit from the council.

 It is quite …. surprising …. With the pair of lungs Grell has on her, I’d have imagined that the whole association would have known about Carmen by now.

 Maybe they do know … but can’t be bothered to act ….

 I honestly have no idea.

\--------------------------

***11.10pm***

 Honestly … I have never hated overtime more than I do at the moment. Having to stay at work until late is a nightmare. It is draining … and frustrating.

 There is nothing I want more than to head home, spend a little time with my family before bedtime. It will probably be too late for that by the time this darn shift ends.

 At least I can rest assured that they will be alright without me.

 Ronald has finally come to terms with what happened to Talia … at least for the most part. I think he is finally starting to see himself as Carmen’s mother.

 I know it will take a little more time, but he will get there.

 It has helped a great deal, I think, that Carmen is such a good child.

 Our routine hasn’t changed much, thinking about it. We can still stay up, watch films as a couple. As long as we hold Carmen, she will sleep through the film without a fuss.

 Such a good child.

 We really have been blessed.

\--------------------

***Wednesday 26th July***

***12.05am***

 I chuckle as I walk into the living room. Ronald is asleep on the couch … is snoring like a pig. Carmen doesn’t seem to mind, is sleeping in his hold against his chest. She looks so snug, so content in her tiny blanket.

 It is touching, and it breaks my heart to have to take her away … but I must. Ronald could start fidgeting at any moment.

 He is such a restless sleeper, the complete opposite of me – I am pretty sure I stop breathing when I am in a deep sleep, though Ronald has never said a thing about it.

 I ease her out of his hold, hold her with my one hand as I go to fetch a blanket for him. It seems a shame to wake him – I will sleep down here tonight, with him.

 As I pick the blanket up, I hear Ronald groan. I turn around, see him shifting, moving his arms.

 My heart melts a little more. He wishes to hold Carmen again, even in his sleep.

 Cleo hops up onto the couch, pushes his nose up against Ronald’s hand. He is pulled onto Ronald’s lap, my partner settling down almost instantly. “Baby ….”

 I smile at the two of them – it is quite touching.

 It makes me glad that we let the dogs out of the extension a few weeks ago. We introduced them slowly to Carmen, and it worked like a charm. They really are so good with her, keep their distance for the most part. It is almost as if they know jumping up her would hurt her.

 Ronald’s hand pats lazily at Cleo’s head.

 Adorable … but I really do wish Ronald wouldn’t allow them on the furniture. There is always fur … everywhere.

 I tuck the blanket around Ronald as best I can, bend over further. My lips touch his forehead, linger on his skin. Reluctantly, I pull away, and see a smile come over his lips.

 He truly is contented.

 “Sleep well, Ronald.”

\----------------------

***Saturday 29th July***

***7.22pm***

 “Penguin or rabbit?”

 “Either.” Does it matter? She looks adorable in both.

 I glance at my watch … for the third time.

 “Pick -.”

 “Ronald, we really must get going -.”

 “I still need ta ge’ her washed.”

 “You gave her a bath last night -.”

 “Yeah, but -.”

 “She doesn’t need another one. You will dry out her skin if you -.”

 “She’ll ge’ sick if -.”

 “No, no, she won’t.”

 “But -.”

 “I will bathe her in the morning. We really must -.”

 “Tha restaurant can wait -.”

 “No, no, it really can’t.” It is called a reservation for a reason ….

 “Well -.”

 “If we turn up late, they will not let us in.”

 “Hn, no. It’d be their loss if they did tha’.”

 “Well, I -.”

 “Y’re gettin’ stressed out over nothin’.”

 No … it isn’t over nothing. This … this is a big night – everything must go perfectly.

 I place my hand on his shoulder. “Ronald, may we please go? It would mean a lot to me if we could have a nice date night. It has been too long.”

 He leans back against me. “Hmmmm, alright.”

 “Thank -.”

 “As soon as I ge’ another pack of baby wipes. Hang on.”

 “Pardon?”

 “I don’t want Carmen ta ge’ all stinky.”

 “She – yes, fine, fine ….” Arguing with him will only cost more time.

 Honestly ….

\--------------------

***8.26pm***

 I … I am getting nervous. I know I shouldn’t, know he will say yes … but my … my heart is all a flutter.

 “Mmmm, tha’ was so nice.” He puts his knife and fork down, rubs at his stomach. “Stuffed though – I think I’ll ‘ave ta skip tha cake.”

 My blood runs cold. “No, no, you have to have your cake.”

 He … he gives me such a funny look. “Uh, why?”

 “W-well, I have already paid for it. It was a set meal, you see, so -.”

 “Ah … alright.” He chuckles. “I’ll ‘ave ta squeeze it in then.”

 “Y-yes.”

 What … what a terrible white lie.

 No, no, not a lie … just not the entire truth –

 Honestly … I … I am going to faint from stress in a moment ….

\---------------------

 The cake is brought over to the table … my heart almost jumping out my chest.

 He picks up his spoon.

 Silence.

 Silence.

 …?

 Did he not see the writing?!

 “This looks – will y’ …?”

 He … he looks at me, looks at the cake, back at me ….

 “W-Will?”

 Move … move, you idiot!

 I scramble to pull out the box, hurry off the chair – down … down on one knee. “Ronald, I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. Will – ack!” I am knocked to the floor, Ronald’s weight slamming down onto me.

 “Yes! Fuckin’ hell, of … of course I’ll marry y’!” He hugs at my neck. “I … I can’t believe – I love y’ so much, Will.”

 We are most definitely being stared at, but I do not care, not one bit. My arms slink around his back. “I love you too, Ronald.”

 A loud laugh pierces my ears. “It took y’ long enough, babe.”

 “I … I know. W-was it … worth the wait?”

 “Fuck yeah.” He chuckles, squeezes me tighter. “Well worth it.”

\----------------------------

***9.02pm***

 “Mmmm.”

 Our lips stay locked as we enter the bedroom, even as we fall into bed. Our hips grind, rock together.

 The kiss breaks … with a groan. His hand tugs at my shirt, pulls it loose from my trousers. “Off.”

 “Y-you are quite eager.”

 He grins up at me. “Nothin’ like gettin’ engaged ta make a guy horny.”

\------------------------

 “Ah … Will, y’ giant tease ….” Ronald groans as I continue to shower his neck in kisses. “Fuck ….”

 Shifting, I lay kisses down his chest … move again and again until most of his body has been kissed and caressed, until he is a shivering, moaning wreck beneath me.

 “W-Will ….”

 I pull away, only to capture his lips with my own.

 His legs wrap around my waist, squeeze tightly as his nails scratch against the skin of my back.

 Reaching back, I pull the covers up farther, rock up against him. It … it feels marvellous.

 This all feels so very wonderful.

 The … the kiss breaks … when I feel wetness against my cheek.

 He … he is crying ….

 “Ronald, are you -?”

 “I … I’m so happy, Will.” His teeth scrape against his lip. “Everythin’ is … is goin’ so well – I’m jus’ so fuckin’ happy. Th-thank y’, Will.”

 Thank you? “For what?”

 His hand rubs against the top of my arm. “F-for f-findin’ me in tha’ alley, for givin’ me a home. Everythin’ I ‘ave, it … it’s because of y’.”

 “Oh, Ronald, that isn’t true.” I move a hand, wipe away his tears. “It was mainly down to you. How far you’ve come, it is because you tried, you really tried – you should be so proud of yourself, Ronald.”

 “I am, I really fuckin’ am.” He sniffs loudly. “Is … is this really happenin’? W-we’re really gonna ge’ married?”

 “Yes, we are.”

 Another, louder sniff. “W-wow.” He smiles up at me, his eyes wet and glistening. “C-cuddle?”

 “Of course.” We embrace, his arms tightening around my back. “I love you.”

 “I love y’ too, future hubby.”

 My heart skips a beat. I hide my face in his neck, our naked forms pressing as closely together as possible.

 The love I feel for him is overwhelming.

 I … I am so, so very lucky to have him.

\--------------------------------

 “Ah … ah!” Ronald throws his head back, shudders against me.

 He … he looks beautiful, absolutely beautiful … with those flushed cheeks and that messy hair.

 I continue to thrust – “ahh ….” This … this feels wonderful … the … the closeness, the passion … the love – wonderful.

 I pick up speed, hear the most glorious moan. It causes a shiver to run down my spine.

 His palms press against my upper back – he pushes and scrapes at the skin between my shoulder blades. Oh, Lord … that … that feels strangely nice.

 “Will, nghhh ….”

 The bed begins to move … squeak with the force of our lovemaking.

 “Oh … oh, Will!” His body tenses –

 “Arrhhh ….”

 We climax together, my hands twisting in the sheets below me.

 That … that felt marvellous, absolutely marvellous.

 Ronald half chuckles, half pants. “Wow ….”

 “I … I agree with that statement … completely.”

\--------------------------

***9.36pm***

 Ronald’s index finger runs up my side. “Ronald Spears has a nice ring ta it.”

 “I think you should keep your last name, Ronald.”

 “Really? H-how come?”

 I move my hand, pat at his thigh. “I have always known you as Ronald Knox, and -.”

 “So? A name doesn’t mean anythin’, not really. I’m still gonna be me.”

 “Then why change it in the first place? If it doesn’t mean a thing?”

 He chuckles. “Because I wanna, Will. I wanna be Mr Spears.” Shifting, he rests his head against me. “I wanna be y’s.”

 “You already are.” I take his hand, hold it gently. “And I am yours.”

 “Hah, hell yeah. Don’t y’ forget it, babe.”

\----------------------

 We have somehow gotten ourselves tangled in the messy sheets, but as uncomfortable as it is, I would not move for the world.

 “Y’ think Carmen is alright?”

 “Of course she is.”

 “But … she hasn’t slept over -.”

 “Eric and Alan can handle her for one night.”

 “Y’ sure?”

 “Yes. She will be just fine,” I smile.

 We are all going to be just fine.

 No … not simply fine.

 We have a wonderful future ahead of us, I am sure.

\-------------------------

Bonus Chapter – Alan. A warm, snuggly night.

\-------------------------

***10.11pm***

 We have grown as people over the years, we really have. I look back, compare myself to how I was … before I became unwell … and I don’t even recognise that person. I’m so much stronger, have so much more confidence than I did back then.

 I am a capable reaper, I am.

 “Al, yer alright?”

 “Hmm …?”

 “Yer were staring intae space.”

 Oh … whoops. “I’m fine.”

 “Waa!”

 “Ohh, ah don’t think Carmen is,” he chuckles.

 “Hungry?”

 “Ah think so?”

 “Well, there’s only one way to find out.”

\--------------------

 I settle down in bed, my warm, woolly nightclothes on. So comfortable.

 My hand pats against Carmen’s back. “Are you sleepy?”

 “Ah bet Ronnie and William are already asleep.”

 I roll my eyes at him. “Don’t be silly.”

 “Ah’m not? They’re probably exhausted.”

 “Not that exhausted ….”

 “Yer really think so?”

 “It is their first night without Carmen … so yes.”

 “Have tae get it while yer can … aye.”

 “Hmm.” Why am I even thinking about my friends – icky ….

 Eric sits up in bed. “Let me hold her.”

 “No.”

 “Al -.”

 “You’ve been holding her all night.” I pout at him. “It’s my turn.”

 “Ock … fine,” he grumbles. “Have it yerr way.”

 A giggle comes from me. “Thank you.”

 I look at Carmen again, can’t help but smile.

 Things have changed, changed so much in recent years.

 Things have really changed, for the better.

\------------------------

Random plots and notes.

\------------------------

 Things really have changed since the first draft of this story.

 Ronald’s dad was never meant to be the bad guy. Ronald was supposed to be dropped off in the human world, and get worse, no matter what his loving parents did to help him. The plan was for Ronald to start dating a bad influence, end up back on drugs, etc, until William came back to him.

 But it seemed kind of stupid to have Ronald go back to the reaper realm in the same bad mental state. He had to get better at some point, so I scrapped that idea for the therapy sessions, etc.

 Plus, making the dad the bad guy really did make for an exciting storyline.

 Also, the stroke part of the story came out of the blue. Ronald was originally just going to be worried about dying early from his heart condition.

 Bit of an impulse thing, which I do kind of regret – it was the easy thing to do, you know? But I can’t change it, so whatever.

 Saying that, the chapter with Carmen was there from the start. So, yay, payoff!

 Anyway, thank you to everyone who stuck around for almost a year and a half! Really, thanks!

 Hope you enjoyed!

 The sequel will be coming in the new year, so drop me a comment in the meantime. I really want to see what you guys made of it.

 Thanks again!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses for what might happen in the sequel?


End file.
